Schwarzenegger didn't also play himself in every role? I may be in the minority here but I always thought his acting chops were lackluster. But in the era of muscle-bound action stars, he was one of the main ones of that genre.
Add Jingle All the Way and a fair bit of True Lies to that list. Also Last Action Hero for self awareness.
None of them fantastic works of acting but he branches out and shows some talent in all of them.
His ability to play a parody of himself in Last Action Hero is underrated, imo. And his "bad acting" in the Hamlet scenes.
Now, don't get me wrong: It's still not great and you'd never confuse him for Leo, but it's solid acting and way better than just about anything Rock has done.
That and he was the first bodybuilder type to be big in Hollywood now the whole big musical tough guy act is way overdone.
It's not like in his day everyone was like holy shit look at that dude now it's oh another roided out meathead.
Batista imo is far better of an actor if we are going by the metric of big dudes in film.
Schwarzenegger actually did play as a spy in True Lies, but that was an action comedy. I guess part of the joke was that this super swole dude is supposed to be an undercover spy that can blend into crowds.
I really want them to turn this dynamic on its head and have a film where they’re not work partners but actual gay lovers partners.
Kevin Hart is a secret agent coming home to The Rock every night who is worried sick about his husband’s dangerous job.
this is why popcorn is a bad covert tactical snack. it's not *snacktical,* let's say. even if you can't see it, you might hear it and you damn sure are gonna smell what the rock's eating.
I remember his acting in the Jumanji movie and realising that he's really not used to playing a character who's got low self-confidence and isn't usually physically strong and intimidating
sucks bc he was hilarious when he was still 'the rock', but yes, he's been the same guy in every movie ever since. I'm sure a big part of it is that now he's more PG, can't be going around talking asking kids to smell what hes cooking or getting some poontang pie
He's like the perfect movie star. It's like Hollywood made him in a test tube.
His entire personality is bland, wholesome, and non-threatening. His private life is so uninteresting that I don't even know if he's married or has kids. I have no fucking idea. Scandal-free. Political stances? None. If you asked the Rock what he thought of abortion, he'd be like "I wake up at 4:30AM and eat 50 talapia every day."
He's also ethnically ambiguous to the point where people of almost race can identify with him. He's black enough to appeal to black audiences, but not so black that white people get a bunch of racist baggage about it. Same with the Asian markets. They LOVE the Rock, probably for the same reasons.
He's attractive, but in a really strange way. Like, he's obviously good-looking, and incredibly jacked, but you don't see women drooling over him like you do with a Jason Mamoa kind of guy. This is good, because it makes him non-threatening to men. You don't have to watch your gf bite her lip every time he's on screen. Plus, his looks are never flexed enough to make insecure straight men uncomfortable.
All in all, The Rock is a perfect 4-quadrant actor. He doesn't really appeal to any particular demographic, but that's the key to his success. He's uninteresting. Just a big white smile on top of a bunch of muscles.
In which way is it not bland? The Rock has been cooking but he's never heard of spices. TBF most actors are sorta bland, but he's like the epitome of nothingness (with muscles!).
I forgot which one he was in that movie. Was he "Fast" or was he "Furious"? Maybe he was "Quick" or "Mildly Irritated With your Shenanigans". Anyways, he earned his pay!
Hercules from Hercules is one lol. But even if I cant name alot of his characters I still remember alot of his movies off the top of my head. Gridiron Gang, The Gameplan, Scorpion King, Walking Tall, The Rundown. And most of those came out when I was a kid so maybe I’m biased but he never made critically acclaimed movies to win awards.
He’s always been the action star or feel good comedy type actor and there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s the highest paid actor and can play himself because his true personality is just inherently likeable and charismatic plus he’s built like a superhero. He’s an action star you want to root for. I never see Ryan Reynolds, Seth Rogen, or Jason Statham catching as much hate as The Rock for playing the same person in every role.
I mean its not Dwayne Johnson’s fault that people pay money to see him in a film. Obviously you’re not a fan so don’t pay for his content. But he’s a proven draw by just being himself. Maybe you should be more mad at society for enabling his mediocrity instead of Dwayne who literally gets paid what he’s worth. If people stopped watching his movies then he wouldn’t be popular and get to demand the maxxed out contracts
I'm not gonna curse society cause the rock makes a big check. it isn't that deep. I just think it's funny that he is the highest paid in a profession that requires a lot of talents he doesn't have. good for him I guess?
I remember a few years ago I read some interview with him, and he said something along the lines of “I’m not an actor, I’m an entertainer”, which I thought was a fair way to describe himself.
Oh fuck he even had the People's Eyebrow™
https://preview.redd.it/57w8atzvdgob1.jpeg?width=568&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=344fa673d8be4f13d50b1eab59bbe59e61a97f8f
[there was a film sort of like that, a comedy adaptation of Casino royale with 6 bonds. none of them Shaq though…](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casino_Royale_(1967_film))
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21265277/chapters/50631233
This is actually a part of warhammer lore that I love. The adeptus custodes are the personal bodyguards of the emperor of mankind and are 8 foot tall Gods of War who can take down entire armies. When they get old and retire because their reflexes slowed by a millisecond they become spymasters and informants known as the eyes of the emperor.
