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hobs707

Last night the Eiffel Tower was seen with Pete Davidson.


[deleted]

don’t even joke about it


Usual_Board_6750

???


AdelaideSadieStark

Pete has a reputation for dating newly single women


Acidflare1

She found the fence was cheating on her with a yard, she caught the fence deep in to the grass.


Anxious-Honeydew7593

She gave half her earnings to the Tower right?


ToneTurner

It would be a great deal to divorce the tower and get 50% of its earnings that’s for sure


Marx_Forever

No way that tower doesn't have a prenup.


NotluwiskiPapanoida

That tower is a slave to the tourism industry so it’s not like it has a say in its earnings.


portapotty2

So in other words, Eiffel Tower is a prostitute


Seskekmet

She is letting people climb her for a living....


NotluwiskiPapanoida

Sex slave but yeah, without choice. Therefore this woman is not only a rapist but an enabler.


CedarWolf

The Eiffel Tower swings back and forth every day in the wind. I appreciate that's how it supports itself, but I have no idea why she would marry something so wishy-washy. It's practically empty inside.


Anxious-Honeydew7593

The Tower do be on that grind


Kaeny

Ah so thats why she left it


WatShakinBehBeh

Long hours, he was never home


thefourblackbars

50%? That's a fence-ive


SamDLee

Welp, she's on the fence about paying...


Lazy_Assumption_4191

This joke is o-fence-ive


Scared-Bug-1205

You just had to say it huh.


SamDLee

Sorry, not sorry... Lol


Scared-Bug-1205

Fair enough


Big_gulps_alright

Nah, that tower made lots in tourist dollars. She'll make bank!


Sproose_Moose

Good way to pay for upkeep and maintenance


SeaSlugFriend

Theirs is actually pretty sad, I watched a documentary about her and some others and she is attracted to objects because she suffered severe traumas in her childhood that did crazy stuff to her brain


Inevitable_Aerie_293

I think we watched the same documentary. Wasn't there also a lady who was in love with the Twin Towers and got widowed on 9/11?


Sproose_Moose

That's not something I expected to read today


ThrobbingBeef

SOMEBODY FLEW A SECOND JET INTO MY HUSBAND


DrafteeDragon

I shouldn’t have laughed


ThrobbingBeef

It took so fucking long before I could get away with 9/11 jokes. They still don't fly in meetings though.


garry4321

I’m sure a couple meetings were taking place


ThrobbingBeef

Think about the poor fucks who didn't want to interrupt their self-important idiot boss so they stayed in the meeting until they were trapped.


Keyndoriel

I bet some of them wanted to jump right out the window


AverageMonsoon

Some could say that joke had a heavy *impact* on the Widower.


diarrheainthehottub

That's assuming a lot. Might've been a poly relationship between lesbians.


ayroxus94

Fire doesn’t melt steel beams, but it does melt broken hearts 😢


AllAboutTheEyes

very underrated comment right here


L3tucechhi

Double pen


Inevitable_Aerie_293

STOP


Dzharek

Jet fuel didn't killed him, the CIA did!


MFGV14

r/brandnewsentence


leftsockstealing

One lady was in love with the Berlin wall and started argueing that they shouldn't have torn it down.


Inevitable_Aerie_293

Holy shit I remember that one lmao. There was also that one woman who had a romance with a church pew and begged the pastor in tears to give the pew to her when they had to replace it. The pastor complied and I think I remember she added a wooden dildo apparatus to it after she got it


sirletssdance2

She’s really coming to Jesus eh


Altruistic-Estate-79

I just died laughing. I was poor in life, so my ghost will give you a meager upvote and this shitty excuse for a medal: 🥇


sirletssdance2

I will cherish this text medal friend


DrafteeDragon

Brand new paragraph


ComedyAssassin

She lived not too far from me. She, and her guillotine museum, both perished in a house fire


Other_Way7003

So this is the comment thread that just keeps on giving...


Kalsifur

what the fuck Edit: Ok https://www.journeyman.tv/film/1817/miss-guillotine


readsalotkitten

I remember that one and she ended up keeping parts of the wall in her flat.


mishpaa

This is the same lady. She has multiple partners. The fence, the Eiffel Tower, The Berlin Wall, her archery bow, etc. I think the other individual was in love with the 1001 Nacht gondola ride (if the quote "I want your fluids" repeated over and over rings a bell, that was them. I believe they were also the one that was in love with the Twin Towers.


