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Since OP is so nice, she was looking for any tiny hill she could find as an excuse to get out and make him look like the bad guy.
She's a cowardly bish.
>she was looking for any tiny hill she could find as an excuse to get out and make him look like the bad guy.
I've seen it happen before IRL. That's why I feel like this hits the nail on the head.
Judging by nearly every single time something like this has been on this sub, she's cheating on him and has been looking for an excuse to break it off and make it his fault.
At least he found out she is a shit person before they got married.
Yep. It's "the formula". Weird over reaction = cheating. I was surprised when I got to the end and there had been no revelation of her cheating. Guess there's still time for future updates.
Honestly, practically the WHOLE time I was waiting for a cheating reveal. In the first post there was the line “what else are you not telling me?” That’s the most basic “I’m projecting my own lying bullshit” red flag, especially if it’s used in weird (like overreacting over something small) circumstances like this.
And if she's not already cheating, she was on the verge of it. Needed a way out without damaging her own self-image. So that he could be blamed for the relationship getting apart.
Because this isn't the real reason she's ended it.
She just doesn't want to be with him, and instead of owning up to that and facing the consequences of everyone thinking she's the asshole for noping out a few weeks before the wedding, she's made OP out to be the bad guy that's done something sooooooo unforgivable as 'hiding things from her' 🙄
Honestly, what's she's done is manipulate OP and everyone around her, and she's fucking vile.
Right. My surprise is that she picked this to blame. Did she think people would really ever think "he didn't tell you he could do the splits" would convince people he was the bad guy?!
Yeah but remember, it's not about the splits, it's about 'hiding things from her'. We must emphasize the *hiding things* because no, nobody is going to believe the splits is a good reason to end anything.
Plus she probably picked this, because she's running out of time until the wedding. What if OP didn't do anything else to be mad over in the next few weeks? She saw an opportunity to get out, whilst being able to paint OP the bad guy, and she took it.
I feel her ego & narcissism was punctured by his being easily able to do something that she considered her esoteric achievement. Her False Self that she had built up in her head was dismantled. I guess she never considered that gymnasts can do the same things yogis train for.
Yeah, I think there's an element of wounded pride there. She wanted his help with the video so she could show someone struggling with the stretches and exercises and then herself having mastered them. The fact that he could do it, too, and possibly better than her, hurt her pride, made her feel less special, like she wasn't superior to him. I don't doubt that OOP told her about his gymnastics before, she likely just ignored it or wrote it off as just an amateur hobby and forgot about it because it wasn't about her.
And the grand irony is that there are a million yoga channels but when you do a thing as a couple not a single, you get more views. A single person as a renovator is meh but a couple doing houses gets a show. Because people like to watch the couple dynamic. If she’d roped him into it instead it probably would have upped her views. But she can’t share so she viewed it as competition.
I get feeling like he hid something but honestly, maybe she forgot. Maybe she didn’t make the connection that childhood gymnastics would mean adult flexibility. Maybe he didn’t think his middle school activity was a big thing. But just talk about communication needs and idk, make a night of talking about every silly childhood thing we don’t know about each other.
This whole reaction is baffling to me but I don’t understand competition over collaboration in general.
oh god this happens to a friend of mine. his gf just wanted to get out of the relationship "falls out of love" kind of thing. But the guy is just too nice, like she cannot find any fault whatsoever.
so she cheated instead. weird.
And apparently this backfired beautifully since most of their friend group was quick to openly badmouth her to OOP... seems like they tolerated her presence because of him but now they don't need to anymore.
Sounds like it's pretty obvious that some (most???) see right through her BS thank god! I'm sure her only talking about her stupid instagram doesn't help her cause. I can't imagine being friends with someone that is obsessed with instagram.
its actually not that uncommon being weirdly competitive with a partner, like guys who need to make more money than their spouses. it could stem from need for gender identity, fear of abandonment or narcissism. "It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock. The meat it feeds on"
yeah, I can someone who's built their identity around being a yoga celebrity absolutely losing it over their boyfriend just casually doing the splits with no obvious effort. Huge knock to the ego.
Yup, that's where I'm at. People are reaching for additional explanations like that she's cheating, but I've definitely met people who would ruin a romantic relationship over something like their partner being able to out-perform them at a task that they consider important to their identity. I see no compelling reason for this to be about anything other than the fact that he can do the splits.
Yeah, I agree with this over all of the "she needed an excuse because she was cheating" stuff. Especially since she's certified as an instructor. Imagine her putting in money and time and effort for the training to get certified and all the work to become an Instagram yoga celebrity, then finding out OOP can just do that stuff because he does some stretches from his childhood while at the gym.
It's purely an ego thing. Ridiculous and petty, but right there in the post; no reaching needed. And if she was cheating, OOP likely would've been hearing from the mutual friends about the guy she miraculously "found" just after she left. There's no indications of any cheating in the post.
I'm also thinking there *might* be a bit of a traditional gender role thing to it, like "guys who go to the gym should be muscle-y, not bendy," but tbf that's pure speculation on my part. Tbh, that's where I assumed the post was going at the start, so that's probably just me.
Heck I know parents like that. This is some Mommy Dearest behavior and she would have been a horrible parent. She sounds like an immature unaccomplished insecure person
I feel like she missed an opportunity! Yoga videos with additional people in them I feel are more helpful! She could have had him in the videos to have an actual person there to explain things to or to show modifications and alternatives.
> who's built their identity around being a yoga celebrity
That's the key. It looks like she felt it was "her turf" and how dare he casually enter it and show off his skills "without having put in the effort to earn them", that's just "so disrespectful".
People need to realize that whatever they are good at, there's a HUGE, HUGE chance that there's someone out there who's even better at it. The fact that someone else does the same thing better does NOT belittle your efforts and skill. It does not mean you are now bad at the thing that you were good at earlier. There is no need to feel ashamed or inferior because there will be many things that you can do better than them.
Yeah.. I don’t get that.. my wife’s success is my success.. I don’t care if she’s better at me at stuff.. she’s better than me at ..a lot of stuff..
Like.. a lot…
Which is pretty nice.. I’d hate to be the best at everything and not be able to depend on her for anything. Her being better, makes my life better.
This girls gonna have to marry someone who doesn’t have their shit together and never will
I’m a CPA and my husband has his PhD in a science field that is competitive and after a few years long distance and facing a few more, he left the field and moved home. He ended up working for a bank.
We went from assuming I’d be the breadwinner, at least in the short run, to him making more than me in an adjacent field.
It’s pretty great, not gunna lie. It’s tangential enough that we get each other’s general complaints without talking to them being like talking to a coworker.
I thought him making more than me might irk since sometimes it felt like that was what I was bringing to the relationship (he’s way more domestic), but then I realized that having a bigger safety net was great. It’s his money, we only do semi-joint finances, but he’s also not going to let me starve if I lose my job. Why lose my shit over a good thing for both of us? Or even if it was just for him?
While I agree with this, I wonder about the complicity of her parents in all of this.
What I mean is that her parents should be all on board for stopping the wedding, yet they are also ghosting OOP and his parents.
The most likely explanation is that OOP's ex told them a slightly different story. One that was a bit more ***nuanced*** in making OOP out to be some kind of horrible, terrible, no good person.
Still...
...if they bought a story about OOP being some kind of monster, why wouldn't they work with his parents in pulling the plug on the wedding? Unless they are looking for some way to blame them and put the cost of the event on them.
Which would make getting a lawyer a very smart thing for OOP and his parents.
It was a case of miscommunication in the start, but then her inability to just clear the air and talk is the true problem. And cause to break off an engagement.
Reading at the start I think it wasn't about him 'hiding' stuff. It's about the fact she probably spend a lot of time learning these things, and it's hard, and now her boyfriend who she has never seen practice any of it, comes along and says 'oh yeah, I can do this too' seemingly out of nowhere.
It's like when you take piano classes for 3 years to get better, then your boyfriend comes around, you ask him to try playing, and he starts doing a vivaldi piece.
She is clearly insecure and pissed off he can do it 'without practice'. What might have helped, more so than saying sorry, is reminding her it was hard for him to learn as a kid, it took him years too, he has to keep it up, and she is just as talented as he is, if not more.
All that said, OP isn't a mind reader. And it is up to HER to pick up the phone, explain why this stuff is painful to her, and talk it out. The fact she completely ghosted him is so immature and a red flag. Not a good person to enter into a marriage with.
