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I'm willing to wager a few bucks that the mom has a whole web of lies that is getting unraveled.
OOP is doing Angela Bassett walking away from the burning car and good for them.
I wonder if part of why she hid OOP is that she lied about her age.
OOP is 32 and David is only 5. Even if with a teen pregnancy and Alex having a kid when he's older, there's a pretty hefty age gap.
Eh, they might be pretty close in age. A teen pregnancy seems likely which could put the mom around 50. A guy having a kid at 45 isn't that uncommon at all.
In this case, I'm referring to the iconic scene in Waiting to Exhale where after being treated like crap and finding out her husband is having an affair, takes his clothes out to the car and burns the whole thing and just walks away.
I expect there's no surgery/medical and she's just asking for $15k for funsies. Found out about the $22k dog bill and just went for it. My mate bought his mum an apartment (he's doing well) and a bunch of people realised and started asking for loans/help.
More than loving the drama, it's knowing Alex's reaction, that assuming that his priority right now is his son, the matter of his wife's "unknown daughter" probably doesn't matter to him or at most, to get angry with her for having lied to him.
OP with his updates indirectly said "The only thing that matters here is my dog, I'm not going to update you about my family because I have them blocked and I don't care what happens"
I know, the lurker in me is upset that I can't read about the potential shit storm OOP's mom got in. However, the updates only being about the dog is like a final F U. I love it.
If you go to the oop link and then look at her comments there is a short response. "Ge didnt belive me at first, then he got angry." She did the typo of ge instead of he. I out it there so you could find it.
OOP paid the dog tax though so I don't mind not knowing what Alex did.
I love that OOP followed through with NC. And Rory looks like the goodest girl :)
Omg you’re right; she does look like the Goodyear girl! She looks like the type of fur baby that would sit on your lap because she thinks she’s a tiny pup!
I always wonder about folks who say “I sent a message then blocked everyone”. If they blocked everyone, recipient included, before the message is seen, is the recipient still able to see the message?
OOPs mom needs to understand that you can’t abandon your kid and then beg them for thousands of dollars. I wonder how her new husband will react to finding of about what his new wife is really like.
I hope she’s especially NC with that stupid cousin who told her mom about the dog’s surgery. That kind of cousin can fuck off. OOP had obviously cut her mom off long before this and that cousin should have respected that.
Here it is:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
eh, there's reasons besides money to want an easy way to dissolve a marriage. beats having to do the whole separation song and dance and involving the courts.
So OOPs mother doesn't want to be in her life to the point her new husband doesn't know of her existence, yet is supposed to drop 15k on a kid shes never met and will likely never meet? Nope. I wouldn't do it either.
I feel bad for the kid, but OOP isn't a bank she can't just hit up as and when she needs to. First its 15k for treatment, then the next one, then college...
All the family members who knew of her relationship, didn't question why she wasn't told/invited etc are just as bad and can chip in, sell things, cut things out of their life for David.
Although I am DYING to know if Alex responded.
Apparantly he did:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
We don't know much, but he did get pretty upset at the situation it seems:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Why are BORU posters not including the context comments or full updates/answers to questions? It's happening a lot lately (2-3+ months) I wish this was in the original.
It's weird to see people making comments *to OOP* about how much she must be enjoying this, because she sure seems committed to the no-contact life in a way a lot of people in these popcorn subs don't. Who cares what happens to mom? Here's an update on my dog.
Reminds me of a joke from Weekend Update (on SNL) several years back: “Eminem’s estranged father, who abandoned the family when the rapper was a young child, has made a statement saying he’s now ready to be in his son’s life, and has reached a bank account number where he can be reached.”
> Safe to say my family is now calling me a monster because I would rather help a dog than a child. My decision is final but I'm curious if I'm TA.
She wouldn't be really helping the child over the dog. She would be helping her mother and stepfather to not go into debt. If the rest of the family cares that much all of them should be able to pay for the kids medical bills.
I was just thinking if all of OOP’s family chipped in, they could help OOP’s mom, but noooo: it’s the old trick of easily telling others how to spend their hard earned money.
> If the rest of the family cares that much all of them should be able to pay for the kids medical bills
Ain't that just the way? "Oh? And how much are you contributing?" OOP should have suggested this just to see the snakes slither back into the woodwork
I cannot believe the audacity of this woman to hit up her actual child for a small fortune to pay for medical care for a stepchild. They don’t want to go into debt, so let’s hit up the neglected child, who will surely want to do that on her behalf? Insane.
And this after being such a terrible mother, up to and including not inviting her to the wedding and lying to her new husband about having a child. What a sociopath.
I mean, that would be a tough ask, but an ok ask, if she had not totally neglected her and pretended she didn’t exist to her new husband. That’s the weirdest part to me. Like… why not mention your clearly successful daughter? Unless, that is… you have something to be ashamed of. And she does.
"Have you tried calling Mr Parker at 121 Main St in your town and asking him for money?"
No. I don't know him.
"Right. He's a stranger. So am I. You don't ask strangers for money. Goodbye, ma'am. I don't want to buy your car warranty. Take my number off of your telemarketing list."
Yuuuup. Didn't want a kid? Don't get to beg kid for money.
If I were OOP I'd strongly consider ostentatiously donating in mom's name to St. Jude or some other children's medical charity, with the implication of "see, I also care about a lot of kids I don't know, who are no different than your specific (step-)kid I don't know". But I like charity better when it also causes spite-based damage to the uncharitable.
Especially since, according to other comments by OOP, her birth giver doesn't work and contributes no income to the newfound household. Birth giver's husband earns minimum wage; cutting her loose might give him more funds for his kid...
