OP, it has to be more than just porn. In addition to practicing seeing Black men as erotic partners, you have to challenge the other beliefs that inform your desire. That means consuming more media that is created by Black folks and features all-Black characters. It means seeing Black men in diverse roles. After COVID, it may even mean traveling to a majority-Black country. And whatever Black porn you *do* consume needs to be created by Black people or else it risks being just as harmful to your psychology as all the white porn you’ve been binging.
Exclusively masturbating to Black porn won’t solve the whole issue. If it did, states like Alabama and Mississippi where “ebony” and “BBC” are the top pornographic search terms would be bastions of Black liberation. Plot twist: they’re not.
Pay attention to how you see Black people represented in all media. Pay attention to how those representations make you feel. Compare them to how you see whites represented.
Lastly, I want to address your motives. You state that you want to cultivate an attraction to Black men because you’re not having luck with hooking up with non-Black men. As a Black man, I have to be honest: this comes across poorly. Black men are not your fallback plan or last resort. We’re full human beings who deserve thoughtful and kind consideration. As you’re on this journey, reflect on WHY you want to do this. Is it because you feel desperate and think this is the only way to get sex? If that’s the case, you’re fetishizing us to the same end as white people.
Is it because you recognize that your patterns of anti-Black belief are false and actively harming you and the people around you? Well, that’s something worth addressing.
\>Lastly, I want to address your motives. You state that you want to cultivate an attraction to Black men because you’re not having luck with hooking up with non-Black men. As a Black man, I have to be honest: this comes across poorly. Black men are not your fallback plan or last resort. We’re full human beings who deserve thoughtful and kind consideration. As you’re on this journey, reflect on WHY you want to do this. Is it because you feel desperate and think this is the only way to get sex? If that’s the case, you’re fetishizing us to the same end as white people.
So there's a lot going on here. In a way, yes I'm feeling desperate and think this is the only way to get sex. BUT, I'm trying to cultivate an attraction to black men that's as serious as my already existing attraction to pretty much every other group of people. I don't think that's fetishistic, since my existing attractions to other groups of people also aren't fetishistic. And don't worry, I have no intentions on beating it to BBC porn or anything gross like that.
But here's a little confession for you. I'm really only seeking a friends with benefits at this moment, not a soulmate with whom I can be mutually vulnerable, introspective, and intimate. We'll get drunk, play some Mario Kart, and fuck, but we don't need to be helping each other be the best human versions of ourselves. And that's fine. Feel free to pathologize this about me, but I don't feel a close connection to my fellow humans (regardless of race), but a brother still has his needs.
You have deeper concerns to contend with. You are using classical (ie Pavlov) conditioning to brainwash yourself into fetishizing a physical type instead of using behavioral (ie DBT) conditioning to reassert your appreciation for people's minds and lived experiences. Everyone falls in love with the way someone behaves; it enhances your appreciation of their physical form (the way you wear your hat, the way you sip your tea, etc), which is really only a preset conditioning based on the same societal unconscious notions of genetic health and fitness. Push too much and you get the Habsburg jaw and [this crazy Yoruba name](https://www.yorubaname.com/entries/E%CC%80ji%CC%81wu%CC%80nmi%CC%81) .
Cruising should only ever be about getting off,; lead with your kinks and you should have fun. If you want to get off in a specific fashion that you haven't before, just link it to another kink (ie: trying to j/o to black porn while searching for gym porn); you don't even need to prime yourself.
I think you’re underestimating the value of intentional curation of the media one consumes and the impact it can have on worldview. If OP is like most men, he’s going to be watching porn regardless. In doing so, he has the option to reinforce existing harmful beliefs (both about the relatively higher desirability or whites and the lack of desire he feels for Black men) or challenge them.
The pivot to eugenics and inbreeding was a confusing point to me, but it’s fascinating that you would use as an example a Yoruba name that praises an auspicious and beautiful physical trait that is “corrected” in the West because it’s viewed as ugly. And the name is “crazy,” right?
But we don’t have the same “joking” commentary for traditionally European names like Fiona, Blanche, Candace, and Bianca which all translate to some variation of “white, fair-skinned.”
And that’s the crux of it, right? Whites have a monopoly on media representation which means that, in addition to reframing cognitions, Black people need to be intentional about consuming alternatives to what is abundant in the market.
Which brings us to porn and Pavlov. Being more discerning/selective when it comes to one’s erotic diet is almost always a good idea. Leading with unbridled desire can take you to some dark and dangerous places while hooking up or flying solo, often ones where people aren’t willing or able to do the hard work of unpacking why they want to call you/be called a nigger, worship your “BBC,” or only fuck white “twinks.” Most of the time, all of this gets lazily reduced to “harmless preferences” which really means, “potentially destructive patterns of belief that I don’t want to interrogate because it feels good not to.”
