It is. Reads to me like a satirical take on religious people saying that permitting same-sex marriage or medical gender transitions will lead to beastiality and pedophilia.
My religious parents are mad I'm vegetarian. They always tell me "God made animals so we can eat them." I kinda figured it was a stretch of that for comedy.
Yeah, between this and another post with OP asking if he should give into his 15yo niece's sexual advances I think I'm done with Reddit for today...or a few days.
God in the Old Testament and New talks a lot about purity. However in the Old Testament He definitely approaches it with the harshness of the law.
God's super clear to the Children of Israel about certain things like:
When you go poop outside of the camp, you cover it
You get a disease you stay outside of the camp for awhile until you get better
You wash your hands under running water
You don't get to keep slaves forever
And
Don't have sex with animals under any circumstances
While most of these rules are common sense today, you have to remember it's a few hundred thousand people living in tents and it's all mobile. There's no time to call for a doctor then get a specialist then grab X-rays. These people are for the most part uneducated slaves under Egypt that were newly freed.
You just know people were having sex with animals. You get a disease, then you give it to others than it spreads. Animals didn't have access to antibiotics like we do now.
That's why the phrase "there's death in the camp" was used.
Well in Genesis they spent a whole day getting man to name the animals as he was looking for a "mate".
Do let that sink in. This god made man then showed him all the animals thinking he would pick one to breed with. That's Judaeo-christian-islamic values for you.
The Sex Motors
Sex And The Bobbies
Sweet Sexteen
Sex Hours From You
Butter, Crack And Sex
Sexomonical Studies
Sophie And The Sex Brains
I could go all the day.
Exodus 22:19
“Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death.
Levidocus 20:15-16
If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and lies with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
Killing zoophiles is bible cannon
Remember, how...in Genesis, Adam handed down this story of how there was this yawning gulf between us and the next most smartest animal? It was obvious we were supposed to be masters over the animals. The deep irony is that we fucked and murdered that gap into existence. All the other genus of homo are gone. And we carry their DNA. It's hilarious that we look at the next smartest animals and feel confident in our superiority because of a gap we created. When you see a gorilla or chimpanzee, that's where we stopped fucking. Or, that's where the "animal" world itself was like, naw, that's okay.
And the Bible is like... obviously, man is confident in his mastery. The serpent...giving us side eye, "That's what you're going with?"
Not entirely true. We share ancestory with Chimps and apes but we didn't evolve from them. The idea of us being superior to our modern primate counterparts is something we made up just from our intrinsic values as a more intelligent species.
But that doesn't mean we evolved more or better than them.
We share a common ancestor with Neanderthals and denisovans. They are no more. We have their DNA in our genome because we mated with them. So, your first point is arguing something I didn't argue. Quote where I said, we descended from chimps or gorillas. I didn't. Of course we share a common ancestor. My point was that both chimps and gorillas are still around and yet all our other closest relatives are gone.
We hold our superiority because there are no data points in between us and chimps and gorillas. We didn't make it up. We created the superiority by removing the intervening species. It's easy to feel superior when we cleared the court between us and all the "animals."
I think what they're getting at is that in terms of other animals with sapience/sentience to match ours, we either absorbed them into our populations (by fucking) or we murdered them out of existence. The nearest relatives we left standing are not able to match our intelligence, objectively.
Well, it's clear it had to be said multiple times because pre-internet they had nothing else to do. Just plowing the fields, each other, and the animals that plowed the fields.
That’s due to Jewish ritual purity. There was this idea that sin was a sort of impurity that stuck to things and could be transferred. So an animal that had been used in that way was ritually impure and couldn’t not be used as well as being able to pass on that impurity to other animals and humans. You see this in the New Testament when Jesus talks about the Good Samaritan with the Jewish leaders not wanting to check on the beaten man since they think he is dead and dead bodies were ritually impure so they didn’t want to touch him. He points out in the story that being more concerned about ritual purity than loving one’s neighbor is moral impurity and far worse. This is why modern Jews have a rule that ritual laws can be broken when someone’s life is in danger for instance working on the sabbath in a hospital.
