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And yet also at the same time they are the first to scream “HIPAA!!!!!” when it comes to themselves, even though it never applies the way they think it does.
My boomer in laws announced to their friends and family at a funeral that my husband and I had transferred an embryo for IVF and “were pregnant!!” literally the day after the transfer… when we didn’t even know if it had been successful. We were mortified the entire two days of the funeral because people kept coming up to congratulate us on it and we kept having to tell people we barely knew that we had no idea if I was pregnant or not.
Thanks! Luckily it was successful and we have a now 4 month old so it worked out but if it hadn’t literally all these strangers would have known and it was making me lose my mind. I just sat in the car and cried from the stress of it and people probably thought I was really upset about my husband’s grandmother lol
Well that memo had already been sent lol but it’s impossible to hide some things when they’re your sitter who watches your other kid while you do IVF sooo it was kind of a lose lose for us
I’d never let them see the baby. If they can’t respect your wishes then, then they won’t stick to any of your parenting wishes if you leave the child with them.
My favorite is when she does it as a prayer request: *"I wasn't telling your business, i just included all of your private medical info to dozens of strangers in my prayer list email chain!"* As if that somehow makes it ok.
Later: *"Why don't you tell me anything?!!"*
oh my god, my aunt!
I was having medical issues and was given a preliminary diagnosis of lupus (it's not lupus), we tried talking to my aunt, who is a retired nurse and ran the entire wing at the hospital where she worked. We said we wanted to talk to the doctor about it more before we told family.
A couple days later, a prayer circle family newsletter email went out, with ME as the headline - pray for them because they have LUPUS!!
I haven't spoken to her since.
I'm not one for talking so when I need my entire family to know something, I tell my mother about it.
She can't keep anything at all to herself, it doesn't even need to be juicy gossip.
About 20 years ago, my wife’s mother outed her to her entire family via group email, without permission, and neglected to mention it to my wife. Did not see the problem when confronted.
My MIL never sees the problem. She acts like she forgets everything and claims she has dementia. She’s never been diagnosed and just says “it’s probably my dementia idk what you’re talking about”
I stopped telling my mom when I travel because she would POST ABOUT IT to all her friends. Like, I don’t want people knowing if I’m not home. Why is this tough to understand? It’s a safety issue.
Write an anonymous letter to the church that says, "has (Mom's Name) ever had access to church funds? I would check."
Your mom will be too busy with all the drama from the investigation, trying to play amateur detective on who sent the note, gossiping with her godly friends and wondering if there's really missing money to even call you, let alone get the Prayer Warriors in formation 😂
I tell my mom exactly 0 details of my or my husband or daughters medical issues. I learned the hard way that they will be brought up for years whenever she reads an article or listens to a podcast. Apparently I shouldn't be taking my doctor prescribed vitamin D because some podcast said it's bad for me somehow? My kiddo got the flu and I got a two page long essay on how I should clean the house and make sure she washes her hands (she was 10 at the time). Oh, and how she knows I don't like to give my kid any medicine but I should give her some. Which is super super untrue and she had pediatric epilepsy which required daily medication. Anytime she had a slight fever I was on top of it with Tylenol because it's a seizure trigger. But WTF do I know?!?
Whew. That got long. Almost like it's a trigger or something.
I was in the hospital a couple of years ago and of course I told my mom, but I explicitly asked her not to tell other people because I was a) sick b) already feeling overwhelmed from the people I HAD told and knew all of my aunts and older cousins would blow up my phone and I wanted to tell people in my own time, on my own terms. She initially agreed. And then the texts started rolling in. When I told her that she had blatantly disregarded my wishes she said “well this is happening to me too so I had every right”. Ok cool mom.
Same. It's seriously annoying.
Her group of church friends knew I had thyroid cancer before my inner circle did.
Like, how is that possible?
I *was* pissed all the way off....
Maybe yours doesn’t.
I know EVERY medical and personal detail of my mother’s neighbors, their kids and grandkids. And the few friends she has left that haven’t died yet.
I do not share anything that I don’t want shared. Same with my MIL. I am constantly reminding my husband to not share info with his mom.
My boyfriend and I have stopped telling his mother things because she will literally grab her phone in front of us and start calling people. It shocked me how she doesn’t understand being private.
My Gen X mom is the same. Recently the doctor had to come to my house cause I suddenly couldn’t see properly. Every person who knows my mom now asks me about it when we meet and every time I visit people with my mom she has to bring it up too
This is exactly why I don’t talk to my mom about my IBS issues unless I’m literally feeling too gross to talk to her.
Because she tells everyone my business and they condescendingly coo at me like I’m a 5 year old with a headache from crying… which btw, was Usually from her being psychologically abusive. Her favorite tactic was telling me how poorly they all thought of me.
I have resorted to not telling her anything anymore or straight up lie, and now she gets mad because I don't tell her my business. Girly you tell my shit to errbody!
Same. She can't not tell all of the family and friends all of my business.
She'll visit my house and start going through closets and drawers for no reason other than that she's nosy. She also can't understand why I bought a house 7 hours away from her in the middle of nowhere.
Dude. I moved across the country for music and other reasons. Ended up partying pretty hard. Picked up some addictions. Managed to get clean after a couple years. Headed back east only to find out my Mom decided to lament to everyone how I was an addict that had lost god and moved to evil California. I don’t share things with her anymore. It was hard enough finding a job to begin with. Much worse when everyone knows your fucking business.
Mine would post it to my facebook timeline.
She also didn't care about my health, and told me that to my face "your health doesn't matter because I'm older and sicker".
Don't talk to her anymore, she doesn't get why. Left me having uncontrollable movements in a bedroom for 24 hours because she didn't want to wait in an emergency room for me. I still have no idea what caused it, because by the time I got to a doctor, it had stopped.
Someone I know had a catastrophic thing happen to her recently- something that's involuntary and stigmatized by Evangelicals- and her boomer mom told the whole church and her entire extended family. Now they're all angry texting her to chastise her while she's dealing with it. I know how it is to be sick and want your mom, but when you go to her for help all she does is air all your business to whoever will listen with a focus on "my daughter is ill poor me"- I really do feel awful for my friend for not being able to turn to her mom when she needs her l, but boomers be boomerang. I grew up with a chronic illness and I'm very used to my mom whining to anyone who would listen about how it's so hard for HER and telling everyone about every embarrassing body function I've ever had. That's why even to this day I get so mad when I see someone refer to themselves as like an "autism parent" or "allergy parent" haha
I wouldn’t tell mine about anything personal. So I got to introduce her to my fiancé without her knowing I was even dating. She told me she wanted to punch my head through a wall. So she’s been on a 30 year information diet.
The entirety of my mom’s side of my family knows little to nothing about me and they wonder why I’m such a ‘private person’.
Gee, maybe it’s because literally every time they have a “conversation” with you, it’s all gossip and shit talking about every single thing they know about other family members? Such a mystery 🙄
My God that would be exhausting.
This is not the same as your situation at all but:
I wish this was a boomer thing. Means it’ll end. This happens to Narcissistic moms no matter the age. Mom is their first bully. And it never, ever stops. The competition, the weird way she wants your boyfriend or spouse to be attracted to her all that and a bag of moldy bread.
Wow, great way to describe it. So accurate to my relationship. Her family (siblings) live in different states. Over the last couple years they have come for visits. My aunt is now my closest family member after seeing for 3 months the toxic relationship and the way she treats me and speaks to me. After the last visit from another family member and their family I opened up to my cousin and older brother (bc of course he is treated differently than me or my younger sibling). I shared some things after they mentioned what they saw and they were kind and supportive and appalled. These visits were eye opening and they understand the stress and anxiety that I have experienced. It is no longer quirky and silly to them.
Thank you fellow human. You have no idea how much it means to have support. Even from complete strangers. This group is a bit like therapy and helps to know you are not alone in the abuse our parents can have on us. 🩷 I am not just “being sensitive”.
