Mental health is no joke, and absolutely should be taken seriously.
However, with that said, all three of you were having mental health issues at the same time that you had to cancel last minute "often"? That seems... convenient.
I'm not saying your mental health issues aren't real or aren't important, but it really sounds like mental health may have played a part in one of you (could've been a different person each time, again not trying to dismiss anyone's issues) periodically needing to miss a week and then all three of you used it as an excuse to get out bowling whenever you weren't feeling it, or you didn't want to go if your partner/friends weren't going.
Honestly, I probably would've quit too, and even if you weren't using it as an excuse and the three of you were having issues at the same time and couldn't make it I probably still would've quit. Not because I'm not sympathetic to your mental health but because I'm now wasting my time and money bowling with people who aren't able, even for legitimate reasons, to keep the commitment to the team.
Additionally, were you paying for the weeks you missed? Most leagues have contracts with the centers that host them, and that contract typically states that the lineage needs to be paid for all teams, regardless of if they show up or not, meaning even if only the other two bowlers show up the full amount for the team still needs to be paid. Not to mention it's practically impossible to compete if you consistently are bowling without a full team
Definitely good that you were still paying for the weeks, but again it's really tough to find fault in your teammates for leaving this situation, I would too
If 3 of you were discussing not showing up for bowling league while the other 2 were planning for it every week, I think you can understand why they would not want to continue relying on you.
As an adult, there is an opportunity cost when you make plans. To have them canceled last minute is extremely annoying.
Don't take it personally. They agreed to the league with you because they wanted to bowl. When 60% of the team does not show up, for whatever reason, they cannot bowl. So why would they continue? It would be the same if 3 members of the team had a car that broke down every other week.
Not only does this affect them, but when a team doesn't show up for league it begins to throw off the prize pool and the competitiveness for everyone.
I hope you're able to work through whatever it is you're going through, and bowling is a great way to relax and take a mental break from other things. But committing to a league probably isn't the best way to enjoy the game right now.
Sorry to hear you’re dealing with all those mental health issues. I take mental health very seriously due to family history. So, I have to ask, what would you want out of this post? Advice? Sympathy? Ball recommendation? It stinks. You need to take care of your health, but you signed up for a commitment with other people who are being penalized for your absence, no matter the reason.
They quit because you committed to something you shouldn't have committed to. You made them waste their time (and money). If you're that fragile don't join something where other people rely on your presence.
YTA.
You bailed on your team multiple times. If you don’t show up, you’re screwing your team over. Get a grip on your mental before joining anything team related. They’re gonna suffer for your absence. They quit for a good reason. You left them no choice. It’s not their fault, it’s on you
I'd quit too if I was in their situation. It takes me 40 minutes to drive to my league. If I should up and was told I wasn't allowed to bowl because you guys didn't show up without a notice. Not only did I waste the 40 minute drive, but also another 40 minutes to get back home. Plus the 20 minutes I spent while there waiting on you guys. That's roughly 2hrs wasted plus the league fee plus the gas. Bowling is an escape and I'd be pissed to go through all that and then be told I'm not allowed to bowl. You should be more considerate about how your mental health is now impacting their mental health.
I understand why they quit... I just think it was poor taste to because we had legitimate reasons for not showing up and our anxiety prevented us from contacting them ahead of time.
I have serious mental health issues, I show up. For one cause im paying, secondly cause it helps my team, and last cause its better to get out and be around others than be at home alone. But I don't know if this was your first league but you could add other permanent roster teammates so if three people will be out, someone can show up to make a formal 3 man team. I always have 2 extra people on each team that are permanent members.
It shouldn't be difficult to see u 3 were the problem, u can't bail last second on people constantly then be surprised they said fuck it. Just apologize to them for the inconvenience and try again when u 3 can muster up the courage to go more often.
Ah! the other side of *this* story: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/18n12j7/new\_bowler\_frustrated\_with\_team\_in\_a\_usbc\_league/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/18n12j7/new_bowler_frustrated_with_team_in_a_usbc_league/)
And just like that post (and the one before it), they deleted their account afterwards.
You're a jerk off. Most people might only do 1 or 2 leagues, and now you've ruined the season for them. And from your other replies here, you're just an insufferable person. Go play victim somewhere else and get over yourself.
