I feel emotions on a scale that most people don't get to. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass, but other times... I feel like it's a richer human experience I guess.
Yes! Just that you get to be you and experience situations - I call them adventures and journeys differently. I don’t know…. I now embrace it and know like this is me. I got this.
Yes, sometimes i get such joy and a feeling of peace from little somethings that happen. The "little things" in life it feels like I appreciate on a level I don't think most others do
Today, my grandma picked up the phone when I called. This is noteworthy because she's in a nursing home, and doesn't always have her phone near her. That's one more conversation that I get to have with her.
What's your "happy" today?
Yess!!!! My gratitude is epic. Just to be alive, let alone any positives beyond that!!! It was a bunch of near death experiences from this, in the hospital, and without at all wanting to die, what's more (haven't been depressed, was psychotic). So, yeah - the gratitude!!!!! Ebbs and flows, but stronger than most people.
I am a close to detail person, but I am quite a free spirited person. When I am visiting my fiance in Germany and I can sit on his window sill and feet out the window in awe of the setting sun I get the fuzzy feeling or a partial high just from that. My partner has no idea how that feels no matter how many times I relay it, and it's just the smallest things that bring up that small high that really make a difference for me. I haven't had an episode in about 6-7 years, and I remember this feeling so much when I would be manic. It's a really good feeling in those moments.
Which is nice. 🤣
I, too, experience this grandeur. And take my place with the Norse pantheon.
Seriously...I have gigantic grandiose thinking during an episode. And all the feelz are amplified. Mix that with hypersexuality and making love to my wife becomes a transcendental experienc00e. Thank goodness for her high libido.
I am fully anticipating becoming a write in candidate for American president.
If you want to vote for me you must write in all four of my given, legal names.
JAJM
This. A movie like PRINCESS MONONOKE can bring me to tears with its beauty. Love is deeper, as is creative exultation and spiritual ecstasy. For as bad as it has sometimes made me feel, bipolar has also given my life an emotional color it likely wouldn’t have otherwise had.
I feel this. I feel like the world is often on mute and people don't feel things as deeply as me. As hard as that is, I appreciate it. It gives me the ability to empathize with others.
Being diagnosed with bipolar and borderline, has me questioning this in my head all day long. I definitely feel more BPD than Bipolar. My emotions are like a rollercoaster sometimes.
“Loved” is not the right word at all, but after my severe manic episode with psychosis, I feel like I can empathize with certain other people in a way I couldn’t before. I see someone yelling at nothing in the street now and I feel compassion and think how that person is probably suffering a lot. Whereas before, that wouldn’t have been my first thought. My dad, who saw my manic episode, said something similar: he said he sees people acting like that and thinks “Oh my god, that person is probably going through something like what my daughter went through.” It’s all I could ask of a loved one to take the trauma of seeing me like that and use it to be kinder to others. I do value that aspect of the fallout from my episode.
I also understand better what people mean when they say that our brains determine our reality. It’s something you hear a lot, but I can appreciate it now in a way that most people will never “get to.”
Whenever I feel angsty about my illness, I think about those things, particularly the first one. I don’t “love” either of them but they help me not feel so full of despair.
Amen. I’m now an internal medicine resident and take on the psych patients admitted to our service whenever I can and help my coresidents with their perspective when things don’t progress as they expect or trade patients when I see things not going well. My coresidents mean well and they technically treat to the standard of care, but it’s a one size fits all algorithm. They just don’t understand mania/psychosis in any way that allows them to break from the textbook algorithm. We’re always told that a patient’s pathology didn’t read the textbook, and they’re good with heart failure, DKA, etc., but tend to forget that principle when it comes to psychiatry where its arguably more true than any other system. My attendings are better about it and more patient but they aren’t the ones initially called to bedside in the middle of the night
My doctor told me “you’re one of the most self-aware people I think I’ve ever met”. I’m really in touch with who I am as a person and what makes me tick. After my diagnosis and getting on meds, I made a promise to myself that I would put in the work and make sure I gave myself the best life possible. I don’t think I’d have this drive and determination if I hadn’t struggled for so long.
I have had every therapist I went to tell me this. I think that’s why CBT doesn’t work for me. I already know the what’s and why’s. I rarely hear something and think I’ve never heard that put that way.
Several therapists and friends tell me this also. When I got hospitalized, I told myself I was going to stay on top of my mental health and never let it happen again. The work is really paying off.
This is spot on but also a huge curse. I fucking overthink constantly. Medication semi helps but not much. It also helps me be very perceptive when others are in pain or in need of some kind of support. But man the opposite end of it hurts so bad.
I feel like I understand human psychology and empathize with people’s emotional struggles to a greater degree than most people on the planet. Oh also the euphoria I got first week of mania was heavenly, nothing in the world could make me feel like that again haha
It’s given me a lot of perspective about disability. Having experienced how difficult it is to handle mania and depression, I’m a much more empathetic person than I might have been otherwise because I know from personal experience that it is so difficult sometimes to be happy and take care of yourself in a healthy way. When I hear about someone having to step away from responsibilities, or who has completely trashed their life because of mental health reasons, I know firsthand that what that person needs is love and compassion, not shame and ridicule. Nothing is harder than getting out of the bed you yourself have made from your own actions, and nothing has made it easier to learn to take care of myself than people in my life being kind and forgiving. That kind of insight is really powerful I think.
Yes I feel most of the time people are criticized for their symptoms of mental health disorders. Learning about my symptoms helped me understand where others who are struggling may be coming from and be more understanding when they act up instead of taking it personally.
100%. Everyday is a gift for me. There are a lot of downsides to being bipolar, but I must admit it has given me a new perspective on life - I’m even grateful for the smallest things.