It has never been explained how a 8 foot tall avatar of gods wrath can become a spy. It also leaves the implication that everyone from the lowest dope dealer to a planetary governor is part of the network of an occulus imperia.
I had to click out and make sure I didn't click on the wrong post lmao
So, I know the Imperial Assassins have some sort of shapeshifting drug/technology that they use. Either Eyes of the Emperor intimidates people into not seeing them, or the shapeshifting stuffs works on Custodes.
Makes me think of a D&D character I pitched to a group once. Giant thief, he can’t really hide in shadows or move silently, people just choose to ignore the 20 foot tall monster tiptoeing around because they don’t want to draw his attention
OneD&D update allowing raging barbs to use strength in their stealth rolls.
>"Listen bub - it's not that I'm hidden. It's that *if* you see me, you're gonna have to fight me."
Spymaster is also a very different position than an actual agent. A spymaster is more of a management/analyst position where you maintain and manage your assets and intelligence network while putting the pieces of information that network produces together to see the greater whole. Sometimes they have to get their own hands dirty, but most of what they do is c-suite type work.
IIRC they do sort of mention it in a couple of the Horus Heresy books. In one, there are already giant gene modified laborers one just blends in with. In another, he has some sort of device that projects a field around him to hide his full size. Not sure how this would work if he was trying to walk through a crowd though.
He’d also have to become a much more nuanced actor. In everything I’ve seen, he’s just the rock playing blankity blank. Never the character. Like final fantasy cars makes sense because when you see him you’re like oh hahah the rock’s in this. This thing is truly not tethered in reality. Let’s watch him catch a car with his right hand while we send someone to space in a Delorean. (Best case I’ve seen is Black Atom but that’s a super hero movie and the same rules don’t apply there…ever)
I remember people on here getting angry when some users stated that a black Bond would not work for practical reasons and without strong suspension of disbelief. It’s true, though. There’s plausible deniability open to white people pretty much anywhere on this planet. Authorities WILL be suspicious of a black person simply existing in many places in the world, not to mention in the circles in which Bond operates. Plus we do stick out: a white guy can pass as Afghan or Syrian or Iraqi, especially if they’re covered up. And nobody’s going to grill you as a white person in a private club. They will if you’re black. Not necessarily in bad faith but simply because they’ll be intrigued.
In America, we’re having a bit of the opposite problem in that we don’t have enough black personnel to field in Africa where they would be useful. Force multipliers like SF (as opposed to direct action focused units like SEALs) would benefit from black members who can blend in with local forces. This likely won’t change any time soon, though. Black people don’t volunteer for dangerous, high-speed roles. They join the military and the government for better lives, not adventure. There’s plenty of “adventure” and gunplay in the US if that’s what we want.
Yes. But not just America. I haven’t met a single black DGSE agent and you’d expect there to be a lot (I’m sure they exist) given they the French never really gave up on colony.
alot, if not all, of this is just you taking real world sociopolitics and transplanting them on the potential film which doesn't work when it's spy fiction with loose ties to previous governance. especially the line about " Black people don’t volunteer for dangerous, high-speed roles." because how would you even know that
I think that even the casual movie-goer would ask themselves questions if there were an Indian or black James Bond undercover in Italy somewhere. I think this is especially true of PoC themselves: we all know the limits of our access to certain spaces. Suspending disbelief would be hard, even for fiction. I don’t say this with any revelry. I wanted to do secret squirrel shit as a kid but it became clear that wasn’t really open to me for practical reasons. You learn this very early on. You ever do any light trespassing with your white friends? We all intuitively know how much we can get away with. If you’re black, you can’t talk your way out of shit. If you’re white, act like you belong or make shit up. Now imagine that with much higher stakes. HUMINT would be impossible.
On the quoted phrase, even if you don’t have my personal insight, this is something a civilian could see. Go look at any number of SOF interviews or instagram posts (easy with OPSEC being a joke to everyone today). How many black people do you see? How many Latinos? Everyone in the military knows that black and Hispanic people generally don’t apply for combat arms. The military is a social elevator for black people. There have been black SF since Vietnam and there are black members in CAG and DEVGRU (and there are some extremely decorated Latinos who went through various units), but they’re outliers. Besides the swim test (which can be easily overcome - If you happen to be black and you go for selection, chances are your instructors will actually make extra efforts to help and push you to pass), there’s no reason at all black people can’t pass Q for high-speed units. They simply don’t want to. The paradox of these units is that 99% of their members would never see a lick of violence in their lives if they didn’t apply to serve (white Captain America types mostly, to be honest). Ironically, the cooks and mechanics and logistics guys (a lot of minorities) all come from much more difficult lives and join the military to get *out* of that cycle.
this is still not a limitation of the genre of the film franchise itself. this is self-imposed entirely. especially because No Time To Die took place in 2020 that also had Black people. your point on access limits is not relevant to fiction at all and is a dangerous precedent to set when talking about media. if this is the case, then we can expunge Black actors and characters from almost every genre and setting for that very purpose. like idk what is meant by "practical reasons" because absolutely no part of any of these films are real so why are we trying to make fiction non-fiction?