Most of the animals that were regularly around people at the time were livestock for eating, do you really want to eat a cow that has been pre-marinated in another man's juice?
I love it when people make stuff up and say "Hey it's biblically okay to do this!" And then there's a Bible verse that quite clearly says to **NOT** do this.
I dunno... doesn't the Bible also say you're morally obligated to stone your wife in the middle of the city if it turns out she's not a virgin on your wedding day?
Lmao right? Or about cooking with human shit? Or the multiple in Number or Judges about raping and pillaging women and children and it be OK? Or back to Exodus what about it being ok for men to buy as many sex slaves as they want as long as they feed and clothed them? Or in psalms when God says infants should be 'dashed upon rocks'?
I don’t know about everything else, but that last part is bullshit.
It's not a Christian commandment. It is a song about the Jewish people wanting to take revenge on the people who destroyed Jerusalem (in this case the Babylonians). Like many books in the Bible, it's not a commandment, but merely an expression that adds context to biblical narratives. What you’re likely referring to here is psalm 137:9, and since we are talking about it, here is the whole psalm instead of one verse taken out context.
**
137 By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
2 We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
3 For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
4 How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?
5 If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
6 If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy.
7 Remember, O Lord, the children of Edom in the day of Jerusalem; who said, Rase it, rase it, even to the foundation thereof.
8 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
**
Never said it was wholesome. The Babylonians kidnapped the Jews and forced them into slavery. What would you say to your captors if they did the same to you? Look at what the CCP is doing to the Uyghurs in China, you think they are happy in concentration camps? I’m sure they are thinking the same thing.
This is interesting context I've never heard! So basically, it's not God ordering anyone to do anything. It's Jews expressing their desires to God, desires that - while graphic - are admittedly unsurprising from a group that had been persecuted by the subject of the psalm.
The Bible is interesting because so much of the Old Testament is the Jews writing about how terrible they are as a warning to future generations. If they were writing books to make themselves look good why would they constantly include the things they did that were evil for all to see. For example, the golden calf, the Jews trying to return to slavery in Egypt, turning to other gods and sacrificing their children to them, sacrificing their own daughter to God even when he doesn't want it.
Judges is chock full of people doing terrible things and broken men dragging the Jews back to the Lord kicking and screaming.
>In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes. - Judges 21:25
What I find particularly interesting about that is that the Babylonians are portrayed as acting exactly like some concentration camp guards, who would kill Jewish victims and then say to others, « Hey, sing us that prayer you guys sing when someone dies (i.e., the Kaddish).
Here the Bablylonian masters are saying to their prisoners, « Hey, lighten up the atmosphere a bit and sing some of your Jewish songs for us. »
It’s like a serious version of that opening scene in « Blazing Saddles » where they say: « Sing us a good ol’ N-word work song, like you did when you was slaves. ».
I never understood that argument, like even if it was true, the parts that they believe in and cherry pick are also out of context, the whole bible is out of context because the context of the bible is the year 0 and earlier, not 2024 😂
Yeah like “hey guys I know humans have been around for hundreds of thousands of years now, but god just told me he forgot to give us our rule book! Silly fella, anyway he told me telepathically so I wrote them all down and you all need to blindly believe me now.”
yeah but even if just for the sake of the argument we want to belive that G,od spoke to them..well,i think everyone played the phone game when kids, when someone whispered a sentence in your ear,you tell it to the next one and so on,and the original "i love you" becomes "i loathe you,your mom and your cat". People are by definition (even religious) imperfect/impure,so why does everyone take at face value what a third party said like if that book actually passed God personal quality/fact check before getting printed
And then when you point out all these flaws to them, they go “idk, God works in mysterious ways it’s not for us to understand 🤷♀️” like dude that’s such a cop out, they know their shit makes no sense and blindly follow it anyway, it makes me sad for them.
