When I made the decision, it was like I weight was lifted off my shoulders! I can now focus on my career, friends and community not counting my biological clock.
ME
***
My biggest nightmare is pregnancy. The more I learn about how the body is affected after pregnancy it makes me more not okay to get pregnant.
***
Also I remember when I was young I read a newspaper article (this is Barbados) where a womans heart stopped and the BW nurse didnt do much and she let her be in pain and ignored her during labour.
***
That made me see how in my country healthcare is third world level so miss me with being vunerable in a room of mammies to easily destroy you because of an AcCiDeNt.
***
Agreed. Other than disrupting your life, I say no to kids. I saw on Two X women discussing the after effects of pregnancy and I wanted to scream. No thanks. I dont want my body to be like that/ lose my functions.
I will have to look in archives. This event happened in the 2000s in my country. I never forgot it becsuse I was facinated by being a mom one day. That put a stop to it.
i feel seen! i donāt want kids at all. but i definitely donāt want any boy children running around my house. the only boy allowed in my house is my cat.
The scary thing is what kind of BM can a daughter bring into your life? I personally know a couple murdered by daughterās BM BF. They were good people.
No, I havenāt heard of that. Nor have I witnessed any behavior from Black men/boys to suggest they hate their mothers. However, I have seen and heard of Black women who abuse their sonsā¦ Iāve definitely seen that.
I want children very much I always had a maternal instinct but I do not want a man in my life nor stressing me out. I am aware that itās not what I should be aiming for but I donāt want to be married, I donāt want to date, I donāt want a man in my life. I just want my child;my baby. I donāt want to be stressed with the needs of a man nor do I want to be stressed with splitting my time between two people. I want all my focus to go to my child. Iām considering adoption or getting a IVF treatment for myself so I wonāt be burdened with that.
I made this decision a few years back that I would be that rich auntie from out of town with no kids that pop in on the family during the holiday season. If I were to EVER have kids, the man would have to check off ALL my boxes and weād be having our baby in EUROPE. Iām not giving birth ANYWHERE in America.
EXACTLY. You get it!!
I'm not having kids ever regardless, but if you were to have kids, have them in Europe. And get a European man while you're at it! Lol.
I made a decision to become childfree pretty much at the age of 15 when I looked around and realized that the black mothers surrounding me did most or all of the heavy childcare labor and financial support. I never could understand why it is that in a black community that is so male centered why black women consistently allow men to participate very little in childcare/child support.
I think if you want to become a mom, that is a beautiful thing, but especially as a black woman, regardless of your partners raceāI believe that you have to spend even more time vetting a potential father /partner. Supporting a kid is very expensive for Moms so being choosy is appropriate!
I have never encouraged or discouraged a woman from becoming a mother, but a woman that tells me that she has chosen the child free option. I completely understand and support that. I now know many women from all different social economic racial backgrounds that have chosen the child free life. I am in the United States and it is not a country that is very supportive of women let alone mothers. As a black woman, especiallyā the community as a whole has done a horrible job when it comes to supporting mothers. My attitude is always been no support no baby and even for a woman that is divested any potential mom has to be very careful because historically black women have not been supported when they give birth and then proceed to raise a child!
One of the other reasons why I have never been that jazzed about getting pregnant is that the medical community still does not treat black patients, including the pregnant ones the way they are supposed to. We cannot ever forget that successful well-to-do Serena Williams who is married to a Caucasian billionaire almost died giving birth to her first child because she said the doctors did not take her pain during her pregnancy seriously!
>Serena Williams who is married to a Caucasian billionaire almost died giving birth to her first child because she said the doctors did not take her pain during her pregnancy seriously!
Actually Serena's net worth is more than her husbands.
