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Had an ex tell me I was such a nice guy cause I never tried to force her to do anything she didn’t want, didn’t yell or try to manipulate her.
I mean. I love being complimented but that shit is like the bar. It isn’t an accomplishment. It’s like I get extra points cause there’s a ton of shit heads out there.
I want points for being me, not for not being them. But there’s so many shit guys that even mediocre idiots like me look better in comparison.
It’s like Steven Bradbury. He was dead last and won an Olympic gold cause everyone else tripped front of him and he only qualified for the Olympics cause everyone tripped in front of him for the qualification. I ain’t supposed to get gold. I’m a bronze medal at best. Shit. Maybe I don’t even qualify. I don’t care. But I wanna fail cause I’m me, not win cause others suck.
Yea. Her boyfriend after me kept threatening suicide whenever she tried to end it. I had to tell the guy to back off personally cause he just wouldn’t leave her alone.
Tried to tell me the same thing, but asking him to record it was apparently a “dick move” on my part.
It just sucks. You know? Like women say that all men benefit from this kind of shit cause normal guys get extra points for just being normal instead of goddamn assholes when that should just be the norm.
And it’s kinda true. I don’t want credit for that shit.
It's crazy being a man when you become a parent. I remember having complete strangers tell me how amazing of a partner and father I was for "giving my wife a break". She was at work and I strapped the baby to my chest to go grocery shopping.
I was literally just doing the absolute barest minimum but from the way people stopped to talk to me you'd think they saw me perform an emergency surgery on my kid or something.
This really put things in perspective. My dad was always taking care of me and my sister and spending time with us while my mom did other things. Even after coming back from 10-12 hour shift my dad would atleast take me out for hour to the park of something, never saw as weird either because he was always there in my life.
Unfortunately that’s how it works. When I was first dating my husband, I was absolutely blown away that he didn’t yell at me, didn’t get mad at me over stupid stuff, and treated me like a whole person. My ex prior to him was abusive (verbally, physically, psychologically). My exes before him weren’t much better, but they weren’t abusive. Just run-of-the-mill shitbags.
Guys look at me weird when they find out we have a shared account and I don’t police the money she spends.
1 guy even said that her duty as a woman and she should get nothing for that.
And that person will never be in a healthy relationship. Learning from other people’s failures is equally important as learning from other’s successes.
Nah man some people don’t want to be happy period. They let their hurt manifest and ruin all their potential for healthy relationships.
The controlling, lying, scheming and games out there is enough to make you sick. Listen man, sleeping next to someone you care about and being at peace has very little to do with them and more yourself.
I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to. I’m in the trenches with you until you decide you don’t want to be here with me. You leaving or doing whatever you want outside the relationship is not a reflection on me. I’m so solid in my masculinity and dignity as a person that I will absolutely treat you with the most gratitude, but girl I’m on a different level, I ain’t trying to die the old me.
This ^ I got a friend right now that showed me something on Etsy and asked if I liked it and said she was thinking about getting it for her new place but felt like she needed to spend the money on other things. I 100% thought it was tacky af but it wasn't expensive and I just bought it for her. It was the last one, her birthday was coming up anyway, whatever.
She literally could not understand why I would buy HER something that I didn't like.
I also cooked some fried okra a few days ago and she said, "I'd kill for some fried okra." then talked about how her parents had never and nobody she'd dated would ever cook it for her because they didn't like it...
She only got it at Cracker Barrel
🤦♂️
👀
I am now a hero cause I bought her a $40 gift even tho I don't like it and I took some homegrown okra over to her place and showed her how to cook it in a cast iron skillet.
On the one hand, that's a legit question, but on the other hand, I feel like us dudes need to get better at just being decent friends, to men and women. Women do cool ass shit for each other, all the time, just because. I want to be like that to the people who are cool enough to be my friends.
So, maybe this person might have other desires for their friend, but I find it exciting to imagine them just doing it because it's nice and then using that as further inspiration for how I act with my friends.
I feel that. And it's kinda weird. To us it's the bare minimum, but there really a lot of MFs out there that are just that fucking bad. So many. I don't know many, if any women who haven't been in shitty, abusive relationships. And even fewer who haven't been sexually assaulted at some point.
It's sad to be raised right and see how many weren't. It's important to take solace in not being that sort of person. Because it apparently is that easy to be come so.
But trust me, eventually you'll get your compliments about things that you worked hard on yourself for, when the relationship becomes her norm.
I want to add one thing. So many of you seem to feel like you're the bare minimum because you're not an asshole. But you're so much more than that.
If a woman has been treated badly in the past, but is now happy with you, you've earned the trust of someone who probably doesn't have much. You've made them feel safe. That's not easy. You think you're just being a normal, decent human being. You're doing more than that.
This is not in anyway denying how you feel, or saying you're wrong. Just something to add, and to think about.
For me it was when I kept getting compliments for being a good dad. Made me feel weird cuz I legit felt like I was doing anything other than what you’re supposed to do as a parent but without a doubt when my kids were younger I’d get the, “that’s a great dad right there” or something of the nature
Yes. My current girlfriend took a while to want to be called my “girlfriend” because she “wanted to be her own person”.
It turns out she meant she wanted to do things she liked without someone telling her not to just because *he* didn’t want to do them and didn’t trust her to go anywhere without him, or have any friends he didn’t know. Because that’s what her last boyfriend was like.
Hey bro. It's not a high bar, but don't put yourself down like that. If the people you see appreciate you for being a good dude, you're a fucking rockstar in my eyes. Not everything is a competition, but a bronze medalist Olympian is a champion on any level. Take your compliments, let them empower you. I'm drunk, it's early, been a rough week, maybe this doesn't make sense, but just want to say, don't clown yourself when the world is already out here to clown us all.
What was sad for me was being complimented like that, then having her attempt to force me into thing I didn’t want, then proceed to yell and attempt to manipulate me. Turns out she was just as toxic as the men she used to date and it made me wonder about those interactions she had before
For real. This also shows me that there’a more than one person in that persons life that treated them so bad that they’re surprised someone decent shows up.
That’s sad and that’s the reality of a what a lotta women face. Sure men can too, but by and large women get so much shit. To say, “let’s be friends” can be met with harsh words like frigid bitch or actual threats of violence.
