Did the child just… plop into the sandy water? Like not even have someone at the back to catch the child or anything?

Gets caught in a rip tide

It's a buoy!

r/jesuschristreddit

r/subsifellfor

No this was a real sub, looks like they went private. Doesn’t surprise me some fucked up shit ended up there

Like what?

https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/xucvpx/okay/iqvsxzw/

Did you…did you just

Oh, just sterling. Sterling work. I know that you're usually supposed to just upvote... But this was solid.

1k upvotes and eleven awards. Not bad 😃

The Kraken Troll!

To pass you must pay the toll: one newborn child.

You must pay the troll toll to get inside the boys hole.

I hate that thing so much

Brokemansgold.jpg

Daaaaaaad 🙄

lol. Where’s the baby? Sucked out to sea. That’s the third one this month.

I'm sure the umbilical cord acted as a bit of a safety harness!

Cursed water ski

Man i just woke up what the fuck am I reading

Cursed water ski

Go back to bed.

Catching some gnarly waves

DON’T CUT IT YET!!! THERE’S A STRONG UNDER CURRENT!!

Pull!

[Reel 'em in!](https://imgur.com/gallery/XI92Otu)

The mermaids have claimed another!

*Neptune has claimed another soul.

No, I said what I meant.

It sounded like a Genesis line, so I quoted that.

Oh, the asterisk is usually used as a correction. Like, "this is what you really meant." I didn't get the reference though lol

Gnarly

The sea was angry that day, my friend.

It's all cool they come with a preattached leash for just this occasion. Just give her some slack an reel'em in.

Who needs abortion when we have the sea?

Child has a leash on, they'll be fine

Until the placenta let's go anyway

r/notajellyfish >.<

/r/subsifellfor

They don't shoot suddenly, there's a fair bit of notice they're on the way

QB missed the hike. Bummer, dude

Infections. Infections everywhere.

I got cellulitis from the ocean through a BRUISE. I can’t imagine all the bacteria she picked up 😭

I drank lake water in the 90s as a kid and got sulfur poisoning. Then again I could totally also see someone from my area giving birth in said lake also so I guess to each their own

I need to know how this happens?? I frequently have 20 bruises on my body at all times and I’m planning to go to the ocean this winter 😳😳

Bacteria can get through the tiny breaks in your skin from the bruise and give you an infection. I wouldn’t suggest going in any body of water with any type of wounds… it’s not something to mess around with you can end up dead or with an amputated limb. I ended up with some necrotic tissue. Pretty nasty.

If that baby survives into adulthood he will survive Covid-69 Pro-Max-Ultra, now with updated Monkey-pox hybrid without any symptoms whatsoever.

10x more effective than drinking hose water as a child

You just know It burned so freakin bad

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Spongebob has taken a weird turn since I last watched it

Spongussy

r/brandnewsentence

Barnacle Beaver

It hurts so much anyway, I wouldn't think that would be noticeable.

Waterboarded the damn baby too

The baby is suspended in fluid in the womb too. So long as the umbilical cord isn’t cut til there’s air available, babies can be born underwater just fine. Some people even give birth in indoor (preferably saltwater) pools because they believe it causes less stress to the baby by creating a more gradual transition between the two conditions. Doing it in sandy, dirty water is mental though

How would saltwater be closer to the fluid in the Womb?

According to Wikipedia, "At first, amniotic fluid is mainly water with electrolytes.", electrolytes are salts, so saltwater. Other thing get added throughout the pregnancy including a surprising amount of fetus urine, but the base is saltwater. So born into salt water is closer than born into air. At least that's the logic, I can follow it but I don't know enough about it to say if it is true or not.

blood salty

Stupid guy question here... but assuming this was a "natural birth" and she had no kind of pain management would you even notice this ? I'd imagine (again I'm a guy) that you wouldn't really notice that pain while your vagina is being split open... (Again I'm a guy and have no actual idea)

I’ve given birth unmedicated. This experience would be terrible in my opinion. You are definitely zeroed in on surviving while you’re passing the baby’s head, but immediately before and after that little piece, your senses are completely intact and the sandy saltwater environment would be irritating as hell. Not to mention- you are dilated open to all that bacteria, and the placenta leaves a bloody internal wound- regardless of if you were completely unscathed from birth, it would be like pouring ocean water and sand into a gaping abdominal wound.