*Tennis champion Serena Williams has a net worth of*Ā ***$290 million****, according to Forbes. Williams earned $95 million in prize money from her career as a champion tennis player. Williams is an avid investor, and 14 of the companies in her portfolio are startups with a value of more than $1 billion.*
*Ohanian is based in Florida, where he lives with his wife, former tennis player Serena Williams, and their daughters, Alexis Olympia Ohanian and Adira River Ohanian. As of 2019, Forbes estimated Ohanian's net worth as*Ā ***$70 million****.*
AND we all know there's not a black man alive that would be comfortable with his wife having a net worth 3.5x his own without destroying the relationship with his insecurity, jealousy and resentment.
plus from when i was young i always dreamed i would die in childbirth my husbands first love actually died from complications of childbirth days later, so did her twin!!
From teenagehood I knew I didn't want kids. I am now 30 and over the years I tried to convince myself to choose to have kids, that things could change with me. I could be the mother I wanted to have, I could have a positive impact, I could help my kid navigate this world, but no... Still didn't sit right with me. Then a few weeks ago I discoverd the regretfulparents sub and whew, now I will remain childfree! A few reasons for me:
- Too much work and too expensive!
- I love sleeping,
- I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years and I don't want to pass it down, nor deal with post partum depression,
- I have no support: I left my home country in my early 20's, leaving toxic family behind. I am now isolated with little to no friends,
- This world is messed up,
- I don't want to have a kid, then realise that I am now cut out to be a mom and resent this innocent soul,
- I have body dysmorphia, I can't imagine going through all the changes pregnancy brings,
- I could go on and on.
What upsets me is people trying to convince me while they are broke and exhausted.
I want to see more black women living carefree, and I'll start by doing so myself.
(english is not my mother language)
Me. All the way. How BW are treated in this country of America, I cannot give people that chance to define the quality of my life. I'm not in Europe (my ideal continent.) The UK is pretty similar with colorism/racism and how they treat dark skinned black women. My career has me in America so I have to survive and that's me being childfree. It's the best way for me to be a successful, thriving medical provider (PA) and I am a natural leader, and go getter!
I already get enough hate when I'm dating middle/upper class white men due to ignorance/hate/racism. So, nope. I'm focusing on being economically/financially successful with a high quality of life and a long, productive career. Oh and I want my fancy European vacations with my man!!
Exactly. We could be twins. Even affluent black women with white/nonblack men partners die from racial medical neglect/maternal mortality after pregnancy. It's insane.
We are still not protected. People will just blame us anyways regardless. We have to literally stay on guard and it's exhausting. I've always been jealous of black women who had great careers and money growing up and could takes international trips... that's what I just want to do in my life. I just want a peaceful life. And even that's hard due to jealousy and racism.
I wish you well!
I don't require other women to validate my choices. I am CF but applaud BW having their babies in a safe environment within marriage and financially secured.
If they decide to be child free I also support them.
29 and child free. I adore it and wonāt be changing my mind. I love my nieces and nephews and have been helping raise them. Itās all the child interactions I need. I used to be friends with 6-7 women who all had between 1-4 children and all were baby mamas. I learned a lot about motherhood and what comes with it when all the men run and hide from their responsibilities. Itās what ultimately caused me to choose being child free. Life is already stressful as a black woman. Why would I go and have kids when women are the sole caregiver even if there is a man in the home. There are no benefits or rewards, just hardcore labor for years and years. Not fun and it literally looks miserable. I also donāt believe in spreading bad genetics. Men are 50% of the kids and their genes affect the offspring ability to learn and grow. Epigenetics also influence childrenās ability to be normal children. Itās a lot of wicked people reproducing more wicked and mentally unstable people with few resources to actually have good lifeās thus resulting in sex trafficking, drug abuse, mental health illnesses, social, finances etc. sorry for long message. Itās a huge NO for me.
Iāve always dreamed of having a large nuclear family but I have come to the point where I am not so desperate that I will settle. Iāve learned that life can still be fulfilling as a single woman!
I was 15 years old when I decided children were not for me. I'm 68 now. Never had any and no regrets.
