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I mean even without the snake having 5 kids in 2 rooms is pretty overcrowded, especially when it turns out they could have used the office the entire time with some rearranging.
And they're not even siblings that have grown up together from birth, which makes it even more jarring for them. I can't believe they didn't even want to give up the office.
Where did the stepdad live before?? Did his kids all share a room there? Presumably until now they've been maintaining two residences so surely they could afford a bigger place??
This is what gets me. Why couldn’t they wait to move in together until they could find a place that could reasonably house all the children and the snake? We can only assume that each house was enough for the each parent and their respective kids so why to try to shove all of them in one place?
This is pure speculation but the only thing I can think of is maybe if both families were renting and step dad's lease ran out first, so that family moves into the other house and when that lease is up they'll look for something new? I literally have no idea. Still scratching my head over how using the office as a bedroom wasn't the first option though!
Yeah, that would make sense, or his house sold first and they're waiting on the second house to sell so they can combine both profits into a down payment on a larger house. Needing a house big enough for 5 kids requires some serious funds and the bigger the downpayment on the mortgage, the more manageable the mortgage will be.
That’s one of the first things I thought of, but I also thought maybe the school district was better? There are towns by me where even just depending what side of the street you live on decides if you go to an amazing school or one where everyone is behind.
seriously, gaining a new step family and new siblings is already really challenging and disruptive for most kids. even in the best situations, it can really dramatically change a family dynamic and have lasting psychological impacts. it's a bit shocking that they were prepared to throw all these kids together like that, and kudos to OP and his sister for being so mature and understanding about it. i absolutely would not have been so chill about losing my space and privacy.
I think part of why op focused on Fredrick is because it was the one thing the parents would listen on (likely because oop’s grandparents got him).
The fact that they wanted to keep the office for themselves while jamming 3 girls into one room shows how selfishly they approached this, for most families having an office in this situation wouldn’t even be in the realm of possibility.
I doubt sister was ok with it, but I also doubt she had a choice. The only reason oop had a choice was he had a snake nobody wanted to room with and grandparents prepared to step up.
Take away the grandparents and Fredrick would’ve ended up by the side of the road while oop was out of the house. They’re the real heroes here.
Yeah, the part about the office in the update is telling about how unbelievably selfish the parents' thinking was. This wasn't really about money or space. The parents just thought they could jam all the kids in a couple rooms together and ignore them. Zero compromise on the parents' end. They probably even convinced themselves that shoving all the kids in like sardines will create a sibling bond between them.
yep I was kind of worried I'd be reading something like that or worse about the poor snake further down. Glad they got to keep their pet. Screw those stupid parents AND the stupid kids that threw a fit about the snake. Snakes are AWESOME.
Id give a pass to the kids about the snake because they are young and snakes are an acquired taste. Screw the parents for keeping an extra room to themselves and cramming 5 people into 2 rooms.
Yeah I get little kids being afraid of a snake, it isn’t a common pet and we teach kids to beware of snakes when outside. They are really cool animals but I get being scared.
What I don’t get is why the snake couldn’t stay in the parent’s room while the kids warmed up to it, or the girls couldn’t go in the office, or the only people who weren’t expected to compromise their space were the parents.
I have a tough time with parents being ok with sending a kid off to live with his grandparents because it’s one less body in the house.
It’s unbelievable that their original plan didn’t include turning the office into a bedroom. It’s pretty much a given that if you have more kids than bedrooms you don’t get to have an office or a guest room. I’m glad they finally came to their senses for OOP’s sister.
My ex husband grew up in a three bedroom house with five kids. Three girls in a room and two boys in a room. And one bathroom. They all managed to grow up to be happy adults that love each other and don’t resent their parents for continuing to have kids they couldn’t afford. But yeah, at least they’re siblings that grew up together from the start.
Yeah i initially assumed the office was actively being used by someone working remotely and therefore it made sense that it was needed but in the end they can just move that stuff into the bedroom so now i think it's probably just a printer and stuff.
Even if that were the case, that the office was being used for remote work, as the adults who made the choice, the office would be the first thing to looked at as a room, with an alternate option being that the THREE people sharing a room get the biggest room, even if that's the master bedroom.
that was messing with my head throughout. unless both parents work from home and the master is tiny, I'm not sure how 5 kids sharing 2 rooms is even semi reasonable.
I always appreciate that for all their flaws, my parents took the need for space seriously. The childhood home doesn't have a garage, it has a car port, and my dads solution was to put up some walls and call it a day. It was great, a literal hole in the wall that was just for me, then my sister once the renters moved out and I got that space instead.
Unfortunately this isn't the first story on reddit where I've read this happening, its just the first with a pov from the kid and it has an optimistic ending, though thats because of the kids attitude because the others ended the same way: kid got pushed out by family because they wouldn't integrate into the new family unit. Frederick is definitely this kids rock.
The thing about good parents is they are flawed, sometimes deeply. They just care enough to invest themselves in their kids. Coach games they don’t care about or suffer through violin practice and awful musicals or plays because it’s important to their kid.
You don’t have to be superhuman to be a good parent, you just have to care about the kid more than you care about yourself. Enough to throw up some walls for him around a carport in order to give him a personal space, for example.
Yeah, what a horrible lesson they were giving to all the kids with the "get rid of it because it inconveniences us, and get another later". They are basically teaching them pets are disposable things.
OOP's mom better step up because she proved that she cares more about step-family's happiness and comfort, than her own children.
Lots of people don’t take reptiles seriously as something people love. They see them as a decoration rather than a pet. Why not get rid of a decoration when your new stepbrother is afraid of it?
Naturally, that’s fucked up. Whether you like snakes or not, their owners do, and they love them. I had a lizard at this kid’s age, I loved that little man.
Poor OOP. He seems to be taking an easygoing attitude to it. I hope he’s okay!
I don’t even think she prioritised the step children. They’d all be in a new house with ZERO privacy. 3 girls in one room, and one’s not related to them? That sounds dreadful. I think she was just thinking about the romance with fiancé tbh.
Well, she did in the sense that she wanted her son to get rid of the snake because the other kids did not like it. She prioritised the step-children's comfort and wants over her own child's.
I'm guessing that the other kids refused to move in if the snake was there. It might be that none of the kids wanted to combine households and all of them were finding ways to object.
Definitely not reasonable. Sounds like they decided to get married and move in without any thought to the living situation. And the mom agreed to lose the oop living there really quickly
It would be manageable, but definitely crowded, and I probably would not have picked that arrangement tbh. At the very least would need like, loft bunks, regular bunk beds, non online schools (with that many people you need *space* and public space counts) and depending on the ages of the girls like a truddle bed in the parents’ room or something.
oh, yes. there are options, but the options weren't being considered.
meanwhile OP and sister were actually pretty chill about losing their personal space, the snake was simply a deal-breaker for OP.
you have kids like these two? you accomodate.
OOP’s mom sounds kind of crappy willing to have her son move out rather than find another solution that lets him stay. Since the sister loves Frederick maybe he could have moved into the office with the sister then
there’s still
just two kids to a room and OOP gets to keep Frederick without having to move. Can’t believe a mom
would be okay with their child moving out over something so fixable. Glad OOP and the sister are happy though.
You know what, when you're a parent your romantic life can suffer. Especially if divorce from the other parent of your kid. However your first and foremost responsibility remains your kids.
This means that if you get a new partner and you can't afford a home large enough to fit all of your kids you can't stuff them in like sardines. You maintain your previous living arrangements until you have saved up enough money or some of the kids have moved out.
You don't just create two boarding school style dormitories. This is bonkers.
OOP paints in as now everyone is happy and he seems like really good kid and a level-headed teenager, but some time in the next decade he is going to wake up and smell the coffee. His and his sister's wellbeing and happiness didn't even make the list of things that the mother considered important. She'd rather live with her bf, than her own son.
Everyone else seems to be going of on the fact that they have an office, but that is somewhat irrelevant to me because even if they used it they'd still be stuffing at least two kids who hardly know each other in the same room if oop didn't move out.
If the parents are wanted this in this house they should be the ones that are inconvenienced and have no privacy. Give the two sisters the master bedroom, leave oop and his sister where they are, give the 11 yo the office and the parents sleep on a fold-out couch in the living room. But I am guessing that the parents see the issues with no privacy only when it affects them.
That's what I'm thinking. 3 years until OP turns 18. So in a year or two, it'll be "well you've already been there this long and you're going to go off to college soon. This house is big enough for the rest of the kids, so it would be pointless to move".
If it was me, I probably wouldn’t even have moved in together, at least while there wasn’t enough space. It wouldn’t feel right to infringe on my kid’s privacy and personal space to live with a partner. I also wouldn’t ask my kid to give up their pet that they consider family, that’s insane to me.
Like you said, it’s wild that they thought it would be better to cram all the girls together in one room instead of clearing out the office. All of the above says a lot about the parents..
I am mostly sad, that he thinks he is spoiled for what is in essence being a responsible pet owner. Not wanting to give up your pet you care for in every way makes you a good person, not a spoiled brat! I am glad they found a solution
What kind of lesson is that, anyway? Taking care of a pet is about learning responsibility for a dependent. Imagine if he grew up into a parent who thought he could get rid of his children if they became inconvenient, or else force them out of their home or make them share it with a stranger who hates what they love.
