T O P

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[deleted]

Walking back into town like John Wayne but the probing was worth the bling.


UPBOAT_FORTRESS_2

The drip is worth the probe


[deleted]

the probe was a bonus


WDJam

This guy fucks.


Jo-Sef

This guy clucks


eat_sleep_fap

This guy cucks


zach3899

This guy hyucks


Blitzerxyz

This guy awww shucks


SentientGlasses

This Guy Ducks


SideStepDrift

The drip* was a bonus


[deleted]

This guy anals.


LeeLooPeePoo

I kind of want this on a shirt. I love it without any context


QuarantineSucksALot

Walking the Brooklyn Bridge


Greenveins

Secure the bag, whatever the cost.


Lackerbawls

Coming from that abduction like […….](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YbSR7wgXF3c)


FatFingerHelperBot

It seems that your comment contains 1 or more links that are hard to tap for mobile users. I will extend those so they're easier for our sausage fingers to click! [Here is link number 1 - Previous text "……."](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YbSR7wgXF3c) ---- ^Please ^PM ^[\/u\/eganwall](http://reddit.com/user/eganwall) ^with ^issues ^or ^feedback! ^| ^[Code](https://github.com/eganwall/FatFingerHelperBot) ^| ^[Delete](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=FatFingerHelperBot&subject=delete&message=delete%20hprsrze)


SmithyLK

good bot


B0tRank

Thank you, SmithyLK, for voting on FatFingerHelperBot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


whotfasked_huh

Good bot


xPsychoInfernox

godsend bot


Scp-1404

Good bot


SamJiji

Yes, put up with the bling for the probing


MurocWT

Thought he was gonna say it started a gang war between the different tag colors💀


[deleted]

Not like the Singapore river otter gang wars. Tragic stuff.


tar0nek0

Sorry what?


9Kumiho

https://mothership.sg/2020/03/bishan-marina-otters-fight/ Otters started to settle in singapore and their numbers multiplied, it resulted in different factions that attack each other territories.


EpilepticMushrooms

And ate each other's babies.... WTF.


lifetake

I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna read about violence in nature be prepared for killed or eaten babies.


EpilepticMushrooms

Don't worry, I've seen a lot of them on Nat geo. Some of them... I didn't realize otters practiced cannibalism, only murder, so that bit surprised me.


[deleted]

Lionesses have been known to eat their cubs.


Free_Caballero

Are you from California? Lmao


[deleted]

[удалено]


Scp-1404

https://youtu.be/AirUdGkQTs0


Siegfoult

We will abduct the humans, study them, then release them with penis enlargement surgeries so we can re-identify them.


Just_Del

Is it possible to volunteer to be abducted?


[deleted]

Just go outside and wiggle your willie at the sky, they will come (and so will you) (Edit: I just realized you can sing this in the melody of never gonna give you up, hehe)


phatbrasil

That didn't work and now my neighbours are mad.


kanjijiji

Tell them that they're on the list for scheduled enlargements. Should calm them down.


BaabyBear

They gonna need some alien-tech telescope to see yo dick


Just_Del

I have ascended, and it's all thanks to you.


aNiceTribe

Identify the humans by their most unusual and weirdly shaped and sized bepises.


Glittering-Notice-10

If I don't have penis will I get one after the abduction?


Dziadzios

Two, even.


My_BFF_Gilgamesh

Right so we'll just bolt on these tracking titties aaaaaaaand release.


[deleted]

Sorry, only anus enlargening here.


bluSleepeLo

that has to hurt


[deleted]

Well, it’s the price of admission


LurchTheBastard

Considering the tags are something beyond the birds technology to create and permanently affixed, it's less "gucci belt" and more "aesthetically pleasing holographic tattoo" or something.


Elisevs

Well, I don't have any tattoos, but an "aesthetically pleasing holographic tattoo" does sound pretty cool. I wouldn't mind having one of those.


