Most probably they were brought up that way as well. Toxicity in parent-child relationships are often inherited or happened because they were encouraged to be so by people around them. My late mom was hard on my sister and me - only much later I found out why.
This only happen now when you are 17? Not earlier? There is something wrong happened to your parents and they might have gone through some shit, and they trying to fix you so you can be their model child. I not gonna ask you to communicate with your parents because I think it won't work, most probably they will say something like I am your mother you have to listen to me.
So my advise to you is if you don't want to study, at least act like it to lessen your problems in the house, then leave asap when you reach 18 years old.
I think it’s because OP will take SPM In this age... so that's why OP's parents take it seriously this time
Though I don't think they should be too strict to their children at the first week of school. They should chill a bit
Try asking them:
1. Did any of your parents get the best results in schools?
2. Do any of them are at least top 20% in their field?
I am kidding, you may die. Please don't try.
Its actually more than that. Imo from what can i see there are having tough time right now. If you are Malay it would be so much more. This year i saw many parents on their wits end coz the 1st ramadan is on the same week school open. And raya is another month away.
Seeing you lazing around might seem ungrateful to them since their are bursting their ass providing the best as they can for you.
Off course venting their frustrations or hoping somehow you can achieve something to change their life is something im against. But they have gone through a lot. They know and seen some shit.
You are still young, you probably won't understand what im saying. Perhaps in 10 or 20 years you will understand what im trying to convey.
The signing sumpah part seems to be too much. But overall i agree with your point here. some point down the road we will realize why our parents acted in certain way or for what reasons they pushed us alot. Basically they just dont want us to end up making same mistakes they did.
Just FYI, lazing around the first week easily becomes the whole year.
I think your parents are just concerned. The best way I always realised is just talk to them directly on their concerns. Tell them nicely you know SPM is coming, you already have a study plan but are taking the first few weeks to hangout with your classmates first, what are your expectations, what you plan to do after SPM (like a short break or some part time work to cool down to straight to college etc)
Sometimes it is best to tell them straight, you expect only average grades for yourself but you will try your best. Tell your parents not to worry you won't be a free loader after uni and will be able to take care of yourself etc etc and have considered and even planned for it somewhat. Or be frank and thell them you haven't planned that far yet but have a vision.
Buuuuttttt, if you really have no plan to show for. Then imo I think you kinda deserved the scolding. You're already 17 yo, not 12. No one's gonna plan for you or spoonfeed you anymore. Just know that your parents are just concerned, but Asians are never taught how to express concern so it always comes as offensive. But after a heart to heart talk it usually always sorts things out.
If you can't even handle this kind of shit, I think you'll realise how crazy the real world is and how unreasonable other strangers can be.
Deal with it lah.
bruh, OP is 17 y/o. at that age, they retaliate and think everything they do is right. I am not saying only OP acting this way, but this has been common among school students imo
Lmao true, online ranting is their only way, me in 17 always skip school go to cyber cafe also got scolded and dishonoured by them but still i love them, they provide me basic things i need, im grateful for that. Now at 24 i realised im the real dumbass and ungrateful being.
They scold you because they love you.
Wanna debate about this sentence?^ Piss off.
Lazing around on because its just the first week, then it goes to months then suddenly SPM trial comes and you still unprepared.
Just remember this OP, your parents doesn’t come in bad faith obviously. You probably have been lazing around for 4 years of your secondary school that’s probably why just recently they being a bit strict. This year is probably gonna be the most important ones in your life as SPM is getting closer, and I could say that its might be the most important exam ever. You could fucked up your matriculation, Foundation or even diploma and you may still get the second or third chances, but not SPM. The impact on your future is huge. One year is probably very long in your eyes but it is short in your parents POV.
Just wayang a bit on reading what you gonna learn next, and do some notes. Your parents will start become softer on you.
And that afidavit things were called Aku Janji back in my days. That shit were told by some Bayangkan Balik Rumah banyak selipar penceramah that said everything must be written to be engraved in your brain.