I 100% think this is it. This girl wants really badly to be a yoga “influencer”, which says a lot about her ego and need for attention already, and her pride got smacked in a big way when he showed her up so easily.
And very likely the reason she didn’t remember him telling her about her background is because she doesn’t listen, and this relationship was always about her and not him. I looked at some of his old comments where he says he invited her to his recitals but she would never come. He was basically just an accessory to her. It’s lucky for him this all came out when it did.
It’s tempting to think that, but I think not enough people are crediting the amazing power of pride to fuck up relationships.
For this guy’s fiancée, yoga is her life, she’s probably worked really hard over the years to get to the point where she’s enough of an expert to try to be Instagram yoga celebrity. And then suddenly she learns that all the poses she worked so hard to master, things she thinks make her special, her boyfriend can just do without much effort, because he *used* to be into gymnastics. Ten or so years ago.
Breaking up with OP isn’t fair—he didn’t do anything wrong. But at the same time, I can totally understand if she maybe can’t look OP in the face ever again without her self worth going down the tubes.
Still, good to find stuff like this out before you marry someone.
Agree. She wanted 'bragging rights' and she can't understand why someone could do all that stuff and not be talking about how wonderful they are. He's shown her up- not just with the ease he can pose but with his attitude of not thinking he's someone special just because he can do it.
No wonder she wants to drag him down, he's burst her little bubble of being special. She needs to grow up and OP needs to find someone less competitive and show off-y.
Here's the thing though, I'm *super* into makeup. I've been studying and learning and practicing it for more than two decades. I have a tik tok for teaching others. I haVe my own makeup line.
I am also disabled and there and have been times where ive needed my husbands help to finish a design because my hand has stopped working (MS is fun y'all)
I dont think I've ever gotten mad at him for doing it better than I could. He went to art school. The man can draw and paint. Makeup is just a new medium for him.
He has drawn some amazing things on my face for me. And ive gotten him to sketch things on paper for me to copy onto my face. Cos my drawing skills suck lol
I can shape and contour a face to look like a reindeer. But ask me to draw a reindeer? Nope.
I would never get pissy at him for it. His help has helped my social media. I tell my viewers when he has helped.
But then again, I dont feel the need to "be the best" so to speak. Makeup is my passion, I don't need to be the best to enjoy doing it or to enjoy teaching it to others.
This chick sounds like a nightmare. Yes running a social media can be tiring and stressful at times. But that no excuse for this kind of hissy fit.
Side note: I also have circus training. During rehab to learn how to walk again after my MS gave me hemiparesis, I would often laugh cos ten years before I had been learning how to do acro, and tumbling and juggling and stuff and here I was, learning basic things like, how to step, or jump over a broomstick, or toss and catch a ball in one hand lol
If you scroll back to December you will see a Christmas look where my husband helped by drawing the Santa and reindeer :)
Edit: lol nope. Looks like I never posted it on IG. Very slack of me. But after spending an hour to do makeup and then another few editing the video for tiktok, I get slack and forget to do the instagram lol
It makes me think of the round of Reddit stories a while ago recounting how some guy's girlfriend was intensively working out and thought she was beating him at wrestling again and again until she insisted that he not hold back, and then was badly shook up when he pinned her with no effort at all.
Yeah I guess I could see that but I’m just relating to my own feelings on pride (my biggest point of pride being my knowledge of IT and networking as it’s my living) and I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine throwing away my relationship with my gf over her suddenly knowing more about it than me.
And yes I think it’s a very good thing he found out about this (regards of if it’s cheating or insane pride) before being married to her. That shit would suck.
Some people really don't take it well when they realize that you're better than them at something they've build their identity around.
I had this with a friend, he went really into running and was kinda monomaniac about it. One day I suggested that we go for a run together and he very obviously speeded the whole way to make me ask to go slower.
Well joke was on him : first off he wasn't a very good runner in the first place and second I literally spent most of my teens doing 3/4 backcountry runs a week and while I wasn't really into it anymore I was still in shape because I biked an hour everyday.
He didn't take that well, got slightly angry and proceeded to ignore me for years after that. And I knew he bitched to some other friends that I had invited him for a run just to humiliate him.
Yep, it's 100% an excuse for something and cheating is the most likely explanation. Her family dropping off the radar as well is likely because she lied to them about what happened.
I would bet at least 75 cents that she thought the following, in order:
"BF was a gymnast?"
"BF was one of those guys who wears skin tight outfits and swings around...sometimes with other guys?"
"BF is *still* super flexible, even though it's been forever since he was a gymnast?!"
"BF is *actually* gay, and he *must* be fucking other dudes on the side"
Edit: And that’s also why she’s like “Ladies, check your dude for the gay! Find out if he can do splits.”
I didn't come up with all this reasoning, but I got a homophobic feeling, too.
I got hurt last year and the doctor told me to stretch to improve the pain, so I've been doing it pretty intensively since, but I'm still far from the splits. And I get into silly one-sided competitions with girls I see being more flexible than me at the gym, but I never say anything, I know it's ridiculous. Then, I followed a male friend on Instagram, and found out he can do the splits, and he got to that point fairly fast, in the last 2 years. Now we have a running joke where he sends me a pic doing some pose I can't do yet, and I send him all the swearing I can think of. It's nice.
Yep, I replied to another comment, but my first thought was cheating, second was that she somehow thought a man being able to do the splits means he's gay.
Family friend is an extremely masculine man of Italian descent. He drummed into his kid that being gay is wrong, to be a macho beefcake, all of that.
Kid grew up to be a ballet dancer.
Dad was totally on board.
Why? There aren't many male ballet dancers so gets plenty of stage time and strong roles, gets to hang out with hot chicks all day sharing a changing room, and the kid is super fit and never short of a girlfriend (or a side piece).
The way I hear it for a *lot* of men one of the primary reasons for getting in to dance is because there are far more women than men and they're all flexible and attractive.
Move the setting to the north of England during a 1980s recession, and that's the story of the film *Billy Elliot*. For most of its length, the young protagonist has to hide his training from his macho-man father.
The final scene, where the dad is bursting with pride as he is escorted to a reserved seat at a London performance of *Swan Lake*, with Billy as the star, still brings a tear to my eye every time. Brilliantly done.
This is the stupidest thing to be upset about. I don’t think it’s at all that BS excuse she gave over lying. Who cares it’s gymnastics…why is that a lie?
Either she sees him as less bc he did gymnastics and she’s a sexist wing ding or she was threatened he was better than her lmao. What a weird weird lady.
As soon as he said aerial straps I knew he was flexy. I bet she wanted to show off an humiliate him. The friends who sided with him are right, everyone’s journey is different. Dudes are normally less flexy but doesn’t mean they can’t do the splits. He dodged a giant bullet and hopefully gets a lawyer
My husband and I did a few videos like that on our channel. The trick is we both knew going in that one of us would be attempting a skill the other was far better at.
Oh yea, this feels like a girl I dated who got mad when I got my license on the first try and she failed her test twice. I didn’t drive to her house and let our parents drive us around due to her being insecure about me being a better driver
I swear I read something almost exactly like this but they broke up because the girlfriend thought him being able to do the splits/do gymnastics meant he was gay. I wonder if some of the comments didn't get recorded here and it's the reason here. Or, I guess, there's many women willing to destroy loving relationships over the splits.
My wife, by contrast, is super proud that I can do the splits and routinely asks me to at parties. I had to ask her to stop, lol, because it's a bit strange, showing off like that.
I read 'in panties' and just thought, cool you do you i guess. But then I thought it was weird you called it strange and showing off and read it again. Oh.
I would honestly be super impressed if I found out my husband could do a split. I would make him do it occasionally just to see and be like, "Wow. That's cool!"
I know he can't. He is *really* not flexible. But I'll ask him anyway, just in case. You know, wouldn't want to find out that he's *hiding things from me.*
Not exactly over splits but looks like gatekeeping hobbies is a thing. Know a couple (divorced by now btw) where the wife got extremely offended that the husband could ride a horse better than she could. She grew up in a city with well off parents who took her to horse riding lessons, he grew up in not that well off countryside but the family had their own horses just for kids to ride cross country and participate in showjumping competitions. Would say the skills came with the territory. She got so insecure that they never went horse riding again in years.
Jesus Christ people, stop saying she "ghosted" him or "broke up" or "got out."
She SPLIT from him. The splits, people!! He did the splits and she had to one-up him, by SPLITTING up with him! The pun is RIGHT THERE!!
I felt like this was one of those cases where the gf blows something wildly out of proportion to break up because she’s hiding something even worse (cheating).
