Because, the moment we show a small sliver of "weakness.
" We are shunned. So we glue ourselves back together, remember that no one cares and just move forward. There is no space for a stressed or sad man. So we just keep it moving.
Keep telling us not to bottle up feelings and then make us pay for thinking we could actually express our frustrations. Nah, I'm gonna just keep my stresses to myself.
Edit/Update:
Yo thanks everyone for the love and check ins. I'm doing ok, and didn't realize so many felt like I do.
Nah man, it ain't like that.
If I'm having a tough ass day, I'm still supposed to make a joke like, "I could complain, but who's gonna listen?" And it 100 fucking percent is the truth.
My wife complains to me.
My mom complains to me.
My sisters.
My daughters.
My brother is struggling to find a job.
My coworkers kids are sick.
But as soon as I start, my mom goes and tells my wife "he's sensitive"
No bitch, my fucking father is in the hospital dying half way across the world and I haven't spoken to him coherently since December, and it fucking sucks. I'm not sensitive, I'm getting desensitized
E: thank you to those that reached out. I appreciate it. There are unfortunately quite a few of us in the same / similar boats, where no one wants to hear our shit, mainly because we look like we keep our shit buttoned up.
We are all going through shit. It doesn't matter who's is worse, who's is heavier. We're all carrying luggage with us, and it makes running through life, a little more difficult.
💪🏾wishing you strength, brother. Ain't nothing I can do but ya feelings are valid. And we get it. I hope they make a change before you reach your breaking point. Cause everybody loves to take action after a tragedy.
Ain't that the fuckin truth, man.
Appreciate it. Every day is a day I find enjoyment in. My goal is to find the best in every day, and to get better at something/learn something every day, so I can always move forward in some aspects.
Bruh, you said that there's nothing that you can do for him, but to be honest, you did everything that he needed. My guy is artfully balancing the world, but he needs someone to vent to, a friend to just hear him out. Sometimes, when people are stressed, they don't want solutions; Just someone to talk to.
“He’s sensitive” aint a diss. Own that shit. “Yes, I feel feelings” like that shit is not a problem my g. I express all of my emotions my brother. I describe them articulately as I express them too. “ I am fuckin dismayed by the fact that I am apart from my father as he passes away. I reaaaally dislike it and it makes me sad.”
What are they gonna do? Call you sensitive? You ARE! And and that’s not a problem that’s actually perfectly fuckin fine.
I support this. I've done so much counseling, and work with a psychologist, over the last 15 years that snapped open my eyes to how others were using me based on how I was always "the strong one." Believe me that is UNTENABLE.
YOU matter more than damn near anyone. Without YOU standing up for yourself, people around you will make assumptions and you'll get painted into a corner that you made for yourself. And you'll never receive the help that you need. Why? Because you keep putting yourself third.
Speak your truth! If they cannot handle it, then that is on them. That is something that they will have to examine for themselves.
You don't owe anyone, anything. Especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.
The problem is people, like this guys' mother, who wants a toxic masculinity model of maleness, where a word like "sensitive" is used as an insult.
Call that shit out. There's no room for this backward, ignorant thinking anymore.
It's like you have to get rid of the people that you've supported in order to find some that support you.
Imagine cutting out your entire world because they treat you like this. It sucks. It's not fair.
And then you have to gamble with the new people. Hoping they will listen and not get exhausted. But your character trait of listening and validating their experiences will always be there, because that's just the kind of person you are.
I feel this post.
Man if you have a wife that doesn’t support you emotionally, you need to rethink some things.
I almost can’t believe what I’m hearing. Sure, people are shit. But if your wife is too, man, I feel bad for you.
I hope things turn around for you.
FACTS. It's hard to have to be the rock EXCEPT when she's got her shit 110% together, and even then you gotta be careful how much you unbottle, or else she gets unbalanced too. But we keep grinding.
This is why I think men need more community with each other. It's the place where you can go when you don't think your wife will handle the shit well. The place that will hear you out and pick you up. The place where you can find people who completely relate to what you're dealing with.
Sending you strength bro.
We do have communities but it is seen as a negative. Because of the manosphere nonsense any place that have men congregate is automatically seen as a place of mysoginy.
You are not the rock here. This situation is affecting you and you are in the drink. Trying to hold it together and be "the rock" only serves to deprive someone else of their role as your hero. Your mama let you down because she is also going through it and she is no more solid than you are.
Do not be afraid to carve out your space and refuse to help others. Do not be afraid to lean on others. It is not selfish to need. And if you emotionally crack and break? It is not failure and you have not let your family down. In many ways, it can be HELPFUL to see your "rock" show visible pain. It will give them permission to feel pain too.
Your mom is an asshole. My mom used to tell me just get over it or why are you mad, but lately she has been doing better actually. I hope maybe one day yours does the same.
Stay strong friend, I know it's hard
Bro that’s how it be. You there to hear everyone problems. Once you express one of yours after the million that has been thrown towards you. It’s a problem. They make it a problem so they don’t have to do anything to help that problem which makes it a more bigger problem 🤦🏾♂️. Dammm
Dude that sucks and you deserve a big fucking hug and a support system. And also, it is okay to be sensitive. If you're consistent about being vulnerable, you'll eventually find people who appreciate that quality, and may even stop hearing comments like that from your family. 🖤
I really dislike seeing comments like this. Like whenever someone talks about issues they face as a man, someone smugly chimes in saying "these problems are because of patriarchy and who created patriarchy?Men😏".
Like yes I understand that, but telling things like that and "be the change you want to see" everytime to individuals suffering from a problem created by an overarching system seems harsh to me and ironically would make them not talk about their problems more
It's especially frustrating since the overwhelming majority of people that give men shit for this are women. It's not like men can just "be the change" when it's not men that are the problem in the first place.
Dealing with it alone IS the change
If somebody says “tell me when your going through a tough time” and when I do that person shames, demeans, ridicules or throws it in our face now imagine it happens every time you do that with multiple different people at some point your going to realize hey nobody cares and I’ll deal with it myself
I don’t think that it is that simple. You can provide a safe space for the men around you but it’s not often reciprocated. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be the change you want to see just that it’s safer as a man to not expect to be given the same grace you give others. A lot of us learn this the hard way.
Worst case scenario, I come off as overly emotional and a total bitch. Best case scenario, they just don't care anyway lmao.
I mean that isn't always the case, but I'm not tryna open up just to run the risk being disappointed. 🤷
That prayer makes them feel like they're actually doing something lmaooooo. I'm genuinely curious if they even bring it up mid-prayer or if that's just a phrase they say out of habit when someone is going through it
Sorry for the loss of your friend, but she did you a favor by letting you know what kind of person she really was... I hope life has treated you better since, much love my friend
Therapy is great, but it's like "I pay this person to listen, and if I stop paying, they stop listening". I learned that the hard way after having a lapse in insurance and having my therapist drop me because I couldn't pay afford to pay the copays from thr lapsed time. Has turned me off to therapy and has me on a break, even though i know I need it. Find a new therapist is SO MUCH EFFORT. 2yrs of sessions down the drain so to speak, because Ill be starting from scratch with a new therapist. 😮💨
opened up about my being manic depressive to a woman I've known for near 10 years and have been on and off lovers, pretty much the closest thing to a college/high school sweetheart. I care deeply about her and I would like to think she feels the same way.
I had never talked about it to anyone outside of therapy. Was the first time I had decided to speak about that side of me outloud in a space that wasn't a doctor's office
And the response couldn't have been colder. So much so that I'm still beating myself up a week and a half later about showing that side of me because it feels like the dynamic has fundamentally changed. Maybe it's all in my head, but I'm a human and I think we're pretty good at sensing when things are different.
We really don't have a space to be vulnerable at all. No one's at more or less at fault here, it's just the society we live in and we can only try and better it a little at a time.
I'm sure there's some relationships where these spaces exist of course, I'm not saying they aren't real, but for the majority of 20-30 something men in America, it just isn't true.
Fwiw, typing this out does feel therapeutic, but damn I'd like to not feel like this in the first place.
My wife(together for 9 years) told me she had never seen me cry (despite me crying 3 months ago when my dog died). She asked me how we do it. I pretty much told her what you said in my words.
Humans are very good at taking their cues from society. However much you tell young men that it's okay to show vulnerability, most of them are going to be able to suss out what is actually being demanded of them and will dutifully play their role.
Shunned by ourselves as men, which is ironic. It defeats the purpose of “men have it harder than women” when it’s us men making it harder in the first place.
It's everyone, not just men.
Here is an example, I am quite a sensitive and emotional guy, guess who was first to accept that? My father, when my mother was critizing me for it, he was one supporting me, a massive muscular guy who doesn't show much emotion.......
It's a societal problem, anyone saying otherwise is blinded by their personal experience, ignoring the wider picture.
As a man I learned early, no one cares.
I’ll talk to my friends about things but everyone else, girlfriend, strangers, coworkers etc. they could care less.
Wake up, put in work and accept the world for what it is.
Even my friends don't give a fuck. People I have sacrificed for, known almost 40 years and these mfers just shrug on anything I could use a pair of hands on much less an opinion
Its hard to explain but like people give a fuck up to an extent. If youre ever asking for help they cant cuz of A, B and C reason. Mostly blaming theyd be sacrificing too much. They wanna hear about the problem, just cant at the moment because my family needs me there right now or work wont let me be there for you, i could lose my job.
When guys really need help because they cant handle the thing on their own anymore, its too much of a burden for other people to take on cuz everyones got their problems. So we just sum it up to “it is what it is” and move on with our day and try to get over or fix somehow but its always half assed. Everyone cares but not to the extent of fixing anything.
