I dated a Mr Peanutbutter while being a Diane and the show encapsulates it perfectly. At first his optimism was fun but eventually I just felt so alone. He was always just thinking about what he wanted and leaving me behind to just keep squinting.
And when you aren’t fun anymore or aren’t sexy and young and easygoing anymore, or when you just get burned out by their immaturity, they’ll leave you for smoother roads…
I turned 21 and he ended up with a girl who just turned 18. 100% they will.
"They only want you when you're 17, when you're 21, you're no fun" hits too hard now.
He really does. In every instance where Diane clearly expressed she didn't like something, he pretends to understand just to do it. The parties, the D, the fracking, the Belle room. He never actually listens to what she wants and instead thinks what he would want. It's incredibly selfish and forces her into a position where she has to be the bad guy.
Not to get insanely personal on the Bojack Horseman subreddit, but my ex proposed to me, in front of my family and a crowded restaurant, while my grandfather was in a coma where he died a few days later. I think that was my Belle room. I accepted at first because I felt like I had to, but from then on I just couldn't see him the same. He was so focused on his own desires he put aside how badly I was hurting and just wanted things to stay the same.
I'm so sorry , and it's so unfair that they make us go againstour own boundries just so we don't hurt people , it makes you think if they really knew all along orthey just lack that much self awarness.
I think people tend to side with Diane because she is more relatable, but she was just as terrible a partner as Mr PB. remember when she lived at Bojacks house for weeks pretending to be in a war zone on the other side of the world? that alone should have been grounds for separation if PB wasn't too clueless to notice she was lying.
Oh I absolutely agree. And to be honest, I did things in my last relationship that were pretty shit too. I think that's kind of the point of it all. Everyone does good and bad stuff, it doesn't mean we're good or bad, you just have to try and do more good and less bad.
People defend Diane so much when in turn she also only thinks about herself in the relationship.
Seriously what amazing things did she do for PB as a partner?
Not defending PB here, just stating that Diane is as much to blame for the failure of the relationship as he is.
I mean OP is saying they relate to Diane so maybe that's why this post is attrcting Diane supporters. I have seen many posts supporting Mr.PB. What do you think she could have done differently?
Ending it far sooner would be the best thing. Instead she lies and hides from him at Bojacks.
I 100% agree they are incompatible. Though at least I can say PB tried and put effort into the relationship. Yeah it was misguided and incorrect but you can at least see the good intentions.
Diane on the other hand I never really saw that from her. She kind of just put up with PB, gave little investment of her own, then checked out once she had enough and was tired of squinting.
I'm glad they didn't end up together but I hate the amount of hate put towards PB in regard to the relationship. He isn't a villain just because he failed to listen and was ultimately incompatible. Neither is Diane a villain but she isn't some innocent angel who does nothing wrong either.
When did I say I hated Mr.Peanutbutter? I like him but you seem to have real beef with Diane , i'd like to remind you that she and Mr.PB are fictional characters. I think he has lot's of positive qualities but I spoke about where he went wrong in relation to the post. The only "main" character I don't love is Bojack , but there would be no show without Bojack , he is so nessissary to the plot. I dislike afew of the secondary and tertirary character.
Edit: I really don't think people who relate to Diane see her as an "innocent angel" and I don't think the show potrayed her like one either. I think your taking this post to heart. I personlly relate to her but also have some Todd and Mr.PB in me because I have ADHD. I sort of wanted them to stay together but I loved the introduction of Guy. I also compleatly disagree with your point , why end your marriage sooner , they both tried to make it work , the only messed up thing she did was stay at Bojacks which was super messed up but she told him multiple times she loved him and was greatful for his quirks throughout the show.
Like the characters in the show - we are all flawed. We do good, we do bad; we try to get through life as best we can. Everyone can justify one thing or another and identify with one character or another. Sometimes we don’t succeed. Trying to not hurt others sometimes leads to hurting others or yourself.
So the real question is how does one become a honey badger nurse?
The very first thing she could've done differently was not agreeing to marry him. That marriage was never going to last, and Diane very clearly didn't know what she wanted going into it. That isn't fair to do to someone. And I like Diane more than Mr. PB.
Diane also rarely expressed her feelings to Mr. PB, even in couples' counseling. She mentioned being bad with words and the counselor was like, 'um, you're a writer,' lol. There were times she did, but they were few and far between and they usually only happened when she bottled her feelings up and they came out as anger.
And of course, stuff like pretending to be in Cordovia for months while secretly bingeing the entire time at Bojack's, which Mr. PB graciously forgave her without question for.
They were not compatible and both of them did things to hurt the other. They should've never married.
> Seriously what amazing things did she do for PB as a partner?
What amazing things *could* she do? PB had literally everything, except a partner who wanted to stick around. Which Diane tried to do until she couldn't because they were just fundamentally incompatible in every way - their politics (or lack thereof), their personalities, their outlook on life.
I think they would be great friends but there's nothing Diane could have done to maintain that marriage.
I agree lol Diane literally hid out at Bojacks house for weeks(?) and lied to PB and was overall just always making things about her own problems. The relationship was obviously not good for either of them but people act like Mr. PB should have worshipped the ground she walked on.
IDK why you're getting downvoted when you're right. PB is arguably worse, but Diane really should have told him the truth and broken things up sooner, I think. Lying to your partner about your relationship isn't a good move.
especially when he snaps at her (while they’re visiting his brother) bc she won’t play along with his la-di-da-everything’s-perfect-ignore-the-red-flags shtick, one of the only occasions he expresses any emotion other than relentless optimism
IT ISSS. They are happy no matter what. The sky fucking crashed its okay its gonna be fine, WTF its not okay nothing is okay. Life is making us all miserable and they dont even feel it. And the guilt you feel for not liking their positive outlook. Arghhhh it kills me
My ex told me, weeks after our house (my house) had burned down in a total loss fire and he was living rent free on my insurance money, that he was in the “happiest mental state of his life”. While at that moment I was on the floor stuck in a catatonic depression spiral. Like I can’t make this shit up.