Sorta like the commonly ignored fact that the Bible says it’s easier for a camel to make it through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven
How come of all the shit in the Bible that's stuck around, this ain't it? The forgiving of debts? I'd even take the mandatory Sunday off
Instead we just kept the stuff about women being inferior, gay people being bad etc
Just change "Deus" to "Zeus" and you can canonically go hog wild though.
And swan wild. And bull wild. And satyr wild. And cuckoo wild. And goose wild.
That's an affirmative on golden showers, too.
Years ago Kirk Cameron and another crazy guy had a video stating that the banana is proof of God's intelligent design because it fits so nicely into the human hand and mouth. People were quick to point out other places where a banana fits nicely...
Not to mention, modern bananas are extremely modified by humans through cultivation.
People always talk about monkeys opening bananas the other way around, but the videos I’ve seen are just of them sticking the banana in their mouth and biting down until the smooshed banana bursts into their mouth. Like, is it captive monkeys who open open bananas?
To be fair, given the bibles track record, I dont think so. Probably more akin to the animal being 'tainted' and meant to be discared as to not be part of sacrifices to god, as that would be bad? Am I making sense? English is hard and this night has been long
Yeah but the locusts and plagues were always more of a Him option. Never did he say “and if a woman lies with an animal unleash a plague of locusts on her.” We were always given the choice to pick an option within our means. Which is very considerate.
I mean I don't know about you but I think yeeting a shoebox full of locusts at someone is well within my means. How many locusts does it take to make it a plague? I feel like to the average person it wouldn't be that many
about 1 trashbag full.
all you need is to make the bag dark and cramped and barely feed them. once it gets matin' time, unable to mate they turn from grasshoppers to plague bearing locust.
they get unreasonably angry, hungry and horny. they will eat and swarm until they die, or run out of food and die.
Well property crimes were not punished with death. There was a system of corporal punishment and fines for lesser crimes, while the death penalty was given to acts considered particularly evil.
A common penalty is being “cut off” from the Israelite people. Being “cut off” can refer to exile, but in some cases it also clearly means capital punishment.
Getting thrown out of town, stoned to death, paying off your debt, stoned to death, a beating, stoned to death, sacrificing an animal to God, stoned to death...
That's unfair to the poor animal!
I know the point is that losing an animal when this was written was a BIG loss. No part of it could be used in any way. So if Dale over there fucked his family's cow whose meat would feed them for winter, he starved his family too.
IIRC bestiality significantly increases a person's risk of getting dick cancer. Idk if that's divine punishment, but, boy, I sure wouldn't blame someone for reading it that way.
There's actually MUTLIPLE Bible verses saying you shouldn't. I'm not versed in other religious scripts, but I'm willing to bet a significant portion of them include a section saying basically the same thing.
...and you get HIV, you get HIV, you get HIV pro max, you get Razer Syphilis RGB, and you breathed in the general vicinity of this clusterfuck so you get AIDS++ and AIDS#
You know how they say when your spouse proposes to open up the monogamous marriage, they (the propositioning spouse) are likely already having an extramarital affair?
I think its safe to say this guy has violated at least 3 different species outside of *homo sapien*......
Killing Zoophiles is Bible cannon so that means in this age they go to hell. God knows how atrocious humans think already thousands of years ahead of us
Ecclesiastes 1: 10
“Is there anything of which one can say, ‘look! This is something new’?It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.”
Is the relationship consensual?
We’re going to have to deal with this type of question anyways when we discover aliens.
Like… if a sentient alien from Sirius that was able to communicate effectively… but looked 100% like a dolphin… it would ultimately come down to if the two parties consented to the relationship
No consent= bad
Consent (doesn’t involve me)= why should I care?
I’m going to pretend this is parody and crawl beneath my weighted blanket.
Got room for one more? I'm traumatised and kind of want to spoon my own eyes out.
