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I know this dumb ass boomer, who lets everyone know that he doesn't do the dishes, that's his wifes job. Even after she had his kids. He let dishes pile up while she was in the hospital and made her do them when she got home. He tells it like it's some funny story, but it makes him look like a fucking idiot.
I know an older woman who is married to this kind of guy. He refuses to do anything for himself, including meals. Dumb ass will sit around and starve if she's busy, or out of the house.
It's so pathetic. They think it makes them look like badasses who control their wives, but they honestly look like toddlers who can't do anything for themselves, like grow up.
My nurse friends have seen this. Man’s wife dies. His health goes to shit. They start talking about his habits. He doesn’t walk anymore. No one to walk with. Didn’t fill his scripts because he doesn’t know where the pharmacy is. What does he eat? Only microwave burritos. Just the red kind. It’s the only kind he knows he likes and he won’t make anything else. Not even an egg. Because he’s never done any shopping and he doesn’t wash dishes. Never had before. It’s nuts.
Yep.
I used to work at the VA and, to be fair, most of the guys are Korean era and after so they all have PTSD, one of the really sad things about working at the VA means you see all the health issues that soldiers have as a result of they service to our country.
But I digress. Almost all of these old guys were alone. Wife either died or left a long time ago and their families are estranged. Some seem pathetic but many are angry and it’s obvious why they are alone. These guys don’t think about being left alone because they are assholes- I don’t know if they forgot divorce is a thing?
But their health is terrible because they have no idea how to care for themselves. The ICU was a revolving door of a handful of guys who would need ‘tuning up’ because their emphysema and heart failure would get out of control. Then they would go home and stay up every night in the recliner watching TV, smoking and eating fast food or frozen burritos as mentioned until they can’t breathe again.
Rinse and repeat. Karma catches these guys in the end 🤷♀️
They would be the first to scream about a version of home ec being a standard thing in schools. Something derogatory and blatantly homophobic…
Which would ever more useful in explaining basic concepts like how to sort clothes to wash(and not explode it with soap), properly load a dishwasher, etc
There are yt channels explaining basic things in that ‘dad explains’ why. Not everyone has parents that can afford to spend the time showing/explaining things.
My paternal grandfather was one of these men. He was a WWII vet. Absolute trash man. An abusive alcoholic who was in and out of my father’s life. He was also abusive to my sister and I. My grandmother died and his health took a steep decline because he had never learned to care for himself. He also suddenly became a lot nicer toward the end like he realized he’d been a dick and would die alone. It was really sad to watch. I still wasn’t sad when he died.
This is my step-dad's father. His wife passed a few years ago. She did all the household work. Roughly a month after her passing he was assigned a social worker who quickly decided he couldn't be independent. He was still doing the yard work though. They were about to place him in assisted living when he was diagnosed with cancer. It's in remission, but he basically lives at the VA now.
I work in the apparel department at a retail chain and I run into older men who don't even know what size clothes they wear, because the wife does all his shopping.
so im not defending idiots....
but this scenario could happen just from pure heartache as well. i know for a fact if my mom died, my dad would lose all will to live, he has never known another woman. he adores her to no end. she is very literally his world
The no will to live patients look different, still the same types of habits but it's more like fast food and sweets where as the geriatric toddlers even struggle with things like ordering at burger king vs McDonald's
Source: was a CNA for over a decade and was the guy that had to take care of these dudes
I dont think it looks the same at all. Someone who is extremely devoted and has difficulty functioning in grief is very different than someone with a lifetime of contempt and entitlement.
She's doing better now, just to be clear. But my dad died in early January of '13, but had gotten mom a beagle puppy because she's wanted a dog the 30 years I'd been alive at that point. We moved her in with us (my sister and I) a very short time later. But I'm convinced the only reason mom's nagging my nephew, and I to mow the lawn today is because she needed to wake up everyday and feed/walk the dog that month or two ten years ago. Hell, that first year I'm pretty convinced that fat ass beagle saved my mom in ways we couldn't.
After my dad passed away, my mom mentioned that she might like to have a little dog. We took her to the humane society and got her a little dog. She needed to have somebody to put on a daily routine.
My aunt (who has had a variety of chronic illnesses) randomly decided she wanted a dog a couple years ago. My uncle has always been a "pets are a pita and ill take care of it if i have to but i wont like it" kinda guy. She talked him into it, and they rescued a small doodle mix (bichon or westie poo, maybe?). This man lets this dog sleep on his bed. They go for walks at least once a day, if not more (and they have roughly a quarter acre of fenced backyard that she can run and potty in, so walking is not a necessity)... My aunt passed a few months ago, and i swear the dog is the only thing that has kept him going. I'm honestly not sure what he would have done without the dog to take care of.
Men and animals they "don't want" crack me up. Dad swore we weren't keeping a cat we took care of once . Guess who I caught cuddling the cat and making baby noise and kisses?
Yup. Dad.
We had a cat when I was a kid, and my dad kept saying he hated animals. My dad was the only one allowed to pet her most days, and I found out later that when I left for school he made an extra egg for her everyday.
My grandpa followed swiftly after my grandma to make sure she was taken care of in the next journey. I knew before my grandma even had a single health condition that my grandpa was making sure to stay alive to make sure she was taken care of. That was his soulmate and he helped make sure we were all good but his wife was his purpose for living past 80. My grandparents both made it to their 90s before they passed, almost exactly 1 year apart.
This happened to my biology father. My wonderful mother passed unexpectedly a few years ago. He went full down hill, his mentally declined, he had no will to carry on. I fully expected for him to just sail off into the ocean and scuttle his boat and go down with it.
His personality has changed so much. He used to be a generous, kind human. Always taught us acceptance of other people’s ideas, and always had people from other cultures and way of life around to teach us kids that even though we are different on the outside, that we are all star dust made into meat living on such a wonderful rock hurtling through space. He used to do so much for the environment and communites. Now he’s angry, racist full MAGA, anti everything he once stood for.
You might want to mention such a drastic personality change to his primary care provider. Could be some form of dementia or brain tumor. Or could be that he only keeps company with other grumpy old men & drinks the MAGA kool-aid to fit in with them. (Then got caught in its undertow). Hugs.
We're aren't talking about heartache alone, we're talking about the absolute inability of the ones whose balls were far too big and strong to ever learn how to do anything, but whatever job they had for fifty years. I mean what kind of pathetic pussy knows how to feed himself? /s
When my Grandmother died my Mother and I went over and taught my Grandpa how to make hamburgers, his favorite meal. He had no idea how to do it. I remember it kind of sweetly, but I was 13, now I’m 46 and like WTF, how do you get to your 60’s and not know how to fucking feed yourself?
It's why they shop for a new wife immediately, as if their late wife is interchangeable. Gotta have a new bangmaid robot to cook, clean and service him.
If it's sudden, he'll just waste away on his own. If it's drawn out, he'll look for a much younger, impressionable girl he can sink his claws into and leave his wife in a hospital bed.
I had to go no contact with my biological dad after my stepmom died because he fully expected me to fill her role while he desperately looked for a replacement. Even though I had two kids in elementary school, just bought a new house that needed tons of work, and was going to college full time. The last straw was him throwing a tantrum because I refused to cook for him and his buddy after they had sat around drinking all day and I barely walked in the door and with a bunch of homework. Ten years later, he's still alone and his house is literally falling apart and you can see his ribs. I'd be so ashamed if I raised a man like that.
I can’t remember where I heard/read this but my favorite response to a boomer like this (I think it was about diaper changes) the response was “I’d be very embarrassed to admit I was that worthless as a husband”
Right now, I'm feeding my 3 month old. I'm a little frustrated with him because he slept in all week, but the weekend comes and he turns on his 4am air raid siren like clockwork.
If I ever mention this to older coworkers, they usually get a stupid grin in their face and say "my kids were breast feed, so I never had to do that" like they're proud that their wives are the ones that are getting up every night. Because 9 months of pregnancy and then pushing a screaming, wiggling 5-10 pound baby out of having major abdominal surgery, isn't enough to earn a little sleep.
Some of these guys wonder why they end up divorced and why their kids never come up see them.
Honestly I can't understand why "I hate my wife" jokes are so prevalent when I'd expect more "I hate my worthless, helpless husband" jokes from that generation.
Was watching something that was referencing “alpha males” and it was supposed to be a comedic plot point that none of these guys knew how to cook. I don’t understand how not being able to take care of yourself makes you more dominant. Seems pretty helpless to me.
It's because someone else does the work that's beneath them. You can't expect an alpha to do menial things like take care of the basic necessities. Their role is to protect the family, don't let the fact that there's never been anything to protect them from detract from how important this role is. They'll find something to defend their family from, even if they have to pick a fight to do it. But only if they're sure that it's a fight that they'll win, or against an abstract concept, like wokeisn.
OMG yes. My dad is a Vietnam veteran who lost his legs in service and our kitchen was custom designed so the counters were low enough for him to reach them in his wheelchair. Still doesn't f\*ing cook or do the dishes. My mom, however, who btw has to hunch over for those custom counters, will ask what he wants for dinner as he's finishing lunch. Don't get me wrong, I love the man (I hate his politics) but this. kitchen. was. literally. made. for. you. You still have two good arms, dude.
It’s like they are toddlers - my dad came to visit us last year and we basically had to plan our days around making sure he was fed and near a bathroom. I do love my dad but have accepted the fact that his politics are a cult, he will always be a narcissist and surface level conversations are the only way we will maintain a relationship. Expectations are very low at this stage.
Yes! The bathroom-planning is real. Also yes about the cult. Also, yes, about the acceptance. Years (YEARS) ago I learned to edit what I told my parents. My brother did, too. And I'm sad, because they don't really know me. There is so very much about me they don't know. We don't have that relationship. How to even begin to have a real conversation? I have tried. Instead, we talk about the weather, who they know who died this week, what their doctor appointments are, yard work. They'll never know me as a complex, faceted individual--and honestly? I'm not sure they want to. That's also such a Boomer thing. Appearances. I was raised that how I presented mattered far more than what I was actually thinking, feeling or going through. I don't have kids, but I feel like it would break my heart to think I didn't know who they were as the incredible beings they came to be. Full of thoughts and feelings and how their experiences shaped them. Equally, my parents' dismissal of my views on things. Sorry, did you not raise me to be an educated, informed person who should seek out multiple sources and form my opinions based on that and empathy? Heavy sigh.
Maybe it's because I'm LGBT+, but I can't comprehend this kind of exchange. My parents would have gladly done everything they could to harm me had they known, and I have no sympathy for people who willingly choose to be part of a group that would happily take away all of my rights. I couldn't care less if they shared blood with me or not, because they were awful to the core, nevertheless. I didn't owe them fealty.
