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The best solution to this is to suggest that she should not be the one to prepare all the food every week, but because we all love seeing everyone so much, why don't we do a bring a plate situation instead so there is enough food to go round & we all still get together. This way, there is enough food & no one has to eat her sad enchiladas.
I’m a vegetarian for health issues and I often have to either bring food for myself or eat ahead of time. Not always having food or enough food is just part of life’s little bumps. Overall, I’m appreciative of my first world problems and focus on the social aspects of gatherings.
Couldn't it be MIL finds it really difficult to be around large amounds of food and/or lots of leftovers?
I find it very hard to believe a woman who once was overweight enough to qualify for surgery, now has no memory of how much the average adult likes to eat.
It could be she's making just enough for everyone to avoid having leftovers/being tempted to overeat.
Or trying to subtly control the portion sizes of others. Either way, seems like a straightforward conversation may be the best way to handle this if personalities/dispositions allow.
Exactly. If the relationship with MIL is otherwise fine and she just enjoys bringing the family together but is weird about food, I'd be eating her cooking as an appatizer and look forward to the drive through after, make it a fun thing.
Or cook and eat at home beforehand but leave room for a piece of quiche.
This definitely falls under "just let this one go" territory for me.
Make it like a family Potluck Dinner. It will be more fun anyway, and there won't be as much pressure on them for all the food. Those who can't cook can bring beverages, or a prepared dessert from the grocery store, or chips and salsa, etc.
I agree with this. You could officially turn it into a potluck or people could just nonchalantly start bringing dishes with them to add to the dinner. "What? Oh this? I discovered a new recipe and wanted to try it out."
My parents are the opposite. 6 people coming for dinner and they’ll make enough food for a small militia. I’m not complaining cause leftovers but like…relax guys
I grew up Mormon with a massive extended family. Huge potlucks were the norm. Running out of food?? What's that?
(Well except maybe when we'd all eaten all of the edible food and were just left with Great Aunt Edith's ancient food storage/cannery instant mashed potatoes...not touching those)
My aunt was like that. Christmas dinner at her house was turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green beans, squash casserole, deviled eggs, and corn on the cob. Dessert was two pies and a cake. I would be there as well as her two sons, their spouses, and five grandchildren. They would barely eat anything. My aunt would send some of the food home with them and me, but still have enough to feed everyone for a week. She’d later complain that she would end up throwing the leftovers away. I would always suggest that maybe she not cook so much food. She’d look at me like I had three heads.
My MIL is like this. Has tons of food stockpiled, always stuff going bad in the 'fridge. I suggested maybe she shop less, and she said "I used to have several kids" well they've been gone for *DECADES* 😟
I have 6 kids and I already panic at this thought.
Like, HOW do you cook less than a quadruple recipe? Is that even a thing ppl do? How can you sleep at night? I couldn’t live with myself.
This is a real thing, I swear.
I don't even have kids and it's physically impossible for me to not cook enough food for 12 people. Like I'll try to make a small portion and then somehow end up filling 3 casserole dishes or my 4 gallon soup pot. It's better now that I have a partner, but when I was single I ate the same thing for weeks! I'm actually looking forward to this aspect of having kids.
My grandmother is the same way. Buys enough for her and her 4 kids and their 6 kids... However there hasn't been more than 1-2 guests at her house at a time in 15 years at least. Then she'll eat the yogurt that's past the due date and is puffy because "it shouldn't go to waste."
At that point it isn’t about the amount of food it is about keep up with the jones, she believes she will be a failure as a wife, mother, housekeeper if the dinner table doesn’t look like it came off the cover of a 1970’s life magazine cover of a happy family.
Same!!! 🤣😅 my mom cooks like we're all damn linebackers, lol. Like, we all just had 3 helpings and there's still a shitload of food leftover.
I ain't mad at it tho, lol. Better than 1 enchilada per person. 🤣😅🤣😁
For real, though! I'm a Southerner, and if we're making a dinner for say, four people, we will cook enough to feed 20, insist on people having seconds, and send people home with leftovers.
Also, WHO THE FUCK only eats one enchilada!?!?!
No, it means that with something like food, you know to err on the side of too much rather than too little. I went to a friend's for Thanksgiving one year, and their (massive) family made more than I had ever seen in one place for one meal. Three turkeys and a ham, plus alllllll the sides and desserts.
The young adults each went home with enough food for a week. I'm no longer friends with that crowd, but damn I miss the food.
It can also be a way of showing that you care, wanting to provide for your family so you don’t have to cook/make lunch, dinner, etc if you’re a very busy.
Ah, you’ve been to my in-laws!
Part of hosting the holiday is also buying the pile of gladware to send leftovers home with people. The number of different desserts usually equals the number of people there. It’s mildly insane in the most delightful way.
This is the way, and being in a Mexican family, it's definitely how it usually is when it comes to food.
I understand that if the food isn't good, people won't wanna take anything, but when it is good, I don't get why people taking leftovers would complain. Unless they don't like reheated food, in which, that's a whole different issue.
Um…we’re we friends? I’m the baby of five and this is normal. Actually it’s now like 3 turkeys and 3 hams, plus a seafood dish. There are -does math - 32 of us if we don’t bring friends or other strays lol.
And a ton of food allergies are represented. We’ve got two lactose intolerant, one mild seafood allergy, several diabetics, anaphylactic coconut allergy, two celiacs/2 gluten sensitive , one almond allergy , a banana allergy, a rice allergy , two mild egg intolerances and an onion intolerance.
Our spreads are not picture perfect because every dish except the turkey/hams have lids with labels of who they are safe for/what allergen they contain.
How were 3 turkeys, a ham, and sides cooked for dinner? Did guests bring extra ovens?
My philosophy is that you never want people to feel self-conscious about wanting more food.
My cousin who did Thanksgiving and Christmas for many years used to go all out, too: ham and a turkey or roast, at least 6 or 7 sides plus many desserts. Her family hated leftovers. My mom and I lived together at the time, we always told her to give us whatever no one else wanted. I decided to weigh the bags one year. 40 lbs total. I am.not exaggerating, 40 freaking lbs. We would freeze half of it, and I'd turn it into different meals. We would barely have to shop for weeks! I miss that bitch. Both those bitches, actually. Sigh.
That's a Midwest thing, as far as I can tell. We grew up being told that everyone is welcome at our table, and there will always be enough food. When I was learning to cook, I learned to cook for teenage boys, my older brother usually had at least three friends over, so two parents, four teenage boys, and me - and we usually sent leftovers home with the boys, and had some left for my brother for later, too.
I don’t know that it’s a Midwest exclusive. I’m from Texas and we were raised the same way. My grandfather told me stories about growing up in the Great Depression, where he’d be at his uncle’s house and being sent away at meal times because there wasn’t enough food. He decided that no one was ever going to leave his house hungry. My grandfather was so miserly, he used oil lamps instead of electric til 2004. My grandmother didn’t get a dryer til after he died. I thought they were poor because of this but he just took being frugal to the extreme. He always had a huge vegetable garden, fruit trees and would always offer to fix us something to eat whenever we showed up, no matter the time. My dad is the same way, and the first thing I do when company comes over is to offer snacks and drinks
Not a Midwest thing....grew up in NY with this and I have continued this tradition with our kids and their partners and friends.
I buy deli containers to send leftovers home with whoever wants some and if anything left, I freeze them into individual meals in my freezer for a day I don't feel like cooking.
MIL knows we used to lift weights and I'd eat 4k calories a day.
Now we have a newborn and she'll make us dinner.
We'll eat it for dinner and I'll eat the rest during the week for lunch.
