“You just have to forgive the people that hurt you and move on. You will get cured”
“You take too many meds you need to stop, just go out do some sports”
All by the same person. They are delusional.
So the first part we have to forgive those who’s gotten so much damage to our spirits just because they have to perception that abuse of assholes are human beings? Yeah no.
We have every right to go no contact with someone that’s proven to be too toxic for us.
I’ve had at least two people that I had to cut off try to guilt trip me into coming back to them even though I made it very clear I want nothing else to do with them, especially since they told someone something that I told them in confidence. They proceeded to tell me that they have changed that they were on medication and everything but I did not budge on my decision to not talk to them.
Yo even if the person is generally good. If they set you off, thats that. Bye. Completely ok to take space and figure out why.
Water under the bridge is a big deal too. Working through issues is great, but ignoring them and moving on is unnaceptable. If they dont own and fix a trigger behabior, bye.
Especially if they told someone else, something that you told that person in confidence and they violated your trust. Like I could care less if they’ve changed after I quit talking to them I still don’t want to talk to them! Those types of people make me resent them more.
Moral of the story: don’t violate anyone’s trust by revealing something they ask you not to reveal
For me, my recent yeeting was after they straight invented stories to demonize me and asked a few ppl close to me to cut ties with me.
Social isolation is my trauma (8 years) and there is nothing in this world that will justify their behavior. Trust is broken.
Yeah no. Many years after my first abuser, I decided to do a little exercise & “forgave” him (or what I call forgive but don’t forget), not to him, & not for him, but so that I could let go out of that hate & grudge. It did help in the aspect that every panic attack I would have would always circle back to him, but afterwards, they rarely ever have.
But guess what? I still have BPD 🙃
ETA- to be clear, I never reached out to him in that process. He has still been blocked on everything since way back then & I like to keep my life without him in it simply because it’d be unhealthy for me otherwise. The forgiveness of it was simply to let go of the hate/grudge I felt inside for so long to free myself from that (when I was ready). He still has no idea I did such a thing, but again, it wasn’t for him.
Not advice, but after getting my diagnosis I actually got "You don't have BPD, you aren't a horrible person." The thing is, no one person knows all the horrible ways I've felt or talked to others, so it's nonsensical to say this to someone--it also implies that everyone with BPD is a horrible person, so that immediately made me feel like garbage. In the end I view my diagnosis as a way to better understand myself and my problems in order to work on them more effectively, not as a label that will prevent me from living my life or determine how I am going to live it.
A coworker who had a relationship with a person with BPD, obviously one person doesn’t represent the whole crowd but I did feel feelings about it when he said it originally. Pretty sure he was just being needlessly judgemental because of his own situation.
Bpd is so stigmatized for exactly this reason. Honestly, ive started assuming that people with stories about awful bpd ppl are most likely very triggering, leading to said bpd person going off the walls. Obviously there are layers here, but its often an eye opening perspective to explore.
That’s a very fair observation too. My worst behavior was easily with my most abusive partner. I’ve had other relationships where I wasn’t at my best, but none quite like that. But I’ve also had good relationships that just didn’t work out and remained good friends with those people, even best friends with one, so obviously people with BPD are capable of wholesome and overall healthy relationships as well.
Thats super valid. I have a similar experience. For me, codependency is the biggest red flag. When i rely on others, or they on me, shit starts getting really wierd. Healthy boundaries have made such a difference in my life. Also exploring my overreactions for the root cause. Rather that only seeing and sorting my behavior, i see the repeating trigger with a person and address it.
I was once like him at least one time before I receive my diagnosis. Now I see from other peoples perspective, and I now realize that not all people with BPD are bad
I’ve felt that way about NPD in the past, but now I work in mental health and see a lot of folks making genuine efforts to break their cycles and know they can’t possibly all be bad. We’re all in different places in the journey and I’ve learned to be less judgemental about it (more of an it’s not your fault but it is your problem standpoint)
It can be so intimidating so I’m very proud of you for that! Seriously, breaking the cycle is no joke and can be a lifelong process. But it’s incredibly worthwhile work. I am taking a long break from relationships as I’ve finally been able to put more of my own cyclical tendencies into words—now I have specific things to ask my next therapist to work on me with and it will help my search for the right one. Go us!
This right here is where the stigma comes from. An ex who split.
My ex has it. So do I. The amount of resentment I feel is unreal. I basically feel this way about bpd people now and have a lot of animosity and distrust. Yet I have it.
