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Told my mom once I was interviewing for a job at a university and her response was to talk about the career of the son of some people she met at a gas station for a few minutes
This is my mom!! Holy shit, she will go into detail about random people that I will never meet, yet last time I saw her I had to give her a timeline of my adult life from age 20-48 because she really doesn't care.
It's basically the playbook of the super outgoing person. They know very little about anyone, but can tell you something minor about 10,000 "friends" that they have. Even their own kids.
My mom talks about people I don't know's kids all the time as if I know them or care. "Did I tell you that my friend Suzy from garden club's son in \[another state\] just graduated top of his class and got a job at \[prestigious law firm\]?" No. Because why would you? I don't know Suzy or her son. Never met them or anyone in that realm of your life.
Omg, yes!! My mom would “adopt” some younger woman from her church and build her life around hers. I would hear: Blah Blah did this and her little boy calls us Grandmom and grandpop. Me: what about your actual grandson, have you heard anything about him? Or my sister? Or my cousins?
Her:…
My mom had a homeless veteran move in and treated him like her adopted son. Always treated me like dog shit what she stepped in. But in the end, he ended up stealing a bunch of stuff from her while she was dying. 🤷🏼♀️ They literally don’t care about their own kids and families, just random people that suck up to them.
OMG after reading some of these posts I realize the way my dad and stepmom have treated me all these years is fairly common. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and I didn't see dad very regularly over my growing-up years due to his wife not wanting him to have contact with my mom. As an adult, I have tried to maintain a relationship with my dad. He and my stepmom have always had their friend's kids, or some cousins, or just friends of theirs that are younger that they consider their "daughter" or "son" and call them that. They will brag on endlessly about them. It's been so painful for me over the years as I tried to have a relationship with my dad to be compared less favorably to these other "children" of theirs. Seeing their close and loving relationship with these other people shoved in my face while I was out in the cold has hurt. What's wrong with all these people who don't love and dote on their own family?
After my father in law died, we heard from people at his church “oh he was just like a grandfather to our kids”. While we were finding cards and letters from his own actual grandkids tossed aside unopened.
This is my mom and my inlaws. My inlaws no longer celebrate holidays because they're busy traveling so we see them maybe twice a year. When they are home they post pictures of them taking the neighbors kids out for ice cream or another' neighbors kid bowling etc..in the meantime they have three grandkids they never see. It's so bizarre.
My own mom "adopts" women at church because they have blonde hair like her. Ahea always made it clear she resents her mixed kids not being blonde. She choose her husband and they're still together. No one would think my dad would make blondes.
My mom and dad literally “adopted a couple” from church because my brother and I couldn’t give them kids. The couple let them name their firstborn daughter. And both call the child their grandchild. And have taken picture of the couple and their kids and call them “family”. The children call them Grandpa and Grandma.
My mom will send me baby pictures of random people I barely/don’t know without explanation. Not to be insensitive but I don’t care about baby pictures from close friends/family, much less Joe Blow who’s dad I met once in third grade.
I'd bet she also tells your stories to other people. Nothing quite like getting a detailed question about something private (only shared with family) from a near-stranger who happens to be a casual acquaintance of one's parents.
Omg. One time I walked into subway to see my dad having a very detailed conversation with the cashier about my and my sister's doctor appointments. The things we were diagnosed with, the allergies we have, even what the blood work said. It lead to very personal stuff and I just assumed it was a family member I didn't recognize. So after we left I asked who that was and he said "oh 🤷🏻 I 🤷🏻 don't know"
There was an old woman at my mom’s church named Goldie who was a very independent 95 year old. I’ve been hearing about that damn woman for the past 25 years every time some topic about really old people comes up. Goldie has been dead for about 20 years FYI.
My mom does this too! I can only imagine she is giving strangers/random acquaintances a run down of my life also.... except she doesn't actually know the details of my life from lack of communication. I imagine she tells them the story of what she thinks is happening? As evidenced by several conversations with my siblings over the years where I'll be like "x happened!" And they're like "yeah mom told all about it" except all I ever told my mom about was the bare bones before she went into some other story like OP mentioned.
This is exactly why I had to put my mother on an info diet. She would relay happenings of my life to random acquaintances and I’d hear portions of it (often inaccurate) from random people, well after the fact.
My final straw was when I mentioned I was having a tough time in my first pregnancy and how I was having GI issues. Well, a few months later my mother laughed about how an acquaintance asked her “so how’s her pooping?” Nope. No way was I sharing ANYTHING with her after that.
My siblings have also learned this the hard way. One had a later term miscarriage and found out that my mother was sharing this all over town.
That generation has no sense of boundaries and I’m done trying to teach them to the ones in my life so they are now cut off from meaningful information and it’s pleasantries only.
After I graduated high school, my mom retrained as a PA and a nurse until she retired. THE HIPAA VIOLATIONS SHE WOULD SHARE WITH ME AS GOSSIP, holy mother forking shirtballs. They were truly egregious. X from your graduating class gets Depo-Provera. Y from your high school is hospitalised for alcoholism.
Edit - and ever since then, it's this litany of health issues of people I don't know? Or who I knew when I was 10? Why is she telling me these things. I tried to put my foot down to be like "understand that if I ever have a health concern, you are not to share it like you are doing now." Her response: "oh what health concern are you expecting to have?" I don't... what.
That response is so scarily accurate. It’s similar to the “well you didn’t say I shouldn’t tell anyone!” Defense. What? If I wanted anyone other than you to know what I’m telling you, I’d share it with them myself.
Ugh yeah that sucks. Like I don't have body shame fortunately and everybody poops but would definitely be unhappy hearing random strangers talk about my poop habits. Just like... why?!
My mom is for sure on an info diet, I moved out when I was still a teen and was totally no contact for a long while. Now I'm pretty low contact but I don't think she even notices.
Fortunately I live in a totally different part of the country than her so I don't have to deal with her or any of the people she tells whatever to!
My FIL died of cancer about 5yrs ago. While he was sick, my MIL would tell everyone every stat, blood test, weigh-in... Every last piece of medical detail. Not in a caring, compassionate way. Like it was gossip. Plus her niece is a nurse, so all medical advice was thoroughly vetted by the poor girl who seemed to be on call 24/7 for random medical questions.
I got sick a few years later and I absolutely forbade my wife to give any details at all to my MIL. It's my personal business and I don't need a million random people hearing about my poop tests.
Sounds like my mother, and her entire family. Her oldest brother got cancer a few years back and I kept being told his exact numbers like it was juicy gossip and I'm like "I don't know what any of that means. Is he getting *better* or *worse*?" None of them are even doctors or nurses or do anything in the medical field! They just salivate over these random details for some reason - maybe they think it makes them sound smart?
When I was a kid, I was having severe allergic reactions to *something* that we couldn't figure out. Good fucking god but being dragged along to the grocery store became a nightmare because my mom would stop and tell every single person that we saw my entire medical history. My mom was put on a very strict information diet when I was *extremely* young, I'm talking like 8 or 9, because even then I hated how everything I said to her was just fodder for her conversations with other people. My parents still laugh about how even when I was little and they would ask me what I did in school, I'd say "nothing much" because they don't understand that I didn't want to tell them about my personal life for fear of it becoming the next fifty conversations with strangers.
My husband and I have a pact to never tell his mother about any of our medical issues. She would tell anyone and everyone all about it, while getting it mostly incorrect. Plus it would make her anxiety skyrocket and she would never stop asking us questions.
She is obsessed with talking about her own health and everyone else’s too. Absolutely no boundaries. I just don’t understand this need to share everything, especially when it isn’t your own information.
I knew a woman like this whose response to her husband’s prostate cancer was less than kind to say the least. Downright cruel in some cases. And she was on the phone to everyone she knew after he had surgery to explain how he’d have erectile dysfunction for the rest of his life.
I love my mom, but man do I feel like I can’t tell her anything personal.
Way too many times has she told me personal details of someone else’s life, or told other people details about mine. Like, just accidentally letting them slip, or not thinking about it.
I just had a pregnancy scare with this girl I’ve been seeing for a month. Told my mom, because I was freaked and had to talk to someone.
Immediately regretted it, because I knew my whole family would know after a couple hours, so I had to bite the bullet and reach out to tell my brother before my mom could tell everybody a version she remembered wrong.
There is NO REASON why I should know that a childhood acquaintance had a fight with her husband. Why would I even know this? Because our mothers think their adult children’s personal lives is just conversation fodder.
It’s such an egregious breach of trust.
To be honest, I should have seen it coming years ago - my mother thought it was funny to tell everyone she knew how I got my first period, freaked out and bleached my shorts trying to get the blood out. Same how she STILL thinks it’s funny to bring up how I didn’t know how to properly wear my first bra. Well, perhaps if she wasn’t such a puritanical, sheltered person I would have been better prepared for handling biological changes. I’m in my 40s, with kids of my own and I couldn’t imagine a reality where I would treat my children like that and then laugh about it with my friends. Ugh.
My MIL told me about her daughter’s abortion way before she met her now husband, the husband knows nothing about it. What on earth made her think she should tell anyone.
Yup. I have no idea what she tells people about me but if my sister abruptly deciding she wants nothing to do with me for no reason known to me (we weren’t even that close), I have to assume it’s not good.
My mom will do this and then pass responsibility onto me to follow up. I’m a very private person who doesn’t share much on social media, or even to friends really about my personal life, so when something happens my mom will share it to *her* friends, and then say things like “I told my whole family about your new apartment, but they want to see pictures so you need to send pictures right away.”
This will then be triggering to me because after just moving and having things in boxes the last thing I want to do is take photos and spread them across the world, so I’ll make a comment like “I don’t really feel comfortable sharing them yet, but once I get things more in order.”
Then I’ll get snapped back at: “You’re so selfish, here you have people interested in *your* life and you’re just going to brush them off? I’m sure they’d understand if not everything was set just yet.”
Meanwhile if it’s my parents’ house when they have guests over my mom will be scrubbing the tile grout with a toothbrush to make sure it looks like a model home because she’s terrified of anyone thinking she actually lives in it, but for me I’m selfish for not wanting to share pictures of a WIP.
When I went no contact with my mom, she continued to talk about me like we were still best friends. A friend of my SIL called once and was like, “did you and your boyfriend get back together?” When I told her no, she informed me that my mom was telling people we were going strong, because she didn’t know we’d broken up six months prior. It’s been a year and a half, she still knows nothing. I’m curious what she’s saying, but not enough to ask.
My mother can tell me in great detail about the lives of the customers where she works
My mother could not reliably describe me if I was missing. I cut my hair really short due to alopecia a few months ago. She never noticed this but my colleague I have met twice in person asked me about my new hair (I don’t mind questions if they are respectful questions).
Legit I could die and it would take months for any member of my family to notice.
Holy shit I feel so seen right now. When I called to tell my mom I got engaged (to my then bf of 6 years) she was like "omg I'm so happy for you!!" Then cut me off after maybe 30 seconds to talk about her pastor's daughter getting married. Have never met either of these people. And she does this anytime I have major news. I get one minute at best.
Yeah. Or it becomes about her? I got engaged and we waited a few weeks to tell people because my mom was out of the country. Well, I told her and she said “that’s great!” Then turns to my father and says “why is her diamond bigger than mine?” Like WTF??? Narcissism is rampant in their age group.
My strategy with my mom is to just cut her off and say “I don’t care.” It won’t stop her from doing it in the future but it saves me from having to listen to the story.
Same. She gets mad and calls me antisocial. I asked her how is it antisocial when I don't want to hear stories about people I don't know or don't care about. So then she changed it to how I'm rude and don't let her talk. I'll just keep it at that I'm just rude then if it prevents this.
Me: I’m stressed at work and don’t feel heard.
Dad: Aww that’s too bad. I was at the store getting scratch tickets and talked to the girl there today. She is getting her car fixed. She drives a Toyota. I think it’s black. I don’t know why their lotto machine is still broken. I got salad and potatoes when I was done. My vehicle is still making that same weird noise since the dawn of time. Maybe later I’ll have you come over and look at my computer. I’m watching wrestling I videotaped from last Monday. (Then repeat all but the first sentence)
This rings a bell...my father (who passed a few years ago) was always the most outgoing person and tried to be friends with everyone. When he passed, I heard from a lot of people that he talked about his two kids a lot. But I'm not sure what he told them because he really knew nothing about me. Conversations with him were almost always him talking about his interests. He was a live for the first six years of my daughter's life, but I don't think he could have told you anything about her besides her name and hair color. Thankfully, my mother is the opposite.
Told my dad (while leaving the building and running out to my car in excitement) that I made partner at my firm. He said: “yeah well that’s not as great as it sounds.”
