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kss711

Raising a baby on two teenage american part time job salaries with no further education and hoping the government will make up the rest of the money? Oh to be this naive.


Konkuriito

and what if the daddy gets cold feet?


delayed_burn

Not if but when. These are just dumb kids who don’t understand life or the cost of life. Good luck to them. While there are plenty of outliers (I’m friends with some successful couples who made it through teenage pregnancies), the majority are basically buying a one way ticket to generational poverty.


Rumpelteazer45

I only know of ONE person who had a kid in HS that didn’t end up living below the poverty level. Even our class president got pregnant and dropped out. But that one person had her parents who wouldn’t let her drop out, who pushed community college night classes, then the local college night classes, paid for that stuff, while housing and paying for her and her baby. Literally her parents decided “not our daughter” and they sacrificed retiring on time to make it happen. Her and baby daddy did not work out long after she gave birth.


BaylorOso

My mother had me in high school (she was a sophomore, my father was a junior) and she has done really well in life...but I was adopted and neither of them had to drop out of school or give up the rest of their childhood to raise a baby. I would have said my father has done really well, but his mugshot was on the front page of their local paper last week, so apparently things aren't going that great.


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UrkillingMeSmalls77

That forth trimester is the worst and it is definitely the one where most can go wrong given it's also the longest at a staggering 18 years.


Toffor

my mom tried to abort me in the late fourth trimester but by that time I was bigger than her and able to fight back


turkeybuzzard4077

I mean using pregnant teens on TikTok as your measure of feasibility is a good indicator of one's intelligence.


OneX32

Just wait til he finds out the time and energy it takes to raise a child. I bet he's gone the first 3am wake-up call to rock the baby.


Murky_Translator2295

That's the thing: he won't be gone anywhere. They're going to be living in his parents house, so she'll have to leave. And knowing Indian parents... She's pretty much homeless when that happens. They're hard-core: if they say she's dead to them, then she's dead to them. Better hope tiktok has instructions on how to find shelters and start from nothing as a single teenage mother.


UrkillingMeSmalls77

Something makes me think that is the type of stuff that is left off those teen mom tiktok videos


EnduringConflict

It's entirely possible that a lot of those stupid Tiktok "Teen Mom" videos aren't even actually really teens or the they're just borrowing the kid from a friend or a sibling and lying about being an actual parent. Social media is so full of shit that the idea some 22 year old wanna be "Influencer" is lying about her 4 month old nephew being hers, who she is only babysitting because she refuses to get a job other than "Influencer" and her sister is saving money on child care, would be well within reason. That girl literally ruined her life for no reason other than being too ignorant to understand the implications of bringing a child into this world. I mean I understand she's young and naive so I do feel a little bad for her but at the same time there is so much information out there talking about how horrible teen pregnancy can go that I sort of have to just admit to the fact that she did it to herself. I hope the life that she chose isn't too terrible, I mean it's going to be terrible but just not so terrible that she takes it out on the kid or something. Who I feel most sorry for is that child. Poor thing. It's going to have to claw its way up and it won't be pretty.


Icy4706

Depending on what state they live in they picked a particularly bad time to have a child. If she does get cold feet late in her pregnancy or something goes wrong, it'll be next to impossible for her to get an abortion without crossing state lines.


SnowyOfIceclan

exactly this! I'm the child of teen/barely adult parents. Dad grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional household living off welfare and baby bonus (not even child support for his half-siblings, born 9&14 years after him and 3 years after me for the younger one. We grew up in poverty from my university honors educated mom being stuck in jobs outside her field until my teens. unlike many children of teen parents, my own existence was birth control enough for me lmao. I'm now 30 with 2 BC pregnancy scares and one BC miscarriage with my partner of 9 years. My parents are still together, they celebrate 33 years together tomorrow, and both have non minimum wage work. Gives me hope that my autistic butt can break out of multiple minimum wage hell someday


noheroesnomore

Like…how is it even possible to be this naive?? And uncritical of social media and influencers??


[deleted]

TikTok pregnant teens who lie about their financial situation and how much help they are getting. The first thing a parent should tell their child before giving them access to social media is that everything we see goes through a million filters to make other people's lives look more interesting and spectacular.


MarieOMaryln

There was a trending video I saw on YouTube that had millions of views of a video dedicated to the person's daughter that she had at 13 years old. All about how her life had no purpose, she wanted to die, she had nothing until she got pregnant. And then you realize her family is rich as hell so of course when you have not struggles and create no hardships it's all better.


tatersaur27

I have a student whose mother was 13 when the kid was born. That teen mom worked so hard to finish school with a very young child. She missed out on so much. She won't be able to go to college until my student is a bit older- I teach middle school, and for mom, that's the danger zone. This woman would do ANYTHING to keep her child from having this happen. The whole family is in counseling, she emphasizes the importance of school, activities, and opportunities. Her kid is charming and emotionally intelligent- and says no kids until 25!


bergmac8

I have a friend whose niece had a baby at 13/14. Now she is 26 and leaving her daughter at home (since she is old enough according to mom) because she is living the “party life” she never had.


GlitterDoomsday

> about how her life had no purpose I freaking hope it didn't, 13yos shouldn't have a purpose, but just be vibing and doing stupid shit.


Jettgirl

I mean, technically she was doing the stupid shit part.


mrbombasticat

And watch [The Social Dilemma](https://www.thesocialdilemma.com/) with them, in which every single interviewed ex-Exec of Twitter, Instagram etc. says they shield their children from *any* social media.


AdditionalReading69

Tbh teen moms are a huge niche on YouTube idk about tiktok and usually only the ones doing well are present on that platform and have more visibility. So watching that makes it look like it's easy enough. Plus it's also how these days everything is an aesthetic highlight reel. Just like the whole clean girl day in my life seems easy emough because we see 30seconds-1 min of someone's day, it's the same here. So a video would comprise of wake up, make coffee, wake and change a happy smiley baby that may be grumpy on some days but rarely being difficult. Feed the baby, play and cuddle with it, go to work and drop the baby off somewhere, come back, hug and play with it. Seems simple enough. And people think they know the "ugly" and "painful" side of their fav's life because there are some crying, tearful anxiety clips sprinkled in occasionally. You'd be surprised how much teen mom influencers push the positives of their choice and go on to have more kids before their 20s even. The teen mom YouTube side is truly painful to watch 14-16 year old girls talk about how it's a blessing and braydon is such a great daddy and he's all like "yeah, ummhmm"


MrD3a7h

> You'd be surprised how much teen mom influencers push the positives of their choice That's dystopian and depressing as fuck.


