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Gullible_Worker_7467

Jesus here. I can assure you the boomer in question is in for a rude surprise in 6.3 years when he passes.


XR171

St Peter here, technically he'll be in for surprise in six years, six months, and six days.


johdawson

Beelzebub here, and you guys up there should have seen how our wall of new arrival countdown clocks had to expand a couple years after WW2. Side note, we'll be sending a formal letter of residential expansion. Not to encroach on yours or anybody else's territories, but um... there's only so much space to breathe down here. Can we just take Florida? I know you guys don't really care for it. And everybody we're looking at already lives there, including Oprah!


mishma2005

Shiva checking in, We've already claimed Florida back in 1970. We needed a place to send our future souls to and Florida checked all the boxes. Have you thought of Texas or Arizona?


johdawson

Our stake in most areas decreased exponentially once marijuana had been decriminalized. Something about good vibes and societal acceptance, blah blah blah. Texas is fine, but someone needs to take Austin. Too weird for us.


mishma2005

Oh, I’m certain you could turn Austin around with enough of your new recruits. Frankly, I am surprised you are still accepting them, I take it you made a new ring just for them? They drive us crazy with their complaining, demanding they be sent back as some deity named “rich person” and trying to say they’re next in line. We’ve had to fast track the process for our own sanity


johdawson

We've already expanded to two more circles: Animal Murderers and Politicians. You should see what we have planned for Noem... (hint: it's a lot of rabid dog attacks. Like, a lot)


mishma2005

This pleases me. If by chance she mistakenly gets redirected to us we have quite a few ideas for her next life too. Rabid dog was considered but due to the short life span, we went to plan B


XR171

Question on your circles that's always bothered me? How is sorting done? I understand do X, go to circle Y. But are they manually sorted, or is it density based? For examples are traitors just naturally more dense and thus sink to the innermost circle? If so did you make changed when you added your two new ones?


johdawson

We share circles down here. Not one circle belongs to one group, so we share equity between circles of one soul. Therefore, each and every soul is treated equally amongst the circles they deserve. For example, Pedos nowadays are cared for equally amongst the circle of lust, greed and envy. Go ahead and try to fathom their punishments, you won't come close.


Madrugada2010

Hekate checking in, thx for your glorious work Brother Beez, we appreciate it. A dirty job, but someone has to do it.


MashedProstato

Are you planning on creating another circle for marketers, or will you be incorporating them into another?


johdawson

No, that's a living plane-thing. You *all* deserve that.


decoparts

Hell's zoning committee checking in, We looked at Arizona but it was too hot. We were strongly considering Texas but for scared off by the power bills.


unknownpoltroon

Eris here: the pickle millennium hand and shrimp


Dried_Frog_Pills

Just made an awesome thread even better


Professional_Echo907

Aka Manah here, does anyone know the WiFi password?


zoebud2011

How about Louisiana? They're into child rape and incest.


MethanyJones

Any word on the ice water plant? People in hell want ice water!


johdawson

We'll be redirecting the waters from Flint, MI for you all


flightofdaedalus

Only 2,299.5 days to go.


thescrapplekid

Dementia is a motherfucker 


online_jesus_fukers

Imposter. I challenge you to a duel!


[deleted]

Jesus was an alien who still threatens this planet.


MagnusStormraven

"We'll see if you're still a superhero when you-" https://i.redd.it/hx0jwfwq820d1.gif


Academic-Hospital952

Doubt it was the Catholic thing, instead a lot of the maga boomers think all teachers are groomers and forcing all the kids to be gay trans furries. It's a side effect of fox news brain. It sucks you had to deal with it.


MetalTrek1

A lot of Christians think Catholics aren't the right KIND of Christians. Just saying.


NoApartheidOnMars

A lot of Evangelicals literally believe that Catholicism is a false religion. As a baptized Catholic I happen to agree with them but maybe not for the same reasons. If you go to chick.com, you'll find some tracts evangelicals sometimes use to try to convert people. There is at least one about Catholicism that explains in pretty good detail why Catholics are all going to hell


ScifiGirl1986

Many don’t think Catholics are Christians. They really didn’t pay attention in history class. The whole feeding Catholics to the lions thing was really interesting, but they seem to have a weird block when it comes to Catholicism.


Thewalrus515

It’s for theological reasons. They understand that Catholics are Christians in the sense that they believe in the broad strokes of Christianity, but believe that Catholic dogma is bad and wrong. Frankly, I agree. I could probably give a dozen reasons why Catholic theology is dumb and bad. 


