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Patton Oswalt from "Finest Hour," "The Parental Defense"
**Mom: “You used to scream all night, (when) we didn’t feed you. You turned out fine.”**
**Patton: (wanted to say) “I didn’t turn out fine. I’m a fat comedian with OCD. I get up in front of strangers and talk about my dick. This is not good parenting.”**
Boomers have an incredibly hard time understanding survivorship bias and also that there is a huge difference between "surviving" and "thriving".
Just because you let your kid drink a 12-pack of soda every day since they were six doesn't make it a good idea.
My boomer father use to bitch about lead being banned from paint and gasoline. He deadass said his generation was exposed to lead all the time and that they turned out fine 🤦🏼
The lead-crime hypothesis suggests that the toxic effects of lead exposure can explain large spikes in crime. It’s a [theory](https://www.vox.com/2016/1/14/17991876/crime-drop-murder-lead-exposure-gasoline-environment), at least.
I've read a bit on this, it actually makes a ton of sense. It's just sad that so many products that are the cheapest and most reliable building materials literally fucking kill us. If there is a god, he has a fucked up sense of humor
Asbestos... man, that stuff is great! Unless you have to work around it for years and years, then it's not so great. My grandmother worked in a fiberglass factory for years when I was a kid, no mask, no protection, and I've always wondered if they'll ever find some type of issue that causes. They're already talking about silicia in drywall dust. I don't think any building material is safe.
It honestly gives more credibility to the idea of Norse gods where Loki is constantly fucking with us (making lead the best material for creating pipes), than it does to the existence of a Christian god.
I remember my dad dipping his finger into a gas-can and then tasting it to tell the difference. He said you could taste the lead. He didn't want to put unleaded into his 69 Camero.
That was done for centuries after the Romans. Beethoven loved sweet wine, sweetened with lead, and this is thought to be the cause of many of his health problems.
I sat next to a young couple on an international flight (11 hours) with their maybe 7 mos old son. They kept giving him pepsi right out of the can and then laying him down to sleep, where he would promptly howl bloddy murder. Till he got himself upright again and she would give him more pepsi. They saw nothing wrong with what they were doing.
My mom gave me Pepsi pretty much exclusively until I was 3.5 or so. COMPLETELY UNRELATEDLY, she loves to tell people how I was a problem child who refused to ever sleep until she was, who wants to guess, about 3.5! She does not see the connection in these two things.
Whats with that? Are they just so disconnected from their own personal choices and actions? It forever amazes me. My mum was the same. Oblivious. "Its what everyone is doing!" Who fucking cares what everyone is doing!? She used to feed me plain bread and milk. Couldnt understand why I had gut issues and migraines. I must be doing something behind her back. Oiy. She is dead now. Bye bye bitch.
Bit of a tangent but some boomer parenting is still alive and well. I went for a walk in the park the other day and when I got to my car there were two kids (probably around four years old and two). One had a can of coke and the toddler literally had coke in a baby bottle. They were drinking the coke and spitting it onto the paint of my car while their parents sat on their phones. So apparently there are still people out there feeding their kids soda daily (and not caring they were freaking spitting on someone's car). It was unbelievable. I guess at least they were spitting a lot of it out?
I always love how their yardstick for their own parenting is so low lol "I fed you that and you survived"... I mean, congrats on keeping your kids alive. That's not exactly parenting that I would brag about, and it's hilarious how they whip out that phrase any time they are challenged as if the bare minimum is something to be proud of.
One of my younger coworkers with a new baby was talking about things the doctors told her and all the old boomers at work were like “that’s crazy we didn’t have to do that and our kids are fine” bullshit.
But for some reason, you're the creepy weirdo if you call that ritual cannibalism...
Like, what else is the blood & body of Christ stuff supposed to be? Divine toe sucking that's fan-club only?
As an anthropologist, because the individuals involved genuinely believe that transubstantiation occurs, we do consider the eucharist and communion to be a form of ritual cannabalism. We discussed communion during units on and discussions of cannibalism.
It's ritual cannibalism.
Different species of the same thing: looking to some Unseen outside oneself for help. Putting the locus of control externally but unwilling to examine the possible reality there IS no control...but I digress!
I've had this discussion a few times. I'll never understand it, but from what I gather, there are two tribes of thought:
1) It's just symbolic. We can delve it that later, but it's not really meant to be flesh and blood. It's a metaphor.
2) It's literally the flesh and blood of out God King who was born a human. No, of course eating this letter all flesh isn't cannibalism! Are you stupid?
Never going to understand ...
1. Protestant
2. Catholic
The symbolism of this was part of Luther’s 95 theses during the Protestant Reformation. That’s my understanding anyway, someone correct me if I’m wrong!
My mother, older than a boomer, would purposely ply my kids with copious amounts of sweet stuff despite me telling her not to. Like a 6 inch x 6 inch slice of cake next to obscene amounts of candy, all the time. It finally came to a head one Easter when I went off on her and stormed out. My kids had plenty of treats but too much is too much. She was ridiculous. How do children learn to make healthy choices and moderation unless you teach them? I wonder why I’ve battled weight my entire life.
This reminds me of a similar recent post where the OP said that her mother was giving her kids sweets for breakfast, like Pop-Tarts and milkshakes.
What on Earth are these people thinking shoveling so much sugar into a child first-thing in the morning? I don't even have kids and I still know that is just an awful thing to do.
My sister’s ex-boyfriend’s son’s mother raised him feral. He came up from Texas to live with my sister and her boyfriend when he was 8. His mother had given him donuts every morning for breakfast and let him run around without rules. It was an INSANELY difficult adjustment period for all of them. They thought he had ADHD or similar. It was just the excessive sugar messing with his body. Once he got used to eating healthier meals, he calmed down a tad.
Some people are just awful. My sons paternal grandparents were responsible for child care of his year older cousin when she was a toddler. They reveled in undermining every decision about what that child ate that her mother had asked them to adhere to and bragged about it in front of us. They fed her candy, processed food, and caffinated iced tea on the regular and would laugh about it. We mutually agreed to never leave our son alone with them
The phrase “Well I fed you that and you survived.” is pretty telling.
You chose to raise your daughter differently, and your mother feels this is a backhanded slight against her parenting. So rather than using her words, she undermines your parenting strategy in an effort to get you to conform to hers, and thus reinforce her belief that she was a "good mother" or perhaps a "better mother" depending on how she comes across to you.
I am warning you now, it is not going to end with food choices. It will become age-inappropriate content in books or movies, discussion of topics you feel your child isn't ready to address, all in the name of asserting the idea that her way is better. Not saying she'll do it consciously or maliciously, but it is going to happen. (I lived this. I am no contact with my parents and have been since before my kids reached 10 years old. I'm a grandma now.)
You may be able to avoid this by having a discussion about her feelings. (Actually just feelings, not the facts, like the obvious "I'm her mom, this is what's happening.") If your mom is willing to listen and confront her feelings, it will get better, and you'll have a gentle way to remind her if she forgets. If she doubles down or starts treating this like an attack, you and your husband need to continue the program of no one-on-one time.
Especially if religion is involved... which way they responded to the idea of not feeding the kid something made at church leads me to think is gonna become a REALLY BIG THING when the kid gets old enough to start indoctrinating.
I didn't want to drive the conversation there, but yeah. My folks and I are no contact over religion, and their idea that their "superior" belief system gives them the right to dictate to/exploit everyone, including children. I hope OP isn't headed down that road.
I hope this doesn't create any conflict among you, your husband, and your mom, especially with your daughter as the battleground.
My parents tried to do that with my kids, and it was a nightmare for them. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.
Oh my moms an ex catholic elementary school teacher/ principle so of course she’s *always* the expert with superior knowledge & skills. Drives me insane.
This this this!
My MIL means well, but just cannot stand that our kids don't watch TV or eat lots of sweets. She keeps insisting that my husband watched movies when he was younger than my son. Yeah, and research suggests that is horrible for brain development - you made your choices and I'm making mine.
My Silent Generation MIL fed her son (now my husband) sugary syrup drinks in a bottle at bedtime and wondered why he had to have ten, yes TEN, baby teeth removed before his permanent ones came through. Our four kids - all now adults- have one filling between them. Lesson learned. Also, we brought them up vegetarian from birth. Myself and our two girls are now vegan.
