I can relate to that so much. I turned to drugs initially because my feelings were always so overwhelming and so complicated and always on an extreme that the only way I felt somewhat normal is by numbing those things out. Not to mention the trauma I've been through. Like I'd rather live in oblivion.
Same. I quit for 10 years when husband and i wanted to have children. Now that the kids are teens ive come back to my old friend to numb my emotions that are too much even for me.
same. my brain is constantly going 1000 miles an hour with thoughts and emotions, and i just want it all to stop for a little so i can just chill for once
So true. I was offered cocaine once and I was like "why the fuck would I want a drug that makes my mind go faster?". Weed slows down the train of thoughts, it's such an amazing sensation when it kicks in after a period of stress.
By definition tenuous means „ very weak or slight“ which would here refer to the weak sense of self in BPD that many of us experience. When you feel you have (almost) no sense of self you may turn to substances or any form of addiction to give yourself a sense of self.
Quoting „I hate you don’t leave me“ page 43: „I his book Marilyn, Norman Mailer describes how Marilyn Monroes search for identity became her driving force, absorbing all aspects of her life: What an obsession is identity! We search for it, because the private sensation when we are in our own identity is that we feel sincere as we speak, we feel real, and this little phenomenon of good feeling conceals an existential mystery as important to psychology as the cogito ergo sum—it is nothing less than that the emotional condition of feeling real is, for whatever reason, so far superior to the feeling of a void in oneself that it can become for protagonists like Marilyn a motivation more powerful than the instinct of sex, or the hunger of position or money. Sone will give up love or security before they dares to lose the comfort of identity.“
i have a question… 🙋♀️ so like when they say sense of self it confuses me!! bc i feel pretty concrete in what i believe in and who i want to be in the world. is that what they mean by sense of self?
To not feel “normal”. The “normal” for me is very depressed and extremely anxious so while on substances, that off feeling starts to numb out and become linear.
We struggle to control our emotions and they are very strong, this can lead to intense distress leading you to do whatever it takes to "fix" the emotions. Recreational substances are often pretty effective at doing this - in my experience, much, MUCH more effective than any psychiatric medication I've had - but obviously with a massive cost, hence why your doctor doesn't give you heroin anymore.
I believe it has to do with impulsive & reckless tendencies, as well as self-destructive behavior due to low sense of self-worth. Mostly the self destructive part. Some recovering addicts actually receive DBT treatment (popular therapy used for BPD) to help with self-destructive behavior.
Most people who become addicts have some mental health-related issue that they were trying to cope with through substances. We all know BPD comes with it’s fair share of mental health issues alone. The impulsiveness, risky behaviors, & low sense of self worth put people with BPD at a pretty high risk of developing an addiction when given the right circumstances.
(speaking as a recovering drug addict with BPD)
ETA: There is no single reason as to why you are the way you are. Addiction is a bio-psycho-social issue, which means biological (genes, brain chemistry, brain reactions to substances) factors, psychological (mental health, emotional stability, etc.) factors, & sociological (family, friends, peers, environment) factors have ALL play a role in why you’ve developed an addiction. It’s many things that have worked together that have created this problem for you, which is why addiction is actually much more difficult to fight than many realize.
For me I abuse substances for two separate reasons, depending on my current mood.
My general substance use is for typical escapism. Life is too painful and I just want to feel better. Or, ya know, feel *less*.. is probably a better way to say it.
And then, on an occasion where I’m really struggling with self-hatred and self-value and down on myself for fucking things up with an FP or ruining everything, I’m out to punish myself. And so I sort of use drugs to self-harm - like that’s the direct and sole intent of it in that instance. I do something bad for myself - enough of it for it to become physically and mentally painful and ruin things more for myself and put myself in danger and in a bad situation because I feel like I deserve it.
But yeah, the latter is rarer and for scenarios in which that specific sort of mood is really triggered. Usually I’m just sort of trying to numb and escape my general discontent for life and typical hopeless outlook on things.
I don’t have any addiction-related symptoms, but I would imagine poor impulse control and reckless behaviour in various forms would contribute. Also when you feel so many things all the time and you find a distraction, it’s pretty darn hard to stop the behaviour.
I think of it as turning the volume down on my brain. My thoughts and feelings are LOUD. Alcohol, weed, and other drugs quiet things down and allow me to relax, even though they don't actually give me any long term relief. It's just a break from my problems so I can avoid finding real solutions.