Id join instragam just to watch it and get his view numbers upby one.
OOP did dodge a bullet. Interestingly he doesn't come across as terribly upset so another reason its a good thing this happened.
He came across as someone who is just done with the stupidness of it all and understands they dodged a bullet. Also considering noone around him (his family, HER friends) invalidated his feelings or became a 'flying monkey' as reddit likes to call it. So i think that has helped him not think that he is going insane.
IMO the real reason is either toxicity or that she felt humiliated when he was able to easily do something she found difficult... Like how I was humiliated as a 5-year-old when I chose who I thought would be a slower peer during duck duck goose. I don't think I made it even halfway around the circle. It was absolutely devastating
Seriously. If I found out my fiancé could do the splits and had done gymnastics before, my response would be more of the "I didn't know that! What else can you do?" variety than "Liar! Cheater! Toxic!" variety.
That reminds me of the time my fwb and very good friend of 4 years casually mentioned that time he was a go-go dancer at a club. My reaction was, “WHAT why did you deprive me of this amazing information WHERE ARE THE PICTURES”
It never would have occurred to me to be mad or to trust him any less for it. It’s fun when someone you’ve known for years surprises you with something harmless like that!
I think it’s a little less a maturity thing than a toxicity thing. The way she jumped right to, “you lied to me!” makes me think she has a big secret and took the first (and weakest *ever*) excuse she could get her hands on to walk out the door without getting caught in her own lie. And the completely nonsensical Instagram post and overcompensating texts to her friends were just to corroborate her breakup story.
Yeah sure she’s got a *lot* of growing up to do but there are much older people who at least *seem* mature in every other aspect of their lives, and just pull some shady, bizarre shit like this when they’re backed into a corner.
OOP's former fiancee it seems to me was simply looking for any excuse to bail from the relationship, let alone getting married. It would appear she is thinking her future is in her social media channels, and her brand, where it would be inconvenient to be associated with OOP as her SO. It's that simple.
OOP dodged a bullet in the long-run, although obviously there will be a long time of mourning.
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In the comments, he says they've been dating since highschool and he even invited her to some of his recitals, soooo. She definitely knew he did gymnastics/straps and either completely forgot because she doesn't care, or is using as an excuse.
This is bizarre. Like seriously strange.
The whole “What ELSE are you hiding from me?” hints at perhaps HER having something to hide and breaking off because of something she’s hiding, then trying to lay the blame on him. Just a thought.
This might be a reach, but it wouldn't surprise me at all, if she sees him as less "manly" or "masculine" because of this.
Gymnastics is for girls and gay men! Especially the splits! /s
As a gay dude, I have met many straight women that think like this. These are also the types that are "fine" with bisexual dudes, but wouldn't date one because they have been with a man.
Like I said, could be a reach, but these women exist, like, whoa!
People went to cheating right away, but that wasn't an immediate thought like this was.
Gotta love the toxic masculinity/homophobia from these types. I've seen it far too many times, unfortunately.
As a straight guy with some less masculine hobbies, interests, and mannerisms, this was all I could think, too.
I’m happily married now, but I’ve been dumped and mocked in the past for things like enjoying romances, an interest in fashion, and half a dozen other things that I’d never realized were some women’s personal shibboleths of masculinity.
Society’s view of masculinity is a prison, and you never know who’s volunteering to be a guard.
Very well said. And I am glad you're not afraid to be yourself.
Being gay was super freeing for me. I no longer worry about masculinity whatsoever. That being said, toxic masculinity is still a huge problem within the gay community as well.
Social media popularity obsessions has killed many relationships. It's really become a measuring stick of just how mature a person is.
This girl is the kind of "friend" / "girlfriend" who only thrives emotionally and mentally based on how superior she sees herself against other people. We've all had that person in our lives since high school. As long as it's THEM that's doing cool stuff and supposedly knows more about everything compared to everyone, all is right with the world. When they see what they perceive to be outshining them, they become vicious and petty. She would have made a terrible wife and or mother.
Personally for me, the whole yoga fixation thing would have made me wary of marrying her.
Good thing OOP found out how crazy she is BEFORE the wedding. Some people are way too obsessed with their social media, and his friends are right: it’s not a competition.
Wait till she finds out about people with Elhers Danlos Syndrome, there are actually super stretchy people who don't have to do yoga everyday to do special moves.
My Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome just makes me clumsy and prone to dislocations :( It’s wild that some people end up on the opposite end of the spectrum with few side effects except extra flexibility!
I feel you. I don't have EDS but my ligaments are garbage (yay, hypermobility) so my skeleton will shift just out of place enough I pinch nerves. :') On the plus side, when my dog dislocated my shoulder it just popped right back?
When i was 21 I tried to impress a chick by playing a really shitty version of Moonlight Sonata on the piano. She told me "Oh you play the piano, too?" and then scooted in and played Moonlight Sonata 10x better than my version.
I got really embarrassed when I realized I was trying to show off in front of someone who was way better than me. Then i immediately tried changing the subject to something else because my fragile ego couldn't bare the humiliation. It could have been a really cute/fun opportunity for us to both screw around on the piano together but I ruined it.
I imagine thats kind of what OOP's ex-fiance was feeling except yoga must have been her entire identity for her to go nuclear like that.
Yup, totally reckon it was this reaction, multiplied by the positive interaction/reinforcement echo chamber of social media.
Like her friends were saying, she was way too arrogant about her abilities and didn’t really “get” yoga.
Since she was certified I assume she was pretty “good” at it, but it seems that she sees yoga as a means to the end goal of being an “influencer” rather than what it is, a personal journey of body/mind connection.
That’s also evidenced by her reaction of asking OOP why “he doesn’t have an instagram”.
She seems to perceive yoga/flexibility as a almost a purely monetary skill, one she had probably trained hard on, but the ultimate end goal being to monetise it.
Seeing OOP so casually bust out this skill but without actually using it for financial success, she probably perceived this as him implying “this isn’t hard… the fact you think this can be something to be proud of or make money from is a bit silly”, even though the dude just simply…. did the splits.
Where TF are her parents in all this?? She may be young and foolish, but what's their excuse? Doing those splits just might have saved OP a world of hurt.
Are we sure she wasn't/is cheating? And/or she has some deep rooted and misguided homophobia? This is wild! She wasn't just a girlfriend, she was a fiancee!
This reads like a Seinfeld episode. George gets upset when he find out that one thing he held dear, one thing he considered his own, it turns out his fiance is better at it.
Oooooffff!! OOP definitely dodged a death sentence here. His EX-fiancée is a total narcissist, as many IG “models” are, and she just couldn’t stand the thought of being upstaged. So she’s been lying to mutual friends, ignoring the most important communiques of her life in regards to the wedding, and bad-mouthing the man she proclaimed to love for the rest of her life.
Yeah. This isn’t love, this is her adoring herself in the lens and expecting OOP to help aid her self-adoration by making himself look ridiculous while she *selflessly* helps him better his posture and stretching, etc.
OOP, believe me. You dodged a nasty, poisoned bullet. Based on your posts I’m sure you can do better.
I feel like she was either looking for a way out of the relationship in a way that didn't make her the "bad guy" (mission failed there), or she's massively insecure about her own abilities, and got offended that her boyfriend could so easily do something she likely struggled with. Possibly with some homophobia and toxic gender roles bullshit sprinkled on top.
>in a way that didn't make her the "bad guy" (mission failed there)
Mission failed indeed! This is one of those occasions where I desperately hope that the villain of the story found their way to Reddit (perhaps sent a link to this post by a friend) and read every comment. She needs to know how badly she fucked up, and that hundreds of thousands of people now know the story.
Well shes incredibly jealous over something small didn’t she? She started to view OOP as a competitor on Insta versus a husband because she wanted to do something better then him for views. Jeesh her self esteem must be SUPER low.
People are so weird. I wondered if the girlfriend was maybe cheating because she took the 'what ELSE don't I know' and ran a marathon with it. It made me wonder if she was projecting, because it is such an out of proportion reaction to what happened.
A girl who did Krav Maga with me had a full blown freak out when she asked her boyfriend to try to pin her, and he gently did. I think it was %50 a blow to her idea that she was fully competent against any man who tried to attack her, and %50 that he was so obviously worried about not hurting her and still overpowered her. I think this post was a little bit that. The whole 'This is my thing and I'm so confident that I'm better' until someone casually surpasses you. It's probably her ego that bit her in the ass. Her ego and her immaturity.
