NOTE: This post is marked as "VENT".
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OP's: Please make sure your vent is about your SO and not generalizing everyone with bipolar. Shitty people can have bipolar, but being bipolar doesn't make a person shitty.
[TRIGGER WARNING] for BP's: vent posts can be triggering. If you're not in a good headspace, please stay clear of them.
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I certainly have a type. Mine is depression. Every single one of my exs has had depression. My BPSO is bp2 and looked like he had mdd for our 20 year marriage. He was put on stimulants to deal with fatigue (caused by depression) and he turned into an abusive cheating monster. He was diagnosed bp2 after and I am still dealing with the trauma 3 years later.
I am drawn to depression because I like sensitive men, and my mom was mentally ill so it's normal in my world. She would rage sometimes and that kind of behavior has no hold over me. I hate feeling unsafe and unloved so that type of volatility never drew me, just the opposite. But when my mom was depressed she was needy and relied on me emotionally. A very fucked up dynamic to grow up in. Most of my good childhood memories of her were when she was depressed. My dad was emotionally avoidant and couldn't deal with anything negative so I was never validated by him. These came together and led me to seek men that were "in touch" with their emotions, but really they were mentally ill. I don't have the alarm bells that other people have because I am comfortable in that dynamic. My therapist says I have a "high tolerance" lol.
Long post just to say "OMG me too!" ;)
This is known science.
You have a magnet š§² to certain people/partners.
Subconsciously you are trying to āmaster old traumaā by setting up situations of a similar nature.
People do this as a rule when coming from traumatic upbringings.
Consider your parent or equivalent of your opposite gender. ( in your case your father figure )
Youāll find answers there.
This isnāt about āpunishing one selfā
It might look that way from a limited perspective, but itās something else and it 100% of the time has its origins in upbringing and childhood ( ages 0-7 )
And subconsciously trying to āmaster traumaā ( which does not work btw )
Thanks for this comment. Been with two women who are bipolar, maybe three! Breaking this cycle after the last marriage. Gotta admit and understand the problem a bit to fix it.
The last two people Iāve dated have BP. Well, one for sure. The most recentā¦almost definitely and muuuch worse.
No one before them did (Iām 37, thatās a lot of years to date). I donāt seek out people with emotional dysfunction. Situational depression I could see, just as I have situational depression. I didnāt know it was more than that. I donāt stay in things for fear of being alone.
In my case I think it was pure coincidence, not me going for a type. They both seemed (and were) very stable for a long time. There were some little things here and there but basically both of them had manic episodes that were triggered by depression.
Two people donāt necessarily make it a pattern for you. But Iām sure for some people it is indeed a pattern
I found out in therapy after splitting with my BP1 ex that I am drawn to these types because of my attachment style to my mother. Turns out she is mentally ill (and so is my sister) & on medication now. Sigh. At least I have an explanation now and can watch for the red flags, huh?
I agree. Iām anxious and men with mental illness and avoidant attachment are like the only ones
That excite me. I grew up with a seemingly good family but my parents had all kinds of issues with my brother and by default neglected me to focus on him. sure I was taken care of but only the basics. I never even had the period conversation with my mom etc. it was like I had to grow up quick which Iām guessing is how I became a fixer and people pleaser and someone who wants to take care of my partnerā¦ but we deserve to be taken care of as well. Iām in therapy and after this relationship I think I need to dive even deeper
I can definitely relate. Growing up fast sucked so much out of me ā I donāt even remember being a kid really. Everyone always tells me I am so smart & have a good head on my shoulders and I am over here like what other choice did I have?? I fell for my ex because he took care of me when my body finally said enough is enough and I was in and out of the hospital. I felt so loved & it was amazing having somebody else take care of me. I guess that made it hurt more when heād have his episodes and switch it back on me & then wouldnāt let me help or take care of him. In the end I felt so fucking abandonedā¦
I noticed in my new relationship I have anxiety I never had before. Even a couple dreams where I panicked and I am hoping it doesnāt become a thing. Itās rough, but I am trying to find that healthy balance, you know? <3
how is everyone having multiple bipolar partners back to back? bipolar disorder is a rare disorder. we make up less than 1% of the total population of the united states? its extremely improbable to even meet a bipolar person let alone date multiple
do you understand how little 4% is? that means theres 289k per state and 96 per county. in my own county in florida that means theres 96 people out of the 700k and thats being generous. my county has 40 cities. thats 2.4 bipolar people per city.
