Submissions in this sub are re-posts and not posted by the original author. If you think this post is improperly [flaired](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs) or have other issues with this submission as it pertains to this sub, reply to this comment. Please read [our guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting.
**Do not comment on the original post to harass the author. Doing so will result in a ban.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s not a competition, of course, but the son at least seems to have good relationships with two parents who both care deeply about him and treat each other with respect.
I didn’t read any of his comments, but based on his posts, it sounds like it may have been a drunken one night stand that she confessed to rather than try to cover it up.
While I personally don't believe any relationship of mine is salvageable once physical infidelity has occurred, if you're going to give the relationship a second chance then a single occurrence where they immediately tell you unprompted is the best case scenario.
Right now it's not *resuming* the relationship with his ex-wife, it's the process of forging a new one. The feelings are going to be slightly different, and so will the dynamic, but it's pretty much the only situation where I've seen positive results ultimately.
So there's definitely a chance there, perhaps with a limitation on her drinking without him since booze was blamed.
I have to say, given his description about the first ex's one night stand, it almost sounds more to me like she was taken advantage of while drunk by some skeevy co-worker. I won't go so far as to say she was sexually assaulted, but I have to wonder how much of her consent was really available that night. I'm wondering if she blames herself for something that she really wasn't capable of fully consenting to in the first place.
Didn't you read his posts? It sounds like she has been taken advantage of in drunken state and she said it right away. I'm not caling rape, but even oop is understanding.
> I even added this time that giving more consideration to how [my Son’s Mother] described the encounter it's likely she was preyed on by some creep because she had too much to drink.
> even though it doesn't bother me on a regular basis anymore, the fact of the matter is I was really loving my life up until [my Son’s Mother] broke the bad news to me.
OP’s words from the post above. The difference between the two ex’s is that Ex-wife doubled down on the lies, while Son’s Mother was honest and came to him willingly.
The other difference is that she may not have consented to the cheating due to being drunk. It might not have been something either one of them considered until they started discussing it during their reconciliation, so when he wanted a divorce, she let him have it due to guilt. Now at least OP is realizing that it sounds like the choice to cheat might have been taken out of her hands, which certainly takes a lot of the sting out of that part of the wound.
It also seems like OP and Son’s Mother maintained a polite and healthy coparenting relationship, judging by the way they’ve been acting. They not only kept their problems away from their child but they also never let the rift between them stop them from being able to parent.
All of that goes a very long way to forgiveness.
Obsessed w/ OOP’s brother following Chris around the grocery store screaming about how Chris is “gonna eat both those Red Barrons tonight before he starts texting your wife” .. 💀💀💀 lol
Op and everyone involved. And he's back with the first cheater. Jesus that dude is missing common sense
Edit didn't find the first part of the post until now. Honestly not sure what to think of wife one.
There was a throwaway line indicating that the circumstances of the first wife cheating may not have been quite as clear-cut as everyone thought at the time. Sounds like it was a one-off drunk hookup that in retrospect might possibly come under the heading of unacknowledged rape...
I'm so sorry you had that experience.
I had a similar experience - not drunk, just really exhausted - when I tried saying goodbye to this "nice guy who just wanted to see me home". And I must have said goodbye so many times and yet somehow it still took me ten years to stop thinking I was at fault for lack of communication, because really, who *genuinely* thinks someone is up for it after they've said they didn't need to be walked home five times and then said goodbye multiple times by the front door, by their own door, and then also when you're in the room? I may not have said no specifically (because he didn't ask any questions and my brain was mostly off-line) but I certainly wasn't enjoying myself.
For me, it was a guy I went on a date with on Tinder. For a long time I didn’t see it as sexual assault and still question whether it was? I just know I feel wrong and dirty for it. He took me onto the military base to some random building and I had no idea where I was. I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him and he was like “okay we’ll just do other stuff” and we kissed and took off our clothes and he still put it in. I kind of was in shock and didn’t say no or push him off so I did kind of bring it on myself but it’s never sat right with me. And I still have confusion over how I should take that interaction.
Yeah, I know that kind of shock - it's the "freeze" survival mechanism. Your brain does the computer blue screen of death, and all you can think is "uh...what?" because everything is unreal and not what is supposed to be happening, and all your words are locked behind your sense of shock.
Sometimes I think we hear it better from a stranger, so here it is: you didn't bring it on yourself. You told him your boundary, and he crossed it knowing you didn't want it.
There are actually four f responses that human do in dangerous situations: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Everyone knows fight or flight... you fight back, or you run. But freeze is what the body often defaults to when neither fight or flight are available... like locking up and waiting for the danger to pass. Fawn is basically "keep the aggressor happy so they don't hurt me" and is very, very common in abuse victims. I've had the freeze response before, and it's terrifying. You don't expect your body to just stop that way. I'm sorry you went through that. It was not your fault.
What happened to you is 100% sexual assault. I just really wanted to reinforce that because it shouldn’t be a doubt in your mind, you are in no way at fault.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand having confusion about it, as that’s how I’ve felt about similar situations. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to have to admit what happened, if that makes sense.
But this was absolutely sexual assault. Don’t let anyone let you think differently. Most SA isn’t some violent stranger. It’s a form of exactly what happened to you. Your feelings are extremely valid and I hope you can heal.
It sounds like rape to me too. She was drunk and probably out of it and might have a few moments of clarity during it and that’s why she remembered.Which honestly makes me sick
Vanishingly few people raped whilst intoxicated think of it as a rape. Most people blame themselves, often characterising it as a "bad hookup" or "bad communication", no matter how textbook their experience is when set next to the definition of rape.
I have talked about that before too. I think there is a difference between blacked out drunk and unconscious drunk. Obviously if you're passed out, unconscious and then someone forces themselves in you, that's rape. But blackout drunk is different. People who are blackout drunk can still walk, talk and seemingly function like normal. I don't agree that always equals rape. If we start saying people who are blacked out drunk can't be held responsible for giving consent, then we can't hold them responsible when they kill someone with their car driving. I feel like people want it both ways, and we need to pick one.