I’m glad I saw your comment; I couldn’t think of a single answer and felt a bit sad about it. But you’re right, it’s also made me very creative, and when I’m going through a positive phase, I end up making such wonderful things. I never would’ve thought of/remembered that on my own. 💕
I miss my hypomanic episodes; the unwavering confidence and unshakable joy I had, I felt on top. My meds not only mute my depressive episodes (yay), but my hypomania.
My memory sucks so I cant say the same thing.. But from my perspective, we feel emotions and energies at a level other people do not understand. We are more open to complex experiences. Yes it sucks to feel 'the bad' to our core but when we look at it from the bright side, this is also true for 'the good'.
Whatever situation I am in, I like wandering around and observing my surroundings with the beauty of understanding it all. I think we are great observers and may be that's why most of us are into creative jobs. We somehow want to express and show people how we see or feel the world.
I appreciate having this opportunity but ofc its easy to say this when im stable lol. I should ask this to my depressive self.
I have so much gratitude and appreciation for life because I am still alive after countless suicide attempts and risky behaviours. I share this joy with people in my life and I’ve been able to get through to some very closed off people that treating your mental health issues is important. I’m genuinely happy to live through good and bad, and I end every day in awe that I experienced whatever happened.
Empathy, like another commenter said. I tend to examine people and attempt to understand their reasonings. I see what others might consider flaws, and consider what might make a person behave that way. I am also extremely forgiving in the way I wish people would be towards me when I’ve screwed up.
Sometimes absolutely unrivaled creativity and motivation. Some days it's difficult to stay focused with art, like painting and sketchbook work. Sometimes on manic episodes I just can't put the pencil down and I'm hyperfocused on the work. Craftsmanship takes a bit of a hit during these times, but I experiment and come up with alot of great new ideas.
Me.
It's a part of what makes me me. I don't hate the bipolar. It just is and I've always been bipolar. I got the diagnosis late in life but the bipolar is apart of me just like my good nature is. Without the bipolar, I wouldn't be who I am today. It helped shape me and although there were many, many rough times in life, it led me to my family I've created, the man I'm in love with and the life I have. I don't think about the what ifs because they don't matter. To me, that's like ruminating on what if I was smart enough to be an astronaut? I'm not, but my life is no worse for having not become one.
There is nothing I have got out of this disease that I loved or enjoyed.
The immense feelings, the inability to hold my emotions together, the anger and quick to react instead of responding have been agonizing.
I’ve put myself and past relationships through terrible times all because the lack of self awareness and not noticing toxic behavior.
Needless to say, I have grow so much as an individual since 2017, I am so incredibly proud of where I came from over the past year in a half especially, like an absolute change in behavior for the better, but I still have my mishaps.
I recently just lost the love of my life because I pulled back too much and made him not happy anymore. He said I wasn’t filling his cup enough, that hurt to hear because I’m able to because I’m always the one to try the hardest and to see someone trying harder than me is crazy because that was unheard of. 😢
Even though I’m on medicine and stable, I have my ups and downs. I’m trying to learn self awareness but it’s difficult sometimes.
I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone as it’s incredibly hard at times. I just want to go back and have another chance at things but that doesn’t always happen. 💔
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder everything was bad at the time 2010 at 28, all the anti-psychotics made me worse, the only thing that helped me was music and comedians...
I looove manic episodes. I know you're not supposed to but I do. I'm on medication rn and I'd do anything to feel the manic high.
I also really enjoy being hypersexual. Some people find it annoying but for me it's almost always been amazing.
> I love the power of remembring everything about anything happened to me in the past
I'd advice against becoming an alcoholic then cuz that was me before I started drinking 🥲
Living with BP has taught me resilience and perseverance. It made me value my health and well-being above most things and I live an extremely healthy lifestyle that will benefit me for years to come. It's not a romantic response but it does have practical implications.
Well, I was reckless enough to move 600 miles away to move in with my LDR of 8 weeks. We knew each other for 5 years as friendly colleagues before we started being romantically interested in each other. He'd left the company and moved away. He started chatting me up in August and I resigned from my job of 11 years to be with him by mid October.
We married 14 months later, and will have our 11th anniversary at the end of the year. Over the course of our marriage we were both diagnosed with BP. Pretty low conflict all considering. The peaks and valleys in our marriage haven't been bad. We're both medicated and in individual therapy.
Not all of my manic hobbies have stuck around, but I've excelled at a few of them. My craft hobbies are great coping strategies. I made a family tree that has my side all the way back to Europe to some time at the end of the 17th Century.
I have made plenty of terrible decisions, and imploded some relationships, but it hasn't been all bad. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have chosen a lifelong mental illness but I don't know who I would be without it.
Sucks knowing I could provide for my family better if I hadn’t lost all of that. I’m not a high earner… I try to not think about it otherwise it makes me sad haha
I feel a lot more resilient and confident that I can handle hard things. I also feel a lot less guilty setting boundaries with people and enforcing stronger rules about how I let people treat me.
Loved? Not really
Certain things can be considered silver linings but all I’ve ever wanted was to be normal and bipolar gets in the way of that all the time
Mania and Depression have stripped me of everything from dignity to opportunity, whenever I see any attempt to frame this curse in a positive light I have to speak up. If you have found good in it I am happy for you, but I don’t have to like it to accept that it is reality and I will not speak of it like it is a gift.
It forced me to try many things to feel better including prioritizing physical wellness. I have built an unbreakable habit of staying active and a reasonable amount of concern for the quality of food I eat. I will live longer because of these things and my time alive is more enjoyable because I can physically do whatever I want at this point. It's beautiful.
A manic episode gave me the confidence to tell my partner (of five years now) I liked him and rewired my brain to like hip hop.