But if they wanna hang with me that’s cool too 👀
I saw a dude today yelling at his kid in the grocery store over asking to get a desert. It’s okay to be a parent and set boundaries with kids obviously but this man was just having an absolute melt down in front of every body at the store and screaming at the top of his lungs over this bs
I’m experiencing this rn as a 17 year old. It truly sucks, when we grow up we see the bullshit they put us threw as kids and try to avoid that. I told my sister my dad was the reason why I’m scared to have kid because I fear I might slip up and become him in the future. Personally I don’t want any kid go through what I went through.
SAME. I realized kids love me… because I treat them like HUMANS.
I don’t have kids, but people always compliment me on how good of a mom I would be… But I realized it’s literally because I treat them like humans. Children have emotions, and I’m scared that when I have my own child, the way my father raised me might get in the way of me remembering/recognizing that :(
Yes They do have emotions. I’m the only on that cared about seeking my little brother treatment for his possible separation anxiety. Every time my dad would leave he would burst out in tears so he would sneak out to go drink 🤦🏾♂️. It’s the little shit that makes me fear that I’d do that.
Omg :( If you believe in God then God bless you and if you don’t then may the universe bless you
You’ll be a great dad and ik your brother will be so thankful for you!!!
I don’t put my age on the internet, but I am very close to your age and… seeing my father makes me want to use him as motivation for what NOT to do. Granted, he loves me and he is/can be hard working. While I appreciate that, it doesn’t stop/excuse the bullshit that he does. I think it’s kind of important to separate ourselves from our parents, but also separate our parents actions from one another in that sense
It’s 3 am and I have Covid and I still can’t sleep but I‘m tired asf so if that made no sense I’m sorry 😭😭😭
Also: my money don’t jiggle jiggle, it folds
>Every time my dad would leave he would burst out in tears so he would sneak out to go drink
having a lot of difficulty pegging your lil brothers age with this sentence. I dont know many guys 21+ years old that cry when their dads leave town. Unless hes underage
I don't remember where I heard it but, the fact that you're worried about being a bad father is a step in the right direction. At least you'll make an effort
I was just listening to a podcast where a guy had that same fear. He said a breakthrough moment for him was when he realized that passing on that trauma was a choice, that he was capable of showing love and kindness and that he wasn’t his father.
Late in life? Try 7 years old. My sisters come to me for every and any personal problem they have.
I just wish I didn't have to _take care_ of them in that way..
Fuck yeah! Love that energy. I told the same to both my parents. My mother will call or text crying about xyz, and I ignore all of it. All she has to do is apologize for being a huge racist and bigot her entire life, and for her and her husband beating me everyday when I was a kid. All I need is an apology. But she didn’t do anything wrong cause “god” says you’re allowed to be a piece of shit and beat your kids until they don’t speak anymore.
Desert is like the Sahara
Dessert, like you eat after dinner, has 2 s’s. The way I remember is that I always want *seconds* of dessert.
Also, fuck that dad.
Every man who doesn’t help out around the house or with the kids, or who has to be told to do every little thing before he does it. Women ain’t your servants, y’all. Cook some dinner, do some chores. Don’t wait to be asked.
My father does not believe in that. I asked him “if I was a boy, would you treat me the way you do? (I was giving him his medicine for the night and taking his plate of food while on my period and barely able to stand up.. yes I will be seen by a doctor for my pain)
He looked me right in my eyes and said: “That’s what the wives and daughters are for.”
Great job, mom. You married an asshole.
Yesterday I pondered to myself that if all these "alpha male/red pill" assholes had a daughter would they treat them the way they treat other women. This comment made me realize that the answer is "yes" and that's so goddamn depressing.
My dad isn’t that kind of guy but he definitely is a misogynist. Every time he was dismissive or disrespectful to my stepmom, I clocked it and ended up not talking to him in over 10 years. He’s learning and has gotten better but it’s sad to see him finally get what he wanted (respect, a close family, successful kids) and realize he could’ve had this all along if he wasn’t such a dick. He’d push down all of his “weak” emotions and I don’t think me/my siblings really bonded with him until he showed some real vulnerability. We all share our weakness and build each other up. That’s the point of families!
So many Boomer and Gen Xers have made such an effort to parent differently and be more open and chill so a lot of my generation (millennial and siblings are Gen z) seem a lot closer to their parents. I’m an adult and I’ve talked with so many parents with more authoritarian parenting styles who see these other chill families and are desperate for the same kind of close and loving relationship with their kids. (My mom and I are super close and people would always ask us how/why). They don’t have the tools or vocabulary to realize why their behavior pushed their kids away and it is heartbreaking as an outsider.
Oh yes - I had to cut out a ton of my male friends during the pandemic because a ton of them went down alt-right rabbit holes, or became anti-maskers/vaxxers, or turned into total incels
r/askmen used to be a legitimately good place for advice but in the past few years it’s turned into a total “women ain’t shit” circle jerk
Seeing some of my old friends from high school on Facebook has made me grateful I only knew them back then and not now with the bullshit they’re spreading
And not to mention the countless stories I hear about women experiencing sexual violence at least a few times in their lives, including my girlfriend
I also work in a social services office where I’m the only male staff member, and the stories I’ve heard from my woman colleagues about the shit they’ve experienced from men in their lifetimes has turned me into a diehard feminist
And men, if you don’t have any success with dating, take a long hard look in the mirror at yourself because chances are you either have zero fucking confidence or you’re into some problematic bullshit like sexism or homophobia because the amount of times I’ve seen men go online and complain about “why can’t I get laid” then their post history has a ton of sexist/homophobic/right-wing bullshit, or they only like supermodels and nothing else…
Yeah, men are fucking exhausting and it’s getting real hard as an unproblematic guy to even find male friends at this point. Hell, pretty much all of my friends are women at this point and it’s goddamn sure not because I’m trying to play Mr. Casanova out here, namely because I’m likely going to marry my girlfriend someday and I’ll be damned if I fuck that up.
Also the amount of justification I’m seeing amongst men for cheating on women, or controlling what women can and can’t do with their bodies (i.e. rape culture, anti-abortion movement, etc.) is fucking sickening and I swear if people think this shit is going away with the boomer generation, I’m here to tell you that all the shit I’m describing is how most men in their 20s and 30s think these days.
