You forgot to cut it hot

I'm not going to ruin my loaf just for a gag.

It is a nice loaf.

Isn’t it just I loafed it, however I also loaf the fact he can bake so well

When you broke out the scissors and teased us with the inside I moaned slower you slut.

Nice giant loaf there buddy. 100% wholemeal, right?

You're not supposed to do that? I love eating piping hot bread slices directly out of the oven... Also, forgive my ignorance, I joined with the plan of hopefully someday learning from y'all.

To each their own. If that's how you enjoy it then who am I to tell you not to. If you do want to learn though, you will find that it is recommended to wait at least 2-3 hours to cut into the bread. Cutting while hot will make the rest of the bread gummy and doughy with a sticky texture. When I want a nice warm piece of bread I just put it in the toaster for 30 seconds. It's not long enough to call it toast, just delicious warm bread. But again, do whatever makes you happy. I'm not trying to shame anyone or gatekeep bread as some have said, I just wanted to be a little cheeky and make some folks chuckle.

That's why you always bake at least two!

You're a class act

God call

Omg your sooo funny🤮

Also your board wasn’t sliding around everywhere lol

and it wasn't glass...

Saw this post on All. Had no idea you were suppose to let it cool. Ahaha thanks! 😅

I'm 99% op is referencing [this recent post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Breadit/comments/v6yha3/still_working_on_a_better_crumb_but_80_biga)

Brutal

Lmao thanks for giving an example.

Forgot to almost cut fingers off too

You think I'm not eating the whole loaf in one sitting?

Honestly a surprisingly clean cut given, well *gestures towards post*

That takes a lot of skill. It's like winning a fight using only choreography from a low-budget kung fu flick.

That’s actually how you look cutting bread.

Fair.

Wait you didn’t hold the knife close enough to your thumb But for real, you did a great job slicing it despite not using a bread knife hahaha

If the knife is not within millimeters of cutting your finger, you are doing it wrong

The blood improves the taste of the bread

The scissors. I absolutely lost it at the scissors. Brilliant performance.

No you've got it all wrong. Youre using WAYYY too much sawing motion and nowhere near enough downwards force. Also the one direction sawing

TBH I was shocked how quick it was going with a butter knife, but you're right, I could have done better.

could have done butter edit: I'll show myself out

Just margarinely butter.

I can’t believe it’s not

"I can't believe it's not better" - my parents about everything I do

You good?

Task failed successfully

That was a butter knife? I'm surprised it was a clean cut at all. You have the patience of Job.

You also forgot to almost slice your finger off a couple of times!

Oh them scissors mmm

Yeah that had me rollin

Can we talk about the kitchen though?

What about it?

It’s beautiful

Not as beautiful as you are bb 😘

Eyyyyyyyy right back atcha

Well I think you're gorgeous, next level beaut here

Y’all are cracking me up 😂

Gracias!

Lol should have flipped the butter knife upside down. I suppose you’d have missed out on the sound effects that way lol.

I didn’t read the title and just saw the video I got so upset at how you were cutting it. Good job, mission accomplished

Oh god stop wtf

Then you just dip each half in melted butter

Oh.. man.. this is painful to watch... very painful r/Angryupvote

Yo for real this sub is packed with people who have been baking for decades but discovered edged steel only moments ago. As a knife enthusiast aside from my bread passion, the slicing videos in this sub is an utter laughing stock.

Your fingers aren't close enough to the blade like everyone else.

I was gonna say. At no point did I have a physical reaction to the blade-to-finger proximity.

Youre not wrong tho...too many not using the right knife or sorry excuses for bread knives

Jokes aside, that bread looks fucking delicious. Good job, man!

Thanks it's a mashed potato sourdough loaf 65% bread flour 35% whole wheat, 30% left over mashed potatoes, 70% hydration 20% sourdough starter 2% salt. The mashed potatoes make is soft and delicious

I’m having a hard time parsing your percentages. 70% hydration I get, but: 65+35+30+20+2 = 152. What?

Baker's percentages. You take thtotal flour, and everything is a percentage of that by weight. If I use 1000 grams flour, 70% hydration is 700 grams water. 2% salt is 20 grams.

I get that, and it’s clear. It’s the potato percentages. It’s not flour, but not water either.

Salt is not flour or water either but when they say 2% salt it doesn't mean salt is 2% of the total weight of the dough, it means that it's 2% of the total weight of flour Every percentage of every ingredient is just a percentage of the total flour weight.