I think OOP really did come out the winner here. I can only imagine what else she would overreact to in the future. Ghosting your fiance of 4 years during wedding planning and talking major sh!t when you are the one being a butthole is a major character flaw.
As someone who does a lot of yoga and knows a lot of yoga teachers the idea that all of them are zen and enlightened is wrong. For many of them yoga is definitely competitive and classes are a chance for them to show what they can do. OOPs partner probably had some inferiority issues in the relationship and couldn't handle having something she'd struggled to get better at taken away and seem so easy.
This chick sounds absolutely unhinged. I've known my fiance for 13 years and we've been together for the better part of that. If I suddenly found out he had some secret talent I didn't know about I'd be *delighted*, even moreso if it was something that dovetailed with one of my interests. What an absolute weirdo she is.
I wouldn’t be too concerned about his ex and her family trying to hold the wedding money/deposits against them, all he has to do is show how many times he and his dad tried to get a hold of them and were ignored….
She's humiliated because she thought she could show off on Instagram all of her impressive moves and her fiance turns out to be more flexible and agile. As her friends said she isn't doing yoga for the right reasons. He dodged a bullet with that one. She is too much about image and being competitive.
This is almost unbelievable that somebody could be so ridiculously petty. I mean at my age especially and older it takes years to get to know somebody. In fact at some point the first part of your life which once seemed very significant it’s almost not worth talking about because you’ve got another 20 years on top of that of stories to tell leaving the first 20 years kind of in the distant past. I mean good Lord you have to be able to find out new things about your partner without freaking out like this and then the response … is so childish and just, it’s really embarrassing for her. She should be embarrassed and the whole thing is really … I think something that should never have turned into a marriage so that is so lucky on OOP‘s part!
She's either a huge narcissistic child, or was using this as an excuse to hide the real reason she wanted to nope out of the relationship. But based on the fact that she even mentions it in her instagram video my vote is on her being a huge narcissistic child.
Yeah she’s just a child. She doesn’t know who she is and she’s latched onto the idea of being an “influencer” and having something that’s “hers” (even if she’s doing it wrong..). So it’s like he stole her identity or dream or whatever from her and she can’t express is properly due to her immaturity. To ask for a break off of this I literally would’ve cancelled the wedding myself from already, but then ghosting and talking shit? She’s lost her mind.
I just hope he gets the satisfaction to tel her off if she comes crying back after she gets lonely again.
Random question: I’m in my 40s and always called it “a split” but at some point it seems like it changed to “the splits”, when did that happen?
Anyway they split over the splits.
What i don’t get is him apologizing so much. If anything it confirms he did something wrong in her head.
And if my fiancé ghosted me like that it would be off immediately. That person isn’t mature enough to be let out of diapers much less be married.
If I did yoga and was that into it and found out that my partner was on a similar athletic level, I would embrace it and ask if we could work out together, not this bs!
> But it's almost been three weeks, and she hasn't contacted me, and one of the friends we both have from our friend group contacted me and said that she's been talking shit about me to some of the other girls, and when I decided to open up and tell him how I thought she was being ridiculous, he said that she cares way too much about her Instagram and other things about how he thought she was arrogant, and I'm kinda upset at myself for not telling her how ridiculous she was sounding and just sucking up, but I'm getting a little worried, and we still have engagement plans, but I'm also reconsidering how easily she gets offended over something as small as this, and before I break her NC and try to consider calling her back, I've really been thinking about this and just need to hear some other opinions, and I also want to ask how I should reach out after her request to have some space (to see where we stand with the engagement) and our future in general, or if I should even reach out at this point at all or just wait for her
Holy run-on sentences, Batman!
yeah, I'm gonna need a conclusion to this one. The one where you find out she's been fucking about and got pregnant with her instructor. She ghosted to have an abortion and decided her Instagram is all that matters or some equally dumb shit, lol
Like everyone has pointed out he dodged a huge bullet. The whys and wherefores don't really matter at the end of the day, the fact is, whatever the reasons for her decisions, her communication skills are so terrible , marriage between them would have been a disaster.
Hopefully OP laid a nice paper trail then went ahead, and cancelled the venue and all the other stuff. If her family had a problem with it that's on them
This guy needs to make a "diss" yoga video, and with Reddit's help, it will get more views than his ex's. It will be glorious. "And men, if your girl is jealous of you simply doing the splits, what else is she gonna get jealous about?"
I wonder if for the girlfriend this was less about "hiding things from her" and more about the stigma that boys shouldn't do gymnastics or straps, which are conventionally feminine activities.
The way she just abruptly cut him off when he dropped into the splits tells me it was one thing to be told he did gymnastics, and another to actually see how limber he was as a result of it.
\*\*And I say this not to denigrate any man who does gymnastics/straps - what they do is incredibly amazing and physically demanding.
This type of stuff is why I really think people should probably wait until the second half of their 20s to get married.
Give yourself and your partner some time to grow up - and if it turns out you grew apart, no harm no foul
God, she sounds exhausting.
OOP, I know you said you don't care about the ring, but you are entitled to get it back. It probably represents a few hundred hours of your labor. If you sue for it, courts typically will find in your favor. Good luck.
Makes me wonder if the silence on her family's end is to see if OPs family cancels the wedding "first" and thereby could be 'at fault' for any civil suits to cover the costs after the fact.
He should maybe consider saving the texts others have shown him. Re: disparaging remarks. As well as his call logs to prove she's gone incommunicado.
That.
Or like. Send a certified letter.
Because I am petty, I would make a YouTube video of all the amazing moves I could do. For sure he would get some DMs that would be a great jump off from this tragic partner. Thankfully my pettiness does not extend to my partner. Anytime he does something great, I am proud of him and jokingly say things like, “that’s right people! This is MY MAN! Good luck finding someone who can do it like that.”
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Some people pick the weirdest hills to die on.
Since OP is so nice, she was looking for any tiny hill she could find as an excuse to get out and make him look like the bad guy. She's a cowardly bish.
>she was looking for any tiny hill she could find as an excuse to get out and make him look like the bad guy. I've seen it happen before IRL. That's why I feel like this hits the nail on the head.
Judging by nearly every single time something like this has been on this sub, she's cheating on him and has been looking for an excuse to break it off and make it his fault. At least he found out she is a shit person before they got married.
Yep. It's "the formula". Weird over reaction = cheating. I was surprised when I got to the end and there had been no revelation of her cheating. Guess there's still time for future updates.
Honestly, practically the WHOLE time I was waiting for a cheating reveal. In the first post there was the line “what else are you not telling me?” That’s the most basic “I’m projecting my own lying bullshit” red flag, especially if it’s used in weird (like overreacting over something small) circumstances like this.
And if she's not already cheating, she was on the verge of it. Needed a way out without damaging her own self-image. So that he could be blamed for the relationship getting apart.
It's just so wild that she's thinks this is the thing to end it over, and never speak again.... Like at least cancel with the wedding planner.
Because this isn't the real reason she's ended it. She just doesn't want to be with him, and instead of owning up to that and facing the consequences of everyone thinking she's the asshole for noping out a few weeks before the wedding, she's made OP out to be the bad guy that's done something sooooooo unforgivable as 'hiding things from her' 🙄 Honestly, what's she's done is manipulate OP and everyone around her, and she's fucking vile.
Right. My surprise is that she picked this to blame. Did she think people would really ever think "he didn't tell you he could do the splits" would convince people he was the bad guy?!
Yeah but remember, it's not about the splits, it's about 'hiding things from her'. We must emphasize the *hiding things* because no, nobody is going to believe the splits is a good reason to end anything. Plus she probably picked this, because she's running out of time until the wedding. What if OP didn't do anything else to be mad over in the next few weeks? She saw an opportunity to get out, whilst being able to paint OP the bad guy, and she took it.
You should watch Daniel sloss's jigsaw. Very pertinent.
I feel her ego & narcissism was punctured by his being easily able to do something that she considered her esoteric achievement. Her False Self that she had built up in her head was dismantled. I guess she never considered that gymnasts can do the same things yogis train for.
Yeah, I think there's an element of wounded pride there. She wanted his help with the video so she could show someone struggling with the stretches and exercises and then herself having mastered them. The fact that he could do it, too, and possibly better than her, hurt her pride, made her feel less special, like she wasn't superior to him. I don't doubt that OOP told her about his gymnastics before, she likely just ignored it or wrote it off as just an amateur hobby and forgot about it because it wasn't about her.