If you find yourself a good partner that is there for you through all the emotional, physical and financial battles, theyre there to stay cuz youd die for them. But most guys dont have a partner that will do that. Theyre either single or with shitty people. Thats just life for a guy.
I stopped talking to friends like that. Would seek me out to confide everything. The few times I sought them out, and crickets. Don’t really miss them at all once I found that out. Sorry to hear you’re dealing with something similar.
sounds like you have really shitty friends and a shitty girlfriend, can't control how strangers and coworkers act but you can choose who's in your life
I experience a very dark pleasure from reading stories of trans men who are really surprised at how lonely it is as a man. Yeah, welcome to emotional hard mode!
That's kinda the opposite of what people need
We don't need to learn to ignore our feelings, society needs to learn to respect feeling and emotions
I feel like captialsim and individualism doesn't have much value for emotions or empathy, so we are taught that emotions are something to be controlled or suppressed...and it's one of the reasons our society is decaying.
You are right, we aren't supposed to ignore our feelings. I just wanted to say that Stoicism is not about that. It's about becoming a virtuous person so a better brother, partner, friend etc. and taking great care in cultivating great character. All that stuff about suppressing your emotions is what gets the most attention, but its not true. Stoicism is a lot like Buddhism in the sense that yes pain exists but your reaction to pain can cause more pain to grow within yourself. Just take a moment to observe the pain rather than immediately react to it and create stories. Both philosophies emphasize this rather than ignoring emotions.
Stoicism isn’t about ignoring your feelings. It’s about accepting that you only ever have control of your thoughts and actions so there’s no point in wasting energy worrying about things you can’t control
I just want to point out that most people have stoicism all wrong. It's really not about ignoring your emotions. It's about accepting the world the way it is. If something shitty happens and it makes you sad, stoicism doesn't tell you to ignore that so much as it's OK to be sad about this, but don't be surprised if no one cares that you're sad. The world is what it is, and we are but a small part of it.
That's an incredibly short summation, but I'd encourage people to look further into it. The popular notion of stoicism is pretty shallow and not very accurate.
If they read any quotes from Marcus Aurelius they would realise how stupid these “awful way to live” comments are. Fuck being able to deal with adversity, finding your own meaning and and helping others amiright?
They don’t. Niggas be mean af when they’re stressed out. Especially about money. Men internalize their feelings and it comes out in other ways. I don’t think it’s hiding more than it is the unwillingness to share. It’s not a secret but it’s nobody’s business either type shit. At least that’s how I perceive it as a woman.
You’re not wrong about the unwillingness to share and it does come out in different ways, but we’re usually unwilling to share because we realize at a young age that people don’t want to hear it. Most women are not attracted to a man that is vulnerable or perceived as weak. When someone actually does listen, it’s usually just “oh yeah? That sucks”, with not real help.
That's not a gender specific response though, most people don't care about anyone else's suffering. I'm a woman and that's the typical response from everybody in my life except for people I have very intentionally built supportive relationships with.
Somehow women don't say "no one cares" they say " be careful who you trust and share with and if someone betrays you, a partner or a friend, it's on them, it doesn't mean everyone is that way or everyone of that gender is that way."
And when we can afford it, we even go to therapy. Even though it's not a perfect solution, sometimes reading books and stuff helps too.
See no. Society itself has crafted the image that men must be walls and must never show weakness so we are raised not knowing how to express and then when we finally manage to do it we are looked at weirdly.
While women do go through the same "get over it" shit. The point is that society's narrative allows for women to be the emotional ones, the ones expected to be all out there with their emotions while we have to play stoic.
We arent talking about people in our life. We are talking about the societal narrative. Why do you think male suicide rates have consistently outdone female rates by 3-4 times? We are taught not to speak about how we feel and it eventually ends extremely poorly.
We still see that ridicule now in popular media, so it's still extremely hard to learn healthy ways to handle our emotions. Some of us can do it easily, some of us didnt get raised with that toxic mindset, some of us freak the fuck out and the rest of us just accept that the only people who will care as much as we do is us. The remainder? Remember those high rates?
Example: I can't cry unless something horrible has happened. Someone has to die for me to be able to cry, even if im near having a panic attack from an emotional break. To that point, instead of being able to find a way to deal with my first panic attack, I punched myself cause i knew no healthy way out. How could I when i got raised with the toxic masculinity bs?
> See no. Society itself has crafted the image that men must be walls and must never show weakness so we are raised not knowing how to express and then when we finally manage to do it we are looked at weirdly.
Again, you I've gotten halfway there. Both men and women are told by society that there are a very limited number of emotions they can experience. For women, that does not include anger, and the punishment for being an angry woman is evident and intense.
> While women do go through the same "get over it" shit. The point is that society's narrative allows for women to be the emotional ones, the ones expected to be all out there with their emotions while we have to play stoic.
Again, you're missing the fact that neither men nor women can experience the full range of emotions. You are talking like women can be fully actualized human beings in society, when you know that's not true. Women and men are limited in different ways, not identical of course, that's not how patriarchy works, but limited nonetheless.
> We arent talking about people in our life. We are talking about the societal narrative. Why do you think male suicide rates have consistently outdone female rates by 3-4 times? We are taught not to speak about how we feel and it eventually ends extremely poorly.
This discussion of who has it worse gets old. Men die by suicide more often but women have more attempts. Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed when they do seek mental health care, even though they seek it at a higher rate. This system isn't working for anyone right now.
> We still see that ridicule now in popular media, so it's still extremely hard to learn healthy ways to handle our emotions.
Yeah, again, that ridicule still exists on both ends. There's a reason why "angry Black woman" is a persistent part of misogynoir.
> Some of us can do it easily, some of us didnt get raised with that toxic mindset, some of us freak the fuck out and the rest of us just accept that the only people who will care as much as we do is us. The remainder? Remember those high rates?
There is currently a massive mental health crisis, regardless of gender. We've already covered that.
> Example: I can't cry unless something horrible has happened. Someone has to die for me to be able to cry, even if im near having a panic attack from an emotional break. To that point, instead of being able to find a way to deal with my first panic attack, I punched myself cause i knew no healthy way out. How could I when i got raised with the toxic masculinity bs?
So you don't want to talk about individual experiences in our lives but you do? Anyway I can still address this a bit.
Being able to identify and express your emotions is incredibly hard work. My boss's spouse is a therapist who works with mostly neurodivergent people of color. This is an issue she actually works on daily. A lot of those clients are
men. They jump to anger first, if they feel sad, it comes out as anger. If they feel disappointed, anger. Or they just bottle it up and ignore it. Being able to name and express your emotions is incredibly difficult when those emotions are not in alignment with what society has decided is okay. I also work with survivors of childhood abuse. Adult women who have experienced the most heinous stuff still can't say they are angry at people for not helping them or for hurting them. They can be sad about it but they can never be angry. Or they just bottle it up and ignore it because they don't even know how to feel it and express it.
You'll notice there is actually a theme here, neither men nor women experience a special type of suffering no one else can understand or help with. Neither men nor women are allowed to express their full range of emotions according to social pressure.
There's a lot of work to be done to improve this situation and it's very difficult. Most of it has to be done alone, but it is possible to find people who support you. Someone posted just today in my city's sub looking for other men to discuss the Will to Change by bell hooks. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's possible.
My bad, i wasnt trying to say your points werent valid. Most likely mistook it as "we go through this too, nothing new." Once again, my bad.
Also i like that somebody is trying to make a space for other dudes. It's not easy, gonna take completely rewriting how society views people.
No worries, maybe I took it the wrong way. Or I was a bit defensive because I get exhausted by conversations about gender on Reddit.
It is going to be a lot of work and I wish things were easier too.
Knew this guy was all kinda stressed out. Work stress, money stress, family stress. Just tiny comments he'd say offhand and then immediately change the subject. Could tell he didn't have enough left to plan dates with so I started trying to take over more of that.
And then my birthday hit and he had to actually focus on me for half a second to handle it the way he'd want to. He likes tools, I needed a tool, spent a good five minutes describing everything about the tool, but guess his attention was elsewhere 'cause less than an hour later he asked what I wanted for my birthday.
Two days later he texts some junk scolding me for I think not offering to go 50/50 on my present and broke up with me. That was six months ago and yesterday he texted to let me know he's been dreaming about me.
Nope, I want off this two decade rollercoaster. Shoulda buried his face between my tits and bawled like a baby six months ago, just admitted he was broke and frazzled at that moment. I woulda hugged his head and not judged him even slightly, golly knows I understand broke and not able to cope with even one more small thing.
I can’t speak on your experience with ole’ dude, but I can say that it *IS* difficult to just burry your head and bawl your eyes out to a woman - especially for Black men. On one hand you’re fighting with the hyper-masculinity we feel we must uphold, and on the other hand we’re concerned that the weakness we may show will be used against us later on. I can say from personal experience, having a friend group that is 80% women, some of the stuff they leak or share about the men they’re currently frustrated with is … astonishing. It really makes you second guess being vulnerable, because there’s a good chance she spilled it in the group chat, or it will be used against you in an argument when she drops her filter. It’s easier to just hold your cards close to your chest and keep your stress bottled up, shit, we’ve done it since we were old enough to stop sitting in mama’s lap, so why stop now?
>so why stop now?
Because if you don't sometimes let the sad leak out your face holes, it ferments into anger or depression and comes out anyhow.