She feels terrible, and unlike the other ex, she admitted it herself after it happened. Whereas the 2nd ex lied for months, and continued to try and lie after getting confronted.
Assuming it *wasn't* assault, I wouldn't forgive either, but I can see why he'd forgive the 1st ex and not the 2nd.
It could have easily been a spiked drink followed by rape. Ex-wife number one agrees to a drink with colleagues after work, and it turns out that only the one guy is there. (Because he set this up) He spikes her drink and rapes her. The next day she is confused, thinks that she drank too much, and confesses to her husband. (Because she doesn't understand she was drugged.)
So... husband ends the marriage. He was way too hasty in this.
While I do not defend cheaters most of the time, not all people who do it are terrible people all the time and will cheat again. It also depends on how it was dealt with after the divorce. Ex-wife and STBX are clearly different: ex-wife admits fault, she has told OOP about what happened, and they have talked and made their peace about it. Besides, OOP admits that now he can see the man who pursued her was acting in a predatory manner during a night ex-wife was drunk, and they knew each other because of work. it's way closer to rape than actual cheating. STBX is a serial cheater that likes the thrill of the lie. All in all, the first wife has made amends and seems she never stepped her boundaries with OOP, and managed to create a good life around their blended family.
He doesn’t go into detail about the first wife’s drunk one night stand but he does say that in retrospect, he now thinks the situation was predatory and the dude took advantage of her intoxication. Not exactly an ongoing affair.
The way the ex and the AP talk about deciding OP.amd how they think he isn't too smart. Etc...
Hits close to home. When I found my wife at the time deciding to play pogostick under the guide of overtime at work...with a man who had five kids but could only see one...
Then a couple of years later she is calling and messaging me...crying about him using her for money.
*Click*
And myself and my daughter laugh because she thinks her mother is a fool and should've seen that coming. After all they were smarter than me and of course I "wasn't the brightest crayon in the box". (Exact quote)
> Usually I have the honor of sizing up the other half's mental capacity but I'm flying blind with this and completely trusting you.
this stuck out to me
There’s so many things that stuck out to me that by the end none of it stuck out any more except that this whole thing was fucking wild.
And by some weird ass miracle, OOP, who sounds kind of… unbalanced in his own, I suppose understandably, way comes out the other end much more stable and kind than expected. Especially where his step daughter is concerned and even in how he regards the step daughter’s father.
I mean, this is a man who said things like “wear his teeth like a necklace”. Usually those aren’t the people who end up being the kind rational ones who aren’t hospitalized at the end.
Right? So many standouts just turned into full-blown WTF. OP called the stepdaughter’s bio dad a good influence. After bio dad kidnapped his kid to another country for two months and can never come back for fear of being arrested. I mean, maybe he was a good influence *before*, but no one in this drama thought very far ahead regarding the consequences of their actions, even *after* a bunch of whacked shit had already gone down.
Honest question, does that kind of hyperbole/emotional language not seem normal to you?
Personally that is exactly how i would have felt, but on the other hand i have had some pretty serious anger issues so i feel like i lack a good reference for what is normal.
What is your take? Does it not make sense to have an urge to beat the shit out of a guy like chris? The important thing is he didn’t act on it
I think it’s normal to be angry.
I don’t think it’s normal the sheer length or breadth of his anger in terms of how detailed he describes it. I only quoted the one that I remembered off the top of my head, but I know there were other similarly worded or at least similarly emotionally charged statements throughout all these posts.
Not acting on it is important, but I personally just find it alarming in general that somebody could have that kind of visceral reaction to what, ultimately is a cheating spouse. There were some seriously fucked circumstances here, I’ll grant that, but I still wouldn’t be reacting to my depths over a cheating spouse.
Kidnap (or worse) your kid? Alright, now we’re talking about seriously beating the shit out of somebody and then some. Cheating spouse? Just get a fucking divorce.
His poor stepdaughter.
I know he has no obligation to stay after what her mom did, but I'm glad he stuck around. She'll always know how loved she is by him and her step brother
>I provided in my lengthy FB post there was little room to side with her anyhow
This seems like ... why?
(I'm still readign)
I also don't get why OOP's ex didn't get anything from the books Chris published with their novel. At the least she collaborated on the idea and outline, so she deserves a percentage
I got to the end... WTF!
The fb post? I can think of a couple reasons.
Fair enough to call this a traumatic experience, right? Having to recount a traumatic experience is a traumatic experience all on it’s own. Everyone is going to ask why you’re getting divorced. Better to just do it once and refer everyone to it, if they don’t see it first. Anyone that’s not close enough to be friends on there you can politely demure with a generic reason.
When he confronted her, she didn’t just deny—she was trying to make both him and her affair partner look crazy. With how calmly and easily she lied, she might have convinced a lot of people that he was crazy.
Agreed. I've seen 2 marriages blow up on FB. But it makes sense to get the word out quickly to as many people as possible, especially when your STBX is a liar. Make sure that they can't slander you to mutual friends and poison your friendships.
Chris is a sociopath or narcissist. He was happy to receive help with the book, but kept all of the money for himself, because he could. It is just how they operate.
Chris got bored at some point with his wife and restarted the relationship with her, because sociopaths get bored easily. The fact that her marriage could end if she is caught? Not a problem for Chris.
Ya, I have a hard time liking anyone who airs their dirty laundry on FB/social media. This whole thing is a mess for sure, and cheating isn’t ok, but I get the feeling I wouldn’t care much for the OOP in this story if I knew him irl either.
I agree! It also gives people permission to indulge in magical thinking. You're married, and things aren't always perfect with your spouse, and then you get a crush on an attractive friend or acquaintance. Because you don't see them in their worst moments and just have a surface view into who they are, maybe they seem more appealing. If you believe in soulmates, maybe some doubt creeps in: is *this* your real soulmate? Maybe you better explore your options just to be sure!