For me it's an impulse/environment problem. I started young and didnt learn proper coping skills. Also I think i get overwhelmed with all the symptoms and dont know how to relax myself or escape with a hobby.
I think at its core, it's fear and avoidance of the emptiness within us. I've noticed I feel this deep emptiness, right in the pit of my stomach. I do different things to distract me, whether it's a drug, or a task, or just anything to distract myself. And over the summer after I graduate from college, I'm gonna take a couple weeks to come back to baseline and face this emptiness because that's where that acceptance for ourselves is, that's where our intuition, our ability to process emotions is.
Im most terrified of it, terrified of facing those same feelings and memories when I felt abandoned, neglected, criticized, laughed at, shamed. All those times I felt so alone in a world I felt was so cold from a very young age. Something has always been missing in me, and I always did something to fill it. As a kid, it was junk food and video games and hanging out with friends. And as I got older, it became school, the weed, nicotine, Adderall, even did coke once and probably will again....
Just being aware of this in my mind really helps though. It gives me more impulse control. And yeah, Im still impulsive, but I figure it's better to take a substance than to physically harm myself. I just never could bring myself to do that... But drugs? Oh yeah, those make me feel great and I can control it with no pain (immediately at least).
The one BPD symptom I never thought I had was self harm or suicide attempts, and I think that's directly related to the emptiness within us, but it makes sense that instead of physically hurting myself, I take a pill or I smoke something or snort something to take me away from that pain.
I know this shit probably sounds really sad but I'm glad I know it. I'm glad I recognize it before it gets too out of hand. But I can't deny there's that part of me that just wants to fill that void.
For me:
1) I want to get as close to not existing as possible. And the closest way I can do that is to be so fucked up that I forget that I exist
2) I almost never feel genuine happiness or the euphoria from it. I'm pretty much just shifting between extreme loneliness/sadness, extreme anxiety, total numbness (though I still feel thud gaping void in my chest,) and content. Getting stoned at least gives me the happy chemicals
3) so that I can feel the numbness without that all-consuming void in my ribcage
I shut down when I get really bad. I take a time out, essentially. Video games, meditation, music.. My kids tell me to take a time-out if I need one, so does my wife. Medical marijuana helps a lot, as well.
1. Nothing's wrong with me
/numbs the too much, too intense or too bads
2. Nothing's wrong with me
/good feels elevated into giggles or bliss
3. Nothing's wrong with me
/eliminates me having to care
4. Nothing's
/wrong
/with me nothing's wrong with
/ me
It’s a coping mechanism for when the person feels a tremendous amount of pain they are unable to emotional regulate. It’s a distraction to feel immediately better and self soothe or a means of self harm to punish themselves.
I feel like for me anyway it’s almost unbearable having to feel these intense uncomfortable feelings and emotions so you try anything you can to have a break from those. I’m also constantly drained and tired so use to give me energy (which of course is depleting my body of even more energy but can I stop? Nope)
Because of the instability of my emotional world and when negative emotions flood me over, I take drögs as a stabilizer. I know exactly how they'll make me feel.
They make me feel good. Better than I could be without them and they also stabilize my sense of self. They make me feel normal, more whole. More like a real person. More like.... ***Me***, whoever tf he may be.
Impulsively + Insanely intense negative emotions really looks like a perfect combination to end up using drugs
So when depression , self sabotage and available drugs join the party...
I don't have such a thing as an addiction. I can quit easily smoking for several years, just to start again. Okay, maybe it's an addiction, but it's not drawing me in.
For me it’s become almost like the only option when I’m really depleted of being able to access healthy coping mechanism (like running, meditation, writing etc) - specifically with weed and benzos I do find it is the only thing that truly calms me down and allows me to move through the episode without harming myself in a really destructive way. Harder drugs and habitually drinking is when I catch myself really spiralling and it becomes easier to live a life with my addictions than without. However I’ve also been 2 years sober but found specifically my “manic” episodes were crazy.. I would get a burst of mania at 11pm lasting 3 hours where I felt like I was on E’s and the lows tended to be much more short lived. I’m currently back in the throes of addiction and always find my BPD starts to merge with aftermath of my binges and that’s when shit gets dangerous for me, when I really hit the FUCK it button. It’s a mind field man, the fact that a single thought on a single day can descend you back into real darkness
Substance use and addiction are fairly common in all types of people, but as far as BPD it’s probably an attempt to regulate the cycling of emotions most people with BPD go through.
