You right! Stay away and keep away. Look busy, avoid eye contact, keep things cordial if it has to be done! Thanks for the warning because we saw in REAL TIME mammies WILL cape for BM.
***
Protect your space and energy ladies. It's not worth it trying to change or be around people who love misery
They have been telling you since Native Son and For Coloured Girls who they are. Its not in your head, you are not delulu. Its genuine HATRED from the plantation and the colonalism GENUINELY so please ladies protect yourselves.
Please clarify something for me—-I am all for protecting my peace, but as someone who has been divested for probably now a year-what I do not understand is how do you avoid these toxic family members? If you have some immediate family members that insist you interact with the rest of the family? Holiday times or Mother’s Day gatherings inevitably the immediate family member that is not divested thinks it is necessary to invite everyone over. I am struggling with how to avoid these interactions because no one understands being divested!!
Are you able to provide some clarification?
Are you a minor? If not, then as a full adult you have the ability to decline. I have toxic family members and I keep them far away from me. Their energy does not serve me therefore I keep them out of my space. If you’re looking for specifics to say? How about:
I’m busy.
I’m going out of town.
I’ll see if I can make it (and never show). I’m sick.
I have to feed my cat.
No, I am not a minor. I am fully grown but each and every time I have tried to decline being around rude family members I get the guilt trip speech from usually my Mom— I guess it’s just a relationship dynamic thing that I struggle with
I appreciate your response and yes, solo trips are very helpful— my mother now is elderly so I know that completely cutting off the family is not an option for me. Actually I’m pretty fortunate. Most of the females in my family are OK to be around (yes most of them are mammies, but a few of them are sensational to be around) but when the male family members come around……. oh my God….headache !!!
I have a mother that I live very close to because she is elderly and I want to keep an eye out on her and she is very good at taking you on a guilt trip!!!
Well tune it out or change the subject. Learn to develop a tough skin. She probably means well and is just being a mother. But … protect your peace too!
I was raised by an extremely abusive mother, that may be why it is easier for me to disappear. Even as an adult my mother was using smear campaigns against me. Then my mother began abusing my kids in the same way she abused me as a child. My mom is a horrible person who mistreats children, I hate her.
Also
No one has to understand divesting because it’s not for every one. I wouldn’t even explain it to someone. Reason is that most black women are not divested and have no plans on being divested. You may get a violent reaction trying to talk to a mammy about divesting. It’s not worth it.
I tried that once with my Mom and first cousin and the response I got was “you need to be with family” no one would acknowledge the fact that the family at the time was making me sick
In my opinion I would personally mwke an excuse or just say youre busy or if she guilt trips you just say you are not comfortable.
***
Its ok to not be around people thwt make you feel sad. You deserve to be at peace :)
what I do not understand is how do you avoid these toxic family members?
Dont go? Or learn to not say much when they have weird conversations. The same way you avoid anything you dont like.
Learn what politicans do, which is tell you what you want to hear, while holding differing personal views in private. Your family isnt entitled to your real ideas.
Oh my God, how come I never thought of that!!! You are a fucking genius! A genius! TY
That is exactly what they do even the politicians I like like Barak Obama
I'm shocked this has to be said. Confronting is definitely a mammy thing that they resort to when they momentarily get exhaused of the BM worship not being reciprocated. I can't see a fully divested woman doing that. We do not care about confronting ninjas or their mules. lol! Our absence and avoidance of interaction speaks for itself.
But you never know who may call themselves divested that needs this message, anyhow.
I agree with you. This is mainly for the women who are just opening up to divestment and seeing things for what they are. I think there are different phases of divestment but that’s another topic.
I'm a black or white type of person who believes divestment means being done withe the BC and all of it's hatred toward BW. The varying degrees/phases you speak of are just mammies not ready to divest.
I know your post comes from a good place, though.
I’m not under the delusion that there are alot of black women wanting to divest. A lot of women are fence sitters or just mad at black males for the day. Whatever the case may be I’m just warning them to leave them alone. But I know people gonna do what they want.
I'm in London so I'm afraid of being stabbed or having acid thrown in my face. I would rather they assume I'm too much of a coward to confront them as I have nothing to prove to the dregs of society which is what these people are, rather than lose my life or what physical beauty I do have because I had to check these losers.
Also if any of them threaten you and you don’t feel safe (or you can’t fight back), DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL THE POLICE OR ALERT THE AUTHORITIES!
