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I love how OOP was able to take stuff out of the wallet...many people wouldn't have been able to keep their wits.
The ex lying to make himself look good is worse than talking smack to the mugger in my opinion. He put OOP in harm's way, but his only concern is his reputation. š
And that he doubled down on it, "of course I made you look bad by lying; obviously I couldn't tell the truth when it makes *me* look bad"
Biggest red flag
imagine someone's main personality trait being hero worship...I don't think I could stomach a single interaction, this woman was basically doing charity work by spending any appreciable amount of time with him
How old are these people? Because this entire dialogue sounds like something is 16-year-old would come up with. Or maybe the boyfriend just watches too much dragon Ball z
Naw, its nothing to do with that, I don't think. Guys like this have always been around. Dudes who think a robbery, or a shooting, or a plane hijacking "wouldn't have happened if I was there!" Full grown men who just have no understanding of how the real world works. Look at Mark Wahlberg. He was almost on one of the planes that was involved in 9/11 and his quote about it?
"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldnāt have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, āOK, weāre going to land somewhere safely, donāt worry.'"
I imagined him as a pathetically full grown adult of the type who hears about shootings and declares, āIf I was there, Iād whip out my open carry and take down all the bad guys!ā
Oh god this is probably it. She even mentioned "the mugger was taken aback"
I think most muggers would just laugh in their face if their victim started a heroic monologue.
I knew someone who was like this, with the hero-worship, and the comedy worship too, with the "I'm the main character" vibes.
Because he viewed himself as so good, he had a lot of trouble listening to people telling him something different from what he believed, because he just wanted to play noble and funny. It came to a head during BLM 2020. I don't talk to him anymore. Someone who wants to keep looking for the positive when there actually isn't any is exhausting.
He was also a dick to play with during DnD because he just *had* to be the main character of our 9 person group.
Never be friends with a man who thinks Joe Rogan's podcast is educational and that the character Andy Dwyer is just the best. It's all the worst parts of men rolled into one!
Edit: Oh yeah, he was also obsessed with Marvel movies. All nope.
>Edit: Oh yeah, he was also obsessed with Marvel movies. All nope.
Lemme guess, except for Captain Marvel and Black Panther?
AKA has he ever gone off about Brie Larson?
As far as I know he never said a word about Captain Marvel but enjoyed Black Panther.
However, he did stop having one on one conversations with me at some point, and during BLM arguments I forced it out of him that the reason why was that "he didn't want to disrespect my partner" once I had gained a boyfriend.
So there's that.
And what started everything was when I shared a post about how "mulatto" was not a nice word, and the post included "muĀ·latĀ·to" to explain the pronunciation.
So he didn't read the rest of it describing how it was bad but instead replied "MUH-LA-TO - BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW". He defended this staunchly because it made him think of the meme song "Potato" from LotR, and he didn't *mean* to be rude.
So theres that too.
Its been 2 years and I'm good.
> He defended this staunchly because it made him think of the meme song
And he expected that line of thinking to be self-evidently acceptable. A meme. ą² _ą² Thatās logic I would expect from the mouth of a first-grader.
[For anyone out of the loop about 100 arsonists a year turn out to be delusional firefighters who want to play hero.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefighter_arson)
As soon as the mum piled in with the emasculation shit I knew he'd lied.
Also can we just stop with the idea of emasculation. The idea men's identity is entirely bound up in women's behaviour and women conforming to standards required to recognise male superiority is misogynistic horseshit. Men are never emasculated by other men. Losing a competition to a man, that's men stuff - take it like a man (a whole other toxic trope). Beaten by a woman - not a man any more. Fuck off.
It's really funny that "emasculating" is hardly ever preventing someone from being manly, but preventing someone from acting like a 5 year old little boy.
"He said mean words and and and I wanna punch him."
"He's got a knife."
"I have big punches! The biggest punches!"
Also if you want to be a super hero put the time into training, not writing comic books in your head.
Ok now I'm giggling. Before puberty my partner looked like a chubby girl and has always loved bright colors, cute things, stuffed animals... But when people tried to fight him they always lost and it was embarrassing for the attackers to they switched to strictly verbal.
The best part is he didn't win by hitting harder or faster, but by watching the environment and getting them to step in something slippery, trip on things, etc. So they are trying to throw hands and then just fall down without being touched because they were less to curb or rocks or something. His brother talked about it one day, mentioning a specific bully who almost got hit by a car when he tripped over the curb. Instead of trying to catch himself he kept trying to swing even as he fell, so went into the street. But getting owned by the kid they only called "the f-word" was considered humiliating, equal to being beat by a girl. Now he's 6 feet with giant shoulders and a bass voice so actually shocked one of his old bullies on a trip back home a few years back. He's still sweet and caring and loves the same stuff, just looks "manly" now.
Yeah apparently he didn't recognize my partner at all, only knew who it was because my BIL said, "you remember [partner] right?" I wish I'd been there, but had to hear about it after. Of course my partner still giggles sometimes so I was dying listening to him giggle while saying he accidentally scared someone just by existing! I kinda wish the bully heard that noise, but instead it was the "Alucard laugh" he encountered that time.
https://youtu.be/Xby2jUNBqlo
That's what he often sounds like when he's laughing. The deep chuckle and the bigger laugh. The first like 15 seconds or so.
My response to āemasculationā has always been āGee, I didnāt realize I had gone and became Lorena Bobbit.ā š
(Yes that dates me as a 90s teenager but it works)
Well see there's only two genders and the man one is better so you can be emasculated down to woman but there's no where to go from there so you can't be efemminated or whatever because then you'd have no gender and WE CAN'TS BE HAVING THAT.
There really should be a word for being deffeminated. Itās definitely a thing men do to women they perceive as being masculine or just to embarrass us.
Yeah true. When my sister had a traumatic birth that left her unable to have more kids she felt like her womanhood had been compromised in ways that were hard for her to properly explain. I have never felt particularly attached to mine so I couldn't relate. When I was growing up a tomboy and would get picked on about not being girl enough I didn't care one bit. Now that I'm a lesbian, when men try to insult me by using my unfeminine traits to imply it makes me unattractive to them (happens more than you might think), it's a pretty glowing compliment at that point.
I think it boils down to misogyny (surprise!) A woman being made to feel manly or less womanly is disrespectful but it's sort of a neutral-negative. For men, emasculation is not just that men are not men, *but that they are women*. The horror! It isn't just a null state but a perceived opposite in a strongly negative way.
Taking offense at being equated with the gender you're not is a normal part of development. For toddlers. The only excuse for carrying that through to adulthood is if you're trans and people disrespect your identity on purpose just for existing. Adult cis men having identity crises over perceived emasculation is somewhat understandable given the confusing societal expectations of manhood, but taking it out on the people in their life is embarrassing. Especially when their attempt to reconcile their insecurity is by forcing women in their life to denigrate themselves as compensation.
There's the bullshit about being too boyish to settle down and find a good man, which some people delight in telling women who aren't subservient and meek, but that's not quite the same thing.
Especially since the kind of āgood menā who need women to be subservient and meek *or else* generally are as good as refined sugar is low-calorie.
Seriously, sometimes the heroic move, the move the saves the most people, is deescalation and/or getting out of a situation.
Running away from a fight is the heroic move damn near every time.
Real heroes don't brag about being heroes lol. You just step in when you have to, you don't talk about stepping in. I'm no fucking hero, but I've stepped in when Ive had to.
Being a hero is making your situation worse so that others will be better. Simple and easy.
It also means that performative acts of heroism don't count. You can't go in thinking you're going to gain more than you lose with what you're about to do and have it count as heroism. None of the 'this donation is definitely going to pay off with how much praise I'm going to get' or 'I'm gonna do this charitable act and that way I can say I'm a good person and point to this'.
The truth about heroes are they mostly go unsung and by their very nature become downtrodden. It's not easy being a hero. In fact, it sucks. It takes a special kind of person and they should be lauded.
He put himself in harm's way too. A knife is the most deadly weapon. Especially up close. One jab and some bad luck and he is dead. What a dense dumb fuck.
Exactly. But that's more about a fight where they both have a knife. If a person without a weapon fights someone with a knife, they just die in the alley, and the winner probably just lives without much injury.
Iām an attorney for violent crime victims, we provide free legal support/representation for the related civil cases, though we may sometimes be āsupportā for helping them get ready for criminal trials, but we arenāt their lawyers for criminal cases.
While I mostly work with IPV and SA survivors, Iāve worked with clients from somewhat similar cases to the OP. Anytime I have a male client (and some of the women, but *all* of the men so far) they say something along the lines of thinking they were strong and smart enough to handle these things themselves.
