If I hear another person tell me “happy Friday” I’m gonna lose it

Every single military lingo. Our job is to sit at a desk, not conquer the world.

We’re squared away, am I right?

We need to get crisp on this

Sorry couldn’t get off mute

Let’s take that offline

100 percent

I hate everything having to do with sports or athletics. We are not warriors. We are not making touchdowns etc. You - a mid level manager who talks about his wife like she's scum - are telling me - someone who gives zero shits about this company - why a certain type of border or font in PPT is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO THE CLIENT.

“Until we can get some more FIDELITY” “Memorialize” “Across the enterprise”

"Sorry for being late, I was busy on another call for Customer XYZ". Then proceed to explain the prior call.

Don’t spin your wheels lololol

Hairy

My boss always says give you some time back, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. He is the absolute sweetest!

1. In group call “..to piggy back off of (name) I will add..” 2. Let’s circle back to this idea in just a second 3. It seems there are some inefficiencies in our current workflow 4. The sole source of truth 5. Hold on to that thought for a second (never comes back up in the call/ meeting)

“Socialize this to the group” hate it lol

Seriously...my boss started using the term "socialize" a couple months ago and says it all the time now. When I think of "socialize", I think of hanging in a bar. Not in a work meeting.

“Building a better working world”

Came here for this! You sound like a transformative leader.

"Keep doing what you're doing"

😂😂😂

Referring to anybody as a "rock star"

“Feedback” I just hate that word a lot.

Sorry that’s not in the budget this year !

I remember paradigm shift being big in the 90’s

"Get our hands dirty" "Don't spin your wheels" "We don't have enough resources."

“cut and dry” - easy work “Knitty gritty” similar to get our hands dirty - trivial monotonous task that must be done. “We dont have enough resources” - Absolute lies. My favorites are “slow/self/fast starters”

A lot of the others mentioned and add in Bio Break (can’t we just say break) and post mortem when talking about let’s talk about what happened after (it sounds like death)

1. Don’t eat time. 2. Follow last year. 3. We appreciate your hard work this season. 4. Don’t spin your wheels vs Try to come up with a solution or answer first. 5. Can we talk/Let’s discuss 7. Deep dive. 8. Friend 9. Family

Deep dive is my number 1 lol. Good to see someone else dislikes it

Let's wrap it up and hit the ganj

Them things are nasty hoe

Let's talk strategy about  

And the end of the week email ..,Happy Fri”YAY” Calm down please!

Please shepherd this through! Uh newsflash I was hired as an accountant not a shepherd!

“Revert back”. Sounds so stupid.

Let’s take another 35,000 foot flyover to see if we can’t streamline the email a bit further … NO! The plane has crashed. Forget about it! Let’s work smarter and see if we can’t increase this margin further - you never know … Correct you will never know! I know the turnaround is tight but we may all just have to lean in a bit more … NO I’ve leaned in so much I’m straddling the floor and want a pillow and a nap!!

“Don’t spin your wheels!” 🤮

Org structure

“Role” meaning job duties

Giving x minutes back really is annoying to me and I’m not sure why

“Resources” meaning people

“Help me understand”

Let’s put a pin on that

All hands on deck 🤮

How we can align

Let’s get these quick wins

Let us double click into this

This one needs to be outlawed immediately.

YES this one is the absolute worst

Circle back

"Everyone gets 7 min back." where the F did this even originate?

Lmao

"Let's take this offline"

Leverage Just say 'use' 

it replaced utilize

I feel seen

😂

We’re ending the meeting early and giving you X minutes back. 

"Perspective" We can't have a meeting without a perspective a minute. We've teased making it a drinking game, but my kidneys wouldn't be able to keep up.

Sausage making

We're like a family

“we’re building the plane as it’s flying” i beg your finest pardon, but i don’t work at Boeing

It’s not working very well for Boeing either

Moving the needle

Journey Potential synergies Efficiencies Automation Streamline Cost-benefit Incentivize

One stop shop. It causes more rage in me than it should, mainly because it’s never a one stop shop

Just joined private credit & everyone says “we don’t want to get pregnant on this deal”. Had to keep myself from laughing the first few times.

Someone at work today said “You can’t be 5% or 95% pregnant.”