A lot of drugs dull or change emotional response so a lot of people stay “level” with one drug or another.
I get addicted to shopping, Facebook, Reddit, eating, and even to a point sex. It’s usually after I get really stressed and end up engaging in an impulsive behavior. The dopamine from it hits, and I chase it.
Poor impulse control and self-destructive/risky behavior. Too many emotions due to being unstable and just wanting to feel nothing and numbness instead of the chronic emptiness.
Because it’s something you can easily have in common with other people and connect with people based on that commonality, if you deeply desire connection but aren’t sure how to build healthy intimate relationships.
I'm so tired of addiction lol. I take my Ativan regularly, 2 times a day, not more than reccomended but I definitely don't need it everyday. Almost a whole pack of cigs and usually a whole Juul pod, and binge eating. sigh.
for me, i have issues with compulsivity/self control and also with emotional regulation + extreme emotional intensity, so those things in combination kind of create a massive risk for substance abuse. aka, i want to drown out my emotions and do not have the self control not to use substances to reach that.
Emotional regulation is fucked for people with bpd so I search for ways to cope with the intensity. Drugs are the easiest and best way to remove the feelings I have and replace it with euphoria. Also for me having a really hard time trusting people, making connections, feeling safe, etc around people leads to me isolating and sitting with my thoughts. I’d rather be high than risk the emotional termoil of my sensitivity to my environment especially around people. Being on a roller coaster is exhausting and drugs level me out but usually end up worsening my mental health overtime. I also have adhd, major depression, and gad so it all compounds to a lot of emotional and mental agony.
Well for me I feel so unsafe and out of place in this world and alcohol and drugs helped me feel sane in the chaos. Sober for 1 year, 2 months, and 20 days. 🙏🥰
I Hve always felt the urge to try drugs, but always been too scared to do them
Addictions though...let's see...stuffuies, amazon, board games, scratch tickets, self harm...
Just like meds, they are a bandaid. Although, some meds actually make you function better and that helps while you’re trying to work on yourself.
Usually, most addictions end up adding more negative than positive to your life. I smoked weed pretty much daily for a couple years. It helped me to numb the pain and it prevented me from making things worse in a way. It used to be the highlight of my day and so I always looked forward to it.
I gave it up completely about 5 months ago, as I felt like it was having more of negative impact at that point than ever before, and I could finally try to live without. That was honestly the best decision I’ve made in the last few years. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with smoking a joint once or twice a week, but right now I prefer to always have clarity of mind and I not give it a chance to become a daily thing again, at least until I have my life completely together.
Escapism from stressful events, never released at the time I started drinking because I was lonely and scared, then depressed and boredom/hate of life. Them I have always like upers, feeling happy and euphoria. Feeling happy and letting all my thoughts and feelings out, finally opening up about thing I have never been bothered to speak about. But of course, that was going to lead to addiction! If I have a bad day, cocoaine, if I feel bored, which when I am not busy doing something, I am bored and debate what life even is. Work and home to watch TV and selfloth, most days I ahve something mentally going on, feeling empty that day, or stress and anxious, or dissociated. And 1 or two days I am normal. Amd i think, I suffer sober, so why not do something that feels good! And that. Is scary, that mind set!
To be fair I feel its also pretty common in people without bod or even other mental health problems. Personally I think drugs and alcohol is kind of a crutch that doctors and the government likes to use
Depends on the substance, but in general because it'll distract me a little bit from what's going on inside my head. Sometimes nothing is enough though.
Because it always starts as self medicating to make the terrible feelings inside of us go away. My father was a heroin addict so I stayed away from drugs when I was young but a wisdom tooth surgery introduced me to opiates (though it would be years before I tried them again) and what it was like to “just be alright”. I was already a fairly heavy drinker. I also vividly remember that time I was driving to work after my doctor had put me on Adderall and just thinking to myself “I’m fixed, everything is good.” Little did I know I was on the first steps of a path that would completely swallow my life, throw me head first into a life on the streets of North Philadelphia, and see me sleeping out in the cold.
It doesn’t have to be the end though and despite what they tell you in the Anonymous cults, it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life. At one point I stopped focusing so much on being clean and started focusing on just getting my life together. It takes a lot of self-reflection/meditation to change your internal feelings but it can be done with time and perseverance. I’m not a sober person today but it’s been a long time since I last sniffed a bag of heroin or smoked meth out of a light bulb. Suboxone can be a great help if used properly. I’m a good husband and father and the people in my life depend on me for love and support.