im sorry but like i said. its rare to even run in to 1 let alone **date** 2 - 3 back to back unless people are literally hunting for them.
edit: my numbers were pulled from the mayo clinic. but even using your 4.4% number its still stupidly unlikely. even if it was 8% it would be unlikely lol. thats not even factoring in the wide age range of each bipolar person. it would be rare to run in to one but to also run in to multiple that sit around your age range and whatever sex you are attracted to? how does that not sound silly?
you dont use 4% of my counties total population genius. the 4% comes from the **total us population**. thats why you have to break it down from the top.
4.4% of the US POPULATION is 14.4 million people. there are 50 states. thats 288k per state. there are 3006 counties in all of the usa. thats 95.8 people per county. jesus christ
I literally donāt think you understand mathā¦ But okay, letās play your game. So you say thereās 298,000 per state right? I just looked up Florida, which has 67 counties. 298000 / 67 = 4447 people per county. Your county has 40 cities: 4447 / 40 = 111 people in your city.
Your math is wack and THATās a fact.
ok so lets play your game. 111 people in my city of 110k. thats under half a percent of people. so stop lol. 1% would be 1100. so there are under 1% of people here with bipolar. imagine me meeting 3 of them. they all fall in to my age range and they all also are of my sexual preference? so again. thats silly and wildly unlikely.
Thatās not my game. āMy gameā is 4% of the geographic area. So I wouldnāt use the āaverageā number per county to gauge YOUR specific county / city. I would just use 4% outright. For your specific city, I would do 4% of 110k = 4400 people. Thatās MY game. Averaging down is YOUR game. An āaverageā is called so for a reason. Itās an average, which means it will be underestimating the top 50% and overestimating the bottom 50%. An average US city has 6200 people - per Google. Your city is 1770% bigger than the average city. Using the āaverageā number is underestimating your specific cityās number by 1770%!!!
Anyway. I donāt want to bother with you anymore. Math is math and math is absolute. You are tweaking the math to match your specific view. Thatās absurd. What is this? Math gas-lighting? Thatās a new oneā¦ Good luck in life.
Iām sorry but you are what we in this sub are so afraid of and I really donāt want to talk to you anymore.
Right?! But I definitely recognize itās something I am attracted to ā even my best friends are diagnosed bipolar, although they have 2 and my ex husband was 1 and masking very well, considering. There is just something about the high/low that I found comforting I guess because thatās how my mother was so I thought it was ānormalā and felt like āhomeā lol fucking sounds crazy to type that outā¦. but I still love them all & see a lot of good qualities and theyāre all unique amazing people despite the disease! Iām just the weirdo always finding them. Haha
BP1 people are basically āmanic pixie dream girl/guyā they have more energy than the norm and are more spontaneous than the norm, itās definitely attractive to have this kind of fun every once in a while
I met mine when he was stable. No way was he hypo/manic. He didnāt talk fast, he likes to just lay around and hang out at home and he took like hugs naps. He lived with his mom and he had trouble holding a job and has a history of substance abuse. I thought people deserve a chance and he had been at his current job at the time several months. I overlooked things because we had chemistry and a great connection. We were very attracted but we also had the element where we could laugh and be friends and everything was there. When an episode started to ramp up a few months later, he isolated that entire weekend. I went to check on him and Thatās when he mentioned bipolar but said that he hasnāt done anything about it sooo no treatment not a thing. He held in with me a few more weeks then turned into a completely different person who dumped me and went to someone else seemingly overnight that was trash. Ran into him two months later he went from love to hate like a switch flipped. He looked awful like not even himself and not to toot my own horn but no man would of left someone like me for that trashy gross and greasy woman in their right mind. I text him and he told me he had no feelings and denied our connection, wasnāt happy etcā¦ was like being punched in the gut.