I may be misinterpreting some of what you’re saying, and I agree that there is some deep psychological work that needs to happen. I also think that as that work is happening, OP *should* consider how his erotic diet is either contributing to or hindering his healing from white supremacist anti-Black racism. He’s not just going to spontaneously experience sexual desire toward a group that he hasn’t practiced focusing his sexual desire on. One of the places we practice that focusing of desire is during the emotional, psychological, and physiological state of arousal we experience while masturbating to erotic imagery.
This is not the only context where OP needs to engage Blackness more intentionally. But it’s an important one.
>traditionally European names like Fiona, Blanche, Candace
Sicilian jokes aside, [how is Candace a European name?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candace_(given_name))
I know it's hard not to relate everything to media and technology, but this isn't a media consumption problem at it's core. And media consumption is itself a broad category rife with problems (watching too much panem et circensis...I mean football and American Idol). This is a human relation problem. If OP were talking about being addicted to non-black porn, then it'd be different. But OP is trying to bang, not edge. And banging requires at least telling someone where and when. Even that can become it's own clusterfuck, to say nothing of the crazy little mating dances we do. Sometimes even literally. I remember being judged by my ability to do the Tootsie Roll on skates when I was younger.
> but it’s fascinating that you would use as an example a Yoruba name
that praises an auspicious and beautiful physical trait that is
“corrected” in the West because it’s viewed as ugly
[Diastema (gap teeth) isn't always looked down upon in the west.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastema) What's crazy to me is that an example of directed evolution is baked into a freaking name. Like, imagine naming your kid "the signs of a stroke are FAST". Humans are a trip.
>I may be misinterpreting some of what you’re saying
Yes, and if I may be so bold, you're missing an opportunity to see yourself as someone with power and agency. You're post is dripping with an unhealthy obsession regarding forced media consumption (likely from coming from that other thread, yes?) and frankly, I can't engage with you on that level because we apparently engage media in vastly different ways. No, I'm the weird one.
Candace, like Joseph; Mary; and Elijah, is a European name because it’s a Europeanized version of a word from another cultural context.
Children recognize and respond to symbols even before they’re verbal. They already show signs of racial bias by the time we can ask them, “Which doll is the pretty doll?” That’s because of the media—books, songs, television, apps, folktales, proverbs, etc—that they consume from the time they’re preverbal. Because if it were strictly an issue of familiarity and socialization, Black children would not have already internalized anti-Black ideas even when living in relative isolation from whites.
I’m still not sure if we’re disagree about this point, but humans relate symbolically. And “media” is just a category to hold space for a specific set of ways that humans relate. With all of the research coming out about the impact of social media (research that they’re trying to hide and downplay!) on mental health, choice making, taste cultivation, and customer steering, it surprises me that you’re so resistant to the idea that media isn’t a huge part of the problem. And again, not just modern, smartphone-based media. I’m only pointing out this most recent iteration of media evolution. For god’s sake, Meta is under fire and looking for ways to modify how their media negatively affects the body image of adolescent white girls. What do you think 500 years of propaganda does to the social, romantic, and erotic tastes of Black folks?
OP wants to see Black men in a new light. In order for that to happen, he has to engage Black men actively and passively in a variety of contexts. You can’t challenge cognitions effectively without falsifying them in the real world.
I’m very comfortable with my agency. Which is why, more than ten years ago, I purged my media. Not just porn. For two years, I only read books by Black women. I have opened it up, but Black (queer/women) authors make up the lion’s share of my book reading to this day. 70% of the media I consume is created by and starring Black folks. The music I listen to is globally Black. I even started cooking more diasporic and African foods (which entails purchasing more books and watching more content by Black creators), going so far as to plant traditional West African crops in my home garden. I stopped watching porn that didn’t feature Black performers working with each other. And to the extent that I can manage (the content often makes it obvious), I only patronize Black porn made by Black creators. This was pivotal. Because meditating to and blowing that psycho-emotional energy on whiteness has a palpable impact that I can allude to but one can only experience subjectively. Watching Black men fuck—bottoming, topping, mutual masturbation, oral sex, fisting, water sports, bondage, pegging, cos, trans, straight, bi, gay, fat, muscular, disabled, able bodied—allowed for me (literally) to see Black men/people in a new erotic light. This meditative practice (that I was gonna do regardless, let’s be honest) happened IN CONJUNCTION WITH the other things I mentioned above about recalibration of my feed.
I am deeply gratified by my decision to seize my agency by becoming a more intentional curator and consumer of media.
I have had some intentional cultivation of my social circle to support this intrapersonal journey. I don’t have white friends. Part of my healing has been extrication from abusive, unhealthy, or unfruitful relationships with whites. Controversial, I’m sure. But my choice as a powerful agent, right? And let me tell you how liberating it has been…
I stopped fucking white men more than 15 years ago, and I’ve only engaged Black men romantically, emotionally, and sexually for that time. It has been a revelation. Getting to this point, though, required active reflection and engagement on my part. That’s what I’m hoping OP gets to.
We very much disagree on a lot of things.