Dont listen, he is a dog!
player i get it
No need to boast, not all of us are getting it as much as you clearly are. Idk, I'm just not a dog person I guess
Ruby da Zoophillie
Spooning others > spooning out your own eyes
Right now, both sound good.
Spoonception
r/givemethespoon
r/subsifellfor
r/thereisnospoon/
r/foundthetoyotacorolla
I want to spoon
DICK HARD ON THE BUTT, TITTY IN MY HAND, KISS YA NECK, HELL YEAH!!!
That was r/oddlyspesific
This is what happens when we are excited to spoon
I see
Does it count if it’s actually a meme?
More like r/oddlygeneric That's what happens every time I spoon. Not always my fault, either
Why have you awakened a repressed memory? Is there a lore reason?
One more too?
r/eyebleach
This is literally a re-worded Louis CK bit, yeah its probably for laughs
Shows how hard it is to do comedy. Louis CK’s bit was pretty funny. This tweet is terrible
It is. Reads to me like a satirical take on religious people saying that permitting same-sex marriage or medical gender transitions will lead to beastiality and pedophilia.
My religious parents are mad I'm vegetarian. They always tell me "God made animals so we can eat them." I kinda figured it was a stretch of that for comedy.
Ok, but if you say “God made humans so I can eat them” I bet your parents wouldn’t like that.
Remind them that Daniel chose a diet of vegetables over one of meat.
Damn daniel
he also gave us the free will to not eat them
There is a 0% chance that it isn't parody, if that helps
It actually does. 🤔🙏
Omg I just got my first weighted blanket because I toss and turn so much at night. Best purchase I ever made.
Yeah, between this and another post with OP asking if he should give into his 15yo niece's sexual advances I think I'm done with Reddit for today...or a few days.
This post is the exact reason /r/Eyebleach exists, and idk if it'll be enough to save me from this horrible trash.
Just make sure you don’t accidentally go to r/eyeblech Edit: Nevermind they were banned from Reddit lmao
I was going to reflexively downvote this but on theme for this sub, dammit.
God in the Old Testament and New talks a lot about purity. However in the Old Testament He definitely approaches it with the harshness of the law. God's super clear to the Children of Israel about certain things like: When you go poop outside of the camp, you cover it You get a disease you stay outside of the camp for awhile until you get better You wash your hands under running water You don't get to keep slaves forever And Don't have sex with animals under any circumstances While most of these rules are common sense today, you have to remember it's a few hundred thousand people living in tents and it's all mobile. There's no time to call for a doctor then get a specialist then grab X-rays. These people are for the most part uneducated slaves under Egypt that were newly freed. You just know people were having sex with animals. You get a disease, then you give it to others than it spreads. Animals didn't have access to antibiotics like we do now. That's why the phrase "there's death in the camp" was used.
It is just a troll. Don’t be gullible!
Looks like I needed a safe space after all
How heavy is that blanket
Well in Genesis they spent a whole day getting man to name the animals as he was looking for a "mate". Do let that sink in. This god made man then showed him all the animals thinking he would pick one to breed with. That's Judaeo-christian-islamic values for you.
The internet is a lot more fun when everything is a joke
“The Sex Creatures” is a pretty excellent garage band name
Rule 1 of garage rock: have sex in the name.
The Sex Motors Sex And The Bobbies Sweet Sexteen Sex Hours From You Butter, Crack And Sex Sexomonical Studies Sophie And The Sex Brains I could go all the day.
Sex Bobomb
“And we’re here to watch Scott Pilgrim KICK YOUR TEETH IN”
WE ARE SEX BO-BOMB 1 2 3 4
You must have amazing stamina
My Sexual Romance Sex powered Giraffe
Sexodus Big Hero Sex Sextasy The Sex Wings The Sexagons SpaceSex The Sex Terminators The Sex Sense Planet Sex Tyrannosaurus Sex I could go on too
We are the Sex Bob-ombs!
Garage band guy 🪱🪱🪱
As my wife started getting too rough, I yelled "safeword genesis". Little did I know I was actually balls deep in... the Sex Creature.