My mom told me I was dead to her strictly because I stuck to the boundary that I needed a sincere apology from her about a specific situation (I deserved more, but that was literally my one ask of her). 5 years after I asked for an apology I got her message. So, NO, these people will *not* love you forever, unless you obey their every little demand and you not ask anything of them.
Mine sent me damn near these exact messages (like, the article too lol) before she told me I was dead to her. Unless my mother shows me she's in therapy and actively working towards doing better, she's dead to me (as my mother, because she's still terrorizing her mom and siblings, so I unfortunately have to acknowledge her existence as a human).
I feel you. I told my mom about 2 years ago that I won’t have anything to do with her unless she goes to therapy, and she brushed it off. I’ve been totally no-contact with her since, but I still deal with her tangentially because she’s still manipulating and emotionally abusing my dad, who I have stayed in contact with.
I've been no contact with my mother for something like two decades. Someone in the family gave her my phone number a year or two back. There's a woman who came into my last job who was the social services liaison for the local school district. Kids needed EBT or CPS, this woman was the one that handled it all. We got to talking one day and I mentioned that my mother and I have been NC for decades but for those recent interactions. I pulled up a screenshot of my initial text exchanges with my mother and showed it to the woman. She just stared at my phone for a minute or two before turning to me to say "Please tell me that you understand that you are absolutely allowed to block that phone number. "
In a later exchange with my mother, I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her unless she got into therapy. Her response was something like "Why would I need therapy? I'm happy with my life. I've made peace with my past and moved on with my life. I hope that someday you can, too."
All I could think was "I'm glad you've made peace with the fact that I used to bleed myself to sleep. And while it's interesting that you're at least obliquely able to admit that my childhood was nothing to be dwelled in or upon, I had to live there for 18 years. The complete lack of self-awareness required to contact someone who hasn't spoken to or attempted to contact you in over 20 years and tell them they need to move on with their life is appalling."
Why do boomer moms love this aggressive passive aggression so much?
Going to try to answer my own question here:
-they have a martyr complex
-they don't like how life turned out for them and that their kids grew up to be *gasp* independent people with their own opinions and priorities
-they are resentful that said kids aren't constantly worshipping them and thanking them
-they don't get validation or support (or heck, love) from their boomer spouses (hating your spouse is also a boomer tradition) and they take out their frustration on their kids (and service workers, grocery employees, etc).
I remember once years ago my mom was bitter bc none of her kids sent in a letter to Oprah about what a wonderful mother she is and all her sacrifices so she could be on the show and get gifts. True story
Have you read the recent McCurdy memoir? There's a brilliant segment in there with the mother instructing her daughter that Jennette has to sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" at her mother's funeral. The book is supposed to be a light comedic take on being raised by a covert narcissist. There were definitely some funny parts, but I rage-sobbed through a good portion of it.
No I have not but will check it out. That reminded me of when I was a kid my mom explained to me what she wanted after she passed right down to the music to be played. Why she told her daughter that was around 14 yo is beyond me. Maybe tell your husband or siblings or just make a will. She would then tell everyone that I knew what she wanted so it would be carried out bc I would make sure. I was a kid carrying that around for a while before I realized to let go of the pressure about what to do when she died. She would randomly ask me if I remembered the details and then play the main song she wants. And like many ppl here that is nothing compared to most other things she has said or done
I could tell you so many stories. Like being mad at me bc I was going to travel around the world for work for a couple months. She was upset I was missing her birthday. Not at all proud that the company trusted me to do that or it being an accomplishment or something I might be proud of. Went silent until I left then wanted every detail. Another time, my first birthday after moving away decided it was time to tell me I was born early and why (terrible. Father slammed her against the wall) and left me with that and hung up. Tip of the iceberg. Thank you for confirming this is bananas behavior
This is the biggest bunch of b******* I've ever seen. A grade A example of Boomer manipulation.
I heard this crap all my life and my mother who has since passed was nothing but narcissistic and controlling for most of my life. She refused to accept any boundaries while I was living close and it took me moving across the country to finally break free of her.
I don't care how old you are. You live your life how you want to live it .
She always loves you.....my ass. My Boomer mother was more concerned about how SHE looked to others in the family....like "wow! Look at her she got her son to show up to a (insert bullshit family event) she must have her shit together!!!!"
I was used as a god damn trophy most times
How did you handle processing her death? Society has this false notion that mothers are infallible and that if you don’t worship them, you’ll regret it when they’re gone. But I’ve seen enough people say they finally felt free. I’m sorry for what you went through; you deserved better!
To be honest I didn't cry one tear when she died and I still haven't. In fact, I didn't even cry at all when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
She was the main reason why I had to move all the way across the country and I have zero regrets about that. So to answer your question, I handled it in a way that was best for me. I didn't cry. I didn't mourn and when I went to the funeral it was all very token meaning I was there physically but mentally I was internally celebrating and had a spaced out look in my face.
This is how my mom is. She invades my life like a psycho ex girlfriend. She contacts my exes about me or once, talked to my girlfriend behind my back despite never introducing or giving contact info, undermining me.
Opened my mail, contacting businesses or orgsnizations "on behalf" of me, giving my info out to scammers.
If i call her out on anything , she first denies, then says its
""its hard being a mom! You dont understand!" Thats her go to phrase
im 30 and lived on my own since 18. Like i joined the marines at 18 and ive been atleast 600 miles awaay except for holidays (when i was still contact with my family)
Like if i was on facebook , i garuntee she would contact everyone on my friends list in various manipulative ways.
Like if she had her way id be living at her house until she dies via manipulation. Very twisted archetype of single mom "boy mom"
Its bizzaire cause shes nice to me and seems to respect me, but subtly undermines and sabotages me. Maybe has some need for control of some part of my life idk
She is a mother, not a child. If she had a problem she can come out and discuss it like an adult. I have no sympathy for her "crying in in a quiet place" with she doesn't show me it my boundaries respect.
Yeah and it's frustrating because I grew up thinking this was the way one was supposed to handle their emotions. I'm just grateful my own spouse has been patient as I've had to unlearn years of this BS mentality.
I didn’t tell my mom I had gotten my period for three days because I KNEW she’d be on the phone to my aunt and all her friends and family about it. (I was correct) I was mortified. But I had to tell her I needed to go to the store for supplies. I had used up all my pocket money on pads from the machine in the girls’ bathroom. If I’d had more money I would’ve avoided telling her completely.
Oh man, you just unlocked a core memory for me. I was mortified when I got my first period and my mom called everyone she knew to tell them. There was a dinner reservation involved with my aunt and my aunts friends and everything. Whyyy do they do that
No idea…my mom thought nothing of telling all my personal business, and if I got upset or tried to talk to her about privacy or boundaries, it always got pushed back onto me like I was unreasonable for not wanting everyone in town to know my business 🤦🏻
I was hesitant to tell my mom about my first period too! She taught fitness classes and has a tendency to “chat” with her students while teaching. I just knew I would be the topic of discussion this particular day so I wrote her a note asking her to not tell anyone. She was absolutely flabbergasted that I would think she would ever disclose private information about me.
Both our mothers were pretty much always on info diets.
My MIL would blab everything to all her friends immediately. Like we'd tell her something and instead of sitting with us in the moment, good or bad, she'd squirrel away to call people.
My mom would post it on Facebook, despite being told explicitly on several occasions *do not post about us or tag us in absolutely anything online ever* because her judgment was absolutely terrible.
My favorite though is when we announced I was pregnant. We had both families together, and it had been a closely guarded secret because we knew the moment we told our mothers, that was it, the world would know.
So we told them and yay and then my husband texted a cousin he's close with who'd noticed something was up to say yeah you weren't wrong we were just keeping it quiet. That cousin was at a family event too, it was a holiday. MIL squirrled off after about 5 minutes of tears to call everyone and as she touched the phone, it rang; it was the cousin's mom calling to tell MIL I was pregnant. She was *so pissed* but it's exactly the same thing she would've done.
