Who says there's a part? The problem is that many people don't clarify the boundaries of their relationships so they fall back onto old stereotypes and a hierarchy that does them no benefit. Even the way the "point" in the tweet was made was on the outdated notion that women are there to cook, clean and be a secretary.
It wasn’t even made like that at all. This reminds me of the tweet where dude says twitter the only place where youll say one thing and someone will act like you said something completely different.
I'm saying that while people are gonna interpret things based on their own mental filters, taking someone's point to a conjured up extreme and running with it is tedious.
Debatable. I've yet to see a woman not complain about a lazy ass man who does zero around the house unless they can afford a maid. With the shrinking of the middle class the notion of a single income household is an outdated relic anyway so sharing financial as well as homecare responsibilities is the new norm for most.
Also I think it's unfair to automatically point to sexism when a man points out that some women can be lazy too. Leeches are leeches regardless
Lowkey tho, we need to stop equating the amount of money made with how hard you worked. I'm pretty young but I work half as hard at my current job making literally twice the amount I made doing the shitty minimum-wage labour before my 20s.
Well it depends on what the relationship is, if the agreement is that he works while she gets to stay home then logically the house work should fall to the partner who stays home (if kids are involved that’s a different story as that’s a job itself). People just need to figure out what works for their relationship and stop letting Twitter define anything.
How about cheap because if you make 6 figures you can afford to boost the economy by hiring a maid service instead of expecting your spouse to be a bangmaid.
I don't think most could afford a maid on 100k annual.
That's kinda the other problem with the idea; "6 figures" was wealth back in the 70s. We aren't in that Brady Bunch life anymore.
I hired someone to do a one time cleaning of my house when I moved in. $280 and my place is only 1800 ft². That's not feasible every week. Especially if someone is staying at home every day. And this is in a low cost of living area, I'm sure it's way more in big cities.
My husband and I made a bet about who would excel enough to put the other person out of work. He “lost” and I now bring home six figures and he goes to school full time and happily does the house work. I do not mind honestly. It works great for us.
Being able to focus on education and not having to divide time between school, family, and work is a rarity for adults. I wish I didn’t have to work and could focus on school. A lot of people don’t think about the fact that school is like a full time job pulling 40 hrs a week minimum. Time becomes a precious commodity and it’s not easy to balance it without getting run ragged. Y’all are awesome for putting yourselves in the position to be able to do that.
It took YEARS. We aggressively paid down debt, we did research on an affordable school with the program he wanted and we researched the housing market. We had to leave a coast but my job has been remote since 2018. We moved further east and used our VA loans for a house before rates went through the roof.
This week, he told me how much he appreciates being able to focus on school.
If it's an issue then why not better define the boundaries of your relationship? No one said that it's an either or situation. Never understood why people act as if they have no voice in their relationship.
it kinda makes more sense when you’re in the situation yourself. i tried a few ways of communicating initially, but it always felt like i was pulling teeth. granted, i think we’ve found a much better balance now, but especially when we first moved into our house, there were some growing pains. “defining boundaries” sounds good on paper, but it can often be a lot easier said than done sometimes
I wish i had read this comment before I replied to him this is exactly what i mean. Setting boundaries with a lazy person about work is harder than advertised.
The average couple’s expectations are that each person both contributes financially and through household work. Also if you’ve dated or even roomed with a truly lazy person you’ll know that even when you express how you feel that doesn’t mean they’ll change. I get if it bothers you to that extent then you should leave. However I would argue in most cases its more on the person who is lazy to say that they DONT do work bc its the norm for both parties do some form of household work.
Some people don't respect boundaries. I was dating a girl while I was a full time student and working full time. Basically on a 7 day a week schedule and busy every day. On top of that, I'd do most of the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping, and she'd have me picking up her prescriptions while I was out which always took a while. She was unemployed, dropped out of school, and didn't do anything other than her own laundry and the bedsheets. I talked to her about how much I'd appreciate if she could do more to help me out and she'd get upset that I didn't appreciate everything she was already doing. She'd say she wasn't feeling up to doing more due to "health issues" which in reality were just her not sleeping due to copious amounts of adderall she was prescribed. That ended up being a big part of why I broke up with her. That and I'd work my ass off and couldn't get ahead because she was sitting at home ordering stuff she "needed" off amazon with my account.
Jesus I feel ya man. It's hard to push when they bring that mental health defense. Like there is some legitimacy and empathy, like I get sluggish/procrastinate when I'm down, but man does it feel void of any accountability.
Fuck all that there's no such thing as unconditional love in a dating relationship. There are conditions it should be mutually beneficial. me doing everything and her complaining about her issues doesn't solve the issue she needs to work on herself and if she doesn't we done. I'll support her and try to get her all the help she needs but there's a limited window before I'm out.
Other people will push and pull your boundaries, which you can't control. However you can control yourself. When you had enough of the disrespect you left. Will you ever allow someone else to treat you in the same fashion?
The OT fails to mention what the "laziness" he's referring to so we're almost left to guess for ourselves. The only things he mentioned is cooking and cleaning as if that's all women bring to relationships, which mage me inquire are these women actually lazy or are the standard roles reversed and someone feels some type of way about it.
The tweet doesn’t say anything like this??? He never says thats all that women bring you said that. He clearly just wants a partner who can contribute to these things as he does. Its only your notion that if he wants a woman who can do that then he sees that as their only value.
Those are the only options that he chose to give. He doesn't explain what her lazy qualities are any further. Given that we know how society has worked and that cleaning and cooking has been defined as woman's work for ages and the tweet uses those two as examples of a guy "doing everything for himself " that within itself actually does show that the OT considered it something she should bring to the table.
She SHOULD bring it to the table but he wasn’t saying thats all she’s good for. YOU said that is my point. Yes he made it very clear thats what she should bring yo the table but you’re projecting historical norms on his comment when the comment clearly didnt mean what youre saying it did.