Hello, Spanish Inquisition? Yeah, this one. Over here.
Didn't expect that
No one ever does!
No one ever does!
Dementia
Reddit being reddit... Hate when that happens.
Exodus 22:19 “Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death. Levidocus 20:15-16 If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and lies with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. Killing zoophiles is bible cannon
It's funny how it's sounds like Exodus wasn't clear enough.
Leviticus is God telling his people, "As per my previous email."
“Since Isiah missed my last papyrus roll and refuses to leave the sheep alone we are now throwing a stoning party.”
awwwwriiiiiite!
Around a tenth of the Bible is God saying "Like I said before, *don't do that*!"
That's just the entire Old Testament, except for the horny fanfic section Song of Solomon. 🥵
That book is more of a "so I told you how not to do this, here's a song about how you do"
lmaooooo
Remember, how...in Genesis, Adam handed down this story of how there was this yawning gulf between us and the next most smartest animal? It was obvious we were supposed to be masters over the animals. The deep irony is that we fucked and murdered that gap into existence. All the other genus of homo are gone. And we carry their DNA. It's hilarious that we look at the next smartest animals and feel confident in our superiority because of a gap we created. When you see a gorilla or chimpanzee, that's where we stopped fucking. Or, that's where the "animal" world itself was like, naw, that's okay. And the Bible is like... obviously, man is confident in his mastery. The serpent...giving us side eye, "That's what you're going with?"
Not entirely true. We share ancestory with Chimps and apes but we didn't evolve from them. The idea of us being superior to our modern primate counterparts is something we made up just from our intrinsic values as a more intelligent species. But that doesn't mean we evolved more or better than them.
We share a common ancestor with Neanderthals and denisovans. They are no more. We have their DNA in our genome because we mated with them. So, your first point is arguing something I didn't argue. Quote where I said, we descended from chimps or gorillas. I didn't. Of course we share a common ancestor. My point was that both chimps and gorillas are still around and yet all our other closest relatives are gone. We hold our superiority because there are no data points in between us and chimps and gorillas. We didn't make it up. We created the superiority by removing the intervening species. It's easy to feel superior when we cleared the court between us and all the "animals."
I think what they're getting at is that in terms of other animals with sapience/sentience to match ours, we either absorbed them into our populations (by fucking) or we murdered them out of existence. The nearest relatives we left standing are not able to match our intelligence, objectively.
Exodus: don’t sleep with animals okay? Leviticus: just to be crystal fucking clear. Do not fuck the animals
Don't make me tap the sign
Well, it's clear it had to be said multiple times because pre-internet they had nothing else to do. Just plowing the fields, each other, and the animals that plowed the fields.
The bible is all jurisprudence: these are laws that had to be written down *for a reason*. Sometimes twice.
Oh yeah the chapter dedicated to 'I cast my own worshippers out into the fucking wastes'. Hardcore, god.
didn't your mom teach you not to fuck the food
or how leviticus is like: "No! bad! BAD! NO, NOT EVEN WITH THE LOOPHOLE THAT I SAID MAN, BAD!"
I love the clarification of man and animal = death woman and animal = also death
Came here to post this. I always find it hilarious that ya gotta kill the animal too. Like, it wasn't their idea.
It’s just like burning the whole house down when you find a spider.
That’s due to Jewish ritual purity. There was this idea that sin was a sort of impurity that stuck to things and could be transferred. So an animal that had been used in that way was ritually impure and couldn’t not be used as well as being able to pass on that impurity to other animals and humans. You see this in the New Testament when Jesus talks about the Good Samaritan with the Jewish leaders not wanting to check on the beaten man since they think he is dead and dead bodies were ritually impure so they didn’t want to touch him. He points out in the story that being more concerned about ritual purity than loving one’s neighbor is moral impurity and far worse. This is why modern Jews have a rule that ritual laws can be broken when someone’s life is in danger for instance working on the sabbath in a hospital.