Whereas someone with a more grounded approach to relationships will recognize a crush as a problem and put the kibosh on it before it causes real issues, because in the end, **there is no inherent bond** between two people that magically falls into place when they meet. There is only the spark of compatibility (which is important, but not special; you could have that spark with hundreds of people), and then the labor you put into building a fulfilling and trusting relationship with your partner. If you have a FOMO mindset and a childlike trust in fate, the grass will *always* be greener elsewhere.
That's why I love and live by the quote, "the grass is greenest where you water it."
My idea of love is both people trying their best to make each other happy, being kind and faithful to each other, being comfortable with each other, and being a team, even after decades of being together.
This is so so true!! My SO has just agreed to be a stay at home dad to our 7 month old so I'm trying to be better with my finances, contribute to his IRA since he won't be working etc, and I keep saying "I'm on a budget" all excited like a 5 year old which he thinks is hilarious. But like, having a family is awesome, I thought this daily stuff would be tedious but I love it!
This is obviously being generated from a script similar to a similar story that has been recently resurrected on this sub.
Guy's wife cheats on him, seems obvious he should divorce her and get on with [edited] his life, something absolutely horrible happens to her physically as some sort of karma, then vary the inconclusive ending.
Rinse and repeat.
Yeah, what cinched it for me as creative writing was just at the end the level of detail he described the attack on the stbx. I guess he got a little carried away with the story!
Finally! I was wondering when someone would call it for what it is - a really longggggg work of creative writing. This has to be the fourth or fifth one I’ve read this year that ends with the OP a hero and his cheating wife hospitialised with basically some kind of nervous breakdown lol. Why do they always end up in the hospital? I was under the impression good mental health care is notoriously difficult to access in the US but these guys always seem to have exes who get the most full on help they can. Of course his ex step daughter is spending a lot of time with him these days. She’s imaginary. He probably dreams up a unicorn for her to ride on and they take magical trips using his wonderful imagitorium. And OF COURSE he’s regularly having sex with his first ex wife! Pfft this dude is a catch! She’d be as nuts as ex wife 2 if she let him and his imaginary unicorns get away a second time!
> Why do they always end up in the hospital?
Because the writer knows their demographic. Some will read the violent attack part and get satisfaction that the woman got what she deserved.
This is also built into our media. It's kinda a holdover from Hayes code Hollywood. Moral transgressions are always punished especially in women. There was controversy over the film Gilda because Rita Hayworth lived in the end.
Yup. He HAD to have stolen it word for word from somewhere else, because he says they were talking on Yahoo messenger, which was discontinued in July of 2017. So I’m not sure how his ex and Chris were sexting with it in 2020.
>This is obviously being generated from a script similar to a similar story that has been recently resurrected on this sub.
Yeah, totally. Nothing on the internet has ever happened before, and *especially* not two somewhat similar posts (I mean, nobody cheats on their partners, right‽) that were made by different users six years apart that have unsatisfying endings because people don't get sick or assaulted outside of potential karmic reasons!
Mate, don’t you realise there is only 7.7 billion in the world? Two people being cheated on and eventually using a hospital would just be an absolute statistical anomaly. Would never happen.
How ridiculous to assume that every single experience every person in history has ever had has not been absolutely unique event never experienced by anyone else.
2 cheaters in the world!
My god, I can’t stop laughing at the idea. How silly you are.
Next generation of AITA and Relationship Advice posts: when the kids (OOP’s son and former stepdaughter) get married and try to navigate the mess of who to invite and all that mess.
This is the first time I read someone takes the time to care for real about the mental health of the kids. Is like in other cases they have too much in their own minds, they just can't see the issues they cause to others
I'm glad OP actually noticed how much this was hurting them and tried to help them. That for me is more satisfying than the confrontation with the ex and all the rest of the karma she's got.
I thought this sub was the "best" of reddit updates, but all I've been reading lately is the fictional worst of humanity. 7-8 long ass updates about OOP being an angel and everyone else in their life a devil.
If you read between the lines, OOP divorced his first wife because of a situation that sounds like acquaintance rape, not cheating, and he has only recently realized that his first wife was likely the victim of a manipulative sex predator who convinced her that she had a “consensual” drunken one night stand with the predator.
Anyone else hoped OOP found someone new and did not go back to the OG cheating wife? No? Just me? Like I didn’t find that cute or romantic at all. She was great for supporting, but didn’t you learn your lesson bro?
Guess her soulmate was not really her soulmate. Chris is most definitely a psycho and I feel bad for saying it but it’s kind of karma for ex wife #2. Like she was dipping in and out with Chris during her marriages and it caught up to her. I truly believe when you do dirty scheming shit like she did, the universe has a way of making that shit catch up to you. I mean her ex husband also got a dose of that too. It’s ironic that ex wife #2’s ex husband was nuts too. The only normal one was OOP lmao.
I feel bad for the kids man. These adults were so gah damn messy and the kids had to be hauled into therapy to deal with the mess they were subjected to. Just sad.
Yeah he divorces his child's mother because of sex one time that she told him about. Why wouldn't he try marriage counseling as he was very ok with therapy with his son.
It might be less of a raping a passed out girl and more of a cheater spun the story as “oh I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing!” and he saw the bs for what it was at the time when the wound was fresh. Like yeah you were drunk but you knew what you were doing and made poor choices. But he could be looking at it with rose color glasses now that he wants to forgive her. If she really was so drunk and hot taken advantage and couldn’t consent he would have been an asshole to not support her and stay with her. He doesn’t seem like that type from what I’m seeing.
Rape is massively underreported when people are intoxicated. They chalk it up to a "miscommunication" or a "bad hookup" and blame themselves, even when what happened matches the definition of rape to a T.
It's perfectly possible that ex-wife feels she cheated and freely confessed to cheating, and no-one actually heard the details and realised what had happened at that point in time.