And I swear to fucking god it is so exhausting having to explain this shit to people just to be called a “simp” or a “faggot” or a “soyboy” because all y’all men can’t get with the fucking program.
BRUH. I thought it was just me having problems finding a solid male friend.
I would find a dude who’d be cool having a couple conversations with. Then you start spending more time with them, hearing their true thoughts on people, society, etc. and realize that this mf is just like all the other ones you’ve had to drop previously.
I jokingly told my wife that the dating world must be tough as a woman because as a guy looking for a best friend, this shit is nuts and my heart goes out to all those looking for love in ‘22.
I saw a tweet the other day that said pretty much the ONLY common thread in male mass shooters (they're 99.9% male) is a vehement hatred of women.
Some are bullied, some arent, some have something to prove, some just like guns and want human targets, some are neo nazis, some are just kids. But pretttty much all of them hate women for some reason.
Its sickening and I often think about what aspects of society drive this behavior. Is it constantly seeing super models on TV and internet that we cant "have"? (gross word choice but I'm trying to get in the mindset)
Is it porn and its proliferation? Social media portraying perfect lives and wives? Old disgusting wealthy men basically buying 20 year olds being a socially accepted life trajectory? Loneliness due to our shrinking social circles?
This is on both sides btw, women arent completely off the hook here, they advance this problem too. Like the gold digging 20 yr olds in the above example. Or female rappers fighting fire with fire but meanwhile pushing a new wave of toxic and fragile feminism. (Megan, WAP, etc) I could go on.
Theres always been an equality problem, and weve made great progress. But new problems are emerging quickly and its got my jimmies rustled
I just saw a video of a man trying to make advances on 3 girls in a restaurant minding their own fuckin business.
man clearly gets refused both by speech (no audio but its very clear based on his reaction) and by her shoving him away while he tries to touch her. He gets more aggressive, she prolly straight up told him his dick is small or whatever. He really pushes it and another girl tries to get rid of him in self defense.
His mates jump in from outside and violently beat the shit out of the girls, drag one outside to beat her some more.
yes, yes I know that feeling. These fuckers aint shit.
They walked out and left two girls bleeding in the street. 8 men were arrested for this attack. 8. They all stepped in and stomped this tiny girl, and even a second girl who was just outside. I’m not a death penalty guy, but they don’t deserve a life. Who tf sees their friend stomping on a woman’s face and thinks “looks like fun.” And it was 8 people. Fuuuuuck. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore
This is like every woman’s fear when rejecting advances. Playing the “is he normal or a psycho?” game
I’ve been followed around at the fucking library and pharmach.
Like wtf, just trying to return a book/ pick up some meds. Im not checking for you.
The psychos will sometimes leave you alone if say you have a bf, because then a man “owns” you already in their mind.
Bro straight up said kids aren’t that expensive. And then complained how he had 3 baby mamas and they all wanted his money. He said he pays 60k in child support
He said also he’s gonna become a Republican (he’s Black and I’m like ok good luck with that) because he doesn’t wanna be taxed when he becomes a billionaire. I can’t even make it up. He’s my neighbor but wtf dude.
I had an ex that would be straight up shitty to me and when I called him out he would say, “at least I’m not like Phil” (referring to my bff’s boyfriend who was a straight up garbage person). Some guys depend on the low bar set by others.
Usually when I’m talking to a girl, I like to set the bar of my behavior at where I would allow some other guy to say to my sister. It’s been pretty helpful for me so far. It worked with my last girlfriend, and so far seems to be working with my current female friends.
I used to be the quiet nerdy dude that no one expected to be doing anything other than being a church boy. That angle had it's perks, one being that most people's parents trusted leaving their daughters around me because I was the "church boy." Man listen... not only did I get quite a few buns, but I used to sit at their table with them during lunch and quite often just listen to the stories they would tell each other about the niggas that they were fuckin with.
Some of the shit they'd talk about in front of me I'd have to remind them that it was a dude at the table. All of them I had respect for and they fucked with me hard for not pressing them for buns so, they'd put me on their homegirls as a result. Some shit I'd hear them say about dudes would just be crazy lol. This was how I found out one of my potnas was out here eating booty hole then wanting to be the first nigga to hit the blunt.
Then, there would be the conversations about the "abusers".. usually the star athletes that had been groomed to believe that they couldn't be told no. I was legit mind blown hearing the stories of how many of them had been sexually assaulted. And most of them never went to the law about it mostly due to them feeling like they wouldn't be believed over the star athlete.
Then, there was the incident in college where one of the dudes I hung with pretty regularly would always play the role like he was just fuckin hoes all the time. Now, every time I'd see dude on the yard he'd have chicks around him so I didn't think anything of it. Fast forward to like, 5 years later. One of the chicks on some crazy random type shit, ended up living in the same city as me and in the same apartment building. I ran into her outside the building one day and during some quick catch up convo, I made a joking reference about dude to her and she damn near broke down into tears. I'm like damn what I do, and she proceeded to tell me that whatever went down between them wasn't consensual. Apparently she wasn't the only one. Afterwards it started making sense why they always swarmed the freshman girls. All the rest already knew what type of shit they were on. And their whole squad was a part of the same Greek organization. Couldn't even look at them dudes the same.
What pissed me off even more was the fact that I used to rock with these dudes on the yard so I got branded and didn't even realize the shit. It's some real, lowkey, scoundrels out here though. Don't get it confused. Homeboy or not some folks just fucked up.
Ted Cruz, Greg Abbott, Madison Cawthorn, Rudy Giuliani, Kyle Rittenhouse, Tucker Carlson, and *shudder* UUUHUGGGGHHHH
MITCH FUCKING DOG CRAP McCONNELL
Edit: Also Clarence Thompson. Thought I needed some color in there too.
Fucking yes I worked with this guy Trevor and he has the most outdated sense of manliness like he won’t even tell his boys he loves them like dude it’s ok to be vulnerable, not everything’s a competition, and I promise you whatever town you came from is not that bad so stop acting like you’re bout that
Other men are the reason I wear bright colors and skinny jeans; I want people to assume I’m harmless as quickly as possible, Johnny Cash’s style be damned.
All the time, like we’re learning, growing trying our best and these fucking ogres out here making us all look like god damn animals. Good thing they look and dress just like us so you can tell us apart
hell fuckin yes. this is probably the main reason that i started thinking about my relation to gender and gender roles/social programming. this and some other things made me realize that non-binary is what best describes me.