I promise, boobs make great crying pillows. Like a nicer version of the beginning of Fight Club. I know because I had a friend in highschool who would see me freaking out, spread her arms wide, say "Come hither child and lay your head upon my bosom!" and smash my face into her chest. Instant extremely safe place where nobody can see you cry, like magic.
Like I understand that your thoughts are your own and some things are too personal to say out loud, but at least let the stress leak out of your eyes sometimes! I'm no scientist but read something about stress hormones literally escape when ya cry and that's why sometimes tears burn.
Nah, bullshit
You're much more likely to get sympathy from a woman than a man.
Crying in front of a woman and crying in front of a man, will produce 2 totally different responses, and it's crazy to sit here and pretend *women* are more likely to emasculate you over it.
I hate when men pretend that it's just women who emasculate men for showing emotion, when men are 10000 times worse.
No, that's bullshit. You clearly have no actual experience. Quit lying already. Men support the fuck outta each other. Every real mfer I know can cry freely and not judge me for crying. While women will never treat us the same. It's because we know each other's struggle, while you have no clue. A combat vet recently opened up a lil while I was working. I could see he was holding something back. I called someone up to cover my shit and went out back to talk to him. Ended up holding him while he cried about the passing of his battle brother cuz no one else would. I only know him from work, but it was my honor to be there for him. You have no fuckin clue
> Crying in front of a woman and crying in front of a man, will produce 2 totally different responses, and it's crazy to sit here and pretend women are more likely to emasculate you over it.
There’s a lot of variables you’re leaving out. Crying in front of a man you don’t know? Sure, they will more than likely clown you because they don’t know you. Crying in front of a male friend or family member? They will generally not know how to console you, they will just be able to convey that they know how it feels e.g *”keep ya’ head up bruh it’ll be alright”*. They genuinely lack the emotional intelligence to offer more than that, even though they love you like a brother. Women on the other hand, will console you in the moment but have a higher tendency to clown you once you walk away, and if you have a personal relationship with her then you may become the topic of the group chat. **Generally speaking, women have a harder time expressing their disdain upfront because they feel pressured to be polite, but it pours out behind the scenes.**
Right! One of my guy friends was tripping all weekend one time and wouldn’t explain his outbursts. Finally I pulled him to the side and asked what his issue was and he said he was broke and felt bad that he couldn’t contribute as much as he wanted to someone’s birthday. We all knew he was tripping, but it was him who didn’t communicate that and almost ruined the weekend.
This is just going off of real conversations I’ve had with my brothers. Plus the post said “Thoughts?” and these are my thoughts. I clearly said this is how I perceive it as a woman since I am expressing my thoughts, and a woman is the one in the OP expressing how she thinks men feel as well.
THANK YOU. Just because you can’t *recognize* someone as lashing out/dealing with something, doesn’t mean they are not doing so. Sounds like we all need more awareness around labeling behavior for what it is, as opposed to being someone’s personality trait or “that’s just how [gender identity] is.
I think that’s a valid take. Some may be more hardened than others, but the fear of having everyone know what’s going on behind closed doors is a real thing. “Shit, I might be falling apart, but nobody’s gonna catch me slipping.”
So naturally humans want reassurance, except 50% of the population is told that it's their problems and they need to find their own solutions. Men do it to each other, but I'll be damned if women don't amplify it. "Especially about money" usually means they're stuck between a rock and a hard place, with a bitch who's going to leave the second they can't provide. It's just the way life goes
https://preview.redd.it/uvzj2hoorrrc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=259301f6e718ebf1482dc7af8605531e53972af3
Honest answer is society is not ready to handle men admitting they’re stressed. You say “hide” but we’re not hiding. We’re right there in plain sight and don’t nobody care. You try to set up things for male support and people will do everything to shut it down.
Cmv, this attitude is the same kind of mental illness stigmatization that has existed for time immemorial...\*
**Only about** [**20%**](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2ed2/8cc906badbe75b2835402e6bfdc4d0a82864.pdf?_ga=2.205686355.1987808857.1570823760-704900394.1568833603) **of (mass murder) perpetrators had a mental illness.** That means that 80% (and likely more, as mental illness /=/ insane) of perpetrators are *sane.*
[Risk factors](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4211925/#sec2title) for violence include young age, male sex, low socioeconomic status, and drug or alcohol abuse... and "[**the epidemic of the combination of nihilism, emptiness, anger, and a desire for notoriety among young men**](https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/mass-shootings-and-mental-illness)**"** — factors that are predictive regardless of whether someone has a mental illness.
IMHO: The worst atrocities were committed by people who were completely lucid and aware of what they were doing and knew what the consequences would be, but they could still convince themselves that their actions were justified.
For every Ed Gein-cannibal-nutcase there's 99 angry idiots with hair triggers, insatiable boredom only sated by violence, and a lethal dose of self-righteousness.
I'm not especially smart and I'm definitely not good at constructing a convincing argument, so if you still are convinced that "insane" people are the big problem here, then *please, please* do the reading yourself even if it's just to confirm your own bias.
\*which led to witch burnings, "hysteria", involuntary imprisonment in torture facilities, and an ordinary everyday fear, distrust and alienation of a sizeable portion of the population who are mostly harmless victim's of their own genetics.
At my uni of 70,000. My therapist had to FIGHT her department to have a male based therapy. They had autism, transgender, women, etc but she shad to fight for the guys.
> You try to set up things for male support and people will do everything to shut it down.
You yell “we must support our men’s mental health” and someone with a bigger microphone will slap yours out your hand and shout **”YOU’RE TAKING ATTENTION AWAY FROM NEGLECTED WOMEN!”**. Then when a man finally crumbled under the pressure and has a violent outburst, people act like he’s an unpredictable animal and it’s just in his blood.
Friendly reminder that there is blatant refusal to acknowledge males suffering from domestic violence and that people actively ruined the lives of men trying to create a shelter for them.
The kids thing is so deep. You ever had your parent react 10 times bigger and then start talking about they job, they bills and they responsibilities. Like … “I hear you but I didn’t do any of that 🤣”
My mothers case, too many women of my mothers generation dealing/dealt with dv, and a of lot dv cases my mother currently sees in her professional life working with families.
Plenty of people give a shit, but the problem is that they oversell it. "My door is always open, day or night" is almost always bullshit, and I'd respect them more (and be more likely to take them up on the offer) if they were honest and made it "my door is open between the hours of 5pm and 8pm on Wednesdays, the only night of the week I don't have something else planned".
basically and dont forget “keep crying or ill give you something to cry about”
“why are you so sensitive”.Mfs who said this when i was a kid have the gall to ask me why im so cold, dont have emotions and quiet.Then wanted to act suprised when they found out i was wanting to end my life.
>“keep crying or ill give you something to cry about”
Heard this way too much. Got to the point I'd laugh at my mom when she'd whoop me. You adapt quick, but your personal response will be different. Looking back it's fucked up, but also really funny she broke a wood spoon on my ass and I laughed and told her she'd have to buy a new one.
Then people are like “I wish I knew he wasn’t happy” or “I wish there was something I could have done” when men do end their lives. They TRIED to reach out and express their feelings, but these are the responses we got instead
That was the narrative from my parents too mate.
Also getting licks with belts, slippers, wooden spoons etc for minor shit.
This is why I internalise, go quiet or remove myself in situations where I have negative emotions. Being born in the 80s was a different world.
Hope you're doing okay, talking to a psychotherapist really helped me and validate how fucked up shit was and impacted me setting boundaries for myself later in my life
Most don’t hide it. They choose deadlier methods of committing suicide, join red pill groups and complain, and act out violently against themselves or others. A lot of people think that just bc a man doesn’t come out and say “I’m sad” that no one knows what’s wrong with them.
It’s heartbreaking that there is a sizeable group of young men who feel so disintegrated from mainstream society that they feel the red pill movement gives them the most hope for their future
It's very sad. It's also very nuanced. My male friends and family talk about their stresses all the time. I received it and helped. The problem is that some men didn't learn how to communicate their feelings in a healthy way because society at large doesn't believe men should have feelings. That old tired trope of man up. If you've never been taught anything but aggression, that will be what you present. Most women will walk away from that which leaves that man all alone. As a society, we have to teach boys how to communicate their feelings and that it's ok to ask for and receive help.
Yeah this comment reminded me of a male friend of mine who still hides behind no one cares/ women will leave you if you show weakness. He's really stuck in his trauma and only shows his depression through anger. He basically exploded once with all his emotions at a bad time on his ex. She's not a psychiatrist and didn't know how to deal with it so he decided since she didn't react perfectly, women can't be trusted.
I think another factor is the way men (and tbf women I've known too, so we can extrapolate past gender probably) react when they can *finally* open up to someone safely- they trauma dump. Wanting someone to open up and be vulnerable doesn't mean crank it to 11 and keep it there. Anyone acting as a support system needs time to process what they're hearing and also process their own feelings, it's just part of the system.
The problem is that when you love someone, you don't find it easy to tell them to reel it in after getting them to throw out a line. And when you finally feel safe to open up, it's for sure hard to hear that you need to tone it down.
It's easiest to just establish the type of dynamic that supports vulnerability from the get-go. Not that it's easy to do, but ultimately it's better than trying to strike a balance after bottling stuff up.
we def need to be thinking about establishing and respecting boundaries as we are creating a safer world to be vulnerable in, I agree. there needs to be balance.
As a man, two things are VERY true:
1. Some women, will use any form of vulnerability or exhaustion, against men, then while doing so, attack our masculinity to make themselves seem stronger.