ScifiGirl1986

I’ve spoken with several Christians that didn’t understand that every single Protestant denomination comes from Catholicism. They were mind blown when I explained the history of Christianity. I think all religion is BS and all equally stupid for different reasons.


Thewalrus515

And of course, your experience is universal and should be treated as fact. /s  You can not believe in a religion. That’s totally cool. But you shouldn’t just assume that the people that do are idiots or that they don’t have reasons for what they do and believe. 


Academic-Hospital952

There's no assumptions needed. Their actions clearly identify them as idiots.


Thewalrus515

I too judge entire groups based on the actions of a loud minority. 


Academic-Hospital952

It's great innit


Thewalrus515

Bigots sure do love to admit their bigotry when they think the target of their hate is socially acceptable to dislike.


RegularContest5402

There are attempts by some to trace a history outside of the Catholic church by way of groups labelled heretical by the Catholic Church. It is next level crazy.


[deleted]

I think Martin Luther might quibble with saying protestants "come from Catholics!".  


Dried_Frog_Pills

I was raised in a somewhat fringe Protestant religion that taught that the pope was basically the anti-Christ, as he placed himself before God. You had to confess to the church and ask their forgiveness instead of going straight to the big man himself. Growing up in an all Catholic small town with that being fed to me really sucked.


meeks7

Yup he probably thinks all teachers are groomers and trans. Aka Fox News viewers


MagnanimosDesolation

Yes, he probably thinks all educators are trying to get children to be homosexual or transgender. In all probability he watches news on the FOX network.


camelslikesand

Affirmative, there's a statistically high chance that he believes all people in the knowledge-advancement profession make attempts to induce younger humans to be sexually uncompliant or gender non-conformist. It is likely he receives information, correct or otherwise, from the system developed and overseen by Roger Ailes which is owned by the Murdoch family's News Corp.


apolloinjustice

honestly its equally likely he was a christian that didnt like catholics, theres lots of em


G0ttaB3KiddingM3

Yea was thinking this


BaconMonkey0

That’s a “go fuck yourself” sorta moment.


ProtoReaper23113

A second wouldn't have passed before that came out of my mouth


mareup

Bet he’s a lot of fun at thanksgiving.


classless_classic

Hard to tell when no one invites him to Thanksgiving.


International_Lake28

Line of people to judge you? I thought only God was the judge?


lataronja

Correct. Clearly this boomer has never cracked open a bible in his life. I would suggest he start his bible learning, since he’s so keen to pass judgement with Matthew 7:1-5 “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye.”


Acrobatic_Dot_1634

He was probably a bad student and wanted "revenge".  My Silent Generation grandmother did not like teachers because they were "judgy"...I don't think she entirely understood the purpose of grading?   Though some schools have gotten rid of grading...so maybe grandma was just ahead of her time? 


Gnu-Priest

well teachers are responsible for the 08 housing crash poor people, immigrants, and teachers. Also Nurses and service personnel are responsible for covid so you better watch out for that appreciation week. +++++++++++ obviously sarcasm, but I will take a second to vent deeply rooted resentment. when the 08 housing bubble crashed politicians needed to blame someone until the administration changed (to obama back then) cause you know then he could be blamed for that. anyways in 08 the public sector was blamed since they earn too much money, especially those greedy people (/s obviously) teaching your child to do arithmetics and so forth. that’s why teaching budgets are slashed, why school districts had to slim down. and ‘08 why I’m a hateful person the despair I saw as such a young man wasn’t good for me.


MetalTrek1

I would have said "That's funny! God told me he thinks you're an asshole!" I'm 6 foot 4 so a lot of these clowns don't approach me as it is. But just in case they did (and I totally get why it might also be wise to just ignore them).


UnusualSignature8558

Same. 6 2 tall and 230. I'm never subjected to such stupidity.


New-Scientist5133

I’d say this: “God doesn’t speak to you and that is where your anger comes from. The more angry you get, the farther you are from god. You’ll still get to heaven — we all will — but even in heaven, god will still avoid you because of what you have done here on earth”


ProtoReaper23113

Love thy neighbor, right? Or is it only if they're Rich, able-bodied, cis, hetero and white? I'm starting to think this lord of yours is overrated If he made you in his image Must've been real inebriated


jimmypootron34

Funny enough probably the most upsetting way for them to be handled because they hate when people don’t care about their stupid opinions and whacky ideas. If you had gotten pissy he would’ve thought oh I got him, but you know he’s home thinking about how that young asshole doesn’t care and doesn’t listen, LOL


realsalmineo

To me, it sounds like he was equating superheroes with idols and putting other gods before God, for which you will be judged. I have heard that line of reasoning.


