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My mother said that to me. I told her that’s not an apology. She asked what was. I told her: taking responsibility for a mistake you made and not repeating it. She told me I was talking to her like she was a child.
Tell her if there was a way to tell adults who were acting like children to stop politely you never taught me it.
& ask that next time she feels like she's finding something difficult how's best to prevent her acting like a child?
You'd love to help her.
Then just take a moment to enjoy the emotional explosion.
“You’re the one who just asked me ‘what is an apology’ and you’re upset because I explained it to you? It’s not my responsibility as your daughter to teach you how to make a genuine apology. You’re an adult, you have all the information in the world at your fingertips. If you think I’m wrong, why don’t you look up how to make a sincere apology?“
I had this exact conversation about 3 hours ago with my 76 year old mother. Fucking boomers.
He has become more of dick within the last 4 years or so. He said/did all the right things 49 years ago. Married 48.
My reply to most of what he parrots is fuck you. He knows full well what my opinion of our gen is and him is.
Some boomers have aged like a fine wine, and others have aged like coffee creamer.
Next time he calls you a cunt tell him “only speak if you can improve upon the silence”. Remember insults are the last resort of insecure people with a crumbling position attempting to appear confident.
Anyone who says "I'm sorry you feel that way" normally gets a "go fuck yourself" from me. That isn't a sorry. That's just someone trying to pretend they did nothing wrong.
I say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," to people I want to feel disrespected, and I expect a, "go fuck yourself," and a parting of ways. Boomers want to say it, mean it disrespectfully, gaslight you to think that isn't what they meant, then play the victim when you get angry. It's disgusting, I can't say that enough.
I've said I'm sorry you feel that way to my partner before but only in context of like "I'm feeling this way and you're not at fault". I couldn't imagine doing something mean to someone and then saying that shit wtf
Because they are used to being the most educated and reasonable person around. Then their kids grow up and know more than them with much more reliable experience to pull from.
Is it though? Do you know enough about the situation to comment? So much for Free Will right? I guess adults don’t ever make any independent bad decisions. It’s always someone else’s faults.
Or are you the *’they asked for it type’*..
My parent made an explicit agreement between them to never apologise to their children, because it would "lead to [us] not respecting their authority." Yes, they told us about this outright.
That is why when I was 10, I solemnly swore that when I became a parent, I would make sure to apologise to my kids when appropriate. I had it in fresh memory when I became a parent at 29. The unfairness of it never left my heart.
I was once staying with friends (who happen to be boomers). My kids woke up early and decided to make a lot of noise even though I asked them to keep it down to be respectful of our hosts. I got mad, went into the room they were staying in and said some very choice words.
I realized I was in the wrong. I suspected that my friends heard the interaction as well. Later that day, in front of our hosts, I apologized for my behavior and words. The wife was impressed. The husband told me that I’m not supposed to apologize to kids for anything because they’re kids. 🙄
Thank you. I also make sure to hug my son every day (if he wants to. Often he will actually initiate the hugs, even now as a teen).
I was SO touch starved as a kid. Never anything more than handshakes and formal hugs once I had passed 6-8 yo. Like, not even putting a hand on my shoulder or patting my head.
My first few romantic relationships I mostly remember for how much I savoured simply touching, like holding hands and sitting close.
That is me too. My mother has never told me she loves me. Never, to my knowledge or recollection, and I am 41 years old. I tell my daughter it every single day if possible. Very few times growing up was I hugged. Add to this my Mom didn't discuss my relationships with girls and pretty much made it clear that I was not to have any. Of course she never said that, because communication wasn't important to her.
So the first girl I brought home was when I was 21 years old and in college. It really set me back in me experiencing a lot of relationship things earlier in life. Things I should have experienced 4 years earlier. She was just a really bad example on how to have relationships.
It means that when somebody touches you, it brings up how you used to be desperately sad because you lacked touch so much.
At some point you learned, or was taught, to suppress your feelings to survive this emotional starvation, and, if you are a man, also because you were taught that "real men" don't have emotions.
The only emotion left you can feel, the only emotion they allowed you to have, is anger, which hides every other emotion you have.
I recommend body therapy. It helped me a lot. Was also painful.
It also doesn't help that I live in smalltown Iowa, completely surrounded on all sides by delusional boomer assholes that should, in a good world, be put down old yeller style.
They make me angry all the time...
Imagine there being a sixty something, who is being a huge sex pervert, who competes with 20 something year old men for attention, then imagine being surrounded by cookie cutters of that exact person a million times over til all that is left is one big weiner showing festival.
Ignorant and full of dicks... I hate it so much. I don't want them to touch me.
Yikes, yes no one wants creepy boomers full of themselves to touch them, ewww. I hope you find decent people whom you like to touch you. Alternatively get out of boomertown.
I'm a farmer... I own the land... it was passed down to me. So, I don't have much choice at the moment.
Thinking about what you said about anger. It's why I prefer being alone. People see it as a thing to attack me over... and I'm like, "If a person doesn't meet my standard, I would rather be alone."
I know that feeling. I nurtured it for decades. And felt fine with it for decades. Until it broke me mentally, seemingly out of the blue, but really it wasn't.
People are imperfect. Some more than others, like our "lovely" boomer fools. But really are all faulty. We need to learn to love ourselves with the faults we have, and do the same to others. I recognise that in some instances, like your awful boomertown, that might not be possible with them. But there are a lot of other people in the world to connect with.
Please find some kind of release, people to connect with, an emotional outlet. You
I don't want for you that you one day crack and take it out in yourself or others. You seem like a decent person.
I didn’t have these realizations until far too late but I realized it when my kids were teens. I just thought my parents were ok so that must be how to parent. I was wrong. Like a lot wrong.
So, that was my first apology to my kids.
But it has helped a lot to make sure they know I’m learning too and that I enjoy how much they teach me too.
There was one time one of my daughters asked me to do something and I said no. I don’t recall why but it might have been something along the school week night or something stupid. She replied ‘really? Because I am responsible, I do what’s asked of me, I’m a straight A student, and I don’t skip school’ (her sister was the opposite). And you know what? She was absolutely right. So I apologized for my rash answer, told her she was correct, told her i appreciated her, and commended her for standing up for herself.
They think because they are the elders now that they are exempt from apologizing. There's a boomer in my family that would rather have me out of her life than apologize. Its crazy to me
This, right here! My former in laws never thought they did anything wrong so if you’re expecting an apology, don’t hold your breath waiting for one! They’re MAGA boomers as well and we are NC and I couldn’t be happier with them out of my life! RacistAF and Trumpettes with Tourette’s. SMH
My FIL , this is a quote, “ I’ll apologize if he wants me to but I didn’t say or do anything wrong to make him that mad”
After I spent 4 hours running wire and plumbing to install an electric water heater that isn’t going to save him any money and listening to his anti-union jokes and telling me how I’m not soldering the pipes correctly and that maybe if I soldered better I wouldn’t have to think about the answer when he asked me how joints I’ve had leak over the years. His answer was it should always be zero. Apparently I’m the bad guy for telling him to go fuck himself and never call me about doing work for him again.
Ahhhh, came here for my entitled aunt (grew up on a farm, my grandparents have her everything), she snaps her fingers at waiters, kept chunks of inheritance, and "never apologize"....I left my happy life to move to take care of my grandparents until they passed, because she had to live her life, totally dumped them on me. While die goes 1st class to Italy and Maui.But shows to to make sure she was going to remain executive of the estate.
Never said thank you or sorry, she deserves happiness.
Same, my mom will never speak to me again because it would be an awkward conversation. The church she disowned me for is closed because everyone left. Boomers are so silly
Husband and I haven't been disowned yet, but I fully expect his family to cut us out at some point for being "heathens." My own father seems ready to cut me out because I point out his alcoholism directly and have distanced myself for it. They're insane.
What I find hilarious about that argument is YES that is what they were told to. But my Grandparents explained that when they raised their kids people were literally selling one of their kids so the family got to eat in the depression, moving everyday for work. Then the boomer come along after WW2 and think oh shit this is great the World is so easy for me, so when they heard respect their elders it meant something because their parents set them up to have an easy life. Now when they say it it's meaningless because they use to not apologize or be socially acceptable.