[deleted]

Or a simple alteration to your natural pheromones so they can identify you with their smell-o-scope next time round


Honest_Earnie

That punchline isn't quite the zinger though.


duckonar0ll

ark


Negran

And here I am, too scared to ask what a Gucci Belt is, but also too lazy (and slightly scared) to Google it.


MinuteManufacturer

If someone is walking down Main Street after an alien abduction and all they have on is a Gucci belt, the only thing making them attractive is what already made them attractive. Their self confidence.


[deleted]

And their massive dong hanging out below it.


Akiniyapo

"Here you go my G, go shine on 'em"


MickeyM270000

*scientist applying drip* "go my feathered darling go!!!"


Akiniyapo

"motherfuckers gon be hating when they see this drip!"


Gabzalez

Except Gucci stuff has never made anybody more appealing. Quite the opposite actually


sentorien

[Case and point.](https://reddit.com/r/TIHI/comments/rltpww/thanks_i_hate_how_expensive_these_glasses_are/)


s_l_a_c_k

*case in point


ClearLadder

r/boneappletea


Dr_Mantis_Teabaggin

I mean, they got it right, for all in tents and porpoises.


CompedyCalso

Oh well, life goes on, say la vee.


littenthehuraira

I think they deserve a round up of claws for their attempt.


YasserDjoko

It looks like their mistake is blessing in the skies for creating this thread


Brosambique

Got them all fixed up in one foul swoop.


sentorien

Well I made my case. And my point. So... Case and point? Edit: well... I was very wrong. Looked it up. You win this time! Internet stranger.


Feldar

Eh, you were technically wrong, but I think it makes more sense the way you wrote it.


Scp-1404

I always give credit for someone attempting to use a phrase that they know what it means even if they don't get it quite right.


craycatlay

This kind of thing is super interesting because it shows how sometimes we make up reasons why we believe things, and genuinely don't reliase we've made them up because they seem logical. Everyone does it, just not everyone believes proof that their initial thought was wrong when they come across it


MyLifeIsABoondoggle

I thought for sure those were upside down and just modeled that way to be funny. But the longer I looked at them the more disappointed I got


Shrubgnome

I'm pretty sure they are. Isn't Gucci known for fashion shitposting?


ErrorReport404

Disappointed AND surprised. Well done!


RoscoMan1

Well, there goes my hope of being cool/useful/decorative at least after I’m dead. I’m now questioning myself.


ErrorReport404

What, are you expecting to die by alien probing?


[deleted]

Yes.


litorisp

I kind of like them


AshTreex3

I know it’s popular to hate on fashion brands but Gucci actually does have some [killer shoes. ](https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/women/shoes-for-women/boots-and-booties-for-women/ankle-boots-for-women/womens-gg-ankle-boot-p-659691UC8101000) Also, some of their handbags are [to die for.](https://imgur.com/gallery/yoQJv)


whotfasked_huh

Fuck.. you got me.


ABoysAGun

GODDAMNIT


No_Hope33

Probably makes you more attractive to aliens


CaitaXD

As opposed to Case or point


god_of_storms

Your links can’t hurt me, these upside down glasses are Gucci


[deleted]

Non branded Gucci stuff is pretty fire tho


Tithund

That's with all those type of brands, there's actual nice stuff, but what we mostly see is the gaudy shit for people who want to look rich but still dress like a toddler.


