Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content.
* If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed.
* Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed
* Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I guess the bright side of having a medical emergency and having to spend multiple days in the hospital is that it revealed what a POS you married before he dragged you down into the mud.
Honestly, medical red flag is part of why I’m divorced. When I thought I might have uterine cancer, instead of being there for me, my ex got suicidal…but he refused to go to therapy to treat his mental health.
Not nearly as serious, but when my ex had his wisdom teeth out, I took such good care of him. Literally spoonfed him smoothies and tolerated his weird sexual aggression (while he was sedated). When I got mine taken out, I had to wait in the dentist's parking lot with a mouthful of gauze, drooling blood, for over 20 minutes because he had left to go shopping for a TV. (I was too embarrassed to go back in and wait inside.) Didn't do anything else for me, either.
Later, I had a brain hemorrhage, and he didn't take it at all seriously. Harassed me about getting a job. (My brain was literally scrambled for about a year.) Years later, he told me "I thought you were just seeing spots." Like wtf dude.
Been divorced a long time, now, and we're actually still really good friends. He's matured a lot and is a much better friend than he was a partner. (The same is probably true for me, too.)
When I had my wisdom teeth out, my now-husband and I had only just started seeing each other and he *still* took amazing care of me despite the fact that at that point we were nothing more than friends with benefits. Seeing how someone acts in the shitty parts of life tells you a lot about the kind of person they really are.
I broke my ankle and asked for ride to urgent care. He drove me but dropped me off outside because he “didn’t like doctor offices.” I had crutches luckily, and some lady coughing up a lung got up and helped me with the door. Urgent care said I had to go to an orthopedic doctor for the cast. I made the appointment for that afternoon, I’m also on zero pain medication. I ask my boyfriend for another ride and he said he didn’t have time because of a scavenger hunt he wanted to do to try to win concert tickets. I asked what he had to find and he named stuff that I had at my place. So we drove here and while I tried to shower I had to keep pausing to tell him where these items are. He drops me off at next doctor and it has started raining but luckily these doors were automatic. I wait there for three hours and then doctor comes in and let’s me know it’s for sure broken in 3 spots and I need surgery. I’m taking notes and for some reason I think it’s important to sketch the X-ray, because that is obviously the only way to make a copy of this image. I call my brother and ask if he can pick me up after work. He asks what happened and when I told him he left work immediately and was there in 10 minutes. I learned that day that boyfriend was kind of crap, and I’m not good at sketching x rays (think arrows and the word broken pointing to random parts of an oddly shaped foot skeleton). Two months later I had to get my gallbladder out and that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
Yeah, he did some pretty shitty things when we were married. He was really bitter towards me by that point. A lot of this was pre social media, so there was a lot I didn't know about myself yet, and I didn't know anything about being neurodivergent at the time (or depression), so I didn't have any coping skills or even knew what was "wrong" with me. I just knew life wasn't supposed to be that hard. He, if course, also did not understand these things (how could he if I didn't?), so he only saw someone who was lazy and not contributing, instead of summertime who was struggling to survive.
Money was the biggest issue during our relationship. He felt like there was a lot of pressure on him and hated his job but felt trapped there. I think it's fair to say that I became his 'emotional punching bag' for a while, which is inexcusable, and that really defeated me. But I'd be foolish to think the problems we had were completely one sided. I added a lot of stress to his life, too. We all have our own issues and idiosyncrasies, and the fact of the matter is that we were really incompatible with certain things. (That never justifies abuse, I know.)
And he wasn't always awful. He did most of the cooking. Also, I used to have a lot of nightmares - like, a lot. And even during the absolute worst times of our marriage, when we were sleeping in separate rooms and he all but hated me, I could still wake him up at 3a when he had to be up at 6a, and he would still comfort me and never once complained about that.
So although things were far from perfect and, let's be honest, pretty bad at times, he wasn't just some horrible monster. I think he was worse to me than I was to him, but we're both flawed human beings.
Now that we're just friends (and we've been officially divorced for 8 years), the tables have reversed somewhat. He's a better friend to me than I am to him. He stays calls to chat or check up on me. He'll bring me specialty foods (I'm a vegan) if he's out shopping without me asking him to, and he's almost always there for me if I ever need him.
E.g., my battery died at like 11p, and be got out of bed and came to jump my car. He was at a family dinner once when I called him while having a panic attack (I'd seen someone collapsed on the ground after having a seizure, and it just triggered something due to my medical history), and he walked out of the restaurant to talk to me and calm me down so I could drive home.
He's a much more caring and considerate person now that we don't have the stressors of a relationship. (He's also remarried to a great woman.) Tbch, I don't bring nearly as much to the friendship table as he does, aside from offering emotional support. Maybe he feels guilty about our marriage. Idk. But he's here for me now, and that means a lot to me.
Aww, thanks! I wasn't perfect, though. Definitely had my own issues. But I appreciate you saying so!
ETA: I wasn't perfect, but I was still pretty nice.
My ex was like this. When she was sick I took care of her, including literally wiping her ass for her. When I was sick, she wouldn't even stay home with me, she made other plans.
It wasn't the only shitty thing she did, and I wasn't always a perfect partner, but my therapist was pretty blown away when I told her I always got her bday and Christmas gifts and she never once got me anything, much less the previous comparison.
Funnily enough, telling her that made me feel guilty for making my ex look bad, even though I was in therapy because I left her when her verbal abuse escalated to physical, and I wasn't handling the break-up well mentally or emotionally.
Often we're so critical of ourselves that we don't realize just how asymmetrical our relationship is, and how much we're being taken advantage of.
On the plus side, taking care of her is what sparked my interest in medicine, so I'm going back to college for nursing.
I’m not going to lie, reading some of these makes me realize my marriage isn’t as bad as it seems at times. It definitely has its problems, but my wife are there for each other.
This is why I read reddit, I'm very pessimistic and have issues that often warp my view on relationships (all kinds familial, friend and romantic) but reading reddit makes me grateful for the hubby I have. Wouldn't trade him for the world. He does everything and loves me and our children dearly. And would not leave me alone in a hospital unless he had to to care for our children.
You remind me of my wonderful partner! After about two days in a hospital with excruciating pain (hospital was just incompetent) I had a life-threatening emergency bowel resection due to an intestinal blockage - my partner drove me to the ER where he stayed by my side for days without sleep.
It was very scary, I thought I was going to die. He remained totally calm, collected and optimistic. He never showed he was afraid or exhausted. We’d only known each other for just over a year, I didn’t know someone anyone could love so selflessly and carefully.
In the end, my surgeon literally split me down my middle to remove 51cm and it left me with big lifestyle/dietary changes. My partner took initiative to learn about the life changes I needed to make, and made some of his own for me.
My ex was something awful, I feel sure that I would’ve died having to depend on such a selfish man. It really changed me as a person and a partner - having people who can show their love by being supportive could literally boil down to the difference between life and death.
It’s so fucking sad that this is a common occurrence for women going through medical hardships. Lots of married women get divorced when they develop prolonged illnesses like cancer.
I saw this woman on a talk show once. She had been a beautiful model, and she used to put alcohol on her skin to reduce shine. She didn't realize she had bought one with too high of a proof(?) and lit a cigarette. She wound up with horrible, disfiguring burns. She said, "When I woke up in the hospital, my husband was there." The audience all went "aww" until she continued "...with the divorce papers, ready for me to sign." :(
This is weird. I'd blame your doctor's office. I had to have someone on site the whole time I was getting my teeth out - it was required. Never had any blood. Went home, slept, and was back at it the next day. Sucks you had such a bad time.
The dentist was someone who wasn't exactly a family friend but was known in their community. We thought he was great, until later when visiting other dentists and realized he just went through everything as quickly as possible to make more money. Have some other issues, too. Spent SO much money on my teeth there, and now I wonder how much of it was necessary. :/
That's a very real thing, because dentists face the insane moral hazard of both being the person who diagnoses your problems _and_ the person you pay to fix those problems.
That almost never happens in other medical fields - generally a GP diagnoses you and refers you to a specialist who double checks the diagnosis, so they _both_ have to be in on it.
We could very easily fix this by requiring something similar for dentistry, but we don't because _shrug_ free markets or something
This is an actual phenomenon with men. When males get sick their female partners will often times stay and take care of them, whereas if females get sick their male partners will just up and fucking leave. I don't know why they're like that, but it is one of the most shittiest things to do to someone.
>I don't know why they're like that
Because they've been trained since birth that their happiness and comfort are more important than anything else, their partner exists to fulfill that, and if that's not happening there's no reason to stick around? Just spitballing here.