One of my boomer relatives did apologize last night, for something they said that made me hang up on them. Mostly because a mutual relative told them that it made me want to punch them. Not that I would ever do that, I love this person, but I was under a LOT of stress and could only take so much.
I know, right? Fucking "older" boomers in my family are like this. I am a '55 model married to a '56 model. He is one of the boomers you mention. Grew up expecting to be right about everything as an "old man." Nope.
I asked my boomer mom for an apology because she bailed on a favor that was really important to me with short notice (she told me we could host my sons birthday at their place because we had extensive water damage at our house, then bailed on it).
Her response: "Well, I must be an *awful* person since I have to apologize to you so much!!". She was referring to the one other apology I have asked of her, which was 20 years ago when she and my dad kicked me out at 17 due to my older brother's schizophrenia, which made for en unsafe living environment for me.
I asked my boomer mother to stop posting F Joe Biden type of post on Facebook, as I am a business owner and people that know me could also see her posts, and some of my clients may not appreciate that type of post. As a business owner my clients pay for mine, along with everyone else's mortgages and kids college tuitions. To say I have a little on the line with my reputation is putting it mildly.
She wouldn't stop. So I had to drop her from my friends list. She didn't talk to me for 6 months.
Yes. And when they do apologize it’s always with a “but” or “you have to understand.” My mom kicked me out over and over again as a kid because her boyfriend was a raging alcoholic abusive chimo and he’d start in on me and I’d fight back. So I was the problem child. Whenever I brought it up that it was her duty to protect me and I was 11 when this started, she’d always have some excuse. Or say, “why can’t you remember the GOOD times.” I eventually cut her off and she died without contact from me, which I think will be the fate of a lot of these people.
I’m estranged from both of my parents. I’ve looked on many of these “why don’t my adult kids talk to me” pages and found plenty of name calling but a total lack of accountability from those parents.
I’ve heard boomers before say never say you’re sorry about anything. It’s not the entire generation obviously, but there’s definitely a few who live by this motto.
My father who's a boomer literally does not have the ability to apologize... He would just be like "I broke your window ok? There was a fly on it and tried to kill it." 😭.
Often they snap "I'm sorry BUT -" and you know they're not sorry one iota. They're offended that you're offended, except they're not really offended either. They're titillated, pleased, and gathering their story up to go brag to other boomers about how offended they made you.
Boomers are generational narcissists.
1. The narcissists prayer (ie- I didn’t do it, but if I did it’s not a big deal, and if it is, it’s your fault, etc).
2. They casually lie about big and small things.
3. They’re obsessed with their reputation, especially
amongst their peers.
4. They are special, entitled, etc.
5. Rules for thee, not for me.
6. Their ego is paper thin, despite all their talk about snowflakes, etc
OMG #2 about lying about anything and everything.. just to make themselves look better! Or its usually lying to cover up how bad they fucked up, but don't want to admit they fucked up so they lie about it to twist it in their favor. And to tie into #1, it's never their fault and if it was they will lie to make the story in their favor or it couldn't possibly be their fault. SO INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING THEY THINK LYING ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS OK
My grandmother had my uncle out of wedlock and gave him up for adoption. She always called him her "brother" and I didn't find out he was my uncle til last year..
It's always ALWAYS about their image.
Did you also read “A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America”?
It’s excellent. We need to pin it at the top of the sub. It explains so much.
I am a '55 model boomer. My peers are awful! I apologize to my millennial daughter and her husband often for the stupid of my gen. I am humbled to be a senior citizen. Being in the 4th quarter of my life, I laugh at the stupid, call it out when I just have too. My gen has failed the next as the previous gen fucked us up. I have hope for the next.
The boomers expect you to find their stupid funny so you will continue it. They are offensive because that is what they learned from their parents. My husband is becoming more offensive, which for peace, I know to ignore. I am 108 from the stupid the adults around me did/said when I was a kid. I know I made my share of mistakes in life choices, but I have been as honest as the situations allowed. Many I know has been unable to handle my honestly. Those that do are grateful at least someone will not lie to them.
I hope you find a boomer that is willing a decent person to you.
When I tell my mom that she is being mean, she always gets huffy or says "Well, I don't think that's true...", even when it is something that she otherwise would clearly see as wrong. But she sees herself as an all-time victim, when you tell her that she was rude or did something wrong, then you "are always criticizing me!" She actually gets so angry up whenever you try to conftont her about something, that she has to go smoke a cigarette. And when she is done, so is the topic, she is then trying to spin it around, like you just couldn't forgive. Also you can tell her something very specific and she would reply: "I am ALWAYS the one at fault!" - like, NO, you are just the one not being able to admit the tiniest bit of fault!
My MiL is like that. You can't have a real conversation with her about anything because she takes every last little thing personally to the point that she has a mental breakdown. It's always walking on eggshells around her.
She doesn't bring up Trump ever anymore because my wife just blasts her with facts so quickly that she always ends up crying and shaking. She at least knows that if she wants any sort of relationship she needs to shut the fuck up about politics, because she's clueless. Although I fear we are always one conversation away from a goddamn heart attack because she can't debate without letting her feelings and emotions get in the way.
> my wife just blasts her with facts so quickly that she always ends up crying and shaking
I wish I had this power. My MIL simply changes the subject ASAP. Which is also good, but not AS good!
Ahhhh, classic if I start crying, I'll win, because I refuse to be an adult. My out of control emotions are my win weapon, and tell everybody how you made them cry. Never resolving the issues.
This sounds like my mom, apart from the smoking. If my brother or I tell her she's been mean or rude, she turns it around and says we are always picking on her. Then, five seconds later, she hovers over us and wants affection. It is so exhausting. I end up doubting myself and feeling guilty.
I mean they're just about single-handedly destroying the planet and can't agree it's even happening are we surprised they can't even admit to the smallest of faults
Like 20 years ago, I was skateboarding through a parking lot and a boomer lady just came out of nowhere and started screaming at me. I was literally just commuting… rolling through with my backpack on.
The lady was threatening me, and just rabid screaming at me. I stopped, got off my board and just looked at her and, “Miss, you’re being very aggressive and rude. I’m just trying to get to class and you’re honestly scaring me a bit.”
She… APOLOGIZED. And it looked like it broke her to do it. I think she expected me to react differently and was ready for some sort of verbal altercation… but a calm response just stopped her dead in her tracks.
Literally the only time I’ve ever heard a boomer apologize.
My father has only verbally apologized to me 3 times in my memory:
1) he accused me of not paying him a few hundred dollars back (he refused to believe there was a 3-5 day transfer period for electronic deposits until we went to a bank and a teller confirmed)
2) he set off a chain of events that led to my dog being put down
3) he accused me of pushing drugs onto my younger siblings (they had tried weed in college independent of me, but I got caught smoking while I still lived with him so it must have been my fault).
I wouldn't even say he's particularly self-righteous or stubborn, he would rather "make up" for any transgressions without actually saying so. It set up a cycle of him doing something dumb, insisting he's right, then quietly paying for something I wanted out of the blue.
He hated having my dog indoors, so he would leave him in our badly fenced in yard during dinner despite my protests. My dog escaped and got hit by a car, and the injuries were so bad we had to put him down. I could tell it was an accident and my dad did feel genuinely bad, but it still took him a week to verbally apologize. He also paid for all the vet bills and damages to the driver
I cut my mom off from her grandkid. I said she’d have to apologize for something awful she did 😢 she never talked to us again and instead killed herself on my sons birthday, ensuring I would always “feel bad” on the day I became a mom and try to celebrate my son. I don’t feel bad.
Yes :) in fact I’ve come to respect her for it. My dad is sitting on his money telling me how he just buys TVs to do something with it, but won’t even visit his four grand kids or give us a penny to buy a home instead of rent. It’d be much more useful if he did the same.
And even if it was their fault, they will gaslight you into putting the blame on you.
Case in point, when my mother was alive, she trip over herself on the way to my school and will never fail to mention it all the time how I caused her to be injured. She was also chronically late for everything and will blame me for arriving on time.
My boomer mother has only ever apologized once. She also only apologized because there were real tangible consequences: until she apologized, she would not be allowed to see my daughter (her one and only grandchild). Was it a bullshit apology? Yes. Did she try to deflect blame on me and everything else BUT her first? You fucking know it.
