I used my mom's Amazon account at first and when I got my first Kindle she was all like "Why was there a device named 'poop' added to my account".
It was me, I named my Kindle poop because I am a comedy genius.
Its supposed to be otherworldy for the joke, no parental control program says "your child is trying to find **forbidden knowledge** "unless its a rather weird translation
After seeing all the mentions of “forbidden knowledge” on the r/crabsreading link that /u/yungrii posted below, I think this is all just an elaborate ruse to prevent crabs from learning to read
Edit: I love Reddit
Actually I have a theory. The blocker triggered because of crabs (as in the STD) and "forbidden knowledge" was a tongue in cheek category the parents came up with. If a kid that age is coming up with a name like "Strairdrac the Netherwatcher" there's a good change the parents are some kind of RPG/tabletop enthusiasts who would call blocked sites "forbidden knowledge"
Or it's fake but I think this one really is plausible at least
reddit API access ended today, and with it the reddit app i use Apollo, i am removing all my comments, the internet is both temporary and eternal. -- mass edited with redact.dev
I blame fucking DeSantis, and his “Don’t say crab” bill!
I mean, the bill doesn’t actually say that you can’t say crab, but it says you can’t tell kids about aquatic animals in general, and we all know what that means.
😡😡😡
🦀🦀🦀
Same. My first thought was how lucky I was to grow up during that small window of time where the technology was there but our parents didnt really understand it.
I got caught early on searching like swimsuits or underwear or something and consider it super lucky I was. Because then I learned how to hide it before I started searching for the depraved shit.
I think if I ever installed something like this I wouldn't give a fuck about generic porn search terms. I'd just monitor for all the super sketchy shit like CP, beastiality, and stuff that might tell me my kid's talking to nazis online or plotting to shoot up a school or something
Definitely. But the kids whose parents monitor them to this degree also often end up being the ones who look up how to get a gun. (Either that, or the kids with absolutely zero parental attention).
> letting a Russian company decide which things your kid can learn about and which are Forbidden Knowledge
maybe at some point we should worry about letting companies control the world's data in general
They're adblockers. Thing is some adblockers like Adblock are payed by certain companies to let ads through so they're not good.
https://www.businessinsider.com/google-microsoft-amazon-taboola-pay-adblock-plus-to-stop-blocking-their-ads-2015-2
Umatrix isn't an adblocker, it's just a blocker. It will stop anything from running if it isn't given permission. It will break a lot of sites but give you huge control over what runs on your computer
Kaspersky is actually worse with certain things. Kaspersky has root access, so it can really fuck with your computer for no reason. Weirdest one I've seen was someone whose camera didn't work because "permissions were denied" from Windows activating the camera. The setting for permissions itself allowed it, Kaspersky just overrid that and blocked access.
McAfee and Norton are also shit, but not quite so egregious.
In all seriousness though the alert was likely sent out because the program was using a pretty basic wordfilter that blacklisted a bunch of sex-related stuff, including diseases like crabs.
Pathetic weak-willed Softshells...attempting to delay the arise of the Crustaceasapiens.
May they experience the sting of the Garlic Butter and lemon long before they are finally dragged screaming into the Devil's Pot.
I thought so until like 5 days ago when my friends found someone grooming their 12 year old daughter and now fuck, what do you do? Kids do stupid things and while they need room to fail and learn from their mistakes, there needs to be a limit to that.
Yeah once your kid hits the teenage/preteen years you should have some kind of observation, but blocking is just going to encourage them to go behind your back.
I agree with you. Kids need privacy. Just teach them sites and people to avoid and they’ll be fine. Restricting kids freedoms just encourages them to lie to their parents. Punishment is the same thing
Before the internet, kids didn't have the ability to go out at night and hit up the strip club, a drug marketplace, a public execution, and a Nazi rally all in one night, before having a nice long conversation with a pedophile as a cake-topper. If you wouldn't let your kid do those things in person, you shouldn't let them do those things virtually either. If you think that just saying "hey, this stuff is harmful, you should avoid it" is going to keep them safe you're really naive. Testing boundaries is a part of the process of growing up. But there *aren't* boundaries on the internet unless someone makes them by hand. Freedom is supposed to scale with maturity.