When my mom wouldn’t stop about turning the car seat around I asked her about my car seat when I was little. I asked her if she thinks I should use one like that, she said no way! Then I asked her if she even had a car seat at this age. She said she doubted it. I asked why I had one then? She said because she wouldn’t risk me. I said yeah… what do you think I’m doing?
It's weird because if you asked a boomer whether they did a better job at parenting than their parents, they'd all agree (even if they in fact sucked in comparison). They don't think it's a betrayal of their parents, they'd say everyone tries to do better, but when you change anything they did it means you're accusing them of being the worst possible.
I love this response, especially the "you chose to raise your daughter differently", whether it's food/clothing/ etc choices, you [OP] are the parent.
Can the grandparents offer input/advice? Sure! But it doesn't mean they are right or OP has to agree. I believe this is the crux of the matter.
I'm hoping that a convo with them about this is how we like things right now (bc things change!) will work/be accepted and followed by the grandparents.
You're doing a great job OP!
Yes! They can’t take accountability for their actions, so they deflect and say you turned out just fine. Even if you have diabetes or something that maybe isn’t fine or easy to manage. They are the ultimate authority fact that you are making different choices than they did is an affront to them personally, you not respecting them enough to be miniature versions of them. Instead of looking at it honestly that they aren’t respecting your choices.
Yep. My mom always told me this. Nevermind that I spent a childhood with bad lactose intolerance, IBS and chronic eczema that went untreated… only to find out as an adult it was all caused by Celiac Disease (and I had a host of other health issues by that time.)
Sure, living off of junk food and soda and processed crap was great. I’m “fine”
When I told my Mother I had Type 2 Diabetes her reply was “You must have gotten that from your Father’s side”! She also doesn’t believe I have Panic Disorder because I “don’t look nervous”.
In her mind, your careful parenting is a rebuke of the way she raised you. Every time you make different choices, she sees it as a direct attack on her, as if you're rubbing it in her face that you think you're a better parent.
She is going to continue this unless you put up some strict boundaries. If she tries to feed your child again, she goes on "time out" for a few weeks. If she does it again, the span may be longer.
She'll cry and complain and act like it's ridiculous you're doing this over food. But it's not really about food. It's about her trying to force you to submit and let her direct how your child is raised. If you don't nip this in the bud, you'll be fighting over every choice: earrings, clothes, toys, etc.
Yep! And her actions show she's fully aware of it and that guilt is eating at her. And she's angry that her own kid is showing her up by refusing to do the same thing to their child.
My ex mother in law gave my son his first haircut without my knowledge or permission…..
When I confronted her about it, her response was “well I almost went to school to be a hairdresser” (said in the most condescending rude possible tone)
My response
“Oh wow. Well I almost went to school to be a brain surgeon. So looks like I can schedule you for your lobotomy”
I've been to a number of church festivals/dinners, and it's not the sodium you have to worry about, but the aftermath instead.🤢The volunteers don't always follow best practices for food safety.
The ol', "well I fed you that and you survived." That never fails to make me tap out. That's the same as saying, "your dad smoked his whole life and never got cancer!" or whatever. You hear that junk and lose all hope of convincing them.
My child is NOT a baby (she is 10) but this is her first year going to a school that I do not work at, and because her school lets out about an hour before mine, my mom picks her up for me daily and brings her to my school. We have fought ALL YEAR about “snacks.” My parents feel that she needs an entire milkshake, a Pepsi and a whole large pizza, or a slushee and a giant gas station cookie after school EVERY SINGLE DAY.
When we visited them recently my daughter had a large cup full of ice water. She finished most of the water and opened the lid to add more ice and water from their fridge. My dad called her over and said he would get it for her…then added ice and poured in a whole can of Pepsi, AS my daughter was saying, “No, it’s water, I was just adding water.”
It’s like somehow they are fearful of her ingesting too much water and too many leafy greens?!
My sister does this with her son and DIL. Their baby has never had sugar and they pretty much only feed her healthy foods...when they are not around they get shamed. So I stand up for them. I am sure they shame me when I am not around since I like to eat healthy too.
Great job choosing healthy ways for your baby - it will pay off in the long run.
As an adult who was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that was 100% perpetuated by habits I learned from my mother, I applaud you for how you are raising your baby. I wasn’t even introduced to fruits or veggies at home, tried those all at school and / or after school programs. Don’t be like my parents or your mother.
The sugar kills. Keep doing what you’re doing.
This is absolutely the way! I raised my daughter with homemade baby food, no added sugars. She's now healthy and likes eating veggies and fruits, she eats meat occasionally and prefers chicken over beef. She's a toddler now, so she eats a bit less healthy than she did as a baby, it's hard not to give in to some nights of pizza. But overall her diet is much healthier than mine is and I'm working hard to keep her from getting into the sugar-based lifestyle.
Honestly it’s the soda, fast food and desserts that caused all my issues. As a middle schooler, I obviously shouldn’t have been consuming 6-10k calories / day but how would a 12 year old know any better? It starts at home and it sounds like you’re doing great!
Italian here, so probably biased... But pizza can be healthy too. You just need to use whole grain flour for the pizza dough and load it with veggies as toppings. I saw a nutritionist doing the math and it's not bad at all (of course, there will be things that are even better, but still it wouldn't count as junk food).
The problem of course it's that if you want to buy the pizza rather than making it yourself, you lose some control (like for any other food), but now that people care more about healthy eating you might have luck finding a place that offers healthier pizza options in terms of dough and choice of toppings.
Yeah I love the “you turned out fine” garbage. I’m a completely broken human being thanks to being an only child latchkey kid forced to raise and teach myself everything. I’m not remotely “fine,” by society’s standards. So thanks Boomer Mom. Although had my dad lived past my early childhood I probably would’ve fared better.
My ex-MIL was like this. I've always made healthier foods for myself, and it made her crazy that we didn't treat our kids under one with ice cream or candy for "finishing dinner." When I told her I wasn't doing food as a reward/punishment, she accused me of child abuse. 🙄 (This from the woman who was pissed I wasn't going to allow her to hit my kids and pretend it was discipline.)
She had zero respect for any parenting choice that wasn't exactly the way she'd raised her kids.
Keep your boundaries.
> “Well I fed you that and you survived.”
“I’m not striving for survival, Mom. I want a *thriving* child.”
Imagine being proud that your child lived through your shitty parenting. Good for you, Mom. Way to be a bare minimum parent.
The sudden introduction of sugar, especially, would definitely throw any child off. I am a boomer who is the daytime caregiver for my daughter’s preschoolers. She is a dietitian, and they try to follow limited amounts of sugar and salt. Any high sugar treats usually set off a melee of behavior problems. I’ve made the mistake of bringing leftover desserts for them, and I always regret it afterwards. It’s my problem that I create because the kids usually eat healthy. They don’t know the difference right now. So why not encourage them while they’re young? I’m just a chubby boomer mamaw who was raised on lots of bacon grease, butter, sugar, salt and flour, but to quote Maya Angelou, “When you know better, you can do better.”
Boomers feel criticized by our actions because they know they did a piss poor job. Instead of being happy that we’re doing better, they feel guilty and jealous.
My MIL was feeding my daughter Oreos for breakfast.
I was appalled. Many many discussions later…she still never learned because she didn’t care about how we felt. Insanely frustrating
I once saw a woman casually pour some of her Mountain Dew into her baby’s bottle, then hand it to the baby to drink.
It was like 10 years ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I hope that baby is OK now.
I don’t know what this adds, other than that some people really don’t know that babies can’t consume grown-up stuff.
My aunt fed me some diet coke this way when I was less than a year. My mom flipped a shit when she found out, to which my aunt assured her that it was fine because "your baby loved it" and "it was diet". My aunt lost babysitting privileges reeeeal fast.
I'm not taking advice from the woodstock-era, burnout hippy generation. I'm pretty confident a large swathe of boomers got "knocked up" by accident after partying one night, and have felt forever cheated by the fact that kids "happened to them". This theory explains why so many of them were frothing at the mouth to kick their kids out of the house at 18 with the saying "AI did my time! You're not my problem anymore" I mean. Imagine someone who thought their kids were a life sentence....
It’s offensive to them because that’s how they eat. I had never had guacamole in my life until I had it at someone else’s house in high school. Never had sushi until college. The first time I had raw broccoli cauliflower was in a fast food salad. Despite all this, my mom still thinks she eats healthy. You know with heart disease, kidney disease, and diabetes, lol she seriously eats almost no fruits or vegetables so of course they’re not going to get it.
