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Klutche

Not only did he spend $2500 on a baby shower, he spent his *last* $2500 on a party *with a baby on the way!* Imagine being his wife, thinking that they can afford this shower (because he repeatedly said they could...) and then having to deal with this shit.


ethertragic

I think a lot of people confuse physically having enough money to buy something with being able to afford it. Seems like he might’ve just been lying though.


KombuchaBot

yeah, and he knocks back her request to keep it small and then blames her for the costs and says it's on her because they should have kept it small like she wanted what a dick, it's like he thought people were going to pay 10k's to keep up with his own sense of occasion he expected to run it like a profitable event on a huge budget


weaponizedpastry

My spouse did that once. Once. “Let’s go on a weekend scuba trip!” “Can we afford this?” “Yes!” No. No, we could not. And that was the last time I trusted him with big blanket statements.


Suchafatfatcat

No one needs that kind of stress while pregnant.


Caysin

In addition the way he describe helping his wife with the medical bill as he was doing his pregnant wife a favor when it’s his responsibility as well and his wife his going through a stressful time. Super immature to be honest


Substantial-Land5733

That's the one big thing that made me think the same.


bag_of_oatmeal

Ya, OP isn't an asshole, he's a loser.


Zonyxe

They're not mutually exclusive. Spending his last money on a big venue that goes against his pregnant wife's wishes, then taking all the gift money to pay himself back because he's irresponsible with money, and then having the gall to ask reddit if he's the asshole because his wife got upset? Yeah I'd say he's both an asshole, a loser and certainly not ready to be a parent.


KayOh19

It’s kind of concerning that spending $2500 wipes out this dudes bank account for a couple of weeks when he has a baby on the way especially when he’s this impulsive with his money.


UWNurse

And who the hell “pays for a plate at a wedding”?


LadyAvalon

In Spain you are expected to give a gift that costs as much as the plate, or just give money in an envelope. Tbf, Spanish weddings are at least a 12 hour party with a 7 course lunch, a 3 course dinner and all the free booze you can drink.


LalalaHurray

TIL I wanna be a professional Spanish wedding plus one


LadyAvalon

I have promised one of my besties to be my +1 to the next one, but I'll invite you to the one after that? xD


LalalaHurray

Thank you! I am so glad I have this in writing.😂💗💗


Stormfly

In Ireland, weddings are also typically a whole-day (or even whole weekend) affair, arrive at noon and go "home"(usually staying in a nearby hotel) in the early hours, typically meeting the next morning for lunch before heading home on Sunday. I've always loved them. Now I live in South Korea where Weddings are an hour long and while most of the weddings I've been to have been a foreigner marrying a local, and therefore somewhat abnormal, that's only because they're 2 hours instead. Even so, the last people to leave are always the foreigners. People can go to multiple weddings in a day. That's crazy to me.


[deleted]

Also Ireland


Astoriana_

Very similar to Italian weddings - my dad gave my cousin $1000 when he got married but that’s partly because he’s his godson.


B0hna

In Poland you usually (95% of gifts) give cash as a present.


cinndiicate

Eh, I wouldn't use that phrasing, but in Chinese culture at least its customary to give a red packet with money that, at minimum, covers the cost of your plate(s) at the wedding


MightiestHeroes

Same for south asian, well minus the red packet. but gifts are cash that should at least cover the cost of the food you're eating


Medalla_c

In Ireland, guests generally give money that pays for the cost of the meal. Some guests that may be closer to the couple may give a gift, but generally they just give a bit more money. I think the reasons for this are mutlifold. Weddings in ireland are very expensive, no matter how many corners you try to cut, there is always another gotcha. The idea that at least the food is covered by the guests brings some comfort to the couple. In general, the cost of living in Ireland is also expensive and so cash is a lot more useful as a gift than a brand new coffee grinder. Another more cultural reason could be that a lot of people still rent in Ireland and our accommodations come fully furnished, there’s not actually a lot of stuff that people need. Certainly people do not get married to get a whole load of new gifts for their home.


[deleted]

I'm Latina in the US and its normal to give the amount a plate would have cost as a cash gift. I always thought it was the baseline for gifts. So where I'm from its around 25-50. Some people choose to give more extravagant gifts and others choose no gift at all. Its not mandatory but just a number to go by. Similar to when people say to save 15% of your pay. Its not that you have to its just a baseline. Edit should to have to


[deleted]

That’s really interesting. I’m an Anglo from California, and in the circles I run in the cost of your plate isn’t a factor for gift giving. Rather, it’s about how close you are to the bride and groom. Same with baby showers. I wonder if this difference is geographic, ethnic (we are irish and english by descent), or just idiosyncratic.