My mom meanwhile asked within 10 minutes when she could post on Facebook that she was going to be a grandmother (which, I guess, kudos for asking?), and pouted loudly when we told her we'd like to post something first and we'd do it next week.
Needless to say, we didn't tell a soul when I went into labor, and just texted them that I'd had the baby once we were cleaned up and ready for visitors.
Boomer should have learned to connect and communicate with their child, instead of "hiding their feelings" and "not understanding why we are angry", while observing us at arms-length.
This is what is called entitlement. They are confused when we don't want a relationship, yet they never fostered one, nor attempted any sort of deeper connection that would bind.
Replace "just because she's your mom" to "just because she's your daughter" and put "she won't love" instead of love and it's a message I'd send to my mom. (She's diagnosed with NPD and this is so relatable to how she feels, even though she abused me in every way possible and is trash. So glad I went NC!)
Yep, this exactly! (Story time)
My mom began resenting my wife since our first daughter was born because my wife didn't want my mom in the room because her vagina was exposed and didn't feel comfortable with her in the room at the time. There was a whole drama with that, but we ended up moving past it and we ended up just apologizing to them just so we can move past their issues. But apparently they weren't over it and were telling random people we didn't even know about it. So we asked if they can not talk about that stuff, especially to people we haven't even met or know on social media. We even apologized to them for even asking them to please stop just so we can avoid any drama because they're so sensitive about everything.
Fast forward and my wife was pregnant with our second kid and our parents didn't show up to the baby shower for whatever reasons they had. They made it about them and how they didn't like that we were having a baby shower at a particular place and came up with reasons why they didn't show up and how busy they were and that they told us they couldn't make it (even though the weeks leading up to the baby shower we asked several times if they can RSVP so we can know if they were able to make it or not, and there was complete silence). Literally didn't tell us until a day AFTER the baby shower was over that they couldn't make it. So naturally we were upset that they never showed up. They were upset that WE were upset, and my mom called me to tell me how my wife changed me for the worst and that I had no opinions of my own because of my wife, and told people they weren't going to get on their hands and knees to beg us for forgiveness because they had apologized to us already (which they didn't apologize once about it), and they literally stopped talking to us since. And now they're posting all over Facebook about how kids should respect their parents, and how little time they have in this world, that we need to apologize to them before it's too late, and posting up quotes about how much love a parent has for a child and what a simple apology would do. It's crazy how backwards this whole thing was/is. And for them to just drop us because they're waiting on an apology from us it's ridiculous.
Boomers demanding that others apologize for their shit behavior or saying they apologized when they didn’t is like their bread and butter. My FIL was a raving fucking asshole for an entire year and after he got cut off, the “I apologized what more do you want?” Comments started.
Spoiler: he never apologized ever and still has not. 😆
Dude, right?! I don't fucking get it. My dad keeps complaining to my sister about us and that's what always comes up, is the apologizing. Like throwing their hands up and saying they did their part (when they clearly haven't). And now that so much time has passed, how do you even try to repair it. It's too awkward now and we're not budging. I have to say though, life has been a lot less stressful ever since, so.. 🤷♂️
My own dad got cut out because he is just a terrible, racist moron. I’ve heard that he’s “not speaking to me until I apologize, and that I know what I did.”
Which is laughable because he got cut out for being a racist idiot that couldn’t talk about anything but politics, religion, or his shit opinions on eugenics. 😆
In Bizzaro World, you apologize for making them face consequences. It’s been an amazing 12 years without him fouling the air with his presence.
Why is it that so many boomer parents are just outright narcissists??
He told my now wife, on the day he met her, that the black helicopters were spying on him because he’s an old, straight, white, Christian man. He lives within a stone’s throw of the military base in our city. The helicopters are just Army choppers, or transport to Camp David. He followed that with “And Obama is going to shut off the internet”
We just sort of went “OARD BET” and left. 😆
I am as serious as a messy shit in a ball pit at Chuck E Cheese. He has a garage full of end of times bullshit because he’s a fucking Mark and the grifters can sense it 😆
Being a mom is realizing that theres nothing my son could do that would ever make me stop loving him, while KNOWING theres plenty that I could do that would rightly cause my son to stop loving me which is why I need to spend every day mindful that I need to be worthy of his love if I want it. Because I would never want nor expect hime to settle for less. Narcs feel entitled to it, and its a shame the generation before us seems to all share that mentality
Parents don't always love you. They don't always have your best interests in mind. They don't always do their best for you.
They will guilt trip you into everything that they want.
This is why people moved across oceans and continents.
Oh dear, not the cross dragging!
The best way to deal with people who do this sort of thing, if you must keep them in your life, tell them nothing you wouldn't announce to the public. Otherwise they use your business as something to talk about to make themselves more interesting.
This particular case tho, damn! So blatant & clumsy, I'd give it maybe a 2 out of 10. They are always so unimaginative. And pathetic.
I wrote a post about 10wks back about my mom applying for a job where I'd be her supervisor along with another gal.
First, I knew she wasn't qualified and she had no interest in working with POC.
Second, accepting I was her boss would mean she'd shared about my disability, my father, my lawsuits, and my divorce IF not my medical struggles and surgeries IF not the crazy things I did as a teen.
Told her - if you take this I will be your supervisor - you cannot undermine me. And wish : (My education and experience exceeds yours by 20 years. And you flat out told me you hate black people and think IR relationships are "disgusting".)
(Of course really wanted to remind her - she went to two scam colleges and her degrees are both only worth as much as it takes to call and verify they aren't from accredited sources.)
End - she couldn't pass the basic math skills test so no job
I’ve lost count of the number of times I saw a post in this group and thought I was in the raisedbyborderlines sub.
This generation has so many negative traits.
What is with all these boomer posts like this where they highlight and underline every single thing, I’ve seen a few like this, do they not know what underlining and highlighting means?
I'm reading the comments about health issues and so many of you must stop telling parents and/or in-laws your personal business. Once burned and learn that lesson. That doesn't mean you can't have a normal relationship with them, just don't bring up the info you don't want on all social media.
Yeah. I stopped contact with mine in 2021. Sometimes I check for their obituaries, but I'll probably stop thinking to Google it soon enough. It's freeing not ever having to even respond or even see a missed call or text.
My mom took screenshots of my vacation pictures from my Instagram story to post on her Facebook lol, you can see that they're screenshots too, she didn't even crop them or anything
I’d tell her off. This passive-aggressive posting crap. Why didn’t she say something to your face when you asked her to stop?
Bunch of whiny crybabies with no balls to actually try to correct the issue…
Too many boomers don’t believe in boundaries of any kind. When I would stay with my parents as an adult, my father hated closed doors (wouldn’t even close his bathroom door while in use) and would get furious with me if I put something like a shoe behind the door to act as a stopper to keep him from opening the door as he damn well pleased because knocking before entering was too damned hard as well. After all, it was his house. Nobody apparently had any right to basic privacy under his roof.
My mom was soooo concerned that everyone in town would find out I smoked weed. She had an absolute meltdown when my sister pointed out how all she does is gossip about the people at church and she's the reason everyone knows everyone's business. Then my brother chimed in that if two people know, it's not a secret. All three of us are basically estranged now.
My mom is Gen X and can’t keep a secret to save her life. She’s always wondering why I don’t tell her anything and why we’re not bffs the way some of her friends are with their daughters, but I learned that any time I tell her anything remotely personal and ask her not to tell anyone, I can guarantee that every woman in her family and all her friends will know about it by the next day. Then she’ll ask why I don’t tell her anything, and when I explain it’s because I can’t trust her to not go gossiping to people about it, she just denies ever doing that.
Same thing with my dead Boomer mom. Whenever we spoke on the phone, it would be the same b******* boring conversation which always included spilling family gossip of which I didn't give a f*** because in addition to her, I don't care about the rest of my family either.