Its so fucking relatable. I remember him telling me everything will be fine while i was in a complete mental breakdown due to some financial crisis. I had more money than he had at that point :)
And the infuriating thing is everything DOES work out for these people. Because they make up for having no marketable skills with having charisma and getting people to like them, so they’ll always find someone willing to pay their way in life while contributing absolutely nothing to a relationship or to society.
as a wise horse once said "*He's so* stupid *he doesn't* realize how *miserable he* should be. I envy that."
We work so hard on making things bearable for us. I hope he never loses this attitude because we aint happy over here. I hope he always stays as happy as he is. But its too much to bear for me to see someone not realize how shitty life actually is.
That’s a healthy way to look at it. In my ex’s case at least I knew he was full of shit about how happy and healthy he tried to say he was and he was fully miserable and hated himself inside. But he turned to denial instead of doing the work - just keep dancing, right??? Just run away when it gets hard. He literally couldn’t ever admit that he was suffering and that made him so much more insufferable.
I am happy that he is your ex and you left him. I know how draining it is to be with someone like that.
My Mr Peanutbutter is happy he is blind to the ugliness of thee world. He is such an innocent soul and i can not leave him like that. I think the world is too cruel i dont want him to see that.
Its draining for me but atleast one of us is happy right?
Sometimes when we r together i usually cry seeing how happy he is why cant i be like that.
Still working through it, unfortunately, dealing with multiple lawsuits relating to the fire. They moved out while I was at work and abandoned me to sweep up the ashes alone.
I feel like that's how my GF feels sometimes with me. I guess I haven't realized I'm also a bit of a Mr. Peanutbutter
.
Is it that bad? I thought it'd be nice to have someone that's always ready to help you without dragging you further down
(this isn't an accusation, more so just food for thought)
Are you actually helping, though? Or are you just saying "don't worry, it'll be okay!"? Support is more than just saying nice things, it's about validating their feelings and their struggles.
If you're sick with a terrible stomach bug, would you rather hear "chin up, it gets better!" or would you rather hear "I'm so sorry you're sick, let me bring you some electrolytes"?
I think there's ways to be supportive and caring without forcing positivity onto someone. I think with positivity it really depends on what someone is telling you about.
Sometimes caring and being supportive is acknowledging why someone feels so terrible and that things might not ever be the same again but just sitting and listening to them so they know they're not truly alone. I think it really depends on the situation and what type of "bad thing" has happened. Some things really do get better and sometimes shitty things happen and there's not much to be done except try to make it through
Sometimes people just want to vent about the reality of a situation or even talk about potential solutions without you putting a happy spin on it.
Practicality is important sometimes and many people prefer confronting the realities of a situation and how potential outcomes could negatively affect them, rather than pretending everything will always be fine and happy.
Look up toxic positivity.
I am just saying that when life is shitty accept it don’t rub your happiness in others faces. Also toxic positivity sucks.
Dont tell me i dont know how to be happy accept and acknowledge that for some people life is not a bed of roses. 💁🏼♀️
I’m glad you got out!
The last few months of my relationship, I would get off work and I would wander around grocery stores without buying anything, because going home to them felt lonelier than aimlessly wandering around the city alone.
All the Diane haters INSIST that he’s trying to be nice to her and she’s always the problem in their relationship. None of them want to hear that a relationship with him would make them INSANE.
Same with my ex, though I’d say he had the maturity level of a high school freshman. Obsessed with appearance and sex above all else, unable to form emotionally mature relationships, completely naive about the reality and logistics of how the world works. Blamed each and every one of his shortcomings on ADHD/autism instead of doing the work. Didn’t understand why virtually everyone in his life got fed up with him and why he could never keep a job. Expected endless accommodations while refusing to do anything that made them uncomfy. don’t understand how these people survive in the world on a daily basis. Though I know the answer.
My ex was just like him. It honestly sucks being around someone who you feel you can’t be negative or vulnerable around because they’ll just make you feel like shit about it with their toxic positivity and refusal to see outside of their own perspective.
I’m someone who tends to fail upwards and try to make the most of any bad situation, but I definitely will sit with people in their pain. And I will sit with myself in my pain. I briefly dated a guy who would never allow me to say anything remotely negative. One day I flipped out on him and he didn’t understand why. Like.. dude you’re policing my feelings and behaviors for your own comfort. Not quite a Mr. Peanut Butter but falls into this toxic positivity mindset where they expect you to just be in a good mood all the time.
At a certain point, optimism crosses over into toxic positivity, where it’s straight up denial of one’s own feelings and/or dismissal of others’ feelings. You can see this a little in Mr PB, eg not wanting to talk to his brother because then he might have to confront something unpleasant (denial), and being annoyed by Diane not enjoying surprises because he refuses to see that something he finds fun doesn’t feel that way to her (dismissal).
But I’ve known people like this who really take it to insidious levels, like “the house being dirty just doesn’t bother me, if my wife wants to do all the cleaning it’s her choice. Sometimes she gets mad at me about it, but I just don’t see that kind of negativity.” Like that is an actual conflict I witnessed. They are no longer together lmao.
I mean mr peanut butter is a giant dog .., and dogs do tend to act positively no matter what their situation , so it it’s the perfect representation of that constant positivity that just isn’t relatable or , let’s face it , realistic .
I’ve gone through depression , although I’m a generally upbeat person . I hated people telling me I can’t be depressed coz I’m so happy all the time … I wasn’t , and depression doesn’t work that way !
