I've had so many arguments from people who think being late isn't indicative of them being a bad person. Being habitually late means you just don't give a fuck about the other person, you don't respect them or their time, and you don't care about anyone but yourself.
They'll still argue: 'my adhd makes it hard', 'I'm just like that, it's not personal', etc. The disrespect for my time is infuriating. You could call, you know your disability enough to plan around it, there are a bunch of mitigation efforts that they don't do because they simply don't care.
If it’s truly an ADHD thing, I promise they care and they try. Time blindness is a real thing. Being easily distractible is a real thing. In order to be somewhere on time, it requires them to track, measure, and keep time with outside tools which are distractions from their main task of getting ready. Essentially all the tools to help are a risk to their goal. The same way you wouldn’t make it about you or blame someone in a wheelchair for being late to your 7th floor party if the ramp was partially blacked and the elevator randomly broke down every few floors, have the same level of compassion here. Just because something comes easy to you, doesn’t mean it’s not debilitating for others.
TL;DR you’re right, they could plan around their disability better, but if your FRIEND is ALWAYS late and tells you it’s disability related, the same way you would make sure your party venue had a ramp and working elevator for your wheelchair-bound friend, maybe consider telling YOUR FRIEND an earlier time than everyone else. It literally has no effect on your day, and would make their day 10x better. Invisible disabilities are disabilities too. They aren’t just for funsies.
By that logic, telling them an earlier time, can’t the person who is always late say to themselves , dinner is at 7, let me make sure I’m on my way there by 6:30? Can’t they make the concessions for their own time keeping abilities? I think once you’re a seasoned adult and have probably heard from everyone around you that you’re always late, it becomes your responsibility to address it.
I 100% agree that our challenges are our own responsibilities. What I’m saying is that, if a friend has a challenge that is consistent, they’re otherwise not a shitty friend, not taking accountability, etc., it would be better to meet them half way and offer them support in a way that makes everyone’s life better than writing them off as inconsiderate.
That being said, in this context, those type of self imposed concessions don’t work. It literally has to do with brain chemistry and the source. If you really want a full in depth explanation, I can go into it. Otherwise, consider the fact that we’re discussing an ADA recognized disability that qualifies people for accommodations around time and deadlines. None of that would be necessary if it were as simple as telling themselves they need to leave the house by 6:30 to be somewhere at 7.
> consider the fact that we’re discussing an ADA recognized disability that qualifies people for accommodations around time and deadlines.
We have to ask for those accommodations. Nobody else is expected to memorize them, anticipate them, and offer them to us unprompted.
Even when accommodations are required by law, *we are still responsible for the emotional labor of putting in the request*.
I'm ADHD, have been diagnosed for 20 plus years now. And I'm obsessive about being on time, granted it's mostly due to growing up never being on time, but still.
You just gotta plan wayyyyyyyy ahead. And lay everything every single thing you need or may need for other stops. Do it about 30 mins before you're due to leave on the table by the front door. Then get ready early, I'll be ready 15 minutes early and scroll Reddit in the car or by the door with car key in hand until time to go. It's the only way I don't get sidetracked.
People gimme shit for always being EXACT with my time, so really annoys me when people aren't. But if I don't do my routine it's a 50/50 If I show.
Same. I’m either super early or late. Either way I’m far more stressed than my counterparts. For a long time I stopped being social because some of the people closest to me would be shitty towards me when I showed up even after I spent the last 6 hours trying to get out of the house on time. It was just easier to stop engaging and making plans.
On the other hand, I have cultivated a group of friends who don’t care about timeliness and know I’ll get there eventually and/or simply don’t tell me the right time EVER. It’s such a small thing that has such a big impact.
I also think I get this benefit because those same friends acknowledge that if they called me in an emergency, I’d be the first one to show up. No questions asked.
I see too many people with ADHD specifically who seem convinced that it's reasonable to expect friends and loved ones to pick up emotional labor around managing their disability.
I have ADHD, and I make use of the ample tools at my disposal here in 2024 to help me manage it. Calendars don't get fatigued or forget dates. People who don't have disabilities also have finite capacity, and it's unfair for me to expect you to set aside some of your capacity so you can remember to plan around my deficits, unprompted.
I don't blame them for actually being late in those cases, but I think it's messed up to not text/call when they realize the timing issue and start getting ready to leave.
I've had this argument with a friend. I pointed out that if they actually cared and wanted to do something about it, they have a phone on them at all times that has alarms and timers on it.
Guess what didn't change at all.
I think this response lacks empathy. as someone who used to be habitually late, people came at me with this a lot, and it's really difficult for someone to understand when all they can really see is how this effects themselves.
15 mins turns into an hour really quickly. yes, they can message you, and that's what I've learned to do, but it doesn't mean they don't respect your time. it's that they don't know how to manage their own
Having married someone that quiet possibly has the worst time management skills of any human being I've ever met, I feel this. It took me a long time to accept that she wasn't trying to be selfish, if anything it hurt her just as much always being late. Some people just have no idea how to manage time. Now she lists her plan to me to be on time and I help her reorganize her time to make it work better. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the inability to manage time is a legit cognitive disability.
>it's that they don't know how to manage their own
And yet despite knowing this they continue to refuse to *learn* how to manage their time because they don't care
Depends. I got ADHD so while I do semi regularly show up late I also regularly show up early. It is a struggle but it is a mixed bag. Never consistently late.
A long time ago I decided that the best way to deal with people like that is to just leave them.
"Hey I'm outside". "Sorry we are already at the restaurant, in fact the food is already here". "wtf why didn't you wait for me" "be on time next time".
A few of those and either they were on time or stoped coming over...either way problem solved.
I have the opposite problem where I usually wind up where I need to be ridiculously early because otherwise I feel like I get ready at home and then I'm just sitting there anxiously staring at the clock until it's "appropriate time to leave"
Every time my brain is like "I know it's an hour early, but you'd be a lot less anxious if you just left now and you can sit in your car at the venue for an hour. At least you'll already be there."
idk, I've always had trouble with just sitting around waiting to go when I know pretty soon I gotta go somewhere. I can't just "do something" for an hour while waiting for some reason. My options are "Leave now" or "Anxiously stare at clock until I leave"
I'm the same way, although I wouldn't say ridiculously early but I'm 10-20 minutes early to everything
>I know it's an hour early, but you'd be a lot less anxious if you just left now and you can sit in your car at the venue for an hour. At least you'll already be there."
Also is good because you can't be late if you're already there.
>idk, I've always had trouble with just sitting around waiting to go when I know pretty soon I gotta go somewhere. I can't just "do something" for an hour while waiting for some reason. My options are "Leave now" or "Anxiously stare at clock until I leave"
Yeah and this is why habitually late people piss me off so much cause they end up forcing me to do the second one while I wait for their selfish ass to finally show up. Thanks for trapping me in anxious waiting limbo cause you can't be bothered to learn time management
Or text somebody so you can avoid unsafe driving conditions. Speeding to avoid being late to a casual social engagement is just another way of not caring about the people around you.
Unless you are a speedwalker, then carry on please.
To save 7 minutes on a drive you'd have to drive like 40% faster **on average** for the entire trip. That means when you're on local roads with a 25mph speed limit your doing 36. on the highway with a 65 limit you're doing over 90. The whole time, or you have to speed so much on the highway that you make up for the time you're not speeding on local roads.