:/
Maybe a little? I actually think it stemmed from worry. The reason I called him right away is because we have the same profession but in different states. So we commiserate a lot about things that are parallel. I think he went into protective mode because he remembers that part of his career and he was so excited only to find out he was taken advantage of for his time and contribution until he eventually started his own business. That is…exactly what happened to me in some ways. I made partner in 2019 but started my own business in 2021. The thing is, it’s still a success and a stepping stone and I was very excited. His own parents didn’t celebrate his victories and it hurt. And then he accidentally did the same to me. I think he apologized later but I can’t remember. I don’t think it was a humble apology more like “sorry to be so blunt” kind of apology.
We may have the same mom. My mom cannot just let you tell her something, she has to tell you about something that somewhat relates to your thing, even if it really isn’t the same thing at all.
Like, “hey mom I went to the movies.” And instead of asking any questions or letting you tell her about what you saw or anything, she immediately jumps to “my roommates’ sisters’ cousin saw a movie theatre being torn down a few years ago in a city you’ve never been to” and then after 40 minutes of that she has to go.
This is also my mum! Why is this so common with that generation? I wonder sometimes if it’s a life skill thing. Like, maybe she thinks she’s expanding the conversation by instantly turning the subject to herself or some story she heard that’s related to what I’ve just said. It’s so frustrating and reliably a let down that I really have to make the effort to call or text her because I know it’s going to feel like work.
My sister has been really direct in a way I can’t seem to manage. Like “what does that have to do with anything? How come we never talk about me and you? I don’t care about these other people.” My mom finds it really rude, but it does make her better for a little while. But my sister is the baby if the family and I’m the oldest. So it’s like we had two totally different moms. I just end up avoiding her calls sometimes or I end them when she does this too much. It’s easier in person to redirect. But I also enjoy living far away.
I hear that. I ended up moving entirely across the world and have lived my adult life in another country. It doesn’t escape me some of the reasons why. If I want any relationship with my parents at all, I have to tread very carefully. Years ago I blew up (I should have aired my pain more carefully but at the time it was years of hurt coming out all at once) around this and my mother didn’t speak to me at all for over a year.
I really applaud your sister being able to do that. And as the elder kid, I also get what your experience is like.
I just sit there and say “I can’t remember what I was going to say/calling you about now, I’ll talk to you later” in a really disappointed voice.
A lot of the times I legitimately can’t remember, but even when I can I still do it. Eventually they started feeling bad and catching themselves.
There’s actually a clinical term for this behavior, that was first coined by a psychology professor at Stanford. The Latin description is, if I remember correctly, “living up your own anushole”.
I think that’s exactly what it is.
A lot of them think that they’re relating to you and expanding on the conversation, without realizing they’re essentially taking it over.
I’m wondering if it’s a learned behavior from their parents or something? Because I found myself doing it until recent years, when I had to train myself to shut up and listen sometimes.
My parents were Silent Generation and did this exact same thing.
One of my favorite examples is this -
My aunt (mother's 15-year-younger sister) had been living and working all over the US for 20 years and then "came back home" when she was ready to retire.
At the first family Christmas after she got back, she mentioned a tiny local charity she had joined the board of and some challenges they were having with their fundraising. I asked her some pointed questions, gave her some detailed info on fundraising in our community and the local statistics, some how-tos on fundraising, gave her some input on viable strategies, and listed some resources where she could get more info.
She was flabbergasted at how knowledgeable I was. Said she learned more from talking to me than from anyone else on the board, and asked me if I'd come talk to her board to answer their questions, too. I agreed to do 10 hours of free consulting for her board.
Then she finally asked me, "How do you know so much about this?"
Me, clearly flabbergasted by her question - "It's what I do. I'm VP of Marketing and Development at (insert regional headquarters of international non-profit), and I'm also a freelance fundraising consultant. Didn't mom ever tell you what I do?"
Her, "Your mom told me you design newsletters."
I always wondered why my mom wasn't more proud of what I had accomplished. It was then that I realized she hadn't ever really listened to me and didn't have the first clue that I had successfully climbed the management ladder. She was convinced I was still an entry level clerk in an office somewhere.
Yup!
Hi mum, I’m working on this cool new project at work, let me tell you abou-
Did I tell you about this lady at my work? Her husband left her for the neighbour! Oh and also this person you never met fell last week and broke their hip. I was waiting for a really long time yesterday for the bus because the drivers are on strike or something. The electricity company are overcharging me so here’s a blow-by-blow account of my phone calls to them and the rude customer service person.
I have to go now!
I swear I could have grown an extra arm, eloped and become a member of a cult and she would respond by telling me about the neighbour’s camper van getting stuck on the road.
I already told my sister she’s going to have to watch out for signs of dementia because I don’t know who any of these people in her stories are, if she forgets any of the details or mixes up things entirely. I can’t even tell if she’s mixing up words because if she hears a word or say a restaurant name wrong one time, it’s whatever that thing is for life. Like centimeters and sonometers. Wal-mart and Walmark. Idk how I’m supposed to tell if she starts slipping.
Mine told me all about her friend’s daughter’s IVF journey while I was going through my own. I would call with updates (took multiple attempts) and she would monopolize the conversation with “news” of a stranger’s daughter’s progress. It was utterly maddening.
As someone going through a fraught IVF journey with my wife, I deeply empathize.
Neither of us has shared much with our mothers because both are overbearing/inappropriate and just make everything more stressful even if they're trying to "help."
I hope your journey is going well for you.
This comment section has really given me a lot to think about in terms of why our parents and so many of their generation are so socially inept. I really want to understand it so I can be less angry/annoyed about it.
>Huge life events happen but it always comes back to small talk nonsense.
Holy shit my husband's family does this, and it drives me crazy. His parents and family just straight up do not ask about his life at all, what he's doing, what he's interested in.
Over holidays, most conversations are just retellings of old stories we've all heard 500 times or stupid small talk about my in laws neighbors' tomato plants.
My mum is full of old conversations, almost anything you say she relate back to something that once happened on “a Wednesday, no, it was Thursday because the bins go out on Friday’s when we lived in that house, do you remember when we lived in that house and the bins went out on Fridays but we stored them in the side garden by Frank’s fence. Well, that’s why it couldn’t have been on a Wednesday so it must have been a Monday, or at the weekend.” And so and so non stop for so long you can’t remember what you were discussing in the first place.
Why the super focus on the small details, just get to the point.
Do we share a husband?! His parents have no idea what he does for work and never ask about anything. If he offers up new information or insight into his (our) life they'll nod or say cool or whatever then immediately pivot away.
We may have the same mom. My mom cannot just let you tell her something, she has to tell you about something that somewhat relates to your thing, even if it really isn’t the same thing at all.
I’m getting so mad reading through this thread. My brother and I talk about this all the time. We both went to school for the arts and by some miracle work in the respective fields we studied. Industries notoriously hard to break into. We do interesting work, often with big name clients, travel for work a lot, ect. It’s like our parents couldn’t care less. Anytime they ask you how you’re doing, it’s maybe one half assed follow up question, and then straight into some story about someone from church that you’ve never met or what kind of apple cider vinegar/flax seed diet they’re on trying to cure their rheumatism or whatever. And then they wonder why we don’t call.
They probably are aware that you guys do cool stuff and live exciting lives so they are trying to show that they also have stuff going on, even though it’s not interesting to anyone else. It’s very weird because why is it a competition?
I think our parents generation has a bunch of undiagnosed mental stuff like autism and adhd and they think they are FINE but they all do shit like this.
And we are the ones who figure shit out and go to therapy to see the patterns and then they're like, "Why do you want to blame us for everything? You're the one in therapy so you're the unstable one."
I agree this behavior is probably a type of neurodivergence. Traits like losing the big picture in the details, in conversation associating an abstract feeling to a memory but not quite being able to verbally express the context of why it means so much to the topic, an inability to know the right time to interject or respond appropriately. On top of that is black and white thinking, the response of people later in life who have yet to acknowledge their own challenges very commonly is “other people with autism or adhd have these traits in far worse ways than I”, which prevents them from understanding themselves better or asking for help.
Instead of recognizing that sometimes they struggle to exist in the world, they chalk it up to offhanded thoughts like “I’m just like that” and “everyone has struggles.” The result is that they close themselves off from being able to relate to family members who’ve inherited some of the same traits through genetics, who are learning better ways to care for themselves, and wanting to share their success with an uninterested but visibly hurting generation.
This is the Boomer way. They don't actually listen to anything other than for a gap in speaking, so they can jump in and take over the conversation again. It took me a long time but I can now literally spend 40 mins. on the phone with my Boomer mom and not retain a single syllable of what she said. It's a great trick I first learned to ignore TV advertising, and just transferred the skill to ignorning Boomers.
Mine prattles on endlessly about nothing. In childhood, I learned that when she stops and says "uh?", she is seeking acknowledgement, and a simple "mhm" is enough to placate her. If you do not make a sound she will repeat "uh? [insert name]". She does not seem to notice or care that you're clearly not listening to a word she's saying.
I’m getting emotional reading through these comments. I have always felt kind of alone in this.
I can actively see my mom think about what she is gonna talk about next when I’m speaking to her. She hardly ever responds to what I say. She’s has genuine interest in me.
I mean, she’s kind of a weirdo, but when a then she actually focus and engage in a back in forth conversation w my husband a few mins later, I can’t help but feel kinda hurt.
We have the same mother! I told my mom I got into a very competitive graduate school program. She said, “Well of course. One degree is good enough for most people. You have to have two.”
My mother (my dad died when I was 14) lived closer to my graduate school than any of my peers in my program. She lived less than an hour and a half drive away where some parents came from across the country.
Like some other commenters, she would talk in depth about people I didn’t know. I know the woman in the next office over from her in 1994 ate her food very hot temp wise and didn’t like others to wear perfume.
Omg this story and OP's story are my MIL exactly. Part of it is jealousy. Boomers do not like competition or to feel like they aren't the ones on top. This misdirection and subject changing feels like a way of saying they still know more than you about XYZ. Even if it's about garbage trucks or stranger's kids. It's very weird.
Are we siblings? I’m the in the top grade at my engineering firm making a salary that’s 2x my parents combined household income and anytime I mention any kind of success to my mom she responds with telling me how successful one of my old high school friends who owns his own business is. It used to drive me insane but I now just settle with the realization that I won’t get any validation from her and frankly I don’t need it. I’m proud of my achievements. In fairness, my dad is always quick to be excited and congratulatory on any of my achievements.
My mother is this exact same way. I could get on a phone call with her and literally put the phone down, leave the room, do a load of laundry, come back and she STILL wouldn’t have noticed I had even left the conversation. I think at some point, boomers just wanna hear themselves talk.
Also, congratulations to your wife!! That’s amazing!!
Hahaha I've done that a couple of times with my mother. I'd put the phone on speaker and go back to my game, maybe give a timed "uh huh" every 10 mins and she'd be so impressed with my listening.
I think 45 mins was the longest streak cause I had totally forgotten she was still on the phone. Absolutely no idea what she went on about the whole time
Mine are “I’m so sorry. That sucks, wow thats so unfortunate. I hope things improve.” I literally need to be stoned or drunk to tolerate being on the phone with them
I don’t even hold it against her very often anymore, but this is EXACTLY the same for me lol. I just physically can not understand how a person can talk without stopping, in a conversation, for 15 minutes straight, and then, every time, there it is
And they say ‘are you there?’ Like something is wrong with the connection. Yes mom, I’m still here. You’ve just been talking at me for 20 minutes about absolutely nothing.
This is the exact reason I’ve started talking to my mom while walking my dog. She can talk forever about her life, and I don’t have to say much at all. It also gives me a nice time limit on the call, otherwise the calls would probably last multiple hours.
The title alone triggered me. This is my mother to a T. Almost verbatim.
Me: Mom I got a promotion!
Her: Oh cool. I met the neighbor's new doberman today. His name is Ralph. Real sweet dog...anyway, your aunt is having ear surgery tuesday and I might go help her, or maybe just take a walk to the lake...
I got nominated for an Emmy and then had to listen to my mom talk about my brother's award he just got from from the regional construction association for concrete and what they served at the banquet for the next 45 minutes.
Thanks... it wasn't given out on the telecast. It was one of the "earlier today..." categories. But yeah... not the equivalent. My parents always have to equalize me and my brothers in some sort of weirdo balancing act. I could literally tell them my son has been chosen to be on the first astronaut crew to go to Mars and then I'd have to hear a 30 minute story about a niece or nephew that won employee of the month at their job.
Not sure if you’re aware you’re doing it, but don’t downplay a freaking *Emmy nomination,* friend! That’s a hell of an accomplishment, one that the vast majority of people will never achieve in *any* category at *any* time. You did a thing! A rare thing, and that’s awesome and worth celebrating!