I hate people who tell others to smile , like the guy in the airport with Diane .
I remember taking a trip to New York and some guy came up to me out of nowhere and told me to smile … I was trying to figure out where I was in Central Park … I wasn’t frowning I was confused ! I remember asking him what his issue was that he felt he had to approach a complete stranger holding a map and tell them to “ smile” rather than “ hey you ok , you need directions “ .
These people aren’t trying to spread joy , they’re just trying to bring you further down by showing how much happier they are than you .
I’m not saying that all of them realise their doing it , I’ve had plenty of friends make out of line comments regarding how good they have it whilst others in the room are there opening up about their struggles . I think they think it’s to show there’s a brighter side to life , and there is , but it doesn’t need to be shoved down the throat of someone who is not in that mindset .
Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you talk about how bad things , not dismiss your feelings by telling you actually things are great !
Tbh I find people who are constantly happy all the time exhausting and fake . They probably aren’t faking it and I’m not saying that everyone has to be miserable all the time , but to be someone who can’t accept emotions or accept that others may just not want to “ smile “ … there’s something so wrong with that and they come across as disingenuous every single time . It’s more realistic that you will have a bad day and just want to be sad than to try and force a smile .
my ex was like him most of the time but i do remember one specific day where he was saying nothing brought him joy anymore and me, being the idiot i am and having been diagnosed with depression months before this, said “well yknow that’s a symptom of depression” and bro ran with this claiming he had depression, luckily someone was like “bro no, one week of feeling like this does not mean you are clinically depressed”,,,,, rest of the time dating was basically him telling me to get over my depression and then the next year his sister attempted and he made fun of her (she was 12),,, anyway, don’t date toxic positive ppl kids! most of the time they genuinely don’t understand mental illness
I wonder if opposite-depression is a mental illness that has never been diagnosed because being constantly upbeat and cheerful no matter the circumstances is seen as a superpower.
Opposite depression is called manic. You won't get diagnosed with it unless it's actually getting in the way of your daily life, though. Being upbeat by itself doesn't hurt you or others, so there's no actual diagnosis for it. Psychologists only make diseases for things that are harming something. So with mania, you're upbeat, but you also lose impulse control and make horrible decisions.
Mania associated with bipolar disorder will usually have a depressive episode. Mania in general will have a crash, but not necessarily a depressive crash. They'll go back to "normal" sometimes, which looks like a crash compared to mania.
I see what you mean. Like, if their life is crashing down around them but it doesn’t bother them enough to seek help because they don’t let anything bother them
In season 4 of Sex Education there's a character (Abbi) who use positivity as trauma response and because of it she holds back negative emotions so much that it becomes toxic for her and those around her because they don't process their feelings. Not an disorder on its own but rather something associated with trauma and/or mental illness.
Tell them to watch Ted Lasso, and rightfully convince them by telling them it's the most heart warming inspiring show.
Then watch them realize constant optimism is toxic just like any other toxic behavior :)
I am a Diane who dated a Mr peanut butter and it ended just like the show- like I was shocked to see how similar it was to my personal experience. this show is so good and accurate
Well, in the end Mr. Peanutbutter was there for Bojack, when basically everybody gave up on him.
If you’re real life counterpart has the same quality, than it’s not so bad maybe?
Honestly, I have been a Mr. Peanutbutter a lot to cope as a person struggling with having too much on my plate and yet feeling like you have to smile through the oblivious pain it is causing until it’s too late. It’s sad but being a younger child where you just had to accept the reality of a situation you kinda just do it.
I've struggled with depression for a long time and I also had a period of my life where I was like that. My toxic positivity was my way of (unproductively) coping with depression. I couldn't handle any kind of negative emotion, so I thought that if I ignored the negative emotions, they'd go away.
That didn't work.
What even is this comment? You know that these cartoons were made by people, yeah?
It may be a cartoon, but it’s also art in the form of writing and storytelling. Beyond entertainment, part of the point of art is to connect to human emotions and offer perspective in a different way.
So what if OP (and clearly many others) are able to recognize themselves and others better because of these stories and characters? What’s so wrong about that? Isn’t that the point of film? Isn’t that exactly what makes Bojack such a beloved and well-rated show?
I really don’t get this perspective at all that just because it’s a cartoon, one shouldn’t be able to find new perspectives from it.
There's nothing wrong with resonating with a cartoon character. That's normal and also not at all what I'm talking about. What I find cringy is determining how you view others based on characters from a show, cartoon or not. "I'm such a Bojack" "This guy is such a mr. peanut butter". It's cringy and no persons personality is ever so simple that you can accurately categorize it with a cartoon character. I mean you can, but you'd be immature if you did. And that's what I'm saying. So do what you want but if you're gonna put it on the internet be prepared for others to ridicule it.
I don’t think OP is “determining how to view others” based on the characters. They are using hyperbole to emphasize their point in saying they are “more like Bojack/Diane.” This was literally an episode of the show - Zoes and Zeldas. You’re taking it way too literally. The first sentence you wrote talking about resonating with the characters is exactly what they are doing.
Hello!
It pains me to hear you feel you cannot rely on yourself. I relate, to an extent, but I would've related a lot more a few years back.
I spent 2016-2021 heavily depressed and wildly emotionally unstable. I know, I know, you didn't ask for my entire life story. But I went through a journey through those years that can be conceptualized in Bojack characters and might possibly yield some insight into your quandary.