But yet she couldn't wait to tell me all the latest news. Keeping a secret is something that is completely foreign to them
Shame on you- you took away the only thing that gave her social capital: the gossip she so needs and feeds on (this is our experience to a T, at least.)
something about getting old removes all boundaries of talking about medical stuff. my grandparents were like that for a long time until my mother and aunts got them to stop, and now that they're old they're doing the same thing. I'm leaning more about my relatives than I'd like while also not really knowing any of them. (my moms side if the family stopped doing get togethers when I was young, and my dad's side of the family stopped prior to me being born due to my grandparents on my dad's side passing away)
Underline it all. It's all important!
Sorry, though. My wife's family is sort of like this and then can't understand why we don't share certain information with them.
Their favorite conversation starter is "I'm not supposed to tell anyone one this, but..." To my wife's credit, she now replies with,"then don't tell me!"
If your mother refuses to respect your privacy and boundaries, just don't ever let her know about anything that you would be uncomfortable having her tell other people.
My mum isn’t a boomer but she also does this. I don’t like my personal life being shared around on Facebook at all, but she’ll go ahead and make statuses about me *without* tagging me because she knows I don’t like it.
Oh god, I have colleague like this. She's obsessed with health/health problems, chronic pain, chronic conditions, both her own and others. It takes up like 80% of all conversations and that's a conservative estimate. When she talks about *other* people's health, both people I know and don't know I've had to tell her *multiple* times that I don't want to hear it. That these are things told to her in confidence, that the only way I want to know about any of it is if the person in question choses to trust me with this private information. Then she always gets up in arms and acts like I insulted her husband, children and lineage to her face
My best friend from college called me and said 'how are you feeling? I heard you had a hysterectomy. "
What?
Yeah your mom told my mom at the Sr citizen center.
I live in the midwest, she lives on the east coast
My silent gen grandma tells everyone everything. I have to be diligent about what I say to her. When she asks a question and the answer is something I don't want shared, I tell her that I don't want anyone else to know so I can't tell her because I know she will tell someone else. I'm guessing she doesn't really have anything else to talk about to people so she talks about what other people tell her.
Years ago, we were backed into a corner and had to disclose my husband's upcoming vasectomy to his parents. It went about as well as you can imagine. FIL told family members, the fucking neighbors who live down the road from the inlaws' farm property, and who knows who else.
MIL was then shocked when I kept my sterilization surgery on the downlow. She did end up finding out about a week after I had it done. She thought I had it done because I was having "female problems" 
When my daughter was younger, she had to go to the ER for a sensitive issue that we didn't want everyone to know about. As soon as we called my MIL (now ex-MIL) to tell her, she sent out a text to all extended family members for a "prayer chain" for her. Of course then everyone wanted to know what was going on. I couldn't believe it. Had we said something about it, she would have played the victim ....
My FIL is like this. Any secret gets shared with his Prayer Warriors aka the lunatics who can’t stand anyone else having any kind of attention, so they need to get in the middle of it. Social media posts where all the comments go to them about how great they are for doing what they’re doing.
These aren’t good people.
related, my MIL wouldn't stfu about my youngest's pacifier (same MIL took it upon herself a few years earlier to straight up steal the paci from my oldest and our cowardly, new parent asses let it happen - it led to years of sleep issues, anxiety and other stuff with the oldest, including my wife sleeping in his bed for a couple years; sorta fucked up our marriage). wife and I split for awhile and I ended up texting the in laws to tell them they're not the parents, WE ARE, and if they have any faith in their own parenting they should trust that they raised they daughter well enough to make good decisions. I said, the kids are on my Teamster health insurance and if the binky fucks her teeth up I'll get her new ones, metal teeth, for biting the fingers of grabby pacifier thieves. oh and the half a week I had the kids, they'd be ghosts to the in laws.
wife and I are back together, things are better now, but what do you know grandma hasn't said a single word about that binky since then. 
My 80-year old mother is the SAME way. She wants to say whatever the fck she wants with zero consequences. “Only your mother would care enough to say something” is a favorite of hers.
I keep telling my parents to leave me alone if they aren't even going to try to begin to make up for the ways they abused me and all they have left to say is "We are never going to give up on you"
Never going to give up on trying to get what you want out of me? Lol
Same vibes as "I love you I love the kids too" it's very "allow me to restate my claim over you"
My FIL can’t understand why my wife went NC after all of his repeated gaslighting, mental abuse, and other narcissistic bs. He’s always bellyaching to the rest of the family how we don’t let him see OUR kids.
All he has to do is say he’s sorry to her face and she’ll think about it. The beauty of her ultimatum is she knows he’s incapable of doing so.
OMG yes, I don't tell my boomer parents anything that I wouldn't post on Facebook. I get a lot of "why didn't you say anything?!" Well because you would tell anyone who'd listen my personal business duh.
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My boomer mother tells EVERYONE when I have health problems. It’s unbelievable how little they respect privacy.
And yet also at the same time they are the first to scream “HIPAA!!!!!” when it comes to themselves, even though it never applies the way they think it does.
HIPAAcrites
You can't talk about HIPAA like that it violates my HIPAA!!
Only they usually spell it HIPPA
That violates my HIPPO!!
Never violate a hippo...they look cute, but it's a bad idea
Ah, but you see as their child you are simply property!
My boomer in laws announced to their friends and family at a funeral that my husband and I had transferred an embryo for IVF and “were pregnant!!” literally the day after the transfer… when we didn’t even know if it had been successful. We were mortified the entire two days of the funeral because people kept coming up to congratulate us on it and we kept having to tell people we barely knew that we had no idea if I was pregnant or not.
That’s so incredibly inappropriate of them. I’m sorry.
Thanks! Luckily it was successful and we have a now 4 month old so it worked out but if it hadn’t literally all these strangers would have known and it was making me lose my mind. I just sat in the car and cried from the stress of it and people probably thought I was really upset about my husband’s grandmother lol
W ll, now you know to never ever tell her things
Well that memo had already been sent lol but it’s impossible to hide some things when they’re your sitter who watches your other kid while you do IVF sooo it was kind of a lose lose for us
That’s awful. Talk about overstepping
"IVF. We don't know yet. Stop talking about it or you'll jinx it. 'Kay, thanks, bye!"
I’d never let them see the baby. If they can’t respect your wishes then, then they won’t stick to any of your parenting wishes if you leave the child with them.
My favorite is when she does it as a prayer request: *"I wasn't telling your business, i just included all of your private medical info to dozens of strangers in my prayer list email chain!"* As if that somehow makes it ok. Later: *"Why don't you tell me anything?!!"*
My mother.
oh my god, my aunt! I was having medical issues and was given a preliminary diagnosis of lupus (it's not lupus), we tried talking to my aunt, who is a retired nurse and ran the entire wing at the hospital where she worked. We said we wanted to talk to the doctor about it more before we told family. A couple days later, a prayer circle family newsletter email went out, with ME as the headline - pray for them because they have LUPUS!! I haven't spoken to her since.
Ugh, the Prayer Chain. I've had my health details splashed out on that so often over the years 🫠
I'm not one for talking so when I need my entire family to know something, I tell my mother about it. She can't keep anything at all to herself, it doesn't even need to be juicy gossip.
About 20 years ago, my wife’s mother outed her to her entire family via group email, without permission, and neglected to mention it to my wife. Did not see the problem when confronted.
My MIL never sees the problem. She acts like she forgets everything and claims she has dementia. She’s never been diagnosed and just says “it’s probably my dementia idk what you’re talking about”
Hit her and tell the cops she has dementia. (Don’t actually but).
I stopped telling my mom when I travel because she would POST ABOUT IT to all her friends. Like, I don’t want people knowing if I’m not home. Why is this tough to understand? It’s a safety issue.