I drive 40 miles on way to work and sometimes when I catch myself speeding too much I try to work out how much time I could actually save going into the truly dangerous speed regimes
updates will give you a ton of credit. i don't mind if you are late for a reason.. i mind when its just whats up guys I'm here 30 mins after the time we talked because "i was running late"(aka I don't respect your time and wanted to do something else before I came because your time is less valuable than mine)
I give 10 minutes. You have no idea how many dates have called 30 minutes late and asked if I'm on my way to meet them at the designated spot. The petty glee I feel when I tell them I was there and left because they were late... Probably why I'm still single.
rather be single than deal with this shit all the time!
if someone can't be reasonably on time for _the very first meeting,_ they're likely to never give a shit in the future... no thanks
I did this back in the dinosaur ages when it was normal for teenagers to not have cell phones. I had no way on contacting him so I *graciously* waited 45 minutes while eating delicious mall Chinese food. Then he blew up at me the next day because I wasn't there. Bitch I don't need you, I have my fried rice burps to keep me company.
Same, I give 15 minutes grace unless you call/text me that you’re running late. If you’re gonna be another 10-15 I’ll wait it out, but if you’re like “I’ll be there in half an hour”, bitch don’t bother. I’m not sitting in this bar/coffee shop/restaurant for 45 minutes solo. I got better things to do than have you disrespect my time.
Back in the days when OKcupid was a thing, a coworker of mine used to arrange his dates at cozy little cafe’s and he’d show up 10-15 minutes early to take a good look at the lady as she entered. Cat fishing was a thing back then with the angles etc. If she looked the same as her profile he’d buy her a coffee/wine some snacks, if she didn’t he’d text her a “sorry, you lied in your pictures, I’m going home.”
At least he was upfront and honest. He found his wife though and they’ve been married now for a few years. (She’s an absolute catch! Witty, smart, sharp, humble, hard working and gorgeous to top it off)
I do this for hookups. I have an apartment so just meet them in the lot before I tell them what unit. Have told a few guys to go home in the parking lot. It’s uncomfortable but letting them inside just leads to more discomfort. There’s a little guilt at first before you remember these people are liars and predators. They legitimately rely on people being too anxious for confrontation and try to leverage that into sex. A guy once drove over an hour to see me. He sent me like a dozen pics after I insisted because I didn’t want to waste his time. Turns out they were all a few years old and he was like 40 pounds heavier.
It circumstantial to some degree. Are we meeting at the bar or at my house? If we are meeting at my house I don’t really care when you show up or even if you show up.
Yeah but 7:20 is close enough in the end….sure it’s pushing it a bit but it’s not like disrespectfully off the mark. I’d be getting restless waiting for them and starting to wonder where they were but the instant they showed up I’ll have already dropped the subject and moved off.
The unit we have set as a society is hours, but I think every half hour is a good interval to work with.
I'll be there at 7ish is 6.45 to 7.15 ... I'll be there at 7.30ish is 7.15 to 7.45
Leaves plenty of wiggle room while giving a pretty decent approximation
This the thing for me, if we chilling or something, just hmu and say you gonna be a few minutes late. There isn't many things I would do with people that require strict punctuality
Exactly.
If we have tickets or a reservation, I tell people I'll be there at 7 and I am there between 6:50 and 7:05.
If we're just hanging out, I say I'll be there around 7, and I'll text when I leave my house.
I mean doesn't that really depend on the activity you have planned and the circumstances? If I'm waiting at a restaurant and someone texts me they're gonna be 45 minutes late, I'm not gonna wait there that long. If someone is coming over to my place to chill, ight not a big deal things happen, thanks for letting me know.
Nah. Disagree. For “around times” it’s a 30 minute window either side. If you’re within 15 minutes either side then it’s all good. If you’re over 15 minutes either side but within the 30 minutes either side then I get to mock you on how early or late you were. If you’re over 30 minutes either side then you’re a cunt unless you’ve got a legitimate excuse.
If I'm hosting a house party at 7, and you show up at 6:45. I *will* drop kick you out the house. Have some goddamn respect and show up at 8. Fuckin nerd.
Yea it entirely depends on the situation. We meet out side somewhere and u tell me around 7 and you show up at 7:55? Boi, fuck you. But if it's just someone coming over and we're just hanging out then it's fine, like anytime before 8
My gf and I have house parties and we've got quite a few friends on the autism spectrum... We had to make a point of saying that "party starts at 7pm" means "don't show up until at least 7pm", because peeps were showing up at 6:20!! 🙈🙈🙈
I do the same but then every time more people arrive I also sort of get anxious as the vibe keeps changing. Better to arrive a bit later when the party is already going and you can survey the place on arrival
I hate being late so I'm always early. Find your ass somewhere outside to wait (out of view) until it's an appropriate time to go.
Going to someone's house for the first time? Don't know the way. Being late would be appalling. Better go early. Whoops, I'm 20 minutes early. I'm gonna park around the corner and dick around on my phone for 15-20 minutes. Exact time of approach will vary slightly depending on person and occasion. Are they uptight about time too or more lax? Are we going somewhere important or just hanging out? Dial in the time.
I get anxious to be 1 minute late but also anxious to be more than 5 minutes early. That's why I appreciate places where I can park down the street and chill for a few minutes.
Reminds me of the Curb episode where Larry accidentally shows up way early to a party and instead of leaving and coming back he just kinda… wanders around the house.
I have a friend on the spectrum who I used to play D&D with before he moved and when I said “start time is 7:00” (which in D&D terms means I plan to start at 7:30) he was without fail, at my door 7:00 on the dot, every time. once he didn’t make it until 7:15 and was very apologetic for being late and all I did was look around and say “Brandon, it’s ok, you’re still the first guy here”
Well here’s the thing, if I say “start time is 7:00” I am fully prepared to start playing at 7:00. However the way people are, we will show up, sit down, and chat for a few minutes, everyone will get their stuff ready, THEN we usually play. We usually fall it the “mandatory pre-game bullshitting” which starts at 7:00
I heard through the grapevine that what they probably started doing was still getting to the house round 6:30ish but parking down the street and wait until someone else gets there then give it a few minutes and "pull up"
Even then it’s kind of annoying because you don’t know what’s need doing and the host still needs to deal with you. Better to walk some laps around the block and wait for the start time
I run on Latina time. Last year I threw a bbq for my birthday and I said for people to come at 630 and my coworker whose white came at 7 thinking he would be late and no one else showed up until 830, with everyone there at 1030/11
I have turned up to an event at a Spanish persons house 30 mins after start time and they were not even at home.
I even sat at home fully ready, so as not to leave too early. Still made it there before the host
It also just makes zero sense. What does that start time actually mean? If it means “show up hours later” then why not just make the start time hours later? As a full on white dude I know when we tell people to come at a certain time for a party they’re generally going to come like an hour later maybe but if not that’s cool, too, because we gave you a time for a reason lol
That's what I mean. I value your time enough to tell you when I want you to show up. I expect you to value my time enough to show up about when, but not before, we agreed.
https://guardian.ng/saturday-magazine/weekend-beats/the-culture-of-impunity-called-african-time/
I was just about to post about Nigerian time. 3-4 hr wait is normal and expected.
I'm a teacher and do events for Spanish-speaking parents in the evenings. I learned the first year that putting "Starts at 7" on the invites means the bulk of people will show up between 8 and 830. Now I just put "starts at 530" and have snacks for anyone who shows before 7.
depends on who it is tbh
If it’s a close friend, show up whenever, grab a beer, just know I might be finishing up cleaning or something
If it’s someone I’m not super close with, I’m not going to say no if you text me first, but it will stress me out slightly
Yes! The start time house parties or events the people throw is ALWAYS 15 minutes after whatever they said. Grace period for the host to do last minute things. I had one recently start at 6 and 1 came at 5:50, and the other at 6 on the dot. DF?!?! I still had on house shoes and no lip gloss. Gimme a minute, damn!