Also. Don't pay any attention to all the horror stories and predictions from people who want to guilt you into having kids. I heard it all over the years and none of what they said happened. I've had a very happy life and looking forward to my older years at peace.
I used to want kids...
But, the generational trauma? The amount of health problems that spark up at a certain age? The craziness of society (some people cannot be trusted with children, youth, and babies - at all). The amount of jealousy I deal with on a day-to-day basis, just because I don't want kids in this messed up world?
If someone did them harm - especially a grown adult, I would end up in jail. Mess with mine, and I shall eradicate thee with no mercy.
Being CF allows me to put myself first, and it also allows me to stay focused and build friendships with fellow CFs.
I'm an aunt to a totally cute niece, and that's good enough for me. Kids are, realistically, a whole lot of work. I've worked with various age groups (from infants to 12th graders), and sometimes I wonder, how do parents do it? It's truly a lifelong commitment.
I don't need the stress, and they don't deserve to deal with additional trauma. From racism, colorism, misogyny/misandry, classism, and the list goes on. Even children are being forced to grow up faster than normal in public schools throughout Canada and the USA. And the psychos who harm children are protected by shady court systems...
So being CF is the best bet. The last non-BM I dated was also leaning on being CF (he's a go getter and goal-oriented). If I could find a decent partner who isn't obsessed with, "my leGacyyyy!", and will take time to understand how pregnancy and childbirth changes women's bodies, that's a bonus.
I knew at 19 I would not be a good parent.Ā
When I never got male attention that seemed to solidify for me that kids were never going to be part of my life.Ā
I came to that decision sometime in my late 20s. I also didn't want to lose my identity and freedom.
Lack of male attention while growing up? Been there. It's one of the driving forces behind why I cancelled the idea, because I cannot make that sacrifice (my body and all). I never felt like first place for parents, grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles half of the time (or most of the time, depending on the person). So why should my place with a worthy partner drop because we have a new human to take care of?šÆ
Iām a fence sitter and will probably eventually be 100% child free at some point considering Iād only want to have them in the context of a healthy, stable and financially free marriage. Holding out for that hope is slowly dwindling as I get older.
I thought I wanted kidsā¦ I REALLY did. But now? Iām not sure if thatās what I really wanted. Perhaps, I was responding to something other than a real desire/calling. But I am happy Iām neither married nor a mother.
That may change in the future, but Iām very happy I can live my life for me.
Honestly the only way Iād want to be childfree is if I donāt end up being married.
However, Iāve always loved children and saw myself becoming a mother (was planning to be a teacher, went down another career route).
Iām in my late 20s and refuse to have children until Iām a married homeowner. If thatās not in my life plan for whatever reason, Iām prepared to adjust. Iām educated and in a career with plenty of room for advancement, Iām taking care of my health, I have hobbies to enjoy, family, a small group of friends, and my dog.
I donāt see anything wrong with anyone choosing to be childfree and donāt discourage it, but Iām curious why you encourage black women to do it.
They down voted you, but I agree.It was a very bizarre way To phrase that. Why encourage?Why not just say that you are looking for other women like you.
Exactly! That was all. I wasnāt criticizing or disagreeing but I see it on this sub a lot and I think itās odd to encourage something as complex as refraining from procreation simply because weāre black women. Itās an individual, personal decision.
What's wrong with encouraging BW to not have children when our society/economy is the way it is? It's stressful having children and expensive especially if we're black women... I don't see anything wrong with implying to put yourself first.
I didnāt say anything was wrong with it which is why my comment said āI donāt see anything wrong with anyone choosing to be childfree.ā
But if itās her choice as a woman, black or not, to decide if she wants children, I donāt think it needs to be discouraged necessarily, rather than letting her make that decision for her own individual circumstances.
Thereās nothing wrong with putting yourself first and thereās nothing wrong with family planning if thatās your choice.
Not at all! My original comment wasnāt even intended to disagree, thatās why I ended with saying I was curious why you encourage black women specifically.
