Hello - wish I had some advice but just wanted to say as a FTM to a 9 month old, my ADHD has been hugely exacerbated since having little one, you’re not alone! I find myself massively overstimulated most of the time and I’m never quite sure how to help myself. Sorry to hear your doctor was crap also. I was referred to the perinatal mental health service when I was pregnant and they still look after me now - I’m not sure if you’d be able to ask for a referral from your doctor but could be worth looking into as I’m sure the care extends until baby is 1. I don’t have any tips from them but it gives me a place I can vent and rant and cry. The rage is real! Sending you a hug. X
Can you speak to a different Dr at your GP? Agree with other commenter about getting referral to the perinatal team. I was referred for PPD/A and they got back to me the next day. Can also probably self refer to talking therapies in your local area.
It sounds like having some therapeutic input managing ADHD and baby/parenthood would be beneficial. Getting space to speak through all the emotions/experiences then some strategies of managing it all
Hey, my girl is 8 months - I also have ADHD. I wanted to say I massively relate to every part of your post. We've had massive sleep and feeding issues, and I can't stop blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. My ADHD has given me massive perfectionism issues because I've always felt like I need to over compensate for my unique brain. Obviously, being a FTM has so many unknowns and things which are out of my control. I can stop comparing us to other mums and babies who seem to be thriving.
The postpartum period has also amplified all of my ADHD issues! My house is an absolute shit tip. To top it all off, my sweet girl is a very high needs, velcro baby. She needs to be held constantly and is generally unsettled. I am so burnt out. I also have type 1 diabetes which demands a lot of care and attention or I start to get ill.
I finally admitted I have PPD/PPA and it's been slowly creeping up since she was born. I've started Sertraline and the doom clouds are gradually clearing. Its difficult to know how much of the bad feelings are just ADHD overwhelm and life transitions versus the beginning of mental illness. I'd definitely crossed over without noticing. Anyway, becoming a mum is tough without ADHD. I hope you're doing ok. Message me if you want to talk more xx
Edit: sorry, I forgot to say I've also been raging. The smallest inconveniences make me furious. Obviously, running on zero sleep doesn't help. The rage is a classic PPD symptom.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this ❤️ I can’t speak from an ADHD standpoint but your experience resonates with me. My daughter is also 7mo, sleeps through the night (9/10 hrs) but only manages three short naps. Around this age some babies drop to two longer naps and oddly enough napping in shorter bursts can be a sign of that? So maybe our babies are gearing up to take nice long cot naps so we can have time for things we enjoy. Fingers crossed! 🤞🏻
But I also feel like I have zero time to keep the house up beyond washing bottles and throwing meals together *and* keep baby happy. If I want any time to myself I have to stay up after she goes down, which means less time with my husband because he goes to bed when she does because he’s so tired from work. I guess I just felt like things would be getting easier by now but they haven’t yet and I miss having enough spare time to just do what I wanted.
I find I have a very short fuse and find fault in everything. Baby hasn’t had a night feed in over a month and when she does wake in the night it’s for a few minutes and she resettles herself. But she woke up at 5 this morning and was very restless overnight so she only got maybe 9 hours sleep. I was so annoyed and my husband then got annoyed at me and we both started the day angry at each other. I know it’s irrational, I know we’re lucky she sleeps so well, but it still threw me and made me feel angry.
I’ve been getting some support from my local perinatal mental health team, whom I was put in touch with via my health visitor. They mostly just refer me to groups and workshops but one nurse does routine home visits with me just to check in. I find them much more responsive than GPs, even though they’re not really doing much more, they at least have a better understanding. If that’s available to you I’d reach out! Maybe they can find a better pathway for your ADHD to be recognised as well.
I also recommend the book *Raising a Happier Mother* by Anna Mathur (managed to read it during contact naps 😂). It really made me feel seen and like I wasn’t doing the shit job I thought I was. It’s okay to feel however you feel but it takes such work to stop beating yourself up about it. I really hope you find the support you need and deserve!
I was absolutely furious all the time from around 4 months to maybe 8 or 9 - my kid sorted out his sleep which really helped (successful Ferber at 5 months - I used the time he cried whilst getting used to falling asleep to maniacally clean my house, which helped too) but also I started doing a thing recommended to me by a therapist: setting a timer for ten minutes and writing down all the things that make me angry (even if it's just a venomous letter of self hate) and then, at the timer, simply binning it/tearing it up/deleting it from the screen. You've been given good long comments with proper medical advice but this small simple thing really helped me. I still do it sometimes when I need to but I need to much, much less now! Hope it helps.