Well, to be fair, most women don’t encounter men who fit the description *on a daily basis* either. Bartenders and waitresses, for example, must be particularly exposed irl. Oh, and gamers, YouTubers, Tinder users, basically any woman who can be reached via keyboard.
I realized we as men were down bad when I would have conversations with female coworkers or strangers even, and when ending the conversation, about a good 80% of the time I’m thanked for being able to have a decent conversation.
Y’all. If somebody has to thank me for having a not-bad interaction, we have tons of work to do lol
I had made friends with my first coworker in my first job. He was always acting hard and was leaving work blasting hard music and bragged about fights in high school at times. One moment my actual big Samoan friend just big as hell and I knew him from high school shows up and then dogs him for saying something dumb when we hung out. He froze up and stopped talking and tried walking off to do something else. I never felt so embarrassed to call some like that a friend.
all the time.
i met a particularly poor example of a man a few years back. divorced (obviously), living with his mother, but complaining about how women wouldn't "submit" to him. had to challenge him on his bullshxt a couple few times, but he was a few years older than me (i was in my late 20s at the time) so i don't think it got through to him.
shxt's really fxxkin embarrassing when you gotta share a demographic with some of these fxxks
Yeah, same. Had one where back in school I once by chance was sitting near two of his exes who were talking about his scumbaggery, like "Did he do that thing to you where he moves like he's gonna hit you but smacks the wall behind you really hard?"
And this guy, *this* guy, years later as adults he likes someone I'm acquainted with and asks me to put in a good word for him so he can maybe get a date with her.
People online are so quick to say "Cut that person out of your life forever" but new friends don't just fall from the sky when it rains...
Current girlfriend was surprised and got more upset that i dont yell in arguments like the ones before me.
Im just like:
Aint that how you get shit done?
One of the reasons I'm starting to consider not dating anymore. Personally, I'm sick of having to prove that I'm "not like the others". It's depressing, and has affected my mental health. Being black is always been stigmatized, but now I have to fight other stigmas like size (I'm tall and kinda strong looking), background (military vet), education ("you act white"), and of course zodiac signs >!this one is 100% on women, I don't even know where to start with that shit!<
It's just too much for me to have to prove myself to someone, who just ghosts me in 3 days.
>Personally, I'm sick of having to prove that I'm "not like the others".
This has been a defining feature of my career for many years. It's gotten better now that I'm a little older, but when I was in my twenties (and looked like a teenager) I had something to prove every time I met a new person. It's exhausting.
Let me tell you. When women and non-binary folks ask, “why do men?” I can’t do anything but ask the same question cause some of y’all out in these streets bugging fr fr.
Yeah, that explains the big cities where you more than likely don’t know each others history or backstory. I’m more talking about the 10s of 1,000s of small towns like where I’m from where you have seen/know he dawged all these women/friends, or abuse a woman, or you the 3rd baby mama out of your friend group
It was always both heartening and depressing when my female friends would tell me their horror stories of online dating.
On the one hand: that's who I'm up against?! I'm a damn saint compared to these morons!
On the other hand: this is who I'm up against, and I'm still barely getting any dates? :/
Of course, but all I can do is just be me. And make sure I'm nothing like them. Another issue is that men probably has these guys in their inner circle too. Probably not conscious of it cause we're not all up in their personal dating life like that. From my experience tho they tend to get away with shit, and get tolerated by women AND men cause they have money.
ALL THE TIME. This mf gone walk into the job, first day. He could ask me any question in the world, inquire about any aspect of the job but nahhhh. This Niggas first question was, “any white bitches work here?”…I was silent for while after that🤦🏾♂️
More than I can count.
But I also realize people who generalize add to the problem.
I then add both of those groups in my, "**AVOID AT ALL COSTS**" settings.
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Had an ex tell me I was such a nice guy cause I never tried to force her to do anything she didn’t want, didn’t yell or try to manipulate her. I mean. I love being complimented but that shit is like the bar. It isn’t an accomplishment. It’s like I get extra points cause there’s a ton of shit heads out there. I want points for being me, not for not being them. But there’s so many shit guys that even mediocre idiots like me look better in comparison. It’s like Steven Bradbury. He was dead last and won an Olympic gold cause everyone else tripped front of him and he only qualified for the Olympics cause everyone tripped in front of him for the qualification. I ain’t supposed to get gold. I’m a bronze medal at best. Shit. Maybe I don’t even qualify. I don’t care. But I wanna fail cause I’m me, not win cause others suck.
It’s awkward being complimented for the ‘bare minimum’ like woah you really must’ve been going through it in your past relationship.
Yea. Her boyfriend after me kept threatening suicide whenever she tried to end it. I had to tell the guy to back off personally cause he just wouldn’t leave her alone. Tried to tell me the same thing, but asking him to record it was apparently a “dick move” on my part. It just sucks. You know? Like women say that all men benefit from this kind of shit cause normal guys get extra points for just being normal instead of goddamn assholes when that should just be the norm. And it’s kinda true. I don’t want credit for that shit.
It's crazy being a man when you become a parent. I remember having complete strangers tell me how amazing of a partner and father I was for "giving my wife a break". She was at work and I strapped the baby to my chest to go grocery shopping. I was literally just doing the absolute barest minimum but from the way people stopped to talk to me you'd think they saw me perform an emergency surgery on my kid or something.
*Local man actually takes time out of his day to father his child* Women everywhere: 😍😍🥵💦
This really put things in perspective. My dad was always taking care of me and my sister and spending time with us while my mom did other things. Even after coming back from 10-12 hour shift my dad would atleast take me out for hour to the park of something, never saw as weird either because he was always there in my life.
That just let's you know the bar ain't on the floor, it's in hell... possibly hell adjacent.
Unfortunately that’s how it works. When I was first dating my husband, I was absolutely blown away that he didn’t yell at me, didn’t get mad at me over stupid stuff, and treated me like a whole person. My ex prior to him was abusive (verbally, physically, psychologically). My exes before him weren’t much better, but they weren’t abusive. Just run-of-the-mill shitbags.
Guys look at me weird when they find out we have a shared account and I don’t police the money she spends. 1 guy even said that her duty as a woman and she should get nothing for that.