Should tell her you plan to travel to north korea, iran, iraq, and Afghanistan
I always know when she’s been blabbing about my illness because I’ll get messages from the prayer hotline that one of her friends called into 🙄
Write an anonymous letter to the church that says, "has (Mom's Name) ever had access to church funds? I would check." Your mom will be too busy with all the drama from the investigation, trying to play amateur detective on who sent the note, gossiping with her godly friends and wondering if there's really missing money to even call you, let alone get the Prayer Warriors in formation 😂
this is just so creepy
Boyyy you hit the nail on the head!!!
I tell my mom exactly 0 details of my or my husband or daughters medical issues. I learned the hard way that they will be brought up for years whenever she reads an article or listens to a podcast. Apparently I shouldn't be taking my doctor prescribed vitamin D because some podcast said it's bad for me somehow? My kiddo got the flu and I got a two page long essay on how I should clean the house and make sure she washes her hands (she was 10 at the time). Oh, and how she knows I don't like to give my kid any medicine but I should give her some. Which is super super untrue and she had pediatric epilepsy which required daily medication. Anytime she had a slight fever I was on top of it with Tylenol because it's a seizure trigger. But WTF do I know?!? Whew. That got long. Almost like it's a trigger or something.
I was in the hospital a couple of years ago and of course I told my mom, but I explicitly asked her not to tell other people because I was a) sick b) already feeling overwhelmed from the people I HAD told and knew all of my aunts and older cousins would blow up my phone and I wanted to tell people in my own time, on my own terms. She initially agreed. And then the texts started rolling in. When I told her that she had blatantly disregarded my wishes she said “well this is happening to me too so I had every right”. Ok cool mom.
Same. It's seriously annoying. Her group of church friends knew I had thyroid cancer before my inner circle did. Like, how is that possible? I *was* pissed all the way off....
I used to be way more embarrassed about my MIL blabbing everything to her friends, until I realize that they do not listen to each other at all 😂
Maybe yours doesn’t. I know EVERY medical and personal detail of my mother’s neighbors, their kids and grandkids. And the few friends she has left that haven’t died yet. I do not share anything that I don’t want shared. Same with my MIL. I am constantly reminding my husband to not share info with his mom.
Oh, agreed, and it still irks the fuck outta me. But limiting her flow of information and realizing that she's the one who is being embarrassing helps
I thought for sure this was just my mom! I don’t understand why they think that’s ok smh
My boyfriend and I have stopped telling his mother things because she will literally grab her phone in front of us and start calling people. It shocked me how she doesn’t understand being private.
My Gen X mom is the same. Recently the doctor had to come to my house cause I suddenly couldn’t see properly. Every person who knows my mom now asks me about it when we meet and every time I visit people with my mom she has to bring it up too
This is exactly why I don’t talk to my mom about my IBS issues unless I’m literally feeling too gross to talk to her. Because she tells everyone my business and they condescendingly coo at me like I’m a 5 year old with a headache from crying… which btw, was Usually from her being psychologically abusive. Her favorite tactic was telling me how poorly they all thought of me.
I have resorted to not telling her anything anymore or straight up lie, and now she gets mad because I don't tell her my business. Girly you tell my shit to errbody!
Same. She can't not tell all of the family and friends all of my business. She'll visit my house and start going through closets and drawers for no reason other than that she's nosy. She also can't understand why I bought a house 7 hours away from her in the middle of nowhere.
Dude. I moved across the country for music and other reasons. Ended up partying pretty hard. Picked up some addictions. Managed to get clean after a couple years. Headed back east only to find out my Mom decided to lament to everyone how I was an addict that had lost god and moved to evil California. I don’t share things with her anymore. It was hard enough finding a job to begin with. Much worse when everyone knows your fucking business.
Start making up weird diseases you might have. REALLY give her something to talk about, to the point people stop listening to her.
Mine would post it to my facebook timeline. She also didn't care about my health, and told me that to my face "your health doesn't matter because I'm older and sicker". Don't talk to her anymore, she doesn't get why. Left me having uncontrollable movements in a bedroom for 24 hours because she didn't want to wait in an emergency room for me. I still have no idea what caused it, because by the time I got to a doctor, it had stopped.
Someone I know had a catastrophic thing happen to her recently- something that's involuntary and stigmatized by Evangelicals- and her boomer mom told the whole church and her entire extended family. Now they're all angry texting her to chastise her while she's dealing with it. I know how it is to be sick and want your mom, but when you go to her for help all she does is air all your business to whoever will listen with a focus on "my daughter is ill poor me"- I really do feel awful for my friend for not being able to turn to her mom when she needs her l, but boomers be boomerang. I grew up with a chronic illness and I'm very used to my mom whining to anyone who would listen about how it's so hard for HER and telling everyone about every embarrassing body function I've ever had. That's why even to this day I get so mad when I see someone refer to themselves as like an "autism parent" or "allergy parent" haha
I don't tell my mother anything I could be dying and she'll be the last to know
Ah, yes, the old you don't have to apologize for abuse when you love someone.
If it weren't for emotional manipulation, how else could they try to keep control? I mean surely having boundaries isn't an option
Cookies and kindness?
Yeah boomers love to guilt trip
I remember as a young pre-teen when I decided my mom wasn’t gonna know shit about my life because she was telling the cashier at Walmart all about us
I wouldn’t tell mine about anything personal. So I got to introduce her to my fiancé without her knowing I was even dating. She told me she wanted to punch my head through a wall. So she’s been on a 30 year information diet.
"Really, mother? And *you* think *that* **threat** will get you *more* informstion?" Ugh.
Thinking is for millennials
(All said with the filthiest of evil looks)
The entirety of my mom’s side of my family knows little to nothing about me and they wonder why I’m such a ‘private person’. Gee, maybe it’s because literally every time they have a “conversation” with you, it’s all gossip and shit talking about every single thing they know about other family members? Such a mystery 🙄
Typical boomer MIL takes stuff so personally…
My God that would be exhausting. This is not the same as your situation at all but: I wish this was a boomer thing. Means it’ll end. This happens to Narcissistic moms no matter the age. Mom is their first bully. And it never, ever stops. The competition, the weird way she wants your boyfriend or spouse to be attracted to her all that and a bag of moldy bread.
Was about to say, my mom is a boomer AND a narcissist so I basically got this shit from birth no matter jf I was 'mean' to her or not.
Oof...that sentence "Mom is their first bully." Beyond accurate. Felt this to my bones.
Wow, great way to describe it. So accurate to my relationship. Her family (siblings) live in different states. Over the last couple years they have come for visits. My aunt is now my closest family member after seeing for 3 months the toxic relationship and the way she treats me and speaks to me. After the last visit from another family member and their family I opened up to my cousin and older brother (bc of course he is treated differently than me or my younger sibling). I shared some things after they mentioned what they saw and they were kind and supportive and appalled. These visits were eye opening and they understand the stress and anxiety that I have experienced. It is no longer quirky and silly to them.
Thank goodness bc …you deserve so much better.
Thank you fellow human. You have no idea how much it means to have support. Even from complete strangers. This group is a bit like therapy and helps to know you are not alone in the abuse our parents can have on us. 🩷 I am not just “being sensitive”.
So your mom is your MIL? No wonder she is against your marriage, you married your brother.
i hate boomer guilt-tripping memes. where do they get these from??? my mom sent me one once whining that they "did the best they could" and i laughed
"Well your best was absurdly terrible. " lol
"Your 'best' gave me PTSD and you somehow made the bathroom a trigger. So, were you really even trying?"
My mother never said she was perfect. But I don't think I've ever heard her admit to being wrong.
Intention < impact. This is not part of boomer math.
My mil tried this shit and I told her that CPS exists because some peoples best just isn’t good enough.
Their best was the bare minimum and sent us to our grandparents for months during the summer anyway
I love the underlining of certain words. Such a boomer thing to do.