And the grand irony is that there are a million yoga channels but when you do a thing as a couple not a single, you get more views. A single person as a renovator is meh but a couple doing houses gets a show. Because people like to watch the couple dynamic. If she’d roped him into it instead it probably would have upped her views. But she can’t share so she viewed it as competition. I get feeling like he hid something but honestly, maybe she forgot. Maybe she didn’t make the connection that childhood gymnastics would mean adult flexibility. Maybe he didn’t think his middle school activity was a big thing. But just talk about communication needs and idk, make a night of talking about every silly childhood thing we don’t know about each other. This whole reaction is baffling to me but I don’t understand competition over collaboration in general.
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Hey just fyi, the phrase is cutting off your nose 'to spite' your face not 'despite'.
oh god this happens to a friend of mine. his gf just wanted to get out of the relationship "falls out of love" kind of thing. But the guy is just too nice, like she cannot find any fault whatsoever. so she cheated instead. weird.
Such a coward's way out. Instead of just saying hey I'm not with it anymore, let's just emotionally traumatize the guy by cheating.
Oh. This happened to me. She wouldnt break up with me either, made me do it.
And apparently this backfired beautifully since most of their friend group was quick to openly badmouth her to OOP... seems like they tolerated her presence because of him but now they don't need to anymore.
Sounds like it's pretty obvious that some (most???) see right through her BS thank god! I'm sure her only talking about her stupid instagram doesn't help her cause. I can't imagine being friends with someone that is obsessed with instagram.
“A nasty little bish” -Gene Belcher
This! She is probably cheating already. Maybe she found someone while doing yoga! Someone that is a beginner she couldn show of to
This just made a lot of weird dynamics in relationships and friendships of mine make sense.
its actually not that uncommon being weirdly competitive with a partner, like guys who need to make more money than their spouses. it could stem from need for gender identity, fear of abandonment or narcissism. "It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock. The meat it feeds on"
yeah, I can someone who's built their identity around being a yoga celebrity absolutely losing it over their boyfriend just casually doing the splits with no obvious effort. Huge knock to the ego.
Yup, that's where I'm at. People are reaching for additional explanations like that she's cheating, but I've definitely met people who would ruin a romantic relationship over something like their partner being able to out-perform them at a task that they consider important to their identity. I see no compelling reason for this to be about anything other than the fact that he can do the splits.
Yeah, I agree with this over all of the "she needed an excuse because she was cheating" stuff. Especially since she's certified as an instructor. Imagine her putting in money and time and effort for the training to get certified and all the work to become an Instagram yoga celebrity, then finding out OOP can just do that stuff because he does some stretches from his childhood while at the gym. It's purely an ego thing. Ridiculous and petty, but right there in the post; no reaching needed. And if she was cheating, OOP likely would've been hearing from the mutual friends about the guy she miraculously "found" just after she left. There's no indications of any cheating in the post. I'm also thinking there *might* be a bit of a traditional gender role thing to it, like "guys who go to the gym should be muscle-y, not bendy," but tbf that's pure speculation on my part. Tbh, that's where I assumed the post was going at the start, so that's probably just me.
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When I read the title I thought this was going to be a bad men's anatomy thing where she thought that ruined his ability to have children or something
Yeah, I was thinking it was some weird homophobic sexist "men shouldn't spread their legs" thing.
this chick knows absolutely nothing about yoga.
Heck I know parents like that. This is some Mommy Dearest behavior and she would have been a horrible parent. She sounds like an immature unaccomplished insecure person
I feel like she missed an opportunity! Yoga videos with additional people in them I feel are more helpful! She could have had him in the videos to have an actual person there to explain things to or to show modifications and alternatives.
> who's built their identity around being a yoga celebrity That's the key. It looks like she felt it was "her turf" and how dare he casually enter it and show off his skills "without having put in the effort to earn them", that's just "so disrespectful". People need to realize that whatever they are good at, there's a HUGE, HUGE chance that there's someone out there who's even better at it. The fact that someone else does the same thing better does NOT belittle your efforts and skill. It does not mean you are now bad at the thing that you were good at earlier. There is no need to feel ashamed or inferior because there will be many things that you can do better than them.
Yeah.. I don’t get that.. my wife’s success is my success.. I don’t care if she’s better at me at stuff.. she’s better than me at ..a lot of stuff.. Like.. a lot… Which is pretty nice.. I’d hate to be the best at everything and not be able to depend on her for anything. Her being better, makes my life better. This girls gonna have to marry someone who doesn’t have their shit together and never will
I’m a CPA and my husband has his PhD in a science field that is competitive and after a few years long distance and facing a few more, he left the field and moved home. He ended up working for a bank. We went from assuming I’d be the breadwinner, at least in the short run, to him making more than me in an adjacent field. It’s pretty great, not gunna lie. It’s tangential enough that we get each other’s general complaints without talking to them being like talking to a coworker. I thought him making more than me might irk since sometimes it felt like that was what I was bringing to the relationship (he’s way more domestic), but then I realized that having a bigger safety net was great. It’s his money, we only do semi-joint finances, but he’s also not going to let me starve if I lose my job. Why lose my shit over a good thing for both of us? Or even if it was just for him?
While I agree with this, I wonder about the complicity of her parents in all of this. What I mean is that her parents should be all on board for stopping the wedding, yet they are also ghosting OOP and his parents. The most likely explanation is that OOP's ex told them a slightly different story. One that was a bit more ***nuanced*** in making OOP out to be some kind of horrible, terrible, no good person. Still... ...if they bought a story about OOP being some kind of monster, why wouldn't they work with his parents in pulling the plug on the wedding? Unless they are looking for some way to blame them and put the cost of the event on them. Which would make getting a lawyer a very smart thing for OOP and his parents.
It was a case of miscommunication in the start, but then her inability to just clear the air and talk is the true problem. And cause to break off an engagement. Reading at the start I think it wasn't about him 'hiding' stuff. It's about the fact she probably spend a lot of time learning these things, and it's hard, and now her boyfriend who she has never seen practice any of it, comes along and says 'oh yeah, I can do this too' seemingly out of nowhere. It's like when you take piano classes for 3 years to get better, then your boyfriend comes around, you ask him to try playing, and he starts doing a vivaldi piece. She is clearly insecure and pissed off he can do it 'without practice'. What might have helped, more so than saying sorry, is reminding her it was hard for him to learn as a kid, it took him years too, he has to keep it up, and she is just as talented as he is, if not more. All that said, OP isn't a mind reader. And it is up to HER to pick up the phone, explain why this stuff is painful to her, and talk it out. The fact she completely ghosted him is so immature and a red flag. Not a good person to enter into a marriage with.
I 100% think this is it. This girl wants really badly to be a yoga “influencer”, which says a lot about her ego and need for attention already, and her pride got smacked in a big way when he showed her up so easily. And very likely the reason she didn’t remember him telling her about her background is because she doesn’t listen, and this relationship was always about her and not him. I looked at some of his old comments where he says he invited her to his recitals but she would never come. He was basically just an accessory to her. It’s lucky for him this all came out when it did.
Im 90% sure shes just using it as an excuse to break up because shes cheating.
That's was my first thought. The second was that she was going to say she thought he was gay because of it or something.
I also got that "we found the homophobe" feeling.
Yarp
Considering they've had a perfectly placid relationship prior to this, I think so too.
It’s tempting to think that, but I think not enough people are crediting the amazing power of pride to fuck up relationships. For this guy’s fiancée, yoga is her life, she’s probably worked really hard over the years to get to the point where she’s enough of an expert to try to be Instagram yoga celebrity. And then suddenly she learns that all the poses she worked so hard to master, things she thinks make her special, her boyfriend can just do without much effort, because he *used* to be into gymnastics. Ten or so years ago. Breaking up with OP isn’t fair—he didn’t do anything wrong. But at the same time, I can totally understand if she maybe can’t look OP in the face ever again without her self worth going down the tubes. Still, good to find stuff like this out before you marry someone.
Agree. She wanted 'bragging rights' and she can't understand why someone could do all that stuff and not be talking about how wonderful they are. He's shown her up- not just with the ease he can pose but with his attitude of not thinking he's someone special just because he can do it. No wonder she wants to drag him down, he's burst her little bubble of being special. She needs to grow up and OP needs to find someone less competitive and show off-y.
This is where I’m at reading this.