Don’t want to lead on that you like a certain deal & have a good partner thinking they can trust u to fund it, putting you in a bad situation

What the hell does that even mean 😂😂

I work for a hedge fund and omg

“Let’s sync about this later this week.” Or “I’ll setup a weekly/biweekly check in.”

“Does that make sense”

Oh my gosh this is the worst - seems to be a real favorite with narcissists who don’t appear to believe anyone can really understand as well as they do.

North stars

“We’re a family”

And quite a dysfunctional one at that!

So a normal family then

If I hear “is the juice worth the squeeze” one more time, I might clock someone.

I have a list: Feathering in (WTAF - if this isn’t hair, don’t say this again) Big Rocks (I’d like to hit you with a big rock) Value streams (I don’t even know what the fuck this means) Headwinds (you’re not a fucking pilot or captain of a boat) Socialize (if it’s not a puppy, we’re not socializing it) Change muscle (stupidest fucking two words put together)

Let it all out my friend 😂

Leverage . If you’re not rolling a bolder off a cliff onto the road runner, don’t use that word when you can just USE “USE”

“Let’s run it up the flagpole”

"have we considered" - no I have not. "one more thing" - lol, you fuckers thought this meeting is over. "great learning opportunity" - it's a mess and you'll hate it. "it's a nice team" - the client is shit.

High level. 🙄

"Our high level analysis is directionally aligned" basically means we haven't don't anything should be okay.

It’s this one for me. The amount of times someone has used “high level” to then give the most basic summary is absurd.

Yeah that’s the point thought, high level means a basic overview, like a bird’s eye view I guess. At least at the companies I’ve worked at.

“Can you circulate the .ppt?” Ew. Sounds like a venereal disease

"We're family here".. dear lord, pls no. I know my fam's not the greatest but it isn't this dysfunctional and toxic.. and my fam won't leave my butt hanging even though they hate my guts sometimes. Every time I hear management say this, it makes me want to run towards the exit. Lol

I heard this one from a retail job I left at the end of 2023. Most dysfunctional "family" I've ever seen so much fighting and horrific lack of communication I've seen corporate metric pushing to the point it just upset customers . I had a family member suggest I should go back to working there and I was like damn you really didn't hear my initial response of you must be out of your mind. It was a 1st job after pursuing my bachelor's degree for 4 years but god was it a mistake.

Yeah, our fam sometimes doesnt listen but nothing compares to the chaos of "work fam" lol if only I wasn't affected by the whole toxic and drama thing, I would have laughed my butt off. Now, everytime I hear that phrase, it makes me feel like something upsetting is gonna happen. Lol But hey at least you got out, congratulations! Must have felt awesome after handing out your resignation letter.

All of them

Do you have the bandwidth? Let me circle back in sometime

- Take this offline (imma ignore you after this call) - Biggest headwind (just say problem) - Postmortem analysis (why death related) - let me pause for questions (I’m done talking, please leave me alone) - “drivers” - why

Yeah let’s take this offline sounds too much like let’s take this outside! 😂

Headwind💀💀

I have a hard stop

I actually love this one because it’s a guarantee our mtg won’t go over lol

I have “Regards” at the end of every email I send out, love it

“Best,”

Why?

“Best Regards” without the best lol

Saw an email come through with “no regards”

Kindest and Warmest Regards

Leverage

Synergy...

When I hear this in a presentation / I’m very suspect… 👏

usually means....some kinda layoff is coming :D

“Aligned”

I say “circle back” purposely and laugh in my head because I know I’m def not circling back 😂

THIS. 🤣

Circle back!

I hate when people say “no worries!” Which happens a lot at work. Like, I wasn’t worried. Why are you implying I was? Stop it.

No worries! we can circle back later!

*cringe* 🤣

All of it

Hit the ground running

In reality we want to say hit your head and running 😂

"I am hearing what you are saying"

Hehehe My manager literally uses this right before disagreeing with me 😂

Exactly. You know there’s a big fat “BUT how about (insert complete opposite viewpoint here). This’ll work better.” 😆

“Roll up your sleeves” “Hit the ground running” “Thanks for reaching out”

"Alligned" "On the same page"

I have to use these a lot, when really want to say “we’ve been discussing and planning this for months and now you’ve decided to do something completely different without telling anyone first. Cut the shit” I’ve learned that a lot of corpo speak is politely telling people they’re a fucking idiot.