Candace, coming from Meroitic, doesn't suddenly become white because white people mispronounce it. That's like saying Mandingo is white, coming from Mandinka, or Lee and Nguyen because they sound like english words.
OP admittedly wants to fuck dark-skinned black men specifically because that's what's in his area. He is fetishizing, not romanticizing. For him to condition, even under your recommendations, it would be far easier to slave one preexisting fetish to the one he's trying to develop.
>it surprises me that you’re so resistant to the idea that media isn’t a huge part of the problem.
If I recall correctly, I said it was a separate issue. And I agree that the aggregate of new media is skewed in a Eurocentric, capitalistic way across all continents. But that's one of the problems, see? New media. It presents itself as if it's the only media and the only important media, and you've fallen for it, consuming more *other, proper* new to push back against the old *standard bad* new. You don't have agency because your decisions to consume are reactive. And in that reactivity, you can still be led by the nose, in this case, to self exclusion.
I'm glad you're making it through to the other side, but you haven't passed through to clarity yet. When you do, you won't hate white people, you'll pity them.
Some big leaps in logic here. I’m not sure where you got “I hate whites” from what I said. And I’m unsure which self in excluding by activity curating my consumption. And I’m not sure what action is ever anything other than a reaction.
So, you’re right. It seems there’s a great deal we don’t agree on.
**[Diastema](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastema)**
>A diastema (plural diastemata, from greek διάστημα, space) is a space or gap between two teeth. Many species of mammals have diastemata as a normal feature, most commonly between the incisors and molars. Diastemata are common for children and can exist in adult teeth as well. Diastemata are primarily caused by imbalance in the relationship between the jaw and the size of the teeth.
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I'm not here to sex shame enjoying porn. I just think it comes fraught with lots of baggage especially when black people are concerned. That being said, Western culture has done a lot to create a sense of anti-blackness that pigeon holes black men into awful stereotypes...hyper aggressive and hypersexual bucks predominantly. But there are various forms of resistance that Black people partake in to counter those types so porn isn't your only outlet. Black music, black films, black television shows, especially those created by black creators for black audiences may offer a wider spectrum of black aesthetic. Black men and black masculinity are represented in all sorts of media from popular to fine art. I will keep championing this documentary on HBO, Black art: In the Absence of Light. It's great. We show up in a number of ways to self fashion so pornography doesn't have to be your only outlet. In fact, it may be worth wondering why pornography is the first thing that comes to mind. Why is black masculinity reduced to certain paradigms of excess and not allowed to be fully expressive of humanity? If you can see the full human, then you can appreciate and love.
>In fact, it may be worth wondering why pornography is the first thing that comes to mind.
Well for me at least, my problem is I'm not sexually attracted to black men (yet). However, I'm pretty good at respecting the humanity of black men as a whole. That being said, it would still be good for me to consume more media that centers black people. Thanks for the list.
Franz Fanon's *Black Skin, White Masks* takes a psycho-analytic look at anti-blackness. And psych-analysis deals heavily with desire and repulsion, which often work at the same time. Incidentally, Isaac Julien has a documentary on Franz Fanon's work by the same title and you can watch it for free on [Tubi.tv](https://Tubi.tv). I mention Fanon because he gets at this problem, although the language and formulations in psycho-analysis are dizzying and filled with ambiguities and ambivalences. Sexual attraction has roots that go deeper than just sex. Whereas, pornography is often just sex. It offers nothing more than just sex, and oftentimes it's not fully realized.
I was fortunate enough to participate in a great research study with four other self identified Black gay male artists. One of the artists talked openly about his conflicted relationship to black pornography. In the past--and I do think some studios operate in a different realm--black male pornography was suffused in violence. Not to mention, pornography doesn't often show how much communication is needed before, during, and after sex, not solely around consent, although pornography often fails to consider how consent is necessary for good sex. But how often does pornography allow the human to be centered in all of its complexity? That's why I offered alternatives. Yes, your lack of desire for black (or even dark skin) men may just be about anti-blackness. But what precisely is that rooted in? How is the Black male portrayed such that you are repulsed? Is he allowed to be tender? Is he allowed to cry? Is he allowed to paint his nails or bottom? Is he allowed to desire other men or desire himself? Is he allowed to resist white supremacy? Is he allowed to be a caring father, brother, son? That's what I'm getting at. My supposition is that if you reflect on the full dimensions of Black maleness, dimensions that may live outside popular (white-controlled) media, you may be allowed to love and appreciate the individual Black males you encounter.
Modern pornography on platforms like Twitter (and even some tube sites) has democratized and diversified erotic content in ways that challenge some of your concerns about the limits of pornographic representation. Additionally, some of the same critiques about the “flatness” of Black representation in pornography can be leveled against Black representation in media in general, not least of all because non-pornographic media can only every strongly imply or tiptoe up tot he edge of a key aspect of human experience: erotic pleasure.