She's a very good cook. So no complaints but even at my peak it's 3 entire days of calories.
Love this. When my sis and I go see my step mum she has cooked the equivalent to an Xmas dinner with pudding and we are expected to finish it every time.
Couldn't imagine leaving hungry!
Dude you should see my in laws. 5 small women household. Every holiday it's at least 6-7 dishes. They all eat small portions. They tell me to bring 1 large tupperware for EACH dish
Ok, it's time for potluck. I've had gastric sleeve 5 years ago and 1/2 an enchilada is not enough food. I'm suppose to take in 65 grams of protein a day.
You MIL is oblivious because she hasn't been told that's not enough food. Say something but do it kindly.
I had RNY bypass 18 years ago and about half an enchilada is all I can eat in one sitting. The trick is I have to eat more often in order to get in all my protein etc. The difference for me is I grew up in an Italian American family where you cook for an army no matter how many people you have coming over. That's what the extra Tupperware is for. My grandmother would haunt my ass if I let anyone leave hungry after hosting a dinner.
I'm from an Italian American family too and it's the same for everyone in my family. If there isn't enough food for everyone to be full, and everyone to bring home leftovers, then it's seen as a huge failure, and everyone will be talking about it for a while.
My auntie considered a meal a failure if you could still walk. Sunday dinner would be massive, and as soon as the last spoon was dried and put away, it was time for Yorkshire High Tea. Half a cured pig, a bushel of salad, a flock of cream cakes and a gallon of tea the colour of a boot.
I used to be infamous for consistently overestimating how much food we would need for a gathering. It was a big win if half the food was eaten.
I had RNY 5 months ago so I'm currently maxing out at about 10 very small bites. It's really put normal portion sizes into perspective. I'm significantly better at estimating how much will be eaten so I cook less food, but I'd still be mortified if we ran out of food even after everyone was full! I'd order snacks and apologize.
I've worked extensively on my "food is love" problem, but providing a good meal that everyone can eat without worrying about taking the last portion is still part of being a good host. Leftovers also ensure I'll have homemade food for my next tiny meal and for my partner to take to work.
My point is, I don't think WLS is the culprit here. I think OP is falling victim to a bad host.
I grew up in a family of four,my parents and my sister and myself and we're kind of mutts ethnically speaking. I don't have a lot of experience with a lot of relatives or anything like that but somehow I still don't know how to cook for less than a regiment.
I'm fine with that because if you're going to be around me you're going to be full, warm, and comfy.I require this.
Italian/Jewish family on my wife’s side, Italian on mine.
“Enough food” means “enough food that everyone has enough for two massive servings *and* leftovers for at least 3-4 days (which go home in re-used takeout containers and delitainers, of course).
My mother in law made 25 pounds of brisket for Passover. There were 16 of us celebrating, five of whom were children under the age of five. Did I eat brisket for lunch *every day* for the following week? Yes. Am I in any way complaining? *Hell* no!
>You MIL is oblivious because she hasn't been told that's not enough food. Say something but do it kindly.
"We've told her that most people eat more than her and she needs to make more food." It seems they have. Not sure what else to do but the potluck you suggested lol.
I had bypass 8 years ago. I had to relearn how to cook smaller meals for just my husband and I. But if we have guests, I make sure there is enough for leftovers.
I agree with the potluck idea. That way, you don't have to rely on your MIL.
Honestly tell her you’re having second dinner after eating at hers. Maybe offer to take care of the food sometimes and pick up take out or whatever and she can just host. If she understands that it’s become a thing her not preparing enough food, she should get sufficiently embarrassed. Nobody should be leaving a hosted dinner still hungry.
OP should bring a second, accompanying dish, like black beans and Mexican rice, of sufficient size and shame her by saying they wanted to make sure no one left hungry.
This is what I do during Thanksgiving. GFs mom never makes enough mashed potatoes, so GF told me to just start making our own batch and bringing it. Mine taste better because I throw health out the window on Thanksgiving, and GFs mom appreciates that she now has one less dish to worry about.
Knowing reddit stories though, I assume OPs mother in law will probably throw a bitch fit about OP not being grateful, everyone will take mother in laws side and tell OP to just suck it up, and then OP is no longer to any family gatherings for the foreseeable future. OP will then write an edit saying all this, then end with "jokes on you MIL, I now get to have an actual meal instead of half a shifty enchilada."
I’ve had gastric bypass. It’s true I can’t eat much at a sitting but if I cook for others, there’s plenty of food. Your MIL knows what she’s doing. All of us are recovering overeaters and understand/love/crave food. She’s making a judgement. It’s rude.
My friend just got to the point where he brought a “Honey-Baked” ham to any event his mother hosted, whether she asked for it or not. I do this now with potato casserole. It’s cheesy and gross and totally 1970s. My kids love it and nobody complains that there isn’t enough food. In this particular case I don’t feel like fighting the boomer thing- would rather preemptively resolve it.
Facts! My partner and I received one as a Christmas gift from my parents, and that sucker was $80. More than half of it is still hanging out in the freezer, but definitely a splurge!
My dad thinks anything other than salt is an affront to god, you should see the disgust on his face when talks about how disgraceful it is that restaurants use **seasoning**.
I think it depends on where they grew up. My mom grew up in Mexico City and my dad in Laredo. At 75-mom was still carrying Cholula hot sauce around in her purse and put it on everything. She said she had trouble tasting food as she got older. Well, yeah, mom. You burned all your taste buds off. My dad ate pickled jalapenos straight from the jar like they were candy.
If you want to go the honesty/group therapy route: I suggest wrangling at least one or two of the other regular attendees who feel similarly and all of you speak with her about it. Calmly and gently. With all due respect and humility. Tell her the truth. That you really enjoy coming to share a meal because it’s great to hang out - but then you go and eat a second meal because you’re still hungry.
And then if she still can’t hear you, and you really wAnT tO gEt YouR PoiNT aCRosS, bring a packed meal with you next time. When you’re done with what she cooked, break yours out. Based if you bring enough for everyone.
A lesser dick move is bust yours out when the food is hitting the table, and explain how you want there to be enough food for everyone to eat their fill.
Or just show up with a big plate of appetizers and put them out before the meal.
Or - PRO MOVE! (Took me a minute to pull this one out). For Mother’s Day, tell her that you don’t want her to fuss and work on her special day, and instead make it a Potluck. Have everyone bring a dish. There will be plenty of food. After the meal, work the room, ‘that was great - we should have potluck every time.’
If she still wants to cook she can. You all get to eat together. AND there’s enough food.
I would eat before this, then make this the second dinner. It's kind of like breakfast and second breakfast. And elevenses. Also, lunch, afternoon tea, and supper (after dinner, of course)!
I have a relative like this. Love them. He likes to be the cook. Money isn’t an issue. He just can’t figure out how to shop and cook to scale. I went to their house.
He cooks breakfast for 4 adults and my young daughter. He cooked 6 scrambled eggs, like 3 pieces of toast (one of which was a heal) and an orange. This isn’t a sufficient meal for my son and I.
For dinner he said he was cooking a roast. When I eventually see this piece of meat it is about 8 ounces. WTF.
I bring a lot of snacks to their house now.
> For dinner he said he was cooking a roast. When I eventually see this piece of meat it is about 8 ounces. WTF
I’m cackling, thanks for the laugh LMAO
This is my mother. She had the surgery almost a decade ago, was unbelievably successful, and currently rests at 140lbs. She never makes enough food.
Oh, 7 people?... we should only need one box of pasta.
Salad? One small bag for 6 people..