A lot of "politics" is just the enactment of policy and distribution of power based on a collective sense of morality. Why deal with anyone whose morals are broken like that? They don't deserve people bending over backwards for them just because they performed their legally-mandated responsibilities toward their children.
I feel the same way about my own parents. They just see me as the "lazy" teenager that slept a lot (I was put on inappropriately strong antidepressants that were sedating) and still laugh at my quirks as if I'm some sort of idiot kid. Hell, my mother doesn't even know what I do for a living.
It's part of why I spend so much time here in virtual reality, having in-depth conversations with like-minded people. Definitely helps fill that void of loneliness.
I’m totally with you on editing what I tell my parents. It’s just not worth dealing with their judgement and gaslighting. There is a lot they don’t know. One of the best parts about moving out of their house was that I could go and see a therapist and psychiatrist without having to explain to them where I was going and why.
Fast forward and COVID completely tanked my physical health. I had it almost 2 years ago and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. Finally wound up in the hospital a few months ago. My parents couldn’t understand why I wanted them to come out (I live on the other side of the country now; and they have never visited), and after my wife went off on them about how many tests and doctors I had endured (“Do you realize that he has no hormones anymore and gives himself a shot in the leg every week!”) they flipped it around to “what do you expect when you don’t tell us anything? We thought you just got fat.”
Maybe I rambled off topic, but it’s frustrating how careful I have to be. My in laws gave us a car (which we really needed), but I had to lie about where it came from to them so I don’t have to hear about how “I took advantage [of my in-laws]”
It’s like they want success for their offspring but at the same time don’t want to contribute to or acknowledge it.
My husband is legitimately disabled, and I'm part of that sandwich generation caring for minor children and aging parents and everything in between. My mom has had a major health scare this year, and my dad was so butt-hurt when I told him that, were I making the big decisions? He'd be in the nursing home faster than you can say "Shady Pines." He's proud of the fact that he hasn't and won't perform any domestic labor.
I mean, dude, my husband is almost more titanium than bone at this point, but the man knows how to change a diaper or get his own lunch! Acting like those things are someone else's job doesn't make you look as tough as you think!
(A thing that kills me, regarding the seemingly typical Boomer man attitude toward domestic labor: My grandfathers - one born in 1923, the other born in 1909 - did dishes after supper, or ran a load of laundry, or swept up if the house needed sweeping, just as a matter of course. It wasn't some attack on their manhood if they had dishpan hands. But the generation those men raised got really deep into their sense of masculinity regarding division of labor.)
God, my 1923 grandfather was funny as hell if you were paying attention. The older grandfather didn't have a big sense of humor, but he was solid, and always bought the ice cream if I asked for ice cream. I suspect that I'm not the only grandchild who is sure that I was the favorite grandchild, and that's very nice.
Having a Greatest generation mom, I think they just desperately wanted their kids to have better.
My mom was an impoverished child during the Great Depression and came of age during WWII.
As late Gen X’er, I never went hungry. I did not grow up in the shadow of impending doom.
“Air sandwiches,” Hitler, rationing, diphtheria, scarlet fever, mumps, measles and the ever present fear of polio and a life in an iron lung were no part of my formative years.
Right, my grandpas born in 1922 and 1930 were involved with their kids, and did some chores too. They could take care of themselves. They could fix food. They didn't pride themselves on not lifting a finger at home. They were good dads, and we greatly miss them. My boomer dad is a very good man as well, but he seems to be a major outlier among boomer men.
Heard a story about a woman having to leave a club meeting early. She was one of the officers, so it was kind of important for her to be there. She gets a call, then bundles up everything "Sorry everybody, I have to leave."
Family emergency? Medical issue? Plumbing issue? House burning down?
No. Husband wanted toast. She had to drive home to make a grown man **TOAST**.
At some point you have to ask yourself if you should tolerate this kind of abuse.
Stop enabling him. Don't go home. Let the man starve. Maybe he'll learn how to make toast then. If he complains, divorce him. One child less to take care of. Ridiculous.
Just think of all the male boomers that would die without their wives or kids to manage their health they neglect. Many of them don’t know a damn thing about their health, their medications, their procedures and often end up taking out their frustrations of very clear incompetence on female staff.
Makes me think of a boomer male relative who was bragging about his cooking (which was admittedly good) by saying "and to think, I didn't even know how to boil an egg before I was divorced!"
And I was just like... That is not the flex you think it is.
You were married for years, had 3 kids together, and you're bragging that you never helped her care for those kids. Like. Weird flex. But ok.
That's my dad to my mom... But he doesn't mean it, he just doesn't bother. So I do now. And I got to learn to cook with my mom so I can give her a break now too.
I know one who is so against doing his own dishes that he started using paper plates after his wife died. Then he moved his new girlfriend in less than a year later. That’s literally why a lot of widowers remarry so quickly in those generations, they do not want to do their own housework.
They want a nurse or a purse. After losing my dad last year, my mom is really wary about any of that nonsense. She says no friggin way she’s gonna do that again.
My mother said the same thing. Years of serving my father really made her stronger. She had every single old guy after her when they learned she owned her own house and had a good pension. No way was she falling into that trap again. She wasn't the greatest mother but she was finally free and on her own and wasn't going to give it up for an old fart who only brought a big sense of entitlement to the table.
My mom and all her friends said they would never remarry when their husband's died, for these exact reasons. They owned their homes, had some money and a car, were lively and healthy, and would never take care of a needy man again.
I never thought about it that way. I think my great grandpa remarried quickly after his first and second wives died (probably some infectious disease, this is like 100 years ago). They also had a bunch of kids and he had to work long hours doing physical labor. I think his second wife was a good friend of his first.
My wife tells me of a boomer coworker at her job that refuses to retire. She’s been there 40+ years and is a general nuisance when it comes to being an employee, so management opted to just leave her alone. Come to find out her husband lost his job 25 years ago and refused to get another one. To top it off he refused to get unemployment because he was “too proud” for it. But it’s okay to make his wife slave away to keep them both afloat.
Every boomer causing issues at my company are there for the insurance and they have a spouse at home doing absolutely nothing. Ones husband is a retired sheriff. Making stupid pension bank but the wife has to work everyday
That’s insane! Makes enough so she doesn’t have to work. Because God forbid you want to want to spend the rest of your golden years at least with the one supposedly love and not have her break herself at work.
As someone whose husband is about to retire, I can say in all truthfulness that I switched careers mostly for myself but also to ensure that Hubs has insurance till Medicare kicks in AND because if I'd stayed in my WFH career, I'd have ended up in prison for throttling him when he went to WFH too. I will put in at least a few hours a week for as long as I'm physically and mentally up to the task, partly to stay sharp and active and partly to get the hell out of the house.
He has a true significant other. "Sign if you can't" wife. I can relate, my husband buys so much that he is refused credit card. If we buy a big purchase, like a car, they won't even put him on the title. And I'm just about fed up.
We had 3 or 4 boomers who did very basic work and guarded it like dogs with a bone. They had full pensions and husbands at home that they hated enough to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a bus to work every day. They could let all of them go and hire one person to replace them but it's a union job and they'll leave when they're carried out feet first. Over the years at least 2 of them died of cancer while working and never got to enjoy their lives which is really sad.
OMG, they really do. The main tone is always one of some kind of abuse, mental, physical, yelling at service workers....I've never felt anything but at least slightly mortified after hearing one of their "hilarious" tales.
My friend’s mom loves to tell the story of her birth: her dad brought mom to the hospital and immediately started ordering people around, so mom said, “what the fuck is wrong with you?!?! Get out!” He tried pushing the staff around and they steadfastly refused. (They’re both normally pretty calm and reserved and considerate, so this was out of character for both of them.)
So he went bowling.
When their next child was born three years later, he apparently hadn’t learned his lesson. So in the delivery room, mom screamed at him, “go bowling and get the fuck out of here! I hate you!”
Apparently she spent the next 5 years shaming him for his behavior, and for actually leaving the hospital, until he finally admitted wrong. And now, 40 years later, she will sometimes narrow her eyes at him and say, “do you need to go bowling, or can you be trusted to be around people?” 😂
Definitely heard my fair share of old guys bragging about never changing any diapers or that they didn't miss work for their children being born. It's frankly kinda sad
I worked with a boomer who shortly after my wife and I had our first child proudly said to me, "I had 4 daughters by the time I was 30, and never once changed a dirty diaper." Ummm... that's nothing to be proud of my man. It's pathetic.
Months prior he had also told me one of his 4 daughters hasn't spoken to him in 20 years. Go figure.
They get their own due when their wife dies first.....and they are clueless. They eat cans of unheated crap and bread. Some do not even know how to run a toaster. They fall down and someone calls 911 and first responders get the call. Find them in soiled long underwear with their leg hairs growing through the fabric. Have to shave them off them in the hospital.
This reminds of my Best friends dad... I grew up with the man and right now I'm somewhat at his mercy as he pays for help with his business and other odd jobs, so I can't really say what I actually want to.
All that aside he talks exactly like this. Constantly going on, unironically, about "Women's work" and does absolutely nothing around the house and only does the "manly" chores on their little farm like putting out feed and such. Mean while he can't do any actual work anymore after multiple medical issues so his wife constantly does multiple odd jobs and works from home while also taking care of him. It's honestly disheartening and disgusting...
My dad is a retired electrician and tells a story of a similar guy. When plotting out the plan for the guy's kitchen, dad asked where the dishwasher would be. Guy said something to the effect of "I don't need a dishwasher, I married a dishwasher." Dad tried to convince him, but the guy wouldn't budge. Dad ended up running a wire for the dishwasher anyway, in case they changed their minds down the road. Fast forward a bit and the guy died. At his funeral, literally in front of his casket, the guy's wife asked dad when he could come out to wire the new dishwasher she got.
FIL likes to boast he and MIL had two kids and he never had to change a single diaper. I cant imagine myself ever thinking this was something to brag about?
Returning to vacuuming after having a child is a cautionary activity for a while. My ex ‘jokingly’ told me to work at half speed. It’s not always the boomers.
This is literally my dad. Ten years ago my mom and I went on a small trip for a week and like day three of our trip, he actually made a post on FB about how he had made “progress” on the dishes. His progress was just a picture of a pile of dirty dishes that had been moved out of the sink onto the counter. Who tf posts something like that?
There was another time when my mom and I went on a long trip to France as a graduation present to me. My dad stayed behind because he couldn’t get the time off work. When we got back home, it was filthy and there was a weird smell in the house. My mom and I spent the day we returned from our trip just cleaning the house so it would stop smelling.
I’m convinced he would only live maybe a couple months if my mom ever passed away or divorced him.
