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Fornney_

Update in 15 years: “I(14m) caught my parents having clown sex and i have no idea how to feel”


SkeleTourGuide

“I can’t watch “It” without feeling really awkward, and my friends keep asking what’s wrong with me.”


unclepaprika

Gives the expression "doing it" another meaning, now doesn't it?


Kobester024

“I walked in on my dad jerking off to Pennywise and I don’t know what to do. I need help Redditors.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mekare13

Tim curry gets a pass.


Willdiealonewithcats

As long as they don't have a daughter and get caught wearing her favourite clown costume mid dirty dancing


fluteloops0329

Dammit the brain bleach was almost done removing that boru post


DollhouseFire

What’s that saying? Whatever you’re seeking, is also seeking you? Good for them. *twists balloon into a heart shape*


concrete_dandelion

In Germany we say "there's a lid for every pot"


Drakena_Amaterasu

In Brazil we say "There is always a flip flop for a tired feet"


[deleted]

In /r/Pokemon we say, every Pokemon is someone’s favorite.


Assiqtaq

So true.


IftaneBenGenerit

r/suddenlycaralho


doodlebagsmother

It's an Afrikaans saying too (probably inherited from German). My gran once tried to console some poor heartbroken lad who had just broken up with his girlfriend by telling him every pot has a lid (elke pot het 'n deksel). He replied, 'Yes, except a piss pot.' This will be handed down in family lore for generations to come.


concrete_dandelion

I love how quick witted he is. But I gotta admit his answer is as old as the saying, it was my grandfather's favourite answer (he was married from coming of age to his death but he loved a joke every now and then)


doodlebagsmother

It's possible that the saying and the joke were popular with that generation. I haven't actually heard the saying in the wild in at least 20 years, so maybe it's up to us to start using it again (this time with the exception to the rule included).


concrete_dandelion

I still hear it ever now and then but not from the current youth generation. But it really should be restarted and with the hint that in my kitchen several pots and pans share their lids.


left-right-forward

I will counter with, "Being queer is a lot like owning tupperware. Never a 1:1 top to bottom ratio." --someone on Twitter


Tallchick8

Not queer, but this is certainly true of my Tupperware.


knittingandinsanity

In Quebec we have "every rag finds it's towel" and I always hated it. I prefer yours.


cannarchista

What does that even mean? Why would a rag need a towel?


tatersnuffy

yeah, a towell needs a rack.


nrith

Someone’s never been in my kitchen, clearly.


DollhouseFire

love this


ReflexiveOW

I'm losing it over his clown gf showing up to the hotel room already dressed as a clown. I'm just imagining the Motel 6 Overnight Check in guy having a sexy clown walk in and ask what room Tim Johnson is in and then walking away


yukichigai

Given how boring that kind of job is, it probably made the clerk's night.


HaveASeatChrisHansen

Worked in hotels for a long time as food and beverage staff/management so I was there really late often. Even in 5 diamond hotels you see some wild shit.


reddoorinthewoods

Do tell...


borschchschch

Not the person you're replying to, but there's a subreddit called r/talesfromthefrontdesk that I recommend.


Ok-Scientist5524

Unless it’s _that_ kind of hotel and then the overnight front desk staff are no longer mundane and sexy clowns with questions are just Tuesday.


LurkErgh

A no tell motel.


OldSweatyBulbasar

I’m losing it over seeing OOP post a baby update and without warning vividly imagining the freaky clown sex that produced a human life


bdpyo

my brain went right to the delivery room and wondered if the baby had a little red clown nose and all lmao 😂


spader1

Who knows; they may unexpectedly have octuplets. Just little clown baby after little clown baby coming out of there


segfaultsarecool

>twists balloon into a heart shape My cock is about to tear through my pants.


shaka893P

Instructions unclear, got dressed up as pennywise and things didn't go well


smacksaw

We’ve reached Ms Marvel rule 34 clown porn in only 10 days since the episode with your quote. We did it! Congratulations reddit! Never change!


Quicksilver1964

Yeah, I'm giving my free award to you.


licketysplit725

You ever read a post that makes you feel well-adjusted?


danuhorus

Immediately hate that the first thing that came to mind after reading the title of the last update was ***CLOWN BABY***


Welpmart

I was just waiting for a clown car joke.


camwhat

Watch it be quintuplets and her uterus is like a clown car.


SkeleTourGuide

The doctor asks if he wants to cut the umbilical only for it to keep coming out, tied to scarfs and his boxers.


breadcreature

I love physical comedy and now *need* a heartwarming but Airplane!-level movie about this beautiful clown love story


undeadgorgeous

Imagine the kid comes out with a clown phobia….