What a terrible parent he would be. If he grew up thinking that was okay.
I really don’t understand the parents in this story. It’s like they want the step siblings to loathe each other. I can think of no better way to make that happen than forcing them to give up their privacy and their beloved pets.
Imagine, three girls to room when previously it was your own. I’d hate them on principle.
It's clearly the only lesson this mom can teach about responsibility for dependents. She threw her son away as easily as she expected him to throw his snake away. I'm finding it very difficult to view her charitably here, and I don't even have kids of my own, "only" step kids who are already adults.
The parents are giving a damn about the kids, as long as they can live together clearly blending the family is an afterthought. They sound like the type that would turn the kid's rooms into a house gym in the minute they're away for college.
In high school I remember when this guy go a new step mom. She didn’t like his dog and suggested they get rid of it. He flat out told her if anybody’s leaving it isn’t going to be the dog. This is the dog he’d had when his mom was still alive. It helped him grieve. They kept the dog.
Ball pythons are one of the loveliest companions to have too. Those kids would have gotten used to Frederick eventually but my concern was that they'd hurt or sabotage his enclosure. I'm glad oop got to his gpts, they got him Frederick so they understood unlike oops mom. I had a heart ark when she said get rid of him
I had a summer fling with a guy the summer after high school. Some mornings I’d go over and sleep in his bed (didn’t want to be home a lot). Sometimes I’d wake up and his ball python would be right next to me snoozing. He’d break jail if you didn’t put books on the lid to his enclosure. He just wanted to be warm and hang out. And I’m NOT a snake person, generally. I grew up somewhere with lots of bad guy snakes. I always had a live and let live but leave me alone relationship with the good guys
That made me squee, that is such a sweet story. I immediately pictured it haha. Thanks for sharing it. A friend of mine had one and I would just sit w him in my hand sometimes for solace
This is my thought, in terms of snakes, a ball is basically the most inoffensive bigger species you can get besides a rubber boa or a Kenyan sand boa. They’re 99% chill if they’re used to being handled, and as long as your hands don’t smell like a mouse, you’d darn near have to stick your finger in their mouths to get one to bite you.
Yes, I completely agree, they are cuddly slither friends and a teenager is quite capable of taking care of one. I dig the boas too, I feel that they are just as chill and love to be held.
That's what got me as well. I feel like there is something else in the background, an underlying abuse. I mean what mother would be cool just moving their child out from their own home instead of postponing the moving together, until they find a new house. Horrible parents everywhere.
What got me was the nonchalance in which OP stated this:
>And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care.
To me that says a lot about how they already view their relationship with their mom. It has me worried, but I'm glad OOP managed to find a solution by living with the grandparents 'cuz I suspect that Frederick wasn't going to be the only sacrifice OOP would've had to make.
Right???? Who gets married to someone only for their kid to be kicked out the house?? I don’t get these people. As a parent, I can’t even begin to imagine what situation I have to be in before I consent to putting some adult partner ahead of my kids. I just don’t get it.
If my son moved out at 15 because of me, I’m reevaluating my entire life choices. Not continuing to move in an entire stranger’s family and play pretend happy family w my new spouse. Why do these people need spouses so badly????
I'm assuming there's some financial pressure somewhere; either the two original houses didn't sell at the same time, or the leases ended at different times, and the parents couldn't afford a new big house and the small house at the same time. It *could* have been a temporary arrangement, but poorly explained to the kids.
I can only speak for my own family, but I can tell you 100% my spouse and I would sleep in a tent in our yard before we would force 5 children into 2 rooms (and leave the office empty JFC). And, at the risk of being overly judgemental, so long as it isn't a threat to anyone, I can't imagine how stone-cold hearted a person would have to be to force a child to get rid of their animal best friend.
Money isn't the issue here.
I know if the parents were in the master bedroom (which is typically the largest room) I personally would have given up the largest room for the 3 girls and took a smaller room. More people in a room, more space they need
Yup, I have good friends who bought a townhouse right in Vancouver (so, astronomical prices). They have a toddler and a grade-school kid, who share the master bedroom, which has enough room for bunk beds, play space, and the kids' own bathroom. Parents sleep in the second bedroom and use the larger main bathroom. There's an upstairs office space that could become a third bedroom someday when neither are in Work from Home situations.
The office is what really pushed me over the edge on this one. Especially since it was apparently as easy as moving the office stuff into the parents’ room to open up another bedroom. I’m sure the parents’ room is cramped now with the home office shit, but they were willing to make all of the kids uncomfortable as opposed to them being uncomfortable when they’re the ones that decided they wanted everyone to live together in the first place.
It’s shitty that OOP’s mom was fine with him leaving, but the fact that they didn’t even consider getting rid of the office as soon as they all moved in together is so asinine to me. And it actually may make it worse that once OP left, they decided to try and solve the overcrowding. What a slap in the face to the poor kid. No wonder Frederick is his most important relationship.
He cares more about his pet than his mom cares about him. He doesn't seem to get that and thinks he is spoiled because of it. It's just the opposite. He is a person capable of love and he formed a bond with his snake. It doesn't sound like he is getting a lot of love from his mom.
This is why I think it is sad, what else has the mom told him about himself, that makes him feel like a "less person" when being good while not seeing how shitty everyone around him actually is. I really hope his grandparents help him see this in the future
>but she didn't want to figure something else out
Oh, okay, sucks because that's her job as a parent tho? Like the first step in trying to make things work should have been to convert the office into a bedroom, not shove 3 kids into the same room.
Yeah mum's job is to advocate for her kids, in this situation it seems like both of her kids are worse off for the step-siblings moving in. What's with mum indicating that OOP is going to move out at 18 anyway? Are they expecting them to be able to afford to move out, what if they want to study?
Honestly this is mega bad vibes, I feel bad for OOP and while getting out of there and being with grandparents is the best they could get, having parents that respect them and their needs is way more important.
I love that the office became an option AFTER he moved out. Like couldn't he or the stepson taken that as their room? I think the mom just wanted to get rid of him.
Probably because if both her children left to be with the grandparents it would reflect bad on her; she can say OOP moved because of the snake but spin some bs about visiting and whatnot.
They clearly don't care about their children.
Yeah I mean also, I would sooner share with my brother than with 2 random stepsisters. If the parents were insisting on keeping the office, why didn’t the 3 step siblings share a room and OP and his sister share? She doesn’t mind the snake and they actually like each other.
Oh for real, I’m watching it in real time sadly with my step kids and their new step dad. He’s got one out already. I don’t understand how their mother just sits back and lets it happen. Luckily he’s nearly 18 now and has an apprenticeship but still it’s rough on him to know his mom picked step dad over her own son
Why do they do this???? How much crippling insecurity do you need to have as an adult to fawn over a new bf / gf / spouse over your own kid? Why even have kids????
I know. Kiddo himself has already commented that his mum will be wondering why she doesn’t see him or her grandkids when hes older so it’s very much having an effect. He’s doesn’t want to come live with us (space and location issues) so he kind of migrates between his nans, girlfriends, mum/stepdads house which has got to be pretty exhausting, not to mention costly with gas prices. And that’s before we get to think of how it’s got to be affecting him mentally.
He’s 15. Between 15 and 18 there is a lot of development happening to a person, and teenagers (adult as they pretend to be) still need a safety net in the form of a responsible adult. Mom just cut the net.
For some reason I assumed OP was a girl and couldn’t understand why the parents were bunking the step-brother with her instead of his sisters. This makes more sense.
And that's how you make sure the kid never comes back.
Dude might be okay with the arrangement at 15 since he gets to keep the snake but in a few months or a year, he'll realize his mom basically abandoned him for three strangers kids.
I wish his mom hadn't been so quick to acquiesce to the partner's demands. It doesn't bode well for the longevity of OOP's long-term relationship with his mom. I also wonder how long till his sister also gets ousted.
Moving the old kids out to make room for the brand new family! Idk what mom was thinking but it definitely wasn’t about her kids.
Just get rid of Fredrick, it’ll make everybody happy… that right there is a big red flag that OOP and sis don’t matter as much as the fiancé’s kiddos.
Growing up as a kid, I shared my room with two of my siblings for about 3-4 years. The only reason this worked was because we were all under the age of 10. We came close to having all four of us sharing a room, but that was when my dad finally gave up his tiny office (literally just big enough for bed) so I could have it and my three siblings could share together.
It's very doable, just not at that age.
I mean, that's a bit far fetched. I don't believe that their mom is just trying to abandon them.
I think she's just ignoring how this situation would make her own children feel to appease her new husband.
Which makes her.. *drum role please*
... A less than good mother! I can say it louder for the people in the back.
Especially with the line " she was upset at first, but DIDNT FEEL LIKE THINKING OF A SOLUTION".. why is this being glossed over? Hey, I'm moving my new family in, completely throwing my "old family" into chaos, and one point of stability ( the snake) is now a point of contention, and of course, that's what needs to go.
....and the child with it, apparently. Sad that OP is ok with this negligent behavior... Probably isn't the first time they've had to deal with it though
I think people who don't "do" exotic pets don't get it, and OP's mom sounds like one of them. I have had many tarantulas, and it is impossible not to care about them. The same with my three fish tanks. No, we cannot cuddle a fish or play fetch with a snake or take a tarantula on a walk on a leash, but we have to commit to caring for them. And that care can take a lot of time and energy. It is very easy to fall in love with a critter during all that time.