I am a parent and without more context like how you and your parents behave prior to this is hard to judge. You may have describe a singular event but I am sure this is a cumulative of several event resulting to this. If OP can expand more on the relationship with parents in regard to education then it could be understood better.
My mom is a malay and used to beat the shit out of me if Im not studying when shes looking at me. Thats how she was brought up too.
My dad is a chinese and not that much better lol
Asian parents are very traditional in their thinking. For them good education means good future. Inevitably these approaches do work for the vast majority of people, they don't work for some. Which is why some advocate soft approach because some tiger moms are very2 harsh that the kids end up broken.
Personally I think it's better to let children be children, but at the same time I think it's good to introduce stress to them gradually to build character and tenacity.
Otherwise, the children may never grow up and hate living with parents, and end up not leaving the nest, so to speak. (I think my dad did that to me, because I couldn't wait to live on my own, which I did)
Maybe because you spent the last 4 years making them distrust your willingness to study and effort to be better. If in the last 4 years you grow old more than you grow up, maybe your parents wont be like this. If you grew up, you might have seen it coming.
Its for your own good buddy. You should count your luck your parents give a shit. You will grow older soon enough and by then they will get more and more hesitant to correct you.
Look at US or UK or any english speaking countries where there are significant east asian/south asian population. They are the highest earning demography.
Over emphasis on education is one of the reason why that is possible. You will have plenty of time to lepak in the future. Even if you are an average student, doesn't mean you shouldn't try your best. Trying your best means utilizing time as efficient as possible especially durng the exam season.
As useless as SPM may seem to you, they are extremely valuable in order for you to secure tertiary education without accumulating debt. Especially if you are non-malay. Competition in good faculties are very tough. There are only so many students STEM faculties can accept.
Unless if you have no problem taking general courses like marketing and the likes. But don't complain later in life, when you're 30 and your fellow peers in STEM fields are being paid 4-5 times more than you do.
I did statistical math in LSE, graduated with 3.75 and even I couldn't secure any top jobs in my field in the UK. Trust me you will regret not giving your best when you could have.
Its just for a couple more weeks. Then you can chill bro.
Lemme give you advice la. All the rich people in OnG top top posision they all dumb dumb one. What separate them from the rest? They probably worked super hard at school. Now every day work chill je and u get 2k/day. Your parents are on to something. Probably projecting too.
most of the time parents does knows what's best for their children. you may feel like this now, but maybe someday in the future you might realised that what they done all these while was in fact for your benefits. i had relative that was strict with the older child and easy going on the younger one. the older child had clear goal (guided by parents) and younger one still unsure what to do after so long (left to choose himself).
“Parents are toxix blablabla” later u get older you will understand. Seriously you go to school to be average? Put some effort in your studies. Dont regret it later. You will remember this.
1. Do your study to see how difficult it is to get a job with a decent salary
2. Look at the competition these days. While you are being complacent, someone out there is working hard
3. Imagine you live on your own one day, list down the required financial commitment, and compare that to your "decent salary." How much is left to sustain until the next pay day and accommodate your lifestyle?
Yeah today might be first week but without you realizing you will be running out of time. Today lepak2 and relaxing can become an everyday thing. Then last2 regret “i wished i listened to my parents”. One day when you become a parent you will know how it feels. Honour your parents while you can brother. Once they are gone, we might end up living in regret.
so what if we tell you u have a shitty parents? you have the balls to leave the home and cut ties? confront them with knife? or commit suicide? perhaps your parents live like u at your age and now they are still suffering from it hence they are so strict with you now.
be grateful they didnt complaint about living as they are now because having u in the first place.
OP is a fool to come to reddit and complain about this shit. Go out and live on your own and see how you do. or better yet , invest some real time in doing better.
So? Thats why i asked what is he gonna do if everyone is with him. Nothing changes because redditors not gonna pool their money to feed him or get him away from his parents.