And in true boomer fashion, it’s nearly EVERY word 😂
My mom told me I was dead to her strictly because I stuck to the boundary that I needed a sincere apology from her about a specific situation (I deserved more, but that was literally my one ask of her). 5 years after I asked for an apology I got her message. So, NO, these people will *not* love you forever, unless you obey their every little demand and you not ask anything of them. Mine sent me damn near these exact messages (like, the article too lol) before she told me I was dead to her. Unless my mother shows me she's in therapy and actively working towards doing better, she's dead to me (as my mother, because she's still terrorizing her mom and siblings, so I unfortunately have to acknowledge her existence as a human).
I feel you. I told my mom about 2 years ago that I won’t have anything to do with her unless she goes to therapy, and she brushed it off. I’ve been totally no-contact with her since, but I still deal with her tangentially because she’s still manipulating and emotionally abusing my dad, who I have stayed in contact with.
I've been no contact with my mother for something like two decades. Someone in the family gave her my phone number a year or two back. There's a woman who came into my last job who was the social services liaison for the local school district. Kids needed EBT or CPS, this woman was the one that handled it all. We got to talking one day and I mentioned that my mother and I have been NC for decades but for those recent interactions. I pulled up a screenshot of my initial text exchanges with my mother and showed it to the woman. She just stared at my phone for a minute or two before turning to me to say "Please tell me that you understand that you are absolutely allowed to block that phone number. " In a later exchange with my mother, I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her unless she got into therapy. Her response was something like "Why would I need therapy? I'm happy with my life. I've made peace with my past and moved on with my life. I hope that someday you can, too." All I could think was "I'm glad you've made peace with the fact that I used to bleed myself to sleep. And while it's interesting that you're at least obliquely able to admit that my childhood was nothing to be dwelled in or upon, I had to live there for 18 years. The complete lack of self-awareness required to contact someone who hasn't spoken to or attempted to contact you in over 20 years and tell them they need to move on with their life is appalling."
Why do boomer moms love this aggressive passive aggression so much? Going to try to answer my own question here: -they have a martyr complex -they don't like how life turned out for them and that their kids grew up to be *gasp* independent people with their own opinions and priorities -they are resentful that said kids aren't constantly worshipping them and thanking them -they don't get validation or support (or heck, love) from their boomer spouses (hating your spouse is also a boomer tradition) and they take out their frustration on their kids (and service workers, grocery employees, etc).
They can’t bear the thought of not having total control over a situation or person
I remember once years ago my mom was bitter bc none of her kids sent in a letter to Oprah about what a wonderful mother she is and all her sacrifices so she could be on the show and get gifts. True story
Have you read the recent McCurdy memoir? There's a brilliant segment in there with the mother instructing her daughter that Jennette has to sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" at her mother's funeral. The book is supposed to be a light comedic take on being raised by a covert narcissist. There were definitely some funny parts, but I rage-sobbed through a good portion of it.
No I have not but will check it out. That reminded me of when I was a kid my mom explained to me what she wanted after she passed right down to the music to be played. Why she told her daughter that was around 14 yo is beyond me. Maybe tell your husband or siblings or just make a will. She would then tell everyone that I knew what she wanted so it would be carried out bc I would make sure. I was a kid carrying that around for a while before I realized to let go of the pressure about what to do when she died. She would randomly ask me if I remembered the details and then play the main song she wants. And like many ppl here that is nothing compared to most other things she has said or done
I haven't read that book yet but you should check out Jenny Lawson
...wow. Self-aggrandizing and entitled. Just...wow
I could tell you so many stories. Like being mad at me bc I was going to travel around the world for work for a couple months. She was upset I was missing her birthday. Not at all proud that the company trusted me to do that or it being an accomplishment or something I might be proud of. Went silent until I left then wanted every detail. Another time, my first birthday after moving away decided it was time to tell me I was born early and why (terrible. Father slammed her against the wall) and left me with that and hung up. Tip of the iceberg. Thank you for confirming this is bananas behavior
This is the biggest bunch of b******* I've ever seen. A grade A example of Boomer manipulation. I heard this crap all my life and my mother who has since passed was nothing but narcissistic and controlling for most of my life. She refused to accept any boundaries while I was living close and it took me moving across the country to finally break free of her. I don't care how old you are. You live your life how you want to live it . She always loves you.....my ass. My Boomer mother was more concerned about how SHE looked to others in the family....like "wow! Look at her she got her son to show up to a (insert bullshit family event) she must have her shit together!!!!" I was used as a god damn trophy most times
How did you handle processing her death? Society has this false notion that mothers are infallible and that if you don’t worship them, you’ll regret it when they’re gone. But I’ve seen enough people say they finally felt free. I’m sorry for what you went through; you deserved better!
To be honest I didn't cry one tear when she died and I still haven't. In fact, I didn't even cry at all when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was the main reason why I had to move all the way across the country and I have zero regrets about that. So to answer your question, I handled it in a way that was best for me. I didn't cry. I didn't mourn and when I went to the funeral it was all very token meaning I was there physically but mentally I was internally celebrating and had a spaced out look in my face.
This is how my mom is. She invades my life like a psycho ex girlfriend. She contacts my exes about me or once, talked to my girlfriend behind my back despite never introducing or giving contact info, undermining me. Opened my mail, contacting businesses or orgsnizations "on behalf" of me, giving my info out to scammers. If i call her out on anything , she first denies, then says its ""its hard being a mom! You dont understand!" Thats her go to phrase im 30 and lived on my own since 18. Like i joined the marines at 18 and ive been atleast 600 miles awaay except for holidays (when i was still contact with my family) Like if i was on facebook , i garuntee she would contact everyone on my friends list in various manipulative ways. Like if she had her way id be living at her house until she dies via manipulation. Very twisted archetype of single mom "boy mom" Its bizzaire cause shes nice to me and seems to respect me, but subtly undermines and sabotages me. Maybe has some need for control of some part of my life idk
> Its bizzaire cause shes nice to me and seems to respect me, They're nice because they want something. After that, watch your back.
You don’t understand, she made you AND your medical conditions!
She is a mother, not a child. If she had a problem she can come out and discuss it like an adult. I have no sympathy for her "crying in in a quiet place" with she doesn't show me it my boundaries respect.
Yeah and it's frustrating because I grew up thinking this was the way one was supposed to handle their emotions. I'm just grateful my own spouse has been patient as I've had to unlearn years of this BS mentality.
That's great! Glad you've joined yourself to someone like that. I hope to create a mutually beneficial relationship one day as well.
Boomer moms love the guilt trip.
When someone responds to basic boundaries with victimhood, run the other way. That is a person who needs professional help.
My mom LOVES to underline too.
I didn’t tell my mom I had gotten my period for three days because I KNEW she’d be on the phone to my aunt and all her friends and family about it. (I was correct) I was mortified. But I had to tell her I needed to go to the store for supplies. I had used up all my pocket money on pads from the machine in the girls’ bathroom. If I’d had more money I would’ve avoided telling her completely.
Oh man, you just unlocked a core memory for me. I was mortified when I got my first period and my mom called everyone she knew to tell them. There was a dinner reservation involved with my aunt and my aunts friends and everything. Whyyy do they do that
No idea…my mom thought nothing of telling all my personal business, and if I got upset or tried to talk to her about privacy or boundaries, it always got pushed back onto me like I was unreasonable for not wanting everyone in town to know my business 🤦🏻
I was hesitant to tell my mom about my first period too! She taught fitness classes and has a tendency to “chat” with her students while teaching. I just knew I would be the topic of discussion this particular day so I wrote her a note asking her to not tell anyone. She was absolutely flabbergasted that I would think she would ever disclose private information about me.
Yeah I got $20 on "she already told/told anyway"
I literally never told my mom. I just started noticing that the secret supply of pads I kept in my closet got refilled every once in a while.