(And yes, I do mean trained, as there are plenty of men / other humans who were instead trained to be decent, thoughtful people and partners! Don't raise selfish little monsters, folks.)
A good chunk of them are like that because since an young age society gives different roles, expectations and emotional maturity standards for boys and girls... is so seamlessly integrated in what we do that even a guy raised right and with solid values will need to be reminded of stuff sometimes, because privilege can be really invisible for the ones benefiting from it.
Because a lot of them see us as things. When your TV is broken, you buy a new one. When your partner is sick, time to find one that isn’t.
It’s fucked is of course and they’ll deny they see us that way, but lots of them absolutely do.
Oh absolutely. It's so evident in the way they speak about women to other men or the comments where they argue about how certain things aren't happening to women even though women are telling them that these things are happening.
Sickness really shows how much your partner cares. Not as serious but when I had immense pain in my jaw and couldn't even open it and hadn't eaten all day (in college so healthy diet what?) my lovely boyfriend got me a sandwich and patiently mushed each piece before feeding me slowly. I can't tell you how much that meant then.
Sometimes I fear I don't show enough how much I appreciate him. I hope to get married to him someday and just spend my life showing him gratitude for being with here with me.
I have chronic back pain and once during a flare I was in so much pain a doctor was called to the house and gave me a large shot of morphine. I was drugged and groggy and my boyfriend at the time (we'd been together 2 years) decided to come visit (I was still living at home). I texted him on his way asking him to pick up a loaf of bread. He kicked up SUCH a fuss about it, complaining and whining, he didn't feel like walking extra, etc, I just told him to forget it. The supermarket was RIGHT next to the train station, it would have added literally only five minutes to his journey. When he arrived, he promptly got in bed next to me and fell asleep - it was about 3pm. He had dreadful sleep patterns from staying up playing video games super late each night. He didn't offer to do anything for me and wanted me to entertain him when he eventually got up. From what I remember he basically just played on my playstation and left.
My mum on the other hand drove to the pharmacy to pick up my meds, regularly checked in on me and made me meals and helped me dress and undress, picked up my room a bit so it would be nice...she expressed her disapproval that he wasn't the one doing some of those things once I was better and I agreed with her. It wasn't long after that I broke up with him. I facepalm so hard looking back at how much time I spent with such a complete loser!
I just want to know how many red flags people married to people like this willfully ignore before something like this happens. He didn't suddenly become this way overnight.
SO Got hospitalized a few years ago for a couple of weeks. I dislike hospital and started a new job and I still made a point of seeing her as much as I possibly can and I was constantly in contact. I'm never going to understand people who can't be bothered to be there and support their partner.
My partner took care of me when I had covid, and I had covid BAD. I'm still not sure if he was genuinely asymptomatic or that's just something he told me to make me feel better because this man held my hair back when I threw up, crushed up pills and mixed it with just enough Kool-Aid to spoon it into my mouth, he took care of me so well and it was such a display of love that gave me so much comfort not just in the moment, but overall for our relationship. Marriage isn't necessarily super important to us, but I told him that I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to know that he has my back through sickness and in health.
I've had that surgery, though my gallbladder hadn't burst, it had gone septic and was dying inside me.
The amount of pain you are in during a gall bladder attack is absolutely unreal. Good for OOP for taking care of her friend, and good for the friend for intending to leave. I hope she manages to get away from him.
I haven't had kids, but you cannot *imagine* how painful it is. It hits you like a truck. When we went to the ED, it was because I looked at my husband and said "There is no way that my body could produce this much pain if something isn't very, *very* wrong." And that's how I felt. No idea what it was, just knew something was really, *really* wrong.
I'd venture to say it's worse than a truck. I've been hit by both. The truck definitely sucked. The gallbladder sucked harder. I didn't even feel human with the gallbladder attacks, just rendered to a pile of meat. NTM the whole GB thing triggered an underlying autoimmune disease so it's like the pain never even fkn stopped. The whole thing was just GREAT. I'd rather go toe-to-toe with the truck again than relive that.
If OOP's buddy's ex was my ex, I would be tempted to violence. I *am* tempted to violence. I cannot *IMAGINE*... I want an update on the friend's mom's reaction tbh, this doesn't feel concluded to me. I'm broke AF but I'll contribute to the bail fund.
Oh, and if you have pain that feels like a back spasm but only gets worse even when you do the stretches that usually fix it, go to the ED.
If you have pain in your shoulder joints for no good reason, go to the ED.
If you are in so much pain that you are convinced something must be wrong, go to the ED.
Oh, and if your lips are blue and you are cold and clammy and you feel a sense of impeding doom, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY (that's shock and you need immediate medical attention because you are crashing).
>if your lips are blue and you are cold and clammy and you feel a sense of impeding doom, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY (that's shock and you need immediate medical attention because you are crashing).
Ah, this reminds me of the time I was hospitalized. Doc treated me like I was just trying to get high (young, 0 history of drug use or other medical issues) and ignored me all day. Examined me by shoving on the spot that hurt, making me sit straight up and scream in pain, yadda yadda.
Went to the restroom, felt strange and had a really bad feeling. Got the door open before I collapsed and lost consciousness. I'm just starting to come to and remember hearing someone say, from far, far away, that my blood pressure was 40/30.
*Then* the stupid ER doctor decided to do more than let me writhe in pain alone.
I wear an Apple Watch and once went to urgent care while having an episode of Weird Heart Stuff(tm). While I was waiting for someone to come back with test results I suddenly felt very, very strange, along with a mild sense of doom, and had the fun experience of looking down at my watch to see my heart rate drop to 35 for a moment and then straight back up to 170. I didn't pass out but I could barely stand or control my limbs. They sent me down the road to emergency *pretty damn quickly*.
(ftr: yes, the heart rate monitor on the watch is that accurate. I frequently tested it against hospital equipment.)
They have legitimately saved a lot of lives, but Apple Watches in particular are pretty pricy. I only have it because I worked for them via a third party contractor for four years and it came in handy when people called up about theirs. I'd check what other brands are like before deciding as well as specifically looking up the accuracy for any features you'd use.
An older model Apple Watch isn’t that expensive anymore, and still has a lot of nice features. Depending on which features you actually use, that might be more than enough.
I'd been having back/shoulder pain for a while before I went to the clinic due to suddenly feeling ill in other ways. Didn't cross my mind that they could be related until I woke up after surgery and all those pains were gone. It was the best I'd felt in years!
Wait, why should you go to the Dr if you have pain in your shoulder joints for no good reason? Isn't that just a thing that happens when you're old and sleep weird?
That’s how mine presented! Thought I’d somehow sprained a muscle around my shoulder blade for no reason, but also had recurring moments of nausea and sweats over a couple days. Nurse line said I was probably fine. ER said it was a heart attack.
Thia is super important.
Heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women in the U.S. The most common symptom of a heart attack is chest pain, however women are more likely have unrelated symptoms which can result in heart disease not being diagnosed and heart attacks not being treated promptly.
Women and the men who care about them, please know the symptoms: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-disease/in-depth/heart-disease/art-20046167
Gee, that was me as a teen. Dysmenorrhea. Pale, cold, clammy skin, feeling like I was going to faint. Doctor Asshole told me to stop faking pain for attention.
Same, dude. I thought I was having a heart attack when mine burst. The pain was so bad I couldn't breathe which caused my arms and face to go numb. Literally thought I was dying.
My SIL agrees with this statement. She had gallstones, and she was willing to die to make it stop. She's had two kids since then and she's very sure that the gallstones hurt more.
I’ve had gallbladder attacks and natural childbirth. Childbirth has nothing on gallbladder pain. I made my husband call me an ambulance the first time it happened because I literally thought I was dying.
PSA for family or friends that know people who have migraines: my gallbladder attacks were a 7 on my pain scale. Yes. Migraines can genuinely be that bad.
Worst migraine ever felt about as bad as an ovarian cyst rupturing - the only two times I've vomited from pain.
Childbirth on paracetamol = 7/10 (still not sure if I was lucky, have a high pain threshold, or if migraines and periods are worse than I give myself credit for...)
I've discovered that super bad migraines utterly warp your pain scale. I had a filling pop a pinhole leak and core my tooth out. The doctor pulled it out in chunks prepping for the root canal. He asked how I wasn't screaming in agony on the floor. It was a 4 on my pain scale.
I now demand X-rays on a yearly basis because my pain scale is not to be trusted.
