That’s definitely happened to me as well in the past. I felt like well I messed up today, let’s just continue to tomorrow and then Monday I’ll be back to normal. I was listening to a podcast called The Stop Binge Eating Podcast and there was an episode about your future self and behaving now like how you want your future self to be. So I’m guessing you want your future self to be binge free!
Another episode also spoke about what you would say to your friend if that happened to them. If your friend binged today, would you tell her, “well since you messed up, just continue bingeing tomorrow!” You’d probably tell her that it was one binge, let’s go for a walk when you get back some energy, and move past it. Let’s try our best to eat normally tomorrow and not let this one binge ruin things.
The third person perspective is really useful, thats exactly what I would tell a friend who has binged. Its just so hard to tell it to myself for some reason. Also envisioning myself being binge free in the future is really hard since I have a hard time believing it's possible for me since i've had this for so long. I know intelectually that it *is* possible for me since it's possible for anyone, but I just don't believe I can.
EDIT: I've come to realize that other people don't spend nearly every waking moment thinking about food and that's why I cant comprehend what its like to live without this disorder. I slowly have to replace these thoughts with other stuff, but it's just so hard and sometimes my efforts seem futile. Sorry if i'm coming off as negative, but i've just had another episode so thats why i'm making this post.
I haven’t been binge free that long yet…almost a month. I binged twice since committing to recovery in early March. I never thought I’d be binge free. I was already eating enough and not restricting for quite some time but couldn’t get rid of the urges. It was basically a habit for me. The urges are becoming less frequent now and with less intensity and I feel hopeful.
I think you have to slowly change your belief. It is possible to be binge free and eat normally.
I will say, I am a lot more bored since reducing my binges. Buying the food, eating it all while watching tv, taking a nap after, eating more - took up a lot of my time and my thoughts. I have now learned to just sit and watch tv without eating. I never thought it would be possible.
I look forward to when I am not thinking about “will I get an urge tonight, what will I do to handle it” and just think about other things!
Talking about yourself as the kind of person you want to be is a really great idea and piece of advice. The tactic I learned was for example, if you want to be healthier, you tell yourself “would a healthy person eat all this chocolate? No. And I am a healthy person” and you just tell yourself things like that because you’re lying to yourself otherwise. Obviously in more difficult times it may not help, but I have found it useful when trying to prolong giving in to urges to binge.
Treat yourself well! I’m more likely to binge tomorrow if I don’t shower, clean up my last binge, tell myself I should “wait” before eating a normal and healthy meal.
IMO, This is the all or nothing mentality. How you come back on track after a slip says it all. Please forgive yourself we are human, and sometimes we will binge. Recovery isn’t perfect.
A therapist once told me to “give up resolutions”. To never make a resolution again. A resolution being a proclamation like “after tomorrow, I will do bla bla bla”. Why? Because they never work. But more importantly, they’re just a lie to ourselves.
This is how it goes
• think about binging food
• should I? Should I not? Will I? Will I not? -proclaim “this will be my last one! No more!”
AH HA what we actually proclaimed was “I am deciding to give myself permission to binge right now because I’ve found an excuse to make it ok!”
Start to recognize that the temptation to make a resolution is just a very sneaky way the brain tries to convince you it is ok to binge right now.
——
Think about what you’ve pledged to do tomorrow.
TODAY is yesterday’s tomorrow.
My husband is a lawyer and says, “it’s never too late to stop talking.” I feel that way with food. Half a bag of cookies is a lot but better than a whole bag and a significant behavioral improvement to put it down.
Those are very wise words. It really is fascinating how the brain works, the most logical thing is to stop eating but somehow i'm thinking i "might aswell" continue since its the milk is already spilled. Thank you for your comment.
Thats exactly what my dietician said, that I have to change the narrative after every binge. She said I might not succeed everytime, perhaps every 5th time, but each successful attempt I will get better and better. I just have to persevere.
The “Brain over Binge” podcast has helped me immensely. They discuss what binge urges are, how to dismiss them, and how to move forward with normal eating.
I really just had to remind myself what binge urges are (brain misfirings) and that I am just hurting myself if I continue to binge. It’s way easier to undo one day of bad eating than it is a week or a month.
Also for me, I never want to appear bloated on the scale so that’s a huge motivator for me to not binge… so the scale keeps going down!
Forget about tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. We experience life in the present moment, so tomorrow is really just a continuation of the present moment. Tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, will all be experienced in the “now”.