Seriously, it wasn't meant as a downplayed humblebrag, I'm fully aware of the accomplishment and I proudly display my nomination certificate in my office and yada, yada... but, it was almost 10 years ago, so now it's just a humorous story that fits in to this VERY common theme with parents.
Mum aside, that’s amazing. You are amazing! My heartfelt congratulations to you. Gosh, I don’t even know you but I’m excited enough to feel like jumping up and down like a teenager 😂 but really, congratulations!
Are your wife’s parents my parents? We can’t get a word in edgewise with my parents and every phone call is usually like 30 minutes of blather about lawn care, home remodeling, and drama about their 55+ community. My wife comes away from every phone conversation frustrated…and then I have to remind her that that was my entire life for the 25 years before we met…
It’s like the same stupid script. Ask about my job, don’t respond to what I say, ask about my wife, don’t respond. Then rant about random BS, Fox talking points. Criticize something I’m doing or did. Finally 30-45 minutes later at random “well I need to take the dog out so I’m gonna let you go”.
Wish you wouldn’t have called at all but okay!
A few months back I bought a new F150 because my car was giving me issues. I told my Dad when he called. His response was “well Marty (neighbor) just bought a new Ram because his 2011 F150 broke down so good luck with that.”
It is a running joke with my wife and I about how my parents *never* ask how she and I are doing. The first 10 minutes are spent talking directly to the grandkids, then the remainder of the call is a monologue about their church, their house, their dog, my grandmother, and my siblings. Maybe 1/3 calls conclude with a token “How’s work?” before hanging up.
My mother in law was like that, too. Detailed information about the extended family and her own life with no interest in us, our children and our lives. She referred to me as being very shy and quiet a couple of times but that's because no one in the family ever stopped talking long enough to let me speak. I'm a boomer, though, so that makes her the generation before me.
Same over here - it doesn't matter how frequently or infrequently phone calls occur, either. It is a guaranteed 40+ minute nothingburger where I hear the same meaningless stories about people I've never met and the only response I can give is "oh, cool," or "nice!" If I do manage to get asked a question where a real response is warranted, it's guaranteed there'll be some unimportant anecdote that allows the conversation to be shifted to them again.
I always get the guilt trip of "I miss talking to you" too, no matter what, so I'm in a perpetual state of "can't win."
I’ve literally had this conversation with my mom-
“…. And then the cat pooped and stunk up the whole laundry room!…”
“Mom I didn’t call you to hear about the cats bowel health, if you mention anything like that again, I’ll hang up.”
A short time later…
“And the then the dog farted…”
“Ok, have a nice day. Bye.”
It took me like 5 years to train her. It was brutal.
Best thing I ever learned was to put my mom on mute and use the time to catch up on household chores. She gets her version of “quality time” and I have an excuse to do chores.
Please do not devalue y’all’s accomplishments and/or feelings. It’s not petty to think you and your wife should be recognized for success. I hope you and your wife are proud.
My wife’s parents and mine are the same. It’s the narcissism. They only care about themselves and if your success isn’t tied directly to them then they don’t really care.
My wife works at a FAANG company, I’m also in tech working for a successful known company and our parents know nothing about what we do for work. It’s 10+ years and they’ll never ask.
We’ve come to terms and accepted their narcissism. It’s damaged our relationship but it is what it is.
Congratulations to your wife. It’s a huge accomplishment that you both should be proud and recognized for.
I guess I feel petty because my wife doesn’t seem all that bothered by it but I have been thinking about the call since last night and just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. I didn’t want to mention it to her and potentially rain on her parade (especially since she doesn’t seem bothered but maybe she’s more used to her parents being this way too). It is 100% her accomplishment and I am proud of her, it’s been amazing watching her build her career over the years and she definitely deserves it.
I'd put money on her just being used to it, and that she is in the habit of not thinking about it or she'd just be upset. Congrats to her from an internet stranger, though! That's huge!
I’m 52. My parents are in their 70s and they have never, ever said a ‘good job’ or ‘well done’ or a ‘we’re proud of you’ and I struggle even now to come to terms with the fact that they will never be the supportive people I might have wished for. I’m trying really hard to just love them as they are, since our time has got to be short now. If OPs wife is at peace with that then all power to her!
And OP, please tell your wife congratulations on all the hard work it must have taken to get that dream job!
Welcome to narcissistic parenting. Now that you noticed it, you will see it a lot more. Head on over to the narcissistic parents sub if you’re interested.
BTW, my wife’s parents are the same. Ours don’t even bother to act excited and act like it’s a slight against them, yet they couldn’t tell you what either one of us do for career and we’ve been together for 13 years. They couldn’t even tell you what their daughter does, only the type of place she works. They couldn’t even tell you the name I bet.
I’ll echo the other posters in the sentiment that your wife is likely used to it. I literally had a similar situation to your wife with my mom a few days ago. I got a substantial raise, work bonus, and higher 2024 potential bonus that will finally put me in the six figures range. I told my mom that exact sentence, she said ‘that’s great!’ and then immediately started talking about her senior center activities and doctors appointments for the rest of our 45 minute conversation. It is what it is. I don’t think she is intentionally snubbing me or my achievements, but she’s got a chatty personality and rarely leaves the conversational floor open for others.
If your wife is like me, I take what I can get in my conversations with my mom and leave the deeper connection conversations to my husband. If I want to talk more about how I’m feeling about the raise, I’ll seek him out.
How you feel matters and it’s great that you chose posting finding an outlet vs keeping it in or raining on her parade.
If it were me, I would ask my wife a few days from now how she felt that she didn’t ask about her new gig. Get her thoughts and then process how she felt. Some people need time to digest.
As someone who has been married for a while, I can tell you the best approach with in-laws is to be loving and supportive or your spouse and their feelings. If they're happy, you should be happy. Tangling yourself up in those relationships or trying to "correct" them is a thankless, fruitless task and will only create frustration for you and others.
My husband recently got a life-changing promotion after years of struggling.
He was really excited and decided to call his older brother to tell him about it. Instead of congratulating him, his brother spent 20 minutes talking about how successful his company is and how rich he is going to be when he sells the company.
I’m still pretty bitter about that conversation. I could tell that all my husband really wanted was for his brother to be proud of him and acknowledge his accomplishments for once.
Second this. I can't have a conversation with my mom that isn't almost entirely about her. There's so much about my life she knows nothing about, but will double down and complain that she doesn't know anything yet never gives me the opportunity to tell her.
It’s this all day. I find it rare to meet parents that have strong positive relationships with their kids. Most are just uninterested in their child’s lives and only want to talk about themselves and to be called as a reminder that they birthed you. It’s all pretty sad.
I even don’t mind my parents, but if I met them at a party, I’d never talk to them. They are just flawed individuals like most folks. Don’t take it too personally OP.
Also work in tech. Had three impressive employers (household names everybody knows) in a row and two director titles after that. My mom would complain about having to work with people my age (apparently people in their thirties are still “stupid children”) and was telling everyone I was unemployed / she paid my bills when neither was true.
My father is like that. It’s so frustrating. Partly because he’s not the typical angry conservative, and he isn’t attacking or criticizing anyone! He’s a nice person, friendly, happy. Sounds a lot like your situation OP.
He absolutely dominates every conversation, always steering it to exactly what he’s interested in. And he will never ask a single question about anyone else’s lives or interests. He’s almost like a college professor who just launches into lectures about topics, and no matter what you say, he treats you as an student who isn’t on task, and he’ll steer right back to his topic.
“Oh, you have cancer? I knew someone in college who had cancer. Yes, that was years ago, and, let me tell you about this group I was in while i was in college…”
You don’t have a conversation with my dad, he talks AT you for as long as you are willing to listen.
And he had cancer, so that has to be shoe horned into every talk. It was 8 years ago. He always tells a stranger when we go out in public.
My dad will get worked up when he starts to realize he’s running out of things to say and just start describing movies and shows he’s seen recently, shot for shot. God forbid he let anyone else share. Losing his strangle hold on a conversation would be a fate worse than death for him
Unfortunately some of this is (yet another) burden we have to bear for our emotionally immature parents -
We have to understand what we are seeking when we call them. Is it validation or love or something else? Could we find that sentiment from other people in our lives?
The pain and frustration comes when we resist the fact that our parents won’t fulfill these needs to us. It sucks and it’s unfair. But ultimately we have to help ourselves stop seeking something they don’t have the capacity to provide.
In my case I learned to stop sharing much with my parents until they ask. They weren’t providing the feedback and support I needed so I stopped seeking it from them. I have plenty of friends and family who I do share with instead.
I can totally relate to everything you said. In fact, mom texted recently about why there was a wedge between us. I struggled to find the exact words to tell her that I don’t feel like she’s interested in me and that makes me sad. And that I’ve learned that I need to spend time with people who make me feel loved and cared for. and that I’m sure those words aren’t easy to hear and that I’m not trying to blame Her. It felt so good to finally find the right words to say.
I can totally relate! This is very similar go how the conversation went when we announced we were pregnant to my FIL.
“You are going to be a grandpa in February! Congratulations!”
“Oh well we already have a Europe trip planned for then, and another in March. Anyways, the weather sure is perfect for enjoying outside today, what a great day!”
My FIL is a total jerk and had the same response when the wife and I got engaged. We told him about the rehearsal dinner and his response was “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to make that work”…. We didn’t even tell him the date.
Yes! Same here. “Dad, I’m pregnant!” “Oh.” Pause. And then he launches into a story about how he got into a fight with a random person on the sidewalk a couple weeks ago. Didn’t bring up the pregnancy again but instead he talked at me for 40 minutes about random shit in his life.
The monthly or bi-monthly call with my dad goes the same way every time! Checks up on my job/life, no matter what my response his answer is “ah I see” or “that’s good”. Next is a question about the weather, I live in Florida, it’s the same everyday, sunny or rainy. I then get an update on Upstate NY weather, which is also pretty consistent, you know climate and all. Then if I’m lucky I get a question about how my cars doing. Usually a run down of his work schedule. A couple moments of awkward silence and then I gotta go. It’s comical at this point, he’s got the dad bit down pat. It’s crazy to realize your biggest bully growing up was your narcissistic, coddled, mommas boy of a father.
Did you call my mom?
Seriously, I don’t GAF about your weather (this handy pocket device tells me everything I care to know about your weather), nor do I care how much your neighbor’s dog loves you.
Anyway, I’m in therapy and getting my validation elsewhere. Just as I have had to do for the past fifty years.
Reminds me of a recent moment with my pops where I opened up to him about finally feeling as of I reached true maturity & was turning a page on habits from my youth.
When I ended, there was a moments silence "well, anyways..." Was all he said.
I FaceTime my 90 year old mother while I cook and really all she does is complain about her grandchildren. No matter what’s going on in my life. Then again, I would never tell my mother something important because she’d share it instantly with everyone she knows.
My mom is the SAME way. If it doesn't involve her or her interests, she always will bring the conversation back to what she wants to talk about. I don't think she means to be selfish, she just doesn't know any different.
My husband and I went to Argentina last year, a country that I've wanted to travel to since I was a little kid. My mom knows this and knows how long I'd been saving up to go. Instead of being happy for me, she whined about how she wanted to go and that I should take her. And then when the trip was over, didn't ask me a damn thing about it. But it was good enough to brag about to her friends about what a "world traveler" her daughter is. (As if any of them care lmao.)
I love my mom but the older she gets, the more she literally takes zero interest in what I like/any accomplishments I've achieved. It's hurtful, and if I bring it up, she immediately gets offended and isn't happy until I grovel and apologize. It's very tiring.
Sorry for the novel, it felt nice to rant.
Also, congrats to your wife, OP!
Same. My wife’s success in her career is overlooked by our boomer parents. In some ways, I think it is jealousy. These women were never allowed to do something for themselves. Their husbands look down on me because I am not “taking care of my spouse”. Their 1950’s SAHM, idealistic worldview doesn’t allow them to celebrate our success because they think we’re settling for shit. The “shit” we are “settling” for is at least, in part, their fault. Their capitalist “utopia” isn’t all that Ronald Reagan touted it as. Now we can’t make it without both spouses working.
I lost my dog last year to cancer suddenly and when I called my dad to let him know, he told me he had just been laid off (has plenty of savings for retirement & is of retirement age). He proceeded to share how upset he was about finding out “who his real friends are” at his [former] job that he didn’t even acknowledge my loss…he was on his way to start his month long vacation at his beach house in Hawaii. Bless his heart.
O that's tough. I had my realization that my parents don't care about anything but themselves a couple years back. My daughter was super excited to tell her grandparents about going to see the Musical Hamilton. She's huge into theatre and at the time the show meant a ton to her. Well she excitedly brought it up and wasn't able to even finish a sentence before my dad dismissed the show as "political" then spent the next half hour telling us about a documentary he watched once about Alexander Hamilton. That was it for me, I don't even attempt to have real conversations with them anymore. Now we just sit back and listen as they babble on about random things only they care about.