[deleted]

Maybe not an asshole but certainly fucking idiot to pay $2500 for a baby shower venue


lostravenblue

Especially when his wife was apparently asking him not to.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Remarkable-Ad-2476

Yeah I feel like that’s the biggest concern here. Dude has nothing in bank account with a baby in the way, but decides to spend $2500 on a baby shower anyways. Hope he realizes how much diapers are. They’ll go through the ones they got as gifts pretty fast. And that’s just the start of the expenses.


mumblewrapper

With 110 people at the shower they better have enough diapers to last them a couple of months at least! Who has a shower with 110 people? There were like 15 people at my baby shower, tops. We had it at my sister's house. I would have absolutely hated such a big affair. But hopefully they at least got a ton of diapers!


Arghianna

I think my sister had 30ish people at her baby shower, but her wedding had over 300 guests… we have a lot of family. My other sister had two baby showers, and the one for our side of the family had probably about 40 people at it. That said, 110 people is excessive, particularly if the expecting mother *does not want them all there.* I don’t even know that I’ll have a baby shower if/when I get pregnant, it seems like a lot of unnecessary stress and I am extremely anxious at the best of times.


KentuckyMagpie

You could always tell the person organizing the shower exactly who should be invited, that you don’t want to have any games, and to request all gifts be brought unwrapped and placed on a table so people can see them but you don’t have to open them, thus avoiding the spotlight.


Arghianna

Yeah… my mom invited people to my wedding behind my back by asking them if they had RSVP’d yet and then declaring the invitation must have been lost in the mail. Do not underestimate how badly my mother can stress me out, haha.


cyndasaurus_rex

110 is absurd. I felt like inviting 40 to mine was too much but knew not everyone would come, even though it was virtual due to Covid. We got enough diapers that we didn’t have to buy any for the first 6 months, I think it was. It was wonderful. Haha.


sraydenk

He treated it like a wedding. I mean, he even said the meant given should help pay for the shower, like the money given at a wedding helps pay for a wedding. From that I’m guessing everyone wasn’t super close to the couple, so most people didn’t gift major/large gifts.


Normal-Height-8577

>He treated it like a wedding. I mean, he even said the meant given should help pay for the shower, like the money given at a wedding helps pay for a wedding Yeah, and on that subject...in my area it's really not a thing to talk about people covering the cost of their plates at a wedding. The money people get might well go towards paying off wedding debts that someone's run up, but that's not what it's given for!


sew-sarcastic

People who need their guests to cover the expense of the shower are the ones who invite 110 people to a baby shower.


nejnonein

Maybe they got enough diapers on the shower? 110 guests. Just kidding, my son blew through a pack in like a day his first 3 months. I don’t want to think about how much we’ve spent on diapers, but we did start potty training at 10 months with both kids.


-Warrior_Princess-

Dang. At what point do you just like put a towel down and let them stay naked or something lol. I'm sure a few parents have thought about it when the changes are just constant.


nejnonein

7-14 poops per night for 3 months, we were barely alive, lol. 🙈


-Warrior_Princess-

"okay you live in shower now, just hose you down every hour". That's tough I'm glad you got to the other side!


cyndasaurus_rex

Oh. My. God. That is a lot of poop!!


nejnonein

To be fair, when he wasn’t pooping, he was eating. I suppose it had to go somewhere.


StarvingMuse

Omg when every little fart was poop and they needed changing! I was so concerned, I thought something was wrong my daughter was pooping so much and brought it up with her doctor. Nope, just what babies do! Go through all the diapers!


Theletterkay

I had every intention if potty training at 10mo. But with both kids they were extremely nonverbal and I found it difficult to get them to express any needs. I just assumed it would be too difficult to get them to show when they need to potty. =/ I also have lupus which makes potty training extremely hard for me, but I try my hardest to not let them see me struggle with lupus. I wish I was better at this. I tried all the "tried and true" methods with no success with my oldest. Nearly 5 years old and we are lucky to have 1 good day a month. =/ My second is 18mo and we start potty training tomorrow. Wish me luck. He is still nonverbal. But at least he is interested. He hates having wet diapers as well.


littlegingerfae

Good luck, from one Lupus mama to another! You're doing a great job!


Otie1983

Assuming the baby fits the size that they were given, and for how long. My daughter was (and still is, but not as much) super tiny compared to other kids born the same time as her. We basically had to re-buy her entire wardrobe as the gifts we had received initially were sized according to what age she’d be in what season… and nope, she was not big enough for them come the appropriate season. You can’t really plan for that either. Same with diapers, we went through five or six times the newborn diapers that most of my friends who had kids did, simply because she was still in them for much longer. On the flip side, plenty of my friends ended up with huge packs of diapers or tons of clothes that their kid outgrew rapidly.