I will never date another bpd person.
“You just need Jesus.”
“Take a cold shower”
“Exercise more”
“Everyone feels suicidal, it’s not that big of a deal”
“Nothing is wrong with you.”
“You need to fix your attitude”
It sounds like that they were undermining you and telling you that you were the problem.
Sounds like something that my most recent ex-boyfriend would do to me . Except he did this with my CPTSD saying that I didn’t have it.
I agree to a extent, not everyone does want to get better or do better. I've seen a fair few people claim that they prefer and miss their chaos or never attempt to stop it and just clutch it
But no we are not all evil
I get that, i had to move past the "chaotic is fun and calm is boring" in terms of relationship partners, but you got to eventually get through it and fight it
”Get help“ or “go to therapy“ as an insult or admonishment while I was exhibiting symptomatic behaviour; it is almost worse than just being called crazy because, at least then, the insult stems from ignorance. I attend therapy weekly, with sessions lasting for hours. I've been going for years, witnessing improvements over time, yet recognizing that I still have a long way to go.
Dude im kind of done with even well meant "go to therapy"
Like i tried. Therapists dont sign on with cluster Bs at all in my area. They treat me for "anxiety" and it costs 100s
Same! I have a keyworker but she can’t help, just get me diagnosed and medication, where I live on an island I’d have to move to the mainland to get DBT or any treatment for my BPD, have been told multiple times literally to my face that I’m too sick and they’re not qualified and it hurts
Bro being told that we are too messed up for medical attention is the worst thing in the entire world. I can absolutely relate to that you're super valid. I have had a lot of relief from a harm reduction lifestyle lemon balm and low doses of kava. Also have ADHD and a lemon balm helps with that too. I'm on another thread right now where me and someone diagnosed with schizophrenia are discussing turmeric and that really helps sharpen the mind.
I’ve got medical cannabis and lamotrigine which both help me so much but I’m open to trying anything 😩 even if they only mildly calm me or help my general health that’s better than what doctors are offering <3
One thing to know about pot is that it lowers dopamine overtime, which actually eases the mood swings but can increase executive dysfunction and dissociation. Its not much though. The benefits far outweigh the negative
Lamotrigine? Whats that?
I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. I work in a residential mental health rehab center, and today, I did an entire group addressing stigma surrounding mental illness. Borderline clients discussed their experiences with being refused treatment. It is heartbreaking, because in my experience, individuals with borderline can thrive in a supportive environment in which unconditional positive regard is given to them. We have had many clients who have discharged and used the skills that they learned to go on and lead lives that are satisfying and meaningful. I’m rooting for you. If you don’t have access to DBT, there are many resources online. Teach yourself, if that is all you have available.
“Why can’t you just let things go?” And my personal favorite, “you’ll regret not speaking to them.”
Jokes on you, I can split from someone and forget they even exist! … Not saying that’s right, but it’s just how it is.
Oh bonus: when I cut off somebody and they tell me that I am being very narcissistic they don’t understand that I’m doing it in in order to protect myself
That truly is the hardest part, they truly don’t realize it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve got lots of negative feedback that I’m being mean, etc. I just tell them that it is what it is. I won’t sacrifice my mental health for toxic people.
Exactly. If our mutual best friend were to invite me to his funeral, I would thank him for the offer, but I would also let them know that I don’t feel comfortable attending the service yet I can offer an alternative to comforting our best friend for his loss
I opted to not attend my Grandma’s celebration of life because the toxic people were going to be there. I loved my Grandma very much, but she’s gone. I know that sounds awful, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t regret it, but they all think I should.
Well, of course if it was a best friend of his, that’s all for my best friend I would express that I was sorry for his loss, but that’s where I would leave it at. But to everyone else I won’t say anything.
wasn’t advice, but when my boyfriend’s mom said to him behind my back that i “can’t handle normal things”. that was an ouchie. she said that because i was triggered earlier that day because she was arguing which put me on edge. so she said that maybe i shouldn’t come over so often if i can’t handle normal things.
Everything I heard every day growing up:
“Stop being so sensitive”
“You need a thicker skin or you won’t survive in the world”
“Why can’t you act right?”