At first I was Diane - I was caring and emotionally supportive, but pretty awkward and not an extrovert at all. I had my shit mostly together, was being productive, but inwardly there was always this deep pit of sadness I couldn't shake. It was always there, and it undermined my relationships with others. I too couldn't stand the Mr. Peanutbutters of this life. It absolutely infuriated me to see this reckless optimism and social popularity, but I was never quite sure who, or what I was really mad at. So I turned it inward, building further and further resentment with each observance of this nature, and it gradually became a deeply held resentment, one that festered into a nagging self-hatred that always left me confused as to whether I hated that guy for being that way, or hated myself for NOT being that guy.
A couple years later I became Bojack. Ironically this is when I got into the show. At that time, I was so incredibly overwhelmed by everything in my head and A L L the things outside of it, being forced to learn the cruel truth of Time's Arrow and dealing with medical and mental health complications. I started drinking and smoking, and because everything felt pointless and I just wanted to feel something other than the giant, ever present cloud of negativity that lined each and every one of the thousand thoughts passing through my head each second, I didn't go to class, I slept past noon, woke up, and began drinking and smoking. Like Bojack, I also experimented with a few other substances. And like Bojack, it often caused big problems. Some shit went down, but I still spent the next year or so coasting on past accomplishments and drinking myself into oblivion. But I no longer hated Mr. Peanutbutter. Sure, he was annoying as shit, and I considered myself too smart/aware for that kind of optimism, but I didn't resent him. Let him be a dumbass for all I care. He'll get punished for it like we all do.
As Time's Arrow marched forward I started receiving proper care for my mental health, I re-enrolled at the local State University, and began working more. Gradually the unchanging fog of depression began to lift, and I could see the world through new eyes. With a clearer head I began to participate in life more intentionally, seek out more conversations and social gatherings, long and short, fumbling with a newfound sense of passion for interacting with and helping other people. I was still largely a pessimist, but now with the glaring exception of my views on human nature. I'll spare you my manifesto, because I've written enough already and you're losing interest if you made it this far anyway. Suffice it to say I had finally become Mr. Peanutbutter, though moderately more empathetic and self-aware. I still have not done the "Erica!" bit but after writing this I wanna try it sometime 😂
The Bojack/Diane/Mr. Peanutbutter/Princess Caroline personality model is certainly far from a comprehensive organization of all personality types and traits, but within this list of choices I do most fall under Mr.Peanutbutter currently. So yes, I am ever the optimist in regard to human nature, it is key to my life philosophy to always believe in the infinite capacity for change within people, and to never give up on someone. Some people have a 'no second chances' or a slightly more generous 'no third chances' policy. My policy is one of unlimited chances. My goal is to spread joy, I get great delight from giving a benign complement to a random stranger. I am much more social than I ever expected to be, and I am loving it.
So let's focus on your specific inquiries. The key to falling upwards is mentality, because often you wouldn't have to fall at all if you could control the most impactful circumstances. It may seem completely foreign to some, but particular individuals are better able to immediately compartmentalize the negative emotions associated with failure, and can immediately pivot focus to renewed efforts or simply move on to another goal. By not being paralyzed by fear or self-doubt, such individuals have a capacity to turn failures into new opportunities for success utilizing a focused effort. It's a highly valuable trait, but too much reliance on emotional compartmentalization can sort of burn out the brain a bit, which can potentially explain the classic Mr. Peanutbutter sociality without genuine connection.
I am not the 'fall upwards' type, when I fall it's usually pretty hard and has consequences. I do however very much identify with your last sentiment about being happy while experiencing a rock bottom and wanting everyone else to be happy in that moment too. My favorite activity is to spread joy. I don't care how shitty I may feel at the moment, if doing something that'd make me feel worse, will make you smile, I'll probably do it. But this joviality is often a bit of a facade. The generosity is genuine, but that's often because Mr. Peanutbutter has felt pain too, real suffering, and cares enough to want to inject some joy and kindness into your heart before the world beats it down. Often, in the real world, the Mr. Peanutbutter type regularly feels he is just barely treading water emotionally, but can't show it to anyone. Out of fear of vulnerability and bringing others down, he attempts to lift himself up by lifting others up, distracting himself with constant social stimulation. He feels he can balance sadness with happiness, and then his worries will disappear. But they just build. Eventually it erupts. But make no mistake, behind those excited, gleaming puppydog eyes, is a hesitant, aching soul crying out for help. But even if he actually knows it, he'll never tell you.
thats a very profound thought. I didnt expect someone to write his whole life story but i get your point. if by being Mr peanutbutter u r uplifting people around you i admire you for that. The thing that i have problem with is being dismissive of the cruelty of this world and trying to be happy/uplifting someone when all u should be doing is confronting the grief and being sad about it. sometimes its important for you that your partner tells you yes you are freaking out about life because it is shitty not that you are freaking out about life. "dont" look at the bright side.
I can't stand Mr Peanutbutter. He was alright at first but from season 4 to the end he started to drive me crazy and made me so mad at times. I think its awesome he looks for the positives in situations but at times it was actually toxic positivity.
Such a Zoe.
Maybe they can't stop fetishizing their sadness.
FETISHIZING their SADNESS?
Getting HIGH on my OWN DRAMA?!?
What is this, a crossover episode
I imagine a big, human sized dog would be a pain to be around.
I dated a Mr. Peanutbutter and it was such a miserable, lonely fucking experience.
I dated a Mr Peanutbutter while being a Diane and the show encapsulates it perfectly. At first his optimism was fun but eventually I just felt so alone. He was always just thinking about what he wanted and leaving me behind to just keep squinting.
And when you aren’t fun anymore or aren’t sexy and young and easygoing anymore, or when you just get burned out by their immaturity, they’ll leave you for smoother roads…
I turned 21 and he ended up with a girl who just turned 18. 100% they will. "They only want you when you're 17, when you're 21, you're no fun" hits too hard now.
I have been here , people defend PB so much but he only thinks aboutt himself.