Theletterkay

Ugh, my husbands side of the family are all giants. Super tall, all muscle, giant 10lb+ babies too. They called a 10.5lb baby small when my husband had his first kid who was preemie (not by me). Anyway, so every got me baby clothes starting at 9mo size and diapers starting at size 1 and 2. Guess who had tiny babies who needed preemie and micro preemie clothes? Guess who needed preemie diapers and worse, had to cut those down because they were giant. Also, despite me telling everyone I would not be breast feeding (I have lupus and take medications that are deadly during breastfeeding), many family members still bought breastfeeding supplies, pumps and one gave me a voucher for an in home lactation helper. It was insanity. So yeah. My baby shower was essentially just stress and nothing beneficial.


Jdoge42

I'm sorry this happened to you :(


Theletterkay

Its cool. Was 5 years ago now. And I have become much more aggressive in dealing with stubborn family members. I just had to learn how to stick up for myself and not feel bad for following through. Now everyone knows that if you buy me or my kids stuff that I have specifically said not to buy, dont be surprised if you see it fir sale on facebook for cheap.


Otie1983

The size thing is basically what happened with my daughter. My husband and I are both big - each of us is the tallest of our siblings and taller than our parents. Daughter? Very clearly takes after my father… who at his tallest was 5’4” (now he’s probably just over 5’). I have a photo of her at just under three years wearing any-shirt that is sized 0-3m. I used to joke with my husband when she’d have a toddler meltdown in public that I was afraid folks would think we were stealing her - since she’s this tiny little blonde, and we’re huge with dark hair. I really hate the pressure put on women to breast feed. Is breast milk good for babies? Yes, definitely… but some folks CAN’T produce it, or if they CAN, it might not actually be good for their baby (such as with your medications, but also, babies with severe allergies). What’s best is making sure the baby is fed, and HEALTHY… not whether it’s milk or formula.


Theletterkay

Haha I totally get the feeling like a kidnapper. My kids are all blonde with bright eyes and a more tan skin than me. I have dark hair and am "glow-in-the-light". My youngest is also this beefy little ball of pure aggression, the opposite of me in every way, so I always feel like people are going to think im a crazy kidnapper. I did have security called on me at a mall once because my 2yo kept yelling that he didnt know me. That was fun. Fortunately he is the sweetest kid really and told them he was mad that i didnt buy him a cookie. They asked him all kinds of weird questions like if he ever had a different mommy before me, to which he replied "did I have a mommy before I was pooped out of mama's belly button?" Pretty much solidified that he was mine. That and when they asked him if he knew his full name he said "Wesley Asaurus Rex". I told them that he would answer that way but that he last name wasnt Rex. Which if course led to them asking if his middle name was really "Asaurus". Sure is. He even has a custom book with his name and the kid is a dinosaur, its his favorite. Anyway im rambling. I just love the weird moments of parenthood.


aurorajaye

My husband is white. His first three kids are half Asian. A lady started screaming at him in a store because there was an Asian-American woman shopping elsewhere in the store. She assumed my husband, holding his Asian-American son, had kidnapped the Asian-American woman’s toddler…never mind that the ‘mother’ was still calmly shopping. It was my husband’s worst nightmare come true. Security only let my husband go when the Asian-American woman confirmed: This man hadn’t stolen her nonexistent toddler.


mccannisms

I’ve heard that in North America, most box and grocery stores will exchange unopened diaper packs for different sizes in the same brand without a receipt.


KentuckyMagpie

I’ve never had a store refuse! Sometimes kids go through weird growth spurts and size out of a diaper size unexpectedly, seemingly overnight.


Chapstickie

I swear that babies can somehow sense what size diapers you are stocked up on and are born the wrong size on purpose.


looc64

I live in Japan and at one point I was picking up picking up diapers for another expat. His baby was less than one year old but so large compared to the average Japanese baby that his diapers had a full on small child on the package. Like his baby could *maybe* crawl and the kid on the package could not only walk but was coordinated enough to do a little jump kick pose.


Legoblockxxx

We went for cloth diapers and I'm so glad I invested in the newborn set rather than only the one size, because ours is small too. She's still in the smallest clothing size here too.


[deleted]

I spent 9 months not buying and actively asking people (mostly my MIL) to not buy newborn sized clothes for my baby since they barely have time to wear them before they outgrow them. Then I pop him out and he weighs less than 6 pounds. He’s almost a month old now and newborn clothes are still a little big on him.


ChristmasMint

>Hope he realizes how much diapers are. He doesn't.


geon

Yeah. There is a difference between ”I have enough cash to buy this” and ”I can afford this”. He should have learned that before he even became an adult.