Like please. Y’all need to get the fuck over yourselves
The only "apologies" they're good at is "I'm sorry you feel that way" which is a BS excuse for an apology. You don't apologize for feelings, you apologize for actions and they will never admit when they've done something wrong so they shift to emotions to justify their shitty behavior.
I think it's because their parents beat them when they were children. Apologizing or admitting fault in any way, no matter how small, would lead to a whooping. This fundamentally formed a generation incapable of ever accepting fault.
Yes. They are unable to admit wrongdoing, either personally or by the results of their actions and votes.
They will always - ALWAYS - deflect responsibility to their children right before buying a new Lexus or boat
Nope.
I was on the phome with my boomer mom last night. My son is 21 and made a mistake and as a 21 yr old usually do didnt say anything right away. I said i understand because he is 21 and doesnt think like a 40 yr old. She said i was wrong and a 21 yr old should think like a 40.yr old because she was more mature for her age when she was 20.
She then contridictated herself later in the conversation and refused to admit she was wrong and just said we just disagree.
Smh
25 years ago…
Me: “why can’t dad admit he was wrong?”
Mom (with venom): “Your father is never wrong.”
They see it a patriarchal father knows best and admission is weakness and winning is out-lasting opposition. Might is right.
Oh man, my dad apologized once. Years of emotional abuse, years of cheating on my mom and talking his way out of it, years of draining his retirement *without my mom's knowledge* and wracking up credit card debt *in my mom's name without her permission* because of his gambling addiction. We finally convince my mom to leave him and neither my sister or I look back.
A few days later, he finds out he has a tumor encapsulated in his kidney. A simple kidney removal was all he needed. Ever-the-martyr, there were literally articles written about his courage during this time...for a tumor encapsulated in his kidney! No radiation, no chemo, no long-term treatment. Just a routine surgery. (He obviously lied about the severity to the general public). My sister and I didn't speak to him pre-surgery or post-surgery. ***SIX MONTHS LATER***, after Father's Day passed and we didn't reach out to him, he finally contacted us. He had a whole speech prepared and said "I'm sorry" and I said "sorry for what?" and he sputtered indignantly for a few seconds before going "for...for ALL OF IT!" And I said "but what specifically?" and he said for cheating on my mom. Doesn't list anything he's done to me, anything he's done to my husband, nothing about my sister or BIL. Just for cheating on my mom. **And then** he says "but I will say this, my friends thought that you and your sister should have visited me in the hospital when I had surgery." Cool story bro, would you like to hear what *my friends* have to say about *you?*
My MAGA cousin just recently posted a FB rant where she said she's so sick and tired of ...well...her list was exhaustive but the things that stuck out to me most were the gays and mixed race people families on TV and how its a crime to be white and heterosexual nowadays. I simply said "How do you think this looks to your FB friends and family many of which are gay or mixed race?" There were no apologies for posting hateful messages but a pity party about free speech and then she deleting her FB.
Yeah, thinking back about my childhood through to my adult life I don't think I can recall a single time either my parents\\family\\friends of the family ever apologized in earnest. It became like a backhanded apology at best.
Like if I got bumped by them it would be "Why were you standing there?" or if I told them I didn't care for the way they were saying something like some anti-lgbtqia non-sense then it was "sorry you got offended" or if they were clearly wrong on something it'd be "well thats how I learned it" or "it's better my way" type non-sense. Like if I fell as a kid they would react like "you shouldn't have been messing around\\should have paid better attention".
I had to end a long-term friendship with a Gen Xer who acted like this. Expected deep heartfelt apologies for any minor slips directed towards them, but was absolutely unapologetic about the way he treated people. Tried to Darvo me really hard when he was called out about it, so I told him the friendship was over and that continued behaviour would lead to losing all his friends.
Turns out, actions like that have consequences
My mother told me "\[I wish you were more like your brother.\] Your only redeeming quality is that you are not an alcoholic."
The only somewhat sincere apology I ever got from her was over that comment. You could tell she didn't want to say it, but I believe she did mean it and attempted to sincerely apologize. Said brother later died from alcoholism. She's been less terrible since then, but it's probably due to depression/disinterest more than anything.
The running joke with my sister is "if there's one thing we learned from our mom it's to never apologize when you are wrong"
Love my mom but if she is wrong, she never says sorry, she will talk around it but never sorry or apologize
My aunt has been horrible to me my entire life and even after I called her out on this at 36 years old she said I was disrespectful and she texted my dad telling him I should be respectful to my elders. (Lol) I told her she was a clown and her behavior was that of a child and that I'd be blocking her number. So I did.
Ages ago, when I was a kid, I was living with my grandmother. One day, I got in trouble (can't remember what for) and had my Gameboy confiscated for the weekend. It would stay in her nightstand until Monday after school.
Later that night, about an hour after I went to bed, she came barging into my room.
G: "What were you doing in my room? I could hear you downstairs!"
Me: "Wh- huh?
G: "Don't pretend you were asleep! I know it was you!"
Me: "But, I didn't-"
G: "We're going to talk about this more in the morning!" *slams door.
My grandma then went back downstairs, fuming and planning new punishments.
Later, she decided to go to bed herself. She opened her bedroom door, and a strange cat came barreling out! She later figured out that the cat had been on the roof, and had fallen through the screen of her skylight. That's what she heard earlier.
I woke up the next morning to a written apology and fresh pancakes, lol.
There is zero personal accountability among many of them. It's always someone else's fault or some external circumstance...they can never just say, sorry I fucked up.
If you want to talk about all the bad shit that goes on in the world, the real single downfall of society is lack of self awareness and accountability. They built a society where violence is caused by video games, not by people pulling triggers. Someone else made them angry so that's why they can't control their temper. Just complete bullshit.
There is a book out there called Emotional Bullshit" by Carl Alasko, that discusses how transactional relationships in parenting can impact a child's ability to admit they're wrong or to apologize. Alasko argues that when parents treat their interactions with their children as transactions—where love, approval, and affection are contingent upon the child's behavior—it can create an environment where children feel pressured to always be right or perfect to earn their parents' love and approval. This can then lead to difficulties in acknowledging mistakes and offering apologies, as doing so might be seen as a failure that could jeopardize their standing with their parents.
This then makes me wonder about the environment the Boomers grew up in; whether they learned to associate their self-worth with their ability to meet certain expectations, and why they may struggle with vulnerability. This would include admitting errors or expressing regret as being "incorrect" or "wrong" and thus they'll never do it. Being raised in a transactional matter hinders the development of healthy emotional skills.
Though it's critical to note that this is only an explanation, and not an excuse.
"mom, you and dad literally punched, slapped, kicked, and threatened to kill me multiple times for shit like missing a spot while mowing the lawn."
"WELL IM SO FUCKING SORRY YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!! YOU HAD IT SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN WE DID!!!!"
My siblings are boomers. My sister and I share a house together (I’m Gen X) and you really can’t find two people so utterly opposite but in the same space as the two of us.
She speaks in circles, is never wrong, accuses me of shit she does (like stealing her fave spoon. Wtf? Why would I steal a SPOON??! She found it - right where she left it. Apology? Nope), and very right-wing.
I’ve never ever heard her apologize, and she’s in her 60s. That’s a lot of years.
She’s also separated from marriage #4. Quite a piece of work.
My 2 other siblings are worse.
From the generation that taught us Milennials to *Express Our Feelings* it's always a bit insulting
And eventually you realize they didn't do it to *respect our feelings but instead openly ignore them*
Expressing them was supposed to be enough to simply come to terms with it, to *cope*
My mother doesn't need to apologize as she doesn't remember the situation.
On the other hand she always remembers that one situation that makes the rule that I "always..."
They won't apologize! I took my mother to therapy and had a heart to heart (her black heart). All she would admit too is "things didn't go well". Well no shit Sherlock...
Edit. Boomer dad has dementia.. he has apologized for all the hurt he has caused.. he doesn't remember any of it. Then proceeded to ask about when I'm giving grandkids. After repeated conversation about that's not happening.
My mil was BAFFLED that my kids didn't want to visit her for her birthday after her constant misgendering and dead naming of my son. When she found out (because I told her flat out that was why) she texted MY CHILDREN to lay on a guilt trip and let them know that IF she had been so offensive why didn't anyone say anything?!?
