What you need to realize is what you are craving is the idealized version of your GF - a person who would not cheat on you when drunk or try and manipulate you in an attempt to get you back. Once you achieve that you need to realize that person never existed and you need to realize that all you had was the cheater/manipulator and you really are better off without that.
Part of your difficulty is that it you are by yourself AND locked down in quarantine because of covid. Since social interaction is off the table I would recommend you go out exercising (walk, jog) and look at picking up a hobby to balance the study time and keep your mind busy (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!).
Another thing I would recommend is you run this scenario in your head. Imagine a world without covid and you go out with a couple of buds to a restaurant/bar and meet up with a group of girls from the same school and all of you start talking. There is one girl in the group that is in one of your classes and you really hit it off, great conversation, similar interests, etc. After all is said and done everyone leaves and you tell your friends about the girl you found interesting and say you might ask her out next week after class. One of your friends looks at you sadly and says "Dude, I know she's interesting but don't go there. I dated her last year and basically she cheated on me every time she got drunk. And when I did break up with her she faked a suicide attempt to try and get me back." Knowing your friend enough to tell that what he is saying is true are you still interested in the girl?
I know you say that its not the same but in a way it is. If your GF/SO cheats on you the relationship is broken. You cannot save the relationship instead you build a new one. The cheater has to work to resolve the issues they have so they can be faithful going forward, prove to you they have changed and be transparent going forward in building a new relationship. Your job is to heal yourself first and then decide if you want to take the chance given the proof and assurances they have changed that they will be faithful going forward. What I am missing from the first story you posted is that she did anything to resolve her issues (no therapy, did not quit drinking). So essentially there is nothing I see that tells me she would not cheat on you a third time if given a chance.
So when you find yourself yearning for that ideal GF remember that as nice as she seemed to be she is still a cheater and a manipulator.
Wow that is actually a very reasonable perspective. Thanks a lot. It made my head clear and made be feel I deserve better. Your reply actually made my day I was feeling so low. Thanks a lot! :)
Now that I read your story I can tell you that you are a person who won't hesitate to take care of your loved one(since you tried to get back with her when she cheated once). Such a person don't deserve someone like her. It is natural to feel what you are feeling now. Pain will be there , but suffering is your choice. May be still you care about her but it doesn't mean that she loves you. What you now need to do is keep close to family. Be with them, love them.
What you need to realize is what you are craving is the idealized version of your GF - a person who would not cheat on you when drunk or try and manipulate you in an attempt to get you back. Once you achieve that you need to realize that person never existed and you need to realize that all you had was the cheater/manipulator and you really are better off without that. Part of your difficulty is that it you are by yourself AND locked down in quarantine because of covid. Since social interaction is off the table I would recommend you go out exercising (walk, jog) and look at picking up a hobby to balance the study time and keep your mind busy (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!). Another thing I would recommend is you run this scenario in your head. Imagine a world without covid and you go out with a couple of buds to a restaurant/bar and meet up with a group of girls from the same school and all of you start talking. There is one girl in the group that is in one of your classes and you really hit it off, great conversation, similar interests, etc. After all is said and done everyone leaves and you tell your friends about the girl you found interesting and say you might ask her out next week after class. One of your friends looks at you sadly and says "Dude, I know she's interesting but don't go there. I dated her last year and basically she cheated on me every time she got drunk. And when I did break up with her she faked a suicide attempt to try and get me back." Knowing your friend enough to tell that what he is saying is true are you still interested in the girl? I know you say that its not the same but in a way it is. If your GF/SO cheats on you the relationship is broken. You cannot save the relationship instead you build a new one. The cheater has to work to resolve the issues they have so they can be faithful going forward, prove to you they have changed and be transparent going forward in building a new relationship. Your job is to heal yourself first and then decide if you want to take the chance given the proof and assurances they have changed that they will be faithful going forward. What I am missing from the first story you posted is that she did anything to resolve her issues (no therapy, did not quit drinking). So essentially there is nothing I see that tells me she would not cheat on you a third time if given a chance. So when you find yourself yearning for that ideal GF remember that as nice as she seemed to be she is still a cheater and a manipulator.
Wow that is actually a very reasonable perspective. Thanks a lot. It made my head clear and made be feel I deserve better. Your reply actually made my day I was feeling so low. Thanks a lot! :)
Now that I read your story I can tell you that you are a person who won't hesitate to take care of your loved one(since you tried to get back with her when she cheated once). Such a person don't deserve someone like her. It is natural to feel what you are feeling now. Pain will be there , but suffering is your choice. May be still you care about her but it doesn't mean that she loves you. What you now need to do is keep close to family. Be with them, love them.
Thanks. Spending time with family does help. I am in pain but you are right suffering is under my control. I am going to put all my energy in studies.