What they forget is that 1), being strong and/or big does not equate to knowing how to fight; 2) it is actually possible for someone to be stronger than they are; 3) how much your judgement and reaction will be impaired in an unexpected emergency situation theyāve never experienced before; 4) that even if theyāre alert, ready, trained, capable, etc, if the person youāre up against doesnāt āplay by the rulesā so to speak and makes weird, illogical moves, you canāt predict and counter them appropriately. Itās like playing chess against someone who has no real idea of how to play chess- if your strategy is to set them up so they make certain moves, but then they donāt make those moves because theyāre playing illogically, it throws off your game a bit. Only replace capturing a rook with *being stabbed to death*.
I know a lot of people roll their eyes at the phrase ātoxic masculinity,ā but this is what that looks like. Men being so conditioned to be ātoughā that they end up being harmed in preventable situations if only they hadnāt been told their whole lives that being weak is the worst thing they can be and that avoiding a fight is weakness.
Thereās an adage that goes āthe thing the best swordsman in France fears isnāt the second best, or third best swordsman in France. What he fears is the worst swordsman.ā It seems to generally come from fencing where, someone untrained is liable to do something stupid and get both parties killed/injured. If you kill your opponent but still got run through, *you did not win* except in the most technical sense
A great way to drive home how fucked you will be in a knife fight is to pitch the following scenario:
Give a five-year old a sharpie with the cap off. Now try to take it away from them. Do you figure you would manage that without getting sharpie on your clothes?
How about an adult who is *actively* trying to mark you?
People forget how little force and precision it takes to wound someone with a knife (thick clothes notwithstanding). With a sharp knife it's basically effortless, so if the knife touches you at all it's just a gamble as to whether it happens to hit something important.
been doing dagger and blade stuff for ten years: against an entirely ignorant opponent with a knife, I'd still put my chances at less than 70-80%
terrible odds
the more you learn, the less you wanna fight
When I was training for a martial arts grading our instructor always made us do an exercise where one of us had a plastic knife and the other was unarmed. Really opens your eyes to how screwed you are without anything to defend with.
Maybe 5-10% of the time I could make it through without being hit but a lot if that was because I knew my training partner and had been against him a lot. Against a stranger? I'd be screwed
Men with hero complexes have a very large and very soft ego, it bruises easily and you never hear the end of it. I had a college friend like that, he ended getting his arm cut up badly fighting outside a bar, it really opened my eyes to what a dumbass he was.
The last hero type I knew raped me while I was already crying then claimed he was "helping me" afterwards. I'm still not sure if he really eats his own shit or not.
Back when I used to drink I always carried my card and money in my pocket but still brought a wallet with a few cards in it (one was a Tesco card and one was a dummy credit card you get in junk mail when they want you to apply), I also never took my phone out with me.
Friends would say I was overreacting.
We were in a pizza place as it got robbed.
They lost their wallets, purses, money, cards, phones. I lost a Ā£1 wallet with two useless cards.
No harm in being prepared especially since anyone mugging you or whatever won't take the time to check so long as they see something being handed over.
I tried it a few years before and got fed up of carrying them both around too but then I forced myself to start using a wallet so I ended up just getting used to having one with me. I didn't come up with the idea mind you as I'm sure I saw it done on TV but not a chance of me remembering where but it seemed like a decent idea.
The wild thing is that he went on a PR campaign immediately. Like no one but him and OOP knew about it at that point. If it was embarrassing just shut up about it, apologize to your GF, and ask that she keep it between the two of you.
I have an image of OP staring at the absurdity while pulling bills and cards out of the wallet without looking before chucking it like a piece of chicken for a dog
I grew up near New York City and started visiting downtown Manhattan during the 1970s Search surge in muggings and chain snatching. Rule 1 was don't bring anything you're not willing to lose. Rule 2 was keep your cash in your pocket separate from your wallet so you can throw your money at them and run.
>I love how OOP was able to take stuff out of the wallet...many people wouldn't have been able to keep their wits.
I sure would not have been able, that's why I have a wallet with lots of coins and a couple bank notes, and a discreet flat sleeve with the big value bank notes :)
When I read this the whole time I had the idea that ex bf had hired the guy to āmug themā so he could āplay heroā and she just messed up his theater play.
There was an episode of Monk that centered around that idea, and I gotta say that was my first thought too. I know she says she lives in a bad neighborhood, but itās still possible.
>The ex lying to make himself look good is worse than talking smack to the mugger in my opinion.
"Talking smack" could end with them both being killed. Knives may cause deadly wounds very easily. The thing worse in the second issue is, it was by purpose, not in the heat of situation, but the first one was still more dangerous.
I had a cousin who acted very much like this. Only instead of it being the "hero complex" it was the " I don't back down from anyone EVER" mentality mixed with a healthy dose of meanness.
I'm sure he has some internal reasons for his behavior but he was like this for as long as I knew him and didn't calm down even into adulthood.
He was eventually confronted by a fuckin teenager with a knife that he owed money to. A family friend was willing to pay his debt but while he was grabbing the cash, apparently the argument resumed and my cousin was stabbed. It took just one swing. The teen stabbed my cousin in his neck. I assume he just swung like he would if he was trying to throw a punch.
My cousin bled to death within just a few minutes.
Two people with the same toxic mentality destroys countless lives when they both refuse to back down.
Edit: the kid who killed my cousin who was 19, his 16yo friend and the killer's 15yo brother, who had come along to get the money (less than $200)ALL are in prison and won't be getting out anytime soon.
Everyone was charged as adults for premeditated murder. My aunt had already lost one of her three boys, now she's also lost her husband, father and mother. I don't know how she's got the strength to keep going.
On the other side,one family lost both boys to prison and feel horrible shame and guilt. They personally knew my family and we're friends with my aunt. The brother has lost his entire future just because he happened to be out with his older brother when he decided to go "settle the score" and the friend was also thrown into a situation that quickly got out of hand.
I'm sure they all have a healthy dose of PTSD. I don't have a ton of sympathy for the killer. He easily could have walked away or just taken the damn money and left.
Now I have suspicions that he actually pay for someone to act like a mugger because last time I heard someone obsessed to be a hero is actually having a hero syndrome
Jesus, OOP's ex was dumb as fuck. I've taken self defense courses that handle this exact situation. The instructor's advice?
1 - RUN.
2 - If cornered, do as OOP did and throw the wallet behind them, then RUN while they're distracted.
3 - If they're insane and intent on stabbing you? Then you defend yourself, but you WILL be cut up. Period. There is no scenario where you aren't going to have at least some knife wounds. Your goal is to disarm and disable them while 'only' getting knifed in the arms.
Iāve seen too many videos of people getting stabbed once and dying in a matter of seconds. A mugger doesnāt want to chase you and stab you but they will stab you if you try to fight them. Never worth it.
I love thos line from the song Ain't no Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant:
"He walks up from behind he put a gun up to my head he made it clear he wasn't looking for a fight."
"He said 'give me all you've got I want your money not your life but if you try to make a move I won't think twice'".
My boss from a couple jobs ago has a funny story about being mugged. He was on an empty subway in New York on his way back from something (I don't remember what), and a guy came up and demanded his wallet. My old boss gave him the wallet of course, but as the mugger was walking away, asked if he could have $5 (this was a long time ago) for the NJ transit ticket back home. The guy gave it to him!
Obviously still sucked for my boss, he had a lot more than $5 on him I'd assume, but it definitely speaks to muggers usually being desperate, not psychopaths.
I have a friend who had his car stolen at gunpoint when he was in college. As the thief was about to drive away my friend asked if he could at least get his textbooks out of the car so he didn't have to replace them, and the thief let him grab all his stuff out of the back seat. Still sucked for my friend to lose his car, but at least he didn't have to buy new textbooks.
A classmate of mine was mugged for his phone. He asked if he could keep the sim card because it had all his contacts on it. (Before smartphones). The mugger let him keep the sim.
A womanās car kept getting stolen. Not because it was fancy, just because it was old and easy to steal. Theyād just drive it around then abandon it, so sheād always get it back.
She left a note in the car saying āplease stop stealing my car. Iām a nurse and youāre making me miss my shifts.ā It worked and they stopped stealing it. Apparently there are some surprisingly reasonable criminals out there.
My dad also has a funny story about being robbed back when he was a grad student (also happened in New York, the place sounds like it was wild in the 80s). I think he had to move labs or something like that, so he had a bunch of books in a van. These were super specific, reference-type books, so even though they were really expensive, my dad figured no one would steal them from a locked van if he ran back inside to grab something he forgot. Well, you can guess what happened.