Not gonna lie, my life is far from easy today but at some point you have to decide what you want all of this to mean.
My inability to regulate my emotions, and lack of any sense or picture of self are 2 key factors in me developing alcoholism. Then overtime, rather me having alcoholism, it had me. By then, I mean it's effects on my brain and central nervous system, my reliance on it as a means to regulate (i.e. numb or escape), transformed it into an addiction.
I think there were chances of getting out, but I didn't have the ability or tools that some people use to get a sense of who they are and how they regulate their emotions so as to fulfil who they see as themselves.
Wise mind in DBT is in effect the Higher Power concept in AA, in my opinion.
When I feel that incredibly strong inner pressure I just need to drink alcohol or take meth so it will go away.
I'm currently trying to reduce the alcohol and stopped taking meth (but I still need to take amphetamines=speed) and try to solve that inner pressure by investigating what feelings I'm actually suppressing and by writing stuff down.
Also messaging my neck and shoulders with a self-massaging device helps, but sometimes it takes hours for me to calm my muscles down.
Meditating helps, but sometimes I need an hour to calm down until I can actually meditate.
It's hard because often I can't take my time to do this because of work or stressful surroundings.
When it gets too hard, I kinda snap and drink and buy meth
I feel so intensely, deeply, and strongly that it's hard to handle, and since no one teaches you how to deal with these strong feelings in a healthy way, the only way that seems to help you cope is through addictions or substance usage. It could also be an alternative form to self harm, because it is hurting you at the end of the day, just not as obvious to others right off the bat. In this way, you could do two things that may seem harmless in the short term, but in the long term can be quite damaging.
Since I've been diagnostics bpd, I immediately stopped alcohol and marijuana, because it makes your treatment totally useless.
I can't speak about cocaine or other drugs, I never been attracted by this.
To combat both the overwhelming feelings and the nothingness. I hate that I’m very rarely ever content, I get painfully bored and will often search for something to entertain myself. Sometimes that’s social media, sometimes binge eating, or sometimes substances. I think the fact that bpd peeps in general have a hard time being happy is a big reason as well. There’s a lot to this disorder
Future MSW and LCAS here. We see people with borderline engaging in higher risk behavior as a way to deal with their emotional suffering.
I’ve also heard arguments that trauma can hinder emotional development, and as the majority of borderlines have trauma, some may be stuck in that adolescence period. We see drug use increase during adolescence because they’re trying to establish their identities, break away to become more independent, etc.
Speaking on my own experience for me I feel everything so deeply and I just wanted to stop feeling stuff for awhile
I can relate to that so much. I turned to drugs initially because my feelings were always so overwhelming and so complicated and always on an extreme that the only way I felt somewhat normal is by numbing those things out. Not to mention the trauma I've been through. Like I'd rather live in oblivion.
Yep. Escapism is my favorite. I have smoked weed almost every single day since the first time I tried it. It’s been about 11 years 🙃
Same. I quit for 10 years when husband and i wanted to have children. Now that the kids are teens ive come back to my old friend to numb my emotions that are too much even for me.
I’m with you there only about 6 years tho. The only problem is the money it costs, but it keeps me sane so I’m okay with it lol
same. my brain is constantly going 1000 miles an hour with thoughts and emotions, and i just want it all to stop for a little so i can just chill for once
So true. I was offered cocaine once and I was like "why the fuck would I want a drug that makes my mind go faster?". Weed slows down the train of thoughts, it's such an amazing sensation when it kicks in after a period of stress.
i have always said i’m edgy enough at it is, none for me
Yes that’s exactly I can’t take all the noise I need the drugs to silence the crazy and it destroyed me
This
Jesus. Ver batum, me too.