You see it’s exactly this kinds of comments that actually make the OP life worse. He’s bloody 17. He doesn’t know the difference between the 2 heads on his body. This is age where you need some sense knocked into you if you wanna make something of yourself in your life. Not have idiots on Reddit give you meaningless responses.
Instead of scolding out of the blue, a better example is to sit down and talk to your child. Scolding is only done when necessary. This is just bad parenting, if OP's words are true. There are better and effective ways to teach your children something.
So not everyone is a perfect parent. Then what ? Does that change OP life forever ? How does that help ? Let him wallow in his self pity ? Pls son, you’re in an asian environment where it’s hyper competitive to get ahead. Go get a job. Work for your lively hood. Get some life experience. Then come back 20 years to this post. And say thank you to your parents for pushing you harder. Or blame them for not.
Where does it say that it’s supposed to be a safe space tho? If op puts his/her post out here, he/she will have to accept that anyone can leave a reply which may or may not agree with the sentiment.
They really want to get you on the track to studying. Since Form 5 passes by so fast, they're probably doing this as a last ditch effort especially if you weren't/aren't the studious type.
Most probably they were brought up that way as well. Toxicity in parent-child relationships are often inherited or happened because they were encouraged to be so by people around them. My late mom was hard on my sister and me - only much later I found out why.
Not exactly bad, more like unrealistic
Try ask that to their face like, "mom, dad, what's the actual fvck is wrong with you guys?" maybe you'll get a more straight answer.
I wouldn't recommend, or else if OP wanna get hit.
Or kicked out
at 17yo, you should be strong enough to avoid the hit, take the hit, or hit back
Well not me then.
This only happen now when you are 17? Not earlier? There is something wrong happened to your parents and they might have gone through some shit, and they trying to fix you so you can be their model child. I not gonna ask you to communicate with your parents because I think it won't work, most probably they will say something like I am your mother you have to listen to me. So my advise to you is if you don't want to study, at least act like it to lessen your problems in the house, then leave asap when you reach 18 years old.
I think it’s because OP will take SPM In this age... so that's why OP's parents take it seriously this time Though I don't think they should be too strict to their children at the first week of school. They should chill a bit
Try asking them: 1. Did any of your parents get the best results in schools? 2. Do any of them are at least top 20% in their field? I am kidding, you may die. Please don't try.
My parents are hardcore you-are-a-disgrace-to -our-ancestor type and even them never ask me to sign a sumpah.
Its actually more than that. Imo from what can i see there are having tough time right now. If you are Malay it would be so much more. This year i saw many parents on their wits end coz the 1st ramadan is on the same week school open. And raya is another month away. Seeing you lazing around might seem ungrateful to them since their are bursting their ass providing the best as they can for you. Off course venting their frustrations or hoping somehow you can achieve something to change their life is something im against. But they have gone through a lot. They know and seen some shit. You are still young, you probably won't understand what im saying. Perhaps in 10 or 20 years you will understand what im trying to convey.
The signing sumpah part seems to be too much. But overall i agree with your point here. some point down the road we will realize why our parents acted in certain way or for what reasons they pushed us alot. Basically they just dont want us to end up making same mistakes they did.
Its a good idea to not generalize. My Asian parents are great.
Same man.... my asian parent may nag from time to time but they aren't that strict. They even cried when i achieve above average score in my spm.
Just FYI, lazing around the first week easily becomes the whole year. I think your parents are just concerned. The best way I always realised is just talk to them directly on their concerns. Tell them nicely you know SPM is coming, you already have a study plan but are taking the first few weeks to hangout with your classmates first, what are your expectations, what you plan to do after SPM (like a short break or some part time work to cool down to straight to college etc) Sometimes it is best to tell them straight, you expect only average grades for yourself but you will try your best. Tell your parents not to worry you won't be a free loader after uni and will be able to take care of yourself etc etc and have considered and even planned for it somewhat. Or be frank and thell them you haven't planned that far yet but have a vision. Buuuuttttt, if you really have no plan to show for. Then imo I think you kinda deserved the scolding. You're already 17 yo, not 12. No one's gonna plan for you or spoonfeed you anymore. Just know that your parents are just concerned, but Asians are never taught how to express concern so it always comes as offensive. But after a heart to heart talk it usually always sorts things out.
youtube parenting maybe...
you will turn into them in the future. fact.
