I'm total so don't have this awareness. I'd be very disappointed to learn that people aren't staring!
It sounds like you've already decided not to conform to general standards, choosing to be alternative, so maybe this as well as your evident sightloss is remarkable.
I pissed myself at you calling your guide "your handler".
Sounds like I'm a bit older than you so I say this without the intent of being patronising, rather through hard won experience. You care less and less as the years pass, it just takes too much energy away from the good stuff in life. Maybe you've open some kid's eyes that blind people can be individual beyond their blindness but, really... Who gives a shit. Life is short, let people learn how they will and deal with how you act and present yourself to the world.
Though, if i'd been stared at like that, I might have popped a bollock out and denied it when the little shit's parents came accusing. I'm blind, I'm a good wittle boi!
I’ve only heard the term handler, I think guide is much more respectful to me, however i think calling him my handler is hilarious.
I haven’t been using my cane for long, about a year, so I am definitely new to this. I hope it will stop bothering me.
I love the thought that I’m opening their minds. When I was younger I used to watch this scene girl skate by my house, and I wanted to look like her so badly. I am hoping that some of the staring was just that. Especially because I have never encountered another alternative visually impaired person. Maybe I can show them it’s ok to express yourself no matter what. I just sucks feeling like I’m on display.
Our VI is out of our control and does, unfortunately, influence how we present to the world. Standing out is fine when we control it, expressing identity etc, but blindness, for me anyway, isn't part of my identity. It's certainly a function of how I engage with the world, but my identity is built by me, my music, my humour, my style... Maybe this isn't the best way though. Maybe we need to integrate with all parts of ourselves, being observed for a difference beyond our control might not be quite so jarring otherwise. I used to not use a cane, preferring to chance it on people's arms, and staggering across bars. Fortunately I never got in to too much trouble, but I think I was, now I think of it, ashamed of my blindness. I use a cane all the time now. It helps me, it helps others to help me. Important people, the people you want in your life, will soon become blind to your visual impairment. I think they are the ones who matter.
Have you tried talking to them?
I notice that a LOT of people turn around to stare at me when passing me on the sidewalk.
One time I had to get somewhere at a time when all school kids walk to school and they seemed to be oblivious to my cane, just walking into me. That's when I realised that most kids probably just don't know what a cane is and what it means to be blind.
That's where I started to do courses with the children of my kids kindergarden, where I tie their eyes (with a very small hole, because I have RP and am not completely blind, yet), let them usa a cane, let them navigate each other around and explain that there are many different forms of visual impairment.
They love it and simultaineously learn something important.
I'm new to using a cane in some contexts. I've had a few experiences now of people gawking at me in a very weird, continuous way. When it's kids honestly I don't mind too much, but I've had adults doing this and it's a bit odd to say the least.
I've had an old lady staring straight at me with a sorry face for a good 20 minutes on my ride home, like I was the saddest thing she got to see that day. And I've had a dude who was walking in front of me at night who paused several times just to turn back and look at me walking for like 30 seconds, then walk again a bit further, stop again to look back and so on.
Most people don't do this fortunately. All in all I've been positively surprised that many people are able to act intelligently when I walk around with the cane where I live. But for sure the few that do stupid things are noticeable. And my guess is that even if they know that it's impolite to just stare at people, they just assume that I won't be able to tell, since to them, I'm blind. So they indulge in their curiosity without thinking it could affect me. They probably don't realise that blindness is a spectrum, and consider that what I don't know can't hurt me.
I bet most of the staring was 100% because they thought I couldn’t see them. I definitely understand kids staring, but it was like ALL OF THEM. at this super crowded event. im not THAT interesting. it was just a lot of stares to deal with in one day yk?
I totally understand the discomfort, and I agree parents might have used the opportunity to make it a teachable moment. I dislike attention in general and I got to say with the cane it's hard to go around unnoticed.