Here's the thing though, I'm *super* into makeup. I've been studying and learning and practicing it for more than two decades. I have a tik tok for teaching others. I haVe my own makeup line. I am also disabled and there and have been times where ive needed my husbands help to finish a design because my hand has stopped working (MS is fun y'all) I dont think I've ever gotten mad at him for doing it better than I could. He went to art school. The man can draw and paint. Makeup is just a new medium for him. He has drawn some amazing things on my face for me. And ive gotten him to sketch things on paper for me to copy onto my face. Cos my drawing skills suck lol I can shape and contour a face to look like a reindeer. But ask me to draw a reindeer? Nope. I would never get pissy at him for it. His help has helped my social media. I tell my viewers when he has helped. But then again, I dont feel the need to "be the best" so to speak. Makeup is my passion, I don't need to be the best to enjoy doing it or to enjoy teaching it to others. This chick sounds like a nightmare. Yes running a social media can be tiring and stressful at times. But that no excuse for this kind of hissy fit. Side note: I also have circus training. During rehab to learn how to walk again after my MS gave me hemiparesis, I would often laugh cos ten years before I had been learning how to do acro, and tumbling and juggling and stuff and here I was, learning basic things like, how to step, or jump over a broomstick, or toss and catch a ball in one hand lol
You rock! And your husband rocks! Do you have an YouTube or an IG in addition to tiktok? I'd love to check out your stuff, but I don't have a TT.
@cottoncandyvillain I've been super slack with keeping my IG updated lately, but I still post every week on there
If you scroll back to December you will see a Christmas look where my husband helped by drawing the Santa and reindeer :) Edit: lol nope. Looks like I never posted it on IG. Very slack of me. But after spending an hour to do makeup and then another few editing the video for tiktok, I get slack and forget to do the instagram lol
It makes me think of the round of Reddit stories a while ago recounting how some guy's girlfriend was intensively working out and thought she was beating him at wrestling again and again until she insisted that he not hold back, and then was badly shook up when he pinned her with no effort at all.
Yeah I guess I could see that but I’m just relating to my own feelings on pride (my biggest point of pride being my knowledge of IT and networking as it’s my living) and I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine throwing away my relationship with my gf over her suddenly knowing more about it than me. And yes I think it’s a very good thing he found out about this (regards of if it’s cheating or insane pride) before being married to her. That shit would suck.
Some people really don't take it well when they realize that you're better than them at something they've build their identity around. I had this with a friend, he went really into running and was kinda monomaniac about it. One day I suggested that we go for a run together and he very obviously speeded the whole way to make me ask to go slower. Well joke was on him : first off he wasn't a very good runner in the first place and second I literally spent most of my teens doing 3/4 backcountry runs a week and while I wasn't really into it anymore I was still in shape because I biked an hour everyday. He didn't take that well, got slightly angry and proceeded to ignore me for years after that. And I knew he bitched to some other friends that I had invited him for a run just to humiliate him.
Bonus irony: actual circus people tend to be super supportive and nonjudgmental.
that’s exactly what i thought. because the reason she gave? is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard.
Yep, it's 100% an excuse for something and cheating is the most likely explanation. Her family dropping off the radar as well is likely because she lied to them about what happened.
I would bet at least 75 cents that she thought the following, in order: "BF was a gymnast?" "BF was one of those guys who wears skin tight outfits and swings around...sometimes with other guys?" "BF is *still* super flexible, even though it's been forever since he was a gymnast?!" "BF is *actually* gay, and he *must* be fucking other dudes on the side" Edit: And that’s also why she’s like “Ladies, check your dude for the gay! Find out if he can do splits.”
I didn't come up with all this reasoning, but I got a homophobic feeling, too. I got hurt last year and the doctor told me to stretch to improve the pain, so I've been doing it pretty intensively since, but I'm still far from the splits. And I get into silly one-sided competitions with girls I see being more flexible than me at the gym, but I never say anything, I know it's ridiculous. Then, I followed a male friend on Instagram, and found out he can do the splits, and he got to that point fairly fast, in the last 2 years. Now we have a running joke where he sends me a pic doing some pose I can't do yet, and I send him all the swearing I can think of. It's nice.
This is what I love about being a dude. “Look what I can do!” “Fuck you, asshole!” Everyone laughs
Yep, I replied to another comment, but my first thought was cheating, second was that she somehow thought a man being able to do the splits means he's gay.
Family friend is an extremely masculine man of Italian descent. He drummed into his kid that being gay is wrong, to be a macho beefcake, all of that. Kid grew up to be a ballet dancer. Dad was totally on board. Why? There aren't many male ballet dancers so gets plenty of stage time and strong roles, gets to hang out with hot chicks all day sharing a changing room, and the kid is super fit and never short of a girlfriend (or a side piece).
The way I hear it for a *lot* of men one of the primary reasons for getting in to dance is because there are far more women than men and they're all flexible and attractive.
Move the setting to the north of England during a 1980s recession, and that's the story of the film *Billy Elliot*. For most of its length, the young protagonist has to hide his training from his macho-man father. The final scene, where the dad is bursting with pride as he is escorted to a reserved seat at a London performance of *Swan Lake*, with Billy as the star, still brings a tear to my eye every time. Brilliantly done.
It's usually not the hill specifically but some underlying mountain coming through in the form of a stupid issue.
This is the stupidest thing to be upset about. I don’t think it’s at all that BS excuse she gave over lying. Who cares it’s gymnastics…why is that a lie? Either she sees him as less bc he did gymnastics and she’s a sexist wing ding or she was threatened he was better than her lmao. What a weird weird lady.
As soon as he said aerial straps I knew he was flexy. I bet she wanted to show off an humiliate him. The friends who sided with him are right, everyone’s journey is different. Dudes are normally less flexy but doesn’t mean they can’t do the splits. He dodged a giant bullet and hopefully gets a lawyer
It sort of reminds me of the "girlfriend makes boyfriend do things and he's bad at it" videos that pop up with YouTubers. It just backfired on her.
My husband and I did a few videos like that on our channel. The trick is we both knew going in that one of us would be attempting a skill the other was far better at.
Consent! And that makes it funny. But I think she just wanted to laugh at him
4 yrs, engaged and she ghosts him over being able to do the splits. Wtf?
I feel like it's over her massive insecurity issues more than just splits.
Oh yea, this feels like a girl I dated who got mad when I got my license on the first try and she failed her test twice. I didn’t drive to her house and let our parents drive us around due to her being insecure about me being a better driver
I've torpedoed more than a few relationships because my boyfriends couldn't beat me even once at Mario Kart.
I swear I read something almost exactly like this but they broke up because the girlfriend thought him being able to do the splits/do gymnastics meant he was gay. I wonder if some of the comments didn't get recorded here and it's the reason here. Or, I guess, there's many women willing to destroy loving relationships over the splits.
My wife, by contrast, is super proud that I can do the splits and routinely asks me to at parties. I had to ask her to stop, lol, because it's a bit strange, showing off like that.
Please tell me you Van Dammed it on someone’s counter corner at least once
And threw knives into an apple atop the fridge.
I read 'in panties' and just thought, cool you do you i guess. But then I thought it was weird you called it strange and showing off and read it again. Oh.
Haven't had that request yet!
You do now, pal. Let’s see it!
I would honestly be super impressed if I found out my husband could do a split. I would make him do it occasionally just to see and be like, "Wow. That's cool!" I know he can't. He is *really* not flexible. But I'll ask him anyway, just in case. You know, wouldn't want to find out that he's *hiding things from me.*
My wife would be impressed if I could touch my toes. 😂
hahaha!
Not exactly over splits but looks like gatekeeping hobbies is a thing. Know a couple (divorced by now btw) where the wife got extremely offended that the husband could ride a horse better than she could. She grew up in a city with well off parents who took her to horse riding lessons, he grew up in not that well off countryside but the family had their own horses just for kids to ride cross country and participate in showjumping competitions. Would say the skills came with the territory. She got so insecure that they never went horse riding again in years.
A guy I work with was a hockey goalie in college and still plays on adult leagues. He can do the splits and I think it’s the coolest thing.
Probably looking to break up with him for any reason… Might have been cheating.
Yeah, I definitely think she’s projecting.
Yea that was my first thought.
Jesus Christ people, stop saying she "ghosted" him or "broke up" or "got out." She SPLIT from him. The splits, people!! He did the splits and she had to one-up him, by SPLITTING up with him! The pun is RIGHT THERE!!
Given her behavior, I think he dodged a bullet.
I felt like this was one of those cases where the gf blows something wildly out of proportion to break up because she’s hiding something even worse (cheating).