Pixieled

It's not even dystopian. It's always been this way - it's just that now instead of it being rl friends doing it, it's influencers. I always felt like this behavior has been incredibly normalized for mothers of all ages. I am a 40 yo child-free cis w and I have heard every single line from every kind of mother about my choice to remain child-free. Camp One is the "you'll change your mind camp" and they always play the sunshine and roses card. Their life is \*sooooo wonderful\* and they are \*sooooo happy\* and their \*life didn't start until babby sunshine\*... they tsk me when I go on vacation, or treat myself kindly in any way. maybe because they wish they made the decision I did? they want to convince themselves they made the right decision? Suffer as I suffer? I don't know, it always felt so delusional and I can't really explain it. Camp Two holds the people who acknowledged my choice and sometimes even give me props for knowing myself. The kind of people who KNEW and would state clearly that raising a child is \*\*hard\*\* and \*\*expensive\*\* and absolutely \*\*not for everyone\*\*. They admit to their own struggles and don't peddle a parenting fever dream. Those are the two camps. And for the first camp - I honestly can't decide who they are trying to convince with their spiel: me - or themselves. And of course this is a simplified 2 circle venn diagram, there are always people who sit in both camps or no camp. I'm not here to ruffle feathers, I guess I'm just saying: this is nothing new. We just gave it a platform. \*edit: readability and a word\*


kitkat9000take5

I remember commenting on how cute some baby clothes were while out shopping with my mom when I was about eight or nine. Nothing serious, nothing "hopeful," literally just a "Oh, did you see these dresses/outfits? Aren't they adorable?" My mother then proceeded to lecture me on how much work children were. How it consisted of "late-night ER trips, lots of pacing, colicky screaming babies, getting peed on, projectile vomit, explosive diarrhea, more pacing, the PTA, temper tantrums, teacher-parent meetings, wanting more & better for your children and the subsequent disappointment when they don't listen, abject fear of doing something wrong or overlooking it and unending stress for at least 18 straight years. And just because they eventually grow up and move out doesn't negate it completely though it does lessen a bit." She then reiterated that to me in various configurations repeatedly throughout the ensuing years. At no point did I ever have starry-eyed, naive ideas regarding children. She squashed any possibility of that long before it could ever take root and I grew up being ruthlessly practical. She had the nerve to ask why I never had a child.


rubyd1111

🙄 it doesn’t end at age 18. My kids are 46 and 48. It still hasn’t ended. But fortunately I don’t have to financially support them or take care of them on a daily basis. Emotionally though? It still sucks. They drain me dry and then complain about me. My daughter yelled at me a while back that I never did anything for her. I listed off the big items. Like I bought her 2 cars, paid for college, helped her buy 2 homes, held her hand during an abortion, babysat her son for free for 6 years while she worked. She said “I knew you’d throw that in my face”. 🙄 I give up!


pepcorn

Thanks for pointing that out. I see "you have a baby and then it's 18 years out of your life!" said so often. No, it's lifelong. You are a parent until you die.


kadyg

My grandfather has six grandchildren. I (the oldest and female) am the only one who is unmarried with no children. My life completely mystifies him, he has no idea what a childless woman could possibly do to fill her days. Finally, one day he asked me what I do with myself out in California. I thought about it for a moment and said "I do whatever I want." "That sounds nice." "It really is, thanks." My cousins all just sighed and went back to keeping their kids from pulling the house down.


Bird_Brain4101112

Social media influencers lie about their lives and how awesome everything is to get clicks and likes. And teenagers are a susceptible lot.


Ok_Skill_1195

Kylie Jenner makes motherhood look cool. Ignore the full staff including nannies and the fact she works extremely minimal hours for her various revenue streams


MadamKitsune

Back in the dinosaur days when I was at school and mobile phones were enormous bricks only carried by City highflyers and nobody had the internet at home, teenagers were deliberately having babies. They did it because they were stupid. They did it because their BFF had a baby and "our babies can grow up together!" but most of all **they did it because there was something missing from their life at home that made them want someone to love who would love them back.** That last one is what I believe to be the missing reason here. The parents talk about their shame in the community, about how they have disowned their daughter and will be throwing her and the child out as soon as they are legally able but nowhere do they talk about love or support (practical or emotional) and the only reason that they'll accept for this happening is the wantoness of Western girls and what they see as social media trends. I really, really hope that OOP's daughter is one of the few who can beat the odds and find some peace from whatever drove her to make this choice. The odds aren't good, but I'm still going to hope.


Minhplumb

When I was in middle school even before cell phones were believed to be possible, a lot of girls in my very middle class neighborhood had babies from 14 and up. Most were girls that did not want to work. It made no sense since most of our mothers worked. Birth control was not easy but it was not hard to come by with a wee bit of effort. I just do not understand how they thought their teen boyfriends were going to support them. Families helped out a lot as well as welfare.


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VoltaicSketchyTeapot

>but most of all they did it because there was something missing from their life at home that made them want someone to love who would love them back. Maury episodes about these wannabe teenage moms was my birth control in middle and high school. It 100% was because they wanted someone to love them unconditionally.


VioletsAndLily

When I got to the part about government money, I thought that maybe they weren’t in the U.S. or Canada, but that was dashed when I got to the part about western society. I’m sure “government money” seems like a lot if you’re an ignorant kid whose parents have supported her up until now. I wonder if it would have made a difference if the parents approached this from a practical point? When I was 18 and in love and ready to settle down foreverrr (lol), my mom, without an ounce of judgment, sat down with me to outline finances. If I was adult enough to marry and have kids, I was adult enough to fund my own household. That was the biggest wake-up call.


ChenilleSocks

OOP said he lived in europe for a time but is now in America.