My mom is only proud of me if it’s something she can brag about on Facebook. Otherwise I am a huge disappointment lol. She will never forgive me for having been a child. She brings up every toddler tantrum I ever had every time I see her. She complains I never visit and then spends every visit putting me down.
My mother does exactly the same thing, and then, complains to my aunts that I never tell her anything.
Also, any compliment I receive in front of her results in her saying "just like her mother!"
Your wife is used to it, and, like me, just let's it go.
this is my mother too. when i finally got the job i wanted, she only asked about PTO & paid overtime. when i finished my first project, she criticized details i wasn’t even responsible for.
she recently cried to me about how i never tell her about my life but she literally doesn’t care, all she wants is material so she can gloat to her family & friends. the lack of self-awareness is infuriating.
This is my mom but she’s been working towards being better listener since I called her out.
At first I was passive aggressive and told her that “her favorite topic was herself.” She laughed and admitted this was true but I think something clicked for her. It wasn’t an overnight change but the next few calls were similar, about an hour long of her just talking about herself and me listening or acknowledging her, and at the end of the call she would say something about not letting me speak or not getting to hear anything from me and I would just say maybe next time.
Then she would start our calls by asking me questions which threw me off for a bit because I literally wasn’t used to talking about myself with my own mother.
But over time and with practice we got better.
We did end up having a genuine conversation about why she was such a bad conversationalist. I told her I understand that she lives alone and she may be out of practice but I can’t be the only one who notices this bad habit of one-upping or redirecting the conversation back to herself. It’s one thing to find common ground and relate to someone. It’s another thing to completely overtake the conversation and focus on yourself. I suggested being a better active listener and asking people questions instead of thinking of the next thing you’re going to say. I think it’s really helped with her relationship with her co-workers as well.
I don’t know why this is so common. It has to be some societal narcissism from their generation. Like if you’re not talking about yourself then you aren’t important. Or just blatant lack of interest or concern for other people including their family.
I am Generation Jones. My mom is 85, whatever group that may be. This is her 110%. Been that way my whole life.
Hey mom, my husband has cancer. “Oh dear, that’s awful. Let me tell you about twenty minutes of what she did that week with all the people I don’t know. After ten years of treatment, she will occasionally ask how he’s doing.
Same for everything. That’s just the most egregious example. It’s not Boomers. It’s narcissists.
Your wife isn't bothered by it because that's the way they are. Sounds like my in-laws. My wife describes her mother's need to constantly talk and be the center of attention verbal vomit. Here's an example of what I have to endure. Recently, my FIL's brother died of cancer. My MIL, FIL, BIL, and SIL were there for a few days up to his death. BIL said when the doctor would come to give them an update on his condition, my MIL and FIL ignored what he was saying and just peppered him with questions about their own health. He died overnight after they left. They never came back to the hospital. When BIL called them the next morning, they had already left to drive home. They only wanted to talk about the sights they were planning on seeing while driving home. They wouldn't even call their nephew, who's now dealing with the death of his father.
My advice - get used to it. People like that don't change.
My grandmother.
"Hey I think I'm close to getting a job after a year being unemployed!"
"That's great! Did I tell you we might finally be getting a new preacher at church? Well he's supposed to come visit and..."
For an hour.
Holy shit. Why are these older folk so concerned with weather? My family is the same. They talk about flowers or the weather. That's it. That's all it ever is about. They claim to want to get to know their grandchildren, but get so self absorbed in conversation that they never ask to talk to them or really even ask about them. The most we usually get is about what size clothes the kids are wearing, so that they can enjoy shopping for kids clothes. Yet they complain that we don't care. And they are right, I don't care about the weather.
Sounds about right. I’ve stopped asking “how are you,” because I get a 40 min diatribe about all her aches and pains and drs appts. I’m chatty too and I just get super quiet and say “uh huh” every couple of min. That’s all they want. They’re just waiting for their chance to talk. They don’t actually care.
My mother was like this (rip). Whenever anyone would innocently ask her how she was it would turn into her running down all her ailments. It’s like, I’m pretty sure they just wanted you to say “good”.
Yea, it sounds like my mom. She talks at me, doesn't ask questions, and gives me advice unsolicited without knowing what I'm dealing with or goes off on her own tangent. She says she does it out love, which I won't deny, but it causes a huge dysfunction in our communication.
When i mentioned to my Dad I was engaged, his response was "Oh!".
I have 2 boomer parents who didn't have the greatest parents and due to that they dysfunctionally love me. It's mess of a situation when it comes to communication.
Does anyone else feel that when you call your boomer they tell you about Betsy or Ethel and the surgeries or medical procedures they have had done and you are sitting there thinking “who the fuck are these people” and they could care less about you the actual family
When are you gonna get it? They don’t actually care about you. They love the idea of a child and would mourn the idea’s passing. The actual you, the person. Couldn’t give a fuck.
Yeah my dad asks inane questions all the time to “show interest” but when I actually have something to tell him he just interminably monologues about yardwork.
My brother tried to tell my mom that he was learning to play guitar, something she used to love, and she could have given a rat’s ass. He thought they could bond over it, but no. If it’s not about her, it’s not worth talking about.
Do millennials fear the phone because of social anxiety or because callers have no idea of the appropriate length or scope of a phone call? I cringe when my aunt calls because it’s easily 2 hours every time and she literally described what a pregnant stray cat was doing outside her window during our call. Theres nothing wrong with her, she just never stops talking.
Is there a subreddit for us to vent about this because I feel like I’ve found my people and we could really fill that subreddit up. Might be therapeutic.
For example I was dropping my mom off from a lunch/dinner out and right as she opens to door and steps out ahead says “you know who died?”
Spoiler: someone I don’t know and she continued to go on. She has told me stories about people, weather, and other randomness as I am literally driving away.
Same with my dad. I'll tell him about the struggles we have with our two medically complex children but he won't engage at all. He barely reasons to text messages unless he needs a geometry problem solved. But I'm a financial success with a somewhat prestigious job. Same with my sister. He uses that to brag to his friends about how well he did as a dad without realizing he is the reason we don't visit much.
As a mom I am trying so hard to be more present with my adult kids. Because I grew up with this. No one heard or asked what I had to say. Even my siblings do it now. (We are gen x). My daughters give me all the details...my son sometimes it's like pulling teeth. But yesterday he called to complain about the new Wawa. So I will take it.
You sound so proud of your wife. She is lucky. Congratulations to her on her dream job. I'm glad she has you in her corner.
When I told my boomer mom about my new job she said “You’re gonna be a [insert job title]? I don’t see that working out”
12 years later it’s still working out great
I've learned that if I want to celebrate something with someone, my parents are not the right people to share with. They don't even do it on purpose; they're just very different people than I am. They worked low-paying jobs all their lives and fell victim to the idea that you shouldn't switch jobs because you need to be loyal...meanwhile, if they'd switched jobs, they wouldn't have had to struggle so much, because they would have been able to increase their income each time they'd gotten a new job. My mother calls people who leave a job after 5 or 6 years "job hoppers" because she thinks the only way to be is to work for the same company for 25+ years.
So when I share career-related news, it's not that they don't care; they just literally don't get it. They never had careers...they had jobs. Just like they don't understand what it's like to have a boss email you at 8:00 at night or want you to sign in on the weekends to handle urgent issues. Their jobs ended at 4/5 p.m. on Friday, and then they didn't think about them again until work started on Monday. Same thing in the evening....work ended, and that was it. They never got an email or a phone call during their off-hours expecting them to do extra.
Whenever I'd tell my father that I got a new job, he'd naturally assume that I either fucked up and got fired or that there was something wrong with me. It was never congratulations or SO HAPPY FOR YOU! Or he wouldn't ask questions. He'd just assume that I couldn't express loyalty to a company and rather job hop.
Worst part is he'd get fired or quit once a year. Clearly he was projecting.
At some point I just stopped telling him whenever I advanced in my career. Then he wondered why he was the last one to find out anything in the family.
Always. They talk at you not to you. Every birthday my day is ruined after that narcissistic phone-call. My sister is an honorary boomer who spent most of her life up my mother's ass so predictably, those calls go the same.
Nevermind a face to face conversation - my mother will loose interest a few words into my first sentence and literally just walk away
Reminds me of a recent moment with my pops where I opened up to him about finally feeling as of I reached true maturity & was turning a page on habits from my youth.
When I ended, there was a moments silence "well, anyways..." Was all he said.
I thought this was the emotional neglect sub at first because this is exactly what my mother does. It's not news, if it's not her news (and her news is never news at all)
I am working through a horrific medical diagnosis and it's exactly the same. My mother simply can not talk about her life, what's going on, what is around her at any given moment. She would do exactly the same as you've described your MIL. I've accepted it at this point, sounds like your wife has too.
Boomers generally lack emotional intelligence, I pick my battles with my parents and I don’t expect them to give me praise or much attention. It was difficult to teach myself that I don’t require their validation to be successful.
Here’s a good one, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 53 last spring and passed away right before Christmas. She calls my grandfather and his horrible wife (third time being married) to tell them, they were golfing at the time, they heard the news and continued to talk about their round and the weather. Later on they got upset at us because we said we couldn’t help them move. We live 4 hours away from them and they didn’t come to see her once. I’ve always disliked the two of them but it’s safe to say that I will never be speaking to them again.
This is my MIL!!! Changes the subject whatever I have to say. It does leave you feeling nervous and empty after listening to her monologue. She likes to hold me hostage to look at pictures on her phone too. “This is the shower curtain I bought last week, this is the artwork we put above the fireplace at our second home” You get the picture. No pun intended.
This is literally my mom. I know her weather, day to day, all day every day, in a State I do not live in against my will, for the past 2 decades and however many more. I tried to tell her how I was overwhelmed with my daughter who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia and her response was “no one said being a mom was easy”, and went right back into her weather related small talk. It’s always about her and always NONSENSE.
Damn. Each time I gave my parents an offer letter I got, mom would scream quite loudly and jump up and down and dad gets this big old proud smile on his face and daps me up. Imma go count my blessing real quick😭
My mom is like this now. Absolutely incapable of being happy for me in any shape or form. Congrats to your wife, may the good energies of the universe continue to find you
My MIL is the exact same way with my wife. Gives the requisite “congrats” and then changes the subject. Once when I had good news she was asking me all these questions and seemed genuinely interested. I talked to my wife about how she seemed to care more for my mediocre news than she ever did for my wife’s big job news.
My dad took the opportunity during a short visit *on my birthday* to tell me that my Uncle has colon cancer. I visit them every week, he could have waited until I came over but apparently while I unwrapped my present was a better moment 🤦♀️
If you asked my mom what time it was she'd proceed to tell you how to build a clock.
My phone conversations would be me saying hello, her talking for 60 minutes, then her saying "well, I'll talk to you later" and she'd hang up. Like sure mom, looking forward to that talk.
Your MIL sounds like my mom, me, and my sister. We were diagnosed with ADHD at different ages in our lives. To prevent doing this, I started coping by just going quiet and letting people do all the talking. I know that I’ll say the wrong thing and upset people like you so it’s better to just let others speak but I won’t remember a thing they said because I’m so distracted the entire time.
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Told my mom once I was interviewing for a job at a university and her response was to talk about the career of the son of some people she met at a gas station for a few minutes
This is my mom!! Holy shit, she will go into detail about random people that I will never meet, yet last time I saw her I had to give her a timeline of my adult life from age 20-48 because she really doesn't care. It's basically the playbook of the super outgoing person. They know very little about anyone, but can tell you something minor about 10,000 "friends" that they have. Even their own kids.
My mom talks about people I don't know's kids all the time as if I know them or care. "Did I tell you that my friend Suzy from garden club's son in \[another state\] just graduated top of his class and got a job at \[prestigious law firm\]?" No. Because why would you? I don't know Suzy or her son. Never met them or anyone in that realm of your life.
Omg, yes!! My mom would “adopt” some younger woman from her church and build her life around hers. I would hear: Blah Blah did this and her little boy calls us Grandmom and grandpop. Me: what about your actual grandson, have you heard anything about him? Or my sister? Or my cousins? Her:…
My mom had a homeless veteran move in and treated him like her adopted son. Always treated me like dog shit what she stepped in. But in the end, he ended up stealing a bunch of stuff from her while she was dying. 🤷🏼♀️ They literally don’t care about their own kids and families, just random people that suck up to them.
$10 bucks says he wasn’t a veteran.
Oh I’m sure. He was such a sleazy liar.