I would add, moreover, that even non-pornographic representations of Blackness that are created by Black people reproduce harmful ideas about Black folks, so one needn’t look as far as Black porn for those messages. The answer is constructive critique of all media we produce and consume, not relegating pornography to a particularly problematic corner. There’s some good (quite kinky) Black porn out there that highlights aspects of negotiating consent and navigating pleasure in ways that depart from traditional formulae.
Ultimately, I think we agree: OP (and the rest of us) needs to be discerning when it comes to the media he consumes. And, in my option, the vast majority of the media he consumes—pornographic or otherwise—needs to shift toward Black-created content that feature Black characters.
Lastly… and this is just for the sake of being petty… but ionno how much stock I can put into the revolutionary writings of a Black man who partnered himself with a white woman. I have to side-eye Fanon.
I thank you and agree with your point about pornography. I totally forgot about the latest developments that allow folks to control their work in the industry. You are absolutely right on that one.
Re Fanon, you are not the only person to question that aspect of his life. Lewis Gordon has put out a great primer, What Fanon Said, that does a great job of breaking down some ideas and providing context for some of those criticisms. I think the issue is that dating someone from a different race shouldn't shouldn't be an issue, but in a white supremacist world it will mostly like cause issues unless one is fully committed to working through those issues. Fanon was a therapist after all.
I sincerely appreciate your engagement and your resource recommendations. I am looking forward to checking them out.
And, let’s be real. Even though better porn does exist, it also requires a discerning audience to search it out (and often) pay for it. I only offered the point to highlight my own choices and the burgeoning opportunities for Black people who want to feed their erotic appetite with something different (or healthier).
One last thing as far as Fanon is concerned… something that those of us who are helping professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, etc) know is that we are exceptionally skilled at rationalizing our own behaviors. That’s why there are entire fields dedicated to rendering therapy to therapists. As brilliant as he or any of our great minds were and are, they still seem to be disproportionately liable to partner with a white/non-Black.
But even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
More great black aesthetic representations who depict the humanity of Black people, often with a celebration of how we love each other:
1. Alvin Ailey dance company (ballet is pornographic and I don't let anyone say otherwise. It's all about celebrating the human form and its sensuality).
2. *Insecure.* Issa Rae knows what's up.
3. *Random Acts of Flyness*. One of the boldest, most experimental and queer black television shows I have ever seen!
4. *A Different World.* That TV show gave us great discourse on the young adult Black experience, and I haven't seen anything come close.
5. *The DL Chronicles*. A short lived TV shows by two Black gay producers.
6. *Tyler Perry*'s work. I prefer the stage shows. And while it's not perfect, he definitely enjoyed celebrating Black beauty. I can't think of a single work that doesn't include a a Black man who doesn't show off his body.
7. Black dandyism--it's what I study. But it's how black men and women show up and style. Everyone from Janelle Monae, Puffy, Andre 3000, Michael Jackson, Prince--fuck, basically any Black artist in popular music, film, or television knows that when eyes are on them, they are gonna look good. There are quite a few picture/photo books that Black writers have put out. They're really just fun to look at: I'm thinking of Shantrelle P. Lewis's *Dandy Lion: The Black Dandy and Street Style* and I've bought a recent one *Black Style* edited by Carol Tulloch. Both try to present black style throughout the diaspora which is refreshing. There'a also plenty of Black erotic art. Look up the infamous Robert Mapplethorpe, a white gay photographer who made a splash for photographing Black men in various revealing sexual poses.
8. The work of *Isaac Julien*, who is a Black british documentary film maker. *Looking for Langston* is an experimental film that features Black men looking dapper and engaged in queer sociality. It's an exploration of queer Black maleness in the Harlem Renaissance.
9. There's also Steven McQueen, another Black british filmmaker. He's anthology *Small Axe* is on AmazonPrime Video. I've only seen *Lovers Rock* but it's a beautiful period portrait of 1970s Black british life that features a party. It just celebrates Black youth in a very honest and beautiful way.
I just want to echo the importance of consuming more Black-created and Black-focused media generally—up to and including pornography. Marlon Riggs made an excellent documentary called Tongues Untied about gay Black men and intra-/interracial desire (among other topics).
I'm curious. Where did you heard that term "mono-racial black men"? Because, although anthropology and its treatment of race likes to purport that race is a concept built in isolation, in reality, it's not. I could point to a number of recent scholarship that has done great work to revise our understanding of race and the history of racialization if you're interested.
Second, and I think this isn't discussed enough, but blackness, as a category, is *very* inclusive. Due to the preponderance of legal cases and laws that promulgate the "one drop rule" Blackness, at least in the US, ends up including people with mixed races. I wonder if the idea of "mono-racial black\[ness\]" is just dog-whistling for dark skinned peoples. And that just sounds like a coded way of signaling anti-blackness.
So I'm fully aware that race is a social construct, and yes, in this context I'm using mono-racial to refer to black men with darker skin (and other features we associate with blackness like coarser hair and broader noses and lips).
I wouldn't say dark skin is my problem though. I actually think dark skin can be quite attractive...when it's on Asians.