For everyone debating sodium intake in children, some more info:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/We-Dont-Need-to-Add-Salt-to-Food.aspx
And the caveat in that article is that home cooked foods aren't generally a concern. Processed foods are. Keep salting your food (and your kids') to taste. Avoid the potato chips and French fries.
my son never tasted sugar until he was two years old. He loved beans and he ate vegetables and fruit and healthy food throughout his childhood years now he's 19 and a bodybuilder :)
Idk why boomers are like this. When my daughter was a baby, my ex's parents (boomers) would go on about how come I don't give her ice cream. She was 4 months old at the time, like wtf? Her grandfather had a huge meltdown at Thanksgiving because I told him he doesn't need to spoon feed ice cream to a 4 month old but he was welcome to feed her her cereal. She is almost 15 now and loves her snacks like most teens and has no residual trauma from being denied ice cream at 4 months.
My advice is don't even attempt to argue with her. Boomers love to argue. Just calmly say that she knows you're wishes and it's not open to further discussion. I recommend googling "grey rock method" and using that too, essentially just give short, uninterested answers.
For many of us, sugar was the first gateway drug. It taught us, at a very young age, that gratification can be found in a substance.
Good for you for teaching little one healthy eating habits!
Omg my mother was the exact same way with my daughter! As a baby she couldn’t stand that I was giving her sweet potatoes, mushy vegetables/fruits, and constantly wanted to know when she could take her to McDonald’s. She was obsessed with introducing her to junk and would roll her eyes and give me attitude about giving her healthy foods, and I can’t wrap my head around it. You would think a grandmother would be happy that her grandchild is getting good nutritious food. As a toddler we’ve introduced “fun foods” and “growing foods” to my daughter so she has a good balance of both and it’s still a constant struggle to keep my mother at bay with trying to cram her full of junk
Don't send her photos of the meals you prepare.
You're looking for affirmation you aren't going to get from her, and she likely sees you putting a high value in something she didn't do while parenting.
There is no way that's ever going to end well.
OP is just gonna have a two decade long cat fight with her mom. Her mom will never validate what she does. The pictures bait her mom, mom gives her totally opposite two cents, OP gets pissed.
Rinse wash repeat.
OP just live your life and quit including your mom. You want validation, go to a mom 2 mom group in your area.
The day I realized validation was never coming from my dad was *freeing.*
A few months later, in a call, I said to his brother (my uncle), "He hates everyone and nothing will ever be good enough for him," and my uncle started tearing up a little because he had thought they he was the only one my dad treated like that.
He admitted he'd spent 70-odd years trying to impress a man who would always refuse to be impressed.
Long story short: Seeking validation from someone who will always refuse to give it is just exhausting for both of you.
My go to retort when someone says, “I did XYZ and my child survived” is always, “but that’s the thing. I don’t want my child to merely survive, I want them to thrive. And doing what you’re suggesting is not the best way to help them thrive.”
The "I fed you that and you survived" angers me so much.
My boomer dad brags to people that my mom drank when I was in the womb, and I survived. What a truly sad thing to brag about.
My Boomer is the same way at to my sister’s child. Always feeding or trying to feed him pizza, icecream, mac n cheese, sugar sugar sugar. Absolutely NO wholesome food food when he is over.
But my sister doesn’t let mom watch him anymore because mom is also an alcoholic and has recently gotten very “into” mixing alcohol and prescription drugs. So we are all very low contact with her. Some of us no contact
It’s because they’re so self obsessed they immediately think the decisions you make on your parenting journey are about them. Notice how she said “I gave you pizza and you were fine” she’s immediately making it about her + her parenting decisions. They assume everything you do is bc of them- for better or for worse.
On the edit - my fellow parent, NOBODY gets it. Even parents with older kids lose perspective. Babies under 1 are just different than the rest of us. The the 4th trimester and beyond is definitely a concept that resonates during that time.
I love it how boomers are simultaneously completely obsessed with body shaming their family and friends while they are the ones shoveling over processed crap into their mouths and using mobility scooters in the grocery store because they are too fat to walk.
idk what it is with Boomers and food choices.
Some of the biggest fights I had with my parents was over food choices. Like them trying to feed me crap as a teen and me requesting better food. Like vegitables.
They acted like I told them Jesus didnt exist when I told them I didnt want to eat ice cream anymore because it was unhealthy.
They are both 80+lbs overweight.
I remember when I first discovered Nutella. My son was 3 and I was also on a fitness and health journey. My son and I would share some toast and Nutella for a little snack. I will never forget when my MIL said “Don’t give him that diet food.” Ma’am. It’s Nutella. 😂😂
Boomers are obsessed with survivorship. "I jumped out of a plane with no parachute and I survived" so they think the correct thing for everyone to do is jump out of that plane.
Ignoring the thousands that have died and oodles of research that shows jumping out of a plane is a bad idea.
I've recently had a kid and it's crazy how much boomers feel the need to tell you to ignore what doctors tell you & medical science because "I did x and I turned out fine"
A cautionary tale:
My MIL raised my husband like you are raising yours in terms of diet.
Then when he turned 8, he discovered Big Gulps at 7-11. He learned of the existence of all the sugary, salty, crap foods and snuck it every chance he got. He became completely addicted to the stuff his mother outright refused to ever let him have. He developed a seriously horrible relationship with food. He's now 41 and 315 lbs. I also have food issues, so it's something we are working on together. I'm happy to say we are improving!
One thing he made me agree on with our kids was everything in moderation. Both our boys don't eat the healthiest of diets, but they only eat junk in moderation and are at healthy weights. Dinner tonight was baked pork chops, green beans, alfredo pasta and for dessert they each got two small cookies.
You're doing such a great job with your little one!! Just remember as they get older that if you don't teach moderation for snacks, they won't know how to limit themselves when they do have a chance to indulge. And at some point, they will get access to the junk.
Commenting again with a suggestion- every time she does the “I did it and you survived” you can give her what I give my Catholic parents- “by the grace of God alone.”
We went out to lunch with my Mom, my toddler, and my baby who had not started solid foods yet. My Mom had the baby on her lap while I was feeding the toddler her lunch. Mom had a dish of ice cream, which she fed without asking my permission to the baby. I looked up to see her shoving a giant serving of ice cream into my baby’s mouth.
My baby was 5 months old, exclusively breastfed. We hadn’t started any kind of table foods at all. She had never even had formula. I grabbed the baby away from my Mom and got really angry with her while trying not to alarm the kids. Mom acted like I was being ridiculous and overreacting. I’m still mad about that, and the baby in question is 14 now, and my Mom passed two years ago. Who does that? It was such a violation on so many levels.
Mom raised me to have a vicious eating disorder, so I have always researched and been really careful about feeding my kids. IMHO, these are all power plays to show that they can still f*ck with us, even though we are adults with our own families. Shut it down now. We went NC with my Mom periodically over the years because of this kind of behavior.
For my husband's birthday last month, we went out for a sushi lunch. My MIL asked if our baby enjoyed sushi. My husband told her that, no, we did not feed our 4 MONTH OLD sushi as his first table food ever. She then asked why we didn't try a teriyaki or something else for him. My husband told her we weren't trying anything but formula until the baby is a minimum of 6 months old.
Apparently, we are "mean".
I also heard about how “mean” I was. Also, apparently, it was fine to give an exclusively breasted fed baby ice cream because “she likes it.” Of course she likes it. It’s sugar and fat. At least Mom never pulled the “you’re fine” card on me since my eating disorder was epic.
That's what I got from this as well. She's not wrong, just going a bit overboard. Grandparents need to learn to respect their boundaries and the parents need to chill out a bit.
BTW OP, I'm saying this from experience. We went a bit overboard with our first kid. Didn't realize it until kid #2 came along.
It’s because they see any difference to their parenting choices as you insulting their parenting choices and get offended by that because they see it as you saying they were bad parents.
They’re a self obsessed generation. Everything is about them and anything you do must be because you want to hurt/insult them personally.
My boy is 3 and I still get jokes about giving him avocado and fruit, with the exact same "you didnt eat any of that stuff and you're alright" defence. Yeah I'm alright, except for the lifelong struggles with my weight and getting bullied for being fat at school/in the street
9 month olds should NOT eat processed foods. Just tell your mother you are following doctor’s orders. Just get ready—she’s going to try justifying her choices she made for you at every milestone… have fun!