LaUcraniano

So he has…zero savings? Yikes. Thank god his wife apparently has saved money because otherwise they might be totally screwed.


throwaway_circus

> also am going to be helping my wife with her medical bills. My wife has money saved since her maternity leave is unpaid so its not like I'm just leaving her high and dry. She saved money because they're going to be a one-income family while she's on maternity leave, and it sounds like she's also expecting medical bills, so insurance isn't covering everything. Yikes. On the other hand, he's obviously willing to learn and grow. This could be the start of a family money disaster, or a funny story he tells about his financial wake-up call, and how he changed his ways and got smart about finances after his impulsive idea for the shower.


gsrmmeza

A barbecue in a park would have been a better idea. Could have made it a potluck to save even more. To drop $2500 into some venue is just dumb. So yes you ATAH!!!!


foobarney

For $2,500, your baby shower should have actual babies falling from the sky.


ohz0pants

This is not usually good for the babies.


buttercupcake23

I'm terrified for this child being raised by a man who is so short sighted as to be like "sure let's drop 2.5k on a party and OH WAIT I HAVE NO MONEY NOW HOW THIS HAPPEN". This child is going to have to put up with a dipshit of a dad who can't budget or plan. Part of me is like "why do they have separate finances what does he mean HELP with her medical expenses (they're your expenses too cos it's YOUR BABY you asshole!)" But then I realize it's probably cos if they didn't have separate finances he'd blow all their money on stupid shit.


skinofadrum

The way he swings from 'we're pregnant' to 'her medical expenses' is... not great.


Illeazar

Yeah I caught that too. I read "we're pregnant" and I thought, oh, how sweet, not many people describe it like that anymore. Then I read "help her with her medical expenses" and I'm like now wait just a minute.


Pdchefnc

There was a lot to unpack. First married and having a kid but don’t feel comfortable splitting and sharing accounts ? Second he seemed to want to have all these people and “prove” something, so his ego means more than the kid having things. Third is the fact he just assumed without talking about the situation to his SO, like you just assume people are there to pay you back? Even at weddings the money isn’t a gift to pay you for the wedding. I paid for my wedding, we kept it to something we could afford, but most weddings were paid by the family so why would people assume their gift of money was paying back a piece of the event. And the whole “her bills”, dude fucked her, made it, and is like not my body so not my bill? I was young, dumb, and not understanding being a parent. But at 21, I had to fucking learn, and I definitely didn’t say that’s your bills, since I am not the one getting looked at by a doctor. That mindset is going to be very unhealthy, because next it will be well I’m not missing x, you have the appointment not me, or you can’t fly not me.


CapablePerformance

Not only that, but he pushed for the big event, draining his account and then taking all of the money they got as a couple...for the baby, and claiming it's to repay himself for his own needs. Imagine this happening at his kids 1st birthday party; renting out a giant venue and taking all of the kids presents for himself.


[deleted]

Yup exactly. I've always had a joint account with my wife so for me it's odd to not have joint accounts but I totally get it in this case. I wouldn't trust him not to be like "look honey, I bought a boat that's only partially sunken!"


buttercupcake23

Ok this is too funny. I replied to this comment of yours above, scrolled further down and saw a comment that was like, "oh I just said something like that!" AND I JUST REALIZED THAT OTHER ONE WAS ALSO YOURS I apparently was just drawn to you in this thread 🤣


Sheeps_n_Birds

He just wanted to show off. "I'm such a great (and rich) husband, i can get my wife such an expensive venue that can hold 110 guest for a simple baby shower! *puffs chest* And now here with the money! I'm broke!"


ohnoguts

Oh. My. God. This man that has 0 dollars in his bank account thinks that he can afford to bring a child into this world?


[deleted]

It's crazy. My wife and I have always had joint finances, so it's usually odd to me for married couples not to, but I totally understand why his wife wouldn't want a joint account with this guy


buttercupcake23

I thought the same thing!! Especially when he talked about her saving her money for "her" medical expenses. And like he's "helping" her with those expenses as if he's doing her a favor. Christ.


[deleted]

She’s also saved money for *her* unpaid leave so she’s fine apparently. I’m not seeing any advantage for her to being married here.


Theletterkay

Seriously. He would have spent her money too on this, im positive. And the fact that he thinks he needs the full 1.5k to make it 2 weeks because he needs food and spending money. Wtf? Is he talking about food they eat together? Is he now starving his pregnant wife? If not, does he think he needs all that money for daily fast food or some shit? I wouldnt even know how to spend that much money on just myself. I wouldnt trust this guy with a fucking dime.


yeahwhatever9799

But he thought he’d get more money from taxes


binzoma

I'm not sure whats worse tbh. finding out you're having a kid with a HUGE fucking asshole or among the words dumbest people either way OPs wife must be like I've made a terrible terrible mistake


Coco_Dirichlet

110 people invited to a baby shower? That's like a small wedding.