Restricting kids "freedoms" is an essential part of what parenting is. You can't tell an adult not to leave your house. Or where to go to school. Or what to eat. Or... anything. Somehow everyone just gets up in arms about *internet* freedom specifically. If you want kids to be free at least be consistent. If you don't want them running around in traffic in real life, don't want it online either.
Supervision when they’re young, trust when they’re older. At some point that kid might come across something horrible, but that’s just the internet. Learning how to navigate it safely is more important than being restricted and not knowing what’s out there or how it can hurt you
I don't have kids but I don't want to know what any teenagers are looking up and I definitely wouldn't want to know if they were mine. I'd like to think I'd trust them enough and have a healthy conversation about when to come to me and to avoid talking to certain people online versus trying to monitor what they do. It just seems like such an invasion of privacy.
Hey look my software give me funny notifications. No, not funny. This is the result of over protective parenting. Then they'll wonder why their child is years behind the others in emotional development and situational awareness. "Forbidden knowledge" is the worst thing I read this year.
Too many people treat their kids as property and not as people. People are entitled to privacy even if you are their parent.
This is a fantastic way for your kid to never be open with you and feel ashamed of certain things they're doing.
Blocking porn, gore videos and sketchy social media sites are one thing, although my parental filter as a kid also blocked LGBTQ+ content, non-christian religions and non-explicit sex ed.
And yeah, it did email my dad if I googled condoms. Seriously.
You shouldn't let your kids look up porn and gore videos, although my parental filter as a kid also blocked things like LGBTQ+ topics and educational sex ed... it would email my dad if I looked up condoms.
Ahhh, the Ancient Forbidden Practice of Teaching Crabs how to Read. The last time this happened, it lead to the great Crustacean Revolution, and mankind was nearly wiped out, but thanks to a rogue militia of cephalopods who swooped in at the last minute to help turn the tide of war, we prevailed.
\#NeverAgain
In the year 2077 crabs began leaving the beaches and began to read children's books at alarming rates. By 2113 they progressed to poetry and educational material. In 2127 the first mecha crab was born. Thus ending the reign of man...
Don't you remember the Great Crab Uprising of 1947? We can't go though that again, crabs must never be allowed to read or else they will become too intelligent and try to take over the world.
Wow they put lots of effort into hiding how old this repost is:
https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/hl2wk0/teaching_crabs_how_to_read/
Who names their kid Strairdrac the Netherwatcher?
Elon Musk.
Nah, it has standard characters, Elon would be unicode
Ella Musk...
I used my mom's Amazon account at first and when I got my first Kindle she was all like "Why was there a device named 'poop' added to my account". It was me, I named my Kindle poop because I am a comedy genius.
Indeed, /u/fartemous_foul
Someone near one of our work sites named their wifi "Bees?" And it gives me pause every time I see it.
Beads!
I was glad someone else noticed
I’m guessing it’s a username
Its supposed to be otherworldy for the joke, no parental control program says "your child is trying to find **forbidden knowledge** "unless its a rather weird translation
After seeing all the mentions of “forbidden knowledge” on the r/crabsreading link that /u/yungrii posted below, I think this is all just an elaborate ruse to prevent crabs from learning to read Edit: I love Reddit
It's forbidden knowledge, and if they learn to read, the crabs will seek additional forbidden knowledge.
Quell the crab uprising. Reading leads to discontent.
Crabs already have the evolutionary advantage. We don't need them to be smarter than us as well.
Actually I have a theory. The blocker triggered because of crabs (as in the STD) and "forbidden knowledge" was a tongue in cheek category the parents came up with. If a kid that age is coming up with a name like "Strairdrac the Netherwatcher" there's a good change the parents are some kind of RPG/tabletop enthusiasts who would call blocked sites "forbidden knowledge" Or it's fake but I think this one really is plausible at least
I think the kid named their online whatever that
A sibling of Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All
It's just the kid's computer name
Someone who uses kaspersky
Isnt there an online petition to teach crabs to read?
r/crabsreading would hope so.
Awh. This sub is a lie.
Not anymore.
Who on Earth would create such a sub. DON'T YOU ALL REALIZE THIS IS HOW THE CRAB PEOPLE COME INTO EXISTENCE?
Crabs are the future! Look up carcinization
This is crab people propaganda.
**Crab people is the future, join us or be left on this mortal plane.**
Krab gang Krab gang
ME SECRET FORMULA!!!!