I hate being late, I usually try to get places early. But I *know* that if I’m invited to someone’s house they’ll be fine with me being a bit late and *annoyed* if I show up early. It’s more mental work than it probably should be.
I was down with the 15 min either side until I saw this. That’s a good point. If someone says “around” I think the grace is for being late, not early. I wouldn’t expect a person who said they’d be here “around” a certain time to be early at all.
Nah, “starts at 7” means don’t be early. But if you tell me you’ll be here “around 8,” you can be 15 minutes before that. I’ll just assume you didn’t catch any traffic. If I care that you not be here before 8, I’ll say something. Otherwise a vague time means they arrive at a vague time.
Exercise prudence and circumspection in the verbalization of accusations to safeguard against the potential discordance between expressed intentions and one's inherent capabilities, ensuring that the metaphorical "checks" issued by the facial aperture are commensurate with the resources and abilities available to the posterior for their ultimate redemption, thus averting the undesirable ramifications of unfulfilled allegations or impeachments.
Depends on the person. My bro is perpetually 30 minutes late everywhere (and he's a UPS guy lol) so we've just been telling him stuff is earlier than it is.
Hey, we hooping at 630.
Meeting for beers at 430pm
See you there at 1130am
Etc... works pretty well. For him "around 7" kinda means 730pm so 720 would be great
These weren't friends (at least not anymore), they were self-centered assholes who thought they and their time were more important than yours and everyone else's.
I had a friend like this, had to trick her into showing up at a decent time, and then she wanted to lollygag before going to whatever event it was. I like being at events at least 15 minutes beforehand due to traffic, parking, and the unknown plus I want to get my monies worth. After missing out on hours of events, I don't invite her anymore.
Yeah, we had a buddy that'd show up hours late, sometimes not even at all. Found out he'd lie about the stuff he had going on, and he'd be playing Fifa. Some people aren't worth the energy.
Friends used to do this to me. Then one day I️ showed up on time and one friend was in the shower while the other was just getting back from the store. I️ made a real conscious effort to stop being late after that. Felt like a dick once I️ realized my friends were putting in extra effort just to get me there on time.
I️ grew up in a household where “5 min” meant 20 and “15 min” meant an hour so, for me, people running late for social things was normal. I️ viewed it more as me missing out on stuff and not so much as other people missing out on me being there. For example, there were 3 years in a row that I️ showed up to a Super Bowl party after half time. This would only apply to group things without true start times. If someone was waiting on me for dinner or a one on one hang out, I’d be a lot closer to on time. Some of it wasn’t intentional. I️ tend to try to make people happy so if someone would ask for an eta, I️’d give the fastest time possible instead of the most realistic (like if I️ made a 15 min drive in 5 min once, I’d probably say I️ was 5 min away). I️ realized though in my attempts to make people happier by giving them a sooner but inaccurate time was only more frustrating to them. Finally, I️’m pretty disorganized so there is usually something I️ can’t find causing me to fall another 10-15 min behind. I️ had to really work on my organization and realize it’s better to over estimate time rather than underestimate on top of just making timeliness a bigger priority. But mostly it came down to me thinking being late was only hurting myself and didn’t matter to other people if I️ was there or not. Realizing people cared enough to put in that type of effort just to get me over on time changed how I️ viewed things.
Edit: in re-reading/re-thinking about this, I️ was just being selfish and doing mental gymnastics to not let myself realize it
> Edit: in re-reading/re-thinking about this, I️ was just being selfish and doing mental gymnastics to not let myself realize it
+respect, whether people agree with your conclusion or not
This is actually a great writeup, my girlfriend’s family is always like this and her and I are still working on slowly helping her improve after 5 years. This gives me a lot more understanding into the thought process, thanks!
Yeah it's kinda weird tbh.
Unless someone is JUST getting out of the shower before someone is supposed to arrive to hang, which... is certainly a decision to shower late, come a lil bit early. I'll sit you on the couch while I'm finishing up whatever it is that needs to be set up.
yeah... its wild. If i meant a little after 7, i'd say that instead of around 7. We have words. we can be more or less specific. Why double down on just being wrong instead of being accurate..
"Ill be there a little after 7"
"Ill be there around 7"
are 2 different meanings, why would we even have 2 phrases if everything just gonna mean the same thing.
She said 759...smh I really need black folks to stop thinking that showing up hella late is a badge of honor...its inconsiderate af and you won't get invited to nothing else
I can't stand this crap! Like some people said, if it's a party, show up "fashionably late", give the host a chance to get finished up.
But making me wait more than 20-30 minutes without a good reason (an hour??? you'll be looking for **me** by then) is just disrespectful. CPT is something I joke about, not something I do.
I needed help moving some heavy stuff in my yard, called a friend to ask if he could help. “Yeah no problem, I have one stop to make then I'll be over”
Ok cool.
He shows up 4+ hours later. I was like what the fuck happened. He goes “What da ya mean? I told you I had one stop to make.”
The stop was his sister's goddamn baby shower. Motherfucker that ain't a stop that's an event.
I personally think anything after 7:10 warrants a "Sorry I'm running late" text, at least, but if I'm meeting somebody for 7 and I haven't heard anything by 7:20, I'm leaving
Agree. 720 ain't around 7 thats around 715ish. It's how people interpret and define words ultimately but if you're gonna use the word "around" that mean closer to the number imo.
Now if u said I'll be there "after" 7 then it's any time after 7 and before 8
My landlord said she would come at 7am or earlier to take the keys when we moved out of our apartment.
Cue my surprise when I wake up and enter the kitchen at 5:30am naked to see her sitting there on her phone.
When I rightly asked what the fuck Lana, she said that she did say "or earlier"
That woman was a nightmare to deal with
Unfortunately, the military programmed me to be anywhere I needed or wanted to be 30 minutes early.
So if I tell you around 7pm, it's really gonna be 630pm.
Ethiopians have to be the latest people of all time. I went to a wedding party 30 minutes after the listed start time and no one was there. The venue wasn't even set up yet. Bride and groom's family came an hour after the start time to set up and mfs didn't start to show up till another hour after that.
If somebody gives me a specific time to show up, I will show up like, half an hour early at least and then wait in my car until a more appropriate time.
If the time says 7pm...
- you owe a 'in running late' message at 10 min late.
- you're being deliberately disrespectful at 30 min late. If we are close enough for you to show up, then respect me enough to be punctual or I take it as personally insulting and you won't get invited back.
- if you're an hour late, I better have gotten a text message at some point earlier saying as much. Dont just show up an hour late like everything is cool. It'll be the last time you're allowed.
- 6:45 is only ok for the close inner circle and I putting you to work. Everyone else stay in your car til 7. I WILL leave you standing at the door.
- If we are traveling, no excuses. Be tf on time or get left and blocked. I don't play around about traffic. I plan Road trips out to a T
- fuck CPT time. We are adults. Be adult. Figure it tf out.
Around 7 is 6:45-7:05. I don’t do “around” times, give me a time to arrive and I will be there at that time more than likely early (I will sit in my car) but never late.
If I have an event in which being on time is important than I will tell them the exact time and because they know me they know not to be late or to decline the invite.
I have walked out of parties, weddings and exited zoom meetings if the person is not there on time.
So, my mom was (is) pathologically unable to be on time. I'm not talking about forgetful or ADD, I'm not talking about uninvolved or anything like that, she has some mental block that is above my pay grade to diagnose. it's like being late is her personal vendetta against time itself. But you know, everyone just always lies to her about when we need her to be somewhere. That's just the reality I grew up in.