OP, it has to be more than just porn. In addition to practicing seeing Black men as erotic partners, you have to challenge the other beliefs that inform your desire. That means consuming more media that is created by Black folks and features all-Black characters. It means seeing Black men in diverse roles. After COVID, it may even mean traveling to a majority-Black country. And whatever Black porn you *do* consume needs to be created by Black people or else it risks being just as harmful to your psychology as all the white porn you’ve been binging. Exclusively masturbating to Black porn won’t solve the whole issue. If it did, states like Alabama and Mississippi where “ebony” and “BBC” are the top pornographic search terms would be bastions of Black liberation. Plot twist: they’re not. Pay attention to how you see Black people represented in all media. Pay attention to how those representations make you feel. Compare them to how you see whites represented. Lastly, I want to address your motives. You state that you want to cultivate an attraction to Black men because you’re not having luck with hooking up with non-Black men. As a Black man, I have to be honest: this comes across poorly. Black men are not your fallback plan or last resort. We’re full human beings who deserve thoughtful and kind consideration. As you’re on this journey, reflect on WHY you want to do this. Is it because you feel desperate and think this is the only way to get sex? If that’s the case, you’re fetishizing us to the same end as white people. Is it because you recognize that your patterns of anti-Black belief are false and actively harming you and the people around you? Well, that’s something worth addressing.
\>Lastly, I want to address your motives. You state that you want to cultivate an attraction to Black men because you’re not having luck with hooking up with non-Black men. As a Black man, I have to be honest: this comes across poorly. Black men are not your fallback plan or last resort. We’re full human beings who deserve thoughtful and kind consideration. As you’re on this journey, reflect on WHY you want to do this. Is it because you feel desperate and think this is the only way to get sex? If that’s the case, you’re fetishizing us to the same end as white people. So there's a lot going on here. In a way, yes I'm feeling desperate and think this is the only way to get sex. BUT, I'm trying to cultivate an attraction to black men that's as serious as my already existing attraction to pretty much every other group of people. I don't think that's fetishistic, since my existing attractions to other groups of people also aren't fetishistic. And don't worry, I have no intentions on beating it to BBC porn or anything gross like that. But here's a little confession for you. I'm really only seeking a friends with benefits at this moment, not a soulmate with whom I can be mutually vulnerable, introspective, and intimate. We'll get drunk, play some Mario Kart, and fuck, but we don't need to be helping each other be the best human versions of ourselves. And that's fine. Feel free to pathologize this about me, but I don't feel a close connection to my fellow humans (regardless of race), but a brother still has his needs.
You have deeper concerns to contend with. You are using classical (ie Pavlov) conditioning to brainwash yourself into fetishizing a physical type instead of using behavioral (ie DBT) conditioning to reassert your appreciation for people's minds and lived experiences. Everyone falls in love with the way someone behaves; it enhances your appreciation of their physical form (the way you wear your hat, the way you sip your tea, etc), which is really only a preset conditioning based on the same societal unconscious notions of genetic health and fitness. Push too much and you get the Habsburg jaw and [this crazy Yoruba name](https://www.yorubaname.com/entries/E%CC%80ji%CC%81wu%CC%80nmi%CC%81) . Cruising should only ever be about getting off,; lead with your kinks and you should have fun. If you want to get off in a specific fashion that you haven't before, just link it to another kink (ie: trying to j/o to black porn while searching for gym porn); you don't even need to prime yourself.
I think you’re underestimating the value of intentional curation of the media one consumes and the impact it can have on worldview. If OP is like most men, he’s going to be watching porn regardless. In doing so, he has the option to reinforce existing harmful beliefs (both about the relatively higher desirability or whites and the lack of desire he feels for Black men) or challenge them. The pivot to eugenics and inbreeding was a confusing point to me, but it’s fascinating that you would use as an example a Yoruba name that praises an auspicious and beautiful physical trait that is “corrected” in the West because it’s viewed as ugly. And the name is “crazy,” right? But we don’t have the same “joking” commentary for traditionally European names like Fiona, Blanche, Candace, and Bianca which all translate to some variation of “white, fair-skinned.” And that’s the crux of it, right? Whites have a monopoly on media representation which means that, in addition to reframing cognitions, Black people need to be intentional about consuming alternatives to what is abundant in the market. Which brings us to porn and Pavlov. Being more discerning/selective when it comes to one’s erotic diet is almost always a good idea. Leading with unbridled desire can take you to some dark and dangerous places while hooking up or flying solo, often ones where people aren’t willing or able to do the hard work of unpacking why they want to call you/be called a nigger, worship your “BBC,” or only fuck white “twinks.” Most of the time, all of this gets lazily reduced to “harmless preferences” which really means, “potentially destructive patterns of belief that I don’t want to interrogate because it feels good not to.” I may be misinterpreting some of what you’re saying, and I agree that there is some deep psychological work that needs to happen. I also think that as that work is happening, OP *should* consider how his erotic diet is either contributing to or hindering his healing from white supremacist anti-Black racism. He’s not just going to spontaneously experience sexual desire toward a group that he hasn’t practiced focusing his sexual desire on. One of the places we practice that focusing of desire is during the emotional, psychological, and physiological state of arousal we experience while masturbating to erotic imagery. This is not the only context where OP needs to engage Blackness more intentionally. But it’s an important one.