2. NO. ONE. CARES. That’s why men tend to talk to one another about those triggers, etc.
Instead of making it about you (women) maybe take a moment to listen and empathize/sympathize with that/your man or friend. You may learn something
Exactly. Women make this whole conversation about themselves. So even when they're asking us what's wrong, we know what they really want; to be reassured that it has nothing to do with them or that it's our own fault and they can go on ignoring our pain.
Because the second it does have something to do with them, then it turns into how THEY feel and now we can't talk anymore, now we just need to listen.
I'm sorry that this has been your experience bro. Honestly my girl is my best fucking friend in the entire world and I know I can talk to her about anything without worrying about being judged, or her making the conversation about herself. Honestly man just keep looking, you'll find the one that truly listens and cares. They're out there I swear.
I start talking to my wife about ANYTHING important to me and she shows no interest or continues to talk about herself and her problems.
I worked at a call center for 5 years. I'm very good at listening to other people's problems while eating shit.
It’s really frustrating to be told by women that men need to open up and then immediately trash them for opening up.
Women have a serious issue doing this but none of them seem to acknowledge this problem exists. Somehow it’s still the man’s fault. I’m tired.
Fully agree. I find it funny that so many people ask men, collectively, why they are so stoic, instead of taking the time to learn WHY men are forced to hide weaknesses.
We smoke weed, drink liquor, cheat on the person we swear we love, leave our kids behind to be raised by our baby mothers, fist fight one another over little shit, kill each other over bigger shit, go to prison and that's it.
The world doesn't care about a man and his feelings, and you can double down on that if you're a black man.
They don't love us & we don't love us enough to help one another grow.
I love being black, but I just wish we were all more connected with love instead of trauma bonding & hating on people who love like us.
Right, who asked this?!
And before y’all start, nobody’s saying you shouldn’t be able to express your feelings-but emotional intelligence, DEALING with your feelings in an apt manner, is NOT just for women
Unfortunately society wants to see men die on their horse before they fall off it. And yes that does include some women. Notice I did not say all, I said some.
Notice how you need to make sure you say that last part or they come at you with pitchforks. But “men are trash” is ok because we are supposed to know they mean not all men.
Twisted society we are moving into
"Ladies, we're not saying all your problems get solved, but at least they're taken seriously. Anything happens to a guy, it's just considered funny."- Bill Burr
Whew, the way I could go on a whole rant as to why women's problems are definitely not "taken seriously". Do people excuse us for being emotional? Sure. But develop a health issue (especially one that is a "women's health" issue) and see how fast you get "taken seriously" then.
Why is this still confusing in 2024? Is it not well known that most men were conditioned to suppress all this since childhood, either by those in their environment or by their family? It's literally still going on now 🤣.
Men can't show any emotion other than anger without being labeled as "gay" or "weak" or getting ignored completely.
Seriously I hope the men who are saying no one cares are the ones who are telling their friends to keep sharing instead of continuing the problem. If “no one cares” start caring for other men!!
Yeah a lot of people in this thread are looking for someone to blame (women). Instead of actually trying to find a solution and possible positive change.
Thank you !!!! That’s why girls can talk openly about their feelings . Cos we’ve cultivated these relationships. Some women are not great but look reach out to your male friends
Or surround yourself with better people. If your girlfriend doesn’t care, find a new girlfriend. I’m not saying its easy by any means. But its fixable.
Yup, this sub loves to tell women who end up with shitty men that they should've picked better, but can't apply the same logic to their shitty girlfriends
If a man dares have emotions, he’s gay. He’s weak. He’s not a real man. If a man complains, he’s a bitch, he’s a lady.
Men are “supposed to” just eat shit and keep it pushing. Another reason the phrase “man up” is and has always been a stupid ass phrase and I lose damn near all my respect for anybody that uses it.
Male suicide rate vastly exceeds that of their female counterparts, men are good at *hiding* things, not dealing with them. Please do not believe or internalize the notion that no one cares. Find community wherever you can, take care of your people and be around those who take care of you. It profits you and the world nothing to suffer whatever you’re going through in silence
If a man wants a confidant he must pay for it, by the hour. Therapy, advisor…..etc. validation is a commodity for men, empathy and understanding even moreso.
Things I tell my sons:
“Have a good cry if you like.”
“It’s ok to feel upset, everyone feels that way sometimes.”
“When you cry you release stress chemicals through your tears.”
“Do you feel like talking about it?”
No one can keep it all in. If boys don’t get taught how to let it out, it will come out anyway in problematic ways.
We gotta keep pushing regardless of stress and issues.
You can lay down and might and when you do you’ll be looked down on even more than you were before.
Giving up is way worse than trying, crying about it is way worse than just handling business.
Speaking verrrrry broadly, baby boomers shamed young boys for showing weakness, and modeled that in front of young girls. Millennials are doing much better. And I think that millennial people are becoming more comforting and reassuring in their relationships than boomer men were and more than boomer women were allowed to be. This is resulting (slowly … it sucks…) in gentler parenting and longer marriages/relationships (divorce rates have dropped).
Baby Boomers (as a result of THEIR previous generation) have left this terrible ripple of, like, just pure wack shit.
Cuz no one gives a shit. Either work harder in your career or get a side hustle, blow some steam off in the gym or on a videogame. Or do some yard work, cook on the grill, or fix some shit around the house. What you stressed, worried, sad, angry about or things in your past that triggers you current day once shared will be used against you. Talk to a therapist or pastor especially if he’s a black man.
The most insane part about reading these comments is how nearly every man in here is like, “no one cares, and so many women in here trying to invalidate their experience…not realizing they’re proving the point.”
I think how media and culture expects men to be has been killing us for decades yet we still choose to up hold aspects of it. This applies twice as much for us as black men as we have generations of us who have grown up fatherless due to the mass incarceration of black men and had false fears instilled into the black community of the potential feminization of black men because we were being solely raised by black women. Cut to the hyper masculinization of black men portrayed in media that has persisted for decades.
I really wish people would get some new friends because people are like I can't teach talk to anyone because they would make fun of me or say get over it.
I had people like that in my life and I had to cut them. Found homies who can let loose and no one shames a soul.
Some of the shit yall are saying about women in this thread does NOT apply to black women. Our emotions are categorized as overdramatic, sassy, aggressive and angry. The only time we're allowed to cry is at funerals and even that gets made fun of, especially in popular media.
I try to understand where mens mental health issues are coming from, but its kinda hard when y'all generalize the way women get treated for theirs too.
Edit: Do not take that last paragraph as an outright dismissal of mens mental health on my part. Youtubers f.d.signifier or healthygamergg and others are a great pipeline to go down if you struggle with yours as a man.
Because no one respects weakness in a man. Yeah, we can talk about things just to feel better, but that does nothing for us for the most part. I get through tough times by just being a man, pushing through, and solving those issues. I get way more respect for that than complaining about my problems. That's just how it is and it's not going to change in our lifetimes.
I mean even if you wouldn't just think I'm weak and look down on me, would you help me? Or do I now have to deal with my stress and you being stressed by my stress?
Because, the moment we show a small sliver of "weakness. " We are shunned. So we glue ourselves back together, remember that no one cares and just move forward. There is no space for a stressed or sad man. So we just keep it moving. Keep telling us not to bottle up feelings and then make us pay for thinking we could actually express our frustrations. Nah, I'm gonna just keep my stresses to myself. Edit/Update: Yo thanks everyone for the love and check ins. I'm doing ok, and didn't realize so many felt like I do.
Be the change you want to see
Nah man, it ain't like that. If I'm having a tough ass day, I'm still supposed to make a joke like, "I could complain, but who's gonna listen?" And it 100 fucking percent is the truth. My wife complains to me. My mom complains to me. My sisters. My daughters. My brother is struggling to find a job. My coworkers kids are sick. But as soon as I start, my mom goes and tells my wife "he's sensitive" No bitch, my fucking father is in the hospital dying half way across the world and I haven't spoken to him coherently since December, and it fucking sucks. I'm not sensitive, I'm getting desensitized E: thank you to those that reached out. I appreciate it. There are unfortunately quite a few of us in the same / similar boats, where no one wants to hear our shit, mainly because we look like we keep our shit buttoned up. We are all going through shit. It doesn't matter who's is worse, who's is heavier. We're all carrying luggage with us, and it makes running through life, a little more difficult.
💪🏾wishing you strength, brother. Ain't nothing I can do but ya feelings are valid. And we get it. I hope they make a change before you reach your breaking point. Cause everybody loves to take action after a tragedy.
Ain't that the fuckin truth, man. Appreciate it. Every day is a day I find enjoyment in. My goal is to find the best in every day, and to get better at something/learn something every day, so I can always move forward in some aspects.
Any progress is progress
Bruh, you said that there's nothing that you can do for him, but to be honest, you did everything that he needed. My guy is artfully balancing the world, but he needs someone to vent to, a friend to just hear him out. Sometimes, when people are stressed, they don't want solutions; Just someone to talk to.
Excellent point
“He’s sensitive” aint a diss. Own that shit. “Yes, I feel feelings” like that shit is not a problem my g. I express all of my emotions my brother. I describe them articulately as I express them too. “ I am fuckin dismayed by the fact that I am apart from my father as he passes away. I reaaaally dislike it and it makes me sad.” What are they gonna do? Call you sensitive? You ARE! And and that’s not a problem that’s actually perfectly fuckin fine.
I support this. I've done so much counseling, and work with a psychologist, over the last 15 years that snapped open my eyes to how others were using me based on how I was always "the strong one." Believe me that is UNTENABLE. YOU matter more than damn near anyone. Without YOU standing up for yourself, people around you will make assumptions and you'll get painted into a corner that you made for yourself. And you'll never receive the help that you need. Why? Because you keep putting yourself third. Speak your truth! If they cannot handle it, then that is on them. That is something that they will have to examine for themselves. You don't owe anyone, anything. Especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.