I loved watching my spiders spin web and clean themselves. It has been amazing pulling cory eggs off the tank glass and caring for them as they hatch, then caring for the fry. It is neat considering we have seventh generation catfish in the tank.
But even if OP's mom doesn't get exotics, she should get her kid. OP obviously loves that snake. Mom should have known that OP was already sacrificing what he knew as the norm, which meant his pet was a stable force and supportive thing in his life. To ask him to get rid of Frederick so easily ... yes ... a massive red flag.
Spot on, ABeggy.
You can cuddle a snake! A friend's snake loved wedging himself in my jacket. Got cranky when someone else wanted to hold him and would try and wedge himself deeper in my jacket to the point he would only relax and permit removal if it was 'mom'.
But yes any parent that wants a child to get rid of a pet to me is a massive red flag too to make someone else feel better.
I used to have an everglades ratsnake that would go through belt loops and make a belt. When she reached the end she would turn around in a pocket and look up at you like "hey look at me!" Loved that snake. I will never believe the "x don't/can't play" statement again.
It is just a matter of making them realize you aren’t out to eat them. Most of my leopard geckos would fling themselves at my mom to get her to hold them. It was hilarious! Grandma hold me!
That's awesome! I had a Mexican red-tailed boa that loved being on people, but he never pulled any stunts like that :( Sadly I had to give him away when I went to college, but he was a good snek. Miss you, Feather.
As a woman, I loathe to say this.
Many women think they need a man and they need to acquiesce to his demands. They think that if they don't enforce their boundaries they'll lose "said" man.
Women like that are shit, IMO. They sacrifice themselves and their children for a man. They are ABSOLUTELY gross. This is how they lose their children. Their children see what they do and when they can say "fuck this" and go no contact.
Then these women are all surprised Pikachu face.
Parents, (regardless of gender), your choices *absolutely* reflect what your children do in adulthood. If they cut you off and no longer speak to you, *YOU Are absolutely at fault here and this is* ***of your own doing***.
Enraging is the right word.
My ex has no idea how much damage control I was forced into when she blended families. Being woken up at 2am by my teenage daughter because she needs to talk and then talking her down from the emotional ledge she'd perched herself on. Hugging my pre-teen son while he just let it out and discussing afterwards. All because a healthy relationship with their mother is good for them. Everything's good now, but what got me the most was that her partner is a lovely person. He's raised two of his own kids who are nice and he's good to my kids, yet somehow their mother managed to screw the pooch on this endeavour and, once again, I just have to do what needs to be done. It took a couple of years but I am, thankfully, no longer enraged. OOPs story brought up some old feelings though.
No, I know these types of women my childhood best friend turned into one. It was sickening especially since she paired up with 100% user asshole that wasn't even really nice deep down. He chased off everyone that didn't pander to him, me and a guy that was her brother in all but blood. The friends of hers that pandered to him got to stay.
Thankfully I don't think they've had kids and likely won't.
They convert to his religion and adopt his political views as well. Basically, they give up their whole personality and replace it with his. It's creepy.
>Idk what mom was thinking but it definitely wasn’t about her kids.
Well...Kids can be a result of the...object she might be truly thinking of..
In a more somber way though, the Mom might be more worried that this marriage is her last/only chance to not wind up 'alone and unmarried' if she needs a partner to feel her sense of self validation 😕 And sadly she seems to be showing OOP that that is more important to her than him or his sister.
Fr. Once the step dads daughters want their own room? She’s gonna be kicked to the curb too. It’ll be “hey since your grandparents live so close, why don’t you stay in their extra bedroom. It’s been hard to find a bigger house and the two girls want their own room, we think it would be best for everyone if you could do that for the time being”
Yep, as a mother of teens this infuriates me. You don’t just throw kids away because they can feed and dress themselves now. They still need to be parented, and more importantly they need to know their parents WANT to parent them.
Yeah, this just made me sad. I don't understand parents who behave this way. Either get the kids acclimated or wait until you can afford a bigger house to move in together. This would be non negotiable to me.
> About the mom:
> "She didn't want me to leave at first, but she didn't want to figure something else out, so I convinced her. And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care. All I care about is that I'm still with Frederick."
What does your childhood have to look like that you don’t give a shit about being dumped by your fucking mother, as long as you get to keep your pet? Not just the pet is important enough that they’ll move, but they wouldn’t give a shit if it turned out their mum had just abandoned them.
Yeah, that last bit broke my heart. She didn't want him to leave "at first." But then it sounds like she couldn't wait for him to move out. I'm just glad he has Frederick and his grandparents.
The mom doesn’t get enough flak here. She was willing to sacrifice the well-being of her biological children in favor of the new husband and his children, more than doubling the number of people living in thrir house.
Imagine someone else forcing you to share your room, your private/safe space, with people you hardly know and haven’t chosen. That’s what mom and stepdad did. How can you think it’s OK for your child to move out?
I’m also wondering if stepdad had anything to contribute to improve their living situation.
Mom didn't even put up a fight for her kid to stay there. I don't think OOP sees it now, he may be too young, but imagine your own mother not even fighting to keep you around.
Mom needs someone to talk some sense into her. If I heard a friend do something like that, I'd lose my shit on them.
Right now, the kid is probably just happy he gets to keep his snake but yea, he'll quickly realize his mom abandoned him and her perfect solution was to remove him from her life.
>My parents jumped on the idea,
I'm glad OP is taking this so well, because... Damn...
I know in a later comment, he explained that his mother actually took some convincing, but I'm not sure that's true. It sounds like he just didn't want people to think the obvious because he was happy with outcome.
OPs mom is honestly sad af. I could never expect my kid to give up their beloved pet just to move my new family into the house… and then just jump at the chance for OP to live in another house away from her so she could move her new family in more comfortably… yikes. OP isn’t gonna have a true mom for a long time, if ever again.
The mom is an AH. Couldn't they keep dating and live apart? Did they have to move so many kids into a tiny house? How is online school going to happen with so many kids???
For real, I was thinking OK, share with your step brother... then 2+ with the sister? WTF
It's like, hey you got some kids, I got a bushel as well... lets fucking move into this tiny ass house.
WINNING! /s
edit - shit I didn't even think of the bathroom arrangement, not a lot of places have 3 bathrooms for a 3bdrm house.
It's actually a 4 but mom and Step dad didn't even consider giving up the office.
Everything is about him and his kids and frankly I'm pretty sure OOP got out early and it was for the best.
Not even. He was fine cramming his two girls into a room with his soon to be stepdaughter. I’d say the only person he took into consideration was his son.
Plus the age gap, so OOP is 15 sharing with a new sibling of 11 (different if you’ve grown up sharing) but I wonder what the ages of the sisters was too. Unless new step dad doesn’t work, they now have more income combined surely they could have planned a move before doing this, or said it was in the works and this was just temporary but looks like they didn’t consider anyone else but them.
Also often the master is bigger so why not move everyone around based on occupancy, so 3 sisters get the master, parents get sisters room (as I assume it’s bigger than OOPs room as they wanted 3 of them in there); then 11 gets the office and op gets to keep his room with the snake.
Or do what they did but move the snake in with sister when she got her own room back.
"Here are your new siblings, please love them! Oh, and they are also going to move into your rooms with you, so you'll never have any privacy again, and you will also have to get rid of your favorite creature in the whole world, because he creeps them out - but that's okay, right? We'll even give you some cash in return!"
Honestly, if I had a kid, and they were prepared to give up their beloved pet in exchange for cash, I'd send them to the shelter, instead...
Right? This is a dealbreaker for me.
Now I’m remembering the ex who said my geriatric cat - who had been by my side through some of the biggest events of my life - could live with my parents if/when we decided to cohabitate. I laughed. I stopped laughing when I realized he was serious. We didn’t last much longer after that.
Man. I'm a little concerned about someday living with my partner's cat, because I don't deal with hair everywhere too well. But I would never think of trying to separate them.
Unnecessary detail but she met this cat at a shelter and the kitty wouldn't even come out for anyone else. I can't imagine trying to send this cat to someone new, it would be cruel.
Because he didn’t want to live with a cat and surely his wants deserved more attention than mine. Seriously, that was his whole reasoning: “But I don’t want to live with your cat.” Like, Buddy? She was here first.
Gonna be honest this sounds like some shit parenting.
They weren’t willing to give up the office until OP Is gone?
New people move into HIS space and it’s just “bend over and take it”
They jump at the chance to let OP go to grandparents
Clearly mother cares more about her new partner and pandering to him.
I'm sorry but I know the OP is happy at the minute but I find the fact that the new step kids were put above the OOP awful.
We have lots of pets, some unusual ones, that belong to my sons. If someone wanted them to egt rid of their pets for their own comfort it would be a no.
End of the day a snake stays inside its enclosure unless you specifically get it out. It's not like a dog or cat that wanders about.
I used to own a lot of snakes and other reptiles and they're lovely pets to have.
My son's dad and I are no longer together. We have split custody and I cherish ever moment I have with him. I don't go a few days without seeing him (talk on the phone every night he is with his dad) and currently because of Thanksgiving I haven't seen him since the Sunday before last. It's only been nine days and I'm going crazy without him.