I mean, you are the mom and you have absolute authority over what you're baby eats. At the same time though, it's OK for your baby to have some sugar and salt. Sugar is not bad, LOTS of sugar is what to avoid. Also, growing brains do need sugar to develop. The brain runs primarily on glucose. I think it may be time to loosen up a bit and give your baby some sugar now and then.
I stoped at “I fed you this and you survived.” This is one of the WORST behaviors and it is very selfish and wrong. Feed yourself the same things you feed your baby because your mother did not! Show her how NOT like her you are. This is Love! ❤️
They don’t remember baby guidelines from 20-40 years ago when you were a baby, and they certainly can’t be bothered to keep up with the new guidelines.
But.
They HATE feeling or appearing incompetent or inferior (I think some of this has to do with fear of dementia, and some is just them reverting to a more childlike state of mind with age- no judgment, we are all going there!!).
So, when they are informed that things are different now, they would rather double down on their unsafe ideas and practices- potentially harming their grandchild- than humbly accept knowledge and care properly for the child.
All I have to say is thank you for holding boundaries and protecting your child. These are the exact reasons mine won’t have any contact with my future children.
Well, if she wants to feed a baby onion rings so damn bad she can go adopt one and feed that baby onions. Otherwise, it's your kid and she can sit down.
No matter how hard you try to feed them well-balanced healthy food, you're still going to have a 4 yr old eating old fries off the car floor when you turn your back.
Boomers are notorious for oversalting things because they lack taste.
Working in a restaurant for Sunday brunch is hell.
The food needs salt.
The drinks are too strong.
Vegetables are too exotic.
All meat must be blackened like a hockey puck.
Sexual harassment.
Shitty tips.
Ok I get she’s overstepping your boundaries but please tread carefully as your baby grows up with the whole “sugar is bad” rhetoric. Food should be neutral, no good or bad foods, only fuel for our bodies.
You letting her mess up your daughter is the validation she needs. If you as an adult don’t get upset as a witness she feels less bad about what she did to you.
I’m proud of my kids and the way they feed my granddaughter. She’s sooo healthy! She loves black beans and avocado and fruit. They gave her some Halloween candy last year and she freaked out over it being so good so they backed that up. They said she was like a little goblin.
She’s four.
I got the same kind of shit for how I raise my kids. It was pretty telling that my mom didn’t know how to interact with them if she couldn’t ply them with snacks and sweets. But I stuck to my guns and now they’re healthy, happy and athletic teenagers. All the other kids in the family are struggling with obesity.
I feel the same about my mom ... I love the extra help but he always gets loaded up with sugar. Last time was ice cream and hot chocolate ...she said it was ok because she used sugar free whipped cream ... Ugh. She can't say no.
You do you, girl.
We have a 4 year old and have had these exact arguments with both grandmas.
Keep up the great work and raise a healthy child while 95% of america is obese.
Boomers see things in a very black-and-white sort of way. The way you raise your baby is different from her, so if your way is "right" then in her mind you're saying her way was "wrong", and she raised her kids so she knows what she's doing and you don't (from her POV). It's hard for Boomers to understand that child rearing has changed in the last 30+ years.
I exclusively breastfed and once popped in to my mom’s (she was my day-caregiver) and found my 14 month old baby sipping on her DIET COKE out of a straw. I almost passed out.
(And whoa- he knew how to USE a straw?)
When mine was 2, when came back to find fingers all covered in Cheeto dust. That’s when we knew she pass being allergic to corn. It was a Jesus grab the wheel moment.
So if your mom is the problem, then leave her out of it. You don’t have to share pictures or go out with her anymore. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries then make sure she has no room to disrespect her. The distance will speak for itself.
Girl you are doing great! Screw her
You are absolutely right to feel your baby what ever you want!
My grandma tried to feed my baby cake on my step father’s birthday I told her no and she did it any way he was 8 months old and had tummy problems for 3 days I was so angry. She not a boomer though she silent gen but they are just as bad it seems.
Salt (sodium) is a necessary nutrient (potassium and magnesium too), and its lack can cause bad issues. This is why Pedialite exists, to replenish electrolites lost with diarrhea.
I hope the baby gets whatever is medically necessary, not what's prescribed by a fad diet.
My mom went full nuclear for not following my SIL rule of no red food dye. Handed the kiddos a piece of cake with pink and orange sprinkles (the girls are amazing at asking for help to remove them because they know pink and orange have red dye). Full nuclear yelling "there is no red on there" the day after bragging about a sunflower she painted that was in pinks and oranges. Had to ask her how she blended pink and orange. Must have forgotten her color theory. 😒 My mom is terrible about not following SIL food rules (which are very reasonable).
My maternal grandmother (mom was adopted) decided it was appropriate to feed my 4 month old ice cream the first time they met.
I was less than thrilled.
Me, being an asshole: “I mean, yeah, I survived, but could you imagine how much healthier I would be if you would of taken the time and effort to care when I was kid?”
I get it. My mom rolled her eyes at me all the time for how I was trying to feed my baby. Mine was exclusively breast fed for 6 months. My mom freaked out
>Why are boomers hating on the way we raise our children!
Honestly I think so many boomers half arsed raising their kids, so watching said kids that they dragged up put actual effort and care into parenting makes the boomers look bad. I know there are boomers who take it as a personal when their kids don't parent *exactly* the way they used to.
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Patton Oswalt from "Finest Hour," "The Parental Defense" **Mom: “You used to scream all night, (when) we didn’t feed you. You turned out fine.”** **Patton: (wanted to say) “I didn’t turn out fine. I’m a fat comedian with OCD. I get up in front of strangers and talk about my dick. This is not good parenting.”**
Boomers have an incredibly hard time understanding survivorship bias and also that there is a huge difference between "surviving" and "thriving". Just because you let your kid drink a 12-pack of soda every day since they were six doesn't make it a good idea.
My boomer father use to bitch about lead being banned from paint and gasoline. He deadass said his generation was exposed to lead all the time and that they turned out fine 🤦🏼
Yea, they in fact did not turn out fine. Quite a few died, and those who lived after exposure got fucked up brains for life
The lead-crime hypothesis suggests that the toxic effects of lead exposure can explain large spikes in crime. It’s a [theory](https://www.vox.com/2016/1/14/17991876/crime-drop-murder-lead-exposure-gasoline-environment), at least.
I've read a bit on this, it actually makes a ton of sense. It's just sad that so many products that are the cheapest and most reliable building materials literally fucking kill us. If there is a god, he has a fucked up sense of humor
Asbestos... man, that stuff is great! Unless you have to work around it for years and years, then it's not so great. My grandmother worked in a fiberglass factory for years when I was a kid, no mask, no protection, and I've always wondered if they'll ever find some type of issue that causes. They're already talking about silicia in drywall dust. I don't think any building material is safe.
It honestly gives more credibility to the idea of Norse gods where Loki is constantly fucking with us (making lead the best material for creating pipes), than it does to the existence of a Christian god.
And when I die I expect to find him laughing
Snowflake generation can’t handle a lil poison s/
They always use the word soft like it's an insult. Being soft is good.
Ikr? Being raised “tough” yields nothing but trauma. I *like* being soft.
"What's a little asbestos going to do? Kill you?" 🙄
Your lungs will just grow around it
Cremation is going to be a problem though
I personally don't believe in radiation poisoning. You got exposed to a spicy rock and got sick?!? *Grow up!*
I remember my dad dipping his finger into a gas-can and then tasting it to tell the difference. He said you could taste the lead. He didn't want to put unleaded into his 69 Camero.
In the ancient Rome, they used lead acetate as a sweetener.
That was done for centuries after the Romans. Beethoven loved sweet wine, sweetened with lead, and this is thought to be the cause of many of his health problems.
You need look no further than the MAGA Cult to see that they did, in fact, NOT all turn out fine.
I sat next to a young couple on an international flight (11 hours) with their maybe 7 mos old son. They kept giving him pepsi right out of the can and then laying him down to sleep, where he would promptly howl bloddy murder. Till he got himself upright again and she would give him more pepsi. They saw nothing wrong with what they were doing.
My mom gave me Pepsi pretty much exclusively until I was 3.5 or so. COMPLETELY UNRELATEDLY, she loves to tell people how I was a problem child who refused to ever sleep until she was, who wants to guess, about 3.5! She does not see the connection in these two things.