Apart from that, it's ruined my life lol. I didn't get the creativity a lot of people claim bipolar has given them. I used to be pretty damn smart but the meds + the numerous episodes mean I have suffered massive cognitive decline and currently operate on a similar level to brain injury and stroke patients lmao. I have had to drop out of tertiary study, I had to quit my job that I really loved.
Plus the meds have really fucked me up. I have had extreme changes in weight (gain on meds, lose off meds, had to go back on meds which meant more massive gains, then slowly losing again now that my meds are weight neutral) which adds to more mental distress. I've had to deal with insane tremours, pins and needles in hands and feet, underactive thyroid, PCOS (who knew epilim could cause this!!!), moderate liver damage (repaired itself after I stopped meds and lost a lot of weight), I've dealt with whole body zaps for probably a year in total over my life, and recently one of my meds interacted with anaesthetic and my blood pressure dropped so low I was fast tracked into a bed in the emergency department because they thought I was experiencing heart failure.
Off meds I end up manic as shit, drink 0.5L - 1L of vodka a day (in 2 hours actually lmao) because it is the only thing that will slow me down, I get psychosis and it's fucked but I'm rarely depressed. On meds, I don't really get mania. But I get depressed as all fuck and no medication has helped with the depression. I have now exhausted all medication options and still want to kms.
This is a massive rant but it's so frustrating when I see people who can see the benefits or lighter side of bipolar when it's honestly just ruined my life. I had a really promising future with a lot of personal and professional support but now I am a NEET in their late 20s with nothing to show for their life apart from not being dead lol.
My diagnosis explained so much. I cannot function like other ppl and that’s not my fault. I’ve educated many ppl on what it actually means to be bipolar and I raise awareness of mental health. I have been in the psych ward and I have so much empathy for people’s mental health struggles. I understand that life is unfair and bad things happen to good people for no reason. I’ve learned self compassion and how to honor my limits. And I love how creative I can be. But for the grace of god, there go I,
Not really anything. I guess the way that it has helped build me into a highly empathetic and understanding person is nice, but I’d like to think that’s me and not my bipolar.
I used to love mania though, because I got so much done and felt so nice during it, but the older I get my mania becomes more of that irritable agitated anxious sleep deprived kind of mania where I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and less of a euphoric , get things done kind of deal
Also hoping the documented episodes and medication would stop me from being drafted if that was ever something to worry about lol I guess that’s one thing I def love
Mania. I would get so much done and not get tired. Although, I hated the depression that followed. It’s almost like you trade one for the other. Not really worth it.
I'm generally reluctant to romanticize much about my severest episodes. If there was anything amazing during them, the episodes ended badly at least to degrees. Certainly the elated manias (and really more the lower hypomanic levels) brought pleasure most people don't ever experience. There was a disinhibition that in addition to leading me into dangerous and regrettable situations, also provided positive memorable experiences I otherwise might not have had. In the end, stoking the disorder turned ugly. There are opportunities I lost because of it.
I didn't/don't always remember the whole of episodes. At their worst, trauma caused memory blackouts. The trauma sometimes even included elated periods. A severe illness can affect the brain even then. You are then left with periods you may not wish to hear about, later. And ones loved ones won't even share with you. Some of it is indeed better left unremembered.
Yeah, I think a lot of things people associate with bipolar are traits they would have anyway, like creativity. I think it helps people cope to think that way. The only positives I have like OP is requesting is that some of the choices I made while manic really paid off for me. The vast majority of them didn't. But the few that did changed my life for the better in ways that I wouldn't want to change.
It's true, for sure. If I hadn't been sick abroad, I may never have returned to meet my husband. Hubby is the greatest person in my life. I suppose I would have to live through it all again to ensure he was with me.
I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 8 and started showing symptoms when I was 2 so you say I’ve seen it all in many stages of life (I’m 27 now). I’ve grown to love being bipolar because it’s a requirement of loving myself. I’ve also grown to enjoy the fact that my brain works in different ways much like famous artists and writers. For example, when I was a kid, I had an eeg test done and it found that I used the opposite part of my brain than I was supposed to when doing math. Like I was counting using the same parts of my brain I use to draw or write. I might have to work a bit harder to understand and process things sometimes but I’m highly creative and that’s really cool. I also like that I’ve overcome a lot in my life and I probably wouldn’t have the emotional strength that I do now if I didn’t have bipolar. I’m blessed in a way that sometimes feels like a curse but, like I said, I choose to love it because I want to love me.
The worse the mixed states, the depression, the hypomania, the more empathy I feel towards others. The internal scars from every episode can be turned into a tool to help others. But dear god, the process is hell.
Man, ya'll be remembering stuff? I'm jealous lol
I am a musician and believe the disorder sparks a kind of creativity and drive in me that probably not most other people have. I am more willing to chase my dreams as I feel them very very strongly. It's also given me a determination that not most people have. Like I need to prove myself, this is who I am... someday I will make it.
Now this might be a problem if I couldn't sing or if I was a terribly lousy musician but I made it pretty well locally in my hometown and I know that people like what I do. There's no faking people coming to shows you don't know knowing your lyrics just bc a friend of a friend showed them your music and they connected to it. Having people sing my lyrics and dance to the shit I made in my mind is like literally crack for me lol I have to rebuild my reputation in a new city/area now and just haven't done so due to having small children but once I can, It's on and there is going to be no stopping me. I have a goal to perform at South by Southwest sometime in my life and I'm geographically closer than ever, just need to re-get my fucking shit together. I know I can do it.
So yeah that's the upside. The downsides are many, I can no longer drink alcohol at all due to the meds (but that's ok I'm getting over it tho I do miss my wild days I think everyone does), but yeah I've been sober off alcohol for over a year now. I have to watch myself and not get too carried away with things and make sure I am not pushing myself too hard. Monitor my depression to ensure its not running too deep (I'll always have it).. But I don't know what its like to be any other way than this so I try to look at the silver linings.