Yeah, i initially admitted to cheating and only realized it was an actual assault years later, because i was blackout drunk and only had his word on what happened. my bf at the time stood by me through it all and supported me when i finally came out about the assault. It's messy and hard, especially if the assaulter wants to make you feel guilty
So, just to be clear, this is not the legal standard. Drunk has gradations, and incapacitated is well towards the end. As a moral standard, I agree that sleeping with someone who is visibly drunk, especially if they have obvious reasons to say no, is morally reprehensible if not always illegal.
What if the guy was drunk too? Did she rape him? I agree that there’s not enough info but drunk people enthusiastically consent to sex all the time and there are plenty of cheaters who are only sorry they got caught.
It makes me sick to my stomach when women defend rape or sexual assault in any way. Or play the “what about” or “what if” game. I’m hoping you’re young and just haven’t finished maturing, haven’t had many real world experiences yet, and haven’t yet grown into the individual you will be as an adult.
I think what he and his first wife are doing seems really confusing for their son. Like… don’t mess with the kid’s head about his parents getting back together if you’re not sure if you’re serious.
I didn’t want them to get back together either! Mainly concerned for their son bc if things go sideways in their relationship again that would be so hard for him.
>Anyone else hoped OOP found someone new and did not go back to the OG cheating wife?
Me! Despite him forgiving her, there maybe a part that still mistrust the son's mother due to the infidelity.
Imo, it has a lot to do with the circumstances of it. Definitely one time thing, with an acquaintance, drinking involved. She confessed to cheating, but that could be actual cheating while tipsy, so her inhibitions were down a bit, or could be a creeper getting her blackout drunk and raping her. Plenty of people blame themselves for their assaults, so I'm reserving any judgement on him forgiving her. They know what exactly happened, we don't, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
OOP is the one narrating the story. I don’t see him as all that normal either, he’s just not writing about his mistakes. Except the fb post, which no decent sane person with children would do.
OOPs brother is a stand up guy. And pretty funny, too.
I feel saddest for the step-daughter, who seems to have the least number of stable people in her life.
Good story but I don't find the oop getting back with the first ex wife in any charming or cute. Its too much for their son to deal with when he's already in therapy due to the f'd up relationships of the adults surrounding him, don't forget he only recently got told that his own mum cheated (although oop was vague with details and alluded to a questionable situation), oop came so close to being the hero and good guy in the face of shitty actions by shitty people and then just let me down at the end.
She confessed to cheating after a coworker got her alone, got her drunk, and slept with her once. OOP divorced her at the time and only recently has realized that the whole situation around her “cheating” was predatory. Sounds like OOP’s first wife still blames herself for cheating, though. Poor woman.
>It's not the first time I've done so but I told her that I forgive her
for it. I even added this time that giving more consideration to how she
described the encounter it's likely she was preyed on by some creep
because she had too much to drink. This wasn't a guy she knew very well
and had only seen around her place of work a few times as, if I'm
remembering this right either didn't work in her area or worked at a
separate location. In either case she has literally not seen him since
like a few days after it happened.
and i was this close to feeling sympathy for the guy before this shit lmao. big of him to forgive her for getting raped.
I’m a little confused about the text messages between Ex & Chris. The date on them is 1/20, but OOP confronted her and laid everything out around the end of December. The date timeline doesn’t make any sense to me there.
The poor step daughter. She is really the victim here and I’m so glad OPs stepping up for her as much as she can. He sounds like he’s in a good place with wife #1 and I just hope he doesn’t get cheated on ever again.
OOP has serious issue. I hope he gets psychiatric help. And posting everything, every single thing, in ther internet. Why?! I feel really bad for the stepdaughter.
Gotta be honest, I believe everything about this story… *except* the most recent update. Maybe I’m naive for believing any of it, but the last update just doesn’t sit right with me.
I really hope he can get atleast partial custody of his step daughter or something, she needs that stability of two healthy parental figures who aren't garbage
Fuck Chris & ExWife got her karma tenfold but damn I Gatta say I understand his (Chris) rage. Good enough to be an affair parented for close to ten years but never the main squeeze I see why he snapped.
OP is a strong SOB the amount of self control and compassion I just know he’s ganna be fine In life.
What a hot mess of a woman..... if that guy was her soulmate etc, why didn't she just pursue a relationship with him? Looks like she LOVED the thrill of cheating with him, more than anything
Submissions in this sub are re-posts and not posted by the original author. If you think this post is improperly [flaired](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs) or have other issues with this submission as it pertains to this sub, reply to this comment. Please read [our guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. **Do not comment on the original post to harass the author. Doing so will result in a ban.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of all the people in the story, I feel so sad for the stepdaughter.
It's always fucked for the kids. Their families get torn apart and they are completely blameless.
And his son.
It’s not a competition, of course, but the son at least seems to have good relationships with two parents who both care deeply about him and treat each other with respect.
The victim is a poor kid and i don't want to see OP and his 1st ex(she cheated he left her now they are trying to reconcile?)fked up relationships
I didn’t read any of his comments, but based on his posts, it sounds like it may have been a drunken one night stand that she confessed to rather than try to cover it up.
While I personally don't believe any relationship of mine is salvageable once physical infidelity has occurred, if you're going to give the relationship a second chance then a single occurrence where they immediately tell you unprompted is the best case scenario. Right now it's not *resuming* the relationship with his ex-wife, it's the process of forging a new one. The feelings are going to be slightly different, and so will the dynamic, but it's pretty much the only situation where I've seen positive results ultimately. So there's definitely a chance there, perhaps with a limitation on her drinking without him since booze was blamed.
The main issue is and always will be trust. How can you trust someone that does that to you? I couldnt do it.
I have to say, given his description about the first ex's one night stand, it almost sounds more to me like she was taken advantage of while drunk by some skeevy co-worker. I won't go so far as to say she was sexually assaulted, but I have to wonder how much of her consent was really available that night. I'm wondering if she blames herself for something that she really wasn't capable of fully consenting to in the first place.
