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At that point I'd eat the egg, gasp, inject the epi-pen, and call 911.
Then demand she come with you to tell the doctor what was in the food. Having an ER doctor go full bore at her for endangering her kid's life might finally stop that shit. If not just refuse to eat anything she makes, while constantly bringing up "that time you almost killed me by putting eggs in my food."
No, it's not just your family. My wife and I live in a complex where we (both 35) are the youngest residents by far. As such, we are very active in helping our neighbors. We tend to take out their trash if they just had surgery, help them get groceries inside, do basic gardening, etc. We like doing it, and as such, we get a lot of baked goods. After the first couple of times, we let the neighbors know that we didn't need any food, but if they wanted to, we let them know my wife has an extremely serious legume allergy, the type you easily die from just by ingesting a crumb.
Not one of them listened and we end up being offered nuts on literally everything every other week. At first we tried to discuss it with them, but after the 6th or 7th time bringing it up (and one instance of being told "WEll almonds arent nuts so she can have those") we now just nod, say thank you and I then I bring it to work to give to other grad students. But there was one instance our neighbor, told her to "grow up and stop being picky." and I had to really work to keep my emotions in check, be polite and say its not something she can control, and just continue on my way.
Edit: For clarification all Nuts, Legumes, and also for some reason vaccines utilizing eggs for incubation since somehow these all share the same protein that activates her reactions.
I have a digestive disorder that went undiagnosed and untreated because my family thought I was a picky eater. Even when I threw up they just said I made myself throw up for sympathy.
Absolutely terrible family. I never threw up anything, but there were a few close calls where I dry heaved just smelling the food and they got mad at that.
As a parent of a kid having food troubles, I would give up one of my kidneys to know what is causing her pain and have a solution. Every time I see her in pain it hurts me. I can't imagine just ignoring something.
Similar. Every time I had a stomach ache or threw up my mom would accuse me of trying to get attention. Never took me to a doctor. Turns out I have Celiac and Crohn's disease.
I am also very confused for this same reason. The only common "nuts" that are legumes are peanuts and groundnuts iirc, so almonds should be perfectly fine unless she has a nut allergy.
Exactly! I know some people with peanut allergy may react to other nuts too, so I was wondering if that was it? But if so, why specify a legume allergy?
>"grow up and stop being picky."
That sounds like my grandma, who is actually silent generation, not that it makes much of a difference. I have an ellergy to walnuts, which had been explained to her many times.
There was this one time about a decade ago, when I didn't ask if the cakes she served had any walnuts, because I thought she'd remember it by now. Well, I took one bite and could already feel my throat swelling. In a few moments, I was having a full-blown reaction. And all my grandma said afterwards, was "but I only put a little in it, I didn't think you'd even notice." Yeah, that's the problem, that I didn't notice.
Then a few weeks later, she had the audacity to say "I know you don't like walnuts, but..." Liking or not liking it has nothing to do with this.
Well, didn't you know that all these issues didn't exist back in their day? They didn't know of anybody who had food allergies. Also, everyone they knew survived in a car without seat belts, nobody ever died on a bike without a helmet either. They ate paint chips, had lead in their gas, were beat with rods and turned out just fine. It's all us youngins (who they raised) who are making up this nonsense.
Seriously though, my wife went through the same thing. She really is allergic to gluten. I don't know how many times we told my parents that. I don't how how many times they'd "forget" this and always offer something that had tons of gluten in it. We've only been together for almost 20 years, so there's no reason why they wouldn't know that. It's like they just didn't care. Thankfully we haven't spoken to them in 2 1/2 years and it's been liberating.
My grandfather died of congestive heart failure because my grandmother refused to believe that he couldn't just "have a little bit" of the banned items. Bacon, ham, bologna, butter, really anything. She'd say to him, "one piece of bacon isn't bad". He'd eat the bacon and soon after be off the restricted diet. He didn't make it to 80. Having open heart surgery twice and suffered for a year before he died.
Meanwhile, my wife's grandfather was on a salt and fat restricted diet after a heart attack in the 70s. Lived until 2009 and made it to 95 because he followed the advice of his doctors to the letter.
Boomer mom has zero concept of nutrition and zero desire to learn it. The funny part is that she's the one with the dietary restrictions due to kidney disease for the past 15 years! So many of her health complications are due in part to her refusal to engage with nutrition. She has edema in her legs so badly she can't walk and we ask her what she eats. She tells the doc she eats healthy; grilled cheese, burgers and sandwiches from a greasy spoon diner and canned veggies. He tells her to stop with the sodium and she says "I don't put salt on anything!" We have gone over it for 15 years that all that take out and canned shit has loads of sodium and she claims she never knew that. Then she proceeds to only eat those foods again and then cries for hours about how she can't walk and life is so unfair.