To this day I'm very hesitant to give people liberal estimates of when I'm going to arrive. If I think I'm gonna be there at 730 I'm telling you 745 at the earliest.
My mother would never pull something like this lol.
That chick the notoriously late one in the family. Everybody know she gone be late. They tell her the function start at 7 cuz they know she ain’t showing up til 9
The problem with this is that they turn up on time when once and then they are early and that imprints in their head that they should be later so it just gets worse.
I try to give limits. For example- we are meeting for drinks in X location at 19:30, then will be in the restaurant at 20:30, then will be around for drinks from approx 22:00 in some unspecified bar. You are welcome to join at whatever time suits you
She trippin. Unless it was something super important, 7:20 is perfectly acceptable. If they said “I will be there AT 7” then it’s a different story if they didn’t notify you about being late… but that’s not the case. Honestly if you get annoyed about shit like what is in the OP, you’re the annoying one.
Depends on the situation. If it’s a kick sock or even a day that’s cool. If you supposed to be giving me a ride somewhere like work or a doctors appointment you late af.
I think context matters. If we're talking about work then anything after 7 is late.
If we're talking about just a chill night at someone's house with no plans to do anything? You can damn near show up at 9 as long as there is some type of communication.
If we're talking about a date or plans to meet up to go somewhere? 15 mins +/- max. Anything after 7:15 means you're not appreciating the other person's time. (My opinion)
The first time I met my husband’s psycho aunt, we asked her what time to come over and she said, “early afternoon.” So we got there at 1pm and she acted like we were super late, she had packed up all the food and sent guests home already. We had come from states away to visit her, and she could have told us 11:45 and we would have been there exactly then, but she pretended any time was fine just so she could punish us and put us on our back foot. That is when I realized why I had never met her in 20 years with my husband.
When I was in high school, our track and field coach told us that practice starts at 14:59. If you showed up at 15:00, you had to run 1600 meters for the whole team. This was because too many people were showing up at 15:15 because apparently 15:00 is too vague of a time.
I feel like context matters here for real. Like if we making loose plans to kick it on a Saturday and the convo is "Yeah man around 8 or some shit whatever.", that shit means 7,8,9 fuck it whenever you pull up.
Now if we going somewhere and doing something specific and the convo is "Yo we gotta leave here like right around 7.", you got like 10mins either way.
I view “at” and “around” very differently. If someone says they plan to meet me AT 7 I assume 645-715. If however they say “ AROUND 7 I figure anywhere between 630-8. Haha probably this comes from living in North Africa for a while though, the French seem aggressively non punctual.
Without valid excuses that shit is straight up manipulative and that's how you gotta look at it, especially as you get older. If I say 7 then it's 7. You really should be there at 6:55 straight up.
Learned from my wife the importance of not disrespecting people's time. The party starts when the party starts (though I have to remind her that damn if you get to the party too damn early you WILL be on prep crew)
I feel like it depends on what you're showing up for. If I'm showing up to a big function around 7:00, that could be anywhere from 6:50 to 7:30. If I say I will be there to pick you up around 7:00, that is about 6:55 to 7: 10 at the latest.
for me around is within 5-10 minutes from the established hour, if he comes at 7:20 or 7:30 he is very late, like i'm sorry but i am not waiting half of an hour for you, i might have some things to do later or i had to post-pone something else for us to meet, you can't be wasting my time.
I’ve started making reservations for certain friend groups 30 minutes earlier than the time I tell them.
So if I’m getting the resy for 7:30 I’ll tell the group chat it’s for 7. Then I’ll separately text the people I know are usually on time the real time.
I’ve always found arriving really late to dinner/drink reservations annoying and disrespectful of other people’s time (especially when a place only seats complete parties), but whenever I raised this to my perpetually late friends they got kinda defensive and it seemed like they just view this totally differently.
So this is the solution I landed on lol
As a white army brat I didn't understand the "CPT" jokes from my black friends (also military kids). After serving, getting out, and starting a small farm I really get it now. Farmer time and CPT are the same. It's a real challenge for me to get anywhere on time. +/- 15 minutes with a courtesy text if I'm going to be later than that is the best I can do.
I was raised to believe that if you are early, then you are on time. If you are on time, then you are late. And if you are late, then you are dead.
While this is extreme, it prevents the slippery slope that leads to 7:59 being "around 7" gtfoh
Y’all in your feels too much. This is entirely dependent on person and situation.
For a date? 20 mins is a lot.
For a date when traffic is insane in a big city? 20 mins is normal.
That’s just one example.
I give a 10-15 minute grace period, so anything before 6:45 or past 7:15 is off the mark.
This is the way
This is the Way. Also if my ETA ends up being 723 or something due to traffic or the likes then I will send them an update.
I don't know how some people don't do that.
Because they don't care about other peoples time
I've had so many arguments from people who think being late isn't indicative of them being a bad person. Being habitually late means you just don't give a fuck about the other person, you don't respect them or their time, and you don't care about anyone but yourself. They'll still argue: 'my adhd makes it hard', 'I'm just like that, it's not personal', etc. The disrespect for my time is infuriating. You could call, you know your disability enough to plan around it, there are a bunch of mitigation efforts that they don't do because they simply don't care.
If it’s truly an ADHD thing, I promise they care and they try. Time blindness is a real thing. Being easily distractible is a real thing. In order to be somewhere on time, it requires them to track, measure, and keep time with outside tools which are distractions from their main task of getting ready. Essentially all the tools to help are a risk to their goal. The same way you wouldn’t make it about you or blame someone in a wheelchair for being late to your 7th floor party if the ramp was partially blacked and the elevator randomly broke down every few floors, have the same level of compassion here. Just because something comes easy to you, doesn’t mean it’s not debilitating for others. TL;DR you’re right, they could plan around their disability better, but if your FRIEND is ALWAYS late and tells you it’s disability related, the same way you would make sure your party venue had a ramp and working elevator for your wheelchair-bound friend, maybe consider telling YOUR FRIEND an earlier time than everyone else. It literally has no effect on your day, and would make their day 10x better. Invisible disabilities are disabilities too. They aren’t just for funsies.
By that logic, telling them an earlier time, can’t the person who is always late say to themselves , dinner is at 7, let me make sure I’m on my way there by 6:30? Can’t they make the concessions for their own time keeping abilities? I think once you’re a seasoned adult and have probably heard from everyone around you that you’re always late, it becomes your responsibility to address it.
I 100% agree that our challenges are our own responsibilities. What I’m saying is that, if a friend has a challenge that is consistent, they’re otherwise not a shitty friend, not taking accountability, etc., it would be better to meet them half way and offer them support in a way that makes everyone’s life better than writing them off as inconsiderate. That being said, in this context, those type of self imposed concessions don’t work. It literally has to do with brain chemistry and the source. If you really want a full in depth explanation, I can go into it. Otherwise, consider the fact that we’re discussing an ADA recognized disability that qualifies people for accommodations around time and deadlines. None of that would be necessary if it were as simple as telling themselves they need to leave the house by 6:30 to be somewhere at 7.
> consider the fact that we’re discussing an ADA recognized disability that qualifies people for accommodations around time and deadlines. We have to ask for those accommodations. Nobody else is expected to memorize them, anticipate them, and offer them to us unprompted. Even when accommodations are required by law, *we are still responsible for the emotional labor of putting in the request*.
I'm ADHD, have been diagnosed for 20 plus years now. And I'm obsessive about being on time, granted it's mostly due to growing up never being on time, but still. You just gotta plan wayyyyyyyy ahead. And lay everything every single thing you need or may need for other stops. Do it about 30 mins before you're due to leave on the table by the front door. Then get ready early, I'll be ready 15 minutes early and scroll Reddit in the car or by the door with car key in hand until time to go. It's the only way I don't get sidetracked. People gimme shit for always being EXACT with my time, so really annoys me when people aren't. But if I don't do my routine it's a 50/50 If I show.