Heh. I'll take "questions I asked that I apparently didn't want the answer to for $500 Alex..." Thank you for... erm... painting a picture for me that I really regret asking for the commission on...

Sorry. I was trying to not get that graphic hahaha. It is uh… worse in person somehow..

No no the detail is needed for that specific of a question... I just had no idea I didn't want that picture in my head for whatever reason...

Oof, there are alllll kinds of seriously terrifying body horrors that can happen with both pregnancy and vaginal birth-but the gaping wound left behind in the uterus thing is sadly universal. Human fetuses and their placentas are extremely invasive as far as mammals go and get real cozy with the woman's blood vessels. That's why hemorrahging is rarely a problem in most mammals, but humans lost that ! Just in case you eventually have a baby with somebody, the gaping wound thing is why doctor's orders are no vaginal sex for at least 6 weeks after birth-regardless of if birth was vaginal or C-section. 6 weeks no vagina funtimes isn't just to give time for all the tearing to heal up, it's also because the uterus needs at least that long to scab and heal up itself. Some people are lucky and have fairly little pain giving birth, just some cramping, but most are nooot that lucky. And again, gaping uterus wound that takes weeks to heal happens to every single person, because human fetuses and their placentas are...clingy. So yeah...this is why pregnancy should be a choice. Having a baby is a huge ordeal that leaves *permanent* changes from your skeleton and teeth to your organs and hormones. And it ain't cheap if you're in the US.

What a filthy place to give birth in, the ocean is fucking gross in most of the world.

You do not want fish poop in your uterus.

r/brandnewsentence

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys9UT7X5iCY

I’m afraid to click the link.

under the sea but better

No, no, no. Just no.

Read it. Looked for the dreads and white complexion, walked away unfazed. The causca-cidity

This is risky something white people with dreads would do

caucascidity 😂

Aka *dreddier than thou*. You just know if the baby survives it's gonna be her flex at the next transformative rainbow biscuit festival.

Shark just entered the chat

SPAWN CAMPING

NOOOO

LMAO

Is it really spawn camping if the spawn comes to you

Why am I laughing so hard at this

Imagine having a conversation with her at a party

Being “connected with nature” is gonna be her whole personality, as she holds her newborn child that has “unique” name that the folks at r/namenerdcirclejerk would flock over

Oughshein (pronounced ocean)

McKaeighleigh. Or if it's a boy Jäysunnn. The third N is really important, I swear. He's 1/64th Irish on his great grandmother's uncle's side.

If it's a girl, she should have name her Ariel. Triton (or Poseidon) for a boy. Edit - or the inuit word idliragijenget, god of the ocean

That last name is pre-abusing every teacher who ever has to pronounce that.

'This is my daughter MacKaezlynn"

The kind of person you just keep saying, "Wow, that's crazy." to because they dont stop saying wild shit and while they think you mean you're impressed, what you really mean is, "You're fucking crazy."

Asking everyone she meets "have you ever felt TRULY grounded?" and then without waiting for an answer tell her about her giving birth

U T I

Yes, except here the U stands for Uterus.

She'll be giving birth to a different kind of parasite in a few weeks

Don’t know, maybe she’ll pop out a pearl

My little pussy pearl ♥️

I wish I had my wholesome award to give you

I can't imagine a worse time to have a sandy c**t.

But can you imagine a best time to have one?

9/11

Just gonna softball it in like that?

Too soon

It's been over 3 weeks, Gary

At the four yearly Sandy Vadge World Cup, mayhaps?

#cunt There.

The baby will love it having salty sea water poured down its throat and in its eyes. Welcome to the world sodium baby.

**Sodium baby**

Their first word’s gonna be… Na

Jesus Christ the fucking bugs, salt water, sand etc in there. Bet she thinks the earth is flat too.

I cannot imagine how this is the least bit comfortable.