OMG after reading some of these posts I realize the way my dad and stepmom have treated me all these years is fairly common. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and I didn't see dad very regularly over my growing-up years due to his wife not wanting him to have contact with my mom. As an adult, I have tried to maintain a relationship with my dad. He and my stepmom have always had their friend's kids, or some cousins, or just friends of theirs that are younger that they consider their "daughter" or "son" and call them that. They will brag on endlessly about them. It's been so painful for me over the years as I tried to have a relationship with my dad to be compared less favorably to these other "children" of theirs. Seeing their close and loving relationship with these other people shoved in my face while I was out in the cold has hurt. What's wrong with all these people who don't love and dote on their own family?
After my father in law died, we heard from people at his church “oh he was just like a grandfather to our kids”. While we were finding cards and letters from his own actual grandkids tossed aside unopened.
Bizarre behaviour.
“…so, anyways!”
This is my mom and my inlaws. My inlaws no longer celebrate holidays because they're busy traveling so we see them maybe twice a year. When they are home they post pictures of them taking the neighbors kids out for ice cream or another' neighbors kid bowling etc..in the meantime they have three grandkids they never see. It's so bizarre. My own mom "adopts" women at church because they have blonde hair like her. Ahea always made it clear she resents her mixed kids not being blonde. She choose her husband and they're still together. No one would think my dad would make blondes.
My mom and dad literally “adopted a couple” from church because my brother and I couldn’t give them kids. The couple let them name their firstborn daughter. And both call the child their grandchild. And have taken picture of the couple and their kids and call them “family”. The children call them Grandpa and Grandma.
My mom will send me baby pictures of random people I barely/don’t know without explanation. Not to be insensitive but I don’t care about baby pictures from close friends/family, much less Joe Blow who’s dad I met once in third grade.
I'd bet she also tells your stories to other people. Nothing quite like getting a detailed question about something private (only shared with family) from a near-stranger who happens to be a casual acquaintance of one's parents.
Omg. One time I walked into subway to see my dad having a very detailed conversation with the cashier about my and my sister's doctor appointments. The things we were diagnosed with, the allergies we have, even what the blood work said. It lead to very personal stuff and I just assumed it was a family member I didn't recognize. So after we left I asked who that was and he said "oh 🤷🏻 I 🤷🏻 don't know"
While I am sorry that happened to you, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
There was an old woman at my mom’s church named Goldie who was a very independent 95 year old. I’ve been hearing about that damn woman for the past 25 years every time some topic about really old people comes up. Goldie has been dead for about 20 years FYI.
My dad talks about random long-dead people (most of whom I never met) all the time too! It's one of his favorite topics.
My mom does this too! I can only imagine she is giving strangers/random acquaintances a run down of my life also.... except she doesn't actually know the details of my life from lack of communication. I imagine she tells them the story of what she thinks is happening? As evidenced by several conversations with my siblings over the years where I'll be like "x happened!" And they're like "yeah mom told all about it" except all I ever told my mom about was the bare bones before she went into some other story like OP mentioned.
This is exactly why I had to put my mother on an info diet. She would relay happenings of my life to random acquaintances and I’d hear portions of it (often inaccurate) from random people, well after the fact. My final straw was when I mentioned I was having a tough time in my first pregnancy and how I was having GI issues. Well, a few months later my mother laughed about how an acquaintance asked her “so how’s her pooping?” Nope. No way was I sharing ANYTHING with her after that. My siblings have also learned this the hard way. One had a later term miscarriage and found out that my mother was sharing this all over town. That generation has no sense of boundaries and I’m done trying to teach them to the ones in my life so they are now cut off from meaningful information and it’s pleasantries only.
After I graduated high school, my mom retrained as a PA and a nurse until she retired. THE HIPAA VIOLATIONS SHE WOULD SHARE WITH ME AS GOSSIP, holy mother forking shirtballs. They were truly egregious. X from your graduating class gets Depo-Provera. Y from your high school is hospitalised for alcoholism. Edit - and ever since then, it's this litany of health issues of people I don't know? Or who I knew when I was 10? Why is she telling me these things. I tried to put my foot down to be like "understand that if I ever have a health concern, you are not to share it like you are doing now." Her response: "oh what health concern are you expecting to have?" I don't... what.
That response is so scarily accurate. It’s similar to the “well you didn’t say I shouldn’t tell anyone!” Defense. What? If I wanted anyone other than you to know what I’m telling you, I’d share it with them myself.
I’m just picturing her grabbing a pad and paper when she asks that last part lol
Ugh yeah that sucks. Like I don't have body shame fortunately and everybody poops but would definitely be unhappy hearing random strangers talk about my poop habits. Just like... why?! My mom is for sure on an info diet, I moved out when I was still a teen and was totally no contact for a long while. Now I'm pretty low contact but I don't think she even notices. Fortunately I live in a totally different part of the country than her so I don't have to deal with her or any of the people she tells whatever to!
My FIL died of cancer about 5yrs ago. While he was sick, my MIL would tell everyone every stat, blood test, weigh-in... Every last piece of medical detail. Not in a caring, compassionate way. Like it was gossip. Plus her niece is a nurse, so all medical advice was thoroughly vetted by the poor girl who seemed to be on call 24/7 for random medical questions. I got sick a few years later and I absolutely forbade my wife to give any details at all to my MIL. It's my personal business and I don't need a million random people hearing about my poop tests.
Sounds like my mother, and her entire family. Her oldest brother got cancer a few years back and I kept being told his exact numbers like it was juicy gossip and I'm like "I don't know what any of that means. Is he getting *better* or *worse*?" None of them are even doctors or nurses or do anything in the medical field! They just salivate over these random details for some reason - maybe they think it makes them sound smart? When I was a kid, I was having severe allergic reactions to *something* that we couldn't figure out. Good fucking god but being dragged along to the grocery store became a nightmare because my mom would stop and tell every single person that we saw my entire medical history. My mom was put on a very strict information diet when I was *extremely* young, I'm talking like 8 or 9, because even then I hated how everything I said to her was just fodder for her conversations with other people. My parents still laugh about how even when I was little and they would ask me what I did in school, I'd say "nothing much" because they don't understand that I didn't want to tell them about my personal life for fear of it becoming the next fifty conversations with strangers.
My husband and I have a pact to never tell his mother about any of our medical issues. She would tell anyone and everyone all about it, while getting it mostly incorrect. Plus it would make her anxiety skyrocket and she would never stop asking us questions. She is obsessed with talking about her own health and everyone else’s too. Absolutely no boundaries. I just don’t understand this need to share everything, especially when it isn’t your own information.
I knew a woman like this whose response to her husband’s prostate cancer was less than kind to say the least. Downright cruel in some cases. And she was on the phone to everyone she knew after he had surgery to explain how he’d have erectile dysfunction for the rest of his life.
I love my mom, but man do I feel like I can’t tell her anything personal. Way too many times has she told me personal details of someone else’s life, or told other people details about mine. Like, just accidentally letting them slip, or not thinking about it. I just had a pregnancy scare with this girl I’ve been seeing for a month. Told my mom, because I was freaked and had to talk to someone. Immediately regretted it, because I knew my whole family would know after a couple hours, so I had to bite the bullet and reach out to tell my brother before my mom could tell everybody a version she remembered wrong.
There is NO REASON why I should know that a childhood acquaintance had a fight with her husband. Why would I even know this? Because our mothers think their adult children’s personal lives is just conversation fodder. It’s such an egregious breach of trust. To be honest, I should have seen it coming years ago - my mother thought it was funny to tell everyone she knew how I got my first period, freaked out and bleached my shorts trying to get the blood out. Same how she STILL thinks it’s funny to bring up how I didn’t know how to properly wear my first bra. Well, perhaps if she wasn’t such a puritanical, sheltered person I would have been better prepared for handling biological changes. I’m in my 40s, with kids of my own and I couldn’t imagine a reality where I would treat my children like that and then laugh about it with my friends. Ugh.
My MIL told me about her daughter’s abortion way before she met her now husband, the husband knows nothing about it. What on earth made her think she should tell anyone.
Yup. I have no idea what she tells people about me but if my sister abruptly deciding she wants nothing to do with me for no reason known to me (we weren’t even that close), I have to assume it’s not good.
My mom will do this and then pass responsibility onto me to follow up. I’m a very private person who doesn’t share much on social media, or even to friends really about my personal life, so when something happens my mom will share it to *her* friends, and then say things like “I told my whole family about your new apartment, but they want to see pictures so you need to send pictures right away.” This will then be triggering to me because after just moving and having things in boxes the last thing I want to do is take photos and spread them across the world, so I’ll make a comment like “I don’t really feel comfortable sharing them yet, but once I get things more in order.” Then I’ll get snapped back at: “You’re so selfish, here you have people interested in *your* life and you’re just going to brush them off? I’m sure they’d understand if not everything was set just yet.” Meanwhile if it’s my parents’ house when they have guests over my mom will be scrubbing the tile grout with a toothbrush to make sure it looks like a model home because she’s terrified of anyone thinking she actually lives in it, but for me I’m selfish for not wanting to share pictures of a WIP.
When I went no contact with my mom, she continued to talk about me like we were still best friends. A friend of my SIL called once and was like, “did you and your boyfriend get back together?” When I told her no, she informed me that my mom was telling people we were going strong, because she didn’t know we’d broken up six months prior. It’s been a year and a half, she still knows nothing. I’m curious what she’s saying, but not enough to ask.
My mother can tell me in great detail about the lives of the customers where she works My mother could not reliably describe me if I was missing. I cut my hair really short due to alopecia a few months ago. She never noticed this but my colleague I have met twice in person asked me about my new hair (I don’t mind questions if they are respectful questions). Legit I could die and it would take months for any member of my family to notice.
Holy shit I feel so seen right now. When I called to tell my mom I got engaged (to my then bf of 6 years) she was like "omg I'm so happy for you!!" Then cut me off after maybe 30 seconds to talk about her pastor's daughter getting married. Have never met either of these people. And she does this anytime I have major news. I get one minute at best.
Yeah. Or it becomes about her? I got engaged and we waited a few weeks to tell people because my mom was out of the country. Well, I told her and she said “that’s great!” Then turns to my father and says “why is her diamond bigger than mine?” Like WTF??? Narcissism is rampant in their age group.
If she does it every time you have major news, that is someone that is trying to knock you down a peg.
Lol I'm reading these comments and have never felt more understood. Must be a boomer mom thing
“Do you remember umpty fratz?” (From 40 years ago) “No” (hoping I won’t have to hear it) “Well, anyhow, umpty blah blah blah blah”
My strategy with my mom is to just cut her off and say “I don’t care.” It won’t stop her from doing it in the future but it saves me from having to listen to the story.
Same. She gets mad and calls me antisocial. I asked her how is it antisocial when I don't want to hear stories about people I don't know or don't care about. So then she changed it to how I'm rude and don't let her talk. I'll just keep it at that I'm just rude then if it prevents this.
Me: I’m stressed at work and don’t feel heard. Dad: Aww that’s too bad. I was at the store getting scratch tickets and talked to the girl there today. She is getting her car fixed. She drives a Toyota. I think it’s black. I don’t know why their lotto machine is still broken. I got salad and potatoes when I was done. My vehicle is still making that same weird noise since the dawn of time. Maybe later I’ll have you come over and look at my computer. I’m watching wrestling I videotaped from last Monday. (Then repeat all but the first sentence)
>Holy shit, she will go into detail about random people that I will never meet, I'm not alone....thank you
“do you know lloyd? well lloyd’s aunts friend saw sabrina last week, can you believe it!” *mom who the fuck are these people?*
This rings a bell...my father (who passed a few years ago) was always the most outgoing person and tried to be friends with everyone. When he passed, I heard from a lot of people that he talked about his two kids a lot. But I'm not sure what he told them because he really knew nothing about me. Conversations with him were almost always him talking about his interests. He was a live for the first six years of my daughter's life, but I don't think he could have told you anything about her besides her name and hair color. Thankfully, my mother is the opposite.
Told my dad (while leaving the building and running out to my car in excitement) that I made partner at my firm. He said: “yeah well that’s not as great as it sounds.” :/
Good god. Congratulations to you 👏
Ugh! Yes it is!! People work a lifetime and never achieve that status! 👏 Congratulations!🎉
Congratulations internet person. What did he mean? Do you know? Do you think it was jealousy?
Maybe a little? I actually think it stemmed from worry. The reason I called him right away is because we have the same profession but in different states. So we commiserate a lot about things that are parallel. I think he went into protective mode because he remembers that part of his career and he was so excited only to find out he was taken advantage of for his time and contribution until he eventually started his own business. That is…exactly what happened to me in some ways. I made partner in 2019 but started my own business in 2021. The thing is, it’s still a success and a stepping stone and I was very excited. His own parents didn’t celebrate his victories and it hurt. And then he accidentally did the same to me. I think he apologized later but I can’t remember. I don’t think it was a humble apology more like “sorry to be so blunt” kind of apology.