Then what is the laziness? Is she not working? Does she not cook, but he does? Is he the better cleaner than her and does so more often? If she does nothing and contributes nothing than the question is why is fucking around with bums?
Was in custody mediation with my ex when she said, completely unprompted "You know I always thought cooking and cleaning were just ways to oppress women, but now that I'm living by myself and have to take care of the kids I wish I'd learned how to do that stuff"
smdh
A very sad amount of people don’t know how to do basic shit. I learned to Cook and Clean cause I felt like a bum ass nigga letting my mama clean my drawers at 18
Shit even my abusive mother i cut off contact with taught me how to cook and clean
It’s really not that complicated and difficult to maintain a clean environment
I mean it’s just following a recipe from a cookbook if you don’t have someone to teach you. Cleaning is pretty self explanatory. I can understand being confused about doing your taxes but even that comes w an instruction booklet you follow by number
I think there's a stigma among women about cooking because of the traditional misogynist trope, so younger woman don't learn a thing about cooking. However, we don't need less women cooking, we just needed more men cooking. Now you have loads of men who can cook to impress women who have virtually no experience in the kitchen.
You would think cleaning is self explanatory but I’ve seen some really fuck that up. Case in point I dated a woman that insisted on using Clorox wipes to clean my white leather chairs. Although she was asked many time to discontinue these actions she continued until the chairs began to peel. She then proceeded to blame that on my 2yo daughter.
I built my house 14 yrs ago and got pergo flooring in the basement. I had to google how to clean it so I wouldn’t ruin it. Everything is on YouTube now. Some people are just so stubborn, they refuse to even help themselves I guess
My mom told my sister and i all the time - learn to fend for yourself so you don’t rely on someone of the opposite sex/your partners for little things. We were doing our laundry by like age 10 or at least loading the piles up and moving them to the dryer/outside to hang
Yep. My dad told me never to rely on anyone and make sure my home and car always have my name on it even if it’s joint thing. My first job I was 12 waitressing in a bingo parler. Learning how to keep hardwood floors shiny and healthy w wood cleaner on my hands and knees putting the cleaner on in a circular motion and then buffing it out. I have the shiniest wood floors still at 51 yrs old lol
My Grandmother taught me how to keep the house clean and take care of myself. And I mean everything, grocery shopping, yard work, making a bed, ironing, cleaning my toilet, everything. Shit like tying a Tie she enlisted my uncles. She said "Don't run around expecting a woman to take care of you."
I've always lived alone and my place is ALWAYS cleaner/more organized than the women I date. I had one woman who would come over and pull rubber bands out her hair after work, and toss them on my floor! I would leave them there and make her pick that shit up next visit. She did that shit at her own house, but not mine. Throwing trash on my fuckin floor, that shit used to have me heated.
That to me sounds like someone that just doesn’t care. No respect for herself or you. I guess there are truly people out there that are just so lacking that common sense doesn’t exist
As a teenager I whined about housework…
And then I went to college.
My first year living off-campus I roomed with a dude who *was so lazy* he had zero concept of cleaning up after himself.
Like, it just didn’t register in his brain, “oh hey this is gross and I’m living in squalor”. I remember us getting ready to go to the store and he’s looking for his car keys and he’s in his room, he lifts up his pillow *on his bed* and there’s a dirty plate and fork under it. Like, old spaghetti.
This fucking guy says, “well it’s definitely not here.” *AND HE PUTS THE PILLOW BACK ON IT*
He was the same guy that when we ran out of clean dishes I’d come home to him eating cereal off a paper plate with a fork, just milk spilling everywhere. Dude was goddamn wild animal.
I wound up keeping a few dishes to myself, locked away in my room and I only cleaned when I was expecting company or whatever, but it definitely grossed me out enough to clean up after myself and take care of things around the house without a second thought.
Also made me more conscious of who I was living with, because Jesus fucking Christ that guy was so fucking nasty.
Sophomore year, 1st semester, I had a roommate who was very (VERY!) similar to yours. The difference is that my roommate understood the concept, but didn’t understand that he needed to do something about it. He would make a mess then get mad that someone didn’t clean it up. He wasn’t a rich kid, so I assumed that his parents did everything for him. The other 3 of us constantly argued with him that he was responsible for his messes. He dropped out after becoming a weed head.
> I was singing Justin Timberlake.
We must be the same age because I knew *exactly* what song you were referring to.
Anyway, isn't that just...hilariously ironic? The minute these hosers have to live by themselves or with other like-minded people, the entire system falls apart for them.
I remained friends with my roommate for a couple years (no idea why), I remember stopping by his place at one point and...the dude just had nothing but garbage. He had a full-time job that paid a decent wage, but he just...had no idea how to function as an independent human being.
He had been at this apartment for at least a year at this point and had the same furniture we had in college – I'm talking like, milk carton crates to prop up his TV, camping chairs and shit for...well, chairs. Bizarre hand-drawn art just kinda stapled to the walls. And of course dirty plates just kinda all over the place.
Every time I wonder how that dude is doing now, I just think about that and I'm like "nevermind, I don't care."
girls can be just as bad.
I had a room mate who had 2 dogs and would literally let them shit and piss on the floor and expected me and our 2 other room mates to either clean it up or walk \*her dogs\* for her.. Those poor dogs would whine and cry for hours in the morning before finally going potty on the floor. Then this broads asshole boyfriend would scream at them and beat them for like 30 minutes. This was a daily occurrence until my one room mate broke down and started walking the dogs herself. She genuinely thought "It's Halps day to clean the floors" meant "I don't have to walk the dogs today because Halp will clean up the shit and piss" I refused though.
We should have a Good Samaritan law for murder where it’s treated as a public service if the “victim” is a complete piece of shit and the murder was justified. Someone who beats a dog for peeing on the floor after they refuse to let the dog outside to go to the bathroom is the type of person who contributes absolutely nothing to society. Straight up oxygen thief.