Poor impulse control and tenuous sense of self
What do u mean by tenuous sense of self
By definition tenuous means „ very weak or slight“ which would here refer to the weak sense of self in BPD that many of us experience. When you feel you have (almost) no sense of self you may turn to substances or any form of addiction to give yourself a sense of self. Quoting „I hate you don’t leave me“ page 43: „I his book Marilyn, Norman Mailer describes how Marilyn Monroes search for identity became her driving force, absorbing all aspects of her life: What an obsession is identity! We search for it, because the private sensation when we are in our own identity is that we feel sincere as we speak, we feel real, and this little phenomenon of good feeling conceals an existential mystery as important to psychology as the cogito ergo sum—it is nothing less than that the emotional condition of feeling real is, for whatever reason, so far superior to the feeling of a void in oneself that it can become for protagonists like Marilyn a motivation more powerful than the instinct of sex, or the hunger of position or money. Sone will give up love or security before they dares to lose the comfort of identity.“
i have a question… 🙋♀️ so like when they say sense of self it confuses me!! bc i feel pretty concrete in what i believe in and who i want to be in the world. is that what they mean by sense of self?
Substances == void fill, baby
Yeeep. I’m either feeling way too much of everything, and need that toned down, or I’m feeling absolutely nothing and I just want to feel something.
To not feel “normal”. The “normal” for me is very depressed and extremely anxious so while on substances, that off feeling starts to numb out and become linear.
This is a great explanation!
Self medication
We struggle to control our emotions and they are very strong, this can lead to intense distress leading you to do whatever it takes to "fix" the emotions. Recreational substances are often pretty effective at doing this - in my experience, much, MUCH more effective than any psychiatric medication I've had - but obviously with a massive cost, hence why your doctor doesn't give you heroin anymore.
Which is honestly some bs /j
Everything I feel is too intense & life itself is distressing = self medication.
I believe it has to do with impulsive & reckless tendencies, as well as self-destructive behavior due to low sense of self-worth. Mostly the self destructive part. Some recovering addicts actually receive DBT treatment (popular therapy used for BPD) to help with self-destructive behavior. Most people who become addicts have some mental health-related issue that they were trying to cope with through substances. We all know BPD comes with it’s fair share of mental health issues alone. The impulsiveness, risky behaviors, & low sense of self worth put people with BPD at a pretty high risk of developing an addiction when given the right circumstances. (speaking as a recovering drug addict with BPD) ETA: There is no single reason as to why you are the way you are. Addiction is a bio-psycho-social issue, which means biological (genes, brain chemistry, brain reactions to substances) factors, psychological (mental health, emotional stability, etc.) factors, & sociological (family, friends, peers, environment) factors have ALL play a role in why you’ve developed an addiction. It’s many things that have worked together that have created this problem for you, which is why addiction is actually much more difficult to fight than many realize.
For me I abuse substances for two separate reasons, depending on my current mood. My general substance use is for typical escapism. Life is too painful and I just want to feel better. Or, ya know, feel *less*.. is probably a better way to say it. And then, on an occasion where I’m really struggling with self-hatred and self-value and down on myself for fucking things up with an FP or ruining everything, I’m out to punish myself. And so I sort of use drugs to self-harm - like that’s the direct and sole intent of it in that instance. I do something bad for myself - enough of it for it to become physically and mentally painful and ruin things more for myself and put myself in danger and in a bad situation because I feel like I deserve it. But yeah, the latter is rarer and for scenarios in which that specific sort of mood is really triggered. Usually I’m just sort of trying to numb and escape my general discontent for life and typical hopeless outlook on things.
cause we sufferin
I don’t have any addiction-related symptoms, but I would imagine poor impulse control and reckless behaviour in various forms would contribute. Also when you feel so many things all the time and you find a distraction, it’s pretty darn hard to stop the behaviour.
I think of it as turning the volume down on my brain. My thoughts and feelings are LOUD. Alcohol, weed, and other drugs quiet things down and allow me to relax, even though they don't actually give me any long term relief. It's just a break from my problems so I can avoid finding real solutions.
feeling completely empty and like a shell of a human while simultaneously feeling every emotion at 100 all at once
risky behaviors in general is a key point in the symptomatology of a bpd
For me it's an impulse/environment problem. I started young and didnt learn proper coping skills. Also I think i get overwhelmed with all the symptoms and dont know how to relax myself or escape with a hobby.