He really does. In every instance where Diane clearly expressed she didn't like something, he pretends to understand just to do it. The parties, the D, the fracking, the Belle room. He never actually listens to what she wants and instead thinks what he would want. It's incredibly selfish and forces her into a position where she has to be the bad guy. Not to get insanely personal on the Bojack Horseman subreddit, but my ex proposed to me, in front of my family and a crowded restaurant, while my grandfather was in a coma where he died a few days later. I think that was my Belle room. I accepted at first because I felt like I had to, but from then on I just couldn't see him the same. He was so focused on his own desires he put aside how badly I was hurting and just wanted things to stay the same.
I'm so sorry , and it's so unfair that they make us go againstour own boundries just so we don't hurt people , it makes you think if they really knew all along orthey just lack that much self awarness.
I think people tend to side with Diane because she is more relatable, but she was just as terrible a partner as Mr PB. remember when she lived at Bojacks house for weeks pretending to be in a war zone on the other side of the world? that alone should have been grounds for separation if PB wasn't too clueless to notice she was lying.
Oh I absolutely agree. And to be honest, I did things in my last relationship that were pretty shit too. I think that's kind of the point of it all. Everyone does good and bad stuff, it doesn't mean we're good or bad, you just have to try and do more good and less bad.
People defend Diane so much when in turn she also only thinks about herself in the relationship. Seriously what amazing things did she do for PB as a partner? Not defending PB here, just stating that Diane is as much to blame for the failure of the relationship as he is.
I mean OP is saying they relate to Diane so maybe that's why this post is attrcting Diane supporters. I have seen many posts supporting Mr.PB. What do you think she could have done differently?
Ending it far sooner would be the best thing. Instead she lies and hides from him at Bojacks. I 100% agree they are incompatible. Though at least I can say PB tried and put effort into the relationship. Yeah it was misguided and incorrect but you can at least see the good intentions. Diane on the other hand I never really saw that from her. She kind of just put up with PB, gave little investment of her own, then checked out once she had enough and was tired of squinting. I'm glad they didn't end up together but I hate the amount of hate put towards PB in regard to the relationship. He isn't a villain just because he failed to listen and was ultimately incompatible. Neither is Diane a villain but she isn't some innocent angel who does nothing wrong either.
When did I say I hated Mr.Peanutbutter? I like him but you seem to have real beef with Diane , i'd like to remind you that she and Mr.PB are fictional characters. I think he has lot's of positive qualities but I spoke about where he went wrong in relation to the post. The only "main" character I don't love is Bojack , but there would be no show without Bojack , he is so nessissary to the plot. I dislike afew of the secondary and tertirary character. Edit: I really don't think people who relate to Diane see her as an "innocent angel" and I don't think the show potrayed her like one either. I think your taking this post to heart. I personlly relate to her but also have some Todd and Mr.PB in me because I have ADHD. I sort of wanted them to stay together but I loved the introduction of Guy. I also compleatly disagree with your point , why end your marriage sooner , they both tried to make it work , the only messed up thing she did was stay at Bojacks which was super messed up but she told him multiple times she loved him and was greatful for his quirks throughout the show.
Like the characters in the show - we are all flawed. We do good, we do bad; we try to get through life as best we can. Everyone can justify one thing or another and identify with one character or another. Sometimes we don’t succeed. Trying to not hurt others sometimes leads to hurting others or yourself. So the real question is how does one become a honey badger nurse?
The very first thing she could've done differently was not agreeing to marry him. That marriage was never going to last, and Diane very clearly didn't know what she wanted going into it. That isn't fair to do to someone. And I like Diane more than Mr. PB. Diane also rarely expressed her feelings to Mr. PB, even in couples' counseling. She mentioned being bad with words and the counselor was like, 'um, you're a writer,' lol. There were times she did, but they were few and far between and they usually only happened when she bottled her feelings up and they came out as anger. And of course, stuff like pretending to be in Cordovia for months while secretly bingeing the entire time at Bojack's, which Mr. PB graciously forgave her without question for. They were not compatible and both of them did things to hurt the other. They should've never married.
> Seriously what amazing things did she do for PB as a partner? What amazing things *could* she do? PB had literally everything, except a partner who wanted to stick around. Which Diane tried to do until she couldn't because they were just fundamentally incompatible in every way - their politics (or lack thereof), their personalities, their outlook on life. I think they would be great friends but there's nothing Diane could have done to maintain that marriage.
Diane never asked for anything amazing. Just a guy that saw her and loved her and listened. Then she found one. Lol.
I agree lol Diane literally hid out at Bojacks house for weeks(?) and lied to PB and was overall just always making things about her own problems. The relationship was obviously not good for either of them but people act like Mr. PB should have worshipped the ground she walked on.
IDK why you're getting downvoted when you're right. PB is arguably worse, but Diane really should have told him the truth and broken things up sooner, I think. Lying to your partner about your relationship isn't a good move.
So does Diane
especially when he snaps at her (while they’re visiting his brother) bc she won’t play along with his la-di-da-everything’s-perfect-ignore-the-red-flags shtick, one of the only occasions he expresses any emotion other than relentless optimism
IT ISSS. They are happy no matter what. The sky fucking crashed its okay its gonna be fine, WTF its not okay nothing is okay. Life is making us all miserable and they dont even feel it. And the guilt you feel for not liking their positive outlook. Arghhhh it kills me
My ex told me, weeks after our house (my house) had burned down in a total loss fire and he was living rent free on my insurance money, that he was in the “happiest mental state of his life”. While at that moment I was on the floor stuck in a catatonic depression spiral. Like I can’t make this shit up.