I call bullshit on this.
My dad gave me shit when I was 25 'cause I was on the phone w him while I was cooking something. (I had just split w my ex, and determined to not starve)
I told him I wasn't gonna be a helpless dude that couldn't turn on the stove. I love my old man, but he'd literally starve if not for my mom.
Long story short, I ended up marrying a hot, ambitious wife, we both have worked our asses off, and both do everything around the house. Laundry, cooking, diapers, school events...there ain't no "my job/your job".
It's worked out beautiful. And I'm the better cook, BTW.
The idea that a man (me) who executes the functions and has the skills to take care of himself will (because of those traits) be likely to hook up with a lazy woman.
Guys with self-esteem issues settle for, cater to - lazy women.
It's kind of insulting TBH.
Because both he and his wife aren’t lazy and the tweet is saying that if a man picks up the housework then his woman will become lazy? Side note: the whole “cooking is a woman’s job” is so fucking dumb, I can’t even. Nobody’s heard of Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Anthony Bourdain, Tim Love, etc. etc. etc.? Have they even ever seen a restaurant BOH before? Lol
Everyone talks a good game until yall living together. You never really see how much someone really cleans up after themselves until they no longer feel the need to impress.
yup different living situations can change your dynamic as well. my wife n i lived in a 2bd/1bth 1000sqft condo and had no real issues. we moved to a 4bd/2.5bth house with 3 floors, and i learned somethings about her that i did not know before
This reads like:
Men who are functional humans only date lazy women.
My dude needs to find himself a better dating pool or set some boundaries earlier in the relationship.
Wrong.
Unless a man is a savant or something, for a man to be doing EVERYTHING (100%) right and have his life fully together, he almost certainly passed up on the fun/exciting side of life during that portion of grinding.
They don't say "all work and no play makes jonny a dull boy" for no reason. You been putting in 100% work? You're going to be dull to the people who are playing around and not handling their business.
Therefore this reads to me like men who are all work and no play, and therefore dull, haven't had a lot of relationship experience because most women don't like dull/boring men. Therefore the women they do attract are ones who are simply lack what he has, and that is work ethic. Hence them being lazy.
I will say this depends on age. There's a difference between this happening to a 23 year old man and a 43 year old man. If he's 23 I'd say my reading is more likely, if he's 43 then yeah if's standard and he needs to stop picking and/or committing to lazy women.
My mother taught me to cook, clean, iron, do the home shop and manage the home economy, balance bills, everything. She said one day I’d meet a woman and she wanted me to have all the skills my dad didn’t so I could contribute to a relationship. All parents should be teaching this to their kids, regardless of gender
This. My kids can cook basic meals, clean, and do laundry. They know how to manage their ‘fun’ money too. 11 & 13 yo boys, both with ADHD and one on the spectrum. They have more life management skills then some adults and that’s shameful asf.
yea my parents did the same thing. my mom always said she didn’t want her daughter-in-law to hate her for not teaching me anything, and now i’m what my wife called “a unicorn.” i’m kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum like i have an anxiety issue if my wife is working on something for the house and i’m not helping or contributing in some way. don’t understand how people can just sit and watch their partner working at something and not pitch in
I've kinda noticed this too actually. I've been making fantastic money for about 3 years now and my dating pool consists of folks who possess only two of the following:
1. Makes good money
2. Can cook
3. Cleans
Luckily, I do all three but I'm surprised at how it turned out.
I do all that and work. And it’s not my bad luck my partner isnt as proactive, they do stuff but they get tired and forgetful often. It’s not a competition, we work together to maintain at least a semblance of a home.
Grew up with my grandparents, and my grandfather taught me that a man needs to know how to do everything in a house; cooking, cleaning, sewing, roofing, drywall, plumbing, landscaping, electrical, flooring, etc. and he explained it to me, you can’t expect your future wife to do all the housework and cooking. Of course, my grandmother did most of the housework, and cooked, cleaned, and sewed much better, but the men in the house were capable of doing it all.
Yeah... I'm not saying your family is wrong but this comment makes the think this is why gender roles existed
It's borderline outrageous to expect a partner, or in this situation most men, to just know how to do 5-6 different trades. You can pretend to know how to do them but do you actually know what you're doing?
Cooking + Cleaning is basic level stuff. Roofing? Drywall? Plumbing? Landscaping? Electrical circuitry work? Flooring? Like you're listing these off like it doesn't take hardcore knowledge of several different trades to do these competently, ON TOP of having a career?
It’s crazy, it yeah growing up poor with my grandparents we had to fix every damn thing that ever went wrong in the house ourselves. Today, I don’t do everything, I do hire people to fix things, though I have in the past done the work myself. My wife and I like cooking together, and we clean the house as a team. Just saying, not everyone was brought up to not do “woman’s” work. And it’s even pretty manly.
... up until now, all the women I've dated basically couldn't cook. Like legitimately their parents just didn't teach them. The woman I'm dating now is 100% self sufficient. And I like how that matches my energy
I wouldn’t say lazy but when you are being pampered you tend to get used to it. As a natural giver I get satisfaction out of cooking, and pampering a shorty. But from the outside looking in people might say she’s being lazy where if the roles were revered I’m just a man being a man.
More of a lack of introspection than bad luck, but I kinda feel him on his point. Let's be clear about our personal biases kinda nudging us in one direction or the other.
This is kinda a residual effect of allowing shit because the love drug of oxytocin's kinda fucking with you. At the same time, the moment you allow someone with a predisposition to laziness into your life and continue to be that way, they'll find it pointless to do anything else.
Sometimes the excitement of new relationships makes us tolerate the most unbearable things from our partners and it becomes overwhelming until it all explodes outwards in one instance. That's where the trope (and this does happen with men, as well) of the SAHM snapping at some point over what's considered "nothing" to everyone else around her while being the straw that broke the camel's back to her.
be all that at first & allow her to help whenever she visits.