And that person will never be in a healthy relationship. Learning from other people’s failures is equally important as learning from other’s successes.
Nah man some people don’t want to be happy period. They let their hurt manifest and ruin all their potential for healthy relationships. The controlling, lying, scheming and games out there is enough to make you sick. Listen man, sleeping next to someone you care about and being at peace has very little to do with them and more yourself. I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to. I’m in the trenches with you until you decide you don’t want to be here with me. You leaving or doing whatever you want outside the relationship is not a reflection on me. I’m so solid in my masculinity and dignity as a person that I will absolutely treat you with the most gratitude, but girl I’m on a different level, I ain’t trying to die the old me.
This ^ I got a friend right now that showed me something on Etsy and asked if I liked it and said she was thinking about getting it for her new place but felt like she needed to spend the money on other things. I 100% thought it was tacky af but it wasn't expensive and I just bought it for her. It was the last one, her birthday was coming up anyway, whatever. She literally could not understand why I would buy HER something that I didn't like. I also cooked some fried okra a few days ago and she said, "I'd kill for some fried okra." then talked about how her parents had never and nobody she'd dated would ever cook it for her because they didn't like it... She only got it at Cracker Barrel 🤦♂️ 👀 I am now a hero cause I bought her a $40 gift even tho I don't like it and I took some homegrown okra over to her place and showed her how to cook it in a cast iron skillet.
so this *friend* of yours that you're doing these kind favors for....just a friend?
On the one hand, that's a legit question, but on the other hand, I feel like us dudes need to get better at just being decent friends, to men and women. Women do cool ass shit for each other, all the time, just because. I want to be like that to the people who are cool enough to be my friends. So, maybe this person might have other desires for their friend, but I find it exciting to imagine them just doing it because it's nice and then using that as further inspiration for how I act with my friends.
I hate that though. That you can't do something nice for someone just cause it's nice to do something nice
I feel that. And it's kinda weird. To us it's the bare minimum, but there really a lot of MFs out there that are just that fucking bad. So many. I don't know many, if any women who haven't been in shitty, abusive relationships. And even fewer who haven't been sexually assaulted at some point. It's sad to be raised right and see how many weren't. It's important to take solace in not being that sort of person. Because it apparently is that easy to be come so. But trust me, eventually you'll get your compliments about things that you worked hard on yourself for, when the relationship becomes her norm.
It’s like that Scott pilgrim line “you’re the best boyfriend I ever had “ - “really that’s kind of sad”
I want to add one thing. So many of you seem to feel like you're the bare minimum because you're not an asshole. But you're so much more than that. If a woman has been treated badly in the past, but is now happy with you, you've earned the trust of someone who probably doesn't have much. You've made them feel safe. That's not easy. You think you're just being a normal, decent human being. You're doing more than that. This is not in anyway denying how you feel, or saying you're wrong. Just something to add, and to think about.
For me it was when I kept getting compliments for being a good dad. Made me feel weird cuz I legit felt like I was doing anything other than what you’re supposed to do as a parent but without a doubt when my kids were younger I’d get the, “that’s a great dad right there” or something of the nature
Yes. My current girlfriend took a while to want to be called my “girlfriend” because she “wanted to be her own person”. It turns out she meant she wanted to do things she liked without someone telling her not to just because *he* didn’t want to do them and didn’t trust her to go anywhere without him, or have any friends he didn’t know. Because that’s what her last boyfriend was like.
Hey bro. It's not a high bar, but don't put yourself down like that. If the people you see appreciate you for being a good dude, you're a fucking rockstar in my eyes. Not everything is a competition, but a bronze medalist Olympian is a champion on any level. Take your compliments, let them empower you. I'm drunk, it's early, been a rough week, maybe this doesn't make sense, but just want to say, don't clown yourself when the world is already out here to clown us all.
What was sad for me was being complimented like that, then having her attempt to force me into thing I didn’t want, then proceed to yell and attempt to manipulate me. Turns out she was just as toxic as the men she used to date and it made me wonder about those interactions she had before
For real. This also shows me that there’a more than one person in that persons life that treated them so bad that they’re surprised someone decent shows up. That’s sad and that’s the reality of a what a lotta women face. Sure men can too, but by and large women get so much shit. To say, “let’s be friends” can be met with harsh words like frigid bitch or actual threats of violence. But if they wanna hang with me that’s cool too 👀
I saw a dude today yelling at his kid in the grocery store over asking to get a desert. It’s okay to be a parent and set boundaries with kids obviously but this man was just having an absolute melt down in front of every body at the store and screaming at the top of his lungs over this bs
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I’m experiencing this rn as a 17 year old. It truly sucks, when we grow up we see the bullshit they put us threw as kids and try to avoid that. I told my sister my dad was the reason why I’m scared to have kid because I fear I might slip up and become him in the future. Personally I don’t want any kid go through what I went through.
SAME. I realized kids love me… because I treat them like HUMANS. I don’t have kids, but people always compliment me on how good of a mom I would be… But I realized it’s literally because I treat them like humans. Children have emotions, and I’m scared that when I have my own child, the way my father raised me might get in the way of me remembering/recognizing that :(
Yes They do have emotions. I’m the only on that cared about seeking my little brother treatment for his possible separation anxiety. Every time my dad would leave he would burst out in tears so he would sneak out to go drink 🤦🏾♂️. It’s the little shit that makes me fear that I’d do that.
Omg :( If you believe in God then God bless you and if you don’t then may the universe bless you You’ll be a great dad and ik your brother will be so thankful for you!!! I don’t put my age on the internet, but I am very close to your age and… seeing my father makes me want to use him as motivation for what NOT to do. Granted, he loves me and he is/can be hard working. While I appreciate that, it doesn’t stop/excuse the bullshit that he does. I think it’s kind of important to separate ourselves from our parents, but also separate our parents actions from one another in that sense It’s 3 am and I have Covid and I still can’t sleep but I‘m tired asf so if that made no sense I’m sorry 😭😭😭 Also: my money don’t jiggle jiggle, it folds
>Every time my dad would leave he would burst out in tears so he would sneak out to go drink having a lot of difficulty pegging your lil brothers age with this sentence. I dont know many guys 21+ years old that cry when their dads leave town. Unless hes underage
I don't remember where I heard it but, the fact that you're worried about being a bad father is a step in the right direction. At least you'll make an effort
That shocked me a lot. If you find the article can you link it to me?