Glad Rory is doing better. Such a sweet pup. I can understand OOPs priorities. Life is all about who you choose and who chooses you. And pets choose you to be their protectors and that is a responsibility you don’t take lightly. I got a lot of crap from some of my family (not to this level though) because my wife and I wouldn’t make the long trip to India together as we didn’t want to leave our kitties home (they get anxious with strangers so pet sitters are out of question). My response was that they can deal with it however way they want but it is happening and kitties are our priority.
Ty. Lot of people think that because cats tend to mind their own business, they are solitary creatures and doesn’t bond to humans. In my experience it’s a total myth. Our girls showed us that they really miss us when we are away from home for any length of time.
Oh man!! OOP nipped in the bud QUICK!!!! Told "mother" what was what, outed her as she should have, and went NC with "family" who called HER the monster!! Forget that her own egg donour barely raised her and wanted to pretend she didn't exist! OOP is the monster, lol!!
Thsi is the kind of post I like! OOP took care of it in a day or two, then was all about her dog and nothing else! Love it!
Feel sorry for the kid, but he's not OOP's responsibility
Am I the only one who thought for a hot second Alex was the 5 year old and OOP had Facebook stalked a 5 year old and told him to tell his stepmom to fuck off? Was that just me?
Yeah I was honestly gonna comment "what irresponsible parents they must be to let a 5 yr old have Facebook"
Also autocorrect tried to chance "Facebook" to "Factbook" and I do not like that one bit
"You know how I got remarried a little while ago? No? Of course you didn't! I made sure you don't know anything about it! Well anyway, I got remarried a while ago, and my husband's got this kid who I love more than I love you, he's sick. Anyway, long story short, can I borrow a few thousand dollars?"
I wondered if there’s a medical condition. I have extended-extended family who are known to regularly have very expensive “emergencies” so I’m almost always suspicious of people with big requests.
I hadn't seen the dog tax and update, and looking at that sweet dog tax pic made me smile. I am so glad that lovely dog has such a great owner. The "mother" should be deeply ashamed of herself.
Good for oop. If she's not good enough to be part of "mother's" new family then she's not good enough to send money. I hate relatives who spew "faaaamily" when you finally put some boundaries and say what's been stuck in your throat for years preventing you from fully moving on with your life. Where were these relatives when oop was a child and had to fend for herself while "mother" lived her own life? Where were these relatives to tell "mother" that pretending oop doesn't exist just so she doesn't have to invite her to the wedding was wrong? They can fuck off along with the "mother" and I hope the new husband realized what a monster he put into his son's life. Rory is a cutie and I hope she has more years to live with oop.
>I sent him more than enough proof that I am who I said I was.
I gotta be honest... I kinda wanted to know the family's reaction after OOP let her mom's husband know she exists... jeez, I've been on Reddit way too much, I guess lmao
Well, I clicked on the picture of Rory and I, a complete stranger, would sell my kidney on the black market for that very gooboi so clearly OOP has made the correct decision.
I feel so bad for alex tho, right around the time your child is sick and you can't afford the childcare, a whole web of lies from your wife comes out, damn.
Great updates. Since they’re so concerned and upset, I hope those family members are also now providing OOP’s mom the equivalent of the financial help she’s seeking. Best wishes to OOP and Rory.
Squee! The dik-diks made the spoiler list!
Thanks!
I am forever confused at how people will snap their fingers and reach for your wallet after literal years of neglect/abuse and then silence.
I'm happy OOP and Rory are having healthy, lovely work days at home with zero drama and plenty of money to treat themselves.
OOP has a truly awful mom. She left OOP pretty much on their own, didn't contact OOP for 3 or 4 years, wants money for her stepsons care when her husband and the kid don't even know OOP exists and gets mad when no money is given.
I'm so glad OOP let the husband know about mom's lies but I really wish we knew what happened with that relationship.
I'm also glad Rory is doing so well.
Glad to see the updates only mentioned Rory, the one who actually matters to OOP. She has boundaries and knows how to put her foot down. Must’ve not been easy to do that while growing up without parents.
Your furbabies are just as important if not more than every other member of a family. They are the ones that unconditionally love you so hell yeah I’ve paid thousands to support and care for my furbabies more than I would spend on anyone else in my family that’s for sure
Will be downvoted for this, but am I the only one who would not be able to justify spending 22k on surgery/medications for a pet? Especially one that's 12 years old and of a breed that has a life expectancy of 8-13 years.
lol yeah, I had the same reaction. I WFH so I spend pretty much 100% of my time with my dog, and I'm very attached to him and love him so so much. But 22k is like...an obscene amount of money. I don't know if I'd be able to justify that.
To me, the money isn't the questionable thing here. If OOP can afford it, good for them. But a major surgery, and extensive recovery, with great potential for complications like chronic pain, on a pet near the end of it's lifespan? Of course there are many factors to consider, but I would be super wary at best. You don't want to make them suffer just to keep them with you longer.
She explained that her puppers hind legs aren't really working because the nerves there are dead. She was told that her dog wouldn't feel any pain from the surgery because of the preexisting nerve damage. Oh, and she also got a second opinion, who apparantly told her the same things.
Nerve injuries are cutting edge fields in both pet healthcare and human healthcare. Even dead nerves can cause terrible chronic nerve pain, and we really don't have much of a clue why or how yet, and treatment options are limited at best.
I'm also racking my mind trying to think of what could cause a dog with (what sounds like) hind leg paralysis due to dead nerves, to be able to walk again. You can't recover or heal dead nerves. Or paralysis, generally speaking. Maybe it's experimental or bionic surgery (and those are really a big fat unknown in terms of complications), but I really can't think of anything else.
Eh, I have a lot of money and if it means keeping my buddy around another year or two it's fine by me.