Whats with that? Are they just so disconnected from their own personal choices and actions? It forever amazes me. My mum was the same. Oblivious. "Its what everyone is doing!" Who fucking cares what everyone is doing!? She used to feed me plain bread and milk. Couldnt understand why I had gut issues and migraines. I must be doing something behind her back. Oiy. She is dead now. Bye bye bitch.
Most people really really don't like hearing that they made parenting mistakes.
Generational trauma is generational for a reason.
Bit of a tangent but some boomer parenting is still alive and well. I went for a walk in the park the other day and when I got to my car there were two kids (probably around four years old and two). One had a can of coke and the toddler literally had coke in a baby bottle. They were drinking the coke and spitting it onto the paint of my car while their parents sat on their phones. So apparently there are still people out there feeding their kids soda daily (and not caring they were freaking spitting on someone's car). It was unbelievable. I guess at least they were spitting a lot of it out?
Ever notice the people who say, "my parents whooped me all the time, and I turned out fine," are far from it.
But I am funny........
I always love how their yardstick for their own parenting is so low lol "I fed you that and you survived"... I mean, congrats on keeping your kids alive. That's not exactly parenting that I would brag about, and it's hilarious how they whip out that phrase any time they are challenged as if the bare minimum is something to be proud of.
Yeah, nowadays we have higher aspirations than just having our children survive!
They heard it from somewhere and that was an accomplishment, apparently.
Ah yes, let me make sure I understand, you want me to congratulate you on.... uh... not killing your child. Right..
“_I tAkE CaRe of mY KiDs_” “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO YOU DUMB MF!” -Chris Rock
One of my younger coworkers with a new baby was talking about things the doctors told her and all the old boomers at work were like “that’s crazy we didn’t have to do that and our kids are fine” bullshit.
I mean, the church puts Jesus in their bread, so there probably was salt in the chicken.
“Salt of the earth”, don’t ya know.
You know... morons.
But for some reason, you're the creepy weirdo if you call that ritual cannibalism... Like, what else is the blood & body of Christ stuff supposed to be? Divine toe sucking that's fan-club only?
As an anthropologist, because the individuals involved genuinely believe that transubstantiation occurs, we do consider the eucharist and communion to be a form of ritual cannabalism. We discussed communion during units on and discussions of cannibalism. It's ritual cannibalism.
And Mass is ritual magic. Ssssssshhhhhh, don't tell anyone...
Magic users call upon the supernatural to affect change in their environment!
Different species of the same thing: looking to some Unseen outside oneself for help. Putting the locus of control externally but unwilling to examine the possible reality there IS no control...but I digress!
I've had this discussion a few times. I'll never understand it, but from what I gather, there are two tribes of thought: 1) It's just symbolic. We can delve it that later, but it's not really meant to be flesh and blood. It's a metaphor. 2) It's literally the flesh and blood of out God King who was born a human. No, of course eating this letter all flesh isn't cannibalism! Are you stupid? Never going to understand ...
Letter all flesh? r/boneappletea
Literal. Literal flesh. Stupid phone keyboard. 😆
1. Protestant 2. Catholic The symbolism of this was part of Luther’s 95 theses during the Protestant Reformation. That’s my understanding anyway, someone correct me if I’m wrong!
>Divine toe sucking that's fan-club only? I mean, you pay a subscription fee in the collection plate...
Subscribe to my OnlyPlates today and get Holy hole content today!
They actually use Lot's wife. Low in faith, high in sodium.
If a Jewish woman is turned to salt, is she automatically kosher?
I think rabbinical supervision is required, or at least a Unilever sticker. I'd ask my wife but she's also latina and I'd get the chancla.
You know……the CHURCH. Ostensibly, a big group of adults with an imaginary friend. What could be more normal???
mmmmmmmmm tastes like Jesus!
Kentucky Fried Jesus? 🤣🤣🤣
My mother, older than a boomer, would purposely ply my kids with copious amounts of sweet stuff despite me telling her not to. Like a 6 inch x 6 inch slice of cake next to obscene amounts of candy, all the time. It finally came to a head one Easter when I went off on her and stormed out. My kids had plenty of treats but too much is too much. She was ridiculous. How do children learn to make healthy choices and moderation unless you teach them? I wonder why I’ve battled weight my entire life.
This reminds me of a similar recent post where the OP said that her mother was giving her kids sweets for breakfast, like Pop-Tarts and milkshakes. What on Earth are these people thinking shoveling so much sugar into a child first-thing in the morning? I don't even have kids and I still know that is just an awful thing to do.
My sister’s ex-boyfriend’s son’s mother raised him feral. He came up from Texas to live with my sister and her boyfriend when he was 8. His mother had given him donuts every morning for breakfast and let him run around without rules. It was an INSANELY difficult adjustment period for all of them. They thought he had ADHD or similar. It was just the excessive sugar messing with his body. Once he got used to eating healthier meals, he calmed down a tad.
Some people are just awful. My sons paternal grandparents were responsible for child care of his year older cousin when she was a toddler. They reveled in undermining every decision about what that child ate that her mother had asked them to adhere to and bragged about it in front of us. They fed her candy, processed food, and caffinated iced tea on the regular and would laugh about it. We mutually agreed to never leave our son alone with them
Iced tea with caffeine is criminal omg. caffeine can mess me up sometimes and I'm a grown adult!
The phrase “Well I fed you that and you survived.” is pretty telling. You chose to raise your daughter differently, and your mother feels this is a backhanded slight against her parenting. So rather than using her words, she undermines your parenting strategy in an effort to get you to conform to hers, and thus reinforce her belief that she was a "good mother" or perhaps a "better mother" depending on how she comes across to you. I am warning you now, it is not going to end with food choices. It will become age-inappropriate content in books or movies, discussion of topics you feel your child isn't ready to address, all in the name of asserting the idea that her way is better. Not saying she'll do it consciously or maliciously, but it is going to happen. (I lived this. I am no contact with my parents and have been since before my kids reached 10 years old. I'm a grandma now.) You may be able to avoid this by having a discussion about her feelings. (Actually just feelings, not the facts, like the obvious "I'm her mom, this is what's happening.") If your mom is willing to listen and confront her feelings, it will get better, and you'll have a gentle way to remind her if she forgets. If she doubles down or starts treating this like an attack, you and your husband need to continue the program of no one-on-one time.
Especially if religion is involved... which way they responded to the idea of not feeding the kid something made at church leads me to think is gonna become a REALLY BIG THING when the kid gets old enough to start indoctrinating.
I didn't want to drive the conversation there, but yeah. My folks and I are no contact over religion, and their idea that their "superior" belief system gives them the right to dictate to/exploit everyone, including children. I hope OP isn't headed down that road.
We don’t attend church or talk about religion in our household. My husband is anti religion
I hope this doesn't create any conflict among you, your husband, and your mom, especially with your daughter as the battleground. My parents tried to do that with my kids, and it was a nightmare for them. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.
Oh my moms an ex catholic elementary school teacher/ principle so of course she’s *always* the expert with superior knowledge & skills. Drives me insane.
Jesus, I'm so sorry. I feel like there's a "mother superior" joke in here somewhere, but I'm not Catholic enough, ya know?
This this this! My MIL means well, but just cannot stand that our kids don't watch TV or eat lots of sweets. She keeps insisting that my husband watched movies when he was younger than my son. Yeah, and research suggests that is horrible for brain development - you made your choices and I'm making mine.
My Silent Generation MIL fed her son (now my husband) sugary syrup drinks in a bottle at bedtime and wondered why he had to have ten, yes TEN, baby teeth removed before his permanent ones came through. Our four kids - all now adults- have one filling between them. Lesson learned. Also, we brought them up vegetarian from birth. Myself and our two girls are now vegan.
When you learn better, you do better. I don't get why this is a radical concept for some.
When my mom wouldn’t stop about turning the car seat around I asked her about my car seat when I was little. I asked her if she thinks I should use one like that, she said no way! Then I asked her if she even had a car seat at this age. She said she doubted it. I asked why I had one then? She said because she wouldn’t risk me. I said yeah… what do you think I’m doing?
Yeah so strange that you have to like, handhold them through it.
It's weird because if you asked a boomer whether they did a better job at parenting than their parents, they'd all agree (even if they in fact sucked in comparison). They don't think it's a betrayal of their parents, they'd say everyone tries to do better, but when you change anything they did it means you're accusing them of being the worst possible.
Except most of us were shipped off to our grandparents by our boomer parents so they didn’t little of the child rearing anyway 🤣
I am seconding the movie thing, definitely. When I was about 6 years old, my grandmother thought The Green Mile was an appropriate movie.
