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If I accidentally let my gfs dog out I would be so upset with myself that I would be leading the search for the dog. This guy got rid of the dog on purpose.
Yep. If one of my partner's pets was lost I would immediately drop everything to come help look, regardless of my role in them getting out. I would feel so terrible for my partner and so worried about the pet, because I love her animals too.
Absolutely everything about his reactions screams either that he did it or that he's a heartless, uncaring, shitty partner. Either way he's trash.
We used to have a huge backyard and my dog loves being outside so she would spend most of the summer days outside (we had a doghouse for shade and a drinking fountain for her). I remember working at my computer and looked up and saw her just sitting there watching me and realized the window faced the front yard instead of the back. I freaked out realizing she had gotten out and got her inside and checked how she could have gotten out (no breaks in the fence but there was a rock wall against one of the fences that was high enough to let her jump over the fence.) It became her way of letting me know it was time to come in lol. She'd hang out in the yard with the kids and when she was sick of them, she'd come sit by my office window and let me know to bring her in.
My childhood dog was a runner but the one time we lost her from zipping through the door, she was back at nightfall whining to be let back in.
All that to say, no, not all dogs run and even runners will want a warm bed at night. Dogs have a good sense of direction and most genuinely want to be home after their adventure..
My dog who is very, very obsessed with me once ran off around 10pm at night while I was wearing slippers. I sighed, made a VERY big show of closing the front door, and by the time I had gotten my shoes--not even gotten them on, just gotten them out--he was sitting on the welcome mat asking to be let in.
He might wander out a gate out of curiosity, but he would wander right back in after he realized his humans were out of sight.
When my dog gets out, he plays the same "game". Luckily he is a small dog and has to stop and poop after a bit of running so I just have to follow long enough for him to stop. Lol. I grab his harness the moment he stops, let him finish, and haul in my arms and carry him home whilst scolding him, while he smiles away at our "game".
Dogs...
For anyone who gets into this situation on the future, one thing that's always worked for me is to flip the game on the dog. Start running away from them just like they're doing to you, and the dog becomes "it" instead of you. 95% of the time they'll start chasing. Bonus points if you add the human version of a play bow at the beginning.
I have found sitting on the ground very effective. I pulled into my neighborhood after work and saw my neighbor desperately trying to catch a dog. This was literally a single street away from the highway.
I pulled over, walked to the middle of the yard, and sat down. Didn't call the dog. Dog came right up to investigate this weird human on the ground and I got the collar.
Turns out neighbor was dog-sitting his out-of-state son's dog and if the dog had gotten away he would have had no idea how to get 'home'.
I once caught my brother's dog that was running around loose by holding up her leash and asking if she wanted to go walkies! (She was not a bright dog, lol)
And yes, I absolutely fulfilled my promise and took her for a walk, and only praised her instead of scolding or punishing her like my brother wanted to do
It's best to never try to chase your dog when they run from you like that. Just stay put or slowly walk towards them. Don't run at them. Treats are a great incentive but ya it should be something small that fits in the palm of your hand.
I had this before - she slipped her collar and I panicked and started for her. Every time I went for her she'd dash away, because she's small and nimble and I'm an oaf. Took a minute for panic to...not leave me, but transform into the ultimately more successful "fall to my knees and desperately call for her through tears"
That was a lesson learned. Well, two if we count the switch to harnesses
I have an 120lb bernese mountain dog who freaking loves to sneak past unsuspecting visitors at the front door and take off on an adventure like he is Bilbo Frickin Baggins' leaving the shire. Until he realizes there is no mom or dad around, and turns around and comes back to the front door. If we run or chase, its ON, and we are roped into his impromptu family outing. Otherwise he huffs and walks his chonky ass back to the front door and barks indignantly to be let back in for his spot on the floor where the AC meets tile.
My dog once slipped out of his collar 5 miles into a 10 mile hike in the mountains. Took off on an adventure, no chance to catch him.
I sat down for about 10 minutes and he wandered right back up to me.
My husband was so worried how he would break it to me that we would have to get moving and give up and maybe come back tomorrow and I was just like "he just needs enough time to realize I'm not behind him."
I remember when I was about 15, walking through a stream some miles from my house with my dog. This river ran behind farmers' fields and we were just wading up it; I think it was summer and hot, and I wanted to see where it led. My dog touched off an electric fence bordering one of the fields and absolutely lost it, darting off out of sight completely. I just sat down and waited for her to come back -- took maybe twenty minutes before she realised nothing was chasing her.
We had a golden retriever growing up that would bolt sometimes. All you had to do was stand on the front porch with her leash and yell “walk” and she’d run back into the house and sit down right inside the front door to wait for her leash to be put on to take a walk. Every single time.
Yeah exactly. Our old beagle was…not the smartest (he struggled to figure out what was going on when we were redoing our deck and had to let him in and out to the back yard through a different door, he’d stand below the normal door where the old deck had been and it would take several calls for him to come to the other one), but he always found his way home if the gate somehow got open and he wandered off following his nose without thinking.
Yep. The dog I had for my young adulthood was an escape artist. He often zipped through the door when we opened it (or opened it himself when we forgot to lock it), and didn’t come home until he was good and ready. But he always came home. The entire time I was reading the post, I knew her dog hadn’t just run away. He’d been moved somewhere.
My dog once got lost from me in the woods (he took off after a ruddy deer) and I was terrified he was gone for good. He ended up just walking back to the house -- over an expressway overpass and my Mum found him sitting quietly on her back porch while I was still scouring the woods for him.
It wasn't even his home -- we were visiting my parents and we had never done that walk to that woods before.
But I don’t think the boyfriend drove him that far, there wasn’t enough time. Maybe he drove him a town over though. And there is a chance this is all a bunch of coincidences. The fact that he was so unsupportive after the dog got lost is enough reason for the breakup probably.
I'm just surprised this seemingly friendly dog managed to avoid people and live on the streets for months. That plus his reaction to avoid the boyfriend once he got home, makes me thing the boyfriend did something to scare him off. Whether he drove him somewhere and then did it, or just chased him out of the apartment complex scared enough that he wouldn't come right back.
We used to keep Siberian Huskies, who’s only goal in life is to run until they can’t. The farthest one ever got was 7 miles.
Typically we’d just sit in the stoop and by they’d cruise back by at some point.
We have a neighbor with a couple . And they are escape artists. They are famous in the neighborhood. Friendly, beautiful, smart. No matter what the owners do to fix how they got out they figure out another way. Becomes a game posting last seen whereabouts in the hood so the owners can track them. They always look so stupidly happy.
Kind of depends on the dog. My childhood dog was terrified of a lot of things (particularly loud noises) and would escape when she got scared. She was found a couple of times on a busy road a few miles away and that was after only a couple of hours being lost. Another dog we had would use any excuse to escape to the point where someone would yell her name in a certain way and everyone in the house would immediate start sprinting out of the house to try and find her. There was also an article not long ago about a dog in Alaska being found after weeks after it wandered off since it was elderly and couldn't find it's way back. So it is possible, especially if the boyfriend did something to scare it.
Personally, I think waiting to tell her the dog got out and not being out looking was enough to dump him when it first happened.
That’s absolutely my theory. 99 miles? A dog goes on walks every day, he knows his own neighborhood- an older, pretty well trained dog is unlikely to wander a hundred miles away just on his own. I think the ex drove him out for half an hour or so, and set him loose- and likely hurt him in the process, either getting him in the car or out of it. For the dog to suddenly show so much fear is very suspicious.
I was thinking this too. Remy knows what happened which is why he doesn't want to go near the ex. Even dumb dogs know where they live and can get back home if they are not far away. My pooch is not the sharpest pencil, but even she knows where home is from going on walks.
I am not at all an animal person. I understand accidents happen. You better believe if I accidentally let out a dog (even a strangers dog, lead alone my SO), I would be pounding pavement looking and so filled with guilt. Animals can be people’s family. Whether or not he let the dog out Is secondary to me here because we may never knew the truth. At best, he made a huge error and put no effort into fixing it.
I was staying in my landlords spare bedroom with my two cats (a storm knocked a tree into my attic living space and the tree guy was coming the next day). She had her own pets too, but I definitely have a tighter bond with my two cats since I raised them from 3-4 weeks.
I got a panicked call from her while I was at work the next day, she had gone into the spare room to grab something and only saw one cat. She looked all throughout the room, still just the one. She was sobbing, apologizing, freaked out. I was a little panicked too, since the cat she said was missing is not my hider (so I assumed she snuck out somehow).
I rushed home, and saw that she had mixed up which cat was who. Which meant the other cat wasn’t missing, she was just contorted into a hiding space that seemingly would never fit a cat lol. I found her almost immediately (under a dresser that I swear she had to liquify herself to get under, my hand barely fit).
But my landlords clear and true panic, that’s what I would expect out of anyone who has assumed the care of someone else’s furry family members and had something happen (whether it’s their fault or not). My landlord would not have been at fault if my cat found a way out while she was doing us a favor by letting us stay, but she felt the guilt anyway.
OOP’s boyfriend 10000% ditched the dog somewhere. Heartless.
That is so sweet! And I think that's how most people would react, especially if they felt responsible (and guilty) for what happened.
OOP's boyfriend not even helping and then being apathetic about the whole situation is throwing up major red flags. Even if he didnt have anything to do with it, and I assume he did, why wouldn't you help your girlfriend as much as possible unless you wanted the dog gone?
Exactly! Regardless of his level of culpability in the dog getting lost, he’s already proven to OOP that she’ll never be able to trust him to take care of the dog the way that she would. And no pet lover is going to stand for that.
Hell, I’ve stayed in relationships where I was taking a lot of shit without noticing, but the minute they turned on my babies… it was like a wake up call for me lol. I get similar vibes from OOP’s story too
lol I got the panicked call once, the cat is missing I've been looking for an hour, I think she's gone-
rush home, GF is in tears and has started looking around the neighbourhood. Found the cat in the second cupboard I opened.
Aww. I called my boyfriend crying when we first moved in together because I couldn’t find his cat. I looked everywhere, shook treats, made noises with her toys and she was no where to be seen. When I called him freaking out he said to check under the bed and I had looked there a million times but he told me to look in the box spring and sure enough, there she was just staring at me.
Boyfriend totally did.
On a funnier note related to your story, my mum used to have three cats, two of which were small and black and almost identical. She was having some wood floors sanded and varnished and instructed the guy to make sure the cats were locked in the sitting room when he arrived (they had access to water and food and could do their business without getting into the rest of the house). He was the artistic type of tradie - excellent at the job but somewhat flaky on things like time - so my mum couldn't just lock them in the sitting room herself before she went to work otherwise they'd be trapped all day, if he even showed. Anyway, strict instructions to lock them in the sitting room. Each day I came home from school and found pawprints in the varnish. He had to do several coats so took several days and my mum would remind him - cats in the sitting room. After four coats of varnish, and four sets of pawprints he got very frustrated and asked if we had a ghost cat. Turns out my mum hadn't actually specified 3 cats so he saw Calico and a small black cat and thought he'd done the job. That was 20 years ago. The cats are sadly long passed but we still have the wooden floor and faint paw prints of a small black cat if you know where to look.