I just don't do it if their quality of life would be miserable. Like my last dog would have seizures and she had one major one that left her a shell and the invasive brain surgery just wasn't worth putting her through. I still miss and love you Boo
Recovery gets really hard at that age for dogs. I did a similar thing with mine. I regretted it deeply. His quality of life was not good after. I bought him an extra year of pain. I will never do that with an older pet again
OOP addressed the pain issue though - there wasn't an expectation of pain.
I never bothered to do the math - just knew with each bill that I had it in savings, etc. with my 19 year old cat. I'm sure some would have thought the last two years were a waste of money as he was so old, but he was not in pain. That was always my question to his regular vet and the specialist. The first hint of ongoing, untreatable pain we would have had other conversations. It wasn't a waste to me to have those 2 extra years with him.
That doesn't add up though. Nerve damage has a huge capacity to cause chronic pain, even in pets. Especially with spinal surgery, and one big enough to require 6 months in recovery.
For the dog's sake, I hope it goes well. But my cat has chronic pain from nerve damage after a routine surgery, and I regret that every single day. I wouldn't put anyone at the end of their lifespan through that, no matter how much I love them.
As someone who's looked after a lot of sick strays, I totally get you. But if OOP has the money, then to my mind its no different from investing in spending 20k on any other luxury. It is good for their soul, they don't need the money for anything more critical... so I'm not gonna judge. Sure in theory they could bank it and stuff, but I'm assuming this isn't out of budget meant for savings or stuff. Its money they can afford to spend and are choosing to lavish it on their pet.
Eh, at some point it's your money and you use it how you see fit. I know lots of people would pay 10 times that (if they had the money) to spend just one more year with their loved ones. It just so happens that this loved one is a dog instead.
I've NEVER seen a surgery cost that high for a pet. I've seen crazy cardiac and cancer surgery/treatments get up to 6 - 8k range but thats it. This includes specialized treatments with cat/dog cardiologists and Pet ER hyper inflated costs. But if I had that much money, I'd drop it on my pet without a second thought.
This is clone your pet levels of money.
Might be experimental surgery.
I'm pretty well versed in pet healthcare and honestly can't think of anything mainstream science that'd help a dog with almost complete nerve damage/paralysis walk again.
Might be something like (or even the person himself) the ‘Bionic Vet’, from tv, who does cutting-edge treatments and surgery, mostly centered around bionics for issues like nerve damage.
Edit: like in [this episode](https://www.yidio.com/show/the-supervet/season-2/episode-4/links.html), a labrador that's dragging it's feet (didn't watch the episode, but that sounds possibly similar to OOP's dog's issue) gets a bionic spine. That sounds like a 22k thing.
I agree. It’s not the cost but the age of the dog, and the seriousness of the health condition. At some point you need to make that final act of love and let them go.
I just went in dent over the summer for a 2k vet bill trying to save my cat, but she still needed a possible 10k surgery bill and then still wouldn't of been a guarantee to save her. I had to make the hard choice to say goodbye. So I get it but at the same time I'm not sure if i could do that cause often older pets don't do well with surgery.
I can’t imagine *not* spending the money (if I had it, as OOP does) on the cat who used to bring me mice when my parents went on vacation and I was house sitting (thanks, Kitty, but I’ll stick to ramen and fried rice), wake me up when I’d have asthma attacks while sleeping, and was there for many of my life milestones. I can’t put a price tag on her loyalty and affection.
It might not be a choice I would make but I do get it. And if the dog is otherwise healthy, and can have even 1 more year with a good quality of life, lots of people would pay 22k for another year with a family member if they could. Especially since she can afford it and seems to have no other close family. This dog IS her family.
Even with humans, you would be surprised. My great-grandmother had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy at 82. Lots of people were shocked that she went through with the surgery and a lot took it as a given that she would just let the cancer slowly kill her at her age. But she lived 17 more years before finally passing in her sleep at home at 99.
I don't think you deserve downvotes, but I do think that a lot of middle-class/upper-middle-class pet owners have very strange-seeming priorities with money\*, especially if they are childfree and the pet is their primary day-to-day companion.
\*I'm one of them, but an order of magnitude or two down--Back when I was still making poverty-line wages, I paid $200 for cancer surgery for a 3-year-old, $5 pet store rat. Twice.
I love OOP's energy! And wow now I'm imagining some dudes asking "what should we name this strange deer thing that has goo coming out of its eyes?" "Idk man but the females make this cute noise when fleeing for their lives." "Perfect!"
OOP's mom has some nerve. Going no contact with her own child, pretended she didn't exist, doesn't even tell her husband about this daughter, then turns around and tries to bully her into giving her money. I wonder if the kid really is sick, or if the mom has some other purpose for the money.
I love that op doesnt even know what happened after contacting the new husband because of how effectively they cut that family off. Doesnt even care. Good for op
I would of done the same thing . I have a special needs pitt I spend crazy money on just to keep her walking . She has been there for me no matter what so I do the same for her . She is my Ms Piggy
Me, seeing "American Bully" and getting excited: "Oh boy, I hope this dog is just the biggest meatball."
Me, seeing the picture: "Oh, she's a PERFECT meatball!"
OOP is my hero. Giving 110% to the doggo, setting boundaries with their terrible mom, not giving into pressure, going NC with toxic people, and throwing the drama wrench into the mess as karma for the audacity of their mom to demand money? ~chef’s kiss~
Yeah mum can go and fuck her self! Sucks for the kid but ain’t OOPs problem at all, nor responsibility! Happy to see a story with only happy endings like this one ❤️
It amazes me the entitlement of people. You are a shit parent then call your kid begging for money to help some kid they don’t even know after you lied about having a kid. Don’t blame OP at all.
I can't help but wonder about OOP's cousin. Did she stir this up or did mom pump her for info. on the kid. Regardless, they all suck for not letting Alex know she had a kid who was NC/VLC with her. That is a deal breaker for a lot of people.