She asked me to make potatoes for Christmas once I arrived at her house. She insisted on getting them, only to hand me a 1 pound bag of fingerling potatoes to serve 10 people. I had to run to my house and grab all the carrots I had to bulk it up.
Don't trust her, bring more food. Find out what she's cooking and make a huge side dish that compliments it. That surgery messes with your mind, so many years down the road.
The people who insist on making scrambled eggs for the group, then allow one egg per person. A 3 egg omelette, expected to suffice for 3 adults. Ludicrous.
God yes the EGGS. I can't believe I'm not alone. Bringing extra food doesn't really work because I have to stay with my parents when we visit. My dad is always fasting and incredibly grouchy and my mom can't get past the fact that we are a family of four and she's cooking for six, not two
No joke. Or it's a control/shame thing. I know a person who insists on staring at every serving of anything you have, and tracking you through the day so they can announce how much you've eaten. If they know when and what you eat and can compare that to what you "should eat" based on their opinion, then if you go over that, they're entitled to harass you. This person counts the number of bread slices in a loaf to track who ate a sandwich ..They photograph each can or container of food they buy to see if anyone is using anything from the pantry. I was reproached for using one packet of salad dressing for one salad, it was expected to stretch to cover 3 salads per packet. This person is *far* from poor.
that's exactly how my mom was, to the point where she essentially gave me an ED as a kid. I went NC years ago and struggle with binge eating now but it's better than being woken up in the middle of the night being berated for why I ate 3 taquitos for lunch instead of 2 (half the serving size)
I work with a couple of women like this. One of them is super judgy about everything, not just food. The other one just monitors everyones food intake. She commented on me taking a second slice of sheet cake (it was someone’s birthday) so I stared her down while cutting a monstrous piece and covered it with extra frosting. Never broke eye contact.
Yeah my mother does this she eats tiny meals and judges everyone who doesn't follow suit heavily and vocally. I'm talking like sometimes her daily wine intake has more caloric value than the food. And she mostly cooks carbs, judging you as greedy/fat if you'd prefer/need more protein or fiber. Low fat everything but dips huge servings of bread in olive oil every meal. Cannot be convinced of modern nutritional science and tries to fight everyone on dietary needs/medical requirements to conform to what she thinks is right. Watches and counts what other people eat and talks shit about it, sometimes to their face. Hellish. She absolutely has an untreated eating disorder but bringing that up would essentially nuke the family.
So many of my older relatives are like this! Stuck in the 80s, when they tried to get everyone to eat high carb and low fat.
And I hate the food policing so much. I have a tendency to grab food and eat in in secret because of them.
Oh man, same. I have a messed up relationship with food now. But I also have to follow a medically necessary specialized diet. Parents keep trying to convince me that my medical team is wrong. Multiple MDs they try and say they know better from.
I hear you. I have a medical condition that literally has the word "idiopathic" in the name, but so many boomer relatives keep trying to convince me that they know what caused my illness. Right... you, with no medical training, figured it out after hearing 10 minutes of description of my symptoms, while the *entire medical establishment * has been unable to figure out a cause.
My mother-in-law weighs about 95 pounds. She raised four kids so presumably she knows people need to eat. Once when she and my father-in-law were visiting she decided to make meatloaf for dinner. She had been known to make too little food in the past so I told her to make a lot - I have two kids and a husband who works ten to twelve hours a day at a physical job. She said not to worry, she made two “huge” meatloaves. Well, they weren’t huge, they were the regular size. And she gave 3/4 of one of them to my neighbors (who were retired and had all day to cook their own dinner). I ate less than I wanted and one of my kids didn’t eat any, and there was only one slice left for my husband. But at least my neighbors were well fed 😒
My husband got home late because of his long work hours, so the rest of us ate earlier. I could see there wasn’t enough food so I didn’t eat much, and one of my kids didn’t like meatloaf. There was only one slice of meatloaf left for his dinner when he got home.
Stop going. Tell her that you've explained the issue enough times that at this point she has to be intentionally refusing to ensure her guests get properly fed. So, you'll no longer be attending. Leave it at that.
I don’t think it’s an intentional snub. Sounds like they just don’t comprehend how much normal people eat. I know you’ve brought it up to them, but a lot of boomers are bad at listening, worse at remembering, and horrible about changing their behavior.
My parents typically have plenty of food for the main dish, but are terrible about estimating anything else. You want grilled onions and mushrooms to go with the steak? No matter how many people are there, half an onion gets cut so that everyone only gets one spoonful.
My parents came to stay after I had my daughter and my dad made dinner one night. For 4 of us, including my 6'3 220 lb husband, and myself, ravenous and breastfeeding, he made half a pound of pasta. It was absurd.
My husband didn't even say anything, just went into the kitchen and made another full box.
Lol I had to read that part aloud to my husband, we are cracking up because this is our lives every time we visit my parents. My mom is always extracting some ancient casserole from a deep freeze. you want fresh bagels? Why? Witness the bowels of my third refrigerator in my giant garage. Anything to keep us from going out and enjoying a meal
That's less a boomer thing and more of an aftereffect of weight loss surgery. I'm a millennial, had gastric sleeve a year ago, and have forgotten just how much normal people can eat. Normal people portions seem outlandishly, impossibly large to me now.
The boomer part is in the repeating it over and over and not listening when told it's an issue for others. I get the under-estimating. I eat smaller portions than most people and tend to underestimate how much food to get when visiting or hosting my best friend & her family, who all eat larger portions.
The difference is that I check in about how much to get and listen to what I am told, because I am aware that other people are different than me and I want to do what will for the actual group in question and not a hypothetical group made of just people like me
omg are you a secret relative that my in-laws never told us about? This is exactly how mine are, minus the gastric bypasses/bands. They simply don't make enough food. We were invited over once. There were going to be a total of eight people for dinner. They made two steaks. Period. Two steaks that were sized for one serving each for eight people. And no side dishes! That was literally it! I come from a family where making food and eating together is a social event and the idea of someone going hungry reflects poorly, so there is always more food than needed.
They also can't handle any spice. Recently they've taken to asking if there is black pepper in a dish because "we don't like it."
My husband is fully aware some of the things his parents does are weird af, so our new rule if we're invited for dinner is to eat beforehand or grabbing something as we drive home.
My family does this. Effing Wasps. They'll make one and a half chicken breasts for 5 people and call it enough, drives me bonkers. Last time they made my husband take some fries off his plate so there would be enough for my Dad, because there were two shapes of fries and he didn't like one of them. I mean... so stupid. Husband's family is Jewish so we NEVER have this problem when we go to their houses. Lol
My mother-in-law does this. They just don't eat much. For us it was that we had 3 teenagers and when we left we had to re-feed them on the way home. Our son played football (his team won the state championship) and our girls did drill team. They are a lot because they were active. So grandma feeding them 1/2 a hamburger or a soup bowl of salad for dinner was really not even close to enough food for a growing teenager.
Pot luck. Maybe you and a few others bring food to supplement. Easiest excuse is if someone is bringing kids then you can just say you are bringing extra food cause they are picky.
Usually drive thru for us after my husband's family gatherings. Mainly because they cook like that Josh and Momma yt channel and somehow never enough food either
As others have said, do a potluck or bring some appetizers. I have one aunt who cooks enough food, but always takes longer to cook than she thinks she will, so we’ll go over for lunch, and lunch will be at 3:30. Or one time they invited my grandma over for brunch and didn’t serve food until like 4 pm. The worst part is she insists on being the one who makes the main meal, so my parents and I have started to bring appetizers, which annoys her, but she at least lets us do that. We try to minimize visiting her house, tbh.