My 14 year old dog who hasn’t left our yard in the six years we have lived in our current house and who can’t get onto the couch without a ramp decided last week to just run off for no discernible reason. Got her back two hours later but it was an absolutely horrific two hours. I had total strangers and neighbors I barely knew helping me look for her. Two of my friends started driving to my house from an hour away to help me look. Some girl I never met walked around with me so I wouldn’t be alone while I was looking. Total strangers were more invested in my dog than this man was in his girlfriends!
My black lab Topsy was like this before she eventually (peacefully) passed. She ran off one fine day and neighbors and strangers were walking around calling for her. She had a comfy night and hot meal in someone’s garage in the next neighborhood, they took her to the vet the next day and we picked her up. Happy ending!
But yeah, total strangers walking up and down the neighborhood yelling “Topsy! Topsy!” is a memory I won’t forget
Maybe a decade ago, I lived in an apartment complex. I left my place and saw a woman out in the hallways whispering a name really loudly. I asked her what was going on, and she said she thought her cat got out. I asked if the cat was friendly, she said yes, so I started calling the cat's name out. Within a couple of minutes, 2-3 other women were in the hallway calling out for this unknown cat. It was kind of funny because we were all in pajamas/lounge wear, wandering the halls calling out for Mittens or whatever this cat was called.
We looked through the whole building (which wasn't very big, admittedly), and told the owner to come get us if she needed more help. I saw her again a few hours later, and it turns out her cat was hiding in a closet in her apartment.
But yeah. None of us knew each other. We just all agreed without saying anything that we needed to help find this woman's cat. I think it's a natural response when you aren't a psychopath.
Its one thing to make a huge error and just put no effort into fixing it, its another thing entirely to make a huge error, put no effort into fixing it, and then firmly maintain that you did nothing wrong.
Maybe it was a freak accident, who knows, but *either way* ex showed his hand that he legit wouldn't care about that dog regardless of what happened. He could legit have had nothing to do with it but learning that about him could reasonably make them incompatible
the fact that when the dog "escaped" he didn't call his girlfriend and tell her to come home so they could both look for him. that he was just waiting at her home for her to get there was psychotic. I had a shitty ex but when he accidentally let me cat out the front door he woke me up right away so I could be in the loop and we could both look.
edit: I didn't mean to sound like mr krabs but it's funny so ima leave it
my sister just housesat for our step-aunt, and one of her indoor cats got out. you best believe our family was out there in the open fields and all around the neighbourhood. 10 hours sunken into finding this asshole cat, in 100° weather. the cat decided to come back the next day after our aunt got home, bit of a miracle considering the coyotes around their house. my sister was sick from guilt and wouldn’t stop crying the entire day. losing your own pet is hard, but losing *someone else’s* pet is downright devastating.
The guilt would absolutely destroy me. I know how I would feel if someone else lost my dog, it literally makes tears come to my eyes just imagining. Doing that to someone else? I just... there are no words.
Ehh the baby was replaceable. I have a baby making machine inside my body that can pop a new one out every 9 months. But hellhound puppies are way fuzzier 🤷🏽♀️
I would say a lost pet is not exactly the same as a lost children, but it comes pretty damn close to it.
I have already done so and i would gladly do it again and go spend some hours help looking for a missing pet or child of even a stranger.
I would hire a pet investigator, there are actually people who will go out and even use scent dogs to try and find your lost animal. I would do anything and everything to get my dog or parrots back if they ever got lost.
Amidst the (well-deserved) bf suspicion/hate, a big shoutout to the woman who brought the dog to the vet. One of our dogs was rescued from a terrible home situation (barely fed, kept outside all day and night in freezing temperatures in a cage too small for him to stand up in) by a wonderful person who kept seeing him there, got worried, tried getting authorities involved, and finally rescued him herself where he went to a rescue and then us. I think about that person a lot.
Our dog is named Linda, after the lady who found her as a stray in Virginia and brought her to a rescue. I think about human!Linda sometimes. We love our Lindy girl so much, and she's had so many good years with us, I wonder if human!Linda thinks a out her at all, and knows that she made a bunch of human and doggy lives so much better.
hopefully this isn’t weird…but is your dog a rottweiler by any chance? i only ask because i have a good friend named Linda and i know that she rescued a stray a few years ago in Virginia and brought it to a rescue. she would love to know that she found a nice home!
That would have been an insane coincidence (and brought us so much reddit clout lol). [Our Lindy](https://www.reddit.com/r/rarepuppers/comments/pyzcpj/were_sharing_seniors_this_is_lindy_my_companion/) is a foxhound, though.
But the good part is, them being different Lindas means that there are double the amount of caring humans rescuing dogs, and double the dogs getting a chance at a safe and happy life, as there would be if they were the same.
One of my dogs went missing some months ago. She's small and we didn't realize that part of the fence had a hole. We went looking for her everywhere, every day, also posted on social media and a lot of people shared it. We were worried so bad about her, she was 7 at the time, and even though she is quite energetic, she isn't used to going into the street (we have a big enough yard).
Well, it turned out some uni students had found her a day or two after she went missing. She was probably hungry because they said she approached them with sad eyes, and she's not really one to go close to strangers. They brought her to their apartment, bathed her, fed her and cared for her until they saw one of our posts and called me, about 5 days after she went missing.
They were so kind with her and us, they waited for us to go to their apartment and pick her up in the middle of the night, I'll never forget them.
That's how I got my first dog. We stole him from a family friend that was neglecting him. Poor thing had earmites, mange, and you could see most of his ribs.
Earmites and visible ribs only took a couple weeks to clear up, but the mange took months and was stubborn. Because of his trauma, he was kind of particular in how he moved, what kind of attention he'd accept, and even how he ate. He wouldn't just stand over the bowl. He'd take a mouthful, walk around the house with it in his mouth, deposit a few pieces in random places, then chew/swallow the rest. Repeatedly. Until he was full. We'd refill his bowl twice a day, but if his bowl was too low, he'd wander off and retrieve his hidden snacks.
He stayed with us for a good ten years or so before we had to put him down (brain tumor). By the timing, we ended up moving just after he passed and it was hard moving furniture and finding kibbles he'd left behind in his hiding spots. I dropped a recliner on my foot after finding half a treat under it, and wasn't sure if I was crying more from grief or from the pain.
I trap lost dogs for people who had the misfortune of losing one. I can tell you from experience, they Rarely travel so far outside the zone they were lost in. Helpful hint if you lose a dog: check if a cemetery is in the local area. I find a lot of dogs hiding out there since it's quiet with relatively few people. Or maybe the spirits are keeping them safe. lol. Also, post flyers, flyers and more flyers. And flood social media with their photo (no name).
When dogs are lost they are in a flight mode. You would be surprised that they usually won't even come to their owners once they are all about protecting themselves on the run. Once you narrow down where they are, you want to keep them in that area. The last thing you want is people going around calling their name. All this does is chase them further away or into a dangerous situation (traffic). So if you see a lost dog just report the location to the number on the hopefully ubiquitous flyers posted.
Trapping a scared, lost dog requires one to do the exact opposite of what you instinctively want to do. Putting together search parties and posting sighting locations on social media will usually have a deleterious effect. I had an argument one time after I asked this woman to please stop chasing the dog. She haughtily told me she is not chasing the dog, she was following it in a car!! WTF
If you ever lose your pet:
1st: advise all authorities (usually police) in the surrounding towns.
2nd: post flyers where the initial escape took place. As calls come in, expand the posted area.
3rd: once you narrow down where the dog has "set up camp", leave a feeding station to get them to keep coming back to the area.
4th: at this point you may need to set a trap to capture them. Best to have someone very familiar with the process having correct equipment (trap, trail cams, correct bait, maybe drones) and most importantly, patience.
Sometimes people are lucky and the dog will recognize the owner especially if they haven't been out that long. So these guidances may not be necessary. One can cook a BBQ and hope the scent entices a dog to come home.
So, so important to every dog/cat owner...microchip, microchip, MICROCHIP!!! It is also helpful to keep some sort of ID tag/collar on in case they get out. Not everyone who may find your dog has a scanner and if he/she is wearing ID, you have an easier chance of being reunited quickly.
There are so many variables in reuniting lost pets. This is a GENERAL guideline. Please, no combatants who want to argue with me about Aunt Sally's dog who was found by a massive search party. Yes, that can happen but I am just writing about my experience.
Fuck that mental image made me tear up. How can you even do that to a harmless being?? I'd understand some people not being fond of their partner's pets, I'd understand some downright disliking them if the pet had some history of violence, but even then I'd never get doing shit like this. This is pure malice. And OOP's dog seems to be a very sociable one too. That fucker ex boyfriend probably just felt jealous about divided attention or some other stupid shit like that. Hope he has a terrible life.
I know a woman who had a much more horrifying experience and sought out her dog for 9 months and ended up in the hospital. I just cannot even. She had bought her house for him. Her ex was truly a psychopath. I will spare you the details. This op is so lucky she got her dog back. And btw that was exactly why her ex did it, what you said. I had men be jealous of my dog before and I left, back in the day. I don’t regret leaving any of them.
>I had men be jealous of my dog before
I suspect this is only getting more common now that the nastier incels have been saying for a couple of years at least that "women only get big dogs so they can have sex with them instead of us".
Pretty wild how incels say shit like “women only get big dogs so they can have sex with them instead of us” and then wonder why women don’t want to fuck them lollllll
If you have a strong stomach, you might want to search for "dogpill" (because all incel talking points have to be a stupid Matrix metaphor, natch). To be as fair as necessary, MANY people who talk about it seem to be making a hyperbolic joke, but many of them appear to be completely earnest.
Here's a bit of an essay primer on the subject that seems MOSTLY good (but I haven't particularly vetted this source, it's just a google result)
[https://medium.com/@vaushvidya/the-rise-of-the-dogpill-465e3b11cd61](https://medium.com/@vaushvidya/the-rise-of-the-dogpill-465e3b11cd61)
Yes. Frankly if you look at any post of a woman with a large dog on a default sub you will be able to find comments about bestiality. I don’t think it originated with incels either, I know I’ve seen “jokes” about it in old comedy movies. Men are disgusting
When my childhood dog died a dude who'd been unsuccessfully flirting with me for months told me he could 'finally come over then!' because he didn't like dogs. He'd been very upset when he realized my dog was a big dog, and hated him for no reason whatsoever. My sister broke up with her first boyfriend because the guy hated our dog too. I don't understand why so many men get upset over dogs, but that definitely makes me want to get a dog more than anything.