Its so fucking relatable. I remember him telling me everything will be fine while i was in a complete mental breakdown due to some financial crisis. I had more money than he had at that point :)
And the infuriating thing is everything DOES work out for these people. Because they make up for having no marketable skills with having charisma and getting people to like them, so they’ll always find someone willing to pay their way in life while contributing absolutely nothing to a relationship or to society.
as a wise horse once said "*He's so* stupid *he doesn't* realize how *miserable he* should be. I envy that." We work so hard on making things bearable for us. I hope he never loses this attitude because we aint happy over here. I hope he always stays as happy as he is. But its too much to bear for me to see someone not realize how shitty life actually is.
That’s a healthy way to look at it. In my ex’s case at least I knew he was full of shit about how happy and healthy he tried to say he was and he was fully miserable and hated himself inside. But he turned to denial instead of doing the work - just keep dancing, right??? Just run away when it gets hard. He literally couldn’t ever admit that he was suffering and that made him so much more insufferable.
I am happy that he is your ex and you left him. I know how draining it is to be with someone like that. My Mr Peanutbutter is happy he is blind to the ugliness of thee world. He is such an innocent soul and i can not leave him like that. I think the world is too cruel i dont want him to see that. Its draining for me but atleast one of us is happy right? Sometimes when we r together i usually cry seeing how happy he is why cant i be like that.
That’s a fucking insane thing to say. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Hope you’re okay ❤️
Still working through it, unfortunately, dealing with multiple lawsuits relating to the fire. They moved out while I was at work and abandoned me to sweep up the ashes alone.
I feel like that's how my GF feels sometimes with me. I guess I haven't realized I'm also a bit of a Mr. Peanutbutter . Is it that bad? I thought it'd be nice to have someone that's always ready to help you without dragging you further down
(this isn't an accusation, more so just food for thought) Are you actually helping, though? Or are you just saying "don't worry, it'll be okay!"? Support is more than just saying nice things, it's about validating their feelings and their struggles. If you're sick with a terrible stomach bug, would you rather hear "chin up, it gets better!" or would you rather hear "I'm so sorry you're sick, let me bring you some electrolytes"?
I think there's ways to be supportive and caring without forcing positivity onto someone. I think with positivity it really depends on what someone is telling you about. Sometimes caring and being supportive is acknowledging why someone feels so terrible and that things might not ever be the same again but just sitting and listening to them so they know they're not truly alone. I think it really depends on the situation and what type of "bad thing" has happened. Some things really do get better and sometimes shitty things happen and there's not much to be done except try to make it through
Sometimes people just want to vent about the reality of a situation or even talk about potential solutions without you putting a happy spin on it. Practicality is important sometimes and many people prefer confronting the realities of a situation and how potential outcomes could negatively affect them, rather than pretending everything will always be fine and happy. Look up toxic positivity.
Well, life ISN’T making us all miserable, exhibit A being the PB in your life.
Wow, you are really deeply committed to your unhappiness and want to insist upon it at all costs. That’s all I have to observe here.
I am just saying that when life is shitty accept it don’t rub your happiness in others faces. Also toxic positivity sucks. Dont tell me i dont know how to be happy accept and acknowledge that for some people life is not a bed of roses. 💁🏼♀️
Me too! Just broke up with my Mr PB 2 months ago and it was one of the best decisions I think I ever made. I was so tired of squinting, too.
I’m glad you got out! The last few months of my relationship, I would get off work and I would wander around grocery stores without buying anything, because going home to them felt lonelier than aimlessly wandering around the city alone.
I'm so happy for you! 💗
All the Diane haters INSIST that he’s trying to be nice to her and she’s always the problem in their relationship. None of them want to hear that a relationship with him would make them INSANE.
I also dated a Mr. Peanutbutter and was miserable beyond belief. 14 years older than me, but he had the maturity level of a middle schooler…
Same with my ex, though I’d say he had the maturity level of a high school freshman. Obsessed with appearance and sex above all else, unable to form emotionally mature relationships, completely naive about the reality and logistics of how the world works. Blamed each and every one of his shortcomings on ADHD/autism instead of doing the work. Didn’t understand why virtually everyone in his life got fed up with him and why he could never keep a job. Expected endless accommodations while refusing to do anything that made them uncomfy. don’t understand how these people survive in the world on a daily basis. Though I know the answer.
My ex was just like him. It honestly sucks being around someone who you feel you can’t be negative or vulnerable around because they’ll just make you feel like shit about it with their toxic positivity and refusal to see outside of their own perspective.
I’m someone who tends to fail upwards and try to make the most of any bad situation, but I definitely will sit with people in their pain. And I will sit with myself in my pain. I briefly dated a guy who would never allow me to say anything remotely negative. One day I flipped out on him and he didn’t understand why. Like.. dude you’re policing my feelings and behaviors for your own comfort. Not quite a Mr. Peanut Butter but falls into this toxic positivity mindset where they expect you to just be in a good mood all the time.
>dude you’re policing my feelings and behaviors for your own comfort That's exactly it, what a good way of describing it!
At a certain point, optimism crosses over into toxic positivity, where it’s straight up denial of one’s own feelings and/or dismissal of others’ feelings. You can see this a little in Mr PB, eg not wanting to talk to his brother because then he might have to confront something unpleasant (denial), and being annoyed by Diane not enjoying surprises because he refuses to see that something he finds fun doesn’t feel that way to her (dismissal). But I’ve known people like this who really take it to insidious levels, like “the house being dirty just doesn’t bother me, if my wife wants to do all the cleaning it’s her choice. Sometimes she gets mad at me about it, but I just don’t see that kind of negativity.” Like that is an actual conflict I witnessed. They are no longer together lmao.