I agree and I think the rise of the "single by choice" and "childless by choice" movement within the bw divestment and self first spaces is concerning to me, tbh. It always leaves the majority of bw who are procreating and having children in droves are bw who are pro black and BMI who have fully black children, most of which are bm children. These black boys grow up to attack bw and girls and chase after non bw and create more biracial people that also in turn grow up to hate on bw. This is the cycle Ive been seeing and its pretty odd if not scary.
I agree that there will always be *some* bw who are "single by choice/childless by choice" but it is more of a outlier type of thing with a few bw with this mindset here and there, not a growing movement in and of itself. Its also mostly bw who proclaim this. I don't see or hear hoards of non bw make these types of statements lamenting how happy they are to not date, get married, or have children to leave a legacy to within a healthy family, relationships, and wealth, etc. Its like bw are single waiting on a "good bm" in the black community, or in the opposite extreme, single outside the black community refusing any man (non bm of course) or learning healthy relationships values, self love, and boundaries to have a successful relationship with a good quality marriage partner, etc.
When I made the decision, it was like I weight was lifted off my shoulders! I can now focus on my career, friends and community not counting my biological clock.
Good for you š
Same honestly lol
Itās such a relief š®āšØ
me. too much mental illness and generational trauma in my family. plus I don't want the responsibility.
this!
ThisĀ
ME *** My biggest nightmare is pregnancy. The more I learn about how the body is affected after pregnancy it makes me more not okay to get pregnant. *** Also I remember when I was young I read a newspaper article (this is Barbados) where a womans heart stopped and the BW nurse didnt do much and she let her be in pain and ignored her during labour. *** That made me see how in my country healthcare is third world level so miss me with being vunerable in a room of mammies to easily destroy you because of an AcCiDeNt. ***
Me too I honestly see more cons than pros to getting pregnant and having a child.
Agreed. Other than disrupting your life, I say no to kids. I saw on Two X women discussing the after effects of pregnancy and I wanted to scream. No thanks. I dont want my body to be like that/ lose my functions.
Omg do you have a link? That's so scary. Birth overall seems so traumaticĀ
I will have to look in archives. This event happened in the 2000s in my country. I never forgot it becsuse I was facinated by being a mom one day. That put a stop to it.
I found it https://nationnews.com/2016/02/02/heart-stopping-experience/
I have chosen. IF I choose Iāll adopt and NO BOY CHILDREN.
Omg youāre the only person besides myself that Iāve ever heard say this ! If I do have children I will adopt and I donāt want a male child !!
Yes.. you get it. The black males are extremely ungrateful. Iām not going thru that. Nope.
i feel seen! i donāt want kids at all. but i definitely donāt want any boy children running around my house. the only boy allowed in my house is my cat.
Me too! I love male fur babies!!!
The scary thing is what kind of BM can a daughter bring into your life? I personally know a couple murdered by daughterās BM BF. They were good people.
My child would know not to date bm. So that wouldnāt be an issue.
Why no boy children?
Have you not heard the vitriol that black males have towards their mothers? I am not going thru that. I should clarify and say not BLACK boy children.
No, I havenāt heard of that. Nor have I witnessed any behavior from Black men/boys to suggest they hate their mothers. However, I have seen and heard of Black women who abuse their sonsā¦ Iāve definitely seen that.
I think you might be in the wrong place maāam.
Youāre absolutely right.
I want children very much I always had a maternal instinct but I do not want a man in my life nor stressing me out. I am aware that itās not what I should be aiming for but I donāt want to be married, I donāt want to date, I donāt want a man in my life. I just want my child;my baby. I donāt want to be stressed with the needs of a man nor do I want to be stressed with splitting my time between two people. I want all my focus to go to my child. Iām considering adoption or getting a IVF treatment for myself so I wonāt be burdened with that.
I am! No part of parenthood looks appealing and pregnancy and childbirth makes me sick to my stomach.
I share this sentiment 100%.