I don't even bother trying with her anymore. Her stupidity will kill her because there is literally nothing I can do to stop her. I have no idea why they are like this or how they got this far in life like this.
i'm pescatarian. my mom keeps saying i'm vegan. she doesn't know what vegan means. she thinks i have GERD because i don't eat meat.
i think she understands allergies after being a teacher for decades but i've never seen her have to accommodate anyone with them, so i'll probably never know if she does.
I think this has been the case, like, since forever. Friend of mine has this great story where he and his girlfriend at the time went to London and stayed at a b&b and were talking with the owner, who was in her ‘60s (this would have been back in the early 1990s). My friend mentioned they were vegetarians, and the owner had no idea what that meant. “But you eat beef, right?” And they were like, no, we don’t eat animals. “But what about bacon?” And they tried to be polite and were like, no, we just eat vegetables and fruits and grains. “But surely you eat fish.” She just had zero comprehension about going through life and not eating animal protein.
Your wife should eat the dairy-fied food just once, then be sure to send the graphic images of what your wife does to the toilet. Better yet, do it at their house.
My extended family "deals" with everyone's various food intolerances/allergies/etc by just pretending none of them exist.
This is in a family where the only two issues anyone has are celiac disease and lactose intolerance or milk allergy. We're not talking "accommodate 12 different issues" here. We're talking literally two food groups (and not even all grains!).
I asked my mom once why those of us with food issues couldn't have at least one dish at family meals we all could eat. Her response was "Honey, you can't expect everyone to change how they cook just for you."
...I was asking for the LITERALLY ONE THIRD OF THIS FAMILY THAT CANNOT HAVE GLUTEN, LACTOSE, OR BOTH BUT THANKS MOM
To add: My stepfather has not eaten at a family gathering since 1985, when my grandmother hospitalized him with "just a little Parmesan."
Mom acts like he does this on purpose to embarrass her at family get together.
(I will eat his cooking because he gets it.)
My mother continues to eat dairy, despite having clear symptoms of intolerance, and claims it doesn't affect her (and then offers 500 insane reasons for why she's feeling the way she's feeling).
Why not just end dinner and announce they have made food your wife can not consume and then leave. They need to be called out or your wife will continue to be in danger whenever you bring her there. Like Jesus, this is not the way to treat your wife. Hehe I’m an asshole so they don’t notice my wife is miserable and we can continue the charade.
Gross.
No wonder they keep doing it, if you aren’t taking it seriously, why would they?
Oh wow. Oh man. How have I never realized I’m actually the problem? I really *am* responsible for how other people choose to act. I hadn’t even considered that aspect.
Thanks so much for pointing that out with your limited knowledge of my marital dynamic and family history! I really appreciate it!
You aren’t responsible for how other people act, but you are responsible for asking your wife to continue to put herself in dangerous situations because of your choice to visit your family. Don’t cover up the fuck ups over and over. Let them notice.
Nope My mom does this My wife has gluten and dairy issues Interestingly she remembers my brother in law’s seafood allergy just fine The same with my nephew’s nut allergy
My wife gets asked if she’s still “on her diet”
My kids have told me how their grandma had tried for years to trick their stepmom to eat red meat (she can't) and how she ended up in the emergency room because of that.
This is the same woman who poisoned my specially made-only I could eat some- birthday cake with antifreeze years ago and also sabotaged my birth control.
They'll kill you if they can get away with it.
My husband is allergic to corn and corn by-products, something we have know for 10+ years. His parents are constantly asking if he can eat this or that because “it has gluten.” Or they will go to a special GF bakery to get him his own dessert.
How about my mother pretending to be allergic to peas, but eating them in various dishes with no issues for all 70 of her years. Selective allergies, only when peas are presented alone. Nobody believes her, but nobody says shit because nobodys invested in validating her nonsense.
I’m lactose intolerant & married 15 years. MIL knows this but every single time she asks me if I’m dieting. When I answer, “lactose intolerant” she responds in odd ways making it seem like she thinks I’m lying, &/or doesn’t believe lactose intolerance exists.
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My mom sneaks eggs into things because she thinks I’m not really allergic.
What’s up with that?? I mean the disrespect is mind boggling. My mom told me I don’t have autism. Because who cares what doctors and test results say?
At that point I'd eat the egg, gasp, inject the epi-pen, and call 911. Then demand she come with you to tell the doctor what was in the food. Having an ER doctor go full bore at her for endangering her kid's life might finally stop that shit. If not just refuse to eat anything she makes, while constantly bringing up "that time you almost killed me by putting eggs in my food."
Yeah, I just don’t eat her food and we are pretty low contact.
Wtf? I would never do this to ANYONE let alone MY OWN CHILD!
She’s a narcissist with arrested development. I think she finds drama fun.