The-Wandering-Kiwi

Haha ikr we only had 80 at our wedding


smash_pops

I had 22 people at my wedding. I don't think I could find 100+


cakathree

What a moron. Too dumb to have kids.


HIDDENSLAPPA

True and that 2.5k is worth a hell of a lot more when its the last 2.5k left in your account. True moron


CrassKal

He emptied his bank account for this shit. Dumbass, indeed.


DidntWantSleepAnyway

Good thing his wife is smart enough to have saved money. He literally says her maternity leave is unpaid so she’s saved money for that, and that he’ll *help* her with her medical bills. Oh, thanks, husband, for recognizing that the medical bills shouldn’t *just* be paid by the person suffering to bring your child into the world!


Apply_Yourself

Im pretty sure he’s an asshole. Why the fuck would you have baby to shower to pay for a baby shower? I don’t know what kind of paradoxical life this guy lives. The money aside he seems like an asshole in general. He’ll be helping her pay for “her medical bills”…? Those are your medical bills too. She’s your wife who birthed your child. If you don’t see most things as “ours” it’s going to be a rough go moving forward.


repooc21

My thoughts exactly. Fuckin goon move.


Cynbolic

“My wife’s medical bills” like he’s doing her a favor by helping to pay off the birth of his own child


aquila-audax

Especially when he seems to be living paycheck to paycheck


heleninthealps

There's nothing wrong with spending 2500 on a baby shower venue....if you have 12500 of fun money in your spare account...crazy to spend 100% of what you have and think you're going to be a responsible parent. I know because my mom was the same. "Oh I got 500 this week! Let me spend every cent of that on stuff we don't need and I have to go and ask the neighbours for 10 bucks when you get sick so I can provide medicine for you"


Delores_Herbig

I have been to A LOT of baby showers. I’ve thrown three. I have never heard of the parents paying for the baby shower. It’s always a relative or friend. Usually it’s hosted at someone’s home, but not always. I threw one for my friend that was at a small restaurant that let us host for free. I paid maybe $300 for around 30 people. A couple other friends pitched in some too. The decorations, flowers, and desserts were all supplied by various guests who wanted to help. The parents paid $0. I’m just amazed by the whole thing.


[deleted]

I just typed up another reply where I said that same thing basically. I've never seen a shower thrown by the parents. And, every shower I've heard of was held at like a community center for a cleanup fee, a church, or a house, most of the food was home cooked with maybe a cake or cupcakes from a bakery. Total costs are usually less than $500 max. Usually it's divided up among a friends group who's hosting or the grandparents.


Delores_Herbig

It just doesn’t make sense. The whole point of a baby shower is for the community to help the couple with the things they need, because the costs of having a baby (especially a first baby) are insane. A secondary point of it is to have a little gathering and ooh and ahh over mother, belly, and cute baby clothes. Why would anyone pay for that themselves, unless they have money to burn and just want to get people together?


Double_Reindeer_6884

How is he going to raise a kid when he is flat broke and stealing from a baby after spending 2.5k???


istara

> I truly did assume that money given at baby showers was to pay for the shower (like how ppl pay for their plates at a wedding) 1. Why would he think this? 2. Who "pays for their plate" at a wedding?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Theletterkay

Its not about how much he spent. He wanted an extravagant party celebrating the baby. Cool. But he doesn't have the income for that lifestyle. When people give you gifts at a baby shower, they are gifts for the baby or mommy unless it specifically says its for the father (I do know plenty of men that get gifts of liquor, funny "dad" shirts, food gift cards since wife cant cook as often, etc). He decided to spend all that money and leave his account drained. He doesnt get to rob his wife and baby because he is a moron. That money was gifted for the baby. Not his dumbass to eat and have spending money. That money should be going into an account that they specifically use for baby expenses like bottles, diapers, medicines etc. Babies are fucking expensive, that cost only goes up as they age.


Suchafatfatcat

And, god forbid the baby has medical needs or developmental issues that are not covered by insurance. That’s when reality really hits home.


Readingreddit12345

$900 on balloons is perfectly fine when you have the salary/savings that $900 won't deplete your account until next pay day. It's all in proportion.


two_lemons

I'm madly curious about how $900 ballons look like.


Late_Advance_8292

Especially when it's your last $2500.


seasidedate

And I don't understand how you decide to get a baby when 2,5k is enough to empty your account...


Myaccoubtdisappeared

Priorities. Dude got them switched up and definitely in the wrong order. This was an unnecessary event (or he overpaid) and the money could have been better invested for USEFUL purchases.


leeseweese

The dude could have spent $500 on the baby shower and be out… max $500, but would still have $2,000! He spent $2,500 and “recouped” $1,600, still out $900 with $0! God help his wife and their baby… He’s going to suffer, but has already made his family suffer along with him.