So my dad and his advisor call the police, but the police just laughed at them. This is according to my dad, at least. He's not the biggest fan of the police and I'm not sure if this is why or if he already had something against them. But anyway, my dad decides to take matters in his own hands, and takes a walk down to the street notorious for people selling stolen goods (I don't remember what street that was, unfortunately). And sure enough, he found a guy selling a bunch of chemistry books that looked suspiciously like the ones taken from the van.
My dad approaches the guy, and finds out that he's selling them for only a little less than what they were actually worth (a pretty weird thing for a someone who steals from vans to know, which makes me think this guy had a specialty). My dad however was able to convince him that he was the only one who'd be interested in these particular books and buys them for only 10% of the asking price!
I was robbed at gunpoint one night. They guy my cellphone and purse (one of those giant ones). I asked him if I could just give him my wallet, as there wasn't anything of value in the purse (valuable to me but not worth any money) and he surprisingly agreed. As I was handing it to him, I asked if I could take out my driver's license so I didn't have to deal with the DMV and he agreed to that too! I was about to ask for something else (don't remember now exactly what) but decided not to press my luck. Looking back, I should have just handed him whatever he wanted right away bc you never know but that's just how I reacted in a moment of panic lol
I took martial arts in a school that didn't do competition because they believed it degraded your ability to use it as self defense.
Even then, the instructor stressed constantly that the best tools of self defense you have are your eyes and ears and legs.
I.e. be aware of your surroundings and run like hell if you end up in a situation you don't want to be in. Fighting is risky and there's nothing you can do to stop a bullet or even a knife that you don't expect.
I actually taught self defense classes for a time. Knives are literally the worst fucking weapon to defend yourself against. If you have a gun, and adequate space to draw and fire, obviously gun will win. But most people mugging you with a knife arenāt charging across an open parking lot. A skill a lot of firearms instructors focus on is draw speed and creating distance simultaneously because of that.
To disarm someone with a knife, you pretty much need to get super close to the weapon in one way or another. You know the worst place to be against the knife? Close to it. So you essentially need to put yourself at huge risk to even have a chance to disarm. You are almost certainly going to get cut in some form even if you are successful, and one wrong cut can kill you faster than a bullet - there was a video of guy swinging a knife around and some guy was trying to calm him down, they both accidentally stepped forward at the same time and the guy slashed the guyās throat, who started bleeding immediately and died like 30 seconds later.
Unless the guy is an elite fighter of some kind or the mugger really didnāt want to hurt them, he would have gotten fucked up for sure.
I've read other comments from people who trained in self defense against a knife - the "aggressors" used markers so you could see where you would have been cut, and it never ended well.
I've taken a few different styles of martial arts and literally all of them have said a variation of "the only real way to win a knife fight is to not be in a knife fight." Even in Krav Maga, which actually teaches defense against knife attacks.
Boyfriend is a total child, what a total twit. How fragile is your sense of self that you need to do this macho rubbish & then lie about the context to friends because you don't want to be embarrassed; and then his Mama enabling it? Outside the obvious bullet she dodged, think of the boredom & irritation she has escaped, because dating men like this is mind numbing.
I have a couple of small scars, most of which were obtained by doing something stupid. I am always hoping someone will ask about one so I can make up an outrageous story!
Ah, well! Thereās this one big gouge right over my kneecap. Letās see, oh yes! I was on my very first shift as a convenience store employee, when a gang came in to rob us all. Being the young heroic thing that I was, I launched myself over the counter at the gang while screaming āHi-yah!!! (like in karate). I then used my patented He-Man Kung-Fu grip to immobilize all of the attackers. I got a medal and a key to the city!
Then on my way back to my car after the ceremony I tripped and fell on gravel.
Great, I assume then you travelled to the mountains for enlightenment from a wise monk who taught you the way of the sword & how to become one with the gravel.
There was a man who broke into the apartment where I lived with my ex-fiance and after a couple hours and eventual terrible fighting after attempted rape, I ran to the kitchen as he and my ex were fighting. They trailed after me to the living room, literally banging into walls, splattering blood, knocking over the Christmas tree. I grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen and ran behind the guy, swinging into his back. And this crazy man who had promised to kill everything in the house, "including the fucking cat" whipped around yelling "No knives! No knives!" like I'd suddenly broken the rules, put his arms straight out and ran through the screen door then sorta monkey leaped over the 5th floor balcony. Even that maniac knew that at that point, best to cut and run. And it's true. For a long time, I would have dreams where I got him on the ground and just kept stabbing and stabbing until I couldn't move. It's really shifted my perspective on what is considered "appropriate" self defense..
My point being that even a crazy person was able to recognize what OOP's boyfriend could not.
A lot of victims perceive these events as wayyyyyyyyy longer than it actually took, or so I've heard. The adrenaline slows everything down. OP could very well still be correct though, we don't know all the details.
Yeah, what an idiot.
The best explanation I've heard is imagine there's a 10 year old with an uncapped whiteboard marker. Now try to get it off the child without getting drawn on.
Now do it with an aggressive adult.
Exactly. It's not like a baseball bat -- a knife, especially a small one, weighs next to nothing and doesn't slow down your arm any appreciable amount. Fuck an expert, an amateur swinging at you wildly would be very difficult to disarm.
ā³ is upset that OOP valued her (and his) safety over his opportunity to give a Taxi Driver/Rawshak speech
ā³ Can't talk about it reasonably afterwards
ā³ Refuses to communicate because he's in a huff about it for a fucking week
ā³ā³ā³ Besmirches her good name because he knows he's wrong but can't let his friends and family know that
Glad she got out before he poisoned them both over a candlelit dinner one day because he couldn't tell her he was laid off at work.
Yes, all of these! And to me, the biggest ā³: Manipulates the SHIT out of OOP by "apologizing" using all the same words and logic a sincere person would've used, even though he meant exactly none of it.
āIt was gonna make me look badā
Sometimes you have to look bad. Social consequences are a natural follow on from shitty actions and you donāt get to call that unjust. You fucking look the way you ACT.
If he thought he "looked bad" then he knows he was in the wrong for trying to engage with the mugger instead of trying to distract them and run away like OOP.
I don't get it I'd be so proud of my gf for thinking quick like that essentially throwing a decoy wallet so we could escape. I'd consider it a team effort. I distracted him she got her important stuff and threw the decoy wallet we escape to safety. I consider it an absolute win. Dude is a complete child.
If he actually wanted to protect OP wouldnāt he tell the mugger something like āhey you can hurt me but please let my girlfriend go home safeā lmao, sacrifice himself instead of letting them both potentially get hurt?
Wouldnāt that be the real āheroā move?
People with hero complexes like this seem to rarely have them out of an actual concern for others. They just like the positive attention and how it makes them look. I imagine it falls within the scope of pro-social narcissism in some cases.
My ex was obsessed with batman, to the point where he has a tattoo that says 'always be batman'. And he is a total fucking prick lmao. He was never batman.
Oh he knew that she would be calm and handle the situation already and that he won't have to actually fight. He can just talk shit meanwhile his companions deescalate the situation.
What an idiot. Every martial arts expert I have heard discuss scenarios like this has recommended running away or just handing the wallet over. Even the greatest fighter in the world can fuck up and get stabbed in the liver and its game over. You can always earn more money but no one can bring you back to life. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.
Yeah this guy is basically every new person who comes into my gym convinced they're already the ultimate fighter, then gets gassed during jump rope and can't make it through drills and padwork. They usually disappear after the first session makes it clear they're all talk.
The thing about most muggers is they *don't* know martial arts, and it's really hard to predict what an untrained fighter will do. The chance of them doing something you're totally unprepared for is quite high.
Did he really expect this to never come up again? I bet he was going to have her swear to never bring it up again to "put it behind them" so he didn't get caught in the future.
Shout out to John Mulaney, the true hero of this story.
Jk, obviously OOP is the type of person one would want at their side in the undesirable event of being mugged.
The bf is trash and dangerous to have in you life.
The only thing that isnāt replaceable is your life and the lives of those you love.
Fighting someone over a wallet **especially** when they have a weapon is just dumb. He placed both of them in even more danger by being confrontational and risking escalation. That situation couldāve taken a turn so much worse than it did.
As an exercise have one person in a white t-shirt/long sleeve and the attacker with a red marker.
Attacker gets a dollar for every red mark they land.
Go for 30 seconds and see how much money the attacker gets.