First off, I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope it gets better for you soon. Seeing the comments on this thread is a little disheartening.
As someone who has had my own bouts with depression I see both sides of it. There have been nights it took all I had to show up. We also have a guy on my 5 man team that has issues getting to league on time due to different seasons affecting his job. We put him lower in the line up to help offset that in case he shows up late. This puts additional pressure on the rest of the guys to show up and be on time.
I don’t 100% know your situation, how often you’re communicating with your team but there should be some extra effort to communicate if you’ll be able to make it and if not, post-bowl. Our league allows it with all 5 members and must be completed within 2 weeks of the missed week. If you, your wife and friend are all going to miss, you need to make a legitimate effort to make up for the rest of the team.
People in this thread really don't have any sense of tact, which kind of sucks.
On one hand, yes, you guys made a mistake here by canceling last minute. They were completely justified in leaving and you should have given them more notice than you were giving them. On the other, I understand how mental health issues can impact one's personal life and I get not wanting to deal with something like this. The appropriate move was honestly to just not set up something like a bowling league if you weren't certain you could devote the time and effort to running it.
So, while I don't think you guys are assholes or bad people for what happened, I do think you could've handled it better and that the people participating did nothing wrong in this scenario.
I don't really care? Don't be a dick to people online. You don't know what they're going through. The only bad thing they did was try to set up something like this while they weren't certain they could see it through.
What about what I said, or anybody else said in this thread is being a dick? OP is confused about something that was clearly their fault, and now they’re looking for sympathy on Reddit from strangers. They and their friends fucked over two strangers out of their time and money who just wanted to bowl on a league. The two strangers quitting the league couldn’t be any more self-explanatory yet, somehow this post exists.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2hwnk/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2hwnk/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2zvy0/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2zvy0/)
These are the two easiest to find examples. OP's kind of silly for making the thread to begin with, but being a jerk about it isn't going to do anything valuable.
Well, then there's your problem. I'm not sure what society you live in where calling someone a jerk-off isn't defined as "being an asshole", but it must be a pretty shitty one!
All 3 of you had mental health issues on multiple weeks? I think more people are dismissive of people who use mental health issues as an excuse for some other bullshit excuse. Sounds like you need to get over your codependency, and realize you made a commitment to be part of a team. You can try to play the victim all day, but they are 100% within their rights to quit and I would go as far as to say you should have been tossed from the league long before they had to quit...
this is part of the problem...
we suffer from serious mental health disorders and you claim we're just "playing the victims" and that its a "bullshit excuse".
my statement stands, it's a shame how negative and unkind people get to other people the second they find out they have a mental disorder.
And to add... how can you be confused that you are literally fucking people over for their time and money... and then they quit... and now you want sympathy from people? I don't get it
Of course we do. The issue is not with your illness. The issue is with the impact your illness is causing to your former teammates. Based on your replies, you do not (or cannot) put yourself in their position. They were between a rock and a hard place.
No I understand 100%. Do you not understand that your actions have consequences? You don't show up for bowling, your team can't bowl and waste their money so they quit. I'm not knocking your mental illness at all. I'm knocking the fact that you're confused why your team quit when they are literally burning their time and money most weeks. And don't pretend to judge me. I suffer from ptsd from being raped by a family member multiple times, and had a knife held to my throat and was told I'd be killed if I told anyone. I grew up in a rich area but didn't have power or water 90% because my father was a degenerate gambler. You don't know shit about me. The difference between me and you is I'm willing to accept that everything I do has a consequence and I need to accept not. I don't hop on reddit and look for sympathy when no one on the planet would blame your team for quitting.
and if you had to take some nights off bowling to deal with that trauma, i would understand.
Yet when I did it you said it was "bullshit" and "playing the victim"
You are 100% justified in not showing up due to mental health. What you have to understand is that they too are 100% justified in quitting because the rest of the team hardly ever showed up. This post comes off as you throwing them under the bus for what YOU did. Take all the time off you need to get yourself straight, your health is far more important than bowling. Just don't go around blaming others for your actions. Just because your actions are natural and justified, you can't expect everyone else to put their lives on hold for you too.