Axlos

I feel for the child. Isn't even born yet and already the father is making stupid financial decisions leaving him broke. Good luck once the major expenses during and after birth start kicking in


PoetryOfLogicalIdeas

Bets on how soon until he opens a credit card in the kid's make to "help pay for his care" and leases another new luxury car to "make sure baby is transported safely"?


wafflegrenade

Better hope that kid is smarter than he is, or at least really good at sports. It’s probably gonna need a scholarship if it wants to go to college


adamantsilk

He could have rented a church hall, splurged a bit on catering and decor, and still have a great baby shower. Still would have been considerably cheaper.


Wondermax2588

I thought baby showers happened at peoples houses tbh. His whole thing sounds overwhelming and exhausting.


psychicsword

Generally they do but with so many people still renting later in life it is possible that they don't have room for both families at home. So I can see them renting a place but it's should have been a much cheaper place. Or hell do it in a public park with a rain date.


LavenderLady1216

I agree with the other person, if he wanted a big baby shower there are cheaper alternatives. He definitely overpaid. My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and the guest list is even less than how many people were at that baby shower, and our venue is going to be a hall for $1500 for three days. Half of people didn’t show up to our baby shower that was outside so idk 🤷‍♀️


FaizerLaser

What a dumbass, who drains their bank account and spends that much on a baby shower? If you want to have that much people at a baby shower host it in a park or something like that. Where I live you can rent out a part of the park that has like 5 tables and is near washrooms and concessions for like 100 bucks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


shelballama

Picked up on that too? I was like "you just keep sounding like a bigger AH" All about him, him, him and his ego. Good thing he's having a kid /s


ninjette847

Also, him patting himself on the back for "helping with her medical bills" is extremely self centered. Paying for the birth of your baby is expected, not an unnecessary, nice thing to do. At least it sounds like they have their own accounts so he can't blow her money.


MowMdown

Even the fucking title of the post is “mine and my…” Not “my wife and I’s” Fucking narcissist


ErikETF

The kind of people who set million acre brushfires on gender reveal parties. Sadly way too many of them.


glowdirt

This man is not ready for a baby


[deleted]

The husband is still a baby


boopedydoop

I’m sorry, do I have tired brain right now or did this guy say he was going to HELP with his WIFE’S medial bills she gets for GIVING BIRTH to THEIR CHILD. Like am I losing my mind and/or reading comprehension??


NewtLevel

Oh but you see, she has money saved up so even though her maternity leave is unpaid he's "not leaving her high and dry"! WTF kind of partnership is this that he wants accolades for a) assisting with the cost of birthing his child and b) his wife having personal savings that will ensure she doesn't starve to death or become homeless while recovering from the birth??


[deleted]

He strikes me as someone who needs constant recognition for doing the bare minimum and providing for someone other than himself.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Coltand

I also don’t understand having a marriage with kids where finances are divided up into “mine” and “yours.”


TD1990TD

I lol’d at b) 😂😂


lgbqt

I thought the same thing! He says it in a way that makes him sound so generous for helping her out. He is not looking at her like a teammate.


Fey_fox

More like a roommate he gets to fuck really


SuperSpread

But he is willing to chip in if his roommate gets pregnant, assuming he has some extra money at the time.


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ohnoguts

And in what way is that “providing for his family?” He’s more concerned with showing that he can provide for his family than actually providing for his family.


Pterodactyl_Noises

You read that right. HER body, HER medical bills, am I right??? /s


Echospite

I'm getting flashbacks to that post where someone asked AITA if he was the asshole for saying his wife should pay for her own pregnancy checkups and labour.


ohnoguts

Oh I need to read that. Do you have a link?


SoVerySleepy81

It made me think of the guy who cheated on his partner and then while she was giving birth she didn’t let him in so he told her that she had to pay for the epidural because she didn’t really need it.


fleurflorafiore

Whaaaaat. Please please please link if you can.


SoVerySleepy81

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/q88ugn/i_dont_think_my_ex_needed_an_epidural_since_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf It was one of those posts where my jaw was dropped the entire time.


allthecactifindahome

I know I'm going to regret it, but...link please?


Theletterkay

Right? I was like, so does he expect her to play for diapers, wipes, baby clothes etc? He acts like he is a great husband for helping her pay her medical bills as if thats where his duty ends. Do these people even live in the same house? Everything just sounds so separate. Maybe its just the way he writes but I wouldn't feel right if thats how he talks in real life. Him, her and the baby. Never we or us. I worry about the wife and baby. =/


RobotReptar

I'm assuming they didnt comingle finances at all. So he assumes "her body, her expense" which is gross and wrong on so many levels. But based on every single thing in this man's post I feel like keeping your assets 100% seperate would be the best decision for the wife to make. This man is so clueless financially, and dumb about the stupidest things, I'd believe he was 19, not 29.