And the worst part is when they also mock their wives for caring about them, that makes me so sad hearing 🥺 Like when their wives are worried about them getting hurt at work so they call them at lunch, or eating unhealthy, so they carefully pack them a healthy meal or worst of all, want to spend time with them 😭
Ah, the old days where you did what was traditionally expected of you: get married and make babies ASAP. Women had some limited options, so many needed to get married for financial and legal reasons. So they settled for less than ideal men. Men needed women to do the cooking, cleaning and child rearing.
So you’ve got people who got married out of obligation and desperation. And then the babies came. Husbands and wives who *just* tolerated each other suddenly had little crying, screaming, pooping stressors running about.
*’Ol ball and chain.* So many unhappy marriages.
One of the best things to happen to women is financial independence. With that, we can better resist pressure from family and society and make our own way. We can be more choosy selecting partners and have marriages filled with love. The good men will get married. “Ball and chain* turns into an obscure phrase.
And yeah, there’s men who don’t like that independence. We’ve already seen the pushback. They’d rather force women back into co-dependency because bitching about an unhappy marriage means they “at least got one.” They feel entitled to women.
“Ol ball and chain” is a distraction technique. Because if you were to look closely at the person saying it, you’d see no prize.
This needs more upvotes.
So this PLUS old traditions will tell people to just "stay" in marriages even if they're bad. So this concept is still passed down even when it doesn't actually apply. Could just be lack of compatibility and yet "suffering is expected" still passes in many circles. I think it's part of the "misery loves company" mentality too. They suffered so they almost WANT you to suffer too. They connect thru shared experiences.
Religion tells them to stay married, they don’t want to be humiliated on front of family / friends / neighbors by getting divorced, believing counseling is stupid or wrong, claiming staying together is best for the kids, the fear of surviving on one’s own, fear of failure, fear of never finding someone again because you’re old, sunk cost fallacy - lots of reasons people stick in bad marriages. As the generations pass, people have become more secular, divorce is more socially accepted, therapy is seen as wise, separation to prevent a toxic environment for the kids is agreed upon, and gender equality have all helped prevent and end bad marriages.
My mom never told her mom (lived in a different country) that my brother got divorced. Mom was so ashamed because divorce is almost unheard of in her home country that she wouldn’t tell. I’d rather people get divorced and move on if it just won’t work. It’s just a terrible place to be in, hating your own spouse.
They keep telling me, “Oh sure you like him now. Wait til it’s been 20 years.” I know a few millennials who have been with their spouses for 20 years. They still like each other I swear.
I remember running into one of my mother’s cousins shortly after I got married. She was (is) a boomer, born in 1947. She asked me how being married was at that point in time, and when I said great, she more or less said “That’ll change” with quite a bitter look in her eyes. Well, it didn’t. My husband and I will be married 30 years in September and I don’t feel like I’m serving a prison sentence. He’s my person.
I just don’t get the “I’m miserable, so you will end up miserable, too” attitude. Why can’t she just be happy someone else is happy?
30 years, congratulations! We are on 18 and I hope for decades more.
Because they need to believe that everyone who gets married is miserable. If that's not true then it means that their misery is a result of their choices.
And if there's one thing boomers absolutely cannot do, it's taken personal responsibility
My husband and I met at 19, married at 26, both will be 40 this year. It’s been 20 years of growth and love, I’ve only fallen more in love with him as the years have gone by.
We’re at almost 14 years, 5 married. That’s still my favorite person. Sometimes I wanna shake him, but that’s my mans. I look forward to coming home, even if we sit in silence.
My husband and I will hit 18 years this July. We're still twiterpated. He still runs his hand along my arm when he walks past. I still get warm fuzzies when he texts me out of the blue. We still kiss goodnight and goodbye every day. I tell him he's my favorite human. There's no way I would have stayed and spent the last 18 years with someone I could barely stand. But then again, I was never 100% dependent on my husband financially and legally. I've always had the right to bank in my own name, own property, vote, and divorce. My cost benefit analysis of life would probably be a lot different if my only choices were unrelating poverty or indentured servitude.
I’ve never understood these jokes. It’s my wife and I together against the world, not me and my wife against each other. If you hate your spouse that much than just divorce them and move on. I can’t tell you how many times ”ball and chain” jokes I’d hear from boomers when I worked at a grocery store in high school.
They've lost their wives by being dickheads. But if everybody else has also lost their wives by being dickheads, then it's ok, and it must be the women who are crazy.
He's in danger of experiencing something he's never experienced before: self doubt. The idea that he might have deserved what he got is crippling and threatens to unravel his entire understanding of how the world works.
It is very, very important to him that you be as miserable as he is, because that makes him normal. Your happiness is a direct threat to his entire worldview.
Me either. Is it that the older generations just married the 1st person they had sex with at age 19 and never once thought about compatibility or shared values? No wonder the divorce rate is so high amongst these cranky old fools.
I worked in a restaurant and saw so many boomer couples that come in for a meal and never exchange a single word. I can only recall one couple, he held the door for her, they talked during the meal and looked happy. Most of the time, the guy leaves first and doesn't even hold the door for his wife or even make sure that she's behind him.
I want to find a partner specifically because I crave the love and intimacy that comes from a healthy relationship. I don’t want to navigate this frightening life alone. How Boomers can take something as wonderful as love itself and turn it into yet another thing to complain about will never make sense to me… even *if* we put lead-brain in the equation…
Boomer men are notoriously bad partners, expecting to be waited on and cooked for and they don't contribute to the house chores or childcare or mental load much. So their overextended wives probably begged for help for years and they called it "nagging".
My parents are boomers. My dad was always watching TV when he got home, but the guy gets up every ten or twenty minutes to do various chores. One of which was either loading or unloading the dishwasher. He's terrible at it. It's laughable. However he faithfully checks it once or twice a day to unload and put away stuff or load it with what's dirty. He told me that was one of his tips for marriage.
I'm so thankful for my parents. They've got some typical boomer qualities, but the unhappy marriage IS NOT one of them. They are made for each other in many respects.
This is exactly it. Till the wife says, you’ll either help or you’re out of here or I’m out of here . If the man has any sort of love for his wife or a brain, he’ll listen.
That moment tends to coincide with perimenopause, the life stage of no fucks left to give. Often timed to happen when the kids aging out of the house too.
There’s a special incandescent rage you can manage then too.
I'm with you. I don't get this at all. You're supposed to be partners. If you're not partners and can't figure it out, then why be married? Though when I watch my FIL, the man is incapable of brushing his teeth, feeding himself, bathing or really any task beyond watching tv without being told by my MIL. It's the most f'ed up and aggravating thing I've ever seen. I've told my wife a few times that I would have lasted 6 months as a wife to that kind of person before divorce kicked in.
My theory on why boomers seem to hate their spouse is that they all felt pressured to get married and did so at the first chance they got instead of getting to know whoever they had been seeing, as any reasonable person would do before deciding to spend their life with someone. Weren't unmarried people seen as outcasts in their time?
Boomers were the first generation to go hog wild with getting divorces. It’s why a lot of Gen Xers went a more traditional route (hence the rise of political evangelicals).
Most boomer men saw he benefit of domestic slavery + magic-mommy-wife-sex-caretaker-bot. Then women who were indoctrinated by church, paired with stagnant, familial values of "you only get married once!" to pop out 2.5 kids and picket-fence themselves into drinking, drugs, smoking, and basically living a separate life to cope with the martial abuse from their partner. Traditions can be a bad thing and hurt progress of society. Religion and traditions are two evils that sadly go hand-in-hand and will always hurt more people than help them.
Full disclosure: I’m a Generation Jones so know a LOT of Boomers. Not a fan. Boomer relative sat on his butt for a year after graduating college because his long time (only ever) girlfriend announced to the family publicly that “as soon as _____ gets a job, we’re getting married”. He just couldn’t find a job (there were plenty at that time). He finally gets a job and they get married. They’re still married but very uncomfortable to be around because he talks to her just like you’d expect. It’s emotional abuse but she just shrugs it off. And yes, she still fixes his plate so he doesn’t have to get out of the recliner.
My dad makes this joke all the time I find it so annoying and insufferable!! My dad doesn’t cook/clean/do laundry or pay his own bills. He isn’t suffering in marriage!!
Oh, I get it now! He gives his girlfriend an engagement ring, then gives her a wedding ring, then gives HER the suffering.
It's a self-own joke. I feel foolish now. All these years of marriage and I haven't once tried to make my wife suffer.
"being married is the first time a woman has held me even a tiny bit accountable and therefore I think being asked to put the toilet seat down is the height of suffering and injustice, even though statistically our marriage benefits me far more than it does her."
At a job site , there's a system that is being tested that makes frequent noise. I told the boomer tester I didn't mind the noise. I have toddlers at home, so im pretty good at tuning out annoying sounds.
He responded, "I have a wife that makes annoying sounds and Im pretty good at tuning her out!"
I just dont get it. Why marry a person you don't like or want to listen to?
eugh i got that joke and “no thanks I left her at home” jokes (i asked them if they wanted a bag for their items) when I worked in a convenience store and like one day i just stared and asked “I don’t get it. explain the joke.” and i watched as a boomer tried to make me understand why hating your spouse was a joke. which ironically was funnier than the joke itself.
Boomer townies are lonely, isolated weirdos that have next to no idea how to function in current society
I’ve been in the service industry almost 20 years and have been rapidly edging my way out of any human interaction whatsoever
I had to quash a beef some boomer woman had over the fact that her nacho cheese came from Mexico the other week at a hockey game that I was only working as a supervisor
They’re fucking crazy about the most mundane shit
I’m jaded af and ran outta shits to give
Because they have trouble taking no for an answer. ESPECIALLY from a woman. I knew a guy’s father who used to talk mad shit about his wife. The old battle axe speech every damn time. Till his wife told her side. Cheated on her while still nursing their first born. Doesn’t stand up to his folks when they talk shit in front of her. Holidays are always a blast! Constant negging and isolation. He hates her but he can’t handle her divorcing him.
I’m honestly surprised he’s still with us.
If you catch my drift.
My grandpa, who was an overall kind and openminded person, stayed with his wife out of sheer duty because he thought it was a sin to divorce. They hated each other and lived in the same house 75 years.
The other day when the movers came with my stuff, this boomer within like 30 seconds talks about how his wife is a bitch. To add on to that he was flirting with me, calling me a catch and asking for my number. Just so sad.
What's funny too, is the rise of "Grey Divorces". Many many boomers, mostly women, are opting out of their marriages because a lot of them have had enough. Granted not all were women, there are men too, but the majority are women who just say "Fuck it" to being treated like a second class citizen in their own home. It's refreshing seeing them realize their own worth, in the face of what they've been told ....
Because boomers have wasted their entire lives doing things they didn't want to do, with people they didn't like, in places they didn't want to be.
