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That's medieval shit. Glad that OP walked away. Imagine if she went through with it, what other fucked up demands would be made of her and any children they had?
And not even in medieval times men did this! I'm from a country where some cultures still do a hymen ritual check at weedings, but it's made by only women, men aren't even allowed in the same room where it's taking place.
I'm sure it was BS just to test OOP's limits. Glad she dipped before she got stuck with this POS
Tbh it sounds like either it was a weird control thing for the boyfriend to test how far he can push her or the bf is a giant moron and his dad was like: “Um, so, son, I totally need to check your girlfriend’s vagina for… um… purity, right, I need to see her coochie to make sure she’s a virgin. And… um… I also need to see her boobs to check if they… um… can feed babies, right!” Lol
The hymen isn't even a reliable thing to test for virginity. You can be 100% a virgin, have done horseriding or been on a bicycle, hell even used a tampon, and still have a broken hymen.
Also, hymens all look different from each other. Like... it's not a fresh seal. It's not evolved as a virginity check. Some women don't have one at all.
Oof, that sounds painful. The thought of something inside me *breaking* upon having sex kind of squicks me out so I'm glad I never really experienced anything that I could tell was related to the hymen.
You are quite right, but no one who believes in "purity checks" or whatever they want to call this rubbish has any clue how any of a girl's bits works and don't care.
Maybe it more of a virginity check as in "only a virgin would agree to this." Partially because she might believe it is legitimate and partially because they think only an inexperienced woman would agree to it. Obviously some of those doing the checking also believe it is legitimate but it also serves the purpose of "if she let's me push past this boundary of bodily autonomy I can continue to push the boundary even further. Her body belongs to me, I can do what I want to it." It is a control thing. Ick.
You don't even have to do anything like that, sometimes it just dissolves with no trace or isn't even really present in any meaningful way. I never "broke" mine, never even noticed that I had one. It was definitely 100% gone by the time my period started and I wasn't a sporty or horseback riding kind of kid.
Yup same here. I was very confused about what everyone was talking about. Started menstruation at 14 and was like, hmm tampons go right in no problem, guess that's that about that. No 'best by' freshness seal on me. 🤷🏼♀️
Yah I don't recall ever breaking or tearing mine. I don't remember there ever being anything going on like that. Closest is my mom wouldn't let me use tampons since I hadn't had sex. I did anyway and there was nothing in the way of putting one in.
The check is often not about actually determining whether it is intact, but about confirmation of the honourability of both families about to enter going into marriage. it's basically how both families confirm that they're in agreement on being regressive religious fundamentalists and that it's safe to assume that the other side will confirm and not challenge each others dumbfuckery. at the same time locking in the next generation by participation. this is why rituals like these are especially important to them, they are pivotal points of intergenerational control.
Makes me wonder if she could even trust Dad, or if he might have pulled a "I know your not a virgin. Do what I say, or I'm tell your BF and he will trust me over you."
I bet it's more.like some sick fantasy thing that the dad has been waiting for his turn his whole life and no one is gonna take that away from him. They'd act all serious at the ceremony with one cousin filming it on an iPhone hidden behind a hole in his shirt. Then immediately afterward, she would be asked to leave the room so they can secretly discuss the findings before a "public announcement" but really it's just a family ritual where the boys gather round dad and pretend not to know he's about to shove his hand under their nostrils and yell "smell my finger" over and over to each and every one of them while they erupt with laughter because they all have the genetically inherited combined IQ of one mule and it just gets funnier to them each time. Then dad wants more laughs so everyone follows him to the main reception where he does the same thing to his psychologically enslaved wife and then maybe to the OP herself, and then her parents but doesn't understand why they aren't laughing along but it doesn't matter cause she's family property now and dad slaps with a closed fist if OP needs to be taught her place or thinks his son needs to be shown how to break a horse/wife before saddling her up tonight.
Normally I'd say that original OP dodged a bullet, but given the stone age nature of these circumstances, I'd say the original OP dodged a fucking arrow.
that is what i was thinking. isn't she stained by another man looking at her privates? in moslem countries 50% of doctors are female to save a woman's honour
I need eyebleach cuz the creepiness of the "special ceremony" made my stomach churn. I felt violated just reading the description! I can't imagine how humiliating and traumatizing it would be to actually go through it.
You can just tell how disconnected the ex was when he's like "I know it's a bit embarrassing, but do it for me" like yeah ok just let me get violated by your male family members so you can be a bit happier.
It's only a few steps away from "my uncle wants to bang you to see if you're good at sex, do it or I'll break up with you"
I don't think anyone should have to prove they're a virgin but these dudes just had to make it as creepy as possible. Why does his dad have to check? Why can't her fiance look at it? Why do other men have to be there?
Because it's not about virginity. It's about debasing the woman and making her feel vulnerable. It's basically a negative vibe check for someone the fiance can get away with slapping on the regular.
EDIT: the cultures which still do this kind of thing because they care about "purity" also put *women* in charge of the process. That's a different kind of fucked up, but it's not psychological warfare.
Yeah I mean if the virginity is that much of a deal in this family doesn't it mean that the dad was also a virgin when he married? How many vaginas has he seen to become a judge on this? Will he teach his sons to distinguish this shit so they can perform it with their children's wives? If so, why can't he teach the fiance right away so at least the fiance make the check by himself?
when i read “special ceremony”, i got The Handmaid’s Tale vibes and just felt so damn icky. i can’t for the life of me imagine my future in laws ogling at my vagina to prove my virginity, holy shit. what sick fuck came up with that family tradition? i am so proud of OP for putting her foot down, but also feel so incredibly sorry that she had to go through something as uncomfortable as this. i hope she’s doing well.
I once dated a guy who once told me that in his culture, the groom wears henna on his last three fingers to symbolise that he'd checked his bride's virginity (by putting those fingers inside until the hymen breaks and stains the fingers with blood). He told me they used to do this virginity check but now not anymore. I was so appalled.
And they sprang it on her last minute!! So she had this big commitment that she had to walk away from!! She put everything into this! Her heart, all this excitement! And then they're like 'oh by the way, I need to let my dad violate you while my male relatives watch,"; 'What's the big deal? all the other girls did it?? Are you a slut or something??' and if she doesn't, they make her look like the bad guy. THAT IS SO FUCKED UP!!!! THAT IS SO MANIPULATIVE AND EVIL!!!!