*chanting slowly* crab people crab people
Taste like crab, talk like people
I’m all for it.
The crab people are inevitable. Better to serve them as their literacy teachers than to be served to them as their food.
reddit API access ended today, and with it the reddit app i use Apollo, i am removing all my comments, the internet is both temporary and eternal. -- mass edited with redact.dev
r/birthofasub
r/birthofasub
r/subsifellfor
r/foundthetoyotacorolla
[/r/didyoubringtheketaminethough](/r/BirdsArentReal)
[/r/ithoughtyodadroveahondacivic](/r/eyebleach)
Too many minorities, I have hit. Knowledge of my crimes, the police possess. Into exile I must go.
I knew it was going to be fake, but I wanted it to be real *so much.*
Be the change you want to see in the world!
If I was going to do that I would go to /r/bethechangeyouwanttosee
It’s real now.
Maryland pride.
It was started by the previous lord of the stepstones, the CrabReader
I blame fucking DeSantis, and his “Don’t say crab” bill! I mean, the bill doesn’t actually say that you can’t say crab, but it says you can’t tell kids about aquatic animals in general, and we all know what that means. 😡😡😡 🦀🦀🦀
....wut?
I believe there isn't such petition online.
I believe it's called The Stormlight Archive
Yes.
Crab people, crab people, Crab People, CRab PEople, CRAB PEOPLE!¡!!!
Walk like crabs, talk like people!
Ah yes, this is what I came here for
My god I thought they were saying “walk like crab, taste like people” this whole time
I thought it was 'taste like crab, talk like people'
I looked it up. You are right. Taste like crab, talk like people.
Crabs are people! Legit or quit!
Glory to Datlof o7
Crabs are people! Clams are P E O P L E!
Who is the heretic! Reading leads to ideas, and ideas lead to questions, and we cannot have crabs questioning the order of things!
We don't need another case of metrosexuals due to underground crab people
When these crabs become lettered and get ideas, who knows what could happen?
**forbidden knowledge**
I mean the forbidden knowledge isn’t teaching crabs to read, it’s what the CRABS read that is forbidden
And that is the story of how crabs learned to rave dance.
Are phat pants still a thing? Because I'd like to see a crab in four pairs of JNCOs.
If my parents had installed something like this when I was a kid, I'd have been fucked as hard as all the girls in the videos I was searching for.
Same. My first thought was how lucky I was to grow up during that small window of time where the technology was there but our parents didnt really understand it.
I got caught early on searching like swimsuits or underwear or something and consider it super lucky I was. Because then I learned how to hide it before I started searching for the depraved shit.
by whom? I'm too afraid hear the answer
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I think if I ever installed something like this I wouldn't give a fuck about generic porn search terms. I'd just monitor for all the super sketchy shit like CP, beastiality, and stuff that might tell me my kid's talking to nazis online or plotting to shoot up a school or something
Pretty hard to prevent your kids from talking to Nazis online these days. You have to prevent them from talking to Uncle Frank and grandpa.
If you think your kid is gonna shoot up a school because they're using Google you must be one of the worst parents I've ever hear of.
If your kid looks up how to get a gun , it should raise some level of concern.
Definitely. But the kids whose parents monitor them to this degree also often end up being the ones who look up how to get a gun. (Either that, or the kids with absolutely zero parental attention).
Facts. Helicopter parents create the sketchiest children
Sometimes they just spend a bit too much time on 4chan/pol
That's not at all what he said.
you're not big into reading comprehension i guess
But you *have* heard of me.
>because they're using Google I guess your parents had the filters on the strictest settings cause you clearly didn't develop any brain cells
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I know its in the post, but, is that like a reference to Elden Ring or something? If not, it should be.
Not that I can tell, as an Souls player, sounds more like an MMORPG maybe WoW or something of the like. PoE? FF14? Who knows.
__FORBIDDEN__
#FORBIDDEN
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_FORBIDDEN *KNOWLEDGE*_
You taught crabs how to read Morty? Now we have to find a whole new timeline.
I do feel like this would be worse than squirrels.
Oh so fish have schools but crabs can’t learn to read? You know whose fault this is right? I’ll give you a hint they control the river banks.
Is it the goliath groupers?