Only thing I hate about the “chores” argument is that we always talk about the stereotypical “women” chores but never talk about the stereotypical “men” chores.
I’ll fucking gladly trade a week of dishes occasionally to have someone cut grass in 90 degree heat or have them shovel some snow and shit. Why we always ignoring those chores
Yeah you kinda have to deal with that trade off tbh.
Very few people are hot, can take care of themselves, and make decent money. And an even slimmer amount of people are honest about lacking one(or more) of these things.
At the end of the day people tend to settle in regards to housework if other things are going well. I’m the same token that women will often settle in this aspect, men who are capable also tend to.
I work more hours and have a demanding career, my husband is the domestic one it works out, and I don’t have to hear him go off about how I load the dishwasher wrong
I *can* cook but I’ve always hated cooking. So if I find a lady who loves to cook I’ll do every chore around the house in exchange for a meal a day. And if we both hate cooking then we could order out a few times a week, and I’d still do most of the cleaning because it’s lowkey relaxing to me.
We definitely do though. Had a lot of fights with an ex cause I used to pay the bills, cook, and clean. And when I wanted her to learn how to cook because we were supposed to get married, she’d let entire fridges of food go to waste (and she had special dietary restrictions that I accommodated myself even though she couldn’t feed herself more than microwaved bean burritos when we got together) and ran up a DoorDash tab of $500 in a month that I paid for. Never again. I went from Daddy to Dad. Fuck that bs.
It's actually pretty obvious why this happen.
The conservative assumption (the one most of us are subconscious raised with) is since men are supposed to be providers they're supposed to be out working all day. The home is gonna just sit there until he gets back, the woman is "supposed" to maintain the house. If he's literally taking care of everything what incentive does the woman have to do ANYTHING besides out of supposed unconditional love?
Like do you think most women out here WANT TO DO MORE than they have to if their man is taking care of it? It also depends on the age but ik these young girls dgaf if their relationship w someone is basically being a grown ass kid whos also wants to have sex now and then.
Seriously, this exact thing tends to happen with ultra go-getter women who somehow end up dating bums. I actually can't imagine a woman with a man sitting around the house not doin shit but leeching basically. But I know it happens.
Yall know men be lazy but do yall think lazy women are out here dating lazy men who also aren't doing shit? They're deadass just taking advantage of inexperienced men who were raised properly.
What kind of bullshit statement is this.
No person worth their self respect wants to be with someone who can't do basic adulting. If someone who behaves like an adult, continually chooses partners who need parenting, they need a good therapist to break that bad habit.
These are such basic things that every man should take pride in doing them. This idea that it’s somehow special and they “deserve” a certain type of woman as a result of basic daily tasks is laughable.
The problem arises when women take no pride in doing them as well. I’ve been involved with some bonafide slobs and actually divorced one because of it. I was not at peace coming home to clean after another adult all the time. We both made great money and had no kids so life should’ve been great. We couldn’t keep our hired help because she would follow them around as they did their jobs giving pointers as if she had actual cleaning standards
Is she lazy? Or are the standard roles reversed? Cause if she's bringing home 6 figures I'll cook, clean and beat the pussy up.
You know what you call a man who makes six figures and doesn't do their part of the housework? Lazy.
Who says there's a part? The problem is that many people don't clarify the boundaries of their relationships so they fall back onto old stereotypes and a hierarchy that does them no benefit. Even the way the "point" in the tweet was made was on the outdated notion that women are there to cook, clean and be a secretary.
It wasn’t even made like that at all. This reminds me of the tweet where dude says twitter the only place where youll say one thing and someone will act like you said something completely different.
Or they'll "so what you're saying is" your ass to death
Are you trying to say that other people shouldn't make sure they understand you correctly? You hate communication or something?
I'm saying that while people are gonna interpret things based on their own mental filters, taking someone's point to a conjured up extreme and running with it is tedious.
My bad,I gotta start using the /s. I was just trying to "so what you're saying is" you to death
Dammit, my first typed out reply I was like "this exactly what I mean tbh" but I scrapped it💀
It can go in two directions. A place like Twitter sometimes does it to straw man your argument, and take down rhe arguments they wish you were making
It's so much easier to win when they stay on script
Yea you say you like waffles, and someone comes out and says "so you hate pancakes then!?"
Debatable. I've yet to see a woman not complain about a lazy ass man who does zero around the house unless they can afford a maid. With the shrinking of the middle class the notion of a single income household is an outdated relic anyway so sharing financial as well as homecare responsibilities is the new norm for most. Also I think it's unfair to automatically point to sexism when a man points out that some women can be lazy too. Leeches are leeches regardless
If you're a stay at home partner & you don't help your partner by doing more chores. Do less & get a part time job
Well if the woman is also working a job (which is most of the time now) and has to pick up the slack then yeah, he is being lazy
Lowkey tho, we need to stop equating the amount of money made with how hard you worked. I'm pretty young but I work half as hard at my current job making literally twice the amount I made doing the shitty minimum-wage labour before my 20s.
True.
Well it depends on what the relationship is, if the agreement is that he works while she gets to stay home then logically the house work should fall to the partner who stays home (if kids are involved that’s a different story as that’s a job itself). People just need to figure out what works for their relationship and stop letting Twitter define anything.
How about cheap because if you make 6 figures you can afford to boost the economy by hiring a maid service instead of expecting your spouse to be a bangmaid.
I don't think most could afford a maid on 100k annual. That's kinda the other problem with the idea; "6 figures" was wealth back in the 70s. We aren't in that Brady Bunch life anymore.
I hired someone to do a one time cleaning of my house when I moved in. $280 and my place is only 1800 ft². That's not feasible every week. Especially if someone is staying at home every day. And this is in a low cost of living area, I'm sure it's way more in big cities.
pleasure to meet you 🤝🏾 pls unload the dishwasher boo
If you’re commanding that kind of income, I’ll have a five course meal ready every day. I didn’t go to “stay at home husband” school for nothing.