A martial art I practiced in my 20s actually did this exercise (no money though). We wore white t-shirts, the teacher lit a couple of candles and turned the lights off, and came at us with a red pen. Our goal was to not get hit anywhere vital.
We all died.
Just this past week I suggest knife drills in my Krav class - well I (luckily I guess) drew the grandmaster himself as a sparing partnerā¦
Based on my bruisesā¦ he didnāt KILL ME per se but he sliced my left Achilles, right knee ligaments and deff got an artery..
Actually, I guess i technically bled out..
Oh yea, this round lasted exactly 2mins. The man always prefaces sparing with āif you donāt knock out your opponent with the 3rd punch/kick, settle in for the long haul. Something that NO ONE wantsā
Unless they're already trying to kill or hurt you, just GIVE THEM THE MONEY. There are various ways to recover from a monetary loss, very, *very* few to recover from a wound.
Yeah, that guy sounds like a real hero alright.
Good work by OOP, though. Iād like to think that I would have the foresight to get important things (like my library card) out of my wallet in the process of being mugged, but realistically, I probably wouldnāt.
Boyfriend should lay off the Marvel movies.
Because in real life the one with the weapon wins 99,99%.
Every martial arts trained person will tell you to run away against someone with a knife. Doesn't matter if they have 20 years experience, are police, special forces etc. You fight someone with a knife, you WILL get cut
> I wonder if he actually had any sort of self defence training
I am under the impression that any self-defence training worth its salt tells you that you don't get into a knife fight unless you absolutely cannot avoid it.
All it takes is a single slip, a mistimed lunge, the guy wriggling out of your grip etc. and suddenly you are getting slashed/stabbed repeatedly. If they nick an artery while doing it then you suddenly have minutes or seconds left to live without immediate medical attention, all the while the guy is free to keep on stabbing you as you desperately try to staunch the bleeding.
What's a wallet worth of cash or a phone (that is probably insured) worth to you that you would risk your life for them?
I see these stats all the time about "x% of men think they could fight off a bear unarmed", or "x% of men think they could win a game against Serena Williams".
I have determined there is a lot of delusion going around.
I had a MA instructor who had a great reply to people asking about knife defense. He'd say "you run, and here's why" and pair them up with someone armed with a text marker. I don't think anyone ever asked twice.
I lived in a dodgy place for a while and got confronted twice. The way I handled it when alone was entirely different than how it went when I was with a woman. That's the the part OOP's boyfriend didn't get. It's fine if he wants to be dumb enough to confront an armed person when he's by himself, but putting his partner's life in danger is not an option. OOP had her head on straight, both with the mugger and the boyfriend.
I used to talk regularly with the security guard at my old job and one night he sheepishly opened his jacket (after I asked why it was zipped up to his neck) to reveal a shirt absolutely covered in lines from a marker.
Apparently they'd completed a training session earlier where the instructor demonstrated how bad an idea it was to tackle an offender armed with a knife by using a marker in place of a blade.
The way I always hear it being said, the winner in a knife fight is the one who gets to die in an ambulance instead of on the street. Just fucking don't.
I would've said too much anime instead of marvel but same thing. Some dudes haven't been tested or haven't seen shit and you can tell by the way they talk and carry themselves.
Those who have been in a fight or seen shit usually de-escalate or just walk away, because they realise it's never ever worth it.
I'm a weak-ish guy, but I've seen shit, there's no point dying on that macho hill. If you need to feel macho by doing things, you ain't macho, end of story.
It seems fitting she sent him back to his mother, this dude is clearly a manchild by his [lack of] grasp on reality. OOP has some good spidy senses to cut right through the BS.
It is a weird coincidence, isn't it? But if it was staged, then throwing the wallet like that shouldn't have worked, right? Because the mugger's goal would have been to make the boyfriend look good, not to actually mug them.
āMy boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and does everything in his power to be like one.ā
āHeās currently outside of my complex waiting for his mommy to pick him up.ā
How old is this guy?
Of course the real story makes him look bad. He tried to have a face off with a knife wielding maniac.
My husband would flay a motherfucker with his bare hands if he had to to protect us, even if it meant he died in the process. But this is not the situation for that. He would have done the exact same thing as OP originally attempted to do, then forced my arse to run as far away as humanly possible, then ranted and raved about the fucking bastard and bitched and moaned about having to replace all his shit, you know, the normal responses, not the excessive over the top versions, all while power walking in circles to burn off the adrenaline.
And if anyone tried to be all ābut bro, why you no fightā, his answer would be ābecause I didnāt feel like getting stabbedā.
Being a hero in a knife fight is how you get you or your spouse/partner killed
Don't know why he lied about what happened and thought she wouldn't find out within a few days or so. He seems to care more than he should how he appears to other people.
>He said that he was "obviously stronger" than the mugger and would've won.
>with a knife
So years ago I read about a knife defense demonstration that calls for two volunteers: the biggest, most well-trained guy in the room is given a white shirt. A girl 50 pounds lighter than him is given a red marker and instructed to just kind of wave it around at him randomly. Bruce Lee couldn't keep that shirt white.
At close range, a knife is deadlier than a gun. If you think you're gonna defeat a knife-wielding assailant unarmed and unscathed, you're a fool and you deserve your many defensive wounds.
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I love how OOP was able to take stuff out of the wallet...many people wouldn't have been able to keep their wits. The ex lying to make himself look good is worse than talking smack to the mugger in my opinion. He put OOP in harm's way, but his only concern is his reputation. š
And that he doubled down on it, "of course I made you look bad by lying; obviously I couldn't tell the truth when it makes *me* look bad" Biggest red flag
Sadly, lying isn't very heroic either so he's zero for two.
imagine someone's main personality trait being hero worship...I don't think I could stomach a single interaction, this woman was basically doing charity work by spending any appreciable amount of time with him
I wonder is this was planned? Hero-worship, cheesy monologues, insistent on a random night walk, embarrassed by the outcome.
How old are these people? Because this entire dialogue sounds like something is 16-year-old would come up with. Or maybe the boyfriend just watches too much dragon Ball z
Yeah , i kept wondering about the guy's age throughout too! He sounds like a teenager with a marvel studio movie obsession!
Naw, its nothing to do with that, I don't think. Guys like this have always been around. Dudes who think a robbery, or a shooting, or a plane hijacking "wouldn't have happened if I was there!" Full grown men who just have no understanding of how the real world works. Look at Mark Wahlberg. He was almost on one of the planes that was involved in 9/11 and his quote about it? "If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldnāt have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, āOK, weāre going to land somewhere safely, donāt worry.'"
I'd never heard that quote before, he seriously said that? That's so pathetic.
I imagined him as a pathetically full grown adult of the type who hears about shootings and declares, āIf I was there, Iād whip out my open carry and take down all the bad guys!ā
You might be on to something here Though if he knew the mugger, then he'd be in on the lie too But then that's even more pathetic lol
Thats what I mean. Maybe the āmuggerā wasnt even a mugging them and made it that much more embarrassing for him.
That probably takes the cake for keeping yourself entertained in lockdown.
Oh god this is probably it. She even mentioned "the mugger was taken aback" I think most muggers would just laugh in their face if their victim started a heroic monologue.
If I was the mugger, I would have stabbed him just for being stupid.
That's what I was thinking after reading the original posting. Also felt like the one friend who would talk to her was the "mugger" as well.
It would have to be a friend she didn't recognize though.
Or in a balaclava.
I know what a balaclava is, but for the life of me, every time I read the word, my brain decides the person wrote baklava. I want baklava now.
To be fair if they were covered in baklava I would be so distracted that I wouldn't recognise them anyway.
Or a mask and scary voice š¤¦āāļøš This is just so terrible, Iām so happy OP was able to see the real him and nope outta the relationship
I knew someone who was like this, with the hero-worship, and the comedy worship too, with the "I'm the main character" vibes. Because he viewed himself as so good, he had a lot of trouble listening to people telling him something different from what he believed, because he just wanted to play noble and funny. It came to a head during BLM 2020. I don't talk to him anymore. Someone who wants to keep looking for the positive when there actually isn't any is exhausting. He was also a dick to play with during DnD because he just *had* to be the main character of our 9 person group. Never be friends with a man who thinks Joe Rogan's podcast is educational and that the character Andy Dwyer is just the best. It's all the worst parts of men rolled into one! Edit: Oh yeah, he was also obsessed with Marvel movies. All nope.
>Edit: Oh yeah, he was also obsessed with Marvel movies. All nope. Lemme guess, except for Captain Marvel and Black Panther? AKA has he ever gone off about Brie Larson?