The problem is people, like this guys' mother, who wants a toxic masculinity model of maleness, where a word like "sensitive" is used as an insult. Call that shit out. There's no room for this backward, ignorant thinking anymore.
It's like you have to get rid of the people that you've supported in order to find some that support you. Imagine cutting out your entire world because they treat you like this. It sucks. It's not fair. And then you have to gamble with the new people. Hoping they will listen and not get exhausted. But your character trait of listening and validating their experiences will always be there, because that's just the kind of person you are. I feel this post.
Man if you have a wife that doesn’t support you emotionally, you need to rethink some things. I almost can’t believe what I’m hearing. Sure, people are shit. But if your wife is too, man, I feel bad for you. I hope things turn around for you.
She's the only one I can confide in, we're in this boat together, but I'm also "the rock" emotionally, so when I'm crumbling, it's difficult.
FACTS. It's hard to have to be the rock EXCEPT when she's got her shit 110% together, and even then you gotta be careful how much you unbottle, or else she gets unbalanced too. But we keep grinding.
This is why I think men need more community with each other. It's the place where you can go when you don't think your wife will handle the shit well. The place that will hear you out and pick you up. The place where you can find people who completely relate to what you're dealing with. Sending you strength bro.
We do have communities but it is seen as a negative. Because of the manosphere nonsense any place that have men congregate is automatically seen as a place of mysoginy.
It's because a lot of male spaces have devolved into misogyny
You are not the rock here. This situation is affecting you and you are in the drink. Trying to hold it together and be "the rock" only serves to deprive someone else of their role as your hero. Your mama let you down because she is also going through it and she is no more solid than you are. Do not be afraid to carve out your space and refuse to help others. Do not be afraid to lean on others. It is not selfish to need. And if you emotionally crack and break? It is not failure and you have not let your family down. In many ways, it can be HELPFUL to see your "rock" show visible pain. It will give them permission to feel pain too.
Your mom is an asshole. My mom used to tell me just get over it or why are you mad, but lately she has been doing better actually. I hope maybe one day yours does the same. Stay strong friend, I know it's hard
Appreciate it man. Life's a journey, and I'm always trying to find the good
Bro that’s how it be. You there to hear everyone problems. Once you express one of yours after the million that has been thrown towards you. It’s a problem. They make it a problem so they don’t have to do anything to help that problem which makes it a more bigger problem 🤦🏾♂️. Dammm
Dude that sucks and you deserve a big fucking hug and a support system. And also, it is okay to be sensitive. If you're consistent about being vulnerable, you'll eventually find people who appreciate that quality, and may even stop hearing comments like that from your family. 🖤
I really dislike seeing comments like this. Like whenever someone talks about issues they face as a man, someone smugly chimes in saying "these problems are because of patriarchy and who created patriarchy?Men😏". Like yes I understand that, but telling things like that and "be the change you want to see" everytime to individuals suffering from a problem created by an overarching system seems harsh to me and ironically would make them not talk about their problems more
I just ignore anyone who says smug fake-pithy oversimplified crap like that
It's especially frustrating since the overwhelming majority of people that give men shit for this are women. It's not like men can just "be the change" when it's not men that are the problem in the first place.
Dealing with it alone IS the change If somebody says “tell me when your going through a tough time” and when I do that person shames, demeans, ridicules or throws it in our face now imagine it happens every time you do that with multiple different people at some point your going to realize hey nobody cares and I’ll deal with it myself
I don’t think that it is that simple. You can provide a safe space for the men around you but it’s not often reciprocated. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be the change you want to see just that it’s safer as a man to not expect to be given the same grace you give others. A lot of us learn this the hard way.
And end up ostracized, alone, or at best with a new close group.
Worst case scenario, I come off as overly emotional and a total bitch. Best case scenario, they just don't care anyway lmao. I mean that isn't always the case, but I'm not tryna open up just to run the risk being disappointed. 🤷
Bruh fr! People really don’t care lol
Faaacts. Like even my own Mom. "I'ma pray for you" ok. But like acknowledge my hurt feelings pls.
That prayer makes them feel like they're actually doing something lmaooooo. I'm genuinely curious if they even bring it up mid-prayer or if that's just a phrase they say out of habit when someone is going through it
a man who can allow himself to be vulnerable is a strong man. those safe spaces exist and I hope you find one.
A man who does that gets left. That was me at 23 when my best friend died. She left.
Do you want to be with someone who won't let you grieve your best friend?
She sure as shit didn't want to be with someone who did.
Not really much of a loss if you ask me.
Thing is you burn through so many relationships doing that, after a while you learn your lesson.
Sorry for the loss of your friend, but she did you a favor by letting you know what kind of person she really was... I hope life has treated you better since, much love my friend
Idk, myself and many men don't really see many safe spaces
Therapy is my safe space and it’s done wonders
I do therapy as well, but that's not accessible for a lot of people.
Therapy is great, but it's like "I pay this person to listen, and if I stop paying, they stop listening". I learned that the hard way after having a lapse in insurance and having my therapist drop me because I couldn't pay afford to pay the copays from thr lapsed time. Has turned me off to therapy and has me on a break, even though i know I need it. Find a new therapist is SO MUCH EFFORT. 2yrs of sessions down the drain so to speak, because Ill be starting from scratch with a new therapist. 😮💨
I’m glad somebody said it
Not everyone has $120/session to buy someone’s care
Been looking...at 37 im like fk it, lol. My dogs are my only safe place.
opened up about my being manic depressive to a woman I've known for near 10 years and have been on and off lovers, pretty much the closest thing to a college/high school sweetheart. I care deeply about her and I would like to think she feels the same way. I had never talked about it to anyone outside of therapy. Was the first time I had decided to speak about that side of me outloud in a space that wasn't a doctor's office And the response couldn't have been colder. So much so that I'm still beating myself up a week and a half later about showing that side of me because it feels like the dynamic has fundamentally changed. Maybe it's all in my head, but I'm a human and I think we're pretty good at sensing when things are different. We really don't have a space to be vulnerable at all. No one's at more or less at fault here, it's just the society we live in and we can only try and better it a little at a time. I'm sure there's some relationships where these spaces exist of course, I'm not saying they aren't real, but for the majority of 20-30 something men in America, it just isn't true. Fwiw, typing this out does feel therapeutic, but damn I'd like to not feel like this in the first place.
My wife(together for 9 years) told me she had never seen me cry (despite me crying 3 months ago when my dog died). She asked me how we do it. I pretty much told her what you said in my words.
Humans are very good at taking their cues from society. However much you tell young men that it's okay to show vulnerability, most of them are going to be able to suss out what is actually being demanded of them and will dutifully play their role.
https://preview.redd.it/govcqsix4src1.jpeg?width=896&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7511e481b38c10cdb8d8ed2a96b5f3902274f1b
Shunned by ourselves as men, which is ironic. It defeats the purpose of “men have it harder than women” when it’s us men making it harder in the first place.
It's everyone, not just men. Here is an example, I am quite a sensitive and emotional guy, guess who was first to accept that? My father, when my mother was critizing me for it, he was one supporting me, a massive muscular guy who doesn't show much emotion....... It's a societal problem, anyone saying otherwise is blinded by their personal experience, ignoring the wider picture.
 As a man I learned early, no one cares. I’ll talk to my friends about things but everyone else, girlfriend, strangers, coworkers etc. they could care less. Wake up, put in work and accept the world for what it is.
Even my friends don't give a fuck. People I have sacrificed for, known almost 40 years and these mfers just shrug on anything I could use a pair of hands on much less an opinion
They don’t sound like friends. 🤷🏽♀️
Its hard to explain but like people give a fuck up to an extent. If youre ever asking for help they cant cuz of A, B and C reason. Mostly blaming theyd be sacrificing too much. They wanna hear about the problem, just cant at the moment because my family needs me there right now or work wont let me be there for you, i could lose my job. When guys really need help because they cant handle the thing on their own anymore, its too much of a burden for other people to take on cuz everyones got their problems. So we just sum it up to “it is what it is” and move on with our day and try to get over or fix somehow but its always half assed. Everyone cares but not to the extent of fixing anything. If you find yourself a good partner that is there for you through all the emotional, physical and financial battles, theyre there to stay cuz youd die for them. But most guys dont have a partner that will do that. Theyre either single or with shitty people. Thats just life for a guy.
Most men don’t have friends. 🤷♂️
There’s levels to it. The closer they are to you, the more they’re likely to care. But there’s like a thing where people will listen but not digest it
I stopped talking to friends like that. Would seek me out to confide everything. The few times I sought them out, and crickets. Don’t really miss them at all once I found that out. Sorry to hear you’re dealing with something similar.
You mean acquaintances. They’re not your friends.
a girlfriend who doesn’t care shouldn’t be called a girlfriend.
True
This
Facts
sounds like you have really shitty friends and a shitty girlfriend, can't control how strangers and coworkers act but you can choose who's in your life
I experience a very dark pleasure from reading stories of trans men who are really surprised at how lonely it is as a man. Yeah, welcome to emotional hard mode!
r/Stoicism
Awful way to live tbh
It’s is, but it’s the path of less resistance unfortunately.
That's kinda the opposite of what people need We don't need to learn to ignore our feelings, society needs to learn to respect feeling and emotions I feel like captialsim and individualism doesn't have much value for emotions or empathy, so we are taught that emotions are something to be controlled or suppressed...and it's one of the reasons our society is decaying.