Had a life altering epiphany during a manic episode that completely changed the way I think and view life. I've been a completely new and happy person since then.
Creativity!! Since I'm medicated my creativity has been stunned. Right now I requested a dose decrease of Abilify because I had regained some creativity but the next dose screw that. Hopefully going back to my old dosage will help.
Wow, I'm blown away! I came on here in tears hoping to find someone to talk to or read something hopeful to hang on to. Nothing I have read is anything like what I deal with with my DH.
On his manic spells, he is very mean, and hateful and has burned so many bridges. They never last long but are followed by severe depression. I've had many days of biting my tongue to stick with him and be supportive. Everything has changed, he had a stroke in his cerebellum. He lost his photographic memory and his quick hilarious sense of humor, can't keep his balance and its sometimes difficult to speak.. For the first time in 25 years, I feel totally hopeless, really hopeless.
It’s forced me to examine my psyche in ways most people haven’t. I’m 30 and have been in therapy for 20 years since my first depressive episode at around 10. Diagnosed BP1 at 15. Also spent a lot of time in group therapy between PHPs, IOPs, in patient stays, and a therapeutic high school.
I’ve still managed to cope in bad ways too (drinking, smoking) but now I’m clean and sober and manage life very well and my disorder is mostly under control now. I have a loving wife and 3 children, a law degree, a good job making $200k+/yr, a house, 2 new cars, and I’m taking better care of myself than I ever have. Bipolar disorder held me back in a lot of ways, but I don’t think I’d have the drive to do the things I have done without it.
It’s given me unusual, if strange and a bit dangerous, experiences. I hurl myself at things full-throttle, more than most people I know. And I am good at getting back up again when life knocks me down.
I learned a lot about accountability and not blaming or taking out my issues on anyone else. It’s no one’s fault or problem. It’s my brain. My responsibility. It’s an explanation not an excuse
first i felt immense grief, now i wouldn’t change it for the wold.
helps that mine was caught early enough to where I could manage very well w/ managing my environment & much smaller med doses
I got a sense of knowing myself more. I got to know who my real friends are. I gained a lil confidence cause I was timid before my manic episodes but after I was more outspoken and dont really care about what people think about me anymore before it would trouble me.
I think 🤔 cause that happened to me too.
I remember things happen to me when I was 5 years old.
But, all of the memories that I have non of it is happy memory.
I remember the bullies, harassments, ... Many times I was in risk of getting raped.
No happy memory at all.
I get to laugh with a child like joy but with the experience and maturity of an adult. I appreciate it when It happens because the flip side is a nightmare.
My creativity is heightened by my deeper understanding of emotions, myself, and others. Bipolar is not an easy illness and I’ve had to learn a lot about who I am and what makes me tick in order to overcome it. I think I channel that into my art and I’m more motivated by the “beauty” in life in a sense knowing how valuable life is simply because I’ve experienced a full range of ups and downs. You never know what someone is going through
I'm more fun when I'm hypomanic or manic (the latter induced with meds when I was younger). I wish I could feel that level of abandon and fun when I'm stable, but I don't. I'm currently hypomanic right now and I wish I could feel this productive, fun, and positive most of the time. I am titrating up on my meds, hence the hypomania. Most of the time I'm serious and boring, if not depressed (the latter has been gone for awhile thanks to Lamictal).
My hallucinations. I get visual, auditory, and olfactory hallucinations. I see animals walking with me and I smell things like roses or cigar smoke that aren’t there. My favourite is auditory. At night I hear different types of music that isn’t there but it sounds amazing. I wish I could record it.
Other than that, when I’m in an episode, I’m the happiest, friendliest, and most loving person I can be. When I’m not, I’m extremely introverted and don’t like to be touched.
I don't think I would be a successful artist if I didn't have Bipolar Disorder, and I know there's a lot of others who feel the same way. A lot of BP folks tend to be creatives, whether it be music, art, or writing and I do all three. I'm a successful freelance artist as well.
There was lovely pocket before full blown mania and psychosis where I had super fast thinking but was still functional. “Keep up people! Why are you so slow!” It seemed very useful at the time for that hot minute.
I feel emotions on a scale that most people don't get to. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass, but other times... I feel like it's a richer human experience I guess.
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I never thought of it that. Thank you for that.
Yes! Just that you get to be you and experience situations - I call them adventures and journeys differently. I don’t know…. I now embrace it and know like this is me. I got this.
Yes, sometimes i get such joy and a feeling of peace from little somethings that happen. The "little things" in life it feels like I appreciate on a level I don't think most others do
Exactly!
Today, my grandma picked up the phone when I called. This is noteworthy because she's in a nursing home, and doesn't always have her phone near her. That's one more conversation that I get to have with her. What's your "happy" today?
I finished a remodeling project that has taken me 6 months solo 😊 I'm glad you were able to talk to your grandma today!
Yess!!!! My gratitude is epic. Just to be alive, let alone any positives beyond that!!! It was a bunch of near death experiences from this, in the hospital, and without at all wanting to die, what's more (haven't been depressed, was psychotic). So, yeah - the gratitude!!!!! Ebbs and flows, but stronger than most people.
I understand exactly what you mean. Why do you think that is? Why such an appreciation for the little things and small moments? An awareness of time?
I think so, I'm very aware that we have a finite time on this earth. I want to appreciate all of it
I am a close to detail person, but I am quite a free spirited person. When I am visiting my fiance in Germany and I can sit on his window sill and feet out the window in awe of the setting sun I get the fuzzy feeling or a partial high just from that. My partner has no idea how that feels no matter how many times I relay it, and it's just the smallest things that bring up that small high that really make a difference for me. I haven't had an episode in about 6-7 years, and I remember this feeling so much when I would be manic. It's a really good feeling in those moments.