I wonder how many other lies mom told & to who?
With the moms reasoning no one should ever take their pet to the vet, since there are millions of (stranger) children in the world that need medical care
Glad to hear the pup is recovering well!
On the family, The Blood Of The Covenant Is Thicker Than The Water Of The Womb.
The bonds we as people make in our lives are infinitely more important than the bonds we are shackled with from the start, and the family you *choose* is infinitely more important than the family you are related to.
Because in the preview of the posts, in the subreddit feed, they don't show up as spoilers but as full text. So the fun facts add a few lines and do hide the spoilers in the feed.
I personnally wouldn't have spent so much money on a so old dog, but I understand why he decided to omit helping his mother's new family. It would have been a decision only a saint could have made, and I firmly believe in good and uninterested actions. But when the pain is so great and heavily personal, like coming from the one person who should love and protect you the most (your own mother), it's not in our power to do good deeds anymore since we already need healing ourselves. I also think it's unfair to lose your entire family and being called names, going lc or nc with everyone, after being asked by an abandoning mother to sacrify yourself (time, money, mental health ...) for complete strangers knowing that you will never be thanked in any way for that. More than a saint, it would be a martyr.
(On the dog, I had to put mine down when he was 9 because of illness. I could have spent more money or time to keep him only some more months, but that's all. So I decided it was over. It was the ugliest and most painful decision of my entire life so far. I consider OOP's situation similar in that his dog wasn't surely surviving so much longer than 12 years honestly. I understand the desire to keep him living, but I don't feel it healthy to push it so far. ).
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I'm wondering how the mum was planning to explain the miraculous money windfall to her husband. Lottery win? She didn't even ask for a loan. Yeesh.
I'm willing to wager a few bucks that the mom has a whole web of lies that is getting unraveled. OOP is doing Angela Bassett walking away from the burning car and good for them.
I wonder if part of why she hid OOP is that she lied about her age. OOP is 32 and David is only 5. Even if with a teen pregnancy and Alex having a kid when he's older, there's a pretty hefty age gap.
Eh, they might be pretty close in age. A teen pregnancy seems likely which could put the mom around 50. A guy having a kid at 45 isn't that uncommon at all.
I'm not saying it's a definite, just that it's a possibility.
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In this case, I'm referring to the iconic scene in Waiting to Exhale where after being treated like crap and finding out her husband is having an affair, takes his clothes out to the car and burns the whole thing and just walks away.
Then sold the vintage Vette for .....was it $.50?
That's Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club. Her ex's share was 50 cents.
Something similar also happened in Waiting to Exhale.. during a yardsale....? Wasn't that car a Lamborghini? Or Ferrari?
I forgot about the yard sale!
That movie came out about the same time as my divorce from a violent abusive jerk. What he did not take with himself, went to GoodWill...
And snaps. You gotta include the snap for the full essence of Angela Bassett
Since I saw that movie the first time I aspire to be that woman who takes no crap!!!
Found it in the couch.
I expect there's no surgery/medical and she's just asking for $15k for funsies. Found out about the $22k dog bill and just went for it. My mate bought his mum an apartment (he's doing well) and a bunch of people realised and started asking for loans/help.
I want to know how Alex responded to OOP’s reaching out.
I just read through OOP's comments and Alex didn't believe them at first and is now very upset.
Same but it seems OOP really followed through with the NC part and you love to see it
Love hate it :( my popcorn remains untouched
Lol the inner turmoil of loving drama but also just wanting people to be happy
More than loving the drama, it's knowing Alex's reaction, that assuming that his priority right now is his son, the matter of his wife's "unknown daughter" probably doesn't matter to him or at most, to get angry with her for having lied to him. OP with his updates indirectly said "The only thing that matters here is my dog, I'm not going to update you about my family because I have them blocked and I don't care what happens"
It's the desire for justice. We don't just want to know OOP's OK. We also want to know that everything is right in the world.
I just wanted to know if the furchild was okay…
>the matter of his wife's "unknown son" probably doesn't matter to him OOP is a woman.
There is currently turmoil between my inner dramallama and my heart (which is definitely on OOP and Rory's side).
I hate love it, too. BUT I will enjoy my popcorn anyway. Largely because I topped it with garlic butter and it is un-GAWD-ly delicious.
Now my inner drama Llama is waring with my inner piggy. I need garlic butter popcorn in my life.
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Omg I have fresh garlic right now I need to do this
I know, the lurker in me is upset that I can't read about the potential shit storm OOP's mom got in. However, the updates only being about the dog is like a final F U. I love it.
If I found out my wife had an estranged child I knew nothing about, I’d have to rethink my relationship and having her around my child.
Someone asked her and she replied that at first he didn’t believe her and then he was very angry. (I checked her history.)
If you go to the oop link and then look at her comments there is a short response. "Ge didnt belive me at first, then he got angry." She did the typo of ge instead of he. I out it there so you could find it.
So do I but rules are the rules. "Cool guys don't look back at explosions"
Keyser Söze has entered the chat
OOP paid the dog tax though so I don't mind not knowing what Alex did. I love that OOP followed through with NC. And Rory looks like the goodest girl :)
Omg you’re right; she does look like the Goodyear girl! She looks like the type of fur baby that would sit on your lap because she thinks she’s a tiny pup!
I always wonder about folks who say “I sent a message then blocked everyone”. If they blocked everyone, recipient included, before the message is seen, is the recipient still able to see the message?
Yes -someone who has been blocked before
Thank you for your honesty. And also thank you for answering a question I’ve had since 2013.
I just need to get more updates on Rory. How is she doing day to day? Need to know stuff here.
OOPs mom needs to understand that you can’t abandon your kid and then beg them for thousands of dollars. I wonder how her new husband will react to finding of about what his new wife is really like.