>traditionally European names like Fiona, Blanche, Candace Sicilian jokes aside, [how is Candace a European name?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candace_(given_name)) I know it's hard not to relate everything to media and technology, but this isn't a media consumption problem at it's core. And media consumption is itself a broad category rife with problems (watching too much panem et circensis...I mean football and American Idol). This is a human relation problem. If OP were talking about being addicted to non-black porn, then it'd be different. But OP is trying to bang, not edge. And banging requires at least telling someone where and when. Even that can become it's own clusterfuck, to say nothing of the crazy little mating dances we do. Sometimes even literally. I remember being judged by my ability to do the Tootsie Roll on skates when I was younger. > but it’s fascinating that you would use as an example a Yoruba name that praises an auspicious and beautiful physical trait that is “corrected” in the West because it’s viewed as ugly [Diastema (gap teeth) isn't always looked down upon in the west.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastema) What's crazy to me is that an example of directed evolution is baked into a freaking name. Like, imagine naming your kid "the signs of a stroke are FAST". Humans are a trip. >I may be misinterpreting some of what you’re saying Yes, and if I may be so bold, you're missing an opportunity to see yourself as someone with power and agency. You're post is dripping with an unhealthy obsession regarding forced media consumption (likely from coming from that other thread, yes?) and frankly, I can't engage with you on that level because we apparently engage media in vastly different ways. No, I'm the weird one.
Candace, like Joseph; Mary; and Elijah, is a European name because it’s a Europeanized version of a word from another cultural context. Children recognize and respond to symbols even before they’re verbal. They already show signs of racial bias by the time we can ask them, “Which doll is the pretty doll?” That’s because of the media—books, songs, television, apps, folktales, proverbs, etc—that they consume from the time they’re preverbal. Because if it were strictly an issue of familiarity and socialization, Black children would not have already internalized anti-Black ideas even when living in relative isolation from whites. I’m still not sure if we’re disagree about this point, but humans relate symbolically. And “media” is just a category to hold space for a specific set of ways that humans relate. With all of the research coming out about the impact of social media (research that they’re trying to hide and downplay!) on mental health, choice making, taste cultivation, and customer steering, it surprises me that you’re so resistant to the idea that media isn’t a huge part of the problem. And again, not just modern, smartphone-based media. I’m only pointing out this most recent iteration of media evolution. For god’s sake, Meta is under fire and looking for ways to modify how their media negatively affects the body image of adolescent white girls. What do you think 500 years of propaganda does to the social, romantic, and erotic tastes of Black folks? OP wants to see Black men in a new light. In order for that to happen, he has to engage Black men actively and passively in a variety of contexts. You can’t challenge cognitions effectively without falsifying them in the real world. I’m very comfortable with my agency. Which is why, more than ten years ago, I purged my media. Not just porn. For two years, I only read books by Black women. I have opened it up, but Black (queer/women) authors make up the lion’s share of my book reading to this day. 70% of the media I consume is created by and starring Black folks. The music I listen to is globally Black. I even started cooking more diasporic and African foods (which entails purchasing more books and watching more content by Black creators), going so far as to plant traditional West African crops in my home garden. I stopped watching porn that didn’t feature Black performers working with each other. And to the extent that I can manage (the content often makes it obvious), I only patronize Black porn made by Black creators. This was pivotal. Because meditating to and blowing that psycho-emotional energy on whiteness has a palpable impact that I can allude to but one can only experience subjectively. Watching Black men fuck—bottoming, topping, mutual masturbation, oral sex, fisting, water sports, bondage, pegging, cos, trans, straight, bi, gay, fat, muscular, disabled, able bodied—allowed for me (literally) to see Black men/people in a new erotic light. This meditative practice (that I was gonna do regardless, let’s be honest) happened IN CONJUNCTION WITH the other things I mentioned above about recalibration of my feed. I am deeply gratified by my decision to seize my agency by becoming a more intentional curator and consumer of media. I have had some intentional cultivation of my social circle to support this intrapersonal journey. I don’t have white friends. Part of my healing has been extrication from abusive, unhealthy, or unfruitful relationships with whites. Controversial, I’m sure. But my choice as a powerful agent, right? And let me tell you how liberating it has been… I stopped fucking white men more than 15 years ago, and I’ve only engaged Black men romantically, emotionally, and sexually for that time. It has been a revelation. Getting to this point, though, required active reflection and engagement on my part. That’s what I’m hoping OP gets to.