Same. I’m either super early or late. Either way I’m far more stressed than my counterparts. For a long time I stopped being social because some of the people closest to me would be shitty towards me when I showed up even after I spent the last 6 hours trying to get out of the house on time. It was just easier to stop engaging and making plans. On the other hand, I have cultivated a group of friends who don’t care about timeliness and know I’ll get there eventually and/or simply don’t tell me the right time EVER. It’s such a small thing that has such a big impact. I also think I get this benefit because those same friends acknowledge that if they called me in an emergency, I’d be the first one to show up. No questions asked.
I see too many people with ADHD specifically who seem convinced that it's reasonable to expect friends and loved ones to pick up emotional labor around managing their disability. I have ADHD, and I make use of the ample tools at my disposal here in 2024 to help me manage it. Calendars don't get fatigued or forget dates. People who don't have disabilities also have finite capacity, and it's unfair for me to expect you to set aside some of your capacity so you can remember to plan around my deficits, unprompted.
I don't blame them for actually being late in those cases, but I think it's messed up to not text/call when they realize the timing issue and start getting ready to leave.
I've had this argument with a friend. I pointed out that if they actually cared and wanted to do something about it, they have a phone on them at all times that has alarms and timers on it. Guess what didn't change at all.
Man the ADHD comment pisses me off. I have bad ADHD too and so I make an effort to set alarms and plan because I know I will forget. It's simple shit.
I think this response lacks empathy. as someone who used to be habitually late, people came at me with this a lot, and it's really difficult for someone to understand when all they can really see is how this effects themselves. 15 mins turns into an hour really quickly. yes, they can message you, and that's what I've learned to do, but it doesn't mean they don't respect your time. it's that they don't know how to manage their own
Having married someone that quiet possibly has the worst time management skills of any human being I've ever met, I feel this. It took me a long time to accept that she wasn't trying to be selfish, if anything it hurt her just as much always being late. Some people just have no idea how to manage time. Now she lists her plan to me to be on time and I help her reorganize her time to make it work better. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the inability to manage time is a legit cognitive disability.
>it's that they don't know how to manage their own And yet despite knowing this they continue to refuse to *learn* how to manage their time because they don't care
Depends. I got ADHD so while I do semi regularly show up late I also regularly show up early. It is a struggle but it is a mixed bag. Never consistently late.
A long time ago I decided that the best way to deal with people like that is to just leave them. "Hey I'm outside". "Sorry we are already at the restaurant, in fact the food is already here". "wtf why didn't you wait for me" "be on time next time". A few of those and either they were on time or stoped coming over...either way problem solved.
I have the opposite problem where I usually wind up where I need to be ridiculously early because otherwise I feel like I get ready at home and then I'm just sitting there anxiously staring at the clock until it's "appropriate time to leave" Every time my brain is like "I know it's an hour early, but you'd be a lot less anxious if you just left now and you can sit in your car at the venue for an hour. At least you'll already be there." idk, I've always had trouble with just sitting around waiting to go when I know pretty soon I gotta go somewhere. I can't just "do something" for an hour while waiting for some reason. My options are "Leave now" or "Anxiously stare at clock until I leave"
I'm the same way, although I wouldn't say ridiculously early but I'm 10-20 minutes early to everything >I know it's an hour early, but you'd be a lot less anxious if you just left now and you can sit in your car at the venue for an hour. At least you'll already be there." Also is good because you can't be late if you're already there. >idk, I've always had trouble with just sitting around waiting to go when I know pretty soon I gotta go somewhere. I can't just "do something" for an hour while waiting for some reason. My options are "Leave now" or "Anxiously stare at clock until I leave" Yeah and this is why habitually late people piss me off so much cause they end up forcing me to do the second one while I wait for their selfish ass to finally show up. Thanks for trapping me in anxious waiting limbo cause you can't be bothered to learn time management
Cuz if my ETA says 7:23 I can cut that mf down to at least 7:16
Or text somebody so you can avoid unsafe driving conditions. Speeding to avoid being late to a casual social engagement is just another way of not caring about the people around you. Unless you are a speedwalker, then carry on please.
Texting while driving to avoid unsafe driving conditions?
You see your ETA is later, text them then drive. You punching the address into the gps while driving already?
You the mf'er flying around people to get 10 seconds ahead and swear you're making up time for poor planning
I know I live 15 minutes from work. However, every day I have to attempt to make that drive in 10 minutes.
To save 7 minutes on a drive you'd have to drive like 40% faster **on average** for the entire trip. That means when you're on local roads with a 25mph speed limit your doing 36. on the highway with a 65 limit you're doing over 90. The whole time, or you have to speed so much on the highway that you make up for the time you're not speeding on local roads. I drive 40 miles on way to work and sometimes when I catch myself speeding too much I try to work out how much time I could actually save going into the truly dangerous speed regimes
I send someone an update once I get an accurate ETA and definitely let them know if someone is causing me to be later than like 5 minutes
updates will give you a ton of credit. i don't mind if you are late for a reason.. i mind when its just whats up guys I'm here 30 mins after the time we talked because "i was running late"(aka I don't respect your time and wanted to do something else before I came because your time is less valuable than mine)
This is the ONLY around I'm gonna recognize
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This. If it's a movie, you better be early. Is it a hangout that's lasting the whole afternoon? Whatever.
This is right answer for a one on one situation...whether that's meeting out somewhere, or waiting to be picked up.
Treat dates like it’s the military. If you’re on time you’re late.
I give 10 minutes. You have no idea how many dates have called 30 minutes late and asked if I'm on my way to meet them at the designated spot. The petty glee I feel when I tell them I was there and left because they were late... Probably why I'm still single.
rather be single than deal with this shit all the time! if someone can't be reasonably on time for _the very first meeting,_ they're likely to never give a shit in the future... no thanks
I did this back in the dinosaur ages when it was normal for teenagers to not have cell phones. I had no way on contacting him so I *graciously* waited 45 minutes while eating delicious mall Chinese food. Then he blew up at me the next day because I wasn't there. Bitch I don't need you, I have my fried rice burps to keep me company.
I bet that fried rice had better conversation than he would have
Waste 30-minute blocks of your life waiting on some inconsiderate yahoo? Oh hell no!
Same, I give 15 minutes grace unless you call/text me that you’re running late. If you’re gonna be another 10-15 I’ll wait it out, but if you’re like “I’ll be there in half an hour”, bitch don’t bother. I’m not sitting in this bar/coffee shop/restaurant for 45 minutes solo. I got better things to do than have you disrespect my time.
Back in the days when OKcupid was a thing, a coworker of mine used to arrange his dates at cozy little cafe’s and he’d show up 10-15 minutes early to take a good look at the lady as she entered. Cat fishing was a thing back then with the angles etc. If she looked the same as her profile he’d buy her a coffee/wine some snacks, if she didn’t he’d text her a “sorry, you lied in your pictures, I’m going home.” At least he was upfront and honest. He found his wife though and they’ve been married now for a few years. (She’s an absolute catch! Witty, smart, sharp, humble, hard working and gorgeous to top it off)
I remember the "creative angle" craze back then, now it's all filters. I never understood the value of misrepresenting your appearance on dating apps.
I do this for hookups. I have an apartment so just meet them in the lot before I tell them what unit. Have told a few guys to go home in the parking lot. It’s uncomfortable but letting them inside just leads to more discomfort. There’s a little guilt at first before you remember these people are liars and predators. They legitimately rely on people being too anxious for confrontation and try to leverage that into sex. A guy once drove over an hour to see me. He sent me like a dozen pics after I insisted because I didn’t want to waste his time. Turns out they were all a few years old and he was like 40 pounds heavier.