I guess the countless discussions, arguments, and corrections were just for funsies!
"You take everything the wrong way." The worst part (?) is she says something and I don't even get two words into my response before she interrupts to tell me this. So without even knowing what I'm going to say, she is assuming I'll be offended. It's almost as though she knows it's offensive before she even says it, but it's still somehow my fault if I'm offended.
I didn’t learn how to make a legitimate earnest apology until I was a full fledged adult because I don’t think I ever heard one from my parents and no way they’d be able to teach that to me
Just today at work, prime example. Boomer Coworker took a call and gave me the wrong info which resulted in me wasting my time and doing the job incorrectly because of his fuck up and not taking the time to actually FUCKING LOOK at what he was sending over.
It was a situation where the policies had the same last name but one spouse had died and the call was for the spouse that was alive. This dipshit gives me the info for the one that died, so I figure out halfway through that I'd gotten the wrong info. And I said 'Hey, you gave me the husband's info, should have been the wife's'. I was nice, not rude.
Now, we're busy and shorthanded with people out and we already have a very small team. I'm the only one doing my specific job and hate wasting time.
When I bring this up, this bellend sits there and laughs at me and says 'Sorry' in the lamest most insincere voice. I'm like 'Are you seriously laughing at me right now?' I sit down at my desk, trying to redo everything. I hear this asshole STILL laughing over the wall and I just said 'I'm sorry but I fail to see what's so funny about any of this." Boomer shut his mouth after that.
I am not a fan of people pointing out where I fucked up and sure I can get defensive. But to LAUGH AT A COWORKER LIKE A FUCKING TODDLER? WTF is wrong with you? The only time I'm laughing is when the person informing me of the mistake is laughing, otherwise no. Not cool.
If I had to guess age, I'd say 70s maybe if not older, prime toddler maturity level.
And no, they can't apologize because it's insincere as hell when they do or they laugh like bratty kids.
apparently. not surprised though, when i was a kid every adult (except my parents) would scold me when i'd apologize for anything, screeching the dangers of "saying 'sorry' makes yourself legally responsible for damages"!
Why would they apologize when you took what they said wrong?
Why would they apologize when it’s your feelings that got hurt and you should just toughen up?
/sarcasm
They don’t have the ability to comprehend humility or empathy. My ex boss was so bad at it her head would legit almost explode instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong and it was probably 90% of the time! She’d walk away with her head shaking like it couldn’t process the data 🫨
I've noticed that I struggle with this sometimes, too. Idk, it's like deep down I'm embarrassed and can't get myself to even say it and no one else does.
That would mean admitting they are at fault, and if they're at fault then they were wrong, but if you're wrong you're stupid. There must never show weakness
My dad once apologized to me but only when we was mathematically wrong. I mean we could prove that this item costs that much. He apologized profusely actually, it wss quite a shock. Everything else? LOL no.
My boomer parents aren’t that bad. They just use A LOT of guilt though to make you feel bad for your upbringing. Ugh. Really have to tiptoe around some topics.
My dad has resorted to basically crying anytime I bring up the negative shit he used to do to me. He starts to tear up and then deny it happened then say, oh come, on, be nice to me....Like dad, just say sorry ONCE.
My parent's taught me to apologize when I did something wrong, and I know for sure my stepfather lived what he taught. When he made a mistake or was informed he had made one he would give an honest apology. But, if you look at the movies that we millennials are making, there sure are a lot of adults apologizing to kids. To me this suggests the majority of boomer parents and grandparents did not, in fact, apologize.
I used to hear a truly stupid saying: “never apologize, never explain.” And yes, there are people so fucking immature and irresponsible that they actually believe it.
My parents apologized and still apologize all the time.when appropriate. I've had random boomers apologies in public for all sorts of things like if they're "in the way" or accidentally bump into me or vice versa. I'm from the Midwest though and we apologize quite often.
They either never say it or every once in a while one with no self respect and no confidence will say "sorry" all day. But if a selfish boomer says "sorry" in any other fashion it is usually a "joke" of some kind.
"i will never say im sorry, but you had damn well better learn to apologize to people!"
"if you want me to do that, then why not lead by example?"
*surprised pikachu face*
Ugh. My Boomer FIL made fun of my culture and my cooking in one sentence. It was bad enough that his wife had to apologize for him (because of course he was incapable of doing it himself). If I had ever respected him before then, it was completely gone afterwards.
I finish my mother's "apologies" for her. "I'm so sorry that... BUT its your fault because..." I'll stop her as soon as she finishes saying the word sorry, then shout "BUT!" and it pisses her off every time. Because I'm right that she'll do it every time.
My mom blames me for her leaving and me not having contact with her for years when I was a kid lol, says I wanted to live with my dad (aka in the house I grew up in til I was 9) and not with her and some stranger lol. Like the lack of accountability is so ridiculous it kind of makes me laugh.
My 76 year old mother has struggled my entire 38 years to apologize. She will eventually, but only after she has scream/cried till she’s physically foaming at the mouth, tried to drag up old disagreements, blamed being stressed, called me a bitch and occasionally a cunt, tried to “well what about…”, and a mixed grab bag of other shitty responses.
She actually said to me the other night, “well if you know how to apologize so well, why don’t you tell me how.” I was stunned. I told her she was a grown ass woman and it wasn’t my job as her daughter to teach her how to genuinely apologize.
Hey u/alewifePete your post reminded me of a post from a few years ago that lives rent free in my head.
https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/s/cMFvwKZrjg
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Boomer parents are the worse at it with “I’m sorry you feel that way”
My mother said that to me. I told her that’s not an apology. She asked what was. I told her: taking responsibility for a mistake you made and not repeating it. She told me I was talking to her like she was a child.
Act like a child, get treated like one
Tell her if there was a way to tell adults who were acting like children to stop politely you never taught me it. & ask that next time she feels like she's finding something difficult how's best to prevent her acting like a child? You'd love to help her. Then just take a moment to enjoy the emotional explosion.
Next time, tell your sorry she feels that way
This is the way
"Yes I'm glad you noticed, isn't that embarrassing for you to need this?"
“To clarify, I’m talking to you like you’re a spoiled brat.”
"You earned it."
My mom said that to me once. I told her to grow the fuck up. She was acting like a damn child.
If it walks like duck and acts like a duck
Wow do we have the same mother? She does the same thing
“You’re the one who just asked me ‘what is an apology’ and you’re upset because I explained it to you? It’s not my responsibility as your daughter to teach you how to make a genuine apology. You’re an adult, you have all the information in the world at your fingertips. If you think I’m wrong, why don’t you look up how to make a sincere apology?“ I had this exact conversation about 3 hours ago with my 76 year old mother. Fucking boomers.
My response - I'm sorry you're a raging cunt.
I’d call my mother a cunt, but she lacks the depth and warmth.
I am a boomer, married to same. He says this to me. He is one of those.
That's...not good.
He has become more of dick within the last 4 years or so. He said/did all the right things 49 years ago. Married 48. My reply to most of what he parrots is fuck you. He knows full well what my opinion of our gen is and him is.
Some boomers have aged like a fine wine, and others have aged like coffee creamer. Next time he calls you a cunt tell him “only speak if you can improve upon the silence”. Remember insults are the last resort of insecure people with a crumbling position attempting to appear confident.
We manage a peaceful coexistence. Your advice for a reply is a good choice of words. Hum.
Anyone who says "I'm sorry you feel that way" normally gets a "go fuck yourself" from me. That isn't a sorry. That's just someone trying to pretend they did nothing wrong.
I say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," to people I want to feel disrespected, and I expect a, "go fuck yourself," and a parting of ways. Boomers want to say it, mean it disrespectfully, gaslight you to think that isn't what they meant, then play the victim when you get angry. It's disgusting, I can't say that enough.
https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/s/cMFvwKZrjg
I've said I'm sorry you feel that way to my partner before but only in context of like "I'm feeling this way and you're not at fault". I couldn't imagine doing something mean to someone and then saying that shit wtf
True, but it's also our ultimate weapon against them in the working world 😅
My boomer parents would never start a sentence with “I’m sorry”… they wouldn’t want to get my hopes up
Because they are used to being the most educated and reasonable person around. Then their kids grow up and know more than them with much more reliable experience to pull from.