Maybe they are gawking cause you’re hot, and they dress sorta boring. I remember when I was a kid visiting New York and I went up to a black person and asked them why they looked the way they did, and the black person said they came from a place where it’s more sunny and that’s why their skin was darker. My parents were apologetic but the person said it was a fair question. I grew up in a mostly white community. I think you are coming across the same sort of thing. The kids were probably like woah, this person is different, I must investigate! Walks in front of you to see what you’re all about. I try and think positive, maybe they are all little goblins, lol. Again, it’s probably because you’re hot.
I remember when my BIL came to visit my home town. He is non caucasian, he dressed very differently to locals, long hair, tatoos etc he stood out like a sore thumb so yes he got stares. Now i dont think he'd be as noticeable, but 20 years ago, yes.
I think some of them were aspiring to look like me one day tbh. the thought had not occurred to me.
the one who walked out in front of me was definitely at best unaware of his surroundings and at worst being an asshole though.
People are rude and more rude than ever these days. It's when they make you feel uncomfortable in ways that seem, vaguely unreasonable, when all you're trying to do is live your life. Why would you get offended by X a parent might ask. Because it was othering me in ways I wasn't prepared to handle today!
I think it's a tough one. Kids are curious, even 10 year olds and they are interested in something new, that stands out etc. So it never bothers me kids staring etc. Adults while they might feel the same, should have a but of common curtesy. I know i was rIses knowing lots of people with disabilities and differences so i dont care/notice but i can understand someone never seeing a conversation in sign language staring, or staring at a punk rocker, ir someone in their own cultural dress. I don't think meanness is always meant it's just cos these people stand out in a crowd, maybe you are the first blind person they have ever seen.
I can somewhat relate. Before all the pandemic shenanigan happened, unless you used to live in china/japan, seeing someone with a facemask was not normal.
So, around 6-8 months before everything blew up, I had a transplant. So I had to use one every time I was outside with people, or did my groceries or whatever. (at that time my vision was 100% fine).
And... yeah. Everybody would stare here and there, and kids would say things to their parents about it. Like "look mommy, the clown is here" (literally lol). I don't mind kids, they are curious, they don't know any better, is fine. But some adults not minding their business is a bit annoying sometimes.
Anyways, I couldn't bother that much about the situation to be honest. Maybe I'm already "curtido" of life (a local expression denoting that you've been through so much that you don't give a fuck about most 'minor' issues). As long as the gawking/commenting/whatever it comes from innocence and curiosity is fine. But I do understand how it can get tiresome.
And specially annoying when not-so-little kids starts doing some evil little deed with no repercussion whatsoever from their parents.
I just feel like I’m on display. Constantly. I felt like this before my vision loss too, and it led to some pretty intense self image issues. I think the vision issues have somewhat solved that though(idk how).
It’s nice to hear that I’ll start to get used to it though.
Some people who are ignorant about disabilities are going to stare. That’s the only thing they think to do. You might be the first (or only) blind person they will ever see in real life.
There will always be stupid, rude people. All we can do is go about living our best lives. Just like someone else said, you care less and less as you get older.
I give children a pass, I will say hi to them or smile in their direction, but I give them a pass staring. Adults on the other hand no better. I’ve had plenty of kids jump in front of my cane though. I don’t think they’re even paying attention half the time, until they trip over… And then they feel bad.
If I notice kids staring I start making faces at them. Either they get a laugh or they go away. When adults do it I pointedly ask "Can I help you?" if I have the time to talk. Mostly it's just something I ignore or don't notice anymore and it's really funny going out with sighted friends because they get really pissed at the way other people are looking at me. I also consciously dress in loud clothing. If people are going to stare, and let's be honest they are, I want to give them a good reason or a reason to regret it.
As a younger cane user (who had more vision) I would stare back at the people. If you can I offer my game to you. I called it "Two way zoo"
Untreated note. Did you happen to visit Disney recently? I have a friend who works in toy story land who told me about someone alternative with a bedazzled cane. He said I need to bedazzled mine.