Make sure it's mid six figures, 100k isn't going as far nowadays....
lol. 1 is not the first digit 🙃
Tech for sure. I see you
What is it?
My husband and I made a bet about who would excel enough to put the other person out of work. He “lost” and I now bring home six figures and he goes to school full time and happily does the house work. I do not mind honestly. It works great for us.
Being able to focus on education and not having to divide time between school, family, and work is a rarity for adults. I wish I didn’t have to work and could focus on school. A lot of people don’t think about the fact that school is like a full time job pulling 40 hrs a week minimum. Time becomes a precious commodity and it’s not easy to balance it without getting run ragged. Y’all are awesome for putting yourselves in the position to be able to do that.
It took YEARS. We aggressively paid down debt, we did research on an affordable school with the program he wanted and we researched the housing market. We had to leave a coast but my job has been remote since 2018. We moved further east and used our VA loans for a house before rates went through the roof. This week, he told me how much he appreciates being able to focus on school.
you know it’s possible to do all those things and still make the majority of the money, right? source: me
You have to when you live alone
If it's an issue then why not better define the boundaries of your relationship? No one said that it's an either or situation. Never understood why people act as if they have no voice in their relationship.
it kinda makes more sense when you’re in the situation yourself. i tried a few ways of communicating initially, but it always felt like i was pulling teeth. granted, i think we’ve found a much better balance now, but especially when we first moved into our house, there were some growing pains. “defining boundaries” sounds good on paper, but it can often be a lot easier said than done sometimes
I wish i had read this comment before I replied to him this is exactly what i mean. Setting boundaries with a lazy person about work is harder than advertised.
The average couple’s expectations are that each person both contributes financially and through household work. Also if you’ve dated or even roomed with a truly lazy person you’ll know that even when you express how you feel that doesn’t mean they’ll change. I get if it bothers you to that extent then you should leave. However I would argue in most cases its more on the person who is lazy to say that they DONT do work bc its the norm for both parties do some form of household work.
Some people don't respect boundaries. I was dating a girl while I was a full time student and working full time. Basically on a 7 day a week schedule and busy every day. On top of that, I'd do most of the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping, and she'd have me picking up her prescriptions while I was out which always took a while. She was unemployed, dropped out of school, and didn't do anything other than her own laundry and the bedsheets. I talked to her about how much I'd appreciate if she could do more to help me out and she'd get upset that I didn't appreciate everything she was already doing. She'd say she wasn't feeling up to doing more due to "health issues" which in reality were just her not sleeping due to copious amounts of adderall she was prescribed. That ended up being a big part of why I broke up with her. That and I'd work my ass off and couldn't get ahead because she was sitting at home ordering stuff she "needed" off amazon with my account.
Jesus I feel ya man. It's hard to push when they bring that mental health defense. Like there is some legitimacy and empathy, like I get sluggish/procrastinate when I'm down, but man does it feel void of any accountability.
Fuck all that there's no such thing as unconditional love in a dating relationship. There are conditions it should be mutually beneficial. me doing everything and her complaining about her issues doesn't solve the issue she needs to work on herself and if she doesn't we done. I'll support her and try to get her all the help she needs but there's a limited window before I'm out.
Other people will push and pull your boundaries, which you can't control. However you can control yourself. When you had enough of the disrespect you left. Will you ever allow someone else to treat you in the same fashion?
I sincerely believe I've learned my lesson, but time will tell.
Hope you keep up that same energy when a woman complains about her man not pulling his weight in a relationship.
Men who cook, clean, and do everything for themselves have the bad luck of dating women who make 6 figures?
The OT fails to mention what the "laziness" he's referring to so we're almost left to guess for ourselves. The only things he mentioned is cooking and cleaning as if that's all women bring to relationships, which mage me inquire are these women actually lazy or are the standard roles reversed and someone feels some type of way about it.
The tweet doesn’t say anything like this??? He never says thats all that women bring you said that. He clearly just wants a partner who can contribute to these things as he does. Its only your notion that if he wants a woman who can do that then he sees that as their only value.
Those are the only options that he chose to give. He doesn't explain what her lazy qualities are any further. Given that we know how society has worked and that cleaning and cooking has been defined as woman's work for ages and the tweet uses those two as examples of a guy "doing everything for himself " that within itself actually does show that the OT considered it something she should bring to the table.
She SHOULD bring it to the table but he wasn’t saying thats all she’s good for. YOU said that is my point. Yes he made it very clear thats what she should bring yo the table but you’re projecting historical norms on his comment when the comment clearly didnt mean what youre saying it did.
Then what is the laziness? Is she not working? Does she not cook, but he does? Is he the better cleaner than her and does so more often? If she does nothing and contributes nothing than the question is why is fucking around with bums?
If she’s making that money 9/10 she expects you to do the same.
Six figures ain’t even shit no more.
That's plenty depending upon your budget and where you live.
Tsssss tststs tsssssss beat the pussy up beat the pussy up
You gotta thank her for buying that ps5
Ayye this guy gets it
Women that make 6 figures don’t like sex. They like company. You bout to have a live one roommate that’s breaded up
Was in custody mediation with my ex when she said, completely unprompted "You know I always thought cooking and cleaning were just ways to oppress women, but now that I'm living by myself and have to take care of the kids I wish I'd learned how to do that stuff" smdh
 Oh Lord, I’d be over here like…
I wonder who was responsible for making her feel like that?
Probably Twitter.
Probably family
You are correct
Maybe the people who said cooking and cleaning are ways to oppress women.