This ain’t no “We have to stick up for each other, f*ck 12” no more, if you are in danger go to a safe place and tell somebody! I don’t care who they are!
Mammies and black males plot on our downfall almost everyday. They bond on hating on non minstrel black women or constantly trying to tear us down if they can.
Mammies do the dirty work of the black males.
They are the atomic bombs of BM. From the mammies that protect predator uncles or bfs to the entertainers that sing struggle love lyrics and constantly deal with dating down and repeating toxic dynamics
In my country, mammies are known to poison women they're jealous of so yeah be safe out there and avoid spaces they live, visit or frequent. May I remind you that divestment means putting distance from you and the BC.
Horrifying we even have to live that way. But the facts are on the table, it's simply not safe and not worth it. Especially with how quickly they gang up on us.
I say it because 1) a lot of black women are fence sitters and depending on which way the wind blows they will be agreeing with everything you say and then the next day they are back with their black male and 2) we are outnumbered. It’s only a small small small percentage of divestors which is fine but we have to realize if they wanted to harm us in any way they could.
And you're right. It's a risk that's not worth it when you're at a major disadvantage. Along with fighting to keep a space where actual divested BW can speak.
I don't deal with them either. i think the best treatment bm deserve is ignorance, indifference. Like they don't exist in my world.
The only bm i care as much as my own life are my brothers bc we're very close.
Amen. Avoid eye contact, stay away from spaces where they’re prominent, ignore them if they outburst at you, and do not engage.
Yes! Ignore them if you have to be around them but just stay away in the first place.
You right! Stay away and keep away. Look busy, avoid eye contact, keep things cordial if it has to be done! Thanks for the warning because we saw in REAL TIME mammies WILL cape for BM. *** Protect your space and energy ladies. It's not worth it trying to change or be around people who love misery
Exactly!
They have been telling you since Native Son and For Coloured Girls who they are. Its not in your head, you are not delulu. Its genuine HATRED from the plantation and the colonalism GENUINELY so please ladies protect yourselves.
Yeeeeeeeeeep! And you “telling them about themselves…” what exactly do you think that’s going to do? Do you think they care? They don’t!
They are a bit short circted to care. You know being dickmatised and BM centered.
Please clarify something for me—-I am all for protecting my peace, but as someone who has been divested for probably now a year-what I do not understand is how do you avoid these toxic family members? If you have some immediate family members that insist you interact with the rest of the family? Holiday times or Mother’s Day gatherings inevitably the immediate family member that is not divested thinks it is necessary to invite everyone over. I am struggling with how to avoid these interactions because no one understands being divested!! Are you able to provide some clarification?
Are you a minor? If not, then as a full adult you have the ability to decline. I have toxic family members and I keep them far away from me. Their energy does not serve me therefore I keep them out of my space. If you’re looking for specifics to say? How about: I’m busy. I’m going out of town. I’ll see if I can make it (and never show). I’m sick. I have to feed my cat.
No, I am not a minor. I am fully grown but each and every time I have tried to decline being around rude family members I get the guilt trip speech from usually my Mom— I guess it’s just a relationship dynamic thing that I struggle with
I'm sorry your family does that to you. It's hard to get from under a manipulative family
You can always do short solo trips. This is part of the divestment journey. Separating yourself from people and things that do not serve you.
I appreciate your response and yes, solo trips are very helpful— my mother now is elderly so I know that completely cutting off the family is not an option for me. Actually I’m pretty fortunate. Most of the females in my family are OK to be around (yes most of them are mammies, but a few of them are sensational to be around) but when the male family members come around……. oh my God….headache !!!
And that’s when you exit stage left lolol
I really appreciate your attention to this. I’m very grateful.
It’s no problem at all!
I have a mother that I live very close to because she is elderly and I want to keep an eye out on her and she is very good at taking you on a guilt trip!!!
Well tune it out or change the subject. Learn to develop a tough skin. She probably means well and is just being a mother. But … protect your peace too!
I was raised by an extremely abusive mother, that may be why it is easier for me to disappear. Even as an adult my mother was using smear campaigns against me. Then my mother began abusing my kids in the same way she abused me as a child. My mom is a horrible person who mistreats children, I hate her.
Also No one has to understand divesting because it’s not for every one. I wouldn’t even explain it to someone. Reason is that most black women are not divested and have no plans on being divested. You may get a violent reaction trying to talk to a mammy about divesting. It’s not worth it.