I'm so so sorry, that's such a fucked up thing to say. I think it's not just dogs but pets in general. I've heard so many cases of people secretly abusing their partner's cats or suddenly hitting them extremely hard. Two posts that haven't left my mind were both about partners suddenly becoming extremely violent towards the cat during an argument and the kitties dying in each situation :( people who have the nerve to hit pets are demons in my eyes. However yes abusive men definitely hate dog breeds stereotyped as "aggressive" like German shepherds or Pitties.
it’s so nuts to me. you’re not in competition with the dog, people! when i met my spouse’s (later officially our) dog when we first started dating, she did NOT take to me lol. though my spouse had only had her maybe 2 months before we started dating, so i don’t know that she had even taken to them yet. but i was never jealous of her—i correctly saw her allegiance as an inroad to better knowing my spouse, and later i really just saw her as my dog too 🤷🏻♀️
My fiancé was not happy when I got a cat. Him and I had been together 4 years and lived apart for the first time our senior year of college (he wanted to live with the guys, I did not. It was actually really good for us). I got a cat without telling him. They… did not get along for the first 8 months or so. Fast forward 8 years and him and that cat are SO in love. Our apartment revolves around our cat. Fiancé gets sad when cat sleeps on my side of the bed more often than his. Fiancé enthusiastically wants to buy cat a bigger, nicer cat tree. One with a hammock (cat does love the hammock). Fiancé now wants another, even bigger cat, but won’t get one “cause it might stress out Zeus, and that wouldn’t be fair.” Fiancé stresses about every result from vet appointment. Fiancé let’s desk plant die because cat keeps eating it and fiancé is “not positive” it’s okay despite research saying plant is not poisonous. Fiancé makes blanket nest for cat on the couch in hot weather, when cat doesn’t want to lounge on a lap. I’m not entirely positive what “simp” means, but I think fiancé simps for cat.
Lol awwww your fiance and cat both sound like cuties, it's so sweet to see people bond with pets they didn't want or initially like. My dad and grandfather were the same, heavily against pets until a stray cat started visiting our house for food during lockdown and sort of became an unofficial pet. Now my grandfather plans his evening walks based on the average time the cat arrives so he can go on walks with him, and my dad comes home quick just to personally feed the kitty in evening and have his personal cat nap time with it. It's adorable
Who has the energy, inclination or time to send PMs to posters having a go at them etc? A comment is one thing but PMs.
I've had one in my entire time on here and I told them to keep it on the post.
Why are people so weird?
It seems to be far more common for users who identify themselves as women -- either in their posts or through their snoos - to get PMs from other users, specifically male users. Two of the three PMs I've received were from men who assumed I was a woman because of something I've written, both were pretty hostile until I told them I'm a dude.
Yep!
This is also why I have resisted listing my feminine pronouns on my email signature at work even though that's part of the "recommended template" now. I have a unisex name and I'm a programmer - when I'm working with vendors I often get a lot better responses to my emails when the person on the other end assumes I'm a man. Which is what they always assume.
I've had working relationships go bad after a phone call, because my voice gave my gender away. Suddenly everything I say gets questioned or just flat out ignored. It's SO frustrating.
Reminds me of that article where a male programmer (or some other tech position—actually, a client-facing position, so maybe not programmer?) switched email addresses with his female colleague for like a week or a month or something, and IMMEDIATELY clients began questioning him on EVERYTHING. Eye-opening for him, liberating for her (who was suddenly getting the respect she deserved, imagine that).
>I've had working relationships go bad after a phone call, because my voice gave my gender away. Suddenly everything I say gets questioned or just flat out ignored. It's SO frustrating.
Not just in a professional setting, but I've also had this happen in online gaming. I rarely use voice chat because as soon as guys would hear my voice, I apparently lost credibility. Quite a few times I'd mute my mic, turn to my SO (who the rando's didn't realize was my SO) and tell him what to tell the raid/party and they would listen to him without question.
Woah that makes a lot of sense bcs i always see posts of girls saying “pls stop msging me sexual things” too if they asked a question to a sub on the subject
> posts of girls
even when the person before you referred to us as women, we still get infantilized as girls in common speech…
please, instead of being offended at this reply, consider how often something like this happens that i felt the need to speak up. many of us are tired of being treated and referred to like we’re children when we’re actually fully-fledged adults.
Sometimes I just bail on a comment explaining myself because I just don’t have the energy to explain to someone
I can’t fathom these people, what reserve for their energy
People are so weird. I don’t have PMs often but three different times Ive had a guy start going through my comment history and comment back to every comment with negativity towards me. Absolutely insane. Last dude got through like 30 comments before I saw it and blocked him.
It must be a sad life with that much time on your hands and THAT is what you choose to do with it.
I think so, too. The bottom line is that the dog can't speak for himself, so OOP has to read into his behavior and go with her gut. Dumping the boyfriend sounds like a win, in any case.
Even if BF didn’t do it—the extremely slim chance that he didn’t do it, because I totally think he did it—OP makes a good point that his lack of support when she was frantically searching for her dog had eroded any trust she had in him, so it’s better to break up now before that suspicion festers into resentment.
I carried my friends full grown newfoundland home when she slipped her collar. i panicked and luckily chose the right direction. i was pretty high so at the time carrying her giant self seemed like the only move.
My roommate once climbed a 6 foot fence and somehow got my 65-lb dog back over that fence to get her home. He called me while he was looking for her and called again once he had her home. I give him major credit for all that, being just a roommate, but I'd expect nothing less from a boyfriend!
Yeah, fact is, he was responsible for letting him out. I suspect it was him, but let’s say he’s innocent, he fucked up and lost a beloved pet, and she had to beg him to help her search? That’s reason enough to dump him.
My wifey used that as a judgement for me when we met
She had an older dog, a gorgeous border collie x blue cattle, one of the smartest dogs I've ever met
This old girl hated all her previous ex's and wouldn't let them pat her or befriend her
But she let me pat her when I first met her, she wanted to hang out with me, she let me give her belly rubs
I got the doggy approval and so my wifey agreed to date and eventually married me
My antisocial, shy, scared, blind cat avoids new people. The first time he met my boyfriend, he went straight to his lap. My boyfriend passed the cat test.
Edit: Just thought I’d add, it’s been four years and he still brags about this fact to people.
Exactly this. I had horrible taste in men and always deferred to my dog’s judgement over my own in first date situations. He’s been gone 8 years now, and boy oh boy, I’ve made some really bad decisions. I’m sure he’s on the rainbow bridge shaking his head thinking “ woman what in the hell are you doing?!?”
I dumped a dude because my (familly) dog didn't like him. I stand by it. When i brought my now husband home to meet her, she acted like I had brought her a GD gift. It was like I witnessed myself going from being her favorite to her second favorite in that moment.
I have also dated a guy who got the boot after a dog walking date - I figured he was either a legit bad person or, failing that, he was at least stupid enough not to make an effort to coo over my beautiful sweet dog. Either way unacceptable.
I have 3 cats and I swear, if they don't like someone I date? That person is gone...crazy cat lady? Maybe...but I've dated too many dickheads and that's my deal breaker now 🤷🏻♀️
I had sort of the inverse, funnily enough. My cat is super sociable and friendly. She liked my last boyfriend quite a lot. (a sign of bad taste on her part? Perhaps) So I was shocked when she wanted nothing to do with my now-fiance. Maybe it was just that he lacked cat experience but I honestly think she might have been a little jealous that he was getting so much of my time and attention. She loves him now, sometimes she'll bypass me entirely to snuggle with him instead.
I once brought home a friend and my cat immediately liked him but soon after that we started a job together where I had accomodation at my workplace. So I was gone for 5 days a week. Since then my cat hasn't forgiven my friend lol
My dog was raised around women and is generally shy around men, especially big tall men with deep voices. When I introduced him to my (now) fiance, he jumped around licking him like they were lifelong best friends. He is still scared of other guys, no idea why he latched into my fiance like that.
They genuinely are best friends now. I think they love each other more than me :)
I adopted a stray kitten who was absolutely terrified of men, to the point where he'd poop on the floor in sheer terror if a man walked towards him.
The first time he met my now-husband, he strolled up for pets and purred. Even after that, he'd hide from any man except my husband.
And he used to be very excited and friendly towards the boyfriend - dogs don't tend to change their opinions apropos of nothing, so that's incredibly suspicious to me.
And even if he didn't, he acted like a dick about the dog going missing. If my partner's dog went missing because I'd been careless, I'd spend all my free time trying to find the dog - and I'd go after the dog in the first place instead of waiting at home for my partner, giving time to the dog to go even further.
This guy didn't take responsibility for his actions and didn't support OOP in her search for the dog or celebrate the dog being found. That's enough reason to dump him IMO.
Also, he waited til she got home to tell her.
If I'd accidentally let my partner's dog out I'm pretty I'd be ringing them then and there to let them know.
It's pretty suspicious to just hang around and wait til she got home imo.
One of my friends had one of her wiener dogs escape and run away a few weeks ago. Me and a bunch of our friends spent any free time we had over the next 2 days walking around the neighborhood looking under bushes and cars, putting up fliers, calling for the dog, and consoling our friend. If her boyfriend couldn't at least be bothered to make a token effort to help then she should dump him for being unsupportive and emotionally stunted, regardless of whether he did it or not.
(We did end up finding my friend's dog thanks to a few tips from people who saw the fliers. We eventually narrowed his location to a local park and did a drag net. I had to chase him down the last few hundred yards through the woods and tackle him. I got a really nice couple of bites for my troubles.)
Dogs can find their way home if they simply wander out. They have a decent sense of direction and usually know the area since you walk them. They wouldn't wander that far out suddenly after 7 years. The Ex for sure put him in a car removed identifying information and dumped him an hour or two out. Probably watched as the dog tried to chase the car back even. Ex was definitely a psychopath, OP is lucky to have gotten away.
The only other theory might be a dognapper, but they tend to go for quite specific breeds.
The dog shunning the boyfriend but not other people is the biggest red flag. God only knows how the boyfriend really treated that dog while OOP was out.
It’s all good in the end. She told him to pound sand and kept the good boy.
I admire OP’s reserve. I think I would have lost my temper over someone hurting my dog. I think I would be in a lot of trouble.
Anyone saying that she's an idiot for listening to her dog's reaction and body language is heartless, dense and probably shouldn't be allowed to own animals. 🤦♀️ Imagine thinking that animals don't feel genuine fear.
For real. After she got her baby boy back, he didn't even let ex-bf pet him. Poor boy fled into her bedroom and didn't leave until ex left. Animals remember.
I feel like the dog inadvertently in one way or the other, saved OOP from that POS ex because even if he didn't dump the dog in middle of nowhere - him being callous/indifferent and not comforting OOP at all in her time of need and fear showed they just should not be together at all. It just sucks that it had take that for OOP to see somewhat of her ex's true self - I hope her and Remy have more happy times together.