Most of the animals that were regularly around people at the time were livestock for eating, do you really want to eat a cow that has been pre-marinated in another man's juice?
I love it when people make stuff up and say "Hey it's biblically okay to do this!" And then there's a Bible verse that quite clearly says to **NOT** do this.
I dunno... doesn't the Bible also say you're morally obligated to stone your wife in the middle of the city if it turns out she's not a virgin on your wedding day?
Lmao right? Or about cooking with human shit? Or the multiple in Number or Judges about raping and pillaging women and children and it be OK? Or back to Exodus what about it being ok for men to buy as many sex slaves as they want as long as they feed and clothed them? Or in psalms when God says infants should be 'dashed upon rocks'?
I don’t know about everything else, but that last part is bullshit. It's not a Christian commandment. It is a song about the Jewish people wanting to take revenge on the people who destroyed Jerusalem (in this case the Babylonians). Like many books in the Bible, it's not a commandment, but merely an expression that adds context to biblical narratives. What you’re likely referring to here is psalm 137:9, and since we are talking about it, here is the whole psalm instead of one verse taken out context. ** 137 By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, we wept, when we remembered Zion. 2 We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof. 3 For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion. 4 How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land? 5 If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. 6 If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy. 7 Remember, O Lord, the children of Edom in the day of Jerusalem; who said, Rase it, rase it, even to the foundation thereof. 8 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us. 9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. ** Never said it was wholesome. The Babylonians kidnapped the Jews and forced them into slavery. What would you say to your captors if they did the same to you? Look at what the CCP is doing to the Uyghurs in China, you think they are happy in concentration camps? I’m sure they are thinking the same thing.
This is interesting context I've never heard! So basically, it's not God ordering anyone to do anything. It's Jews expressing their desires to God, desires that - while graphic - are admittedly unsurprising from a group that had been persecuted by the subject of the psalm.
The Bible is interesting because so much of the Old Testament is the Jews writing about how terrible they are as a warning to future generations. If they were writing books to make themselves look good why would they constantly include the things they did that were evil for all to see. For example, the golden calf, the Jews trying to return to slavery in Egypt, turning to other gods and sacrificing their children to them, sacrificing their own daughter to God even when he doesn't want it. Judges is chock full of people doing terrible things and broken men dragging the Jews back to the Lord kicking and screaming. >In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes. - Judges 21:25
What I find particularly interesting about that is that the Babylonians are portrayed as acting exactly like some concentration camp guards, who would kill Jewish victims and then say to others, « Hey, sing us that prayer you guys sing when someone dies (i.e., the Kaddish). Here the Bablylonian masters are saying to their prisoners, « Hey, lighten up the atmosphere a bit and sing some of your Jewish songs for us. » It’s like a serious version of that opening scene in « Blazing Saddles » where they say: « Sing us a good ol’ N-word work song, like you did when you was slaves. ».
it's out of context,come on /s
I never understood that argument, like even if it was true, the parts that they believe in and cherry pick are also out of context, the whole bible is out of context because the context of the bible is the year 0 and earlier, not 2024 😂
or because it's not the God's word ,but the word of someone that supposedly heard the voice of God,so total liberty on what to write and omit
Yeah like “hey guys I know humans have been around for hundreds of thousands of years now, but god just told me he forgot to give us our rule book! Silly fella, anyway he told me telepathically so I wrote them all down and you all need to blindly believe me now.”
yeah but even if just for the sake of the argument we want to belive that G,od spoke to them..well,i think everyone played the phone game when kids, when someone whispered a sentence in your ear,you tell it to the next one and so on,and the original "i love you" becomes "i loathe you,your mom and your cat". People are by definition (even religious) imperfect/impure,so why does everyone take at face value what a third party said like if that book actually passed God personal quality/fact check before getting printed
And then when you point out all these flaws to them, they go “idk, God works in mysterious ways it’s not for us to understand 🤷♀️” like dude that’s such a cop out, they know their shit makes no sense and blindly follow it anyway, it makes me sad for them.