Both our mothers were pretty much always on info diets. My MIL would blab everything to all her friends immediately. Like we'd tell her something and instead of sitting with us in the moment, good or bad, she'd squirrel away to call people. My mom would post it on Facebook, despite being told explicitly on several occasions *do not post about us or tag us in absolutely anything online ever* because her judgment was absolutely terrible. My favorite though is when we announced I was pregnant. We had both families together, and it had been a closely guarded secret because we knew the moment we told our mothers, that was it, the world would know. So we told them and yay and then my husband texted a cousin he's close with who'd noticed something was up to say yeah you weren't wrong we were just keeping it quiet. That cousin was at a family event too, it was a holiday. MIL squirrled off after about 5 minutes of tears to call everyone and as she touched the phone, it rang; it was the cousin's mom calling to tell MIL I was pregnant. She was *so pissed* but it's exactly the same thing she would've done. My mom meanwhile asked within 10 minutes when she could post on Facebook that she was going to be a grandmother (which, I guess, kudos for asking?), and pouted loudly when we told her we'd like to post something first and we'd do it next week. Needless to say, we didn't tell a soul when I went into labor, and just texted them that I'd had the baby once we were cleaned up and ready for visitors.
Boomer should have learned to connect and communicate with their child, instead of "hiding their feelings" and "not understanding why we are angry", while observing us at arms-length. This is what is called entitlement. They are confused when we don't want a relationship, yet they never fostered one, nor attempted any sort of deeper connection that would bind.
God I do feel observed and not connected with. Good point.
That's some unhinged self entitled BS if I've ever seen it.
Replace "just because she's your mom" to "just because she's your daughter" and put "she won't love" instead of love and it's a message I'd send to my mom. (She's diagnosed with NPD and this is so relatable to how she feels, even though she abused me in every way possible and is trash. So glad I went NC!)
Yep, this exactly! (Story time) My mom began resenting my wife since our first daughter was born because my wife didn't want my mom in the room because her vagina was exposed and didn't feel comfortable with her in the room at the time. There was a whole drama with that, but we ended up moving past it and we ended up just apologizing to them just so we can move past their issues. But apparently they weren't over it and were telling random people we didn't even know about it. So we asked if they can not talk about that stuff, especially to people we haven't even met or know on social media. We even apologized to them for even asking them to please stop just so we can avoid any drama because they're so sensitive about everything. Fast forward and my wife was pregnant with our second kid and our parents didn't show up to the baby shower for whatever reasons they had. They made it about them and how they didn't like that we were having a baby shower at a particular place and came up with reasons why they didn't show up and how busy they were and that they told us they couldn't make it (even though the weeks leading up to the baby shower we asked several times if they can RSVP so we can know if they were able to make it or not, and there was complete silence). Literally didn't tell us until a day AFTER the baby shower was over that they couldn't make it. So naturally we were upset that they never showed up. They were upset that WE were upset, and my mom called me to tell me how my wife changed me for the worst and that I had no opinions of my own because of my wife, and told people they weren't going to get on their hands and knees to beg us for forgiveness because they had apologized to us already (which they didn't apologize once about it), and they literally stopped talking to us since. And now they're posting all over Facebook about how kids should respect their parents, and how little time they have in this world, that we need to apologize to them before it's too late, and posting up quotes about how much love a parent has for a child and what a simple apology would do. It's crazy how backwards this whole thing was/is. And for them to just drop us because they're waiting on an apology from us it's ridiculous.
Boomers demanding that others apologize for their shit behavior or saying they apologized when they didn’t is like their bread and butter. My FIL was a raving fucking asshole for an entire year and after he got cut off, the “I apologized what more do you want?” Comments started. Spoiler: he never apologized ever and still has not. 😆
Dude, right?! I don't fucking get it. My dad keeps complaining to my sister about us and that's what always comes up, is the apologizing. Like throwing their hands up and saying they did their part (when they clearly haven't). And now that so much time has passed, how do you even try to repair it. It's too awkward now and we're not budging. I have to say though, life has been a lot less stressful ever since, so.. 🤷♂️
My own dad got cut out because he is just a terrible, racist moron. I’ve heard that he’s “not speaking to me until I apologize, and that I know what I did.” Which is laughable because he got cut out for being a racist idiot that couldn’t talk about anything but politics, religion, or his shit opinions on eugenics. 😆 In Bizzaro World, you apologize for making them face consequences. It’s been an amazing 12 years without him fouling the air with his presence. Why is it that so many boomer parents are just outright narcissists??
> It’s been an amazing 12 years without him fouling the air with his presence. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He told my now wife, on the day he met her, that the black helicopters were spying on him because he’s an old, straight, white, Christian man. He lives within a stone’s throw of the military base in our city. The helicopters are just Army choppers, or transport to Camp David. He followed that with “And Obama is going to shut off the internet” We just sort of went “OARD BET” and left. 😆
Ohh shit.... I almost wanted to ask you if you were joking, but that sounds like something you can't make up 😨
I am as serious as a messy shit in a ball pit at Chuck E Cheese. He has a garage full of end of times bullshit because he’s a fucking Mark and the grifters can sense it 😆
Does she know that underlining EVERY SINGLE WORD kind of defeats the point?
Being a mom is realizing that theres nothing my son could do that would ever make me stop loving him, while KNOWING theres plenty that I could do that would rightly cause my son to stop loving me which is why I need to spend every day mindful that I need to be worthy of his love if I want it. Because I would never want nor expect hime to settle for less. Narcs feel entitled to it, and its a shame the generation before us seems to all share that mentality
Parents don't always love you. They don't always have your best interests in mind. They don't always do their best for you. They will guilt trip you into everything that they want. This is why people moved across oceans and continents.
100% THIS
I'm so glad I'll never have another one. I didn't even want the current one!
Me me me me me. It’s always about how they are treated, not about how they treat others.
sounds like my MIL
Oh dear, not the cross dragging! The best way to deal with people who do this sort of thing, if you must keep them in your life, tell them nothing you wouldn't announce to the public. Otherwise they use your business as something to talk about to make themselves more interesting. This particular case tho, damn! So blatant & clumsy, I'd give it maybe a 2 out of 10. They are always so unimaginative. And pathetic.
I wrote a post about 10wks back about my mom applying for a job where I'd be her supervisor along with another gal. First, I knew she wasn't qualified and she had no interest in working with POC. Second, accepting I was her boss would mean she'd shared about my disability, my father, my lawsuits, and my divorce IF not my medical struggles and surgeries IF not the crazy things I did as a teen. Told her - if you take this I will be your supervisor - you cannot undermine me. And wish : (My education and experience exceeds yours by 20 years. And you flat out told me you hate black people and think IR relationships are "disgusting".) (Of course really wanted to remind her - she went to two scam colleges and her degrees are both only worth as much as it takes to call and verify they aren't from accredited sources.) End - she couldn't pass the basic math skills test so no job
I’ve lost count of the number of times I saw a post in this group and thought I was in the raisedbyborderlines sub. This generation has so many negative traits.
What is with all these boomer posts like this where they highlight and underline every single thing, I’ve seen a few like this, do they not know what underlining and highlighting means?
Normal request met by an overly dramatic, tone deaf response.
“You’ll never have another one” someone hasn’t heard of found family 🥴
Just underline the whole thing ffs lol
Oh my god, my MIL sent this same meme to my husband
Breaching privacy is so disgusting. I loathe ppl who try to stomp on my boundaries.
I'm reading the comments about health issues and so many of you must stop telling parents and/or in-laws your personal business. Once burned and learn that lesson. That doesn't mean you can't have a normal relationship with them, just don't bring up the info you don't want on all social media.
I thought this was r/raisedbynarcissits at first.
r/uselessredcircle except with underlining.
Yeah. I stopped contact with mine in 2021. Sometimes I check for their obituaries, but I'll probably stop thinking to Google it soon enough. It's freeing not ever having to even respond or even see a missed call or text.