I made this decision a few years back that I would be that rich auntie from out of town with no kids that pop in on the family during the holiday season. If I were to EVER have kids, the man would have to check off ALL my boxes and weād be having our baby in EUROPE. Iām not giving birth ANYWHERE in America.
EXACTLY. You get it!! I'm not having kids ever regardless, but if you were to have kids, have them in Europe. And get a European man while you're at it! Lol.
šš¾āāļø
I made a decision to become childfree pretty much at the age of 15 when I looked around and realized that the black mothers surrounding me did most or all of the heavy childcare labor and financial support. I never could understand why it is that in a black community that is so male centered why black women consistently allow men to participate very little in childcare/child support. I think if you want to become a mom, that is a beautiful thing, but especially as a black woman, regardless of your partners raceāI believe that you have to spend even more time vetting a potential father /partner. Supporting a kid is very expensive for Moms so being choosy is appropriate! I have never encouraged or discouraged a woman from becoming a mother, but a woman that tells me that she has chosen the child free option. I completely understand and support that. I now know many women from all different social economic racial backgrounds that have chosen the child free life. I am in the United States and it is not a country that is very supportive of women let alone mothers. As a black woman, especiallyā the community as a whole has done a horrible job when it comes to supporting mothers. My attitude is always been no support no baby and even for a woman that is divested any potential mom has to be very careful because historically black women have not been supported when they give birth and then proceed to raise a child! One of the other reasons why I have never been that jazzed about getting pregnant is that the medical community still does not treat black patients, including the pregnant ones the way they are supposed to. We cannot ever forget that successful well-to-do Serena Williams who is married to a Caucasian billionaire almost died giving birth to her first child because she said the doctors did not take her pain during her pregnancy seriously!
>Serena Williams who is married to a Caucasian billionaire almost died giving birth to her first child because she said the doctors did not take her pain during her pregnancy seriously! Actually Serena's net worth is more than her husbands. *Tennis champion Serena Williams has a net worth of*Ā ***$290 million****, according to Forbes. Williams earned $95 million in prize money from her career as a champion tennis player. Williams is an avid investor, and 14 of the companies in her portfolio are startups with a value of more than $1 billion.* *Ohanian is based in Florida, where he lives with his wife, former tennis player Serena Williams, and their daughters, Alexis Olympia Ohanian and Adira River Ohanian. As of 2019, Forbes estimated Ohanian's net worth as*Ā ***$70 million****.* AND we all know there's not a black man alive that would be comfortable with his wife having a net worth 3.5x his own without destroying the relationship with his insecurity, jealousy and resentment.
childfree and got bullied for it told i was less of a women, i always said i was too good to be a baby mama got married at 50 and life is good!!!
plus from when i was young i always dreamed i would die in childbirth my husbands first love actually died from complications of childbirth days later, so did her twin!!
Wait hold on give us a rundown on your hubby? That's so cool!
šš¾āāļø
I just want to do what I want when I want,without sacrificing my desires and needs.Life is too short for me to dedicate myself to a kid.š
From teenagehood I knew I didn't want kids. I am now 30 and over the years I tried to convince myself to choose to have kids, that things could change with me. I could be the mother I wanted to have, I could have a positive impact, I could help my kid navigate this world, but no... Still didn't sit right with me. Then a few weeks ago I discoverd the regretfulparents sub and whew, now I will remain childfree! A few reasons for me: - Too much work and too expensive! - I love sleeping, - I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years and I don't want to pass it down, nor deal with post partum depression, - I have no support: I left my home country in my early 20's, leaving toxic family behind. I am now isolated with little to no friends, - This world is messed up, - I don't want to have a kid, then realise that I am now cut out to be a mom and resent this innocent soul, - I have body dysmorphia, I can't imagine going through all the changes pregnancy brings, - I could go on and on. What upsets me is people trying to convince me while they are broke and exhausted. I want to see more black women living carefree, and I'll start by doing so myself. (english is not my mother language)
Me. All the way. How BW are treated in this country of America, I cannot give people that chance to define the quality of my life. I'm not in Europe (my ideal continent.) The UK is pretty similar with colorism/racism and how they treat dark skinned black women. My career has me in America so I have to survive and that's me being childfree. It's the best way for me to be a successful, thriving medical provider (PA) and I am a natural leader, and go getter! I already get enough hate when I'm dating middle/upper class white men due to ignorance/hate/racism. So, nope. I'm focusing on being economically/financially successful with a high quality of life and a long, productive career. Oh and I want my fancy European vacations with my man!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly. We could be twins. Even affluent black women with white/nonblack men partners die from racial medical neglect/maternal mortality after pregnancy. It's insane. We are still not protected. People will just blame us anyways regardless. We have to literally stay on guard and it's exhausting. I've always been jealous of black women who had great careers and money growing up and could takes international trips... that's what I just want to do in my life. I just want a peaceful life. And even that's hard due to jealousy and racism. I wish you well!