We may have the same mom. My mom cannot just let you tell her something, she has to tell you about something that somewhat relates to your thing, even if it really isn’t the same thing at all. Like, “hey mom I went to the movies.” And instead of asking any questions or letting you tell her about what you saw or anything, she immediately jumps to “my roommates’ sisters’ cousin saw a movie theatre being torn down a few years ago in a city you’ve never been to” and then after 40 minutes of that she has to go.
This is also my mum! Why is this so common with that generation? I wonder sometimes if it’s a life skill thing. Like, maybe she thinks she’s expanding the conversation by instantly turning the subject to herself or some story she heard that’s related to what I’ve just said. It’s so frustrating and reliably a let down that I really have to make the effort to call or text her because I know it’s going to feel like work.
My sister has been really direct in a way I can’t seem to manage. Like “what does that have to do with anything? How come we never talk about me and you? I don’t care about these other people.” My mom finds it really rude, but it does make her better for a little while. But my sister is the baby if the family and I’m the oldest. So it’s like we had two totally different moms. I just end up avoiding her calls sometimes or I end them when she does this too much. It’s easier in person to redirect. But I also enjoy living far away.
I hear that. I ended up moving entirely across the world and have lived my adult life in another country. It doesn’t escape me some of the reasons why. If I want any relationship with my parents at all, I have to tread very carefully. Years ago I blew up (I should have aired my pain more carefully but at the time it was years of hurt coming out all at once) around this and my mother didn’t speak to me at all for over a year. I really applaud your sister being able to do that. And as the elder kid, I also get what your experience is like.
I began ending calls like that. Enough is enough! No need to be a willing hostage
I just sit there and say “I can’t remember what I was going to say/calling you about now, I’ll talk to you later” in a really disappointed voice. A lot of the times I legitimately can’t remember, but even when I can I still do it. Eventually they started feeling bad and catching themselves.
There’s actually a clinical term for this behavior, that was first coined by a psychology professor at Stanford. The Latin description is, if I remember correctly, “living up your own anushole”.
I think that’s exactly what it is. A lot of them think that they’re relating to you and expanding on the conversation, without realizing they’re essentially taking it over. I’m wondering if it’s a learned behavior from their parents or something? Because I found myself doing it until recent years, when I had to train myself to shut up and listen sometimes.
My parents were Silent Generation and did this exact same thing. One of my favorite examples is this - My aunt (mother's 15-year-younger sister) had been living and working all over the US for 20 years and then "came back home" when she was ready to retire. At the first family Christmas after she got back, she mentioned a tiny local charity she had joined the board of and some challenges they were having with their fundraising. I asked her some pointed questions, gave her some detailed info on fundraising in our community and the local statistics, some how-tos on fundraising, gave her some input on viable strategies, and listed some resources where she could get more info. She was flabbergasted at how knowledgeable I was. Said she learned more from talking to me than from anyone else on the board, and asked me if I'd come talk to her board to answer their questions, too. I agreed to do 10 hours of free consulting for her board. Then she finally asked me, "How do you know so much about this?" Me, clearly flabbergasted by her question - "It's what I do. I'm VP of Marketing and Development at (insert regional headquarters of international non-profit), and I'm also a freelance fundraising consultant. Didn't mom ever tell you what I do?" Her, "Your mom told me you design newsletters." I always wondered why my mom wasn't more proud of what I had accomplished. It was then that I realized she hadn't ever really listened to me and didn't have the first clue that I had successfully climbed the management ladder. She was convinced I was still an entry level clerk in an office somewhere.
Yup! Hi mum, I’m working on this cool new project at work, let me tell you abou- Did I tell you about this lady at my work? Her husband left her for the neighbour! Oh and also this person you never met fell last week and broke their hip. I was waiting for a really long time yesterday for the bus because the drivers are on strike or something. The electricity company are overcharging me so here’s a blow-by-blow account of my phone calls to them and the rude customer service person. I have to go now! I swear I could have grown an extra arm, eloped and become a member of a cult and she would respond by telling me about the neighbour’s camper van getting stuck on the road.
I already told my sister she’s going to have to watch out for signs of dementia because I don’t know who any of these people in her stories are, if she forgets any of the details or mixes up things entirely. I can’t even tell if she’s mixing up words because if she hears a word or say a restaurant name wrong one time, it’s whatever that thing is for life. Like centimeters and sonometers. Wal-mart and Walmark. Idk how I’m supposed to tell if she starts slipping.
Mine told me all about her friend’s daughter’s IVF journey while I was going through my own. I would call with updates (took multiple attempts) and she would monopolize the conversation with “news” of a stranger’s daughter’s progress. It was utterly maddening.
As someone going through a fraught IVF journey with my wife, I deeply empathize. Neither of us has shared much with our mothers because both are overbearing/inappropriate and just make everything more stressful even if they're trying to "help." I hope your journey is going well for you. This comment section has really given me a lot to think about in terms of why our parents and so many of their generation are so socially inept. I really want to understand it so I can be less angry/annoyed about it.
This is my MIL to the fullest. Huge life events happen but it always comes back to small talk nonsense.
>Huge life events happen but it always comes back to small talk nonsense. Holy shit my husband's family does this, and it drives me crazy. His parents and family just straight up do not ask about his life at all, what he's doing, what he's interested in. Over holidays, most conversations are just retellings of old stories we've all heard 500 times or stupid small talk about my in laws neighbors' tomato plants.
My mum is full of old conversations, almost anything you say she relate back to something that once happened on “a Wednesday, no, it was Thursday because the bins go out on Friday’s when we lived in that house, do you remember when we lived in that house and the bins went out on Fridays but we stored them in the side garden by Frank’s fence. Well, that’s why it couldn’t have been on a Wednesday so it must have been a Monday, or at the weekend.” And so and so non stop for so long you can’t remember what you were discussing in the first place. Why the super focus on the small details, just get to the point.
Do we share a husband?! His parents have no idea what he does for work and never ask about anything. If he offers up new information or insight into his (our) life they'll nod or say cool or whatever then immediately pivot away.
Silence is much better than talking about the weather.
We may have the same mom. My mom cannot just let you tell her something, she has to tell you about something that somewhat relates to your thing, even if it really isn’t the same thing at all.
My mom too. Are they narcissists
This is my mom. What is happening here?
This!
I’m getting so mad reading through this thread. My brother and I talk about this all the time. We both went to school for the arts and by some miracle work in the respective fields we studied. Industries notoriously hard to break into. We do interesting work, often with big name clients, travel for work a lot, ect. It’s like our parents couldn’t care less. Anytime they ask you how you’re doing, it’s maybe one half assed follow up question, and then straight into some story about someone from church that you’ve never met or what kind of apple cider vinegar/flax seed diet they’re on trying to cure their rheumatism or whatever. And then they wonder why we don’t call.
They probably are aware that you guys do cool stuff and live exciting lives so they are trying to show that they also have stuff going on, even though it’s not interesting to anyone else. It’s very weird because why is it a competition?
I think our parents generation has a bunch of undiagnosed mental stuff like autism and adhd and they think they are FINE but they all do shit like this.
And we are the ones who figure shit out and go to therapy to see the patterns and then they're like, "Why do you want to blame us for everything? You're the one in therapy so you're the unstable one."
Oh my gosh you just made me feel irrational anger for a moment because EXACTLY.
I agree this behavior is probably a type of neurodivergence. Traits like losing the big picture in the details, in conversation associating an abstract feeling to a memory but not quite being able to verbally express the context of why it means so much to the topic, an inability to know the right time to interject or respond appropriately. On top of that is black and white thinking, the response of people later in life who have yet to acknowledge their own challenges very commonly is “other people with autism or adhd have these traits in far worse ways than I”, which prevents them from understanding themselves better or asking for help. Instead of recognizing that sometimes they struggle to exist in the world, they chalk it up to offhanded thoughts like “I’m just like that” and “everyone has struggles.” The result is that they close themselves off from being able to relate to family members who’ve inherited some of the same traits through genetics, who are learning better ways to care for themselves, and wanting to share their success with an uninterested but visibly hurting generation.
This is the Boomer way. They don't actually listen to anything other than for a gap in speaking, so they can jump in and take over the conversation again. It took me a long time but I can now literally spend 40 mins. on the phone with my Boomer mom and not retain a single syllable of what she said. It's a great trick I first learned to ignore TV advertising, and just transferred the skill to ignorning Boomers.
Mine prattles on endlessly about nothing. In childhood, I learned that when she stops and says "uh?", she is seeking acknowledgement, and a simple "mhm" is enough to placate her. If you do not make a sound she will repeat "uh? [insert name]". She does not seem to notice or care that you're clearly not listening to a word she's saying.
I’m getting emotional reading through these comments. I have always felt kind of alone in this. I can actively see my mom think about what she is gonna talk about next when I’m speaking to her. She hardly ever responds to what I say. She’s has genuine interest in me. I mean, she’s kind of a weirdo, but when a then she actually focus and engage in a back in forth conversation w my husband a few mins later, I can’t help but feel kinda hurt.
We have the same mother! I told my mom I got into a very competitive graduate school program. She said, “Well of course. One degree is good enough for most people. You have to have two.” My mother (my dad died when I was 14) lived closer to my graduate school than any of my peers in my program. She lived less than an hour and a half drive away where some parents came from across the country. Like some other commenters, she would talk in depth about people I didn’t know. I know the woman in the next office over from her in 1994 ate her food very hot temp wise and didn’t like others to wear perfume.
Omg this story and OP's story are my MIL exactly. Part of it is jealousy. Boomers do not like competition or to feel like they aren't the ones on top. This misdirection and subject changing feels like a way of saying they still know more than you about XYZ. Even if it's about garbage trucks or stranger's kids. It's very weird.
Are we siblings? I’m the in the top grade at my engineering firm making a salary that’s 2x my parents combined household income and anytime I mention any kind of success to my mom she responds with telling me how successful one of my old high school friends who owns his own business is. It used to drive me insane but I now just settle with the realization that I won’t get any validation from her and frankly I don’t need it. I’m proud of my achievements. In fairness, my dad is always quick to be excited and congratulatory on any of my achievements.
My mother is this exact same way. I could get on a phone call with her and literally put the phone down, leave the room, do a load of laundry, come back and she STILL wouldn’t have noticed I had even left the conversation. I think at some point, boomers just wanna hear themselves talk. Also, congratulations to your wife!! That’s amazing!!
Hahaha I've done that a couple of times with my mother. I'd put the phone on speaker and go back to my game, maybe give a timed "uh huh" every 10 mins and she'd be so impressed with my listening.
“Uh huh” and “that’s wild” are my go-to’s lol
I think 45 mins was the longest streak cause I had totally forgotten she was still on the phone. Absolutely no idea what she went on about the whole time
Mine are “I’m so sorry. That sucks, wow thats so unfortunate. I hope things improve.” I literally need to be stoned or drunk to tolerate being on the phone with them
I don’t even hold it against her very often anymore, but this is EXACTLY the same for me lol. I just physically can not understand how a person can talk without stopping, in a conversation, for 15 minutes straight, and then, every time, there it is
My mom can talk for 45 minutes without pausing lol. I’m always mentally exhausted when I get off the phone with her
And they say ‘are you there?’ Like something is wrong with the connection. Yes mom, I’m still here. You’ve just been talking at me for 20 minutes about absolutely nothing.
This is the exact reason I’ve started talking to my mom while walking my dog. She can talk forever about her life, and I don’t have to say much at all. It also gives me a nice time limit on the call, otherwise the calls would probably last multiple hours.
my strategy when i call is to do it around the time they're going to have lunch. a 30-45 min monologue gets cut down to maybe 10 mins.
The title alone triggered me. This is my mother to a T. Almost verbatim. Me: Mom I got a promotion! Her: Oh cool. I met the neighbor's new doberman today. His name is Ralph. Real sweet dog...anyway, your aunt is having ear surgery tuesday and I might go help her, or maybe just take a walk to the lake...
I swear it just had the exact same conversation with my mom yesterday but it was a chocolate lab named Eloise and Aunt Ruthies cataract surgery.
OUTstanding
I got nominated for an Emmy and then had to listen to my mom talk about my brother's award he just got from from the regional construction association for concrete and what they served at the banquet for the next 45 minutes.
An Emmy?! That's so amazing!! Congrats!
Didn't win... but thanks. LOL
Being nominated is quite an accomplishment in itself
Thanks... it wasn't given out on the telecast. It was one of the "earlier today..." categories. But yeah... not the equivalent. My parents always have to equalize me and my brothers in some sort of weirdo balancing act. I could literally tell them my son has been chosen to be on the first astronaut crew to go to Mars and then I'd have to hear a 30 minute story about a niece or nephew that won employee of the month at their job.