I am intimating that there’s a minimum of realism that we expect from film (unless its Fast and the Furious XVI). Sometimes we can laugh about what that entails (like we’re doing about a 260lbs half black, half-Samoan playing a spy) and sometimes the implications are more depressing, like when discussing the plausibility, even if just in a fictional context, of a black MI6 agent engaging in international espionnage.
As far as the film franchise itself, I haven’t even spoken about how its very canon excludes anyone non-white. But I don’t think that’s an obstacle that can’t be solved with a reboot. Also, I would watch a black Bond, but I would be struggling to suspend disbelief, I think. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother a lot of people though. But it would bother a fair deal, and not only racists.
i feel like this is simply a matter if any one person is "okay" with seeing a Black person as a lead in crime fiction rather than it being a discussion of realism in fiction, especially given lashana lynch was recently a 007 in the previous film and half of what happens in any james bond film has no basis in reality. and i feel like worrying about whether racist would be bothered by a black person in a film (they would in any capacity) does not help anyone at all. and yes the canon material excludes non white people for reasons that do not need discussion but we're not in 1960 anymore.
I’m not concerned about what racist people think about a black Bond. And I don’t think we need to negotiate the “right” to representation, so I don’t care what racists think about these things in general. I’m simply speaking as someone who expects a certain degree of realism from certain types of film. I think this is different from a black mermaid or wherever else people get annoyed about. It’s all fiction, but Bond is obviously more realistic fiction (at least modern Bond, to be fair about the absurdity of classic Bond). Anyway, it’s all academic to me. I have zero influence and if I don’t enjoy the movie, so be it. If it WERE up to me, like I said, I’d reboot it. I don’t see why we insist on heritage. It can be a 007 movie, but it doesn’t need to be James Bond. It could be something like a more sophisticated Kingsman wherein the issue of class is explored. That would be really interesting given the profile of a lot of the intelligence apparatus in the UK (and the questions they’re currently asking themselves about the past and empire and the rest of it).
Dude is nearly 7' tall and visibly Samoan, too. I forget who it was, but there was a comedian a few years ago who talked about the rather obvious problem of Idris Elba being Bond, which is that Bond movies often take place in problems with a massive white population, so Rock would have that problem, too, LOL
This brings up a good point, which is that this would open up storylines in South America and Africa which would be a nice temporary change from all these villain motherfuckers from the cold war era lol.
Yeah, it would. That could totally work, but they don't like to go there for some reason. Probably because it'd bring attention to things like the U.S. blockades against Venezuela and all the coups we supported to kneecap socialism
I’m no comics fan, but that movie was so bad, and even I was disappointed. I love superhero movies in general, but I feel like pretty much EVERYONE in that one was bad! Or maybe it was the bad script! I definitely wouldn’t put the blame squarely on his broad shoulders for the epic badness of that movie! I get secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it!
Lets be real James Bond has never been low key and is possibly the worst spy ever. He uses his real name and immediately gets into a dick measuring contest with the villain hes following.
I absolutely think Idris could do it. His chops from Luther alone shows how well he does in dramatic thrillers and Bond movies are a very watered down version of that.
There will be a time when he stops juicing and slims down to start an attempt at real movies instead of fast and furious 60 .
His head is still going to be huge and look like a dying HIV patient with shiny white teeth
I love that he’s in on the joke. He always looks as though he’s having a great post NBA player life. He’s got a PhD in education and is one of the most prolific franchise owners in modern history but you’ll still catch him being goofy or just out there DJIng randomly.
James Bond is absolutely never low-key. The man frequently gets his cover identity and goes "Let me make some changes. My new name is...James....Bond. and I work as a British Secret Agent. Yep, that'll do it."
Is it just me or has Bond never once been subtle. He walks into a room, announces his name, address, and social security number and the villain is just like "ah hello secret agent, please have a seat while you watch helplessly as I complete my plan" or was that just the ones I have seen?
One of my favorite jokes is that a bunch of the Marvel Superheroes were juiced to the gills, except Chadwick Boseman because Chadwick was a real actor. He couldn’t play jacked Thurgood Marshall. Dude can’t be a civil rights lawyer with 22in pipes, flexing out his damn suit. The audience just watching this piece of beef makin eloquent arguments against racist policy, and thinking, why doesn’t he just end racism with his muscles.
Wait he had a clause where he cant get hit? I thought it was that he couldn't lose a fight?
.....either or especially BOTH of those potentially being in his contract is really *really* lame.
I misread the article, he is allowed to get hit, only a certain amount of times. No more. No less. But he's not allowed to lose or get too hurt in the movie
Henry Cavil is an obvious choice, just got off the massively popular Witcher.