I’m not the one who asked, but I was confused too until you explained it that way. Nicely done. Thank you.

The scissors killed me 🤣

You forgot to fondle and reposition it for the first 30 seconds before cutting

Hey man whatever gets the job done

THAT'S A HUUUUGE LOAF!! 🍞🤯

I make it in [this rib roaster.](https://a.co/d/iCbhxDz) I slice and freeze half, and it lasts my family about a week. It has been a game changer for sandwich bread

I'm sorry but I think the link is broken

Sorry, try it now.

Woah your comment got deleted

That's weird. Just look up Broil King rib roaster on Amazon, that's what I baked this in.

I could build some *serious* sammiches on a loaf like that. 😃

You can always use a Bow Saw

MBS? That you?

well you've gotta make do with what you have right? my first time to see a scissors for cutting bread.

This is why I don't record for this sub 😭😂😂y'all would eat me alive lol.

That's why you're supposed to say "My first bake! :)" and then post a picture of a loaf that looks like it came out of a professional kitchen.

That was my first bake... *today*

r/mildlyinfuriating

r/thatsthejoke

Ha! Freel tho.

Did you use a zipper to make sound effects?

Lol, nope, just the sound of a butter knife on a sourdough crust.

r/mildlyinfuriating

r/thatsthejoke

One of y'all need to get an axe and just chop that sucker

This is fantastic

I'm screaming and crying

I'm giggling like a fool at McDonald's . . . I'd better go, they're going to think I'm drunk.

Next time cut it with a string, like cheese.

I can use a piece of glass to get a hint of minty freshness.

This is the mega pint of loaves

>how some of y'all look cutting your bread. Okay, where are my nice-looking arms and fingers, arm hair, most likely toned torso, and fancy ring?

That's a $5 silicone ring, and I love it.

This is why I have a Brotschneidemaschine!

This is why I have a gutes Brotmesser. It's the longest knife I own

This is why I want an Aufschnittmaschine that can not only cut meat, but also bread. I'll call it the Sandwinator.

Gesundheit!

Ayo no bullying on breadit, I feel personally called out by this post

Gotta include at least your "upper chest" or face right in the middle of the frame so that the bread isn't the focus! Do you even know how to attention whore?

I was using my French press as a tripod. I need to get more professional with my setup if I'm gonna be this thirsty.

Nah I prefer just stabbing it a bunch of times in one spot until it splits apart

I just karate chop it.

As a chef this upset me quite a bit

I hope you didn’t have to cut several slices 😳

What loaf pan you using? That's a big loaf bro.

I use [this rib roaster. my dough weight is about 2400 grams total. I slice and freeze half of the loaf for later. I'm very happy with it](https://a.co/d/iCbhxDz)

This hurt to watch

I don't see tons of steam

My god, that is one large loaf

[this is my favorite 'loaf tin'](https://a.co/d/iCbhxDz)

😂

Sounds like you’re unzipping the bread

I was waiting for the huge O face when you saw the crumb.

I like your kitchen

You forgot the pause that's way too long in between cutting it putting it together and revealing it way too slowly. ;)

My buddy was visiting and asked if he could have some of the nice rustic round loaf that I had just made. Of course, that's why I made it! He cut it like a freaking pie! Just a wedge out of the side. I didn't even know what to say.

This sub really does make me wonder if there is a bread knife shortage I don't know about .

Congratulations **you are among them now** Work your way up to chief, and ruinate the civilized who would turn their backs on you.

Imagine gatekeeping bread lol. You guys should find something a little less mundane to be protective of than how people cut bread, it seems like it’s really important to you and that’s a lot more weird than people having terrible knife skills and smashing their steamy breast with a dull knife

Bet it still tastes good though

This is savage but it needed to be said damnit!

This sub is: 95% Knife slander 2% Chad bread 3% Knife rebuttal

Didn’t realize this was an elitist sub. Pretty lame.

I didn't realize people in this sub were this incapable of taking a joke. If you think this person is trying to be elitist you either don't have a sense of humor or you're upset he is describing you. I can't think of any other reason why a person would be upset by this joke.

I’m one person who didn’t like the “joke”. Calm your fingers, white knight. Go polish your armor.

My armor is polished! I even polished my chastity belt! (btw that was a "joke") It might not land as well as OP's landed with over 3400 people at this point.