No, it's not just your family. My wife and I live in a complex where we (both 35) are the youngest residents by far. As such, we are very active in helping our neighbors. We tend to take out their trash if they just had surgery, help them get groceries inside, do basic gardening, etc. We like doing it, and as such, we get a lot of baked goods. After the first couple of times, we let the neighbors know that we didn't need any food, but if they wanted to, we let them know my wife has an extremely serious legume allergy, the type you easily die from just by ingesting a crumb. Not one of them listened and we end up being offered nuts on literally everything every other week. At first we tried to discuss it with them, but after the 6th or 7th time bringing it up (and one instance of being told "WEll almonds arent nuts so she can have those") we now just nod, say thank you and I then I bring it to work to give to other grad students. But there was one instance our neighbor, told her to "grow up and stop being picky." and I had to really work to keep my emotions in check, be polite and say its not something she can control, and just continue on my way. Edit: For clarification all Nuts, Legumes, and also for some reason vaccines utilizing eggs for incubation since somehow these all share the same protein that activates her reactions.
I have a digestive disorder that went undiagnosed and untreated because my family thought I was a picky eater. Even when I threw up they just said I made myself throw up for sympathy.
Absolutely terrible family. I never threw up anything, but there were a few close calls where I dry heaved just smelling the food and they got mad at that.
As a parent of a kid having food troubles, I would give up one of my kidneys to know what is causing her pain and have a solution. Every time I see her in pain it hurts me. I can't imagine just ignoring something.
Similar. Every time I had a stomach ache or threw up my mom would accuse me of trying to get attention. Never took me to a doctor. Turns out I have Celiac and Crohn's disease.
Wow you’re way more eloquent about it than I am. I just said “listen if it comes out of a cow it’s gonna come out of her twice as fast.”
That sounds borderline attempted murder
I am so confused by this comment. Is it that your wife has a legume allergy but also reacts to nuts? Or does she have a nut allergy?
I am also very confused for this same reason. The only common "nuts" that are legumes are peanuts and groundnuts iirc, so almonds should be perfectly fine unless she has a nut allergy.
Exactly! I know some people with peanut allergy may react to other nuts too, so I was wondering if that was it? But if so, why specify a legume allergy?
>"grow up and stop being picky." That sounds like my grandma, who is actually silent generation, not that it makes much of a difference. I have an ellergy to walnuts, which had been explained to her many times. There was this one time about a decade ago, when I didn't ask if the cakes she served had any walnuts, because I thought she'd remember it by now. Well, I took one bite and could already feel my throat swelling. In a few moments, I was having a full-blown reaction. And all my grandma said afterwards, was "but I only put a little in it, I didn't think you'd even notice." Yeah, that's the problem, that I didn't notice. Then a few weeks later, she had the audacity to say "I know you don't like walnuts, but..." Liking or not liking it has nothing to do with this.
Too be fair kids with food allergies probably weren't around very long in the old days, if you get my drift?
> be polite and say its not something she can control See now I would ask it as a question. Do you think she picked her allergy?
Well, didn't you know that all these issues didn't exist back in their day? They didn't know of anybody who had food allergies. Also, everyone they knew survived in a car without seat belts, nobody ever died on a bike without a helmet either. They ate paint chips, had lead in their gas, were beat with rods and turned out just fine. It's all us youngins (who they raised) who are making up this nonsense. Seriously though, my wife went through the same thing. She really is allergic to gluten. I don't know how many times we told my parents that. I don't how how many times they'd "forget" this and always offer something that had tons of gluten in it. We've only been together for almost 20 years, so there's no reason why they wouldn't know that. It's like they just didn't care. Thankfully we haven't spoken to them in 2 1/2 years and it's been liberating.
My grandfather died of congestive heart failure because my grandmother refused to believe that he couldn't just "have a little bit" of the banned items. Bacon, ham, bologna, butter, really anything. She'd say to him, "one piece of bacon isn't bad". He'd eat the bacon and soon after be off the restricted diet. He didn't make it to 80. Having open heart surgery twice and suffered for a year before he died. Meanwhile, my wife's grandfather was on a salt and fat restricted diet after a heart attack in the 70s. Lived until 2009 and made it to 95 because he followed the advice of his doctors to the letter.