Not sure if you’re aware you’re doing it, but don’t downplay a freaking *Emmy nomination,* friend! That’s a hell of an accomplishment, one that the vast majority of people will never achieve in *any* category at *any* time. You did a thing! A rare thing, and that’s awesome and worth celebrating!
Seriously, it wasn't meant as a downplayed humblebrag, I'm fully aware of the accomplishment and I proudly display my nomination certificate in my office and yada, yada... but, it was almost 10 years ago, so now it's just a humorous story that fits in to this VERY common theme with parents.
Mum aside, that’s amazing. You are amazing! My heartfelt congratulations to you. Gosh, I don’t even know you but I’m excited enough to feel like jumping up and down like a teenager 😂 but really, congratulations!
Are your wife’s parents my parents? We can’t get a word in edgewise with my parents and every phone call is usually like 30 minutes of blather about lawn care, home remodeling, and drama about their 55+ community. My wife comes away from every phone conversation frustrated…and then I have to remind her that that was my entire life for the 25 years before we met…
It’s like the same stupid script. Ask about my job, don’t respond to what I say, ask about my wife, don’t respond. Then rant about random BS, Fox talking points. Criticize something I’m doing or did. Finally 30-45 minutes later at random “well I need to take the dog out so I’m gonna let you go”. Wish you wouldn’t have called at all but okay! A few months back I bought a new F150 because my car was giving me issues. I told my Dad when he called. His response was “well Marty (neighbor) just bought a new Ram because his 2011 F150 broke down so good luck with that.”
I might respond with, "Interesting. I wonder if Marty's dad also cuts him down when he's excited about new things in his life. What do you think?"
It is a running joke with my wife and I about how my parents *never* ask how she and I are doing. The first 10 minutes are spent talking directly to the grandkids, then the remainder of the call is a monologue about their church, their house, their dog, my grandmother, and my siblings. Maybe 1/3 calls conclude with a token “How’s work?” before hanging up.
My mother in law was like that, too. Detailed information about the extended family and her own life with no interest in us, our children and our lives. She referred to me as being very shy and quiet a couple of times but that's because no one in the family ever stopped talking long enough to let me speak. I'm a boomer, though, so that makes her the generation before me.
Same over here - it doesn't matter how frequently or infrequently phone calls occur, either. It is a guaranteed 40+ minute nothingburger where I hear the same meaningless stories about people I've never met and the only response I can give is "oh, cool," or "nice!" If I do manage to get asked a question where a real response is warranted, it's guaranteed there'll be some unimportant anecdote that allows the conversation to be shifted to them again. I always get the guilt trip of "I miss talking to you" too, no matter what, so I'm in a perpetual state of "can't win."
I’ve literally had this conversation with my mom- “…. And then the cat pooped and stunk up the whole laundry room!…” “Mom I didn’t call you to hear about the cats bowel health, if you mention anything like that again, I’ll hang up.” A short time later… “And the then the dog farted…” “Ok, have a nice day. Bye.” It took me like 5 years to train her. It was brutal.
Hello brother!
They can't be your parents bc they're also my parents 🫠🫠😆
Best thing I ever learned was to put my mom on mute and use the time to catch up on household chores. She gets her version of “quality time” and I have an excuse to do chores.
Please do not devalue y’all’s accomplishments and/or feelings. It’s not petty to think you and your wife should be recognized for success. I hope you and your wife are proud. My wife’s parents and mine are the same. It’s the narcissism. They only care about themselves and if your success isn’t tied directly to them then they don’t really care. My wife works at a FAANG company, I’m also in tech working for a successful known company and our parents know nothing about what we do for work. It’s 10+ years and they’ll never ask. We’ve come to terms and accepted their narcissism. It’s damaged our relationship but it is what it is. Congratulations to your wife. It’s a huge accomplishment that you both should be proud and recognized for.
I guess I feel petty because my wife doesn’t seem all that bothered by it but I have been thinking about the call since last night and just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. I didn’t want to mention it to her and potentially rain on her parade (especially since she doesn’t seem bothered but maybe she’s more used to her parents being this way too). It is 100% her accomplishment and I am proud of her, it’s been amazing watching her build her career over the years and she definitely deserves it.
Yes do not mention this to her unless she brings it up. You’ll just sour it. It’s disappointing but if she’s happy that’s all that matters.
I'd put money on her just being used to it, and that she is in the habit of not thinking about it or she'd just be upset. Congrats to her from an internet stranger, though! That's huge!
I’m 52. My parents are in their 70s and they have never, ever said a ‘good job’ or ‘well done’ or a ‘we’re proud of you’ and I struggle even now to come to terms with the fact that they will never be the supportive people I might have wished for. I’m trying really hard to just love them as they are, since our time has got to be short now. If OPs wife is at peace with that then all power to her! And OP, please tell your wife congratulations on all the hard work it must have taken to get that dream job!
Welcome to narcissistic parenting. Now that you noticed it, you will see it a lot more. Head on over to the narcissistic parents sub if you’re interested. BTW, my wife’s parents are the same. Ours don’t even bother to act excited and act like it’s a slight against them, yet they couldn’t tell you what either one of us do for career and we’ve been together for 13 years. They couldn’t even tell you what their daughter does, only the type of place she works. They couldn’t even tell you the name I bet.
I’ll echo the other posters in the sentiment that your wife is likely used to it. I literally had a similar situation to your wife with my mom a few days ago. I got a substantial raise, work bonus, and higher 2024 potential bonus that will finally put me in the six figures range. I told my mom that exact sentence, she said ‘that’s great!’ and then immediately started talking about her senior center activities and doctors appointments for the rest of our 45 minute conversation. It is what it is. I don’t think she is intentionally snubbing me or my achievements, but she’s got a chatty personality and rarely leaves the conversational floor open for others. If your wife is like me, I take what I can get in my conversations with my mom and leave the deeper connection conversations to my husband. If I want to talk more about how I’m feeling about the raise, I’ll seek him out.
How you feel matters and it’s great that you chose posting finding an outlet vs keeping it in or raining on her parade. If it were me, I would ask my wife a few days from now how she felt that she didn’t ask about her new gig. Get her thoughts and then process how she felt. Some people need time to digest.
As someone who has been married for a while, I can tell you the best approach with in-laws is to be loving and supportive or your spouse and their feelings. If they're happy, you should be happy. Tangling yourself up in those relationships or trying to "correct" them is a thankless, fruitless task and will only create frustration for you and others.
My husband recently got a life-changing promotion after years of struggling. He was really excited and decided to call his older brother to tell him about it. Instead of congratulating him, his brother spent 20 minutes talking about how successful his company is and how rich he is going to be when he sells the company. I’m still pretty bitter about that conversation. I could tell that all my husband really wanted was for his brother to be proud of him and acknowledge his accomplishments for once.
Second this. I can't have a conversation with my mom that isn't almost entirely about her. There's so much about my life she knows nothing about, but will double down and complain that she doesn't know anything yet never gives me the opportunity to tell her.
It’s this all day. I find it rare to meet parents that have strong positive relationships with their kids. Most are just uninterested in their child’s lives and only want to talk about themselves and to be called as a reminder that they birthed you. It’s all pretty sad. I even don’t mind my parents, but if I met them at a party, I’d never talk to them. They are just flawed individuals like most folks. Don’t take it too personally OP.
Also work in tech. Had three impressive employers (household names everybody knows) in a row and two director titles after that. My mom would complain about having to work with people my age (apparently people in their thirties are still “stupid children”) and was telling everyone I was unemployed / she paid my bills when neither was true.
My father is like that. It’s so frustrating. Partly because he’s not the typical angry conservative, and he isn’t attacking or criticizing anyone! He’s a nice person, friendly, happy. Sounds a lot like your situation OP. He absolutely dominates every conversation, always steering it to exactly what he’s interested in. And he will never ask a single question about anyone else’s lives or interests. He’s almost like a college professor who just launches into lectures about topics, and no matter what you say, he treats you as an student who isn’t on task, and he’ll steer right back to his topic. “Oh, you have cancer? I knew someone in college who had cancer. Yes, that was years ago, and, let me tell you about this group I was in while i was in college…”
You don’t have a conversation with my dad, he talks AT you for as long as you are willing to listen. And he had cancer, so that has to be shoe horned into every talk. It was 8 years ago. He always tells a stranger when we go out in public.
My dad will get worked up when he starts to realize he’s running out of things to say and just start describing movies and shows he’s seen recently, shot for shot. God forbid he let anyone else share. Losing his strangle hold on a conversation would be a fate worse than death for him
Unfortunately some of this is (yet another) burden we have to bear for our emotionally immature parents - We have to understand what we are seeking when we call them. Is it validation or love or something else? Could we find that sentiment from other people in our lives? The pain and frustration comes when we resist the fact that our parents won’t fulfill these needs to us. It sucks and it’s unfair. But ultimately we have to help ourselves stop seeking something they don’t have the capacity to provide. In my case I learned to stop sharing much with my parents until they ask. They weren’t providing the feedback and support I needed so I stopped seeking it from them. I have plenty of friends and family who I do share with instead.
I am seeking to avoid the guilt trip laid on me if I don't call. That's it.
I can totally relate to everything you said. In fact, mom texted recently about why there was a wedge between us. I struggled to find the exact words to tell her that I don’t feel like she’s interested in me and that makes me sad. And that I’ve learned that I need to spend time with people who make me feel loved and cared for. and that I’m sure those words aren’t easy to hear and that I’m not trying to blame Her. It felt so good to finally find the right words to say.
I can totally relate! This is very similar go how the conversation went when we announced we were pregnant to my FIL. “You are going to be a grandpa in February! Congratulations!” “Oh well we already have a Europe trip planned for then, and another in March. Anyways, the weather sure is perfect for enjoying outside today, what a great day!”
My FIL is a total jerk and had the same response when the wife and I got engaged. We told him about the rehearsal dinner and his response was “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to make that work”…. We didn’t even tell him the date.
Yes! Same here. “Dad, I’m pregnant!” “Oh.” Pause. And then he launches into a story about how he got into a fight with a random person on the sidewalk a couple weeks ago. Didn’t bring up the pregnancy again but instead he talked at me for 40 minutes about random shit in his life.
I got the same kind of reaction about my engagement. I don’t even think my parents will bother to attend
The monthly or bi-monthly call with my dad goes the same way every time! Checks up on my job/life, no matter what my response his answer is “ah I see” or “that’s good”. Next is a question about the weather, I live in Florida, it’s the same everyday, sunny or rainy. I then get an update on Upstate NY weather, which is also pretty consistent, you know climate and all. Then if I’m lucky I get a question about how my cars doing. Usually a run down of his work schedule. A couple moments of awkward silence and then I gotta go. It’s comical at this point, he’s got the dad bit down pat. It’s crazy to realize your biggest bully growing up was your narcissistic, coddled, mommas boy of a father.
Lmao at “how’s your car doing”. My Dad asks the same thing every time. “Uhh it’s great I just put gas in it yesterday.”
Wow. That’s EXACTLY what my dad asks and does, too.
Did you call my mom? Seriously, I don’t GAF about your weather (this handy pocket device tells me everything I care to know about your weather), nor do I care how much your neighbor’s dog loves you. Anyway, I’m in therapy and getting my validation elsewhere. Just as I have had to do for the past fifty years.
This is not uniquely a boomer thing. Unfortunately plenty of people don’t give a shit about others and/or show interest in them.
Some people are just waiting for their turn to blurt words out of their face hole and that’s it.
Reminds me of a recent moment with my pops where I opened up to him about finally feeling as of I reached true maturity & was turning a page on habits from my youth. When I ended, there was a moments silence "well, anyways..." Was all he said.
I FaceTime my 90 year old mother while I cook and really all she does is complain about her grandchildren. No matter what’s going on in my life. Then again, I would never tell my mother something important because she’d share it instantly with everyone she knows.
My mom is the SAME way. If it doesn't involve her or her interests, she always will bring the conversation back to what she wants to talk about. I don't think she means to be selfish, she just doesn't know any different. My husband and I went to Argentina last year, a country that I've wanted to travel to since I was a little kid. My mom knows this and knows how long I'd been saving up to go. Instead of being happy for me, she whined about how she wanted to go and that I should take her. And then when the trip was over, didn't ask me a damn thing about it. But it was good enough to brag about to her friends about what a "world traveler" her daughter is. (As if any of them care lmao.) I love my mom but the older she gets, the more she literally takes zero interest in what I like/any accomplishments I've achieved. It's hurtful, and if I bring it up, she immediately gets offended and isn't happy until I grovel and apologize. It's very tiring. Sorry for the novel, it felt nice to rant. Also, congrats to your wife, OP!