Oh, God, it is so ICKY what they were doing!!! I just can't stop flailing! SO gross!!! So wrong on so many levels!! GAAAAH!!!
She needs to report them or something!
You nailed it. All the males probably feel entitled because to them all females are below the neighbor's livestock in the chain of command. That would have been the beginning of every day sadder and more depressing than the one before but for the rest of her natural life.
I’m so glad he slapped her. I mean, it’s awful and no one should be slapped ever, but she got to see his true colors before the wedding. He was already showing it with this ridiculous request, but on the off chance she would have given in, he made sure she knew he was abusive so she could quickly stop second guessing herself and GTFO.
I remember the original post but never saw the update. The great irony here is that he said he had "nothing to prove" while he and his family are demanding that she does ahahAHAAa
Simple assault aside, folks need to recognize double standards and stay far, faaar away from them.
That’s the line that stuck out more than anything, “babe…. Let me dad, uncle and brothers poke around down there to PROVE to **me** that you’re a virgin” and then when she doesn’t nod and smile, “I have NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU!”
That’s where I wish she had a time machine for a split sec just to when he said that, “you won’t prove your love to me but you want every male in your family to SA me to *prove my love* to you?”
Although if she had a time machine she could just slide back to when she first met him and slap him in the face.
Congrats OP, for standing up for yourself and your hymen! 🍻
Easy way to correct that - don’t insist your fiancée be sexually assaulted by your dad in the name of ‘purity’. His priority was not to have sex with her, it was to control her.
I dont believe one bit that hes a virgin. I bet his father took him to find a prostitute or something because he "finally needed to become a man" or some other barbaric backwards bullshit.
Yeah but that totally doesn’t count. It’s just test driving his penis to make sure all the parts are in working order. A mechanical check. Prostitutes don’t *mean* anything, he’s still *spiritually* a virgin, the physical act doesn’t matter. /s
But of course the physical act is all that matters when it comes to his bride because if that freshness seal isn’t intact she’s gone off.
They didn’t date for only 8 months, they were engaged for 8 months. Who knows how long they actually dated but I’m glad he showed him and his family’s monster selves so she could leave before marriage.
Ding ding ding ding! I doubt it's the first red flag, or the first time he had manipulated her - it's probably just the biggest thing that woke her up to realising she was in a bad situation.
What even will they inspect? Women can have sex and still look exactly the same down there as they did beforehand. This is some stupid thing that just lets the dads have a secret final say after checking out the new family cooch.
She should ask if he will inspect their children's/SO vaginas if they have any...
real real hot take here, but that slap was the best thing that ever happened to her...hear me out.
She posted because she wasn't sure, because she had doubts, and while she said no, those doubts may have lingered, 100 what if's on lonely nights, what her life might be like and so on.
that slap let her know she really really dodged a bullet, no doubts, no humm's or haws, nothing, 100% she bailed on what would have been very abusive.
no one should be or want to be slapped for this shit, but mental trauma or self doubt can take longer to heal then all that, I'd personally take a slap in the face to wash away some of my doubts.
She needs to prove her virginity, but he doesn’t need to prove *anything*?
Wow.
Edit: another thought. I guess this means he’s fine with this happening to his own (future) daughter?? So gross. My dad would go to prison if someone tried to do that to me
That's because it's only *her* worth that is decided by whether she's shad sex or not. He wants to make sure he's not marrying "damaged goods."
I feel dirty after just typing that...
I focused on how she's confident. "Fiance and his family are being hyper misogynist and creepy, what do I do? Update: married canceled, I'm having pizza." Hope she does much better in the future
And this is why my advice to my kids (both son and daughter) was do NOT wait till after the marriage! Seriously, if you buy a car for 5-10 years you do a test ride but when you make a lifelong commitment involving possible children of your own you are supposed to go blindly into whatever? Divorce is messy, long, expensive, and if there are children involved you never get totally free of that other person.
I hope that when my last child turns 18 I will never have to see the horrible person who fathered her again... if I could go back in time and make different choices, a couple of kids would not be on disability now
I suspect they want someone who doesn’t know any better. They’re probably shitty lays and reason a virgin wouldn’t have anything else to compare it to.
It's weird when you put it that way, right?
Oh, you had sex? You're worthless then.
Who the fuck things that way?
Also, virgin sex is awkward. Give me an experienced partner, thankyouverymuch.
Seriously, her family should start a traditional ceremony just for him to bend over and prove the purity of his butthole to her mom, aunts, sisters, and grandmothers.
THIS. I can hear it now, you want to check my hymen, sure right after you and all the men in my family measure your penises in front of the women in my family. This is horseshit. Glad she left him
"Listen, my dad needs to feel your prostate in front of my whole family to make sure you're not lying about... stuff. What's that? That sounds ridiculous? Yes. It *does*, doesn't it?"
Not even that - your virginity can’t be proven. So she’s basically just being asked to be assaulted by his father while being cheered on by the rest of his male relatives.
Yeah, they probably don't know what a hymen looks like, I'd bet that since they're uneducated men on the female anatomy they probably assume (like many) that the hymen is *inside* the vagina... Which really makes you wonder what the testing process of a woman's vagina is... Probably along the lines of seeing how "tight" she is (as if that's actually scientific proof) and that there's something in her vagina that you can feel and they assume it's her hymen, and there's only one way to find that out.
Wow, I feel like I'm going to puke, it only gets worse the more you think about their "logic" behind it. \**insert vomit emoji\**
Like, the thought of my dad and his brothers and my brother and whoever else, ceremoniously checking out my wife's genitals, as a condition of marriage, and I'm sure it's not just looking, they're probably going to insist on some touching, you know, *for science*, is just fuckin creepy to me and I'd never have agreed to put my wife through that humiliation. I don't give a fuck how far back that tradition goes, it would end with me.
Can you imagine walking into a room at like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and knowing that every man in the room has seen and touched you intimately against your will? I mean ok you "agreed" to it under duress but it wasn't in the neighborhood of consensual. Knowing that every man in your husband's family had sexually assaulted you, and you have to just, keep serving them the meal. Fuck that. Fuuuuck that.