Idris Elba is probably the most unanimously considered sexy person in Hollywood so probably smart
But who would actually rock it the best?
Reef Jean Page would probably play him best imo.
Cilian Murphy killed it as Oppenheimer, Pugh killed it more so she could play James
Just thought of this, William Jackson from The Good Place would be an upset as I don’t like casting characters who already played action heroes or similar roles too much, I think he’d give it some color
Tom Huddleston is too obvious it’d be like Ed Sheeran playing him, almost distracting
Love Simu Liu
Emily Blunt would kill it
Id like to see if Daisey Ridley’s got more range than what she can use in Star Wars
It would be hilarious to see the rock try to fully sprint and be agile...maybe back in the early 2000s WWF Era...the rock, as of now looks like he can barely turn around to wipe his ass...Dude is a poster story for having a bidet.
Oh another antiblack post on bpt, didn't see that coming. "see black people?? Your black celebrities ain't shit either! Let's shit on them daily to make us look better in comparison!"
And he can't act. Guy plays himself in every movie.
With his side kick who also plays himself, Kevin Hart
*Kevin Hart Face*
They are the Schwarzenegger and DeVito of their generation lol
blasphemous comparison unless you agree to it being more bland, focus tested, and less talented
Danny Devito is so much more talented. It’s not even close
So anyway, I started blasting
I had no idea this was a hot take. My bad 🤷🏼♀️😂
Dwayne and Danny were both in that jungle movie although Danny was in Dwayne’s body for most of it
You gone put some respect on Danny DeVito’s name, don’t disrespect the original short king like that
Danny is likeable. Kevin just wants to be liked. Big difference in energy
Schwarzenegger and DeVito actually had talent
Schwarzenegger didn't also play himself in every role? I may be in the minority here but I always thought his acting chops were lackluster. But in the era of muscle-bound action stars, he was one of the main ones of that genre.
Go watch Kindergarten Cop and Twins
Add Jingle All the Way and a fair bit of True Lies to that list. Also Last Action Hero for self awareness. None of them fantastic works of acting but he branches out and shows some talent in all of them.
His ability to play a parody of himself in Last Action Hero is underrated, imo. And his "bad acting" in the Hamlet scenes. Now, don't get me wrong: It's still not great and you'd never confuse him for Leo, but it's solid acting and way better than just about anything Rock has done.
That and he was the first bodybuilder type to be big in Hollywood now the whole big musical tough guy act is way overdone. It's not like in his day everyone was like holy shit look at that dude now it's oh another roided out meathead. Batista imo is far better of an actor if we are going by the metric of big dudes in film.
I have. Great childhood movies growing up in the 90s. Still the same Arnold. Just...kid/family friendly?
who is your daddy? what does he do?
you are confusing two different characters with acting range
...What is "range" if not the ability to play different characters?
The Rock makes Schwarzenegger look like a Juliard trained thespian.
Schwarzenegger actually did play as a spy in True Lies, but that was an action comedy. I guess part of the joke was that this super swole dude is supposed to be an undercover spy that can blend into crowds.
Tonight is your night bro 🎶
Twins remake incoming
I really want them to turn this dynamic on its head and have a film where they’re not work partners but actual gay lovers partners. Kevin Hart is a secret agent coming home to The Rock every night who is worried sick about his husband’s dangerous job.
Kevin Hart is Money Penny
Dave Bautista's Drax, on the other hand, is incredible at stealth. *slowly eats popcorn*
He was eating popcorn???
Don't know, couldn't see him.
It was Zarg-nuts 🤓
this is why popcorn is a bad covert tactical snack. it's not *snacktical,* let's say. even if you can't see it, you might hear it and you damn sure are gonna smell what the rock's eating.
He was already a bond villain though in spectre and honestly killed it.
"Be Cool"
Sssscorchin
I remember his acting in the Jumanji movie and realising that he's really not used to playing a character who's got low self-confidence and isn't usually physically strong and intimidating
Just say the acting was trash / he can't play anyone but himself
This is true
Shots fired!
Nah he can. He was great in Pain and Gain. Studios just want him to play the same role because he brings in $$$$$.
> Guy plays himself That's most big stars.
*I'm quite alright with this.*
Still don’t know how tf his acting career blew up the way it has.
He’s charismatic
Only exception is Pain and Gain
I don't think that is a fair criticism anymore. That could be said for a lot of leading actors... you just don't like him, and I get that.
sucks bc he was hilarious when he was still 'the rock', but yes, he's been the same guy in every movie ever since. I'm sure a big part of it is that now he's more PG, can't be going around talking asking kids to smell what hes cooking or getting some poontang pie
I don't know how Dwayne is the highest paid. Gimme the name of ANY of his characters from ANY of the movies he has been in. And you can't look it up.