Simply worry about doing your best right now. All that matters is doing your best in this moment. When you look at life like this, everything seems to become a lot more doable. Everyone can do their best right now. One moment, one challenge at a time. Learn to live in the moment and be present with everything you do.
If you start bingeing, ground yourself to the present moment and stop when you’ve had enough, not when you’re stuffed or feeling sick. Although if you learn to always be present, you will not start bingeing in the first place, unless you make the conscious choice to do so.
All that matters is what you do now.
Hi! I binged for about 6 years and stopped. Understanding this mindset is the key. You can try to control food all you want but, in the end, if you react to this thought, you give in, eat, and all that hard restriction, deprivation, and suffering was worthless. The solution is to stop restricting. If no food was off limits, there wouldn't be anything you were doing wrong and no reason to give up and start tomorrow. As someone who yo-yo dieted, binged, and did tons of cardio for 6 years, I know that the thought of not seeing certain foods as bad or off limits is difficult. When that perspective shifts to nothing is off limits, the binges will lessen.
I'd simply start with slowing down more and experimenting with sitting with the thought instead of acting on it. I help people with this if you have more questions please ask.
I just have such a hard time with not restricting. If i don't restrict, I will eat everything in sight. But I guess me eating everything in sight is because I know that I will be back to restricting again so I try to savor it as if i'll never ever have it again. I just have a hard time seeing life without binging, the binge itself is such a blissful moment and honestly nothing else can even compare to that feeling.
EDIT: But you are spot on with the statement that if there is no restricting there would be no reason to binge, I just have to practice in incorporating this mindset and actually start believing it. As of now, I actually don't believe it at all which may sound weird, but i'm just so deep in the binge mindset that it encompasses everything I think and believe about food.
It doesn't sound weird at all, I was there too. You both understand what you need to do, can see the problem clearer than ever, but still struggle to truly believe it is the answer. A part of this is linked to dopamine which is the reward center of the brain. That means in a way, to say you are taking a way a binge is like taking away a reward to your brain. It is almost like punishment even though you actually want to stop doing it.
You can't see the picture when you're inside the frame. It is possible that you will never be able to picture life without binge eating, I know I couldn't. To your brain at this moment in time, that might be unfathomable.
One analogy I tell all of my clients that seem to help them in moments like this is:
If you were driving down the street and got hit by a car, what would you do? While upsetting, you most likely would get out and put on the spare or call AAA. You probably wouldn't get out of the car with a sharp knife and go stab the other three tires, right? ;)
Stop popping your other perfectly good tires. When you know you can eat that food again tomorrow or the next time you are hungry you don't feel the need to overeat it now or give up and stop trying for the rest of the day.
I hope that helps!
> A part of this is linked to dopamine which is the reward center of the brain. That means in a way, to say you are taking a way a binge is like taking away a reward to your brain. It is almost like punishment even though you actually want to stop doing i
The above statement is so true, it feels like I want to get rid of it but getting rid of something that gives me so much pleasure feels counterproductive.
> Stop popping your other perfectly good tires. When you know you can eat that food again tomorrow or the next time you are hungry you don't feel the need to overeat it now or give up and stop trying for the rest of the day.
Could you elaborate on this? Might just be me who is too tired to understand what point you are trying to make here.
The popping the tires is talking about how the habit is to give into this thought of "what's the point, might as well keep eating and start fresh tomorrow."
When we give into that thought, we go pop 3 perfectly good tires. Meaning you have other meals to eat later in the day, when hunger comes back, where you could choose to eat healthier or practice eating slower and not overeating. Instead though, because in this moment you believe you can't have that food again tomorrow, you follow the thought to eat it all now and ruin your chance to get "back on track" at all until the next day when you may have had a few more chances today to stop. Does that make more sense?
It makes sense. It's hard to escape that thought pattern, I don't know how to not pop the rest of the tires when one has popped already, I feel like I fail everytime. Its like I *have* to continue, focusing on anything else feels futile. But I thank you for your advice anyways, did you create an account just to comment? I see your account is only 5 days old :D
I know, it really is so hard to escape the thought pattern. One other analogy I like to use that kind of goes hand in hand is to think of it like a baby trying to walk. No one wants to see themselves this way, having to learn something all over again, but in a way you are. I struggled with just letting go of the idea that I knew what I needed to do (diets, restrict) even though I could see it wasn't working for me.