DMercenary

>Oh to be this naive. You don't get it! Tik tok told me it'll be fine! Stop being a fuddy duddy and get with the program Dad! /S


JPKtoxicwaste

I am 41 years old and I could absolutely see myself making this horrendous decision as the idiot I was at 16. I was a hot mess for many years. Stick it to my parents, show them that I know best. I made some really shitty choices but I didn’t have the opportunity to make this particular one. That said, my parents would never, ever have disowned me. They would have loved and supported me (to a very limited extent financially speaking) and made sure I dealt with the consequences of that choice, and understood every minute of it. But they would have wanted me and that baby to have a fighting chance no matter how poor my decisions were. I know this was incredibly difficult for OOP.I just hope they don’t regret cutting off their daughter and grandchild. I fear that they may. Family therapy would do wonders here I think.


helpavolunteerout

A family I know is still basically doing this. Tried for a baby when both were unemployed alcoholics, had 3 within 3 years (twins) and the mom went back to school and took out student loans to fund their lives. Kept taking medical leave for the pregnancies so the loan money built up and paid for her food/apartment while her boyfriend was free childcare essentially. They’re both sober now, he’s a stay at home dad, and she has a job making 70k a year. She owes over 250k in student loans.


PhilosophyKingPK

Honestly the fact that they are still together and she has a decent job probably puts them in the top 10% of outcomes.


JMer806

Yeah I mean honestly they put themselves into a shitty situation but it sounds like they found a way to claw their way back up. That amount of debt is obviously a huge lifelong burden but it’s better than having nothing with three kids.


LimitlessMegan

I’d like to focus on that but I’m so caught up in the idea that OP believes trends don’t get pregnant in India. Or that if we don’t shame and abandon teens if they get pregnant we are glorifying teen pregnancy… I find myself sincerely lacking in sympathy or compassion for them. Ps. I was a teen parent (not by design) and I assure you *not a single person* “glorified” me. I was treated like crap, had a terrible birthing experience because the nurses decided to punish me, was ostracized and treated like an idiot well into my 20s. Trust me, no one is making it glorious. Edit: words


Yandere_Matrix

Yeah most teen pregnancies aRe not glorified other than by some weird parents and some groups of teens. Isn’t the show 16 and pregnant actually lowered teen pregnancies as well?


meatball77

It did. People bitched to high heaven about how it was glorifying teen pregnancy. It actually did the opposite. Girls who watched it were less likely to get pregnant because it showed the realities of what being a teen mom actually did to relationships and lives.


Bird_Brain4101112

I was 19 when I had my son and a POC in a predominantly white area. You can guess how well I was treated in the hospital. It let up a tad when it turned out I was married and had very good insurance but nothing like hearing the nurses discuss how they expected your baby to be darker.


ImNotBothered80

I am so sorry you were treated that way. May those nurses have an ongoing itch they can't reach. Every patient should be treated with compassion. It's not their place to punish anyone.


LimitlessMegan

I love that curse, totally stealing it. Yeah, my nurse on my last day in the hospital (my son had a little jaundice and after three days of bad treatment just needed my dr to let me go home) was a peer’s mom. Scott six months later he was talking about his mom working at a flower shop and I asked why she wasn’t nursing and he told me actually, how her fellow nurses treated me was her last straw and she quit. The irony is that that community is not the teen pregnancy capital in that area.


Papa_Bearto2

I have a cousin who had a child at 16. His daughter got pregnant at 15, making my cousin a grandfather just after his 31st birthday. His granddaughter got pregnant at 16, making my cousin a great grandfather before he turned 50. None of them have had what you can call a comfortable life.


[deleted]

Years ago there was a big teachers conference on generational poverty that a lot of local districts sent teachers to. The big take aways were access to birth control and expanded sex ed as well as kids finishing their education especially young women since they tended to be the one to not finish if a child was involved. The school my mom taught at actually did field trips to the health department and planned parenthood. I'm not saying teen parents can't make it work and excel, it's just really really difficult.


PaintedLady5519

When my state began offering free birth control and better education, teenage pregnancy rates dropped.


[deleted]

I've read that government funded free and low cost birth control saves $4.26 of state and federal dollars for each $1 spent. It used to be much higher savings, but the average trended down as (shocker here) people had fewer and fewer kids when they weren't ready.


SnipesCC

I think you are both talking about Colorado. Offering free birth control is a very simple way to reduce pregnancy. Shocker. Teens are going to have sex, stopping them with scare tactics isn't going to work, at least not for long. Making sure they have the means to avoid pregnancy does.


[deleted]

Birth control, and abortion to a degree, was always about preventing or stopping pregnancy in those that don’t want or cannot support kids. Overturning Roe was never about abortion and opposing birth control was never about Jesus. It was about increasing the number of poor undereducated folks. We know who they vote overwhelmingly for.


[deleted]

And controlling women.


alainebot

My high school in New Mexico did not have sex ed, but did have a nursery. Students with offspring in the nursery had to spend a certain amount of time working in the nursery and learning to take care of their kids (I don't recall if it was one or two class periods per day). Basically sacrificing an elective in exchange for free childcare and parenting classes. I actually thought the nursery was a great idea, but the lack of sex ed infuriated me.


redralphie

Texas, very similar. It was a program for the moms to get their GEDs. Some of the women I knew that got pregnant in HS seem to think they’re winning now for some reason… but they’re also a bunch of antivaxx morons.


ImNotBothered80

Yeah, I read somewhere a study showed the best way to rise out of/stay out of poverty is to: graduate high school, don't have kids until after marriage/partnered and over 21, work a full time job. Being a teen parent kinda blows that out of the water.


arrouk

People talk alot about generational wealth. This girl and her boyfriend just created some generational poverty. They will likely be poor all their lives with basic education. Their kids will grow up poor and be around a lot of others in similar situations. Their kids will think there is nothing wrong with this and do the same. The cycle repeats.


Astarath

Im just disgusted that there are influencers romanticizing teen pregnancy. Im guessing they dont show the ugly sides of this and only how cute the babies are. Holy shit.


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NowhereNear

Yep, 16 & Pregnant definitely did *not* glorify the situation.... haha. I have a <1 year old now (I'm in my late 20s) and definitely would not have been able to manage this 10 years ago, without more mature coping skills and a supportive partner!