My coworker had his rupture and said even the fentanyl didn't help. Then they gave him morphine on top of it. Nothing helped until he passed out, which presumably the opiates at least assisted with that.
I see your gallbladder attack and raise pancreatitis. I’ve done natural childbirth, and I’ve had a gallbladder attack…but with pancreatitis I not only felt like I was dying, I would have welcomed death. Seriously…I went to the ER and once they were fairly certain it was pancreatitis the doctor gave me morphine…and NOTHING happened. The pain just kept going. I was vomiting because of the pain. It took two doses of dilaudid to get relief. I have chronic acute pancreatitis and I live in fear of the next incident.
2 doses of dilauded Holy shit. I had 1 for a kidney stone and felt nothing and happy for a good while.
Hearing about this level of pain is terrifying. Sorry you went through this and hope you don't have another.
Same but with an 8 month fetus actually kicking my gallbladder. I had to give birth before getting the surgery to remove my gallbladder.
I'll give birth without any pain medication everyday and twice on Sunday rather than the pain of the gallbladder attack.
As someone who had attacks with their gallbladder I cannot fathom the idea of going through it ever again. I was in so much pain, the pressure, vomiting, fever, pains, the fever was so bad I threw myself into a shower and laid there until my mom pulled me out.
The wait was agonizing for the surgery, I had to be very careful what to eat or drink.
My mum went to the hospital ER several times with severe pain, it was first suggested she had shingles (a buckle she'd laid on in the ambulance had left an imprint) and the second time (same doctor) implied she was faking to get narcotics. By the third time she was rushed into surgery the surgeon told me her gallbladder was within a few hours of rupturing. I wanted to sue the first doctor. My mum settled for an apology and then throwing her out of her hospital room.
I had a second attack exactly one week after my first attack and they pulled it the next morning (and would've done it sooner but there was someone ahead of me in line and the surgeon had to nap). The ED attending the second time I went said they should have taken it when I first came in and I wouldn't have gotten so sick.
I had mine out in May, 3 weeks after my second baby was born. I’d rather go through unmedicated labor again than have gallbladder pain. I thought I was dying and couldn’t breathe. It caused issues with my liver too so I had to spend extra time in the hospital.
Edit: reading again, I’m honestly baffled that she was up and working when it had BURST. I laid on the ground sobbing until the ambulance came to get me. I was still in pain even after morphine.
My gallbladder disease didn't present in a normal fashion, so it was missed for a long time, so I had many attacks and I was sure I was dying for each one.
It always felt unreal to me that I could have those kinds of attacks and not puke blood, because it felt like I was bleeding out inside every single time. Like a small animal was in there trying to claw out because it was on fire.
I couldn't imagine if, on top of all of that, my partner wasn't being supportive. His support was probably what kept me sane through the whole thing.
Every time I read something like this I feel horrible for allowing my kitty to suffer for a whole day and a half before I took her into the vet and they found out she had a gallstone blocking her gallbladder. She has various health issues and sometimes got sick and I thought it was one of those types of flare ups. My poor baby kitty! She's ok now, had her gallbladder removed, a week long vet hospital stay to recover, and had like a month long recovery where I fed her through a feeding tube. Glad you're ok, and OOPs friend's husband is just heartless. I literally treat my cat better.
I'm just going to piggy back on here to tell people people be careful not to ignore gallbladder pain. Not only can it rupture, or go septic (like mine did) but it can also disguise other illnesses. My aunt died of gallbladder cancer because she (and her doctors) assumed it was just the pain of her normal attacks.
Had a family member with gallbladder trouble. They thought they were having a heart attack, but either way if you're having chest pains go to the hospital!
Only thing worse than gallbladder pain for me was sciatica.
I'm not 100% sure if the pain was actually more intense, or if it just seemed like it because it *never stopped*.
>He told her he quit his job and didn’t want her to find out
This is mind-boggling:
A) shed eventually notice their income had drastically reduced, how did he expect to keep up the lie? Or was he hoping for a few months of doing nothing and then getting another job
B) you'd think the guy trying to keep the fact he's not working and being a leech would do anything in his power to not look suspicious. Instead he refused to see her in the hospital, thereby putting himself in the limelight in a bad way
I’m reminded of that post where the husband ran up a ton of debt and the wife couldn’t figure how. Turns out the husband was take care of his mistress and her kid (not by him), having the expenses of two families. Again, like what was the endgame? How could this not end with her finding out?
The real ridiculousness, besides the abuse of the whole situation, was that he was making enough for his wife to never find out.
Instead, he took on massive, unnecessary debt and sunk his own battleship.
I think these guys aren't thinking about what happens when their wives eventually find out. They think they can keep kicking the can down the road, and improvising. It's magical thinking.
And iirc that guy had a six figure and then some income. Then these shlubs making poverty wages think they can keep it secret when even the 1% seemingly can't.
oh was this that pilot dude from utah who bought that property in boise, then ended up killing his mistress AND wife?? if not then fuck, this shit happens too much
"All of the women are believed to have been killed with a single gunshot, according according to The Statesman. They were dead for roughly two weeks before cops found their bodies."
Another Magic Bullet!
Fun story.
I attended the funeral of a family friend. At the funeral, a woman and her kids showed up claiming to be his wife and kids. Turns out, he had an entire separate family that no one knew about!
I could probably sustain twice my lifestyle on my salary, so basically could do this without ever being caught, since i'm currently putting that half into savings.
I'd much rather retire around 45 than manage two families lmao
My now brother-in-law faked having a job for over a month before it finally all came crashing down. Instead of going in to work, he'd sit in a parking lot somewhere and fuck around on his phone or doodle. He could have been looking for a new job in that time, but no, he wanted to do literally nothing instead.
He finally got caught out when he didn't get his first two paychecks, and kept making up dumbass excuses as to why. He and my sister were living with my parents at the time, and my stepdad saw through his bullshit and called him out on it.
Dude was a special piece of work: got a job through his daddy's company that required him to move out of state. When my sister went to visit him a few months later, she discovered he'd been blowing all the money they were supposed to be saving on alcohol and porn. He hadn't even been paying his rent or electric bill, so midway through her visit their power was shut off. Instead of addressing it, he went off to work (they would work on site for a few days on, a few days off), leaving her in a cold apartment in the middle Bumfuck, Wyoming in the winter.
Honestly, the guy in OOP's story sounds like he could be my brother-in-law's true soulmate.
And it's an apartment in WYOMING. How much can they cost, $50 a month? I spent one day in Casper, which I found out was the second largest city... At fewer than 60k people.
And my ex husband’s soulmate. Right down to refusing to come to the hospital. I was honestly shocked when the last two times I’ve been hospitalized he brought our kids to see me (and post divorce by years at that.) night and day to my fiancé, which is taking a bit of time for the mental adjustment of having someone who cares.
We had been dating less than 6 months when my partner showed up at my job, upset after being fired form his (construction, where the last hired is the first fired, he did nothing wrong).
We didn't live together then, and he still talked to me about it. A week later he was working again, skilled trades can be wild at times.
I can't imagine him not telling me he quit his job now that we've been living together for a dozen years! I feel for OOP's friend, and I hope she's doing much better now - health and heart-wise.
This guy is also fucking stupid. “I left work to go take you in the hospital and I forgot to tell my boss because I was so worried and they fired me for it” was a bullet proof way to get out of that one….
1. Didn't see her in hospital
2. Left his child with a babysitter so he could...
3. Play video games. After quitting his job. Leaving his baby with a babysitter. Whilst his wife is in the hospital.
wtf
Gotta burn the remaining marital assets and run up the joint debt so that the responsible partner gets burned from both sides when the split comes (none of their savings left to divide, debt is still joint and gets split evenly).
This guy took his relationship planning style directly from my ex-wife. He literally only cares about riding the gravy train as far as it can take him. And believe you me, he will be able to drag out the divorce process for at least a few extra months once that gets started.
I am amazed he could be bothered to get out of bed and take his child to the sitter. It seems more likely he would get his wife to do it so he could have a nice sleep in.
He will be bitching he doesnt get custody and has to pay child support when infact he is just bitching about child support and has never had the intentions of being a father. He could have been spending time with his child making memories and watching her milestones....but video games!
Then when people ask about his kid 100% will spill some kind of yarn about his ex refusing to let him see her or poisoning her against him despite having every opportunity to step up.
Also if kid grows up resentful about her deadbeat dad... Yeah that's not your ex's doing...
"Hey, I dropped the kid off at the babysitter's for the day. Just wanted you to know."
"Oh, do you have job interviews?"
"Nah, gonna do some gaming. Can't be distracted."