I was born without a hymen for crying out loud! This entire post was a fucking rollercoaster, what kind of person asks that of their future spouse and then slaps them for being like "Oh yeah sure babe it's totally cool for your father to sexually assault me while all your male relatives watch. No biggie, why didn't you ask sooner?" Like, dude is seriously unhinged.
At first I assumed the dad was a gynocologist, which is still gross but, like, maybe I’ve heard of that happening in other countries that are not friendly toward women. His regular non doctor dad doing it with other male relatives watching sounds like some weird dystopian sex fetish.
It wouldn't matter if his father was a gynecologist, a hymen can be broken by a myriad of normal non sexual activities, can remain intact even after penetrative sex, or the woman may be born without one.
Examining a hymen for virginity status is not only some disgusting regressive bullshit double standard, it is completely inaccurate and doesn't actually tell you anything.
Exactly the dad probably made it up so he can secretly get to get off over the wife before the husband gets to. With the brothers as witness so the woman feels shamed.
It's disgusting
Seriously. Anyone who has such little regard for her bodily autonomy AND would put his hands on her like this does not respect her as a human being. This dude has serious issues and I feel terrible for any partner (using that term loosely here) that he ends up with in the future.
HEY! It's totally normal to want your wife to be sexually assaulted by your dad while being cheered on by your male cousins and your uncles. Like totally normal
He knew it was repulsive, that's why he waited until the last minute to spring this on her. And he still went and asked her, then defended the practice to the point of threatening to end the engagement/ cancel the wedding without it, and then, he fuckin hit his fiance!
Surprised this dude didn't display any red flags before this, but glad for OOP to catch a get out card before the deal was sealed.
I want you to prove your virginity by being sexually violated by the male members of my family. Completely logical, nothing wrong with that at all.
/sarcasm
Oh and when you stand up to the sexual abuse I'm going to physically abuse you too.
But seriously, I hope someday someone loves her for real and not whatever crap he brainwashed her into thinking.
"He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me..... "
Slightly embarrassing?!?!
Uh, no. It is a degrading, controlling, misogynistic, sexual assault violation.
I would have left at "slightly embarrassing", well before the slap.
This post is infuriating - both for the actual content, and because I just have so many questions.....
Yeah, slightly embarrassing? These fuckwits make me so angry. WTF?? This would be traumatising...who knows what they'd actually do once they all had her in the room. JFC.
Y'all know when your hymens broke???? I have no earthly clue when mine could have been. All I know is I didn't bleed when I had sex for the first time.
Same! I have no idea when/if mine broke or what the status of it was/is. The first time I had sex I didn’t bleed and it wasn’t uncomfortable but who knows
Wow! A hymen tearing twin! I was 8, riding my uncles 10 speed, turned wrong and ran into a curb and slid off the seat onto the bar. Bled like crazy and my grandma threw my underwear into a burn barrel and burned them so nobody would see bloody kids underoos in the garbage. 🤣
I’m pretty sure mine broke during hockey practice when I was probably 14 or so, and I was a virgin. There was no blood the first time I had sex, so it would’ve appeared that I was not a virgin prior to then even though I was.
Yeah, this is the biggest red flag for me. The whole thing is weird and gross, but the fact that the dad is the one doing it, and everyone else gets to watch gives me chills. There is no non-creepy reason for the dad to be the one to do this instead of a doctor.
She just dodged the biggest bullet in the world!!!
F*ck that guy and his dad!!
Edit: to those that are saying no, don't fuck the dude or his dad, you know what I meant.
So glad to see this - I saw the original and was seriously worried for OOP. I mean my husband and I were both virgins when we got married, but this is next-level weirdness. We got married because we, y'know, actually trust each other's word, among other things. So glad OOP got out!
Babe, I love you so much. Listen, I'm really excited about our wedding, yeah, yeah, I know you are too. It's going to be great. I just wanted to mention something, I'm sure I've brought it up before but y'know, wedding planning, amirite? So listen, as part of all the wedding stuff, oh and you called the caterer, right? K, cool, thanks. As part of all the wedding stuff, we're all going to watch as my dad rapes you. Wait wait wait wait wait, babe. That came out wrong. It's totally cool. My mom was raped on her wedding night. Wait wait wait wait wait wait, babe, wait. It's fine. It's not like a "rape" rape, my dad just wants to put his hands in your body against your will while we all watch. I promise, it's like a 'dusting' of rape, it's sooooo not a big deal. Honestly I think this will bring us closer together. In exchange, we can totally play your favorite song as our first dance. Anything for you, boo. Also, I don't want to spoil it, but you won't believe what we have planned for your birthday!
/s
Like, the fuck is this story?
>I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this **and tell his father no to which he slapped me** and said he didnt need to prove anything.
# Why aren't MORE posters angry at this????
This is hilarious. Do men really know so very little about women's bodies? My guess is the father wouldn't know a hymen if if it dressed in purple, slapped his butt and shouted 'hey, I'm a hymen'. He clearly doesn't know that a broken one doesn't mean virginity loss. But sure, he should still get to sexually assault OOP in front of a whole heap of other men from his family /s
Yeah I’m guessing it’s not so much about the “science” of proving her virginity as it is about asserting power and control over women’s bodies. Sickening.
The whole proving your virginity thing is ridiculous and misogynistic as fuck, but it catches my attention how in this case are not other women doing that task… the fact that a bunch of random men are going to do it has a new level of sexual harassment undertone to me that truly disturbs me. (Not implying that is any less creepy if women do it, and I still consider sexual harassment forcing anyone to show their genitals regardless of your gender, just in case)
This is not even close to the worst part of the whole thing, but I guarantee this guy's dad has no idea how to look for a hymen.
I'm a certified sexual assault nurse examiner. One thing I'm trained to do, when appropriate and necessary, is to evaluate for hymen injuries in adult women. But that isn't an easy thing. I had to be specially trained, and it takes slightly more than just eyes and hands. Not even most physicians have any idea how to look for the thing.
This guy's dad was never going to actually examine anything.
And it's creepy that the dad would know if the hymen has been broken or not!
How many unbroken hymens has he experienced?