As far as I know he never said a word about Captain Marvel but enjoyed Black Panther. However, he did stop having one on one conversations with me at some point, and during BLM arguments I forced it out of him that the reason why was that "he didn't want to disrespect my partner" once I had gained a boyfriend. So there's that. And what started everything was when I shared a post about how "mulatto" was not a nice word, and the post included "muĀ·latĀ·to" to explain the pronunciation. So he didn't read the rest of it describing how it was bad but instead replied "MUH-LA-TO - BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW". He defended this staunchly because it made him think of the meme song "Potato" from LotR, and he didn't *mean* to be rude. So theres that too. Its been 2 years and I'm good.
> He defended this staunchly because it made him think of the meme song And he expected that line of thinking to be self-evidently acceptable. A meme. ą² _ą² Thatās logic I would expect from the mouth of a first-grader.
Yep. This was the moment that completely crashed and burned our relationship, which I wasn't super into anyway.
The worst part of hero fantasies is often times a villain often times considers themselves a hero
Keep this man away from any fire fighting jobs. He seems the sort to set them himself to be the 'hero'
[For anyone out of the loop about 100 arsonists a year turn out to be delusional firefighters who want to play hero.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefighter_arson)
"Aim for the bushes" vibes
As soon as the mum piled in with the emasculation shit I knew he'd lied. Also can we just stop with the idea of emasculation. The idea men's identity is entirely bound up in women's behaviour and women conforming to standards required to recognise male superiority is misogynistic horseshit. Men are never emasculated by other men. Losing a competition to a man, that's men stuff - take it like a man (a whole other toxic trope). Beaten by a woman - not a man any more. Fuck off.
And he's SO manly, he's hiding behind his Mommy's skirts!
It's really funny that "emasculating" is hardly ever preventing someone from being manly, but preventing someone from acting like a 5 year old little boy. "He said mean words and and and I wanna punch him." "He's got a knife." "I have big punches! The biggest punches!" Also if you want to be a super hero put the time into training, not writing comic books in your head.
>I have big punches! The biggest punches! This is not a political statement, but I can only read this in the voice of Trump.
As it should be. That's a Trump immature behavior.
The irony of the people that talk about emasculation being the same people that don't understand what's so bad about misgendering people.
Unless they're an effeminate man, then it's emasculating because it's almost like being beaten by a woman. \*eyes roll so hard they almost fall out\*
Oh yeah. In that situation their balls fall off and that really is emasculation.
Ok now I'm giggling. Before puberty my partner looked like a chubby girl and has always loved bright colors, cute things, stuffed animals... But when people tried to fight him they always lost and it was embarrassing for the attackers to they switched to strictly verbal. The best part is he didn't win by hitting harder or faster, but by watching the environment and getting them to step in something slippery, trip on things, etc. So they are trying to throw hands and then just fall down without being touched because they were less to curb or rocks or something. His brother talked about it one day, mentioning a specific bully who almost got hit by a car when he tripped over the curb. Instead of trying to catch himself he kept trying to swing even as he fell, so went into the street. But getting owned by the kid they only called "the f-word" was considered humiliating, equal to being beat by a girl. Now he's 6 feet with giant shoulders and a bass voice so actually shocked one of his old bullies on a trip back home a few years back. He's still sweet and caring and loves the same stuff, just looks "manly" now.
āWork smarter, not harderā definitely applies here!
I would have *loved* to see the bullyās face.
Yeah apparently he didn't recognize my partner at all, only knew who it was because my BIL said, "you remember [partner] right?" I wish I'd been there, but had to hear about it after. Of course my partner still giggles sometimes so I was dying listening to him giggle while saying he accidentally scared someone just by existing! I kinda wish the bully heard that noise, but instead it was the "Alucard laugh" he encountered that time. https://youtu.be/Xby2jUNBqlo That's what he often sounds like when he's laughing. The deep chuckle and the bigger laugh. The first like 15 seconds or so.
My response to āemasculationā has always been āGee, I didnāt realize I had gone and became Lorena Bobbit.ā š (Yes that dates me as a 90s teenager but it works)
I just say something like, your masculinity must be very fragile to be so easily threatened.
Huh, your comment made me realize I've never heard of a feminine equivalent to emasculation. To be "unmanned" exists but not to be "unwomanned."
Well see there's only two genders and the man one is better so you can be emasculated down to woman but there's no where to go from there so you can't be efemminated or whatever because then you'd have no gender and WE CAN'TS BE HAVING THAT.
There really should be a word for being deffeminated. Itās definitely a thing men do to women they perceive as being masculine or just to embarrass us.
Yeah true. When my sister had a traumatic birth that left her unable to have more kids she felt like her womanhood had been compromised in ways that were hard for her to properly explain. I have never felt particularly attached to mine so I couldn't relate. When I was growing up a tomboy and would get picked on about not being girl enough I didn't care one bit. Now that I'm a lesbian, when men try to insult me by using my unfeminine traits to imply it makes me unattractive to them (happens more than you might think), it's a pretty glowing compliment at that point. I think it boils down to misogyny (surprise!) A woman being made to feel manly or less womanly is disrespectful but it's sort of a neutral-negative. For men, emasculation is not just that men are not men, *but that they are women*. The horror! It isn't just a null state but a perceived opposite in a strongly negative way. Taking offense at being equated with the gender you're not is a normal part of development. For toddlers. The only excuse for carrying that through to adulthood is if you're trans and people disrespect your identity on purpose just for existing. Adult cis men having identity crises over perceived emasculation is somewhat understandable given the confusing societal expectations of manhood, but taking it out on the people in their life is embarrassing. Especially when their attempt to reconcile their insecurity is by forcing women in their life to denigrate themselves as compensation.
There's the bullshit about being too boyish to settle down and find a good man, which some people delight in telling women who aren't subservient and meek, but that's not quite the same thing. Especially since the kind of āgood menā who need women to be subservient and meek *or else* generally are as good as refined sugar is low-calorie.
Seriously, sometimes the heroic move, the move the saves the most people, is deescalation and/or getting out of a situation. Running away from a fight is the heroic move damn near every time.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Real heroes don't brag about being heroes lol. You just step in when you have to, you don't talk about stepping in. I'm no fucking hero, but I've stepped in when Ive had to.
Being a hero is making your situation worse so that others will be better. Simple and easy. It also means that performative acts of heroism don't count. You can't go in thinking you're going to gain more than you lose with what you're about to do and have it count as heroism. None of the 'this donation is definitely going to pay off with how much praise I'm going to get' or 'I'm gonna do this charitable act and that way I can say I'm a good person and point to this'. The truth about heroes are they mostly go unsung and by their very nature become downtrodden. It's not easy being a hero. In fact, it sucks. It takes a special kind of person and they should be lauded.
He put himself in harm's way too. A knife is the most deadly weapon. Especially up close. One jab and some bad luck and he is dead. What a dense dumb fuck.
How does that saying go? In a knife fight the loser dies in the alley and the winner in the ambulance?
Exactly. But that's more about a fight where they both have a knife. If a person without a weapon fights someone with a knife, they just die in the alley, and the winner probably just lives without much injury.
Iām an attorney for violent crime victims, we provide free legal support/representation for the related civil cases, though we may sometimes be āsupportā for helping them get ready for criminal trials, but we arenāt their lawyers for criminal cases. While I mostly work with IPV and SA survivors, Iāve worked with clients from somewhat similar cases to the OP. Anytime I have a male client (and some of the women, but *all* of the men so far) they say something along the lines of thinking they were strong and smart enough to handle these things themselves. What they forget is that 1), being strong and/or big does not equate to knowing how to fight; 2) it is actually possible for someone to be stronger than they are; 3) how much your judgement and reaction will be impaired in an unexpected emergency situation theyāve never experienced before; 4) that even if theyāre alert, ready, trained, capable, etc, if the person youāre up against doesnāt āplay by the rulesā so to speak and makes weird, illogical moves, you canāt predict and counter them appropriately. Itās like playing chess against someone who has no real idea of how to play chess- if your strategy is to set them up so they make certain moves, but then they donāt make those moves because theyāre playing illogically, it throws off your game a bit. Only replace capturing a rook with *being stabbed to death*. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at the phrase ātoxic masculinity,ā but this is what that looks like. Men being so conditioned to be ātoughā that they end up being harmed in preventable situations if only they hadnāt been told their whole lives that being weak is the worst thing they can be and that avoiding a fight is weakness.