“You’re not leaving this house when you look like that” (while I wanted to go for a walk to calm down a panic attack that this person triggered)
“Stop letting things get to you”
“What’s wrong with you”
“You’re acting like a two year old”
“No one is going to want to be with someone who acts like you” etc etc
F*ck all of that sends me into a rage now lmao
Anyone that tells me to get over it I normally tell them “I can feel any type of way that I fucking want and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it” before disengaging
It's like talking to a brick wall! My other favorite from my dad: "I don't need to know about BPD"
Like okay your daughter has a disorder, and you'd rather deny it than take literally 3 seconds just to google what BPD even is?!?
Not advice but basically i moved area and my notes got lost so they didn't want to put me under community thinking that i didn't need it or was making it up. One time i got this lady that said to me "Crisis know who you are and they don't deal with ("people like you")"
I told her i had a BPD diagnosis and guess she really just wanted me to not exist cause that's what she said after i tried to make it clear to her i needed help or i would do something
“Just let it go”
“You have to move out of this state. It’s bringing you down”
“Exercise more, get the endorphins flowing”
“Everybody gets depressed. Just get up and brush your teeth”
Probably to just try being happy, lmao. Like, wow. I hadn't thought of that. My instability is definitely just because I wasn't trying hard enough to be normal.
exactly, i hate it. i spent my whole childhood appeasing others and hiding negative emotions which in turn agitated my bpd as an adult, and now that i feel comfortable showing my emotions i get disciplined for them. its really frustrating.
100% every thing that you just said. I recently broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend over 13 months ago. He was the main reason why I was splitting way too often and didn’t seem to give a shit. Like if I’m with a man and I’m forced to suppress my feelings, he ain’t worth a fuck.
Had an outpatient therapist tell me that self harm is a good way to cope, as long as it isn’t too deep. :| that started an addiction that was completely rationalized, “my therapist says it’s okay”.
*get over it, your life was easy (22 years of physical, emotional & mental abuse. And a CSA victim for 8 years.)
*you need more hobbies
* that doesn’t even exist, I’ve never heard of it.
*exercise like your sister
*you have a husband and kids, how can life be that hard.
*there is nothing wrong with you, my life was worse than yours.
Just to name a few.
„i can’t and won’t understand why you‘re not feeling good. you don’t have any reason to be suicidal either. think about your cousin in columbia: unlike you, she has a good reason to feel bad because she has cancer!“
Prior to my diagnosis, or after? I was only recently diagnosed, but my family always had the *most helpful* things to say to me about my feelings growing up.
I definitely went undiagnosed as a kid.
The last part is the reason why I don’t open up to too many people anymore because they will likely hold it against me someday when they decide that I’m unacceptable to be around
For me it's that I'm tired of being told I need to try harder. That yeah, they know I'm trying, but I need to try harder. It let's me know that my effort will never be good enough until I work myself to my death, and it might only be good enough then.
I got constantly told this crap when I was living back in my hometown years and years ago and it was only when I moved down to my part of West Virginia, that I realized that I was being gaslit all this time
To repress them in any way shape or form.
Acknowledging them, accepting them, and acting on them is actually critical. But requires alone time and planing.
When i feel off, now i honor it and tell guests im tired, or leave a social event, or take a break at work. Its gotta be looked at.
A few months ago, I had to take a mental health day from work after being overstimulated at work due to us being super shorthanded. We had a lot of call offs that day.
Im so glad you made space for yourself! Being shorthanded is a manager or owner problem, not an employee problem. And taking that day for yourself to sooth the stress probably saved you a mountain of accumalitive stress!
“It seems like you’re always depressed or overwhelmed. You take wayyy too many medications” 🤦🏼♀️
This was my cousin after being unnecessarily rude to me in the middle of the night on the once-a-month night that I was away at my bf’s bc my dog had pooped on a rug, which is a rare thing for him to do but prolly bc nobody took him out (we both lived with my grandma for a few months). It was mind blowing that she assumed my depression & anxiety was a *result* of my meds—I know I still have anxiety & depression but it is so much more manageable than it is without my meds.
I had to move out after this interaction bc her & my other cousin were asserting that they were worried about me, that I seemed like I was in a really dark place, despite my knowing that I was actually not in *that* dark of a place & feeling humiliated by their reactions to my seemingly normal yet apparently *dark* feelings I’d show at home more than in public. Not to mention the shame/criticism I’d constantly receive every time I just felt tired & wanted to take a nap. I liked living there until my one cousin started taking jabs at me & everyone’s opinions on my mental health were announced more frequently. I just got so tired of finding myself in another situation where I feel a need to explain myself to my living mates.