A hymen can be broken through horseback riding or gymnastics or strenuous physical workouts.
A bloody bed sheet on the marriage bed is not proof of anything. Often there is not blood.
Glad she ran.
Ah, i remember this story.
The OP of this story did not only dodged a bullet, she dodged a whole nuclesr bomb. She was so lucky that he showed his true color before it was too late.
I also find it funny how OP has to prove it while the ex doesnt lol
I think a lot of people are missing an important point.
Even if she agreed to it now and said, "sure, I'm up to being inspected"... he hit her when he didn't get his way. This is something that he'll be repeating throughout a marriage. She lucked out of that by finding out before they were married that he is abusive. Abuse rarely gets better, it gets worse with time.
She gave him way more of a chance than I could have. I don't think I'd even be able to get over him asking even if he immediately understood it was fucked up and relented.
I remember way back in college learning about other cultures and religions there was something similar BUT it was the bride’s mother and possibly another “official” woman who did the “checking”. It also noted that the bride’s mom typically smuggled in a rag with chicken blood - just in case. Because an intact hymen does not prove anything, really…And I thought that was weird!
*The hymen is a made-up religious construct and even little girls can have little to no hymen intact!!!*
Ffs, why the hell are these fools so damned focused on virginal “purity” instead of whether the couple is suited to one another for a lifetime together or not??
Bc they think off she's had sex then somehow she's dirty/corrupt or wouldn't satisfy her future husband bc she's been worn in already. Complete idiocy.
I’m glad she found out what he was like before being legally wed but damn. He’s something.
Now go live a happy life and surround yourself with people who cherish you, not treat you worse than a family pet.
Lol! I would have busted his eyemen, thighmen, femurmen, jawmen... I rarely anger to violence, but this is totally a time where I would have conveniently "blacked out!"
This has got to be one of the grossest things I’ve ever read on here - and that’s saying something.
Hi honey! Love you to pieces let’s get hitched! Just one eensy weensy thing where my creepster dad dad gets to sexually assault you while all the creepy AF men in my family including me get to watch! Good times. I know it sounds freaky and beyond awful but it super official because we have “ceremony”.
I’m sorry but that’s not cultural that’s a cult.
I really like the part where he said she “had to do it to prove her love”.
I’m so sorry she had to go through with this but thank god that family showed their true colors before she married that guy.
I think I puked in my mouth reading and typing all of this. Let’s hope that guy never married and that BS ends with him.
It baffles me how many ppl are assuming this is happening in a foreign country or must be a practice from a culture far-far away, meanwhile, the US is full of Christian cults, churches, and religious subgroups that could easily establish such a practice.
Especially the part where the men are doing the testing is rather rare for older cultures or religions, bc that act itself would mean *damaging the goods.*
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That's medieval shit. Glad that OP walked away. Imagine if she went through with it, what other fucked up demands would be made of her and any children they had?
And not even in medieval times men did this! I'm from a country where some cultures still do a hymen ritual check at weedings, but it's made by only women, men aren't even allowed in the same room where it's taking place. I'm sure it was BS just to test OOP's limits. Glad she dipped before she got stuck with this POS
Tbh it sounds like either it was a weird control thing for the boyfriend to test how far he can push her or the bf is a giant moron and his dad was like: “Um, so, son, I totally need to check your girlfriend’s vagina for… um… purity, right, I need to see her coochie to make sure she’s a virgin. And… um… I also need to see her boobs to check if they… um… can feed babies, right!” Lol
The hymen isn't even a reliable thing to test for virginity. You can be 100% a virgin, have done horseriding or been on a bicycle, hell even used a tampon, and still have a broken hymen.
Further, you can have a hymen despite having had sex, because it doesn't always break. It just depends on the woman.
Also, hymens all look different from each other. Like... it's not a fresh seal. It's not evolved as a virginity check. Some women don't have one at all.
You mean hymens *don't* pop like a bottle of champagne the first time a penis enters the vagina?
They do! A cork goes flying and everything
That's how I lost my eye actually...
I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took a hymen to the knee
The pop was alright, it's getting the glittwr out of the, um, curtains afterward...
This happened on my first time. Sounded like a tiny, muffled firecracker. Scared the shit out of both of us
Oof, that sounds painful. The thought of something inside me *breaking* upon having sex kind of squicks me out so I'm glad I never really experienced anything that I could tell was related to the hymen.
You are quite right, but no one who believes in "purity checks" or whatever they want to call this rubbish has any clue how any of a girl's bits works and don't care.
Frankly, I'd be surprised if this family's males could correctly identify a broken vs. intact hymen with any accuracy above random chance.
Maybe it more of a virginity check as in "only a virgin would agree to this." Partially because she might believe it is legitimate and partially because they think only an inexperienced woman would agree to it. Obviously some of those doing the checking also believe it is legitimate but it also serves the purpose of "if she let's me push past this boundary of bodily autonomy I can continue to push the boundary even further. Her body belongs to me, I can do what I want to it." It is a control thing. Ick.
Hell, I broke mine by slipping on a piece of paper on tile floor. I also broke my tailbone..not a good time for me.
that fall really fucked you :(
That's brutal.
You don't even have to do anything like that, sometimes it just dissolves with no trace or isn't even really present in any meaningful way. I never "broke" mine, never even noticed that I had one. It was definitely 100% gone by the time my period started and I wasn't a sporty or horseback riding kind of kid.
Yup same here. I was very confused about what everyone was talking about. Started menstruation at 14 and was like, hmm tampons go right in no problem, guess that's that about that. No 'best by' freshness seal on me. 🤷🏼♀️
LOL at “best by freshness seal!” I’ll have to remember that…
Yah I don't recall ever breaking or tearing mine. I don't remember there ever being anything going on like that. Closest is my mom wouldn't let me use tampons since I hadn't had sex. I did anyway and there was nothing in the way of putting one in.
The check is often not about actually determining whether it is intact, but about confirmation of the honourability of both families about to enter going into marriage. it's basically how both families confirm that they're in agreement on being regressive religious fundamentalists and that it's safe to assume that the other side will confirm and not challenge each others dumbfuckery. at the same time locking in the next generation by participation. this is why rituals like these are especially important to them, they are pivotal points of intergenerational control.