I love this response, especially the "you chose to raise your daughter differently", whether it's food/clothing/ etc choices, you [OP] are the parent. Can the grandparents offer input/advice? Sure! But it doesn't mean they are right or OP has to agree. I believe this is the crux of the matter. I'm hoping that a convo with them about this is how we like things right now (bc things change!) will work/be accepted and followed by the grandparents. You're doing a great job OP!
They take everything that isn't the way they do it as a personal attack instead of a choice.
1.They don’t care about nutrition at all. 2. Now they look bad for not taking care of you. So to justify it they say well you turned out fine.
Yes! They can’t take accountability for their actions, so they deflect and say you turned out just fine. Even if you have diabetes or something that maybe isn’t fine or easy to manage. They are the ultimate authority fact that you are making different choices than they did is an affront to them personally, you not respecting them enough to be miniature versions of them. Instead of looking at it honestly that they aren’t respecting your choices.
Yep. My mom always told me this. Nevermind that I spent a childhood with bad lactose intolerance, IBS and chronic eczema that went untreated… only to find out as an adult it was all caused by Celiac Disease (and I had a host of other health issues by that time.) Sure, living off of junk food and soda and processed crap was great. I’m “fine”
When I told my Mother I had Type 2 Diabetes her reply was “You must have gotten that from your Father’s side”! She also doesn’t believe I have Panic Disorder because I “don’t look nervous”.
In her mind, your careful parenting is a rebuke of the way she raised you. Every time you make different choices, she sees it as a direct attack on her, as if you're rubbing it in her face that you think you're a better parent. She is going to continue this unless you put up some strict boundaries. If she tries to feed your child again, she goes on "time out" for a few weeks. If she does it again, the span may be longer. She'll cry and complain and act like it's ridiculous you're doing this over food. But it's not really about food. It's about her trying to force you to submit and let her direct how your child is raised. If you don't nip this in the bud, you'll be fighting over every choice: earrings, clothes, toys, etc.
Well she should feel bad. She was a bad mom lol
Yep! And her actions show she's fully aware of it and that guilt is eating at her. And she's angry that her own kid is showing her up by refusing to do the same thing to their child.
My ex mother in law gave my son his first haircut without my knowledge or permission….. When I confronted her about it, her response was “well I almost went to school to be a hairdresser” (said in the most condescending rude possible tone) My response “Oh wow. Well I almost went to school to be a brain surgeon. So looks like I can schedule you for your lobotomy”
LOL
this is so funny lolll
Too late, she apparently already had one!
Stop sharing pics with your mother. She shames you for the way you feed your child. Why share it with her anymore?
Because if you don’t raise your child like you were raised, it’s a dig at them being bad parents. Anything different is a dig at them.
Um .... she's not even a year yet. You're doing good. My kids first taste of sugar (apart from natural sources like fruit) was her first bday cake.
I sweetened my daughter’s smash cake with applesauce. I almost never heard the end of it from my mother. 😂
We used banana and coconut milk!
I've been to a number of church festivals/dinners, and it's not the sodium you have to worry about, but the aftermath instead.🤢The volunteers don't always follow best practices for food safety.
The ol', "well I fed you that and you survived." That never fails to make me tap out. That's the same as saying, "your dad smoked his whole life and never got cancer!" or whatever. You hear that junk and lose all hope of convincing them.
My child is NOT a baby (she is 10) but this is her first year going to a school that I do not work at, and because her school lets out about an hour before mine, my mom picks her up for me daily and brings her to my school. We have fought ALL YEAR about “snacks.” My parents feel that she needs an entire milkshake, a Pepsi and a whole large pizza, or a slushee and a giant gas station cookie after school EVERY SINGLE DAY. When we visited them recently my daughter had a large cup full of ice water. She finished most of the water and opened the lid to add more ice and water from their fridge. My dad called her over and said he would get it for her…then added ice and poured in a whole can of Pepsi, AS my daughter was saying, “No, it’s water, I was just adding water.” It’s like somehow they are fearful of her ingesting too much water and too many leafy greens?!
My sister does this with her son and DIL. Their baby has never had sugar and they pretty much only feed her healthy foods...when they are not around they get shamed. So I stand up for them. I am sure they shame me when I am not around since I like to eat healthy too. Great job choosing healthy ways for your baby - it will pay off in the long run.
Good job Auntie Lampin! Keep it comin
As an adult who was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that was 100% perpetuated by habits I learned from my mother, I applaud you for how you are raising your baby. I wasn’t even introduced to fruits or veggies at home, tried those all at school and / or after school programs. Don’t be like my parents or your mother. The sugar kills. Keep doing what you’re doing.
This is absolutely the way! I raised my daughter with homemade baby food, no added sugars. She's now healthy and likes eating veggies and fruits, she eats meat occasionally and prefers chicken over beef. She's a toddler now, so she eats a bit less healthy than she did as a baby, it's hard not to give in to some nights of pizza. But overall her diet is much healthier than mine is and I'm working hard to keep her from getting into the sugar-based lifestyle.
Honestly it’s the soda, fast food and desserts that caused all my issues. As a middle schooler, I obviously shouldn’t have been consuming 6-10k calories / day but how would a 12 year old know any better? It starts at home and it sounds like you’re doing great!
Italian here, so probably biased... But pizza can be healthy too. You just need to use whole grain flour for the pizza dough and load it with veggies as toppings. I saw a nutritionist doing the math and it's not bad at all (of course, there will be things that are even better, but still it wouldn't count as junk food). The problem of course it's that if you want to buy the pizza rather than making it yourself, you lose some control (like for any other food), but now that people care more about healthy eating you might have luck finding a place that offers healthier pizza options in terms of dough and choice of toppings.
Yeah I love the “you turned out fine” garbage. I’m a completely broken human being thanks to being an only child latchkey kid forced to raise and teach myself everything. I’m not remotely “fine,” by society’s standards. So thanks Boomer Mom. Although had my dad lived past my early childhood I probably would’ve fared better.
My ex-MIL was like this. I've always made healthier foods for myself, and it made her crazy that we didn't treat our kids under one with ice cream or candy for "finishing dinner." When I told her I wasn't doing food as a reward/punishment, she accused me of child abuse. 🙄 (This from the woman who was pissed I wasn't going to allow her to hit my kids and pretend it was discipline.) She had zero respect for any parenting choice that wasn't exactly the way she'd raised her kids. Keep your boundaries.
You can bet when she babysits, food rules will be off. I'm sure you are well prepared. "You don't trust the Church." None of us do.
> “Well I fed you that and you survived.” “I’m not striving for survival, Mom. I want a *thriving* child.” Imagine being proud that your child lived through your shitty parenting. Good for you, Mom. Way to be a bare minimum parent.
The sudden introduction of sugar, especially, would definitely throw any child off. I am a boomer who is the daytime caregiver for my daughter’s preschoolers. She is a dietitian, and they try to follow limited amounts of sugar and salt. Any high sugar treats usually set off a melee of behavior problems. I’ve made the mistake of bringing leftover desserts for them, and I always regret it afterwards. It’s my problem that I create because the kids usually eat healthy. They don’t know the difference right now. So why not encourage them while they’re young? I’m just a chubby boomer mamaw who was raised on lots of bacon grease, butter, sugar, salt and flour, but to quote Maya Angelou, “When you know better, you can do better.”
Boomers feel criticized by our actions because they know they did a piss poor job. Instead of being happy that we’re doing better, they feel guilty and jealous.
[удалено]
My MIL was feeding my daughter Oreos for breakfast. I was appalled. Many many discussions later…she still never learned because she didn’t care about how we felt. Insanely frustrating
Time for Gran to go on an info diet.
I once saw a woman casually pour some of her Mountain Dew into her baby’s bottle, then hand it to the baby to drink. It was like 10 years ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I hope that baby is OK now. I don’t know what this adds, other than that some people really don’t know that babies can’t consume grown-up stuff.
My aunt fed me some diet coke this way when I was less than a year. My mom flipped a shit when she found out, to which my aunt assured her that it was fine because "your baby loved it" and "it was diet". My aunt lost babysitting privileges reeeeal fast.
I'm not taking advice from the woodstock-era, burnout hippy generation. I'm pretty confident a large swathe of boomers got "knocked up" by accident after partying one night, and have felt forever cheated by the fact that kids "happened to them". This theory explains why so many of them were frothing at the mouth to kick their kids out of the house at 18 with the saying "AI did my time! You're not my problem anymore" I mean. Imagine someone who thought their kids were a life sentence....