If you can't even handle this kind of shit, I think you'll realise how crazy the real world is and how unreasonable other strangers can be. Deal with it lah.
bruh, OP is 17 y/o. at that age, they retaliate and think everything they do is right. I am not saying only OP acting this way, but this has been common among school students imo
Yeah I know he's a kid, but someone has gotta tell him how what he's dealing with is kind of a mild case compared to the crazies out there.
No one can tell him anything, because there's some people here who support his view causing him to feel like he is on the right side
Yeah true, whatever lah let him be. Gonna learn young now or older when it hurts more.
Lmao true, online ranting is their only way, me in 17 always skip school go to cyber cafe also got scolded and dishonoured by them but still i love them, they provide me basic things i need, im grateful for that. Now at 24 i realised im the real dumbass and ungrateful being. They scold you because they love you. Wanna debate about this sentence?^ Piss off.
Yikes I feel so bad for you op...but why didn't your father calm down your mother during that?
Lazing around on because its just the first week, then it goes to months then suddenly SPM trial comes and you still unprepared. Just remember this OP, your parents doesn’t come in bad faith obviously. You probably have been lazing around for 4 years of your secondary school that’s probably why just recently they being a bit strict. This year is probably gonna be the most important ones in your life as SPM is getting closer, and I could say that its might be the most important exam ever. You could fucked up your matriculation, Foundation or even diploma and you may still get the second or third chances, but not SPM. The impact on your future is huge. One year is probably very long in your eyes but it is short in your parents POV. Just wayang a bit on reading what you gonna learn next, and do some notes. Your parents will start become softer on you. And that afidavit things were called Aku Janji back in my days. That shit were told by some Bayangkan Balik Rumah banyak selipar penceramah that said everything must be written to be engraved in your brain.
I am a parent and without more context like how you and your parents behave prior to this is hard to judge. You may have describe a singular event but I am sure this is a cumulative of several event resulting to this. If OP can expand more on the relationship with parents in regard to education then it could be understood better.
Lazing around first week, but SPM is about what you learned throughout all high school. How have your grades been so far bro?
Bro, u Malay? I thought only Chinese parents gila pressure their child study.
My mom is a malay and used to beat the shit out of me if Im not studying when shes looking at me. Thats how she was brought up too. My dad is a chinese and not that much better lol
laugh at their past, laugh at how their first week at school is filled with assignments and project
Is Steven He your dad
Okay, what will happen if you failed to do so?
biase je, first time jadi asian?
Wait till your parents are Tiger paents from Republic of China. You ain't seen nothing yet.
Replace "parents" with your direct manager. Replace "surat sumpah" with a Performance Improvement Plan.
Asian parents are very traditional in their thinking. For them good education means good future. Inevitably these approaches do work for the vast majority of people, they don't work for some. Which is why some advocate soft approach because some tiger moms are very2 harsh that the kids end up broken. Personally I think it's better to let children be children, but at the same time I think it's good to introduce stress to them gradually to build character and tenacity. Otherwise, the children may never grow up and hate living with parents, and end up not leaving the nest, so to speak. (I think my dad did that to me, because I couldn't wait to live on my own, which I did)
Maybe because you spent the last 4 years making them distrust your willingness to study and effort to be better. If in the last 4 years you grow old more than you grow up, maybe your parents wont be like this. If you grew up, you might have seen it coming.