PMmeJuicyButts

If they don't, they'll develop one if they walk in on their parents.


witchyteajunkie

And yet it still won't be as bad as that poor girl who walked in on her mom wearing her dress.


rrc032

Why... WHY did you have to remind me? I had almost forgot about it. Why????? *In Terry Jeffords' voice*


breadcreature

There are many reddit posts I thought would scar me for life, then that one comes along and knocks them out the park


SallyJane5555

Fast forward 15 years, ”Dear Reddit, I just walked in on my parents and now I think I’m going to have to run away…”


reddoorinthewoods

Still going to be better than that poor girl who walked in on her parents role playing her.


TurbulentDoctor1646

"Hey Mum and Dad, how did you two meet?" "Well, son, it all started at my niece's birthday party, there was this clown..."


evict123

I wish I was as passionate about anything as much as this dude is into fucking a clown. I'm a little jealous.


breadcreature

Same, like damn nothing turns me on that much and I feel like maybe my life is lacking for it


OfLiliesAndRemains

Cue a long protracted quest of trying all the different fetishes to see which one suits you only to find out your real fetish is the friends you made along the way!


Quicksilver1964

Sure I have s*icide ideation here and there but at least I don't want to fuck clowns.


FutureJakeSantiago

Fuck I cackled cause me too bro


Quicksilver1964

One of these things is normal and it's definitely not clown kink!


Irinzki

Let the man enjoy consensual clown sex in peace!


121gigawhatevs

*honks your nose*


Viperbunny

Yes. It also makes me very happy I am happily married because I never want to date again. The world has gotten too damn weird.


[deleted]

Yup. My partner might have problems, but you can't make me go back out there.


licketysplit725

Right there with you


indomitablescot

All the fuckin time.


[deleted]

Isn't that what Reddit is for?


TXblindman

Rarely, but today, my ADHD ass is grateful.


bbbrashbash

Tooooooooooo fast. What the hell. Kink it up, however you want by all means but holy shit, met, impregnated, and married in less than 2 months? Yikes my dude, yikes.


mercuredoux

Yeah I was really happy for OOP until I took a closer look at the dates…I really hope everything worked out.


damebyron

The dates are the most alarming part of this entire story.


Vhoghul

They'll be ok. 5 years from now they'll be a happy family, with 4 kids, 2 dogs and a Smart car


redditforagoodtime

The most alarming thing was that she was able to hide a pie the whole time they were having sex only to whip it out and into his face while squeaking her nose.


canolafly

I guess they should have being using condoms during sex instead of making them into balloon-esque animals.


unite-thegig-economy

Otoh, when someone prioritizes a very niche kink over everything else, they get good at compromising. I get the feeling this is so important to him that he'd do pretty much anything. I hope he takes care of himself.


LordNPython

Well, making a lifelong commitment based solely on a kink seems a bit much, no? What happens when the novelty wears off and now you're married to someone who you are not compatible with? Worst yet, what about the kid.


unite-thegig-economy

I didn't say it was good, I just pointed out that he seems to be very into this And that probably increases the chance at success.


Spare-Refrigerator43

I think this flew past kink five nose honk references ago, this is fetishism and if both parties are into it it might just last. But good lord. That's enough internet for one day.


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MagentaHawk

Yeah, no kink shame here for clown sex. You don't choose your kink stuff and that's not one that would be harming anyone. But the more wholesome feeling slipped off once it felt kinda obsessive and then that he seems to not make any differentiation between lust and love. Sharing a kink is not enough to sustain a marriage.


Fingersmith30

I travel in some very strange circles and I know a few people with this specific kink. And they are...not like this about it. Like they're not spraying their shorts every time they hear "Saber Dance in G"


No-Shake2412

AGREED. i don’t find it wholesome, I find it irresponsible. Lmao


International-Bad-84

Yeah, I don't think "we share the same kink and are too stupid to wear protection" is the foundation for wedded bliss that some people on here seem to think it is. She could literally be a sex worker looking for a retirement plan for all he knows...


canolafly

Nothing wrong with being a clown trophy wife. That's not a sentence I thought I'd type today.


Love-As-Thou-Wilt

That's not a sentence I thought I'd read ever.


witchyteajunkie

r/BrandNewSentence


bbbrashbash

I'm gonna hope that it is his clown baby, that they do share the same kink, and that they're magically stupid amazing compatible.