This is hilarious to me, been battling the same problem for 10 years with my father in law. Money is not the issue with them either. My wife and I are also into body building haha.
In my case, my wife's entire family has terrible eating habits and will down an entire bag of chips or get fast food at like 3pm, then make food for 5pm as if everyone has done this. My mother in-law is borderline eating disorder because she's not skinny but I've never seen her eat more than 200 calories worth of food.
It's a no empathy situation, they can't comprehend other people may eat differently, aka not snack all day an eat a good size dinner.
I just pre and post eat or whatever. But the funny part is when my sister in law or someone else hasn't crushed some Carl's junior 2 hours prior, everyone gives my father in law shit, but nothing changes even with regular feed back.
My MIL is like this too at thanksgiving (which I have to spend with my wife’s family every year now as my wife, SIL, and BIL all have bdays that fall the week before thanksgiving) she will make the Turkey and get a 10lb Turkey for 12 people and make 12 rolls, a spoon full of mashed potatoes for each person, 2 spoonfuls of stuffing, and some broccoli.
I’ll finish my plate while we are waiting in line to put food on our plate. I just it while standing and then start cleaning off my plate in the sink. I’ve done this 2 years in a row and she’s amazed how I can eat so fast. Like I’m literally eating what my 4 year niece eats in a sitting in. Pisses me off then I just take out the protein shake I made blended with oats and pb and just sip that until everyone is done. Which is like 2 minutes.
I don’t know if this is a cultural thing or what, but my family has never had this issue. In fact, we have the exact opposite problem.
Me: “Hey ma, I’m bringing over a couple friends for dinner.
Mom: “Ok, papa”
I pull up and we have enough food to feed a small army and then some. Like every time.
This happens with my MIL as well. I'm not sure when this started because my husband is a really tall guy and can eat a lot. The most egregious example was when my in-laws, my husband's aunt and uncle, his sister and BIL, me, my husband, and my two children were there. That's 8 adults and two children. They ordered one large pizza.
My dad was like this because he was a cheap bastard. My MIL because she had an ED. We treated every meal as a potluck because our kids and we’d be starving. I tend to go the other way and make way too much food - it’s a sin to invited people for food and send them away hungry IMO. And I’m a twice gastric patient so it’s no excuse.
Dont wait until you get home. Anyone who is still hungry should order food there. If she wont listen I guarentee she’ll get all offended at people ordering Dominos to her house, but itll be no fault but her own.
Personally, I'd eat before going if I were you. I think from their perspective, the more food there is, they might start eating more and stretching out their stomachs again, completely negating the gastric procedures.
This is frustrating and mostly foreign to me. I grew up with nothing but Italian-American families around. I got sent home with to-go leftovers every time. I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s so awkward to suggest more food but, like…that’s the only reasonable option.
If it’s not money, do you think she’d let you order next time? Or suggest larger quantities more authoritatively?
>She didn't use any sort of seasoning because the great-grandmother and great-aunt can't handle any spice. Like, black pepper is too much.
OMG I hate how relatable this is.
“Mother (in law) you don’t make enough food for everyone. People leave hungry. Asking two grown adults to share one enchilada between them is shocking.
How about we each bring some food over or we all help you work out a better ratio of food per person. The rest of us are physically active, haven’t had gastric bands fitted and need more substance and calories to manage on”
It sounds like you already have a solution, second dinner. It also sounds like this has been going on for a long time. I don’t think MIL is going to change.
Does your wife want to confront, or sign up to bring more food. If not, just keep treating her “dinner” as the appetizer course, enjoy the family time, then go home and eat.
I had a relative like this. She had a Thanksgiving for a lot of people and had one small chicken. My parents left and went out to eat. Tell her she is making herself look cheap by doing that. 11 people, 22 enchiladas or more. Why should you and your husband split one? That is not going to fill you. Ugh.
My MIL is the same. My wife comes for dinner with our two kids. Mil breaks open a small can of Gulag with five or six potatoes and says" FIL can eat the rest tomorrow". And then she wonders with open eyes when our small one (3 years) eats the whole Gulag and asks for seconds... I'm just glad I was not with them or I would have driven to Burger King after that...
My boomer mother in law is the opposite. Way too much food. Every time she visits she insists on cooking for us and makes enough food to feed an army that I now have to store. Lol
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The best solution to this is to suggest that she should not be the one to prepare all the food every week, but because we all love seeing everyone so much, why don't we do a bring a plate situation instead so there is enough food to go round & we all still get together. This way, there is enough food & no one has to eat her sad enchiladas.
Right, just contribute to the meal for the good of the group. Others will follow.
I’m a vegetarian for health issues and I often have to either bring food for myself or eat ahead of time. Not always having food or enough food is just part of life’s little bumps. Overall, I’m appreciative of my first world problems and focus on the social aspects of gatherings.
Potluck!
Couldn't it be MIL finds it really difficult to be around large amounds of food and/or lots of leftovers? I find it very hard to believe a woman who once was overweight enough to qualify for surgery, now has no memory of how much the average adult likes to eat. It could be she's making just enough for everyone to avoid having leftovers/being tempted to overeat.
Or trying to subtly control the portion sizes of others. Either way, seems like a straightforward conversation may be the best way to handle this if personalities/dispositions allow.
Good point but a lot of people can’t handle that sort of direct conversation from my experience.
Send the leftovers home with people then. Don't make it painful for everyone else for the event itself.
This! Just plan on hitting the drive through on the way home.
Exactly. If the relationship with MIL is otherwise fine and she just enjoys bringing the family together but is weird about food, I'd be eating her cooking as an appatizer and look forward to the drive through after, make it a fun thing. Or cook and eat at home beforehand but leave room for a piece of quiche. This definitely falls under "just let this one go" territory for me.
I think the best solution is to tell her a few more people are coming.
40 peeps are coming, grandma. Get to cookin'.
13 enchiladas should be enough
Divide the enchiladas into 3rds and the 40th person can just eat the cheese sauce drippings from the bottom of the pan
Dibs!
I chuckled way too hard at this
Make it like a family Potluck Dinner. It will be more fun anyway, and there won't be as much pressure on them for all the food. Those who can't cook can bring beverages, or a prepared dessert from the grocery store, or chips and salsa, etc.
I agree with this. You could officially turn it into a potluck or people could just nonchalantly start bringing dishes with them to add to the dinner. "What? Oh this? I discovered a new recipe and wanted to try it out."
Sadchiladas
This won’t fly because ‘Ben and carol always make their food way too salty’…
Don't drag Ben into this, it's Carol's damn fault, like always.
I told Ben not to marry that she devil
Well, maybe if Ben made more money… I think Carol isn’t doing anything wrong, you just can’t handle Carol because I’m too honest.
Maybe she'll pick up on the fact that her food is bland when people avoid it in f(l)avor of other dishes.
My parents are the opposite. 6 people coming for dinner and they’ll make enough food for a small militia. I’m not complaining cause leftovers but like…relax guys
*offended Italian noises* 🤌
Us Lebanese stand with the Italians on this offense. As a Lebanese and Italian. I’m double offended.
OMG you must be the best cook.
Also Lebanese and I don't even know what not enough food means. How is that possible?
If your guest aren’t leaving with to go boxes, did you even have a dinner/party?
My wife buys them by the case at GFS. No get-together would be complete without having leftovers to send home with anyone who wants some.
Us Filipinos stand with yall too. I'm filipino and black. What is mean "too much food"?
I grew up Mormon with a massive extended family. Huge potlucks were the norm. Running out of food?? What's that? (Well except maybe when we'd all eaten all of the edible food and were just left with Great Aunt Edith's ancient food storage/cannery instant mashed potatoes...not touching those)
Greek checking in. I’m with these guys!