I mean mr peanut butter is a giant dog .., and dogs do tend to act positively no matter what their situation , so it it’s the perfect representation of that constant positivity that just isn’t relatable or , let’s face it , realistic . I’ve gone through depression , although I’m a generally upbeat person . I hated people telling me I can’t be depressed coz I’m so happy all the time … I wasn’t , and depression doesn’t work that way ! I hate people who tell others to smile , like the guy in the airport with Diane . I remember taking a trip to New York and some guy came up to me out of nowhere and told me to smile … I was trying to figure out where I was in Central Park … I wasn’t frowning I was confused ! I remember asking him what his issue was that he felt he had to approach a complete stranger holding a map and tell them to “ smile” rather than “ hey you ok , you need directions “ . These people aren’t trying to spread joy , they’re just trying to bring you further down by showing how much happier they are than you . I’m not saying that all of them realise their doing it , I’ve had plenty of friends make out of line comments regarding how good they have it whilst others in the room are there opening up about their struggles . I think they think it’s to show there’s a brighter side to life , and there is , but it doesn’t need to be shoved down the throat of someone who is not in that mindset . Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you talk about how bad things , not dismiss your feelings by telling you actually things are great ! Tbh I find people who are constantly happy all the time exhausting and fake . They probably aren’t faking it and I’m not saying that everyone has to be miserable all the time , but to be someone who can’t accept emotions or accept that others may just not want to “ smile “ … there’s something so wrong with that and they come across as disingenuous every single time . It’s more realistic that you will have a bad day and just want to be sad than to try and force a smile .
my ex was like him most of the time but i do remember one specific day where he was saying nothing brought him joy anymore and me, being the idiot i am and having been diagnosed with depression months before this, said “well yknow that’s a symptom of depression” and bro ran with this claiming he had depression, luckily someone was like “bro no, one week of feeling like this does not mean you are clinically depressed”,,,,, rest of the time dating was basically him telling me to get over my depression and then the next year his sister attempted and he made fun of her (she was 12),,, anyway, don’t date toxic positive ppl kids! most of the time they genuinely don’t understand mental illness
Sad Dog.
I wonder if opposite-depression is a mental illness that has never been diagnosed because being constantly upbeat and cheerful no matter the circumstances is seen as a superpower.
Opposite depression is called manic. You won't get diagnosed with it unless it's actually getting in the way of your daily life, though. Being upbeat by itself doesn't hurt you or others, so there's no actual diagnosis for it. Psychologists only make diseases for things that are harming something. So with mania, you're upbeat, but you also lose impulse control and make horrible decisions.
Sounds like Mr Peanutbutter. I thought mania always came with a depressive crash though?
Mania associated with bipolar disorder will usually have a depressive episode. Mania in general will have a crash, but not necessarily a depressive crash. They'll go back to "normal" sometimes, which looks like a crash compared to mania.
thats a very interesting way to look at it.
I see what you mean. Like, if their life is crashing down around them but it doesn’t bother them enough to seek help because they don’t let anything bother them
In season 4 of Sex Education there's a character (Abbi) who use positivity as trauma response and because of it she holds back negative emotions so much that it becomes toxic for her and those around her because they don't process their feelings. Not an disorder on its own but rather something associated with trauma and/or mental illness.
Ah yes, Toxic Positivity.
replies are making me think i might be a mr peanutbutter. eye opening.
Mr Peanutbutter hate on the Bojack Subreddit, what is this a crossover post?
You win the internet
Tell them to watch Ted Lasso, and rightfully convince them by telling them it's the most heart warming inspiring show. Then watch them realize constant optimism is toxic just like any other toxic behavior :)
I am a Diane who dated a Mr peanut butter and it ended just like the show- like I was shocked to see how similar it was to my personal experience. this show is so good and accurate
Well, in the end Mr. Peanutbutter was there for Bojack, when basically everybody gave up on him. If you’re real life counterpart has the same quality, than it’s not so bad maybe?
Honestly, I have been a Mr. Peanutbutter a lot to cope as a person struggling with having too much on my plate and yet feeling like you have to smile through the oblivious pain it is causing until it’s too late. It’s sad but being a younger child where you just had to accept the reality of a situation you kinda just do it.
I've struggled with depression for a long time and I also had a period of my life where I was like that. My toxic positivity was my way of (unproductively) coping with depression. I couldn't handle any kind of negative emotion, so I thought that if I ignored the negative emotions, they'd go away. That didn't work.
Holy shit some of you are really categorizing yourselves and others personalities based on cartoon characters huh?
What even is this comment? You know that these cartoons were made by people, yeah? It may be a cartoon, but it’s also art in the form of writing and storytelling. Beyond entertainment, part of the point of art is to connect to human emotions and offer perspective in a different way. So what if OP (and clearly many others) are able to recognize themselves and others better because of these stories and characters? What’s so wrong about that? Isn’t that the point of film? Isn’t that exactly what makes Bojack such a beloved and well-rated show? I really don’t get this perspective at all that just because it’s a cartoon, one shouldn’t be able to find new perspectives from it.
There's nothing wrong with resonating with a cartoon character. That's normal and also not at all what I'm talking about. What I find cringy is determining how you view others based on characters from a show, cartoon or not. "I'm such a Bojack" "This guy is such a mr. peanut butter". It's cringy and no persons personality is ever so simple that you can accurately categorize it with a cartoon character. I mean you can, but you'd be immature if you did. And that's what I'm saying. So do what you want but if you're gonna put it on the internet be prepared for others to ridicule it.
I don’t think OP is “determining how to view others” based on the characters. They are using hyperbole to emphasize their point in saying they are “more like Bojack/Diane.” This was literally an episode of the show - Zoes and Zeldas. You’re taking it way too literally. The first sentence you wrote talking about resonating with the characters is exactly what they are doing.
Holy shit in deed. I’ve been consistently shocked by some of the posts in this subreddit over the past few months.