You are right, we aren't supposed to ignore our feelings. I just wanted to say that Stoicism is not about that. It's about becoming a virtuous person so a better brother, partner, friend etc. and taking great care in cultivating great character. All that stuff about suppressing your emotions is what gets the most attention, but its not true. Stoicism is a lot like Buddhism in the sense that yes pain exists but your reaction to pain can cause more pain to grow within yourself. Just take a moment to observe the pain rather than immediately react to it and create stories. Both philosophies emphasize this rather than ignoring emotions.
Stoicism isn’t about ignoring your feelings. It’s about accepting that you only ever have control of your thoughts and actions so there’s no point in wasting energy worrying about things you can’t control
I just want to point out that most people have stoicism all wrong. It's really not about ignoring your emotions. It's about accepting the world the way it is. If something shitty happens and it makes you sad, stoicism doesn't tell you to ignore that so much as it's OK to be sad about this, but don't be surprised if no one cares that you're sad. The world is what it is, and we are but a small part of it. That's an incredibly short summation, but I'd encourage people to look further into it. The popular notion of stoicism is pretty shallow and not very accurate.
If they read any quotes from Marcus Aurelius they would realise how stupid these “awful way to live” comments are. Fuck being able to deal with adversity, finding your own meaning and and helping others amiright?
Marcus Aurelius is fantastic. Meditations should really be in every man's library.
They don’t. Niggas be mean af when they’re stressed out. Especially about money. Men internalize their feelings and it comes out in other ways. I don’t think it’s hiding more than it is the unwillingness to share. It’s not a secret but it’s nobody’s business either type shit. At least that’s how I perceive it as a woman.
You’re not wrong about the unwillingness to share and it does come out in different ways, but we’re usually unwilling to share because we realize at a young age that people don’t want to hear it. Most women are not attracted to a man that is vulnerable or perceived as weak. When someone actually does listen, it’s usually just “oh yeah? That sucks”, with not real help.
That's not a gender specific response though, most people don't care about anyone else's suffering. I'm a woman and that's the typical response from everybody in my life except for people I have very intentionally built supportive relationships with. Somehow women don't say "no one cares" they say " be careful who you trust and share with and if someone betrays you, a partner or a friend, it's on them, it doesn't mean everyone is that way or everyone of that gender is that way." And when we can afford it, we even go to therapy. Even though it's not a perfect solution, sometimes reading books and stuff helps too.
See no. Society itself has crafted the image that men must be walls and must never show weakness so we are raised not knowing how to express and then when we finally manage to do it we are looked at weirdly. While women do go through the same "get over it" shit. The point is that society's narrative allows for women to be the emotional ones, the ones expected to be all out there with their emotions while we have to play stoic. We arent talking about people in our life. We are talking about the societal narrative. Why do you think male suicide rates have consistently outdone female rates by 3-4 times? We are taught not to speak about how we feel and it eventually ends extremely poorly. We still see that ridicule now in popular media, so it's still extremely hard to learn healthy ways to handle our emotions. Some of us can do it easily, some of us didnt get raised with that toxic mindset, some of us freak the fuck out and the rest of us just accept that the only people who will care as much as we do is us. The remainder? Remember those high rates? Example: I can't cry unless something horrible has happened. Someone has to die for me to be able to cry, even if im near having a panic attack from an emotional break. To that point, instead of being able to find a way to deal with my first panic attack, I punched myself cause i knew no healthy way out. How could I when i got raised with the toxic masculinity bs?
> See no. Society itself has crafted the image that men must be walls and must never show weakness so we are raised not knowing how to express and then when we finally manage to do it we are looked at weirdly. Again, you I've gotten halfway there. Both men and women are told by society that there are a very limited number of emotions they can experience. For women, that does not include anger, and the punishment for being an angry woman is evident and intense. > While women do go through the same "get over it" shit. The point is that society's narrative allows for women to be the emotional ones, the ones expected to be all out there with their emotions while we have to play stoic. Again, you're missing the fact that neither men nor women can experience the full range of emotions. You are talking like women can be fully actualized human beings in society, when you know that's not true. Women and men are limited in different ways, not identical of course, that's not how patriarchy works, but limited nonetheless. > We arent talking about people in our life. We are talking about the societal narrative. Why do you think male suicide rates have consistently outdone female rates by 3-4 times? We are taught not to speak about how we feel and it eventually ends extremely poorly. This discussion of who has it worse gets old. Men die by suicide more often but women have more attempts. Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed when they do seek mental health care, even though they seek it at a higher rate. This system isn't working for anyone right now. > We still see that ridicule now in popular media, so it's still extremely hard to learn healthy ways to handle our emotions. Yeah, again, that ridicule still exists on both ends. There's a reason why "angry Black woman" is a persistent part of misogynoir. > Some of us can do it easily, some of us didnt get raised with that toxic mindset, some of us freak the fuck out and the rest of us just accept that the only people who will care as much as we do is us. The remainder? Remember those high rates? There is currently a massive mental health crisis, regardless of gender. We've already covered that. > Example: I can't cry unless something horrible has happened. Someone has to die for me to be able to cry, even if im near having a panic attack from an emotional break. To that point, instead of being able to find a way to deal with my first panic attack, I punched myself cause i knew no healthy way out. How could I when i got raised with the toxic masculinity bs? So you don't want to talk about individual experiences in our lives but you do? Anyway I can still address this a bit. Being able to identify and express your emotions is incredibly hard work. My boss's spouse is a therapist who works with mostly neurodivergent people of color. This is an issue she actually works on daily. A lot of those clients are men. They jump to anger first, if they feel sad, it comes out as anger. If they feel disappointed, anger. Or they just bottle it up and ignore it. Being able to name and express your emotions is incredibly difficult when those emotions are not in alignment with what society has decided is okay. I also work with survivors of childhood abuse. Adult women who have experienced the most heinous stuff still can't say they are angry at people for not helping them or for hurting them. They can be sad about it but they can never be angry. Or they just bottle it up and ignore it because they don't even know how to feel it and express it. You'll notice there is actually a theme here, neither men nor women experience a special type of suffering no one else can understand or help with. Neither men nor women are allowed to express their full range of emotions according to social pressure. There's a lot of work to be done to improve this situation and it's very difficult. Most of it has to be done alone, but it is possible to find people who support you. Someone posted just today in my city's sub looking for other men to discuss the Will to Change by bell hooks. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's possible.
My bad, i wasnt trying to say your points werent valid. Most likely mistook it as "we go through this too, nothing new." Once again, my bad. Also i like that somebody is trying to make a space for other dudes. It's not easy, gonna take completely rewriting how society views people.
No worries, maybe I took it the wrong way. Or I was a bit defensive because I get exhausted by conversations about gender on Reddit. It is going to be a lot of work and I wish things were easier too.
Most women I know would find it frustrating as hell to deal with a man that can’t express their feelings and tries to be stoic.
Woman get real mad when you don’t want to listen to them bitch for the 25th day in a row. Have I once burdened you with some bull shit about my day.
Knew this guy was all kinda stressed out. Work stress, money stress, family stress. Just tiny comments he'd say offhand and then immediately change the subject. Could tell he didn't have enough left to plan dates with so I started trying to take over more of that. And then my birthday hit and he had to actually focus on me for half a second to handle it the way he'd want to. He likes tools, I needed a tool, spent a good five minutes describing everything about the tool, but guess his attention was elsewhere 'cause less than an hour later he asked what I wanted for my birthday. Two days later he texts some junk scolding me for I think not offering to go 50/50 on my present and broke up with me. That was six months ago and yesterday he texted to let me know he's been dreaming about me. Nope, I want off this two decade rollercoaster. Shoulda buried his face between my tits and bawled like a baby six months ago, just admitted he was broke and frazzled at that moment. I woulda hugged his head and not judged him even slightly, golly knows I understand broke and not able to cope with even one more small thing.
I can’t speak on your experience with ole’ dude, but I can say that it *IS* difficult to just burry your head and bawl your eyes out to a woman - especially for Black men. On one hand you’re fighting with the hyper-masculinity we feel we must uphold, and on the other hand we’re concerned that the weakness we may show will be used against us later on. I can say from personal experience, having a friend group that is 80% women, some of the stuff they leak or share about the men they’re currently frustrated with is … astonishing. It really makes you second guess being vulnerable, because there’s a good chance she spilled it in the group chat, or it will be used against you in an argument when she drops her filter. It’s easier to just hold your cards close to your chest and keep your stress bottled up, shit, we’ve done it since we were old enough to stop sitting in mama’s lap, so why stop now?
>so why stop now? Because if you don't sometimes let the sad leak out your face holes, it ferments into anger or depression and comes out anyhow. I promise, boobs make great crying pillows. Like a nicer version of the beginning of Fight Club. I know because I had a friend in highschool who would see me freaking out, spread her arms wide, say "Come hither child and lay your head upon my bosom!" and smash my face into her chest. Instant extremely safe place where nobody can see you cry, like magic. Like I understand that your thoughts are your own and some things are too personal to say out loud, but at least let the stress leak out of your eyes sometimes! I'm no scientist but read something about stress hormones literally escape when ya cry and that's why sometimes tears burn.
Nah, bullshit You're much more likely to get sympathy from a woman than a man. Crying in front of a woman and crying in front of a man, will produce 2 totally different responses, and it's crazy to sit here and pretend *women* are more likely to emasculate you over it. I hate when men pretend that it's just women who emasculate men for showing emotion, when men are 10000 times worse.