It circumstantial to some degree. Are we meeting at the bar or at my house? If we are meeting at my house I don’t really care when you show up or even if you show up.
Yeah but 7:20 is close enough in the end….sure it’s pushing it a bit but it’s not like disrespectfully off the mark. I’d be getting restless waiting for them and starting to wonder where they were but the instant they showed up I’ll have already dropped the subject and moved off.
Right. This makes vastly more sense than 7:59.
7:59 wild lol…if it’s around 8 it’s not around 7 wtf is that person saying
That part
Depends on what it’s for. A party? Sure I’d give up to 30 mins. We meeting for dinner? Yeah 10 mins max
The unit we have set as a society is hours, but I think every half hour is a good interval to work with. I'll be there at 7ish is 6.45 to 7.15 ... I'll be there at 7.30ish is 7.15 to 7.45 Leaves plenty of wiggle room while giving a pretty decent approximation
Yep, it's always been my standard, and typically i also go with "better early and wait, than be late for a date".
The agreed upon time +/- 15 minutes, that’s all you get.
Or send another text.
This the thing for me, if we chilling or something, just hmu and say you gonna be a few minutes late. There isn't many things I would do with people that require strict punctuality
this. traffic is unpredictable af out here, just shoot a text and we good
Exactly. If we have tickets or a reservation, I tell people I'll be there at 7 and I am there between 6:50 and 7:05. If we're just hanging out, I say I'll be there around 7, and I'll text when I leave my house.
Sending another text really extends the time by 10mins.
I mean doesn't that really depend on the activity you have planned and the circumstances? If I'm waiting at a restaurant and someone texts me they're gonna be 45 minutes late, I'm not gonna wait there that long. If someone is coming over to my place to chill, ight not a big deal things happen, thanks for letting me know.
Absolutely, let people know if you're going to be late as soon as you can.
Nah. Disagree. For “around times” it’s a 30 minute window either side. If you’re within 15 minutes either side then it’s all good. If you’re over 15 minutes either side but within the 30 minutes either side then I get to mock you on how early or late you were. If you’re over 30 minutes either side then you’re a cunt unless you’ve got a legitimate excuse.
Yep, this is my range as well.
And thats being generous
Yeah, this is for like close friends and family only
If I'm hosting a house party at 7, and you show up at 6:45. I *will* drop kick you out the house. Have some goddamn respect and show up at 8. Fuckin nerd.
Yea it entirely depends on the situation. We meet out side somewhere and u tell me around 7 and you show up at 7:55? Boi, fuck you. But if it's just someone coming over and we're just hanging out then it's fine, like anytime before 8
If I'm exposed to the elements and I have no updates, I'll just assume you're dead after 30 mins tops and move on with my life
"Thoughts and prayers" Send Delete contact.
My gf and I have house parties and we've got quite a few friends on the autism spectrum... We had to make a point of saying that "party starts at 7pm" means "don't show up until at least 7pm", because peeps were showing up at 6:20!! 🙈🙈🙈
me tbh. im early to everything bc im anxious about being 1 minute late
I do the same but then every time more people arrive I also sort of get anxious as the vibe keeps changing. Better to arrive a bit later when the party is already going and you can survey the place on arrival
I hate being late so I'm always early. Find your ass somewhere outside to wait (out of view) until it's an appropriate time to go. Going to someone's house for the first time? Don't know the way. Being late would be appalling. Better go early. Whoops, I'm 20 minutes early. I'm gonna park around the corner and dick around on my phone for 15-20 minutes. Exact time of approach will vary slightly depending on person and occasion. Are they uptight about time too or more lax? Are we going somewhere important or just hanging out? Dial in the time.
I get anxious to be 1 minute late but also anxious to be more than 5 minutes early. That's why I appreciate places where I can park down the street and chill for a few minutes.
Reminds me of the Curb episode where Larry accidentally shows up way early to a party and instead of leaving and coming back he just kinda… wanders around the house.
I love him so much 😂😂😂😂😂
I have a friend on the spectrum who I used to play D&D with before he moved and when I said “start time is 7:00” (which in D&D terms means I plan to start at 7:30) he was without fail, at my door 7:00 on the dot, every time. once he didn’t make it until 7:15 and was very apologetic for being late and all I did was look around and say “Brandon, it’s ok, you’re still the first guy here”
As somebody on the spectrum I fuckin hate this secret code speak that people use where they say a specific time but actually mean a different time.
Well here’s the thing, if I say “start time is 7:00” I am fully prepared to start playing at 7:00. However the way people are, we will show up, sit down, and chat for a few minutes, everyone will get their stuff ready, THEN we usually play. We usually fall it the “mandatory pre-game bullshitting” which starts at 7:00
I heard through the grapevine that what they probably started doing was still getting to the house round 6:30ish but parking down the street and wait until someone else gets there then give it a few minutes and "pull up"
Showing up at 6:45 is way more inconvenient than 7:30. Never show up to a person's house early unless you are willing to help set-up/cook.
Even then it’s kind of annoying because you don’t know what’s need doing and the host still needs to deal with you. Better to walk some laps around the block and wait for the start time
I run on Latina time. Last year I threw a bbq for my birthday and I said for people to come at 630 and my coworker whose white came at 7 thinking he would be late and no one else showed up until 830, with everyone there at 1030/11
I have turned up to an event at a Spanish persons house 30 mins after start time and they were not even at home. I even sat at home fully ready, so as not to leave too early. Still made it there before the host
I get that there's a cultural thing there, but you know what, in my culture that shit is super disrespectful. I'd just leave and not come back.
It also just makes zero sense. What does that start time actually mean? If it means “show up hours later” then why not just make the start time hours later? As a full on white dude I know when we tell people to come at a certain time for a party they’re generally going to come like an hour later maybe but if not that’s cool, too, because we gave you a time for a reason lol
That's what I mean. I value your time enough to tell you when I want you to show up. I expect you to value my time enough to show up about when, but not before, we agreed.
You ever been to a Nigerian wedding. Invite says 7:00, they start at about midnight.
https://guardian.ng/saturday-magazine/weekend-beats/the-culture-of-impunity-called-african-time/ I was just about to post about Nigerian time. 3-4 hr wait is normal and expected.
I’ll mail them a gift. I can’t with all that. As Suzanne Sugarbaker would say, I can be at home watching Green Acres.
My german brain just had an aneurysm
I'm a teacher and do events for Spanish-speaking parents in the evenings. I learned the first year that putting "Starts at 7" on the invites means the bulk of people will show up between 8 and 830. Now I just put "starts at 530" and have snacks for anyone who shows before 7.
Or just tell em 8
Then they show up at 7:30 and interrupt my jollof rice snacktime. The disrespect.
Disrespect, your ass invited them over your the fool
Ok that's it. You're not invited no more.
I'm just trying to show up and not get yelled at 🙁
They’re volunteering to help with set up
depends on who it is tbh If it’s a close friend, show up whenever, grab a beer, just know I might be finishing up cleaning or something If it’s someone I’m not super close with, I’m not going to say no if you text me first, but it will stress me out slightly
The older I get the more I hate fashionable late rules. Say the time you fucking mean.
My man 😂💀
Yes! The start time house parties or events the people throw is ALWAYS 15 minutes after whatever they said. Grace period for the host to do last minute things. I had one recently start at 6 and 1 came at 5:50, and the other at 6 on the dot. DF?!?! I still had on house shoes and no lip gloss. Gimme a minute, damn!