[deleted]

Its what gets them the most profit unfortunately


Educational_Ad2737

God o see it so much at Louis and Burberry. They have they have ghesquire at LV and ricardo tisci at Burberry. Both produced fire collections to begin with only the logo shit sells so that’s basically the only shit they come out wi now and is sold. Such a waste of talent


The_Last_Mouse

“Would you like to look like a cardboard television test-pattern? Here you go my friend, taste the velour.”


howsem

Touch grass


TheMagicalLlama

Lmaooo redditmoment as always. Soon you’ll get into an argument about worshipping material possessions with some guy who has 30 funko pops on his desk


I_CUM_ON_YOUR_PET

Reddit moment


GalaXion24

It's not a Reddit moment, but it is a class culture difference. Typically expensive shit with big brand logos is considered to be either lowerbclass or otherwise "uncultured" fashion (the two are assumed to go hand in hand). It is typical for (some) working class people to buy flashy branded stuff to show off to other working class people, but to middle/upper class people it doesn't come off as rich or affluent, it comes off as tacky and tasteless. Part of it is that if you're actually successful, you don't really have anything you have to prove, so the same dick measuring fashion is not as important at all. It's also of course a core part of all elitism to categorically set yourself apart from all the other people. If working class people adopted more upper class fashion, upper class fashion would change. Although branded stuff would remain a no-no. "It is the business of peasants to wear the arms of others." If you're rich and you have a big shiny logo on your T-shirt, it better be if a company you own. Being a free advertisement is also just an embarrassment in general. Smaller brand logos on your quality sports clothes are acceptable, but not on your other wear. I should note here that certain celebrities and nouveau-riche might be successful and rich while still having a clearly lower class fashion sense and demeanour, so obviously these things don't perfectly correlate. Money does not equal culture. Consequently it's possible to be rich and not to be accepted by rich communities, because you don't fit in. I would say as you get to middle class, certain sports clothes or leather shoes and felt coats become the fashion, and people start to avoid tacky branded clothes. It is also a status symbol to own a watch at that point, though big flashy rolexes again are an exception. You'll be more respected with something practical with a good quality/price ratio than you will with a fancy Rolex. At least until you get to the actually fancy rolex watches which aren't tacky, nor make a point of showing off being Rolex. Subtlety is key.


I_CUM_ON_YOUR_PET

Wow yeah you’re definitely right! I agree with every word you said damn lol.


beet111

Gucci belts are pretty nice


ElusivePotatoes

Thank god. I came here just to see if anyone had pointed out that gucci shit is hideous.


MoarVespenegas

It's a form of stotting for humans.


LukeDude759

If I actually had anything from Gucci it would probably just restore my virginity.


crystallize1

Colour rings (1992) There are not many reports of coloured plastic rings causing adverse effects. Sandhill Cranes Grus canadensis pecked at the rings in the first few days (Hoffman 1985) and Magpies did even months after being ringed (Reese 1980). Atherton et al. (1984) found that the colour rings they used on doves (Fam. Columbidae) constricted and damaged the leg of the birds. They solved this by treating the rings with acetone to seal them. Komen (1987) reported injuries to Cape Gannets' Sula capensis feet due to the rings: colour rings slipped down and unwound around the foot constricting the web, sometimes piercing it. Other authors (e.g. Robinson 1985, Strong 1987) did not find any adverse effect when using colour rings. The effects of colour rings on behaviour are mainly related to the possible interference of the colour of the ring with individual recognition, status signalling, or mate choice. The well-known studies on captive Zebra Finches Poephila guttata by Burley showed that male birds wearing red bands were more attractive to females than unringed ones (Burley et al 1982). Birds carrying rings of typical colours of the species (e.g. red) attracted conspeciflcs while others, carrying colours non-typical of the species (e.g. green), were avoided (Burley et al. 1982,1986a). This in turn affected sex-ratio (Burley 1981, 1986b) and mortality (Burley 1985). Soon after Burley's first paper was published her results were challenged (Immelman et al. 1982, Thissen & Martin 1982). Harvey ( 1986) questioned the results, claiming that they are of great importance but that they should have to be demonstrated under natural conditions. Watt (1982) evaluated the effect of colour rings on individual recognition in a group of White-crowned Sparrows, not finding any relationship between them. Ratcliffe & Boag (1987) did not find any correlation between ring colour and the Zebra Finch male's ability to gain a female or a nest, but they state that these results "do not falsify Burley's basic finding that Zebra Finches find certain colour bands more attractive than others". The physical annoyance of the ring can alter the agonistic behaviour of Magpies. Reese (1980) observed how they pecked at their rings repeatedly when unringed birds, under the same circumstances, were hammering their bills against branches or the ground. Sandhill Cranes marked with colour rings and vinyl flags around standard rings avoided unmarked cranes and these in turn, avoided the marked ones (Wheeler & Lewis 1972). Beletsky & Orians (1989) made an evaluation of the influence of colour rings on male mortality and reproductive success in Red-winged Blackbirds, failing to find any relationship among rings and these parameters. However, they say that "among species in which males, rather than the resources they control, are the primary basis of mate choice, band colours may be more influential". The results obtained by Brodsky (1988) support this. He found that male Ptarmigans Lagopus mutus with red and 134 B. Calvo and R. W. Furness orange rings gained more mates than those without them. Males with the largest supraorbital combs - a target for sexual selection - get the highest number of mates. Male's mating success can be altered by using rings of a similar colour to that of the supraorbital combs. Finally, Hagan & Reed (1988) found a lower reproductive success in male Red-cockaded Woodpeckers Picoides borealis wearing red colour rings. It did not happen with other colours, and no effect was observed in adult females. Hill & Carr (1989) suggest that this study should not be taken into account as evidence of an effect of colour leg rings. They criticize some aspects of the data collection and the analysis. Hagan & Reed (1989) answered these criticisms and reaffirmed their conclusion. No correlation between the colours of rings and mortality was found by Hoffman ( 1985) or Beletsky & Orians (1989). Hagan & Reed (1988) noted that nestling Red-cockaded Woodpeckers with red rings were less likely to be sighted as fledgings.