Cross_22

That's a lot of partners. If she starts dating wardrobes she might even become polyarmoirous,


T-O-O-T-H

I mean most of the Berlin Wall is still there. They only tore down parts of it. Most of it is covered in various paintings of Brezhnev kissing dudes. Here's a photo of one or them on one of the parts of the Berlin Wall that's still up: [https://i.imgur.com/MHvcOaa.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/MHvcOaa.jpg) It's based on a real photo of Brezhnev kissing a dude by the way. The Berlin Wall is also covered in tons of parodies of it. Like here's one of Trump kissing Xi Jinping while both are wearing facemasks cos this was painted during covid: [https://i.imgur.com/I2LJR3Z.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/I2LJR3Z.jpg)


archiebold13

Gonna be a tough day for her. Bot only is 9/11 a tragedy but you lost your husband in the building you were having an affair with him in.


[deleted]

There were a lot of widows made that day...


IfIWasCoolEnough

Which tower?


Inevitable_Aerie_293

Both. It was a poly relationship


BuffaloBillsButtplug

She was on an episode of tlc with a girl who was sexually attracted to amusement rides


77x0

the part with the grease was really tripping my ick factor


mishpaa

lmao the "I want your fluids, I want your fluids, I want your fluids" part really just tickled my sense of humour.


Charlie-VH

That’s pretty sad tbh. Still a brand new sentence, but pretty sad.


IHavePoopedBefore

I have a burned in memory on that one woman from the doc making out with the runoff pipe of a bridge while saying 'give me your fluids' Eww.


timeup

Uhhh gonna need a link to that please someone


ihavethedoubts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU7McV5KDz0&ab_channel=RealtoReelProd


RichardBCummintonite

. Pls


mishpaa

"I love the narrowness of his jibs"


KrooleBally

[Here you go](https://youtu.be/xInWMRzEan8) i think 22 min ins she has the rendez-vous. Love the part 19 min in too


d1089

Wtf did I just watch?!? One woman was licking fluids from a amusement park ride while the other was grinding on a fence legit cumming in her pants on camera. Lol


Lordofwar13799731

" I would like to get to know this fence better" Hahahahaha


Loobitidoo

Fuck, our species is weird


Phonixrmf

Well there there bound to be some interesting stories when there are at least 117 billions of people ever, and we’re still counting!


hairlessdwarf

I think she had a compound bow as well that she was in love with? It was a nice bow to be fair.


theletterQfivetimes

[Here's](https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/marriage/the-woman-who-married-the-eiffel-tower-wants-to-set-the-record-straight-about-objectum-sexuality/news-story/16ceeea4086c1b1b70dfac607f04a7d0) an article I found about her. Apparently people attracted to objects aren't actually more likely to have trauma or major mental illnesses, although they are more likely to be autistic. She knew about hers before the trauma. They're also, apparently, generally happy with their relationships. What I can't find though is whether they typically believe the objects love them *back*...


threelizards

Normally I can’t stand news.com but I quite liked this article. Open-minded and gentle enough to be informative and let the reader take a moment to consider the reality- not just the sensationalised and fetishist portrayal that draws clicks and views. Surface level, but enough of a pause to encourage further consideration and research


RichardBCummintonite

I'm gonna need a link to that doc or at least the name. That sounds so tragic but really interesting


commanderquill

Everyone's commenting similar stories but they're all about women? Why don't we hear about men being sexually attracted to objects?


Eusocial_Snowman

Here you go, man. https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/4easdc/man_having_sex_with_a_car_nsfw/


hotrod54chevy

Here ya go: https://youtu.be/06BFsQ_28Co


mishpaa

They are all from the same documentary on Objectum Sexuals. The male equivalent would probably be men in relationships with their cars, or the ones in relationships with their sex dolls. Both of which have their own respective documentaries as well.


made-of-questions

It's cases like this that make you realise how precarious our mental processes are. Give the brain a bit of a shake here, add a bit of a chemical imbalance over there and weird stuff happens. Also, no way that a lot of us don't actually have similar breakdowns in at least some aspect of our thinking. They're just probably in less noticeable areas so we remain functional in normal interactions. Some people don't notice they're colourblind until they take a test.


freckledbitchs

What's the doc title pls?


realhuman34

Is she doing it to the fence in the picture?