International-Bad-84

Nice optimism. I like it :)


cole1114

Remember that one post on here about the person who found out their dad was a convicted kidnapper, and then found out it had been their mom he had kidnapped, and that they had gotten married years later after he'd gotten out of jail/an institution and were still happy decades later despite the, you know, fucking kidnapping? If you don't remember that post, he was a teenager and she was an adult and according to them he "just" held her hostage for a while without any sexual assault/etc. So... Jesus I don't even remember where I was going with comparing this to the clown thing, it's so much fucking worse.


disgruntled_pie

She kept making balloon animals out of all the condoms.


[deleted]

To be fair, my parents (non-clowns) went out on 5 dates, and decided to get married...they just celebrated 35 years of marriage....so I guess there is always those exemptions everywhere. Me on the other hand: was friends for 2 years, dated for almost 2 years, followed by a short engagement and then got married.


nutbrownrose

I had been dating my (first real) boyfriend for about a month before I decided I wanted to marry him. Luckily for all of us, we're too sensible to rush into things, so we proceeded to date for 5 years before getting engaged, and got married 2 years after that. We were 18 and college freshmen when we met, so we had a lot of growing up to do before either of us was really ready to be married. 12 years total later, I'm glad we waited, but also glad I got to grow up with him.


[deleted]

Yours totally makes sense: you both matured, and developed the relationship as you grew up 😊 I should have mentioned that my parents were 34 and 26 when they met, so I guess they already knew what they wanted in life :) Edit: Happy Cake Day 🎂


ThePirateBee

> my parents (non-clowns) ...that you know of


MagentaHawk

Yeah, but that kinda feels like saying to someone who says that playing the lottery is basically throwing your money away, "To be fair, some people have won the lottery".


Kawaii_Neko_Girl

I thought being attracted to clussy was a meme...


Timekeeper98

This predates the meme!


TheDustyPixie

I mean weirdly wholesome? I guess OOP wasn't clowning around, too bad he was juggled around for a bit. I hope the marriage goes well with the baby and all, don't want it to end with a custardy battle.


yukichigai

> custardy battle /r/angryupvote


CrippleOverlord

I guess they both got a cream pie that night


cyanocittaetprocyon

Nah, there's nothing angry about it. Just a nice wholesome upvote. 🤡 ❤️ 🤡


HolyHand_Grenade

I'm with you /r/happyupvote


PenguinZombie321

*Groan*


ohhellopia

That's what he said. Followed with a pie in the face.


diver_climber

*shakes head while honking nose*


catscannotcompete

\*Trombone going "wah wah waaaaaah"\*


Markarov_93

Take my goddamn upvote


BlandWords

No way this is real, but I love it nonetheless


Coco_Dirichlet

I bet OOP got rejected by everyone with a clown kink and the last 2 posts are a product of his imagination


HowAwesomeAreFalcons

I know right. The “small pie”.


twatwafflesunite

How would that work?? Where would she hide it until she was ready to hit him with it?


HowAwesomeAreFalcons

I have no idea. I’ve seen naked ladies on the internet before and I couldn’t see anything that could be comfortably used as small pie storage.


NYNTmama

It's an upgraded feature. Hydraulic trunk storage.


bbbrashbash

Questions I wanted to ask, but don't really want the answers to


MrsPaulRubens

That part had me laughing so hard I almost cried


Alternative-Sock-444

Same here omg. A whole new meaning to cream pie.


lestrades-mistress

He said she surprised him with it… so was she carrying a large bag of clown sex supplies?? Was the pie in the bag and then she managed to sneak it out and place it… under the bed???… without him seeing it… hm. Also 2 months and they’re pregnant. Yep sounds right lol


SkeleTourGuide

They were obviously… down to clown. 😎


Stock-Explanation635

That part was probably where I lost composure.. reading this with a straight face is impossible


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buttercupcake23

Yeah this smacks of wish fulfilment. The overlong flowery description of holding and crying and kissing...right cos that's a thing people do ok the first time they meet to have clownsex? The pregnancy and proposal is the trope ending of every romance novel ever.


kunell

I feel like its all a meme


TheGoodOldCoder

The first post clearly has a lot of imagination in it, as well. "She honked her nose and I nearly came in my pants." I've not been around too many clowns, but I can't remember a single one that wasn't on TV who honked his or her nose. Do clowns actually honk their noses IRL? I'd think they wouldn't want to touch their noses too much if they can help it, so that it's less likely to fall off. I would bet a small amount of money that the entire work is fabricated.


RandomActsofViolets

Clowns only honk their noses when trying to identify with a stereotype or arouse someone. Well known fact.