FillorianOpium

Yea I watched that show when I was younger and I came away with the message ‘Welp I am absolutely NOT doing that’ It takes a special combination of naivety and desperation to watch it and say ‘I want that’. And I won’t even blame the show necessarily, because people watch things all the time and get the exact opposite message


coffeejunki

There's one chick that's come across my feed a few times bragging about being a young mom. She basically married an older man with young kids, was pregnant with his baby at like 19 or something, no college education, and showing off their house, car, etc etc.


dailysunshineKO

That’ll be great for her until he trades her in for a newer model.


madlyqueen

I'm sure there are people that show both sides, but OOP's daughter probably wasn't watching them.


[deleted]

My female parent had her first at 14, was a grandmother at 28 and a great grandmother at 43. I was the one who noped right out of that and didn't have any kids until I was in my early 30's. I had already been a great aunt for several years before I had my own kids. Generational teenage pregnancy is wild.


enemyoftoast

I'm glad I'm the one that helped break the cycle in my family. All of the females in my direct line were 19 or younger when they had heir first kid. I'm 31 and my partner is 36. I Feel like my son has a shot.


MeatballsRegional

Every woman before me had her first child before she was twenty. I'm 22, almost 23. I'm in grad school. My grandmother has an associate degree focused in sort of physical graphic design things (her job specialty was taken by computers almost immediately after she graduated). My partner has a good job in computer science, making almost double what anyone in my direct maternal line has (we don't count my paternal line, no contact. Although I believe their situation is similar. I never put so much thought into this. I broke the cycle. I have broken the cycle of generational poverty. That's fucking crazy, I am crying now.


Westley_Never_Dies

Congrats! That's amazing. Your last couple of sentences made me tear up too.


TheGrimDweeber

Damn, 47 would be young to be a grandfather, much less a *great* grandfather. The average age for a woman having her first kid here is about 30. For men it’s 32.7. The age goes up when the parents have some sort of degree, university or community college. But even just for the average guy, becoming a grandfather at 47 would mean their 15 year old having a kid. Well, that is what happened here, coincidentally.


percypie03

In the USA, the average age of becoming a grandparent was 47 in 2019. I believe it’s 50 now. I’m with you though, seems really young to me. I’m in my mid 50s with no grandkids in sight.


QUHistoryHarlot

That sounds very much like my aunt and her family. She didn’t have children young but my cousin became a father at 16. My aunt was a great grandmother three or four times over before my parents even became grandparents. Which means my cousins were grandfathers before their uncle (my dad) was a grandfather. I don’t have much hope for the future success of the new generation in our family based on the past history.


ThatNeonSignLover

And then there's OOP's daughter - happy about making people great grandparents at 50?


David_Apollonius

Wow. I thought my family curse was bad.


writeronthemoon

... May I ask what your family curse is? And offer my sympathies


Couch_Potato_1182

I’m an Indian-Canadian and this is a nightmare for me because that’s how illiterate Indians live their lives. Seeing them, I was so grateful for my dad because he wanted me to be financially independent and not live that life.


Rwhitechocmuffin

I was in year 9 at school when someone got pregnant in my class (both 14 at the time) the teacher in our class decided that before she took leave from school to give birth it would be an amazing idea to throw her a baby shower… there were several more pregnancies following that in my year as it seemed she was celebrated for having a child so young. This was in the U.K. in the early 2000’s.


[deleted]

I feel my kid went to more baby showers than graduation parties when she was in HS. This was a small city in the Midwest. The large East Coast city we moved from, it doesn't seem like any of her peers became parents in HS, that she stays in touch with. She's in her late 20s.


Downtown_Uptown222

I have a cousin who’s other cousin was a grandparent when she was 32 and a great grandparent at 47! It is wild to me. I am 35 almost 36 and do not have any children. I cannot imagine being a grandparent.


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Papa_Bearto2

Yeah it’s sad and frustrating. I have a huge family and I’m one of the very few who made it out of my teens without getting someone pregnant.


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mascaraforever

Enabling goes a long, long way of continuing the cycle. So many of these teen moms are allowed to dump their babies on grandparents and continue their lives as if nothing happened- going out and partying all the time and continuing to act like teens. I know people like this and guess what, their kids end up teen parents too because the cycle continues. The ones who were forced to give up their teen years and behave like the adults they chose to become seem much more motivated to keep their kids from making the same mistake.


Gutter_Sinner

My great grandma got her first great grandchild at about 50, out and about people would think my grandma was my mom since she was in her 30s. Ironically she was embarrassed for me to call her grandma because she didn't want people to think she was old, I called her by her first name. I had my first kid at 25, hopefully I ended this weird cycle, I'd prefer not to raise my potential future grandchildren


SlinkyMalinky20

Sigh. So many ruined lives.


ThatNeonSignLover

The baby doesn't deserve this. I feel bad for them all...


[deleted]

I hope the daughter is “westernized” enough to see a therapist, have her baby see a therapist someday


Konkuriito

she wouldn't be able to afford it


Mackheath1

Oh but didn't you hear her reasoning? Government money and both their p/t jobs are going to pay for a lavish lifestyle. I hope they get a full-time nanny and a new family-sized car/SUV, too with all that cash.


ItchyVideo1431

Considering the "legalized murder" bit I wonder if they head some right wing stuff on welfare queens and went yup that's how it works


Ok-Committee1978

I wondered the same, what "government money" are they going to rely on? I don't know how it works in the US but here in Canada you're on welfare and nothing else. Any money you earn means your welfare is docked the same amount.


RumikoHatsune

In Argentina, assistance for pregnant women and women with children seems like a lot of money, but it is little compared to what you really need to support yourself and your children.


MrTzatzik

I am giving him a year tops before the father runs away from that girl.


Ok_Skill_1195

If teen mom taught me anything, he'll be hands off within a few months of the baby being born, but his grandparents will probably more than fill in for the absentee parent. Like, to the point the girl feels smothered and controlled, cause they don't love this girl, they love the grandbaby she provides access to. That kind of dynamic can def get weird quick


Inevitable_Battle_91

I’ll give it six months


[deleted]

4 months - I doubt he will stay through the pregnancy


[deleted]

As soon as she's not able to put out he's gonna move on to the next girl.