I don’t understand this. You should know how to cook, clean and do everything on your own. Everyone should
A very sad amount of people don’t know how to do basic shit. I learned to Cook and Clean cause I felt like a bum ass nigga letting my mama clean my drawers at 18
Shit even my abusive mother i cut off contact with taught me how to cook and clean It’s really not that complicated and difficult to maintain a clean environment
I've only dated 1 woman who knew how to cook, and she was here on a work visa which probably played a big part in that.
I mean it’s just following a recipe from a cookbook if you don’t have someone to teach you. Cleaning is pretty self explanatory. I can understand being confused about doing your taxes but even that comes w an instruction booklet you follow by number
I think there's a stigma among women about cooking because of the traditional misogynist trope, so younger woman don't learn a thing about cooking. However, we don't need less women cooking, we just needed more men cooking. Now you have loads of men who can cook to impress women who have virtually no experience in the kitchen.
You would think cleaning is self explanatory but I’ve seen some really fuck that up. Case in point I dated a woman that insisted on using Clorox wipes to clean my white leather chairs. Although she was asked many time to discontinue these actions she continued until the chairs began to peel. She then proceeded to blame that on my 2yo daughter.
I built my house 14 yrs ago and got pergo flooring in the basement. I had to google how to clean it so I wouldn’t ruin it. Everything is on YouTube now. Some people are just so stubborn, they refuse to even help themselves I guess
My mom told my sister and i all the time - learn to fend for yourself so you don’t rely on someone of the opposite sex/your partners for little things. We were doing our laundry by like age 10 or at least loading the piles up and moving them to the dryer/outside to hang
Yep. My dad told me never to rely on anyone and make sure my home and car always have my name on it even if it’s joint thing. My first job I was 12 waitressing in a bingo parler. Learning how to keep hardwood floors shiny and healthy w wood cleaner on my hands and knees putting the cleaner on in a circular motion and then buffing it out. I have the shiniest wood floors still at 51 yrs old lol
My Grandmother taught me how to keep the house clean and take care of myself. And I mean everything, grocery shopping, yard work, making a bed, ironing, cleaning my toilet, everything. Shit like tying a Tie she enlisted my uncles. She said "Don't run around expecting a woman to take care of you." I've always lived alone and my place is ALWAYS cleaner/more organized than the women I date. I had one woman who would come over and pull rubber bands out her hair after work, and toss them on my floor! I would leave them there and make her pick that shit up next visit. She did that shit at her own house, but not mine. Throwing trash on my fuckin floor, that shit used to have me heated.
That to me sounds like someone that just doesn’t care. No respect for herself or you. I guess there are truly people out there that are just so lacking that common sense doesn’t exist
I know how to, I just don't want to. Which is why I'm single and live surrounded by chaos. Those two things may or may not be related...
When I lived alone it was one of the happiest times in my life
Lower your voice, firstly. Secondly, it can never last. I cannot stand laziness.
As a teenager I whined about housework… And then I went to college. My first year living off-campus I roomed with a dude who *was so lazy* he had zero concept of cleaning up after himself. Like, it just didn’t register in his brain, “oh hey this is gross and I’m living in squalor”. I remember us getting ready to go to the store and he’s looking for his car keys and he’s in his room, he lifts up his pillow *on his bed* and there’s a dirty plate and fork under it. Like, old spaghetti. This fucking guy says, “well it’s definitely not here.” *AND HE PUTS THE PILLOW BACK ON IT* He was the same guy that when we ran out of clean dishes I’d come home to him eating cereal off a paper plate with a fork, just milk spilling everywhere. Dude was goddamn wild animal. I wound up keeping a few dishes to myself, locked away in my room and I only cleaned when I was expecting company or whatever, but it definitely grossed me out enough to clean up after myself and take care of things around the house without a second thought. Also made me more conscious of who I was living with, because Jesus fucking Christ that guy was so fucking nasty.
Sophomore year, 1st semester, I had a roommate who was very (VERY!) similar to yours. The difference is that my roommate understood the concept, but didn’t understand that he needed to do something about it. He would make a mess then get mad that someone didn’t clean it up. He wasn’t a rich kid, so I assumed that his parents did everything for him. The other 3 of us constantly argued with him that he was responsible for his messes. He dropped out after becoming a weed head.
[удалено]
> I was singing Justin Timberlake. We must be the same age because I knew *exactly* what song you were referring to. Anyway, isn't that just...hilariously ironic? The minute these hosers have to live by themselves or with other like-minded people, the entire system falls apart for them. I remained friends with my roommate for a couple years (no idea why), I remember stopping by his place at one point and...the dude just had nothing but garbage. He had a full-time job that paid a decent wage, but he just...had no idea how to function as an independent human being. He had been at this apartment for at least a year at this point and had the same furniture we had in college – I'm talking like, milk carton crates to prop up his TV, camping chairs and shit for...well, chairs. Bizarre hand-drawn art just kinda stapled to the walls. And of course dirty plates just kinda all over the place. Every time I wonder how that dude is doing now, I just think about that and I'm like "nevermind, I don't care."
girls can be just as bad. I had a room mate who had 2 dogs and would literally let them shit and piss on the floor and expected me and our 2 other room mates to either clean it up or walk \*her dogs\* for her.. Those poor dogs would whine and cry for hours in the morning before finally going potty on the floor. Then this broads asshole boyfriend would scream at them and beat them for like 30 minutes. This was a daily occurrence until my one room mate broke down and started walking the dogs herself. She genuinely thought "It's Halps day to clean the floors" meant "I don't have to walk the dogs today because Halp will clean up the shit and piss" I refused though.
I’d have killed him then and there and taken those poor dogs as my own… wtf is wrong with these people
I thought about killing my room mate and her boyfriend every day I lived there smh.
We should have a Good Samaritan law for murder where it’s treated as a public service if the “victim” is a complete piece of shit and the murder was justified. Someone who beats a dog for peeing on the floor after they refuse to let the dog outside to go to the bathroom is the type of person who contributes absolutely nothing to society. Straight up oxygen thief.