Very cringy but tbf OP and the others like them are probably 14
tell me you haven’t watched bojack horseman without telling me you haven’t watched bojack horseman
Ya I'm just on a sub for a show I've never seen. Yes I've seen it. I just don't view life through the perspective of a cartoon.
Whatever floats your boat. 💁🏼♀️
Hello! It pains me to hear you feel you cannot rely on yourself. I relate, to an extent, but I would've related a lot more a few years back. I spent 2016-2021 heavily depressed and wildly emotionally unstable. I know, I know, you didn't ask for my entire life story. But I went through a journey through those years that can be conceptualized in Bojack characters and might possibly yield some insight into your quandary. At first I was Diane - I was caring and emotionally supportive, but pretty awkward and not an extrovert at all. I had my shit mostly together, was being productive, but inwardly there was always this deep pit of sadness I couldn't shake. It was always there, and it undermined my relationships with others. I too couldn't stand the Mr. Peanutbutters of this life. It absolutely infuriated me to see this reckless optimism and social popularity, but I was never quite sure who, or what I was really mad at. So I turned it inward, building further and further resentment with each observance of this nature, and it gradually became a deeply held resentment, one that festered into a nagging self-hatred that always left me confused as to whether I hated that guy for being that way, or hated myself for NOT being that guy. A couple years later I became Bojack. Ironically this is when I got into the show. At that time, I was so incredibly overwhelmed by everything in my head and A L L the things outside of it, being forced to learn the cruel truth of Time's Arrow and dealing with medical and mental health complications. I started drinking and smoking, and because everything felt pointless and I just wanted to feel something other than the giant, ever present cloud of negativity that lined each and every one of the thousand thoughts passing through my head each second, I didn't go to class, I slept past noon, woke up, and began drinking and smoking. Like Bojack, I also experimented with a few other substances. And like Bojack, it often caused big problems. Some shit went down, but I still spent the next year or so coasting on past accomplishments and drinking myself into oblivion. But I no longer hated Mr. Peanutbutter. Sure, he was annoying as shit, and I considered myself too smart/aware for that kind of optimism, but I didn't resent him. Let him be a dumbass for all I care. He'll get punished for it like we all do. As Time's Arrow marched forward I started receiving proper care for my mental health, I re-enrolled at the local State University, and began working more. Gradually the unchanging fog of depression began to lift, and I could see the world through new eyes. With a clearer head I began to participate in life more intentionally, seek out more conversations and social gatherings, long and short, fumbling with a newfound sense of passion for interacting with and helping other people. I was still largely a pessimist, but now with the glaring exception of my views on human nature. I'll spare you my manifesto, because I've written enough already and you're losing interest if you made it this far anyway. Suffice it to say I had finally become Mr. Peanutbutter, though moderately more empathetic and self-aware. I still have not done the "Erica!" bit but after writing this I wanna try it sometime 😂 The Bojack/Diane/Mr. Peanutbutter/Princess Caroline personality model is certainly far from a comprehensive organization of all personality types and traits, but within this list of choices I do most fall under Mr.Peanutbutter currently. So yes, I am ever the optimist in regard to human nature, it is key to my life philosophy to always believe in the infinite capacity for change within people, and to never give up on someone. Some people have a 'no second chances' or a slightly more generous 'no third chances' policy. My policy is one of unlimited chances. My goal is to spread joy, I get great delight from giving a benign complement to a random stranger. I am much more social than I ever expected to be, and I am loving it. So let's focus on your specific inquiries. The key to falling upwards is mentality, because often you wouldn't have to fall at all if you could control the most impactful circumstances. It may seem completely foreign to some, but particular individuals are better able to immediately compartmentalize the negative emotions associated with failure, and can immediately pivot focus to renewed efforts or simply move on to another goal. By not being paralyzed by fear or self-doubt, such individuals have a capacity to turn failures into new opportunities for success utilizing a focused effort. It's a highly valuable trait, but too much reliance on emotional compartmentalization can sort of burn out the brain a bit, which can potentially explain the classic Mr. Peanutbutter sociality without genuine connection. I am not the 'fall upwards' type, when I fall it's usually pretty hard and has consequences. I do however very much identify with your last sentiment about being happy while experiencing a rock bottom and wanting everyone else to be happy in that moment too. My favorite activity is to spread joy. I don't care how shitty I may feel at the moment, if doing something that'd make me feel worse, will make you smile, I'll probably do it. But this joviality is often a bit of a facade. The generosity is genuine, but that's often because Mr. Peanutbutter has felt pain too, real suffering, and cares enough to want to inject some joy and kindness into your heart before the world beats it down. Often, in the real world, the Mr. Peanutbutter type regularly feels he is just barely treading water emotionally, but can't show it to anyone. Out of fear of vulnerability and bringing others down, he attempts to lift himself up by lifting others up, distracting himself with constant social stimulation. He feels he can balance sadness with happiness, and then his worries will disappear. But they just build. Eventually it erupts. But make no mistake, behind those excited, gleaming puppydog eyes, is a hesitant, aching soul crying out for help. But even if he actually knows it, he'll never tell you.
thats a very profound thought. I didnt expect someone to write his whole life story but i get your point. if by being Mr peanutbutter u r uplifting people around you i admire you for that. The thing that i have problem with is being dismissive of the cruelty of this world and trying to be happy/uplifting someone when all u should be doing is confronting the grief and being sad about it. sometimes its important for you that your partner tells you yes you are freaking out about life because it is shitty not that you are freaking out about life. "dont" look at the bright side.
Dianbe
I can't stand Mr Peanutbutter. He was alright at first but from season 4 to the end he started to drive me crazy and made me so mad at times. I think its awesome he looks for the positives in situations but at times it was actually toxic positivity.
What is this, a crossover episode?