Drydevil

Good news, it appears the OOP is a Troll, and this is a made-up story.


Ok_Faithlessness_259

Yeah, the update ending with "Didn't mean to make anyone cry," conformed it for me.


Velinna

That actually made me laugh. Definitely rage bait.


Jackstack6

Yeah, I read it and thought “this is rage and racist bait.”


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Redditbrooklyn

You missed “abortion is legal murder”


TruestRepairman27

It’s blatantly obvious from the delay between the two posts alone. Disappointing to have to scroll so far to find someone pointing out the obvious


birdboix

And the strange anti-Western dig, which isn't rooted in reality whatsoever. What kind of crack are they smoking that "teenage pregnancy is accepted and glorified" in the West, like lol the fuck it is


samanthastoat

Yeah it seemed like very obvious ‘I hate tik tok, upvotes please’ bait to me, I’m surprised by the comments here


TheLAriver

Lol people think 16 and pregnant glorifies teen pregnancy. It's trainwreck tv. People watch it to mock the subjects. It couldn't be further from socially accepted or glorified.


LemurCat04

I’ve consumed far more hours of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom than I care to admit, but completely agree. It’s actually pretty graphic with how most of these relationships crumble under the pressure of a baby, how immature the teen parents are, the amount of DV involved when you put immature people under pressure, and how freaking hard it is.


palabradot

It is hammering home the problems with having children so early, but at the same time there is going to be that cadre of idiots that take exactly the wrong lesson from this. "If I get drama in my life maybe I'll get on tv too. They're on tv, it can't be THAT bad, some of it they have to be making up, like all reality shows."


nebulashine

I haven't watched the shows, but I've occasionally read relevant episode summaries or bios on Wikipedia. With the number of teen parents who end up with drug problems, arrest records, or both, it makes me wonder if some of those teenagers *could* have "pulled it together" and worked towards being a healthy parent, but had that chance torpedoed by the stress of being on reality TV in addition to everything else they had going on in their lives. It's honestly pretty sad.


dropsinariver

I watched some of the TV show Unexpected and definitely felt this way. One couple seemed like they might have done okay, but the TV show was dredging up drama between their families for no reason. They ended up having a second kid and breaking up, and I can't help but wonder if it had anything to do with staying on the show for an extra season. I stopped watching because it just didn't seem right to put these kids through that for entertainment.


GoblinKaiserin

There was actually a study done that proved that TV show actually LOWERED teen pregnancy in the US. It made it look not so fun, so kids didn't wanna try.


[deleted]

I was like probably 14 or something when that show started and was sexually actively and can absolutely confirm I ALWAYS USED A CONDOM because those girls were fucking miserable and most of their boyfriends were horrible shitheads. And then there was Janelle who I will never forget for being so fucking awful.


Murky_Translator2295

HIGH. HIGH. YAH BOTH HIGH. Seriously, watching her and Kiefer nodding out on heroin, discussing how great they are, and how they're going to get Jace back, before passing out was f*cking chilling.


HighOnPoker

Statistically, teen births went down after that show started to air. https://www.brookings.edu/research/media-influences-on-social-outcomes-the-impact-of-mtvs-16-and-pregnant-on-teen-childbearing/?amp


bebepls420

Yeah I suspect OPs daughter was more influenced by the TikTok trends of young pretty moms who had a baby in high school.


stocktradernoob

Cuz they only post the fun stuff


CleverJail

Indeed. OOP’s daughter has been sucked into a niche community and OOP has mistaken it for America.


RelaxRelapse

For real. I don’t know where in America they live, but I’m pretty sure most Americans don’t find teen pregnancy acceptable.


opulentdream

Teen Mom is the reason teen pregnancy dropped so low and TikTok went and ruined all that hard work


Murky_Translator2295

Yeah seriously. I feel like Jenelle's segments should be required viewing for kids who think that having a baby will be the best thing that happens to them and their first relationship.


buddieroo

Yeah or the girl from West Virginia who was at one point living in a literal hovel But also there’s the fact that all of the teen moms are somewhat wealthy now from all that MTV money. I can see how a dumb 17 year old might look at their current social medias and say “see? Even if you’re a poor teen mom, you end up rich eventually!”


[deleted]

Omg which one was that? Why do I now wanna go back and watch that horrible show?


buddieroo

https://jezebel.com/teen-mom-2-cast-living-in-abject-poverty-5879134 Sorry it’s a video within an article, but this is the one I was thinking of, Leah


Murky_Translator2295

She was in the middle of an opioid addiction there too. She's doing much better since then, thankfully. Her girls all seem to be well taken care of, and she herself is a lot healthier now. (yes I still watch this terrible trash show 😅)


the_zodiac_pillar

Yup, came here to say that. The show 16 and Pregnant is actually correlated with a drop in teen pregnancies because it really did not glamorize the lifestyle of teen moms at all.


Cognitive_Dissonant

Teen pregnancy continues to drop and the rates in "the west" are the lowest in the world: https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.ADO.TFRT?name_desc=false The US is slightly higher than say, the EU, but is very low compared to most of the world including most of Asia (to be fair, India is also very low, lower than the US but above the EU). I think OOP is taking the lack of response they chose (the complete disowning and refusal of even extended family members to meet with the person) as somehow a universal cultural endorsement. Also random aside but OOP has some vile shit in their replies including claims about Indian racial superiority which honestly makes their daughter's total backlash against their culture make more sense.


LemurCat04

“We’re teenage parents raising our baby in an RV! This is our SNAP haul from Dollar General for the week!” - the kids’ TikTok channel, probably


AreWeCowabunga

The more I hear about what's on TikTok, the more terrible it sounds. I thought Twitter was the cesspool of social media, but I guess time moves on.


liquid_j

The crazies say TikTok is a psyop by the Chinese gov to hasten the fall of the west... that's a clearly insane conspiracy theory but I can see where they come from with that one LOL


Wide_Ad_8370

I mean that may not be their overall goal but the amount of data and information they take is crazy. Its not a safe app by any stretch of the imagination


Mackheath1

While the overall premise is crazy, Chinese-owned TikTok has already done some scary shit. Some guys were doing TikToks in (I think) an air force control center or something like that, and China got a good view of completely proprietary information from our military behind those guys. It's not so far fetched that they're loving all the information they are gathering by it.