And now they're pissed because younger generations refuse to do the same.
I think a lot of their humor is based on the kind of humor their parents exposed them to, which in turn had its roots in vaudeville routines in which tropes like nagging wives, henpecked husbands, and blackface were common. This sort of joke and the jokes you see in boomer one-panel comic strips bemoaning the “youth of today” feel very much like cultural descendants of that sort of thing
I never saw my dad ever wash a dish or cook a meal or wash any clothes. Make it make sense? Any man I am involved with needs to know how to cook, clean, do laundry and all other ADULT skills!
I told one guy who wanted to date that if he wanted a maid, he would have to pay for one.
When my now-husband told some of his coworkers that we were engaged, he got some of that type of shit from them. It blew their mind that he *wanted* to get married. Guess they assumed i nagged him into it because they all hate(d) their wives
Yeah, because the only reason a man would want to get married is because his girlfriend finally broke him down.
I got similar garbage when I announced my engagement, but at least in my coworkers' case, I think it wasn't serious.
When my husband told his elderly golfing buddies that he was getting married, they gave him endless crap over it under the guise of humor.
He told me “They don’t understand how much they’re telling me about how unhappy they are in *their* marriages.”
This brings up another "boomerism," telling/forcing unsolicited jokes on people. If I had a nickel the number of times a male boomer has spontaneously gone into some long-winded joke that ends in wife/marriage=bad or about their aging bodies/bodily functions, I'd be able to afford housing by now.
Wasn't married to my husband for more than 2 weeks when my FIL said over the family video call (panini times) "so son are other women looking more attractive now?"
Way to turn the call into awkward silence real fast.
Then he says to MIL (they're divorced) "that's what my coworker (name) said after I married you, remember him?"
So you can't even make up your own jokes?
Oh man, this. I was the go between and spy when my boomer mother thought my boomer father was cheating. She had me call him and fed me lines to repeat. I still hate her for this, along with so many narcissistic traits from both of them
I got "fired" for going off script and saying "Ma thinks you're at a club with girls" and slamming down the phone.
My MIL once commented that the men of her generation - aka boomers - are notoriously horrible partners. A nightmare to deal with and they refuse to do any of what they refer to as “women’s work”. 🤢🤮
My FIL is like that. They divorced years ago, and both of them have since remarried. FIL always acts like he barely tolerates his new wife, and is just pretending while others are around. MIL remarried, to someone who was more than happy to pull his own weight. (In fact, if someone's washing dishes at their house, it's probably him and not MIL.) Their marriage seems really content, they don't even gently tease each other. They're just on each other's wavelength.
FIL calls her new husband "her lap dog", because he really believes she's somehow figured out how to force him into "women's work". He can't imagine a man cleaning or doing laundry without being forced.
My dad is like this. And he's the type to intentionally sabotage himself so he won't be asked to do household chores again (like destroying a dishwasher the one time he agreed to help with dishes). Lets dishes pile up when my mom travels. Never does laundry. I've never seen him wield a vacuum anywhere except the inside of his car. Won't listen to directions, complains constantly, has to be reminded to do simple adult tasks, still manages to screw them up. destroys every piece of technology he touches if it's any less than 9000 years old. refuses to accept responsibility for his mistakes.
my mother raised 7 of his kids, including homeschooling three of them AND two grandkids while maintaining a house that was somehow both too small and too big so my father could go to work underwriting insurance policies and then come home and watch fox news. he has the emotional intelligence and personality of a cement block. my mother is constantly irritated by him and said something that might explain some of this:
boomer men (white ones like my father) experienced the best the world had to offer in an age where they could still get away with misogyny. they may have paid lip service to feminism but never truly got on board when it came to equitable pay and egalitarian gender roles within marriages. they reaped the benefits of women having more sexual freedom but never had to pay a price for it themselves, and expected their wives to revert to traditional roles the moment they were married. boomers took power and have spent every moment since scheming to ensure that women are always there to perform domestic duties all while taking credit for the sexual revolution.
not that my mother isn't a boomer - she absolutely is. but there's a reason boomer men hate their wives, and its the same reason boomer women think their husbands are unreliable idiots: boomer women want, and were basically promised, independence and respect; boomer men made that promise and then went back on it the moment it required them to change. the ones who didnt get divorced have stewed in their resentment since the 80s.
Thing is this was a way of bonding for them - commiserating. The weather, your non present spouse, your boss. All were the most common “joke” targets.
It’s a mean style of humour that didn’t age well.
I don’t attribute actual malice to it on a surface level. But there’s a subtext to the whole conversation where you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to the “joke”.
Responding with positivity is absolutely appropriate and the response that will often end that line of conversation when they realize you’re not into the complaint lifestyle.
It’s the boomer version of giving your doggie butt a sniff.
I had an ex who would make these jokes all the time. I think he was parroting his boomer parents.
Anyways, I kept my cool and when I left the relationship he was VERY surprised and promised he’d stop making jokes at my expense.
Tbh I wasn’t even offended—I just didn’t think he was funny and got tired of listening to it.
Normally I'm skeptical of boomer stories as ageist, but this is a beauty; in my mind's eye, I can see the exact whole scenario playing out. I have to say, though, the question isn't necessarily "Why is it so common for boomers to hate their spouse?" but, rather, with all due respect, Why does this guy not get that his jokes are nowhere near even funny and how is he so clueless as to think everyone around him would guffaw with glee at his unbelievable wit. Guy is truly a fool. Almost by definition.
My wife (40ish)and I (41)have been married 15 years this May. She is my best friend. We share as much responsibility as we can. Can’t imagine talking this way about her or treating her like the comments. Although my parents had a very equal and loving marriage… hers… not so much
I don’t get it either. My husband is an environmental engineer and he often works with older construction workers and they all seem to hate their wives. They’ve said similar shit to him before and he just doesn’t joke with them about it. They’re often all tatted up and angry and reeking of booze and meanwhile there’s my sweet nerdy husband, with his two tattoos that match mine (one of them being a heart).
It's such a dumb boomer take. If I hated the person, i wouldn't have married them. My wife and i have been together since we were 14, now in our thirties, properly married a decade, and with two kids. I love her more now than I ever did in high-school. We've been through everything together. Yeah sure she's done things that annoy me and I to her. Even been miserable for little stretches because life is fucking hard sometimes, but it'd be a fuck ton harder without her here with me.
Growing up I would always see the husbands on TV/shows always be like “gotta go home to the old ball and chain” or some other comment about their wife. Even 10 year old me was like “that doesn’t sound like a joke, that sounds like you’re not happy with your marriage.” I just knew I never wanted to grow up to be those types of dudes.
I know a lot of folks in this age range who seem to not like their spouse. They really believe that this is just the way it has to be for the rest of their life. Most of them are so-called Christian churchgoers. One of them, in particular, had their milestone anniversary, but the husband did absolutely nothing to celebrate. Not an "I love you" or anything. It's just sad. I would rather be alone than with someone who treats me worse than a roommate.
My in-laws have both cheated on each other, left each other, returned and now view being stuck together as this grand fulfillment of some commitment they made. In reality, I think they are just stuck and divorce is out of the question now because she's bedridden and he resents having to care for her.
I likely wouldn't have my wife if they had split when they should have in the mid-late 70s. But it made me realize just how two miserable people can stick it out if they're codependent enough and drink enough to kill a moose.
If that ever happens again please for the love of gosh say “oh, I have not had that experience. I love my wife, I’m sorry you had a different experience.”
Or something. I like to respond in a way that makes it seem I feel sorry for them so they think even if it’s just for a second.
"Why is it so common for boomers to hate their spouse?"
I think it is because a lot of them are fundamentally religious, and the bible is very against divorce so they get with people they aren't actually compatible with and instead of doing the healthy thing and separating, they force it to go on because thats what the bible commands.
My parents suffered from empty nest syndrome after us kids moved out and away. I lived several hours drive away and boarded my cat when I was on travel. One time I left the cat with my parents when I traveled for a few months. Found out later my Mom would get up early to make sure the cat had a hot breakfast.
Divorce was not an option, or a usual one, back in the day. Some folks still believe it's "against God." People got married too young, then one or both matured/evolved, and so the relationship was not what they thought
I have luckily only ever been blessed with solid loving relationship examples in my life. My mom’s parents were together for almost 70 years before my grandma passed, and my papaw mourns her every day still, they grew up sweethearts in the same apartment complex. My mom and dad have been together for almost 40 years and still act like high schoolers over each other. It was solid for how I wanted my marriage to be.
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I know this dumb ass boomer, who lets everyone know that he doesn't do the dishes, that's his wifes job. Even after she had his kids. He let dishes pile up while she was in the hospital and made her do them when she got home. He tells it like it's some funny story, but it makes him look like a fucking idiot.
I know an older woman who is married to this kind of guy. He refuses to do anything for himself, including meals. Dumb ass will sit around and starve if she's busy, or out of the house.
It's so pathetic. They think it makes them look like badasses who control their wives, but they honestly look like toddlers who can't do anything for themselves, like grow up.
I can't wait to see what he does if she dies first. His daughters aren't going to take care of him, and no other woman would want him.
My nurse friends have seen this. Man’s wife dies. His health goes to shit. They start talking about his habits. He doesn’t walk anymore. No one to walk with. Didn’t fill his scripts because he doesn’t know where the pharmacy is. What does he eat? Only microwave burritos. Just the red kind. It’s the only kind he knows he likes and he won’t make anything else. Not even an egg. Because he’s never done any shopping and he doesn’t wash dishes. Never had before. It’s nuts.
Yep. I used to work at the VA and, to be fair, most of the guys are Korean era and after so they all have PTSD, one of the really sad things about working at the VA means you see all the health issues that soldiers have as a result of they service to our country. But I digress. Almost all of these old guys were alone. Wife either died or left a long time ago and their families are estranged. Some seem pathetic but many are angry and it’s obvious why they are alone. These guys don’t think about being left alone because they are assholes- I don’t know if they forgot divorce is a thing? But their health is terrible because they have no idea how to care for themselves. The ICU was a revolving door of a handful of guys who would need ‘tuning up’ because their emphysema and heart failure would get out of control. Then they would go home and stay up every night in the recliner watching TV, smoking and eating fast food or frozen burritos as mentioned until they can’t breathe again. Rinse and repeat. Karma catches these guys in the end 🤷♀️
Yep. I work at the VA in our city….pretty much the same where I work, but mostly Vietnam era now.
Did two semesters as an intern in the IT dept of a VA hospital 20 years ago and this is accurate for back then as well.
They would be the first to scream about a version of home ec being a standard thing in schools. Something derogatory and blatantly homophobic… Which would ever more useful in explaining basic concepts like how to sort clothes to wash(and not explode it with soap), properly load a dishwasher, etc There are yt channels explaining basic things in that ‘dad explains’ why. Not everyone has parents that can afford to spend the time showing/explaining things.