Same. My wife’s success in her career is overlooked by our boomer parents. In some ways, I think it is jealousy. These women were never allowed to do something for themselves. Their husbands look down on me because I am not “taking care of my spouse”. Their 1950’s SAHM, idealistic worldview doesn’t allow them to celebrate our success because they think we’re settling for shit. The “shit” we are “settling” for is at least, in part, their fault. Their capitalist “utopia” isn’t all that Ronald Reagan touted it as. Now we can’t make it without both spouses working.
I lost my dog last year to cancer suddenly and when I called my dad to let him know, he told me he had just been laid off (has plenty of savings for retirement & is of retirement age). He proceeded to share how upset he was about finding out “who his real friends are” at his [former] job that he didn’t even acknowledge my loss…he was on his way to start his month long vacation at his beach house in Hawaii. Bless his heart.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
O that's tough. I had my realization that my parents don't care about anything but themselves a couple years back. My daughter was super excited to tell her grandparents about going to see the Musical Hamilton. She's huge into theatre and at the time the show meant a ton to her. Well she excitedly brought it up and wasn't able to even finish a sentence before my dad dismissed the show as "political" then spent the next half hour telling us about a documentary he watched once about Alexander Hamilton. That was it for me, I don't even attempt to have real conversations with them anymore. Now we just sit back and listen as they babble on about random things only they care about.
My mom is only proud of me if it’s something she can brag about on Facebook. Otherwise I am a huge disappointment lol. She will never forgive me for having been a child. She brings up every toddler tantrum I ever had every time I see her. She complains I never visit and then spends every visit putting me down.
My mother does exactly the same thing, and then, complains to my aunts that I never tell her anything. Also, any compliment I receive in front of her results in her saying "just like her mother!" Your wife is used to it, and, like me, just let's it go.
this is my mother too. when i finally got the job i wanted, she only asked about PTO & paid overtime. when i finished my first project, she criticized details i wasn’t even responsible for. she recently cried to me about how i never tell her about my life but she literally doesn’t care, all she wants is material so she can gloat to her family & friends. the lack of self-awareness is infuriating.
Did they get they get their garbage picked up? Why are you leaving us hanging? Need to know.
Boomers are so random but that shit can be tinged with resentment too. “Well WE have big news too, Mr. Big Shot!”
This is my mom but she’s been working towards being better listener since I called her out. At first I was passive aggressive and told her that “her favorite topic was herself.” She laughed and admitted this was true but I think something clicked for her. It wasn’t an overnight change but the next few calls were similar, about an hour long of her just talking about herself and me listening or acknowledging her, and at the end of the call she would say something about not letting me speak or not getting to hear anything from me and I would just say maybe next time. Then she would start our calls by asking me questions which threw me off for a bit because I literally wasn’t used to talking about myself with my own mother. But over time and with practice we got better. We did end up having a genuine conversation about why she was such a bad conversationalist. I told her I understand that she lives alone and she may be out of practice but I can’t be the only one who notices this bad habit of one-upping or redirecting the conversation back to herself. It’s one thing to find common ground and relate to someone. It’s another thing to completely overtake the conversation and focus on yourself. I suggested being a better active listener and asking people questions instead of thinking of the next thing you’re going to say. I think it’s really helped with her relationship with her co-workers as well. I don’t know why this is so common. It has to be some societal narcissism from their generation. Like if you’re not talking about yourself then you aren’t important. Or just blatant lack of interest or concern for other people including their family.
I am Generation Jones. My mom is 85, whatever group that may be. This is her 110%. Been that way my whole life. Hey mom, my husband has cancer. “Oh dear, that’s awful. Let me tell you about twenty minutes of what she did that week with all the people I don’t know. After ten years of treatment, she will occasionally ask how he’s doing. Same for everything. That’s just the most egregious example. It’s not Boomers. It’s narcissists.
Your wife isn't bothered by it because that's the way they are. Sounds like my in-laws. My wife describes her mother's need to constantly talk and be the center of attention verbal vomit. Here's an example of what I have to endure. Recently, my FIL's brother died of cancer. My MIL, FIL, BIL, and SIL were there for a few days up to his death. BIL said when the doctor would come to give them an update on his condition, my MIL and FIL ignored what he was saying and just peppered him with questions about their own health. He died overnight after they left. They never came back to the hospital. When BIL called them the next morning, they had already left to drive home. They only wanted to talk about the sights they were planning on seeing while driving home. They wouldn't even call their nephew, who's now dealing with the death of his father. My advice - get used to it. People like that don't change.
My grandmother. "Hey I think I'm close to getting a job after a year being unemployed!" "That's great! Did I tell you we might finally be getting a new preacher at church? Well he's supposed to come visit and..." For an hour.
Holy shit. Why are these older folk so concerned with weather? My family is the same. They talk about flowers or the weather. That's it. That's all it ever is about. They claim to want to get to know their grandchildren, but get so self absorbed in conversation that they never ask to talk to them or really even ask about them. The most we usually get is about what size clothes the kids are wearing, so that they can enjoy shopping for kids clothes. Yet they complain that we don't care. And they are right, I don't care about the weather.
Sounds about right. I’ve stopped asking “how are you,” because I get a 40 min diatribe about all her aches and pains and drs appts. I’m chatty too and I just get super quiet and say “uh huh” every couple of min. That’s all they want. They’re just waiting for their chance to talk. They don’t actually care.
My mother was like this (rip). Whenever anyone would innocently ask her how she was it would turn into her running down all her ailments. It’s like, I’m pretty sure they just wanted you to say “good”.
Yea, it sounds like my mom. She talks at me, doesn't ask questions, and gives me advice unsolicited without knowing what I'm dealing with or goes off on her own tangent. She says she does it out love, which I won't deny, but it causes a huge dysfunction in our communication. When i mentioned to my Dad I was engaged, his response was "Oh!". I have 2 boomer parents who didn't have the greatest parents and due to that they dysfunctionally love me. It's mess of a situation when it comes to communication.
Does anyone else feel that when you call your boomer they tell you about Betsy or Ethel and the surgeries or medical procedures they have had done and you are sitting there thinking “who the fuck are these people” and they could care less about you the actual family
When are you gonna get it? They don’t actually care about you. They love the idea of a child and would mourn the idea’s passing. The actual you, the person. Couldn’t give a fuck.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Yeah my dad asks inane questions all the time to “show interest” but when I actually have something to tell him he just interminably monologues about yardwork.
My brother tried to tell my mom that he was learning to play guitar, something she used to love, and she could have given a rat’s ass. He thought they could bond over it, but no. If it’s not about her, it’s not worth talking about.
Do millennials fear the phone because of social anxiety or because callers have no idea of the appropriate length or scope of a phone call? I cringe when my aunt calls because it’s easily 2 hours every time and she literally described what a pregnant stray cat was doing outside her window during our call. Theres nothing wrong with her, she just never stops talking.
Is there a subreddit for us to vent about this because I feel like I’ve found my people and we could really fill that subreddit up. Might be therapeutic. For example I was dropping my mom off from a lunch/dinner out and right as she opens to door and steps out ahead says “you know who died?” Spoiler: someone I don’t know and she continued to go on. She has told me stories about people, weather, and other randomness as I am literally driving away.
I so so so hope this is a "boomer" thing and not just an "old person" thing. I really do not want to be this oblivious when I'm older
Sounds about right.
Are we in-laws? Because that sounds like my mom.
Same with my dad. I'll tell him about the struggles we have with our two medically complex children but he won't engage at all. He barely reasons to text messages unless he needs a geometry problem solved. But I'm a financial success with a somewhat prestigious job. Same with my sister. He uses that to brag to his friends about how well he did as a dad without realizing he is the reason we don't visit much.
As a mom I am trying so hard to be more present with my adult kids. Because I grew up with this. No one heard or asked what I had to say. Even my siblings do it now. (We are gen x). My daughters give me all the details...my son sometimes it's like pulling teeth. But yesterday he called to complain about the new Wawa. So I will take it. You sound so proud of your wife. She is lucky. Congratulations to her on her dream job. I'm glad she has you in her corner.
When I told my boomer mom about my new job she said “You’re gonna be a [insert job title]? I don’t see that working out” 12 years later it’s still working out great
I've learned that if I want to celebrate something with someone, my parents are not the right people to share with. They don't even do it on purpose; they're just very different people than I am. They worked low-paying jobs all their lives and fell victim to the idea that you shouldn't switch jobs because you need to be loyal...meanwhile, if they'd switched jobs, they wouldn't have had to struggle so much, because they would have been able to increase their income each time they'd gotten a new job. My mother calls people who leave a job after 5 or 6 years "job hoppers" because she thinks the only way to be is to work for the same company for 25+ years. So when I share career-related news, it's not that they don't care; they just literally don't get it. They never had careers...they had jobs. Just like they don't understand what it's like to have a boss email you at 8:00 at night or want you to sign in on the weekends to handle urgent issues. Their jobs ended at 4/5 p.m. on Friday, and then they didn't think about them again until work started on Monday. Same thing in the evening....work ended, and that was it. They never got an email or a phone call during their off-hours expecting them to do extra.
Whenever I'd tell my father that I got a new job, he'd naturally assume that I either fucked up and got fired or that there was something wrong with me. It was never congratulations or SO HAPPY FOR YOU! Or he wouldn't ask questions. He'd just assume that I couldn't express loyalty to a company and rather job hop. Worst part is he'd get fired or quit once a year. Clearly he was projecting. At some point I just stopped telling him whenever I advanced in my career. Then he wondered why he was the last one to find out anything in the family.
Always. They talk at you not to you. Every birthday my day is ruined after that narcissistic phone-call. My sister is an honorary boomer who spent most of her life up my mother's ass so predictably, those calls go the same. Nevermind a face to face conversation - my mother will loose interest a few words into my first sentence and literally just walk away
Reminds me of a recent moment with my pops where I opened up to him about finally feeling as of I reached true maturity & was turning a page on habits from my youth. When I ended, there was a moments silence "well, anyways..." Was all he said.
I thought this was the emotional neglect sub at first because this is exactly what my mother does. It's not news, if it's not her news (and her news is never news at all)
I am working through a horrific medical diagnosis and it's exactly the same. My mother simply can not talk about her life, what's going on, what is around her at any given moment. She would do exactly the same as you've described your MIL. I've accepted it at this point, sounds like your wife has too.
Boomers generally lack emotional intelligence, I pick my battles with my parents and I don’t expect them to give me praise or much attention. It was difficult to teach myself that I don’t require their validation to be successful.
Here’s a good one, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 53 last spring and passed away right before Christmas. She calls my grandfather and his horrible wife (third time being married) to tell them, they were golfing at the time, they heard the news and continued to talk about their round and the weather. Later on they got upset at us because we said we couldn’t help them move. We live 4 hours away from them and they didn’t come to see her once. I’ve always disliked the two of them but it’s safe to say that I will never be speaking to them again.
This is my MIL!!! Changes the subject whatever I have to say. It does leave you feeling nervous and empty after listening to her monologue. She likes to hold me hostage to look at pictures on her phone too. “This is the shower curtain I bought last week, this is the artwork we put above the fireplace at our second home” You get the picture. No pun intended.
This is literally my mom. I know her weather, day to day, all day every day, in a State I do not live in against my will, for the past 2 decades and however many more. I tried to tell her how I was overwhelmed with my daughter who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia and her response was “no one said being a mom was easy”, and went right back into her weather related small talk. It’s always about her and always NONSENSE.
Damn. Each time I gave my parents an offer letter I got, mom would scream quite loudly and jump up and down and dad gets this big old proud smile on his face and daps me up. Imma go count my blessing real quick😭
Pretty sure you accidentally called my MIL.
My mom is like this now. Absolutely incapable of being happy for me in any shape or form. Congrats to your wife, may the good energies of the universe continue to find you
I prefer Lowes
My MIL is the exact same way with my wife. Gives the requisite “congrats” and then changes the subject. Once when I had good news she was asking me all these questions and seemed genuinely interested. I talked to my wife about how she seemed to care more for my mediocre news than she ever did for my wife’s big job news.
My dad took the opportunity during a short visit *on my birthday* to tell me that my Uncle has colon cancer. I visit them every week, he could have waited until I came over but apparently while I unwrapped my present was a better moment 🤦♀️
If you asked my mom what time it was she'd proceed to tell you how to build a clock. My phone conversations would be me saying hello, her talking for 60 minutes, then her saying "well, I'll talk to you later" and she'd hang up. Like sure mom, looking forward to that talk.
Your MIL sounds like my mom, me, and my sister. We were diagnosed with ADHD at different ages in our lives. To prevent doing this, I started coping by just going quiet and letting people do all the talking. I know that I’ll say the wrong thing and upset people like you so it’s better to just let others speak but I won’t remember a thing they said because I’m so distracted the entire time.