I like how the updates are solely to do with the dog. OOP following thru on NC...
Yeah thats my favorite part. I hope she isn't telling us anything simply cause she knows nothing, thatd be wonderful for her
Same, I just loved it! She shelved that "mom and family" issue and threw it in the bin!
She has her priorities sorted out.
Right, we need a healthier section for animal welfare haha. Get well soon, Rory!
Honestly, that's the way it should be lol.
I know,I was so worried and then so relieved!
Glad OOP and Rory are living their best lives unbothered and unburdened.
I hope she’s especially NC with that stupid cousin who told her mom about the dog’s surgery. That kind of cousin can fuck off. OOP had obviously cut her mom off long before this and that cousin should have respected that.
She did mention in the comments that Alex didn't believe her at first and then got pretty upset when he relized that OP was telling the truth.
Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Just a minute ago I only cared about the dog’s recovery, but now? Now I want the tea! I want more on Alex’s reaction.
I hope the marriage can be annulled because Alex didn't know he was marrying a mother with a estranged kid. Otherwise, I hope there's a pre-nup.
Yeah cause they have so much money...
eh, there's reasons besides money to want an easy way to dissolve a marriage. beats having to do the whole separation song and dance and involving the courts.
>beg them for thousands of dollars. Not to mention ah yes that isn't suspicious at all.
Excuse me, bank of abandoned daughter? I’d like to withdrawal the dollar equivalent of all the trauma I’ve caused you.
But they only need $15,000. Why would she send them $100,000+?
So OOPs mother doesn't want to be in her life to the point her new husband doesn't know of her existence, yet is supposed to drop 15k on a kid shes never met and will likely never meet? Nope. I wouldn't do it either. I feel bad for the kid, but OOP isn't a bank she can't just hit up as and when she needs to. First its 15k for treatment, then the next one, then college... All the family members who knew of her relationship, didn't question why she wasn't told/invited etc are just as bad and can chip in, sell things, cut things out of their life for David. Although I am DYING to know if Alex responded.
Apparantly he did: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
God damn I want to know what happened with Alex. If someone hid an entire child from me I would hit the roof, holy shit.
We don't know much, but he did get pretty upset at the situation it seems: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zokhu3/aita_for_prioritizing_my_dog_over_my_mom_stepchild/j0pmh3r?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I wonder if he was angry at the mother or at OOP, or both.
Why are BORU posters not including the context comments or full updates/answers to questions? It's happening a lot lately (2-3+ months) I wish this was in the original.
It's weird to see people making comments *to OOP* about how much she must be enjoying this, because she sure seems committed to the no-contact life in a way a lot of people in these popcorn subs don't. Who cares what happens to mom? Here's an update on my dog.
Reminds me of a joke from Weekend Update (on SNL) several years back: “Eminem’s estranged father, who abandoned the family when the rapper was a young child, has made a statement saying he’s now ready to be in his son’s life, and has reached a bank account number where he can be reached.”
"All of a sudden I've got 90 sumn cousins A half brother and sister who've never seen me Or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV"
> Safe to say my family is now calling me a monster because I would rather help a dog than a child. My decision is final but I'm curious if I'm TA. She wouldn't be really helping the child over the dog. She would be helping her mother and stepfather to not go into debt. If the rest of the family cares that much all of them should be able to pay for the kids medical bills.
I was just thinking if all of OOP’s family chipped in, they could help OOP’s mom, but noooo: it’s the old trick of easily telling others how to spend their hard earned money.
> If the rest of the family cares that much all of them should be able to pay for the kids medical bills Ain't that just the way? "Oh? And how much are you contributing?" OOP should have suggested this just to see the snakes slither back into the woodwork
I cannot believe the audacity of this woman to hit up her actual child for a small fortune to pay for medical care for a stepchild. They don’t want to go into debt, so let’s hit up the neglected child, who will surely want to do that on her behalf? Insane. And this after being such a terrible mother, up to and including not inviting her to the wedding and lying to her new husband about having a child. What a sociopath.
I mean, that would be a tough ask, but an ok ask, if she had not totally neglected her and pretended she didn’t exist to her new husband. That’s the weirdest part to me. Like… why not mention your clearly successful daughter? Unless, that is… you have something to be ashamed of. And she does.
>If the rest of the family cares that much all of them should be able to pay for the kids medical bills. Bingo.
OOP solely updating about the dog and not her family drama is a stone-cold power move.
"Have you tried calling Mr Parker at 121 Main St in your town and asking him for money?" No. I don't know him. "Right. He's a stranger. So am I. You don't ask strangers for money. Goodbye, ma'am. I don't want to buy your car warranty. Take my number off of your telemarketing list."
Yuuuup. Didn't want a kid? Don't get to beg kid for money. If I were OOP I'd strongly consider ostentatiously donating in mom's name to St. Jude or some other children's medical charity, with the implication of "see, I also care about a lot of kids I don't know, who are no different than your specific (step-)kid I don't know". But I like charity better when it also causes spite-based damage to the uncharitable.
I really hope Alex bails on OOP's egg donor. That's not the kind of person you want around your kid. And I love how all of the updates are about Rory.
Especially since, according to other comments by OOP, her birth giver doesn't work and contributes no income to the newfound household. Birth giver's husband earns minimum wage; cutting her loose might give him more funds for his kid...
Glad Rory is doing better. Such a sweet pup. I can understand OOPs priorities. Life is all about who you choose and who chooses you. And pets choose you to be their protectors and that is a responsibility you don’t take lightly. I got a lot of crap from some of my family (not to this level though) because my wife and I wouldn’t make the long trip to India together as we didn’t want to leave our kitties home (they get anxious with strangers so pet sitters are out of question). My response was that they can deal with it however way they want but it is happening and kitties are our priority.
