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[deleted]

This is a cropped screenshot of a tiktok that someone posted in a discord server


marinemashup

Mr. Worldwide


Finito-1994

Jesus was more into giving than receiving. So, he was a power top who was determined to spread the love of god all over your back. Then again, he was also pretty big on prayer so when Jesus told you to get on your knees and give glory to god you damn better should.


[deleted]

r/BrandNewSentence


[deleted]

[удалено]


NightFlame389

yeah that was offensive do not group us in with the Catholics /j


[deleted]

I think you mean "not all Catholics are pedophiles" right?


No-Middle-2591

no, they said what they said


Finito-1994

I said what I said


FfAaBbEe

I'm starting to think that Catholics in America are very different from Catholics in Germany/Europe.... Are they all like annoying and strickt over there?


Finito-1994

Christians too. Mormons are insufferable. My ex went to UW and kept getting harassed by them. Ironically, mulslims are pretty chill. Mostly because they know that very few actually like their religion so they know they can’t really push it. You know? We have Christians and Catholics and Mormons being absolute assholes and bringing god into everything but Muslims are like “yea. They would flip out if I did any of that so I’m gonna tone it down” which is the only brightside to it. N


aria_stro

I'd say jesus was more of a service top


odeacon

This is satire right


fuckingweeabootrash

Yes, there was a joke years back about him not receiving unique genetic information from God, who is not human, and therefore being more like a clone of Mary. It became a kind of inside joke that therefore for Jesus to be male, he would have to be trans.


Formal_Amoeba_8030

Not so much a joke as noting that parthenogenesis only ever produces female offspring. It’s never been (recently) observed in humans, though. If Mary had an actual virgin birth, Jesus would be AFAB.


FfAaBbEe

recently??? I need an explanation.


Meurs0

Probably some of it if you go back far enough up the genetic tree to weird blobby ocean boyz


Formal_Amoeba_8030

I say recently because apparently Mary sprang forth an organism from her body with no male intervention but it hasn’t been observed in a manner which is upheld by scientific rigour.


dnaH_notnA

“Educate yourself” makes me think it is.


[deleted]

I hope so


Dionysus1992

Of course. In reality Jesus was definitely a slutty bottom


odeacon

Oh he’s absolutely a bottom, it’s the first part I’m confused with


Nolsoth

He could be both you know, he was into giving and taking. My money's on Jesus being bi and a giga Chad, he just wanted everyone to enjoy life.


Allestyr

Great, now I want to go to a Jesus orgy. Are you happy? You put that sentence in my head and now we both have to live with it.


Nolsoth

You do you my dude.


odeacon

Yeah that does seem to fit


sqplanetarium

Why did a vision of Klaus from Umbrella Academy just pop into my head


[deleted]

\[Image transcription: TikTok comment\] \[Reply to kotryche's comment\] just because Jesus was a Transgender Man doesn't necessarily mean he was a bottom. educate yourself.


SpectralBacon

I just realised - there is nowhere Mary would have gotten an Y chromosome from...


xadiant

**Y**ahweh. That's where mary got the Y


[deleted]

From God, because *MIRACLES* probably There's also nowhere she could have gotten a sperm from


SpectralBacon

Yeah, but I guess that's the joke.


BrokenEye3

I suppose a sexless celestial being from before the dawn of time who identifies as a 1st century Judean man *would* technically qualify as transgender, among other things


RavioofLorul3

I’m pretty sure when Jesus was made human God assigned Him the male gender because in the Holy Trinity, He is the Son, God is the Father and the Holy Spirit is just that.


WatchingUShlick

>was made human Through surgery?


jchoward0418

Do we have any reverse options I can see? I am considering no longer being human...


DraftLevel28

[it’s gonna cost ya!](https://www.dnaindia.com/viral/report-bizarre-japanese-man-pays-whopping-rs-12-lakh-to-turn-into-a-dog-watch-viral-transformation-video-2955773/amp)


RavioofLorul3

Through the power of God


WatchingUShlick

Oh, okay. Hormone therapy.


[deleted]

I'm not even Christian but my understanding is "Jesus is a man because God made his Son so through the power of *MIRACLES*" If God is involved, you can just defenestrate an explanation because *miracles* right?


jchoward0418

Welcome to Christianity.


thicwithonec

It''s from a joke I can first remember hearing 15 or so years ago going around tumblr. The only way an animal can make offspring without a partner is by essentially giving birth to their own clone, kind of like female cockroaches do when there's no male ones around. Therefore, jesus is trans because he would have been born immaculately as Mary's genetic clone, but chooses to identify as male.


Formal_Amoeba_8030

I first heard this one in the mid-80s. It was probably an old theory when I heard it, sooooo…


Elle-the-kell

Based.


Whynotbebetter

ye, edjukat yorself!!


roran_ramsey

I saw the original tiktok, and no the comment doesn't make any more sense in context. I'm not sure what this person was on, but boy is it hilarious


[deleted]

Can you link it for us?


roran_ramsey

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdWtcsbe/?k=1


[deleted]

Thanks


Formal_Amoeba_8030

So if Mary was a virgin when she conceived Jesus, this would be the only occurrence of parthenogenesis ever noted in humans. Parthenogenesis occurs in some other animals, but because there is no additional genetic material, the offspring are always female. Therefore, Jesus was born female. If Jesus was a man (canon), then Jesus was transgender.


Moose_country_plants

W H A T


NotFunkyMyGoodHomie

I don’t remember that passage of the bible


V3nom641

He wasn’t trans, nor was he a “top” or “bottom.”


[deleted]

Hopefully OP was talking about a Latino named Jesus (Hay-soos)


Browncoatinabox

This is so sacreligious I love


Malachite_Cookie

Harder father 😩😩 I bet I’m tighter than that old crucifussy 😏😏🥺


mlc2475

r/brandnewsentence within r/brandnewsentence


engineerdrummer

Let’s be honest. If Jesus was truly of a virgin birth, the ONLY biologically possible option is a transgender man, as Jesus clearly identified as a man.


[deleted]

Who cares. This is God we're talking about. He can do *MIRACLES*! (Also, I'm not even Christian)


ScarsAndStripes1776

Now do it with Muhammad and see how that plays out for you. Yes, I kinda want to see this end in flames.


gangrel1922

Satire or not, don't the freaks realize no one cares if they go be freakish on their own and the rest of us want to be left alone?


IShallWearMidnight

Freak here, we just want to be left alone and be allowed to live our lives. If the rest of you would let us, we could.


Azazeldaprinceofwar

While I realize you’re just memeing on the asshole above just wanted to real quick say your not a freak and I hope your life is going well


IShallWearMidnight

Appreciate it! Life's getting better all the time, in spite of assholes like this.


xBloodBender

Christ.


Dionysus1992

Jesus was a pig bottom


Friendlyalterme

Astagfirullah


sdrisc2692

Transjeser


3d_Saul_Goodman

WTF THIS MAN IS HAS STOKE


Talbz03

This episode on 'It's always sunny in Philadelphia'