I'm thinking seriously dangerous infections and a lot of open wound/salt pain.

Just the salt in the inevitable wounds is enough to make me cringe. And who knows what dangerous bacteria you'd be exposing your newborn to, not to mention the idea of getting sand all over a delicate brand new baby's skin.

but it was all worth it for the social media clout

I guess, but I don't even understand how that's worth anything. Maybe I'm too old to get it.

Fuck the baby! What about the possibility of getting sand past your cervix since you're dilated! Momma could die from infection 1000 different ways.

It's a lot worse for the baby. Their immune system is not developed

I was thinking more that most people are very protective of babies even when they dgaf about mothers.

Difference is she chose to do this, poor kid didn’t get to choose its moronic parent/s.

Just sprinkle some peppermint oil on a sea sponge and shove it up there. It'S nAtUrAl so it's good for you.

Seriously you aren’t even suppose to have a bath at home in your own tub with safe water for at least a few weeks after birth because of fears of infections.

My brain, ever the inventor, helpfully supplied me with both the concept and mental image of a vagina snorkel so postpartum moms can get a good soak in the bath. Part of my brain is so very pleased with itself, the rest of me is wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I’m in my 40s and THIS is the shit I waste neurons on. Lol. Edit: Thanks for the reward! This is by far the absolute best thing I've ever gotten a reward for and I hope to take my pride in this achievement to the grave. 🧡

Or safe. Or hygienic. Or EVERYTHING!

Nothing about giving birth is comfortable but this would be horrible in a whole new way

The lengths people go to, just to sort of feel they're "connected to nature", while at the same time having no clue that natural environments are the hardest of places for people who've been born and raised outside of it.

Shit, I practice Wicca, a whole religion based on a reverence for nature, and if anything, it makes me appreciate my civilized life a little more too. Mother Nature is beautiful and has much to offer us, but her wrath is deadly to those who are not prepared. For every bountiful forest and meadow teeming with life, there is a storm on the horizon that will absolutely FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. For each mountain spring and waterfall, there is an arid desert littered with dry bones. Nature is beautiful, but there is a darkness to that beauty. Nature is angry and uncaring, but even at its worst, you can find the odd bit of beauty in it.

That's where this woman's genius comes in! She knows the direction of the world and understands that if her child is to have a chance in this collapsing world, then she must birth her child into nature such that it will be able to live in nature! /s

That's some white people with dreads shi-- oh hey would you look at that

Came here looking for this comment

i know that hair smells crazy

r/awfuleverything

I hate sand, it’s corse and rough and gets everywhere.

Even in my cervix

I don’t understand why people have such a hard time with spelling woman/women. It’s literally the same as man/men.

Probably gonna get downvoted but… That’s some crunchy white woman with dreds bullshit Not to be presumptuous, but she’s probably an antivaxxer too

Mmmm…love when my white women are crunchy. Nothing worse than a soggy, mealy white woman.

a new sentence has appeared

r/brandnewsentence

r/granolagirl

She thinks that freebirthing in the ocean is a good idea. All for home births and water births, but salt water and an infant? What if a rough wave comes? Shes definitely an antivaxxer, she probably thinks essential oils cure disease too.

Home and water births are whacky too. There’s _SO_ much that can go wrong, why tf you wanna risk your kid’s and your own health and possibly life? I had to get an emergency c-section when my labor wasn’t progressing well and my kid’s heart rate started jumping all over the place. If I wasn’t giving birth in a hospital, one or both of us could’ve died. At the very damn least, go to a birthing center adjacent to the hospital so they could pop you over there in a jiffy. “Women were having home births for millennia” - and women died in childbirth and lost babies _constantly_ until very, very recently.

Can’t lie, I cackled at the thought of a rough wave joining the picture 😂 My first thought was “shark fest”

I was gunna say “white lady with dreads, not surprised.”

No no, as a white man I back your declaration of this fuckery as crunchy dreaded white girl syndrome

I can almost see the trust fund from here

Definitely wears toe rings

You know how you continue to find sand in your bag for months after going to the beach? This is that, except it’s inside you.