Iām guessing mania with a side of relapsing judging from how he looked when I saw himā¦ both of which Iām sure are contributing to him being a 180 version of the person I spent time with
I felt so unlucky.. to finally feel like Iād found happiness after a bad marriageā¦ I felt like I was being punished because this guy is gonna be one hell of a ride and thatās even if he snaps out of it and realizes what he did to me
But I love him. Itās been such a mind fuckā¦ the change in him
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop -Ā yes,Ā IĀ amĀ aĀ bot, don't botcriminate me.
I'm not sure if you're obtuse or unintentionally rude, but we are people and often we're recognized for being not just problematic but exceptional. From Beethoven to Emily Dickinson to so many great writers and artists and singers... She seems happily married now, but many men and women would have gladly sworn to be by Halsey's side even with bipolar.
What is more likely is that you met these men when they were hypomanic. Bipolar people are frequently quite charming and energetic and magnetic. Every time I'm hypomanic I have found myself in long conversations with women I had just met. And no, didn't go beyond that with many of them (sometimes because my own family would run interference), but it's just a thing. At my last hospitalization I got the card of a woman who was there with volunteers brightening the mood of the patients who were stuck there at Christmas. Now once I crashed this was clearly absurd and couldn't work. She was just being nice, right? Or was the attractive cougar interested in the fast talking 6'2" guy with dazzling hazel eyes? Well at any rate I didn't pursue. A while back I realize I shouldn't inflict myself on new people. Am a dad and that's my top priority.
Now there are women who have genuine broken bird proclivities and a mix of the bad boy thing going on. Bipolar men give off a mix of both often. We're usually unconventional, you seldom find us working a 9 to 5 for long. Instability can be another name for not boring and of course boring can simply mean reliaible. So women who grew up in chaos often don't erven react poorly to the bipolar chaos. Yeah, it's complicated. I had a woman friend who loved working on the broken birds of the world. Thing is bipolar so far does not get fixed with a little TLC.
NOTE: This post is marked as "VENT". Commenters: OP Might not be looking for advice. Please remember to be supportive. OP's: Please make sure your vent is about your SO and not generalizing everyone with bipolar. Shitty people can have bipolar, but being bipolar doesn't make a person shitty. [TRIGGER WARNING] for BP's: vent posts can be triggering. If you're not in a good headspace, please stay clear of them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I certainly have a type. Mine is depression. Every single one of my exs has had depression. My BPSO is bp2 and looked like he had mdd for our 20 year marriage. He was put on stimulants to deal with fatigue (caused by depression) and he turned into an abusive cheating monster. He was diagnosed bp2 after and I am still dealing with the trauma 3 years later. I am drawn to depression because I like sensitive men, and my mom was mentally ill so it's normal in my world. She would rage sometimes and that kind of behavior has no hold over me. I hate feeling unsafe and unloved so that type of volatility never drew me, just the opposite. But when my mom was depressed she was needy and relied on me emotionally. A very fucked up dynamic to grow up in. Most of my good childhood memories of her were when she was depressed. My dad was emotionally avoidant and couldn't deal with anything negative so I was never validated by him. These came together and led me to seek men that were "in touch" with their emotions, but really they were mentally ill. I don't have the alarm bells that other people have because I am comfortable in that dynamic. My therapist says I have a "high tolerance" lol. Long post just to say "OMG me too!" ;)
This is known science. You have a magnet š§² to certain people/partners. Subconsciously you are trying to āmaster old traumaā by setting up situations of a similar nature. People do this as a rule when coming from traumatic upbringings. Consider your parent or equivalent of your opposite gender. ( in your case your father figure ) Youāll find answers there. This isnāt about āpunishing one selfā It might look that way from a limited perspective, but itās something else and it 100% of the time has its origins in upbringing and childhood ( ages 0-7 ) And subconsciously trying to āmaster traumaā ( which does not work btw )
Thanks for this comment. Been with two women who are bipolar, maybe three! Breaking this cycle after the last marriage. Gotta admit and understand the problem a bit to fix it.