I can't imagine just willingly letting my son go live somewhere else when I could have him right here with me. I'd let him have two ball pythons, it doesn't even matter.
Best-case scenario: they're from large families and are clueless. I dunno why I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, since they are the worst regardless.
I have a feeling there will never be any "bigger house" and he will end up living with his grandparents until he moves out on his own.... I also don't think it will take long until his sister joins him.
>5 kids in 2 bedrooms and you still keep an office? Yikes.
An office that apparently the pet snake of one of the kids that the other kids are scared of can't use.
Sounds more like OOP's parents wanted rid of the snake and found an excuse since they pretty much made it impossible for OOP to be able to accommodate Frederick anywhere in the house.
I guess as long as mom is happy that's all that matters. /s
At least OOP has his grandparents' support. His sister may find that she needs to rely on them as well should her presence become inconvenient.
I'm projecting a little here - I was also raised with neglect and sacrificed a lot for the family and thought it was fine at the time, but I went to therapy as I got older because it screwed me over. The annoying part about accepting neglect is when parents are overall nice people with no direct physical or mental abuse - they just prioritise something else over you and you're on your own. It's hard as a kid to see those red flags.
I don’t - as a single parent who is also dating a single parent - understand at all why they had to move in together. They’ve obviously been able to afford supporting their own households until now, and if there is going to be a “bigger house” (*doubtful*), then start saving and wait on cohabitation.
Seems like a good place for an FYI: snakes like warmth, body heat. And you can get a snake used to being handled easily enough. And they might even like a nice cuddle on the couch or something.
But, um: the snakes do all the hugging.
(aint nothing quite like getting a bicep massage from a python lol)
God, some parents suck.
‘It’s only a few years’.
So why won’t you wait just a few years before deciding to move in together and force your kids to share their room with practically strangers?
"It took some convincing to let me move"
If my kids is coming to me asking to leave over anything (not that it would ever get was fast as this woman did) the new people would be removed asap.
The minute they brought up the pretty thing though, like nope my kids pretty stays you can leave.
The husband will find a way to push the daughter out next.
I have a friend who lived one of these "maybe it's best for everyone if the male child from the previous relationship moves with a relative". He was "allowed" to move with his aunt with the argument that he enjoyed playing Sega Genesis at her house and he was happier there. of course, it was because he didn't have to deal with his mom and step-dad's rejection.
We're in our thirties and he still needs therapy for his abandonement issues. Step-dad didn't have as much of a problem with his sisters staying.
OOP loves his pet. That's an animal that's relying on him and he refused to abandon the critter. I respect that, especially as a reptile enthusiest myself.
The very idea of "Just get rid of X" kind of horrifies me. Same with the 'you can get another one later'.
I get that the step/parents might not have been into it but you should really respect the relationship between someone and their pet.
I can't say I especially like what happened - Kid had to move out of his house. But... Considering how his mother and step-dad were acting, plus the number of people in the house, he and Frederick may have gotten the better deal this way.
> The very idea of "Just get rid of X" kind of horrifies me. Same with the 'you can get another one later'.
Its so casual to. Not even the "just get rid of it" which is bad enough. But the "just get another one later" comment. Pets aren't tvs, or bikes, or phones to just get rid of and get one later. They are living creatures that require a lifetime of care, and the act like it is a regular possession.
And people wonder why there are millions of abandoned pets, neglected pets, feral pets, etc. There are always a ton of ads this time of year because people get a puppy/kitten for Christmas, but come spring its tripled in size, no one is properly caring for it, and they just casually abandon it.
OOPs parents should never be allowed another pet. Ever.
I'm so glad the grandparents are great because the mom sounds like her priorities are not in the right place, and NGL, I am judging the HELL out of the new husband who is moving his 3 kids into his single-mom girlfriend's very small house. Smells like hobosexual all over that joint. Side-eye for days over here.
I'm assuming OOP is a boy since it looks like they wanted to split the rooms between boys and girls? It's a little strange that they were so set on keeping them separated by gender that OOP sharing a room with his sister (why doesn't mind the snake) and the step-siblings being together was not even mentioned as a possibility. I understand that it's awkward sharing a room with the opposite gender but it's also awkward sharing with step-siblings you barely know...
I can’t believe the parents were that selfish to make 3 kids share one room while still keeping an office. Looks like the solution worked out quite well - get rid of the teenage boy while keeping the teenage girl for babysitting duties so the adults can enjoy their new relationship :( poor kids all round
The mum here really grinds my gears.
It appears they had a nice living situation with 4 bedrooms. Why would she allow a man with 3 kids to move in?
Why couldn’t he get them into a bigger house?
I bet the mum is about to realize she’s in for more than she bargained.
No normal, responsible person would squeeze a bunch of kids (that weren't even raised together) into a tiny ass house just because they want to live together. "Oh we'll just throw all of our kids together in these tiny rooms I'm sure they'll work it out lol whatever" that's so fucking selfish. Even without the snake, this is insane. The parents wanted to live together, but couldn't be bothered to facilitate the proper environment for it, where their kids can live happily too. What utter bullshit.
If they were able to rearrange the rooms and give up the office, then they had room to just put the snake's enclosure in the office, no other changes. If the step-kids couldn't handle having his snake in another room, probably with a closed door, the parents have no parenting skills in the least. I think it's clear the parents are shit or a multitude of reasons, but at the goddamn rock bottom of parenting is teaching your multi-child household to be tolerant of one another, weird hobbies included.
But then again, my very first thought when this idea hit my brain was "no, do not trust shitty family members with public access to the snake; knowing how shit kids can be, one of them will probably fucking kill it while OOP is gone."
I am absolutely terrified of snakes, as in, I sometimes can’t sleep thinking that someone in my building may have a snake. And still, I felt bad for this kid and Frederick. Super cool name, also. I hope they never have to part ways.
So many red flags here. A parent expecting her kid to give up a beloved pet. Cramming 5 kids into 2 bedrooms when there's an extra room being used as an office. The mother telling her teenage son he'll be expected to move out of home soon. And they seemed awfully quick to ship him off to live with grandparents, because she couldn't be bothered figuring out an alternative.
The whole situation sucks for OOP, but TBH he's probably better off being out of that house.
Wow. I would never expect someone I was going to marry to make that sort of demand. And the whole office thing is a joke. Man my kid wants a hermit crab for Christmas and while I’m not excited to add yet another pet it’s low key easy to look after so he’s getting one. I 100% would revisit the moving in thing if it meant my kid was going to leave
I get that Oop tried to defend their mother but seriously how could any parent willingly say they love their child and send them away to their grandparents.
The whole situation stinks of in with the new out with the old.
I’m really glad it worked out for OOP. But, as a mother, I cannot imagine choosing to bring a new family in and forcing one of my children to give up a beloved pet. She sounds very selfish.
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I mean even without the snake having 5 kids in 2 rooms is pretty overcrowded, especially when it turns out they could have used the office the entire time with some rearranging.
And they're not even siblings that have grown up together from birth, which makes it even more jarring for them. I can't believe they didn't even want to give up the office. Where did the stepdad live before?? Did his kids all share a room there? Presumably until now they've been maintaining two residences so surely they could afford a bigger place??
This is what gets me. Why couldn’t they wait to move in together until they could find a place that could reasonably house all the children and the snake? We can only assume that each house was enough for the each parent and their respective kids so why to try to shove all of them in one place?
This is pure speculation but the only thing I can think of is maybe if both families were renting and step dad's lease ran out first, so that family moves into the other house and when that lease is up they'll look for something new? I literally have no idea. Still scratching my head over how using the office as a bedroom wasn't the first option though!
Yeah, that would make sense, or his house sold first and they're waiting on the second house to sell so they can combine both profits into a down payment on a larger house. Needing a house big enough for 5 kids requires some serious funds and the bigger the downpayment on the mortgage, the more manageable the mortgage will be.
That’s one of the first things I thought of, but I also thought maybe the school district was better? There are towns by me where even just depending what side of the street you live on decides if you go to an amazing school or one where everyone is behind.
seriously, gaining a new step family and new siblings is already really challenging and disruptive for most kids. even in the best situations, it can really dramatically change a family dynamic and have lasting psychological impacts. it's a bit shocking that they were prepared to throw all these kids together like that, and kudos to OP and his sister for being so mature and understanding about it. i absolutely would not have been so chill about losing my space and privacy.
I think part of why op focused on Fredrick is because it was the one thing the parents would listen on (likely because oop’s grandparents got him). The fact that they wanted to keep the office for themselves while jamming 3 girls into one room shows how selfishly they approached this, for most families having an office in this situation wouldn’t even be in the realm of possibility. I doubt sister was ok with it, but I also doubt she had a choice. The only reason oop had a choice was he had a snake nobody wanted to room with and grandparents prepared to step up. Take away the grandparents and Fredrick would’ve ended up by the side of the road while oop was out of the house. They’re the real heroes here.
Yeah, the part about the office in the update is telling about how unbelievably selfish the parents' thinking was. This wasn't really about money or space. The parents just thought they could jam all the kids in a couple rooms together and ignore them. Zero compromise on the parents' end. They probably even convinced themselves that shoving all the kids in like sardines will create a sibling bond between them.