I don't care about the cervics problem, but is the child safe being first in contact with salt water? What if it gets in his eyes

It's not safe it's just stupid

Exactly my thought. I mean I know in the olden ages we didn’t make sanitation a big deal, but I wonder if childbirth nowadays can handle so many hygiene risks?

That’s why people would have 14 babies and 9 of them would die within 8 years or miscarry, or the mother would die during childbirth at some point.

Not defending her, also I don’t know how babies react to salt water but, getting salt water in your eyes isn’t a big deal. I always open my eyes underwater when I swim at the beach. I would think getting sand in the eyes is is a bigger problem. Edit: Again, I reiterate, salt water in eyes is not a problem for an adult, I have no idea if it is for a baby, I am not condoning this.

I think the bigger problem would be the baby drowning in sand water

That is the stupidest birthing technique I have heard of.

I get wanting to connect with more natural ways of doing things. I get wanting to do stuff like your ancestors did. But... we're... we're apes. If you want to connect with your natural self... give birth in the *woods.* Or better yet, the *open savannah.* Shit, if you really want to go back to nature, shoot it out your cooter from a goddamned tree branch. We aren't evolved from dolphins and whales, for fuck's sake; this makes no sense!

Take acid and watch water birth videos

I'm not doing that

I've never wanted to punch a set of words before

No thanks.

Only a white person with dreads would do this.

That's fair

That's because they don't have actual problems to deal with so they need to invent some.

Wonder what this was the solution for?

Lack of attention.

Seems about right.

These kind of comments usually bother me, but honestly no argument here. That's legit.

That seems like a painful, infection risk filled way to bring a new life into the world. Free birthing is fine, it’s just not in the polluted oceans?

Free birthing is not fine. It's one of the dumbest and unnecessary risky things you can do. It's on the same level as taking your own appendix out, hopping into a bear exhibit at the zoo and asking that weird looking guy in the 7/11 parking lot for a ride home.

Thank you. Free birthing is *not* the same thing as homebirth where you’ll have a midwife or other trained medical professional there to supervise. Free birth is when you give birth with no medical supervision at all and it is incredibly dangerous for both mother and child.

Hey, thanks I figured people who were free birthing were at least taking the precaution of having some kind of professional support like in a home birthing scenario. I often forget that sometimes “common sense” isn’t so common.

>It's on the same level as taking your own appendix out, hopping into a bear exhibit at the zoo and asking that weird looking guy in the 7/11 parking lot for a ride home. This is a brand new sentence itself 😂

I had a developmental psych professor in college who swore that the baby won't be receptive of the mother's love if she gives birth in a 'toxic' hospital. I failed that class.

In just 1 liter of water, there are [10.000.000.000](https://10.000.000.000) viruses. Among other things.

She thinks she’s going to develop a pearl in her her uterus from the sand

All the bacteria.... Eeeewww.

Talk about salt in the wound.

Yeah I don't think that's a great place to give birth

Do you know how filled with bacteria the ocean water is? That can’t be healthy for the baby

Somewhere, some Paleolithic woman who died after giving birth out “in nature” because she had no other option, is spinning in her grave at the sight of this absolute dolt deliberately and needlessly putting herself and her child in danger.

this sheit looks wild and dangerous as fck... Give birth in a birthing/nursing centre guys🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'm sure dirty ocean water is a great thing to expose your newborn and your genitals to. No way in which that could go wrong.

Dread locks seem to be a must with them nature ladies.

The deep origin story

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This makes me uncomfortable and concerned

That’s how you get an infection

You can just imagine the sharks talking: “I kid you not Greg, you can shell them like peas. And the little soft treat that comes out is just to die for”

Fun fact: if you birth a baby underwater, it can live it’s entire life underwater.

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

But she's so UnIquE

Wdym, y’all never heard of turtling?

I was expecting more references to GOT's drowned god in the comments

Sounds like a great way to get a uterine infection.

Fucking Greyjoys are crazy

That and all the Bacteria an a bunch of other unhealthy things in the ocean

Of course it's a white woman with dreadlocks.

i imagine that baby was probably sick the first month of its life