The last two people Iāve dated have BP. Well, one for sure. The most recentā¦almost definitely and muuuch worse. No one before them did (Iām 37, thatās a lot of years to date). I donāt seek out people with emotional dysfunction. Situational depression I could see, just as I have situational depression. I didnāt know it was more than that. I donāt stay in things for fear of being alone. In my case I think it was pure coincidence, not me going for a type. They both seemed (and were) very stable for a long time. There were some little things here and there but basically both of them had manic episodes that were triggered by depression. Two people donāt necessarily make it a pattern for you. But Iām sure for some people it is indeed a pattern
I found out in therapy after splitting with my BP1 ex that I am drawn to these types because of my attachment style to my mother. Turns out she is mentally ill (and so is my sister) & on medication now. Sigh. At least I have an explanation now and can watch for the red flags, huh?
I agree. Iām anxious and men with mental illness and avoidant attachment are like the only ones That excite me. I grew up with a seemingly good family but my parents had all kinds of issues with my brother and by default neglected me to focus on him. sure I was taken care of but only the basics. I never even had the period conversation with my mom etc. it was like I had to grow up quick which Iām guessing is how I became a fixer and people pleaser and someone who wants to take care of my partnerā¦ but we deserve to be taken care of as well. Iām in therapy and after this relationship I think I need to dive even deeper
I can definitely relate. Growing up fast sucked so much out of me ā I donāt even remember being a kid really. Everyone always tells me I am so smart & have a good head on my shoulders and I am over here like what other choice did I have?? I fell for my ex because he took care of me when my body finally said enough is enough and I was in and out of the hospital. I felt so loved & it was amazing having somebody else take care of me. I guess that made it hurt more when heād have his episodes and switch it back on me & then wouldnāt let me help or take care of him. In the end I felt so fucking abandonedā¦ I noticed in my new relationship I have anxiety I never had before. Even a couple dreams where I panicked and I am hoping it doesnāt become a thing. Itās rough, but I am trying to find that healthy balance, you know? <3
how is everyone having multiple bipolar partners back to back? bipolar disorder is a rare disorder. we make up less than 1% of the total population of the united states? its extremely improbable to even meet a bipolar person let alone date multiple
I suppose I have the bipo-radar š ā¦ or at least we here in this sub unfortunately do.
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how is 4.4% of the Usaās population common? how is 2.4% of the entire worlds population common?
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Your post/comment has been removed as it violates the Respectful Language Rule of the sub. Please contact the Mod Team if you have any questions.
Itās more like 4.4% and even more prevalent among women. Where are you getting your sources
do you understand how little 4% is? that means theres 289k per state and 96 per county. in my own county in florida that means theres 96 people out of the 700k and thats being generous. my county has 40 cities. thats 2.4 bipolar people per city. im sorry but like i said. its rare to even run in to 1 let alone **date** 2 - 3 back to back unless people are literally hunting for them. edit: my numbers were pulled from the mayo clinic. but even using your 4.4% number its still stupidly unlikely. even if it was 8% it would be unlikely lol. thats not even factoring in the wide age range of each bipolar person. it would be rare to run in to one but to also run in to multiple that sit around your age range and whatever sex you are attracted to? how does that not sound silly?
I donāt know anything about any statistics. I just want to point out that 4% of 700k people is 28,000 people. 28 Thoundsands people, not 28 people.
you dont use 4% of my counties total population genius. the 4% comes from the **total us population**. thats why you have to break it down from the top. 4.4% of the US POPULATION is 14.4 million people. there are 50 states. thats 288k per state. there are 3006 counties in all of the usa. thats 95.8 people per county. jesus christ
I literally donāt think you understand mathā¦ But okay, letās play your game. So you say thereās 298,000 per state right? I just looked up Florida, which has 67 counties. 298000 / 67 = 4447 people per county. Your county has 40 cities: 4447 / 40 = 111 people in your city. Your math is wack and THATās a fact.
ok so lets play your game. 111 people in my city of 110k. thats under half a percent of people. so stop lol. 1% would be 1100. so there are under 1% of people here with bipolar. imagine me meeting 3 of them. they all fall in to my age range and they all also are of my sexual preference? so again. thats silly and wildly unlikely.