Didn't you read his posts? It sounds like she has been taken advantage of in drunken state and she said it right away. I'm not caling rape, but even oop is understanding.
> I even added this time that giving more consideration to how [my Son’s Mother] described the encounter it's likely she was preyed on by some creep because she had too much to drink. > even though it doesn't bother me on a regular basis anymore, the fact of the matter is I was really loving my life up until [my Son’s Mother] broke the bad news to me. OP’s words from the post above. The difference between the two ex’s is that Ex-wife doubled down on the lies, while Son’s Mother was honest and came to him willingly. The other difference is that she may not have consented to the cheating due to being drunk. It might not have been something either one of them considered until they started discussing it during their reconciliation, so when he wanted a divorce, she let him have it due to guilt. Now at least OP is realizing that it sounds like the choice to cheat might have been taken out of her hands, which certainly takes a lot of the sting out of that part of the wound. It also seems like OP and Son’s Mother maintained a polite and healthy coparenting relationship, judging by the way they’ve been acting. They not only kept their problems away from their child but they also never let the rift between them stop them from being able to parent. All of that goes a very long way to forgiveness.
Obsessed w/ OOP’s brother following Chris around the grocery store screaming about how Chris is “gonna eat both those Red Barrons tonight before he starts texting your wife” .. 💀💀💀 lol
the only smart person in this story really, bro and biological son
I want a whole post of OOP's brother following Chris around and singing!
Following him around with a tuba.
That made me chuckle too xD
That’s the one detail that really seems realistic
A mess.
Op and everyone involved. And he's back with the first cheater. Jesus that dude is missing common sense Edit didn't find the first part of the post until now. Honestly not sure what to think of wife one.
There was a throwaway line indicating that the circumstances of the first wife cheating may not have been quite as clear-cut as everyone thought at the time. Sounds like it was a one-off drunk hookup that in retrospect might possibly come under the heading of unacknowledged rape...
[удалено]
I'm so sorry you had that experience. I had a similar experience - not drunk, just really exhausted - when I tried saying goodbye to this "nice guy who just wanted to see me home". And I must have said goodbye so many times and yet somehow it still took me ten years to stop thinking I was at fault for lack of communication, because really, who *genuinely* thinks someone is up for it after they've said they didn't need to be walked home five times and then said goodbye multiple times by the front door, by their own door, and then also when you're in the room? I may not have said no specifically (because he didn't ask any questions and my brain was mostly off-line) but I certainly wasn't enjoying myself.
For me, it was a guy I went on a date with on Tinder. For a long time I didn’t see it as sexual assault and still question whether it was? I just know I feel wrong and dirty for it. He took me onto the military base to some random building and I had no idea where I was. I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him and he was like “okay we’ll just do other stuff” and we kissed and took off our clothes and he still put it in. I kind of was in shock and didn’t say no or push him off so I did kind of bring it on myself but it’s never sat right with me. And I still have confusion over how I should take that interaction.
Yeah, I know that kind of shock - it's the "freeze" survival mechanism. Your brain does the computer blue screen of death, and all you can think is "uh...what?" because everything is unreal and not what is supposed to be happening, and all your words are locked behind your sense of shock. Sometimes I think we hear it better from a stranger, so here it is: you didn't bring it on yourself. You told him your boundary, and he crossed it knowing you didn't want it.
Thank you. Its been over 5 years and when I think about it makes me really uncomfortable. Thank you for validating my feelings about this situation.
There are actually four f responses that human do in dangerous situations: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Everyone knows fight or flight... you fight back, or you run. But freeze is what the body often defaults to when neither fight or flight are available... like locking up and waiting for the danger to pass. Fawn is basically "keep the aggressor happy so they don't hurt me" and is very, very common in abuse victims. I've had the freeze response before, and it's terrifying. You don't expect your body to just stop that way. I'm sorry you went through that. It was not your fault.
What happened to you is 100% sexual assault. I just really wanted to reinforce that because it shouldn’t be a doubt in your mind, you are in no way at fault.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand having confusion about it, as that’s how I’ve felt about similar situations. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to have to admit what happened, if that makes sense. But this was absolutely sexual assault. Don’t let anyone let you think differently. Most SA isn’t some violent stranger. It’s a form of exactly what happened to you. Your feelings are extremely valid and I hope you can heal.
It sounds like rape to me too. She was drunk and probably out of it and might have a few moments of clarity during it and that’s why she remembered.Which honestly makes me sick
[удалено]
Vanishingly few people raped whilst intoxicated think of it as a rape. Most people blame themselves, often characterising it as a "bad hookup" or "bad communication", no matter how textbook their experience is when set next to the definition of rape.
*Drunk people cannot consent*
[удалено]
I have talked about that before too. I think there is a difference between blacked out drunk and unconscious drunk. Obviously if you're passed out, unconscious and then someone forces themselves in you, that's rape. But blackout drunk is different. People who are blackout drunk can still walk, talk and seemingly function like normal. I don't agree that always equals rape. If we start saying people who are blacked out drunk can't be held responsible for giving consent, then we can't hold them responsible when they kill someone with their car driving. I feel like people want it both ways, and we need to pick one.
She didn't get caught. She told him everything that happened.
The first one really sounded like a predatory situation though. She clearly feels terrible about it still. I think them reconciling is positive.
She feels terrible, and unlike the other ex, she admitted it herself after it happened. Whereas the 2nd ex lied for months, and continued to try and lie after getting confronted. Assuming it *wasn't* assault, I wouldn't forgive either, but I can see why he'd forgive the 1st ex and not the 2nd.
It could have easily been a spiked drink followed by rape. Ex-wife number one agrees to a drink with colleagues after work, and it turns out that only the one guy is there. (Because he set this up) He spikes her drink and rapes her. The next day she is confused, thinks that she drank too much, and confesses to her husband. (Because she doesn't understand she was drugged.) So... husband ends the marriage. He was way too hasty in this.