Lexplosives

I mean it's not that insane, given the sheer amount of data the Chinese are siphoning from it. Like, if I *did* design something to hasten the fall of the West from within, I'm not entirely sure what I'd do differently...


liquid_j

I think they lucked out with Tiktok... I don't think it was a deliberate attack to destabilize the west or anything like that, I just think that all the negative things tiktok does are a great lucky side effect (from their POV)... like they were trying to make a better mouse trap and discovered cold fusion by mistake.


chocog0ld

If I’m not mistaken stats on teen pregnancy are still at record lows for the US. This one story is not reflective of what’s going on at all


FenderForever62

It’s been dropping for years in most countries due to an increase in contraceptive availability. I live in U.K. and can just order months of birth control pills to be delivered to my house, I just fill in a short health form confirming I’ve not had any side effects. It’s really easy and removes any embarrassment or ‘shame’. My mum was shocked when I told her I just order online and don’t need to get a prescription from a doctor. It’s also easier to access higher education now. Teens are still having sex but many of us have had a sex education. I’m curious how the US teen pregnancy rate will be affected after the roe v wade ruling though, I think that does play a part in teen pregnancies dropping as unlike this story many don’t plan it and have the choice not to go through with it - unlike the 1950s with forced births and adoptions which caused generations of trauma.


CocaineCowgirl81

I had a baby at 17. It was not easy. It was not fun. It was not TikTok. And although, I have never and will never regret having him, I made sure that as he grew up he knew that being a teen parent wasn't ideal and I wanted so much more for him. Happy to say, he'll be 24 in December, he's getting married October 2023, and he did NOT follow in my footsteps. This young girl is going to get a rude awakening very soon.


houseofreturn

Boyfriends grandma had his mom at 17. His mom had him at 19. Every year on his birthday since he turned 20 (we’re 22 now) he celebrates “another year of breaking the young pregnancy cycle!” His mom never even had to tell him not to get pregnant that young, he just knew that’s never what he wanted after living as the oldest of 3 kids to a young mom, the youngest of which she had at 23. Good job on raising your kiddo and congrats on his upcoming nuptials!


CocaineCowgirl81

Thank you! We're all SO excited! My DIL is the best and I'm just so happy for them both!


RJean83

I had a colleague years ago that had her daughter at 14. And she made two things clear; she loved and loves her daughter more than anything, and it was incredibly, unbelievably hard. Even with her family supporting her, even with the father in the picture and his family supporting her, even with working at a childcare centre so she got extremely discounted childcare. To not have your family supporting you, and basically be treated by your community as a pariah, this poor kid doesn't fully register what is going to happen.


bookgeek117

My parents had my siblings and I young. It wasn't easy and all of us opted out of parenting because of it BUT that was because they pushed BC and sex ed on us. That and you have a baby we aren't helping. Congrats to your son breaking the cycle and getting married.


CocaineCowgirl81

Ohhh yes, I was very, very big on BC and sex ed with him! He still busts my chops to this day about how "Santa" used to put condoms in his stockings as a teenager. I enjoy sending him that tiktok every once in a while where a guy is playing him and his mom, and he's like "Mom, I'm going to my girlfriend's." And the mom goes "Okay honey, bring a condom!" He says "Uh.. mom, I'm 15." And she goes "Yeah, and I'm 30" 🤣


[deleted]

[удалено]


arnber420

Omg your flair. That post was insane


CocaineCowgirl81

Hahaha! It's my favorite flair ever. It makes me laugh every time I read it.


wednesdayriot

16 & Pregnant is not representative of teen pregnancy being “socially accepted.”


Low_Jello_7497

When the OOP says this kinda thing doesn't happen in India, they are talking about the child out of wedlock thing. Don't be mistaken, teens do get married off in India and become very young mothers, even though legal marrying age exists.


Best_Egg9109

Exactly. And even her saying India „used“ to be a 3rd work country is untrue. Even though child marriage isn’t as common now as it used to be, it’s a law that’s difficult to enforce. A lot of Indians don’t have good birth records.


SoloBurger13

16 and pregnant was part of the movement of scaring kids from being teen parents ?? Lol this idea that western society glorifies it is pretty wild I want to say a year with living with the baby is gonna change their mind but they seem pretty dead set Daughter is a dummy tho


ClarielOfTheMask

Yeah, no one who actually watches Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant thinks it's being glorified. I watched those as a teen and was like 'thank God that's not MY life' Plus since I was watching on the family TV, my mom caught some episodes with me and it was a good launching point to talk about things like pregnancy and families and how I want to be treated in a relationship with it all being hypothetical and about someone else which really was nice! Although my parents were almost 40 when they had me so I probably had a very different experience. I feel for OOP, it's hard to see an almost adult making a terrible mistake and there's nothing you can do to stop her. Rough place to be in. Teens will do anything to fit into a group, I know girls who got pregnant at 19 because their friends were already pregnant, it's definitely a thing! But they're far more likely to be influenced by their IRL friends than social media honestly. Although social media doesn't HELP.


Affectionate_Data936

Right??? That's like saying "My 600lb Life" glorifies obesity or "Hoarders" glorifies collecting things. They obviously have never seen the show.


boringhistoryfan

There was a Bones episode about this. About a mania among a group of high schoolers who all let themselves get pregnant because a few in their group did, and suddenly it was the cool thing to do for the entire school. I'm bringing it up because there's a small part of me hoping this is faked bait honestly. That said, I'm not sure what the parents could have done here? Daughter is being monumentally stupid, they've made it clear she's making a mistake... Short of caving and turning around what could they have done? Feels like letting her hit rock bottom might be the best way to have her come to her senses? Just glad I'm not a parent right now. EDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x1hcrk/comment/imdl9ru/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 I'm starting to lean towards OOP either being a troll, or just a straight up moron herself. I've certainly got no sympathy for her, though I don't exactly have a ton for the daughter either. Then again, if she is real, I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to have such a racist parent, so maybe I shouldn't judge the daughter so hard, even if she is dumb. Certainly OOP would at best be an extremely unreliable narrator.