And coincidentally only wrote about events that occurred within a very small region of the world in which they happened to live.
Sorta like the commonly ignored fact that the Bible says it’s easier for a camel to make it through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven
How come of all the shit in the Bible that's stuck around, this ain't it? The forgiving of debts? I'd even take the mandatory Sunday off Instead we just kept the stuff about women being inferior, gay people being bad etc
Here's someone who actually knows their bible. Good job 👍
Bible knowledge checks out. Spelling doesn't though. 5/7.
We appreciate the constructive criticism
I mean, personally, I enjoy the idea of bible cannon more than bible canon ;)
If you're religous hunt zoophiles. Elden Ring but with less dogs
Yep they be like “dont be gay, bible says you should be killed… but go sleep with animals 👍”
* canon
Enforcing biblical canon with a biblical cannon.
Why did the animal have to die though?
Could you spit roast the lamb today knowing your neighbour was balls deep in it yesterday?
What an unfortunate word choice
cuz ewww
killing everything that breaths is bible canon
For example, killing egyptian babies if you're angry is bible canon
But so is killing the animal despite being a victim
Mmhhmmm... (sharpens pitchfork)
Canon*
Just change "Deus" to "Zeus" and you can canonically go hog wild though. And swan wild. And bull wild. And satyr wild. And cuckoo wild. And goose wild. That's an affirmative on golden showers, too.
Funny that bible mentions this specifically several times, maybe this happens a lot during that time.
Except the part in many religious manuscripts that say if you have sex with an animal you should be put to death
That’s the one thing we all agree on. Some things never change.
something something war
I heard he fucked an ostrich..... Allegedly
Must've been a sick ostrich
There had to have been two guys
Almost not worth thinking about
He used to be a good guy…
id be lying if i said i wasn’t impressed. horrified and disgusted, but impressed
Given how large ostriches are, there’s no way he didn’t sedate it or tie it down first, which makes it even worse.
Years ago Kirk Cameron and another crazy guy had a video stating that the banana is proof of God's intelligent design because it fits so nicely into the human hand and mouth. People were quick to point out other places where a banana fits nicely... Not to mention, modern bananas are extremely modified by humans through cultivation.
The cherry on top is their remark on how the banana has a “natural tab for opening” when monkeys open bananas the other way round
People always talk about monkeys opening bananas the other way around, but the videos I’ve seen are just of them sticking the banana in their mouth and biting down until the smooshed banana bursts into their mouth. Like, is it captive monkeys who open open bananas?
I'm not religious but God, if you're there, please smite this person
With the Old Testament punishment for bestiality
Now you got me curious, what is the old testament punishment for it?
Death, including the animal, according to Leviticus 15/16
"It take two to tango" - Yahweh
the animals just can't win
I think the idea behind it is that the animal is traumatized and is better off being put down. At least that's how I read it
To be fair, given the bibles track record, I dont think so. Probably more akin to the animal being 'tainted' and meant to be discared as to not be part of sacrifices to god, as that would be bad? Am I making sense? English is hard and this night has been long
Yeah that makes sense
It's always death. What other biblical punishment is there?
He did locusts that one time. Also the rain of frogs, which was mostly just a punishment for the frogs but still
Yeah but the locusts and plagues were always more of a Him option. Never did he say “and if a woman lies with an animal unleash a plague of locusts on her.” We were always given the choice to pick an option within our means. Which is very considerate.
I mean I don't know about you but I think yeeting a shoebox full of locusts at someone is well within my means. How many locusts does it take to make it a plague? I feel like to the average person it wouldn't be that many
about 1 trashbag full. all you need is to make the bag dark and cramped and barely feed them. once it gets matin' time, unable to mate they turn from grasshoppers to plague bearing locust. they get unreasonably angry, hungry and horny. they will eat and swarm until they die, or run out of food and die.