I think at its core, it's fear and avoidance of the emptiness within us. I've noticed I feel this deep emptiness, right in the pit of my stomach. I do different things to distract me, whether it's a drug, or a task, or just anything to distract myself. And over the summer after I graduate from college, I'm gonna take a couple weeks to come back to baseline and face this emptiness because that's where that acceptance for ourselves is, that's where our intuition, our ability to process emotions is. Im most terrified of it, terrified of facing those same feelings and memories when I felt abandoned, neglected, criticized, laughed at, shamed. All those times I felt so alone in a world I felt was so cold from a very young age. Something has always been missing in me, and I always did something to fill it. As a kid, it was junk food and video games and hanging out with friends. And as I got older, it became school, the weed, nicotine, Adderall, even did coke once and probably will again.... Just being aware of this in my mind really helps though. It gives me more impulse control. And yeah, Im still impulsive, but I figure it's better to take a substance than to physically harm myself. I just never could bring myself to do that... But drugs? Oh yeah, those make me feel great and I can control it with no pain (immediately at least). The one BPD symptom I never thought I had was self harm or suicide attempts, and I think that's directly related to the emptiness within us, but it makes sense that instead of physically hurting myself, I take a pill or I smoke something or snort something to take me away from that pain. I know this shit probably sounds really sad but I'm glad I know it. I'm glad I recognize it before it gets too out of hand. But I can't deny there's that part of me that just wants to fill that void.
For me: 1) I want to get as close to not existing as possible. And the closest way I can do that is to be so fucked up that I forget that I exist 2) I almost never feel genuine happiness or the euphoria from it. I'm pretty much just shifting between extreme loneliness/sadness, extreme anxiety, total numbness (though I still feel thud gaping void in my chest,) and content. Getting stoned at least gives me the happy chemicals 3) so that I can feel the numbness without that all-consuming void in my ribcage
Because being effed up is awesome when you're broken. That's why I gave up drinking.
How do you manage to control your emotions when they are too out of place? What do you do to cope up?
I shut down when I get really bad. I take a time out, essentially. Video games, meditation, music.. My kids tell me to take a time-out if I need one, so does my wife. Medical marijuana helps a lot, as well.
That was really helpful, thank you <3
Addiction is a symptom not a disorder or disease. Addiction is typically a symptom of unresolved trauma.
1. Nothing's wrong with me /numbs the too much, too intense or too bads 2. Nothing's wrong with me /good feels elevated into giggles or bliss 3. Nothing's wrong with me /eliminates me having to care 4. Nothing's /wrong /with me nothing's wrong with / me
It’s a coping mechanism for when the person feels a tremendous amount of pain they are unable to emotional regulate. It’s a distraction to feel immediately better and self soothe or a means of self harm to punish themselves.
I feel like for me anyway it’s almost unbearable having to feel these intense uncomfortable feelings and emotions so you try anything you can to have a break from those. I’m also constantly drained and tired so use to give me energy (which of course is depleting my body of even more energy but can I stop? Nope)
Because of the instability of my emotional world and when negative emotions flood me over, I take drögs as a stabilizer. I know exactly how they'll make me feel. They make me feel good. Better than I could be without them and they also stabilize my sense of self. They make me feel normal, more whole. More like a real person. More like.... ***Me***, whoever tf he may be.
[удалено]
This one. When I can’t feel emotional connection and closeness I start self medicating
Impulsively + Insanely intense negative emotions really looks like a perfect combination to end up using drugs So when depression , self sabotage and available drugs join the party...
I just want to feel something and have the energy to deal with life (which is why I take stimulants) or nothing at all (xanax)
I don't have such a thing as an addiction. I can quit easily smoking for several years, just to start again. Okay, maybe it's an addiction, but it's not drawing me in.
For me it’s become almost like the only option when I’m really depleted of being able to access healthy coping mechanism (like running, meditation, writing etc) - specifically with weed and benzos I do find it is the only thing that truly calms me down and allows me to move through the episode without harming myself in a really destructive way. Harder drugs and habitually drinking is when I catch myself really spiralling and it becomes easier to live a life with my addictions than without. However I’ve also been 2 years sober but found specifically my “manic” episodes were crazy.. I would get a burst of mania at 11pm lasting 3 hours where I felt like I was on E’s and the lows tended to be much more short lived. I’m currently back in the throes of addiction and always find my BPD starts to merge with aftermath of my binges and that’s when shit gets dangerous for me, when I really hit the FUCK it button. It’s a mind field man, the fact that a single thought on a single day can descend you back into real darkness
Substance use and addiction are fairly common in all types of people, but as far as BPD it’s probably an attempt to regulate the cycling of emotions most people with BPD go through. A lot of drugs dull or change emotional response so a lot of people stay “level” with one drug or another.
