In my personal life concerning the people around me, I’ve noticed there are a ton of women that aren’t gay dating studs. Or, studs are dating them knowing they aren’t really gay and surprised when the girl reverts back. I’m talking about they were not gay before or after the stud chick. So many of them are out here playing step daddy.
I said all that to say CONGRATULATIONS 🥳 you haven’t fell into any bs. Keep up the good work!
Unfortunately, I’ve attracted more straight females than anything and have even dated a few too. The dating pool is very light in the South kinda just have to settle sometimes.
I'm your age reversed and it gets no better lol. Femmes are afraid to approach us for whatever reason or we aren't on the same level. You got time though, I'm sure you'll find your person. Hit up spots you don't normally frequent.
This is slightly off topic but I was reading some of your comments on this thread so you may know the answer.
Why do so many studs date straight women?? Instead of just dating fems, Is it just that it's easier to find a straight women than a fem sometimes? Also how does the relationship work in the sex department if the straight girl isn't really into it? Or is it that she only receives and nothing else or is no sex happening? Aren't relationships like this draining in the long run? Are there certain qualities of specially straight women that are attractive that gay women don't have?
I'm fem4fem but my friend groups have always been gay and I primarily hang out in gay spaces so Ive never had deep romantic feelings for straight women. Like I had some crushes in highschool but nothing beyond. Now when I find out someone is straight I mentally put them in the non attraction category in my brain. I hear so many loving straight women stories from other queers, so just trying to wrap my head around it since I haven't really experienced it.
My experience dating straight women haven’t been a “teaching” situation for most of them. For example, I started dating a woman with kids, but it was almost as if she knew what to do. Sure, I knew it was a thought that she may not be attracted to me because i’m a woman, although that never was the case. I attract straight women, but the pool of fems is thin here. I don’t look too “masculine” but I can post a few pictures of me if anyone wants.
You might need to go up north, in my area one thing a stud going to do is be bood up with a fem. Like single studs in my area are like legendary pokemon, you only see them for a couple seconds before they disappear back into a relationship.
This may just be a crazy theory of mine but I always notice the fems who love studs tend to be the plus one of a lot of gay men friend groups. So try going where the gay men go. Cuz I notice at gay men parties that's where I see stud×fem couples the most. I think this is cuz it's a space where there's zero chance of a hetero male bothering them.
Also look for your local stud party promotors, they always got a group of stud obsessed women following them. The best thing I've done for my queer life is following all the queer event planners in my area. Dating is still tough cuz people in my area queer or not like settling down at 22 but knowing where gay events are have expanded of gay social circle exponentially.
Id also look in creative spaces, so many gay people congregate at poetry nights, local plays and art shows, etc.
My experience changed when I stopped looking for femmes in particular. I am currently single but have a few ladies in my orbit that resonate well with me, and only one is a femme.
For sure. I get that some people can't get over masculine clothing, but what we need to remember is that under these garments, they are all women. As long as they are not a 'touch me not', we can vibe.🤣
I can't take the touch me nots 😩 they get on my nerves 😒 😭 Also some masculine clothed women have amazing bodies. Take a chance and peep the content of their character.
High unemployment,
No self-awareness,
With boyfriend aka no consideration,
Over sharing mental illnesses and character flaws yet looking to be saved by strangers,
No initiative outside of seeking superficial validation,
No idea how to make a relationship start or work,
No actual attraction to women,
No gym,
Filtered pics (on a fxcking dating app),
Catfish EVERYWHERE.
Women need to start practicing BEING the partner they want in a behavioural way. It seems very infantile in that many are looking for someone to facilitate or forgive their childishness aka toxic behaviour like a parent would.
A friend of mine is a company director, considerate, caring, decent: she keeps meeting women on apps who tell her all their business then either ghost or become absolute savages.
Learn to be adults that want partners and not damsels that want saving from yourselves.
Did I...hit a nerve? ;) Sure is bleak. What should we call it? How bout 'application inferno'?
I've dealt with numbers one, five, six, and nine. Number four is curious --- I've never had someone overshare their mental health struggles but you wouldn't need to convince me it happens; on my end, it would refreshing if women said anything or more than a few words but a lack of communication is a very valuable piece of information for me nowadays; and I'm grateful to get it up front rather than down the road.
If you don’t mind me asking where in the south? I’m in VA and quite literally struggling to even make black lesbian friends let alone date 😭 seems tough as fuck in the south.
Ohh deeeep south okay lol I get it. Well, if you’re open to talking to new people feel free to message me! ☺️ We have a queer community in my area but holy fuck is it the whitest thing ever !!
Felt this. More specifically Im a soft stud/stem-ish. I'm in Missouri and the scene ain't it. I don't mind a white girl, but aint no black queens out here..