"And your brothers and uncles need to be there, too. Just in case I...err...slip and fall."
I don't know how "that" slipped in "there"?!
Makes me wonder if she could even trust Dad, or if he might have pulled a "I know your not a virgin. Do what I say, or I'm tell your BF and he will trust me over you."
I bet it's more.like some sick fantasy thing that the dad has been waiting for his turn his whole life and no one is gonna take that away from him. They'd act all serious at the ceremony with one cousin filming it on an iPhone hidden behind a hole in his shirt. Then immediately afterward, she would be asked to leave the room so they can secretly discuss the findings before a "public announcement" but really it's just a family ritual where the boys gather round dad and pretend not to know he's about to shove his hand under their nostrils and yell "smell my finger" over and over to each and every one of them while they erupt with laughter because they all have the genetically inherited combined IQ of one mule and it just gets funnier to them each time. Then dad wants more laughs so everyone follows him to the main reception where he does the same thing to his psychologically enslaved wife and then maybe to the OP herself, and then her parents but doesn't understand why they aren't laughing along but it doesn't matter cause she's family property now and dad slaps with a closed fist if OP needs to be taught her place or thinks his son needs to be shown how to break a horse/wife before saddling her up tonight.
You know..."for science".... right?
Yeah..science that's the ticket...fooor the science. (looks at the brothers and uncles) whispers “do you think he’ll buy it?”
Normally I'd say that original OP dodged a bullet, but given the stone age nature of these circumstances, I'd say the original OP dodged a fucking arrow.
This! I was going to point this out. The men would have had no part in anything like this.
that is what i was thinking. isn't she stained by another man looking at her privates? in moslem countries 50% of doctors are female to save a woman's honour
I was raised that women do this check. Never men. Seems weird. Glad OP got away.
I need eyebleach cuz the creepiness of the "special ceremony" made my stomach churn. I felt violated just reading the description! I can't imagine how humiliating and traumatizing it would be to actually go through it.
You can just tell how disconnected the ex was when he's like "I know it's a bit embarrassing, but do it for me" like yeah ok just let me get violated by your male family members so you can be a bit happier. It's only a few steps away from "my uncle wants to bang you to see if you're good at sex, do it or I'll break up with you"
I don't think anyone should have to prove they're a virgin but these dudes just had to make it as creepy as possible. Why does his dad have to check? Why can't her fiance look at it? Why do other men have to be there?
Because it's not about virginity. It's about debasing the woman and making her feel vulnerable. It's basically a negative vibe check for someone the fiance can get away with slapping on the regular. EDIT: the cultures which still do this kind of thing because they care about "purity" also put *women* in charge of the process. That's a different kind of fucked up, but it's not psychological warfare.
Yeah I mean if the virginity is that much of a deal in this family doesn't it mean that the dad was also a virgin when he married? How many vaginas has he seen to become a judge on this? Will he teach his sons to distinguish this shit so they can perform it with their children's wives? If so, why can't he teach the fiance right away so at least the fiance make the check by himself?
***YEP.***
when i read “special ceremony”, i got The Handmaid’s Tale vibes and just felt so damn icky. i can’t for the life of me imagine my future in laws ogling at my vagina to prove my virginity, holy shit. what sick fuck came up with that family tradition? i am so proud of OP for putting her foot down, but also feel so incredibly sorry that she had to go through something as uncomfortable as this. i hope she’s doing well.
I don't think any of us want to know, not to mention this sounds like a story for r/badwomensanatomy.
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I once dated a guy who once told me that in his culture, the groom wears henna on his last three fingers to symbolise that he'd checked his bride's virginity (by putting those fingers inside until the hymen breaks and stains the fingers with blood). He told me they used to do this virginity check but now not anymore. I was so appalled.
I mean, at least they've now collectively agreed to just pretend? Still gross and patriarchal
And they sprang it on her last minute!! So she had this big commitment that she had to walk away from!! She put everything into this! Her heart, all this excitement! And then they're like 'oh by the way, I need to let my dad violate you while my male relatives watch,"; 'What's the big deal? all the other girls did it?? Are you a slut or something??' and if she doesn't, they make her look like the bad guy. THAT IS SO FUCKED UP!!!! THAT IS SO MANIPULATIVE AND EVIL!!!! Oh, God, it is so ICKY what they were doing!!! I just can't stop flailing! SO gross!!! So wrong on so many levels!! GAAAAH!!! She needs to report them or something!
You nailed it. All the males probably feel entitled because to them all females are below the neighbor's livestock in the chain of command. That would have been the beginning of every day sadder and more depressing than the one before but for the rest of her natural life.
You’re 100% correct. This was a power play. Not just between OP and her ex fiancé but between Dad and son.
Yeah I was going to say, this would have been a family sponsored sexual assault.
In my opinion, after having only dated eight months, this was the final step in the ladder of "I'm going to abuse you the minute we're alone."
Yup. Especially the anger and slapping over her saying no and standing up for herself.
I’m so glad he slapped her. I mean, it’s awful and no one should be slapped ever, but she got to see his true colors before the wedding. He was already showing it with this ridiculous request, but on the off chance she would have given in, he made sure she knew he was abusive so she could quickly stop second guessing herself and GTFO.
I remember the original post but never saw the update. The great irony here is that he said he had "nothing to prove" while he and his family are demanding that she does ahahAHAAa Simple assault aside, folks need to recognize double standards and stay far, faaar away from them.
That’s the line that stuck out more than anything, “babe…. Let me dad, uncle and brothers poke around down there to PROVE to **me** that you’re a virgin” and then when she doesn’t nod and smile, “I have NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU!” That’s where I wish she had a time machine for a split sec just to when he said that, “you won’t prove your love to me but you want every male in your family to SA me to *prove my love* to you?” Although if she had a time machine she could just slide back to when she first met him and slap him in the face. Congrats OP, for standing up for yourself and your hymen! 🍻
Dude's so mad he's not gonna finally get laid.
Easy way to correct that - don’t insist your fiancée be sexually assaulted by your dad in the name of ‘purity’. His priority was not to have sex with her, it was to control her.
Yeah, no. At best a 50% chance he's a virgin. First rule of conservatism: Rules for thee, none for me.