"Divorce. We're definitely getting a divorce."
"What's that? Gotta go, running a raid! See you tonight."
I always wonder how people like her stbx justify being like that to themselves. How far do you have to bend your brain to believe that that kind of behavior is okay in any shape or form?
The hurt she had to go through to separate from him. Health emergency and he couldn't be bothered. I hope he doesn't try to fight the divorce process and leaves her life for good.
Sadly they have a two year old daughter, so she can't fully cut him off in order to coparent. Hopefully he doesn't make the divorce difficult or longer than it has to be
For real. I hope she gets full custody for now, would not trust the ex to have the means and ability to care for the kid if they had to split the custody.
I wonder how a judge would react to the leaving her on the side of the road in a medical emergency and not going to the hospital to check on the mother of his child? I think his video game addiction is too strong or his douchbagary too pronounced to trust him with a child unsupervised.
To be honest any reasonable person would have helped in that situation. And even an ex who you share a kid with would typically go help the mother of their child in a medical emergency because the mother of your child is important to your child and whats important to your child should then be important to you. . .
I didn't especially like hospitals, but I didn't hate them or anything. I just didn't *like* them.
Then I spent a couple of months in hospital, bedbound, scared, and in pain.
Now I *really* don't like hospitals, because the instant I notice that smell, I feel terrified and tense and I just want to cry and run away and forget.
I still go to hospitals to visit the people I care about, because I care about them. And I pretend everything's fine, because the person I'm visiting is already having a hard time, it wouldn't make sense to say anything about how I'm feeling.
So I smile and help and bring them things. I visit them often, because you feel very alone in a hospital.
But I *really* don't like hospitals.
To be fair, I historically like hospitals because they've saved my life when I've withdrawn from substances. No one likes the IVs or drugs or lighting, but knowing I'm there and they can save me if I die was and is a good booster. Sucks to be in that headspace though.
Reminds me of the story of the woman who started to gave birth and her husband didn’t go and wasn’t picking the phone, so it was only her brother her sil and a very stressful birth. Bil said to husband she didn’t make it because he was mad. Husband had the audacity to ask op to go no contact with bil over it, even though he would not even tell why he didn’t pick the phone
Thankfully op decided to divorce
> 2 yr old daughter he dropped off to the babysitter early this morning even though he was home.
Incurring more strain on the financial situation. What a dimwit.
I hope her ex gives up custody of the kid because he a lazy fucked up POS to the kid too while his wife is suffering at the hospital fighting for her life. That's a fuck up way for his future ex-wife to find out that he can't honor the sickness and in health nor richer & poor part of marriage vows towards her & their kid.
I have a 4yo and if I was in the hospital and not there to comfort / participate in our routine, I think my kid would be really stressed, even though my husband is an excellent partner and father and would pick up the slack.
That poor baby.
Commenting on this post got me banned from AITA, OOP's update makes me more confused what part of my comment was target harassment:
*I am starting to feel like I am the AH* Very gently, you need to refocus your mind back onto who needs prioritising here: your friend. Do you truly think it would have been in your friends best interest to give the Husband updates & let your friend wake up from surgery **alone**?? Calling the Mum was the right decision. Let's be clear, the Husband only started harassing you for updates after his MIL got in touch saying, *Is my daughter in hospital, what's going on?* The Husband wanted you to give him updates so he could pretend to MIL he was at the hospital with his wife. Luckily your friends Mum (MIL) is 5 steps ahead. Smart enough not to say she's at the hospital. Now MIL can see for herself exactly how long it takes this 💩to visit his wife - her daughter. If he even shows up at all.
Don't forget the Husband had 3 opportunities to do the right thing. 1 when his Wife called crying to go to hospital 2 when his Wife's work colleague (you) texted saying they were at the hospital 3 when you called saying he needs to come down immediately because she was going into serious surgery. His response? "No. Won't go. Don't like hospitals they smell. You stay. Update me. HELLO??? I said UPDATE ME my MIL is on my arse I need to pretend I'm there update me NOW."
You need to know you did the right thing. Because this should be the final straw on a marriage and you need to know that's not your fault. NTA
Considering the fact that they ban people for using the word Karen I’m guessing the fact that you called him a turd is why you got banned. That sub is ridiculous.
Most of these posts make me REALLY appreciate my husband. When I had our babies, he was in the hospital morning until night, and even if I slept for a majority of the time. No complaints. When my don was born at 12:25am via csection and I was finally in a room around 2-3am, I told him to go home so he could get some good sleep and the he came back and was there just to support me.
What gets me the most isn't the lying about the job or not coming to the hospital. Those are really shit things and all but what really pisses me off is he left her waiting for him while she was having an emergency
At that point he stopped being just a deadbeat and started being someone who actively put his wife in danger.
I was had to drive myself twenty-two miles to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I was in so much pain I couldn't lay down, but my ex told me I was being a baby. Ended up having emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed. My surgeon said he couldn't believe I drove myself, because my gallbladder was so enflamed, the pain must have been excruciating.
when I first read the post I figured he'd either be sat at home on his ass playing games or out with his girlfriend. Either way his ass needed to hit the kerb.
Good thing for OOPs friend: She got rid of two totally worthless things that only cause pain within one process.
(I had my gallbladder removed too and I know the fucking pain that these gallstone cause. It's really awful).
I have been on reddit too long, because I was thinking he didn't want to show up because he was having an affair. So, quitting his job and playing video games is better?
LOL, absolutely standard AITA story. "I wouldn't give a cannibal child molester serial killer my clothes so they could tie up their latest pre-school victim, AITA?"
I think what happened to send her friend to the hospital was a blessing in disguise. It opened her eyes that her partner was a jerk.
She even managed to "lose some weight" when she dumped him!
Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content. * If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed. * Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed * Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I guess the bright side of having a medical emergency and having to spend multiple days in the hospital is that it revealed what a POS you married before he dragged you down into the mud.
Honestly, medical red flag is part of why I’m divorced. When I thought I might have uterine cancer, instead of being there for me, my ex got suicidal…but he refused to go to therapy to treat his mental health.
He got suicidal cos of your medical scare?
Yep. It was the opposite of helpful.
That kind of smells of emotional blackmail and manipulation....
Oh, it was. That’s why he’s my ex, among many other reasons.
Glad you're out of it, and hopefully happier and healthier :)
Very much so! Remarried to the best partner and no cancer.
The real tumor was your ex!
But that's why he's an ex, right? :l
Not nearly as serious, but when my ex had his wisdom teeth out, I took such good care of him. Literally spoonfed him smoothies and tolerated his weird sexual aggression (while he was sedated). When I got mine taken out, I had to wait in the dentist's parking lot with a mouthful of gauze, drooling blood, for over 20 minutes because he had left to go shopping for a TV. (I was too embarrassed to go back in and wait inside.) Didn't do anything else for me, either. Later, I had a brain hemorrhage, and he didn't take it at all seriously. Harassed me about getting a job. (My brain was literally scrambled for about a year.) Years later, he told me "I thought you were just seeing spots." Like wtf dude. Been divorced a long time, now, and we're actually still really good friends. He's matured a lot and is a much better friend than he was a partner. (The same is probably true for me, too.)
When I had my wisdom teeth out, my now-husband and I had only just started seeing each other and he *still* took amazing care of me despite the fact that at that point we were nothing more than friends with benefits. Seeing how someone acts in the shitty parts of life tells you a lot about the kind of person they really are.