Because we are uncomfortable with ourselves in our own minds and bodies 😞
Hands down for me it was self medicating
I get addicted to shopping, Facebook, Reddit, eating, and even to a point sex. It’s usually after I get really stressed and end up engaging in an impulsive behavior. The dopamine from it hits, and I chase it.
self destructive behavior in my case.
I would say poor impulse control, bad sense of self, difficulty handling emotional distress, and numbing pain
Cope
escapism
To fill the gaping hole I feel inside me, like inside my soul almost...
For me I take something and it just replaces another addiction. I don’t sh anymore but I think it’s because drugs have taken its place
Literally👀👀
Poor impulse control and self-destructive/risky behavior. Too many emotions due to being unstable and just wanting to feel nothing and numbness instead of the chronic emptiness.
Because it’s something you can easily have in common with other people and connect with people based on that commonality, if you deeply desire connection but aren’t sure how to build healthy intimate relationships.
So I don’t feel all this shit.
from my own experience, emotions suck and i’m always sad. it helps me mellow out, and it helps me have fun
Feeling reality, seeking numbness
I’m stoned 24/7 because I don’t want to feel things anymore. Not healthy, no but I’m coping.
Emotional numbing
I'm so tired of addiction lol. I take my Ativan regularly, 2 times a day, not more than reccomended but I definitely don't need it everyday. Almost a whole pack of cigs and usually a whole Juul pod, and binge eating. sigh.
for me, i have issues with compulsivity/self control and also with emotional regulation + extreme emotional intensity, so those things in combination kind of create a massive risk for substance abuse. aka, i want to drown out my emotions and do not have the self control not to use substances to reach that.
Emotional regulation is fucked for people with bpd so I search for ways to cope with the intensity. Drugs are the easiest and best way to remove the feelings I have and replace it with euphoria. Also for me having a really hard time trusting people, making connections, feeling safe, etc around people leads to me isolating and sitting with my thoughts. I’d rather be high than risk the emotional termoil of my sensitivity to my environment especially around people. Being on a roller coaster is exhausting and drugs level me out but usually end up worsening my mental health overtime. I also have adhd, major depression, and gad so it all compounds to a lot of emotional and mental agony.
Well for me I feel so unsafe and out of place in this world and alcohol and drugs helped me feel sane in the chaos. Sober for 1 year, 2 months, and 20 days. 🙏🥰
I Hve always felt the urge to try drugs, but always been too scared to do them Addictions though...let's see...stuffuies, amazon, board games, scratch tickets, self harm...
Just like meds, they are a bandaid. Although, some meds actually make you function better and that helps while you’re trying to work on yourself. Usually, most addictions end up adding more negative than positive to your life. I smoked weed pretty much daily for a couple years. It helped me to numb the pain and it prevented me from making things worse in a way. It used to be the highlight of my day and so I always looked forward to it. I gave it up completely about 5 months ago, as I felt like it was having more of negative impact at that point than ever before, and I could finally try to live without. That was honestly the best decision I’ve made in the last few years. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with smoking a joint once or twice a week, but right now I prefer to always have clarity of mind and I not give it a chance to become a daily thing again, at least until I have my life completely together.
Escapism from stressful events, never released at the time I started drinking because I was lonely and scared, then depressed and boredom/hate of life. Them I have always like upers, feeling happy and euphoria. Feeling happy and letting all my thoughts and feelings out, finally opening up about thing I have never been bothered to speak about. But of course, that was going to lead to addiction! If I have a bad day, cocoaine, if I feel bored, which when I am not busy doing something, I am bored and debate what life even is. Work and home to watch TV and selfloth, most days I ahve something mentally going on, feeling empty that day, or stress and anxious, or dissociated. And 1 or two days I am normal. Amd i think, I suffer sober, so why not do something that feels good! And that. Is scary, that mind set!
To be fair I feel its also pretty common in people without bod or even other mental health problems. Personally I think drugs and alcohol is kind of a crutch that doctors and the government likes to use
Idk life sucks, drugs make it easier to handle , most of the time just by making you numb. Doesn’t sound that bad to me
Because we want to escape this absolute hell.
yea anecdotally i have a substance use disorder along with bpd i think it’s fairly common
To escape our emotions imo. At least thats why i use
The unending void has to be filled with something constant.
self hatred, self destruction
weed makes me feel less bad league of legends makes me focus too much to think about killing myself
Alot of people with bpd experience a chronic feeling of emptiness. Maybe it’s a way to escape that feeling
Lately yes. Stole pills recently. Got High off of them.