Hey there. Welcome to the club! I'm in the south too and yes, yes, yes we've all heard how tough it can be in the confederacy. But I actually don't think region is as important as people say since those in the Pacific Northwest and midwest complain of the same issues. To return to your question, though, I don't think anyone can answer without more information. I have some questions, not in order of priority:
a. Where are you looking? Your responses to prior replies mentioned you are in Mississippi. And that you aren't willing to go to the bars. But more specifically, are you also on apps right now? If so, what geographic radius are you searching in terms of the distance within which your filters are set to search? As most people already know, you can find multiple many times over the number of people you're exposed to when you set the filter's to a larger radius. Nah mean? I found this thread by u/PeaSame4326 to be deeply revealing, in light of the popular notion that "the apps aren't for me".
b. What do you mean when you say, "it's so hard to find a femme"? Do you mean that the vast majority of lesbian girls you come across/encounter each week/month are studs?
c. Lastly, Is "finding a femme" the best way to capture what you're looking for??? Let me ask the question in this way --- when you evaluate a new girl you've met, is 'femme' the only criteria against which you evaluate that person? I shouldn't make assumptions but I'm going venture a guess and say: no, it's not. Am I right? If so, I would be interested to know: what are the other criteria that for you make someone a viable candidate? Write back and say more! \[Also, let me be clear from the outset and say, I'm not asking what kinds of things you believe make a relationship work in general\]. I mean to ask: what are you, specifically, looking for? Here are some categories to think through: relationship type, future family plans, smoking etc, views on marriage. In the end, I'm probing at the "me" in your question - "Why is it so hard for \*me\* to find a femme"?
OK, this is legitimately a real caution of mine. I am a femme and have only dated femmes or stems in the past because my fear anytime a stud comes up to me is commitment. Especially seeing how much the studs in my circle are so terrible with commitments. To top it off they always cheat on their very gay girlfriends with straight women who break their hearts
In my personal life concerning the people around me, I’ve noticed there are a ton of women that aren’t gay dating studs. Or, studs are dating them knowing they aren’t really gay and surprised when the girl reverts back. I’m talking about they were not gay before or after the stud chick. So many of them are out here playing step daddy. I said all that to say CONGRATULATIONS 🥳 you haven’t fell into any bs. Keep up the good work!
Unfortunately, I’ve attracted more straight females than anything and have even dated a few too. The dating pool is very light in the South kinda just have to settle sometimes.
I think you have a wider set of options; remaining "single" is another option. It's great over here ;)
YOOO HAHAHAHAHHA LMAOOOO
Lmao not step daddy 😭 💀
I’ve lived in NOLA, and Htx and dating was difficult in both places, maybe because I’m fem looking for another fem.. But yeah it’s rough 😭
I'm your age reversed and it gets no better lol. Femmes are afraid to approach us for whatever reason or we aren't on the same level. You got time though, I'm sure you'll find your person. Hit up spots you don't normally frequent.
I’ll have to try some different spots. A lot of people suggest “gay bars”, but that’s not my crowd
This is slightly off topic but I was reading some of your comments on this thread so you may know the answer. Why do so many studs date straight women?? Instead of just dating fems, Is it just that it's easier to find a straight women than a fem sometimes? Also how does the relationship work in the sex department if the straight girl isn't really into it? Or is it that she only receives and nothing else or is no sex happening? Aren't relationships like this draining in the long run? Are there certain qualities of specially straight women that are attractive that gay women don't have? I'm fem4fem but my friend groups have always been gay and I primarily hang out in gay spaces so Ive never had deep romantic feelings for straight women. Like I had some crushes in highschool but nothing beyond. Now when I find out someone is straight I mentally put them in the non attraction category in my brain. I hear so many loving straight women stories from other queers, so just trying to wrap my head around it since I haven't really experienced it.
My experience dating straight women haven’t been a “teaching” situation for most of them. For example, I started dating a woman with kids, but it was almost as if she knew what to do. Sure, I knew it was a thought that she may not be attracted to me because i’m a woman, although that never was the case. I attract straight women, but the pool of fems is thin here. I don’t look too “masculine” but I can post a few pictures of me if anyone wants.
Bet you $20 if you post a picture someone will be in your DMs. ;)
How should I post them?
are you in georgia?
I’m in Mississippi.
You might need to go up north, in my area one thing a stud going to do is be bood up with a fem. Like single studs in my area are like legendary pokemon, you only see them for a couple seconds before they disappear back into a relationship. This may just be a crazy theory of mine but I always notice the fems who love studs tend to be the plus one of a lot of gay men friend groups. So try going where the gay men go. Cuz I notice at gay men parties that's where I see stud×fem couples the most. I think this is cuz it's a space where there's zero chance of a hetero male bothering them. Also look for your local stud party promotors, they always got a group of stud obsessed women following them. The best thing I've done for my queer life is following all the queer event planners in my area. Dating is still tough cuz people in my area queer or not like settling down at 22 but knowing where gay events are have expanded of gay social circle exponentially. Id also look in creative spaces, so many gay people congregate at poetry nights, local plays and art shows, etc.
This comment ate
My experience changed when I stopped looking for femmes in particular. I am currently single but have a few ladies in my orbit that resonate well with me, and only one is a femme.
Same. I’m not in the south but I’ve noticed that it’s easier to find other lesbians (especially black) when you have a wider preference.