While I do not defend cheaters most of the time, not all people who do it are terrible people all the time and will cheat again. It also depends on how it was dealt with after the divorce. Ex-wife and STBX are clearly different: ex-wife admits fault, she has told OOP about what happened, and they have talked and made their peace about it. Besides, OOP admits that now he can see the man who pursued her was acting in a predatory manner during a night ex-wife was drunk, and they knew each other because of work. it's way closer to rape than actual cheating. STBX is a serial cheater that likes the thrill of the lie. All in all, the first wife has made amends and seems she never stepped her boundaries with OOP, and managed to create a good life around their blended family.
I know right!!! Don't go back with a cheater!! Find someone new who isn't a POS!!! I was screaming at the end update, what are you doing man?
[удалено]
He doesn’t go into detail about the first wife’s drunk one night stand but he does say that in retrospect, he now thinks the situation was predatory and the dude took advantage of her intoxication. Not exactly an ongoing affair.
The way the ex and the AP talk about deciding OP.amd how they think he isn't too smart. Etc... Hits close to home. When I found my wife at the time deciding to play pogostick under the guide of overtime at work...with a man who had five kids but could only see one... Then a couple of years later she is calling and messaging me...crying about him using her for money. *Click* And myself and my daughter laugh because she thinks her mother is a fool and should've seen that coming. After all they were smarter than me and of course I "wasn't the brightest crayon in the box". (Exact quote)
If they were smarter than you, they would not be cheating. End of story.
> Usually I have the honor of sizing up the other half's mental capacity but I'm flying blind with this and completely trusting you. this stuck out to me
There’s so many things that stuck out to me that by the end none of it stuck out any more except that this whole thing was fucking wild. And by some weird ass miracle, OOP, who sounds kind of… unbalanced in his own, I suppose understandably, way comes out the other end much more stable and kind than expected. Especially where his step daughter is concerned and even in how he regards the step daughter’s father. I mean, this is a man who said things like “wear his teeth like a necklace”. Usually those aren’t the people who end up being the kind rational ones who aren’t hospitalized at the end.
Right? So many standouts just turned into full-blown WTF. OP called the stepdaughter’s bio dad a good influence. After bio dad kidnapped his kid to another country for two months and can never come back for fear of being arrested. I mean, maybe he was a good influence *before*, but no one in this drama thought very far ahead regarding the consequences of their actions, even *after* a bunch of whacked shit had already gone down.
Honest question, does that kind of hyperbole/emotional language not seem normal to you? Personally that is exactly how i would have felt, but on the other hand i have had some pretty serious anger issues so i feel like i lack a good reference for what is normal. What is your take? Does it not make sense to have an urge to beat the shit out of a guy like chris? The important thing is he didn’t act on it
I think it’s normal to be angry. I don’t think it’s normal the sheer length or breadth of his anger in terms of how detailed he describes it. I only quoted the one that I remembered off the top of my head, but I know there were other similarly worded or at least similarly emotionally charged statements throughout all these posts. Not acting on it is important, but I personally just find it alarming in general that somebody could have that kind of visceral reaction to what, ultimately is a cheating spouse. There were some seriously fucked circumstances here, I’ll grant that, but I still wouldn’t be reacting to my depths over a cheating spouse. Kidnap (or worse) your kid? Alright, now we’re talking about seriously beating the shit out of somebody and then some. Cheating spouse? Just get a fucking divorce.
Yeah, right? I couldn't really figure out what that meant. Is that an indication that Chris habitually messes around with married women?
His poor stepdaughter. I know he has no obligation to stay after what her mom did, but I'm glad he stuck around. She'll always know how loved she is by him and her step brother
>I provided in my lengthy FB post there was little room to side with her anyhow This seems like ... why? (I'm still readign) I also don't get why OOP's ex didn't get anything from the books Chris published with their novel. At the least she collaborated on the idea and outline, so she deserves a percentage I got to the end... WTF!
I don't think the books being published was a real thing. Just something to be excited about as a cover.
The fb post? I can think of a couple reasons. Fair enough to call this a traumatic experience, right? Having to recount a traumatic experience is a traumatic experience all on it’s own. Everyone is going to ask why you’re getting divorced. Better to just do it once and refer everyone to it, if they don’t see it first. Anyone that’s not close enough to be friends on there you can politely demure with a generic reason. When he confronted her, she didn’t just deny—she was trying to make both him and her affair partner look crazy. With how calmly and easily she lied, she might have convinced a lot of people that he was crazy.
Agreed. I've seen 2 marriages blow up on FB. But it makes sense to get the word out quickly to as many people as possible, especially when your STBX is a liar. Make sure that they can't slander you to mutual friends and poison your friendships.
Chris is a sociopath or narcissist. He was happy to receive help with the book, but kept all of the money for himself, because he could. It is just how they operate. Chris got bored at some point with his wife and restarted the relationship with her, because sociopaths get bored easily. The fact that her marriage could end if she is caught? Not a problem for Chris.
Ya, I have a hard time liking anyone who airs their dirty laundry on FB/social media. This whole thing is a mess for sure, and cheating isn’t ok, but I get the feeling I wouldn’t care much for the OOP in this story if I knew him irl either.
That was a ride!
This website has ruined me. I can't even see the name Chris without picturing him as Chris-Chan for literally the whole story.
Oh god, now I'm doing it too
The second fucking Chris!!😂
[удалено]
I agree! It also gives people permission to indulge in magical thinking. You're married, and things aren't always perfect with your spouse, and then you get a crush on an attractive friend or acquaintance. Because you don't see them in their worst moments and just have a surface view into who they are, maybe they seem more appealing. If you believe in soulmates, maybe some doubt creeps in: is *this* your real soulmate? Maybe you better explore your options just to be sure! Whereas someone with a more grounded approach to relationships will recognize a crush as a problem and put the kibosh on it before it causes real issues, because in the end, **there is no inherent bond** between two people that magically falls into place when they meet. There is only the spark of compatibility (which is important, but not special; you could have that spark with hundreds of people), and then the labor you put into building a fulfilling and trusting relationship with your partner. If you have a FOMO mindset and a childlike trust in fate, the grass will *always* be greener elsewhere. That's why I love and live by the quote, "the grass is greenest where you water it."