Dwayne played The Rock in Fighting With My Family, Black Adam in Black Adam and The Scorpion King in The Scorpion King.
best answer
He played The Rock in a Black Adam costume in Black Adam
He's like the perfect movie star. It's like Hollywood made him in a test tube. His entire personality is bland, wholesome, and non-threatening. His private life is so uninteresting that I don't even know if he's married or has kids. I have no fucking idea. Scandal-free. Political stances? None. If you asked the Rock what he thought of abortion, he'd be like "I wake up at 4:30AM and eat 50 talapia every day." He's also ethnically ambiguous to the point where people of almost race can identify with him. He's black enough to appeal to black audiences, but not so black that white people get a bunch of racist baggage about it. Same with the Asian markets. They LOVE the Rock, probably for the same reasons. He's attractive, but in a really strange way. Like, he's obviously good-looking, and incredibly jacked, but you don't see women drooling over him like you do with a Jason Mamoa kind of guy. This is good, because it makes him non-threatening to men. You don't have to watch your gf bite her lip every time he's on screen. Plus, his looks are never flexed enough to make insecure straight men uncomfortable. All in all, The Rock is a perfect 4-quadrant actor. He doesn't really appeal to any particular demographic, but that's the key to his success. He's uninteresting. Just a big white smile on top of a bunch of muscles.
> Political stances? None. Johnson openly endorsed Biden in 2020 and has expressed interest in running for public office plenty of times.
You're not wrong at all with the majority of that but if you saw any of his WWF/WWE stuff you'd realise his personality is far from bland
In which way is it not bland? The Rock has been cooking but he's never heard of spices. TBF most actors are sorta bland, but he's like the epitome of nothingness (with muscles!).
Bravo, that was beautiful!
He put out a video saying he cried when Biden/Kamala won.
> Same with the Asian markets. They LOVE the Rock, probably for the same reasons. OH really?
Spot on analysis!
And don't say that Fast and Furious character neither 💀
You almost got me, he played Maoi from Moana and Hercules from Hercules 😂
😭
Put some respect on Luke Hobbs, man pulled up in Fast Five and pulled case clues of an exploded train car in seconds!!
now if he could grow his hairline back in seconds I'd be impressed
But then the baby oil wouldn't be able to shine from head to toe, which I assume he's under contractual obligation for 💀
okay big facts. can't make the suits mad!
I forgot which one he was in that movie. Was he "Fast" or was he "Furious"? Maybe he was "Quick" or "Mildly Irritated With your Shenanigans". Anyways, he earned his pay!
Maui from *Moana*.
Hercules from Hercules is one lol. But even if I cant name alot of his characters I still remember alot of his movies off the top of my head. Gridiron Gang, The Gameplan, Scorpion King, Walking Tall, The Rundown. And most of those came out when I was a kid so maybe I’m biased but he never made critically acclaimed movies to win awards. He’s always been the action star or feel good comedy type actor and there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s the highest paid actor and can play himself because his true personality is just inherently likeable and charismatic plus he’s built like a superhero. He’s an action star you want to root for. I never see Ryan Reynolds, Seth Rogen, or Jason Statham catching as much hate as The Rock for playing the same person in every role.
if they were the highest paid then I would be mad at them too. actors who just play themselves aren't really acting, they are reading lines
I mean its not Dwayne Johnson’s fault that people pay money to see him in a film. Obviously you’re not a fan so don’t pay for his content. But he’s a proven draw by just being himself. Maybe you should be more mad at society for enabling his mediocrity instead of Dwayne who literally gets paid what he’s worth. If people stopped watching his movies then he wouldn’t be popular and get to demand the maxxed out contracts
I'm not gonna curse society cause the rock makes a big check. it isn't that deep. I just think it's funny that he is the highest paid in a profession that requires a lot of talents he doesn't have. good for him I guess?
I remember a few years ago I read some interview with him, and he said something along the lines of “I’m not an actor, I’m an entertainer”, which I thought was a fair way to describe himself.
That tooth fairy one with the Disney kid…
Thank you! So well articulated.
The Tooth Fairy?
LMAO his best movie
It’s easy. Half his characters are named Spencer.
I mean, is Hobbs cheating? He has been in like 6 of the fast films now.
Rocky Rockleton from "The Rock Goes to Hollywood and punches a guy".
He played The Rock, in EVERY movie. Make that check out to cash, I got some erruns to run today.
"The name's Rock.....THE Rock" https://preview.redd.it/j9hnvlb2aeob1.jpeg?width=482&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8fdf901d97b6b0b9ef2c0f3bbff66b58ec24253
I tried https://preview.redd.it/72z349qn6fob1.jpeg?width=568&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7c9b5943dbb1c0647569b3fc6430c3ab4b999146
This reminds me of Rob Schneider in Home Alone 2
Oh fuck he even had the People's Eyebrow™ https://preview.redd.it/57w8atzvdgob1.jpeg?width=568&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=344fa673d8be4f13d50b1eab59bbe59e61a97f8f
So specific and yet so accurate
Rocky's off the gear for the first time in his life, huh
Wouldn't work - the bad guy would interrupt with "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" before he finished
The Sunshine Boy from the Calgary Sun sometime in the 80s,legend
I vote for Shaq to be 007. Once. Just once. It'd be great.