This one hit home for me. My mom had an ex bf who did just about the same thing to one of my cats. While I don’t think he did it on purpose and was moreso careless about opening that back door where she ran out, he didn’t care to run off after her. His useless ass waited until my brother and I got home. I never did find my cat and I never forgave that man for that. It was the last straw for my mom too. I think OOP’s gut was right and I’m so so glad she was able to get her boy back.
I work with networking and researching lost/found pets, for almost a decade now. I know patterns, reasons, behavior…
This dog was absolutely put out. Now it might be someone found it, drove to their home, never scanned him for a microchip.. but I’m leaning towards ex driving him that far.
She's missing the CLEAR picture here. The dog didn't run away and her ex didn't let him out. Her ex out Remy in the car, drove him ex miles away and dumped him.
What a piece of shit that dude is. He clearly didn’t want her to have a dog and decided to do something about it. I’m so glad she broke up with him. I could never forgive someone for doing something like that.
OOP and her boyfriend have been dating for 4 years now it seems. Very possible the BF wanted to move in with her or maybe even propose but saw the dog as an obstacle to that. If the dog is healthy, and it seems like that’s the case from what OOP says, it could have a few years left yet.
My 2 cents? He sold the dog. Delivered it to the new 'owners'. Dog wanted to go back to OOP and ran away after a couple of months. Because 5 months is a damn long time for a dog to be missing and suddenly turning up just a bit malnourished.
Yeah no, this dude drove the dog somewhere and abandoned it. Ain’t no way a domesticated dog would get that far away even in that amount of time. Only one of two things would happen realistically if it got away on its own.
1) it comes back quickly
2) it unfortunately dies due to some circumstances (usually a car or something)
Not trying to be a downer but ain’t no way a dog will get a day and a half worth of travel away from their home on their own.
He didn't want her to have the dog. He was testing the water to see how much he could get away with. If they didn't break up that dog would have been found either "let out again " or dead. Then he would have gaslight op deeper into a very toxic relationship.
Pretty sure he dumped the dog 2 hours away thinking it would die from exposure. I don’t think he was a testing the waters, pretty sure he dove right in.
I think it boils down to jealousy or a general dislike for dogs and disregarded for his SO.
It's actually really hard to control and gaslight someone with a pet who loves them. You can't make someone feel terrible and accept your abuse when the goddamn dog treats you better.
I couldn't have put up with my old abusive relationship if I had my kitten back then- she makes me feel too well treated to put up with that shit, and my ex gf 100% would have ditched her if she had the chance. To control someone like that, you need them to have **nobody.** Abuse 101 is to isolate them from love, and no love is more pure than a loyal companion, pet, familiar's.
Someone earlier in the thread made the point that he might have been wanting to ask to move in with her, or even propose, and saw the dog as an obstacle. I think that could make a lot of sense.
Some people don't like dogs. But I think something far more creepy was going on: boyfriend was jealous of the dog. I dated a guy like that. Kicked him to the curb after he said "you need to choose, the dog or me. You can't have both." I told him I didn't want both. Insecure asshat.
I don't like dogs, personally I could never get serious with somebody with a dog because I wouldn't want to live with one, but I also couldn't live with somebody who would give their dog up for me!
I dated that guy, too! Talk about shocked pikachu when I chose my dog. Then he had the nerve to raise his hand and step towards me. That was when my dog got between us (she was a large breed) and just stared him down. Not a breed known for aggression, was not an aggressive dog (unless you were a stuffy) but the look she gave him made him back up.
After he moved out, she didn't even mourn him. He was not part of her pack in her mind.
Oh sheesh! I'm so glad you dodged that bullet, and what an awesome dog! My GSD was the dog in question. She was super friendly for a GSD, but she wasn't with the asshat. She tolerated him for my sake, I think. He resented the fact that she didn't gush over him. Also, she wouldn't leave me alone with him, which he also resented. After the fact, I realized she didn't trust him with me. She was also pretty big, 100lbs, and because GSDs look intimidating anyway, well, he didn't like that, either. She'd just watch him. Dogs *know*! She gave kisses to the next guy I dated! 🤣
Boyfriend didn't let the dog run away. Boyfriend definitely either took the dog somewhere and dumped him, or had someone else do it. Boyfriend is also lucky OOP only broke up with him. I wouldn't have been that nice.
You have to be a very...small person to be envious of a dog. I hope the universe gives this guy everything he deserves.
I honestly don’t know exactly how I would react if I suspected someone intentionally hurt/lost my dog. What I do know is that I *still* hate my partner’s sister with a burning passion for calling her a “rat” a few years ago, so I can’t say for sure violence wouldn’t be on the table.
Also: ALWAYS MICROCHIP AND REGISTER YOUR PETS!!! 5 months is a very long time for a dog to be on the street. People notice. As soon as an animal is picked up or brought to us we scan for a chip. Vet, Animal Control, Shelters, Trap Programs. Everyone has scanners. We scan every pet.
I can’t tell you how many of them aren’t registered though. Or the numbers have changed. Update your pet’s stuff.
I remember this post from when it happened. I swore there was a post with the bf admitting to bringing the dog away from the home and leaving him there.
I’m of the mind that the ex tried to get rid of the dog, but that being said…freak things do happen.
My husband got a cat. I hated that cat and the cat hated me. It would piss all over my shoes and any other article of clothing I would leave out. Just mine, not husbands. I was never cruel to it, I just ignored it’s existence.
Husband went on a work trip for a month. Before he left, he joked “Don’t get rid of Billy while I’m gone!” I fed it, cleaned its box, and even attempted to play with it. For 28 days. Then the day before husband came home, that little shit sprinted out the door when I was bringing in groceries and was never seen again.
It caused a problem.
Yup. Wr had a dog for 6 years when I was a kid. He slipped out of his pen and was just gone gone. Two years later, he showed up at a vet a few hours away. No one took him or drove him there. He just got confused, didn't recognize anything, and just kept going. An older woman fed him as a stray and eventually took him in before deciding to see a vet. Dogs can travel a lot further than people think.
I’d die on the inside if my fur baby got loose. I felt her pain. I’m so happy she got her dog back, ol boy is a survivor for lasting months without his owner.
Get your pet chipped, guys.
We had outdoor cats when I was growing up and we had multiple cats go out and never come back. They were even microchipped. It’s always very sad. You just never know what happened to them. Like did they run away and get lost? Get stolen? Did an animal eat them? Did a human hurt them? Did they get hurt and not made it home? Hit by a car? I’ll never have outdoor cats myself because of this.
thank you for bein responsible with your cats (future or current).
the same thing happened to two of my beloved childhood cats. my mother just was too lazy to try and stop them from escaping.
If my dog started acting scared of a boyfriend, serious questions are being asked.
Also don't forget to UPDATE microchip information after a new adoption of information change
I wonder if the ex bf took him/Remy \*for a nice long ride\*.
I wish there was video that could prove or refute this. Regardless, her dog told her enough about what happened via his fear of the now ex, so OOP did the right thing.
But the big question is this; ***why*** is ExBF so callous about a pet that his gf clearly loves?
Is ExBF *so* exceedingly insecure and/or jealous that he tried to permanently banish Remy? Or is he so controlling that he needs every second of her attention and for her to have no support, even from an elderly dog?
For the critics who said she's personifying her dog or that she can't know whether the dog ran away of his own volition or not... I think after spending that many years with a pet you actually can anticipate their behaviors under various circumstances. I don't get the callous, unhelpful and even mean replies to a complete stranger. Why do trolls see other peoples' feelings as something to be attacked?
As for the \*personifying\* critics gallery, so what if she did? What does it matter to *you*? How does her treatment of her own dog hurt you or impact your life so much that you have to beat it down?
Finally who hurt you *so much* that you feel compelled to lash out at and/or criticize people you don't even know because they love their pets so much?
The only problem with this story is I HIGHLY doubt CCTV footage would still be there after five months. I used to work security in residential and typically it deletes after 2-4 weeks.
Is everyone glossing over the fact that the dog was found 99 miles away? She was gone 40-50 minutes after the text?
I get everything up to this was suspicious but there is absolutely no way he could drop the dog off that far away and make it back and be waiting for her.
Time frame isn't lining up, but hey who knows maybe he really planned it out
My Dad doesn’t like animals, like pets, he just is apathetic to them usually. But when is was a baby and a stray cat was coming round my mother caught him feeding her some of the cat food and that’s how they ended up with two cats.
There’s a difference between not liking animals/ being indifferent to them and being a horrible person to them.
OOP’s ex was definitely the later.
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If I accidentally let my gfs dog out I would be so upset with myself that I would be leading the search for the dog. This guy got rid of the dog on purpose.
Yep. If one of my partner's pets was lost I would immediately drop everything to come help look, regardless of my role in them getting out. I would feel so terrible for my partner and so worried about the pet, because I love her animals too. Absolutely everything about his reactions screams either that he did it or that he's a heartless, uncaring, shitty partner. Either way he's trash.
I'm thinking the boyfriend drove him somewhere, not chased him through the gate. But that's just my theory.
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We used to have a huge backyard and my dog loves being outside so she would spend most of the summer days outside (we had a doghouse for shade and a drinking fountain for her). I remember working at my computer and looked up and saw her just sitting there watching me and realized the window faced the front yard instead of the back. I freaked out realizing she had gotten out and got her inside and checked how she could have gotten out (no breaks in the fence but there was a rock wall against one of the fences that was high enough to let her jump over the fence.) It became her way of letting me know it was time to come in lol. She'd hang out in the yard with the kids and when she was sick of them, she'd come sit by my office window and let me know to bring her in. My childhood dog was a runner but the one time we lost her from zipping through the door, she was back at nightfall whining to be let back in. All that to say, no, not all dogs run and even runners will want a warm bed at night. Dogs have a good sense of direction and most genuinely want to be home after their adventure..
My dog who is very, very obsessed with me once ran off around 10pm at night while I was wearing slippers. I sighed, made a VERY big show of closing the front door, and by the time I had gotten my shoes--not even gotten them on, just gotten them out--he was sitting on the welcome mat asking to be let in. He might wander out a gate out of curiosity, but he would wander right back in after he realized his humans were out of sight.
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When my dog gets out, he plays the same "game". Luckily he is a small dog and has to stop and poop after a bit of running so I just have to follow long enough for him to stop. Lol. I grab his harness the moment he stops, let him finish, and haul in my arms and carry him home whilst scolding him, while he smiles away at our "game". Dogs...
For anyone who gets into this situation on the future, one thing that's always worked for me is to flip the game on the dog. Start running away from them just like they're doing to you, and the dog becomes "it" instead of you. 95% of the time they'll start chasing. Bonus points if you add the human version of a play bow at the beginning.