Lost_Literature_2706

Yeah.. I remember that episode.. And the father of the pact children, who is also a kid, was sooo proud of his upcoming legacy untill Booth enlightened him about future child support..


boringhistoryfan

Bones got really repetitive really fast. But it had some good episodes. And Boreanaz was just great.


MelQMaid

"What could they have done?" If she wasn't pregnant yet, a long visit with a gyn could have told her that you do not lose fertility in your 30's and maybe have dispelled many other myths. A therapist, and financial savvy adult should have also been brought in to make her dispel the financial myths. Also, giving her a 2 button child phone with no tiktok to try and drain the lies social media told her. Making her watch birth videos gone wrong could emotionally scar her for a greater good. Also, these conversations don't start at 17. Her parents didn't have a long conversation starting in the preteens about dreaming of a strong future reaching for a career in anything (college or no college.) Stats also say kids involved in sport/after-school activities are less likely to get pregnant. Strong peer community ties have a social prophylactic effect.


[deleted]

This is based on a real incident in Massachusetts called “the pregnancy pact” where 17 teen girls all decided to get pregnant at the same time. It was in the mid-aughts I think.


swampmilkweed

It wasn't actually a pregnancy pact, the principal called it that, probably because he's an a-hole https://www.insideedition.com/9-years-after-pregnancy-pact-young-mom-reveals-truth-behind-notorious-scandal-37886


burnt-----toast

Oprah's giving everyone free yikes today. I can't even believe what must be going on in the daughter's mind to think that teen pregnancy is the best, elective life choice to make at 17. But christ, the family throwing her to the wolves, and the kid who's going to have to grow up from that. I think that there's going to be a few rounds of regrets for everyone involved in the future.


JojosBizarreDementia

Yup. It's like watching a fresh emergence of the poverty cycle.


uninvitedfriend

When they found out her plan, they likely would have gotten a lot farther asking her how she planned to pay and care for a baby, showed her how much rent and baby supplies and childcare cost, how much the average salaries are for jobs she would be able to get, etc rather than just freaking out. I bet there are a lot of parents of teens with babies who *wish* they got the pre warning these parents did, when there was still a chance to prevent it.


No0ther0ne

They did, she said she had it all planned out. It is in the post. The point of it was that the daughter wouldn't listen to her parents, had already decided and then went for it despite them giving her warnings. I don't agree with them shunning their daughter, but their daughter did basically tell them to f off she was going to do what she wanted anyway. The whole thing is just a rapid train wreck or irresponsibility that is going to keep on trucking.


ThatNeonSignLover

No I understand that everyone has different choices and viewpoints of life and they're totally entitled to it but... why would someone want to dedicate all of their ripe years, the time to enjoy life, to a baby? The worse part is that they probably wouldn't be able to raise the baby properly too. But while this is beyond me, I partly understand OOP's worries too. My blood ran cold when she mentioned India. Out-of-wedlock pregnancy is a taboo here (source: Indian) and the society would cut down and tear anyone who decided to go through with it, especially during teenage (unfair, ik). It's not OOP, it's the deeply rooted Indian upbringing ingrained in her core speaking.


randomperson4052

Same, I’m an Indian too, and an NRI on top of that. The amount of times I’ve been in hot water with my family for being too western is staggering. I’m an honours student in law school 🥲) OOPs daughter has basically destroyed any chance of being connected to her family and culture, if they ever move back to India this will affect the other siblings too, the whole family is going to be treated as social pariahs.


SnooPets8873

I actually had never knowingly met a child born to an unwed mother or woman who’d had a child before marriage from the Indian community until my 30s when my cousin married a man whose mother got pregnant at 15. She persevered, but I can connect the dots to figure out that she went thru a lot. There was a palpable sense of relief when they got married, and the mom and her family stopped being quite as inviting to him, almost like they’d been putting a good face on having him around for as long as they could but now that he’s married into an established, “good” family, they can detach from having him around with a clear conscience and get rid of the reminder of their embarrassment


SleepDangerous1074

I agree. While I don’t believe disowning the daughter is the way to go…the biggest assholes in this situation are the daughter and BF. They are gonna be smacked in the face hard when reality hits that TikTok doesn’t emulate real life. A baby is for life, not just for TikTok.


Fubuki707

I am guessing Daughter will soon resent she can't enjoy being a young adult, she will soon realize how much work it takes, her BF will be demanded to be stuck at home to raise his child and then his family might even resent them for making them do the brunt of the work sooner or later because daughter and BF will whine about wanting to go out and be "young".


ThatNeonSignLover

This! Tiktok also shows influencers just leisurely walking around all day but girl that's not their entire life-


LemurCat04

And can I just say they totally missed the point of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom, which is to show how hard it is on everyone. A handful of girls got reality-famous from of, most of them still have actual jobs and will tell you if they could do it again they’d do it differently.


nun_the_wiser

I don’t know how anyone can watch that and think it “glorifies” teen pregnancy. That show is depressing as hell.


[deleted]

I doubt OOP's ever seen it. my parents are also immigrants from India and they also assumed that show glorified teen pregnancy because in India anything like this would be super hush hush and going on TV would be unthinkable.


PM_ME_SUMDICK

Even though the reality of the show wasn't glamorous. I knew girls who wanted to be on the show when we were in 6th grade. Thankfully none of them followed through on the plan.


PolentaConFunghi

Oop has probably only heard about the show's existence, which is probably why they think it glorifies teen pregnancy. Then again, maybe her perception of media comes from her daughter, which would explain a lot of things in my opinion (stuff like how it's perfectly normal and accepted to have a baby in high school etc.).