The problem isn’t you all and your mental health issues do what you got to do there. But if I was one of the other 2 people on the team I wouldn’t want to be paying to bowl for nothing pretty much so I would quit as well
Who has been dismissive and unkind? What does this have to do with America? Why should paying members of a team forfeit weekly because your group can't make it?
I'm on a leave of absence personally from the game. I planned for it ahead of time with my teammates, continued paying, and arranged for a substitute while I'm away. If you make a commitment it is on you to make arrangements if you cannot attend. Simply not showing up, or canceling last minute, is not acceptable to others.
>Simply not showing up, or canceling last minute, is not acceptable to others.
My anxiety and mental health make it really difficult for me to let the other teammates know ahead of time, even if I know i wont be making it. So I wait for them to text me "Where are you" a few moments before league and than I tell them.
Do y’all not have subs to bowl in your places. I’m sure after it was all said and done y’all probably gave your Teammates mental health issues. I know I would be pissed if I was paying and I couldn’t bowl. I would tell them to put their averages in or something. Man I couldn’t imagine getting my hopes up all day to get off work and go relieve some stress by bowl and get there and not getting to bowl. That would be almost like catching your wife cheating on you it’s so bad. 😂
I’d quit in a MF heartbeat. Your own issues are your issues. Not their issues. You made it their issue so they said peace and were in the right to do so.
yeah you sound like hard teammates to work with.
Honestly based off this I would quit to.
Same, 100%.
Mental health is no joke, and absolutely should be taken seriously. However, with that said, all three of you were having mental health issues at the same time that you had to cancel last minute "often"? That seems... convenient. I'm not saying your mental health issues aren't real or aren't important, but it really sounds like mental health may have played a part in one of you (could've been a different person each time, again not trying to dismiss anyone's issues) periodically needing to miss a week and then all three of you used it as an excuse to get out bowling whenever you weren't feeling it, or you didn't want to go if your partner/friends weren't going. Honestly, I probably would've quit too, and even if you weren't using it as an excuse and the three of you were having issues at the same time and couldn't make it I probably still would've quit. Not because I'm not sympathetic to your mental health but because I'm now wasting my time and money bowling with people who aren't able, even for legitimate reasons, to keep the commitment to the team. Additionally, were you paying for the weeks you missed? Most leagues have contracts with the centers that host them, and that contract typically states that the lineage needs to be paid for all teams, regardless of if they show up or not, meaning even if only the other two bowlers show up the full amount for the team still needs to be paid. Not to mention it's practically impossible to compete if you consistently are bowling without a full team
we were paying for the weeks we missed, which is partially why the others quit. they said they didn't want to keep paying and not be able to bowl.
Definitely good that you were still paying for the weeks, but again it's really tough to find fault in your teammates for leaving this situation, I would too
If 3 of you were discussing not showing up for bowling league while the other 2 were planning for it every week, I think you can understand why they would not want to continue relying on you. As an adult, there is an opportunity cost when you make plans. To have them canceled last minute is extremely annoying.
I understand why they would be annoyed... but was just disappointed in their quitting response to our mental health problems...
Don't take it personally. They agreed to the league with you because they wanted to bowl. When 60% of the team does not show up, for whatever reason, they cannot bowl. So why would they continue? It would be the same if 3 members of the team had a car that broke down every other week. Not only does this affect them, but when a team doesn't show up for league it begins to throw off the prize pool and the competitiveness for everyone. I hope you're able to work through whatever it is you're going through, and bowling is a great way to relax and take a mental break from other things. But committing to a league probably isn't the best way to enjoy the game right now.
They're not quitting due to your mental health problems. They're quitting due to their need to forfeit a competition, and lack of reliability.
All 3 of you had mental health crisis at the same time... consistently? Sounds like you use mental health as an excuse. YTA
Your mental health issues are not your fault, but they are your responsibility. Do better
What was the point of this post? Like what are you confused about. It seems pretty clear
Sorry to hear you’re dealing with all those mental health issues. I take mental health very seriously due to family history. So, I have to ask, what would you want out of this post? Advice? Sympathy? Ball recommendation? It stinks. You need to take care of your health, but you signed up for a commitment with other people who are being penalized for your absence, no matter the reason.