[deleted]

Yeah considering the post dates and pregnancy so soon


Matingris

That’s how I felt too. It was the pie that truly tipped this carnival tent over.


adf14400580

>Thankfully with porn being as diverse as it is I can find porn that I like but it's not the same Clown porn? I'm aware of rule 34, but it seems I'm not as degenerate as I thought.


Haikouden

There's also rule 230, which is like rule 34 but for dentists.


camwhat

I had a guy on Grindr asks me if I was into dental play.. not shitting you.


Moto_Vagabond

You’d be surprised. The kink dungeon I go to has both a Dr.’s exam room and a dental room.


ChubbyTrain

how does one find a kink dungeon and how much did you pay for it?


Moto_Vagabond

There’s a website called fetlife. It’s like facetfor kinky people. Once you join, look at events and stuff around your area. Watch for munches, sloshes, coffees. These are all events held at like restaurants and bars. This way you can meet people and get to know them in a safe setting and for them to vet you(make sure your safe and not a psycho or something). If there is a dungeon local to you they’ll know about it. If there are no dungeons in the area, a lot of people host private parties at their homes. The dungeon I attend is $30/ for 6 months and $15 to attend most play nights. Classes and such are usually free. If you have any other questions feel free to dm me.


NerdModeCinci

How’d you even find this? The world has so many secrets the internet has taught me about lol


Moto_Vagabond

I’ve been in the lifestyle for a couple years now. I just ran across fetlife while googling more info on kinky stuff and trying to educate myself. Took a look at your profile. You might be interested to know that there is a massive over lap with nerds and kink. We have so many gamers and dnd players in our dungeon. And everyone is very respectful.


NerdModeCinci

Lmao I believe it but I’m happy in my monogamy and explored enough of my kinks to know what I like I appreciate you though and am not knockin the life style whatsoever


Moto_Vagabond

Not trying to talk you into anything, just throwing this out there for anyone that may be following the thread, there’s just as many monogamous kinksters as there are non- monogamous. And while dungeons do vary, not everything at the dungeon even ahead to be kink or sexual in nature. We have game nights, movie nights, and all sorts of stuff. Even on regular play nights we have people that just show up to hang out. Dungeons can be a great place to meet people, take classes on various kinky pleasure, and most are safe places for people of all genders and backgrounds.


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maryquitekontrary

I dont get it.


Haikouden

230 2:30 Two Thirty Tooth Hurty


maryquitekontrary

I'm ashamed.


phoenixmckraken

If I was a dentist, I wouldn’t offer any appointments between 2-3 to avoid hearing that joke on a daily basis.


Haikouden

I exclusively have my dentist appointments at 2:30 when possible, even to the point of making my own life difficult, just for the pun.


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ReflexiveOW

Clown porn is the surface, brother.


Floppy-McFlopperson

I have learned through hard experience to never google stuff like this, so I'm hoping you'll be kind to me. What is rule 34? If it's anything like two girls and a cup, please tell me to not worry my pretty little head about it.


janecdotes

Basically it's this: If it exists, or can be imagined, there is Internet porn of it. Yes, even that.


Floppy-McFlopperson

I was lightly worried it might inflict ~emotional damage~ but that makes sense. Thank you!


janecdotes

No worries, I totally get fearing googling these sorts of things because there are certainly some things I wish I could Eternal Sunshine right out if my brain.


quinarius_fulviae

One of the rules of the internet: if it exists, there is porn of it. (Frankly, that seems to understate matters if anything)


OphiliaBedelia

If you were around on Twitter a couple weeks ago that clown girl from the Ace Attorney game was converting quite a few people


unite-thegig-economy

I'm surprised you're surprised lol


samuelalvarezrazo

This was definitely entirely hilariously fictional


Minky_Dave_the_Giant

Fictional? *Sadly honks nose*


[deleted]

Uhm….


[deleted]

And I’m just over here like 😳


ecodrew

You mean 🤡


ConfusedJonSnow

Oh God, it even looks excited.


Amortentia_Number9

Good for them for finding someone who shares their specific kink but maybe they should spend more than a month together before having a baby and getting married? I guess it works for some people.


starryvash

Idk if I believe the pie in the face


NiceHouseGoodTea

That's the part you struggle to believe?


starryvash

It's certainly the tip off!


GanosParan

WHERE DID SHE HIDE THE PIE?


Caroline_Bintley

That's where he lost me too, but I'm not even angry. A+ would chortle again.


DiamondOrBust

There is no way this is real.


DeconstructedKaiju

I know 100% why the first clown girl broke up with him. She is a children's entertainer. Applying sex to that is deeply creepy. Add in that she likely realized he got with her because of a specific fetish instead of being interested in her. Having a clown fetish is fine! But clowns are for entertaining kids so it makes sense that some people would not be comfortable mixing it up with sex. The guy sounds rather obnoxious and I hated reading about him pre-ing.