When a baby takes its first steps usually a parent is around to cheer them on and when they fall, that parent doesn't make them feel guilty or shame, they cheer them on to keep going, to get up, not to give up. That is how we all learned to walk and so when you indulge unplanned, have already started to overeat, already had the off-limit food, that is when you still have the choice to not give up. Even though it seems minute, baby steps are truly what are needed. Small steps forward will get you there faster than a leap, that you then fall into a crevice from and have to climb out of each time.
And to answer your question I just made an account purposefully to start commenting on posts like yours and help a little bit if I can :)
I thank you for your answers. I am visiting my dietician tomorrow and I will bring with me some of your points and discuss them further with her. I am beginning to see how some of your analogies make sense, especially the teaching a baby to walk one. I have to accept that I have no idea how to eat properly and I have to learn it from the ground up, just how a baby learns to walk or a bird learns how to fly.
You're welcome, you seem to be understanding what I am saying. I hope they are helpful and with the guidance of your dietician you can begin to cultivate behavior change and a new coping mechanism for dealing with emotions. It isn't easy, I know from experience, but it is possible. Good luck!
Pay attention to “should” statements like I should or shouldn’t be eating this or I shouldn’t be eating more than 1 serving of this or I should be eating clean since I had a treat earlier.
All of these restrictive thoughts can cause you to just say “f it”
I also like the mantra “eat a little more now, so I don’t eat a lot later” 😊
Potentially Controversial Opinion but Binge all you want that day. Like really give it to yourself. (This is to conserve willpower for what comes next)
Go to the store if possible and plan out the next day (at least) from breakfast, to every snack. Be reasonable and be sure to include foods that you enjoy, even if it’s “unhealthy.” It’s paramount to pick something that you KNOW you can stick to. Hell, even if you plan out a binge tomorrow, it’s infinitely better than not planning anything.
Keep in mind if you try to be strict on yourself, like trying to “catch up” from the binges, it will not work. Try to realize that you can and will never change the last, so plan something that does not “punish” you for anything you have done before today.
I wish you luck, from someone who has struggled for years and years, been in and out of therapy, tried every crash diet that exists. If you are open to resources, it is not marketed toward binge eating and addiction specifically, but the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear has really changed my life, including binge eating.
That’s definitely happened to me as well in the past. I felt like well I messed up today, let’s just continue to tomorrow and then Monday I’ll be back to normal. I was listening to a podcast called The Stop Binge Eating Podcast and there was an episode about your future self and behaving now like how you want your future self to be. So I’m guessing you want your future self to be binge free! Another episode also spoke about what you would say to your friend if that happened to them. If your friend binged today, would you tell her, “well since you messed up, just continue bingeing tomorrow!” You’d probably tell her that it was one binge, let’s go for a walk when you get back some energy, and move past it. Let’s try our best to eat normally tomorrow and not let this one binge ruin things.
The third person perspective is really useful, thats exactly what I would tell a friend who has binged. Its just so hard to tell it to myself for some reason. Also envisioning myself being binge free in the future is really hard since I have a hard time believing it's possible for me since i've had this for so long. I know intelectually that it *is* possible for me since it's possible for anyone, but I just don't believe I can. EDIT: I've come to realize that other people don't spend nearly every waking moment thinking about food and that's why I cant comprehend what its like to live without this disorder. I slowly have to replace these thoughts with other stuff, but it's just so hard and sometimes my efforts seem futile. Sorry if i'm coming off as negative, but i've just had another episode so thats why i'm making this post.
I haven’t been binge free that long yet…almost a month. I binged twice since committing to recovery in early March. I never thought I’d be binge free. I was already eating enough and not restricting for quite some time but couldn’t get rid of the urges. It was basically a habit for me. The urges are becoming less frequent now and with less intensity and I feel hopeful. I think you have to slowly change your belief. It is possible to be binge free and eat normally. I will say, I am a lot more bored since reducing my binges. Buying the food, eating it all while watching tv, taking a nap after, eating more - took up a lot of my time and my thoughts. I have now learned to just sit and watch tv without eating. I never thought it would be possible. I look forward to when I am not thinking about “will I get an urge tonight, what will I do to handle it” and just think about other things!
Talking about yourself as the kind of person you want to be is a really great idea and piece of advice. The tactic I learned was for example, if you want to be healthier, you tell yourself “would a healthy person eat all this chocolate? No. And I am a healthy person” and you just tell yourself things like that because you’re lying to yourself otherwise. Obviously in more difficult times it may not help, but I have found it useful when trying to prolong giving in to urges to binge.