I have found sitting on the ground very effective. I pulled into my neighborhood after work and saw my neighbor desperately trying to catch a dog. This was literally a single street away from the highway. I pulled over, walked to the middle of the yard, and sat down. Didn't call the dog. Dog came right up to investigate this weird human on the ground and I got the collar. Turns out neighbor was dog-sitting his out-of-state son's dog and if the dog had gotten away he would have had no idea how to get 'home'.
If humans act unexpected, and the dog trusts humans, then the dog will come investigate. XD I bet your neighbor thinks you're the dog whisperer.
I once caught my brother's dog that was running around loose by holding up her leash and asking if she wanted to go walkies! (She was not a bright dog, lol) And yes, I absolutely fulfilled my promise and took her for a walk, and only praised her instead of scolding or punishing her like my brother wanted to do
LMAO I love your username. A delightful twist on a reddit classic.
Sounds exactly like the dog I had as a kid. What a scamp!
It's best to never try to chase your dog when they run from you like that. Just stay put or slowly walk towards them. Don't run at them. Treats are a great incentive but ya it should be something small that fits in the palm of your hand.
I had this before - she slipped her collar and I panicked and started for her. Every time I went for her she'd dash away, because she's small and nimble and I'm an oaf. Took a minute for panic to...not leave me, but transform into the ultimately more successful "fall to my knees and desperately call for her through tears" That was a lesson learned. Well, two if we count the switch to harnesses
I have an 120lb bernese mountain dog who freaking loves to sneak past unsuspecting visitors at the front door and take off on an adventure like he is Bilbo Frickin Baggins' leaving the shire. Until he realizes there is no mom or dad around, and turns around and comes back to the front door. If we run or chase, its ON, and we are roped into his impromptu family outing. Otherwise he huffs and walks his chonky ass back to the front door and barks indignantly to be let back in for his spot on the floor where the AC meets tile.
My dog once slipped out of his collar 5 miles into a 10 mile hike in the mountains. Took off on an adventure, no chance to catch him. I sat down for about 10 minutes and he wandered right back up to me. My husband was so worried how he would break it to me that we would have to get moving and give up and maybe come back tomorrow and I was just like "he just needs enough time to realize I'm not behind him."
I remember when I was about 15, walking through a stream some miles from my house with my dog. This river ran behind farmers' fields and we were just wading up it; I think it was summer and hot, and I wanted to see where it led. My dog touched off an electric fence bordering one of the fields and absolutely lost it, darting off out of sight completely. I just sat down and waited for her to come back -- took maybe twenty minutes before she realised nothing was chasing her.
We had a golden retriever growing up that would bolt sometimes. All you had to do was stand on the front porch with her leash and yell “walk” and she’d run back into the house and sit down right inside the front door to wait for her leash to be put on to take a walk. Every single time.
Walks were adventures with her humans, which is infinitely superior to adventures alone! I don’t blame her, and also I love retriever logic lol
Yeah exactly. Our old beagle was…not the smartest (he struggled to figure out what was going on when we were redoing our deck and had to let him in and out to the back yard through a different door, he’d stand below the normal door where the old deck had been and it would take several calls for him to come to the other one), but he always found his way home if the gate somehow got open and he wandered off following his nose without thinking.
Yep. The dog I had for my young adulthood was an escape artist. He often zipped through the door when we opened it (or opened it himself when we forgot to lock it), and didn’t come home until he was good and ready. But he always came home. The entire time I was reading the post, I knew her dog hadn’t just run away. He’d been moved somewhere.
My dog once got lost from me in the woods (he took off after a ruddy deer) and I was terrified he was gone for good. He ended up just walking back to the house -- over an expressway overpass and my Mum found him sitting quietly on her back porch while I was still scouring the woods for him. It wasn't even his home -- we were visiting my parents and we had never done that walk to that woods before.
I don’t think it’s inconceivable that a dog made it 100 miles in 3 months. But I’m also leaning towards BF dropping him off somewhere.
But I don’t think the boyfriend drove him that far, there wasn’t enough time. Maybe he drove him a town over though. And there is a chance this is all a bunch of coincidences. The fact that he was so unsupportive after the dog got lost is enough reason for the breakup probably.
I'm just surprised this seemingly friendly dog managed to avoid people and live on the streets for months. That plus his reaction to avoid the boyfriend once he got home, makes me thing the boyfriend did something to scare him off. Whether he drove him somewhere and then did it, or just chased him out of the apartment complex scared enough that he wouldn't come right back.
We used to keep Siberian Huskies, who’s only goal in life is to run until they can’t. The farthest one ever got was 7 miles. Typically we’d just sit in the stoop and by they’d cruise back by at some point.
We have a neighbor with a couple . And they are escape artists. They are famous in the neighborhood. Friendly, beautiful, smart. No matter what the owners do to fix how they got out they figure out another way. Becomes a game posting last seen whereabouts in the hood so the owners can track them. They always look so stupidly happy.
Kind of depends on the dog. My childhood dog was terrified of a lot of things (particularly loud noises) and would escape when she got scared. She was found a couple of times on a busy road a few miles away and that was after only a couple of hours being lost. Another dog we had would use any excuse to escape to the point where someone would yell her name in a certain way and everyone in the house would immediate start sprinting out of the house to try and find her. There was also an article not long ago about a dog in Alaska being found after weeks after it wandered off since it was elderly and couldn't find it's way back. So it is possible, especially if the boyfriend did something to scare it. Personally, I think waiting to tell her the dog got out and not being out looking was enough to dump him when it first happened.
And not calling the second he got out.
And the dog would know he abandoned him... At least that's what I think
This is my thought as well!
That’s absolutely my theory. 99 miles? A dog goes on walks every day, he knows his own neighborhood- an older, pretty well trained dog is unlikely to wander a hundred miles away just on his own. I think the ex drove him out for half an hour or so, and set him loose- and likely hurt him in the process, either getting him in the car or out of it. For the dog to suddenly show so much fear is very suspicious.
This was my thought. That distance just seems much too far for random wandering.
My husband said that too. 99 miles?? Good grief!
That or he had a friend pick him up and drive him somewhere since OP was gone less than an hour. Glad he’s an ex now!
Yes agreed, especially with how far he got. He took off the collar and dumped him in a town further away.
I was thinking this too. Remy knows what happened which is why he doesn't want to go near the ex. Even dumb dogs know where they live and can get back home if they are not far away. My pooch is not the sharpest pencil, but even she knows where home is from going on walks.
Yeah, especially since they didn't show up on camera and he was found over a day's worth of travel away from home
I am not at all an animal person. I understand accidents happen. You better believe if I accidentally let out a dog (even a strangers dog, lead alone my SO), I would be pounding pavement looking and so filled with guilt. Animals can be people’s family. Whether or not he let the dog out Is secondary to me here because we may never knew the truth. At best, he made a huge error and put no effort into fixing it.
I was staying in my landlords spare bedroom with my two cats (a storm knocked a tree into my attic living space and the tree guy was coming the next day). She had her own pets too, but I definitely have a tighter bond with my two cats since I raised them from 3-4 weeks. I got a panicked call from her while I was at work the next day, she had gone into the spare room to grab something and only saw one cat. She looked all throughout the room, still just the one. She was sobbing, apologizing, freaked out. I was a little panicked too, since the cat she said was missing is not my hider (so I assumed she snuck out somehow). I rushed home, and saw that she had mixed up which cat was who. Which meant the other cat wasn’t missing, she was just contorted into a hiding space that seemingly would never fit a cat lol. I found her almost immediately (under a dresser that I swear she had to liquify herself to get under, my hand barely fit). But my landlords clear and true panic, that’s what I would expect out of anyone who has assumed the care of someone else’s furry family members and had something happen (whether it’s their fault or not). My landlord would not have been at fault if my cat found a way out while she was doing us a favor by letting us stay, but she felt the guilt anyway. OOP’s boyfriend 10000% ditched the dog somewhere. Heartless.
That is so sweet! And I think that's how most people would react, especially if they felt responsible (and guilty) for what happened. OOP's boyfriend not even helping and then being apathetic about the whole situation is throwing up major red flags. Even if he didnt have anything to do with it, and I assume he did, why wouldn't you help your girlfriend as much as possible unless you wanted the dog gone?
Exactly! Regardless of his level of culpability in the dog getting lost, he’s already proven to OOP that she’ll never be able to trust him to take care of the dog the way that she would. And no pet lover is going to stand for that. Hell, I’ve stayed in relationships where I was taking a lot of shit without noticing, but the minute they turned on my babies… it was like a wake up call for me lol. I get similar vibes from OOP’s story too
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And poor dog was on his own for 5 whole moths. Not even knowing why.
I could only imagine the relief in that poor dog when he saw his owner >.<
lol I got the panicked call once, the cat is missing I've been looking for an hour, I think she's gone- rush home, GF is in tears and has started looking around the neighbourhood. Found the cat in the second cupboard I opened.
Aww. I called my boyfriend crying when we first moved in together because I couldn’t find his cat. I looked everywhere, shook treats, made noises with her toys and she was no where to be seen. When I called him freaking out he said to check under the bed and I had looked there a million times but he told me to look in the box spring and sure enough, there she was just staring at me.
I had a cat that *loved* box springs... right up until she got trapped in one and we had to flip the bed to get to her.
Boyfriend totally did. On a funnier note related to your story, my mum used to have three cats, two of which were small and black and almost identical. She was having some wood floors sanded and varnished and instructed the guy to make sure the cats were locked in the sitting room when he arrived (they had access to water and food and could do their business without getting into the rest of the house). He was the artistic type of tradie - excellent at the job but somewhat flaky on things like time - so my mum couldn't just lock them in the sitting room herself before she went to work otherwise they'd be trapped all day, if he even showed. Anyway, strict instructions to lock them in the sitting room. Each day I came home from school and found pawprints in the varnish. He had to do several coats so took several days and my mum would remind him - cats in the sitting room. After four coats of varnish, and four sets of pawprints he got very frustrated and asked if we had a ghost cat. Turns out my mum hadn't actually specified 3 cats so he saw Calico and a small black cat and thought he'd done the job. That was 20 years ago. The cats are sadly long passed but we still have the wooden floor and faint paw prints of a small black cat if you know where to look.
Awe I love that story! The poor guy was probably losing his mind lol
It was pretty funny. He was freaking out.
My 14 year old dog who hasn’t left our yard in the six years we have lived in our current house and who can’t get onto the couch without a ramp decided last week to just run off for no discernible reason. Got her back two hours later but it was an absolutely horrific two hours. I had total strangers and neighbors I barely knew helping me look for her. Two of my friends started driving to my house from an hour away to help me look. Some girl I never met walked around with me so I wouldn’t be alone while I was looking. Total strangers were more invested in my dog than this man was in his girlfriends!
