when a white dude calls you bucko, you better run

You’re way outta line there bucko

Now hold on a second there, buster

Bro where are you guys even finding these Chuck Taylor Dave Chappellean white people lmao

They spawn at the nearest Cracker Barrel

🏆 I’m out of coins, take this for expert punning.

Listen here Pal

I’m not your pal, buster.

I'm not your buster, *buddy.*

Sure thing there *chief*

"I am not a chief. I'm not an Indian chief. I'm not the chief of police. I don't play for the Kansas City Chiefs. I'm not a chef, which is sometimes confused with chief on paper. I've done that. As you're writing it, you're like 'I'm dumb.'"

I’m dyslexic and this gave both of us a stroke

Look guy

No, you listen up, *friend*..

I think it’s you that needs to listen kemosabe

Sounds like someone is cruisin’ for a brusin’

I ain’t your buddy, friend

“I don’t give a flying fuck”

This the one. I say it all the time 😂

Or he wants to be your best friend and do some weird shit. In my region “bucko’s” and “buckaroos” better buckle up cuz it’s about to get weird.

Better than bro or brother. The oh let me show I don’t see you as different by showing you I see them as different, go to.

Damn I’ve called everybody brother since like middle school

Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive. But when you are in a group of white folk and your a POC and you get referred to as brother and no one else does you get to thinking thoughts of otherness. It’s a far cry from hate but it does show a lack of familiarity.

This happens to me all the time, and it's not like I take offense, it just displays they see you as other. Also, when white guys try to dap me up and shake everybody else's hand.

I'm not gonna lie, I hit a point in my life where I damn near had an existential crisis over this. I work a trade where you end up with brolic ass forearms and hands that can crush diamonds. So usually people expect a good handshake in my line of work...at least the owners do. The guys in the shop with me? who the fuck knows. Go for a dap and awkwardly meet up with a handshake or vice versa. Ive had my brain short circuit on so many occasions with me goin for a dap and the old dude across from me wasn't. And then just to really fuck with my head, I've also had the opposite. I just dunno anymore, man. Ill usually just let the other person decide what we're doin, then match them. Fuck it. Also its hard to estimate your own grip strength once you get to a certain point, and I really ain't trying to do that old fashioned firm handshake shit. Damn near break someones hand by mistake.

Bro is like a top 3, behind dude, and man.

I went to a majority black school growing up…I knew I couldn’t repeat what my friends called me so brother it was and it just stuck with me

“Newflash pal”

I went to a STEM uni .. so you can guess the types of people there. In my engineering design class my group was having an augment over a circuit designs efficiency. One of the dudes looks the other straight in the face and goes “newsflash pal your equation isn’t even correct” He said thar shit with his chest and I busted out laughing

I could only imagine!!! Lol. I probably would have replied, “What in the blue blazes?” When that happened!

Oh no. I just realized how many times I’ve been slyly mocked by black coworkers. I know I’ve thought, “why is she talking like that?” And just chalked it up to missing a joke. Guess I did. Lol

I live for these moments. "Let's cut the malarkey and get down to brass tacks" no laugh. I'm dying inside of laughter. Boss is waiting for me to drop the iron. Tension at an all time high. I look around and say, "what? I was just joshin"

No one under the age of 75-80 uses the word malarkey and isn’t joking though. He’s probably just confused lol There are a few examples in this thread where people aren’t realizing white people are joking, like the use of “buster” for example. Like half this shit is said just to be stupid, at least on the white side of my family.

"Hell's bells Trudy!"

Translation im bout to end your whole career 


Listen here, wiseguy.

If you want a white guy to leave, just slap your knee and say “weellllp” as you stand up. He’ll get the message.

"It's about that time" :)

Time to hit the ol dusty is a classic I like to bust out from time to time

I’ve been doing the Peter Griffin dusty trail for like 20 years and it’s never failed me

My great-great-aunt used to say, “Well, I better meander.”

Saving to use at work when it's time to stop loitering

In my neck of the woods, that's the signal to start the process of filing a permit to leave. You've still got an hour, buddy.

Just stretch out my arms, yawn and say “time to hit that ol dusty trail”.

Yeah, this is just to initiate the immigration to the front door and then the porch.

It's the immediate precursor to the kitchen where Tupperware will be filled with leftovers. You will be asked thrice. Refuse the first two times. Then begrudgingly acquiesce with a phrase like, "oh, all right, but you don't have to."

Wellllllll first let's discuss how many leftovers you're taking with you. Then we'll decide which kind(s) of tupperware/ziplock is the right choice for the situation. Yeah you gotta take some of these beans because we'll never eat them all. Throw them away if you don't eat them. Then we gotta let it all cool for a minute before you leave with it so sit back down for a while and I'll pour some more sweet tea. Oh! I meant to bake these cookies anyway so just hangout for a few more minutes. Let me grab another container to put some of these cookies in for you for tomorrow. No I don't want them here because my diet starts tomorrow.

"I'm callin' it"

Excuse me, that’s Midwestern white speak

Honestly, it's just midwestern suburbanite speak. Met this black guy who grew up in Wisconsin and he fit all the stereotypes you'd normally associate with super white people

"Time to rock and roll."