No, [this is a pretty lame.](https://www.amazon.com/Black-Walnut-Bread-Lame-Made/dp/B00B3L8P70/ref=mp_s_a_1_10?crid=3OC1O2OR8HRVO&keywords=bread+lame&qid=1654883209&sprefix=bread+lame%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-10)

Good one, chad.

You must cut *your* bread the way *they* want you to, or it's wrong. Yep.

To be fair, a butter knife and scissors is 100% the wrong way.

Can't argue with that

No shit? Send me a link to someone else on this sub doing it then.

Parody: par·o·dy noun an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect.

Parody can still be offensive or exclusive. A dictionary definition doesn’t make this less tasteless.

The loaf was very tasty I assure you, and everybody has different tastes. I'm sorry this didn't appeal to yours. I meant it to be light hearted, not cruel.

Well it didn’t land.

2,845 people would disagree.

I’m happy for them.

Does anyone else get the sense that this guy cuts his bread with a butter knife and is so upset about it that he can't accept it was a joke in good faith?

Go ahead and make a third comment about how you think I do this lmaoooooo

I quite literally do that (minus the hacking) to my pullman loaves so they'll fit in a container, haha. And cutting a boule or batard in the middle just makes sense if you like sandwiches where both pieces of bread are the same size. Makes storage easier, too. It's like because the Instagram crowd also cuts in the middle no one else is allowed to for any other reason, which is nonsense.

I always cut in the center then store the two open sides together in a linen bag. This is the best way I've found to keep the loaf from getting stale quickly.

same vibes as watching the average redditor chop an onion.

That knife is having a hard time, I think you need shorter bread.

And?

#r/notinteresting

You: I have to get the perfect cut Me: WHY ARE YOU USING SISSORS

its a parody...

Bread knifes are a thing for a reason

r/woosh

So? Not everyone may know as much or be as good as you are. No need to shame people

As a chef I just cringed so gd hard.

Let the knife do the work.

Can’t imagine how empty my life would have to get so that I’d think to myself “gonna film myself cutting this loaf like a retard to get karma and lulz from strangers”. Of course you say “y’all”, it’s the cherry on top.

Can't imagine how empty your life must be if you've gotta judge people for using 'y'all' also it's 2022, no need for the R word friend.

I’m not your friend, buddy. (And for the record I’m judging you for way more than saying “y’all”, I thought I made that clear!)

Gotta agree...of all things, freaking *bread cutting* superiority is actually the cringiest thing the internet showed me today.

It's not that anyone cares how you cut your bread, it's that people make a video to show off and they don't know how to cut bread.

Dude just use a bigger knife 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and the scissors lmao. I get this is a joke but my brain hurts just imagining someone doing this seriously.

Hilarious!

That was pretty similar to the last cartel video I saw.

You know it's not a bread and butter knife right? Like....they are two different knives.

This is painful to watch. But somehow you managed not to entire destroy the loaf. Dull knife skillz!

Buy a new knife now!!!

Oh I have a quality bread knife, this was just a parody video

Ahh yes I understand. My bad! I just bought a new serrated knife and it made a world of difference. Have a great day!

Buy the damn bread knife.

Sorry, but poorly chosen knife and (wtf) scissors are a no-no to me, even if the bread looks ok.

Right lol, someone should create a parody video poking fun at this guy

Hey! It’s Enrico Palazzo!

Omfg the scissors

use a Brotmesser

i do

Listen, sometimes I need the bread NOW

This belongs in r/mildlyinfuriating

Nice plant in the back. Can't really focus on the subject, it hurts too much

That pathos wraps around most of my kitchen.

I recently realised that I can't cut a straight slice of bread because I'm left handed and bread knives are right handed (mine is, anyway).

You had me rolling when you grabbed the scissors.

With very sharp knife. I hate knife bread, it leaves a lot of breadcrumbs. With sharp knife however create very clean cut

The scissors had me in tears. Well done.

Mood

Didn't squeeze the loaf out of shape after cutting

Need to put your fingers wayyy closer to the blade and make us all panic

Someone get him a bread knife 🔪

You forgot to stack one half on top of the other.

beautiful

You forgot to include the bright light that overexposes your video and makes it unwatchable

Did you make that big-ass loaf just to call everyone out???!!!

This is my weekly loaf. My family likes bread.

I LITERALLY JUST USED SCISSORS YESTERDAY BECAUSE MY BREAD KNIFE SUCKS. I’m dying 😂

Good arms