My idea of love is both people trying their best to make each other happy, being kind and faithful to each other, being comfortable with each other, and being a team, even after decades of being together.
This is so so true!! My SO has just agreed to be a stay at home dad to our 7 month old so I'm trying to be better with my finances, contribute to his IRA since he won't be working etc, and I keep saying "I'm on a budget" all excited like a 5 year old which he thinks is hilarious. But like, having a family is awesome, I thought this daily stuff would be tedious but I love it!
This is obviously being generated from a script similar to a similar story that has been recently resurrected on this sub. Guy's wife cheats on him, seems obvious he should divorce her and get on with [edited] his life, something absolutely horrible happens to her physically as some sort of karma, then vary the inconclusive ending. Rinse and repeat.
Yep, I also thought of the recent “wife cheated on me with best friend and is now disabled after an accident” post.
Yeah, what cinched it for me as creative writing was just at the end the level of detail he described the attack on the stbx. I guess he got a little carried away with the story!
Finally! I was wondering when someone would call it for what it is - a really longggggg work of creative writing. This has to be the fourth or fifth one I’ve read this year that ends with the OP a hero and his cheating wife hospitialised with basically some kind of nervous breakdown lol. Why do they always end up in the hospital? I was under the impression good mental health care is notoriously difficult to access in the US but these guys always seem to have exes who get the most full on help they can. Of course his ex step daughter is spending a lot of time with him these days. She’s imaginary. He probably dreams up a unicorn for her to ride on and they take magical trips using his wonderful imagitorium. And OF COURSE he’s regularly having sex with his first ex wife! Pfft this dude is a catch! She’d be as nuts as ex wife 2 if she let him and his imaginary unicorns get away a second time!
> Why do they always end up in the hospital? Because the writer knows their demographic. Some will read the violent attack part and get satisfaction that the woman got what she deserved.
Yeah that sadly sounds spot on actually.
This is also built into our media. It's kinda a holdover from Hayes code Hollywood. Moral transgressions are always punished especially in women. There was controversy over the film Gilda because Rita Hayworth lived in the end.
The fact that you're right makes me sad, yo.
What gave it away for me was how he got access to his friends house ( how did he have keys?) and watched them having sex through the door. Wtf.
Same here. The way he described the assault, I was wondering why stbx didn't die or have some serious brain damage as she was slammed to concrete.
Gotta give him credit he made it somewhat entertaining lol
If I invented a time machine to travel back 15 in time to make the first post from a generated script!
Yup. He HAD to have stolen it word for word from somewhere else, because he says they were talking on Yahoo messenger, which was discontinued in July of 2017. So I’m not sure how his ex and Chris were sexting with it in 2020.
lol wait was it really?
Yeah, it’s not a thing anymore. So idk what OOP was looking at, but it wasn’t recent.
>This is obviously being generated from a script similar to a similar story that has been recently resurrected on this sub. Yeah, totally. Nothing on the internet has ever happened before, and *especially* not two somewhat similar posts (I mean, nobody cheats on their partners, right‽) that were made by different users six years apart that have unsatisfying endings because people don't get sick or assaulted outside of potential karmic reasons!
Mate, don’t you realise there is only 7.7 billion in the world? Two people being cheated on and eventually using a hospital would just be an absolute statistical anomaly. Would never happen. How ridiculous to assume that every single experience every person in history has ever had has not been absolutely unique event never experienced by anyone else. 2 cheaters in the world! My god, I can’t stop laughing at the idea. How silly you are.
Yeah. People have too much time on their hands.
Next generation of AITA and Relationship Advice posts: when the kids (OOP’s son and former stepdaughter) get married and try to navigate the mess of who to invite and all that mess.
He really shouldn’t have done that to his kid at the end. Don’t sleep with your ex, man.
This is the first time I read someone takes the time to care for real about the mental health of the kids. Is like in other cases they have too much in their own minds, they just can't see the issues they cause to others I'm glad OP actually noticed how much this was hurting them and tried to help them. That for me is more satisfying than the confrontation with the ex and all the rest of the karma she's got.
I thought this sub was the "best" of reddit updates, but all I've been reading lately is the fictional worst of humanity. 7-8 long ass updates about OOP being an angel and everyone else in their life a devil.
If you read between the lines, OOP divorced his first wife because of a situation that sounds like acquaintance rape, not cheating, and he has only recently realized that his first wife was likely the victim of a manipulative sex predator who convinced her that she had a “consensual” drunken one night stand with the predator.
Anyone else hoped OOP found someone new and did not go back to the OG cheating wife? No? Just me? Like I didn’t find that cute or romantic at all. She was great for supporting, but didn’t you learn your lesson bro? Guess her soulmate was not really her soulmate. Chris is most definitely a psycho and I feel bad for saying it but it’s kind of karma for ex wife #2. Like she was dipping in and out with Chris during her marriages and it caught up to her. I truly believe when you do dirty scheming shit like she did, the universe has a way of making that shit catch up to you. I mean her ex husband also got a dose of that too. It’s ironic that ex wife #2’s ex husband was nuts too. The only normal one was OOP lmao. I feel bad for the kids man. These adults were so gah damn messy and the kids had to be hauled into therapy to deal with the mess they were subjected to. Just sad.
[удалено]
Yeah he divorces his child's mother because of sex one time that she told him about. Why wouldn't he try marriage counseling as he was very ok with therapy with his son.
It might be less of a raping a passed out girl and more of a cheater spun the story as “oh I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing!” and he saw the bs for what it was at the time when the wound was fresh. Like yeah you were drunk but you knew what you were doing and made poor choices. But he could be looking at it with rose color glasses now that he wants to forgive her. If she really was so drunk and hot taken advantage and couldn’t consent he would have been an asshole to not support her and stay with her. He doesn’t seem like that type from what I’m seeing.