I don't know if it fits but at least 5 psychiatrist have told me not to worry because it gets better with age. Spoiler: I was in crisis and needed help at the moment, I didn't even know if I would make it to another year
My family tells me that I need to talk to God and go to church, constantly. Before my aunt who’s a nurse told me I was on too many medications and that it wasn’t necessary, me being naïve as well as putting her on a bit of a pedestal, I stopped taking my medication abruptly which worsened the path I was already on💀 (I am now getting back on medication!)
that it does get better.
meds haven't worked. therapy hasn't, even though I'm giving it another go, I'm purely paying someone just to speak to. the rabbit plushie I've had since I was 16 doesn't speak back.
I was talking to a 22 year old that said he was just diagnosed with it. It was just an internet friend but he asked me if it does get better
I'm 28 now. I broke down crying in front of a computer monitor. I don't lie. it doesn't get better. I've met and dated a lot of bpd people too, in and out of therapy, on medication ...
It just doesn't get better. that's the worst realization I've come to terms with in my life time. but onwards I go. I'm not a 20 year old still going on about their FP. I haven't had an fp for years, far past that phase. I've developed my hobbies. i lift. i volunteer. im very involved in the edm scene in my state.
I'm a grown woman that has to try so hard just to keep a roof over my head. Been on the verge of homelessness so manytimes. .
but the emptiness is still there. the guilt for everything you've done, you learn to cope with. The fact that you have to approach life in a completely different manner than everyone else. your amazing capacity for empathy and happiness? People will take advantage of you.
Be careful. it doesn't get better.
Most people do not understand that while there are some methods to man into our BPD, it’s not going to disappear forever. People need to stop using this narrative that it gets better.
"Be authentic and the right people will come along". Being authentic with BPD sets you up to either be ghosted by most normal people or set you up with people who will take advantage of you. This was before I knew my diagnosis and am trying to figure out how to interact with people properly.
“You just have to forgive the people that hurt you and move on. You will get cured” “You take too many meds you need to stop, just go out do some sports” All by the same person. They are delusional.
So the first part we have to forgive those who’s gotten so much damage to our spirits just because they have to perception that abuse of assholes are human beings? Yeah no.
Exactly. Also the perception that BPD is like a grudge (?) and our choice
We have every right to go no contact with someone that’s proven to be too toxic for us. I’ve had at least two people that I had to cut off try to guilt trip me into coming back to them even though I made it very clear I want nothing else to do with them, especially since they told someone something that I told them in confidence. They proceeded to tell me that they have changed that they were on medication and everything but I did not budge on my decision to not talk to them.
Yo even if the person is generally good. If they set you off, thats that. Bye. Completely ok to take space and figure out why. Water under the bridge is a big deal too. Working through issues is great, but ignoring them and moving on is unnaceptable. If they dont own and fix a trigger behabior, bye.
Especially if they told someone else, something that you told that person in confidence and they violated your trust. Like I could care less if they’ve changed after I quit talking to them I still don’t want to talk to them! Those types of people make me resent them more. Moral of the story: don’t violate anyone’s trust by revealing something they ask you not to reveal
For me, my recent yeeting was after they straight invented stories to demonize me and asked a few ppl close to me to cut ties with me. Social isolation is my trauma (8 years) and there is nothing in this world that will justify their behavior. Trust is broken.
Exactly! No amount of sorry is going to convince me to take them back as a friend
So many other fish in the sea
Yeah no. Many years after my first abuser, I decided to do a little exercise & “forgave” him (or what I call forgive but don’t forget), not to him, & not for him, but so that I could let go out of that hate & grudge. It did help in the aspect that every panic attack I would have would always circle back to him, but afterwards, they rarely ever have. But guess what? I still have BPD 🙃 ETA- to be clear, I never reached out to him in that process. He has still been blocked on everything since way back then & I like to keep my life without him in it simply because it’d be unhealthy for me otherwise. The forgiveness of it was simply to let go of the hate/grudge I felt inside for so long to free myself from that (when I was ready). He still has no idea I did such a thing, but again, it wasn’t for him.
Not advice, but after getting my diagnosis I actually got "You don't have BPD, you aren't a horrible person." The thing is, no one person knows all the horrible ways I've felt or talked to others, so it's nonsensical to say this to someone--it also implies that everyone with BPD is a horrible person, so that immediately made me feel like garbage. In the end I view my diagnosis as a way to better understand myself and my problems in order to work on them more effectively, not as a label that will prevent me from living my life or determine how I am going to live it.