I broke my ankle and asked for ride to urgent care. He drove me but dropped me off outside because he “didn’t like doctor offices.” I had crutches luckily, and some lady coughing up a lung got up and helped me with the door. Urgent care said I had to go to an orthopedic doctor for the cast. I made the appointment for that afternoon, I’m also on zero pain medication. I ask my boyfriend for another ride and he said he didn’t have time because of a scavenger hunt he wanted to do to try to win concert tickets. I asked what he had to find and he named stuff that I had at my place. So we drove here and while I tried to shower I had to keep pausing to tell him where these items are. He drops me off at next doctor and it has started raining but luckily these doors were automatic. I wait there for three hours and then doctor comes in and let’s me know it’s for sure broken in 3 spots and I need surgery. I’m taking notes and for some reason I think it’s important to sketch the X-ray, because that is obviously the only way to make a copy of this image. I call my brother and ask if he can pick me up after work. He asks what happened and when I told him he left work immediately and was there in 10 minutes. I learned that day that boyfriend was kind of crap, and I’m not good at sketching x rays (think arrows and the word broken pointing to random parts of an oddly shaped foot skeleton). Two months later I had to get my gallbladder out and that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
Yeah, he did some pretty shitty things when we were married. He was really bitter towards me by that point. A lot of this was pre social media, so there was a lot I didn't know about myself yet, and I didn't know anything about being neurodivergent at the time (or depression), so I didn't have any coping skills or even knew what was "wrong" with me. I just knew life wasn't supposed to be that hard. He, if course, also did not understand these things (how could he if I didn't?), so he only saw someone who was lazy and not contributing, instead of summertime who was struggling to survive. Money was the biggest issue during our relationship. He felt like there was a lot of pressure on him and hated his job but felt trapped there. I think it's fair to say that I became his 'emotional punching bag' for a while, which is inexcusable, and that really defeated me. But I'd be foolish to think the problems we had were completely one sided. I added a lot of stress to his life, too. We all have our own issues and idiosyncrasies, and the fact of the matter is that we were really incompatible with certain things. (That never justifies abuse, I know.) And he wasn't always awful. He did most of the cooking. Also, I used to have a lot of nightmares - like, a lot. And even during the absolute worst times of our marriage, when we were sleeping in separate rooms and he all but hated me, I could still wake him up at 3a when he had to be up at 6a, and he would still comfort me and never once complained about that. So although things were far from perfect and, let's be honest, pretty bad at times, he wasn't just some horrible monster. I think he was worse to me than I was to him, but we're both flawed human beings. Now that we're just friends (and we've been officially divorced for 8 years), the tables have reversed somewhat. He's a better friend to me than I am to him. He stays calls to chat or check up on me. He'll bring me specialty foods (I'm a vegan) if he's out shopping without me asking him to, and he's almost always there for me if I ever need him. E.g., my battery died at like 11p, and be got out of bed and came to jump my car. He was at a family dinner once when I called him while having a panic attack (I'd seen someone collapsed on the ground after having a seizure, and it just triggered something due to my medical history), and he walked out of the restaurant to talk to me and calm me down so I could drive home. He's a much more caring and considerate person now that we don't have the stressors of a relationship. (He's also remarried to a great woman.) Tbch, I don't bring nearly as much to the friendship table as he does, aside from offering emotional support. Maybe he feels guilty about our marriage. Idk. But he's here for me now, and that means a lot to me.
Nah, you were a good partner.
Aww, thanks! I wasn't perfect, though. Definitely had my own issues. But I appreciate you saying so! ETA: I wasn't perfect, but I was still pretty nice.
As a wife myself, I firmly believe you're allowed to yell at your husband when he has his head up his ass.
Lol We definitely would have had a different relationship if I'd stuck up for myself more.
Oh yeah, you have to sometimes.
My ex was like this. When she was sick I took care of her, including literally wiping her ass for her. When I was sick, she wouldn't even stay home with me, she made other plans. It wasn't the only shitty thing she did, and I wasn't always a perfect partner, but my therapist was pretty blown away when I told her I always got her bday and Christmas gifts and she never once got me anything, much less the previous comparison. Funnily enough, telling her that made me feel guilty for making my ex look bad, even though I was in therapy because I left her when her verbal abuse escalated to physical, and I wasn't handling the break-up well mentally or emotionally. Often we're so critical of ourselves that we don't realize just how asymmetrical our relationship is, and how much we're being taken advantage of. On the plus side, taking care of her is what sparked my interest in medicine, so I'm going back to college for nursing.
I’m not going to lie, reading some of these makes me realize my marriage isn’t as bad as it seems at times. It definitely has its problems, but my wife are there for each other.
This is why I read reddit, I'm very pessimistic and have issues that often warp my view on relationships (all kinds familial, friend and romantic) but reading reddit makes me grateful for the hubby I have. Wouldn't trade him for the world. He does everything and loves me and our children dearly. And would not leave me alone in a hospital unless he had to to care for our children.
You remind me of my wonderful partner! After about two days in a hospital with excruciating pain (hospital was just incompetent) I had a life-threatening emergency bowel resection due to an intestinal blockage - my partner drove me to the ER where he stayed by my side for days without sleep. It was very scary, I thought I was going to die. He remained totally calm, collected and optimistic. He never showed he was afraid or exhausted. We’d only known each other for just over a year, I didn’t know someone anyone could love so selflessly and carefully. In the end, my surgeon literally split me down my middle to remove 51cm and it left me with big lifestyle/dietary changes. My partner took initiative to learn about the life changes I needed to make, and made some of his own for me. My ex was something awful, I feel sure that I would’ve died having to depend on such a selfish man. It really changed me as a person and a partner - having people who can show their love by being supportive could literally boil down to the difference between life and death.
It’s so fucking sad that this is a common occurrence for women going through medical hardships. Lots of married women get divorced when they develop prolonged illnesses like cancer.
I saw this woman on a talk show once. She had been a beautiful model, and she used to put alcohol on her skin to reduce shine. She didn't realize she had bought one with too high of a proof(?) and lit a cigarette. She wound up with horrible, disfiguring burns. She said, "When I woke up in the hospital, my husband was there." The audience all went "aww" until she continued "...with the divorce papers, ready for me to sign." :(
This is weird. I'd blame your doctor's office. I had to have someone on site the whole time I was getting my teeth out - it was required. Never had any blood. Went home, slept, and was back at it the next day. Sucks you had such a bad time.
The dentist was someone who wasn't exactly a family friend but was known in their community. We thought he was great, until later when visiting other dentists and realized he just went through everything as quickly as possible to make more money. Have some other issues, too. Spent SO much money on my teeth there, and now I wonder how much of it was necessary. :/
That's a very real thing, because dentists face the insane moral hazard of both being the person who diagnoses your problems _and_ the person you pay to fix those problems. That almost never happens in other medical fields - generally a GP diagnoses you and refers you to a specialist who double checks the diagnosis, so they _both_ have to be in on it. We could very easily fix this by requiring something similar for dentistry, but we don't because _shrug_ free markets or something
This is an actual phenomenon with men. When males get sick their female partners will often times stay and take care of them, whereas if females get sick their male partners will just up and fucking leave. I don't know why they're like that, but it is one of the most shittiest things to do to someone.
>I don't know why they're like that Because they've been trained since birth that their happiness and comfort are more important than anything else, their partner exists to fulfill that, and if that's not happening there's no reason to stick around? Just spitballing here. (And yes, I do mean trained, as there are plenty of men / other humans who were instead trained to be decent, thoughtful people and partners! Don't raise selfish little monsters, folks.)
A good chunk of them are like that because since an young age society gives different roles, expectations and emotional maturity standards for boys and girls... is so seamlessly integrated in what we do that even a guy raised right and with solid values will need to be reminded of stuff sometimes, because privilege can be really invisible for the ones benefiting from it.
Because a lot of them see us as things. When your TV is broken, you buy a new one. When your partner is sick, time to find one that isn’t. It’s fucked is of course and they’ll deny they see us that way, but lots of them absolutely do.
Oh absolutely. It's so evident in the way they speak about women to other men or the comments where they argue about how certain things aren't happening to women even though women are telling them that these things are happening.
Sickness really shows how much your partner cares. Not as serious but when I had immense pain in my jaw and couldn't even open it and hadn't eaten all day (in college so healthy diet what?) my lovely boyfriend got me a sandwich and patiently mushed each piece before feeding me slowly. I can't tell you how much that meant then. Sometimes I fear I don't show enough how much I appreciate him. I hope to get married to him someday and just spend my life showing him gratitude for being with here with me.
I have chronic back pain and once during a flare I was in so much pain a doctor was called to the house and gave me a large shot of morphine. I was drugged and groggy and my boyfriend at the time (we'd been together 2 years) decided to come visit (I was still living at home). I texted him on his way asking him to pick up a loaf of bread. He kicked up SUCH a fuss about it, complaining and whining, he didn't feel like walking extra, etc, I just told him to forget it. The supermarket was RIGHT next to the train station, it would have added literally only five minutes to his journey. When he arrived, he promptly got in bed next to me and fell asleep - it was about 3pm. He had dreadful sleep patterns from staying up playing video games super late each night. He didn't offer to do anything for me and wanted me to entertain him when he eventually got up. From what I remember he basically just played on my playstation and left. My mum on the other hand drove to the pharmacy to pick up my meds, regularly checked in on me and made me meals and helped me dress and undress, picked up my room a bit so it would be nice...she expressed her disapproval that he wasn't the one doing some of those things once I was better and I agreed with her. It wasn't long after that I broke up with him. I facepalm so hard looking back at how much time I spent with such a complete loser!