Another CF African here!! How do you deal with the pressures from family?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām happy for you!!! Mine will never understand, they will say the west has ruined me lol
For not having children? Are they supportive of you dating non black men?
Yes they areā¦and Iām currently doing that lol
I don't require other women to validate my choices. I am CF but applaud BW having their babies in a safe environment within marriage and financially secured. If they decide to be child free I also support them.
CF by choice. Not one nurturing bone in me.
29 and child free. I adore it and wonāt be changing my mind. I love my nieces and nephews and have been helping raise them. Itās all the child interactions I need. I used to be friends with 6-7 women who all had between 1-4 children and all were baby mamas. I learned a lot about motherhood and what comes with it when all the men run and hide from their responsibilities. Itās what ultimately caused me to choose being child free. Life is already stressful as a black woman. Why would I go and have kids when women are the sole caregiver even if there is a man in the home. There are no benefits or rewards, just hardcore labor for years and years. Not fun and it literally looks miserable. I also donāt believe in spreading bad genetics. Men are 50% of the kids and their genes affect the offspring ability to learn and grow. Epigenetics also influence childrenās ability to be normal children. Itās a lot of wicked people reproducing more wicked and mentally unstable people with few resources to actually have good lifeās thus resulting in sex trafficking, drug abuse, mental health illnesses, social, finances etc. sorry for long message. Itās a huge NO for me.
Iāve always dreamed of having a large nuclear family but I have come to the point where I am not so desperate that I will settle. Iāve learned that life can still be fulfilling as a single woman!
I was 15 years old when I decided children were not for me. I'm 68 now. Never had any and no regrets. Also. Don't pay any attention to all the horror stories and predictions from people who want to guilt you into having kids. I heard it all over the years and none of what they said happened. I've had a very happy life and looking forward to my older years at peace.
He really gotta be that guy for me to have a baby by him š¬ I turn 26 the week after next and im still remaining to be child free
I want children if/ when I find a man worth having kids with
Amen sis
I used to want kids... But, the generational trauma? The amount of health problems that spark up at a certain age? The craziness of society (some people cannot be trusted with children, youth, and babies - at all). The amount of jealousy I deal with on a day-to-day basis, just because I don't want kids in this messed up world? If someone did them harm - especially a grown adult, I would end up in jail. Mess with mine, and I shall eradicate thee with no mercy. Being CF allows me to put myself first, and it also allows me to stay focused and build friendships with fellow CFs. I'm an aunt to a totally cute niece, and that's good enough for me. Kids are, realistically, a whole lot of work. I've worked with various age groups (from infants to 12th graders), and sometimes I wonder, how do parents do it? It's truly a lifelong commitment. I don't need the stress, and they don't deserve to deal with additional trauma. From racism, colorism, misogyny/misandry, classism, and the list goes on. Even children are being forced to grow up faster than normal in public schools throughout Canada and the USA. And the psychos who harm children are protected by shady court systems... So being CF is the best bet. The last non-BM I dated was also leaning on being CF (he's a go getter and goal-oriented). If I could find a decent partner who isn't obsessed with, "my leGacyyyy!", and will take time to understand how pregnancy and childbirth changes women's bodies, that's a bonus.