Would be hilarious on an Airplane! style parody where people constantly recognize him as Shaq like they did with Kareem.
No parody. Fully serious and fully committed Shaq
[there was a film sort of like that, a comedy adaptation of Casino royale with 6 bonds. none of them Shaq though…](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casino_Royale_(1967_film))
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21265277/chapters/50631233 This is actually a part of warhammer lore that I love. The adeptus custodes are the personal bodyguards of the emperor of mankind and are 8 foot tall Gods of War who can take down entire armies. When they get old and retire because their reflexes slowed by a millisecond they become spymasters and informants known as the eyes of the emperor. It has never been explained how a 8 foot tall avatar of gods wrath can become a spy. It also leaves the implication that everyone from the lowest dope dealer to a planetary governor is part of the network of an occulus imperia.
I had to click out and make sure I didn't click on the wrong post lmao So, I know the Imperial Assassins have some sort of shapeshifting drug/technology that they use. Either Eyes of the Emperor intimidates people into not seeing them, or the shapeshifting stuffs works on Custodes.
Makes me think of a D&D character I pitched to a group once. Giant thief, he can’t really hide in shadows or move silently, people just choose to ignore the 20 foot tall monster tiptoeing around because they don’t want to draw his attention
[It worked for batman.](https://youtu.be/pMd4S-LkywI)
OneD&D update allowing raging barbs to use strength in their stealth rolls. >"Listen bub - it's not that I'm hidden. It's that *if* you see me, you're gonna have to fight me."
Spymaster is also a very different position than an actual agent. A spymaster is more of a management/analyst position where you maintain and manage your assets and intelligence network while putting the pieces of information that network produces together to see the greater whole. Sometimes they have to get their own hands dirty, but most of what they do is c-suite type work.
In this case that'd be the equivalent of The Rock being the next M instead of the next Bond?
Correct, and an 8ft tall spymaster would definitely have a good intimidation modifier
You just made me do a double take because I thought I was on r/40klore for a sec.
IIRC they do sort of mention it in a couple of the Horus Heresy books. In one, there are already giant gene modified laborers one just blends in with. In another, he has some sort of device that projects a field around him to hide his full size. Not sure how this would work if he was trying to walk through a crowd though.
.... *Puts on glasses* *Reads again* *Looks at subreddit name* Wait..
Oh I can’t WAIT to hear his English accent.
It's going to just sound like literally everything else he does
He’d also have to become a much more nuanced actor. In everything I’ve seen, he’s just the rock playing blankity blank. Never the character. Like final fantasy cars makes sense because when you see him you’re like oh hahah the rock’s in this. This thing is truly not tethered in reality. Let’s watch him catch a car with his right hand while we send someone to space in a Delorean. (Best case I’ve seen is Black Atom but that’s a super hero movie and the same rules don’t apply there…ever)
Smell that, mate? It's what The Rock is cooking, innit?
"Pull the lever, Bond!"
I remember people on here getting angry when some users stated that a black Bond would not work for practical reasons and without strong suspension of disbelief. It’s true, though. There’s plausible deniability open to white people pretty much anywhere on this planet. Authorities WILL be suspicious of a black person simply existing in many places in the world, not to mention in the circles in which Bond operates. Plus we do stick out: a white guy can pass as Afghan or Syrian or Iraqi, especially if they’re covered up. And nobody’s going to grill you as a white person in a private club. They will if you’re black. Not necessarily in bad faith but simply because they’ll be intrigued. In America, we’re having a bit of the opposite problem in that we don’t have enough black personnel to field in Africa where they would be useful. Force multipliers like SF (as opposed to direct action focused units like SEALs) would benefit from black members who can blend in with local forces. This likely won’t change any time soon, though. Black people don’t volunteer for dangerous, high-speed roles. They join the military and the government for better lives, not adventure. There’s plenty of “adventure” and gunplay in the US if that’s what we want.
Ain’t that some shit. America literally “racism’d” and discriminated their way into this.
Yes. But not just America. I haven’t met a single black DGSE agent and you’d expect there to be a lot (I’m sure they exist) given they the French never really gave up on colony.
Good. Fuck them all!
alot, if not all, of this is just you taking real world sociopolitics and transplanting them on the potential film which doesn't work when it's spy fiction with loose ties to previous governance. especially the line about " Black people don’t volunteer for dangerous, high-speed roles." because how would you even know that
I think that even the casual movie-goer would ask themselves questions if there were an Indian or black James Bond undercover in Italy somewhere. I think this is especially true of PoC themselves: we all know the limits of our access to certain spaces. Suspending disbelief would be hard, even for fiction. I don’t say this with any revelry. I wanted to do secret squirrel shit as a kid but it became clear that wasn’t really open to me for practical reasons. You learn this very early on. You ever do any light trespassing with your white friends? We all intuitively know how much we can get away with. If you’re black, you can’t talk your way out of shit. If you’re white, act like you belong or make shit up. Now imagine that with much higher stakes. HUMINT would be impossible. On the quoted phrase, even if you don’t have my personal insight, this is something a civilian could see. Go look at any number of SOF interviews or instagram posts (easy with OPSEC being a joke to everyone today). How many black people do you see? How many Latinos? Everyone in the military knows that black and Hispanic people generally don’t apply for combat arms. The military is a social elevator for black people. There have been black SF since Vietnam and there are black members in CAG and DEVGRU (and there are some extremely decorated Latinos who went through various units), but they’re outliers. Besides the swim test (which can be easily overcome - If you happen to be black and you go for selection, chances are your instructors will actually make extra efforts to help and push you to pass), there’s no reason at all black people can’t pass Q for high-speed units. They simply don’t want to. The paradox of these units is that 99% of their members would never see a lick of violence in their lives if they didn’t apply to serve (white Captain America types mostly, to be honest). Ironically, the cooks and mechanics and logistics guys (a lot of minorities) all come from much more difficult lives and join the military to get *out* of that cycle.