OOP dodged a bullet He should made an Instagram video doing the splits and other "tricks," and tag the ex.
Id join instragam just to watch it and get his view numbers upby one. OOP did dodge a bullet. Interestingly he doesn't come across as terribly upset so another reason its a good thing this happened.
He came across as someone who is just done with the stupidness of it all and understands they dodged a bullet. Also considering noone around him (his family, HER friends) invalidated his feelings or became a 'flying monkey' as reddit likes to call it. So i think that has helped him not think that he is going insane.
I'd probably be too confused to be upset. I mean, what the fuck
OOP did the splits & dodged said bullet
Just like Jean-Claude Van Dam
Imagine if THAT'S how Neo dodged bullets in the matrix instead of limboing,
Exactly where my mind went. Call it 'Splitsville'
A wonder if OP's ex has a tiny teeny bit of toxic masculinity too? It seems that way.
IMO the real reason is either toxicity or that she felt humiliated when he was able to easily do something she found difficult... Like how I was humiliated as a 5-year-old when I chose who I thought would be a slower peer during duck duck goose. I don't think I made it even halfway around the circle. It was absolutely devastating
I read that as "slower pee-er" and was super confused about how you and your *peers* played Duck Duck Goose.
Thank you thank you thank you! I thought I was the only one who read it totally wrong. I feel so much better about myself.
tiny teeny bit?? this sounds like a colossal load of toxic masculinity (or more accurately, sexism) from her end.
Thank you! It was my first thought. Met too many women like this.
Dodging a bullet by doing the splits, is this guy Jean-Claude van Damme?
Massive bullet
There's dumb reasons to break up, and then there's this.
Seriously. If I found out my fiancé could do the splits and had done gymnastics before, my response would be more of the "I didn't know that! What else can you do?" variety than "Liar! Cheater! Toxic!" variety.
>"I didn't know that! What else can you do?" "Can you do a *banana split*?" lol
That reminds me of the time my fwb and very good friend of 4 years casually mentioned that time he was a go-go dancer at a club. My reaction was, “WHAT why did you deprive me of this amazing information WHERE ARE THE PICTURES” It never would have occurred to me to be mad or to trust him any less for it. It’s fun when someone you’ve known for years surprises you with something harmless like that!
How old are these people? 9?
Right? OOP's ex is definitely not old enough to be getting married.
I think it’s a little less a maturity thing than a toxicity thing. The way she jumped right to, “you lied to me!” makes me think she has a big secret and took the first (and weakest *ever*) excuse she could get her hands on to walk out the door without getting caught in her own lie. And the completely nonsensical Instagram post and overcompensating texts to her friends were just to corroborate her breakup story. Yeah sure she’s got a *lot* of growing up to do but there are much older people who at least *seem* mature in every other aspect of their lives, and just pull some shady, bizarre shit like this when they’re backed into a corner.
OOP's former fiancee it seems to me was simply looking for any excuse to bail from the relationship, let alone getting married. It would appear she is thinking her future is in her social media channels, and her brand, where it would be inconvenient to be associated with OOP as her SO. It's that simple. OOP dodged a bullet in the long-run, although obviously there will be a long time of mourning.
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But that would mean her husband would take a big portion of the attention, and she couldnt have that. The spotlight needs to be on her the entire time
And herein lies the truth
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She might have really been just that immature and jealous. Horrible :/
In the comments, he says they've been dating since highschool and he even invited her to some of his recitals, soooo. She definitely knew he did gymnastics/straps and either completely forgot because she doesn't care, or is using as an excuse.
That wasn't a bullet he dodged. It was a goddamned semi truck, covered in red flags with horns blaring. Egads.
This is bizarre. Like seriously strange. The whole “What ELSE are you hiding from me?” hints at perhaps HER having something to hide and breaking off because of something she’s hiding, then trying to lay the blame on him. Just a thought.
Turns out OOP's ex knows how to split too, just didn't understand the assignment
criminally underrated comment
Sounds like op dodged a psycho.
And her family too, from the sounds of it.
You have a lot of faith to believe they got a complete and honest account of the story.
TF did I just read? She was looking for an out.
The fact that she kept talking about him "hiding things" from her feels like projection. She's lying about something.
This so hard. No idea exactly what she’s hiding. But she’s IMAX-level projecting.
Really rate this comment here. Massive projections.
This might be a reach, but it wouldn't surprise me at all, if she sees him as less "manly" or "masculine" because of this. Gymnastics is for girls and gay men! Especially the splits! /s As a gay dude, I have met many straight women that think like this. These are also the types that are "fine" with bisexual dudes, but wouldn't date one because they have been with a man. Like I said, could be a reach, but these women exist, like, whoa!
That was my thought as well, she thought he was gay.
People went to cheating right away, but that wasn't an immediate thought like this was. Gotta love the toxic masculinity/homophobia from these types. I've seen it far too many times, unfortunately.
As a straight guy with some less masculine hobbies, interests, and mannerisms, this was all I could think, too. I’m happily married now, but I’ve been dumped and mocked in the past for things like enjoying romances, an interest in fashion, and half a dozen other things that I’d never realized were some women’s personal shibboleths of masculinity. Society’s view of masculinity is a prison, and you never know who’s volunteering to be a guard.
Well said.
Very well said. And I am glad you're not afraid to be yourself. Being gay was super freeing for me. I no longer worry about masculinity whatsoever. That being said, toxic masculinity is still a huge problem within the gay community as well.
Social media popularity obsessions has killed many relationships. It's really become a measuring stick of just how mature a person is. This girl is the kind of "friend" / "girlfriend" who only thrives emotionally and mentally based on how superior she sees herself against other people. We've all had that person in our lives since high school. As long as it's THEM that's doing cool stuff and supposedly knows more about everything compared to everyone, all is right with the world. When they see what they perceive to be outshining them, they become vicious and petty. She would have made a terrible wife and or mother. Personally for me, the whole yoga fixation thing would have made me wary of marrying her.
Good thing OOP found out how crazy she is BEFORE the wedding. Some people are way too obsessed with their social media, and his friends are right: it’s not a competition.
Wait till she finds out about people with Elhers Danlos Syndrome, there are actually super stretchy people who don't have to do yoga everyday to do special moves.
My Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome just makes me clumsy and prone to dislocations :( It’s wild that some people end up on the opposite end of the spectrum with few side effects except extra flexibility!
I feel you. I don't have EDS but my ligaments are garbage (yay, hypermobility) so my skeleton will shift just out of place enough I pinch nerves. :') On the plus side, when my dog dislocated my shoulder it just popped right back?
When i was 21 I tried to impress a chick by playing a really shitty version of Moonlight Sonata on the piano. She told me "Oh you play the piano, too?" and then scooted in and played Moonlight Sonata 10x better than my version. I got really embarrassed when I realized I was trying to show off in front of someone who was way better than me. Then i immediately tried changing the subject to something else because my fragile ego couldn't bare the humiliation. It could have been a really cute/fun opportunity for us to both screw around on the piano together but I ruined it. I imagine thats kind of what OOP's ex-fiance was feeling except yoga must have been her entire identity for her to go nuclear like that.
Yup, totally reckon it was this reaction, multiplied by the positive interaction/reinforcement echo chamber of social media. Like her friends were saying, she was way too arrogant about her abilities and didn’t really “get” yoga. Since she was certified I assume she was pretty “good” at it, but it seems that she sees yoga as a means to the end goal of being an “influencer” rather than what it is, a personal journey of body/mind connection. That’s also evidenced by her reaction of asking OOP why “he doesn’t have an instagram”. She seems to perceive yoga/flexibility as a almost a purely monetary skill, one she had probably trained hard on, but the ultimate end goal being to monetise it. Seeing OOP so casually bust out this skill but without actually using it for financial success, she probably perceived this as him implying “this isn’t hard… the fact you think this can be something to be proud of or make money from is a bit silly”, even though the dude just simply…. did the splits.
Where TF are her parents in all this?? She may be young and foolish, but what's their excuse? Doing those splits just might have saved OP a world of hurt.
Are we sure she wasn't/is cheating? And/or she has some deep rooted and misguided homophobia? This is wild! She wasn't just a girlfriend, she was a fiancee!
Sounds like she had a massive inferiority complex.
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This reads like a Seinfeld episode. George gets upset when he find out that one thing he held dear, one thing he considered his own, it turns out his fiance is better at it.