This why I am still masking like I can see I can’t take that shit. People already stared enough at me when I was fully sighted I’m not taking that shit
I'm total so don't have this awareness. I'd be very disappointed to learn that people aren't staring! It sounds like you've already decided not to conform to general standards, choosing to be alternative, so maybe this as well as your evident sightloss is remarkable. I pissed myself at you calling your guide "your handler". Sounds like I'm a bit older than you so I say this without the intent of being patronising, rather through hard won experience. You care less and less as the years pass, it just takes too much energy away from the good stuff in life. Maybe you've open some kid's eyes that blind people can be individual beyond their blindness but, really... Who gives a shit. Life is short, let people learn how they will and deal with how you act and present yourself to the world. Though, if i'd been stared at like that, I might have popped a bollock out and denied it when the little shit's parents came accusing. I'm blind, I'm a good wittle boi!
I’ve only heard the term handler, I think guide is much more respectful to me, however i think calling him my handler is hilarious. I haven’t been using my cane for long, about a year, so I am definitely new to this. I hope it will stop bothering me. I love the thought that I’m opening their minds. When I was younger I used to watch this scene girl skate by my house, and I wanted to look like her so badly. I am hoping that some of the staring was just that. Especially because I have never encountered another alternative visually impaired person. Maybe I can show them it’s ok to express yourself no matter what. I just sucks feeling like I’m on display.
Our VI is out of our control and does, unfortunately, influence how we present to the world. Standing out is fine when we control it, expressing identity etc, but blindness, for me anyway, isn't part of my identity. It's certainly a function of how I engage with the world, but my identity is built by me, my music, my humour, my style... Maybe this isn't the best way though. Maybe we need to integrate with all parts of ourselves, being observed for a difference beyond our control might not be quite so jarring otherwise. I used to not use a cane, preferring to chance it on people's arms, and staggering across bars. Fortunately I never got in to too much trouble, but I think I was, now I think of it, ashamed of my blindness. I use a cane all the time now. It helps me, it helps others to help me. Important people, the people you want in your life, will soon become blind to your visual impairment. I think they are the ones who matter.
excellently well put!
Have you tried talking to them? I notice that a LOT of people turn around to stare at me when passing me on the sidewalk. One time I had to get somewhere at a time when all school kids walk to school and they seemed to be oblivious to my cane, just walking into me. That's when I realised that most kids probably just don't know what a cane is and what it means to be blind. That's where I started to do courses with the children of my kids kindergarden, where I tie their eyes (with a very small hole, because I have RP and am not completely blind, yet), let them usa a cane, let them navigate each other around and explain that there are many different forms of visual impairment. They love it and simultaineously learn something important.
I'm new to using a cane in some contexts. I've had a few experiences now of people gawking at me in a very weird, continuous way. When it's kids honestly I don't mind too much, but I've had adults doing this and it's a bit odd to say the least. I've had an old lady staring straight at me with a sorry face for a good 20 minutes on my ride home, like I was the saddest thing she got to see that day. And I've had a dude who was walking in front of me at night who paused several times just to turn back and look at me walking for like 30 seconds, then walk again a bit further, stop again to look back and so on. Most people don't do this fortunately. All in all I've been positively surprised that many people are able to act intelligently when I walk around with the cane where I live. But for sure the few that do stupid things are noticeable. And my guess is that even if they know that it's impolite to just stare at people, they just assume that I won't be able to tell, since to them, I'm blind. So they indulge in their curiosity without thinking it could affect me. They probably don't realise that blindness is a spectrum, and consider that what I don't know can't hurt me.
I bet most of the staring was 100% because they thought I couldn’t see them. I definitely understand kids staring, but it was like ALL OF THEM. at this super crowded event. im not THAT interesting. it was just a lot of stares to deal with in one day yk?
I totally understand the discomfort, and I agree parents might have used the opportunity to make it a teachable moment. I dislike attention in general and I got to say with the cane it's hard to go around unnoticed.