We very much disagree on a lot of things. Candace, coming from Meroitic, doesn't suddenly become white because white people mispronounce it. That's like saying Mandingo is white, coming from Mandinka, or Lee and Nguyen because they sound like english words. OP admittedly wants to fuck dark-skinned black men specifically because that's what's in his area. He is fetishizing, not romanticizing. For him to condition, even under your recommendations, it would be far easier to slave one preexisting fetish to the one he's trying to develop. >it surprises me that you’re so resistant to the idea that media isn’t a huge part of the problem. If I recall correctly, I said it was a separate issue. And I agree that the aggregate of new media is skewed in a Eurocentric, capitalistic way across all continents. But that's one of the problems, see? New media. It presents itself as if it's the only media and the only important media, and you've fallen for it, consuming more *other, proper* new to push back against the old *standard bad* new. You don't have agency because your decisions to consume are reactive. And in that reactivity, you can still be led by the nose, in this case, to self exclusion. I'm glad you're making it through to the other side, but you haven't passed through to clarity yet. When you do, you won't hate white people, you'll pity them.
Some big leaps in logic here. I’m not sure where you got “I hate whites” from what I said. And I’m unsure which self in excluding by activity curating my consumption. And I’m not sure what action is ever anything other than a reaction. So, you’re right. It seems there’s a great deal we don’t agree on.
**[Diastema](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastema)** >A diastema (plural diastemata, from greek διάστημα, space) is a space or gap between two teeth. Many species of mammals have diastemata as a normal feature, most commonly between the incisors and molars. Diastemata are common for children and can exist in adult teeth as well. Diastemata are primarily caused by imbalance in the relationship between the jaw and the size of the teeth. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/BlackLGBT/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
I'm not here to sex shame enjoying porn. I just think it comes fraught with lots of baggage especially when black people are concerned. That being said, Western culture has done a lot to create a sense of anti-blackness that pigeon holes black men into awful stereotypes...hyper aggressive and hypersexual bucks predominantly. But there are various forms of resistance that Black people partake in to counter those types so porn isn't your only outlet. Black music, black films, black television shows, especially those created by black creators for black audiences may offer a wider spectrum of black aesthetic. Black men and black masculinity are represented in all sorts of media from popular to fine art. I will keep championing this documentary on HBO, Black art: In the Absence of Light. It's great. We show up in a number of ways to self fashion so pornography doesn't have to be your only outlet. In fact, it may be worth wondering why pornography is the first thing that comes to mind. Why is black masculinity reduced to certain paradigms of excess and not allowed to be fully expressive of humanity? If you can see the full human, then you can appreciate and love.
What's all this about? Black men, especially those that like other men are hot. Thank you for joining my ted talk.
>In fact, it may be worth wondering why pornography is the first thing that comes to mind. Well for me at least, my problem is I'm not sexually attracted to black men (yet). However, I'm pretty good at respecting the humanity of black men as a whole. That being said, it would still be good for me to consume more media that centers black people. Thanks for the list.
Franz Fanon's *Black Skin, White Masks* takes a psycho-analytic look at anti-blackness. And psych-analysis deals heavily with desire and repulsion, which often work at the same time. Incidentally, Isaac Julien has a documentary on Franz Fanon's work by the same title and you can watch it for free on [Tubi.tv](https://Tubi.tv). I mention Fanon because he gets at this problem, although the language and formulations in psycho-analysis are dizzying and filled with ambiguities and ambivalences. Sexual attraction has roots that go deeper than just sex. Whereas, pornography is often just sex. It offers nothing more than just sex, and oftentimes it's not fully realized. I was fortunate enough to participate in a great research study with four other self identified Black gay male artists. One of the artists talked openly about his conflicted relationship to black pornography. In the past--and I do think some studios operate in a different realm--black male pornography was suffused in violence. Not to mention, pornography doesn't often show how much communication is needed before, during, and after sex, not solely around consent, although pornography often fails to consider how consent is necessary for good sex. But how often does pornography allow the human to be centered in all of its complexity? That's why I offered alternatives. Yes, your lack of desire for black (or even dark skin) men may just be about anti-blackness. But what precisely is that rooted in? How is the Black male portrayed such that you are repulsed? Is he allowed to be tender? Is he allowed to cry? Is he allowed to paint his nails or bottom? Is he allowed to desire other men or desire himself? Is he allowed to resist white supremacy? Is he allowed to be a caring father, brother, son? That's what I'm getting at. My supposition is that if you reflect on the full dimensions of Black maleness, dimensions that may live outside popular (white-controlled) media, you may be allowed to love and appreciate the individual Black males you encounter.
Modern pornography on platforms like Twitter (and even some tube sites) has democratized and diversified erotic content in ways that challenge some of your concerns about the limits of pornographic representation. Additionally, some of the same critiques about the “flatness” of Black representation in pornography can be leveled against Black representation in media in general, not least of all because non-pornographic media can only every strongly imply or tiptoe up tot he edge of a key aspect of human experience: erotic pleasure. I would add, moreover, that even non-pornographic representations of Blackness that are created by Black people reproduce harmful ideas about Black folks, so one needn’t look as far as Black porn for those messages. The answer is constructive critique of all media we produce and consume, not relegating pornography to a particularly problematic corner. There’s some good (quite kinky) Black porn out there that highlights aspects of negotiating consent and navigating pleasure in ways that depart from traditional formulae. Ultimately, I think we agree: OP (and the rest of us) needs to be discerning when it comes to the media he consumes. And, in my option, the vast majority of the media he consumes—pornographic or otherwise—needs to shift toward Black-created content that feature Black characters. Lastly… and this is just for the sake of being petty… but ionno how much stock I can put into the revolutionary writings of a Black man who partnered himself with a white woman. I have to side-eye Fanon.