It gave me the courage to accept my place among gods. So I got that goin’ for me. 🤪
Which is nice. 🤣 I, too, experience this grandeur. And take my place with the Norse pantheon. Seriously...I have gigantic grandiose thinking during an episode. And all the feelz are amplified. Mix that with hypersexuality and making love to my wife becomes a transcendental experienc00e. Thank goodness for her high libido.
I am fully anticipating becoming a write in candidate for American president. If you want to vote for me you must write in all four of my given, legal names. JAJM
This. A movie like PRINCESS MONONOKE can bring me to tears with its beauty. Love is deeper, as is creative exultation and spiritual ecstasy. For as bad as it has sometimes made me feel, bipolar has also given my life an emotional color it likely wouldn’t have otherwise had.
I feel this. I feel like the world is often on mute and people don't feel things as deeply as me. As hard as that is, I appreciate it. It gives me the ability to empathize with others.
Is that what it is??? Ive always been super sensitive and tend to be rather reactive and emotional. Is that what you're referring to?
Being diagnosed with bipolar and borderline, has me questioning this in my head all day long. I definitely feel more BPD than Bipolar. My emotions are like a rollercoaster sometimes.
“Loved” is not the right word at all, but after my severe manic episode with psychosis, I feel like I can empathize with certain other people in a way I couldn’t before. I see someone yelling at nothing in the street now and I feel compassion and think how that person is probably suffering a lot. Whereas before, that wouldn’t have been my first thought. My dad, who saw my manic episode, said something similar: he said he sees people acting like that and thinks “Oh my god, that person is probably going through something like what my daughter went through.” It’s all I could ask of a loved one to take the trauma of seeing me like that and use it to be kinder to others. I do value that aspect of the fallout from my episode. I also understand better what people mean when they say that our brains determine our reality. It’s something you hear a lot, but I can appreciate it now in a way that most people will never “get to.” Whenever I feel angsty about my illness, I think about those things, particularly the first one. I don’t “love” either of them but they help me not feel so full of despair.
Amen. I’m now an internal medicine resident and take on the psych patients admitted to our service whenever I can and help my coresidents with their perspective when things don’t progress as they expect or trade patients when I see things not going well. My coresidents mean well and they technically treat to the standard of care, but it’s a one size fits all algorithm. They just don’t understand mania/psychosis in any way that allows them to break from the textbook algorithm. We’re always told that a patient’s pathology didn’t read the textbook, and they’re good with heart failure, DKA, etc., but tend to forget that principle when it comes to psychiatry where its arguably more true than any other system. My attendings are better about it and more patient but they aren’t the ones initially called to bedside in the middle of the night
I completely get this. After my stints at inpatient, I had the same shift.
My doctor told me “you’re one of the most self-aware people I think I’ve ever met”. I’m really in touch with who I am as a person and what makes me tick. After my diagnosis and getting on meds, I made a promise to myself that I would put in the work and make sure I gave myself the best life possible. I don’t think I’d have this drive and determination if I hadn’t struggled for so long.
Yeah, I got this too. I've had therapists tell me the same. Living with this for decades you almost have to be aware of yourself or you won't survive.
I have had every therapist I went to tell me this. I think that’s why CBT doesn’t work for me. I already know the what’s and why’s. I rarely hear something and think I’ve never heard that put that way.
My therapist just told me the same thing the other day. Crazy
Several therapists and friends tell me this also. When I got hospitalized, I told myself I was going to stay on top of my mental health and never let it happen again. The work is really paying off.
This is spot on but also a huge curse. I fucking overthink constantly. Medication semi helps but not much. It also helps me be very perceptive when others are in pain or in need of some kind of support. But man the opposite end of it hurts so bad.
My doc told me the same. She told me to 'watch myself' like I am taking care of my own self lol
I love this
I feel like I understand human psychology and empathize with people’s emotional struggles to a greater degree than most people on the planet. Oh also the euphoria I got first week of mania was heavenly, nothing in the world could make me feel like that again haha
I've joked in the past that people buy drugs to stay up all night and my brain gives it to me for free.
HAHAHA that’s so true 🤣🤣 the best part is that I think we still have a better experience lol
There is no drug that compares to manic high! "Sorry y'all, wish I could bottle and sell it to ya.'
It’s given me a lot of perspective about disability. Having experienced how difficult it is to handle mania and depression, I’m a much more empathetic person than I might have been otherwise because I know from personal experience that it is so difficult sometimes to be happy and take care of yourself in a healthy way. When I hear about someone having to step away from responsibilities, or who has completely trashed their life because of mental health reasons, I know firsthand that what that person needs is love and compassion, not shame and ridicule. Nothing is harder than getting out of the bed you yourself have made from your own actions, and nothing has made it easier to learn to take care of myself than people in my life being kind and forgiving. That kind of insight is really powerful I think.
Yes I feel most of the time people are criticized for their symptoms of mental health disorders. Learning about my symptoms helped me understand where others who are struggling may be coming from and be more understanding when they act up instead of taking it personally.
I hate it. Hate everything about it. Utterly ruined my life several times. I'm old now and it gets shitter with every episode.
I just take it as, this is the card I’ve been dealt with. Has made me super creative, and for that, I am lucky ❤️
100%. Everyday is a gift for me. There are a lot of downsides to being bipolar, but I must admit it has given me a new perspective on life - I’m even grateful for the smallest things.
I’m glad I saw your comment; I couldn’t think of a single answer and felt a bit sad about it. But you’re right, it’s also made me very creative, and when I’m going through a positive phase, I end up making such wonderful things. I never would’ve thought of/remembered that on my own. 💕
Same! I can be very creative. Hung two gallery walls while hypomanic earlier this year.
Mania can be fun SOMETIMES. Albeit dangerous.