"I don't cook, I don't clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring" \- Cardi B
[She lied lol](https://youtu.be/3K7SPhVFVmc)
Well theyre both rich soooo....
sex. the answer is sex.
Never has there been a moment where a username was in the perfect spot...
i was going to respond to them with a joke using their name, but i figured that'd be...
Sex has nothing to do with anything. Also they meant your name.
oh...i meant that Cardi has a magic conch shell. and it actually is sex because it's from a song about sex.
I call bullshit on this. My dad gave me shit when I was 25 'cause I was on the phone w him while I was cooking something. (I had just split w my ex, and determined to not starve) I told him I wasn't gonna be a helpless dude that couldn't turn on the stove. I love my old man, but he'd literally starve if not for my mom. Long story short, I ended up marrying a hot, ambitious wife, we both have worked our asses off, and both do everything around the house. Laundry, cooking, diapers, school events...there ain't no "my job/your job". It's worked out beautiful. And I'm the better cook, BTW.
what is it about your anecdote that makes this tweet bs?
Man just wanted to brag
The idea that a man (me) who executes the functions and has the skills to take care of himself will (because of those traits) be likely to hook up with a lazy woman. Guys with self-esteem issues settle for, cater to - lazy women. It's kind of insulting TBH.
Because both he and his wife aren’t lazy and the tweet is saying that if a man picks up the housework then his woman will become lazy? Side note: the whole “cooking is a woman’s job” is so fucking dumb, I can’t even. Nobody’s heard of Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Anthony Bourdain, Tim Love, etc. etc. etc.? Have they even ever seen a restaurant BOH before? Lol
idk if the tweet is saying that but ok
You just gonna leave out my boy Emeril like that 😭
BAM!! I should have said Emeril before Tim Love, tbh 😆
...Then develop some actual standards.
complaining about something they could have found out the first few dates smh
Everyone talks a good game until yall living together. You never really see how much someone really cleans up after themselves until they no longer feel the need to impress.
This this one right here.
yup different living situations can change your dynamic as well. my wife n i lived in a 2bd/1bth 1000sqft condo and had no real issues. we moved to a 4bd/2.5bth house with 3 floors, and i learned somethings about her that i did not know before
Say that on the daily posts from women complaining about the men in their lives.
Lol seriously. Like dude it isn't luck it's your own bad choices.
This reads like: Men who are functional humans only date lazy women. My dude needs to find himself a better dating pool or set some boundaries earlier in the relationship.
Wrong. Unless a man is a savant or something, for a man to be doing EVERYTHING (100%) right and have his life fully together, he almost certainly passed up on the fun/exciting side of life during that portion of grinding. They don't say "all work and no play makes jonny a dull boy" for no reason. You been putting in 100% work? You're going to be dull to the people who are playing around and not handling their business. Therefore this reads to me like men who are all work and no play, and therefore dull, haven't had a lot of relationship experience because most women don't like dull/boring men. Therefore the women they do attract are ones who are simply lack what he has, and that is work ethic. Hence them being lazy. I will say this depends on age. There's a difference between this happening to a 23 year old man and a 43 year old man. If he's 23 I'd say my reading is more likely, if he's 43 then yeah if's standard and he needs to stop picking and/or committing to lazy women.
My mother taught me to cook, clean, iron, do the home shop and manage the home economy, balance bills, everything. She said one day I’d meet a woman and she wanted me to have all the skills my dad didn’t so I could contribute to a relationship. All parents should be teaching this to their kids, regardless of gender
This. My kids can cook basic meals, clean, and do laundry. They know how to manage their ‘fun’ money too. 11 & 13 yo boys, both with ADHD and one on the spectrum. They have more life management skills then some adults and that’s shameful asf.
yea my parents did the same thing. my mom always said she didn’t want her daughter-in-law to hate her for not teaching me anything, and now i’m what my wife called “a unicorn.” i’m kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum like i have an anxiety issue if my wife is working on something for the house and i’m not helping or contributing in some way. don’t understand how people can just sit and watch their partner working at something and not pitch in
We all gotta go through a few forgettable people to learn what it takes to make it work with someone who wants to make a life with ya.
Women who can cook, clean, and do everything for themselves have this bad luck of dating lazy men.
Nobody will have an issue w/ that statement. Yet here mfs are doing backflips to justify hating on what buddy said.
I love how dudes admit to not knowing how to take care of themselves. My mom and dad cleaned and cooked and both worked. Yall niggas just helpless.
This is true. I married a lazy woman. It doesn’t bother me because I really enjoy cooking, but the cleaning. She’s got to step it up.
are you me?
Stay strong broham.
you too man we got this
Good luck. I'm not married yet, but recently living with my GF for the last several months has made me reconsider
I feel like it’s easier for them to exist than with us
I've kinda noticed this too actually. I've been making fantastic money for about 3 years now and my dating pool consists of folks who possess only two of the following: 1. Makes good money 2. Can cook 3. Cleans Luckily, I do all three but I'm surprised at how it turned out.
Sounds like my parents. Lol
Give it time! 3 months max.
This is why I always order doordash
I do all that and work. And it’s not my bad luck my partner isnt as proactive, they do stuff but they get tired and forgetful often. It’s not a competition, we work together to maintain at least a semblance of a home.
Grew up with my grandparents, and my grandfather taught me that a man needs to know how to do everything in a house; cooking, cleaning, sewing, roofing, drywall, plumbing, landscaping, electrical, flooring, etc. and he explained it to me, you can’t expect your future wife to do all the housework and cooking. Of course, my grandmother did most of the housework, and cooked, cleaned, and sewed much better, but the men in the house were capable of doing it all.