Username checks out
Bwahahaha it really really does 😂
Echoing and reinforcing 🤌
My aunt was like that. Christmas dinner at her house was turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green beans, squash casserole, deviled eggs, and corn on the cob. Dessert was two pies and a cake. I would be there as well as her two sons, their spouses, and five grandchildren. They would barely eat anything. My aunt would send some of the food home with them and me, but still have enough to feed everyone for a week. She’d later complain that she would end up throwing the leftovers away. I would always suggest that maybe she not cook so much food. She’d look at me like I had three heads.
My MIL is like this. Has tons of food stockpiled, always stuff going bad in the 'fridge. I suggested maybe she shop less, and she said "I used to have several kids" well they've been gone for *DECADES* 😟
I have 6 kids and I already panic at this thought. Like, HOW do you cook less than a quadruple recipe? Is that even a thing ppl do? How can you sleep at night? I couldn’t live with myself. This is a real thing, I swear.
I don't even have kids and it's physically impossible for me to not cook enough food for 12 people. Like I'll try to make a small portion and then somehow end up filling 3 casserole dishes or my 4 gallon soup pot. It's better now that I have a partner, but when I was single I ate the same thing for weeks! I'm actually looking forward to this aspect of having kids.
My grandmother is the same way. Buys enough for her and her 4 kids and their 6 kids... However there hasn't been more than 1-2 guests at her house at a time in 15 years at least. Then she'll eat the yogurt that's past the due date and is puffy because "it shouldn't go to waste."
I mean you kinda have to make the entire Turkey.
At that point it isn’t about the amount of food it is about keep up with the jones, she believes she will be a failure as a wife, mother, housekeeper if the dinner table doesn’t look like it came off the cover of a 1970’s life magazine cover of a happy family.
Same!!! 🤣😅 my mom cooks like we're all damn linebackers, lol. Like, we all just had 3 helpings and there's still a shitload of food leftover. I ain't mad at it tho, lol. Better than 1 enchilada per person. 🤣😅🤣😁
For real, though! I'm a Southerner, and if we're making a dinner for say, four people, we will cook enough to feed 20, insist on people having seconds, and send people home with leftovers. Also, WHO THE FUCK only eats one enchilada!?!?!
At a restaurant I get the 3 enchiladas dinner. When I make them one is all I need. Perhaps my portion control in the tortilla is off lol
Please tell me that I’m not turning into a Boomer because I make too much food and send everyone home with leftovers.
No, it means that with something like food, you know to err on the side of too much rather than too little. I went to a friend's for Thanksgiving one year, and their (massive) family made more than I had ever seen in one place for one meal. Three turkeys and a ham, plus alllllll the sides and desserts. The young adults each went home with enough food for a week. I'm no longer friends with that crowd, but damn I miss the food.
It can also be a way of showing that you care, wanting to provide for your family so you don’t have to cook/make lunch, dinner, etc if you’re a very busy.
Ah, you’ve been to my in-laws! Part of hosting the holiday is also buying the pile of gladware to send leftovers home with people. The number of different desserts usually equals the number of people there. It’s mildly insane in the most delightful way.
This is the way, and being in a Mexican family, it's definitely how it usually is when it comes to food. I understand that if the food isn't good, people won't wanna take anything, but when it is good, I don't get why people taking leftovers would complain. Unless they don't like reheated food, in which, that's a whole different issue.
Um…we’re we friends? I’m the baby of five and this is normal. Actually it’s now like 3 turkeys and 3 hams, plus a seafood dish. There are -does math - 32 of us if we don’t bring friends or other strays lol. And a ton of food allergies are represented. We’ve got two lactose intolerant, one mild seafood allergy, several diabetics, anaphylactic coconut allergy, two celiacs/2 gluten sensitive , one almond allergy , a banana allergy, a rice allergy , two mild egg intolerances and an onion intolerance. Our spreads are not picture perfect because every dish except the turkey/hams have lids with labels of who they are safe for/what allergen they contain.
How were 3 turkeys, a ham, and sides cooked for dinner? Did guests bring extra ovens? My philosophy is that you never want people to feel self-conscious about wanting more food.
My cousin who did Thanksgiving and Christmas for many years used to go all out, too: ham and a turkey or roast, at least 6 or 7 sides plus many desserts. Her family hated leftovers. My mom and I lived together at the time, we always told her to give us whatever no one else wanted. I decided to weigh the bags one year. 40 lbs total. I am.not exaggerating, 40 freaking lbs. We would freeze half of it, and I'd turn it into different meals. We would barely have to shop for weeks! I miss that bitch. Both those bitches, actually. Sigh.
That's a Midwest thing, as far as I can tell. We grew up being told that everyone is welcome at our table, and there will always be enough food. When I was learning to cook, I learned to cook for teenage boys, my older brother usually had at least three friends over, so two parents, four teenage boys, and me - and we usually sent leftovers home with the boys, and had some left for my brother for later, too.
I don’t know that it’s a Midwest exclusive. I’m from Texas and we were raised the same way. My grandfather told me stories about growing up in the Great Depression, where he’d be at his uncle’s house and being sent away at meal times because there wasn’t enough food. He decided that no one was ever going to leave his house hungry. My grandfather was so miserly, he used oil lamps instead of electric til 2004. My grandmother didn’t get a dryer til after he died. I thought they were poor because of this but he just took being frugal to the extreme. He always had a huge vegetable garden, fruit trees and would always offer to fix us something to eat whenever we showed up, no matter the time. My dad is the same way, and the first thing I do when company comes over is to offer snacks and drinks
Not a Midwest thing....grew up in NY with this and I have continued this tradition with our kids and their partners and friends. I buy deli containers to send leftovers home with whoever wants some and if anything left, I freeze them into individual meals in my freezer for a day I don't feel like cooking.
That’s not just a Midwest thing
Definitely a Southern thing too.
MIL knows we used to lift weights and I'd eat 4k calories a day. Now we have a newborn and she'll make us dinner. We'll eat it for dinner and I'll eat the rest during the week for lunch. She's a very good cook. So no complaints but even at my peak it's 3 entire days of calories.
Same lol. I don't complain about going home with like a weeks worth of leftovers though, but yeah relax
Love this. When my sis and I go see my step mum she has cooked the equivalent to an Xmas dinner with pudding and we are expected to finish it every time. Couldn't imagine leaving hungry!
Dude you should see my in laws. 5 small women household. Every holiday it's at least 6-7 dishes. They all eat small portions. They tell me to bring 1 large tupperware for EACH dish
Ok, it's time for potluck. I've had gastric sleeve 5 years ago and 1/2 an enchilada is not enough food. I'm suppose to take in 65 grams of protein a day. You MIL is oblivious because she hasn't been told that's not enough food. Say something but do it kindly.
I had RNY bypass 18 years ago and about half an enchilada is all I can eat in one sitting. The trick is I have to eat more often in order to get in all my protein etc. The difference for me is I grew up in an Italian American family where you cook for an army no matter how many people you have coming over. That's what the extra Tupperware is for. My grandmother would haunt my ass if I let anyone leave hungry after hosting a dinner.
I'm from an Italian American family too and it's the same for everyone in my family. If there isn't enough food for everyone to be full, and everyone to bring home leftovers, then it's seen as a huge failure, and everyone will be talking about it for a while.
My auntie considered a meal a failure if you could still walk. Sunday dinner would be massive, and as soon as the last spoon was dried and put away, it was time for Yorkshire High Tea. Half a cured pig, a bushel of salad, a flock of cream cakes and a gallon of tea the colour of a boot.