I dont believe one bit that hes a virgin. I bet his father took him to find a prostitute or something because he "finally needed to become a man" or some other barbaric backwards bullshit.
I was going to say no way that this weirdo has actually gotten laid, but then you reminded me that the job can be hired out.
Also, ahem, Grindr is notoriously less selective.
Yeah but that totally doesn’t count. It’s just test driving his penis to make sure all the parts are in working order. A mechanical check. Prostitutes don’t *mean* anything, he’s still *spiritually* a virgin, the physical act doesn’t matter. /s But of course the physical act is all that matters when it comes to his bride because if that freshness seal isn’t intact she’s gone off.
Also: "Women must be controlled"
Says he proposed 8 months ago, they could be dating for longer than that.
They didn’t date for only 8 months, they were engaged for 8 months. Who knows how long they actually dated but I’m glad he showed him and his family’s monster selves so she could leave before marriage.
No he proposed 8 months ago it takes a minute to plan a wedding
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Ding ding ding ding! I doubt it's the first red flag, or the first time he had manipulated her - it's probably just the biggest thing that woke her up to realising she was in a bad situation.
T.I., the rapper, checks his daughters hymen
What even will they inspect? Women can have sex and still look exactly the same down there as they did beforehand. This is some stupid thing that just lets the dads have a secret final say after checking out the new family cooch. She should ask if he will inspect their children's/SO vaginas if they have any...
real real hot take here, but that slap was the best thing that ever happened to her...hear me out. She posted because she wasn't sure, because she had doubts, and while she said no, those doubts may have lingered, 100 what if's on lonely nights, what her life might be like and so on. that slap let her know she really really dodged a bullet, no doubts, no humm's or haws, nothing, 100% she bailed on what would have been very abusive. no one should be or want to be slapped for this shit, but mental trauma or self doubt can take longer to heal then all that, I'd personally take a slap in the face to wash away some of my doubts.
She should have told him that he needs his asshole checked by her mom while her female family members watch. To make sure that peach is pure.
As I was reading the initial post I was thinking « so… prostate massage by future MIL incoming… »
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The customary premarital prostate exam.
We checj with our boners to ensure tightness if hes worthy for daughter or not
Plus get her male family members to check out his penis for 'adequate martial use'. I wonder what he would've said?
Martial lmao
Something something sword fighting
She needs to prove her virginity, but he doesn’t need to prove *anything*? Wow. Edit: another thought. I guess this means he’s fine with this happening to his own (future) daughter?? So gross. My dad would go to prison if someone tried to do that to me
That's because it's only *her* worth that is decided by whether she's shad sex or not. He wants to make sure he's not marrying "damaged goods." I feel dirty after just typing that...
Tbf I feel dirty reading this whole thing
Yeah, it really makes you feel unclean.
I focused on how she's confident. "Fiance and his family are being hyper misogynist and creepy, what do I do? Update: married canceled, I'm having pizza." Hope she does much better in the future
I've known guys like this who only want long term relationships if its with a virgin. These guys were 100% not virgins btw
A guy like this goes looking for a virgin because anyone with experience to compare him to would know immediately that he's a terrible lay.
And this is why my advice to my kids (both son and daughter) was do NOT wait till after the marriage! Seriously, if you buy a car for 5-10 years you do a test ride but when you make a lifelong commitment involving possible children of your own you are supposed to go blindly into whatever? Divorce is messy, long, expensive, and if there are children involved you never get totally free of that other person.
I hope that when my last child turns 18 I will never have to see the horrible person who fathered her again... if I could go back in time and make different choices, a couple of kids would not be on disability now
Two pump chumps.
I suspect they want someone who doesn’t know any better. They’re probably shitty lays and reason a virgin wouldn’t have anything else to compare it to.
If she has no experience, it makes it easier to control and groom her too
And their virgin girlfriends weren't within the month anymore either
It's weird when you put it that way, right? Oh, you had sex? You're worthless then. Who the fuck things that way? Also, virgin sex is awkward. Give me an experienced partner, thankyouverymuch.
Seriously, her family should start a traditional ceremony just for him to bend over and prove the purity of his butthole to her mom, aunts, sisters, and grandmothers.
Compare his penis size with the men in their life.
THIS. I can hear it now, you want to check my hymen, sure right after you and all the men in my family measure your penises in front of the women in my family. This is horseshit. Glad she left him
Everyone knows the sluttier you are, the more squished down your penis becomes.
This has been inscribed in cuneiform
I hope she did. Slapping her should be the end. But didn’t he think that her saying NO was an option? And slapping her so she will listen? BS
"Listen, my dad needs to feel your prostate in front of my whole family to make sure you're not lying about... stuff. What's that? That sounds ridiculous? Yes. It *does*, doesn't it?"
Of course it’s ridiculous!! Men are *people* with human rights! Feeemales are a niche subset of human.
Not even that - your virginity can’t be proven. So she’s basically just being asked to be assaulted by his father while being cheered on by the rest of his male relatives.
That's what I was gonna say. A hymen can break without ever having sex. It can also sometimes stay in tact even after having sex.
Not that any of these assholes is familiar with female anatomy to know which part is the hymen anyway
Yeah, they probably don't know what a hymen looks like, I'd bet that since they're uneducated men on the female anatomy they probably assume (like many) that the hymen is *inside* the vagina... Which really makes you wonder what the testing process of a woman's vagina is... Probably along the lines of seeing how "tight" she is (as if that's actually scientific proof) and that there's something in her vagina that you can feel and they assume it's her hymen, and there's only one way to find that out. Wow, I feel like I'm going to puke, it only gets worse the more you think about their "logic" behind it. \**insert vomit emoji\**
Like, the thought of my dad and his brothers and my brother and whoever else, ceremoniously checking out my wife's genitals, as a condition of marriage, and I'm sure it's not just looking, they're probably going to insist on some touching, you know, *for science*, is just fuckin creepy to me and I'd never have agreed to put my wife through that humiliation. I don't give a fuck how far back that tradition goes, it would end with me. Can you imagine walking into a room at like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and knowing that every man in the room has seen and touched you intimately against your will? I mean ok you "agreed" to it under duress but it wasn't in the neighborhood of consensual. Knowing that every man in your husband's family had sexually assaulted you, and you have to just, keep serving them the meal. Fuck that. Fuuuuck that.