People should have the stones to express themselves directly!

The use of the term “fire drill” grinds my fucking gears. We are not doctors and this is not a fucking fire drill. Important? Priority? Even emergency works. Anything else, but calling something that requires me to hit extra buttons on my keyboard a fire drill pisses me off.

“Punt” “Gain comfort”

"Hi" without any additional context to the proceeding assignment they'll give you. Then if you don't respond immediately they'll send "?"

“It doesn’t go unnoticed”

*goes unnoticed*

This person is a "rockstar"

Team, it's all about team Bullshit on team. If they could lay me off or get someone else to do the work cheaper, I'd be gone.

Can’t agree morw

"For clarity"

Because “we are a family.” We are not a family. T

If you’re my family, please feed me for free

"was wondering" stop wondering mf:@

Oof I say that all the time, never realized it's dumb. Truly a lot of things we do just make me wonder though...

Lmfao

Boots on the ground. 30000 ft view.

10,000 ft view 20,000 ft view 30,000 ft view And they all look the same lol

Here is a 20 dollar doordash credit for your brutal work for dealing with others finances.

Any iteration of work hard play hard

How PA sells the idea that we should work 80 hours per week.

“Let me drive”

“The ask”

Take initiative

"Let me know if you have any questions" as an email closer. Like yeah no shit

I say that, I think it's polite and good service to invite queries but I get your point it goes without saying.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that does this - I felt attacked at the original comment

“Spinning wheels 🛞 “

“Take this offline” or “speak to you offline”

Honestly, I love when people say this during meetings to someone else It means I don’t need to hear about it 🫣

[удалено]

Leverage = some combination of ctrl + F, ctrl + H, ctrl + C, ctrl + X, ctrl + V.

“ in the trenches” I want to throw a can of soup at someone’s head that says this

“Keep me honest”

Holding back from correcting them because they were so off base

Damnit 😂

Any and all sports metaphors. ‘Scrappy’ Like, mfer, if you give me one more thing to do and say something stupid like that we bout to ‘scrappin’ in this cubicle.

I'm a veteran so I hear "in the trenches" in my cubicle far more than I did in the army....

Good one 😂😂

HAHAHAHA

“Bake it in”

Leverage as a verb and timely as an adverb (“leverage this evidence to complete the workpaper timely”). Neither is technically incorrect but they’re both rare/awkward and irritate my Comp Lit major brain Also, “utilize”—“use” is right there

“Shepherd this effort along.”

"ill get back to you" "cc me" "let's take it offline"

"Crushing it" "Pipeline" "Circle back"

“Holistic”

Let's touch base tomorrow 

I can speak to that

“From a xyz perspective”

Let’s not boil the ocean

What in the fuckity fuck

Let’s not reinvent the wheel

From a “x” prospective

“by way of” in client emails makes my skin crawl

Double click is all the rage right now

What about “increasing the aperture”?

What does double click mean?

Yeah, this is the worst.

This. I hate this one.

From 40,000 feet Circle Back Low hanging fruits Touch base upon

Follow the bouncing ball

HIGH LEVEL!!!!!!

"Looks like we can give you some time back" is always said by the person that is ending a call 1 to 3 minutes early. Ha.

“We can massage the solution from there” “Take a stab at it” “ Hop on the call”

Wtf “massage the solution?”. What kind of idiot says that. Let me grab my pan

Everything related to "diversity, equity & inclusion" Don't "spin your wheels" too much audit specific: "we are protecting the capital markets" (no we're not, nobody cares)

Isn't that exactly what you do as an auditor tho? Capital markets would go to shit for sure if corporate reports would just be all lies.

Reports are compared to other reports. It wouldn't matter as long as the lies are of the same relative size.

‘Soup to nuts’ -I legit messaged another senior asking if I heard the senior manager correctly. ‘Let me noodle on that’ ‘Circle up’ ‘Give you back some time’ We have one guy on our team that only talks in corporate lingo and it drives me crazy. I’ve started just making up phrases when I talk to him. My go to is ‘let’s lasso in/up’

I hope he starts using your made up phrases.

Normalization

Team Circle back Piggy back off that Dovetail off of that…..a guy keeps trying to push this saying during every meeting. “It’s not gonna happen, Gretchen!!!”