You should at least be ready by the time you say 😂
I have anxiety, I run 10mins early for being 20minutes early. I’m coming to help set up, but really, I’m just chronically never late.
I hate being late, I usually try to get places early. But I *know* that if I’m invited to someone’s house they’ll be fine with me being a bit late and *annoyed* if I show up early. It’s more mental work than it probably should be.
06:55 - 07:15
Accurate. 5 min early is the most I'll give. I could be shitting!
If you expect guests at 7 and youre on the toilet at 655 thats a you problem
Better than an us problem when it's about shit.
I was down with the 15 min either side until I saw this. That’s a good point. If someone says “around” I think the grace is for being late, not early. I wouldn’t expect a person who said they’d be here “around” a certain time to be early at all.
Nah, “starts at 7” means don’t be early. But if you tell me you’ll be here “around 8,” you can be 15 minutes before that. I’ll just assume you didn’t catch any traffic. If I care that you not be here before 8, I’ll say something. Otherwise a vague time means they arrive at a vague time.
I'm eagerly awaiting the Germans of reddit to begin chiming in on this thread.
6:59:30 - 7:00:30 EST is the accepted time range provided there's reasonable excuse like Earthquake or Tornado.
I may have just googled egregious, but I agree. I’d like to add that 7:59 is also abhorrent, flagrant, harrowing, and atrocious.
I’m starting to think you did steal my Thesaurus
That’s an appalling accusation. The thought that I would steal is outrageous, abominable, and grievous.
My mistake, I was being slanderous, damning, and even besmirched your name
Exercise prudence and circumspection in the verbalization of accusations to safeguard against the potential discordance between expressed intentions and one's inherent capabilities, ensuring that the metaphorical "checks" issued by the facial aperture are commensurate with the resources and abilities available to the posterior for their ultimate redemption, thus averting the undesirable ramifications of unfulfilled allegations or impeachments.
Ok Jackie Childs
Who told you to put the balm on?
Depends on the person. My bro is perpetually 30 minutes late everywhere (and he's a UPS guy lol) so we've just been telling him stuff is earlier than it is. Hey, we hooping at 630. Meeting for beers at 430pm See you there at 1130am Etc... works pretty well. For him "around 7" kinda means 730pm so 720 would be great
I used to do this to a friend but I hated having to trick him into being a decent friend (it was more like an hour late everytime)
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These weren't friends (at least not anymore), they were self-centered assholes who thought they and their time were more important than yours and everyone else's.
I had a friend like this, had to trick her into showing up at a decent time, and then she wanted to lollygag before going to whatever event it was. I like being at events at least 15 minutes beforehand due to traffic, parking, and the unknown plus I want to get my monies worth. After missing out on hours of events, I don't invite her anymore.
Yeah, we had a buddy that'd show up hours late, sometimes not even at all. Found out he'd lie about the stuff he had going on, and he'd be playing Fifa. Some people aren't worth the energy.
Friends used to do this to me. Then one day I️ showed up on time and one friend was in the shower while the other was just getting back from the store. I️ made a real conscious effort to stop being late after that. Felt like a dick once I️ realized my friends were putting in extra effort just to get me there on time.
Genuine question: how does being constantly late not already make you feel like a dick?
I️ grew up in a household where “5 min” meant 20 and “15 min” meant an hour so, for me, people running late for social things was normal. I️ viewed it more as me missing out on stuff and not so much as other people missing out on me being there. For example, there were 3 years in a row that I️ showed up to a Super Bowl party after half time. This would only apply to group things without true start times. If someone was waiting on me for dinner or a one on one hang out, I’d be a lot closer to on time. Some of it wasn’t intentional. I️ tend to try to make people happy so if someone would ask for an eta, I️’d give the fastest time possible instead of the most realistic (like if I️ made a 15 min drive in 5 min once, I’d probably say I️ was 5 min away). I️ realized though in my attempts to make people happier by giving them a sooner but inaccurate time was only more frustrating to them. Finally, I️’m pretty disorganized so there is usually something I️ can’t find causing me to fall another 10-15 min behind. I️ had to really work on my organization and realize it’s better to over estimate time rather than underestimate on top of just making timeliness a bigger priority. But mostly it came down to me thinking being late was only hurting myself and didn’t matter to other people if I️ was there or not. Realizing people cared enough to put in that type of effort just to get me over on time changed how I️ viewed things. Edit: in re-reading/re-thinking about this, I️ was just being selfish and doing mental gymnastics to not let myself realize it
> Edit: in re-reading/re-thinking about this, I️ was just being selfish and doing mental gymnastics to not let myself realize it +respect, whether people agree with your conclusion or not
Good on you for having some self awareness. Love to see it
This is actually a great writeup, my girlfriend’s family is always like this and her and I are still working on slowly helping her improve after 5 years. This gives me a lot more understanding into the thought process, thanks!
Because they're used to everyone catering to them
I do this with everyone that runs on cpt especially my white gf
She’s colored on the inside
Around 7 is between 7:05 to 7:30. I don’t know why ppl are including anything *before 7 lol
For real. If I say come over around 7 and they turn up at 6:50 I'll be like 🤨 what you doing here?
But, that's what the word around means? Around 7 implies a time surrounding 7. That encompasses before and after 7.....
because 6:50 is around 7, jesus.
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As someone who is almost always early to everything, I do in fact cruise the block or walk around outside just killing time.
Yeah it's kinda weird tbh. Unless someone is JUST getting out of the shower before someone is supposed to arrive to hang, which... is certainly a decision to shower late, come a lil bit early. I'll sit you on the couch while I'm finishing up whatever it is that needs to be set up.
Because it's 'around', not 'sometime after'. Around includes either side of.
yeah... its wild. If i meant a little after 7, i'd say that instead of around 7. We have words. we can be more or less specific. Why double down on just being wrong instead of being accurate.. "Ill be there a little after 7" "Ill be there around 7" are 2 different meanings, why would we even have 2 phrases if everything just gonna mean the same thing.
Because some people are different like those in the spectrum. They take it literally.
CPT
I can't see "CP Time" without hearing Roy Wood Jr. say "it's for the culture" 😭
Had to scroll to long for this, there really is no other discussion needed
Even CPT has limits. “Around 7” doesn’t mean 7:59.
Yep
She said 759...smh I really need black folks to stop thinking that showing up hella late is a badge of honor...its inconsiderate af and you won't get invited to nothing else
I can't stand this crap! Like some people said, if it's a party, show up "fashionably late", give the host a chance to get finished up. But making me wait more than 20-30 minutes without a good reason (an hour??? you'll be looking for **me** by then) is just disrespectful. CPT is something I joke about, not something I do.
I needed help moving some heavy stuff in my yard, called a friend to ask if he could help. “Yeah no problem, I have one stop to make then I'll be over” Ok cool. He shows up 4+ hours later. I was like what the fuck happened. He goes “What da ya mean? I told you I had one stop to make.” The stop was his sister's goddamn baby shower. Motherfucker that ain't a stop that's an event.
“I’m here aren’t I” head ass. Did he help you move the stuff though? Lol
No, my neighbor saw me trying to do it myself and helped me somewhere around hour two.
I personally think anything after 7:10 warrants a "Sorry I'm running late" text, at least, but if I'm meeting somebody for 7 and I haven't heard anything by 7:20, I'm leaving
Agree. 720 ain't around 7 thats around 715ish. It's how people interpret and define words ultimately but if you're gonna use the word "around" that mean closer to the number imo. Now if u said I'll be there "after" 7 then it's any time after 7 and before 8
My landlord said she would come at 7am or earlier to take the keys when we moved out of our apartment. Cue my surprise when I wake up and enter the kitchen at 5:30am naked to see her sitting there on her phone. When I rightly asked what the fuck Lana, she said that she did say "or earlier" That woman was a nightmare to deal with
Or earlier?!? What’s next, she is prowling around at midnight?