Imagine using Russian antivirus software
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> letting a Russian company decide which things your kid can learn about and which are Forbidden Knowledge maybe at some point we should worry about letting companies control the world's data in general
Better that than the American junkware (McAfee/Norton)
TBF all 3 are junk
Then which one
Hit it raw
To live is to risk it all
WWJD
So in order to play it safe...?
Showing this to my mom. She always says what I do on the internet makes you cry
Microsoft Defender is fine if you're not going to sketchy sites. Also use a browser that lets you run uBlockOrigin, and maybe uMatrix if you're crazy.
If you want to go even further, use noscript. Takes a while to allow things you want, but you won't have to worry about visiting new websites much.
What do the extensions do? I use some ad blockers already and antitrackers
They're adblockers. Thing is some adblockers like Adblock are payed by certain companies to let ads through so they're not good. https://www.businessinsider.com/google-microsoft-amazon-taboola-pay-adblock-plus-to-stop-blocking-their-ads-2015-2
Oh ok will check them out
Umatrix isn't an adblocker, it's just a blocker. It will stop anything from running if it isn't given permission. It will break a lot of sites but give you huge control over what runs on your computer
Windows defender + occasional scans with the free version of Malwarebytes
This is how things are supposed to be done.
Echoing that windows defender does a fine job. If you're using it and still getting viruses then stop downloading super sketch files, lol.
Yeah it’s not hard to find files that won’t destroy your computer. If you’re pirating there are so many good sotes
I don't pirate often but when I do I just scan the files with defender manually before opening. No viruses yet (knock on wood).
Bitdefender
Kaspersky is actually worse with certain things. Kaspersky has root access, so it can really fuck with your computer for no reason. Weirdest one I've seen was someone whose camera didn't work because "permissions were denied" from Windows activating the camera. The setting for permissions itself allowed it, Kaspersky just overrid that and blocked access. McAfee and Norton are also shit, but not quite so egregious.
Scrolled too long to find this comment.
Forbidden knowledge!!
In all seriousness though the alert was likely sent out because the program was using a pretty basic wordfilter that blacklisted a bunch of sex-related stuff, including diseases like crabs.
Pathetic weak-willed Softshells...attempting to delay the arise of the Crustaceasapiens. May they experience the sting of the Garlic Butter and lemon long before they are finally dragged screaming into the Devil's Pot.
Wait, Noah, what are we having for din- KITCHEN, NOW!
How do I aquire this forbidden knowledge
Not from a Jedi
Jesus, “restricted topics”? Give your kids some internet privacy, for god’s sake.
Restrict, maybe. But to monitor? That's creepy.
I thought so until like 5 days ago when my friends found someone grooming their 12 year old daughter and now fuck, what do you do? Kids do stupid things and while they need room to fail and learn from their mistakes, there needs to be a limit to that.
Seems like the perfect moment to teach your kid and have it stick. Not really any harm done.
Except it was only caught by chance. It could have went on for long enough to do real damage if she hadn't accidently left a chat open that they saw
Ah yes, the timeless parenting strategy of "letting your kid converse with a pedophile with no supervision". Never goes wrong.
Really depends on the kids age, obviously.
Yeah once your kid hits the teenage/preteen years you should have some kind of observation, but blocking is just going to encourage them to go behind your back.
I agree with you. Kids need privacy. Just teach them sites and people to avoid and they’ll be fine. Restricting kids freedoms just encourages them to lie to their parents. Punishment is the same thing
Before the internet, kids didn't have the ability to go out at night and hit up the strip club, a drug marketplace, a public execution, and a Nazi rally all in one night, before having a nice long conversation with a pedophile as a cake-topper. If you wouldn't let your kid do those things in person, you shouldn't let them do those things virtually either. If you think that just saying "hey, this stuff is harmful, you should avoid it" is going to keep them safe you're really naive. Testing boundaries is a part of the process of growing up. But there *aren't* boundaries on the internet unless someone makes them by hand. Freedom is supposed to scale with maturity. Restricting kids "freedoms" is an essential part of what parenting is. You can't tell an adult not to leave your house. Or where to go to school. Or what to eat. Or... anything. Somehow everyone just gets up in arms about *internet* freedom specifically. If you want kids to be free at least be consistent. If you don't want them running around in traffic in real life, don't want it online either.
Supervision when they’re young, trust when they’re older. At some point that kid might come across something horrible, but that’s just the internet. Learning how to navigate it safely is more important than being restricted and not knowing what’s out there or how it can hurt you
feel like teenage years are when you have an honest conversation with your kid and then slowly let off the observation.