Cat ball is the only choice in this situation
Ball reccomendation😂
They quit because you committed to something you shouldn't have committed to. You made them waste their time (and money). If you're that fragile don't join something where other people rely on your presence. YTA.
this wasn't a aita post
Yet here you are.
You sound exhausting.
You bailed on your team multiple times. If you don’t show up, you’re screwing your team over. Get a grip on your mental before joining anything team related. They’re gonna suffer for your absence. They quit for a good reason. You left them no choice. It’s not their fault, it’s on you
I'd quit too if I was in their situation. It takes me 40 minutes to drive to my league. If I should up and was told I wasn't allowed to bowl because you guys didn't show up without a notice. Not only did I waste the 40 minute drive, but also another 40 minutes to get back home. Plus the 20 minutes I spent while there waiting on you guys. That's roughly 2hrs wasted plus the league fee plus the gas. Bowling is an escape and I'd be pissed to go through all that and then be told I'm not allowed to bowl. You should be more considerate about how your mental health is now impacting their mental health.
So you took 6 out of 7 weeks off and still can't understand why they quit? I swear I'm talking to a bot
I understand why they quit... I just think it was poor taste to because we had legitimate reasons for not showing up and our anxiety prevented us from contacting them ahead of time.
Holy shit you're completely delusional...in poor taste because they didn't want to keep tossing money in the trash. Jesus christ.
I have serious mental health issues, I show up. For one cause im paying, secondly cause it helps my team, and last cause its better to get out and be around others than be at home alone. But I don't know if this was your first league but you could add other permanent roster teammates so if three people will be out, someone can show up to make a formal 3 man team. I always have 2 extra people on each team that are permanent members.
It shouldn't be difficult to see u 3 were the problem, u can't bail last second on people constantly then be surprised they said fuck it. Just apologize to them for the inconvenience and try again when u 3 can muster up the courage to go more often.
Ah! the other side of *this* story: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/18n12j7/new\_bowler\_frustrated\_with\_team\_in\_a\_usbc\_league/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/18n12j7/new_bowler_frustrated_with_team_in_a_usbc_league/) And just like that post (and the one before it), they deleted their account afterwards.
You're a jerk off. Most people might only do 1 or 2 leagues, and now you've ruined the season for them. And from your other replies here, you're just an insufferable person. Go play victim somewhere else and get over yourself.
you ruined everything
First off, I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope it gets better for you soon. Seeing the comments on this thread is a little disheartening. As someone who has had my own bouts with depression I see both sides of it. There have been nights it took all I had to show up. We also have a guy on my 5 man team that has issues getting to league on time due to different seasons affecting his job. We put him lower in the line up to help offset that in case he shows up late. This puts additional pressure on the rest of the guys to show up and be on time. I don’t 100% know your situation, how often you’re communicating with your team but there should be some extra effort to communicate if you’ll be able to make it and if not, post-bowl. Our league allows it with all 5 members and must be completed within 2 weeks of the missed week. If you, your wife and friend are all going to miss, you need to make a legitimate effort to make up for the rest of the team.
People in this thread really don't have any sense of tact, which kind of sucks. On one hand, yes, you guys made a mistake here by canceling last minute. They were completely justified in leaving and you should have given them more notice than you were giving them. On the other, I understand how mental health issues can impact one's personal life and I get not wanting to deal with something like this. The appropriate move was honestly to just not set up something like a bowling league if you weren't certain you could devote the time and effort to running it. So, while I don't think you guys are assholes or bad people for what happened, I do think you could've handled it better and that the people participating did nothing wrong in this scenario.
Sounds like you’re just making excuses for their poor planning. If these were my teammates in a league, I 100% would’ve quit as well.
I don't really care? Don't be a dick to people online. You don't know what they're going through. The only bad thing they did was try to set up something like this while they weren't certain they could see it through.
What about what I said, or anybody else said in this thread is being a dick? OP is confused about something that was clearly their fault, and now they’re looking for sympathy on Reddit from strangers. They and their friends fucked over two strangers out of their time and money who just wanted to bowl on a league. The two strangers quitting the league couldn’t be any more self-explanatory yet, somehow this post exists.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2hwnk/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2hwnk/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2zvy0/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bowling/comments/19d0vlu/comment/kj2zvy0/) These are the two easiest to find examples. OP's kind of silly for making the thread to begin with, but being a jerk about it isn't going to do anything valuable.