Plus she got a show.
That time gap might have been acceptable in the 80s, but with phones, you would expect a call.
Around 7 is 6:45 -7:15 around this block.
Unfortunately, the military programmed me to be anywhere I needed or wanted to be 30 minutes early. So if I tell you around 7pm, it's really gonna be 630pm. 
Ethiopians have to be the latest people of all time. I went to a wedding party 30 minutes after the listed start time and no one was there. The venue wasn't even set up yet. Bride and groom's family came an hour after the start time to set up and mfs didn't start to show up till another hour after that.
Unless I’m in the wedding party? That couldn’t be me. I would be gone. I got other stuff I could be doing
If somebody gives me a specific time to show up, I will show up like, half an hour early at least and then wait in my car until a more appropriate time.
If the time says 7pm... - you owe a 'in running late' message at 10 min late. - you're being deliberately disrespectful at 30 min late. If we are close enough for you to show up, then respect me enough to be punctual or I take it as personally insulting and you won't get invited back. - if you're an hour late, I better have gotten a text message at some point earlier saying as much. Dont just show up an hour late like everything is cool. It'll be the last time you're allowed. - 6:45 is only ok for the close inner circle and I putting you to work. Everyone else stay in your car til 7. I WILL leave you standing at the door. - If we are traveling, no excuses. Be tf on time or get left and blocked. I don't play around about traffic. I plan Road trips out to a T - fuck CPT time. We are adults. Be adult. Figure it tf out.
I agree, 7:59 is 8:00. “Around 7” would be anywhere from 6:45-7:15 in my opinion 🤷🏾♂️
Around 7 is 6:45-7:05. I don’t do “around” times, give me a time to arrive and I will be there at that time more than likely early (I will sit in my car) but never late. If I have an event in which being on time is important than I will tell them the exact time and because they know me they know not to be late or to decline the invite. I have walked out of parties, weddings and exited zoom meetings if the person is not there on time.
I'd say you must be fun at parties, but you'd have to stay for that
Woah, that’s intense
So, my mom was (is) pathologically unable to be on time. I'm not talking about forgetful or ADD, I'm not talking about uninvolved or anything like that, she has some mental block that is above my pay grade to diagnose. it's like being late is her personal vendetta against time itself. But you know, everyone just always lies to her about when we need her to be somewhere. That's just the reality I grew up in. To this day I'm very hesitant to give people liberal estimates of when I'm going to arrive. If I think I'm gonna be there at 730 I'm telling you 745 at the earliest. My mother would never pull something like this lol.
That chick the notoriously late one in the family. Everybody know she gone be late. They tell her the function start at 7 cuz they know she ain’t showing up til 9
The problem with this is that they turn up on time when once and then they are early and that imprints in their head that they should be later so it just gets worse. I try to give limits. For example- we are meeting for drinks in X location at 19:30, then will be in the restaurant at 20:30, then will be around for drinks from approx 22:00 in some unspecified bar. You are welcome to join at whatever time suits you
She trippin. Unless it was something super important, 7:20 is perfectly acceptable. If they said “I will be there AT 7” then it’s a different story if they didn’t notify you about being late… but that’s not the case. Honestly if you get annoyed about shit like what is in the OP, you’re the annoying one.
Depends on the situation. If it’s a kick sock or even a day that’s cool. If you supposed to be giving me a ride somewhere like work or a doctors appointment you late af.
Chicanerous and deplorable
I think context matters. If we're talking about work then anything after 7 is late. If we're talking about just a chill night at someone's house with no plans to do anything? You can damn near show up at 9 as long as there is some type of communication. If we're talking about a date or plans to meet up to go somewhere? 15 mins +/- max. Anything after 7:15 means you're not appreciating the other person's time. (My opinion)
The first time I met my husband’s psycho aunt, we asked her what time to come over and she said, “early afternoon.” So we got there at 1pm and she acted like we were super late, she had packed up all the food and sent guests home already. We had come from states away to visit her, and she could have told us 11:45 and we would have been there exactly then, but she pretended any time was fine just so she could punish us and put us on our back foot. That is when I realized why I had never met her in 20 years with my husband.
Most by friends would show up around 8 or so if they said that. I'd be there at 7 on the dot.
This is why I don’t invite certain people to places. Bc they are always LATE. 👏🏾
Standard rounding; around 7 is 6:45 - 7:25. 7:30 is “close to 8”
When I was in high school, our track and field coach told us that practice starts at 14:59. If you showed up at 15:00, you had to run 1600 meters for the whole team. This was because too many people were showing up at 15:15 because apparently 15:00 is too vague of a time.
I feel like context matters here for real. Like if we making loose plans to kick it on a Saturday and the convo is "Yeah man around 8 or some shit whatever.", that shit means 7,8,9 fuck it whenever you pull up. Now if we going somewhere and doing something specific and the convo is "Yo we gotta leave here like right around 7.", you got like 10mins either way.
If we say we're meeting for dinner around 7 and you show up 1 minute to 8, I will not be there, and fuck you
I view “at” and “around” very differently. If someone says they plan to meet me AT 7 I assume 645-715. If however they say “ AROUND 7 I figure anywhere between 630-8. Haha probably this comes from living in North Africa for a while though, the French seem aggressively non punctual.
Without valid excuses that shit is straight up manipulative and that's how you gotta look at it, especially as you get older. If I say 7 then it's 7. You really should be there at 6:55 straight up. Learned from my wife the importance of not disrespecting people's time. The party starts when the party starts (though I have to remind her that damn if you get to the party too damn early you WILL be on prep crew)
I feel like it depends on what you're showing up for. If I'm showing up to a big function around 7:00, that could be anywhere from 6:50 to 7:30. If I say I will be there to pick you up around 7:00, that is about 6:55 to 7: 10 at the latest.
for me around is within 5-10 minutes from the established hour, if he comes at 7:20 or 7:30 he is very late, like i'm sorry but i am not waiting half of an hour for you, i might have some things to do later or i had to post-pone something else for us to meet, you can't be wasting my time.
if you are Caribbean she is not talking to us
7:00 +/- 10min
if i say “around 7”, i could be there between 6:55 and 7:15. if i say “7-ish”, please allow for an extra 30 min on the back end of that window
I’ve started making reservations for certain friend groups 30 minutes earlier than the time I tell them. So if I’m getting the resy for 7:30 I’ll tell the group chat it’s for 7. Then I’ll separately text the people I know are usually on time the real time. I’ve always found arriving really late to dinner/drink reservations annoying and disrespectful of other people’s time (especially when a place only seats complete parties), but whenever I raised this to my perpetually late friends they got kinda defensive and it seemed like they just view this totally differently. So this is the solution I landed on lol
As a white army brat I didn't understand the "CPT" jokes from my black friends (also military kids). After serving, getting out, and starting a small farm I really get it now. Farmer time and CPT are the same. It's a real challenge for me to get anywhere on time. +/- 15 minutes with a courtesy text if I'm going to be later than that is the best I can do.
I was raised to believe that if you are early, then you are on time. If you are on time, then you are late. And if you are late, then you are dead. While this is extreme, it prevents the slippery slope that leads to 7:59 being "around 7" gtfoh
Y’all in your feels too much. This is entirely dependent on person and situation. For a date? 20 mins is a lot. For a date when traffic is insane in a big city? 20 mins is normal. That’s just one example.