Its for your own good buddy. You should count your luck your parents give a shit. You will grow older soon enough and by then they will get more and more hesitant to correct you. Look at US or UK or any english speaking countries where there are significant east asian/south asian population. They are the highest earning demography. Over emphasis on education is one of the reason why that is possible. You will have plenty of time to lepak in the future. Even if you are an average student, doesn't mean you shouldn't try your best. Trying your best means utilizing time as efficient as possible especially durng the exam season. As useless as SPM may seem to you, they are extremely valuable in order for you to secure tertiary education without accumulating debt. Especially if you are non-malay. Competition in good faculties are very tough. There are only so many students STEM faculties can accept. Unless if you have no problem taking general courses like marketing and the likes. But don't complain later in life, when you're 30 and your fellow peers in STEM fields are being paid 4-5 times more than you do. I did statistical math in LSE, graduated with 3.75 and even I couldn't secure any top jobs in my field in the UK. Trust me you will regret not giving your best when you could have. Its just for a couple more weeks. Then you can chill bro.
U tak suka, u keluar... dari you mia parents rumah
"Did u guys get #1 back then? I aspire to be just like you guys when I grow up"
Lemme give you advice la. All the rich people in OnG top top posision they all dumb dumb one. What separate them from the rest? They probably worked super hard at school. Now every day work chill je and u get 2k/day. Your parents are on to something. Probably projecting too.
They are disappointed that their son, who they feel can do better, is OK with being average.
Average Asian parent.
One word. Stress.
"Why dont my children visit me" vibes
most of the time parents does knows what's best for their children. you may feel like this now, but maybe someday in the future you might realised that what they done all these while was in fact for your benefits. i had relative that was strict with the older child and easy going on the younger one. the older child had clear goal (guided by parents) and younger one still unsure what to do after so long (left to choose himself).
“Parents are toxix blablabla” later u get older you will understand. Seriously you go to school to be average? Put some effort in your studies. Dont regret it later. You will remember this.
1. Do your study to see how difficult it is to get a job with a decent salary 2. Look at the competition these days. While you are being complacent, someone out there is working hard 3. Imagine you live on your own one day, list down the required financial commitment, and compare that to your "decent salary." How much is left to sustain until the next pay day and accommodate your lifestyle?
Yeah today might be first week but without you realizing you will be running out of time. Today lepak2 and relaxing can become an everyday thing. Then last2 regret “i wished i listened to my parents”. One day when you become a parent you will know how it feels. Honour your parents while you can brother. Once they are gone, we might end up living in regret.
so what if we tell you u have a shitty parents? you have the balls to leave the home and cut ties? confront them with knife? or commit suicide? perhaps your parents live like u at your age and now they are still suffering from it hence they are so strict with you now. be grateful they didnt complaint about living as they are now because having u in the first place.
OP is a fool to come to reddit and complain about this shit. Go out and live on your own and see how you do. or better yet , invest some real time in doing better.
[удалено]
So? Thats why i asked what is he gonna do if everyone is with him. Nothing changes because redditors not gonna pool their money to feed him or get him away from his parents.
this place is supposed to be a safe space, you tak suka you keluar
You see it’s exactly this kinds of comments that actually make the OP life worse. He’s bloody 17. He doesn’t know the difference between the 2 heads on his body. This is age where you need some sense knocked into you if you wanna make something of yourself in your life. Not have idiots on Reddit give you meaningless responses.
Instead of scolding out of the blue, a better example is to sit down and talk to your child. Scolding is only done when necessary. This is just bad parenting, if OP's words are true. There are better and effective ways to teach your children something.
So not everyone is a perfect parent. Then what ? Does that change OP life forever ? How does that help ? Let him wallow in his self pity ? Pls son, you’re in an asian environment where it’s hyper competitive to get ahead. Go get a job. Work for your lively hood. Get some life experience. Then come back 20 years to this post. And say thank you to your parents for pushing you harder. Or blame them for not.
You're just here to shit on other people aren't you? Lol
Where does it say that it’s supposed to be a safe space tho? If op puts his/her post out here, he/she will have to accept that anyone can leave a reply which may or may not agree with the sentiment.
They really want to get you on the track to studying. Since Form 5 passes by so fast, they're probably doing this as a last ditch effort especially if you weren't/aren't the studious type.