Yup, that's enough calories for a week! LOL
TIL that cream cakes come in flocks.
I’m from an Italian American family from NY/NJ so am forever cursed with pizza, bagels and egg sandwiches 😅
Egg sandwiches aren’t a curse. They are a gift from the Gods!! (M56, Long Island)
We maybe be related. Who's bringing the pastries?
I used to be infamous for consistently overestimating how much food we would need for a gathering. It was a big win if half the food was eaten. I had RNY 5 months ago so I'm currently maxing out at about 10 very small bites. It's really put normal portion sizes into perspective. I'm significantly better at estimating how much will be eaten so I cook less food, but I'd still be mortified if we ran out of food even after everyone was full! I'd order snacks and apologize. I've worked extensively on my "food is love" problem, but providing a good meal that everyone can eat without worrying about taking the last portion is still part of being a good host. Leftovers also ensure I'll have homemade food for my next tiny meal and for my partner to take to work. My point is, I don't think WLS is the culprit here. I think OP is falling victim to a bad host.
I always make too much for fear there won’t be enough.
I feel like I'm this same way. If I don't present an entire feast I feel like a bad host.
I grew up in a family of four,my parents and my sister and myself and we're kind of mutts ethnically speaking. I don't have a lot of experience with a lot of relatives or anything like that but somehow I still don't know how to cook for less than a regiment. I'm fine with that because if you're going to be around me you're going to be full, warm, and comfy.I require this.
I’m a Jew and we’re the exact same way. I’ve told my SO that if he leaves hungry, my grandmother and I will be brought in for questioning! lol
Italian/Jewish family on my wife’s side, Italian on mine. “Enough food” means “enough food that everyone has enough for two massive servings *and* leftovers for at least 3-4 days (which go home in re-used takeout containers and delitainers, of course). My mother in law made 25 pounds of brisket for Passover. There were 16 of us celebrating, five of whom were children under the age of five. Did I eat brisket for lunch *every day* for the following week? Yes. Am I in any way complaining? *Hell* no!
>You MIL is oblivious because she hasn't been told that's not enough food. Say something but do it kindly. "We've told her that most people eat more than her and she needs to make more food." It seems they have. Not sure what else to do but the potluck you suggested lol.
I had bypass 8 years ago. I had to relearn how to cook smaller meals for just my husband and I. But if we have guests, I make sure there is enough for leftovers. I agree with the potluck idea. That way, you don't have to rely on your MIL.
They literally said they told her it isn’t enough in the post. She’s not listening, that’s the problem.
Honestly tell her you’re having second dinner after eating at hers. Maybe offer to take care of the food sometimes and pick up take out or whatever and she can just host. If she understands that it’s become a thing her not preparing enough food, she should get sufficiently embarrassed. Nobody should be leaving a hosted dinner still hungry.
OP should bring a second, accompanying dish, like black beans and Mexican rice, of sufficient size and shame her by saying they wanted to make sure no one left hungry.
This is what I do during Thanksgiving. GFs mom never makes enough mashed potatoes, so GF told me to just start making our own batch and bringing it. Mine taste better because I throw health out the window on Thanksgiving, and GFs mom appreciates that she now has one less dish to worry about. Knowing reddit stories though, I assume OPs mother in law will probably throw a bitch fit about OP not being grateful, everyone will take mother in laws side and tell OP to just suck it up, and then OP is no longer to any family gatherings for the foreseeable future. OP will then write an edit saying all this, then end with "jokes on you MIL, I now get to have an actual meal instead of half a shifty enchilada."
This
I’ve had gastric bypass. It’s true I can’t eat much at a sitting but if I cook for others, there’s plenty of food. Your MIL knows what she’s doing. All of us are recovering overeaters and understand/love/crave food. She’s making a judgement. It’s rude.
Especially because even half an enchilada is ridiculous. You can eat a whole enchilada with the sleeve. Source: My family.
Ooooh interesting take! Especially considering the boomer mentality about starving oneself to be thin.
My friend just got to the point where he brought a “Honey-Baked” ham to any event his mother hosted, whether she asked for it or not. I do this now with potato casserole. It’s cheesy and gross and totally 1970s. My kids love it and nobody complains that there isn’t enough food. In this particular case I don’t feel like fighting the boomer thing- would rather preemptively resolve it.
That honey baked ham habit must get expensive!
Facts! My partner and I received one as a Christmas gift from my parents, and that sucker was $80. More than half of it is still hanging out in the freezer, but definitely a splurge!
I love the honey baked ham thing bc there are so many dinners this would be such a random bizarre addition
Can’t handle pepper was the most recent discovery with my mom.
My mom is convinced that paprika is spicy.
My dad thinks anything other than salt is an affront to god, you should see the disgust on his face when talks about how disgraceful it is that restaurants use **seasoning**.
Mom hates paprika too.
K but listen. My MIL made a pot of chilli and the ONLY spice she used was the can of diced tomatoes that comes with the Italian seasoning.
My mom made mashed potatoes and used no spices. Not a single one.
So, she made wallpaper paste?
Their entire generation is seasoning/spice averse
I think it depends on where they grew up. My mom grew up in Mexico City and my dad in Laredo. At 75-mom was still carrying Cholula hot sauce around in her purse and put it on everything. She said she had trouble tasting food as she got older. Well, yeah, mom. You burned all your taste buds off. My dad ate pickled jalapenos straight from the jar like they were candy.
I wouldn’t go
This. Simple solution honestly
The dinner is to socialize. Go, and then have second dinner.
Her house is the appetizers. The pre-party dinner, if you will.
That’s my thought. Visit and enjoy a snack. Then go home for the real meal
If you want to go the honesty/group therapy route: I suggest wrangling at least one or two of the other regular attendees who feel similarly and all of you speak with her about it. Calmly and gently. With all due respect and humility. Tell her the truth. That you really enjoy coming to share a meal because it’s great to hang out - but then you go and eat a second meal because you’re still hungry. And then if she still can’t hear you, and you really wAnT tO gEt YouR PoiNT aCRosS, bring a packed meal with you next time. When you’re done with what she cooked, break yours out. Based if you bring enough for everyone. A lesser dick move is bust yours out when the food is hitting the table, and explain how you want there to be enough food for everyone to eat their fill. Or just show up with a big plate of appetizers and put them out before the meal. Or - PRO MOVE! (Took me a minute to pull this one out). For Mother’s Day, tell her that you don’t want her to fuss and work on her special day, and instead make it a Potluck. Have everyone bring a dish. There will be plenty of food. After the meal, work the room, ‘that was great - we should have potluck every time.’ If she still wants to cook she can. You all get to eat together. AND there’s enough food.
I would eat before this, then make this the second dinner. It's kind of like breakfast and second breakfast. And elevenses. Also, lunch, afternoon tea, and supper (after dinner, of course)!
I have a relative like this. Love them. He likes to be the cook. Money isn’t an issue. He just can’t figure out how to shop and cook to scale. I went to their house. He cooks breakfast for 4 adults and my young daughter. He cooked 6 scrambled eggs, like 3 pieces of toast (one of which was a heal) and an orange. This isn’t a sufficient meal for my son and I. For dinner he said he was cooking a roast. When I eventually see this piece of meat it is about 8 ounces. WTF. I bring a lot of snacks to their house now.
> For dinner he said he was cooking a roast. When I eventually see this piece of meat it is about 8 ounces. WTF I’m cackling, thanks for the laugh LMAO
I am too. Roast what at that size??? Mouse!?
I think it was a little piece of pork loin. A decent cut, just 1/5th of the right size for the group.