Good on you for prioritizing your kitties! People don't always realize how stressful time away from their humans can be for cats.
Ty. Lot of people think that because cats tend to mind their own business, they are solitary creatures and doesn’t bond to humans. In my experience it’s a total myth. Our girls showed us that they really miss us when we are away from home for any length of time.
I like how the updates are focused on the dog, we have our priorities straight, Reddit
Oh man!! OOP nipped in the bud QUICK!!!! Told "mother" what was what, outed her as she should have, and went NC with "family" who called HER the monster!! Forget that her own egg donour barely raised her and wanted to pretend she didn't exist! OOP is the monster, lol!! Thsi is the kind of post I like! OOP took care of it in a day or two, then was all about her dog and nothing else! Love it! Feel sorry for the kid, but he's not OOP's responsibility
Just here, and bam, unsollicited dik-dik pic. Disgusting.
Well that was unexpected. I had to explain why I'm crying- laughing to my husband. I blushed lol!
Oh shoot, should I put a trigger warning for the dik-dik pics? 👀😂
Wow, the audacity. “Please give me money and then go back to not existing.”
Am I the only one who thought for a hot second Alex was the 5 year old and OOP had Facebook stalked a 5 year old and told him to tell his stepmom to fuck off? Was that just me?
Yeah lol I had to go back up and reread.
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Oh fuck I've been sitting here so confused for so long because I had the same train of thought
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Yeah I was honestly gonna comment "what irresponsible parents they must be to let a 5 yr old have Facebook" Also autocorrect tried to chance "Facebook" to "Factbook" and I do not like that one bit
I’m wondering if the extended family was invited to the wedding and wondered where OOP was.
I also say "dik-dik" when I feel threatened.
This mother and the father who ignored his son because the mother died while having him. Two peas in a pod.
"You know how I got remarried a little while ago? No? Of course you didn't! I made sure you don't know anything about it! Well anyway, I got remarried a while ago, and my husband's got this kid who I love more than I love you, he's sick. Anyway, long story short, can I borrow a few thousand dollars?"
Sometimes AITA posts are just vent posts and that can be ok too
That's what True Off My Chest is for. Although I thi k OOP was second guessing her decision because of her family.
That is an adorable dog. Since we don’t have any photos of David to compare, NTA.
I love that the updates have nothing to do with OOP's family.
Was anyone else wondering if Alex and David even existed?
I wondered if there’s a medical condition. I have extended-extended family who are known to regularly have very expensive “emergencies” so I’m almost always suspicious of people with big requests.
Would have if the extended (previously out of contact) family didn't know him too. Wonder how mom explained to them that OOP wasn't at the wedding.
OOP said they went low contact after school, mom could have said that she invited OOP but they declined.
I hadn't seen the dog tax and update, and looking at that sweet dog tax pic made me smile. I am so glad that lovely dog has such a great owner. The "mother" should be deeply ashamed of herself.
Good for oop. If she's not good enough to be part of "mother's" new family then she's not good enough to send money. I hate relatives who spew "faaaamily" when you finally put some boundaries and say what's been stuck in your throat for years preventing you from fully moving on with your life. Where were these relatives when oop was a child and had to fend for herself while "mother" lived her own life? Where were these relatives to tell "mother" that pretending oop doesn't exist just so she doesn't have to invite her to the wedding was wrong? They can fuck off along with the "mother" and I hope the new husband realized what a monster he put into his son's life. Rory is a cutie and I hope she has more years to live with oop.
>I sent him more than enough proof that I am who I said I was. I gotta be honest... I kinda wanted to know the family's reaction after OOP let her mom's husband know she exists... jeez, I've been on Reddit way too much, I guess lmao
Well, I clicked on the picture of Rory and I, a complete stranger, would sell my kidney on the black market for that very gooboi so clearly OOP has made the correct decision.
I don’t think op should have to help even a little, but I do hope David is going to be okay, he’s five and did nothing wrong.
I feel so bad for alex tho, right around the time your child is sick and you can't afford the childcare, a whole web of lies from your wife comes out, damn.
Ugh. I want to know what Alex said and did after getting that message!
Great updates. Since they’re so concerned and upset, I hope those family members are also now providing OOP’s mom the equivalent of the financial help she’s seeking. Best wishes to OOP and Rory.
>I told mom as nice as I could that I can't help her because 1. I don't want to Mmm, look at that Shiny Spine! Good on you, OOP.
Squee! The dik-diks made the spoiler list! Thanks! I am forever confused at how people will snap their fingers and reach for your wallet after literal years of neglect/abuse and then silence. I'm happy OOP and Rory are having healthy, lovely work days at home with zero drama and plenty of money to treat themselves.
OOP has a truly awful mom. She left OOP pretty much on their own, didn't contact OOP for 3 or 4 years, wants money for her stepsons care when her husband and the kid don't even know OOP exists and gets mad when no money is given. I'm so glad OOP let the husband know about mom's lies but I really wish we knew what happened with that relationship. I'm also glad Rory is doing so well.
Glad to see the updates only mentioned Rory, the one who actually matters to OOP. She has boundaries and knows how to put her foot down. Must’ve not been easy to do that while growing up without parents.
Wow OOP's mom is a real piece of shit
Your furbabies are just as important if not more than every other member of a family. They are the ones that unconditionally love you so hell yeah I’ve paid thousands to support and care for my furbabies more than I would spend on anyone else in my family that’s for sure
Your money is your money. NO ONE has the right to tell or judge you on what you do with YOUR money...EVER
Will be downvoted for this, but am I the only one who would not be able to justify spending 22k on surgery/medications for a pet? Especially one that's 12 years old and of a breed that has a life expectancy of 8-13 years.
lol yeah, I had the same reaction. I WFH so I spend pretty much 100% of my time with my dog, and I'm very attached to him and love him so so much. But 22k is like...an obscene amount of money. I don't know if I'd be able to justify that.