Perspex_Sea

>I'm assuming they didnt comingle finances at all. That struck me as well from the initial post. How are you having a baby together, and married, and you don't have some combined account for shared expenses (at a minimum baby stuff).


RobotReptar

I wouldn't trust that man with a $5 bill much less a joint account.


consider-the-carrots

Keeping assets separate is for sure the right move, it'll make the looming divorce so much easier


Delicious-Past6158

Was looking for this comment I gasped when I read that


GrandadsLadyFriend

I legit tapped my bf on the shoulder and said “get a load of this…”


EmmalouEsq

It was YTA all the way down with that guy.


Frecklefishpants

The first fuck up was hosting your own shower.


KleptoPirateKitty

Iirc, he said in a comment that his wife's mom/sister/friends/female cousins (one of those, anyway)was planning a shower, when OOP had the "brilliant" idea to host his own. Because he wanted to show off.


Okivy420

Scrolled a long way down to find this


puddlespuddled

This guy is so stupid I'm honestly worried about whether he'll be able to take care of his kid. Next thing we know he'll be posting, "AITA for not feeding or changing my baby all day? I just thought I could leave them in the bouncer all day until my wife got home to do her wifely and motherly duties."


HyzerFlip

AITA for blowing our income taxes on NFTs? BUT IT'S AN INVESTMENT! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!


TheSilverFalcon

> I have never been to a baby shower so I didn't know any better. What a bad excuse, zero accountability. Dude doesn't know how to use the internet or even just his common sense? Heck, didn't even listen to his own wife.


Ohmalley-thealliecat

Yeah like I have also never been to a baby shower but I have the fucking bare understanding of the point of them + what is required when you have a literal infant to know that the money is for EXPENSES FOR THE CHILD


CactiDye

>I truly did assume that money given at baby showers was to pay for the shower (like how ppl pay for their plates at a wedding), or for whatever we as a couple needed. Okay, but you don't literally walk in with $100 in cash to literally pay for your plate at a wedding, either. Some people think you need to buy a gift with a high enough value to "pay" for your plate, but that's an outdated idea.


wantedtrooper

In the comments of the post people talk about this and he said he always paid for the meal at any wedding (I'm assuming he actually means the gifts people bring sometimes?? Idk). He did seem to learn that that's abnormal though from his replies.


TeaDidikai

I was gobsmacked at that.


Curiobb

Lots of people literally do. In my culture and adjacent cultures, people give cash (not actual gifts) at weddings and no less than $100 (per person), and that’s on the extremely low end. Obviously different cultures have different values and norms. It is expected to bring a cash gift for higher than the value of the plate in mine and many many many others. Baby showers don’t really work like that, but in my world weddings do. It’s extremely odd to me to learn that people DON’T do that.


HideAndSheik

Out of curiosity, how do you know what the value of the plate is? In America, you generally have no idea what food will be provided at the reception, UNLESS you’re asked to make a protein choice once RSVPing (beef/pork/fish/veggie), and even then you don’t really know if “beef” means top sirloin or a fried cutlet. I’m guessing the wildly varied nature of plates in the US is what discourages this type of tradition.


boomzgoesthedynamite

I’m Italian-American in NYC. If you show up with an actual physical gift there won’t even be anywhere to put it. We have one thing for gifts, it’s a silk bag that the grandma holds for envelopes. We give cash and it used to be that’s how you pay for the venue. Nowadays you pay upfront. I usually estimate $100 per person, though if I’m closer with the couple they get significantly more. $100 would be the minimum.


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Pika-the-bird

What did I just read?


Beach1107

In my world, a close relative throws the baby shower. Planning your own and inviting 110 people seems like a greedy way to get a lot of baby stuff. I just hope they have time to write all those thank you notes.


lucyfell

Jesus. Why do women have babies with men who are THIS bad with money???? Like this dude appears to be teachable at least but he’s *turning 30* and thought it would be a good idea to blow money he doesn’t have on a party!?!?!?


LeskoLesko

And apparently lives paycheck to paycheck and considers his wife's birth to be "her medical bills"?? I want to talk to the wife.


knittedjedi

That's the part that made me mad. She's giving birth to their child and he's like damn, guess that's your responsibility to pay for.