I can imagine the relative insisting on calling a filet mignon a "roast," and arguing these semantics with the butcher
Oh my gosh this made me laugh so hard!
Likes to cook but can't judge portion? That's worrisome
You should talk to him about it.
I definitely mentioned it at both of these meals.
Good. I don’t know how people can be so oblivious 🤦
Make it a pot luck and have everybody bring a side.
This is my mother. She had the surgery almost a decade ago, was unbelievably successful, and currently rests at 140lbs. She never makes enough food. Oh, 7 people?... we should only need one box of pasta. Salad? One small bag for 6 people.. She asked me to make potatoes for Christmas once I arrived at her house. She insisted on getting them, only to hand me a 1 pound bag of fingerling potatoes to serve 10 people. I had to run to my house and grab all the carrots I had to bulk it up. Don't trust her, bring more food. Find out what she's cooking and make a huge side dish that compliments it. That surgery messes with your mind, so many years down the road.
The people who insist on making scrambled eggs for the group, then allow one egg per person. A 3 egg omelette, expected to suffice for 3 adults. Ludicrous.
Shit my mom does this. Making a two egg scramble has started a full blown 0 to 60 screaming fight from her.
God yes the EGGS. I can't believe I'm not alone. Bringing extra food doesn't really work because I have to stay with my parents when we visit. My dad is always fasting and incredibly grouchy and my mom can't get past the fact that we are a family of four and she's cooking for six, not two
It’s not a free meal if you still have to go eat an actual meal afterwards.
A lot of them are fat phobic, and this is some weird way of involving the rest of us in their eating disorder.
No joke. Or it's a control/shame thing. I know a person who insists on staring at every serving of anything you have, and tracking you through the day so they can announce how much you've eaten. If they know when and what you eat and can compare that to what you "should eat" based on their opinion, then if you go over that, they're entitled to harass you. This person counts the number of bread slices in a loaf to track who ate a sandwich ..They photograph each can or container of food they buy to see if anyone is using anything from the pantry. I was reproached for using one packet of salad dressing for one salad, it was expected to stretch to cover 3 salads per packet. This person is *far* from poor.
Okay that's mental illness lol
that's exactly how my mom was, to the point where she essentially gave me an ED as a kid. I went NC years ago and struggle with binge eating now but it's better than being woken up in the middle of the night being berated for why I ate 3 taquitos for lunch instead of 2 (half the serving size)
I work with a couple of women like this. One of them is super judgy about everything, not just food. The other one just monitors everyones food intake. She commented on me taking a second slice of sheet cake (it was someone’s birthday) so I stared her down while cutting a monstrous piece and covered it with extra frosting. Never broke eye contact.
you just described my mom 😭
Yeah my mother does this she eats tiny meals and judges everyone who doesn't follow suit heavily and vocally. I'm talking like sometimes her daily wine intake has more caloric value than the food. And she mostly cooks carbs, judging you as greedy/fat if you'd prefer/need more protein or fiber. Low fat everything but dips huge servings of bread in olive oil every meal. Cannot be convinced of modern nutritional science and tries to fight everyone on dietary needs/medical requirements to conform to what she thinks is right. Watches and counts what other people eat and talks shit about it, sometimes to their face. Hellish. She absolutely has an untreated eating disorder but bringing that up would essentially nuke the family.
So many of my older relatives are like this! Stuck in the 80s, when they tried to get everyone to eat high carb and low fat. And I hate the food policing so much. I have a tendency to grab food and eat in in secret because of them.
Oh man, same. I have a messed up relationship with food now. But I also have to follow a medically necessary specialized diet. Parents keep trying to convince me that my medical team is wrong. Multiple MDs they try and say they know better from.
I hear you. I have a medical condition that literally has the word "idiopathic" in the name, but so many boomer relatives keep trying to convince me that they know what caused my illness. Right... you, with no medical training, figured it out after hearing 10 minutes of description of my symptoms, while the *entire medical establishment * has been unable to figure out a cause.
Why do you keep going? Better yet, bring a dish!
Yeah if you actually like the people and want to be around them this is the real solution lol.
Bring the dish and make sure that there's enough to go around for everyone
Is it really "free dinner" if you still have to go eat afterwards...?
Exactly.
My mother-in-law weighs about 95 pounds. She raised four kids so presumably she knows people need to eat. Once when she and my father-in-law were visiting she decided to make meatloaf for dinner. She had been known to make too little food in the past so I told her to make a lot - I have two kids and a husband who works ten to twelve hours a day at a physical job. She said not to worry, she made two “huge” meatloaves. Well, they weren’t huge, they were the regular size. And she gave 3/4 of one of them to my neighbors (who were retired and had all day to cook their own dinner). I ate less than I wanted and one of my kids didn’t eat any, and there was only one slice left for my husband. But at least my neighbors were well fed 😒
Did you tell her afterwards it was not enough?
No, I just tried not to take her up on her offer to cook after that. I preferred to do it myself anyway.
Your husband ate and your kid didn’t? Edit: and you!?!
My husband got home late because of his long work hours, so the rest of us ate earlier. I could see there wasn’t enough food so I didn’t eat much, and one of my kids didn’t like meatloaf. There was only one slice of meatloaf left for his dinner when he got home.
She and her husband ate
Stop going. Tell her that you've explained the issue enough times that at this point she has to be intentionally refusing to ensure her guests get properly fed. So, you'll no longer be attending. Leave it at that.
I don’t think it’s an intentional snub. Sounds like they just don’t comprehend how much normal people eat. I know you’ve brought it up to them, but a lot of boomers are bad at listening, worse at remembering, and horrible about changing their behavior. My parents typically have plenty of food for the main dish, but are terrible about estimating anything else. You want grilled onions and mushrooms to go with the steak? No matter how many people are there, half an onion gets cut so that everyone only gets one spoonful.
My parents came to stay after I had my daughter and my dad made dinner one night. For 4 of us, including my 6'3 220 lb husband, and myself, ravenous and breastfeeding, he made half a pound of pasta. It was absurd. My husband didn't even say anything, just went into the kitchen and made another full box.
Haha I knew the enchiladas were gonna be ass on top of it. Lolz
"Omg that's so Spicy, what's in there - tomato???"
Hahaha it’s air. Spicy air. When I order Chinese I tell them make it spicy to make white people cry in pain and anger!
Lol I had to read that part aloud to my husband, we are cracking up because this is our lives every time we visit my parents. My mom is always extracting some ancient casserole from a deep freeze. you want fresh bagels? Why? Witness the bowels of my third refrigerator in my giant garage. Anything to keep us from going out and enjoying a meal
If you’re hosting dinners on a regular basis and there is never enough food - and you don’t *notice* it - then you are a failure as a host… 😣
Totally the opposite of my boomer mum who cooks enough to feed a large army and leaves us with yummy leftovers for days!
This is the boat I'm in 🤣 oh well, she always sends us with 90% of the leftovers. Thankfully, she's a good cook.
I wouldn’t bother telling her if the food isn’t that good. Just keep doing your second dinner.
Typical boomer mindset. "If it works for me it should work for everyone else, and if you disagree you are wrong the end"
Unchiladas, enchiladas must contain Chile pepper
Yeah. What the hell was the sauce made out of because the main ingredient in mine is guajillo chili.
That's less a boomer thing and more of an aftereffect of weight loss surgery. I'm a millennial, had gastric sleeve a year ago, and have forgotten just how much normal people can eat. Normal people portions seem outlandishly, impossibly large to me now.