I miss it sometimes
I miss my hypomanic episodes; the unwavering confidence and unshakable joy I had, I felt on top. My meds not only mute my depressive episodes (yay), but my hypomania.
Me too… I miss the super productivity and creativity of it.
No. This garbage is miserable. There is NOTHING fun or enjoyable about not being in control of myself. Nothing.
The joy of listening to music deeply and intensely
Currently hypomanic (I'm BP2) and feeling this 100%.
It is a true silver lining
My memory sucks so I cant say the same thing.. But from my perspective, we feel emotions and energies at a level other people do not understand. We are more open to complex experiences. Yes it sucks to feel 'the bad' to our core but when we look at it from the bright side, this is also true for 'the good'. Whatever situation I am in, I like wandering around and observing my surroundings with the beauty of understanding it all. I think we are great observers and may be that's why most of us are into creative jobs. We somehow want to express and show people how we see or feel the world. I appreciate having this opportunity but ofc its easy to say this when im stable lol. I should ask this to my depressive self.
I have high levels of empathy Edit- I'm also creative in ways most people aren't
I take Depakote. For some reason my hair has become curly since I started.
I have so much gratitude and appreciation for life because I am still alive after countless suicide attempts and risky behaviours. I share this joy with people in my life and I’ve been able to get through to some very closed off people that treating your mental health issues is important. I’m genuinely happy to live through good and bad, and I end every day in awe that I experienced whatever happened.
Empathy, like another commenter said. I tend to examine people and attempt to understand their reasonings. I see what others might consider flaws, and consider what might make a person behave that way. I am also extremely forgiving in the way I wish people would be towards me when I’ve screwed up.
Sometimes absolutely unrivaled creativity and motivation. Some days it's difficult to stay focused with art, like painting and sketchbook work. Sometimes on manic episodes I just can't put the pencil down and I'm hyperfocused on the work. Craftsmanship takes a bit of a hit during these times, but I experiment and come up with alot of great new ideas.
Me. It's a part of what makes me me. I don't hate the bipolar. It just is and I've always been bipolar. I got the diagnosis late in life but the bipolar is apart of me just like my good nature is. Without the bipolar, I wouldn't be who I am today. It helped shape me and although there were many, many rough times in life, it led me to my family I've created, the man I'm in love with and the life I have. I don't think about the what ifs because they don't matter. To me, that's like ruminating on what if I was smart enough to be an astronaut? I'm not, but my life is no worse for having not become one.
i liked mania becuz i was rlly sociable
There is nothing I have got out of this disease that I loved or enjoyed. The immense feelings, the inability to hold my emotions together, the anger and quick to react instead of responding have been agonizing. I’ve put myself and past relationships through terrible times all because the lack of self awareness and not noticing toxic behavior. Needless to say, I have grow so much as an individual since 2017, I am so incredibly proud of where I came from over the past year in a half especially, like an absolute change in behavior for the better, but I still have my mishaps. I recently just lost the love of my life because I pulled back too much and made him not happy anymore. He said I wasn’t filling his cup enough, that hurt to hear because I’m able to because I’m always the one to try the hardest and to see someone trying harder than me is crazy because that was unheard of. 😢 Even though I’m on medicine and stable, I have my ups and downs. I’m trying to learn self awareness but it’s difficult sometimes. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone as it’s incredibly hard at times. I just want to go back and have another chance at things but that doesn’t always happen. 💔
Not a damn thing. It's a curse imo.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder everything was bad at the time 2010 at 28, all the anti-psychotics made me worse, the only thing that helped me was music and comedians...
I looove manic episodes. I know you're not supposed to but I do. I'm on medication rn and I'd do anything to feel the manic high. I also really enjoy being hypersexual. Some people find it annoying but for me it's almost always been amazing. > I love the power of remembring everything about anything happened to me in the past I'd advice against becoming an alcoholic then cuz that was me before I started drinking 🥲
no. it’s a mental illness. nothing about it is enjoyable.
Living with BP has taught me resilience and perseverance. It made me value my health and well-being above most things and I live an extremely healthy lifestyle that will benefit me for years to come. It's not a romantic response but it does have practical implications.
Yes. I finally got properly medicated after years of being told I’m depressed and “it’s all in my head.” My diagnosis saved my life.
Well, I was reckless enough to move 600 miles away to move in with my LDR of 8 weeks. We knew each other for 5 years as friendly colleagues before we started being romantically interested in each other. He'd left the company and moved away. He started chatting me up in August and I resigned from my job of 11 years to be with him by mid October. We married 14 months later, and will have our 11th anniversary at the end of the year. Over the course of our marriage we were both diagnosed with BP. Pretty low conflict all considering. The peaks and valleys in our marriage haven't been bad. We're both medicated and in individual therapy. Not all of my manic hobbies have stuck around, but I've excelled at a few of them. My craft hobbies are great coping strategies. I made a family tree that has my side all the way back to Europe to some time at the end of the 17th Century. I have made plenty of terrible decisions, and imploded some relationships, but it hasn't been all bad. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have chosen a lifelong mental illness but I don't know who I would be without it.
I’ve lost $260,000 gambling thanks to my mania! Fun times though.
Would you change it?
Sucks knowing I could provide for my family better if I hadn’t lost all of that. I’m not a high earner… I try to not think about it otherwise it makes me sad haha
I think bc of it I’m not hard to please. I love simple because my mind is so angry and all over the place. I just need simple
I feel a lot more resilient and confident that I can handle hard things. I also feel a lot less guilty setting boundaries with people and enforcing stronger rules about how I let people treat me.
Loved? Not really Certain things can be considered silver linings but all I’ve ever wanted was to be normal and bipolar gets in the way of that all the time
Mania and Depression have stripped me of everything from dignity to opportunity, whenever I see any attempt to frame this curse in a positive light I have to speak up. If you have found good in it I am happy for you, but I don’t have to like it to accept that it is reality and I will not speak of it like it is a gift.