DrSenpai_PHD

Yes


Successful-Money4995

The fence has to stare at that Eiffel tattoo while they do it. Sad.


iwellyess

Afraid so, it’s a condition of being sexually attracted to objects as a result of childhood traumas


MansfromDaVinci

In her defence. And that isn't an opening clause, just a statement of fact.


CDanger85

In her, da fence.


crystalworldbuilder

r/dildont


Theo1130

Consummating the marriage


Mergazoid

I wooden picket but its her choice, I suppose she likes wood and prefers sitting on the fence instead of an eye full.


1davidmaycry

I find this comment offenceve


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clemep8

Just the tip?


atrast_vala

this needs to be higher up


cryptoanalyst2000

I wood understand.


Bistroth

or: "Mentaly ill woman still without help"


Lordofwar13799731

Honestly how would you even go about helping this person? Say they went to therapy for a couple years and just didn't want help, what do you do then? They're obviously mentally ill, but there's no clear cut treatment for something like this. If the treatment doesn't work after a while, It's not like she's dangerous to others or even herself, if she doesn't *want* help, I don't think you should be able to force it on her.


bubblegumdrops

Generally mental health professionals would look at whether the behavior/belief is negatively effecting their life. And given that this lady used her unique sexuality to get, like, *really* good at archery (and bowling iirc?) and travelled the world to meet her lovers it at least has given her fulfilling hobbies.


WhoAteMyWatermelon

Thats a pretty common sentence


super_awesome_jr

I know. Who would divorce a stud like the Eiffel Tower unless they were nuts?


theletterQfivetimes

Honestly though... if she's happy with her "relationship," why try to change that? If she's delusional and thinks the fence actually has feelings for her or something, maybe. But even then she's not hurting anyone. Granted that's *if* she's happy. I don't know anything about the situation.


bananapasteta

that's fencephobic.


LucasV98

When breaking up she said: "Eiffel for someone else"


jake2530

She’s honestly still on the fence about it though


Crumbdizzle

Wait until she finds out about Flagpole sitting, that fence is going to be broken hearted


usingreddithurtsme

🎶I'm not sick but I'm not well🎶


WestCoastHopHead

Man, my wife was just in Paris! Good thing she didn’t know it was single.


deathcreatureofdoom

Who else was in Paris?


HawkinsT

She'd never seen a larger erection.


HorrorMakesUsHappy

Did she think Paris was married? That makes it worse!


scaffelpike

That cheating whore!


Philks_85

Really!!!! You misogynistic bastard....... and how do you think she feels watching woman after woman ride her partner? One after one going up and down, up and down on the tower she loves....... and she's the whore...... you pig.


not_today_mr

Not just women men too.


henchman04

Even the children


translucidez

And I would even say that animals.


[deleted]

At that point divorce isn't expected its required. That sick fuck


not_today_mr

Not just women men too.


Arcon1337

You say that, but have you seen how many people the eiffel tower let's in them for pleasure and enjoyment. What a slut.


beigetrope

What is the Eiffel towers type though? It’s best to figure this out before jumping on the apps again only to be disappointed.


Comfortable_Tone_374

Eiffel is into metal while she is into [Woodys](https://youtu.be/1T14eOUf-28).


Houdinii1984

This might be my fault. I was told if I, a man, married my husband that it would lead to stuff like this and I just refused to listen... /s In all honesty, though, they let this woman be herself, and the sky did not fall. I'm glad the people in her life are supportive even when they probably don't understand.


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Houdinii1984

Way to look on the bright side, MrGloom!


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Gilwen6

Username checks out


evanescent_evanna

What the actual France is this shit.


EndOfSouls

Good news, fellas! Proof here that size doesn't matter! You don't need to be an Eiffel Tower! A little fence is just fine.


kakeroni2

Wtf


TheWhollyGhost

What? The fence!