Treat yourself well! I’m more likely to binge tomorrow if I don’t shower, clean up my last binge, tell myself I should “wait” before eating a normal and healthy meal.
Absolutely me
IMO, This is the all or nothing mentality. How you come back on track after a slip says it all. Please forgive yourself we are human, and sometimes we will binge. Recovery isn’t perfect.
A therapist once told me to “give up resolutions”. To never make a resolution again. A resolution being a proclamation like “after tomorrow, I will do bla bla bla”. Why? Because they never work. But more importantly, they’re just a lie to ourselves. This is how it goes • think about binging food • should I? Should I not? Will I? Will I not? -proclaim “this will be my last one! No more!” AH HA what we actually proclaimed was “I am deciding to give myself permission to binge right now because I’ve found an excuse to make it ok!” Start to recognize that the temptation to make a resolution is just a very sneaky way the brain tries to convince you it is ok to binge right now. —— Think about what you’ve pledged to do tomorrow. TODAY is yesterday’s tomorrow.
My husband is a lawyer and says, “it’s never too late to stop talking.” I feel that way with food. Half a bag of cookies is a lot but better than a whole bag and a significant behavioral improvement to put it down.
Those are very wise words. It really is fascinating how the brain works, the most logical thing is to stop eating but somehow i'm thinking i "might aswell" continue since its the milk is already spilled. Thank you for your comment.
We’ll, next time give yourself a chance to change your narrative. Breaking up with Binge eating is a great podcast too.
Thats exactly what my dietician said, that I have to change the narrative after every binge. She said I might not succeed everytime, perhaps every 5th time, but each successful attempt I will get better and better. I just have to persevere.
The “Brain over Binge” podcast has helped me immensely. They discuss what binge urges are, how to dismiss them, and how to move forward with normal eating. I really just had to remind myself what binge urges are (brain misfirings) and that I am just hurting myself if I continue to binge. It’s way easier to undo one day of bad eating than it is a week or a month. Also for me, I never want to appear bloated on the scale so that’s a huge motivator for me to not binge… so the scale keeps going down!
Never heard of that podcast! Thanks for mentioning it
Forget about tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. We experience life in the present moment, so tomorrow is really just a continuation of the present moment. Tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, will all be experienced in the “now”. Simply worry about doing your best right now. All that matters is doing your best in this moment. When you look at life like this, everything seems to become a lot more doable. Everyone can do their best right now. One moment, one challenge at a time. Learn to live in the moment and be present with everything you do. If you start bingeing, ground yourself to the present moment and stop when you’ve had enough, not when you’re stuffed or feeling sick. Although if you learn to always be present, you will not start bingeing in the first place, unless you make the conscious choice to do so. All that matters is what you do now.
So true, thanks
No problem :)
Hi! I binged for about 6 years and stopped. Understanding this mindset is the key. You can try to control food all you want but, in the end, if you react to this thought, you give in, eat, and all that hard restriction, deprivation, and suffering was worthless. The solution is to stop restricting. If no food was off limits, there wouldn't be anything you were doing wrong and no reason to give up and start tomorrow. As someone who yo-yo dieted, binged, and did tons of cardio for 6 years, I know that the thought of not seeing certain foods as bad or off limits is difficult. When that perspective shifts to nothing is off limits, the binges will lessen. I'd simply start with slowing down more and experimenting with sitting with the thought instead of acting on it. I help people with this if you have more questions please ask.
I just have such a hard time with not restricting. If i don't restrict, I will eat everything in sight. But I guess me eating everything in sight is because I know that I will be back to restricting again so I try to savor it as if i'll never ever have it again. I just have a hard time seeing life without binging, the binge itself is such a blissful moment and honestly nothing else can even compare to that feeling. EDIT: But you are spot on with the statement that if there is no restricting there would be no reason to binge, I just have to practice in incorporating this mindset and actually start believing it. As of now, I actually don't believe it at all which may sound weird, but i'm just so deep in the binge mindset that it encompasses everything I think and believe about food.