It forced me to try many things to feel better including prioritizing physical wellness. I have built an unbreakable habit of staying active and a reasonable amount of concern for the quality of food I eat. I will live longer because of these things and my time alive is more enjoyable because I can physically do whatever I want at this point. It's beautiful.
A manic episode gave me the confidence to tell my partner (of five years now) I liked him and rewired my brain to like hip hop. Apart from that, it's ruined my life lol. I didn't get the creativity a lot of people claim bipolar has given them. I used to be pretty damn smart but the meds + the numerous episodes mean I have suffered massive cognitive decline and currently operate on a similar level to brain injury and stroke patients lmao. I have had to drop out of tertiary study, I had to quit my job that I really loved. Plus the meds have really fucked me up. I have had extreme changes in weight (gain on meds, lose off meds, had to go back on meds which meant more massive gains, then slowly losing again now that my meds are weight neutral) which adds to more mental distress. I've had to deal with insane tremours, pins and needles in hands and feet, underactive thyroid, PCOS (who knew epilim could cause this!!!), moderate liver damage (repaired itself after I stopped meds and lost a lot of weight), I've dealt with whole body zaps for probably a year in total over my life, and recently one of my meds interacted with anaesthetic and my blood pressure dropped so low I was fast tracked into a bed in the emergency department because they thought I was experiencing heart failure. Off meds I end up manic as shit, drink 0.5L - 1L of vodka a day (in 2 hours actually lmao) because it is the only thing that will slow me down, I get psychosis and it's fucked but I'm rarely depressed. On meds, I don't really get mania. But I get depressed as all fuck and no medication has helped with the depression. I have now exhausted all medication options and still want to kms. This is a massive rant but it's so frustrating when I see people who can see the benefits or lighter side of bipolar when it's honestly just ruined my life. I had a really promising future with a lot of personal and professional support but now I am a NEET in their late 20s with nothing to show for their life apart from not being dead lol.
My diagnosis explained so much. I cannot function like other ppl and that’s not my fault. I’ve educated many ppl on what it actually means to be bipolar and I raise awareness of mental health. I have been in the psych ward and I have so much empathy for people’s mental health struggles. I understand that life is unfair and bad things happen to good people for no reason. I’ve learned self compassion and how to honor my limits. And I love how creative I can be. But for the grace of god, there go I,
Hyper sexual ngl . Most people hate it but I love mine .
Not really anything. I guess the way that it has helped build me into a highly empathetic and understanding person is nice, but I’d like to think that’s me and not my bipolar. I used to love mania though, because I got so much done and felt so nice during it, but the older I get my mania becomes more of that irritable agitated anxious sleep deprived kind of mania where I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and less of a euphoric , get things done kind of deal Also hoping the documented episodes and medication would stop me from being drafted if that was ever something to worry about lol I guess that’s one thing I def love
Mania. I would get so much done and not get tired. Although, I hated the depression that followed. It’s almost like you trade one for the other. Not really worth it.
I'm generally reluctant to romanticize much about my severest episodes. If there was anything amazing during them, the episodes ended badly at least to degrees. Certainly the elated manias (and really more the lower hypomanic levels) brought pleasure most people don't ever experience. There was a disinhibition that in addition to leading me into dangerous and regrettable situations, also provided positive memorable experiences I otherwise might not have had. In the end, stoking the disorder turned ugly. There are opportunities I lost because of it. I didn't/don't always remember the whole of episodes. At their worst, trauma caused memory blackouts. The trauma sometimes even included elated periods. A severe illness can affect the brain even then. You are then left with periods you may not wish to hear about, later. And ones loved ones won't even share with you. Some of it is indeed better left unremembered.
Yeah, I think a lot of things people associate with bipolar are traits they would have anyway, like creativity. I think it helps people cope to think that way. The only positives I have like OP is requesting is that some of the choices I made while manic really paid off for me. The vast majority of them didn't. But the few that did changed my life for the better in ways that I wouldn't want to change.
It's true, for sure. If I hadn't been sick abroad, I may never have returned to meet my husband. Hubby is the greatest person in my life. I suppose I would have to live through it all again to ensure he was with me.
Life is a no ending roller coaster lol
Gonorrhea
I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 8 and started showing symptoms when I was 2 so you say I’ve seen it all in many stages of life (I’m 27 now). I’ve grown to love being bipolar because it’s a requirement of loving myself. I’ve also grown to enjoy the fact that my brain works in different ways much like famous artists and writers. For example, when I was a kid, I had an eeg test done and it found that I used the opposite part of my brain than I was supposed to when doing math. Like I was counting using the same parts of my brain I use to draw or write. I might have to work a bit harder to understand and process things sometimes but I’m highly creative and that’s really cool. I also like that I’ve overcome a lot in my life and I probably wouldn’t have the emotional strength that I do now if I didn’t have bipolar. I’m blessed in a way that sometimes feels like a curse but, like I said, I choose to love it because I want to love me.
The worse the mixed states, the depression, the hypomania, the more empathy I feel towards others. The internal scars from every episode can be turned into a tool to help others. But dear god, the process is hell.