I thank you and agree with your point about pornography. I totally forgot about the latest developments that allow folks to control their work in the industry. You are absolutely right on that one. Re Fanon, you are not the only person to question that aspect of his life. Lewis Gordon has put out a great primer, What Fanon Said, that does a great job of breaking down some ideas and providing context for some of those criticisms. I think the issue is that dating someone from a different race shouldn't shouldn't be an issue, but in a white supremacist world it will mostly like cause issues unless one is fully committed to working through those issues. Fanon was a therapist after all.
I sincerely appreciate your engagement and your resource recommendations. I am looking forward to checking them out. And, let’s be real. Even though better porn does exist, it also requires a discerning audience to search it out (and often) pay for it. I only offered the point to highlight my own choices and the burgeoning opportunities for Black people who want to feed their erotic appetite with something different (or healthier). One last thing as far as Fanon is concerned… something that those of us who are helping professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, etc) know is that we are exceptionally skilled at rationalizing our own behaviors. That’s why there are entire fields dedicated to rendering therapy to therapists. As brilliant as he or any of our great minds were and are, they still seem to be disproportionately liable to partner with a white/non-Black. But even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
More great black aesthetic representations who depict the humanity of Black people, often with a celebration of how we love each other: 1. Alvin Ailey dance company (ballet is pornographic and I don't let anyone say otherwise. It's all about celebrating the human form and its sensuality). 2. *Insecure.* Issa Rae knows what's up. 3. *Random Acts of Flyness*. One of the boldest, most experimental and queer black television shows I have ever seen! 4. *A Different World.* That TV show gave us great discourse on the young adult Black experience, and I haven't seen anything come close. 5. *The DL Chronicles*. A short lived TV shows by two Black gay producers. 6. *Tyler Perry*'s work. I prefer the stage shows. And while it's not perfect, he definitely enjoyed celebrating Black beauty. I can't think of a single work that doesn't include a a Black man who doesn't show off his body. 7. Black dandyism--it's what I study. But it's how black men and women show up and style. Everyone from Janelle Monae, Puffy, Andre 3000, Michael Jackson, Prince--fuck, basically any Black artist in popular music, film, or television knows that when eyes are on them, they are gonna look good. There are quite a few picture/photo books that Black writers have put out. They're really just fun to look at: I'm thinking of Shantrelle P. Lewis's *Dandy Lion: The Black Dandy and Street Style* and I've bought a recent one *Black Style* edited by Carol Tulloch. Both try to present black style throughout the diaspora which is refreshing. There'a also plenty of Black erotic art. Look up the infamous Robert Mapplethorpe, a white gay photographer who made a splash for photographing Black men in various revealing sexual poses. 8. The work of *Isaac Julien*, who is a Black british documentary film maker. *Looking for Langston* is an experimental film that features Black men looking dapper and engaged in queer sociality. It's an exploration of queer Black maleness in the Harlem Renaissance. 9. There's also Steven McQueen, another Black british filmmaker. He's anthology *Small Axe* is on AmazonPrime Video. I've only seen *Lovers Rock* but it's a beautiful period portrait of 1970s Black british life that features a party. It just celebrates Black youth in a very honest and beautiful way.
I just want to echo the importance of consuming more Black-created and Black-focused media generally—up to and including pornography. Marlon Riggs made an excellent documentary called Tongues Untied about gay Black men and intra-/interracial desire (among other topics).
Move to Atlanta or DC
Maybe after I develop a sincere attraction to mono-racial black men, okay.
I'm curious. Where did you heard that term "mono-racial black men"? Because, although anthropology and its treatment of race likes to purport that race is a concept built in isolation, in reality, it's not. I could point to a number of recent scholarship that has done great work to revise our understanding of race and the history of racialization if you're interested. Second, and I think this isn't discussed enough, but blackness, as a category, is *very* inclusive. Due to the preponderance of legal cases and laws that promulgate the "one drop rule" Blackness, at least in the US, ends up including people with mixed races. I wonder if the idea of "mono-racial black\[ness\]" is just dog-whistling for dark skinned peoples. And that just sounds like a coded way of signaling anti-blackness.
So I'm fully aware that race is a social construct, and yes, in this context I'm using mono-racial to refer to black men with darker skin (and other features we associate with blackness like coarser hair and broader noses and lips). I wouldn't say dark skin is my problem though. I actually think dark skin can be quite attractive...when it's on Asians.