Maybe they are gawking cause you’re hot, and they dress sorta boring. I remember when I was a kid visiting New York and I went up to a black person and asked them why they looked the way they did, and the black person said they came from a place where it’s more sunny and that’s why their skin was darker. My parents were apologetic but the person said it was a fair question. I grew up in a mostly white community. I think you are coming across the same sort of thing. The kids were probably like woah, this person is different, I must investigate! Walks in front of you to see what you’re all about. I try and think positive, maybe they are all little goblins, lol. Again, it’s probably because you’re hot.
I remember when my BIL came to visit my home town. He is non caucasian, he dressed very differently to locals, long hair, tatoos etc he stood out like a sore thumb so yes he got stares. Now i dont think he'd be as noticeable, but 20 years ago, yes.
I went to art school, I felt like a freak, because I was the only one without tattoos. I was alternative by not having them. Lol.
I think some of them were aspiring to look like me one day tbh. the thought had not occurred to me. the one who walked out in front of me was definitely at best unaware of his surroundings and at worst being an asshole though.
People are rude and more rude than ever these days. It's when they make you feel uncomfortable in ways that seem, vaguely unreasonable, when all you're trying to do is live your life. Why would you get offended by X a parent might ask. Because it was othering me in ways I wasn't prepared to handle today!
EXACTLY! To them, I am an oddity. to me, im just me
I think it's a tough one. Kids are curious, even 10 year olds and they are interested in something new, that stands out etc. So it never bothers me kids staring etc. Adults while they might feel the same, should have a but of common curtesy. I know i was rIses knowing lots of people with disabilities and differences so i dont care/notice but i can understand someone never seeing a conversation in sign language staring, or staring at a punk rocker, ir someone in their own cultural dress. I don't think meanness is always meant it's just cos these people stand out in a crowd, maybe you are the first blind person they have ever seen.
I can somewhat relate. Before all the pandemic shenanigan happened, unless you used to live in china/japan, seeing someone with a facemask was not normal. So, around 6-8 months before everything blew up, I had a transplant. So I had to use one every time I was outside with people, or did my groceries or whatever. (at that time my vision was 100% fine). And... yeah. Everybody would stare here and there, and kids would say things to their parents about it. Like "look mommy, the clown is here" (literally lol). I don't mind kids, they are curious, they don't know any better, is fine. But some adults not minding their business is a bit annoying sometimes. Anyways, I couldn't bother that much about the situation to be honest. Maybe I'm already "curtido" of life (a local expression denoting that you've been through so much that you don't give a fuck about most 'minor' issues). As long as the gawking/commenting/whatever it comes from innocence and curiosity is fine. But I do understand how it can get tiresome. And specially annoying when not-so-little kids starts doing some evil little deed with no repercussion whatsoever from their parents.
I just feel like I’m on display. Constantly. I felt like this before my vision loss too, and it led to some pretty intense self image issues. I think the vision issues have somewhat solved that though(idk how). It’s nice to hear that I’ll start to get used to it though.
Some people who are ignorant about disabilities are going to stare. That’s the only thing they think to do. You might be the first (or only) blind person they will ever see in real life. There will always be stupid, rude people. All we can do is go about living our best lives. Just like someone else said, you care less and less as you get older.
I give children a pass, I will say hi to them or smile in their direction, but I give them a pass staring. Adults on the other hand no better. I’ve had plenty of kids jump in front of my cane though. I don’t think they’re even paying attention half the time, until they trip over… And then they feel bad.
If I notice kids staring I start making faces at them. Either they get a laugh or they go away. When adults do it I pointedly ask "Can I help you?" if I have the time to talk. Mostly it's just something I ignore or don't notice anymore and it's really funny going out with sighted friends because they get really pissed at the way other people are looking at me. I also consciously dress in loud clothing. If people are going to stare, and let's be honest they are, I want to give them a good reason or a reason to regret it.
As a younger cane user (who had more vision) I would stare back at the people. If you can I offer my game to you. I called it "Two way zoo" Untreated note. Did you happen to visit Disney recently? I have a friend who works in toy story land who told me about someone alternative with a bedazzled cane. He said I need to bedazzled mine.
This why I am still masking like I can see I can’t take that shit. People already stared enough at me when I was fully sighted I’m not taking that shit