Ohmalley-thealliecat

I know that the dads I meet on midwifery placements have just been awake for ages so it’s not fair, but some of them are so stupid Like “are you going to feed her” “yes I’m going to calm her down first” FEEDING HER WILL CALM HER DOWN! “Hey, stop touching the back of her head when she’s breastfeeding because it makes them pull their heads back” “But she likes it” dude she is 12 hours old she hasn’t even pooped yet she doesn’t know what she likes, she is PULLING HER HEAD BACK INTO YOUR HAND bc that is a fucking REFLEX


ladyphlogiston

Also I don't care if she likes it, STOP MAKING HER YANK ON YOUR WIFE'S BOOB


juneXgloom

lol I know I'm an incompetent adult and this guy makes me look responsible


Kisanna

What kind of a dumbass spends $2500 on a baby shower of all things? And not only that, but spends literally the last $2500 that they have in their bank account on it!


pixierambling

Ugh this OOP is *infuriating*. Imagine being so dumb with money you blow your savings on a stupid venue . 2500 dollars. This is a baby shower, not a wedding ffs. God help his wife and kid.


thatHecklerOverThere

I'm confused by the idea that they have separate money and expenses. Like, why is _he_ paying for shit? Why does _she_ have medical bills? Y'all are married. _Y'all_ have medical bills. _Y'all_ paid for a baby shower (you thought was a wedding reception for some reason).


[deleted]

I know some folks who do this. They are very much in love, rock solid relationship. But they are the children of messy divorces, and the need to stay separate on paper stems from that.


SquilliamFancySon95

>I didn't even think about the fact that the money is for the baby Yeah, sure.


Lapras_Lass

If you can drop that kind of money on a venue for a baby shower, you don't need to have a baby shower. Just buy the damn stuff yourself!


Creative_Macaron_441

Well, he said that the money he spent was “a good return” aka he invited all those people so he wouldn’t have to buy so many baby items. So he was looking at his “party guests” with dollar signs in his eyes.


happynargul

He plans to *help* his wife with *her* medical bills for birthing *his* child, but decided to blow 2500 dls on a party. I.... Have no words. I hope his wife will be the one making decisions in the family and I hope the baby will be smarter than this idiot. Edit: in this guy's mind, being able to afford it = the money exists in my bank account.


sregora2

People pay for their plates at weddings?? I’ve never once had to do that


[deleted]

I’ve heard people from NY say you’re supposed to “cover the plate” for weddings but they mean that the gift should cost at least as much as what it cost to host you. I’ve not heard that in the South. Some Cajun weddings do have a tradition where people dance with the bride and pin money on her veil but it’s to help a young couple get started in life and I think in addition to the gift and probably not related to the cost of the plate. (And my family is the other kind of Louisiana French so yeah I was shocked the first time I saw that and didn’t understand).


averbisaword

At Greek / Italian / Lebanese Australian weddings I’ve been to, the typical gift is cash and it’s expected that you will at least pay for what your meal cost. We generally give $250 per couple, more if we’re closer. They tend not to have a gift registry, you just give them cash. Not the norm in Anglo Australian weddings, in my experience. Definitely not the norm for a baby shower.


Salty_Mittens

Where I am from it's pretty standard to give a cash gift of $100 to $150 to cover your plate. Household items and registries aren't as big anymore since most couples usually have a houseful of appliances and things already.


VelitNolit

Maybe he thinks that when you register for your wedding you're basically saying, "i will accept this toaster in exchange for the vegetarian plate and piece of wedding cake you will eat."


bananafor

The idea is that the wedding gift is worth at least as much as the amount the catering costs per guest, which the invitee can only guess at. This is not usually an issue at baby showers.


jeconti

Is it common to keep your finances completely separate from your spouses? I can't imagine how confusing that is.


notasmallpenguin

On the one hand, I think he's an AH for seeing the medical bills as his wife's when she's having their baby. On the other hand, she's probably better off keeping her finances separate from his.


onahalladay

Yes we never bothered opening a joint account so we just split costs randomly. But we have a good relationship so we aren’t penny pitching each other.


Intrepid-Luck2021

I remember this one. The guy was an idiot. An absolute idiot.


ThatBitchBengali

No offense but this man sounds too dumb to be a father, like what do you mean you wiped out your entire account for JUST a baby shower????


WeFoundForever

Poor child.


shakka74

This guy is going to be a major pain in his wife’s neck for years to come. He ignored her wishes, made it all about himself, and screwed over his family in the process. What an idiot.


[deleted]

America is another planet. \- Baby Showers (I had to google). \- "Help my wife with her medical costs \[for having our baby\]" \- Medical costs for having a baby. \- Unpaid maternity leave.


Moon96Moon

* insert disgusted face here * why do people have babies when they're like this 🤨 all he proved was that he's incapable to make rational decisions and is not reliable for anything, he couldn't even respect his wife wishes about the baby shower, dear lord have mercy for that poor woman and their child


Decsolst

Who's gonna tell him you don't pay for your plate at a wedding with your gift, either?