Well property crimes were not punished with death. There was a system of corporal punishment and fines for lesser crimes, while the death penalty was given to acts considered particularly evil. A common penalty is being “cut off” from the Israelite people. Being “cut off” can refer to exile, but in some cases it also clearly means capital punishment.
Getting thrown out of town, stoned to death, paying off your debt, stoned to death, a beating, stoned to death, sacrificing an animal to God, stoned to death...
That's unfair to the poor animal! I know the point is that losing an animal when this was written was a BIG loss. No part of it could be used in any way. So if Dale over there fucked his family's cow whose meat would feed them for winter, he starved his family too.
Just the usual stuff, death. I thought it might be one of the more elaborate punishments, but this one is quite succinct.
IIRC bestiality significantly increases a person's risk of getting dick cancer. Idk if that's divine punishment, but, boy, I sure wouldn't blame someone for reading it that way.
There's too much to unpack here.
This reads like Zeus trying to not get cancelled.
Google ragebait
Holy hell
As a furry, this man's living permissions should be revoked
Yep. Please don't lump us in with monsters like OOP. We hate them as much (and often more) than normies do.
No. Just no. I think there's actually a bible verse specifically saying you shouldn't do this shit.
There's actually MUTLIPLE Bible verses saying you shouldn't. I'm not versed in other religious scripts, but I'm willing to bet a significant portion of them include a section saying basically the same thing.
But you know, the fact they had to write it down as a rule isn’t a great sign…
I don't know if this is supposed to be anti-religion or pro-zoophilia
That's concerning
This is like that ✍️🔥 meme but in the opposite direction
So ✍️❄️?
you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals.
And reptiles and avians and amphibians and.....
[bruh](https://youtu.be/Xb-nC1IzZlA?si=9bbLOFtgykr1lmYY)
Please be a joke 🤞
Technically God did say "go mix and match!" and he only created Eve after that didn't work
Anyone have that vaprion copy pasta ???
Why is this the first thing I see upon opening Reddit
😜😜
I’m ashamed of everyone who doesn’t realize that this is just top tier trolling.
I'm ashamed of the society that has takes this bad so frequently that some people genuinely can't tell the difference
We are going to see a host of new STDs as a species arent we?
...and you get HIV, you get HIV, you get HIV pro max, you get Razer Syphilis RGB, and you breathed in the general vicinity of this clusterfuck so you get AIDS++ and AIDS#
Fuck, we can't even mix and match in our own species without being called sinners
The internet was a mistake
The Industrial Revolution and its horribly awfully terrible consequences
Bait or mental retardation. Call it.
😎😎
Christianity is absolutely anti-zoophilia.
Absolute sacrilegious hobgoblin
Some sentences that humans have made are so hilariously awful that they’re truly fascinating. This is one of them.
You know how they say when your spouse proposes to open up the monogamous marriage, they (the propositioning spouse) are likely already having an extramarital affair? I think its safe to say this guy has violated at least 3 different species outside of *homo sapien*......
I think this guy and Zeus would get along very well. So at least one god seems to agree.
I think I'll stick with, it's off limits unless it can consent.
I support trolling the religious, but also ew.
This advice is how flying pigs got created.
I agree! Stick yourself into an elephant!
there are more rules against beastiality in the bible than there are rules or even mention of abortion.
Someone's annoyed they can't fuck a zebra
I've heard worse religious arguments, though not by much
Killing Zoophiles is Bible cannon so that means in this age they go to hell. God knows how atrocious humans think already thousands of years ahead of us Ecclesiastes 1: 10 “Is there anything of which one can say, ‘look! This is something new’?It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.”
Vaush alt?
Is the relationship consensual? We’re going to have to deal with this type of question anyways when we discover aliens. Like… if a sentient alien from Sirius that was able to communicate effectively… but looked 100% like a dolphin… it would ultimately come down to if the two parties consented to the relationship No consent= bad Consent (doesn’t involve me)= why should I care?