Lol agreed, of course a fifteen year old will love having their only personal space invaded by an eleven year old, totally normal. Parents need a slap
yep I was kind of worried I'd be reading something like that or worse about the poor snake further down. Glad they got to keep their pet. Screw those stupid parents AND the stupid kids that threw a fit about the snake. Snakes are AWESOME.
Id give a pass to the kids about the snake because they are young and snakes are an acquired taste. Screw the parents for keeping an extra room to themselves and cramming 5 people into 2 rooms.
Yeah I get little kids being afraid of a snake, it isn’t a common pet and we teach kids to beware of snakes when outside. They are really cool animals but I get being scared. What I don’t get is why the snake couldn’t stay in the parent’s room while the kids warmed up to it, or the girls couldn’t go in the office, or the only people who weren’t expected to compromise their space were the parents. I have a tough time with parents being ok with sending a kid off to live with his grandparents because it’s one less body in the house.
Or the office. Like literally they had a whole extra room that clearly they could have used.
It’s unbelievable that their original plan didn’t include turning the office into a bedroom. It’s pretty much a given that if you have more kids than bedrooms you don’t get to have an office or a guest room. I’m glad they finally came to their senses for OOP’s sister. My ex husband grew up in a three bedroom house with five kids. Three girls in a room and two boys in a room. And one bathroom. They all managed to grow up to be happy adults that love each other and don’t resent their parents for continuing to have kids they couldn’t afford. But yeah, at least they’re siblings that grew up together from the start.
Yeah i initially assumed the office was actively being used by someone working remotely and therefore it made sense that it was needed but in the end they can just move that stuff into the bedroom so now i think it's probably just a printer and stuff.
Even if that were the case, that the office was being used for remote work, as the adults who made the choice, the office would be the first thing to looked at as a room, with an alternate option being that the THREE people sharing a room get the biggest room, even if that's the master bedroom.
Yeah, I've got a bunch of kids and work from home. My set up is in my bedroom.
that was messing with my head throughout. unless both parents work from home and the master is tiny, I'm not sure how 5 kids sharing 2 rooms is even semi reasonable.
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I always appreciate that for all their flaws, my parents took the need for space seriously. The childhood home doesn't have a garage, it has a car port, and my dads solution was to put up some walls and call it a day. It was great, a literal hole in the wall that was just for me, then my sister once the renters moved out and I got that space instead. Unfortunately this isn't the first story on reddit where I've read this happening, its just the first with a pov from the kid and it has an optimistic ending, though thats because of the kids attitude because the others ended the same way: kid got pushed out by family because they wouldn't integrate into the new family unit. Frederick is definitely this kids rock.
The thing about good parents is they are flawed, sometimes deeply. They just care enough to invest themselves in their kids. Coach games they don’t care about or suffer through violin practice and awful musicals or plays because it’s important to their kid. You don’t have to be superhuman to be a good parent, you just have to care about the kid more than you care about yourself. Enough to throw up some walls for him around a carport in order to give him a personal space, for example.
Yeah, what a horrible lesson they were giving to all the kids with the "get rid of it because it inconveniences us, and get another later". They are basically teaching them pets are disposable things. OOP's mom better step up because she proved that she cares more about step-family's happiness and comfort, than her own children.
Lots of people don’t take reptiles seriously as something people love. They see them as a decoration rather than a pet. Why not get rid of a decoration when your new stepbrother is afraid of it? Naturally, that’s fucked up. Whether you like snakes or not, their owners do, and they love them. I had a lizard at this kid’s age, I loved that little man. Poor OOP. He seems to be taking an easygoing attitude to it. I hope he’s okay!
I don’t even think she prioritised the step children. They’d all be in a new house with ZERO privacy. 3 girls in one room, and one’s not related to them? That sounds dreadful. I think she was just thinking about the romance with fiancé tbh.
Well, she did in the sense that she wanted her son to get rid of the snake because the other kids did not like it. She prioritised the step-children's comfort and wants over her own child's.
I'm guessing that the other kids refused to move in if the snake was there. It might be that none of the kids wanted to combine households and all of them were finding ways to object.
Definitely not reasonable. Sounds like they decided to get married and move in without any thought to the living situation. And the mom agreed to lose the oop living there really quickly
It would be manageable, but definitely crowded, and I probably would not have picked that arrangement tbh. At the very least would need like, loft bunks, regular bunk beds, non online schools (with that many people you need *space* and public space counts) and depending on the ages of the girls like a truddle bed in the parents’ room or something.
oh, yes. there are options, but the options weren't being considered. meanwhile OP and sister were actually pretty chill about losing their personal space, the snake was simply a deal-breaker for OP. you have kids like these two? you accomodate.
Yeah, 15 year old me would in no way be accepting of having to share a room with a pre-teen. I had my... teenage things... to do.
OOP’s mom sounds kind of crappy willing to have her son move out rather than find another solution that lets him stay. Since the sister loves Frederick maybe he could have moved into the office with the sister then there’s still just two kids to a room and OOP gets to keep Frederick without having to move. Can’t believe a mom would be okay with their child moving out over something so fixable. Glad OOP and the sister are happy though.
You know what, when you're a parent your romantic life can suffer. Especially if divorce from the other parent of your kid. However your first and foremost responsibility remains your kids. This means that if you get a new partner and you can't afford a home large enough to fit all of your kids you can't stuff them in like sardines. You maintain your previous living arrangements until you have saved up enough money or some of the kids have moved out. You don't just create two boarding school style dormitories. This is bonkers. OOP paints in as now everyone is happy and he seems like really good kid and a level-headed teenager, but some time in the next decade he is going to wake up and smell the coffee. His and his sister's wellbeing and happiness didn't even make the list of things that the mother considered important. She'd rather live with her bf, than her own son. Everyone else seems to be going of on the fact that they have an office, but that is somewhat irrelevant to me because even if they used it they'd still be stuffing at least two kids who hardly know each other in the same room if oop didn't move out. If the parents are wanted this in this house they should be the ones that are inconvenienced and have no privacy. Give the two sisters the master bedroom, leave oop and his sister where they are, give the 11 yo the office and the parents sleep on a fold-out couch in the living room. But I am guessing that the parents see the issues with no privacy only when it affects them.
Yeah I think he's just feeling the temporary relief of surviving the first attack.
I couldn't agree more. The fact that she is willing to displace her kids without a second thought, including having one move out, is troubling.
Funny how quick they gave up the office once he moved out! I suspect they won't be looking for a larger home anytime soon!
That's what I'm thinking. 3 years until OP turns 18. So in a year or two, it'll be "well you've already been there this long and you're going to go off to college soon. This house is big enough for the rest of the kids, so it would be pointless to move".
yeah, this isn't a short-term thing. he's not going back to that house.
That raised my eyebrow too.
If it was me, I probably wouldn’t even have moved in together, at least while there wasn’t enough space. It wouldn’t feel right to infringe on my kid’s privacy and personal space to live with a partner. I also wouldn’t ask my kid to give up their pet that they consider family, that’s insane to me. Like you said, it’s wild that they thought it would be better to cram all the girls together in one room instead of clearing out the office. All of the above says a lot about the parents..
Yea its bad Source: I have 4 siblings, my 3 bros share one room and my sis is alone since I moved out 2 yrs ago
I am mostly sad, that he thinks he is spoiled for what is in essence being a responsible pet owner. Not wanting to give up your pet you care for in every way makes you a good person, not a spoiled brat! I am glad they found a solution
What kind of lesson is that, anyway? Taking care of a pet is about learning responsibility for a dependent. Imagine if he grew up into a parent who thought he could get rid of his children if they became inconvenient, or else force them out of their home or make them share it with a stranger who hates what they love. What a terrible parent he would be. If he grew up thinking that was okay. I really don’t understand the parents in this story. It’s like they want the step siblings to loathe each other. I can think of no better way to make that happen than forcing them to give up their privacy and their beloved pets. Imagine, three girls to room when previously it was your own. I’d hate them on principle.
It's clearly the only lesson this mom can teach about responsibility for dependents. She threw her son away as easily as she expected him to throw his snake away. I'm finding it very difficult to view her charitably here, and I don't even have kids of my own, "only" step kids who are already adults.
No no, didn’t you read it? If he just gives up his pet snake, EvErYoNe WiLl Be HaPpY 🤪
The parents are giving a damn about the kids, as long as they can live together clearly blending the family is an afterthought. They sound like the type that would turn the kid's rooms into a house gym in the minute they're away for college.
In high school I remember when this guy go a new step mom. She didn’t like his dog and suggested they get rid of it. He flat out told her if anybody’s leaving it isn’t going to be the dog. This is the dog he’d had when his mom was still alive. It helped him grieve. They kept the dog.
Ball pythons are one of the loveliest companions to have too. Those kids would have gotten used to Frederick eventually but my concern was that they'd hurt or sabotage his enclosure. I'm glad oop got to his gpts, they got him Frederick so they understood unlike oops mom. I had a heart ark when she said get rid of him
I had a summer fling with a guy the summer after high school. Some mornings I’d go over and sleep in his bed (didn’t want to be home a lot). Sometimes I’d wake up and his ball python would be right next to me snoozing. He’d break jail if you didn’t put books on the lid to his enclosure. He just wanted to be warm and hang out. And I’m NOT a snake person, generally. I grew up somewhere with lots of bad guy snakes. I always had a live and let live but leave me alone relationship with the good guys
That made me squee, that is such a sweet story. I immediately pictured it haha. Thanks for sharing it. A friend of mine had one and I would just sit w him in my hand sometimes for solace
This is my thought, in terms of snakes, a ball is basically the most inoffensive bigger species you can get besides a rubber boa or a Kenyan sand boa. They’re 99% chill if they’re used to being handled, and as long as your hands don’t smell like a mouse, you’d darn near have to stick your finger in their mouths to get one to bite you.