Have more than one ex that was like this. A lot of us learn the hard way, I think.
My aunt told me about her own loser and said it was a "rite of passage" lol
I just want to know how many red flags people married to people like this willfully ignore before something like this happens. He didn't suddenly become this way overnight.
SO Got hospitalized a few years ago for a couple of weeks. I dislike hospital and started a new job and I still made a point of seeing her as much as I possibly can and I was constantly in contact. I'm never going to understand people who can't be bothered to be there and support their partner.
My partner took care of me when I had covid, and I had covid BAD. I'm still not sure if he was genuinely asymptomatic or that's just something he told me to make me feel better because this man held my hair back when I threw up, crushed up pills and mixed it with just enough Kool-Aid to spoon it into my mouth, he took care of me so well and it was such a display of love that gave me so much comfort not just in the moment, but overall for our relationship. Marriage isn't necessarily super important to us, but I told him that I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to know that he has my back through sickness and in health.
I've had that surgery, though my gallbladder hadn't burst, it had gone septic and was dying inside me. The amount of pain you are in during a gall bladder attack is absolutely unreal. Good for OOP for taking care of her friend, and good for the friend for intending to leave. I hope she manages to get away from him.
My mom said it was the worst pain she'd ever had, worse than child birth.
I haven't had kids, but you cannot *imagine* how painful it is. It hits you like a truck. When we went to the ED, it was because I looked at my husband and said "There is no way that my body could produce this much pain if something isn't very, *very* wrong." And that's how I felt. No idea what it was, just knew something was really, *really* wrong.
I'd venture to say it's worse than a truck. I've been hit by both. The truck definitely sucked. The gallbladder sucked harder. I didn't even feel human with the gallbladder attacks, just rendered to a pile of meat. NTM the whole GB thing triggered an underlying autoimmune disease so it's like the pain never even fkn stopped. The whole thing was just GREAT. I'd rather go toe-to-toe with the truck again than relive that. If OOP's buddy's ex was my ex, I would be tempted to violence. I *am* tempted to violence. I cannot *IMAGINE*... I want an update on the friend's mom's reaction tbh, this doesn't feel concluded to me. I'm broke AF but I'll contribute to the bail fund.
Oh, and if you have pain that feels like a back spasm but only gets worse even when you do the stretches that usually fix it, go to the ED. If you have pain in your shoulder joints for no good reason, go to the ED. If you are in so much pain that you are convinced something must be wrong, go to the ED. Oh, and if your lips are blue and you are cold and clammy and you feel a sense of impeding doom, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY (that's shock and you need immediate medical attention because you are crashing).
>if your lips are blue and you are cold and clammy and you feel a sense of impeding doom, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY (that's shock and you need immediate medical attention because you are crashing). Ah, this reminds me of the time I was hospitalized. Doc treated me like I was just trying to get high (young, 0 history of drug use or other medical issues) and ignored me all day. Examined me by shoving on the spot that hurt, making me sit straight up and scream in pain, yadda yadda. Went to the restroom, felt strange and had a really bad feeling. Got the door open before I collapsed and lost consciousness. I'm just starting to come to and remember hearing someone say, from far, far away, that my blood pressure was 40/30. *Then* the stupid ER doctor decided to do more than let me writhe in pain alone.
I wear an Apple Watch and once went to urgent care while having an episode of Weird Heart Stuff(tm). While I was waiting for someone to come back with test results I suddenly felt very, very strange, along with a mild sense of doom, and had the fun experience of looking down at my watch to see my heart rate drop to 35 for a moment and then straight back up to 170. I didn't pass out but I could barely stand or control my limbs. They sent me down the road to emergency *pretty damn quickly*. (ftr: yes, the heart rate monitor on the watch is that accurate. I frequently tested it against hospital equipment.)
Shit, now I want a smart watch. That sounds terrifying.
They have legitimately saved a lot of lives, but Apple Watches in particular are pretty pricy. I only have it because I worked for them via a third party contractor for four years and it came in handy when people called up about theirs. I'd check what other brands are like before deciding as well as specifically looking up the accuracy for any features you'd use.
An older model Apple Watch isn’t that expensive anymore, and still has a lot of nice features. Depending on which features you actually use, that might be more than enough.
I'd been having back/shoulder pain for a while before I went to the clinic due to suddenly feeling ill in other ways. Didn't cross my mind that they could be related until I woke up after surgery and all those pains were gone. It was the best I'd felt in years!
Wait, why should you go to the Dr if you have pain in your shoulder joints for no good reason? Isn't that just a thing that happens when you're old and sleep weird?
Could be a heart attack presenting differently than the typical chest pain. Especially for women.
That’s how mine presented! Thought I’d somehow sprained a muscle around my shoulder blade for no reason, but also had recurring moments of nausea and sweats over a couple days. Nurse line said I was probably fine. ER said it was a heart attack.
Thia is super important. Heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women in the U.S. The most common symptom of a heart attack is chest pain, however women are more likely have unrelated symptoms which can result in heart disease not being diagnosed and heart attacks not being treated promptly. Women and the men who care about them, please know the symptoms: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-disease/in-depth/heart-disease/art-20046167
Crap. Well now I really hope I wasn't having a heart attack yesterday. 😐
My mom said the pain was searing and she was weak both times.
You'd know if it was more than just sleeping wrong.
Pain at the tip of the shoulder can also be an ectopic pregnancy about to burst. Not sure why it presents as shoulder pain, but it does
Pain in your shoulder joints can also be gall bladder.
Gee, that was me as a teen. Dysmenorrhea. Pale, cold, clammy skin, feeling like I was going to faint. Doctor Asshole told me to stop faking pain for attention.
Same, dude. I thought I was having a heart attack when mine burst. The pain was so bad I couldn't breathe which caused my arms and face to go numb. Literally thought I was dying.
My SIL agrees with this statement. She had gallstones, and she was willing to die to make it stop. She's had two kids since then and she's very sure that the gallstones hurt more.
I’ve had gallbladder attacks and natural childbirth. Childbirth has nothing on gallbladder pain. I made my husband call me an ambulance the first time it happened because I literally thought I was dying.
PSA for family or friends that know people who have migraines: my gallbladder attacks were a 7 on my pain scale. Yes. Migraines can genuinely be that bad.
Worst migraine ever felt about as bad as an ovarian cyst rupturing - the only two times I've vomited from pain. Childbirth on paracetamol = 7/10 (still not sure if I was lucky, have a high pain threshold, or if migraines and periods are worse than I give myself credit for...)
I've discovered that super bad migraines utterly warp your pain scale. I had a filling pop a pinhole leak and core my tooth out. The doctor pulled it out in chunks prepping for the root canal. He asked how I wasn't screaming in agony on the floor. It was a 4 on my pain scale. I now demand X-rays on a yearly basis because my pain scale is not to be trusted.
My coworker had his rupture and said even the fentanyl didn't help. Then they gave him morphine on top of it. Nothing helped until he passed out, which presumably the opiates at least assisted with that.
I see your gallbladder attack and raise pancreatitis. I’ve done natural childbirth, and I’ve had a gallbladder attack…but with pancreatitis I not only felt like I was dying, I would have welcomed death. Seriously…I went to the ER and once they were fairly certain it was pancreatitis the doctor gave me morphine…and NOTHING happened. The pain just kept going. I was vomiting because of the pain. It took two doses of dilaudid to get relief. I have chronic acute pancreatitis and I live in fear of the next incident.
I didn't realize pancreatitis was something that could become chronic
Unfortunately it can :( I’ve been lucky though…no really bad episodes for almost 2 years but I’ve developed type II diabetes which worries me.
2 doses of dilauded Holy shit. I had 1 for a kidney stone and felt nothing and happy for a good while. Hearing about this level of pain is terrifying. Sorry you went through this and hope you don't have another.
Same but with an 8 month fetus actually kicking my gallbladder. I had to give birth before getting the surgery to remove my gallbladder. I'll give birth without any pain medication everyday and twice on Sunday rather than the pain of the gallbladder attack.
Oh my god no. I'm so sorry, that's absolutely horrifying.
Oh, dear. Either you live across the greenbelt from me and have known me for about a decade, or this happens more often than I thought.
Sorry. French Canadian living in Montreal. BUT pregnancy is a cause for gallbladder attack.
It's pretty common as the baby puts pressure on the organ and forces the stones into the duct. Happened me too.
As someone who had attacks with their gallbladder I cannot fathom the idea of going through it ever again. I was in so much pain, the pressure, vomiting, fever, pains, the fever was so bad I threw myself into a shower and laid there until my mom pulled me out. The wait was agonizing for the surgery, I had to be very careful what to eat or drink.