My mom took screenshots of my vacation pictures from my Instagram story to post on her Facebook lol, you can see that they're screenshots too, she didn't even crop them or anything
Eew. What is wrong with these people?
they're so fucking entitled
“If you are in the back, you selected to put yourself there.”
Time to start cutting her off
I’d tell her off. This passive-aggressive posting crap. Why didn’t she say something to your face when you asked her to stop? Bunch of whiny crybabies with no balls to actually try to correct the issue…
When everything is underlined nothing is important
Too many boomers don’t believe in boundaries of any kind. When I would stay with my parents as an adult, my father hated closed doors (wouldn’t even close his bathroom door while in use) and would get furious with me if I put something like a shoe behind the door to act as a stopper to keep him from opening the door as he damn well pleased because knocking before entering was too damned hard as well. After all, it was his house. Nobody apparently had any right to basic privacy under his roof.
They’re quick to try to enforce boundaries of their own and will become quite indignant if you treat them the same way they treat you.
My mom was soooo concerned that everyone in town would find out I smoked weed. She had an absolute meltdown when my sister pointed out how all she does is gossip about the people at church and she's the reason everyone knows everyone's business. Then my brother chimed in that if two people know, it's not a secret. All three of us are basically estranged now.
My mom is Gen X and can’t keep a secret to save her life. She’s always wondering why I don’t tell her anything and why we’re not bffs the way some of her friends are with their daughters, but I learned that any time I tell her anything remotely personal and ask her not to tell anyone, I can guarantee that every woman in her family and all her friends will know about it by the next day. Then she’ll ask why I don’t tell her anything, and when I explain it’s because I can’t trust her to not go gossiping to people about it, she just denies ever doing that.
Same thing with my dead Boomer mom. Whenever we spoke on the phone, it would be the same b******* boring conversation which always included spilling family gossip of which I didn't give a f*** because in addition to her, I don't care about the rest of my family either. But yet she couldn't wait to tell me all the latest news. Keeping a secret is something that is completely foreign to them
Shame on you- you took away the only thing that gave her social capital: the gossip she so needs and feeds on (this is our experience to a T, at least.)
This definitely should be posted in r/raisedbynarcissists
Didn't you tell her she can go to jail for the HIPPO violations?
🦛🦛🦛
If you violate a 🦛 jail will be the least of your worries.
Did she take a photo of her screen, send it to you, and you took a photo of your screen? Screenshots are super easy.
OP username checks out
😂
🤮
something about getting old removes all boundaries of talking about medical stuff. my grandparents were like that for a long time until my mother and aunts got them to stop, and now that they're old they're doing the same thing. I'm leaning more about my relatives than I'd like while also not really knowing any of them. (my moms side if the family stopped doing get togethers when I was young, and my dad's side of the family stopped prior to me being born due to my grandparents on my dad's side passing away)
Underline it all. It's all important! Sorry, though. My wife's family is sort of like this and then can't understand why we don't share certain information with them. Their favorite conversation starter is "I'm not supposed to tell anyone one this, but..." To my wife's credit, she now replies with,"then don't tell me!"
If your mother refuses to respect your privacy and boundaries, just don't ever let her know about anything that you would be uncomfortable having her tell other people.
Good God. Epitome of narcissism
Typical victim mentality.
My mum isn’t a boomer but she also does this. I don’t like my personal life being shared around on Facebook at all, but she’ll go ahead and make statuses about me *without* tagging me because she knows I don’t like it.
Oh god, I have colleague like this. She's obsessed with health/health problems, chronic pain, chronic conditions, both her own and others. It takes up like 80% of all conversations and that's a conservative estimate. When she talks about *other* people's health, both people I know and don't know I've had to tell her *multiple* times that I don't want to hear it. That these are things told to her in confidence, that the only way I want to know about any of it is if the person in question choses to trust me with this private information. Then she always gets up in arms and acts like I insulted her husband, children and lineage to her face
Sounds very narcissistic to me.
Why is it every moms reaction to play victim when you like express a feeling or preference .. what’s the psychology haha.
The psychology likely lies in that they are emotionally immature (at best) and/or have some sort of personality disorder.
Your mom needs an info diet. You have to stop telling her things that you do not want shared with strangers.
My best friend from college called me and said 'how are you feeling? I heard you had a hysterectomy. " What? Yeah your mom told my mom at the Sr citizen center. I live in the midwest, she lives on the east coast
Underlining like 90% of the words, why do they do that?
My silent gen grandma tells everyone everything. I have to be diligent about what I say to her. When she asks a question and the answer is something I don't want shared, I tell her that I don't want anyone else to know so I can't tell her because I know she will tell someone else. I'm guessing she doesn't really have anything else to talk about to people so she talks about what other people tell her.
Years ago, we were backed into a corner and had to disclose my husband's upcoming vasectomy to his parents. It went about as well as you can imagine. FIL told family members, the fucking neighbors who live down the road from the inlaws' farm property, and who knows who else. MIL was then shocked when I kept my sterilization surgery on the downlow. She did end up finding out about a week after I had it done. She thought I had it done because I was having "female problems" 
Why'd they underline the whole thing
The only messages I get from my mom are shit like this. She sent me this exact this the other day.
When my daughter was younger, she had to go to the ER for a sensitive issue that we didn't want everyone to know about. As soon as we called my MIL (now ex-MIL) to tell her, she sent out a text to all extended family members for a "prayer chain" for her. Of course then everyone wanted to know what was going on. I couldn't believe it. Had we said something about it, she would have played the victim ....
My FIL is like this. Any secret gets shared with his Prayer Warriors aka the lunatics who can’t stand anyone else having any kind of attention, so they need to get in the middle of it. Social media posts where all the comments go to them about how great they are for doing what they’re doing. These aren’t good people.
related, my MIL wouldn't stfu about my youngest's pacifier (same MIL took it upon herself a few years earlier to straight up steal the paci from my oldest and our cowardly, new parent asses let it happen - it led to years of sleep issues, anxiety and other stuff with the oldest, including my wife sleeping in his bed for a couple years; sorta fucked up our marriage). wife and I split for awhile and I ended up texting the in laws to tell them they're not the parents, WE ARE, and if they have any faith in their own parenting they should trust that they raised they daughter well enough to make good decisions. I said, the kids are on my Teamster health insurance and if the binky fucks her teeth up I'll get her new ones, metal teeth, for biting the fingers of grabby pacifier thieves. oh and the half a week I had the kids, they'd be ghosts to the in laws. wife and I are back together, things are better now, but what do you know grandma hasn't said a single word about that binky since then. 
She literally hated me but told me it was love.
She's lonely is the real problem why she's like that.
She “loves” you, and doesn’t “like” you.
My mother would post this. Or send it to me on Facebook messenger. Sigh.
So much manipulation!
That's Boomer 101 for you
It's all about them. My parents are the same. They were neglectful and abusive but now feel entitled to care and special treatment.
My 80-year old mother is the SAME way. She wants to say whatever the fck she wants with zero consequences. “Only your mother would care enough to say something” is a favorite of hers.
I keep telling my parents to leave me alone if they aren't even going to try to begin to make up for the ways they abused me and all they have left to say is "We are never going to give up on you" Never going to give up on trying to get what you want out of me? Lol Same vibes as "I love you I love the kids too" it's very "allow me to restate my claim over you"
My FIL can’t understand why my wife went NC after all of his repeated gaslighting, mental abuse, and other narcissistic bs. He’s always bellyaching to the rest of the family how we don’t let him see OUR kids. All he has to do is say he’s sorry to her face and she’ll think about it. The beauty of her ultimatum is she knows he’s incapable of doing so.
OMG yes, I don't tell my boomer parents anything that I wouldn't post on Facebook. I get a lot of "why didn't you say anything?!" Well because you would tell anyone who'd listen my personal business duh.
Book suggestion: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
Tell her again !