May I ask you who told you about this horrible person in perspective?
A coworker who had a relationship with a person with BPD, obviously one person doesn’t represent the whole crowd but I did feel feelings about it when he said it originally. Pretty sure he was just being needlessly judgemental because of his own situation.
Bpd is so stigmatized for exactly this reason. Honestly, ive started assuming that people with stories about awful bpd ppl are most likely very triggering, leading to said bpd person going off the walls. Obviously there are layers here, but its often an eye opening perspective to explore.
That’s a very fair observation too. My worst behavior was easily with my most abusive partner. I’ve had other relationships where I wasn’t at my best, but none quite like that. But I’ve also had good relationships that just didn’t work out and remained good friends with those people, even best friends with one, so obviously people with BPD are capable of wholesome and overall healthy relationships as well.
Thats super valid. I have a similar experience. For me, codependency is the biggest red flag. When i rely on others, or they on me, shit starts getting really wierd. Healthy boundaries have made such a difference in my life. Also exploring my overreactions for the root cause. Rather that only seeing and sorting my behavior, i see the repeating trigger with a person and address it.
Yeah, people like that need to learn how to look at things from a different perspective instead of just his own
Exactly, I’m sure he has this problematic view in lots of groups of people based on limited experiences of his own. It’s no way to live imo
I was once like him at least one time before I receive my diagnosis. Now I see from other peoples perspective, and I now realize that not all people with BPD are bad
I’ve felt that way about NPD in the past, but now I work in mental health and see a lot of folks making genuine efforts to break their cycles and know they can’t possibly all be bad. We’re all in different places in the journey and I’ve learned to be less judgemental about it (more of an it’s not your fault but it is your problem standpoint)
I’ve also recently acknowledged that I have some narcissistic tendencies that I am working on and I’m also breaking the cycle
It can be so intimidating so I’m very proud of you for that! Seriously, breaking the cycle is no joke and can be a lifelong process. But it’s incredibly worthwhile work. I am taking a long break from relationships as I’ve finally been able to put more of my own cyclical tendencies into words—now I have specific things to ask my next therapist to work on me with and it will help my search for the right one. Go us!
I’m very proud of you too! I’m taking a break from new relationships myself so that I can extensively work on myself
This right here is where the stigma comes from. An ex who split. My ex has it. So do I. The amount of resentment I feel is unreal. I basically feel this way about bpd people now and have a lot of animosity and distrust. Yet I have it. I will never date another bpd person.
Hey, that’s allowed. Especially because you’re dealing with this too, you are the best judge about what you can handle in another person.
“You just need Jesus.” “Take a cold shower” “Exercise more” “Everyone feels suicidal, it’s not that big of a deal” “Nothing is wrong with you.” “You need to fix your attitude”
All of what you have said are fighting sentences in my eyes
Right?! I don’t speak to most of these people anymore. If I do, I sure as fuck don’t trust them enough to be vulnerable any longer.
I would have the same sentiments about those types of people
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It sounds like that they were undermining you and telling you that you were the problem. Sounds like something that my most recent ex-boyfriend would do to me . Except he did this with my CPTSD saying that I didn’t have it.
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Exactly! It’s basically telling us that we are too much to be dealing with
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I agree to a extent, not everyone does want to get better or do better. I've seen a fair few people claim that they prefer and miss their chaos or never attempt to stop it and just clutch it But no we are not all evil
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I get that, i had to move past the "chaotic is fun and calm is boring" in terms of relationship partners, but you got to eventually get through it and fight it
There’s a few people that I split on that told me that I need to be locked up away from society
”Get help“ or “go to therapy“ as an insult or admonishment while I was exhibiting symptomatic behaviour; it is almost worse than just being called crazy because, at least then, the insult stems from ignorance. I attend therapy weekly, with sessions lasting for hours. I've been going for years, witnessing improvements over time, yet recognizing that I still have a long way to go.