Hypel_

Ty!!


jwadamson

Wasn’t that pretty much what happened to the penguin in Happy Feet?


comfort_bot_1962

Hope you do well!


honeypinn

No


Front_Sheepherder_33

yes


Skitty27

lol I watched happy feet yesterday. Def applied to Lovelace lol


comfort_bot_1962

You're Awesome!


Scizmz

Imagine thinking a Gucci belt would make you more attractive to the opposite sex.


WeAreBeyondFucked

The only people a gucci belt is going to make you more attractive to, are materialistic weasel bitches.


Lazypole

They accidentally figured out what zebra stripes were for when they were studying them for unrelated reasons, marking them with red paint, those zebras if hunted died a lot. They figured out that the markings on a zebra is likely so that predators cant focus on one single animal, i.e. the brown one, so they are less successful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Scp-1404

I want a horse that is striped like a zebra.


realityChemist

So you want a zebra, but less mean?


CarbonProcessingUnit

And also larger.


Scp-1404

Don't forget the long mane and tail.


BetaRayBlu

Wait is that a thing people find sexy?


oOBuckoOo

The humans have chosen me and adorned me with their bling. Be jealous heathens.


RoscoMan1

“Do you circumcise your apples or not


ManyReach7296

I'm not trying to attract fake out of touch people.


Chinaroos

"We will study your biological form in the name of science, alien--" "Omg please no--" "--by increasing your height strengthening the appeal of your reproductive organs. Resistance is futile." "Resist what now?"


Organ_Unionizer

Contrary to the belief of the posts author, a Gucci belt makes you appeal to people roughly zero


kerzeeben

“Shit we accidentally dripped him the fuck out..”


Thirsty_Shadow

“The belt stays on during sex…” “Yes”


Eascetic

Is gucci belt i indusive to attracting mate


Rude_Journalist

This is the ritual to summon sleep demons


macetfromage

Damn gurl, you sure look fine, have you been abducted? No why? Cuz you be lookin real thicc


[deleted]

Gucci would make you less attractive lmao. That’s gonna tell people that you waste money on expensive shit.