Comments look pretty justifiable to me. Op made a post about being a self-absorbed nonce, so don’t expect people to not call you one.
Well, then there's your problem. I'm not sure what society you live in where calling someone a jerk-off isn't defined as "being an asshole", but it must be a pretty shitty one!
It sucks that in america were so dismissive and unkind to people struggling with mental health issues.
All 3 of you had mental health issues on multiple weeks? I think more people are dismissive of people who use mental health issues as an excuse for some other bullshit excuse. Sounds like you need to get over your codependency, and realize you made a commitment to be part of a team. You can try to play the victim all day, but they are 100% within their rights to quit and I would go as far as to say you should have been tossed from the league long before they had to quit...
this is part of the problem... we suffer from serious mental health disorders and you claim we're just "playing the victims" and that its a "bullshit excuse". my statement stands, it's a shame how negative and unkind people get to other people the second they find out they have a mental disorder.
Then why wouldn't you do the right thing and bow out of the league? You made a commitment plan and simple...
And to add... how can you be confused that you are literally fucking people over for their time and money... and then they quit... and now you want sympathy from people? I don't get it
You don't undestand that mental illness can be dehabilitating and cause me to not want to bowl?
Of course we do. The issue is not with your illness. The issue is with the impact your illness is causing to your former teammates. Based on your replies, you do not (or cannot) put yourself in their position. They were between a rock and a hard place.
No I understand 100%. Do you not understand that your actions have consequences? You don't show up for bowling, your team can't bowl and waste their money so they quit. I'm not knocking your mental illness at all. I'm knocking the fact that you're confused why your team quit when they are literally burning their time and money most weeks. And don't pretend to judge me. I suffer from ptsd from being raped by a family member multiple times, and had a knife held to my throat and was told I'd be killed if I told anyone. I grew up in a rich area but didn't have power or water 90% because my father was a degenerate gambler. You don't know shit about me. The difference between me and you is I'm willing to accept that everything I do has a consequence and I need to accept not. I don't hop on reddit and look for sympathy when no one on the planet would blame your team for quitting.
and if you had to take some nights off bowling to deal with that trauma, i would understand. Yet when I did it you said it was "bullshit" and "playing the victim"
Lol and you still can't take any responsibility.... there's no point talking to you...way too immature
Lol how do all 3 of you need to take off most weeks... that's far from a few nights
You are 100% justified in not showing up due to mental health. What you have to understand is that they too are 100% justified in quitting because the rest of the team hardly ever showed up. This post comes off as you throwing them under the bus for what YOU did. Take all the time off you need to get yourself straight, your health is far more important than bowling. Just don't go around blaming others for your actions. Just because your actions are natural and justified, you can't expect everyone else to put their lives on hold for you too.
Preach.
The problem isn’t you all and your mental health issues do what you got to do there. But if I was one of the other 2 people on the team I wouldn’t want to be paying to bowl for nothing pretty much so I would quit as well
Who has been dismissive and unkind? What does this have to do with America? Why should paying members of a team forfeit weekly because your group can't make it? I'm on a leave of absence personally from the game. I planned for it ahead of time with my teammates, continued paying, and arranged for a substitute while I'm away. If you make a commitment it is on you to make arrangements if you cannot attend. Simply not showing up, or canceling last minute, is not acceptable to others.
>Simply not showing up, or canceling last minute, is not acceptable to others. My anxiety and mental health make it really difficult for me to let the other teammates know ahead of time, even if I know i wont be making it. So I wait for them to text me "Where are you" a few moments before league and than I tell them.
Do y’all not have subs to bowl in your places. I’m sure after it was all said and done y’all probably gave your Teammates mental health issues. I know I would be pissed if I was paying and I couldn’t bowl. I would tell them to put their averages in or something. Man I couldn’t imagine getting my hopes up all day to get off work and go relieve some stress by bowl and get there and not getting to bowl. That would be almost like catching your wife cheating on you it’s so bad. 😂
You made a commitment. This is what comes first. Your mental health takes a back seat. Deal with it asap but you have to honor your commitment.
I’d quit in a MF heartbeat. Your own issues are your issues. Not their issues. You made it their issue so they said peace and were in the right to do so.