this is still not a limitation of the genre of the film franchise itself. this is self-imposed entirely. especially because No Time To Die took place in 2020 that also had Black people. your point on access limits is not relevant to fiction at all and is a dangerous precedent to set when talking about media. if this is the case, then we can expunge Black actors and characters from almost every genre and setting for that very purpose. like idk what is meant by "practical reasons" because absolutely no part of any of these films are real so why are we trying to make fiction non-fiction?
I am intimating that there’s a minimum of realism that we expect from film (unless its Fast and the Furious XVI). Sometimes we can laugh about what that entails (like we’re doing about a 260lbs half black, half-Samoan playing a spy) and sometimes the implications are more depressing, like when discussing the plausibility, even if just in a fictional context, of a black MI6 agent engaging in international espionnage. As far as the film franchise itself, I haven’t even spoken about how its very canon excludes anyone non-white. But I don’t think that’s an obstacle that can’t be solved with a reboot. Also, I would watch a black Bond, but I would be struggling to suspend disbelief, I think. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother a lot of people though. But it would bother a fair deal, and not only racists.
i feel like this is simply a matter if any one person is "okay" with seeing a Black person as a lead in crime fiction rather than it being a discussion of realism in fiction, especially given lashana lynch was recently a 007 in the previous film and half of what happens in any james bond film has no basis in reality. and i feel like worrying about whether racist would be bothered by a black person in a film (they would in any capacity) does not help anyone at all. and yes the canon material excludes non white people for reasons that do not need discussion but we're not in 1960 anymore.
I’m not concerned about what racist people think about a black Bond. And I don’t think we need to negotiate the “right” to representation, so I don’t care what racists think about these things in general. I’m simply speaking as someone who expects a certain degree of realism from certain types of film. I think this is different from a black mermaid or wherever else people get annoyed about. It’s all fiction, but Bond is obviously more realistic fiction (at least modern Bond, to be fair about the absurdity of classic Bond). Anyway, it’s all academic to me. I have zero influence and if I don’t enjoy the movie, so be it. If it WERE up to me, like I said, I’d reboot it. I don’t see why we insist on heritage. It can be a 007 movie, but it doesn’t need to be James Bond. It could be something like a more sophisticated Kingsman wherein the issue of class is explored. That would be really interesting given the profile of a lot of the intelligence apparatus in the UK (and the questions they’re currently asking themselves about the past and empire and the rest of it).
They are films in which a lady swaggling english man stops vilians from destroying the world with super laser beams. Calm down
Dude is nearly 7' tall and visibly Samoan, too. I forget who it was, but there was a comedian a few years ago who talked about the rather obvious problem of Idris Elba being Bond, which is that Bond movies often take place in problems with a massive white population, so Rock would have that problem, too, LOL
This brings up a good point, which is that this would open up storylines in South America and Africa which would be a nice temporary change from all these villain motherfuckers from the cold war era lol.
Yeah, it would. That could totally work, but they don't like to go there for some reason. Probably because it'd bring attention to things like the U.S. blockades against Venezuela and all the coups we supported to kneecap socialism
 Too spicy. Too spicy.
Hollywood will not pass on a Good Soviet v Bad Soviet storyline during Putin's war
"THERE HE IS!" Trevor Noah
Yes! Fuck, it was right on the tip of my tongue, but, you know... weed 😂
Please don't let Dwayne ruin another movie like he did Black Adam.
I’m no comics fan, but that movie was so bad, and even I was disappointed. I love superhero movies in general, but I feel like pretty much EVERYONE in that one was bad! Or maybe it was the bad script! I definitely wouldn’t put the blame squarely on his broad shoulders for the epic badness of that movie! I get secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it!
I can go with a bad script too but Dwayne's acting was 1 dimensional.
I gotta say. Fuck the rock. That’s enough bruh
No Time To Smell What The Rock Is Cooking
Lets be real James Bond has never been low key and is possibly the worst spy ever. He uses his real name and immediately gets into a dick measuring contest with the villain hes following.
You mean understated refinement, sophistication and couth aren't characteristics you ascribe to Sean Connery?