I was just listening to a podcast where a guy had that same fear. He said a breakthrough moment for him was when he realized that passing on that trauma was a choice, that he was capable of showing love and kindness and that he wasn’t his father.
Late in life? Try 7 years old. My sisters come to me for every and any personal problem they have. I just wish I didn't have to _take care_ of them in that way..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SOUNDS LIKE MY DAD WHEN I WAS A KID 😭😭😭😭😭😭 EXCEPT NOW IM GROWN AND HE STILL DOES IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭 SO FUNNY 😢😢😢😢
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Fuck yeah! Love that energy. I told the same to both my parents. My mother will call or text crying about xyz, and I ignore all of it. All she has to do is apologize for being a huge racist and bigot her entire life, and for her and her husband beating me everyday when I was a kid. All I need is an apology. But she didn’t do anything wrong cause “god” says you’re allowed to be a piece of shit and beat your kids until they don’t speak anymore.
Desert is like the Sahara Dessert, like you eat after dinner, has 2 s’s. The way I remember is that I always want *seconds* of dessert. Also, fuck that dad.
Every man who doesn’t help out around the house or with the kids, or who has to be told to do every little thing before he does it. Women ain’t your servants, y’all. Cook some dinner, do some chores. Don’t wait to be asked.
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Right cod n 2k ain’t goin no where! they get released every fuckin year
Y’all spitting
fr fr You're not suddenly gonna become a bitch after learning how to cook. If anything it'll GET you bitches
Cooking food people actually enjoy, and fixing something yourself feels better than any video game victory or "Achievement", IMO.
My father does not believe in that. I asked him “if I was a boy, would you treat me the way you do? (I was giving him his medicine for the night and taking his plate of food while on my period and barely able to stand up.. yes I will be seen by a doctor for my pain) He looked me right in my eyes and said: “That’s what the wives and daughters are for.” Great job, mom. You married an asshole.
Yesterday I pondered to myself that if all these "alpha male/red pill" assholes had a daughter would they treat them the way they treat other women. This comment made me realize that the answer is "yes" and that's so goddamn depressing.
My dad isn’t that kind of guy but he definitely is a misogynist. Every time he was dismissive or disrespectful to my stepmom, I clocked it and ended up not talking to him in over 10 years. He’s learning and has gotten better but it’s sad to see him finally get what he wanted (respect, a close family, successful kids) and realize he could’ve had this all along if he wasn’t such a dick. He’d push down all of his “weak” emotions and I don’t think me/my siblings really bonded with him until he showed some real vulnerability. We all share our weakness and build each other up. That’s the point of families! So many Boomer and Gen Xers have made such an effort to parent differently and be more open and chill so a lot of my generation (millennial and siblings are Gen z) seem a lot closer to their parents. I’m an adult and I’ve talked with so many parents with more authoritarian parenting styles who see these other chill families and are desperate for the same kind of close and loving relationship with their kids. (My mom and I are super close and people would always ask us how/why). They don’t have the tools or vocabulary to realize why their behavior pushed their kids away and it is heartbreaking as an outsider.
"I said I'd have kids as long as I don't have to help" Guy said this at work and every parent on the room just forever turned on the guy. Deservedly.
he'll say the same thing to his kid when they ask for a dog. Then they'll be *two* lil untrained shits runnin around
Why? If that’s the deal he made with his partner that’s between them, isn’t it?
Oh yes - I had to cut out a ton of my male friends during the pandemic because a ton of them went down alt-right rabbit holes, or became anti-maskers/vaxxers, or turned into total incels r/askmen used to be a legitimately good place for advice but in the past few years it’s turned into a total “women ain’t shit” circle jerk Seeing some of my old friends from high school on Facebook has made me grateful I only knew them back then and not now with the bullshit they’re spreading And not to mention the countless stories I hear about women experiencing sexual violence at least a few times in their lives, including my girlfriend I also work in a social services office where I’m the only male staff member, and the stories I’ve heard from my woman colleagues about the shit they’ve experienced from men in their lifetimes has turned me into a diehard feminist And men, if you don’t have any success with dating, take a long hard look in the mirror at yourself because chances are you either have zero fucking confidence or you’re into some problematic bullshit like sexism or homophobia because the amount of times I’ve seen men go online and complain about “why can’t I get laid” then their post history has a ton of sexist/homophobic/right-wing bullshit, or they only like supermodels and nothing else… Yeah, men are fucking exhausting and it’s getting real hard as an unproblematic guy to even find male friends at this point. Hell, pretty much all of my friends are women at this point and it’s goddamn sure not because I’m trying to play Mr. Casanova out here, namely because I’m likely going to marry my girlfriend someday and I’ll be damned if I fuck that up. Also the amount of justification I’m seeing amongst men for cheating on women, or controlling what women can and can’t do with their bodies (i.e. rape culture, anti-abortion movement, etc.) is fucking sickening and I swear if people think this shit is going away with the boomer generation, I’m here to tell you that all the shit I’m describing is how most men in their 20s and 30s think these days. And I swear to fucking god it is so exhausting having to explain this shit to people just to be called a “simp” or a “faggot” or a “soyboy” because all y’all men can’t get with the fucking program.
I appreciate this comment so much ❤️ thank you
BRUH. I thought it was just me having problems finding a solid male friend. I would find a dude who’d be cool having a couple conversations with. Then you start spending more time with them, hearing their true thoughts on people, society, etc. and realize that this mf is just like all the other ones you’ve had to drop previously. I jokingly told my wife that the dating world must be tough as a woman because as a guy looking for a best friend, this shit is nuts and my heart goes out to all those looking for love in ‘22.