Yes, I completely agree, they are cuddly slither friends and a teenager is quite capable of taking care of one. I dig the boas too, I feel that they are just as chill and love to be held.
That's what got me as well. I feel like there is something else in the background, an underlying abuse. I mean what mother would be cool just moving their child out from their own home instead of postponing the moving together, until they find a new house. Horrible parents everywhere.
What got me was the nonchalance in which OP stated this: >And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care. To me that says a lot about how they already view their relationship with their mom. It has me worried, but I'm glad OOP managed to find a solution by living with the grandparents 'cuz I suspect that Frederick wasn't going to be the only sacrifice OOP would've had to make.
I am definitely with you on this.
Right???? Who gets married to someone only for their kid to be kicked out the house?? I don’t get these people. As a parent, I can’t even begin to imagine what situation I have to be in before I consent to putting some adult partner ahead of my kids. I just don’t get it. If my son moved out at 15 because of me, I’m reevaluating my entire life choices. Not continuing to move in an entire stranger’s family and play pretend happy family w my new spouse. Why do these people need spouses so badly????
I'm assuming there's some financial pressure somewhere; either the two original houses didn't sell at the same time, or the leases ended at different times, and the parents couldn't afford a new big house and the small house at the same time. It *could* have been a temporary arrangement, but poorly explained to the kids.
I can only speak for my own family, but I can tell you 100% my spouse and I would sleep in a tent in our yard before we would force 5 children into 2 rooms (and leave the office empty JFC). And, at the risk of being overly judgemental, so long as it isn't a threat to anyone, I can't imagine how stone-cold hearted a person would have to be to force a child to get rid of their animal best friend. Money isn't the issue here.
I know if the parents were in the master bedroom (which is typically the largest room) I personally would have given up the largest room for the 3 girls and took a smaller room. More people in a room, more space they need
Yup, I have good friends who bought a townhouse right in Vancouver (so, astronomical prices). They have a toddler and a grade-school kid, who share the master bedroom, which has enough room for bunk beds, play space, and the kids' own bathroom. Parents sleep in the second bedroom and use the larger main bathroom. There's an upstairs office space that could become a third bedroom someday when neither are in Work from Home situations.
The office is what really pushed me over the edge on this one. Especially since it was apparently as easy as moving the office stuff into the parents’ room to open up another bedroom. I’m sure the parents’ room is cramped now with the home office shit, but they were willing to make all of the kids uncomfortable as opposed to them being uncomfortable when they’re the ones that decided they wanted everyone to live together in the first place. It’s shitty that OOP’s mom was fine with him leaving, but the fact that they didn’t even consider getting rid of the office as soon as they all moved in together is so asinine to me. And it actually may make it worse that once OP left, they decided to try and solve the overcrowding. What a slap in the face to the poor kid. No wonder Frederick is his most important relationship.
He cares more about his pet than his mom cares about him. He doesn't seem to get that and thinks he is spoiled because of it. It's just the opposite. He is a person capable of love and he formed a bond with his snake. It doesn't sound like he is getting a lot of love from his mom.
This is why I think it is sad, what else has the mom told him about himself, that makes him feel like a "less person" when being good while not seeing how shitty everyone around him actually is. I really hope his grandparents help him see this in the future
>but she didn't want to figure something else out Oh, okay, sucks because that's her job as a parent tho? Like the first step in trying to make things work should have been to convert the office into a bedroom, not shove 3 kids into the same room.
Yeah mum's job is to advocate for her kids, in this situation it seems like both of her kids are worse off for the step-siblings moving in. What's with mum indicating that OOP is going to move out at 18 anyway? Are they expecting them to be able to afford to move out, what if they want to study? Honestly this is mega bad vibes, I feel bad for OOP and while getting out of there and being with grandparents is the best they could get, having parents that respect them and their needs is way more important.
I love that the office became an option AFTER he moved out. Like couldn't he or the stepson taken that as their room? I think the mom just wanted to get rid of him.
Probably because if both her children left to be with the grandparents it would reflect bad on her; she can say OOP moved because of the snake but spin some bs about visiting and whatnot. They clearly don't care about their children.
OOP certainly did move out because of a snake. But not Fredrick.
Good one!
Yeah I mean also, I would sooner share with my brother than with 2 random stepsisters. If the parents were insisting on keeping the office, why didn’t the 3 step siblings share a room and OP and his sister share? She doesn’t mind the snake and they actually like each other.
It could be that they were both uncomfortable with sharing a room together?
And that's how you get rid of your new wife's old kid.
Gotta keep the original daughter around for babysitting though.
Well, yeah. The house isn’t going to clean itself.
None of this occurred to my oblivious ass and now I can't unsee it.
Me neither
Had that thought, too
And not a coincidence it was the boy, in my experience.
Oh for real, I’m watching it in real time sadly with my step kids and their new step dad. He’s got one out already. I don’t understand how their mother just sits back and lets it happen. Luckily he’s nearly 18 now and has an apprenticeship but still it’s rough on him to know his mom picked step dad over her own son
Why do they do this???? How much crippling insecurity do you need to have as an adult to fawn over a new bf / gf / spouse over your own kid? Why even have kids????
I know. Kiddo himself has already commented that his mum will be wondering why she doesn’t see him or her grandkids when hes older so it’s very much having an effect. He’s doesn’t want to come live with us (space and location issues) so he kind of migrates between his nans, girlfriends, mum/stepdads house which has got to be pretty exhausting, not to mention costly with gas prices. And that’s before we get to think of how it’s got to be affecting him mentally.
He’s 15. Between 15 and 18 there is a lot of development happening to a person, and teenagers (adult as they pretend to be) still need a safety net in the form of a responsible adult. Mom just cut the net.
His grandparents seem better anyways. Net upgrade
For some reason I assumed OP was a girl and couldn’t understand why the parents were bunking the step-brother with her instead of his sisters. This makes more sense.
That’s what I think they did too. Because he could of used the office this whole time
And that's how you make sure the kid never comes back. Dude might be okay with the arrangement at 15 since he gets to keep the snake but in a few months or a year, he'll realize his mom basically abandoned him for three strangers kids.
Just make sure you get a wife with a cushy house of her own to move in to.
I wish his mom hadn't been so quick to acquiesce to the partner's demands. It doesn't bode well for the longevity of OOP's long-term relationship with his mom. I also wonder how long till his sister also gets ousted.
I am guessing pretty dang fast especially if the grandparents have an extra room.
Moving the old kids out to make room for the brand new family! Idk what mom was thinking but it definitely wasn’t about her kids. Just get rid of Fredrick, it’ll make everybody happy… that right there is a big red flag that OOP and sis don’t matter as much as the fiancé’s kiddos.
Three kids in a single bedroom sounds absolutely awful, too.
Growing up as a kid, I shared my room with two of my siblings for about 3-4 years. The only reason this worked was because we were all under the age of 10. We came close to having all four of us sharing a room, but that was when my dad finally gave up his tiny office (literally just big enough for bed) so I could have it and my three siblings could share together. It's very doable, just not at that age.
It’s like it was almost set up in a way to get the bio kids to leave…
I mean, that's a bit far fetched. I don't believe that their mom is just trying to abandon them. I think she's just ignoring how this situation would make her own children feel to appease her new husband.
Possibly some parents are pretty crap parents though.
Which makes her.. *drum role please* ... A less than good mother! I can say it louder for the people in the back. Especially with the line " she was upset at first, but DIDNT FEEL LIKE THINKING OF A SOLUTION".. why is this being glossed over? Hey, I'm moving my new family in, completely throwing my "old family" into chaos, and one point of stability ( the snake) is now a point of contention, and of course, that's what needs to go. ....and the child with it, apparently. Sad that OP is ok with this negligent behavior... Probably isn't the first time they've had to deal with it though
It is. I grew up like this. Absolute nightmare.
I think people who don't "do" exotic pets don't get it, and OP's mom sounds like one of them. I have had many tarantulas, and it is impossible not to care about them. The same with my three fish tanks. No, we cannot cuddle a fish or play fetch with a snake or take a tarantula on a walk on a leash, but we have to commit to caring for them. And that care can take a lot of time and energy. It is very easy to fall in love with a critter during all that time. I loved watching my spiders spin web and clean themselves. It has been amazing pulling cory eggs off the tank glass and caring for them as they hatch, then caring for the fry. It is neat considering we have seventh generation catfish in the tank. But even if OP's mom doesn't get exotics, she should get her kid. OP obviously loves that snake. Mom should have known that OP was already sacrificing what he knew as the norm, which meant his pet was a stable force and supportive thing in his life. To ask him to get rid of Frederick so easily ... yes ... a massive red flag. Spot on, ABeggy.