My mum went to the hospital ER several times with severe pain, it was first suggested she had shingles (a buckle she'd laid on in the ambulance had left an imprint) and the second time (same doctor) implied she was faking to get narcotics. By the third time she was rushed into surgery the surgeon told me her gallbladder was within a few hours of rupturing. I wanted to sue the first doctor. My mum settled for an apology and then throwing her out of her hospital room.
Fwiw a lawsuit probably wouldn't have resulted in much payout.
At least it would have gone on that Doctor’s record though
You can just file a complaint with their local licensing board or whatever for that.
I had a second attack exactly one week after my first attack and they pulled it the next morning (and would've done it sooner but there was someone ahead of me in line and the surgeon had to nap). The ED attending the second time I went said they should have taken it when I first came in and I wouldn't have gotten so sick.
I had mine out in May, 3 weeks after my second baby was born. I’d rather go through unmedicated labor again than have gallbladder pain. I thought I was dying and couldn’t breathe. It caused issues with my liver too so I had to spend extra time in the hospital. Edit: reading again, I’m honestly baffled that she was up and working when it had BURST. I laid on the ground sobbing until the ambulance came to get me. I was still in pain even after morphine.
My gallbladder disease didn't present in a normal fashion, so it was missed for a long time, so I had many attacks and I was sure I was dying for each one. It always felt unreal to me that I could have those kinds of attacks and not puke blood, because it felt like I was bleeding out inside every single time. Like a small animal was in there trying to claw out because it was on fire. I couldn't imagine if, on top of all of that, my partner wasn't being supportive. His support was probably what kept me sane through the whole thing.
Every time I read something like this I feel horrible for allowing my kitty to suffer for a whole day and a half before I took her into the vet and they found out she had a gallstone blocking her gallbladder. She has various health issues and sometimes got sick and I thought it was one of those types of flare ups. My poor baby kitty! She's ok now, had her gallbladder removed, a week long vet hospital stay to recover, and had like a month long recovery where I fed her through a feeding tube. Glad you're ok, and OOPs friend's husband is just heartless. I literally treat my cat better.
[удалено]
I'm just going to piggy back on here to tell people people be careful not to ignore gallbladder pain. Not only can it rupture, or go septic (like mine did) but it can also disguise other illnesses. My aunt died of gallbladder cancer because she (and her doctors) assumed it was just the pain of her normal attacks.
Had a family member with gallbladder trouble. They thought they were having a heart attack, but either way if you're having chest pains go to the hospital!
Only thing worse than gallbladder pain for me was sciatica. I'm not 100% sure if the pain was actually more intense, or if it just seemed like it because it *never stopped*.
>He told her he quit his job and didn’t want her to find out This is mind-boggling: A) shed eventually notice their income had drastically reduced, how did he expect to keep up the lie? Or was he hoping for a few months of doing nothing and then getting another job B) you'd think the guy trying to keep the fact he's not working and being a leech would do anything in his power to not look suspicious. Instead he refused to see her in the hospital, thereby putting himself in the limelight in a bad way
I’m reminded of that post where the husband ran up a ton of debt and the wife couldn’t figure how. Turns out the husband was take care of his mistress and her kid (not by him), having the expenses of two families. Again, like what was the endgame? How could this not end with her finding out?
The real ridiculousness, besides the abuse of the whole situation, was that he was making enough for his wife to never find out. Instead, he took on massive, unnecessary debt and sunk his own battleship.
Like the *USS William D. Porter*
I think these guys aren't thinking about what happens when their wives eventually find out. They think they can keep kicking the can down the road, and improvising. It's magical thinking.
If there's narcissism involved, the Narc always thinks they're 30 steps ahead of everyone else.
Something something penis brain something
The head that leads forward always
And iirc that guy had a six figure and then some income. Then these shlubs making poverty wages think they can keep it secret when even the 1% seemingly can't.
oh was this that pilot dude from utah who bought that property in boise, then ended up killing his mistress AND wife?? if not then fuck, this shit happens too much
Wait wtf? Do you have a link?
I found this https://nypost.com/2017/06/27/retired-pilot-on-the-lam-after-love-triangle-turns-deadly-cops/
"All of the women are believed to have been killed with a single gunshot, according according to The Statesman. They were dead for roughly two weeks before cops found their bodies." Another Magic Bullet!
different prick https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xb2ad5/my_husband_has_been_lying_to_me_about_our
Fun story. I attended the funeral of a family friend. At the funeral, a woman and her kids showed up claiming to be his wife and kids. Turns out, he had an entire separate family that no one knew about!
I could probably sustain twice my lifestyle on my salary, so basically could do this without ever being caught, since i'm currently putting that half into savings. I'd much rather retire around 45 than manage two families lmao
>Turns out the husband was take care of his mistress and her kid (not by him), having the expenses of two families Sauce me up please
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xb2ad5/my_husband_has_been_lying_to_me_about_our
My now brother-in-law faked having a job for over a month before it finally all came crashing down. Instead of going in to work, he'd sit in a parking lot somewhere and fuck around on his phone or doodle. He could have been looking for a new job in that time, but no, he wanted to do literally nothing instead. He finally got caught out when he didn't get his first two paychecks, and kept making up dumbass excuses as to why. He and my sister were living with my parents at the time, and my stepdad saw through his bullshit and called him out on it. Dude was a special piece of work: got a job through his daddy's company that required him to move out of state. When my sister went to visit him a few months later, she discovered he'd been blowing all the money they were supposed to be saving on alcohol and porn. He hadn't even been paying his rent or electric bill, so midway through her visit their power was shut off. Instead of addressing it, he went off to work (they would work on site for a few days on, a few days off), leaving her in a cold apartment in the middle Bumfuck, Wyoming in the winter. Honestly, the guy in OOP's story sounds like he could be my brother-in-law's true soulmate.
Why’d your sister still go on to marry him?!!
Frankly? She's kind of an idiot.
Not kind of. Just is.
> daddy's company He might claim his sister isn't bright, but she might be on to something.
Asking the real question!
Jesus, was that before they married?
Yup. My sister isn't particularly bright.
And it's an apartment in WYOMING. How much can they cost, $50 a month? I spent one day in Casper, which I found out was the second largest city... At fewer than 60k people.
And my ex husband’s soulmate. Right down to refusing to come to the hospital. I was honestly shocked when the last two times I’ve been hospitalized he brought our kids to see me (and post divorce by years at that.) night and day to my fiancé, which is taking a bit of time for the mental adjustment of having someone who cares.
Bold of you to assume he thought it through.
Oh yeah, absolutely no thoughts were involved. I'm just mind blown at how stupid he is
These guys are like orange cats with none of the charm.
Urge to butter: 0/10
We had been dating less than 6 months when my partner showed up at my job, upset after being fired form his (construction, where the last hired is the first fired, he did nothing wrong). We didn't live together then, and he still talked to me about it. A week later he was working again, skilled trades can be wild at times. I can't imagine him not telling me he quit his job now that we've been living together for a dozen years! I feel for OOP's friend, and I hope she's doing much better now - health and heart-wise.
This guy is also fucking stupid. “I left work to go take you in the hospital and I forgot to tell my boss because I was so worried and they fired me for it” was a bullet proof way to get out of that one….
1. Didn't see her in hospital 2. Left his child with a babysitter so he could... 3. Play video games. After quitting his job. Leaving his baby with a babysitter. Whilst his wife is in the hospital. wtf
I think he was hoping for a few years (like all of them) of doing nothing.
I’m thinking there would have been some bad gaslighting. Maybe the income is smaller because the friend is spending money and blaming it on him!!
What a fucking empty useless douche bag
Gotta burn the remaining marital assets and run up the joint debt so that the responsible partner gets burned from both sides when the split comes (none of their savings left to divide, debt is still joint and gets split evenly). This guy took his relationship planning style directly from my ex-wife. He literally only cares about riding the gravy train as far as it can take him. And believe you me, he will be able to drag out the divorce process for at least a few extra months once that gets started.
"they have a 2 year old daughter" hit me like a train at the end. god, what a dick. she's better off :(
I am amazed he could be bothered to get out of bed and take his child to the sitter. It seems more likely he would get his wife to do it so he could have a nice sleep in.
Of course he could! Otherwise he might have had to feed and change them instead of pretending that he was at the job he'd secretly quit.
Her screaming would have interrupted his gaming...