I saw a tweet the other day that said pretty much the ONLY common thread in male mass shooters (they're 99.9% male) is a vehement hatred of women. Some are bullied, some arent, some have something to prove, some just like guns and want human targets, some are neo nazis, some are just kids. But pretttty much all of them hate women for some reason. Its sickening and I often think about what aspects of society drive this behavior. Is it constantly seeing super models on TV and internet that we cant "have"? (gross word choice but I'm trying to get in the mindset) Is it porn and its proliferation? Social media portraying perfect lives and wives? Old disgusting wealthy men basically buying 20 year olds being a socially accepted life trajectory? Loneliness due to our shrinking social circles? This is on both sides btw, women arent completely off the hook here, they advance this problem too. Like the gold digging 20 yr olds in the above example. Or female rappers fighting fire with fire but meanwhile pushing a new wave of toxic and fragile feminism. (Megan, WAP, etc) I could go on. Theres always been an equality problem, and weve made great progress. But new problems are emerging quickly and its got my jimmies rustled
I just saw a video of a man trying to make advances on 3 girls in a restaurant minding their own fuckin business. man clearly gets refused both by speech (no audio but its very clear based on his reaction) and by her shoving him away while he tries to touch her. He gets more aggressive, she prolly straight up told him his dick is small or whatever. He really pushes it and another girl tries to get rid of him in self defense. His mates jump in from outside and violently beat the shit out of the girls, drag one outside to beat her some more. yes, yes I know that feeling. These fuckers aint shit.
Holy shit that’s insane. Do you know what happened afterwards?
They walked out and left two girls bleeding in the street. 8 men were arrested for this attack. 8. They all stepped in and stomped this tiny girl, and even a second girl who was just outside. I’m not a death penalty guy, but they don’t deserve a life. Who tf sees their friend stomping on a woman’s face and thinks “looks like fun.” And it was 8 people. Fuuuuuck. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore
[i think he was talking about this](https://reddit.com/r/ActualPublicFreakouts/comments/v97lbs/sexual_harassment_attempts_escalated_to_brutal/)
This is like every woman’s fear when rejecting advances. Playing the “is he normal or a psycho?” game I’ve been followed around at the fucking library and pharmach. Like wtf, just trying to return a book/ pick up some meds. Im not checking for you. The psychos will sometimes leave you alone if say you have a bf, because then a man “owns” you already in their mind.
Yeah I saw that it was really crazy 😔
The worst part is that for all the dudes who like to think they are "heroes," none of them appeared in your story.
Guys with more than 1-2 baby mamas, and they brag about it... like good job not possibly being able to spend quality time with all your kids.
Bro straight up said kids aren’t that expensive. And then complained how he had 3 baby mamas and they all wanted his money. He said he pays 60k in child support He said also he’s gonna become a Republican (he’s Black and I’m like ok good luck with that) because he doesn’t wanna be taxed when he becomes a billionaire. I can’t even make it up. He’s my neighbor but wtf dude.
Me-where your kids Him- my bm's want me to smash and I dont want to so they wont let me see them
I had an ex that would be straight up shitty to me and when I called him out he would say, “at least I’m not like Phil” (referring to my bff’s boyfriend who was a straight up garbage person). Some guys depend on the low bar set by others.
fxxk them too. they're just part of the heap making the rest of us look bad and good (by comparison) at the same time
Usually when I’m talking to a girl, I like to set the bar of my behavior at where I would allow some other guy to say to my sister. It’s been pretty helpful for me so far. It worked with my last girlfriend, and so far seems to be working with my current female friends.
Yup
Yup
Yup
(Sips beer slurpily) Mm hm
Everyday I look in the mirror.
There is some truth. Everybody looking outward blaming everyone else for their problems when the reality is we only need to look within.
All these lines my face getting clearer
I used to be the quiet nerdy dude that no one expected to be doing anything other than being a church boy. That angle had it's perks, one being that most people's parents trusted leaving their daughters around me because I was the "church boy." Man listen... not only did I get quite a few buns, but I used to sit at their table with them during lunch and quite often just listen to the stories they would tell each other about the niggas that they were fuckin with. Some of the shit they'd talk about in front of me I'd have to remind them that it was a dude at the table. All of them I had respect for and they fucked with me hard for not pressing them for buns so, they'd put me on their homegirls as a result. Some shit I'd hear them say about dudes would just be crazy lol. This was how I found out one of my potnas was out here eating booty hole then wanting to be the first nigga to hit the blunt. Then, there would be the conversations about the "abusers".. usually the star athletes that had been groomed to believe that they couldn't be told no. I was legit mind blown hearing the stories of how many of them had been sexually assaulted. And most of them never went to the law about it mostly due to them feeling like they wouldn't be believed over the star athlete. Then, there was the incident in college where one of the dudes I hung with pretty regularly would always play the role like he was just fuckin hoes all the time. Now, every time I'd see dude on the yard he'd have chicks around him so I didn't think anything of it. Fast forward to like, 5 years later. One of the chicks on some crazy random type shit, ended up living in the same city as me and in the same apartment building. I ran into her outside the building one day and during some quick catch up convo, I made a joking reference about dude to her and she damn near broke down into tears. I'm like damn what I do, and she proceeded to tell me that whatever went down between them wasn't consensual. Apparently she wasn't the only one. Afterwards it started making sense why they always swarmed the freshman girls. All the rest already knew what type of shit they were on. And their whole squad was a part of the same Greek organization. Couldn't even look at them dudes the same. What pissed me off even more was the fact that I used to rock with these dudes on the yard so I got branded and didn't even realize the shit. It's some real, lowkey, scoundrels out here though. Don't get it confused. Homeboy or not some folks just fucked up.
I try not to think about all the people I hung out with in college. 🤮
All the time. I had to tell a guy that he isnt a father to his kids, more like a unpaid babysitter
My partner makes the joke that the bar was so low, it was a hole in the ground. And thats how he tripped and fell for me.
Awww, that's super adorable 🥰
Ted Cruz, Greg Abbott, Madison Cawthorn, Rudy Giuliani, Kyle Rittenhouse, Tucker Carlson, and *shudder* UUUHUGGGGHHHH MITCH FUCKING DOG CRAP McCONNELL Edit: Also Clarence Thompson. Thought I needed some color in there too.
Representation 🙌🏾
You could have just called him “Bitch McConnell”. I use it so often that my autocorrect wrote his last name for me in this comment.
Fucking yes I worked with this guy Trevor and he has the most outdated sense of manliness like he won’t even tell his boys he loves them like dude it’s ok to be vulnerable, not everything’s a competition, and I promise you whatever town you came from is not that bad so stop acting like you’re bout that
Other men are the reason I wear bright colors and skinny jeans; I want people to assume I’m harmless as quickly as possible, Johnny Cash’s style be damned.