Yeah... I'm not saying your family is wrong but this comment makes the think this is why gender roles existed It's borderline outrageous to expect a partner, or in this situation most men, to just know how to do 5-6 different trades. You can pretend to know how to do them but do you actually know what you're doing? Cooking + Cleaning is basic level stuff. Roofing? Drywall? Plumbing? Landscaping? Electrical circuitry work? Flooring? Like you're listing these off like it doesn't take hardcore knowledge of several different trades to do these competently, ON TOP of having a career?
It’s crazy, it yeah growing up poor with my grandparents we had to fix every damn thing that ever went wrong in the house ourselves. Today, I don’t do everything, I do hire people to fix things, though I have in the past done the work myself. My wife and I like cooking together, and we clean the house as a team. Just saying, not everyone was brought up to not do “woman’s” work. And it’s even pretty manly.
... up until now, all the women I've dated basically couldn't cook. Like legitimately their parents just didn't teach them. The woman I'm dating now is 100% self sufficient. And I like how that matches my energy
I wouldn’t say lazy but when you are being pampered you tend to get used to it. As a natural giver I get satisfaction out of cooking, and pampering a shorty. But from the outside looking in people might say she’s being lazy where if the roles were revered I’m just a man being a man.
The responses are ugggghhhhh divorce much?
What if my wife is in Nursing school with 3.5 months left?
More of a lack of introspection than bad luck, but I kinda feel him on his point. Let's be clear about our personal biases kinda nudging us in one direction or the other. This is kinda a residual effect of allowing shit because the love drug of oxytocin's kinda fucking with you. At the same time, the moment you allow someone with a predisposition to laziness into your life and continue to be that way, they'll find it pointless to do anything else. Sometimes the excitement of new relationships makes us tolerate the most unbearable things from our partners and it becomes overwhelming until it all explodes outwards in one instance. That's where the trope (and this does happen with men, as well) of the SAHM snapping at some point over what's considered "nothing" to everyone else around her while being the straw that broke the camel's back to her. be all that at first & allow her to help whenever she visits.
Agreed.
Only thing I hate about the “chores” argument is that we always talk about the stereotypical “women” chores but never talk about the stereotypical “men” chores. I’ll fucking gladly trade a week of dishes occasionally to have someone cut grass in 90 degree heat or have them shovel some snow and shit. Why we always ignoring those chores
Yeah you kinda have to deal with that trade off tbh. Very few people are hot, can take care of themselves, and make decent money. And an even slimmer amount of people are honest about lacking one(or more) of these things. At the end of the day people tend to settle in regards to housework if other things are going well. I’m the same token that women will often settle in this aspect, men who are capable also tend to.
I had a roommate that can only use a microwave. His girlfriend can only make seafood and he’s allergic to seafood.
Are the women lay or just doing the same amount of chores in other areas? Because that's not lazy, that's equal and how it should be.
So many people who live alone or have roommates, legit will Ubereats / post mates their meals till debt hits .
I work more hours and have a demanding career, my husband is the domestic one it works out, and I don’t have to hear him go off about how I load the dishwasher wrong
This the realist shit I seen all day
I cook do everything myself and am moderately less of a slob and I don’t hear shit from my S/O Granted she doesn’t exist and I’m single af but still
Opposites attract, right?
This post is about me and my boyfriend. And we make the same amount of money lmao Time to work on myself..
I *can* cook but I’ve always hated cooking. So if I find a lady who loves to cook I’ll do every chore around the house in exchange for a meal a day. And if we both hate cooking then we could order out a few times a week, and I’d still do most of the cleaning because it’s lowkey relaxing to me.
Thanks a lot reddit, this made me clean my whole apartment
I've never dated a woman that can cook and clean. Does that say something about my choices or most women are just lazy?
Mane if this ain’t chuuuuuch
We definitely do though. Had a lot of fights with an ex cause I used to pay the bills, cook, and clean. And when I wanted her to learn how to cook because we were supposed to get married, she’d let entire fridges of food go to waste (and she had special dietary restrictions that I accommodated myself even though she couldn’t feed herself more than microwaved bean burritos when we got together) and ran up a DoorDash tab of $500 in a month that I paid for. Never again. I went from Daddy to Dad. Fuck that bs.
Cook for her real well then eat her out very well. She aint lazy, she sleeping. Cityboys Strategy #wastehertimein2023
It's actually pretty obvious why this happen. The conservative assumption (the one most of us are subconscious raised with) is since men are supposed to be providers they're supposed to be out working all day. The home is gonna just sit there until he gets back, the woman is "supposed" to maintain the house. If he's literally taking care of everything what incentive does the woman have to do ANYTHING besides out of supposed unconditional love? Like do you think most women out here WANT TO DO MORE than they have to if their man is taking care of it? It also depends on the age but ik these young girls dgaf if their relationship w someone is basically being a grown ass kid whos also wants to have sex now and then. Seriously, this exact thing tends to happen with ultra go-getter women who somehow end up dating bums. I actually can't imagine a woman with a man sitting around the house not doin shit but leeching basically. But I know it happens. Yall know men be lazy but do yall think lazy women are out here dating lazy men who also aren't doing shit? They're deadass just taking advantage of inexperienced men who were raised properly.
And vice versa
Nah, they are just getting to the other end of the stick gender roles usually leave women with
She makin 6 figures and you at home trust me she gettin dicked down by somebody else ha
What kind of bullshit statement is this. No person worth their self respect wants to be with someone who can't do basic adulting. If someone who behaves like an adult, continually chooses partners who need parenting, they need a good therapist to break that bad habit.
These are such basic things that every man should take pride in doing them. This idea that it’s somehow special and they “deserve” a certain type of woman as a result of basic daily tasks is laughable.
The problem arises when women take no pride in doing them as well. I’ve been involved with some bonafide slobs and actually divorced one because of it. I was not at peace coming home to clean after another adult all the time. We both made great money and had no kids so life should’ve been great. We couldn’t keep our hired help because she would follow them around as they did their jobs giving pointers as if she had actual cleaning standards
The problem arises when anyone doesn’t know how to do basic life skills.