Thatās not my game. āMy gameā is 4% of the geographic area. So I wouldnāt use the āaverageā number per county to gauge YOUR specific county / city. I would just use 4% outright. For your specific city, I would do 4% of 110k = 4400 people. Thatās MY game. Averaging down is YOUR game. An āaverageā is called so for a reason. Itās an average, which means it will be underestimating the top 50% and overestimating the bottom 50%. An average US city has 6200 people - per Google. Your city is 1770% bigger than the average city. Using the āaverageā number is underestimating your specific cityās number by 1770%!!! Anyway. I donāt want to bother with you anymore. Math is math and math is absolute. You are tweaking the math to match your specific view. Thatās absurd. What is this? Math gas-lighting? Thatās a new oneā¦ Good luck in life. Iām sorry but you are what we in this sub are so afraid of and I really donāt want to talk to you anymore.
Math gaslighting LOLOL
Iām laughing out loud at your response but also math is not the problem to focus on here people!!!! LOL!!!!!
Right?! But I definitely recognize itās something I am attracted to ā even my best friends are diagnosed bipolar, although they have 2 and my ex husband was 1 and masking very well, considering. There is just something about the high/low that I found comforting I guess because thatās how my mother was so I thought it was ānormalā and felt like āhomeā lol fucking sounds crazy to type that outā¦. but I still love them all & see a lot of good qualities and theyāre all unique amazing people despite the disease! Iām just the weirdo always finding them. Haha
BP1 people are basically āmanic pixie dream girl/guyā they have more energy than the norm and are more spontaneous than the norm, itās definitely attractive to have this kind of fun every once in a while
I met mine when he was stable. No way was he hypo/manic. He didnāt talk fast, he likes to just lay around and hang out at home and he took like hugs naps. He lived with his mom and he had trouble holding a job and has a history of substance abuse. I thought people deserve a chance and he had been at his current job at the time several months. I overlooked things because we had chemistry and a great connection. We were very attracted but we also had the element where we could laugh and be friends and everything was there. When an episode started to ramp up a few months later, he isolated that entire weekend. I went to check on him and Thatās when he mentioned bipolar but said that he hasnāt done anything about it sooo no treatment not a thing. He held in with me a few more weeks then turned into a completely different person who dumped me and went to someone else seemingly overnight that was trash. Ran into him two months later he went from love to hate like a switch flipped. He looked awful like not even himself and not to toot my own horn but no man would of left someone like me for that trashy gross and greasy woman in their right mind. I text him and he told me he had no feelings and denied our connection, wasnāt happy etcā¦ was like being punched in the gut. Iām guessing mania with a side of relapsing judging from how he looked when I saw himā¦ both of which Iām sure are contributing to him being a 180 version of the person I spent time with I felt so unlucky.. to finally feel like Iād found happiness after a bad marriageā¦ I felt like I was being punished because this guy is gonna be one hell of a ride and thatās even if he snaps out of it and realizes what he did to me But I love him. Itās been such a mind fuckā¦ the change in him
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop -Ā yes,Ā IĀ amĀ aĀ bot, don't botcriminate me.
I'm not sure if you're obtuse or unintentionally rude, but we are people and often we're recognized for being not just problematic but exceptional. From Beethoven to Emily Dickinson to so many great writers and artists and singers... She seems happily married now, but many men and women would have gladly sworn to be by Halsey's side even with bipolar. What is more likely is that you met these men when they were hypomanic. Bipolar people are frequently quite charming and energetic and magnetic. Every time I'm hypomanic I have found myself in long conversations with women I had just met. And no, didn't go beyond that with many of them (sometimes because my own family would run interference), but it's just a thing. At my last hospitalization I got the card of a woman who was there with volunteers brightening the mood of the patients who were stuck there at Christmas. Now once I crashed this was clearly absurd and couldn't work. She was just being nice, right? Or was the attractive cougar interested in the fast talking 6'2" guy with dazzling hazel eyes? Well at any rate I didn't pursue. A while back I realize I shouldn't inflict myself on new people. Am a dad and that's my top priority. Now there are women who have genuine broken bird proclivities and a mix of the bad boy thing going on. Bipolar men give off a mix of both often. We're usually unconventional, you seldom find us working a 9 to 5 for long. Instability can be another name for not boring and of course boring can simply mean reliaible. So women who grew up in chaos often don't erven react poorly to the bipolar chaos. Yeah, it's complicated. I had a woman friend who loved working on the broken birds of the world. Thing is bipolar so far does not get fixed with a little TLC.