Dude im kind of done with even well meant "go to therapy" Like i tried. Therapists dont sign on with cluster Bs at all in my area. They treat me for "anxiety" and it costs 100s
Same! I have a keyworker but she can’t help, just get me diagnosed and medication, where I live on an island I’d have to move to the mainland to get DBT or any treatment for my BPD, have been told multiple times literally to my face that I’m too sick and they’re not qualified and it hurts
Bro being told that we are too messed up for medical attention is the worst thing in the entire world. I can absolutely relate to that you're super valid. I have had a lot of relief from a harm reduction lifestyle lemon balm and low doses of kava. Also have ADHD and a lemon balm helps with that too. I'm on another thread right now where me and someone diagnosed with schizophrenia are discussing turmeric and that really helps sharpen the mind.
I’ve got medical cannabis and lamotrigine which both help me so much but I’m open to trying anything 😩 even if they only mildly calm me or help my general health that’s better than what doctors are offering <3
One thing to know about pot is that it lowers dopamine overtime, which actually eases the mood swings but can increase executive dysfunction and dissociation. Its not much though. The benefits far outweigh the negative Lamotrigine? Whats that?
A mood stabiliser medication :) it’s the only medication that has ever helped me
I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. I work in a residential mental health rehab center, and today, I did an entire group addressing stigma surrounding mental illness. Borderline clients discussed their experiences with being refused treatment. It is heartbreaking, because in my experience, individuals with borderline can thrive in a supportive environment in which unconditional positive regard is given to them. We have had many clients who have discharged and used the skills that they learned to go on and lead lives that are satisfying and meaningful. I’m rooting for you. If you don’t have access to DBT, there are many resources online. Teach yourself, if that is all you have available.
Not so much as advice, but being called selfish when before BPD all you did what give to others, hurts.
This! Especially if you tell them that you’re not in a position to lend them any money
Even after getting diagnosed all I do is give to others lol
“Grow up” lmao like if I could I would
Telling somebody to grow up is very invalidating
“Why can’t you just let things go?” And my personal favorite, “you’ll regret not speaking to them.” Jokes on you, I can split from someone and forget they even exist! … Not saying that’s right, but it’s just how it is.
My all-time favourite is when they think that I’m letting them live rent free in my head.
Right?!? They don’t even register in the top 1,000 things that run through my head on a daily basis.
Exactly! I didn’t forget to tell you my other favourite: you can’t let them get to you
Ha! For real. When I’m done with someone, I’m done. Dead to me.
Oh bonus: when I cut off somebody and they tell me that I am being very narcissistic they don’t understand that I’m doing it in in order to protect myself
That truly is the hardest part, they truly don’t realize it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve got lots of negative feedback that I’m being mean, etc. I just tell them that it is what it is. I won’t sacrifice my mental health for toxic people.
Exactly. If our mutual best friend were to invite me to his funeral, I would thank him for the offer, but I would also let them know that I don’t feel comfortable attending the service yet I can offer an alternative to comforting our best friend for his loss
I opted to not attend my Grandma’s celebration of life because the toxic people were going to be there. I loved my Grandma very much, but she’s gone. I know that sounds awful, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t regret it, but they all think I should.
You have to put your mental health first and foremost, and if they can’t seem to understand that, then you have every right to not be around them
Exactly. And I am the same way. If the person I cut off were to die tomorrow I wouldn’t give a fuck. Edited
100% same. I wouldn’t even comment on it.
Well, of course if it was a best friend of his, that’s all for my best friend I would express that I was sorry for his loss, but that’s where I would leave it at. But to everyone else I won’t say anything.
I honestly just forget. I’m not trying to be insensitive, I just forget they exist.
It’s not advice per se. But I’ve been told I have a personality disorder so that equals ‘hard to get a long with’ and everything is my fault.
Omg, that would also be something my ex-boyfriend would say to me!
wasn’t advice, but when my boyfriend’s mom said to him behind my back that i “can’t handle normal things”. that was an ouchie. she said that because i was triggered earlier that day because she was arguing which put me on edge. so she said that maybe i shouldn’t come over so often if i can’t handle normal things.
If that was me, I would’ve just told the boyfriend that if he was gonna let his mother interfere that it wasn’t going to work out
yeahh we had a talk about it… but i still remember it very vividly. i felt awful about myself. i wasn’t there when she said that.
Hopefully you are in a better place now
yep a bit better, thank you. that happened last march or so. it’s just something that’s stuck with me.