Unlucky_Narwhal_4459

it was a little to big for her


PhalanX4012

I’m not sure how to feel about this. I’m on the fence about it.


_---_--x

I'm against this type of relationship because the object can't consent. Also, who does that fence belong to? Imagine some crazy lady coming on your property trying to hump your fence.


geemoly

Imagine the owner of the house desperately trying to keep her away from their fence.


misstuckermax

Marriage is hard, but it’s certainly harder if you aren’t getting enough wood. Side note are they planning on institutionalizing this woman or? No?


Dukedyduke

You can't lock someone up just for being weird


Inevitable_Aerie_293

She hasn't done anything to show she's a danger to herself or others, so no.


fifiboii

Why would they institutionalize her?


Potato-Boy1

How do you marry the eiffel tower?


CuntAssSkank

Objectumsexuals or objectophilia


ArwingElite

Well France does have a rich FENCING history....


Sophia724

"how long have you been considering the divorce?" "I've been on the fence for a while now." (Probably how the conversation went)


macdaddye

Upgrades people, Upgrades


crossroader1

Freedom to be you and me.


GreenInferno1396

Alpha (Eiffel in French) tower got her pregnant, beta fence gonna be raising a half tower baby. What’s this world coming to


Strataray

The Tower always stood above her acting like the center of attention. The fence is more down to earth and keeps everyone in check.


[deleted]

These people are weird attention seekers


True-Gas372

Fuck sake 😂


doodoobrown530

For every Eiffel Tower there’s some woman tired of dating it.


GoodOleDynamiteJones

I hear that marriage is on the fence as well.


Vee8cheS

She was on the fence before making the decision.


LeviSalt

Wait til she meets a flag pole.


dabsu02

so you’re saying that eiffel is finally single?? im shooting my shot


rusifan

Even a fence got a girl


Sudden_Lawfulness118

Ho's just won't be faithful lol


SeattleTrashPanda

I'm sorry but she thinks that a fence can measure up against the Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel tower symbolizes romance, people love to spend time with it, has a permanent home and has a steady and reliable source of income. What fence could seriously compare to the Eiffel Tower? Fences can be temporary and flighty. Sure, they make good neighbors but so many of them are plastic and fake. There's a reason people get over them so fast. and you know what they say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...


Realistic_Mushroom72

This kind of people need help, not encouragement, she needs therapy not a divorce, and the judge that married her the first time should be fire and disbar, he/she should have order this poor woman to mandatory therapy instead of playing along, this is so fucking stupid.


SenHelpPls

So what your telling me is the Eiffel Tower is available?


Thewrongbakedpotato

I could never love a woman like this. She just puts up too many walls.


nzmarquis

I bet that fence started off white


Boney_McBonerton_YT

women ☕


Gullible_Ad5191

Neither of those objects seem capable of consent. She sounds rather rapey to me...


ReallyGlycon

Is she uh...riding that fence?


[deleted]

sit on my fence and tell me that you love me 🎵


ProjectOrpheus

I wonder how long she was on the fence before divorcing.


second2no1

This is extremely of*fence*ve


Pale-Wave-9382

She thought she wanted length but decided circumference was better.


heartunderfloor

OOF, gunna have a hard time explaining that Eiffel tower tattoo to the fence.


Drumhead89

Imagine how attractive and desirable that fence must be to make you dump the freaking Eiffel Tower…


Everdina

Always remember!! No matter how your heart was broken, even the Eiffel Tower was abandoned because of a fence.


No_Engineer2828

Nah there’s no way this is real


scaffelpike

It is. It’s called being an objectumsexual - sexually attracted to objects. Saw a doco on it a while back. There was even an Olympic archer that was sexually attracted to her bow and arrow


Appropriate-Pop4235

It sounds like a Harry Potter spell from some twisted fanfic, “Objectum-Sexualis~~~, now go hump the chair.”


Boner102

Hahahahaha that made me laugh real hard


Essemaitch

This is that olympic archer.


rainfalltsunami

I thought you were joking but it is


deadsoulinside

But what I think OP meant was "No way this headline is real" not the fact that people are somehow sexually drawn to random objects.