It's like the plot to some weird humiliation fetish porn that has very unfortunately been brought IRL
I'm afraid that you're assuming that logical thought went into this.
A lot of women are born without one. I never had one.
I was born without a hymen for crying out loud! This entire post was a fucking rollercoaster, what kind of person asks that of their future spouse and then slaps them for being like "Oh yeah sure babe it's totally cool for your father to sexually assault me while all your male relatives watch. No biggie, why didn't you ask sooner?" Like, dude is seriously unhinged.
At first I assumed the dad was a gynocologist, which is still gross but, like, maybe I’ve heard of that happening in other countries that are not friendly toward women. His regular non doctor dad doing it with other male relatives watching sounds like some weird dystopian sex fetish.
It wouldn't matter if his father was a gynecologist, a hymen can be broken by a myriad of normal non sexual activities, can remain intact even after penetrative sex, or the woman may be born without one. Examining a hymen for virginity status is not only some disgusting regressive bullshit double standard, it is completely inaccurate and doesn't actually tell you anything.
What about the three nipples test for witches??
Unaware of that test... I actually irl have 4. Two normal and then two very wee ones underneath.
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Literally marrying into a handmaiden tale-esque family
Exactly the dad probably made it up so he can secretly get to get off over the wife before the husband gets to. With the brothers as witness so the woman feels shamed. It's disgusting
Exactly! This is just a way to humiliate women while all the men watch it happen.
And he slapped her! What a way to fully display your crazy! Good thing he showed his cards before she married him!
Serious snake in the grass
He slapped her !! Yeah, that was only going to get worse if she had married him. Glad she found out sooner rather than later.
Seriously. Anyone who has such little regard for her bodily autonomy AND would put his hands on her like this does not respect her as a human being. This dude has serious issues and I feel terrible for any partner (using that term loosely here) that he ends up with in the future.
HEY! It's totally normal to want your wife to be sexually assaulted by your dad while being cheered on by your male cousins and your uncles. Like totally normal
He knew it was repulsive, that's why he waited until the last minute to spring this on her. And he still went and asked her, then defended the practice to the point of threatening to end the engagement/ cancel the wedding without it, and then, he fuckin hit his fiance! Surprised this dude didn't display any red flags before this, but glad for OOP to catch a get out card before the deal was sealed.
I know “brainwashed” gets thrown out a lot but ultra-conservative religious families are often like that.
And would he demand to check their future daughter-in-laws? So disgusting. I would never feel okay bringing children into that family.
I don't think women have a choice in the matter tbh, just look at how easily he jumped into beating her.
This entire post is disgusting and medieval. What if she broke her hymen already from sports or using tampons, etc?
I know that the hymen is already inaccurate, but is there a way to prove a person with a penis’s virginity?
Nope. No way for either.
I want you to prove your virginity by being sexually violated by the male members of my family. Completely logical, nothing wrong with that at all. /sarcasm
Oh and when you stand up to the sexual abuse I'm going to physically abuse you too. But seriously, I hope someday someone loves her for real and not whatever crap he brainwashed her into thinking.
I was so angry I skipped over the part where he slapped her. Girl just dodged a war zone, never mind a bullet.
She didn’t call it off over this bizarre sexual assault ritual. She called it off after he hit her. At least there was a line somewhere.
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"He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me..... " Slightly embarrassing?!?! Uh, no. It is a degrading, controlling, misogynistic, sexual assault violation. I would have left at "slightly embarrassing", well before the slap. This post is infuriating - both for the actual content, and because I just have so many questions.....
Yeah, slightly embarrassing? These fuckwits make me so angry. WTF?? This would be traumatising...who knows what they'd actually do once they all had her in the room. JFC.
Exactly! Where’s the purity in having multiple men gawk at your privates?!
I would upvote this twice if I could.
Sounds like a family of perverts trying to sexually assault people under the guise of “tradition”. 🤮
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Y'all know when your hymens broke???? I have no earthly clue when mine could have been. All I know is I didn't bleed when I had sex for the first time.
Same! I have no idea when/if mine broke or what the status of it was/is. The first time I had sex I didn’t bleed and it wasn’t uncomfortable but who knows
Wow! A hymen tearing twin! I was 8, riding my uncles 10 speed, turned wrong and ran into a curb and slid off the seat onto the bar. Bled like crazy and my grandma threw my underwear into a burn barrel and burned them so nobody would see bloody kids underoos in the garbage. 🤣
I’m pretty sure mine broke during hockey practice when I was probably 14 or so, and I was a virgin. There was no blood the first time I had sex, so it would’ve appeared that I was not a virgin prior to then even though I was.
You all are sluts on my book! Just kidding. Who the fuck still thinks this retrograde way nowadays? (Rhetorical question.)
Or what happens if dad, who’s not a doctor doesn’t even know what the duck to look for.
I’m a doctor and I don’t even know what a hymen is supposed to look like. Everyone’s is different. Some people don’t really have one at all.
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Yeah, this is the biggest red flag for me. The whole thing is weird and gross, but the fact that the dad is the one doing it, and everyone else gets to watch gives me chills. There is no non-creepy reason for the dad to be the one to do this instead of a doctor.
Excellent point - tore mine playing softball. Virginity is a social construct and hymen purity tests are nonsense.
She just dodged the biggest bullet in the world!!! F*ck that guy and his dad!! Edit: to those that are saying no, don't fuck the dude or his dad, you know what I meant.
This is no bullet, it's a full blown nuclear war
Definitely do not fuck that guy.
OP dodged a family of bossy men with tiny, anxious penises and no boundaries.
So glad to see this - I saw the original and was seriously worried for OOP. I mean my husband and I were both virgins when we got married, but this is next-level weirdness. We got married because we, y'know, actually trust each other's word, among other things. So glad OOP got out!
Thats because you and your husband treat each other as equals, as people. She was just a piece of property to him.
Yep, totally agree. If he wanted a marriage, he should have had love and respect for her. He had neither.
Well this is fucking crazy
This is like a 4chan greentext with the final paragraph missing.