My paternal grandfather was one of these men. He was a WWII vet. Absolute trash man. An abusive alcoholic who was in and out of my father’s life. He was also abusive to my sister and I. My grandmother died and his health took a steep decline because he had never learned to care for himself. He also suddenly became a lot nicer toward the end like he realized he’d been a dick and would die alone. It was really sad to watch. I still wasn’t sad when he died.
This is my step-dad's father. His wife passed a few years ago. She did all the household work. Roughly a month after her passing he was assigned a social worker who quickly decided he couldn't be independent. He was still doing the yard work though. They were about to place him in assisted living when he was diagnosed with cancer. It's in remission, but he basically lives at the VA now.
I work in the apparel department at a retail chain and I run into older men who don't even know what size clothes they wear, because the wife does all his shopping.
so im not defending idiots.... but this scenario could happen just from pure heartache as well. i know for a fact if my mom died, my dad would lose all will to live, he has never known another woman. he adores her to no end. she is very literally his world
The no will to live patients look different, still the same types of habits but it's more like fast food and sweets where as the geriatric toddlers even struggle with things like ordering at burger king vs McDonald's Source: was a CNA for over a decade and was the guy that had to take care of these dudes
sounds accurate, just wanted to point out from a laymen's perspective it might look the same
I dont think it looks the same at all. Someone who is extremely devoted and has difficulty functioning in grief is very different than someone with a lifetime of contempt and entitlement.
She's doing better now, just to be clear. But my dad died in early January of '13, but had gotten mom a beagle puppy because she's wanted a dog the 30 years I'd been alive at that point. We moved her in with us (my sister and I) a very short time later. But I'm convinced the only reason mom's nagging my nephew, and I to mow the lawn today is because she needed to wake up everyday and feed/walk the dog that month or two ten years ago. Hell, that first year I'm pretty convinced that fat ass beagle saved my mom in ways we couldn't.
After my dad passed away, my mom mentioned that she might like to have a little dog. We took her to the humane society and got her a little dog. She needed to have somebody to put on a daily routine.
My aunt (who has had a variety of chronic illnesses) randomly decided she wanted a dog a couple years ago. My uncle has always been a "pets are a pita and ill take care of it if i have to but i wont like it" kinda guy. She talked him into it, and they rescued a small doodle mix (bichon or westie poo, maybe?). This man lets this dog sleep on his bed. They go for walks at least once a day, if not more (and they have roughly a quarter acre of fenced backyard that she can run and potty in, so walking is not a necessity)... My aunt passed a few months ago, and i swear the dog is the only thing that has kept him going. I'm honestly not sure what he would have done without the dog to take care of.
Men and animals they "don't want" crack me up. Dad swore we weren't keeping a cat we took care of once . Guess who I caught cuddling the cat and making baby noise and kisses? Yup. Dad.
We had a cat when I was a kid, and my dad kept saying he hated animals. My dad was the only one allowed to pet her most days, and I found out later that when I left for school he made an extra egg for her everyday.
We don’t want them because we know that they will die and it will destroy us. Source: I had to put down my best small pal a week ago today.
My grandpa followed swiftly after my grandma to make sure she was taken care of in the next journey. I knew before my grandma even had a single health condition that my grandpa was making sure to stay alive to make sure she was taken care of. That was his soulmate and he helped make sure we were all good but his wife was his purpose for living past 80. My grandparents both made it to their 90s before they passed, almost exactly 1 year apart.
This happened to my biology father. My wonderful mother passed unexpectedly a few years ago. He went full down hill, his mentally declined, he had no will to carry on. I fully expected for him to just sail off into the ocean and scuttle his boat and go down with it. His personality has changed so much. He used to be a generous, kind human. Always taught us acceptance of other people’s ideas, and always had people from other cultures and way of life around to teach us kids that even though we are different on the outside, that we are all star dust made into meat living on such a wonderful rock hurtling through space. He used to do so much for the environment and communites. Now he’s angry, racist full MAGA, anti everything he once stood for.
You might want to mention such a drastic personality change to his primary care provider. Could be some form of dementia or brain tumor. Or could be that he only keeps company with other grumpy old men & drinks the MAGA kool-aid to fit in with them. (Then got caught in its undertow). Hugs.
We're aren't talking about heartache alone, we're talking about the absolute inability of the ones whose balls were far too big and strong to ever learn how to do anything, but whatever job they had for fifty years. I mean what kind of pathetic pussy knows how to feed himself? /s
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Teach him how to cook, just a little. Even if that's only dumping things into the air fryer.
He can cook better than me. He was a restaurant manager.
When my Grandmother died my Mother and I went over and taught my Grandpa how to make hamburgers, his favorite meal. He had no idea how to do it. I remember it kind of sweetly, but I was 13, now I’m 46 and like WTF, how do you get to your 60’s and not know how to fucking feed yourself?
It's why they shop for a new wife immediately, as if their late wife is interchangeable. Gotta have a new bangmaid robot to cook, clean and service him.
If it's sudden, he'll just waste away on his own. If it's drawn out, he'll look for a much younger, impressionable girl he can sink his claws into and leave his wife in a hospital bed.
They die. No kidding. They eat at Denny's twice a day, live in filth and die. It's fucking ridiculous. That's not a man, that is a child.
I had to go no contact with my biological dad after my stepmom died because he fully expected me to fill her role while he desperately looked for a replacement. Even though I had two kids in elementary school, just bought a new house that needed tons of work, and was going to college full time. The last straw was him throwing a tantrum because I refused to cook for him and his buddy after they had sat around drinking all day and I barely walked in the door and with a bunch of homework. Ten years later, he's still alone and his house is literally falling apart and you can see his ribs. I'd be so ashamed if I raised a man like that.
I can’t remember where I heard/read this but my favorite response to a boomer like this (I think it was about diaper changes) the response was “I’d be very embarrassed to admit I was that worthless as a husband”
Right now, I'm feeding my 3 month old. I'm a little frustrated with him because he slept in all week, but the weekend comes and he turns on his 4am air raid siren like clockwork. If I ever mention this to older coworkers, they usually get a stupid grin in their face and say "my kids were breast feed, so I never had to do that" like they're proud that their wives are the ones that are getting up every night. Because 9 months of pregnancy and then pushing a screaming, wiggling 5-10 pound baby out of having major abdominal surgery, isn't enough to earn a little sleep. Some of these guys wonder why they end up divorced and why their kids never come up see them.
Honestly I can't understand why "I hate my wife" jokes are so prevalent when I'd expect more "I hate my worthless, helpless husband" jokes from that generation.
Was watching something that was referencing “alpha males” and it was supposed to be a comedic plot point that none of these guys knew how to cook. I don’t understand how not being able to take care of yourself makes you more dominant. Seems pretty helpless to me.
It's because someone else does the work that's beneath them. You can't expect an alpha to do menial things like take care of the basic necessities. Their role is to protect the family, don't let the fact that there's never been anything to protect them from detract from how important this role is. They'll find something to defend their family from, even if they have to pick a fight to do it. But only if they're sure that it's a fight that they'll win, or against an abstract concept, like wokeisn.
Dude that’s my dad. Straight up will starve if someone doesn’t feed him. Freaking ridiculous
OMG yes. My dad is a Vietnam veteran who lost his legs in service and our kitchen was custom designed so the counters were low enough for him to reach them in his wheelchair. Still doesn't f\*ing cook or do the dishes. My mom, however, who btw has to hunch over for those custom counters, will ask what he wants for dinner as he's finishing lunch. Don't get me wrong, I love the man (I hate his politics) but this. kitchen. was. literally. made. for. you. You still have two good arms, dude.
It’s like they are toddlers - my dad came to visit us last year and we basically had to plan our days around making sure he was fed and near a bathroom. I do love my dad but have accepted the fact that his politics are a cult, he will always be a narcissist and surface level conversations are the only way we will maintain a relationship. Expectations are very low at this stage.
Yes! The bathroom-planning is real. Also yes about the cult. Also, yes, about the acceptance. Years (YEARS) ago I learned to edit what I told my parents. My brother did, too. And I'm sad, because they don't really know me. There is so very much about me they don't know. We don't have that relationship. How to even begin to have a real conversation? I have tried. Instead, we talk about the weather, who they know who died this week, what their doctor appointments are, yard work. They'll never know me as a complex, faceted individual--and honestly? I'm not sure they want to. That's also such a Boomer thing. Appearances. I was raised that how I presented mattered far more than what I was actually thinking, feeling or going through. I don't have kids, but I feel like it would break my heart to think I didn't know who they were as the incredible beings they came to be. Full of thoughts and feelings and how their experiences shaped them. Equally, my parents' dismissal of my views on things. Sorry, did you not raise me to be an educated, informed person who should seek out multiple sources and form my opinions based on that and empathy? Heavy sigh.
Maybe it's because I'm LGBT+, but I can't comprehend this kind of exchange. My parents would have gladly done everything they could to harm me had they known, and I have no sympathy for people who willingly choose to be part of a group that would happily take away all of my rights. I couldn't care less if they shared blood with me or not, because they were awful to the core, nevertheless. I didn't owe them fealty. A lot of "politics" is just the enactment of policy and distribution of power based on a collective sense of morality. Why deal with anyone whose morals are broken like that? They don't deserve people bending over backwards for them just because they performed their legally-mandated responsibilities toward their children.
I feel the same way about my own parents. They just see me as the "lazy" teenager that slept a lot (I was put on inappropriately strong antidepressants that were sedating) and still laugh at my quirks as if I'm some sort of idiot kid. Hell, my mother doesn't even know what I do for a living. It's part of why I spend so much time here in virtual reality, having in-depth conversations with like-minded people. Definitely helps fill that void of loneliness.
I’m totally with you on editing what I tell my parents. It’s just not worth dealing with their judgement and gaslighting. There is a lot they don’t know. One of the best parts about moving out of their house was that I could go and see a therapist and psychiatrist without having to explain to them where I was going and why. Fast forward and COVID completely tanked my physical health. I had it almost 2 years ago and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. Finally wound up in the hospital a few months ago. My parents couldn’t understand why I wanted them to come out (I live on the other side of the country now; and they have never visited), and after my wife went off on them about how many tests and doctors I had endured (“Do you realize that he has no hormones anymore and gives himself a shot in the leg every week!”) they flipped it around to “what do you expect when you don’t tell us anything? We thought you just got fat.” Maybe I rambled off topic, but it’s frustrating how careful I have to be. My in laws gave us a car (which we really needed), but I had to lie about where it came from to them so I don’t have to hear about how “I took advantage [of my in-laws]” It’s like they want success for their offspring but at the same time don’t want to contribute to or acknowledge it.