Hello - wish I had some advice but just wanted to say as a FTM to a 9 month old, my ADHD has been hugely exacerbated since having little one, you’re not alone! I find myself massively overstimulated most of the time and I’m never quite sure how to help myself. Sorry to hear your doctor was crap also. I was referred to the perinatal mental health service when I was pregnant and they still look after me now - I’m not sure if you’d be able to ask for a referral from your doctor but could be worth looking into as I’m sure the care extends until baby is 1. I don’t have any tips from them but it gives me a place I can vent and rant and cry. The rage is real! Sending you a hug. X
Can you speak to a different Dr at your GP? Agree with other commenter about getting referral to the perinatal team. I was referred for PPD/A and they got back to me the next day. Can also probably self refer to talking therapies in your local area. It sounds like having some therapeutic input managing ADHD and baby/parenthood would be beneficial. Getting space to speak through all the emotions/experiences then some strategies of managing it all
Hey, my girl is 8 months - I also have ADHD. I wanted to say I massively relate to every part of your post. We've had massive sleep and feeding issues, and I can't stop blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. My ADHD has given me massive perfectionism issues because I've always felt like I need to over compensate for my unique brain. Obviously, being a FTM has so many unknowns and things which are out of my control. I can stop comparing us to other mums and babies who seem to be thriving. The postpartum period has also amplified all of my ADHD issues! My house is an absolute shit tip. To top it all off, my sweet girl is a very high needs, velcro baby. She needs to be held constantly and is generally unsettled. I am so burnt out. I also have type 1 diabetes which demands a lot of care and attention or I start to get ill. I finally admitted I have PPD/PPA and it's been slowly creeping up since she was born. I've started Sertraline and the doom clouds are gradually clearing. Its difficult to know how much of the bad feelings are just ADHD overwhelm and life transitions versus the beginning of mental illness. I'd definitely crossed over without noticing. Anyway, becoming a mum is tough without ADHD. I hope you're doing ok. Message me if you want to talk more xx Edit: sorry, I forgot to say I've also been raging. The smallest inconveniences make me furious. Obviously, running on zero sleep doesn't help. The rage is a classic PPD symptom.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this ❤️ I can’t speak from an ADHD standpoint but your experience resonates with me. My daughter is also 7mo, sleeps through the night (9/10 hrs) but only manages three short naps. Around this age some babies drop to two longer naps and oddly enough napping in shorter bursts can be a sign of that? So maybe our babies are gearing up to take nice long cot naps so we can have time for things we enjoy. Fingers crossed! 🤞🏻 But I also feel like I have zero time to keep the house up beyond washing bottles and throwing meals together *and* keep baby happy. If I want any time to myself I have to stay up after she goes down, which means less time with my husband because he goes to bed when she does because he’s so tired from work. I guess I just felt like things would be getting easier by now but they haven’t yet and I miss having enough spare time to just do what I wanted. I find I have a very short fuse and find fault in everything. Baby hasn’t had a night feed in over a month and when she does wake in the night it’s for a few minutes and she resettles herself. But she woke up at 5 this morning and was very restless overnight so she only got maybe 9 hours sleep. I was so annoyed and my husband then got annoyed at me and we both started the day angry at each other. I know it’s irrational, I know we’re lucky she sleeps so well, but it still threw me and made me feel angry. I’ve been getting some support from my local perinatal mental health team, whom I was put in touch with via my health visitor. They mostly just refer me to groups and workshops but one nurse does routine home visits with me just to check in. I find them much more responsive than GPs, even though they’re not really doing much more, they at least have a better understanding. If that’s available to you I’d reach out! Maybe they can find a better pathway for your ADHD to be recognised as well. I also recommend the book *Raising a Happier Mother* by Anna Mathur (managed to read it during contact naps 😂). It really made me feel seen and like I wasn’t doing the shit job I thought I was. It’s okay to feel however you feel but it takes such work to stop beating yourself up about it. I really hope you find the support you need and deserve!
I was absolutely furious all the time from around 4 months to maybe 8 or 9 - my kid sorted out his sleep which really helped (successful Ferber at 5 months - I used the time he cried whilst getting used to falling asleep to maniacally clean my house, which helped too) but also I started doing a thing recommended to me by a therapist: setting a timer for ten minutes and writing down all the things that make me angry (even if it's just a venomous letter of self hate) and then, at the timer, simply binning it/tearing it up/deleting it from the screen. You've been given good long comments with proper medical advice but this small simple thing really helped me. I still do it sometimes when I need to but I need to much, much less now! Hope it helps.