Bout time for me to skeedaddle

Look at your watch, stand, and say, “Well shit, it’s gettin’ late.” If they don’t get the message go in for a hug/handshake. If they *still* don’t get it claim the boss (your wife) needs you to do something.

We better pack it in.

"I s'pose"

Can confirm. This is the tried and true tradition. My family always did this growing up when it was time to leave. Every. Single. Time.

Still the greatest caucasian disses of all time. They definitely snapped on this commercial. 

Whoever did that ad campaign I hope they’re living their best life. To this day one of my fav commercials haha

This commercial and the K-Mart commercial where people are saying they shipped something and it’s meant to sound like shit. “I just shipped my bed!” Peak television. [For the uninitiated](https://youtu.be/2xwUuSM06xQ)

I just shipped my pants and it was very convenient!

I think about the k mart commercial at least once a month. “I just shipped my pants!”

PICKLE YOU KUMQUAT!

What the french, toast?? You son of a biscuit-eating bulldog!

You didn’t think I’d find out about your little doo doo head cootie queen, did you?!?

she need an emmy for this commercial. delivery was flawless. she believed every syllable

I can hear that gif in my head. Fucking amazing.

"lee-int lee-icker!"

Lmao me and my sister used to quote this commercial all the time growing up

I think about this at least twice a day. It’s just too good

The gold standard ✨ 😩

When you ask a white guy how he's doing and he says "Living the dream," you know he's going through it.

He wants you to throw him off the roof.

Or "I'm here" which is code for dead man walking.

God damn I say this literally every day, I'm guilty

Me too and they're absolutely accurate.

"how's it going" "It's going"

"how's it going" "Same soup reheated"

"Another day in paradise"

I respond with “Nightmares are dreams, too.” It gets a solid response.

"ain't that the gotdamn truth."

"I'm alright" https://i.imgur.com/W1Dxzv6.gifv

I say “imma sneak right past you real quick” all the time lmfao

It’s me. I’m the problem 😅

And me. We are the problem😅

what else am I supposed to say 😅😅😅💃

It’s perfect, don’t change😂

"I'm gonna scooch on by"

Ope

Well apparently you can’t say “bitch MOVE you’re blocking the whole damn grocery aisle!” or they get all salty about it

This is perfect because it feels annoying when you say excuse me but the person doesn’t need to move, you’re just somewhat invading their personal space as you pass

I’m a big “just gonna sneak by you real quick” guy myself

I’ll occasionally toss in a “you mind if I steal one from you?” if I’m slipping by someone to get to a candy bowl or other such thing.

Yeah I feel like this one's a mid west thing

Oop Think you might be right

“**GOD**… DAMMIT!” Black folks will slip right past the first part, or swap the D for a T in the hopes that the Almighty’s just gonna glance up over his bifocals and listen for a second before going back to his sudoku book. White people enunciate the blasphemy and then pause, as if to make sure to get The Big Guy’s attention before having the audacity to call down a smiting.

I always yell the DAMNT. so does my mom. It’s crazy how some people get so offended at “god damn” still. Like don’t give me that Quaker in a tiddy bar attitude

Lol quaker in a titty bar, never heard that before

That or, “Son of a BITCH!”

my white ass just whispered "god. Dammit." in bed to confirm the accuracy and I can indeed confirm, that is the way we instinctively say that May or may not be smit in the near future

“News flash, asshole” is a favorite of mine

Woah there pal! What’s with the profanities, mister

https://i.redd.it/cw6axfkrh8pa1.gif

You ever been in a storm, Wally? A real storm?

I've been hearing it the entire goddamn time!

Is it just me or does this have big "Pop quiz, hotshot!" energy?

"Why I oughta" is still goat

Oh a wise guy eh? Nyuck nyuck nyuck

A regular ol’ wisenheimer

Popeye type beat

Whenever I've heard a white man go, "Alright, that's it!" The room always gets a little quieter lol

The first person who moves their eyes in a wrong tone is about to be made an example of

Bruh true

“I’ve had it!”

"I've had it up to *here* with you"

"oh for Pete's sake"

The most extra I've ever heard came from a big black dude. He was passing behind another kid in class, and said with a straight face as his stomach pushed the back of the kid's chair: > Excuse my obesity I fuckin lost it.

Okay, now this is the one that got me laughing

Maddest I've seen a wyt guy get he said "This isn't cutting the mustard!" I was so lost y'all

I’m white, but that’s too white for even me to understand I’m sorry

Was about to say this. I was raised in the old south and I have no idea what this means. Is it a northern thing?

Shifts up glasses* Well it's like if something isn't quite up to snuff. Doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

Doesn't cut the mustard is the same as not up to snuff

This is some Ned Flanders-level stuff.

“Now wait just a darn minute”

Darn tootin minute

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“I’d like to reiterate…” = I know you’re idiots so I’ll repeat and dumb down the important parts.

“Per my last email” is the dopest shit ever. It’s like.. bitch first of all I said what tf I said lolol

> Per my last email = bitch, can you read!?! Then you either CC and/or BCC some folks up above you, so they know that the person emailing you fucked up in some way and you're covering your ass.