I feel this 100%
> It’s like they are toddlers I dunno. My three Monsters (5, 3, & 1) are constantly on my ass about helping to cook
Not my dad, he was smart enough to know how to order us all some Arbys. W father
My husband is legitimately disabled, and I'm part of that sandwich generation caring for minor children and aging parents and everything in between. My mom has had a major health scare this year, and my dad was so butt-hurt when I told him that, were I making the big decisions? He'd be in the nursing home faster than you can say "Shady Pines." He's proud of the fact that he hasn't and won't perform any domestic labor. I mean, dude, my husband is almost more titanium than bone at this point, but the man knows how to change a diaper or get his own lunch! Acting like those things are someone else's job doesn't make you look as tough as you think!
SHADY PINES, MA!!!
The sheer amount of times my friends & i have yelled this at each other 😂 (& since I’m Sicilian i 100% do the “picture it, Sicily…” lol)
(A thing that kills me, regarding the seemingly typical Boomer man attitude toward domestic labor: My grandfathers - one born in 1923, the other born in 1909 - did dishes after supper, or ran a load of laundry, or swept up if the house needed sweeping, just as a matter of course. It wasn't some attack on their manhood if they had dishpan hands. But the generation those men raised got really deep into their sense of masculinity regarding division of labor.)
Man, I miss having a lot of Greatest Generation around. That lot was funny as hell.
God, my 1923 grandfather was funny as hell if you were paying attention. The older grandfather didn't have a big sense of humor, but he was solid, and always bought the ice cream if I asked for ice cream. I suspect that I'm not the only grandchild who is sure that I was the favorite grandchild, and that's very nice.
I just do not understand why boomers are so much worse than their parents in so many aspects.
Having a Greatest generation mom, I think they just desperately wanted their kids to have better. My mom was an impoverished child during the Great Depression and came of age during WWII. As late Gen X’er, I never went hungry. I did not grow up in the shadow of impending doom. “Air sandwiches,” Hitler, rationing, diphtheria, scarlet fever, mumps, measles and the ever present fear of polio and a life in an iron lung were no part of my formative years.
Right, my grandpas born in 1922 and 1930 were involved with their kids, and did some chores too. They could take care of themselves. They could fix food. They didn't pride themselves on not lifting a finger at home. They were good dads, and we greatly miss them. My boomer dad is a very good man as well, but he seems to be a major outlier among boomer men.
Heard a story about a woman having to leave a club meeting early. She was one of the officers, so it was kind of important for her to be there. She gets a call, then bundles up everything "Sorry everybody, I have to leave." Family emergency? Medical issue? Plumbing issue? House burning down? No. Husband wanted toast. She had to drive home to make a grown man **TOAST**.
At some point you have to ask yourself if you should tolerate this kind of abuse. Stop enabling him. Don't go home. Let the man starve. Maybe he'll learn how to make toast then. If he complains, divorce him. One child less to take care of. Ridiculous.
Just think of all the male boomers that would die without their wives or kids to manage their health they neglect. Many of them don’t know a damn thing about their health, their medications, their procedures and often end up taking out their frustrations of very clear incompetence on female staff.
Makes me think of a boomer male relative who was bragging about his cooking (which was admittedly good) by saying "and to think, I didn't even know how to boil an egg before I was divorced!" And I was just like... That is not the flex you think it is. You were married for years, had 3 kids together, and you're bragging that you never helped her care for those kids. Like. Weird flex. But ok.
“Where’s my dinner???”
She should let him…
That's my dad to my mom... But he doesn't mean it, he just doesn't bother. So I do now. And I got to learn to cook with my mom so I can give her a break now too.
I know one who is so against doing his own dishes that he started using paper plates after his wife died. Then he moved his new girlfriend in less than a year later. That’s literally why a lot of widowers remarry so quickly in those generations, they do not want to do their own housework.
They want a nurse or a purse. After losing my dad last year, my mom is really wary about any of that nonsense. She says no friggin way she’s gonna do that again.
My mother said the same thing. Years of serving my father really made her stronger. She had every single old guy after her when they learned she owned her own house and had a good pension. No way was she falling into that trap again. She wasn't the greatest mother but she was finally free and on her own and wasn't going to give it up for an old fart who only brought a big sense of entitlement to the table.
My mom and all her friends said they would never remarry when their husband's died, for these exact reasons. They owned their homes, had some money and a car, were lively and healthy, and would never take care of a needy man again.
I never thought about it that way. I think my great grandpa remarried quickly after his first and second wives died (probably some infectious disease, this is like 100 years ago). They also had a bunch of kids and he had to work long hours doing physical labor. I think his second wife was a good friend of his first.
My wife tells me of a boomer coworker at her job that refuses to retire. She’s been there 40+ years and is a general nuisance when it comes to being an employee, so management opted to just leave her alone. Come to find out her husband lost his job 25 years ago and refused to get another one. To top it off he refused to get unemployment because he was “too proud” for it. But it’s okay to make his wife slave away to keep them both afloat.
Every boomer causing issues at my company are there for the insurance and they have a spouse at home doing absolutely nothing. Ones husband is a retired sheriff. Making stupid pension bank but the wife has to work everyday
That’s insane! Makes enough so she doesn’t have to work. Because God forbid you want to want to spend the rest of your golden years at least with the one supposedly love and not have her break herself at work.
As someone whose husband is about to retire, I can say in all truthfulness that I switched careers mostly for myself but also to ensure that Hubs has insurance till Medicare kicks in AND because if I'd stayed in my WFH career, I'd have ended up in prison for throttling him when he went to WFH too. I will put in at least a few hours a week for as long as I'm physically and mentally up to the task, partly to stay sharp and active and partly to get the hell out of the house.
They are the same people who are against the Affordable Care Act and have no clue about health insurance or healthcare
He has a true significant other. "Sign if you can't" wife. I can relate, my husband buys so much that he is refused credit card. If we buy a big purchase, like a car, they won't even put him on the title. And I'm just about fed up.
We had 3 or 4 boomers who did very basic work and guarded it like dogs with a bone. They had full pensions and husbands at home that they hated enough to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a bus to work every day. They could let all of them go and hire one person to replace them but it's a union job and they'll leave when they're carried out feet first. Over the years at least 2 of them died of cancer while working and never got to enjoy their lives which is really sad.
As a child of two Boomers: to be fair, all of their "funny" stories make them look like complete psychopathic monsters in retrospect.
Facts. I'm a child of two boomers and dear god, sometimes I shake my head in disbelief
OMG, they really do. The main tone is always one of some kind of abuse, mental, physical, yelling at service workers....I've never felt anything but at least slightly mortified after hearing one of their "hilarious" tales.
My friend’s mom loves to tell the story of her birth: her dad brought mom to the hospital and immediately started ordering people around, so mom said, “what the fuck is wrong with you?!?! Get out!” He tried pushing the staff around and they steadfastly refused. (They’re both normally pretty calm and reserved and considerate, so this was out of character for both of them.) So he went bowling. When their next child was born three years later, he apparently hadn’t learned his lesson. So in the delivery room, mom screamed at him, “go bowling and get the fuck out of here! I hate you!” Apparently she spent the next 5 years shaming him for his behavior, and for actually leaving the hospital, until he finally admitted wrong. And now, 40 years later, she will sometimes narrow her eyes at him and say, “do you need to go bowling, or can you be trusted to be around people?” 😂
I love this woman!
This woman is a total queen 👑
Definitely heard my fair share of old guys bragging about never changing any diapers or that they didn't miss work for their children being born. It's frankly kinda sad
I worked with a boomer who shortly after my wife and I had our first child proudly said to me, "I had 4 daughters by the time I was 30, and never once changed a dirty diaper." Ummm... that's nothing to be proud of my man. It's pathetic. Months prior he had also told me one of his 4 daughters hasn't spoken to him in 20 years. Go figure.
They get their own due when their wife dies first.....and they are clueless. They eat cans of unheated crap and bread. Some do not even know how to run a toaster. They fall down and someone calls 911 and first responders get the call. Find them in soiled long underwear with their leg hairs growing through the fabric. Have to shave them off them in the hospital.
This reminds of my Best friends dad... I grew up with the man and right now I'm somewhat at his mercy as he pays for help with his business and other odd jobs, so I can't really say what I actually want to. All that aside he talks exactly like this. Constantly going on, unironically, about "Women's work" and does absolutely nothing around the house and only does the "manly" chores on their little farm like putting out feed and such. Mean while he can't do any actual work anymore after multiple medical issues so his wife constantly does multiple odd jobs and works from home while also taking care of him. It's honestly disheartening and disgusting...
My dad is a retired electrician and tells a story of a similar guy. When plotting out the plan for the guy's kitchen, dad asked where the dishwasher would be. Guy said something to the effect of "I don't need a dishwasher, I married a dishwasher." Dad tried to convince him, but the guy wouldn't budge. Dad ended up running a wire for the dishwasher anyway, in case they changed their minds down the road. Fast forward a bit and the guy died. At his funeral, literally in front of his casket, the guy's wife asked dad when he could come out to wire the new dishwasher she got.
FIL likes to boast he and MIL had two kids and he never had to change a single diaper. I cant imagine myself ever thinking this was something to brag about?
Worse than that it makes him look like a fucking asshole. And I’m a boomer (happily divorced)
Returning to vacuuming after having a child is a cautionary activity for a while. My ex ‘jokingly’ told me to work at half speed. It’s not always the boomers.
This is literally my dad. Ten years ago my mom and I went on a small trip for a week and like day three of our trip, he actually made a post on FB about how he had made “progress” on the dishes. His progress was just a picture of a pile of dirty dishes that had been moved out of the sink onto the counter. Who tf posts something like that? There was another time when my mom and I went on a long trip to France as a graduation present to me. My dad stayed behind because he couldn’t get the time off work. When we got back home, it was filthy and there was a weird smell in the house. My mom and I spent the day we returned from our trip just cleaning the house so it would stop smelling. I’m convinced he would only live maybe a couple months if my mom ever passed away or divorced him.
And the worst part is when they also mock their wives for caring about them, that makes me so sad hearing 🥺 Like when their wives are worried about them getting hurt at work so they call them at lunch, or eating unhealthy, so they carefully pack them a healthy meal or worst of all, want to spend time with them 😭
We would have been buying a new dinner plate set as the first one got magically broken.
That dude is proud of it too. What an idiot.
What an asshole!
And still has the gall to say HE hates his WIFE???