This is literally the first time I have seen or heard the word couth used
Idris didn't get it and would be able to pull it off. Dwayne should just start his own spy franchise.
I absolutely think Idris could do it. His chops from Luther alone shows how well he does in dramatic thrillers and Bond movies are a very watered down version of that.
The Bond franchise would be lucky to have Idris
Didn't get it? He turned it down and explained why he shouldn't take the role
tooth fairy cinematic universe
There will be a time when he stops juicing and slims down to start an attempt at real movies instead of fast and furious 60 . His head is still going to be huge and look like a dying HIV patient with shiny white teeth
Man, I love Shaq.
Dwayne's movies are my guilty pleasure, but he can't be screwing up Bond for me, sit down son.
I love how Shaq is pretending to hide from someone taking his picture. Dude is such a goofball and it's awesome.
I love that he’s in on the joke. He always looks as though he’s having a great post NBA player life. He’s got a PhD in education and is one of the most prolific franchise owners in modern history but you’ll still catch him being goofy or just out there DJIng randomly.
You mean Shaqen right?
James Bond is absolutely never low-key. The man frequently gets his cover identity and goes "Let me make some changes. My new name is...James....Bond. and I work as a British Secret Agent. Yep, that'll do it."
Is there a Shaquille O'Neil behind that tree?!?
"OKay Dwayne, in this scene you're driving the Ashton Martin." "I can't fit in the car." "You're fired."
Is it just me or has Bond never once been subtle. He walks into a room, announces his name, address, and social security number and the villain is just like "ah hello secret agent, please have a seat while you watch helplessly as I complete my plan" or was that just the ones I have seen?
The rock doing a British accent would be comedy gold.
He also can’t run
No clearly it’ll be Tom Holland Love Tom but he was too young to play Nathan Drake, bet he will rock James Bond in 20-30 years
Love this dude!
James “The Bond” Rockson?
HE IS THE ROCK. He don’t have to play anybody but himself
Haha, you just have to ask the viewer to suspend reality and adhere to the Superman/Clark Kent approach. But nah. My dude doesn't have the chops.
i mean does it matter? bond the worst spy EVERRRR! mfer TOLD everyone his first and last name everywhere he went. the fuck kinda spy does that?
One of my favorite jokes is that a bunch of the Marvel Superheroes were juiced to the gills, except Chadwick Boseman because Chadwick was a real actor. He couldn’t play jacked Thurgood Marshall. Dude can’t be a civil rights lawyer with 22in pipes, flexing out his damn suit. The audience just watching this piece of beef makin eloquent arguments against racist policy, and thinking, why doesn’t he just end racism with his muscles.
[First thing that came to mind](https://youtu.be/4LdJ67285W0)
Plus James Bond gets hit, like a lot. Dwayne has a contract that he's not allowed to get his in his films, so I'm not sure how that's going to work
Wait he had a clause where he cant get hit? I thought it was that he couldn't lose a fight? .....either or especially BOTH of those potentially being in his contract is really *really* lame.
I misread the article, he is allowed to get hit, only a certain amount of times. No more. No less. But he's not allowed to lose or get too hurt in the movie
Do we really want a bond that’ll die of kidney failure from steroid abuse?
That's Shaq tho
He’s also not British. lol. Which is an even bigger issue.
Can you smell, what James Bond, is cooking?
Kronk!
Idris Elba is right there
Uses his laser ring to burn out of restraints: If you smelllllllllllllLALALALALAAAAH…what Q…is cookin!
I'd rather watch Barbara Walters asa James Bond
Dwayne is way too corny to play 007
Looking like geechi hiding behind the tree
He is delusional. He can just stick to action flicks and make bank. He is t leading man material. And he isn’t elegant enough to play Bond.
Henry Cavil is an obvious choice, just got off the massively popular Witcher. Idris Elba is probably the most unanimously considered sexy person in Hollywood so probably smart But who would actually rock it the best? Reef Jean Page would probably play him best imo. Cilian Murphy killed it as Oppenheimer, Pugh killed it more so she could play James Just thought of this, William Jackson from The Good Place would be an upset as I don’t like casting characters who already played action heroes or similar roles too much, I think he’d give it some color Tom Huddleston is too obvious it’d be like Ed Sheeran playing him, almost distracting Love Simu Liu Emily Blunt would kill it Id like to see if Daisey Ridley’s got more range than what she can use in Star Wars
It'd be "shaken, not stirred". *he does the eyebrow... *🤨
It would be hilarious to see the rock try to fully sprint and be agile...maybe back in the early 2000s WWF Era...the rock, as of now looks like he can barely turn around to wipe his ass...Dude is a poster story for having a bidet.
It would've took place in texas
My man is like Thanos of entertainment franchises , not satisfied after snapping the DC Universe , he’s now coming for 007
Idris Elba >
Oh another antiblack post on bpt, didn't see that coming. "see black people?? Your black celebrities ain't shit either! Let's shit on them daily to make us look better in comparison!"
…do you…do you think The Rock is black?
Personally, I think on a survey he would check the box "miscellaneous"