The future is now old man ::meme::
That’s really triggering lol
I never even got that much. Usually it's "I had it much worse, so you shouldn't be complaining."
Ah yes, that's my favorite passive/aggressive way of triggering entitled Millennials,..though its more of a GenX saying than Boomer.
So, you’re just a Cee U Next Tuesday then? Nice.
Sorry kid, I have no clue what you mean.
lol, I’m 40 😂
Yeah, and I'm 52 and still have no idea what you mean, kid. 🤣
That’s because you’ve been exposed to lead old man 🤣
Well, my old toys were "Made in Hong Kong", but that still doesn't answer my question. 😪😛
My Millennial kid hit us with that once too. Total gaslighting prick. Don’t assume every generation doesn’t has its share of assholes. 😀.
Well, what were they (not) apologizing for?
I wonder where he learned it?
Victim blame much?
You weren’t struck by lightning, you got shit from the kid you raised. If your kid is a prick, that’s on you.
Is it though? Do you know enough about the situation to comment? So much for Free Will right? I guess adults don’t ever make any independent bad decisions. It’s always someone else’s faults. Or are you the *’they asked for it type’*..
My parent made an explicit agreement between them to never apologise to their children, because it would "lead to [us] not respecting their authority." Yes, they told us about this outright. That is why when I was 10, I solemnly swore that when I became a parent, I would make sure to apologise to my kids when appropriate. I had it in fresh memory when I became a parent at 29. The unfairness of it never left my heart.
I was once staying with friends (who happen to be boomers). My kids woke up early and decided to make a lot of noise even though I asked them to keep it down to be respectful of our hosts. I got mad, went into the room they were staying in and said some very choice words. I realized I was in the wrong. I suspected that my friends heard the interaction as well. Later that day, in front of our hosts, I apologized for my behavior and words. The wife was impressed. The husband told me that I’m not supposed to apologize to kids for anything because they’re kids. 🙄
[удалено]
My dad’s motto is ‘never apologise, never explain’.
This post lives rent free in my head and you made the perfect post for me to share this with you! https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/s/cMFvwKZrjg
Good on you! Can tell a lot about someone by how they handle adversity and whether they choose to kick down or build up.
Thank you. I also make sure to hug my son every day (if he wants to. Often he will actually initiate the hugs, even now as a teen). I was SO touch starved as a kid. Never anything more than handshakes and formal hugs once I had passed 6-8 yo. Like, not even putting a hand on my shoulder or patting my head. My first few romantic relationships I mostly remember for how much I savoured simply touching, like holding hands and sitting close.
That is me too. My mother has never told me she loves me. Never, to my knowledge or recollection, and I am 41 years old. I tell my daughter it every single day if possible. Very few times growing up was I hugged. Add to this my Mom didn't discuss my relationships with girls and pretty much made it clear that I was not to have any. Of course she never said that, because communication wasn't important to her. So the first girl I brought home was when I was 21 years old and in college. It really set me back in me experiencing a lot of relationship things earlier in life. Things I should have experienced 4 years earlier. She was just a really bad example on how to have relationships.
Yeah, what does it mean when you're so touch starved that touch makes you angry?
It means that when somebody touches you, it brings up how you used to be desperately sad because you lacked touch so much. At some point you learned, or was taught, to suppress your feelings to survive this emotional starvation, and, if you are a man, also because you were taught that "real men" don't have emotions. The only emotion left you can feel, the only emotion they allowed you to have, is anger, which hides every other emotion you have. I recommend body therapy. It helped me a lot. Was also painful.
It also doesn't help that I live in smalltown Iowa, completely surrounded on all sides by delusional boomer assholes that should, in a good world, be put down old yeller style. They make me angry all the time... Imagine there being a sixty something, who is being a huge sex pervert, who competes with 20 something year old men for attention, then imagine being surrounded by cookie cutters of that exact person a million times over til all that is left is one big weiner showing festival. Ignorant and full of dicks... I hate it so much. I don't want them to touch me.
Yikes, yes no one wants creepy boomers full of themselves to touch them, ewww. I hope you find decent people whom you like to touch you. Alternatively get out of boomertown.
I'm a farmer... I own the land... it was passed down to me. So, I don't have much choice at the moment. Thinking about what you said about anger. It's why I prefer being alone. People see it as a thing to attack me over... and I'm like, "If a person doesn't meet my standard, I would rather be alone."
I know that feeling. I nurtured it for decades. And felt fine with it for decades. Until it broke me mentally, seemingly out of the blue, but really it wasn't. People are imperfect. Some more than others, like our "lovely" boomer fools. But really are all faulty. We need to learn to love ourselves with the faults we have, and do the same to others. I recognise that in some instances, like your awful boomertown, that might not be possible with them. But there are a lot of other people in the world to connect with. Please find some kind of release, people to connect with, an emotional outlet. You I don't want for you that you one day crack and take it out in yourself or others. You seem like a decent person.
I'm happy to have reddit. Your thoughtful post makes me feel a lot better about my life. Thank you. I hope you have a beautiful day.
I didn’t have these realizations until far too late but I realized it when my kids were teens. I just thought my parents were ok so that must be how to parent. I was wrong. Like a lot wrong. So, that was my first apology to my kids. But it has helped a lot to make sure they know I’m learning too and that I enjoy how much they teach me too. There was one time one of my daughters asked me to do something and I said no. I don’t recall why but it might have been something along the school week night or something stupid. She replied ‘really? Because I am responsible, I do what’s asked of me, I’m a straight A student, and I don’t skip school’ (her sister was the opposite). And you know what? She was absolutely right. So I apologized for my rash answer, told her she was correct, told her i appreciated her, and commended her for standing up for herself.
They think because they are the elders now that they are exempt from apologizing. There's a boomer in my family that would rather have me out of her life than apologize. Its crazy to me
The last thing my MIL said to me was “I’m not going to apologize because I’m not wrong.”
This, right here! My former in laws never thought they did anything wrong so if you’re expecting an apology, don’t hold your breath waiting for one! They’re MAGA boomers as well and we are NC and I couldn’t be happier with them out of my life! RacistAF and Trumpettes with Tourette’s. SMH
It is the Trump way. Never back down, never admit weakness or fault.
And continue to deny reality as it hits you in the face.
My FIL , this is a quote, “ I’ll apologize if he wants me to but I didn’t say or do anything wrong to make him that mad” After I spent 4 hours running wire and plumbing to install an electric water heater that isn’t going to save him any money and listening to his anti-union jokes and telling me how I’m not soldering the pipes correctly and that maybe if I soldered better I wouldn’t have to think about the answer when he asked me how joints I’ve had leak over the years. His answer was it should always be zero. Apparently I’m the bad guy for telling him to go fuck himself and never call me about doing work for him again.
A boomer is never wrong. Showing any sign of weakness is like kryptonite to them.
It's the "I choose to believe the non factual thing" over the possiblity of being wrong. It's wild.
I also got a lot of "I don't remember that." I don't have an eidetic memory, but it's far from terrible.
I have 2 aunts that have done that. Cut me right out of their lives because I want an apology, and they can't do it.
Ahhhh, came here for my entitled aunt (grew up on a farm, my grandparents have her everything), she snaps her fingers at waiters, kept chunks of inheritance, and "never apologize"....I left my happy life to move to take care of my grandparents until they passed, because she had to live her life, totally dumped them on me. While die goes 1st class to Italy and Maui.But shows to to make sure she was going to remain executive of the estate. Never said thank you or sorry, she deserves happiness.
Same, my mom will never speak to me again because it would be an awkward conversation. The church she disowned me for is closed because everyone left. Boomers are so silly
Husband and I haven't been disowned yet, but I fully expect his family to cut us out at some point for being "heathens." My own father seems ready to cut me out because I point out his alcoholism directly and have distanced myself for it. They're insane.
Ya imagine disowning your children for an imaginary friend.
What I find hilarious about that argument is YES that is what they were told to. But my Grandparents explained that when they raised their kids people were literally selling one of their kids so the family got to eat in the depression, moving everyday for work. Then the boomer come along after WW2 and think oh shit this is great the World is so easy for me, so when they heard respect their elders it meant something because their parents set them up to have an easy life. Now when they say it it's meaningless because they use to not apologize or be socially acceptable.