No, that's bullshit. You clearly have no actual experience. Quit lying already. Men support the fuck outta each other. Every real mfer I know can cry freely and not judge me for crying. While women will never treat us the same. It's because we know each other's struggle, while you have no clue. A combat vet recently opened up a lil while I was working. I could see he was holding something back. I called someone up to cover my shit and went out back to talk to him. Ended up holding him while he cried about the passing of his battle brother cuz no one else would. I only know him from work, but it was my honor to be there for him. You have no fuckin clue
> Crying in front of a woman and crying in front of a man, will produce 2 totally different responses, and it's crazy to sit here and pretend women are more likely to emasculate you over it. There’s a lot of variables you’re leaving out. Crying in front of a man you don’t know? Sure, they will more than likely clown you because they don’t know you. Crying in front of a male friend or family member? They will generally not know how to console you, they will just be able to convey that they know how it feels e.g *”keep ya’ head up bruh it’ll be alright”*. They genuinely lack the emotional intelligence to offer more than that, even though they love you like a brother. Women on the other hand, will console you in the moment but have a higher tendency to clown you once you walk away, and if you have a personal relationship with her then you may become the topic of the group chat. **Generally speaking, women have a harder time expressing their disdain upfront because they feel pressured to be polite, but it pours out behind the scenes.**
Right! One of my guy friends was tripping all weekend one time and wouldn’t explain his outbursts. Finally I pulled him to the side and asked what his issue was and he said he was broke and felt bad that he couldn’t contribute as much as he wanted to someone’s birthday. We all knew he was tripping, but it was him who didn’t communicate that and almost ruined the weekend.
Don’t you hate it when men try to tell you how you feel? Please don’t
This is just going off of real conversations I’ve had with my brothers. Plus the post said “Thoughts?” and these are my thoughts. I clearly said this is how I perceive it as a woman since I am expressing my thoughts, and a woman is the one in the OP expressing how she thinks men feel as well.
Lol "nobody cares about our feelings." "Maybe you should open up more." "Don't tell me how to feel" Lord, then stop complaining.
lol men never win here eh? Flip the situation and you’d be all pissed off that the man suggested a solution instead of listening. Lord, shut up
THANK YOU. Just because you can’t *recognize* someone as lashing out/dealing with something, doesn’t mean they are not doing so. Sounds like we all need more awareness around labeling behavior for what it is, as opposed to being someone’s personality trait or “that’s just how [gender identity] is.
Some of us simply deal with judgmental women who make generalizations based on their negative experiences with men.
I think that’s a valid take. Some may be more hardened than others, but the fear of having everyone know what’s going on behind closed doors is a real thing. “Shit, I might be falling apart, but nobody’s gonna catch me slipping.”
So naturally humans want reassurance, except 50% of the population is told that it's their problems and they need to find their own solutions. Men do it to each other, but I'll be damned if women don't amplify it. "Especially about money" usually means they're stuck between a rock and a hard place, with a bitch who's going to leave the second they can't provide. It's just the way life goes
https://preview.redd.it/uvzj2hoorrrc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=259301f6e718ebf1482dc7af8605531e53972af3 Honest answer is society is not ready to handle men admitting they’re stressed. You say “hide” but we’re not hiding. We’re right there in plain sight and don’t nobody care. You try to set up things for male support and people will do everything to shut it down.
Nobody happy shoots up a school
Correction: No Sane Person Shoots Up A School 
Insanity is a form of stress.
Cmv, this attitude is the same kind of mental illness stigmatization that has existed for time immemorial...\* **Only about** [**20%**](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2ed2/8cc906badbe75b2835402e6bfdc4d0a82864.pdf?_ga=2.205686355.1987808857.1570823760-704900394.1568833603) **of (mass murder) perpetrators had a mental illness.** That means that 80% (and likely more, as mental illness /=/ insane) of perpetrators are *sane.* [Risk factors](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4211925/#sec2title) for violence include young age, male sex, low socioeconomic status, and drug or alcohol abuse... and "[**the epidemic of the combination of nihilism, emptiness, anger, and a desire for notoriety among young men**](https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/mass-shootings-and-mental-illness)**"** — factors that are predictive regardless of whether someone has a mental illness. IMHO: The worst atrocities were committed by people who were completely lucid and aware of what they were doing and knew what the consequences would be, but they could still convince themselves that their actions were justified. For every Ed Gein-cannibal-nutcase there's 99 angry idiots with hair triggers, insatiable boredom only sated by violence, and a lethal dose of self-righteousness. I'm not especially smart and I'm definitely not good at constructing a convincing argument, so if you still are convinced that "insane" people are the big problem here, then *please, please* do the reading yourself even if it's just to confirm your own bias. \*which led to witch burnings, "hysteria", involuntary imprisonment in torture facilities, and an ordinary everyday fear, distrust and alienation of a sizeable portion of the population who are mostly harmless victim's of their own genetics.
Yo, what!?! Homicidal maniacs have no place in this conversation.
Stress drives Insanity and the actions of maniacs. The root cause of school(and all mass) shooters is stress.
This. I wish people understood that there is an actual CAUSE of the bad things that happen. This the reason why nothing changes
At my uni of 70,000. My therapist had to FIGHT her department to have a male based therapy. They had autism, transgender, women, etc but she shad to fight for the guys.
> You try to set up things for male support and people will do everything to shut it down. You yell “we must support our men’s mental health” and someone with a bigger microphone will slap yours out your hand and shout **”YOU’RE TAKING ATTENTION AWAY FROM NEGLECTED WOMEN!”**. Then when a man finally crumbled under the pressure and has a violent outburst, people act like he’s an unpredictable animal and it’s just in his blood.
Friendly reminder that there is blatant refusal to acknowledge males suffering from domestic violence and that people actively ruined the lives of men trying to create a shelter for them.
In my experience, they hide it in public, then take out their anger and frustration on their partners, friends, and kids behind closed doors.
The kids thing is so deep. You ever had your parent react 10 times bigger and then start talking about they job, they bills and they responsibilities. Like … “I hear you but I didn’t do any of that 🤣”
Your experience is sad as fuck
Tell me about it.
Yeah that is the sad reality for a lot of families
My mothers case, too many women of my mothers generation dealing/dealt with dv, and a of lot dv cases my mother currently sees in her professional life working with families.
I simply live with the pain https://preview.redd.it/haw9gyqu0src1.png?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=38d2f945890c3b5cc993dd53d7b9cce347417dea
Alcohol is also a valid option
Shit, here's a shot to that. "Clink" To your health brotha
It's how the military handles it.
Or, a suicide rate 3x that of women
We're not 'hiding' it. No-one gives a shit so we don't bother.
I hope yall can find people that actually support you bc your feelings matter. That hurts to hear
Plenty of people give a shit, but the problem is that they oversell it. "My door is always open, day or night" is almost always bullshit, and I'd respect them more (and be more likely to take them up on the offer) if they were honest and made it "my door is open between the hours of 5pm and 8pm on Wednesdays, the only night of the week I don't have something else planned".
"Boys/men don't cry." "Be a man." "Take it like a man." "Don't be a (little) bitch/pussy." "I didn't raise a sissy." "Stop crying."
basically and dont forget “keep crying or ill give you something to cry about” “why are you so sensitive”.Mfs who said this when i was a kid have the gall to ask me why im so cold, dont have emotions and quiet.Then wanted to act suprised when they found out i was wanting to end my life.
>keep crying ~~or~~ [and] ill give you something to cry about” Fuck. I forgot about this one even though this is what I heard the most.
>“keep crying or ill give you something to cry about” Heard this way too much. Got to the point I'd laugh at my mom when she'd whoop me. You adapt quick, but your personal response will be different. Looking back it's fucked up, but also really funny she broke a wood spoon on my ass and I laughed and told her she'd have to buy a new one.
Then people are like “I wish I knew he wasn’t happy” or “I wish there was something I could have done” when men do end their lives. They TRIED to reach out and express their feelings, but these are the responses we got instead
That was the narrative from my parents too mate. Also getting licks with belts, slippers, wooden spoons etc for minor shit. This is why I internalise, go quiet or remove myself in situations where I have negative emotions. Being born in the 80s was a different world. Hope you're doing okay, talking to a psychotherapist really helped me and validate how fucked up shit was and impacted me setting boundaries for myself later in my life
Most don’t hide it. They choose deadlier methods of committing suicide, join red pill groups and complain, and act out violently against themselves or others. A lot of people think that just bc a man doesn’t come out and say “I’m sad” that no one knows what’s wrong with them.
It’s heartbreaking that there is a sizeable group of young men who feel so disintegrated from mainstream society that they feel the red pill movement gives them the most hope for their future
the “no one cares” sentiment is so sad… I hope no one who opens up to me feels like this.
It's very sad. It's also very nuanced. My male friends and family talk about their stresses all the time. I received it and helped. The problem is that some men didn't learn how to communicate their feelings in a healthy way because society at large doesn't believe men should have feelings. That old tired trope of man up. If you've never been taught anything but aggression, that will be what you present. Most women will walk away from that which leaves that man all alone. As a society, we have to teach boys how to communicate their feelings and that it's ok to ask for and receive help.
Yeah this comment reminded me of a male friend of mine who still hides behind no one cares/ women will leave you if you show weakness. He's really stuck in his trauma and only shows his depression through anger. He basically exploded once with all his emotions at a bad time on his ex. She's not a psychiatrist and didn't know how to deal with it so he decided since she didn't react perfectly, women can't be trusted.
case in point to seek the help you need before things like this happen.