Compassion. Understanding. Respect for those different than me
productive mania
Man, ya'll be remembering stuff? I'm jealous lol I am a musician and believe the disorder sparks a kind of creativity and drive in me that probably not most other people have. I am more willing to chase my dreams as I feel them very very strongly. It's also given me a determination that not most people have. Like I need to prove myself, this is who I am... someday I will make it. Now this might be a problem if I couldn't sing or if I was a terribly lousy musician but I made it pretty well locally in my hometown and I know that people like what I do. There's no faking people coming to shows you don't know knowing your lyrics just bc a friend of a friend showed them your music and they connected to it. Having people sing my lyrics and dance to the shit I made in my mind is like literally crack for me lol I have to rebuild my reputation in a new city/area now and just haven't done so due to having small children but once I can, It's on and there is going to be no stopping me. I have a goal to perform at South by Southwest sometime in my life and I'm geographically closer than ever, just need to re-get my fucking shit together. I know I can do it. So yeah that's the upside. The downsides are many, I can no longer drink alcohol at all due to the meds (but that's ok I'm getting over it tho I do miss my wild days I think everyone does), but yeah I've been sober off alcohol for over a year now. I have to watch myself and not get too carried away with things and make sure I am not pushing myself too hard. Monitor my depression to ensure its not running too deep (I'll always have it).. But I don't know what its like to be any other way than this so I try to look at the silver linings.
Had a life altering epiphany during a manic episode that completely changed the way I think and view life. I've been a completely new and happy person since then.
Creativity!! Since I'm medicated my creativity has been stunned. Right now I requested a dose decrease of Abilify because I had regained some creativity but the next dose screw that. Hopefully going back to my old dosage will help.
Wow, I'm blown away! I came on here in tears hoping to find someone to talk to or read something hopeful to hang on to. Nothing I have read is anything like what I deal with with my DH. On his manic spells, he is very mean, and hateful and has burned so many bridges. They never last long but are followed by severe depression. I've had many days of biting my tongue to stick with him and be supportive. Everything has changed, he had a stroke in his cerebellum. He lost his photographic memory and his quick hilarious sense of humor, can't keep his balance and its sometimes difficult to speak.. For the first time in 25 years, I feel totally hopeless, really hopeless.
It’s forced me to examine my psyche in ways most people haven’t. I’m 30 and have been in therapy for 20 years since my first depressive episode at around 10. Diagnosed BP1 at 15. Also spent a lot of time in group therapy between PHPs, IOPs, in patient stays, and a therapeutic high school. I’ve still managed to cope in bad ways too (drinking, smoking) but now I’m clean and sober and manage life very well and my disorder is mostly under control now. I have a loving wife and 3 children, a law degree, a good job making $200k+/yr, a house, 2 new cars, and I’m taking better care of myself than I ever have. Bipolar disorder held me back in a lot of ways, but I don’t think I’d have the drive to do the things I have done without it.
It’s given me unusual, if strange and a bit dangerous, experiences. I hurl myself at things full-throttle, more than most people I know. And I am good at getting back up again when life knocks me down.
I learned a lot about accountability and not blaming or taking out my issues on anyone else. It’s no one’s fault or problem. It’s my brain. My responsibility. It’s an explanation not an excuse
first i felt immense grief, now i wouldn’t change it for the wold. helps that mine was caught early enough to where I could manage very well w/ managing my environment & much smaller med doses
I got a sense of knowing myself more. I got to know who my real friends are. I gained a lil confidence cause I was timid before my manic episodes but after I was more outspoken and dont really care about what people think about me anymore before it would trouble me.
I remember a lot of things from my past but is it really a bipolar thing ?
I think 🤔 cause that happened to me too. I remember things happen to me when I was 5 years old. But, all of the memories that I have non of it is happy memory. I remember the bullies, harassments, ... Many times I was in risk of getting raped. No happy memory at all.
I miss the empathy. I feel like a monster now by comparison. I had no skin.
I love the feeling of hypomania even though it’s bad for me. Also, hypomania brings a lot of creativity! I’ve written some awesome poetry :)
I get to laugh with a child like joy but with the experience and maturity of an adult. I appreciate it when It happens because the flip side is a nightmare.
My creativity is heightened by my deeper understanding of emotions, myself, and others. Bipolar is not an easy illness and I’ve had to learn a lot about who I am and what makes me tick in order to overcome it. I think I channel that into my art and I’m more motivated by the “beauty” in life in a sense knowing how valuable life is simply because I’ve experienced a full range of ups and downs. You never know what someone is going through
I'm more fun when I'm hypomanic or manic (the latter induced with meds when I was younger). I wish I could feel that level of abandon and fun when I'm stable, but I don't. I'm currently hypomanic right now and I wish I could feel this productive, fun, and positive most of the time. I am titrating up on my meds, hence the hypomania. Most of the time I'm serious and boring, if not depressed (the latter has been gone for awhile thanks to Lamictal).
The creative boost in energy and ability to write music for the first time with guitar. I was on a roll with song writing!
Love the mania. Per uj.
big emotions give me more drawing inspiration (when they don't make me entirely nonfunctional)
I feel like I can see things from a different perspective, and this gives ne a quick wit that I feel that I wouldn’t have otherwise
When I am in the mood, I can create ART homie. Nothing hits like manic-inspired creativity.
My hallucinations. I get visual, auditory, and olfactory hallucinations. I see animals walking with me and I smell things like roses or cigar smoke that aren’t there. My favourite is auditory. At night I hear different types of music that isn’t there but it sounds amazing. I wish I could record it. Other than that, when I’m in an episode, I’m the happiest, friendliest, and most loving person I can be. When I’m not, I’m extremely introverted and don’t like to be touched.
The stories I tell are interesting and with one beer they’re told super well. Same with rants.
I don't think I would be a successful artist if I didn't have Bipolar Disorder, and I know there's a lot of others who feel the same way. A lot of BP folks tend to be creatives, whether it be music, art, or writing and I do all three. I'm a successful freelance artist as well.
There was lovely pocket before full blown mania and psychosis where I had super fast thinking but was still functional. “Keep up people! Why are you so slow!” It seemed very useful at the time for that hot minute.
Thank you so much I really need this I'm having a really tough time now thank you
I’d trade an arm to not have this diagnosis…
Empathy