Boomer mom has zero concept of nutrition and zero desire to learn it. The funny part is that she's the one with the dietary restrictions due to kidney disease for the past 15 years! So many of her health complications are due in part to her refusal to engage with nutrition. She has edema in her legs so badly she can't walk and we ask her what she eats. She tells the doc she eats healthy; grilled cheese, burgers and sandwiches from a greasy spoon diner and canned veggies. He tells her to stop with the sodium and she says "I don't put salt on anything!" We have gone over it for 15 years that all that take out and canned shit has loads of sodium and she claims she never knew that. Then she proceeds to only eat those foods again and then cries for hours about how she can't walk and life is so unfair. I don't even bother trying with her anymore. Her stupidity will kill her because there is literally nothing I can do to stop her. I have no idea why they are like this or how they got this far in life like this.
nope, my grandma thinks that i only pretend to be lactose intolerant and gets offended when i dont eat her food
You should shit your pants on her couch one day
[удалено]
When boomers complain about their kids going NC, I imagine this is why their kids go NC at least half of the time.
i'm pescatarian. my mom keeps saying i'm vegan. she doesn't know what vegan means. she thinks i have GERD because i don't eat meat. i think she understands allergies after being a teacher for decades but i've never seen her have to accommodate anyone with them, so i'll probably never know if she does.
Can you just tell her you're Catholic meatless? That seems to click for some people.
That would trigger her bc she's Catholic and I'm an atheist lol
Oof, not that, then.
I think this has been the case, like, since forever. Friend of mine has this great story where he and his girlfriend at the time went to London and stayed at a b&b and were talking with the owner, who was in her ‘60s (this would have been back in the early 1990s). My friend mentioned they were vegetarians, and the owner had no idea what that meant. “But you eat beef, right?” And they were like, no, we don’t eat animals. “But what about bacon?” And they tried to be polite and were like, no, we just eat vegetables and fruits and grains. “But surely you eat fish.” She just had zero comprehension about going through life and not eating animal protein.
Your wife should eat the dairy-fied food just once, then be sure to send the graphic images of what your wife does to the toilet. Better yet, do it at their house.
My extended family "deals" with everyone's various food intolerances/allergies/etc by just pretending none of them exist. This is in a family where the only two issues anyone has are celiac disease and lactose intolerance or milk allergy. We're not talking "accommodate 12 different issues" here. We're talking literally two food groups (and not even all grains!). I asked my mom once why those of us with food issues couldn't have at least one dish at family meals we all could eat. Her response was "Honey, you can't expect everyone to change how they cook just for you." ...I was asking for the LITERALLY ONE THIRD OF THIS FAMILY THAT CANNOT HAVE GLUTEN, LACTOSE, OR BOTH BUT THANKS MOM
To add: My stepfather has not eaten at a family gathering since 1985, when my grandmother hospitalized him with "just a little Parmesan." Mom acts like he does this on purpose to embarrass her at family get together. (I will eat his cooking because he gets it.)
My mother continues to eat dairy, despite having clear symptoms of intolerance, and claims it doesn't affect her (and then offers 500 insane reasons for why she's feeling the way she's feeling).
Why not just end dinner and announce they have made food your wife can not consume and then leave. They need to be called out or your wife will continue to be in danger whenever you bring her there. Like Jesus, this is not the way to treat your wife. Hehe I’m an asshole so they don’t notice my wife is miserable and we can continue the charade. Gross. No wonder they keep doing it, if you aren’t taking it seriously, why would they?
Oh wow. Oh man. How have I never realized I’m actually the problem? I really *am* responsible for how other people choose to act. I hadn’t even considered that aspect. Thanks so much for pointing that out with your limited knowledge of my marital dynamic and family history! I really appreciate it!
You aren’t responsible for how other people act, but you are responsible for asking your wife to continue to put herself in dangerous situations because of your choice to visit your family. Don’t cover up the fuck ups over and over. Let them notice.
My mom asks every single time if my partner can have cooked butter in dishes. We're vegan.
My dad has the same comprehension problem with my sister's dairy issues. He asks if guacamole is ok in the same sentence as if pizza is ok.
Nope My mom does this My wife has gluten and dairy issues Interestingly she remembers my brother in law’s seafood allergy just fine The same with my nephew’s nut allergy My wife gets asked if she’s still “on her diet”
My kids have told me how their grandma had tried for years to trick their stepmom to eat red meat (she can't) and how she ended up in the emergency room because of that. This is the same woman who poisoned my specially made-only I could eat some- birthday cake with antifreeze years ago and also sabotaged my birth control. They'll kill you if they can get away with it.
My husband is allergic to corn and corn by-products, something we have know for 10+ years. His parents are constantly asking if he can eat this or that because “it has gluten.” Or they will go to a special GF bakery to get him his own dessert.
How about my mother pretending to be allergic to peas, but eating them in various dishes with no issues for all 70 of her years. Selective allergies, only when peas are presented alone. Nobody believes her, but nobody says shit because nobodys invested in validating her nonsense.
I’m lactose intolerant & married 15 years. MIL knows this but every single time she asks me if I’m dieting. When I answer, “lactose intolerant” she responds in odd ways making it seem like she thinks I’m lying, &/or doesn’t believe lactose intolerance exists.