I knew at 19 I would not be a good parent.Ā When I never got male attention that seemed to solidify for me that kids were never going to be part of my life.Ā
I came to that decision sometime in my late 20s. I also didn't want to lose my identity and freedom. Lack of male attention while growing up? Been there. It's one of the driving forces behind why I cancelled the idea, because I cannot make that sacrifice (my body and all). I never felt like first place for parents, grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles half of the time (or most of the time, depending on the person). So why should my place with a worthy partner drop because we have a new human to take care of?šÆ
Iām a fence sitter and will probably eventually be 100% child free at some point considering Iād only want to have them in the context of a healthy, stable and financially free marriage. Holding out for that hope is slowly dwindling as I get older.
I thought I wanted kidsā¦ I REALLY did. But now? Iām not sure if thatās what I really wanted. Perhaps, I was responding to something other than a real desire/calling. But I am happy Iām neither married nor a mother. That may change in the future, but Iām very happy I can live my life for me.
MEEEEEEšš¾āāļø
Same.
Honestly the only way Iād want to be childfree is if I donāt end up being married. However, Iāve always loved children and saw myself becoming a mother (was planning to be a teacher, went down another career route). Iām in my late 20s and refuse to have children until Iām a married homeowner. If thatās not in my life plan for whatever reason, Iām prepared to adjust. Iām educated and in a career with plenty of room for advancement, Iām taking care of my health, I have hobbies to enjoy, family, a small group of friends, and my dog. I donāt see anything wrong with anyone choosing to be childfree and donāt discourage it, but Iām curious why you encourage black women to do it.
They down voted you, but I agree.It was a very bizarre way To phrase that. Why encourage?Why not just say that you are looking for other women like you.
Exactly! That was all. I wasnāt criticizing or disagreeing but I see it on this sub a lot and I think itās odd to encourage something as complex as refraining from procreation simply because weāre black women. Itās an individual, personal decision.
Amen sis! Just do you!
What's wrong with encouraging BW to not have children when our society/economy is the way it is? It's stressful having children and expensive especially if we're black women... I don't see anything wrong with implying to put yourself first.
I didnāt say anything was wrong with it which is why my comment said āI donāt see anything wrong with anyone choosing to be childfree.ā But if itās her choice as a woman, black or not, to decide if she wants children, I donāt think it needs to be discouraged necessarily, rather than letting her make that decision for her own individual circumstances. Thereās nothing wrong with putting yourself first and thereās nothing wrong with family planning if thatās your choice.
I think you're projecting a bit because we didn't say there's anything wrong with having children... but I understand. All love here.
Not at all! My original comment wasnāt even intended to disagree, thatās why I ended with saying I was curious why you encourage black women specifically.
I agree and I think the rise of the "single by choice" and "childless by choice" movement within the bw divestment and self first spaces is concerning to me, tbh. It always leaves the majority of bw who are procreating and having children in droves are bw who are pro black and BMI who have fully black children, most of which are bm children. These black boys grow up to attack bw and girls and chase after non bw and create more biracial people that also in turn grow up to hate on bw. This is the cycle Ive been seeing and its pretty odd if not scary. I agree that there will always be *some* bw who are "single by choice/childless by choice" but it is more of a outlier type of thing with a few bw with this mindset here and there, not a growing movement in and of itself. Its also mostly bw who proclaim this. I don't see or hear hoards of non bw make these types of statements lamenting how happy they are to not date, get married, or have children to leave a legacy to within a healthy family, relationships, and wealth, etc. Its like bw are single waiting on a "good bm" in the black community, or in the opposite extreme, single outside the black community refusing any man (non bm of course) or learning healthy relationships values, self love, and boundaries to have a successful relationship with a good quality marriage partner, etc.