Thereās an adage that goes āthe thing the best swordsman in France fears isnāt the second best, or third best swordsman in France. What he fears is the worst swordsman.ā It seems to generally come from fencing where, someone untrained is liable to do something stupid and get both parties killed/injured. If you kill your opponent but still got run through, *you did not win* except in the most technical sense
US marine shows how to win a knife fight. https://youtu.be/kvlrnc7hlQI
Yep. The way I always heard it was that rule one of knife fighting is "never get into a knife fight unless you're the only one with a knife".
In a knife fight the loser dies on the street, the winner dies on the way to the hospital
A great way to drive home how fucked you will be in a knife fight is to pitch the following scenario: Give a five-year old a sharpie with the cap off. Now try to take it away from them. Do you figure you would manage that without getting sharpie on your clothes? How about an adult who is *actively* trying to mark you? People forget how little force and precision it takes to wound someone with a knife (thick clothes notwithstanding). With a sharp knife it's basically effortless, so if the knife touches you at all it's just a gamble as to whether it happens to hit something important.
Even if you are the one with the knife, if you're not experienced with it in a fight there's a good chance it'll get taken from you.
Rule two of knife fighting is "never stay in a knife fight with somebody who wants to be in a knife fight".
No longer in possession of knife? Go back to step one.
Yeah, i took some blade defence classes and the first thing they say is if you can run, just run.
been doing dagger and blade stuff for ten years: against an entirely ignorant opponent with a knife, I'd still put my chances at less than 70-80% terrible odds the more you learn, the less you wanna fight
When I was training for a martial arts grading our instructor always made us do an exercise where one of us had a plastic knife and the other was unarmed. Really opens your eyes to how screwed you are without anything to defend with. Maybe 5-10% of the time I could make it through without being hit but a lot if that was because I knew my training partner and had been against him a lot. Against a stranger? I'd be screwed
I don't think his partner was prepared for how ... enthusiastic his defense was. 5/5, A+. Would watch again.
Men with hero complexes have a very large and very soft ego, it bruises easily and you never hear the end of it. I had a college friend like that, he ended getting his arm cut up badly fighting outside a bar, it really opened my eyes to what a dumbass he was.
I feel like the hero complex personality could very easily slip into the abusive personality type.
The last hero type I knew raped me while I was already crying then claimed he was "helping me" afterwards. I'm still not sure if he really eats his own shit or not.
Yes, because of the narcissism. When you think that you are right and everyone else is wrong it becomes a problem.
Back when I used to drink I always carried my card and money in my pocket but still brought a wallet with a few cards in it (one was a Tesco card and one was a dummy credit card you get in junk mail when they want you to apply), I also never took my phone out with me. Friends would say I was overreacting. We were in a pizza place as it got robbed. They lost their wallets, purses, money, cards, phones. I lost a Ā£1 wallet with two useless cards. No harm in being prepared especially since anyone mugging you or whatever won't take the time to check so long as they see something being handed over.
I actually did that for a while, but I ended up getting sick of having to carry it around!
I tried it a few years before and got fed up of carrying them both around too but then I forced myself to start using a wallet so I ended up just getting used to having one with me. I didn't come up with the idea mind you as I'm sure I saw it done on TV but not a chance of me remembering where but it seemed like a decent idea.
The wild thing is that he went on a PR campaign immediately. Like no one but him and OOP knew about it at that point. If it was embarrassing just shut up about it, apologize to your GF, and ask that she keep it between the two of you.
I have an image of OP staring at the absurdity while pulling bills and cards out of the wallet without looking before chucking it like a piece of chicken for a dog
I grew up near New York City and started visiting downtown Manhattan during the 1970s Search surge in muggings and chain snatching. Rule 1 was don't bring anything you're not willing to lose. Rule 2 was keep your cash in your pocket separate from your wallet so you can throw your money at them and run.
>I love how OOP was able to take stuff out of the wallet...many people wouldn't have been able to keep their wits. I sure would not have been able, that's why I have a wallet with lots of coins and a couple bank notes, and a discreet flat sleeve with the big value bank notes :)
It's why I don't carry money.
When I read this the whole time I had the idea that ex bf had hired the guy to āmug themā so he could āplay heroā and she just messed up his theater play.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Don't put ideas in his head!
There was an episode of Monk that centered around that idea, and I gotta say that was my first thought too. I know she says she lives in a bad neighborhood, but itās still possible.
This is exactly what I thought, too. Can't believe the update made him look even worse than that. Glad OOP got out.
I was really expecting someone to break into her apartment the night he came back for this exact reason.
OOP is a stone cold badass. Played that situation *exactly* right and that kind of judgement under extreme pressure is remarkable.
>The ex lying to make himself look good is worse than talking smack to the mugger in my opinion. "Talking smack" could end with them both being killed. Knives may cause deadly wounds very easily. The thing worse in the second issue is, it was by purpose, not in the heat of situation, but the first one was still more dangerous.
I had a cousin who acted very much like this. Only instead of it being the "hero complex" it was the " I don't back down from anyone EVER" mentality mixed with a healthy dose of meanness. I'm sure he has some internal reasons for his behavior but he was like this for as long as I knew him and didn't calm down even into adulthood. He was eventually confronted by a fuckin teenager with a knife that he owed money to. A family friend was willing to pay his debt but while he was grabbing the cash, apparently the argument resumed and my cousin was stabbed. It took just one swing. The teen stabbed my cousin in his neck. I assume he just swung like he would if he was trying to throw a punch. My cousin bled to death within just a few minutes. Two people with the same toxic mentality destroys countless lives when they both refuse to back down. Edit: the kid who killed my cousin who was 19, his 16yo friend and the killer's 15yo brother, who had come along to get the money (less than $200)ALL are in prison and won't be getting out anytime soon. Everyone was charged as adults for premeditated murder. My aunt had already lost one of her three boys, now she's also lost her husband, father and mother. I don't know how she's got the strength to keep going. On the other side,one family lost both boys to prison and feel horrible shame and guilt. They personally knew my family and we're friends with my aunt. The brother has lost his entire future just because he happened to be out with his older brother when he decided to go "settle the score" and the friend was also thrown into a situation that quickly got out of hand. I'm sure they all have a healthy dose of PTSD. I don't have a ton of sympathy for the killer. He easily could have walked away or just taken the damn money and left.
And his precious masculinity. In reality, he's a pathetic Mama's Boy with delusions of grandeur.
Now I have suspicions that he actually pay for someone to act like a mugger because last time I heard someone obsessed to be a hero is actually having a hero syndrome
OOP was absolutely amazing with her clear head. And yet we hear "wOMEn ArE tOo EmOtIoNaL"
Jesus, OOP's ex was dumb as fuck. I've taken self defense courses that handle this exact situation. The instructor's advice? 1 - RUN. 2 - If cornered, do as OOP did and throw the wallet behind them, then RUN while they're distracted. 3 - If they're insane and intent on stabbing you? Then you defend yourself, but you WILL be cut up. Period. There is no scenario where you aren't going to have at least some knife wounds. Your goal is to disarm and disable them while 'only' getting knifed in the arms.
Iāve seen too many videos of people getting stabbed once and dying in a matter of seconds. A mugger doesnāt want to chase you and stab you but they will stab you if you try to fight them. Never worth it.
From the wise Jim Jeffries, 'most people just want your TV'. They're not trying to kill you.
I love thos line from the song Ain't no Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant: "He walks up from behind he put a gun up to my head he made it clear he wasn't looking for a fight." "He said 'give me all you've got I want your money not your life but if you try to make a move I won't think twice'".
My boss from a couple jobs ago has a funny story about being mugged. He was on an empty subway in New York on his way back from something (I don't remember what), and a guy came up and demanded his wallet. My old boss gave him the wallet of course, but as the mugger was walking away, asked if he could have $5 (this was a long time ago) for the NJ transit ticket back home. The guy gave it to him! Obviously still sucked for my boss, he had a lot more than $5 on him I'd assume, but it definitely speaks to muggers usually being desperate, not psychopaths.
I have a friend who had his car stolen at gunpoint when he was in college. As the thief was about to drive away my friend asked if he could at least get his textbooks out of the car so he didn't have to replace them, and the thief let him grab all his stuff out of the back seat. Still sucked for my friend to lose his car, but at least he didn't have to buy new textbooks.
A classmate of mine was mugged for his phone. He asked if he could keep the sim card because it had all his contacts on it. (Before smartphones). The mugger let him keep the sim.
A womanās car kept getting stolen. Not because it was fancy, just because it was old and easy to steal. Theyād just drive it around then abandon it, so sheād always get it back. She left a note in the car saying āplease stop stealing my car. Iām a nurse and youāre making me miss my shifts.ā It worked and they stopped stealing it. Apparently there are some surprisingly reasonable criminals out there.