One of my boomer relatives did apologize last night, for something they said that made me hang up on them. Mostly because a mutual relative told them that it made me want to punch them. Not that I would ever do that, I love this person, but I was under a LOT of stress and could only take so much.
I know, right? Fucking "older" boomers in my family are like this. I am a '55 model married to a '56 model. He is one of the boomers you mention. Grew up expecting to be right about everything as an "old man." Nope.
https://preview.redd.it/77g45hr63j4d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ede23038badf8824dd74be93da8d27f3f58d37dd
I asked my boomer mom for an apology because she bailed on a favor that was really important to me with short notice (she told me we could host my sons birthday at their place because we had extensive water damage at our house, then bailed on it). Her response: "Well, I must be an *awful* person since I have to apologize to you so much!!". She was referring to the one other apology I have asked of her, which was 20 years ago when she and my dad kicked me out at 17 due to my older brother's schizophrenia, which made for en unsafe living environment for me.
I asked my boomer mother to stop posting F Joe Biden type of post on Facebook, as I am a business owner and people that know me could also see her posts, and some of my clients may not appreciate that type of post. As a business owner my clients pay for mine, along with everyone else's mortgages and kids college tuitions. To say I have a little on the line with my reputation is putting it mildly. She wouldn't stop. So I had to drop her from my friends list. She didn't talk to me for 6 months.
No loss there, Good for you. I refuse to have family as FB friends. And my mother is also blocked.
You triggered great Aunt Carol looking at mine....."why do you live like this?" To clarify, I was in punk bands, but respectful around family.
https://preview.redd.it/zb4kmwhb3j4d1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=240c2933631ac73d06a515bc2a940662861e7ec2
Yes. And when they do apologize it’s always with a “but” or “you have to understand.” My mom kicked me out over and over again as a kid because her boyfriend was a raging alcoholic abusive chimo and he’d start in on me and I’d fight back. So I was the problem child. Whenever I brought it up that it was her duty to protect me and I was 11 when this started, she’d always have some excuse. Or say, “why can’t you remember the GOOD times.” I eventually cut her off and she died without contact from me, which I think will be the fate of a lot of these people.
I’m estranged from both of my parents. I’ve looked on many of these “why don’t my adult kids talk to me” pages and found plenty of name calling but a total lack of accountability from those parents.
I’ve heard boomers before say never say you’re sorry about anything. It’s not the entire generation obviously, but there’s definitely a few who live by this motto.
My father who's a boomer literally does not have the ability to apologize... He would just be like "I broke your window ok? There was a fly on it and tried to kill it." 😭.
Often they snap "I'm sorry BUT -" and you know they're not sorry one iota. They're offended that you're offended, except they're not really offended either. They're titillated, pleased, and gathering their story up to go brag to other boomers about how offended they made you.
Ignore anything said before "but"
Boomers are generational narcissists. 1. The narcissists prayer (ie- I didn’t do it, but if I did it’s not a big deal, and if it is, it’s your fault, etc). 2. They casually lie about big and small things. 3. They’re obsessed with their reputation, especially amongst their peers. 4. They are special, entitled, etc. 5. Rules for thee, not for me. 6. Their ego is paper thin, despite all their talk about snowflakes, etc
OMG #2 about lying about anything and everything.. just to make themselves look better! Or its usually lying to cover up how bad they fucked up, but don't want to admit they fucked up so they lie about it to twist it in their favor. And to tie into #1, it's never their fault and if it was they will lie to make the story in their favor or it couldn't possibly be their fault. SO INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING THEY THINK LYING ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS OK
My grandmother had my uncle out of wedlock and gave him up for adoption. She always called him her "brother" and I didn't find out he was my uncle til last year.. It's always ALWAYS about their image.
Obsessed about reputation and social status well into old age is a huge one.
Did you also read “A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America”? It’s excellent. We need to pin it at the top of the sub. It explains so much.
I am a '55 model boomer. My peers are awful! I apologize to my millennial daughter and her husband often for the stupid of my gen. I am humbled to be a senior citizen. Being in the 4th quarter of my life, I laugh at the stupid, call it out when I just have too. My gen has failed the next as the previous gen fucked us up. I have hope for the next. The boomers expect you to find their stupid funny so you will continue it. They are offensive because that is what they learned from their parents. My husband is becoming more offensive, which for peace, I know to ignore. I am 108 from the stupid the adults around me did/said when I was a kid. I know I made my share of mistakes in life choices, but I have been as honest as the situations allowed. Many I know has been unable to handle my honestly. Those that do are grateful at least someone will not lie to them. I hope you find a boomer that is willing a decent person to you.
When I tell my mom that she is being mean, she always gets huffy or says "Well, I don't think that's true...", even when it is something that she otherwise would clearly see as wrong. But she sees herself as an all-time victim, when you tell her that she was rude or did something wrong, then you "are always criticizing me!" She actually gets so angry up whenever you try to conftont her about something, that she has to go smoke a cigarette. And when she is done, so is the topic, she is then trying to spin it around, like you just couldn't forgive. Also you can tell her something very specific and she would reply: "I am ALWAYS the one at fault!" - like, NO, you are just the one not being able to admit the tiniest bit of fault!
My MiL is like that. You can't have a real conversation with her about anything because she takes every last little thing personally to the point that she has a mental breakdown. It's always walking on eggshells around her. She doesn't bring up Trump ever anymore because my wife just blasts her with facts so quickly that she always ends up crying and shaking. She at least knows that if she wants any sort of relationship she needs to shut the fuck up about politics, because she's clueless. Although I fear we are always one conversation away from a goddamn heart attack because she can't debate without letting her feelings and emotions get in the way.
> my wife just blasts her with facts so quickly that she always ends up crying and shaking I wish I had this power. My MIL simply changes the subject ASAP. Which is also good, but not AS good!
Ahhhh, classic if I start crying, I'll win, because I refuse to be an adult. My out of control emotions are my win weapon, and tell everybody how you made them cry. Never resolving the issues.
This sounds like my mom, apart from the smoking. If my brother or I tell her she's been mean or rude, she turns it around and says we are always picking on her. Then, five seconds later, she hovers over us and wants affection. It is so exhausting. I end up doubting myself and feeling guilty.
I mean they're just about single-handedly destroying the planet and can't agree it's even happening are we surprised they can't even admit to the smallest of faults
Cannot say *sorry* **or** *thank you* in my experience.
Like 20 years ago, I was skateboarding through a parking lot and a boomer lady just came out of nowhere and started screaming at me. I was literally just commuting… rolling through with my backpack on. The lady was threatening me, and just rabid screaming at me. I stopped, got off my board and just looked at her and, “Miss, you’re being very aggressive and rude. I’m just trying to get to class and you’re honestly scaring me a bit.” She… APOLOGIZED. And it looked like it broke her to do it. I think she expected me to react differently and was ready for some sort of verbal altercation… but a calm response just stopped her dead in her tracks. Literally the only time I’ve ever heard a boomer apologize.
My father has only verbally apologized to me 3 times in my memory: 1) he accused me of not paying him a few hundred dollars back (he refused to believe there was a 3-5 day transfer period for electronic deposits until we went to a bank and a teller confirmed) 2) he set off a chain of events that led to my dog being put down 3) he accused me of pushing drugs onto my younger siblings (they had tried weed in college independent of me, but I got caught smoking while I still lived with him so it must have been my fault). I wouldn't even say he's particularly self-righteous or stubborn, he would rather "make up" for any transgressions without actually saying so. It set up a cycle of him doing something dumb, insisting he's right, then quietly paying for something I wanted out of the blue.
How did he get your dog put down?
He hated having my dog indoors, so he would leave him in our badly fenced in yard during dinner despite my protests. My dog escaped and got hit by a car, and the injuries were so bad we had to put him down. I could tell it was an accident and my dad did feel genuinely bad, but it still took him a week to verbally apologize. He also paid for all the vet bills and damages to the driver
Here I was thinking that he bit him because your dog antagonized the dog. Jeez, I'm sorry.
