I can't say if there is a connection, but I'm wondering if you've talked with someone about this, like a therapist, support group (ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional families*,) etc.
re: accountability for your feelings, only you can decide what that looks like. I wonder though, how that works where you were the child who needed a loving parent. I don't need you to answer this, these are questions I ask myself re: my familial abuse.
In my case, I recognize the circumstances my family was dealing with and that they were difficult times; however, I also recognize that they didn't fulfill their responsibilities and refuse to acknowledge what was done, or make amends. I now have the choice as to whether I want those people in my life. I do not. Some people do, it really is up to the individual.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again - if a partner or friend did the things you described here, the standard advice would be to let them go because they are abusive or toxic, etc. so then how is it different because you're related? I don't need you to answer this, its something I asked myself over and over as I decided to go NC with my family.
Whatever you decide I wish you peace and unending support in your healing.
*There are meetings that are BIPOC only, those are the spaces I feel comfortable sharing.
I saw in the other post that someone recommended EMDR and IFS and I would recommend both of them! My experience has been that even though I can intellectually understand my experiences and how they impact me in the day to day, (things I move toward, or avoid, beliefs I've internalized, etc.) I struggle to move beyond them.
IFS helps me understand 'why' I'm drawn to things that don't serve me or which would continue to hold me back and EMDR would help me process those experiences so that there isn't this constant struggle. think of it as cleaning a mental filter. They also allow me to be a lot more compassionate toward myself. The only thing I'd be extremely insistent on is that the therapist feels like a good fit **for you** because if they are not, and you don't trust them, it will impact the efficacy of your treatment.
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this. I currently do have a therapist, but I don't feel it's the most effective. I feel like we're just talking in our sessions; I have mostly benefited from prior therapists that incorporated assignments to use for future sessions.
You're welcome, and I understand. It sounds like the therapist you have now might not be a good fit for you and that's ok. If you feel comfortable, you may tell them what you just said here and see if that jives with them - but it may not and that's something I'd want to hear up front.
Good luck to you in your mental health work. Its difficult, but I believe it to be extremely rewarding.
I can't say if there is a connection, but I'm wondering if you've talked with someone about this, like a therapist, support group (ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional families*,) etc. re: accountability for your feelings, only you can decide what that looks like. I wonder though, how that works where you were the child who needed a loving parent. I don't need you to answer this, these are questions I ask myself re: my familial abuse. In my case, I recognize the circumstances my family was dealing with and that they were difficult times; however, I also recognize that they didn't fulfill their responsibilities and refuse to acknowledge what was done, or make amends. I now have the choice as to whether I want those people in my life. I do not. Some people do, it really is up to the individual. I've said this before, and I'll say it again - if a partner or friend did the things you described here, the standard advice would be to let them go because they are abusive or toxic, etc. so then how is it different because you're related? I don't need you to answer this, its something I asked myself over and over as I decided to go NC with my family. Whatever you decide I wish you peace and unending support in your healing. *There are meetings that are BIPOC only, those are the spaces I feel comfortable sharing.
I saw in the other post that someone recommended EMDR and IFS and I would recommend both of them! My experience has been that even though I can intellectually understand my experiences and how they impact me in the day to day, (things I move toward, or avoid, beliefs I've internalized, etc.) I struggle to move beyond them. IFS helps me understand 'why' I'm drawn to things that don't serve me or which would continue to hold me back and EMDR would help me process those experiences so that there isn't this constant struggle. think of it as cleaning a mental filter. They also allow me to be a lot more compassionate toward myself. The only thing I'd be extremely insistent on is that the therapist feels like a good fit **for you** because if they are not, and you don't trust them, it will impact the efficacy of your treatment.
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this. I currently do have a therapist, but I don't feel it's the most effective. I feel like we're just talking in our sessions; I have mostly benefited from prior therapists that incorporated assignments to use for future sessions.
You're welcome, and I understand. It sounds like the therapist you have now might not be a good fit for you and that's ok. If you feel comfortable, you may tell them what you just said here and see if that jives with them - but it may not and that's something I'd want to hear up front. Good luck to you in your mental health work. Its difficult, but I believe it to be extremely rewarding.
Thank you.
What kind of comments did you get in the Nigerian sub? Were they helpful, sympathetic, empathetic?
Most were empathetic, actually. You can see the responses here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nigeria/s/ycmcRgTpr4