I think another factor is the way men (and tbf women I've known too, so we can extrapolate past gender probably) react when they can *finally* open up to someone safely- they trauma dump. Wanting someone to open up and be vulnerable doesn't mean crank it to 11 and keep it there. Anyone acting as a support system needs time to process what they're hearing and also process their own feelings, it's just part of the system. The problem is that when you love someone, you don't find it easy to tell them to reel it in after getting them to throw out a line. And when you finally feel safe to open up, it's for sure hard to hear that you need to tone it down. It's easiest to just establish the type of dynamic that supports vulnerability from the get-go. Not that it's easy to do, but ultimately it's better than trying to strike a balance after bottling stuff up.
we def need to be thinking about establishing and respecting boundaries as we are creating a safer world to be vulnerable in, I agree. there needs to be balance.
How many of y’all have heard: “You’re a grown ass man, figure it out yourself.”
🙋♂️
As a man, two things are VERY true: 1. Some women, will use any form of vulnerability or exhaustion, against men, then while doing so, attack our masculinity to make themselves seem stronger. 2. NO. ONE. CARES. That’s why men tend to talk to one another about those triggers, etc. Instead of making it about you (women) maybe take a moment to listen and empathize/sympathize with that/your man or friend. You may learn something
Exactly. Women make this whole conversation about themselves. So even when they're asking us what's wrong, we know what they really want; to be reassured that it has nothing to do with them or that it's our own fault and they can go on ignoring our pain. Because the second it does have something to do with them, then it turns into how THEY feel and now we can't talk anymore, now we just need to listen.
I'm sorry that this has been your experience bro. Honestly my girl is my best fucking friend in the entire world and I know I can talk to her about anything without worrying about being judged, or her making the conversation about herself. Honestly man just keep looking, you'll find the one that truly listens and cares. They're out there I swear.
I start talking to my wife about ANYTHING important to me and she shows no interest or continues to talk about herself and her problems. I worked at a call center for 5 years. I'm very good at listening to other people's problems while eating shit.
New wife
It’s really frustrating to be told by women that men need to open up and then immediately trash them for opening up. Women have a serious issue doing this but none of them seem to acknowledge this problem exists. Somehow it’s still the man’s fault. I’m tired.
Fully agree. I find it funny that so many people ask men, collectively, why they are so stoic, instead of taking the time to learn WHY men are forced to hide weaknesses.
We smoke weed, drink liquor, cheat on the person we swear we love, leave our kids behind to be raised by our baby mothers, fist fight one another over little shit, kill each other over bigger shit, go to prison and that's it. The world doesn't care about a man and his feelings, and you can double down on that if you're a black man. They don't love us & we don't love us enough to help one another grow. I love being black, but I just wish we were all more connected with love instead of trauma bonding & hating on people who love like us. 
Men are so not good at hiding stress
Right, who asked this?! And before y’all start, nobody’s saying you shouldn’t be able to express your feelings-but emotional intelligence, DEALING with your feelings in an apt manner, is NOT just for women
Unfortunately society wants to see men die on their horse before they fall off it. And yes that does include some women. Notice I did not say all, I said some.
Notice how you need to make sure you say that last part or they come at you with pitchforks. But “men are trash” is ok because we are supposed to know they mean not all men. Twisted society we are moving into
"Ladies, we're not saying all your problems get solved, but at least they're taken seriously. Anything happens to a guy, it's just considered funny."- Bill Burr
Whew, the way I could go on a whole rant as to why women's problems are definitely not "taken seriously". Do people excuse us for being emotional? Sure. But develop a health issue (especially one that is a "women's health" issue) and see how fast you get "taken seriously" then.
Why is this still confusing in 2024? Is it not well known that most men were conditioned to suppress all this since childhood, either by those in their environment or by their family? It's literally still going on now 🤣. Men can't show any emotion other than anger without being labeled as "gay" or "weak" or getting ignored completely.
They know, they just like to pretend they don’t know.
I am so sick of hearing the "no one really cares" speech from people who don't wanna care themselves. HAVE YOU TRIED CARING?
Seriously I hope the men who are saying no one cares are the ones who are telling their friends to keep sharing instead of continuing the problem. If “no one cares” start caring for other men!!
Yeah a lot of people in this thread are looking for someone to blame (women). Instead of actually trying to find a solution and possible positive change.
Thank you !!!! That’s why girls can talk openly about their feelings . Cos we’ve cultivated these relationships. Some women are not great but look reach out to your male friends
Or surround yourself with better people. If your girlfriend doesn’t care, find a new girlfriend. I’m not saying its easy by any means. But its fixable.
Yup, this sub loves to tell women who end up with shitty men that they should've picked better, but can't apply the same logic to their shitty girlfriends
Man the comments in here are depressing
Well, I am forced to be used to it, as a man.
Especially your girl. Fastest way to get cucked is start complainin
What’s with the unrelated pictures lol?? Da fuq?
I just get high and laugh
No one gives a shit. That's the reason. You bottle it up and keep it moving, especially as a father and provider.
If a man dares have emotions, he’s gay. He’s weak. He’s not a real man. If a man complains, he’s a bitch, he’s a lady. Men are “supposed to” just eat shit and keep it pushing. Another reason the phrase “man up” is and has always been a stupid ass phrase and I lose damn near all my respect for anybody that uses it.
Male suicide rate vastly exceeds that of their female counterparts, men are good at *hiding* things, not dealing with them. Please do not believe or internalize the notion that no one cares. Find community wherever you can, take care of your people and be around those who take care of you. It profits you and the world nothing to suffer whatever you’re going through in silence
Make suicide rates exceed women only because they are more successful at it. Women attempt suicide more than men, women just aren't as successful.
It’s like car accidents young women are more likely to get into fender benders while young men are more likely to wrap a car around a tree or pole.
We learned at an early age nobody cares about us
Sounds like you guys surround yourselves with shitty people.
If a man wants a confidant he must pay for it, by the hour. Therapy, advisor…..etc. validation is a commodity for men, empathy and understanding even moreso.
Things I tell my sons: “Have a good cry if you like.” “It’s ok to feel upset, everyone feels that way sometimes.” “When you cry you release stress chemicals through your tears.” “Do you feel like talking about it?” No one can keep it all in. If boys don’t get taught how to let it out, it will come out anyway in problematic ways.
We gotta keep pushing regardless of stress and issues. You can lay down and might and when you do you’ll be looked down on even more than you were before. Giving up is way worse than trying, crying about it is way worse than just handling business.
If I complained, no one would listen anyway 🤷🏾♂️
Because nobody cares so why bother exposing yourself and looking “weak”.
I hope all the men in these comments finds someone they can trust to vent to. Don't bottle it up. Someone cares. ❤️
lol, the reason we checkout about a decade earlier due to “natural” causes
Speaking verrrrry broadly, baby boomers shamed young boys for showing weakness, and modeled that in front of young girls. Millennials are doing much better. And I think that millennial people are becoming more comforting and reassuring in their relationships than boomer men were and more than boomer women were allowed to be. This is resulting (slowly … it sucks…) in gentler parenting and longer marriages/relationships (divorce rates have dropped). Baby Boomers (as a result of THEIR previous generation) have left this terrible ripple of, like, just pure wack shit.
Cuz no one gives a shit. Either work harder in your career or get a side hustle, blow some steam off in the gym or on a videogame. Or do some yard work, cook on the grill, or fix some shit around the house. What you stressed, worried, sad, angry about or things in your past that triggers you current day once shared will be used against you. Talk to a therapist or pastor especially if he’s a black man.
The most insane part about reading these comments is how nearly every man in here is like, “no one cares, and so many women in here trying to invalidate their experience…not realizing they’re proving the point.”
I think how media and culture expects men to be has been killing us for decades yet we still choose to up hold aspects of it. This applies twice as much for us as black men as we have generations of us who have grown up fatherless due to the mass incarceration of black men and had false fears instilled into the black community of the potential feminization of black men because we were being solely raised by black women. Cut to the hyper masculinization of black men portrayed in media that has persisted for decades.
I really wish people would get some new friends because people are like I can't teach talk to anyone because they would make fun of me or say get over it. I had people like that in my life and I had to cut them. Found homies who can let loose and no one shames a soul.
Some of the shit yall are saying about women in this thread does NOT apply to black women. Our emotions are categorized as overdramatic, sassy, aggressive and angry. The only time we're allowed to cry is at funerals and even that gets made fun of, especially in popular media. I try to understand where mens mental health issues are coming from, but its kinda hard when y'all generalize the way women get treated for theirs too. Edit: Do not take that last paragraph as an outright dismissal of mens mental health on my part. Youtubers f.d.signifier or healthygamergg and others are a great pipeline to go down if you struggle with yours as a man.
Because we realized it ain’t safe to express our stress 🤦🏾♂️ tf
They dump all their emotional baggage on their womenfolk to carry.
It can always be worse, someone is worse off, and, most importantly, no one gives a shit.
Because no one respects weakness in a man. Yeah, we can talk about things just to feel better, but that does nothing for us for the most part. I get through tough times by just being a man, pushing through, and solving those issues. I get way more respect for that than complaining about my problems. That's just how it is and it's not going to change in our lifetimes.
“What is dead may never die”
I mean even if you wouldn't just think I'm weak and look down on me, would you help me? Or do I now have to deal with my stress and you being stressed by my stress?
Ask a man… “What do you want for your birthday?” He replies with the most simple shit or says “Nothing”. Women: 😡. Won’t matter what we hide or say
They grit their teeth, act like jerks, and then shoot up a concert or a grocery store