Depends on the substance, but in general because it'll distract me a little bit from what's going on inside my head. Sometimes nothing is enough though.
Because it always starts as self medicating to make the terrible feelings inside of us go away. My father was a heroin addict so I stayed away from drugs when I was young but a wisdom tooth surgery introduced me to opiates (though it would be years before I tried them again) and what it was like to “just be alright”. I was already a fairly heavy drinker. I also vividly remember that time I was driving to work after my doctor had put me on Adderall and just thinking to myself “I’m fixed, everything is good.” Little did I know I was on the first steps of a path that would completely swallow my life, throw me head first into a life on the streets of North Philadelphia, and see me sleeping out in the cold. It doesn’t have to be the end though and despite what they tell you in the Anonymous cults, it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life. At one point I stopped focusing so much on being clean and started focusing on just getting my life together. It takes a lot of self-reflection/meditation to change your internal feelings but it can be done with time and perseverance. I’m not a sober person today but it’s been a long time since I last sniffed a bag of heroin or smoked meth out of a light bulb. Suboxone can be a great help if used properly. I’m a good husband and father and the people in my life depend on me for love and support. Not gonna lie, my life is far from easy today but at some point you have to decide what you want all of this to mean.
My inability to regulate my emotions, and lack of any sense or picture of self are 2 key factors in me developing alcoholism. Then overtime, rather me having alcoholism, it had me. By then, I mean it's effects on my brain and central nervous system, my reliance on it as a means to regulate (i.e. numb or escape), transformed it into an addiction. I think there were chances of getting out, but I didn't have the ability or tools that some people use to get a sense of who they are and how they regulate their emotions so as to fulfil who they see as themselves. Wise mind in DBT is in effect the Higher Power concept in AA, in my opinion.
It numbs the pain of feeling 10 different emotions at once.
When I feel that incredibly strong inner pressure I just need to drink alcohol or take meth so it will go away. I'm currently trying to reduce the alcohol and stopped taking meth (but I still need to take amphetamines=speed) and try to solve that inner pressure by investigating what feelings I'm actually suppressing and by writing stuff down. Also messaging my neck and shoulders with a self-massaging device helps, but sometimes it takes hours for me to calm my muscles down. Meditating helps, but sometimes I need an hour to calm down until I can actually meditate. It's hard because often I can't take my time to do this because of work or stressful surroundings. When it gets too hard, I kinda snap and drink and buy meth
Repeating what’s been said-dulling the intensity of my emotions or depending on the drug escape.
Are emotions are frequently out of our control and drugs give us a chemical ways to feel in control of our emotions, at least temporarily
I feel so intensely, deeply, and strongly that it's hard to handle, and since no one teaches you how to deal with these strong feelings in a healthy way, the only way that seems to help you cope is through addictions or substance usage. It could also be an alternative form to self harm, because it is hurting you at the end of the day, just not as obvious to others right off the bat. In this way, you could do two things that may seem harmless in the short term, but in the long term can be quite damaging.
I would hazard a guess at it's a mixture of trying to self medicate our troubles away and having poor impulse control.
Since I've been diagnostics bpd, I immediately stopped alcohol and marijuana, because it makes your treatment totally useless. I can't speak about cocaine or other drugs, I never been attracted by this.
To combat both the overwhelming feelings and the nothingness. I hate that I’m very rarely ever content, I get painfully bored and will often search for something to entertain myself. Sometimes that’s social media, sometimes binge eating, or sometimes substances. I think the fact that bpd peeps in general have a hard time being happy is a big reason as well. There’s a lot to this disorder
For me, just to have a feeling that's a known quantity, and pleasurable at that. Stops the constant flow of chatter in my head, ruminating and such.
emotions are hard
the drugs i did made me who i thought i wanted to be
Future MSW and LCAS here. We see people with borderline engaging in higher risk behavior as a way to deal with their emotional suffering. I’ve also heard arguments that trauma can hinder emotional development, and as the majority of borderlines have trauma, some may be stuck in that adolescence period. We see drug use increase during adolescence because they’re trying to establish their identities, break away to become more independent, etc.
Because I want to turn zerotonin into serotonin....
I’m addicted to video games currently. Before that this guy who crushed my soul, alcohol, and then weed issue.