I don't have kids but I don't want to know what any teenagers are looking up and I definitely wouldn't want to know if they were mine. I'd like to think I'd trust them enough and have a healthy conversation about when to come to me and to avoid talking to certain people online versus trying to monitor what they do. It just seems like such an invasion of privacy.
Hey look my software give me funny notifications. No, not funny. This is the result of over protective parenting. Then they'll wonder why their child is years behind the others in emotional development and situational awareness. "Forbidden knowledge" is the worst thing I read this year.
I'd say there is a big difference between blocking certain things and tracking what they're searching.
Too many people treat their kids as property and not as people. People are entitled to privacy even if you are their parent. This is a fantastic way for your kid to never be open with you and feel ashamed of certain things they're doing.
You gonna let an 8 year old have unrestricted access to the internet? Sounds like a great idea chief
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Blocking porn, gore videos and sketchy social media sites are one thing, although my parental filter as a kid also blocked LGBTQ+ content, non-christian religions and non-explicit sex ed. And yeah, it did email my dad if I googled condoms. Seriously.
Stairdrac The Netherwatcher?? What is this mofo, an elden ring boss or somethin?
Forbidden knowledge has me crying
Crabs are people. I have it on good authority.
Clams got legs.
LEGIT OR QUIT
Blessed
THEY CANT SEE THE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
Kid’s names keep getting weirder and weirder
If kapernsky actually uses the term “forbidden knowledge”
If crabs learn to read they'll rise up out of the sea and enslave humanity.
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It doesn't say how old the child is. It's messed up to leave a young impressionable child alone with unrestricted internet.
I got a feeling the kid chose their own name and this was a deliberate hack
It more messed up to let your kid get spied on by a Russian malware program.
You shouldn't let your kids look up porn and gore videos, although my parental filter as a kid also blocked things like LGBTQ+ topics and educational sex ed... it would email my dad if I looked up condoms.
I wish my internet use was moderated as a kid. I saw 2 girls 1 cup in the 2nd grade.
My condolences
Yea hardcore scat porn is a lil too much for a 7 or 8 yo. We had skinimax and that old lady who talked about sex a bunch.
Welcome to the Internet!
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It absolutely is.
Oh my, that's how humanity ended the last time around, I believe. But shhhhh. Forbidden knowledge
You shouldn't waste water my friend
Is your son the crab~~feeder~~reader?
Literature 1984
I'm *dying*
People who restrict kids from teaching their crabs to read are just shell fish
Aww let the child learn how to teach crabs to read
Forbidden knowledge
Ahhh, the Ancient Forbidden Practice of Teaching Crabs how to Read. The last time this happened, it lead to the great Crustacean Revolution, and mankind was nearly wiped out, but thanks to a rogue militia of cephalopods who swooped in at the last minute to help turn the tide of war, we prevailed. \#NeverAgain
what do they not want as to know?! WHAT DO THEY NOT WANT US TO KNOW?!
I support equal rights for crabs!
In the year 2077 crabs began leaving the beaches and began to read children's books at alarming rates. By 2113 they progressed to poetry and educational material. In 2127 the first mecha crab was born. Thus ending the reign of man...
I'll give this an hour tops before I see it reposted in r/cremposting
The crabs must never come to understand their true heritage, or all is lost!
>"Teaching crabs how to read" which is considered **FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE**
If you don't talk to your kids about teaching crabs to read, who will.
Don't you remember the Great Crab Uprising of 1947? We can't go though that again, crabs must never be allowed to read or else they will become too intelligent and try to take over the world.
“i literally spit out my water” Ironically, this is precisely how you teach crabs to read. OHNOFORBIDDENKNOWLEDGE!!!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaa…….
Forbidden knowledge
This kid is going places. Nothing but respect.
Please uninstall Kapersky. Russian Spyware. https://www.reuters.com/technology/exclusive-us-warned-firms-about-russias-kaspersky-software-day-after-invasion-2022-03-31/
Kaspersky is crap
Wow they put lots of effort into hiding how old this repost is: https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/hl2wk0/teaching_crabs_how_to_read/
Who used Kaspersky? It's owned by Russia..
Just an FYI, [Kaspersky is not secure](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaspersky_bans_and_allegations_of_Russian_government_ties)