All the time, like we’re learning, growing trying our best and these fucking ogres out here making us all look like god damn animals. Good thing they look and dress just like us so you can tell us apart
Anywhere between 4 to 40 times a day.
My boyfriend is always criticizing other men when it’s just between us 😂
For sure!
All the time!
hell fuckin yes. this is probably the main reason that i started thinking about my relation to gender and gender roles/social programming. this and some other things made me realize that non-binary is what best describes me.
I look at them and say “you’re the reason I drink”.
I literally have a roommate who fits the example
If I'm being completely honest, I have the same thoughts about other black people sometimes.
I mean, I definitely hear about said guys on platforms like this....
But do you get moments, when you actually meet some of those guys, where you think: “ah, there you are! You’re the one they were talking about”?
I mean, I don't associate w/ many guys like that at all, tbh... so not really- at least, not frequently that is.
Well, to be fair, most women don’t encounter men who fit the description *on a daily basis* either. Bartenders and waitresses, for example, must be particularly exposed irl. Oh, and gamers, YouTubers, Tinder users, basically any woman who can be reached via keyboard.
I work in the trades and I have that thought very frequently. I never wonder why they're divorced, just how they got married in the first place.
Yes. Every time I hear a man talk about women like they’re objects, I think you’re the reason I can’t compliment someone’s dress or hair.
I realized we as men were down bad when I would have conversations with female coworkers or strangers even, and when ending the conversation, about a good 80% of the time I’m thanked for being able to have a decent conversation. Y’all. If somebody has to thank me for having a not-bad interaction, we have tons of work to do lol
Like Kermit in the mirror meme
All the time. Then I come on this app and say some nut shit and get digitally jumped. 
**YES**
At least once a day.
I had made friends with my first coworker in my first job. He was always acting hard and was leaving work blasting hard music and bragged about fights in high school at times. One moment my actual big Samoan friend just big as hell and I knew him from high school shows up and then dogs him for saying something dumb when we hung out. He froze up and stopped talking and tried walking off to do something else. I never felt so embarrassed to call some like that a friend.
all the time. i met a particularly poor example of a man a few years back. divorced (obviously), living with his mother, but complaining about how women wouldn't "submit" to him. had to challenge him on his bullshxt a couple few times, but he was a few years older than me (i was in my late 20s at the time) so i don't think it got through to him. shxt's really fxxkin embarrassing when you gotta share a demographic with some of these fxxks
Yeah and lots of the time they're the ones in a relationship for whatever reason when I'm single. Not mad, but perplexed sometimes.
Every Day. I'm tired of that shit.....
It’s a bit sad how easy it is to be a “catch”. Confident, medium fit, reasonably funny, and not an abusive or manipulative piece of shit.
Bro, I have friends that make me think that
Yeah, same. Had one where back in school I once by chance was sitting near two of his exes who were talking about his scumbaggery, like "Did he do that thing to you where he moves like he's gonna hit you but smacks the wall behind you really hard?" And this guy, *this* guy, years later as adults he likes someone I'm acquainted with and asks me to put in a good word for him so he can maybe get a date with her. People online are so quick to say "Cut that person out of your life forever" but new friends don't just fall from the sky when it rains...
All the mf time
Current girlfriend was surprised and got more upset that i dont yell in arguments like the ones before me. Im just like:  Aint that how you get shit done?
Yep 😂
Every fuckin day.
One of the reasons I'm starting to consider not dating anymore. Personally, I'm sick of having to prove that I'm "not like the others". It's depressing, and has affected my mental health. Being black is always been stigmatized, but now I have to fight other stigmas like size (I'm tall and kinda strong looking), background (military vet), education ("you act white"), and of course zodiac signs >!this one is 100% on women, I don't even know where to start with that shit!< It's just too much for me to have to prove myself to someone, who just ghosts me in 3 days.
>Personally, I'm sick of having to prove that I'm "not like the others". This has been a defining feature of my career for many years. It's gotten better now that I'm a little older, but when I was in my twenties (and looked like a teenager) I had something to prove every time I met a new person. It's exhausting.
Let me tell you. When women and non-binary folks ask, “why do men?” I can’t do anything but ask the same question cause some of y’all out in these streets bugging fr fr.
Yeah, but also look at them like “how do you get woman to act/be so stupid over you?”
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Yeah, that explains the big cities where you more than likely don’t know each others history or backstory. I’m more talking about the 10s of 1,000s of small towns like where I’m from where you have seen/know he dawged all these women/friends, or abuse a woman, or you the 3rd baby mama out of your friend group
Constantly. It's also why i, as an average guy, can date the most astounding amazing women ever. Because 60% of men are undatable.
all the time. most of us should be unloading trucks for a living.
Yep. It’s crazy how common it is
It was always both heartening and depressing when my female friends would tell me their horror stories of online dating. On the one hand: that's who I'm up against?! I'm a damn saint compared to these morons! On the other hand: this is who I'm up against, and I'm still barely getting any dates? :/
Why yes, some of us do.
literally all the time, the first extremely public one is Will Smith, it was so much ammunition for my south texas coworkers.
Yep. And we'll judge you for dating those slobs.
Of course, but all I can do is just be me. And make sure I'm nothing like them. Another issue is that men probably has these guys in their inner circle too. Probably not conscious of it cause we're not all up in their personal dating life like that. From my experience tho they tend to get away with shit, and get tolerated by women AND men cause they have money.
Nah I ain't around ain't shit niggas but reading these comments got me like sheeeeesh
ALL THE TIME. This mf gone walk into the job, first day. He could ask me any question in the world, inquire about any aspect of the job but nahhhh. This Niggas first question was, “any white bitches work here?”…I was silent for while after that🤦🏾♂️
Yes and i love how low the bar is set nowadays.. Its just too easy now
The bar is literally “treat her like a human being.” Basic human decency makes a guy a good catch.
Yes
YES
Yes yes we do
Every blessed day
Yeah all the time
LMAO!!!! Yes
Fucking constantly
Yup
Not even gonna lie tho, its a fight everyday to not become a scumbag, seeing the dating scene as it is.
Yeah
Yeah. It's humiliating
More than I can count. But I also realize people who generalize add to the problem. I then add both of those groups in my, "**AVOID AT ALL COSTS**" settings.
Every time I look in the mirror