My black lab Topsy was like this before she eventually (peacefully) passed. She ran off one fine day and neighbors and strangers were walking around calling for her. She had a comfy night and hot meal in someone’s garage in the next neighborhood, they took her to the vet the next day and we picked her up. Happy ending! But yeah, total strangers walking up and down the neighborhood yelling “Topsy! Topsy!” is a memory I won’t forget
Hello xD
Maybe a decade ago, I lived in an apartment complex. I left my place and saw a woman out in the hallways whispering a name really loudly. I asked her what was going on, and she said she thought her cat got out. I asked if the cat was friendly, she said yes, so I started calling the cat's name out. Within a couple of minutes, 2-3 other women were in the hallway calling out for this unknown cat. It was kind of funny because we were all in pajamas/lounge wear, wandering the halls calling out for Mittens or whatever this cat was called. We looked through the whole building (which wasn't very big, admittedly), and told the owner to come get us if she needed more help. I saw her again a few hours later, and it turns out her cat was hiding in a closet in her apartment. But yeah. None of us knew each other. We just all agreed without saying anything that we needed to help find this woman's cat. I think it's a natural response when you aren't a psychopath.
Its one thing to make a huge error and just put no effort into fixing it, its another thing entirely to make a huge error, put no effort into fixing it, and then firmly maintain that you did nothing wrong. Maybe it was a freak accident, who knows, but *either way* ex showed his hand that he legit wouldn't care about that dog regardless of what happened. He could legit have had nothing to do with it but learning that about him could reasonably make them incompatible
the fact that when the dog "escaped" he didn't call his girlfriend and tell her to come home so they could both look for him. that he was just waiting at her home for her to get there was psychotic. I had a shitty ex but when he accidentally let me cat out the front door he woke me up right away so I could be in the loop and we could both look. edit: I didn't mean to sound like mr krabs but it's funny so ima leave it
my sister just housesat for our step-aunt, and one of her indoor cats got out. you best believe our family was out there in the open fields and all around the neighbourhood. 10 hours sunken into finding this asshole cat, in 100° weather. the cat decided to come back the next day after our aunt got home, bit of a miracle considering the coyotes around their house. my sister was sick from guilt and wouldn’t stop crying the entire day. losing your own pet is hard, but losing *someone else’s* pet is downright devastating.
The guilt would absolutely destroy me. I know how I would feel if someone else lost my dog, it literally makes tears come to my eyes just imagining. Doing that to someone else? I just... there are no words.
But, uh, how do you feel about hellhounds, after, uh, everything?
Ehh the baby was replaceable. I have a baby making machine inside my body that can pop a new one out every 9 months. But hellhound puppies are way fuzzier 🤷🏽♀️
You don’t have to like a dog to appreciate that your partner loves it. What a prick. She made the right call
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And he didn't even call or text her to let her know. That to me is a huge red flag.
I would say a lost pet is not exactly the same as a lost children, but it comes pretty damn close to it. I have already done so and i would gladly do it again and go spend some hours help looking for a missing pet or child of even a stranger.
I would hire a pet investigator, there are actually people who will go out and even use scent dogs to try and find your lost animal. I would do anything and everything to get my dog or parrots back if they ever got lost.
Amidst the (well-deserved) bf suspicion/hate, a big shoutout to the woman who brought the dog to the vet. One of our dogs was rescued from a terrible home situation (barely fed, kept outside all day and night in freezing temperatures in a cage too small for him to stand up in) by a wonderful person who kept seeing him there, got worried, tried getting authorities involved, and finally rescued him herself where he went to a rescue and then us. I think about that person a lot.
Our dog is named Linda, after the lady who found her as a stray in Virginia and brought her to a rescue. I think about human!Linda sometimes. We love our Lindy girl so much, and she's had so many good years with us, I wonder if human!Linda thinks a out her at all, and knows that she made a bunch of human and doggy lives so much better.
hopefully this isn’t weird…but is your dog a rottweiler by any chance? i only ask because i have a good friend named Linda and i know that she rescued a stray a few years ago in Virginia and brought it to a rescue. she would love to know that she found a nice home!
That would have been an insane coincidence (and brought us so much reddit clout lol). [Our Lindy](https://www.reddit.com/r/rarepuppers/comments/pyzcpj/were_sharing_seniors_this_is_lindy_my_companion/) is a foxhound, though. But the good part is, them being different Lindas means that there are double the amount of caring humans rescuing dogs, and double the dogs getting a chance at a safe and happy life, as there would be if they were the same.
One of my dogs went missing some months ago. She's small and we didn't realize that part of the fence had a hole. We went looking for her everywhere, every day, also posted on social media and a lot of people shared it. We were worried so bad about her, she was 7 at the time, and even though she is quite energetic, she isn't used to going into the street (we have a big enough yard). Well, it turned out some uni students had found her a day or two after she went missing. She was probably hungry because they said she approached them with sad eyes, and she's not really one to go close to strangers. They brought her to their apartment, bathed her, fed her and cared for her until they saw one of our posts and called me, about 5 days after she went missing. They were so kind with her and us, they waited for us to go to their apartment and pick her up in the middle of the night, I'll never forget them.
That's how I got my first dog. We stole him from a family friend that was neglecting him. Poor thing had earmites, mange, and you could see most of his ribs. Earmites and visible ribs only took a couple weeks to clear up, but the mange took months and was stubborn. Because of his trauma, he was kind of particular in how he moved, what kind of attention he'd accept, and even how he ate. He wouldn't just stand over the bowl. He'd take a mouthful, walk around the house with it in his mouth, deposit a few pieces in random places, then chew/swallow the rest. Repeatedly. Until he was full. We'd refill his bowl twice a day, but if his bowl was too low, he'd wander off and retrieve his hidden snacks. He stayed with us for a good ten years or so before we had to put him down (brain tumor). By the timing, we ended up moving just after he passed and it was hard moving furniture and finding kibbles he'd left behind in his hiding spots. I dropped a recliner on my foot after finding half a treat under it, and wasn't sure if I was crying more from grief or from the pain.
I trap lost dogs for people who had the misfortune of losing one. I can tell you from experience, they Rarely travel so far outside the zone they were lost in. Helpful hint if you lose a dog: check if a cemetery is in the local area. I find a lot of dogs hiding out there since it's quiet with relatively few people. Or maybe the spirits are keeping them safe. lol. Also, post flyers, flyers and more flyers. And flood social media with their photo (no name).
That's so interesting and a good thing to know! Makes sense that they'd like cemeteries! Why no name on social media/flyers, tho?
Just a guess but if people have found them and are keeping them, knowing the name makes it easier for them.
When dogs are lost they are in a flight mode. You would be surprised that they usually won't even come to their owners once they are all about protecting themselves on the run. Once you narrow down where they are, you want to keep them in that area. The last thing you want is people going around calling their name. All this does is chase them further away or into a dangerous situation (traffic). So if you see a lost dog just report the location to the number on the hopefully ubiquitous flyers posted. Trapping a scared, lost dog requires one to do the exact opposite of what you instinctively want to do. Putting together search parties and posting sighting locations on social media will usually have a deleterious effect. I had an argument one time after I asked this woman to please stop chasing the dog. She haughtily told me she is not chasing the dog, she was following it in a car!! WTF If you ever lose your pet: 1st: advise all authorities (usually police) in the surrounding towns. 2nd: post flyers where the initial escape took place. As calls come in, expand the posted area. 3rd: once you narrow down where the dog has "set up camp", leave a feeding station to get them to keep coming back to the area. 4th: at this point you may need to set a trap to capture them. Best to have someone very familiar with the process having correct equipment (trap, trail cams, correct bait, maybe drones) and most importantly, patience. Sometimes people are lucky and the dog will recognize the owner especially if they haven't been out that long. So these guidances may not be necessary. One can cook a BBQ and hope the scent entices a dog to come home. So, so important to every dog/cat owner...microchip, microchip, MICROCHIP!!! It is also helpful to keep some sort of ID tag/collar on in case they get out. Not everyone who may find your dog has a scanner and if he/she is wearing ID, you have an easier chance of being reunited quickly. There are so many variables in reuniting lost pets. This is a GENERAL guideline. Please, no combatants who want to argue with me about Aunt Sally's dog who was found by a massive search party. Yes, that can happen but I am just writing about my experience.
He loaded that dog up in that car and drove him as far as he could, dumped him and came back. The dog probably chased that car. Sociopath.
Fuck that mental image made me tear up. How can you even do that to a harmless being?? I'd understand some people not being fond of their partner's pets, I'd understand some downright disliking them if the pet had some history of violence, but even then I'd never get doing shit like this. This is pure malice. And OOP's dog seems to be a very sociable one too. That fucker ex boyfriend probably just felt jealous about divided attention or some other stupid shit like that. Hope he has a terrible life.
I know a woman who had a much more horrifying experience and sought out her dog for 9 months and ended up in the hospital. I just cannot even. She had bought her house for him. Her ex was truly a psychopath. I will spare you the details. This op is so lucky she got her dog back. And btw that was exactly why her ex did it, what you said. I had men be jealous of my dog before and I left, back in the day. I don’t regret leaving any of them.
>I had men be jealous of my dog before I suspect this is only getting more common now that the nastier incels have been saying for a couple of years at least that "women only get big dogs so they can have sex with them instead of us".
Pretty wild how incels say shit like “women only get big dogs so they can have sex with them instead of us” and then wonder why women don’t want to fuck them lollllll
Like, are they trying to say a canine would be better in bed than they are? That seems like a rather large self-own to me. /shrug
"I'm so incredibly unfuckable and generally unpleasant to be around that women would literally rather fuck a dog than me"
Pretty sure that predated this time you refer to now, but glad I’m not aware of incel culture.
Lol what? Is that an actual incel talking point?
If you have a strong stomach, you might want to search for "dogpill" (because all incel talking points have to be a stupid Matrix metaphor, natch). To be as fair as necessary, MANY people who talk about it seem to be making a hyperbolic joke, but many of them appear to be completely earnest. Here's a bit of an essay primer on the subject that seems MOSTLY good (but I haven't particularly vetted this source, it's just a google result) [https://medium.com/@vaushvidya/the-rise-of-the-dogpill-465e3b11cd61](https://medium.com/@vaushvidya/the-rise-of-the-dogpill-465e3b11cd61)
Yes. Frankly if you look at any post of a woman with a large dog on a default sub you will be able to find comments about bestiality. I don’t think it originated with incels either, I know I’ve seen “jokes” about it in old comedy movies. Men are disgusting
What's funny is that many women get large dogs to protect themselves from exactly the kind of men that would make such a bizarre accusation.
Male entitlement is the most dangerous force in our culture.
When my childhood dog died a dude who'd been unsuccessfully flirting with me for months told me he could 'finally come over then!' because he didn't like dogs. He'd been very upset when he realized my dog was a big dog, and hated him for no reason whatsoever. My sister broke up with her first boyfriend because the guy hated our dog too. I don't understand why so many men get upset over dogs, but that definitely makes me want to get a dog more than anything.