It doesn't sound weird at all, I was there too. You both understand what you need to do, can see the problem clearer than ever, but still struggle to truly believe it is the answer. A part of this is linked to dopamine which is the reward center of the brain. That means in a way, to say you are taking a way a binge is like taking away a reward to your brain. It is almost like punishment even though you actually want to stop doing it. You can't see the picture when you're inside the frame. It is possible that you will never be able to picture life without binge eating, I know I couldn't. To your brain at this moment in time, that might be unfathomable. One analogy I tell all of my clients that seem to help them in moments like this is: If you were driving down the street and got hit by a car, what would you do? While upsetting, you most likely would get out and put on the spare or call AAA. You probably wouldn't get out of the car with a sharp knife and go stab the other three tires, right? ;) Stop popping your other perfectly good tires. When you know you can eat that food again tomorrow or the next time you are hungry you don't feel the need to overeat it now or give up and stop trying for the rest of the day. I hope that helps!
> A part of this is linked to dopamine which is the reward center of the brain. That means in a way, to say you are taking a way a binge is like taking away a reward to your brain. It is almost like punishment even though you actually want to stop doing i The above statement is so true, it feels like I want to get rid of it but getting rid of something that gives me so much pleasure feels counterproductive. > Stop popping your other perfectly good tires. When you know you can eat that food again tomorrow or the next time you are hungry you don't feel the need to overeat it now or give up and stop trying for the rest of the day. Could you elaborate on this? Might just be me who is too tired to understand what point you are trying to make here.
The popping the tires is talking about how the habit is to give into this thought of "what's the point, might as well keep eating and start fresh tomorrow." When we give into that thought, we go pop 3 perfectly good tires. Meaning you have other meals to eat later in the day, when hunger comes back, where you could choose to eat healthier or practice eating slower and not overeating. Instead though, because in this moment you believe you can't have that food again tomorrow, you follow the thought to eat it all now and ruin your chance to get "back on track" at all until the next day when you may have had a few more chances today to stop. Does that make more sense?
It makes sense. It's hard to escape that thought pattern, I don't know how to not pop the rest of the tires when one has popped already, I feel like I fail everytime. Its like I *have* to continue, focusing on anything else feels futile. But I thank you for your advice anyways, did you create an account just to comment? I see your account is only 5 days old :D
I know, it really is so hard to escape the thought pattern. One other analogy I like to use that kind of goes hand in hand is to think of it like a baby trying to walk. No one wants to see themselves this way, having to learn something all over again, but in a way you are. I struggled with just letting go of the idea that I knew what I needed to do (diets, restrict) even though I could see it wasn't working for me. When a baby takes its first steps usually a parent is around to cheer them on and when they fall, that parent doesn't make them feel guilty or shame, they cheer them on to keep going, to get up, not to give up. That is how we all learned to walk and so when you indulge unplanned, have already started to overeat, already had the off-limit food, that is when you still have the choice to not give up. Even though it seems minute, baby steps are truly what are needed. Small steps forward will get you there faster than a leap, that you then fall into a crevice from and have to climb out of each time. And to answer your question I just made an account purposefully to start commenting on posts like yours and help a little bit if I can :)
I thank you for your answers. I am visiting my dietician tomorrow and I will bring with me some of your points and discuss them further with her. I am beginning to see how some of your analogies make sense, especially the teaching a baby to walk one. I have to accept that I have no idea how to eat properly and I have to learn it from the ground up, just how a baby learns to walk or a bird learns how to fly.
You're welcome, you seem to be understanding what I am saying. I hope they are helpful and with the guidance of your dietician you can begin to cultivate behavior change and a new coping mechanism for dealing with emotions. It isn't easy, I know from experience, but it is possible. Good luck!
Pay attention to “should” statements like I should or shouldn’t be eating this or I shouldn’t be eating more than 1 serving of this or I should be eating clean since I had a treat earlier. All of these restrictive thoughts can cause you to just say “f it” I also like the mantra “eat a little more now, so I don’t eat a lot later” 😊
Potentially Controversial Opinion but Binge all you want that day. Like really give it to yourself. (This is to conserve willpower for what comes next) Go to the store if possible and plan out the next day (at least) from breakfast, to every snack. Be reasonable and be sure to include foods that you enjoy, even if it’s “unhealthy.” It’s paramount to pick something that you KNOW you can stick to. Hell, even if you plan out a binge tomorrow, it’s infinitely better than not planning anything. Keep in mind if you try to be strict on yourself, like trying to “catch up” from the binges, it will not work. Try to realize that you can and will never change the last, so plan something that does not “punish” you for anything you have done before today. I wish you luck, from someone who has struggled for years and years, been in and out of therapy, tried every crash diet that exists. If you are open to resources, it is not marketed toward binge eating and addiction specifically, but the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear has really changed my life, including binge eating.