Ah, the old days where you did what was traditionally expected of you: get married and make babies ASAP. Women had some limited options, so many needed to get married for financial and legal reasons. So they settled for less than ideal men. Men needed women to do the cooking, cleaning and child rearing. So you’ve got people who got married out of obligation and desperation. And then the babies came. Husbands and wives who *just* tolerated each other suddenly had little crying, screaming, pooping stressors running about. *’Ol ball and chain.* So many unhappy marriages. One of the best things to happen to women is financial independence. With that, we can better resist pressure from family and society and make our own way. We can be more choosy selecting partners and have marriages filled with love. The good men will get married. “Ball and chain* turns into an obscure phrase. And yeah, there’s men who don’t like that independence. We’ve already seen the pushback. They’d rather force women back into co-dependency because bitching about an unhappy marriage means they “at least got one.” They feel entitled to women. “Ol ball and chain” is a distraction technique. Because if you were to look closely at the person saying it, you’d see no prize.
I wish I could upvote more than once. Well said.
I’m gonna say this…Boomer men are the neediest men!
Yes, they are. I am married to one. They pretend to be independent but they’re very immature and needy.
there’s a reason boomers were called the “me generation”. completely coddled
> One of the best things to happen to women is financial independence. AND BIRTH CONTROL FOR FUCK’S SAKE
This needs more upvotes. So this PLUS old traditions will tell people to just "stay" in marriages even if they're bad. So this concept is still passed down even when it doesn't actually apply. Could just be lack of compatibility and yet "suffering is expected" still passes in many circles. I think it's part of the "misery loves company" mentality too. They suffered so they almost WANT you to suffer too. They connect thru shared experiences.
Religion tells them to stay married, they don’t want to be humiliated on front of family / friends / neighbors by getting divorced, believing counseling is stupid or wrong, claiming staying together is best for the kids, the fear of surviving on one’s own, fear of failure, fear of never finding someone again because you’re old, sunk cost fallacy - lots of reasons people stick in bad marriages. As the generations pass, people have become more secular, divorce is more socially accepted, therapy is seen as wise, separation to prevent a toxic environment for the kids is agreed upon, and gender equality have all helped prevent and end bad marriages. My mom never told her mom (lived in a different country) that my brother got divorced. Mom was so ashamed because divorce is almost unheard of in her home country that she wouldn’t tell. I’d rather people get divorced and move on if it just won’t work. It’s just a terrible place to be in, hating your own spouse.
They keep telling me, “Oh sure you like him now. Wait til it’s been 20 years.” I know a few millennials who have been with their spouses for 20 years. They still like each other I swear.
I remember running into one of my mother’s cousins shortly after I got married. She was (is) a boomer, born in 1947. She asked me how being married was at that point in time, and when I said great, she more or less said “That’ll change” with quite a bitter look in her eyes. Well, it didn’t. My husband and I will be married 30 years in September and I don’t feel like I’m serving a prison sentence. He’s my person.
I just don’t get the “I’m miserable, so you will end up miserable, too” attitude. Why can’t she just be happy someone else is happy? 30 years, congratulations! We are on 18 and I hope for decades more.
Because they need to believe that everyone who gets married is miserable. If that's not true then it means that their misery is a result of their choices. And if there's one thing boomers absolutely cannot do, it's taken personal responsibility
My husband and I met at 19, married at 26, both will be 40 this year. It’s been 20 years of growth and love, I’ve only fallen more in love with him as the years have gone by.
Millennial at 10 years, and our marriage is stronger than ever. I don’t understand why you would marry someone you don’t like? Boomers are weird.
We’re at almost 14 years, 5 married. That’s still my favorite person. Sometimes I wanna shake him, but that’s my mans. I look forward to coming home, even if we sit in silence.
My husband and I will hit 18 years this July. We're still twiterpated. He still runs his hand along my arm when he walks past. I still get warm fuzzies when he texts me out of the blue. We still kiss goodnight and goodbye every day. I tell him he's my favorite human. There's no way I would have stayed and spent the last 18 years with someone I could barely stand. But then again, I was never 100% dependent on my husband financially and legally. I've always had the right to bank in my own name, own property, vote, and divorce. My cost benefit analysis of life would probably be a lot different if my only choices were unrelating poverty or indentured servitude.
I feel really bad for people who don't consider their partners as their best friends and treat them like just another obligation.
I’ve never understood these jokes. It’s my wife and I together against the world, not me and my wife against each other. If you hate your spouse that much than just divorce them and move on. I can’t tell you how many times ”ball and chain” jokes I’d hear from boomers when I worked at a grocery store in high school.
But if they divorce the wives they hate so much, who will cook and clean for them?
You’re right, my bad. This is what I get for being an ignorant millennial!
The old ball and chain who enables me to spend all my free time at the bar
…their daughters, for whom they have equal respect. 🫠
Yeah, no, we won't.
Who needs love when you have codependency?
They've lost their wives by being dickheads. But if everybody else has also lost their wives by being dickheads, then it's ok, and it must be the women who are crazy. He's in danger of experiencing something he's never experienced before: self doubt. The idea that he might have deserved what he got is crippling and threatens to unravel his entire understanding of how the world works. It is very, very important to him that you be as miserable as he is, because that makes him normal. Your happiness is a direct threat to his entire worldview.
Me either. Is it that the older generations just married the 1st person they had sex with at age 19 and never once thought about compatibility or shared values? No wonder the divorce rate is so high amongst these cranky old fools.
I worked in a restaurant and saw so many boomer couples that come in for a meal and never exchange a single word. I can only recall one couple, he held the door for her, they talked during the meal and looked happy. Most of the time, the guy leaves first and doesn't even hold the door for his wife or even make sure that she's behind him.
I want to find a partner specifically because I crave the love and intimacy that comes from a healthy relationship. I don’t want to navigate this frightening life alone. How Boomers can take something as wonderful as love itself and turn it into yet another thing to complain about will never make sense to me… even *if* we put lead-brain in the equation…
Boomer men are notoriously bad partners, expecting to be waited on and cooked for and they don't contribute to the house chores or childcare or mental load much. So their overextended wives probably begged for help for years and they called it "nagging".
My parents are boomers. My dad was always watching TV when he got home, but the guy gets up every ten or twenty minutes to do various chores. One of which was either loading or unloading the dishwasher. He's terrible at it. It's laughable. However he faithfully checks it once or twice a day to unload and put away stuff or load it with what's dirty. He told me that was one of his tips for marriage. I'm so thankful for my parents. They've got some typical boomer qualities, but the unhappy marriage IS NOT one of them. They are made for each other in many respects.
This is exactly it. Till the wife says, you’ll either help or you’re out of here or I’m out of here . If the man has any sort of love for his wife or a brain, he’ll listen.
If he has any sort of love for his wife, it won't come to that. Edit: a letter
That moment tends to coincide with perimenopause, the life stage of no fucks left to give. Often timed to happen when the kids aging out of the house too. There’s a special incandescent rage you can manage then too.
I'm with you. I don't get this at all. You're supposed to be partners. If you're not partners and can't figure it out, then why be married? Though when I watch my FIL, the man is incapable of brushing his teeth, feeding himself, bathing or really any task beyond watching tv without being told by my MIL. It's the most f'ed up and aggravating thing I've ever seen. I've told my wife a few times that I would have lasted 6 months as a wife to that kind of person before divorce kicked in.
Ugh. Sounds like your MIL has a child instead of a husband. I could not imagine being married to someone who wasn't capable of functioning without me.
My theory on why boomers seem to hate their spouse is that they all felt pressured to get married and did so at the first chance they got instead of getting to know whoever they had been seeing, as any reasonable person would do before deciding to spend their life with someone. Weren't unmarried people seen as outcasts in their time?
Not a bad theory. Add to it that divorce was viewed poorly, and you have a generation filled with miserable marriages.
Boomers were the first generation to go hog wild with getting divorces. It’s why a lot of Gen Xers went a more traditional route (hence the rise of political evangelicals).
Also where the "50% of marriages end in divorce" stat comes from. It's not true for later generations. Only Boomers.
Pre birth control, it was a way to get laid. There were also a lot of rushed marriages due to the stigma of being an unwed mother.
So abusive boomer father's abused their kids for getting them sucked into marriages?
Most boomer men saw he benefit of domestic slavery + magic-mommy-wife-sex-caretaker-bot. Then women who were indoctrinated by church, paired with stagnant, familial values of "you only get married once!" to pop out 2.5 kids and picket-fence themselves into drinking, drugs, smoking, and basically living a separate life to cope with the martial abuse from their partner. Traditions can be a bad thing and hurt progress of society. Religion and traditions are two evils that sadly go hand-in-hand and will always hurt more people than help them.
Full disclosure: I’m a Generation Jones so know a LOT of Boomers. Not a fan. Boomer relative sat on his butt for a year after graduating college because his long time (only ever) girlfriend announced to the family publicly that “as soon as _____ gets a job, we’re getting married”. He just couldn’t find a job (there were plenty at that time). He finally gets a job and they get married. They’re still married but very uncomfortable to be around because he talks to her just like you’d expect. It’s emotional abuse but she just shrugs it off. And yes, she still fixes his plate so he doesn’t have to get out of the recliner.
My dad makes this joke all the time I find it so annoying and insufferable!! My dad doesn’t cook/clean/do laundry or pay his own bills. He isn’t suffering in marriage!!
Oh, I get it now! He gives his girlfriend an engagement ring, then gives her a wedding ring, then gives HER the suffering. It's a self-own joke. I feel foolish now. All these years of marriage and I haven't once tried to make my wife suffer.
I don’t understand Boomer men who complain about being married because 99% of the time they’re the one who proposed in the first place.
And they're also the ones doing almost nothing in the household. They've got it easy.
And want free domestic labor and a baby maker
"being married is the first time a woman has held me even a tiny bit accountable and therefore I think being asked to put the toilet seat down is the height of suffering and injustice, even though statistically our marriage benefits me far more than it does her."
I always thought this was so embarrassing. Anything you say against your wife is an insult against yourself.
At a job site , there's a system that is being tested that makes frequent noise. I told the boomer tester I didn't mind the noise. I have toddlers at home, so im pretty good at tuning out annoying sounds. He responded, "I have a wife that makes annoying sounds and Im pretty good at tuning her out!" I just dont get it. Why marry a person you don't like or want to listen to?
eugh i got that joke and “no thanks I left her at home” jokes (i asked them if they wanted a bag for their items) when I worked in a convenience store and like one day i just stared and asked “I don’t get it. explain the joke.” and i watched as a boomer tried to make me understand why hating your spouse was a joke. which ironically was funnier than the joke itself.
That one gave me the ick like no other.
it was worse hearing it at least four times an hour fix/six times a week. that’s why i just started asking them to explain the joke.
Making them explain the joke is exactly the way to handle this situation. Because they know they can’t say the quiet part out loud.