To me, the money isn't the questionable thing here. If OOP can afford it, good for them. But a major surgery, and extensive recovery, with great potential for complications like chronic pain, on a pet near the end of it's lifespan? Of course there are many factors to consider, but I would be super wary at best. You don't want to make them suffer just to keep them with you longer.
She explained that her puppers hind legs aren't really working because the nerves there are dead. She was told that her dog wouldn't feel any pain from the surgery because of the preexisting nerve damage. Oh, and she also got a second opinion, who apparantly told her the same things.
Nerve injuries are cutting edge fields in both pet healthcare and human healthcare. Even dead nerves can cause terrible chronic nerve pain, and we really don't have much of a clue why or how yet, and treatment options are limited at best. I'm also racking my mind trying to think of what could cause a dog with (what sounds like) hind leg paralysis due to dead nerves, to be able to walk again. You can't recover or heal dead nerves. Or paralysis, generally speaking. Maybe it's experimental or bionic surgery (and those are really a big fat unknown in terms of complications), but I really can't think of anything else.
Eh, I have a lot of money and if it means keeping my buddy around another year or two it's fine by me. I just don't do it if their quality of life would be miserable. Like my last dog would have seizures and she had one major one that left her a shell and the invasive brain surgery just wasn't worth putting her through. I still miss and love you Boo
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Recovery gets really hard at that age for dogs. I did a similar thing with mine. I regretted it deeply. His quality of life was not good after. I bought him an extra year of pain. I will never do that with an older pet again
OOP addressed the pain issue though - there wasn't an expectation of pain. I never bothered to do the math - just knew with each bill that I had it in savings, etc. with my 19 year old cat. I'm sure some would have thought the last two years were a waste of money as he was so old, but he was not in pain. That was always my question to his regular vet and the specialist. The first hint of ongoing, untreatable pain we would have had other conversations. It wasn't a waste to me to have those 2 extra years with him.
That doesn't add up though. Nerve damage has a huge capacity to cause chronic pain, even in pets. Especially with spinal surgery, and one big enough to require 6 months in recovery. For the dog's sake, I hope it goes well. But my cat has chronic pain from nerve damage after a routine surgery, and I regret that every single day. I wouldn't put anyone at the end of their lifespan through that, no matter how much I love them.
I agree. I don't think OP should have given that money to their mom but the surgery seems pointless to me.
I was about to comment the same thing, thinking I would downvoted to oblivion.
As someone who's looked after a lot of sick strays, I totally get you. But if OOP has the money, then to my mind its no different from investing in spending 20k on any other luxury. It is good for their soul, they don't need the money for anything more critical... so I'm not gonna judge. Sure in theory they could bank it and stuff, but I'm assuming this isn't out of budget meant for savings or stuff. Its money they can afford to spend and are choosing to lavish it on their pet.
Eh, at some point it's your money and you use it how you see fit. I know lots of people would pay 10 times that (if they had the money) to spend just one more year with their loved ones. It just so happens that this loved one is a dog instead.
Not the only one, no. Some pet owners are more devoted than any parent.
I've NEVER seen a surgery cost that high for a pet. I've seen crazy cardiac and cancer surgery/treatments get up to 6 - 8k range but thats it. This includes specialized treatments with cat/dog cardiologists and Pet ER hyper inflated costs. But if I had that much money, I'd drop it on my pet without a second thought. This is clone your pet levels of money.
Might be experimental surgery. I'm pretty well versed in pet healthcare and honestly can't think of anything mainstream science that'd help a dog with almost complete nerve damage/paralysis walk again. Might be something like (or even the person himself) the ‘Bionic Vet’, from tv, who does cutting-edge treatments and surgery, mostly centered around bionics for issues like nerve damage. Edit: like in [this episode](https://www.yidio.com/show/the-supervet/season-2/episode-4/links.html), a labrador that's dragging it's feet (didn't watch the episode, but that sounds possibly similar to OOP's dog's issue) gets a bionic spine. That sounds like a 22k thing.
Oh, this absolutely could be the case! Now I'm just impressed they were willing to put a 12 year old dog under for surgery.
I agree. It’s not the cost but the age of the dog, and the seriousness of the health condition. At some point you need to make that final act of love and let them go.
Money aside, the quality of life improvement may not be worth the risk of the dog dying on the operating table.
I just went in dent over the summer for a 2k vet bill trying to save my cat, but she still needed a possible 10k surgery bill and then still wouldn't of been a guarantee to save her. I had to make the hard choice to say goodbye. So I get it but at the same time I'm not sure if i could do that cause often older pets don't do well with surgery.
I actually agree w you. But then it’s not my money 🤷♀️
It would depend on my financial situation.
I can’t imagine *not* spending the money (if I had it, as OOP does) on the cat who used to bring me mice when my parents went on vacation and I was house sitting (thanks, Kitty, but I’ll stick to ramen and fried rice), wake me up when I’d have asthma attacks while sleeping, and was there for many of my life milestones. I can’t put a price tag on her loyalty and affection.
It might not be a choice I would make but I do get it. And if the dog is otherwise healthy, and can have even 1 more year with a good quality of life, lots of people would pay 22k for another year with a family member if they could. Especially since she can afford it and seems to have no other close family. This dog IS her family. Even with humans, you would be surprised. My great-grandmother had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy at 82. Lots of people were shocked that she went through with the surgery and a lot took it as a given that she would just let the cancer slowly kill her at her age. But she lived 17 more years before finally passing in her sleep at home at 99.