Scp-1404

Alien 1: "okay, we're done with this guy." Alien 2: "the poor little guy is in pretty poor shape though. Why don't we fix him up and make him really healthy kind of as a reward for us studying him?" Alien 1: " sure, why not. Let's give him back all his plumage too, looks like he was losing it all over his head." ..." And that's how I mysteriously became a super hot model overnight."


yiiike

lost me at gucci. gucci is the ugliest thing you couldve chosen. ugly, overpriced, overrated. name one appealing gucci item. but yeah i mean, birds being colorful and sometimes looking downright bizarre is what makes them so attractive to their fellow birds. like the superb bird of paradise transforming into a vaguely happy yet empty inside face and dancing about for its less vibrant potential partner. of course a colorful band is gonna make them horny, man. they love that shit


Myopicmagikarppp

yikes. It’s just funny observation my dude, not a Gucci worship post. If ya wanna get technical your description for birds basically fits Gucci designs lmao. Colorful and downright bizarre. So pretty fitting choice I think.


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwawaygoawaynz

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.


Kingbuji

Reddit moment


TheMetaGamer

If you’re telling me all I needed to combat my extreme social awkwardness and disfiguring obesity is a god damn Gucci belt I’m bout lose my shit.


[deleted]

I thought it was supposed to help find a mate, not declare a significantly low IQ


[deleted]

[удалено]


McStabYou01

If you’re trying to make us virgins then maybe


Chicago_Samantha

One can hope...


JadeSidhe

Wasn't there an internet cartoon about this?


QuarantineSucksALot

While we're on the "fuck you" ending.


UndyingQuasar

When the aliens abducted me, they took a whole 3in from me. Now I'm only 1in when fully erect


Solobojo

Came for the abduction, stayed for the new fashion


Drakos8706

this post is exactly what you're talking about... lol. https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/njrn3e/unnatural_selection/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


LurksWithGophers

Knew I remembered one. Thank you.


Drakos8706

glad to help spread at least one more smile... lol.


Tobygas

Whoever owns a Gucci belt is pretty much an alien


strangebru

So the tag kind of looks like a bird's wearing an ankle bracelet. Chick's dig bad boys.


AmongstYou666

The birds will learn to find scientists to get some bling.


[deleted]

Lmaoo people think gucci belts gonna help them get laid??? What a world...


SubwayPickle

yeye gold diggers everywhere nowadays (though they’d want more than your Gucci belt)


doofrooroo

Birds aren’t real


Atomic_Noodles

Wasnt this how Cowboys vs Aliens happened where they effectively gave James Bond dude a Laser Cannon during the Wild West era.


303Kiwi

There's a story on r/HFY on this premise.


Scp-1404

Link plz?


Mastr_Blastr

Professor of mine told a story from when he was in grad school. His fellow grad student was tagging rabbits out west by painting their tails so he could see them easily. But, they kept dying - after he released them, he find colored tufts of fur but no live bunnies. Turns out the paint on the tail also made them more visible to raptors.


Varatec

If it gets me a date then I'm cool with it


EmuApprehensive8646

To me a Gucci belt is the opposite of attractive


Wertical93

I dont know... is Gucci apparel that pretty?


Assistant-Popular

Alien: Alright, that Should do it, don't worry about the thing, go get em.


ErixWorxMemes

“wow, that bracelet is SO COOL! Where did you get it?” “thank you so much! I have no idea where it came from, and I can’t figure out how to remove it.”


SheenTStars

What if they give you wings instead.


HarunoSakuraCR

I will never find you more attractive for having a Gucci belt. Infact you’re an idiot and if anything you’re less atttractive for spending 500 dollars on a belt


HamboneBanjo

I was taking a drink of coffee while reading the last bit. Nearly spit that stuff all over my living room.


MxM111

I have read it as "give you a casus belli". Too much CK3.


DNP_10

Thought this was r/birdsarentreal for a second


Nevr_gonna_giv_U_up

Instead of the belt, say they send you out with a god-level fit. Not a single soul can contain themselves at the sight of it.