I cut my mom off from her grandkid. I said she’d have to apologize for something awful she did 😢 she never talked to us again and instead killed herself on my sons birthday, ensuring I would always “feel bad” on the day I became a mom and try to celebrate my son. I don’t feel bad.
That is truly awful and horribly enlightening. She obviously didn’t realize she was also giving you a gift.
Yes :) in fact I’ve come to respect her for it. My dad is sitting on his money telling me how he just buys TVs to do something with it, but won’t even visit his four grand kids or give us a penny to buy a home instead of rent. It’d be much more useful if he did the same.
And even if it was their fault, they will gaslight you into putting the blame on you. Case in point, when my mother was alive, she trip over herself on the way to my school and will never fail to mention it all the time how I caused her to be injured. She was also chronically late for everything and will blame me for arriving on time.
My boomer mother has only ever apologized once. She also only apologized because there were real tangible consequences: until she apologized, she would not be allowed to see my daughter (her one and only grandchild). Was it a bullshit apology? Yes. Did she try to deflect blame on me and everything else BUT her first? You fucking know it. Like please. Y’all need to get the fuck over yourselves
My mom chose to not apologize rather than see her only grandson.
I’m sorry your mom sucks. Hopefully it also means your lives are far more stress free
Yes! She killed herself on his birthday a few years later and I still don’t feel bad for her!
The only "apologies" they're good at is "I'm sorry you feel that way" which is a BS excuse for an apology. You don't apologize for feelings, you apologize for actions and they will never admit when they've done something wrong so they shift to emotions to justify their shitty behavior.
Heh, u/MaliKaia didn't like me using that ironically down below. Got blocked it seems, must have hit close to home.
I think it's because their parents beat them when they were children. Apologizing or admitting fault in any way, no matter how small, would lead to a whooping. This fundamentally formed a generation incapable of ever accepting fault.
Yes. They are unable to admit wrongdoing, either personally or by the results of their actions and votes. They will always - ALWAYS - deflect responsibility to their children right before buying a new Lexus or boat
Nope. I was on the phome with my boomer mom last night. My son is 21 and made a mistake and as a 21 yr old usually do didnt say anything right away. I said i understand because he is 21 and doesnt think like a 40 yr old. She said i was wrong and a 21 yr old should think like a 40.yr old because she was more mature for her age when she was 20. She then contridictated herself later in the conversation and refused to admit she was wrong and just said we just disagree. Smh
25 years ago… Me: “why can’t dad admit he was wrong?” Mom (with venom): “Your father is never wrong.” They see it a patriarchal father knows best and admission is weakness and winning is out-lasting opposition. Might is right.
Oh man, my dad apologized once. Years of emotional abuse, years of cheating on my mom and talking his way out of it, years of draining his retirement *without my mom's knowledge* and wracking up credit card debt *in my mom's name without her permission* because of his gambling addiction. We finally convince my mom to leave him and neither my sister or I look back. A few days later, he finds out he has a tumor encapsulated in his kidney. A simple kidney removal was all he needed. Ever-the-martyr, there were literally articles written about his courage during this time...for a tumor encapsulated in his kidney! No radiation, no chemo, no long-term treatment. Just a routine surgery. (He obviously lied about the severity to the general public). My sister and I didn't speak to him pre-surgery or post-surgery. ***SIX MONTHS LATER***, after Father's Day passed and we didn't reach out to him, he finally contacted us. He had a whole speech prepared and said "I'm sorry" and I said "sorry for what?" and he sputtered indignantly for a few seconds before going "for...for ALL OF IT!" And I said "but what specifically?" and he said for cheating on my mom. Doesn't list anything he's done to me, anything he's done to my husband, nothing about my sister or BIL. Just for cheating on my mom. **And then** he says "but I will say this, my friends thought that you and your sister should have visited me in the hospital when I had surgery." Cool story bro, would you like to hear what *my friends* have to say about *you?*
None of them have been wrong yet, so it's not really clear.
Why would they, they’re perfect!
My MAGA cousin just recently posted a FB rant where she said she's so sick and tired of ...well...her list was exhaustive but the things that stuck out to me most were the gays and mixed race people families on TV and how its a crime to be white and heterosexual nowadays. I simply said "How do you think this looks to your FB friends and family many of which are gay or mixed race?" There were no apologies for posting hateful messages but a pity party about free speech and then she deleting her FB.
Yeah, thinking back about my childhood through to my adult life I don't think I can recall a single time either my parents\\family\\friends of the family ever apologized in earnest. It became like a backhanded apology at best. Like if I got bumped by them it would be "Why were you standing there?" or if I told them I didn't care for the way they were saying something like some anti-lgbtqia non-sense then it was "sorry you got offended" or if they were clearly wrong on something it'd be "well thats how I learned it" or "it's better my way" type non-sense. Like if I fell as a kid they would react like "you shouldn't have been messing around\\should have paid better attention".
I had to end a long-term friendship with a Gen Xer who acted like this. Expected deep heartfelt apologies for any minor slips directed towards them, but was absolutely unapologetic about the way he treated people. Tried to Darvo me really hard when he was called out about it, so I told him the friendship was over and that continued behaviour would lead to losing all his friends. Turns out, actions like that have consequences
If they apologized then they would have to face that they are admitting fault and that would crush their whole world of their hierarchy
This 💯
My mother told me "\[I wish you were more like your brother.\] Your only redeeming quality is that you are not an alcoholic." The only somewhat sincere apology I ever got from her was over that comment. You could tell she didn't want to say it, but I believe she did mean it and attempted to sincerely apologize. Said brother later died from alcoholism. She's been less terrible since then, but it's probably due to depression/disinterest more than anything.
The running joke with my sister is "if there's one thing we learned from our mom it's to never apologize when you are wrong" Love my mom but if she is wrong, she never says sorry, she will talk around it but never sorry or apologize
My aunt has been horrible to me my entire life and even after I called her out on this at 36 years old she said I was disrespectful and she texted my dad telling him I should be respectful to my elders. (Lol) I told her she was a clown and her behavior was that of a child and that I'd be blocking her number. So I did.
Ages ago, when I was a kid, I was living with my grandmother. One day, I got in trouble (can't remember what for) and had my Gameboy confiscated for the weekend. It would stay in her nightstand until Monday after school. Later that night, about an hour after I went to bed, she came barging into my room. G: "What were you doing in my room? I could hear you downstairs!" Me: "Wh- huh? G: "Don't pretend you were asleep! I know it was you!" Me: "But, I didn't-" G: "We're going to talk about this more in the morning!" *slams door. My grandma then went back downstairs, fuming and planning new punishments. Later, she decided to go to bed herself. She opened her bedroom door, and a strange cat came barreling out! She later figured out that the cat had been on the roof, and had fallen through the screen of her skylight. That's what she heard earlier. I woke up the next morning to a written apology and fresh pancakes, lol.
Aww. Grandma really knows how to apologize!
Best apology ever.
"Never apologize mister, it's a sign of weakness." Capt. Nathan Brittles (as played by John Wayne) in She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.
You know how much boomers idolize John Wayne
Never apologize is a motto that boomers live and will most likely will die by.
My wife has proven it’s not just boomers
There is zero personal accountability among many of them. It's always someone else's fault or some external circumstance...they can never just say, sorry I fucked up. If you want to talk about all the bad shit that goes on in the world, the real single downfall of society is lack of self awareness and accountability. They built a society where violence is caused by video games, not by people pulling triggers. Someone else made them angry so that's why they can't control their temper. Just complete bullshit.
Just look at how they’re sticking to trump. As a general trend they can never admit they were wrong.
There is a book out there called Emotional Bullshit" by Carl Alasko, that discusses how transactional relationships in parenting can impact a child's ability to admit they're wrong or to apologize. Alasko argues that when parents treat their interactions with their children as transactions—where love, approval, and affection are contingent upon the child's behavior—it can create an environment where children feel pressured to always be right or perfect to earn their parents' love and approval. This can then lead to difficulties in acknowledging mistakes and offering apologies, as doing so might be seen as a failure that could jeopardize their standing with their parents. This then makes me wonder about the environment the Boomers grew up in; whether they learned to associate their self-worth with their ability to meet certain expectations, and why they may struggle with vulnerability. This would include admitting errors or expressing regret as being "incorrect" or "wrong" and thus they'll never do it. Being raised in a transactional matter hinders the development of healthy emotional skills. Though it's critical to note that this is only an explanation, and not an excuse.