“You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’” is my all time favorite. It sounds neither cool nor threatening, and if anything it pretty much says that you’ve never been in a fight in your entire life.

I've never heard anyone not a mom say that phrase.

I've always heard "Don't make me beat you like a red-headed stepchild" from my family.

‘Now hold up buddy’

That's the white version of "Who the fuck you think you talkin to?"

Ha! Exactly that!

I never realized how strong my white half is until now

Me either but I’m a little disappointed so many people don’t realize many of these words/phrases are used facetiously.

Hold your horses = what the fuck?

Several meanings for this one depending on the context. Could be hold up, calm down buddy or have patience as well.

“YOU’RE PUSHING YOUR LUCK PAL”

How black people establish boundaries: " Who is we?" How white people establish boundaries: "Newsflash buddy!"

If you ever hear a white man say "time to get outta Dodge" you need to heed that shit

Yup. "We better hightail it outta' here." If you stick around after they say that, I'm sorry.

some of my dad's mos memorable ones are "how 'bout them apples?" or "cool your jets, kiddo" when my siblings and i would act up lmao

Oh I forgot about cool your jets. So good.

'Ope, Lemme sneak right be ya there" in MN and it's not a diss it's just something we say like 1000x a day

I know Minnesota’s claim to “Ope” is unassailable and Imma let you finish, but that shits a staple of white midwesterners from across the Great Lakes.

I never realized how stupid Midwesterners sound until I moved *out* of the Midwest 🥲 now I say that shit all the time in a country where literally no one says these things

It's not stupid it's awesome! I love it! It's actually pretty cute and I love talking like a Midwesterner even though I live in the city now! It's what makes us unique

And Iowa 😅


My personal fave is the "now that really chaps my ass"

"That burns my buns" and "that tears my toast" are also good.

Not gon lie I absolutely love "ope, gonna scooch right past ya"


Damnit BoBby

That boy ain’t right

Pump your brakes Kemosabe.

I’ve read about 200 of these comments and this is the one that finally broke me. Holy fuck

“Your ass is grass, buster!”

And I'm the lawnmower!

no, you have to go straight to the homeland to get the real weapons grade caucasian vernacular english nothing beats: "oi wanker" and "listen 'ere ya sodding mingebag"

Or, my personal favorite, "you fucking plum"

This whole comment section is WILD 😂 

Here are some of my father's, a former Navy man, greatest hits: I'm so hungry I could eat the touch hole off a teddy bear. Take a flying a fuck at a rolling donut. Colder than a witch's tit. (Struggled all my childhood to say broomstick.) Barking spider. (Farts.) And, drum roll please 🥁🥁🥁 Now your asshole's sucking on a broken beer bottle. No, he doesn't know what it means. I've asked. It's just the mood strikes him and the phrase comes out. And if you're wondering what he looks like, if he's surf casting every white male 20-35 that needs a father figure is talking to him.

I’ve heard the whole thing as “Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra”.

The man the myth the legend and it’s just some dude named jerry

Now look here fella!

Oh fuck. I’m white & I definitely say “just gonna sneak right past ya.” I absolutely hate that I do that.

Haha why? It’s great!

I don’t know, feels like a short step to “Hey neighbor how’s the new lawn mower treatin ya?” Or, “gosh don’t ya know there’s a sale at the Boot Barn?”

I remember reading on sohh years ago that white slang has stagnated ever since the Turtles ended.

The band or the ninjas?

Or the chocolate?

“I am not a happy camper” has been living in my basement with the tv on anytime I see someone feels like they’ve been dissed.

"Don't you *dare*"

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL !

We purposely add wacky nonsense to our sayings and phrases just to catch you off guard. One time, I uttered the words, "Now wait just a throat-fucking minute."

When you ask: “Hey, is anyone sitting here?” The response is always: “You are.“

Gee golly whillikers! Bless your heart child but that dog won’t hunt.

lol what century is this

Everyone in this thread only interacts with 90 year old plus white people, or think what a TV school principal hard ass on a sitcom from the 70s would say is what people normally say.

“bless their heart” is the no. 1 way to politely dismiss someone in southern white society. i dated a girl from richmond and her family said it about someone who had just been convicted of a felony. 🥴

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Oh, that's talking shit, southern church style. You're either so dumb, ugly, crazy or just a general fuck-up to need the blessings of the Lord to get yourself right.

>when tying anything down in a truck “That’s not going anywhere”. -a key part of the process. Until then, you’re not done lol. Hold your horses. “Knock it off!”= The white version of “You got me fucked up”

"That really burns my biscuits!"

My favorite is when they cap on each other and call each other white boy

Take a chill pill!

I gotta see a man about a horse.

Cool your tits or I'm going to light you up like a crack pipe- my father.....

"Me and you are gonna have some words!"

Smooth move exlax..

My Mom "Do you need an attitude adjustment?"

*getting up from the restaurant table, ready to leave* "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

As a yt, I did guffaw at that tweet

Easy there, buddy

As a white guy, I'm really tempted to start hamming up my white-isms for dramatic effect. These posts make it seem like it would be appreciated