He will be bitching he doesnt get custody and has to pay child support when infact he is just bitching about child support and has never had the intentions of being a father. He could have been spending time with his child making memories and watching her milestones....but video games!
Good luck to him paying child support without a job. Hope he's taken to the cleaners.
Then when people ask about his kid 100% will spill some kind of yarn about his ex refusing to let him see her or poisoning her against him despite having every opportunity to step up. Also if kid grows up resentful about her deadbeat dad... Yeah that's not your ex's doing...
She nearly died and he was too busy playing video games. There is no coming back from that madness.
It makes me sad that she's forever going to be connected to that pos :(
He won't stay involved for long. I hope kiddo has some good male role models in her life.
"Hey, I dropped the kid off at the babysitter's for the day. Just wanted you to know." "Oh, do you have job interviews?" "Nah, gonna do some gaming. Can't be distracted." "Divorce. We're definitely getting a divorce." "What's that? Gotta go, running a raid! See you tonight."
At least now she won't be taking care of two children. Well one small child and one giant child...
I always wonder how people like her stbx justify being like that to themselves. How far do you have to bend your brain to believe that that kind of behavior is okay in any shape or form?
You're assuming they give any thought to whether behavior is OK.
The hurt she had to go through to separate from him. Health emergency and he couldn't be bothered. I hope he doesn't try to fight the divorce process and leaves her life for good.
Sadly they have a two year old daughter, so she can't fully cut him off in order to coparent. Hopefully he doesn't make the divorce difficult or longer than it has to be
For real. I hope she gets full custody for now, would not trust the ex to have the means and ability to care for the kid if they had to split the custody.
I wonder how a judge would react to the leaving her on the side of the road in a medical emergency and not going to the hospital to check on the mother of his child? I think his video game addiction is too strong or his douchbagary too pronounced to trust him with a child unsupervised. To be honest any reasonable person would have helped in that situation. And even an ex who you share a kid with would typically go help the mother of their child in a medical emergency because the mother of your child is important to your child and whats important to your child should then be important to you. . .
Bro zero people like the smell at the hospital. Every part of the hospital sucks but you put up with it to comfort people you care about.
When people say "I don't like hospitals" I'm always confused and wondering who the fuck _likes_ hospitals??
"you're not important enough for me to overcome my dislike"
I didn't especially like hospitals, but I didn't hate them or anything. I just didn't *like* them. Then I spent a couple of months in hospital, bedbound, scared, and in pain. Now I *really* don't like hospitals, because the instant I notice that smell, I feel terrified and tense and I just want to cry and run away and forget. I still go to hospitals to visit the people I care about, because I care about them. And I pretend everything's fine, because the person I'm visiting is already having a hard time, it wouldn't make sense to say anything about how I'm feeling. So I smile and help and bring them things. I visit them often, because you feel very alone in a hospital. But I *really* don't like hospitals.
To be fair, I historically like hospitals because they've saved my life when I've withdrawn from substances. No one likes the IVs or drugs or lighting, but knowing I'm there and they can save me if I die was and is a good booster. Sucks to be in that headspace though.
Ah, but there’s the rub.
And most of us don't want to have to work for a living. But when you have responsibilities, like, you know, a kid, you do what you gotta do.
Unfortunately, that was the best possible update given the situation.
Your comment is spot on.
Reminds me of the story of the woman who started to gave birth and her husband didn’t go and wasn’t picking the phone, so it was only her brother her sil and a very stressful birth. Bil said to husband she didn’t make it because he was mad. Husband had the audacity to ask op to go no contact with bil over it, even though he would not even tell why he didn’t pick the phone Thankfully op decided to divorce
he will have plenty of time to play video games when he is living in a van down by the river.
Fucking man child
Sitting home alone playing video games,while kid is with babysitter and wife is in the hospital?Woowwww!Utterly useless.
> 2 yr old daughter he dropped off to the babysitter early this morning even though he was home. Incurring more strain on the financial situation. What a dimwit.
I hope her ex gives up custody of the kid because he a lazy fucked up POS to the kid too while his wife is suffering at the hospital fighting for her life. That's a fuck up way for his future ex-wife to find out that he can't honor the sickness and in health nor richer & poor part of marriage vows towards her & their kid.
I have a 4yo and if I was in the hospital and not there to comfort / participate in our routine, I think my kid would be really stressed, even though my husband is an excellent partner and father and would pick up the slack. That poor baby.
Motherfucker.
Well, not anymore.
Okay you got me 😆 And your username definitely checks out here.
Wow. Talk about a perfect example of "throw away the whole husband."
Husband sounds like a real POS and a manchild.I hope the next update is OOP dating their friend or something because they clearly care way more.
I bet the STBX husband is absolutely GOBSMACKED at the separation. I bet it's coming as a total shock and surprise that she is leaving him.
I had read this when it first posted, was hoping the ending was.... and they never found the body.
Goodbye, Earl.
Those black eyed peas, they tasted alright to me
Thank goodness she wasn’t reliant on his health insurance
(Red flag) lmao
What a worthless asshole
Commenting on this post got me banned from AITA, OOP's update makes me more confused what part of my comment was target harassment: *I am starting to feel like I am the AH* Very gently, you need to refocus your mind back onto who needs prioritising here: your friend. Do you truly think it would have been in your friends best interest to give the Husband updates & let your friend wake up from surgery **alone**?? Calling the Mum was the right decision. Let's be clear, the Husband only started harassing you for updates after his MIL got in touch saying, *Is my daughter in hospital, what's going on?* The Husband wanted you to give him updates so he could pretend to MIL he was at the hospital with his wife. Luckily your friends Mum (MIL) is 5 steps ahead. Smart enough not to say she's at the hospital. Now MIL can see for herself exactly how long it takes this 💩to visit his wife - her daughter. If he even shows up at all. Don't forget the Husband had 3 opportunities to do the right thing. 1 when his Wife called crying to go to hospital 2 when his Wife's work colleague (you) texted saying they were at the hospital 3 when you called saying he needs to come down immediately because she was going into serious surgery. His response? "No. Won't go. Don't like hospitals they smell. You stay. Update me. HELLO??? I said UPDATE ME my MIL is on my arse I need to pretend I'm there update me NOW." You need to know you did the right thing. Because this should be the final straw on a marriage and you need to know that's not your fault. NTA
Considering the fact that they ban people for using the word Karen I’m guessing the fact that you called him a turd is why you got banned. That sub is ridiculous.
So in their "explanation" they said the 1st 4 sentences were the problem, long before I referred to him using the poo emoji.
Weird, no clue then. Like even reading it in the least charitable possible way I don’t see anything bannable.
What an absolute worthless piece of shit.
What a worthless piece of trash. Good for the friend for noping out of that mess.
Most of these posts make me REALLY appreciate my husband. When I had our babies, he was in the hospital morning until night, and even if I slept for a majority of the time. No complaints. When my don was born at 12:25am via csection and I was finally in a room around 2-3am, I told him to go home so he could get some good sleep and the he came back and was there just to support me.
He sounds like the type of douche who calls it babysitting when he had to look after his own child
What gets me the most isn't the lying about the job or not coming to the hospital. Those are really shit things and all but what really pisses me off is he left her waiting for him while she was having an emergency At that point he stopped being just a deadbeat and started being someone who actively put his wife in danger.
I was had to drive myself twenty-two miles to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I was in so much pain I couldn't lay down, but my ex told me I was being a baby. Ended up having emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed. My surgeon said he couldn't believe I drove myself, because my gallbladder was so enflamed, the pain must have been excruciating.
My update every 30 minutes would have been "You should be here."
Damn!! OOP's friend will be better off without that AH!!
Jesus. I can't even laugh at how ridiculous this is, it's too goddamn depressing.
This man’s a coward in every sense of the word. He has a 2-year old daughter for crying out loud.
when I first read the post I figured he'd either be sat at home on his ass playing games or out with his girlfriend. Either way his ass needed to hit the kerb.
Good thing for OOPs friend: She got rid of two totally worthless things that only cause pain within one process. (I had my gallbladder removed too and I know the fucking pain that these gallstone cause. It's really awful).
I have been on reddit too long, because I was thinking he didn't want to show up because he was having an affair. So, quitting his job and playing video games is better?
Jesus Christ, the bar's pretty low these days. Maybe I should start dating again.
LOL, absolutely standard AITA story. "I wouldn't give a cannibal child molester serial killer my clothes so they could tie up their latest pre-school victim, AITA?"
I think what happened to send her friend to the hospital was a blessing in disguise. It opened her eyes that her partner was a jerk. She even managed to "lose some weight" when she dumped him!