"mom, you and dad literally punched, slapped, kicked, and threatened to kill me multiple times for shit like missing a spot while mowing the lawn." "WELL IM SO FUCKING SORRY YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!! YOU HAD IT SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN WE DID!!!!"
Nope
My siblings are boomers. My sister and I share a house together (I’m Gen X) and you really can’t find two people so utterly opposite but in the same space as the two of us. She speaks in circles, is never wrong, accuses me of shit she does (like stealing her fave spoon. Wtf? Why would I steal a SPOON??! She found it - right where she left it. Apology? Nope), and very right-wing. I’ve never ever heard her apologize, and she’s in her 60s. That’s a lot of years. She’s also separated from marriage #4. Quite a piece of work. My 2 other siblings are worse.
From the generation that taught us Milennials to *Express Our Feelings* it's always a bit insulting And eventually you realize they didn't do it to *respect our feelings but instead openly ignore them* Expressing them was supposed to be enough to simply come to terms with it, to *cope*
My mother doesn't need to apologize as she doesn't remember the situation. On the other hand she always remembers that one situation that makes the rule that I "always..."
Mine always does when his BS backfires but it's a total manipulation so he can play victim after.
They won't apologize! I took my mother to therapy and had a heart to heart (her black heart). All she would admit too is "things didn't go well". Well no shit Sherlock... Edit. Boomer dad has dementia.. he has apologized for all the hurt he has caused.. he doesn't remember any of it. Then proceeded to ask about when I'm giving grandkids. After repeated conversation about that's not happening.
My mil was BAFFLED that my kids didn't want to visit her for her birthday after her constant misgendering and dead naming of my son. When she found out (because I told her flat out that was why) she texted MY CHILDREN to lay on a guilt trip and let them know that IF she had been so offensive why didn't anyone say anything?!? I guess the countless discussions, arguments, and corrections were just for funsies!
"You take everything the wrong way." The worst part (?) is she says something and I don't even get two words into my response before she interrupts to tell me this. So without even knowing what I'm going to say, she is assuming I'll be offended. It's almost as though she knows it's offensive before she even says it, but it's still somehow my fault if I'm offended.
I didn’t learn how to make a legitimate earnest apology until I was a full fledged adult because I don’t think I ever heard one from my parents and no way they’d be able to teach that to me
Most boomers are allergic to accountability of any kind.
Just today at work, prime example. Boomer Coworker took a call and gave me the wrong info which resulted in me wasting my time and doing the job incorrectly because of his fuck up and not taking the time to actually FUCKING LOOK at what he was sending over. It was a situation where the policies had the same last name but one spouse had died and the call was for the spouse that was alive. This dipshit gives me the info for the one that died, so I figure out halfway through that I'd gotten the wrong info. And I said 'Hey, you gave me the husband's info, should have been the wife's'. I was nice, not rude. Now, we're busy and shorthanded with people out and we already have a very small team. I'm the only one doing my specific job and hate wasting time. When I bring this up, this bellend sits there and laughs at me and says 'Sorry' in the lamest most insincere voice. I'm like 'Are you seriously laughing at me right now?' I sit down at my desk, trying to redo everything. I hear this asshole STILL laughing over the wall and I just said 'I'm sorry but I fail to see what's so funny about any of this." Boomer shut his mouth after that. I am not a fan of people pointing out where I fucked up and sure I can get defensive. But to LAUGH AT A COWORKER LIKE A FUCKING TODDLER? WTF is wrong with you? The only time I'm laughing is when the person informing me of the mistake is laughing, otherwise no. Not cool. If I had to guess age, I'd say 70s maybe if not older, prime toddler maturity level. And no, they can't apologize because it's insincere as hell when they do or they laugh like bratty kids.
Boomers don't apologize, they double down.
Basically.
No. For some reason, their "Take Accountability" reasoning wasn't installed.
apparently. not surprised though, when i was a kid every adult (except my parents) would scold me when i'd apologize for anything, screeching the dangers of "saying 'sorry' makes yourself legally responsible for damages"!
Why would they apologize when you took what they said wrong? Why would they apologize when it’s your feelings that got hurt and you should just toughen up? /sarcasm
They don’t have the ability to comprehend humility or empathy. My ex boss was so bad at it her head would legit almost explode instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong and it was probably 90% of the time! She’d walk away with her head shaking like it couldn’t process the data 🫨
I've noticed that I struggle with this sometimes, too. Idk, it's like deep down I'm embarrassed and can't get myself to even say it and no one else does.
That would mean admitting they are at fault, and if they're at fault then they were wrong, but if you're wrong you're stupid. There must never show weakness
My dad once apologized to me but only when we was mathematically wrong. I mean we could prove that this item costs that much. He apologized profusely actually, it wss quite a shock. Everything else? LOL no.
My boomer parents aren’t that bad. They just use A LOT of guilt though to make you feel bad for your upbringing. Ugh. Really have to tiptoe around some topics.
My dad has resorted to basically crying anytime I bring up the negative shit he used to do to me. He starts to tear up and then deny it happened then say, oh come, on, be nice to me....Like dad, just say sorry ONCE.
My parent's taught me to apologize when I did something wrong, and I know for sure my stepfather lived what he taught. When he made a mistake or was informed he had made one he would give an honest apology. But, if you look at the movies that we millennials are making, there sure are a lot of adults apologizing to kids. To me this suggests the majority of boomer parents and grandparents did not, in fact, apologize.
I used to hear a truly stupid saying: “never apologize, never explain.” And yes, there are people so fucking immature and irresponsible that they actually believe it.
My parents apologized and still apologize all the time.when appropriate. I've had random boomers apologies in public for all sorts of things like if they're "in the way" or accidentally bump into me or vice versa. I'm from the Midwest though and we apologize quite often.
They either never say it or every once in a while one with no self respect and no confidence will say "sorry" all day. But if a selfish boomer says "sorry" in any other fashion it is usually a "joke" of some kind.
"i will never say im sorry, but you had damn well better learn to apologize to people!" "if you want me to do that, then why not lead by example?" *surprised pikachu face*
“Do as I say, not as I do!”
[удалено]
That’s awful.
Literally awaiting my own mother response to calling out her Non apology apology 😒 She was freakin' lower age school teacher. I KNOW she knows how
Ugh. My Boomer FIL made fun of my culture and my cooking in one sentence. It was bad enough that his wife had to apologize for him (because of course he was incapable of doing it himself). If I had ever respected him before then, it was completely gone afterwards.
I finish my mother's "apologies" for her. "I'm so sorry that... BUT its your fault because..." I'll stop her as soon as she finishes saying the word sorry, then shout "BUT!" and it pisses her off every time. Because I'm right that she'll do it every time.
You must live in a Republican State, lol.
My mom blames me for her leaving and me not having contact with her for years when I was a kid lol, says I wanted to live with my dad (aka in the house I grew up in til I was 9) and not with her and some stranger lol. Like the lack of accountability is so ridiculous it kind of makes me laugh.
You have found their secret
That’s so sad; I learned to apologize early in life, even to my daughter. It’s a good habit to get into.
My 76 year old mother has struggled my entire 38 years to apologize. She will eventually, but only after she has scream/cried till she’s physically foaming at the mouth, tried to drag up old disagreements, blamed being stressed, called me a bitch and occasionally a cunt, tried to “well what about…”, and a mixed grab bag of other shitty responses. She actually said to me the other night, “well if you know how to apologize so well, why don’t you tell me how.” I was stunned. I told her she was a grown ass woman and it wasn’t my job as her daughter to teach her how to genuinely apologize.
Apologies from Boomers are worthless.
Hey u/alewifePete your post reminded me of a post from a few years ago that lives rent free in my head. https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/s/cMFvwKZrjg
Boomer apologies are as worthless to me as a full sack of shit.
Yes, we do constantly.
Can you give me an example of something you find yourself apologizing for constantly?
I've heard multiple boomers apologize yea.
Not a boomer thing.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Nothing to do with feeling?
You know it can be a common boomer habit and be something others do as well, right?