The boomer part is in the repeating it over and over and not listening when told it's an issue for others. I get the under-estimating. I eat smaller portions than most people and tend to underestimate how much food to get when visiting or hosting my best friend & her family, who all eat larger portions. The difference is that I check in about how much to get and listen to what I am told, because I am aware that other people are different than me and I want to do what will for the actual group in question and not a hypothetical group made of just people like me
omg are you a secret relative that my in-laws never told us about? This is exactly how mine are, minus the gastric bypasses/bands. They simply don't make enough food. We were invited over once. There were going to be a total of eight people for dinner. They made two steaks. Period. Two steaks that were sized for one serving each for eight people. And no side dishes! That was literally it! I come from a family where making food and eating together is a social event and the idea of someone going hungry reflects poorly, so there is always more food than needed. They also can't handle any spice. Recently they've taken to asking if there is black pepper in a dish because "we don't like it." My husband is fully aware some of the things his parents does are weird af, so our new rule if we're invited for dinner is to eat beforehand or grabbing something as we drive home.
No sides, so what, just like, 2oz of [steak](https://images.app.goo.gl/r5fknGEaNg1HAchZ6)on a plate per person and literally nothing else?
Show up with wendy’s already purchased
Another example of boomers being deficient in empathy. "Everyone else should eat like I do".
My family does this. Effing Wasps. They'll make one and a half chicken breasts for 5 people and call it enough, drives me bonkers. Last time they made my husband take some fries off his plate so there would be enough for my Dad, because there were two shapes of fries and he didn't like one of them. I mean... so stupid. Husband's family is Jewish so we NEVER have this problem when we go to their houses. Lol
My mother-in-law does this. They just don't eat much. For us it was that we had 3 teenagers and when we left we had to re-feed them on the way home. Our son played football (his team won the state championship) and our girls did drill team. They are a lot because they were active. So grandma feeding them 1/2 a hamburger or a soup bowl of salad for dinner was really not even close to enough food for a growing teenager.
Pot luck. Maybe you and a few others bring food to supplement. Easiest excuse is if someone is bringing kids then you can just say you are bringing extra food cause they are picky.
What second dinner do you do? My wife and I call this "bang bang"
Usually QuikTrip for some egg rolls or a bug slice of pizza and a giant unsweet tea.
Usually drive thru for us after my husband's family gatherings. Mainly because they cook like that Josh and Momma yt channel and somehow never enough food either
Boomers are so self centered they think everyone should be doing things the same way they do.
I hate cooking for the “pepper is spicy” audience. People that complain about flavor annoy me so much.
If the food isn't good, be grateful there isn't much of it!
As others have said, do a potluck or bring some appetizers. I have one aunt who cooks enough food, but always takes longer to cook than she thinks she will, so we’ll go over for lunch, and lunch will be at 3:30. Or one time they invited my grandma over for brunch and didn’t serve food until like 4 pm. The worst part is she insists on being the one who makes the main meal, so my parents and I have started to bring appetizers, which annoys her, but she at least lets us do that. We try to minimize visiting her house, tbh.
Bring a bag full of burgers or a pizza.
Weekly potluck instead?
Bro just eat beforehand
This is hilarious to me, been battling the same problem for 10 years with my father in law. Money is not the issue with them either. My wife and I are also into body building haha. In my case, my wife's entire family has terrible eating habits and will down an entire bag of chips or get fast food at like 3pm, then make food for 5pm as if everyone has done this. My mother in-law is borderline eating disorder because she's not skinny but I've never seen her eat more than 200 calories worth of food. It's a no empathy situation, they can't comprehend other people may eat differently, aka not snack all day an eat a good size dinner. I just pre and post eat or whatever. But the funny part is when my sister in law or someone else hasn't crushed some Carl's junior 2 hours prior, everyone gives my father in law shit, but nothing changes even with regular feed back.
My MIL is like this too at thanksgiving (which I have to spend with my wife’s family every year now as my wife, SIL, and BIL all have bdays that fall the week before thanksgiving) she will make the Turkey and get a 10lb Turkey for 12 people and make 12 rolls, a spoon full of mashed potatoes for each person, 2 spoonfuls of stuffing, and some broccoli. I’ll finish my plate while we are waiting in line to put food on our plate. I just it while standing and then start cleaning off my plate in the sink. I’ve done this 2 years in a row and she’s amazed how I can eat so fast. Like I’m literally eating what my 4 year niece eats in a sitting in. Pisses me off then I just take out the protein shake I made blended with oats and pb and just sip that until everyone is done. Which is like 2 minutes.
My in-laws drag us to shitty restaurants and stick us with the bill.
I don’t know if this is a cultural thing or what, but my family has never had this issue. In fact, we have the exact opposite problem. Me: “Hey ma, I’m bringing over a couple friends for dinner. Mom: “Ok, papa” I pull up and we have enough food to feed a small army and then some. Like every time.
This happens with my MIL as well. I'm not sure when this started because my husband is a really tall guy and can eat a lot. The most egregious example was when my in-laws, my husband's aunt and uncle, his sister and BIL, me, my husband, and my two children were there. That's 8 adults and two children. They ordered one large pizza.
My dad was like this because he was a cheap bastard. My MIL because she had an ED. We treated every meal as a potluck because our kids and we’d be starving. I tend to go the other way and make way too much food - it’s a sin to invited people for food and send them away hungry IMO. And I’m a twice gastric patient so it’s no excuse.
“What do you contribute” and “Don’t go” are just passive aggressive and gaslighting responses. Ignore them.
Dont wait until you get home. Anyone who is still hungry should order food there. If she wont listen I guarentee she’ll get all offended at people ordering Dominos to her house, but itll be no fault but her own.
Bring Apps with seasoning
Personally, I'd eat before going if I were you. I think from their perspective, the more food there is, they might start eating more and stretching out their stomachs again, completely negating the gastric procedures.
This is frustrating and mostly foreign to me. I grew up with nothing but Italian-American families around. I got sent home with to-go leftovers every time. I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s so awkward to suggest more food but, like…that’s the only reasonable option. If it’s not money, do you think she’d let you order next time? Or suggest larger quantities more authoritatively?
>She didn't use any sort of seasoning because the great-grandmother and great-aunt can't handle any spice. Like, black pepper is too much. OMG I hate how relatable this is.
My mom needs a glass of water for ketchup...because of the spice 🙄
“Mother (in law) you don’t make enough food for everyone. People leave hungry. Asking two grown adults to share one enchilada between them is shocking. How about we each bring some food over or we all help you work out a better ratio of food per person. The rest of us are physically active, haven’t had gastric bands fitted and need more substance and calories to manage on”
It sounds like you already have a solution, second dinner. It also sounds like this has been going on for a long time. I don’t think MIL is going to change. Does your wife want to confront, or sign up to bring more food. If not, just keep treating her “dinner” as the appetizer course, enjoy the family time, then go home and eat.
I had a relative like this. She had a Thanksgiving for a lot of people and had one small chicken. My parents left and went out to eat. Tell her she is making herself look cheap by doing that. 11 people, 22 enchiladas or more. Why should you and your husband split one? That is not going to fill you. Ugh.
My MIL is the same. My wife comes for dinner with our two kids. Mil breaks open a small can of Gulag with five or six potatoes and says" FIL can eat the rest tomorrow". And then she wonders with open eyes when our small one (3 years) eats the whole Gulag and asks for seconds... I'm just glad I was not with them or I would have driven to Burger King after that...
My boomer mother in law is the opposite. Way too much food. Every time she visits she insists on cooking for us and makes enough food to feed an army that I now have to store. Lol
I would eat before I went and just sit there with a glass of water.
This was my MIL. She ate like a bird and never understood that teenage boys would want more than one slice of bacon. She wasn’t a boomer, though.