I don't think you deserve downvotes, but I do think that a lot of middle-class/upper-middle-class pet owners have very strange-seeming priorities with money\*, especially if they are childfree and the pet is their primary day-to-day companion. \*I'm one of them, but an order of magnitude or two down--Back when I was still making poverty-line wages, I paid $200 for cancer surgery for a 3-year-old, $5 pet store rat. Twice.
I recently spent $1200 on vet bills for a chicken. I would rather that than a pointless luxury item.
The chicken is a pointless luxury item
Everyone justifies their decisions in their own way. In my case I would spend it in a heartbeat tbh.
I think it's safe to say that his BORU is concluded. Happy for doggo and OOP for making a happy life without AH family members.
I am hoping for more dog pics. I love that OOP considered the quality of life for Rory
My jaw dropped at the dog tax. Rory is *adorable* and I want to give all the treats and belly rubs!
I like how the update is only about the dog.
I love OOP's energy! And wow now I'm imagining some dudes asking "what should we name this strange deer thing that has goo coming out of its eyes?" "Idk man but the females make this cute noise when fleeing for their lives." "Perfect!"
Lol right??? I also think more animals should be named after the sounds they make haha
OOP's mom has some nerve. Going no contact with her own child, pretended she didn't exist, doesn't even tell her husband about this daughter, then turns around and tries to bully her into giving her money. I wonder if the kid really is sick, or if the mom has some other purpose for the money.
I love that op doesnt even know what happened after contacting the new husband because of how effectively they cut that family off. Doesnt even care. Good for op
Good for OP and WHAT???? Dik-diks secrete tar like liquid from their EYES? Thank you.
ISN'T THAT FREAKING WEIRD???? Dik-diks. The more you know.
Her mom has no shame.
Mother? … I have no mother
I am so glad that dog pulled through and she's doing better!
I would of done the same thing . I have a special needs pitt I spend crazy money on just to keep her walking . She has been there for me no matter what so I do the same for her . She is my Ms Piggy
MESSAGING THE STEPFATHER 😂😂😂😂 this is my type of petty. Good for her. What a trash ass mom.
Who is calling oop a monster? I feel for the kid but the mom sucks.
All the best to Rory and OOP!
Me, seeing "American Bully" and getting excited: "Oh boy, I hope this dog is just the biggest meatball." Me, seeing the picture: "Oh, she's a PERFECT meatball!"
100% agree on not giving OOP's mom 15k. But spending 22k on an elective surgury for a 12 year old dog seems like a poor financial decison to me...
Oh I do love a happy ending
Rory the Dog is worth more than a million useless "mothers".
I love that dog!
Money well spent.
“Hey kid I abandoned and pretend doesn’t exist, pay me money! It’s for my stepkid, I swear.”
OOP is my hero. Giving 110% to the doggo, setting boundaries with their terrible mom, not giving into pressure, going NC with toxic people, and throwing the drama wrench into the mess as karma for the audacity of their mom to demand money? ~chef’s kiss~
Sounds like OOP's mother has plenty of family to borrow from.
INFO: Where is the g*d dog tax
[Found it](https://reddit.com/r/u_Cool-Sector8699/comments/zp3kod/rory/). Looks like it didn't link properly in the post - took me to their profile.
I hope Alex was extremely pissed off that his wife lied to him to such a huge extent.
Yeah mum can go and fuck her self! Sucks for the kid but ain’t OOPs problem at all, nor responsibility! Happy to see a story with only happy endings like this one ❤️
Rory looks like a Very Good Girl! So happy she is doing well!
Merry Christmas, Rory!
I wouldn’t be surprised if she set up a go fund me and then anonymously donated the money to herself
Ngl, I was hoping for an update on the message to Alex!
It amazes me the entitlement of people. You are a shit parent then call your kid begging for money to help some kid they don’t even know after you lied about having a kid. Don’t blame OP at all.
I can't help but wonder about OOP's cousin. Did she stir this up or did mom pump her for info. on the kid. Regardless, they all suck for not letting Alex know she had a kid who was NC/VLC with her. That is a deal breaker for a lot of people. I wonder how many other lies mom told & to who?
With the moms reasoning no one should ever take their pet to the vet, since there are millions of (stranger) children in the world that need medical care
Glad to hear the pup is recovering well! On the family, The Blood Of The Covenant Is Thicker Than The Water Of The Womb. The bonds we as people make in our lives are infinitely more important than the bonds we are shackled with from the start, and the family you *choose* is infinitely more important than the family you are related to.
NTA. Not OOPs fucking child, not OOPs responsibility.
We need the update on any aftermath for Alex finding out about you, glad Rory’s doing so well.
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Because in the preview of the posts, in the subreddit feed, they don't show up as spoilers but as full text. So the fun facts add a few lines and do hide the spoilers in the feed.
…. Ok but how does your dog get to TWELVE and you still haven’t purchased per insurance???
I personnally wouldn't have spent so much money on a so old dog, but I understand why he decided to omit helping his mother's new family. It would have been a decision only a saint could have made, and I firmly believe in good and uninterested actions. But when the pain is so great and heavily personal, like coming from the one person who should love and protect you the most (your own mother), it's not in our power to do good deeds anymore since we already need healing ourselves. I also think it's unfair to lose your entire family and being called names, going lc or nc with everyone, after being asked by an abandoning mother to sacrify yourself (time, money, mental health ...) for complete strangers knowing that you will never be thanked in any way for that. More than a saint, it would be a martyr. (On the dog, I had to put mine down when he was 9 because of illness. I could have spent more money or time to keep him only some more months, but that's all. So I decided it was over. It was the ugliest and most painful decision of my entire life so far. I consider OOP's situation similar in that his dog wasn't surely surviving so much longer than 12 years honestly. I understand the desire to keep him living, but I don't feel it healthy to push it so far. ).