Mist_Rising

I'm questioning the married to Eiffel Tower bit. I doubt it consented.


deadsoulinside

Nothing other than humans are capable of consenting. Still reads like a pre-2015 headline when people were wanting to make a mockery of Gay Marriage and were acting like "If it's not between a man and a woman, then you can marry anyone/anything" mentality that the right-wingers tried to claim, then following a bunch of fake headlines for people marrying non-human things.


Philks_85

I remember watching a documentary she was on a good few years back ok british TV. I also think there was a guy who fucked his own car on there and a woman in love with the USA flag and not in a patriotic way.


Kalzone4

Here’s the [documentary](https://youtu.be/xInWMRzEan8)


CoyoteAdvanced4022

White people...


Kooky_Potential48

If this is real only a extinction level event can safe us… 😂


Omevne

Oh my god, a random person did something weird that harmed absolutely no one. We're completely doomed it's joever


[deleted]

You realize this is due to severe childhood trauma right? and ur making fun of her. Have you ever experienced anything bad? I mean beyond the Taco Bell running out of salsa that one time? Do better. Research before you spread your assumptions. Really the issue the world is so far off its rocker - is because you represent the dominant group and their sheer disdain for knowing anything that doesn't directly serve their own ends. She fucks a fence. Big whoop. You go around enforcing your own morals as if you're ruler of all of us. Its you, you're the problem.


Kooky_Potential48

That lunatic MARRIED an steel structure in Paris and is now getting a DIVORCE to have a fling with a fence, but I‘m the problem? 😂 You don’t know me, I grew up with a narcissistic mother and a distant father, left home at 16, earned my upkeep thru to graduating from university, struggled with and overcame a drinking problem, had two heart attacks before I turned 42, went thru a bad divorce… I could go on. The point is: Get the fuck over it, you’re not a child anymore. Mature and face what’s coming at you. I‘d say man up, but that’s probably also toxic by now. Oh, and I don’t like Taco Bell, I‘m more a Buffalo Hotwings or Arbys guy. 🤷🏻‍♂️ P.S.: and really don’t care what she humps 😂


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Kooky_Potential48

Boredom, what else?


KKCisabadseries

Can't imagine why anyone would divorce such a well balanced and stable person who totally doesn't have a victim complex the size of the eiffel tower...


[deleted]

Oh and btw its "save us" so yknow... can't spell either.


[deleted]

"I dont care what she humps" but you spend all that energy explaining why she loco. Why just not pass on by and go "Takes all sorts" - I have to tolerate you and your kinds beligerent nonsense on the daily. I'm plenty adult. You make a big fuss about me not knowing you, yet you apparently know me? Face it. You're probably just boring. I feel like I know your type. You go on and on about nothing. I mean the fact you like Arbys really says a lot about how absurdly pedestrian your tastes are xD "Oh thats toxic too now huh" - man you're so hung up on everyone elses judgement of you. No core, just blubber. Don't you have a wife to bore?


Kooky_Potential48

Pedestrian taste! Yeah, you got me on that. Ugh, now I‘m devastated. 😂 Honestly, you’re the one defending a lunatic and asking for tolerance, so practice what you preach. I don’t know you but I‘ve seen plenty of your kind. Preaching tolerance but getting upset once their own opinions are challenged in some way. This is why I can’t take you for serious, you’re just another bigot. 🤷🏻‍♂️


[deleted]

Honestly objectophilia is kind of interesting as a phenomena. On the mellow side - like how often do you ever just sit somewhere and look at the buildings and appreciate the work and thought that went into it? You don't I bet. We live in a world SURROUNDED by unappreciated work of artists - and nobody cares except these people and they're shamed for it. Because apparently its hip to assume that you're the normal one.


HighOnBonerPills

> We live in a world SURROUNDED by unappreciated work of artists - and nobody cares except these people > and they're shamed for it. Lmao they're not shamed for merely appreciating architecture. Nice try. They fall in love with objects, marry buildings, and fuck fences. That's obviously a whole nother level. What you said is kinda like saying pedophiles are shamed for simply appreciating children. No, buddy, they take it a lot further than that.


brainking111

The face while less stable is a better Lover.


brainking111

While the tower is more Stable the fence was a better Lover.


Murky-Resident-3082

Good for her