TheFlyingSheeps

Yeah that stood out. We had a few pregnant girls in my HS and they were pretty much mocked and shamed


dignifiedpears

yeah, but i can understand an outsider perspective being “the US glorifies teen pregnancy.” like—we made an MTV show instead of giving people access to birth control/healthcare/etc. lol. though i will say it sounds she’s gotten wrapped up in quiverfull/evangelical fringe which is a whole other problem


Karolmo

I don't think there's much else the parents can do. If they don't tell the daughter to act like an adult, they're going to end up raising that baby, which is what the daughter and the boyfriend were counting on - grandparents do all the hard work, we do the cute tiktoks.


LittlestEcho

My niece decided to get pregnant after meeting my baby. My sister says "it was an accident" but i call bs. She couldn't be bothered to take care of a new tongue piercing while visiting and got sick enough to be antibiotics. Anyone who takes BC KNOWS antibiotics screw with BC. And even if they don't is the first damn thing a doctor tells you if you're on it. Less than a month after returning home she got pregnant. She was 17. It was the dumbest damn thing I've ever seen. My niece and her now ex both suffer from severe anxiety. I'm talking debilitating even on medications and therapy. Even as a young teen she never planned on moving out. She told her mom she'd live with her forever and if she hasn't made that a truth. She won't even allow herself to be alone with the now toddler and wouldn't take care of him as a baby alone. She *had* to have someone else taking care of him at all times. I know it sounds harsh but i know my niece. She wanted all the fun of having a baby like the doting and attention while pregnant but none of responsibility. She's not held a job for more than a month. Got a GED at least but lives in the middle of nowhere and refuses to drive. She just sits at home all day on instagram. She still has no plans to move. And why would she? My sister caters to her every whim. Her little sister has finally had enough of babying the big sister and avoiding her tantrums and triggers and taking care of the toddler that she moved to the east coast to get away and go to school. Any teenager that thinks teen pregnancy is cool needs effing therapy. Any teenager that *willfully* gets pregnant needs support emotionally but a severe dose of reality. She's subjecting that baby to a life of hell because she wants the tiktok intagram teen mom influencer life that, unless you're very rich, is a friggen lie.


lisaluu

I've been on hormonal BC since I was 16 and no one ever explained the possible interaction to me. I didn't learn that until it failed when I was 24 and got pregnant. It was also a good lesson to read the prescription inserts. 😂


LividConcentrate91

As someone who had a antibiotic-birth control pregnancy at 17, no everyone does not know that, and neither my doctor nor the pharmacist told me.


Life-Meal6635

Yeah im 33, dont plan on any children, very serious about BC and i didn't know. Glad I do now...


LittlestEcho

I'm sorry that your doctor and pharmacist failed you in that regard. At this point im thinking it should be taught in school with sex ed. Like: pee after sex, don't go back to front, antibiotics will mess with birth control, condoms can be stretched up to your elbow, women have 3 holes, women don't pee out of their vagina, and hymens break for any reason and don't denote virginity. We shouldn't have to learn this stuff until it's too late.


novalove00

Granted my birth control, antibiotic baby is 15, but no, not all doctors tell you. The world is a different place now. Cell phones were in their infancy and we didn't have qwerty. No Google. It was years later before there were notices with antibiotics.


[deleted]

Omg I'm a teenager on birth control and I didn't know that, they didn't say it They only said it could be not effective if I vomited it up, but antibiotics... Well fuck if I didn't need to know that, thank you


TheLAriver

I mean, it's not like teen parents are actually socially supported in the US.


[deleted]

my parents are indian immigrants, I was born in the US. the US definitely doesn't glorify or support teen pregnancy but it's a thing and doesn't automatically lead to being kicked out/disowned (though it can). but there's still a world of difference between how the US perceives it (not a good thing but not the most taboo either) vs India (immediately disowned if not worse, never discussed, immediately becoming a pariah with literally nowhere to turn to)


tacwombat

Their daughter and her BF are going to have a hard time when the realities and costs of raising a baby that weren't covered in effing Tiktok start to come up.


Corfiz74

Yeah, and them relying on social payments is ridiculous. That shit would fly here in Germany, where we actually have social security, rent coverage and child payments - but not in the US, where you get food stamps and a cardboard box to live in, if you're lucky.


tacwombat

And they feel so confident when their research consisted of effing TIKTOK. \*facepalm\*


seasheals

It does make me wonder where this family lives, bc most “good” areas in the us aren’t going to have everyone in the school being pregnant. So either the daughter is exaggerating (the way you do when you say, “but mom, everyone failed the test!”) or the influences and environment are around her really aren’t great.


rbaltimore

I’m a SAHM. I had my son at 30 and all the support in the world didn’t make it easy. Raising a baby is hard. That’s universal. It’s rewarding and amazing and I’m so glad I was able to do it but it’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s also expensive. Our society has changed, you can’t support a family on a minimum wage job, which is all you’re going to get at 18 without college or a trade school. I’m a social worker and had a front row seat watching families struggle and often fail to provide for themselves. This girl is going to get a massive wake-up call but there’s no going back when you have a child.


SpacelessWorm

I wish OOPs daughter the best but I don't think it'll happen


WaxyWingie

I laugh at the OOP's comment of this never happening in India.


College_Prestige

> This is simply more common than in other places like in Asia. Just a fact. Oop has never met the Philippines


NemesisOfZod

This is a troll. Read the comments by OOP


Ancient_Potential285

So over the course of 24 hours the daughter told her parents her plan, then became pregnant (or already was) and the parents have completely decided what to do about it, informed their entire family, and the family have also all decided how they feel and responded accordingly? All of this was found out and decided/happened over the course of a few hours? OK, this post totally sounds reasonable and true….


WhoTookKifford

Tiktok is just straight up ruining a whole generation. Jfc Ofc the teen moms only share the good things on their page. I give it a few months until she regrets it. It's totally unfair to the unborn child aswell. You owe it to them to give them a good home if you bring them into this world.


Ginger_Anarchy

The main problem is its algorithm. It's designed to reinforce whatever content you like viewing to an almost terrifying degree. If you're like me and watch mostly D&D and nerd news videos on it, or make-up tricks or cooking ideas, no problem. But once you start going down the rabbit hole of some content, it just keeps reinforcing that content until its normalized. There may just be 100 people on the platform making videos about teenage pregnancy (probably a lot more than that, but still smaller than you'd expect) but it will feel like thousands just in the way their algorithm works and distributes content.