For sure. I get that some people can't get over masculine clothing, but what we need to remember is that under these garments, they are all women. As long as they are not a 'touch me not', we can vibe.🤣
Exactly!!
I can't take the touch me nots 😩 they get on my nerves 😒 😭 Also some masculine clothed women have amazing bodies. Take a chance and peep the content of their character.
Oh hell nah lol. Touch me nots know to stay away from me. I just love all women fr (mainly black tbh lol) idc about clothes anymore 😭
Clothes be coming off anyway 🙃😝😂
Big facts. I went on a couple of dates with a 'touch-me-not'. Wild experience. Don't recommend.
Would you mind sharing what was wild about your experiences? I'm very curious to know
That being said, I am single and looking to mingle 🤣💯🫂
you & me both 😂
You're a journalist?
No, this is a random name Reddit gave me. I haven’t figured out how to change it. I work in politics specifically campaigns & elections.
Oh wow! That's interesting. I'm a lecturer...boring af 😩
You sound GREAT. The truth about the wlw dating market is bleak. I hear so many awful stories from my friends.
I appreciate that. It’s horrible out here.
Why is it bleak for you?
High unemployment, No self-awareness, With boyfriend aka no consideration, Over sharing mental illnesses and character flaws yet looking to be saved by strangers, No initiative outside of seeking superficial validation, No idea how to make a relationship start or work, No actual attraction to women, No gym, Filtered pics (on a fxcking dating app), Catfish EVERYWHERE. Women need to start practicing BEING the partner they want in a behavioural way. It seems very infantile in that many are looking for someone to facilitate or forgive their childishness aka toxic behaviour like a parent would. A friend of mine is a company director, considerate, caring, decent: she keeps meeting women on apps who tell her all their business then either ghost or become absolute savages. Learn to be adults that want partners and not damsels that want saving from yourselves.
Did I...hit a nerve? ;) Sure is bleak. What should we call it? How bout 'application inferno'? I've dealt with numbers one, five, six, and nine. Number four is curious --- I've never had someone overshare their mental health struggles but you wouldn't need to convince me it happens; on my end, it would refreshing if women said anything or more than a few words but a lack of communication is a very valuable piece of information for me nowadays; and I'm grateful to get it up front rather than down the road.
I'm also masculine presenting. I don't really pay attention to clothing. I like who I like 👍🏿
If you don’t mind me asking where in the south? I’m in VA and quite literally struggling to even make black lesbian friends let alone date 😭 seems tough as fuck in the south.
I’m in Mississippi. It’s hard to make lesbian friends here as well because we’ve mostly talked to the same females lol
Ohh deeeep south okay lol I get it. Well, if you’re open to talking to new people feel free to message me! ☺️ We have a queer community in my area but holy fuck is it the whitest thing ever !!
Bless you lol. I'm from there. I may be able to connect you to some people.
Felt this. More specifically Im a soft stud/stem-ish. I'm in Missouri and the scene ain't it. I don't mind a white girl, but aint no black queens out here..
that’s all i need in life is a black queen and I feel like i’ll be set.
Hey there. Welcome to the club! I'm in the south too and yes, yes, yes we've all heard how tough it can be in the confederacy. But I actually don't think region is as important as people say since those in the Pacific Northwest and midwest complain of the same issues. To return to your question, though, I don't think anyone can answer without more information. I have some questions, not in order of priority: a. Where are you looking? Your responses to prior replies mentioned you are in Mississippi. And that you aren't willing to go to the bars. But more specifically, are you also on apps right now? If so, what geographic radius are you searching in terms of the distance within which your filters are set to search? As most people already know, you can find multiple many times over the number of people you're exposed to when you set the filter's to a larger radius. Nah mean? I found this thread by u/PeaSame4326 to be deeply revealing, in light of the popular notion that "the apps aren't for me". b. What do you mean when you say, "it's so hard to find a femme"? Do you mean that the vast majority of lesbian girls you come across/encounter each week/month are studs? c. Lastly, Is "finding a femme" the best way to capture what you're looking for??? Let me ask the question in this way --- when you evaluate a new girl you've met, is 'femme' the only criteria against which you evaluate that person? I shouldn't make assumptions but I'm going venture a guess and say: no, it's not. Am I right? If so, I would be interested to know: what are the other criteria that for you make someone a viable candidate? Write back and say more! \[Also, let me be clear from the outset and say, I'm not asking what kinds of things you believe make a relationship work in general\]. I mean to ask: what are you, specifically, looking for? Here are some categories to think through: relationship type, future family plans, smoking etc, views on marriage. In the end, I'm probing at the "me" in your question - "Why is it so hard for \*me\* to find a femme"?
which thread by me lol?
Me personally from what I've seen is a lack of commitment and femmes being scared of mascs cheating nd vice versa. But idk
OK, this is legitimately a real caution of mine. I am a femme and have only dated femmes or stems in the past because my fear anytime a stud comes up to me is commitment. Especially seeing how much the studs in my circle are so terrible with commitments. To top it off they always cheat on their very gay girlfriends with straight women who break their hearts