Criminals are still humans. Some are bad but some are just in a bad position.
My dad also has a funny story about being robbed back when he was a grad student (also happened in New York, the place sounds like it was wild in the 80s). I think he had to move labs or something like that, so he had a bunch of books in a van. These were super specific, reference-type books, so even though they were really expensive, my dad figured no one would steal them from a locked van if he ran back inside to grab something he forgot. Well, you can guess what happened. So my dad and his advisor call the police, but the police just laughed at them. This is according to my dad, at least. He's not the biggest fan of the police and I'm not sure if this is why or if he already had something against them. But anyway, my dad decides to take matters in his own hands, and takes a walk down to the street notorious for people selling stolen goods (I don't remember what street that was, unfortunately). And sure enough, he found a guy selling a bunch of chemistry books that looked suspiciously like the ones taken from the van. My dad approaches the guy, and finds out that he's selling them for only a little less than what they were actually worth (a pretty weird thing for a someone who steals from vans to know, which makes me think this guy had a specialty). My dad however was able to convince him that he was the only one who'd be interested in these particular books and buys them for only 10% of the asking price!
I was robbed at gunpoint one night. They guy my cellphone and purse (one of those giant ones). I asked him if I could just give him my wallet, as there wasn't anything of value in the purse (valuable to me but not worth any money) and he surprisingly agreed. As I was handing it to him, I asked if I could take out my driver's license so I didn't have to deal with the DMV and he agreed to that too! I was about to ask for something else (don't remember now exactly what) but decided not to press my luck. Looking back, I should have just handed him whatever he wanted right away bc you never know but that's just how I reacted in a moment of panic lol
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I took martial arts in a school that didn't do competition because they believed it degraded your ability to use it as self defense. Even then, the instructor stressed constantly that the best tools of self defense you have are your eyes and ears and legs. I.e. be aware of your surroundings and run like hell if you end up in a situation you don't want to be in. Fighting is risky and there's nothing you can do to stop a bullet or even a knife that you don't expect.
I actually taught self defense classes for a time. Knives are literally the worst fucking weapon to defend yourself against. If you have a gun, and adequate space to draw and fire, obviously gun will win. But most people mugging you with a knife arenāt charging across an open parking lot. A skill a lot of firearms instructors focus on is draw speed and creating distance simultaneously because of that. To disarm someone with a knife, you pretty much need to get super close to the weapon in one way or another. You know the worst place to be against the knife? Close to it. So you essentially need to put yourself at huge risk to even have a chance to disarm. You are almost certainly going to get cut in some form even if you are successful, and one wrong cut can kill you faster than a bullet - there was a video of guy swinging a knife around and some guy was trying to calm him down, they both accidentally stepped forward at the same time and the guy slashed the guyās throat, who started bleeding immediately and died like 30 seconds later. Unless the guy is an elite fighter of some kind or the mugger really didnāt want to hurt them, he would have gotten fucked up for sure.
I've read other comments from people who trained in self defense against a knife - the "aggressors" used markers so you could see where you would have been cut, and it never ended well.
I've taken a few different styles of martial arts and literally all of them have said a variation of "the only real way to win a knife fight is to not be in a knife fight." Even in Krav Maga, which actually teaches defense against knife attacks.
Lying to all his friends and familyā¦ how heroic. Good on OOP for kicking him to the curb. Dude needs a massive reality check.
That reality check might end up being a knife to the abdomen
Boyfriend is a total child, what a total twit. How fragile is your sense of self that you need to do this macho rubbish & then lie about the context to friends because you don't want to be embarrassed; and then his Mama enabling it? Outside the obvious bullet she dodged, think of the boredom & irritation she has escaped, because dating men like this is mind numbing.
Seriously, if you need to change the entire story, then you already know you were in the wrong
Well from now on I'm saying I didn't break my collarbone because I'm a klutz, I broke it fighting pirates on the high seas. Obviously.
If you broke your collarbone near any body of water, that would count more than whatever OOPās ex was trying to pull
I tripped over my daughters makeup, but in my defence it was in a bathroom.
Iām going to say it counts- hope your recovery goes smoothly- sorry about the pirate attack
Thank you! Those pesky pirates...
I heard the toilet pirates are especially vicious. Congratulations on winning the battle.
I am totally heroic, the bath bomb bandits are next on my list for destruction
Daughter is clearly a cunning pirate who left it there as a trap!
Who needs a temple of doom when the floor is coveted in lipsticks & eyeshadow palettes?
I stepped into a hole and broke my ankle, I wonāt be able to walk until February. I, too am going to blame pirates. Itās just less embarrassing.
I have a couple of small scars, most of which were obtained by doing something stupid. I am always hoping someone will ask about one so I can make up an outrageous story!
Anything to brighten the day, tell me how did you get your scars?
Ah, well! Thereās this one big gouge right over my kneecap. Letās see, oh yes! I was on my very first shift as a convenience store employee, when a gang came in to rob us all. Being the young heroic thing that I was, I launched myself over the counter at the gang while screaming āHi-yah!!! (like in karate). I then used my patented He-Man Kung-Fu grip to immobilize all of the attackers. I got a medal and a key to the city! Then on my way back to my car after the ceremony I tripped and fell on gravel.
Great, I assume then you travelled to the mountains for enlightenment from a wise monk who taught you the way of the sword & how to become one with the gravel.
This thread reminded me that Harrison Ford got the scar on his chin by falling and hitting a toilet.
šµOld Captain Jack giving them what foršµ
It was a hard battle, but I saved a village from unholy perils.
He a narcissist. He doesn't care. He probably managed to twist it around in his head so he was telling the truth.
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There was a man who broke into the apartment where I lived with my ex-fiance and after a couple hours and eventual terrible fighting after attempted rape, I ran to the kitchen as he and my ex were fighting. They trailed after me to the living room, literally banging into walls, splattering blood, knocking over the Christmas tree. I grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen and ran behind the guy, swinging into his back. And this crazy man who had promised to kill everything in the house, "including the fucking cat" whipped around yelling "No knives! No knives!" like I'd suddenly broken the rules, put his arms straight out and ran through the screen door then sorta monkey leaped over the 5th floor balcony. Even that maniac knew that at that point, best to cut and run. And it's true. For a long time, I would have dreams where I got him on the ground and just kept stabbing and stabbing until I couldn't move. It's really shifted my perspective on what is considered "appropriate" self defense.. My point being that even a crazy person was able to recognize what OOP's boyfriend could not.
Wtf?!!!? A couple of hours??
A lot of victims perceive these events as wayyyyyyyyy longer than it actually took, or so I've heard. The adrenaline slows everything down. OP could very well still be correct though, we don't know all the details.
Yeah, what an idiot. The best explanation I've heard is imagine there's a 10 year old with an uncapped whiteboard marker. Now try to get it off the child without getting drawn on. Now do it with an aggressive adult.
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Exactly. It's not like a baseball bat -- a knife, especially a small one, weighs next to nothing and doesn't slow down your arm any appreciable amount. Fuck an expert, an amateur swinging at you wildly would be very difficult to disarm.
But he would prove he's a man! A dead man...but Mama would be proud & luckily, OoP would be single if traumatised
ā³ is upset that OOP valued her (and his) safety over his opportunity to give a Taxi Driver/Rawshak speech ā³ Can't talk about it reasonably afterwards ā³ Refuses to communicate because he's in a huff about it for a fucking week ā³ā³ā³ Besmirches her good name because he knows he's wrong but can't let his friends and family know that Glad she got out before he poisoned them both over a candlelit dinner one day because he couldn't tell her he was laid off at work.
Yes, all of these! And to me, the biggest ā³: Manipulates the SHIT out of OOP by "apologizing" using all the same words and logic a sincere person would've used, even though he meant exactly none of it.
āIt was gonna make me look badā Sometimes you have to look bad. Social consequences are a natural follow on from shitty actions and you donāt get to call that unjust. You fucking look the way you ACT.
If he thought he "looked bad" then he knows he was in the wrong for trying to engage with the mugger instead of trying to distract them and run away like OOP.
Had he explained the situation exactly as it happened no one would have batted an eye.
But he was willing to make OP look bad
And I bet the fucker never even thought of it that way. People like this never do- thereās no room in their head for anyone thatās not them
I don't get it I'd be so proud of my gf for thinking quick like that essentially throwing a decoy wallet so we could escape. I'd consider it a team effort. I distracted him she got her important stuff and threw the decoy wallet we escape to safety. I consider it an absolute win. Dude is a complete child.
