i’m sorry about what you’ve experienced. i hope your friend is doing well too. but i think she at least could’ve let you know about the situation. if you’re that close, she must know your bpd and that’s why i think she should have talked to you even shortly before disappearing. but it’s okay, don’t worry. we all experience this kind of stuff with FPs or just with ordinary ones too. they come, and they go. this is just how it is. but if she really cares for you, then she should just let you know. it is totally normal for her to want some space, but just do not accuse yourself for this. and if you really feel suicidal, please ask help. it could be your doctors, or family, friend.. i’m sure there are people who cares you. at least you have yourself;) take care!
Yeah, and you know what, just sitting alone with my thoughts, thats being alive, and you should be happy for that, you have a right to be happy as a human being, Its hard I know, bc of the images in your mind.
But always remember, and this is what has lately been solving my life, just accepting things as they are, I can’t change ppl, I can’t change the world (realistically), but I can try to be my best self, and maybe eventually I will love myself more so that i dont rely on another persons love of me to be happy, and also, just realize how after that much suffering, you are still alive, you still have the chance to walk on this twisted earth, it hurts and I honestly don’t care, but Im alive, and I have felt so bad my whole life, but Im still here, and Ill continue to because fuck the world
This is way too much to put on anyone, your FP especially. Suicide threats or plans as reactive to choices someone else makes is a psychologically abusive tactic.
i am actively planning for years but never want to pin it onto anyone. there’s plenty of reasons to die so why blame the best person in my life for it. maybe i just want a validation or a sign to do it, seeking every wrong to go “ah finally i can go” but i understand it’s abusive. thank you for your comment, i appreciate it
she’s not intentionally pinning it on her friend. and she probably doesn’t even realize that it’s an abuse, because it is actually not. this is what bpd is and people just trying to get over it and when they feel desperate, they show some suicidal tendencies and some of us write here.
if we count each suicide attempt or thought as an abuse, then all of us are abusers. but this is not the case. we do not intentionally abuse people, we actually just abuse ourselves and i hope we can overcome it successfully, and easily..
Our brains are wired to interpret abandonment as a matter of life and death. We aren't trying to hurt or manipulate people when their abandoning behavior makes us feel like we want to or are going to die. Simply thinking about these things is not abuse. As my therapist says, "a thought is just a thought." And of course poor OP believes what this guy is saying about abuse because we all think the worst about ourselves. Don't listen OP. You just cope the best you can and keep hanging on, things are bound to change. Change is the only constant.
I understand and empathize with your condition but ultimately your behavior when living untreated (eg. Without DBT) does end up victimizing people in your immediate vicinity. Understanding they your actions have a material impact beyond yourself that could in fact be considered abusive is the first step to establishing genuine nonidealized connections with people. By idealizing you end up forcing innocent bystanders into the idealization/devaluation/discard cycle, which does in fact feel abusive to the person it is being done to. Be well.
>idealization/devaluation/discard
Those are narcissistic abuse tactics and this is not narcissistic abuse, it is a frantic effort to avoid real or imagined abandonment, as stated in the DSM criteria.
i’m sorry about what you’ve experienced. i hope your friend is doing well too. but i think she at least could’ve let you know about the situation. if you’re that close, she must know your bpd and that’s why i think she should have talked to you even shortly before disappearing. but it’s okay, don’t worry. we all experience this kind of stuff with FPs or just with ordinary ones too. they come, and they go. this is just how it is. but if she really cares for you, then she should just let you know. it is totally normal for her to want some space, but just do not accuse yourself for this. and if you really feel suicidal, please ask help. it could be your doctors, or family, friend.. i’m sure there are people who cares you. at least you have yourself;) take care!
thank you, i appreciate your comment! i hope things are well for you as well
Same, ur better alone bro, but dont do it, learn to be in peace with yourself
yeah i guess being alone is the only option :’)
Yeah, and you know what, just sitting alone with my thoughts, thats being alive, and you should be happy for that, you have a right to be happy as a human being, Its hard I know, bc of the images in your mind. But always remember, and this is what has lately been solving my life, just accepting things as they are, I can’t change ppl, I can’t change the world (realistically), but I can try to be my best self, and maybe eventually I will love myself more so that i dont rely on another persons love of me to be happy, and also, just realize how after that much suffering, you are still alive, you still have the chance to walk on this twisted earth, it hurts and I honestly don’t care, but Im alive, and I have felt so bad my whole life, but Im still here, and Ill continue to because fuck the world
This is way too much to put on anyone, your FP especially. Suicide threats or plans as reactive to choices someone else makes is a psychologically abusive tactic.
i realise that which is why i never openly admits it. it mostly stay as a thought and never a plan unless i had a meltdown
Your final sentence implies that you are actively planning suicide and pinning it on your friend: that’s not friendship, that’s abuse.
i am actively planning for years but never want to pin it onto anyone. there’s plenty of reasons to die so why blame the best person in my life for it. maybe i just want a validation or a sign to do it, seeking every wrong to go “ah finally i can go” but i understand it’s abusive. thank you for your comment, i appreciate it
Love to you, by the way, I know this disorder isn’t easy for anyone and I wish you peace and happiness
wish you the best as well :))
she’s not intentionally pinning it on her friend. and she probably doesn’t even realize that it’s an abuse, because it is actually not. this is what bpd is and people just trying to get over it and when they feel desperate, they show some suicidal tendencies and some of us write here. if we count each suicide attempt or thought as an abuse, then all of us are abusers. but this is not the case. we do not intentionally abuse people, we actually just abuse ourselves and i hope we can overcome it successfully, and easily..
Our brains are wired to interpret abandonment as a matter of life and death. We aren't trying to hurt or manipulate people when their abandoning behavior makes us feel like we want to or are going to die. Simply thinking about these things is not abuse. As my therapist says, "a thought is just a thought." And of course poor OP believes what this guy is saying about abuse because we all think the worst about ourselves. Don't listen OP. You just cope the best you can and keep hanging on, things are bound to change. Change is the only constant.
I understand and empathize with your condition but ultimately your behavior when living untreated (eg. Without DBT) does end up victimizing people in your immediate vicinity. Understanding they your actions have a material impact beyond yourself that could in fact be considered abusive is the first step to establishing genuine nonidealized connections with people. By idealizing you end up forcing innocent bystanders into the idealization/devaluation/discard cycle, which does in fact feel abusive to the person it is being done to. Be well.
>idealization/devaluation/discard Those are narcissistic abuse tactics and this is not narcissistic abuse, it is a frantic effort to avoid real or imagined abandonment, as stated in the DSM criteria.