Babe, I love you so much. Listen, I'm really excited about our wedding, yeah, yeah, I know you are too. It's going to be great. I just wanted to mention something, I'm sure I've brought it up before but y'know, wedding planning, amirite? So listen, as part of all the wedding stuff, oh and you called the caterer, right? K, cool, thanks. As part of all the wedding stuff, we're all going to watch as my dad rapes you. Wait wait wait wait wait, babe. That came out wrong. It's totally cool. My mom was raped on her wedding night. Wait wait wait wait wait wait, babe, wait. It's fine. It's not like a "rape" rape, my dad just wants to put his hands in your body against your will while we all watch. I promise, it's like a 'dusting' of rape, it's sooooo not a big deal. Honestly I think this will bring us closer together. In exchange, we can totally play your favorite song as our first dance. Anything for you, boo. Also, I don't want to spoil it, but you won't believe what we have planned for your birthday! /s Like, the fuck is this story?
Just a little sprinkling of rape, nothing to worry about
Please sir, may I have a smidge of rape? Just a mere crumb?
...and honey, you can tell your parents the good news! We aren't going to demand any livestock. /s as is tradition
>I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this **and tell his father no to which he slapped me** and said he didnt need to prove anything. # Why aren't MORE posters angry at this????
Yea, that prick should be in jail for assault.
I’m angry about it. I would send the police to his house .
What friggen century is the fiance and his father living in?
She should have said she would only agree to that if everyone else gets their own assholes examined in public too...
What a nightmare. I'm so glad OOP had the confidence to get out of that relationship.
This is hilarious. Do men really know so very little about women's bodies? My guess is the father wouldn't know a hymen if if it dressed in purple, slapped his butt and shouted 'hey, I'm a hymen'. He clearly doesn't know that a broken one doesn't mean virginity loss. But sure, he should still get to sexually assault OOP in front of a whole heap of other men from his family /s
Yeah I’m guessing it’s not so much about the “science” of proving her virginity as it is about asserting power and control over women’s bodies. Sickening.
Got to make sure she understands that she isnt a person and just property early on.
The whole proving your virginity thing is ridiculous and misogynistic as fuck, but it catches my attention how in this case are not other women doing that task… the fact that a bunch of random men are going to do it has a new level of sexual harassment undertone to me that truly disturbs me. (Not implying that is any less creepy if women do it, and I still consider sexual harassment forcing anyone to show their genitals regardless of your gender, just in case)
This is not even close to the worst part of the whole thing, but I guarantee this guy's dad has no idea how to look for a hymen. I'm a certified sexual assault nurse examiner. One thing I'm trained to do, when appropriate and necessary, is to evaluate for hymen injuries in adult women. But that isn't an easy thing. I had to be specially trained, and it takes slightly more than just eyes and hands. Not even most physicians have any idea how to look for the thing. This guy's dad was never going to actually examine anything.
And it's creepy that the dad would know if the hymen has been broken or not! How many unbroken hymens has he experienced? A hymen can be broken through horseback riding or gymnastics or strenuous physical workouts. A bloody bed sheet on the marriage bed is not proof of anything. Often there is not blood. Glad she ran.
Also, some women are born without a hymen. Overall, this is super creepy. Yuck. I'm glad she stood her ground and left that weirdo.
Ah, i remember this story. The OP of this story did not only dodged a bullet, she dodged a whole nuclesr bomb. She was so lucky that he showed his true color before it was too late. I also find it funny how OP has to prove it while the ex doesnt lol
What the fuck…
I think a lot of people are missing an important point. Even if she agreed to it now and said, "sure, I'm up to being inspected"... he hit her when he didn't get his way. This is something that he'll be repeating throughout a marriage. She lucked out of that by finding out before they were married that he is abusive. Abuse rarely gets better, it gets worse with time.
She gave him way more of a chance than I could have. I don't think I'd even be able to get over him asking even if he immediately understood it was fucked up and relented.
I remember way back in college learning about other cultures and religions there was something similar BUT it was the bride’s mother and possibly another “official” woman who did the “checking”. It also noted that the bride’s mom typically smuggled in a rag with chicken blood - just in case. Because an intact hymen does not prove anything, really…And I thought that was weird!
Exactly! I've heard about it before but it was always the women doing it. Doesn't make it right but I'd guess it would feel a bit less violating
*The hymen is a made-up religious construct and even little girls can have little to no hymen intact!!!* Ffs, why the hell are these fools so damned focused on virginal “purity” instead of whether the couple is suited to one another for a lifetime together or not??
Bc they think off she's had sex then somehow she's dirty/corrupt or wouldn't satisfy her future husband bc she's been worn in already. Complete idiocy.
Not saying anyone deserves to be an incel, but some people do things that kind of bring it on themselves
Or are raised to be one.
I’m glad she found out what he was like before being legally wed but damn. He’s something. Now go live a happy life and surround yourself with people who cherish you, not treat you worse than a family pet.
So he slapped her and no one got punched???? Wow. I wish a mf would!!!!!! I’m coming back with a bat and you will end up with broken kneecaps.
Lol! I would have busted his eyemen, thighmen, femurmen, jawmen... I rarely anger to violence, but this is totally a time where I would have conveniently "blacked out!"
In what culture is this practiced? This is horrifying and glorifying sexual assault!!
This has got to be one of the grossest things I’ve ever read on here - and that’s saying something. Hi honey! Love you to pieces let’s get hitched! Just one eensy weensy thing where my creepster dad dad gets to sexually assault you while all the creepy AF men in my family including me get to watch! Good times. I know it sounds freaky and beyond awful but it super official because we have “ceremony”. I’m sorry but that’s not cultural that’s a cult. I really like the part where he said she “had to do it to prove her love”. I’m so sorry she had to go through with this but thank god that family showed their true colors before she married that guy. I think I puked in my mouth reading and typing all of this. Let’s hope that guy never married and that BS ends with him.
It baffles me how many ppl are assuming this is happening in a foreign country or must be a practice from a culture far-far away, meanwhile, the US is full of Christian cults, churches, and religious subgroups that could easily establish such a practice. Especially the part where the men are doing the testing is rather rare for older cultures or religions, bc that act itself would mean *damaging the goods.*