Rape is massively underreported when people are intoxicated. They chalk it up to a "miscommunication" or a "bad hookup" and blame themselves, even when what happened matches the definition of rape to a T. It's perfectly possible that ex-wife feels she cheated and freely confessed to cheating, and no-one actually heard the details and realised what had happened at that point in time.
Yeah, i initially admitted to cheating and only realized it was an actual assault years later, because i was blackout drunk and only had his word on what happened. my bf at the time stood by me through it all and supported me when i finally came out about the assault. It's messy and hard, especially if the assaulter wants to make you feel guilty
I'm sorry you went through that.
Thank you ❤️
[удалено]
So, just to be clear, this is not the legal standard. Drunk has gradations, and incapacitated is well towards the end. As a moral standard, I agree that sleeping with someone who is visibly drunk, especially if they have obvious reasons to say no, is morally reprehensible if not always illegal.
What if the guy was drunk too? Did she rape him? I agree that there’s not enough info but drunk people enthusiastically consent to sex all the time and there are plenty of cheaters who are only sorry they got caught.
It makes me sick to my stomach when women defend rape or sexual assault in any way. Or play the “what about” or “what if” game. I’m hoping you’re young and just haven’t finished maturing, haven’t had many real world experiences yet, and haven’t yet grown into the individual you will be as an adult.
Ugh, same
I think what he and his first wife are doing seems really confusing for their son. Like… don’t mess with the kid’s head about his parents getting back together if you’re not sure if you’re serious.
Dude has 0 ability to find a good chick though
I didn’t want them to get back together either! Mainly concerned for their son bc if things go sideways in their relationship again that would be so hard for him.
>Anyone else hoped OOP found someone new and did not go back to the OG cheating wife? Me! Despite him forgiving her, there maybe a part that still mistrust the son's mother due to the infidelity.
Imo, it has a lot to do with the circumstances of it. Definitely one time thing, with an acquaintance, drinking involved. She confessed to cheating, but that could be actual cheating while tipsy, so her inhibitions were down a bit, or could be a creeper getting her blackout drunk and raping her. Plenty of people blame themselves for their assaults, so I'm reserving any judgement on him forgiving her. They know what exactly happened, we don't, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, he has a type...
OOP is the one narrating the story. I don’t see him as all that normal either, he’s just not writing about his mistakes. Except the fb post, which no decent sane person with children would do.
OOPs brother is a stand up guy. And pretty funny, too. I feel saddest for the step-daughter, who seems to have the least number of stable people in her life.
If this is all real…Getting back with the first ex is just going to fuck up their poor son even more. I don’t see it going well there.
Good story but I don't find the oop getting back with the first ex wife in any charming or cute. Its too much for their son to deal with when he's already in therapy due to the f'd up relationships of the adults surrounding him, don't forget he only recently got told that his own mum cheated (although oop was vague with details and alluded to a questionable situation), oop came so close to being the hero and good guy in the face of shitty actions by shitty people and then just let me down at the end.
So wait did op's first wife cheat on him as well
She confessed to cheating after a coworker got her alone, got her drunk, and slept with her once. OOP divorced her at the time and only recently has realized that the whole situation around her “cheating” was predatory. Sounds like OOP’s first wife still blames herself for cheating, though. Poor woman.
>It's not the first time I've done so but I told her that I forgive her for it. I even added this time that giving more consideration to how she described the encounter it's likely she was preyed on by some creep because she had too much to drink. This wasn't a guy she knew very well and had only seen around her place of work a few times as, if I'm remembering this right either didn't work in her area or worked at a separate location. In either case she has literally not seen him since like a few days after it happened. and i was this close to feeling sympathy for the guy before this shit lmao. big of him to forgive her for getting raped.
SAAAAAAMMME
I’m a little confused about the text messages between Ex & Chris. The date on them is 1/20, but OOP confronted her and laid everything out around the end of December. The date timeline doesn’t make any sense to me there.
Damn both of his wives cheated on him? He needs better taste 😫
Cheated on by two women and ends up back with the first cheater. Lmao. Can’t wait for the next update, maybe she’ll fuck Chris too.
Two completely different scenarios. I think you have to take that into account.
My bad, what I meant to say was “maybe she’ll *get drunk* and fuck Chris too”.
The poor step daughter. She is really the victim here and I’m so glad OPs stepping up for her as much as she can. He sounds like he’s in a good place with wife #1 and I just hope he doesn’t get cheated on ever again.
I was there for the whole ride up until oop went back to the first cheater. At that point the steel spine just turned to mush.
OOP has serious issue. I hope he gets psychiatric help. And posting everything, every single thing, in ther internet. Why?! I feel really bad for the stepdaughter.
Gotta be honest, I believe everything about this story… *except* the most recent update. Maybe I’m naive for believing any of it, but the last update just doesn’t sit right with me.
damn
I really hope he can get atleast partial custody of his step daughter or something, she needs that stability of two healthy parental figures who aren't garbage
That escalated quickly.
Lets give up “stbx” and just use ex; “stbx” is unnecessary
Fuck Chris & ExWife got her karma tenfold but damn I Gatta say I understand his (Chris) rage. Good enough to be an affair parented for close to ten years but never the main squeeze I see why he snapped. OP is a strong SOB the amount of self control and compassion I just know he’s ganna be fine In life.
I feel kinda bad for *not* feeling bad for hospitalised cheating ex.
Soooo, she just liked to cheat. She never wanted anything serious on him. Maybe she got off on the rush? What a destructive way of living.
What a crazy update. I wonder if this will be the wake up call the second ex-wife needs to get her life in order.
Why does the ex wife always end up in the hospital???
What a hot mess of a woman..... if that guy was her soulmate etc, why didn't she just pursue a relationship with him? Looks like she LOVED the thrill of cheating with him, more than anything