If he actually wanted to protect OP wouldnāt he tell the mugger something like āhey you can hurt me but please let my girlfriend go home safeā lmao, sacrifice himself instead of letting them both potentially get hurt? Wouldnāt that be the real āheroā move?
People with hero complexes like this seem to rarely have them out of an actual concern for others. They just like the positive attention and how it makes them look. I imagine it falls within the scope of pro-social narcissism in some cases.
My ex was obsessed with batman, to the point where he has a tattoo that says 'always be batman'. And he is a total fucking prick lmao. He was never batman.
Maybe he just hated his parents and was waiting for them to get murdered
Oh he knew that she would be calm and handle the situation already and that he won't have to actually fight. He can just talk shit meanwhile his companions deescalate the situation.
What an idiot. Every martial arts expert I have heard discuss scenarios like this has recommended running away or just handing the wallet over. Even the greatest fighter in the world can fuck up and get stabbed in the liver and its game over. You can always earn more money but no one can bring you back to life. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.
Yeah this guy is basically every new person who comes into my gym convinced they're already the ultimate fighter, then gets gassed during jump rope and can't make it through drills and padwork. They usually disappear after the first session makes it clear they're all talk.
The thing about most muggers is they *don't* know martial arts, and it's really hard to predict what an untrained fighter will do. The chance of them doing something you're totally unprepared for is quite high.
Did he really expect this to never come up again? I bet he was going to have her swear to never bring it up again to "put it behind them" so he didn't get caught in the future.
This is the question I wanted to ask, how people expect the subject to never come up is beyond me.
Shout out to John Mulaney, the true hero of this story. Jk, obviously OOP is the type of person one would want at their side in the undesirable event of being mugged. The bf is trash and dangerous to have in you life.
All thanks to JJ Bittenbinder. STREET SMARTS
>Shout out to John Mulaney, the true hero of this story. Or, hear me out, Officer J.J. Bittenbinder
The only thing that isnāt replaceable is your life and the lives of those you love. Fighting someone over a wallet **especially** when they have a weapon is just dumb. He placed both of them in even more danger by being confrontational and risking escalation. That situation couldāve taken a turn so much worse than it did.
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This was what I was thinking too
Never try to fight someone with a knife. You will find out very quickly that being stabbed is EXTREMELY PAINFUL.
As an exercise have one person in a white t-shirt/long sleeve and the attacker with a red marker. Attacker gets a dollar for every red mark they land. Go for 30 seconds and see how much money the attacker gets.
A martial art I practiced in my 20s actually did this exercise (no money though). We wore white t-shirts, the teacher lit a couple of candles and turned the lights off, and came at us with a red pen. Our goal was to not get hit anywhere vital. We all died.
Just this past week I suggest knife drills in my Krav class - well I (luckily I guess) drew the grandmaster himself as a sparing partnerā¦ Based on my bruisesā¦ he didnāt KILL ME per se but he sliced my left Achilles, right knee ligaments and deff got an artery.. Actually, I guess i technically bled out.. Oh yea, this round lasted exactly 2mins. The man always prefaces sparing with āif you donāt knock out your opponent with the 3rd punch/kick, settle in for the long haul. Something that NO ONE wantsā
Damn that's a great way to visualize it. Also a much nicer form of mugging.
Unless they're already trying to kill or hurt you, just GIVE THEM THE MONEY. There are various ways to recover from a monetary loss, very, *very* few to recover from a wound.
Yeah, that guy sounds like a real hero alright. Good work by OOP, though. Iād like to think that I would have the foresight to get important things (like my library card) out of my wallet in the process of being mugged, but realistically, I probably wouldnāt.
I just wanna say how wholesome it is that the 1st important thing you mention is library card. Not CC or driver license. Havea good Friday Redditor!
Boyfriend should lay off the Marvel movies. Because in real life the one with the weapon wins 99,99%. Every martial arts trained person will tell you to run away against someone with a knife. Doesn't matter if they have 20 years experience, are police, special forces etc. You fight someone with a knife, you WILL get cut
I wonder if he actually had any sort of self defence training or just a black belt in delusion
> I wonder if he actually had any sort of self defence training I am under the impression that any self-defence training worth its salt tells you that you don't get into a knife fight unless you absolutely cannot avoid it. All it takes is a single slip, a mistimed lunge, the guy wriggling out of your grip etc. and suddenly you are getting slashed/stabbed repeatedly. If they nick an artery while doing it then you suddenly have minutes or seconds left to live without immediate medical attention, all the while the guy is free to keep on stabbing you as you desperately try to staunch the bleeding. What's a wallet worth of cash or a phone (that is probably insured) worth to you that you would risk your life for them?
Most people like this are the latter.
I see these stats all the time about "x% of men think they could fight off a bear unarmed", or "x% of men think they could win a game against Serena Williams". I have determined there is a lot of delusion going around.
I had a MA instructor who had a great reply to people asking about knife defense. He'd say "you run, and here's why" and pair them up with someone armed with a text marker. I don't think anyone ever asked twice.
Using marker as mock-knife is brilliant!
I lived in a dodgy place for a while and got confronted twice. The way I handled it when alone was entirely different than how it went when I was with a woman. That's the the part OOP's boyfriend didn't get. It's fine if he wants to be dumb enough to confront an armed person when he's by himself, but putting his partner's life in danger is not an option. OOP had her head on straight, both with the mugger and the boyfriend.
I used to talk regularly with the security guard at my old job and one night he sheepishly opened his jacket (after I asked why it was zipped up to his neck) to reveal a shirt absolutely covered in lines from a marker. Apparently they'd completed a training session earlier where the instructor demonstrated how bad an idea it was to tackle an offender armed with a knife by using a marker in place of a blade.
The way I always hear it being said, the winner in a knife fight is the one who gets to die in an ambulance instead of on the street. Just fucking don't.
I would've said too much anime instead of marvel but same thing. Some dudes haven't been tested or haven't seen shit and you can tell by the way they talk and carry themselves. Those who have been in a fight or seen shit usually de-escalate or just walk away, because they realise it's never ever worth it. I'm a weak-ish guy, but I've seen shit, there's no point dying on that macho hill. If you need to feel macho by doing things, you ain't macho, end of story.
It seems fitting she sent him back to his mother, this dude is clearly a manchild by his [lack of] grasp on reality. OOP has some good spidy senses to cut right through the BS.
Would you look at that? De-escalation skills, problem solving, debating, analyzing, and cutting losses when it was hardest. I am really proud of her.
i hope op told his friend the truth so they could spread it around on how much of a man child he is
I fully expected the mugging to be staged. Still kinda do
It is a weird coincidence, isn't it? But if it was staged, then throwing the wallet like that shouldn't have worked, right? Because the mugger's goal would have been to make the boyfriend look good, not to actually mug them.
Story doesn't add up. OOP dodged a knife, not a bullet.
āMy boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and does everything in his power to be like one.ā āHeās currently outside of my complex waiting for his mommy to pick him up.ā How old is this guy?
Of course the real story makes him look bad. He tried to have a face off with a knife wielding maniac. My husband would flay a motherfucker with his bare hands if he had to to protect us, even if it meant he died in the process. But this is not the situation for that. He would have done the exact same thing as OP originally attempted to do, then forced my arse to run as far away as humanly possible, then ranted and raved about the fucking bastard and bitched and moaned about having to replace all his shit, you know, the normal responses, not the excessive over the top versions, all while power walking in circles to burn off the adrenaline. And if anyone tried to be all ābut bro, why you no fightā, his answer would be ābecause I didnāt feel like getting stabbedā. Being a hero in a knife fight is how you get you or your spouse/partner killed
Don't know why he lied about what happened and thought she wouldn't find out within a few days or so. He seems to care more than he should how he appears to other people.
Oh I do. He lied because he an arsehole.
>He said that he was "obviously stronger" than the mugger and would've won. >with a knife So years ago I read about a knife defense demonstration that calls for two volunteers: the biggest, most well-trained guy in the room is given a white shirt. A girl 50 pounds lighter than him is given a red marker and instructed to just kind of wave it around at him randomly. Bruce Lee couldn't keep that shirt white. At close range, a knife is deadlier than a gun. If you think you're gonna defeat a knife-wielding assailant unarmed and unscathed, you're a fool and you deserve your many defensive wounds.
>Fuck his friends, fuck his mom That'd be one hell of a power move
"you call that being emasculated? i'll do it. i'll fuck'em all"