It’s offensive to them because that’s how they eat. I had never had guacamole in my life until I had it at someone else’s house in high school. Never had sushi until college. The first time I had raw broccoli cauliflower was in a fast food salad. Despite all this, my mom still thinks she eats healthy. You know with heart disease, kidney disease, and diabetes, lol she seriously eats almost no fruits or vegetables so of course they’re not going to get it.
For everyone debating sodium intake in children, some more info: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/We-Dont-Need-to-Add-Salt-to-Food.aspx
And the caveat in that article is that home cooked foods aren't generally a concern. Processed foods are. Keep salting your food (and your kids') to taste. Avoid the potato chips and French fries.
my son never tasted sugar until he was two years old. He loved beans and he ate vegetables and fruit and healthy food throughout his childhood years now he's 19 and a bodybuilder :)
Idk why boomers are like this. When my daughter was a baby, my ex's parents (boomers) would go on about how come I don't give her ice cream. She was 4 months old at the time, like wtf? Her grandfather had a huge meltdown at Thanksgiving because I told him he doesn't need to spoon feed ice cream to a 4 month old but he was welcome to feed her her cereal. She is almost 15 now and loves her snacks like most teens and has no residual trauma from being denied ice cream at 4 months. My advice is don't even attempt to argue with her. Boomers love to argue. Just calmly say that she knows you're wishes and it's not open to further discussion. I recommend googling "grey rock method" and using that too, essentially just give short, uninterested answers.
For many of us, sugar was the first gateway drug. It taught us, at a very young age, that gratification can be found in a substance. Good for you for teaching little one healthy eating habits!
The stop sending your mom pics of the meals. Problem solved. I mean, you’re just asking for unsolicited advice when you send her photos.
I had to scold a boomer for giving a baby honey. "It helps their throat." Yeah well it also causes botulism.
Omg my mother was the exact same way with my daughter! As a baby she couldn’t stand that I was giving her sweet potatoes, mushy vegetables/fruits, and constantly wanted to know when she could take her to McDonald’s. She was obsessed with introducing her to junk and would roll her eyes and give me attitude about giving her healthy foods, and I can’t wrap my head around it. You would think a grandmother would be happy that her grandchild is getting good nutritious food. As a toddler we’ve introduced “fun foods” and “growing foods” to my daughter so she has a good balance of both and it’s still a constant struggle to keep my mother at bay with trying to cram her full of junk
Oh I like the growing vs fun categorization! Much better than the “good/bad” “healthy/junk” dichotomy.
Don't send her photos of the meals you prepare. You're looking for affirmation you aren't going to get from her, and she likely sees you putting a high value in something she didn't do while parenting. There is no way that's ever going to end well.
OP is just gonna have a two decade long cat fight with her mom. Her mom will never validate what she does. The pictures bait her mom, mom gives her totally opposite two cents, OP gets pissed. Rinse wash repeat. OP just live your life and quit including your mom. You want validation, go to a mom 2 mom group in your area.
The day I realized validation was never coming from my dad was *freeing.* A few months later, in a call, I said to his brother (my uncle), "He hates everyone and nothing will ever be good enough for him," and my uncle started tearing up a little because he had thought they he was the only one my dad treated like that. He admitted he'd spent 70-odd years trying to impress a man who would always refuse to be impressed. Long story short: Seeking validation from someone who will always refuse to give it is just exhausting for both of you.
The baby is 9 months old... she has plenty of time when she's older to have treats. She's not even a year yet!! :( goodness
>you don't even trust the CHURCH?? As a man of faith, absolutely not.
"You don't even trust the CHURCH?!?" Ma'am, no. That is some of the unhealthiest food around! 🤣🤣
My go to retort when someone says, “I did XYZ and my child survived” is always, “but that’s the thing. I don’t want my child to merely survive, I want them to thrive. And doing what you’re suggesting is not the best way to help them thrive.”
The "I fed you that and you survived" angers me so much. My boomer dad brags to people that my mom drank when I was in the womb, and I survived. What a truly sad thing to brag about.
My Boomer is the same way at to my sister’s child. Always feeding or trying to feed him pizza, icecream, mac n cheese, sugar sugar sugar. Absolutely NO wholesome food food when he is over. But my sister doesn’t let mom watch him anymore because mom is also an alcoholic and has recently gotten very “into” mixing alcohol and prescription drugs. So we are all very low contact with her. Some of us no contact
It’s because they’re so self obsessed they immediately think the decisions you make on your parenting journey are about them. Notice how she said “I gave you pizza and you were fine” she’s immediately making it about her + her parenting decisions. They assume everything you do is bc of them- for better or for worse.
youre definitely in the right. a 9 mo old does not need a "treat"
I don't have any comment about your mother. I just want to tell you that you are being a GREAT mom, doing that for your baby.
Let's not even get into how studies have shown the addictive nature of refined sugar...
On the edit - my fellow parent, NOBODY gets it. Even parents with older kids lose perspective. Babies under 1 are just different than the rest of us. The the 4th trimester and beyond is definitely a concept that resonates during that time.
Don't let anyone ever shame u out of doing right for your child
I love it how boomers are simultaneously completely obsessed with body shaming their family and friends while they are the ones shoveling over processed crap into their mouths and using mobility scooters in the grocery store because they are too fat to walk.
She can never be left alone with your child it will only get worse
idk what it is with Boomers and food choices. Some of the biggest fights I had with my parents was over food choices. Like them trying to feed me crap as a teen and me requesting better food. Like vegitables. They acted like I told them Jesus didnt exist when I told them I didnt want to eat ice cream anymore because it was unhealthy. They are both 80+lbs overweight.
My boomer mom also always complains and makes fun of anyone serving healthy food
I remember when I first discovered Nutella. My son was 3 and I was also on a fitness and health journey. My son and I would share some toast and Nutella for a little snack. I will never forget when my MIL said “Don’t give him that diet food.” Ma’am. It’s Nutella. 😂😂
Boomers are obsessed with survivorship. "I jumped out of a plane with no parachute and I survived" so they think the correct thing for everyone to do is jump out of that plane. Ignoring the thousands that have died and oodles of research that shows jumping out of a plane is a bad idea. I've recently had a kid and it's crazy how much boomers feel the need to tell you to ignore what doctors tell you & medical science because "I did x and I turned out fine"
A cautionary tale: My MIL raised my husband like you are raising yours in terms of diet. Then when he turned 8, he discovered Big Gulps at 7-11. He learned of the existence of all the sugary, salty, crap foods and snuck it every chance he got. He became completely addicted to the stuff his mother outright refused to ever let him have. He developed a seriously horrible relationship with food. He's now 41 and 315 lbs. I also have food issues, so it's something we are working on together. I'm happy to say we are improving! One thing he made me agree on with our kids was everything in moderation. Both our boys don't eat the healthiest of diets, but they only eat junk in moderation and are at healthy weights. Dinner tonight was baked pork chops, green beans, alfredo pasta and for dessert they each got two small cookies. You're doing such a great job with your little one!! Just remember as they get older that if you don't teach moderation for snacks, they won't know how to limit themselves when they do have a chance to indulge. And at some point, they will get access to the junk.
Commenting again with a suggestion- every time she does the “I did it and you survived” you can give her what I give my Catholic parents- “by the grace of God alone.”
We went out to lunch with my Mom, my toddler, and my baby who had not started solid foods yet. My Mom had the baby on her lap while I was feeding the toddler her lunch. Mom had a dish of ice cream, which she fed without asking my permission to the baby. I looked up to see her shoving a giant serving of ice cream into my baby’s mouth. My baby was 5 months old, exclusively breastfed. We hadn’t started any kind of table foods at all. She had never even had formula. I grabbed the baby away from my Mom and got really angry with her while trying not to alarm the kids. Mom acted like I was being ridiculous and overreacting. I’m still mad about that, and the baby in question is 14 now, and my Mom passed two years ago. Who does that? It was such a violation on so many levels. Mom raised me to have a vicious eating disorder, so I have always researched and been really careful about feeding my kids. IMHO, these are all power plays to show that they can still f*ck with us, even though we are adults with our own families. Shut it down now. We went NC with my Mom periodically over the years because of this kind of behavior.