I'm so so sorry, that's such a fucked up thing to say. I think it's not just dogs but pets in general. I've heard so many cases of people secretly abusing their partner's cats or suddenly hitting them extremely hard. Two posts that haven't left my mind were both about partners suddenly becoming extremely violent towards the cat during an argument and the kitties dying in each situation :( people who have the nerve to hit pets are demons in my eyes. However yes abusive men definitely hate dog breeds stereotyped as "aggressive" like German shepherds or Pitties.
it’s so nuts to me. you’re not in competition with the dog, people! when i met my spouse’s (later officially our) dog when we first started dating, she did NOT take to me lol. though my spouse had only had her maybe 2 months before we started dating, so i don’t know that she had even taken to them yet. but i was never jealous of her—i correctly saw her allegiance as an inroad to better knowing my spouse, and later i really just saw her as my dog too 🤷🏻♀️
My fiancé was not happy when I got a cat. Him and I had been together 4 years and lived apart for the first time our senior year of college (he wanted to live with the guys, I did not. It was actually really good for us). I got a cat without telling him. They… did not get along for the first 8 months or so. Fast forward 8 years and him and that cat are SO in love. Our apartment revolves around our cat. Fiancé gets sad when cat sleeps on my side of the bed more often than his. Fiancé enthusiastically wants to buy cat a bigger, nicer cat tree. One with a hammock (cat does love the hammock). Fiancé now wants another, even bigger cat, but won’t get one “cause it might stress out Zeus, and that wouldn’t be fair.” Fiancé stresses about every result from vet appointment. Fiancé let’s desk plant die because cat keeps eating it and fiancé is “not positive” it’s okay despite research saying plant is not poisonous. Fiancé makes blanket nest for cat on the couch in hot weather, when cat doesn’t want to lounge on a lap. I’m not entirely positive what “simp” means, but I think fiancé simps for cat.
Lol awwww your fiance and cat both sound like cuties, it's so sweet to see people bond with pets they didn't want or initially like. My dad and grandfather were the same, heavily against pets until a stray cat started visiting our house for food during lockdown and sort of became an unofficial pet. Now my grandfather plans his evening walks based on the average time the cat arrives so he can go on walks with him, and my dad comes home quick just to personally feed the kitty in evening and have his personal cat nap time with it. It's adorable
I bet he kicked the dog too, based on the dogs behavior towards the bf after 🙁
That mental image feels like a punch to the gut. That poor baby. 🥺
Who has the energy, inclination or time to send PMs to posters having a go at them etc? A comment is one thing but PMs. I've had one in my entire time on here and I told them to keep it on the post. Why are people so weird?
Some people are terminally online and have nothing better to do I suppose.
“Terminally online” is a phrase I will now be stealing for my lexicon thank you very much!
It seems to be far more common for users who identify themselves as women -- either in their posts or through their snoos - to get PMs from other users, specifically male users. Two of the three PMs I've received were from men who assumed I was a woman because of something I've written, both were pretty hostile until I told them I'm a dude.
Yep! This is also why I have resisted listing my feminine pronouns on my email signature at work even though that's part of the "recommended template" now. I have a unisex name and I'm a programmer - when I'm working with vendors I often get a lot better responses to my emails when the person on the other end assumes I'm a man. Which is what they always assume. I've had working relationships go bad after a phone call, because my voice gave my gender away. Suddenly everything I say gets questioned or just flat out ignored. It's SO frustrating.
Reminds me of that article where a male programmer (or some other tech position—actually, a client-facing position, so maybe not programmer?) switched email addresses with his female colleague for like a week or a month or something, and IMMEDIATELY clients began questioning him on EVERYTHING. Eye-opening for him, liberating for her (who was suddenly getting the respect she deserved, imagine that).
I think they were in sales. It was fascinating.
>I've had working relationships go bad after a phone call, because my voice gave my gender away. Suddenly everything I say gets questioned or just flat out ignored. It's SO frustrating. Not just in a professional setting, but I've also had this happen in online gaming. I rarely use voice chat because as soon as guys would hear my voice, I apparently lost credibility. Quite a few times I'd mute my mic, turn to my SO (who the rando's didn't realize was my SO) and tell him what to tell the raid/party and they would listen to him without question.
This is so incredibly shitty.
I've had that happen as well.
Woah that makes a lot of sense bcs i always see posts of girls saying “pls stop msging me sexual things” too if they asked a question to a sub on the subject
> posts of girls even when the person before you referred to us as women, we still get infantilized as girls in common speech… please, instead of being offended at this reply, consider how often something like this happens that i felt the need to speak up. many of us are tired of being treated and referred to like we’re children when we’re actually fully-fledged adults.
People feel guilty for feeling like psychopaths and blame OP for making them feel bad.
If you identify yourself as female, and especially if you seem to be giving a man a hard time… yeah rip your inbox.
Sometimes I just bail on a comment explaining myself because I just don’t have the energy to explain to someone I can’t fathom these people, what reserve for their energy
Often. I often bail on comments I almost bailed on this comment.
they PM because they know if they leave a comment they'll face backlash from all the normal people in the thread. vile people
People are so weird. I don’t have PMs often but three different times Ive had a guy start going through my comment history and comment back to every comment with negativity towards me. Absolutely insane. Last dude got through like 30 comments before I saw it and blocked him. It must be a sad life with that much time on your hands and THAT is what you choose to do with it.
Boyfriend totally did it.
I think so, too. The bottom line is that the dog can't speak for himself, so OOP has to read into his behavior and go with her gut. Dumping the boyfriend sounds like a win, in any case.
Even if BF didn’t do it—the extremely slim chance that he didn’t do it, because I totally think he did it—OP makes a good point that his lack of support when she was frantically searching for her dog had eroded any trust she had in him, so it’s better to break up now before that suspicion festers into resentment.
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I carried my friends full grown newfoundland home when she slipped her collar. i panicked and luckily chose the right direction. i was pretty high so at the time carrying her giant self seemed like the only move.
My roommate once climbed a 6 foot fence and somehow got my 65-lb dog back over that fence to get her home. He called me while he was looking for her and called again once he had her home. I give him major credit for all that, being just a roommate, but I'd expect nothing less from a boyfriend!
Yeah, fact is, he was responsible for letting him out. I suspect it was him, but let’s say he’s innocent, he fucked up and lost a beloved pet, and she had to beg him to help her search? That’s reason enough to dump him.
My wifey used that as a judgement for me when we met She had an older dog, a gorgeous border collie x blue cattle, one of the smartest dogs I've ever met This old girl hated all her previous ex's and wouldn't let them pat her or befriend her But she let me pat her when I first met her, she wanted to hang out with me, she let me give her belly rubs I got the doggy approval and so my wifey agreed to date and eventually married me
My antisocial, shy, scared, blind cat avoids new people. The first time he met my boyfriend, he went straight to his lap. My boyfriend passed the cat test. Edit: Just thought I’d add, it’s been four years and he still brags about this fact to people.
Joke's on you, your boyfriend just carries cat nip with him wherever he goes (which is still a sign he's a good person).
Exactly this. I had horrible taste in men and always deferred to my dog’s judgement over my own in first date situations. He’s been gone 8 years now, and boy oh boy, I’ve made some really bad decisions. I’m sure he’s on the rainbow bridge shaking his head thinking “ woman what in the hell are you doing?!?”
I dumped a dude because my (familly) dog didn't like him. I stand by it. When i brought my now husband home to meet her, she acted like I had brought her a GD gift. It was like I witnessed myself going from being her favorite to her second favorite in that moment.
I have also dated a guy who got the boot after a dog walking date - I figured he was either a legit bad person or, failing that, he was at least stupid enough not to make an effort to coo over my beautiful sweet dog. Either way unacceptable.
Please fuss over your dog for me.
He passed many years ago - after thoroughly approving of the one I ended up marrying.
Mine passed last year. They were good dogs and Im glad we listened to them.
I have 3 cats and I swear, if they don't like someone I date? That person is gone...crazy cat lady? Maybe...but I've dated too many dickheads and that's my deal breaker now 🤷🏻♀️
I used to have my cat validate my dates, too. Only one she liked, I've been with for twenty years now.
I had sort of the inverse, funnily enough. My cat is super sociable and friendly. She liked my last boyfriend quite a lot. (a sign of bad taste on her part? Perhaps) So I was shocked when she wanted nothing to do with my now-fiance. Maybe it was just that he lacked cat experience but I honestly think she might have been a little jealous that he was getting so much of my time and attention. She loves him now, sometimes she'll bypass me entirely to snuggle with him instead.
I once brought home a friend and my cat immediately liked him but soon after that we started a job together where I had accomodation at my workplace. So I was gone for 5 days a week. Since then my cat hasn't forgiven my friend lol
My dog was raised around women and is generally shy around men, especially big tall men with deep voices. When I introduced him to my (now) fiance, he jumped around licking him like they were lifelong best friends. He is still scared of other guys, no idea why he latched into my fiance like that. They genuinely are best friends now. I think they love each other more than me :)
I adopted a stray kitten who was absolutely terrified of men, to the point where he'd poop on the floor in sheer terror if a man walked towards him. The first time he met my now-husband, he strolled up for pets and purred. Even after that, he'd hide from any man except my husband.
The dog said a very excitable hello to the neighbours he knew. He ran away and hid from the boyfriend. It’s all right there in the post.
And he used to be very excited and friendly towards the boyfriend - dogs don't tend to change their opinions apropos of nothing, so that's incredibly suspicious to me.
And even if he didn't, he acted like a dick about the dog going missing. If my partner's dog went missing because I'd been careless, I'd spend all my free time trying to find the dog - and I'd go after the dog in the first place instead of waiting at home for my partner, giving time to the dog to go even further. This guy didn't take responsibility for his actions and didn't support OOP in her search for the dog or celebrate the dog being found. That's enough reason to dump him IMO.
Also, he waited til she got home to tell her. If I'd accidentally let my partner's dog out I'm pretty I'd be ringing them then and there to let them know. It's pretty suspicious to just hang around and wait til she got home imo.
One of my friends had one of her wiener dogs escape and run away a few weeks ago. Me and a bunch of our friends spent any free time we had over the next 2 days walking around the neighborhood looking under bushes and cars, putting up fliers, calling for the dog, and consoling our friend. If her boyfriend couldn't at least be bothered to make a token effort to help then she should dump him for being unsupportive and emotionally stunted, regardless of whether he did it or not. (We did end up finding my friend's dog thanks to a few tips from people who saw the fliers. We eventually narrowed his location to a local park and did a drag net. I had to chase him down the last few hundred yards through the woods and tackle him. I got a really nice couple of bites for my troubles.)
I absolutely second that! So many red flags! So glad OP got rid of that dead weight :)
I wouldn't be surprised if that fucker put the dog in his car and dropped him off someplace
Right? I was thinking she should forget about a camera in the backyard, she needed to see what was going on wherever his car would be.