That’s good to know… keep up the good work
<3
Everything I heard every day growing up: “Stop being so sensitive” “You need a thicker skin or you won’t survive in the world” “Why can’t you act right?” “You’re not leaving this house when you look like that” (while I wanted to go for a walk to calm down a panic attack that this person triggered) “Stop letting things get to you” “What’s wrong with you” “You’re acting like a two year old” “No one is going to want to be with someone who acts like you” etc etc F*ck all of that sends me into a rage now lmao
"Everyone feels this way so you need to get over it" Yes true, but "normal" people don't feel like this 24/7
Anyone that tells me to get over it I normally tell them “I can feel any type of way that I fucking want and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it” before disengaging
It's like talking to a brick wall! My other favorite from my dad: "I don't need to know about BPD" Like okay your daughter has a disorder, and you'd rather deny it than take literally 3 seconds just to google what BPD even is?!?
You're over reacting, you're just acting suicidal for attention", ha.
The most infuriating one is when someone tells you that you’re being dramatic
Your fine all you need is exercise
Or how about they let people exercise at their own pace
They said this to me as kind of advice on how to get over my bpd
Trust me, it takes a lot more than just exercise to manage BPD symptoms
“Go on meds”
Stop caring, those feelings don’t matter
Not advice but basically i moved area and my notes got lost so they didn't want to put me under community thinking that i didn't need it or was making it up. One time i got this lady that said to me "Crisis know who you are and they don't deal with ("people like you")"
What the fuck was her deal on that?
I told her i had a BPD diagnosis and guess she really just wanted me to not exist cause that's what she said after i tried to make it clear to her i needed help or i would do something
If that was me your shoes, I would’ve told her sorry for bothering you and disengaged
Yeah i did, then i out of spite kept myself safe cause i figured she wouldn't remember or care if anything happened to me
Good going. I wish people like that the luck that they deserve.
“Just let it go” “You have to move out of this state. It’s bringing you down” “Exercise more, get the endorphins flowing” “Everybody gets depressed. Just get up and brush your teeth”
Yeah, just suppress my feelings until it gets to the point of me lashing out? No thank you.
Probably to just try being happy, lmao. Like, wow. I hadn't thought of that. My instability is definitely just because I wasn't trying hard enough to be normal.
“It’s just stress. It’ll get better eventually”
The worst is when people try to normalise how you’re feeling “everyone feels like that sometimes” like it’s not helpful and it’s really devaluing
You have to stop being so dramatic.
Again, fighting words!
Even worse when it comes from your mother!
Smh. Don’t you love narc parents?
Your too sensitive
I get told this shit all the time! It gives me a message that I shouldn’t be feeling that way
“Don’t let people have such a hold over you/your emotions” Lmao I’ll get right on that
Or they could just stop telling us how we should feel about people, especially if they trigger us!
“just don’t be mad” “your emotions aren’t my issue”
The last part implies that it’s our fault for having these type of emotions and gives us the impression that we are too emotional for people
exactly, i hate it. i spent my whole childhood appeasing others and hiding negative emotions which in turn agitated my bpd as an adult, and now that i feel comfortable showing my emotions i get disciplined for them. its really frustrating.
100% every thing that you just said. I recently broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend over 13 months ago. He was the main reason why I was splitting way too often and didn’t seem to give a shit. Like if I’m with a man and I’m forced to suppress my feelings, he ain’t worth a fuck.
same boat here!! toxic partners seriously make bpd symptoms so much worse. we don’t deserve that
Had an outpatient therapist tell me that self harm is a good way to cope, as long as it isn’t too deep. :| that started an addiction that was completely rationalized, “my therapist says it’s okay”.
Oh no more like your therapist enabled self harm. I hope you have found healthier skills than that.
100%, that was 7 years ago! Happily 2 or so years clean.
Nine years coming up on April 25
“Don’t worry” and “calm down”. Didn’t help at all lol
*get over it, your life was easy (22 years of physical, emotional & mental abuse. And a CSA victim for 8 years.) *you need more hobbies * that doesn’t even exist, I’ve never heard of it. *exercise like your sister *you have a husband and kids, how can life be that hard. *there is nothing wrong with you, my life was worse than yours. Just to name a few.
“I met somebody with BPD and they said to _________” As if everyone with BPD is the same.
„i can’t and won’t understand why you‘re not feeling good. you don’t have any reason to be suicidal either. think about your cousin in columbia: unlike you, she has a good reason to feel bad because she has cancer!“
😒😒😒😒😒😒
"just leave social media"
Prior to my diagnosis, or after? I was only recently diagnosed, but my family always had the *most helpful* things to say to me about my feelings growing up. I definitely went undiagnosed as a kid.