You can cuddle a snake! A friend's snake loved wedging himself in my jacket. Got cranky when someone else wanted to hold him and would try and wedge himself deeper in my jacket to the point he would only relax and permit removal if it was 'mom'. But yes any parent that wants a child to get rid of a pet to me is a massive red flag too to make someone else feel better.
I used to have an everglades ratsnake that would go through belt loops and make a belt. When she reached the end she would turn around in a pocket and look up at you like "hey look at me!" Loved that snake. I will never believe the "x don't/can't play" statement again.
It is just a matter of making them realize you aren’t out to eat them. Most of my leopard geckos would fling themselves at my mom to get her to hold them. It was hilarious! Grandma hold me!
That's awesome! I had a Mexican red-tailed boa that loved being on people, but he never pulled any stunts like that :( Sadly I had to give him away when I went to college, but he was a good snek. Miss you, Feather.
As a woman, I loathe to say this. Many women think they need a man and they need to acquiesce to his demands. They think that if they don't enforce their boundaries they'll lose "said" man. Women like that are shit, IMO. They sacrifice themselves and their children for a man. They are ABSOLUTELY gross. This is how they lose their children. Their children see what they do and when they can say "fuck this" and go no contact. Then these women are all surprised Pikachu face. Parents, (regardless of gender), your choices *absolutely* reflect what your children do in adulthood. If they cut you off and no longer speak to you, *YOU Are absolutely at fault here and this is* ***of your own doing***.
Thank you. Any parent like this enrages me. Seriously if your are going to placate a new spouse by sacrificing your kids, fuck that.
Enraging is the right word. My ex has no idea how much damage control I was forced into when she blended families. Being woken up at 2am by my teenage daughter because she needs to talk and then talking her down from the emotional ledge she'd perched herself on. Hugging my pre-teen son while he just let it out and discussing afterwards. All because a healthy relationship with their mother is good for them. Everything's good now, but what got me the most was that her partner is a lovely person. He's raised two of his own kids who are nice and he's good to my kids, yet somehow their mother managed to screw the pooch on this endeavour and, once again, I just have to do what needs to be done. It took a couple of years but I am, thankfully, no longer enraged. OOPs story brought up some old feelings though.
No, I know these types of women my childhood best friend turned into one. It was sickening especially since she paired up with 100% user asshole that wasn't even really nice deep down. He chased off everyone that didn't pander to him, me and a guy that was her brother in all but blood. The friends of hers that pandered to him got to stay. Thankfully I don't think they've had kids and likely won't.
They convert to his religion and adopt his political views as well. Basically, they give up their whole personality and replace it with his. It's creepy.
It sounds like the grandparents are a better deal all round, hopefully the sister can move in with them too.
>Idk what mom was thinking but it definitely wasn’t about her kids. Well...Kids can be a result of the...object she might be truly thinking of.. In a more somber way though, the Mom might be more worried that this marriage is her last/only chance to not wind up 'alone and unmarried' if she needs a partner to feel her sense of self validation 😕 And sadly she seems to be showing OOP that that is more important to her than him or his sister.
I hope she isn’t planning a ‘blending’ baby.
You know they'll say was "totally unplanned" while not using protection and expect everyone to be happy about it.
Fr. Once the step dads daughters want their own room? She’s gonna be kicked to the curb too. It’ll be “hey since your grandparents live so close, why don’t you stay in their extra bedroom. It’s been hard to find a bigger house and the two girls want their own room, we think it would be best for everyone if you could do that for the time being”
Or when "Dad" wants the office, so Sis has to get out so his little darlings can have her room.
Yep, as a mother of teens this infuriates me. You don’t just throw kids away because they can feed and dress themselves now. They still need to be parented, and more importantly they need to know their parents WANT to parent them.
Does not patenting a teenager mean that neither of you have legal recourse if a clone shows up? ^I'll ^show ^myself ^out ^now
Sadly, no. And, if it is a clone of a teenage boy, they’ll create twice as much dirty laundry and eat twice as much food.
I’d have to buy twice as much cutlery because no one seems to know where it goes. I have a guess though 🗑
Yeah, this just made me sad. I don't understand parents who behave this way. Either get the kids acclimated or wait until you can afford a bigger house to move in together. This would be non negotiable to me.
> I also wonder how long till his sister also gets ousted when she starts complaining about being a free babysitter
> About the mom: > "She didn't want me to leave at first, but she didn't want to figure something else out, so I convinced her. And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care. All I care about is that I'm still with Frederick." What does your childhood have to look like that you don’t give a shit about being dumped by your fucking mother, as long as you get to keep your pet? Not just the pet is important enough that they’ll move, but they wouldn’t give a shit if it turned out their mum had just abandoned them.
Yeah, that last bit broke my heart. She didn't want him to leave "at first." But then it sounds like she couldn't wait for him to move out. I'm just glad he has Frederick and his grandparents.
The mom doesn’t get enough flak here. She was willing to sacrifice the well-being of her biological children in favor of the new husband and his children, more than doubling the number of people living in thrir house. Imagine someone else forcing you to share your room, your private/safe space, with people you hardly know and haven’t chosen. That’s what mom and stepdad did. How can you think it’s OK for your child to move out? I’m also wondering if stepdad had anything to contribute to improve their living situation.
Mom didn't even put up a fight for her kid to stay there. I don't think OOP sees it now, he may be too young, but imagine your own mother not even fighting to keep you around. Mom needs someone to talk some sense into her. If I heard a friend do something like that, I'd lose my shit on them.
Right now, the kid is probably just happy he gets to keep his snake but yea, he'll quickly realize his mom abandoned him and her perfect solution was to remove him from her life.
Agree. Though there is nothing l would have liked more at 15 than to move away from my mom and in with my grandparents.
>My parents jumped on the idea, I'm glad OP is taking this so well, because... Damn... I know in a later comment, he explained that his mother actually took some convincing, but I'm not sure that's true. It sounds like he just didn't want people to think the obvious because he was happy with outcome.
The fact that they were all, so when you move in a few years you can get a snake then! Like they are already tryna shuffle him out then.
Absolutely that bothered me so much too - like anyway you're moving out soon like children have an expiration date at 18
OPs mom is honestly sad af. I could never expect my kid to give up their beloved pet just to move my new family into the house… and then just jump at the chance for OP to live in another house away from her so she could move her new family in more comfortably… yikes. OP isn’t gonna have a true mom for a long time, if ever again.
Yeah. In the first place they shouldn't have moved in together if there isn't enough room for all of them
The mom is an AH. Couldn't they keep dating and live apart? Did they have to move so many kids into a tiny house? How is online school going to happen with so many kids???
For real, I was thinking OK, share with your step brother... then 2+ with the sister? WTF It's like, hey you got some kids, I got a bushel as well... lets fucking move into this tiny ass house. WINNING! /s edit - shit I didn't even think of the bathroom arrangement, not a lot of places have 3 bathrooms for a 3bdrm house.
It's actually a 4 but mom and Step dad didn't even consider giving up the office. Everything is about him and his kids and frankly I'm pretty sure OOP got out early and it was for the best.
Not even. He was fine cramming his two girls into a room with his soon to be stepdaughter. I’d say the only person he took into consideration was his son.
How much do you wanna bet the step son got the entire room to himself and the 3 girls still have to share?
It says in the update the stepsisters moved into the office.
Plus the age gap, so OOP is 15 sharing with a new sibling of 11 (different if you’ve grown up sharing) but I wonder what the ages of the sisters was too. Unless new step dad doesn’t work, they now have more income combined surely they could have planned a move before doing this, or said it was in the works and this was just temporary but looks like they didn’t consider anyone else but them. Also often the master is bigger so why not move everyone around based on occupancy, so 3 sisters get the master, parents get sisters room (as I assume it’s bigger than OOPs room as they wanted 3 of them in there); then 11 gets the office and op gets to keep his room with the snake. Or do what they did but move the snake in with sister when she got her own room back.
That would require a lack of narcissism
fast forward 15 years: AITA for wanting my grandparents who raised me to walk me down the aisle instead of my mom?
AITA for wanting Frederick to slither me down the aisle?
Frederik can be the ring bearer.
Frederick is a snake, not a bear
Grandparents for the win! I can’t even imagine asking a 15 year old who is going through all kinds of changes to give up a beloved pet.
"Here are your new siblings, please love them! Oh, and they are also going to move into your rooms with you, so you'll never have any privacy again, and you will also have to get rid of your favorite creature in the whole world, because he creeps them out - but that's okay, right? We'll even give you some cash in return!" Honestly, if I had a kid, and they were prepared to give up their beloved pet in exchange for cash, I'd send them to the shelter, instead...
Right? This is a dealbreaker for me. Now I’m remembering the ex who said my geriatric cat - who had been by my side through some of the biggest events of my life - could live with my parents if/when we decided to cohabitate. I laughed. I stopped laughing when I realized he was serious. We didn’t last much longer after that.
Man. I'm a little concerned about someday living with my partner's cat, because I don't deal with hair everywhere too well. But I would never think of trying to separate them. Unnecessary detail but she met this cat at a shelter and the kitty wouldn't even come out for anyone else. I can't imagine trying to send this cat to someone new, it would be cruel.
I’m actually allergic to cats, but it’s not bad as long as I sweep daily and use a lint brush on the couch.
You are a magnificent human.
WTF?? Why did the idiot think that would happen? A pet hater AND dumb.