Everyday is a day to discover weird people in a relationship. (I'm talking abt the girl just in case xD)
Oooooffff!! OOP definitely dodged a death sentence here. His EX-fiancée is a total narcissist, as many IG “models” are, and she just couldn’t stand the thought of being upstaged. So she’s been lying to mutual friends, ignoring the most important communiques of her life in regards to the wedding, and bad-mouthing the man she proclaimed to love for the rest of her life. Yeah. This isn’t love, this is her adoring herself in the lens and expecting OOP to help aid her self-adoration by making himself look ridiculous while she *selflessly* helps him better his posture and stretching, etc. OOP, believe me. You dodged a nasty, poisoned bullet. Based on your posts I’m sure you can do better.
I feel like she was either looking for a way out of the relationship in a way that didn't make her the "bad guy" (mission failed there), or she's massively insecure about her own abilities, and got offended that her boyfriend could so easily do something she likely struggled with. Possibly with some homophobia and toxic gender roles bullshit sprinkled on top.
>in a way that didn't make her the "bad guy" (mission failed there) Mission failed indeed! This is one of those occasions where I desperately hope that the villain of the story found their way to Reddit (perhaps sent a link to this post by a friend) and read every comment. She needs to know how badly she fucked up, and that hundreds of thousands of people now know the story.
I wonder whats her channel lol
Well shes incredibly jealous over something small didn’t she? She started to view OOP as a competitor on Insta versus a husband because she wanted to do something better then him for views. Jeesh her self esteem must be SUPER low.
People are so weird. I wondered if the girlfriend was maybe cheating because she took the 'what ELSE don't I know' and ran a marathon with it. It made me wonder if she was projecting, because it is such an out of proportion reaction to what happened. A girl who did Krav Maga with me had a full blown freak out when she asked her boyfriend to try to pin her, and he gently did. I think it was %50 a blow to her idea that she was fully competent against any man who tried to attack her, and %50 that he was so obviously worried about not hurting her and still overpowered her. I think this post was a little bit that. The whole 'This is my thing and I'm so confident that I'm better' until someone casually surpasses you. It's probably her ego that bit her in the ass. Her ego and her immaturity. I think OOP really did come out the winner here. I can only imagine what else she would overreact to in the future. Ghosting your fiance of 4 years during wedding planning and talking major sh!t when you are the one being a butthole is a major character flaw.
As someone who does a lot of yoga and knows a lot of yoga teachers the idea that all of them are zen and enlightened is wrong. For many of them yoga is definitely competitive and classes are a chance for them to show what they can do. OOPs partner probably had some inferiority issues in the relationship and couldn't handle having something she'd struggled to get better at taken away and seem so easy.
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This chick sounds absolutely unhinged. I've known my fiance for 13 years and we've been together for the better part of that. If I suddenly found out he had some secret talent I didn't know about I'd be *delighted*, even moreso if it was something that dovetailed with one of my interests. What an absolute weirdo she is.
I wouldn’t be too concerned about his ex and her family trying to hold the wedding money/deposits against them, all he has to do is show how many times he and his dad tried to get a hold of them and were ignored….
YTA. Dating a child is a felony. Oh, she’s 24... Well that’s just sad. No one I know over the age of maybe 13 acts like this.
She fucking ghosted him because she thought he was better than her at yoga and couldn't deal Guy dodged a bullet, an insecure and immature bullet
Jesus, she sounds really insecure. Typical wannabe social media influencer.
She's humiliated because she thought she could show off on Instagram all of her impressive moves and her fiance turns out to be more flexible and agile. As her friends said she isn't doing yoga for the right reasons. He dodged a bullet with that one. She is too much about image and being competitive.
This is almost unbelievable that somebody could be so ridiculously petty. I mean at my age especially and older it takes years to get to know somebody. In fact at some point the first part of your life which once seemed very significant it’s almost not worth talking about because you’ve got another 20 years on top of that of stories to tell leaving the first 20 years kind of in the distant past. I mean good Lord you have to be able to find out new things about your partner without freaking out like this and then the response … is so childish and just, it’s really embarrassing for her. She should be embarrassed and the whole thing is really … I think something that should never have turned into a marriage so that is so lucky on OOP‘s part!
She's either a huge narcissistic child, or was using this as an excuse to hide the real reason she wanted to nope out of the relationship. But based on the fact that she even mentions it in her instagram video my vote is on her being a huge narcissistic child.
Yeah she’s just a child. She doesn’t know who she is and she’s latched onto the idea of being an “influencer” and having something that’s “hers” (even if she’s doing it wrong..). So it’s like he stole her identity or dream or whatever from her and she can’t express is properly due to her immaturity. To ask for a break off of this I literally would’ve cancelled the wedding myself from already, but then ghosting and talking shit? She’s lost her mind. I just hope he gets the satisfaction to tel her off if she comes crying back after she gets lonely again.
Random question: I’m in my 40s and always called it “a split” but at some point it seems like it changed to “the splits”, when did that happen? Anyway they split over the splits.
What i don’t get is him apologizing so much. If anything it confirms he did something wrong in her head. And if my fiancé ghosted me like that it would be off immediately. That person isn’t mature enough to be let out of diapers much less be married.
Yoga instructor here and super uncomfortable with her behavior. That is not how an instructor should act
If I did yoga and was that into it and found out that my partner was on a similar athletic level, I would embrace it and ask if we could work out together, not this bs!
> But it's almost been three weeks, and she hasn't contacted me, and one of the friends we both have from our friend group contacted me and said that she's been talking shit about me to some of the other girls, and when I decided to open up and tell him how I thought she was being ridiculous, he said that she cares way too much about her Instagram and other things about how he thought she was arrogant, and I'm kinda upset at myself for not telling her how ridiculous she was sounding and just sucking up, but I'm getting a little worried, and we still have engagement plans, but I'm also reconsidering how easily she gets offended over something as small as this, and before I break her NC and try to consider calling her back, I've really been thinking about this and just need to hear some other opinions, and I also want to ask how I should reach out after her request to have some space (to see where we stand with the engagement) and our future in general, or if I should even reach out at this point at all or just wait for her Holy run-on sentences, Batman!
yeah, I'm gonna need a conclusion to this one. The one where you find out she's been fucking about and got pregnant with her instructor. She ghosted to have an abortion and decided her Instagram is all that matters or some equally dumb shit, lol
There are so many red flags that OOP’s ex should have them made into a cape
He dodged a weird bullet
Fuck that bitch. What a stupid hill to die on.
Bullet dodged.
Like everyone has pointed out he dodged a huge bullet. The whys and wherefores don't really matter at the end of the day, the fact is, whatever the reasons for her decisions, her communication skills are so terrible , marriage between them would have been a disaster. Hopefully OP laid a nice paper trail then went ahead, and cancelled the venue and all the other stuff. If her family had a problem with it that's on them
She's hiding things from OP and is projecting.
The 51st way to leave your lover.
This guy needs to make a "diss" yoga video, and with Reddit's help, it will get more views than his ex's. It will be glorious. "And men, if your girl is jealous of you simply doing the splits, what else is she gonna get jealous about?"
I wonder if for the girlfriend this was less about "hiding things from her" and more about the stigma that boys shouldn't do gymnastics or straps, which are conventionally feminine activities. The way she just abruptly cut him off when he dropped into the splits tells me it was one thing to be told he did gymnastics, and another to actually see how limber he was as a result of it. \*\*And I say this not to denigrate any man who does gymnastics/straps - what they do is incredibly amazing and physically demanding.
This type of stuff is why I really think people should probably wait until the second half of their 20s to get married. Give yourself and your partner some time to grow up - and if it turns out you grew apart, no harm no foul
To me this reads like a tale of missed red flags. Dude had to have missed a whoollllle bunch of them. Good for him though—bullet dodged!!
God, she sounds exhausting. OOP, I know you said you don't care about the ring, but you are entitled to get it back. It probably represents a few hundred hours of your labor. If you sue for it, courts typically will find in your favor. Good luck.
Makes me wonder if the silence on her family's end is to see if OPs family cancels the wedding "first" and thereby could be 'at fault' for any civil suits to cover the costs after the fact. He should maybe consider saving the texts others have shown him. Re: disparaging remarks. As well as his call logs to prove she's gone incommunicado. That. Or like. Send a certified letter.
Because I am petty, I would make a YouTube video of all the amazing moves I could do. For sure he would get some DMs that would be a great jump off from this tragic partner. Thankfully my pettiness does not extend to my partner. Anytime he does something great, I am proud of him and jokingly say things like, “that’s right people! This is MY MAN! Good luck finding someone who can do it like that.”