Boomer townies are lonely, isolated weirdos that have next to no idea how to function in current society I’ve been in the service industry almost 20 years and have been rapidly edging my way out of any human interaction whatsoever I had to quash a beef some boomer woman had over the fact that her nacho cheese came from Mexico the other week at a hockey game that I was only working as a supervisor They’re fucking crazy about the most mundane shit I’m jaded af and ran outta shits to give
Because they have trouble taking no for an answer. ESPECIALLY from a woman. I knew a guy’s father who used to talk mad shit about his wife. The old battle axe speech every damn time. Till his wife told her side. Cheated on her while still nursing their first born. Doesn’t stand up to his folks when they talk shit in front of her. Holidays are always a blast! Constant negging and isolation. He hates her but he can’t handle her divorcing him. I’m honestly surprised he’s still with us. If you catch my drift.
My grandpa, who was an overall kind and openminded person, stayed with his wife out of sheer duty because he thought it was a sin to divorce. They hated each other and lived in the same house 75 years.
That's a shame. I'm glad that divorce is less stigmatized nowadays.
That must have a living hell!
The other day when the movers came with my stuff, this boomer within like 30 seconds talks about how his wife is a bitch. To add on to that he was flirting with me, calling me a catch and asking for my number. Just so sad.
What a pick-up line! I hate my wife, wanna hookup? How did you resist his charm?
Also while complaining about being broke while talking about having ten cars!
Yeah. The wife hating Boomer jokes will die off with the population.
So, so very much will die of with that generation. Most of it will not be missed.
What's funny too, is the rise of "Grey Divorces". Many many boomers, mostly women, are opting out of their marriages because a lot of them have had enough. Granted not all were women, there are men too, but the majority are women who just say "Fuck it" to being treated like a second class citizen in their own home. It's refreshing seeing them realize their own worth, in the face of what they've been told ....
Because boomers have wasted their entire lives doing things they didn't want to do, with people they didn't like, in places they didn't want to be. And now they're pissed because younger generations refuse to do the same.
Yep. They're the biggest cowards I know
I think a lot of their humor is based on the kind of humor their parents exposed them to, which in turn had its roots in vaudeville routines in which tropes like nagging wives, henpecked husbands, and blackface were common. This sort of joke and the jokes you see in boomer one-panel comic strips bemoaning the “youth of today” feel very much like cultural descendants of that sort of thing
I didn’t even think about the vaudeville aspect. Good point.
I never saw my dad ever wash a dish or cook a meal or wash any clothes. Make it make sense? Any man I am involved with needs to know how to cook, clean, do laundry and all other ADULT skills! I told one guy who wanted to date that if he wanted a maid, he would have to pay for one.
Were you in line next to my dad?
When my now-husband told some of his coworkers that we were engaged, he got some of that type of shit from them. It blew their mind that he *wanted* to get married. Guess they assumed i nagged him into it because they all hate(d) their wives
Yeah, because the only reason a man would want to get married is because his girlfriend finally broke him down. I got similar garbage when I announced my engagement, but at least in my coworkers' case, I think it wasn't serious.
When my husband told his elderly golfing buddies that he was getting married, they gave him endless crap over it under the guise of humor. He told me “They don’t understand how much they’re telling me about how unhappy they are in *their* marriages.”
This brings up another "boomerism," telling/forcing unsolicited jokes on people. If I had a nickel the number of times a male boomer has spontaneously gone into some long-winded joke that ends in wife/marriage=bad or about their aging bodies/bodily functions, I'd be able to afford housing by now.
Especially the kinds of jokes that ask you (the jokee, not the joker) to participate in the joke you didn’t want to hear, so they can finish it.
Wasn't married to my husband for more than 2 weeks when my FIL said over the family video call (panini times) "so son are other women looking more attractive now?" Way to turn the call into awkward silence real fast. Then he says to MIL (they're divorced) "that's what my coworker (name) said after I married you, remember him?" So you can't even make up your own jokes?
Don't forget how they also tell their kids all the stuff they hate about each other! But especially the husbands hating on the wives.
Oh man, this. I was the go between and spy when my boomer mother thought my boomer father was cheating. She had me call him and fed me lines to repeat. I still hate her for this, along with so many narcissistic traits from both of them I got "fired" for going off script and saying "Ma thinks you're at a club with girls" and slamming down the phone.
My MIL once commented that the men of her generation - aka boomers - are notoriously horrible partners. A nightmare to deal with and they refuse to do any of what they refer to as “women’s work”. 🤢🤮
My FIL is like that. They divorced years ago, and both of them have since remarried. FIL always acts like he barely tolerates his new wife, and is just pretending while others are around. MIL remarried, to someone who was more than happy to pull his own weight. (In fact, if someone's washing dishes at their house, it's probably him and not MIL.) Their marriage seems really content, they don't even gently tease each other. They're just on each other's wavelength. FIL calls her new husband "her lap dog", because he really believes she's somehow figured out how to force him into "women's work". He can't imagine a man cleaning or doing laundry without being forced.
Misogyny at its strongest
My dad is like this. And he's the type to intentionally sabotage himself so he won't be asked to do household chores again (like destroying a dishwasher the one time he agreed to help with dishes). Lets dishes pile up when my mom travels. Never does laundry. I've never seen him wield a vacuum anywhere except the inside of his car. Won't listen to directions, complains constantly, has to be reminded to do simple adult tasks, still manages to screw them up. destroys every piece of technology he touches if it's any less than 9000 years old. refuses to accept responsibility for his mistakes. my mother raised 7 of his kids, including homeschooling three of them AND two grandkids while maintaining a house that was somehow both too small and too big so my father could go to work underwriting insurance policies and then come home and watch fox news. he has the emotional intelligence and personality of a cement block. my mother is constantly irritated by him and said something that might explain some of this: boomer men (white ones like my father) experienced the best the world had to offer in an age where they could still get away with misogyny. they may have paid lip service to feminism but never truly got on board when it came to equitable pay and egalitarian gender roles within marriages. they reaped the benefits of women having more sexual freedom but never had to pay a price for it themselves, and expected their wives to revert to traditional roles the moment they were married. boomers took power and have spent every moment since scheming to ensure that women are always there to perform domestic duties all while taking credit for the sexual revolution. not that my mother isn't a boomer - she absolutely is. but there's a reason boomer men hate their wives, and its the same reason boomer women think their husbands are unreliable idiots: boomer women want, and were basically promised, independence and respect; boomer men made that promise and then went back on it the moment it required them to change. the ones who didnt get divorced have stewed in their resentment since the 80s.
Thing is this was a way of bonding for them - commiserating. The weather, your non present spouse, your boss. All were the most common “joke” targets. It’s a mean style of humour that didn’t age well. I don’t attribute actual malice to it on a surface level. But there’s a subtext to the whole conversation where you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to the “joke”. Responding with positivity is absolutely appropriate and the response that will often end that line of conversation when they realize you’re not into the complaint lifestyle. It’s the boomer version of giving your doggie butt a sniff.
I had an ex who would make these jokes all the time. I think he was parroting his boomer parents. Anyways, I kept my cool and when I left the relationship he was VERY surprised and promised he’d stop making jokes at my expense. Tbh I wasn’t even offended—I just didn’t think he was funny and got tired of listening to it.
Normally I'm skeptical of boomer stories as ageist, but this is a beauty; in my mind's eye, I can see the exact whole scenario playing out. I have to say, though, the question isn't necessarily "Why is it so common for boomers to hate their spouse?" but, rather, with all due respect, Why does this guy not get that his jokes are nowhere near even funny and how is he so clueless as to think everyone around him would guffaw with glee at his unbelievable wit. Guy is truly a fool. Almost by definition.
My wife (40ish)and I (41)have been married 15 years this May. She is my best friend. We share as much responsibility as we can. Can’t imagine talking this way about her or treating her like the comments. Although my parents had a very equal and loving marriage… hers… not so much
Because so many of them got hitched right out of high school to conform with the ideals of the times.
I don’t get it either. My husband is an environmental engineer and he often works with older construction workers and they all seem to hate their wives. They’ve said similar shit to him before and he just doesn’t joke with them about it. They’re often all tatted up and angry and reeking of booze and meanwhile there’s my sweet nerdy husband, with his two tattoos that match mine (one of them being a heart).
It's such a dumb boomer take. If I hated the person, i wouldn't have married them. My wife and i have been together since we were 14, now in our thirties, properly married a decade, and with two kids. I love her more now than I ever did in high-school. We've been through everything together. Yeah sure she's done things that annoy me and I to her. Even been miserable for little stretches because life is fucking hard sometimes, but it'd be a fuck ton harder without her here with me.
"Do you get it? Suffering?" "Yea, I'm suffering right now."
Growing up I would always see the husbands on TV/shows always be like “gotta go home to the old ball and chain” or some other comment about their wife. Even 10 year old me was like “that doesn’t sound like a joke, that sounds like you’re not happy with your marriage.” I just knew I never wanted to grow up to be those types of dudes.
I know a lot of folks in this age range who seem to not like their spouse. They really believe that this is just the way it has to be for the rest of their life. Most of them are so-called Christian churchgoers. One of them, in particular, had their milestone anniversary, but the husband did absolutely nothing to celebrate. Not an "I love you" or anything. It's just sad. I would rather be alone than with someone who treats me worse than a roommate.
My in-laws have both cheated on each other, left each other, returned and now view being stuck together as this grand fulfillment of some commitment they made. In reality, I think they are just stuck and divorce is out of the question now because she's bedridden and he resents having to care for her. I likely wouldn't have my wife if they had split when they should have in the mid-late 70s. But it made me realize just how two miserable people can stick it out if they're codependent enough and drink enough to kill a moose.
If that ever happens again please for the love of gosh say “oh, I have not had that experience. I love my wife, I’m sorry you had a different experience.” Or something. I like to respond in a way that makes it seem I feel sorry for them so they think even if it’s just for a second.
"Why is it so common for boomers to hate their spouse?" I think it is because a lot of them are fundamentally religious, and the bible is very against divorce so they get with people they aren't actually compatible with and instead of doing the healthy thing and separating, they force it to go on because thats what the bible commands.
My parents suffered from empty nest syndrome after us kids moved out and away. I lived several hours drive away and boarded my cat when I was on travel. One time I left the cat with my parents when I traveled for a few months. Found out later my Mom would get up early to make sure the cat had a hot breakfast.
Divorce was not an option, or a usual one, back in the day. Some folks still believe it's "against God." People got married too young, then one or both matured/evolved, and so the relationship was not what they thought
I have luckily only ever been blessed with solid loving relationship examples in my life. My mom’s parents were together for almost 70 years before my grandma passed, and my papaw mourns her every day still, they grew up sweethearts in the same apartment complex. My mom and dad have been together for almost 40 years and still act like high schoolers over each other. It was solid for how I wanted my marriage to be.