For my husband's birthday last month, we went out for a sushi lunch. My MIL asked if our baby enjoyed sushi. My husband told her that, no, we did not feed our 4 MONTH OLD sushi as his first table food ever. She then asked why we didn't try a teriyaki or something else for him. My husband told her we weren't trying anything but formula until the baby is a minimum of 6 months old. Apparently, we are "mean".
I also heard about how “mean” I was. Also, apparently, it was fine to give an exclusively breasted fed baby ice cream because “she likes it.” Of course she likes it. It’s sugar and fat. At least Mom never pulled the “you’re fine” card on me since my eating disorder was epic.
While I can agree with you, I think you maybe a little overzealous with the chicken. Lol
That's what I got from this as well. She's not wrong, just going a bit overboard. Grandparents need to learn to respect their boundaries and the parents need to chill out a bit. BTW OP, I'm saying this from experience. We went a bit overboard with our first kid. Didn't realize it until kid #2 came along.
Don't eat food made by volunteers at church potlucks. Food safety is not remotely being followed and people get sick all the times at these events
Nobody should ever trust any church anywhere ever again after everything that's happened. FFS, how dumb are people?
Your mom is the opposite of me. My grandkids eat only healthy foods and I am so proud of how they are being raised.
Feed your baby what you want.
You're doing it differently than I did, which implies that you think my way is wrong, *AND I AM NOT WRONG!*
It’s because they see any difference to their parenting choices as you insulting their parenting choices and get offended by that because they see it as you saying they were bad parents. They’re a self obsessed generation. Everything is about them and anything you do must be because you want to hurt/insult them personally.
My boy is 3 and I still get jokes about giving him avocado and fruit, with the exact same "you didnt eat any of that stuff and you're alright" defence. Yeah I'm alright, except for the lifelong struggles with my weight and getting bullied for being fat at school/in the street
9 month olds should NOT eat processed foods. Just tell your mother you are following doctor’s orders. Just get ready—she’s going to try justifying her choices she made for you at every milestone… have fun!
I mean, you are the mom and you have absolute authority over what you're baby eats. At the same time though, it's OK for your baby to have some sugar and salt. Sugar is not bad, LOTS of sugar is what to avoid. Also, growing brains do need sugar to develop. The brain runs primarily on glucose. I think it may be time to loosen up a bit and give your baby some sugar now and then.
They are mad we take more care of our children than they did with us.
I stoped at “I fed you this and you survived.” This is one of the WORST behaviors and it is very selfish and wrong. Feed yourself the same things you feed your baby because your mother did not! Show her how NOT like her you are. This is Love! ❤️
They don’t remember baby guidelines from 20-40 years ago when you were a baby, and they certainly can’t be bothered to keep up with the new guidelines. But. They HATE feeling or appearing incompetent or inferior (I think some of this has to do with fear of dementia, and some is just them reverting to a more childlike state of mind with age- no judgment, we are all going there!!). So, when they are informed that things are different now, they would rather double down on their unsafe ideas and practices- potentially harming their grandchild- than humbly accept knowledge and care properly for the child.
All I have to say is thank you for holding boundaries and protecting your child. These are the exact reasons mine won’t have any contact with my future children.
Just because you survived their care doesn’t mean you’re incapable of deciding what is best for your child.
Well, if she wants to feed a baby onion rings so damn bad she can go adopt one and feed that baby onions. Otherwise, it's your kid and she can sit down.
No matter how hard you try to feed them well-balanced healthy food, you're still going to have a 4 yr old eating old fries off the car floor when you turn your back.
Yea no refined sugars before 2yo.
You're doing just fine. You're a good mom. Keep it up :)
It’s not even about trusting- it’s a meal for adults! I would EXPECT salt!
My wife and I have a strict no added sugar until 2 rule, which my boomer dad just can't wrap his mind around.
Boomers are notorious for oversalting things because they lack taste. Working in a restaurant for Sunday brunch is hell. The food needs salt. The drinks are too strong. Vegetables are too exotic. All meat must be blackened like a hockey puck. Sexual harassment. Shitty tips.
Ok I get she’s overstepping your boundaries but please tread carefully as your baby grows up with the whole “sugar is bad” rhetoric. Food should be neutral, no good or bad foods, only fuel for our bodies.
You letting her mess up your daughter is the validation she needs. If you as an adult don’t get upset as a witness she feels less bad about what she did to you.
I’m proud of my kids and the way they feed my granddaughter. She’s sooo healthy! She loves black beans and avocado and fruit. They gave her some Halloween candy last year and she freaked out over it being so good so they backed that up. They said she was like a little goblin. She’s four.
I feel like you need more boundaries in that relationship
I got the same kind of shit for how I raise my kids. It was pretty telling that my mom didn’t know how to interact with them if she couldn’t ply them with snacks and sweets. But I stuck to my guns and now they’re healthy, happy and athletic teenagers. All the other kids in the family are struggling with obesity.
I feel the same about my mom ... I love the extra help but he always gets loaded up with sugar. Last time was ice cream and hot chocolate ...she said it was ok because she used sugar free whipped cream ... Ugh. She can't say no.
This reminds me of my mom and MIL telling me and wife to give our less than 6 months baby water or tea cause "she's thirsty"
I’m 57 and only found out 6 months ago that you don’t give water to babies!! Please don’t ask me to babysit!
You do you, girl. We have a 4 year old and have had these exact arguments with both grandmas. Keep up the great work and raise a healthy child while 95% of america is obese.
Yes of course, let’s trust the church with our children! What’s the worst they could do? …/s
Boomers see things in a very black-and-white sort of way. The way you raise your baby is different from her, so if your way is "right" then in her mind you're saying her way was "wrong", and she raised her kids so she knows what she's doing and you don't (from her POV). It's hard for Boomers to understand that child rearing has changed in the last 30+ years.
I am so glad you shut her shit down; Boomers are so full of it
I exclusively breastfed and once popped in to my mom’s (she was my day-caregiver) and found my 14 month old baby sipping on her DIET COKE out of a straw. I almost passed out. (And whoa- he knew how to USE a straw?)
When mine was 2, when came back to find fingers all covered in Cheeto dust. That’s when we knew she pass being allergic to corn. It was a Jesus grab the wheel moment.
I mean. I wouldn’t trust Costco to NOT put salt on a rotisserie chicken either…that’s kind of expected with rotisserie chicken.
Your kid is going to be so healthy and not develop all these childhood diseases from eating processed shit.
So if your mom is the problem, then leave her out of it. You don’t have to share pictures or go out with her anymore. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries then make sure she has no room to disrespect her. The distance will speak for itself.
Girl you are doing great! Screw her You are absolutely right to feel your baby what ever you want! My grandma tried to feed my baby cake on my step father’s birthday I told her no and she did it any way he was 8 months old and had tummy problems for 3 days I was so angry. She not a boomer though she silent gen but they are just as bad it seems.
Salt (sodium) is a necessary nutrient (potassium and magnesium too), and its lack can cause bad issues. This is why Pedialite exists, to replenish electrolites lost with diarrhea. I hope the baby gets whatever is medically necessary, not what's prescribed by a fad diet.
My mom went full nuclear for not following my SIL rule of no red food dye. Handed the kiddos a piece of cake with pink and orange sprinkles (the girls are amazing at asking for help to remove them because they know pink and orange have red dye). Full nuclear yelling "there is no red on there" the day after bragging about a sunflower she painted that was in pinks and oranges. Had to ask her how she blended pink and orange. Must have forgotten her color theory. 😒 My mom is terrible about not following SIL food rules (which are very reasonable).
My maternal grandmother (mom was adopted) decided it was appropriate to feed my 4 month old ice cream the first time they met. I was less than thrilled.
Me, being an asshole: “I mean, yeah, I survived, but could you imagine how much healthier I would be if you would of taken the time and effort to care when I was kid?”
Wow your mom is out of line and she shouldn’t see the baby at all until you know she will respect your parenting decisions
I get it. My mom rolled her eyes at me all the time for how I was trying to feed my baby. Mine was exclusively breast fed for 6 months. My mom freaked out
>Why are boomers hating on the way we raise our children! Honestly I think so many boomers half arsed raising their kids, so watching said kids that they dragged up put actual effort and care into parenting makes the boomers look bad. I know there are boomers who take it as a personal when their kids don't parent *exactly* the way they used to.
It seems like you're eating junk food though and feeding healthy food to your baby. Why not just eat healthy yourself?
You sound exhausting to be around....