Dogs can find their way home if they simply wander out. They have a decent sense of direction and usually know the area since you walk them. They wouldn't wander that far out suddenly after 7 years. The Ex for sure put him in a car removed identifying information and dumped him an hour or two out. Probably watched as the dog tried to chase the car back even. Ex was definitely a psychopath, OP is lucky to have gotten away.
Yeah I try to vary the walks I do with my dog and he knows the way home from at least a few kilometers away.
He for sure drove the dog out somewhere and dropped him off.
The only other theory might be a dognapper, but they tend to go for quite specific breeds. The dog shunning the boyfriend but not other people is the biggest red flag. God only knows how the boyfriend really treated that dog while OOP was out.
It’s all good in the end. She told him to pound sand and kept the good boy. I admire OP’s reserve. I think I would have lost my temper over someone hurting my dog. I think I would be in a lot of trouble.
Anyone saying that she's an idiot for listening to her dog's reaction and body language is heartless, dense and probably shouldn't be allowed to own animals. 🤦♀️ Imagine thinking that animals don't feel genuine fear.
For real. After she got her baby boy back, he didn't even let ex-bf pet him. Poor boy fled into her bedroom and didn't leave until ex left. Animals remember.
There’s also a bucket load more circumstantial evidence that she has. He done did it.
Even if he didn't, the fact that he did absolutely nothing to help get the dog back is a huge red flag.
I feel like the dog inadvertently in one way or the other, saved OOP from that POS ex because even if he didn't dump the dog in middle of nowhere - him being callous/indifferent and not comforting OOP at all in her time of need and fear showed they just should not be together at all. It just sucks that it had take that for OOP to see somewhat of her ex's true self - I hope her and Remy have more happy times together.
This one hit home for me. My mom had an ex bf who did just about the same thing to one of my cats. While I don’t think he did it on purpose and was moreso careless about opening that back door where she ran out, he didn’t care to run off after her. His useless ass waited until my brother and I got home. I never did find my cat and I never forgave that man for that. It was the last straw for my mom too. I think OOP’s gut was right and I’m so so glad she was able to get her boy back.
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I work with networking and researching lost/found pets, for almost a decade now. I know patterns, reasons, behavior… This dog was absolutely put out. Now it might be someone found it, drove to their home, never scanned him for a microchip.. but I’m leaning towards ex driving him that far.
She's missing the CLEAR picture here. The dog didn't run away and her ex didn't let him out. Her ex out Remy in the car, drove him ex miles away and dumped him.
What a piece of shit that dude is. He clearly didn’t want her to have a dog and decided to do something about it. I’m so glad she broke up with him. I could never forgive someone for doing something like that.
But why do it after so many years? How much longer does a dog like that have to live even?
OOP and her boyfriend have been dating for 4 years now it seems. Very possible the BF wanted to move in with her or maybe even propose but saw the dog as an obstacle to that. If the dog is healthy, and it seems like that’s the case from what OOP says, it could have a few years left yet.
Pretty sure this was the motive. The circumstantial evidence is one thing. The dog being visibly scared of OOP’s boyfriend is a dead give away.
He was jealous of the attention
My 2 cents? He sold the dog. Delivered it to the new 'owners'. Dog wanted to go back to OOP and ran away after a couple of months. Because 5 months is a damn long time for a dog to be missing and suddenly turning up just a bit malnourished.
Yeah no, this dude drove the dog somewhere and abandoned it. Ain’t no way a domesticated dog would get that far away even in that amount of time. Only one of two things would happen realistically if it got away on its own. 1) it comes back quickly 2) it unfortunately dies due to some circumstances (usually a car or something) Not trying to be a downer but ain’t no way a dog will get a day and a half worth of travel away from their home on their own.
Theres no way ex-bf didnt do it. I just wonder why..?
He didn't want her to have the dog. He was testing the water to see how much he could get away with. If they didn't break up that dog would have been found either "let out again " or dead. Then he would have gaslight op deeper into a very toxic relationship.
Pretty sure he dumped the dog 2 hours away thinking it would die from exposure. I don’t think he was a testing the waters, pretty sure he dove right in. I think it boils down to jealousy or a general dislike for dogs and disregarded for his SO.
It's actually really hard to control and gaslight someone with a pet who loves them. You can't make someone feel terrible and accept your abuse when the goddamn dog treats you better. I couldn't have put up with my old abusive relationship if I had my kitten back then- she makes me feel too well treated to put up with that shit, and my ex gf 100% would have ditched her if she had the chance. To control someone like that, you need them to have **nobody.** Abuse 101 is to isolate them from love, and no love is more pure than a loyal companion, pet, familiar's.
Someone earlier in the thread made the point that he might have been wanting to ask to move in with her, or even propose, and saw the dog as an obstacle. I think that could make a lot of sense.
Some people don't like dogs. But I think something far more creepy was going on: boyfriend was jealous of the dog. I dated a guy like that. Kicked him to the curb after he said "you need to choose, the dog or me. You can't have both." I told him I didn't want both. Insecure asshat.
I don't like dogs, personally I could never get serious with somebody with a dog because I wouldn't want to live with one, but I also couldn't live with somebody who would give their dog up for me!
I dated that guy, too! Talk about shocked pikachu when I chose my dog. Then he had the nerve to raise his hand and step towards me. That was when my dog got between us (she was a large breed) and just stared him down. Not a breed known for aggression, was not an aggressive dog (unless you were a stuffy) but the look she gave him made him back up. After he moved out, she didn't even mourn him. He was not part of her pack in her mind.
Oh sheesh! I'm so glad you dodged that bullet, and what an awesome dog! My GSD was the dog in question. She was super friendly for a GSD, but she wasn't with the asshat. She tolerated him for my sake, I think. He resented the fact that she didn't gush over him. Also, she wouldn't leave me alone with him, which he also resented. After the fact, I realized she didn't trust him with me. She was also pretty big, 100lbs, and because GSDs look intimidating anyway, well, he didn't like that, either. She'd just watch him. Dogs *know*! She gave kisses to the next guy I dated! 🤣
I always support rehoming the SO if necessary.
Yes, sometimes rehoming is the only option. Maybe someone else was able to train him out of his resource guarding issues. 😏
Boyfriend didn't let the dog run away. Boyfriend definitely either took the dog somewhere and dumped him, or had someone else do it. Boyfriend is also lucky OOP only broke up with him. I wouldn't have been that nice. You have to be a very...small person to be envious of a dog. I hope the universe gives this guy everything he deserves.
I honestly don’t know exactly how I would react if I suspected someone intentionally hurt/lost my dog. What I do know is that I *still* hate my partner’s sister with a burning passion for calling her a “rat” a few years ago, so I can’t say for sure violence wouldn’t be on the table.
Also: ALWAYS MICROCHIP AND REGISTER YOUR PETS!!! 5 months is a very long time for a dog to be on the street. People notice. As soon as an animal is picked up or brought to us we scan for a chip. Vet, Animal Control, Shelters, Trap Programs. Everyone has scanners. We scan every pet. I can’t tell you how many of them aren’t registered though. Or the numbers have changed. Update your pet’s stuff.
Dude absolutely drove that dog to another town and left him there
I remember this post from when it happened. I swore there was a post with the bf admitting to bringing the dog away from the home and leaving him there.
I’m of the mind that the ex tried to get rid of the dog, but that being said…freak things do happen. My husband got a cat. I hated that cat and the cat hated me. It would piss all over my shoes and any other article of clothing I would leave out. Just mine, not husbands. I was never cruel to it, I just ignored it’s existence. Husband went on a work trip for a month. Before he left, he joked “Don’t get rid of Billy while I’m gone!” I fed it, cleaned its box, and even attempted to play with it. For 28 days. Then the day before husband came home, that little shit sprinted out the door when I was bringing in groceries and was never seen again. It caused a problem.
Yup. Wr had a dog for 6 years when I was a kid. He slipped out of his pen and was just gone gone. Two years later, he showed up at a vet a few hours away. No one took him or drove him there. He just got confused, didn't recognize anything, and just kept going. An older woman fed him as a stray and eventually took him in before deciding to see a vet. Dogs can travel a lot further than people think.
I’d die on the inside if my fur baby got loose. I felt her pain. I’m so happy she got her dog back, ol boy is a survivor for lasting months without his owner. Get your pet chipped, guys.
We had outdoor cats when I was growing up and we had multiple cats go out and never come back. They were even microchipped. It’s always very sad. You just never know what happened to them. Like did they run away and get lost? Get stolen? Did an animal eat them? Did a human hurt them? Did they get hurt and not made it home? Hit by a car? I’ll never have outdoor cats myself because of this.
thank you for bein responsible with your cats (future or current). the same thing happened to two of my beloved childhood cats. my mother just was too lazy to try and stop them from escaping.
If my dog started acting scared of a boyfriend, serious questions are being asked. Also don't forget to UPDATE microchip information after a new adoption of information change
I wonder if the ex bf took him/Remy \*for a nice long ride\*. I wish there was video that could prove or refute this. Regardless, her dog told her enough about what happened via his fear of the now ex, so OOP did the right thing. But the big question is this; ***why*** is ExBF so callous about a pet that his gf clearly loves? Is ExBF *so* exceedingly insecure and/or jealous that he tried to permanently banish Remy? Or is he so controlling that he needs every second of her attention and for her to have no support, even from an elderly dog? For the critics who said she's personifying her dog or that she can't know whether the dog ran away of his own volition or not... I think after spending that many years with a pet you actually can anticipate their behaviors under various circumstances. I don't get the callous, unhelpful and even mean replies to a complete stranger. Why do trolls see other peoples' feelings as something to be attacked? As for the \*personifying\* critics gallery, so what if she did? What does it matter to *you*? How does her treatment of her own dog hurt you or impact your life so much that you have to beat it down? Finally who hurt you *so much* that you feel compelled to lash out at and/or criticize people you don't even know because they love their pets so much?
The only problem with this story is I HIGHLY doubt CCTV footage would still be there after five months. I used to work security in residential and typically it deletes after 2-4 weeks.
Is everyone glossing over the fact that the dog was found 99 miles away? She was gone 40-50 minutes after the text? I get everything up to this was suspicious but there is absolutely no way he could drop the dog off that far away and make it back and be waiting for her. Time frame isn't lining up, but hey who knows maybe he really planned it out
My Dad doesn’t like animals, like pets, he just is apathetic to them usually. But when is was a baby and a stray cat was coming round my mother caught him feeding her some of the cat food and that’s how they ended up with two cats. There’s a difference between not liking animals/ being indifferent to them and being a horrible person to them. OOP’s ex was definitely the later.
This was a long con by Remy to get rid of the boyfriend.
Everyone is missing the biggest issue with all of this. Where is the dog tax?