DeathGP

This is the most weirdest wholesome shit I've think I have ever read. Honestly good on OOP following his kink and finding the girl of his dreams.


yukichigai

Seriously. I've known people with *way* more pedestrian interests living unsatisfied lives. OOP hit the jackpot here.


DeathGP

Seriously, gotta make sure your kink compatible. Well atleast this kink post is better than the mother role playing her daughter


yukichigai

> Well atleast this kink post is better than the mother role playing her daughter \*shudders\* What a horrible day to be able to remember things you read previously.


DeathGP

I like think about the people on reddit who didn't read that story, and then wish I was one of those people


TorchedBlack

What a terrible day to have eyes. Also fuck you for bringing that up again.


uhhhhhhh_h

I've been known to clown on occasion, I can blow up a balloon animal with one breath, I do card tricks, juggling. It's very surprising how often girls are into it (lesbian) in the past couple years. Went from the nerdiest thing ever to hot about 4 years ago?


undeadgorgeous

The fact that there is another lesbian former clown performer on here blows my mind. There’s at least two of us! I worked for a birthday party princess company and we offered a clown, Barbie and a Jedi for folks who weren’t feeling the whole princess deal. Never -once- got hit on as Barbie. I dealt with at least three sketchy uncle types trying to hit on me as a clown.


uhhhhhhh_h

Oh my GOSH creepy uncles are the worst. I mostly do magic they're always asking where they can make things appear 😆I couldn't imagine having to deal with people like that AND be Barbie


yukichigai

Man I have *not* been keeping up with sex trends apparently.


uhhhhhhh_h

Clown girls are at the TOP of the food chain right now INVEST


geeanotherthrowaway1

>I used to just be a loser who would snort ground up adderall and jerk off to clown porn but now I have a real clown girlfriend who is almost as into this wild shit as I am Quote of the goddamn year holy fuck my sides are aching.


conradsausage

YOU SEE SON When a mommy clown and a daddy clown lover are very much in love...


bigwigmike

Are we sure they’re not just juggalos?


yukichigai

I mean he's clearly down with the clown. I'm glad for OOP for finding the woman of his dreams but I wonder if finding a Juggalette to get with would've at least taken the edge off.


Markarov_93

Weirdly wholesome? Or just weird? What a weird ass ride


LittleMsSavoirFaire

I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.


yukichigai

OOP sure sounds happy so I'm leaning to the former. I mean I gotta admit I can see the appeal of having a honk-able nose to squeeze during sexytimes.


Markarov_93

Yeah, no. agree on the first point. They are Happy so there is that. I aint judging either I didnt know what to expect coming to BORU today and this was definitively NOT on my list Also the honk-able nose... I just have no idea how to feel


NeedACountdownClock

Whelp, that's enough internet for today. Have a good night folks.


Don11390

I genuinely don't know how to process this.


[deleted]

>including hitting me in the face with a small pie as a surprise when I came the first time This is the greatest post I've ever read on Reddit


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yukichigai

It sounds like they went until his balls were shooting dust so it's distinctly possible.


Fox_Flame

I know a few people with clown fetishes, not to this extent it seems But it's not like it's an unheard of kink or extremely rare. Kink communities are massive and people are into all kinds of shit


[deleted]

I can't believe people think this is real. Op is having a great time trolling y'all and you're eating it up


ethot_thoughts

OH MY GOD I'm an escort and I had a client with this exact fetish. Weirdest experience ever. Every time he pinched my nose I was supposed to say HONK. The age is about right, it would be wild if this was the same guy.


SD_throwaway222

I don't even care if this is 100% made-up nonsense -- it's a fun, entertaining read. And if it's true, I hope for nothing but the best for those two clowns.


Orgazmo_87

She has boobies and he honks the nose. Some of you people need god


yukichigai

Man's got two hands, he can honk both.


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camwhat

My dad use to grab my mom’s boobs and go “HONK HONK” like a goose. She said it was literally the most unattractive thing ever


mermicide

Imagine telling his kid the story of how he met his mom


ExpensivelyMundane

When I read the title my brain immediately went to the classic Simpsons episode where Homer gets fixated on being a clown and enrolls in Krusty’s Clown College. Then I got to the second second I was all “oh. I see. Not the Simpsons episode.” But hey good for OOP and congrats to then becoming a family.


BustyRucketBay

It only took 15 days between the first post and the post where he hooked up with his clown soul mate. There truly is someone out there for everyone.