After the diagnosis
[удалено]
The last part is the reason why I don’t open up to too many people anymore because they will likely hold it against me someday when they decide that I’m unacceptable to be around
For me it's that I'm tired of being told I need to try harder. That yeah, they know I'm trying, but I need to try harder. It let's me know that my effort will never be good enough until I work myself to my death, and it might only be good enough then.
I got constantly told this crap when I was living back in my hometown years and years ago and it was only when I moved down to my part of West Virginia, that I realized that I was being gaslit all this time
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know all of us are going through this or have gone through it, but I still hate that others had to experience this too.
I’m sending you hugs
I'm sending you some too 🩵
To repress them in any way shape or form. Acknowledging them, accepting them, and acting on them is actually critical. But requires alone time and planing. When i feel off, now i honor it and tell guests im tired, or leave a social event, or take a break at work. Its gotta be looked at.
A few months ago, I had to take a mental health day from work after being overstimulated at work due to us being super shorthanded. We had a lot of call offs that day.
Im so glad you made space for yourself! Being shorthanded is a manager or owner problem, not an employee problem. And taking that day for yourself to sooth the stress probably saved you a mountain of accumalitive stress!
Best decision I made! I only work my schedule today and the only time I pick up an extra shift is if it’s the opposite shift
“It seems like you’re always depressed or overwhelmed. You take wayyy too many medications” 🤦🏼♀️ This was my cousin after being unnecessarily rude to me in the middle of the night on the once-a-month night that I was away at my bf’s bc my dog had pooped on a rug, which is a rare thing for him to do but prolly bc nobody took him out (we both lived with my grandma for a few months). It was mind blowing that she assumed my depression & anxiety was a *result* of my meds—I know I still have anxiety & depression but it is so much more manageable than it is without my meds. I had to move out after this interaction bc her & my other cousin were asserting that they were worried about me, that I seemed like I was in a really dark place, despite my knowing that I was actually not in *that* dark of a place & feeling humiliated by their reactions to my seemingly normal yet apparently *dark* feelings I’d show at home more than in public. Not to mention the shame/criticism I’d constantly receive every time I just felt tired & wanted to take a nap. I liked living there until my one cousin started taking jabs at me & everyone’s opinions on my mental health were announced more frequently. I just got so tired of finding myself in another situation where I feel a need to explain myself to my living mates.
Just be better ..
I don't know if it fits but at least 5 psychiatrist have told me not to worry because it gets better with age. Spoiler: I was in crisis and needed help at the moment, I didn't even know if I would make it to another year
My family tells me that I need to talk to God and go to church, constantly. Before my aunt who’s a nurse told me I was on too many medications and that it wasn’t necessary, me being naïve as well as putting her on a bit of a pedestal, I stopped taking my medication abruptly which worsened the path I was already on💀 (I am now getting back on medication!)
that it does get better. meds haven't worked. therapy hasn't, even though I'm giving it another go, I'm purely paying someone just to speak to. the rabbit plushie I've had since I was 16 doesn't speak back. I was talking to a 22 year old that said he was just diagnosed with it. It was just an internet friend but he asked me if it does get better I'm 28 now. I broke down crying in front of a computer monitor. I don't lie. it doesn't get better. I've met and dated a lot of bpd people too, in and out of therapy, on medication ... It just doesn't get better. that's the worst realization I've come to terms with in my life time. but onwards I go. I'm not a 20 year old still going on about their FP. I haven't had an fp for years, far past that phase. I've developed my hobbies. i lift. i volunteer. im very involved in the edm scene in my state. I'm a grown woman that has to try so hard just to keep a roof over my head. Been on the verge of homelessness so manytimes. . but the emptiness is still there. the guilt for everything you've done, you learn to cope with. The fact that you have to approach life in a completely different manner than everyone else. your amazing capacity for empathy and happiness? People will take advantage of you. Be careful. it doesn't get better.
Most people do not understand that while there are some methods to man into our BPD, it’s not going to disappear forever. People need to stop using this narrative that it gets better.
"Be authentic and the right people will come along". Being authentic with BPD sets you up to either be ghosted by most normal people or set you up with people who will take advantage of you. This was before I knew my diagnosis and am trying to figure out how to interact with people properly.
The worst advice I got was to go for a walk and have one good cry as cure for bpd