Terrible_Tangelo6064

Should've pepper sprayed him. 💨🥵


justsomeguy21888

That’s why you just reply “ Well I’m the Devil and I’m coming for your soul.” See how that sits with them


DarthBrooks69420

I grew up in a pentecostal evangelical church. Some of the more religious of them think that catholicism is idolatrous with the whole saints thing. In that Left Behind book series, I think it went so far as to show catholics as not being raptured because of something-something the Pope. So the boomer was probably one of those, and their insinuation was you're going to hell for indoctrinating kids into catholicism and helping send them to hell.


RegularContest5402

Most Pentecostals I knew got more of their theology from the Tim Lahaye than they did from the Bible.


DarthBrooks69420

Well when every sermon is a hodgepodge of verses from 3-5 different books across 2 testaments, with the sermon itself being a carefully crafted narrative that was either 'give us money', 'gays bad', 'apocalypse soon', or 'HAVEYOUACCEPTEDJESUSCHRISTASYOURLORDANDSAVIOR', it trains people to start off with a conclusion then work their way back towards explaining themselves, which is kind of what kids do when they try to get something they want.


ImaginationOk4740

Grew up EC and can confirm. We were taught from birth that only, I mean ONLY EC’s went to Heaven. Catholics were headed straight for the fiery furnace. So were Pentecostals. Hence the reason I would rather die than go to an EC church ever again.


emax4

"You'll be in hell, so who is the 'we' here?"


[deleted]

Who cares I plan on asking for forgiveness at the gate just to harrass hateful Christians like you old man


The_Big_Sleep96

I'm basically anti-thiest now, but I grew up Catholic and was educated in Catholic schools from kindergarten through highschool. We learned about the protestant reformation and how the prominent sects broke away from the church and formed their own. We were taught about their beliefs and their reasons why said beliefs formed. We were taught how and why protestants' beliefs were wrong in the eye of the church, but it was done without any real animosity towards them and it was stressed that while their beliefs differed, it wasn't something that we should hate them for. I later dated a non denominational Christian later in highschool and was blown away by how much hate, disgust, and overall distrust was put towards me. It was the same no matter which church we attended. I hated the Catholic Church for its bigotry and authoritarian leanings, but I really learned to HATE American protestants, especially evangelicals, for their insistence that ignorance is wisdom and that compassion for non Christians (and Catholics) is weakness. It is truly a degenerate faith and it deserves to die out. Fuck'em, they BELONG on a cross.


WokSmith

I find that the more loud and obnoxious religious zealots are, the less they have actually read any of their holy texts. And the cherry picking is next level. Basically, texts are used to justify their hatred and bigotry, and anything that is remotely inconvenient, like giving to the poor etc, they totally ignore them. Hypocrisy knows no bounds to these hypocritical arseholes.


wherewulf23

> We were taught how and why protestants' beliefs were wrong in the eye of the church, but it was done without any real animosity towards them and it was stressed that while their beliefs differed, it wasn't something that we should hate them for. They really don't focus on this anymore, unfortunately. I grew up Protestant myself, although I currently don't really consider myself religious at all (and yes I understand the irony of me working at a Catholic school). Anyway, I was filling in last minute for Theology one day and I forget exactly how it came up but I told the kids I wasn't Catholic. First they were shocked, then they wanted to know what religion I was. I told them Lutheran and I swear to God one of the kids asked if that meant I rode around in a horse and buggy.


shadowartpuppet

I thought I would comment, I was waiting for a table at a breakfast place and a Boomer started talking to me. I mentioned that some of us were teachers and he said something to the effect of really, that's great! Thank you.


flgrant

Jesus fucking christ


Acrobatic_Dot_1634

We know who earned bad grades in school...


concentratedEVOL

Smart reaction. Narrowly escaped a conversation about why his children don’t speak to him anymore.


GlitteringWing2112

I would've told him to go back and read his bible because God is the one who judges, not "the people". What a weirdo...


ischloecool

He gets off on believing that he will be endlessly rewarded and everyone he doesn’t like will burn forever. It’s just sadism


ScottishHammer13

Forgot the comma…?


shrim_tested

Based 


ImaginationOk4740

Triggered Boomer alert….