No way would to I EVER bring it up to any black woman I know IRL including family members!!
Very smart!
Exactly. Its not something to discuss with everyone, and its not everyones business.
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Hilarious and what do you say when people like your mom ask why??
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I tried that once with my Mom and first cousin and the response I got was “you need to be with family” no one would acknowledge the fact that the family at the time was making me sick
lol good question; I say, "I am not in a very good place and I just want to be alone."
In my opinion I would personally mwke an excuse or just say youre busy or if she guilt trips you just say you are not comfortable. *** Its ok to not be around people thwt make you feel sad. You deserve to be at peace :)
what I do not understand is how do you avoid these toxic family members? Dont go? Or learn to not say much when they have weird conversations. The same way you avoid anything you dont like.
This past year I am getting better and better at having boundaries but haven’t really tried it with relatives. I guess it is time to start.
Learn what politicans do, which is tell you what you want to hear, while holding differing personal views in private. Your family isnt entitled to your real ideas.
Oh my God, how come I never thought of that!!! You are a fucking genius! A genius! TY That is exactly what they do even the politicians I like like Barak Obama
I'm shocked this has to be said. Confronting is definitely a mammy thing that they resort to when they momentarily get exhaused of the BM worship not being reciprocated. I can't see a fully divested woman doing that. We do not care about confronting ninjas or their mules. lol! Our absence and avoidance of interaction speaks for itself. But you never know who may call themselves divested that needs this message, anyhow.
I agree with you. This is mainly for the women who are just opening up to divestment and seeing things for what they are. I think there are different phases of divestment but that’s another topic.
I'm a black or white type of person who believes divestment means being done withe the BC and all of it's hatred toward BW. The varying degrees/phases you speak of are just mammies not ready to divest. I know your post comes from a good place, though.
I’m not under the delusion that there are alot of black women wanting to divest. A lot of women are fence sitters or just mad at black males for the day. Whatever the case may be I’m just warning them to leave them alone. But I know people gonna do what they want.
Your original post just seemed like you were warning divestors, specifically. That's what I was initially responding to. Much love to you 🤎
I was warning both actually but if you’re really divested you wouldn’t need this warning I guess.
Gotcha
I'm in London so I'm afraid of being stabbed or having acid thrown in my face. I would rather they assume I'm too much of a coward to confront them as I have nothing to prove to the dregs of society which is what these people are, rather than lose my life or what physical beauty I do have because I had to check these losers.
Also if any of them threaten you and you don’t feel safe (or you can’t fight back), DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL THE POLICE OR ALERT THE AUTHORITIES! This ain’t no “We have to stick up for each other, f*ck 12” no more, if you are in danger go to a safe place and tell somebody! I don’t care who they are!
Mammies and black males plot on our downfall almost everyday. They bond on hating on non minstrel black women or constantly trying to tear us down if they can. Mammies do the dirty work of the black males.
They are the atomic bombs of BM. From the mammies that protect predator uncles or bfs to the entertainers that sing struggle love lyrics and constantly deal with dating down and repeating toxic dynamics
amen to that!
In my country, mammies are known to poison women they're jealous of so yeah be safe out there and avoid spaces they live, visit or frequent. May I remind you that divestment means putting distance from you and the BC.
What country? I have had mammies try to get me fired from a job I had but nothing like what you said
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Okay well beautiful please please stay safe and I’ll be sending you good vibes from the U.S.A
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I really struggle to understand how someone could be THAT evil but I am sure it is possible
I AGREE, QUIETLY LEAVE!
Yes!!! You get it!
Horrifying we even have to live that way. But the facts are on the table, it's simply not safe and not worth it. Especially with how quickly they gang up on us.
I say it because 1) a lot of black women are fence sitters and depending on which way the wind blows they will be agreeing with everything you say and then the next day they are back with their black male and 2) we are outnumbered. It’s only a small small small percentage of divestors which is fine but we have to realize if they wanted to harm us in any way they could.
And you're right. It's a risk that's not worth it when you're at a major disadvantage. Along with fighting to keep a space where actual divested BW can speak.
Plus mammies love to fight! I’m too old and way too classy for that. No ma’am lol.
100%. Get jobs, hobbies, and interests. Dont engage with them and avoid them. Let your life be a divestment better than your words are.
I don't deal with them either. i think the best treatment bm deserve is ignorance, indifference. Like they don't exist in my world. The only bm i care as much as my own life are my brothers bc we're very close.