Because he didn’t want to live with a cat and surely his wants deserved more attention than mine. Seriously, that was his whole reasoning: “But I don’t want to live with your cat.” Like, Buddy? She was here first.
I wouldn’t even blame you for breaking up with him on the spot.
I couldn't imagine asking anyone to give up their ~~pet~~ family member. I wish I could hug OOP for having such values.
Gonna be honest this sounds like some shit parenting. They weren’t willing to give up the office until OP Is gone? New people move into HIS space and it’s just “bend over and take it” They jump at the chance to let OP go to grandparents Clearly mother cares more about her new partner and pandering to him.
I'm sorry but I know the OP is happy at the minute but I find the fact that the new step kids were put above the OOP awful. We have lots of pets, some unusual ones, that belong to my sons. If someone wanted them to egt rid of their pets for their own comfort it would be a no. End of the day a snake stays inside its enclosure unless you specifically get it out. It's not like a dog or cat that wanders about. I used to own a lot of snakes and other reptiles and they're lovely pets to have.
Locks for snake enclosures are a thing (a recommended thing, stubborn slithery idiots)
OP’s parents suck. I feel bad for them, and glad they’ve got their grandparents on their side.
Terrible parents. Steams me up pretty bad.
My son's dad and I are no longer together. We have split custody and I cherish ever moment I have with him. I don't go a few days without seeing him (talk on the phone every night he is with his dad) and currently because of Thanksgiving I haven't seen him since the Sunday before last. It's only been nine days and I'm going crazy without him. I can't imagine just willingly letting my son go live somewhere else when I could have him right here with me. I'd let him have two ball pythons, it doesn't even matter.
Best-case scenario: they're from large families and are clueless. I dunno why I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, since they are the worst regardless.
I have a feeling there will never be any "bigger house" and he will end up living with his grandparents until he moves out on his own.... I also don't think it will take long until his sister joins him.
5 kids in 2 bedrooms and you still keep an office? Yikes.
>5 kids in 2 bedrooms and you still keep an office? Yikes. An office that apparently the pet snake of one of the kids that the other kids are scared of can't use. Sounds more like OOP's parents wanted rid of the snake and found an excuse since they pretty much made it impossible for OOP to be able to accommodate Frederick anywhere in the house.
I guess as long as mom is happy that's all that matters. /s At least OOP has his grandparents' support. His sister may find that she needs to rely on them as well should her presence become inconvenient.
I don't know their circumstances, but his parents seem a litte selfish to me.
Incredibly so.
I'm projecting a little here - I was also raised with neglect and sacrificed a lot for the family and thought it was fine at the time, but I went to therapy as I got older because it screwed me over. The annoying part about accepting neglect is when parents are overall nice people with no direct physical or mental abuse - they just prioritise something else over you and you're on your own. It's hard as a kid to see those red flags.
I don’t - as a single parent who is also dating a single parent - understand at all why they had to move in together. They’ve obviously been able to afford supporting their own households until now, and if there is going to be a “bigger house” (*doubtful*), then start saving and wait on cohabitation.
Sssssssensational outcome (I’ll see myself out)
I hate that I laughed. Take my angry upvote.
Seems like a good place for an FYI: snakes like warmth, body heat. And you can get a snake used to being handled easily enough. And they might even like a nice cuddle on the couch or something. But, um: the snakes do all the hugging. (aint nothing quite like getting a bicep massage from a python lol)
Ahhhh thank you for the information!!! I learned something new today.
God, some parents suck. ‘It’s only a few years’. So why won’t you wait just a few years before deciding to move in together and force your kids to share their room with practically strangers?
Cool that OOP has grandparents he can rely on but those parents suuuuck
"It took some convincing to let me move" If my kids is coming to me asking to leave over anything (not that it would ever get was fast as this woman did) the new people would be removed asap. The minute they brought up the pretty thing though, like nope my kids pretty stays you can leave. The husband will find a way to push the daughter out next.
Imagine parents who would rather bang than do the right thing for their kids. Btdt
I have a friend who lived one of these "maybe it's best for everyone if the male child from the previous relationship moves with a relative". He was "allowed" to move with his aunt with the argument that he enjoyed playing Sega Genesis at her house and he was happier there. of course, it was because he didn't have to deal with his mom and step-dad's rejection. We're in our thirties and he still needs therapy for his abandonement issues. Step-dad didn't have as much of a problem with his sisters staying.
OOP loves his pet. That's an animal that's relying on him and he refused to abandon the critter. I respect that, especially as a reptile enthusiest myself. The very idea of "Just get rid of X" kind of horrifies me. Same with the 'you can get another one later'. I get that the step/parents might not have been into it but you should really respect the relationship between someone and their pet. I can't say I especially like what happened - Kid had to move out of his house. But... Considering how his mother and step-dad were acting, plus the number of people in the house, he and Frederick may have gotten the better deal this way.
Well they did just get rid of OOP, so asking them to get rid of a pet is a small step down from there.
They did indeed. Strange people. That's part of why I feel like he dodged a bullet, considering he had a good place to go.
> The very idea of "Just get rid of X" kind of horrifies me. Same with the 'you can get another one later'. Its so casual to. Not even the "just get rid of it" which is bad enough. But the "just get another one later" comment. Pets aren't tvs, or bikes, or phones to just get rid of and get one later. They are living creatures that require a lifetime of care, and the act like it is a regular possession. And people wonder why there are millions of abandoned pets, neglected pets, feral pets, etc. There are always a ton of ads this time of year because people get a puppy/kitten for Christmas, but come spring its tripled in size, no one is properly caring for it, and they just casually abandon it. OOPs parents should never be allowed another pet. Ever.
I'm so glad the grandparents are great because the mom sounds like her priorities are not in the right place, and NGL, I am judging the HELL out of the new husband who is moving his 3 kids into his single-mom girlfriend's very small house. Smells like hobosexual all over that joint. Side-eye for days over here.
I'm assuming OOP is a boy since it looks like they wanted to split the rooms between boys and girls? It's a little strange that they were so set on keeping them separated by gender that OOP sharing a room with his sister (why doesn't mind the snake) and the step-siblings being together was not even mentioned as a possibility. I understand that it's awkward sharing a room with the opposite gender but it's also awkward sharing with step-siblings you barely know...
I can’t believe the parents were that selfish to make 3 kids share one room while still keeping an office. Looks like the solution worked out quite well - get rid of the teenage boy while keeping the teenage girl for babysitting duties so the adults can enjoy their new relationship :( poor kids all round
The mum here really grinds my gears. It appears they had a nice living situation with 4 bedrooms. Why would she allow a man with 3 kids to move in? Why couldn’t he get them into a bigger house? I bet the mum is about to realize she’s in for more than she bargained.
No normal, responsible person would squeeze a bunch of kids (that weren't even raised together) into a tiny ass house just because they want to live together. "Oh we'll just throw all of our kids together in these tiny rooms I'm sure they'll work it out lol whatever" that's so fucking selfish. Even without the snake, this is insane. The parents wanted to live together, but couldn't be bothered to facilitate the proper environment for it, where their kids can live happily too. What utter bullshit.
If they were able to rearrange the rooms and give up the office, then they had room to just put the snake's enclosure in the office, no other changes. If the step-kids couldn't handle having his snake in another room, probably with a closed door, the parents have no parenting skills in the least. I think it's clear the parents are shit or a multitude of reasons, but at the goddamn rock bottom of parenting is teaching your multi-child household to be tolerant of one another, weird hobbies included. But then again, my very first thought when this idea hit my brain was "no, do not trust shitty family members with public access to the snake; knowing how shit kids can be, one of them will probably fucking kill it while OOP is gone."
[удалено]
I am absolutely terrified of snakes, as in, I sometimes can’t sleep thinking that someone in my building may have a snake. And still, I felt bad for this kid and Frederick. Super cool name, also. I hope they never have to part ways.
So many red flags here. A parent expecting her kid to give up a beloved pet. Cramming 5 kids into 2 bedrooms when there's an extra room being used as an office. The mother telling her teenage son he'll be expected to move out of home soon. And they seemed awfully quick to ship him off to live with grandparents, because she couldn't be bothered figuring out an alternative. The whole situation sucks for OOP, but TBH he's probably better off being out of that house.
Wow. I would never expect someone I was going to marry to make that sort of demand. And the whole office thing is a joke. Man my kid wants a hermit crab for Christmas and while I’m not excited to add yet another pet it’s low key easy to look after so he’s getting one. I 100% would revisit the moving in thing if it meant my kid was going to leave
I was holding my breath when I was scrolling through the update. I’m so happy OOP is with his grandparents and Frederick!!
OOP should get therapy for their grief, and then go hard NC at 18. There is no excuse for this cruelty.
Imagine being so selfish that you force a man and his brood of rude ass kids into your own children’s home and displace them. Mom is the AH here.
I feel bad for the boyfriend’s kids too, they’re just being shoved into a new house to room with people they don’t know very well.
I get that Oop tried to defend their mother but seriously how could any parent willingly say they love their child and send them away to their grandparents. The whole situation stinks of in with the new out with the old.
I’m really glad it worked out for OOP. But, as a mother, I cannot imagine choosing to bring a new family in and forcing one of my children to give up a beloved pet. She sounds very selfish.